#i won't say what happened today because i don't want to elaborate it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cepheusgalaxy · 11 months

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I hate elaborating myself

I hate having to explain my feelings;

Why I'm feeling them;

Then why they're valid;

Then why Person should care about that;

Then why I don't deserve to have them disrespected and disconsiderated!

I hate that I always have to do that

And that I suck at articulating myself, so I can't tell any of these things from above and end up upset and angry and stressed and--

UGHHHHHHHHHH

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fortheloveofexy · 2 years

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Andrew is not delicate.

He is sharp blades and bloodied knuckles. Steel -spined and concrete skin. Nothing gets past him, nothing seeps through the cracks. Andrew has a will like iron and he does not bend, he does not break.

Well. Not usually.

Today, he woke up wrong. The cracks in his armor are wider than normal, leaving him on edge and tense. He feels weak. Vulnerable.

He'd dreamt of a previous foster mom. A woman named Grace. He'd only stayed with her for a few weeks when he was only five, a temporary place to land while his case was reassigned to a new social worker (his third one so far). She'd been unusually kind, offering him snacks and letting him pick out the movie they watched before bedtime. Grace was divorced and retired, and had no children of her own, so she fostered kids instead.

She was also a hugger.

Andrew remembers with perfect clarity the first time she held out her arms in offering. He'd shied away and then immediately panicked, expecting to get hit for refusing. But Grace had simply smiled and suggested they get ice cream, as if nothing had happened.

The day his new caseworker came to get him, he'd cried and begged not to go. He'd pleaded for her to keep him, to become his real mom, couldn't he stay just this once?

She only replied with a sad smile before offering him a hug again, and he'd thrown himself into her arms without hesitation. In the end, he'd clung so tightly that the caseworker had to drag him away.

It was the first time he'd ever hugged someone willingly. It was also the last.

He never saw Grace again.

"Hey," Neil says, dropping onto the ledge beside him.

Andrew glances over at him, unsurprised that Neil thought to check their usual rooftop perch.

He doesn't bother returning the greeting. Instead, he silently holds out a cigarette, tucking it back into the carton only after Neil declines.

"Couldn't sleep?" Neil asks, casual.

It's an invitation to open up, to say what's on his mind. Usually, on days like today, Andrew abstains. But he *has* gotten better, according to Bee, so he tries for honesty. "Had a dream," he mumbles past his cigarette, "Nightmare."

He can feels Neil's eyes on him. Despite what he often claims, Neil isn't stupid. He knows who and what Andrew's nightmares usually entail, and he knows Andrew doesn't talk about them to anyone but Bee. "A new one?" Neil asks, careful. So careful. Andrew isn't delicate, but Neil is gentle with him regardless.

"An old one," Andrew elaborates, exhaling smoke, "From before." He suppresses a shiver; the wind is stronger up here. "A woman who was kind to me when I was small. I was remembering her."

Neil pauses, tilting his head. "Not Cass?"

"Not Cass," Andrew confirms, "Grace." He plucks the lit cigarette from his lips, considering the lit cherry. "I hugged her, once," he says mildly, as if it means nothing, as if Neil won't see through that facade immediately, "It was the last time I was held. By choice, I mean."

Neil shifts, and the movement draws Andrew's attention back to him. Neil's brows are furrowed, his mouth twisted into a puzzled frown. "So when you hugged me last week," he starts, "That was-?"

Andrew taps him on the forehead, annoyed. "Don't read too much into it," he chides, smoothing out Neil's brow with another poke of his finger, "I only did that to calm you down."

Neil pushes his hand away, his frown deepening, "Then why are you bringing this up?"

Turning away, Andrew stubs out his cigarette and leans back on his hands. "Because I didn't hate it," he sighs, "Last week, and before."

Neil is silent for a long moment. At last, he shifts again. "Ask me."

Andrew raises an eyebrow at him, but Neil presses on, undeterred. "If there's something you want, I'll give it to you," he says, "But you need to ask me. I won't make guesses about that."

The urge to remind Neil that he wants nothing rises to the tip of his tongue, but Andrew discards it. Lying is pointless; they both know by now that it's not true.

Instead he pauses, quietly considering the offer. "Yes or no?" he finally relents.

Neil turns towards him and opens his arms. "Yes," he replies, "Come here."

"Hands above my waist," Andrew mumbles, and then he's tentatively sinking into Neil's embrace, his hands finding purchase on the bumps of Neil's spine while his cheek finds a home next to Neil's jaw.

The sudden flood of body heat nearly has him trembling, but he grits his teeth and forces it down. It's so good and so much, it's almost painful. He finds himself torn between shoving Neil away and coiling around him so tightly he can never let go.

Letting out a long breath, Andrew tries to relax. He focuses on the sound of Neil's breathing, on feeling the faint ridges of Neil's scars where their bodies are pressed together. Soon, the sensory overload starts to fade, and the tension in his muscles begins to dissipate.

Neil waits until he settles down fully before loosely wrapping his arms around him in turn, one hand winding fingers through the fine hairs on his nape while the other rubs soothing circles on his back. It's calming and steadying; a repetitive motion that settles Andrew back into his skin and tethers him to Earth. He's holding Andrew in the same considerate, gentle way he sometimes looks at him. Like if he's not careful, Andrew might shatter.

For the first time, Andrew is grateful for it. He is not delicate, he is not fragile. What is already broken cannot break. Neil knows that, better than anyone.

But, Andrew admits, there was something to be said about being handled with care regardless.

"Okay?" Neil whispers, his voice soft in Andrew's ear.

Andrew nods into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter. "Okay."

#aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #aftg fic #aftg ficlet #andreil fic #andreil ficlet #fanfic #ficlet #snippet

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seenthisepisode · 1 year

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hi! I saw your post about the why episode title change why 11 scenes cut why lamp etc etc and I know some of it but not all, and I was hoping you could elaborate on spngate— if it’s not too much trouble— or point me in a direction where I can join you in the spn gate?

I feel ashamed for HOW LONG i let this ask just rot in my askbox (it's from january, apparently, now it's april. i thought maybe two weeks passed but NO. it was months. ANON I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART) but now with the power of this url and the wine i am currently sipping, let me give you the best, most thought-out answer that i possibly can.

I don't know how long you've been following/watching spn, so I won't get into real deep iceberg theories that go back to season 8 and jeremy carver, for the purpose of this essay answer I'll just stick to the year anno domini 2020, and will try to do my best to tell you what happened.

Okay, maybe 2019. So, in june 2019, when the first scripts and drafts for s15 are presented, these things happen: 1. apparently, according to Berens, the confession scene is the first thing that was written for season 15. 2. Jensen Ackles is sat down and asked if he would be okay with this. (question is asked: why would they ask jensen if all he does in this scene is look at cas, he doesn't say anything, he does not confess, it changes nothing about his character, etc.; if you put the real tjlc tinfoil hat on you'd ask hey , maybe they asked him if precisely that is okay, if he is okay with the fact dean is practically silenced here but that's Deep) 3. Jensen apparently is okay with that, because it happens.

also this thing happens around the same time: 1. they write the ending for the brothers, and no matter what version of the finale we're talking about, Dean dies 2. Jensen Ackles is Not Okay with this. he calls Kripke who then, in a call and/or email assures him it's a good ending (Jensen says that) and also very quickly after that Jensen is announced to play Soldier Boy in Kripke's The Boys. make of that what you want

They film, blah blah, march 2020, covid happens, they stop production right after they film the confession. Last episode to air is 15x13, last episode they film is 15x18, they almost have a plane crush when flying to vegas con, and then, a loooong break until august 2020. Now, from what we know, there were two versions of the finale - the pre-covid finale they were supposed to film if the filming schedule wasn't interrupted, and the finale that happened.

What was supposed to be in the Original Finale/Pre-Covid Finale, we still don't know exactly, but from what the cast said, there was supposed to be a big cast reunion, Harvelle's Roadhouse in Heaven, Kansas Band (why are they dead?) playing there after Dean gets there and so on.

Anyway. July 2020. Misha does a livestream with Michael Sheen (the SuperGood campaign) where he says he is going back to filming the last two episodes in a few weeks. he said it LIVE. it's on youtube. people analyze the background from Misha's livestreams and photos and conclude he is in Vacouver, where spn is filmed. He also says that he is going back filming in a few interviews. Also here.

August 2020. They go back to filming in august 2020 to film 15x19 and 15x20.

August 20th, 2020, Misha's birthday.

I wasn't on set TODAY. so casual. of all days i wasn't there today.

August 24th, 2020, day 6/8 of filming 15x19, Angel with a Shotgun is hash tag Song of The Day while filming scenes of 15x19 (scene 28, 31).

September 4th, 2020. ALL THEY FILM, for the whole DAY, is one scene. They usually film a few. They film one. Song of the day? The Night We Met.

Somewhere before the episodes starts to air again, Dabb says only 30% of the audience will like the finale. Anyway, everyone concludes, Misha is filming, destiel is more or less going canon, but everyone including bibros is sure Misha is filming and will be there for the finale.

Originally, "Despair" was called "The Truth".

Finale airs.

It feels shorter (apparently it's not) but it does have an additional ad break. For Walker. But it feels shorter because of the "carry on my wayward son" cover montage that lasts too long and later it's discovered thanks to scripts that dropped that there are ELEVEN scenes that were filmed,, but didn't make it to the episode. The script that drops is also very telling, where scenes are just [OMMITTED]. It was explained that they wanted to have actor there but they didn't want actors to quarantine for two weeks to film one or two scenes BUT then that's exactly what they did with Jim Beaver lmao.

So yeah. I also remember Misha at a con (DarkLight?) where, after asked about the original ending, he answers that the original ending was something that would be better explored in fanfiction anyway. Theory rises he filmed and was cut off the episode without his or Jensen's knowledge because Misha sat down his kids to watch the spn finale (which was the first episode they were supposed to watch ever, why would he do that if he's not there?) and then, CW SPN twitter posts a goodbye video that has everyone from the cast and their mother BUT MISHA AND JENSEN ARE NOT THERE. Jensens sexy silence starts.

THEN THE WILDEST THING HAPPENS.

November 25th, the Spanish Dub. 15x18 drops in Brazil and Dean says "and i you" to Cas, after he confesses. No "don't do this cas" but "and i you". Tumblr stops working for two hours, people on discords are screaming, no one knows whats happening, someone claims Jensen was called in September 2020 to record some adlibs? To record the muffled sobs Dean does while on the floor. Theory is supported by the fact that in the Bazil version? When Dean sits on the floor? The sound that plays are birds. Chirping birds. Sounds don't match, what was Dean saying while crying on the floor, question arises.

Everyone decides there was a Rogue Translator who managed to hide from The CW Sniper (who is the reason actors just dont tell us everything) and translated some kind of Original Script. Voice Actors are invited to a podcast where they debunk this saying that it was added because the translator felt this was the right response or something like that. Anyway they debunk the fact that there existed, at any time, a version of a script, that maybe was send to them, where Dean says I love you too. This was a wild night, no one slept.

And like. I could make this post longer, but I am planning to, one day, make a huge masterpost with real sources about that because honestly you could write a book about it.

But tl;dr spngate is a theory that misha did film for the last 2 episodes and the changes they made were truly last minute (september 2020), they were going for a canon destiel, possibly human!cas engame, dabb was always on our side, and it's based on stuff like jensen actively hating the ending to the point he made his prequel after 2 years of radio silence, 11 scenes just cut from the finale, misha saying he is going back filming, and people like mark pellegrino saying the last scene he filmed was with alex and misha. also the onion field. why lamp is the theory that cas is represented and symbolized by lamps throughout the show and when dean dances with a Lamp in a drug induced dream instead of, say, some kind of a lady he is actually thinking about cas.

also there are little things like when jensen at an online con before the finale says that oh yes i am wearing a grey flannel but tomorrow? who know it could be blue and green. and we all collectively lost our shit. like when he said he is most excited to "tackle" with cas in season 15. or that "dean has no taste, clearly". WHY WAS YOUR PERMISSION NEEDED JENSEN

there are a lot of things i didn't mention here because i simply can't unflod this whole thing just like that but

but if you understand this picture you might be entitled to financial compensation

#ask #anon #it took me 2 hours to write this #spngate

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paperstorm · 11 months

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A random thought entered my brain today and sometimes I like to pick you fic writers brains when that happens….When TK proposed Carlos looked pretty shocked….so. If TK hadn’t proposed do you think Carlos eventually would have? Do you think he would have brought up the Iris thing to TK eventually or do you think he would have tried to quietly get a divorce without TK knowing?

I sat on this for a minute because I wanted to really think about it and also because I know the kind of nonsense my answer is gonna get sent to me lol but I think yes, Carlos would have. I think his shock was more due to the fact that it was the middle of the night so it took his half-awake brain a minute to catch up, and also that he knows the love of his life is impulsive and wanted to make doubly sure TK wasn't just asking as a reaction to their dramatic week. I don't think Carlos would have sprung it on TK in the same way, though. I think after the debacle with the loft, Carlos would have started with the "do you want to get married some day?" conversation, so that he could be sure it's what TK wanted before he actually asked. And our sweet Carlos is a master of avoidance and a master of hiding away parts of himself that he worries people he loves won't be able to accept, so I'm not entirely sure how the Iris of it all would have come up, but I would like to hope he would have told TK and not just quietly divorced her and never said anything. But his avoidance and filtering is a trauma response, so I don't know for sure that he would have.

BUT. All that being said? I think it absolutely had to be TK doing the proposing. They both deserved that. TK deserved to conquer his fear of rejection, after Alex. TK for his own healing deserved to be absolutely sure that the person he was about to ask to marry him was going to say yes this time. And after pushing Carlos away and breaking up with him (for some super valid reasons that are notwithstanding to this particular question), TK needed to be the one saying "I love you and I want to choose you for the rest of my life" because Carlos deserved to hear that. Carlos deserved someone choosing him.

And you know what, the way it happened was exactly the way it needed to happen too because A) Carlos would have planned a big elaborate proposal that he would have been stressed about for weeks to the point that it probably wouldn't have even been enjoyable to plan because he'd be so obsessed with everything being perfect, and B) because TK proposing spontaneously in the middle of the night so loudly says "I don't need big gestures. I don't need fancy dinners or trips to Italy. I just need you" and Carlos has always needed to just be good enough, just exactly as he is without having to prove his worth through actions. TK needed to ask Carlos to marry him right there, at 3 in the morning, with no hesitation or fear of rejection, and Carlos with bedhead and morning breath and no bells or whistles was worthy of being someone's first choice. TK's proposal healed both of them and I wouldn't want it to have happened any different.

#911ls asks #andie's annoying character metas

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an-aroaces-harem · 2 months

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Ivy Chapter 19 Normal Attire Story

DISCLAIMER: I just deepl and google translated my way through this because I wanted to know what’s going on, so there are definitely mistakes but I believe I managed the general gist of the story. Anyway, it’s just a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes. Morganatic Idol belongs to Cybird and ABC Frontier, Inc.

Ivy-san, who was more upset than I had ever seen him, continued to hold me tight, but ...

Ivy: ... It's all right now.

Eventually, with a wry smile, he let go of my body.

Ivy: I'm sorry I'm so distraught. You were the one who had a hard time, but I can't be like this.

Rina: No way ... I'm glad you're worried about me.

Ivy: It's a relief to hear you say that.

Ivy: ... I won't let him get close to you, and from now on, I'll protect you.

Rina: Thank you very much. Ivy-san ...

His gentle smile finally brought relief to my heart.

... At the same time, I felt something strange in my body.

(Somehow it feels strange.)

Ivy: ... What's wrong?

Rina: I felt relieved ... but now I feel a little feverish.

When Ivy-san heard this, his expression clouded.

Ivy: That's terrible. It may be because of everything that's happened.

Ivy: You'd better go to bed. I'll get you something to drink. In the meantime, you can change your clothes.

With these words, he hurried out of the room.

Meanwhile, I change into my pajamas and go back to bed.

Within a short time, he returned with a plastic bowl, water bottles, and towels in his hands.

Ivy: I'm back. I see you've changed your clothes.

Ivy: Here, take a sports drink.

Rina: Thank you very much.

I received a plastic bottle that he had brought for me, and was grateful to drink from it.

The cool, sweet moisture seemed to seep into even the most strained heart.

Rina: ... It's delicious.

Seeing me let out an involuntary sigh, Ivy-san smiled.

Ivy: I'm glad. You'd better make sure you drink enough water.

Ivy: Now, lie down properly afterwards.

He gently pats me on the head and lays me down on the bed.

Ivy: How's the fever?

With that, his face came closer and our foreheads were pressed together.

Rina: ...

I forgot to breathe as I stared at the well-shaped face at close range.

Ivy: ... You're still feverish. That must be why you feel so tired.

Rina: Y-yes ...

Ivy-san said in a concerned voice, but I didn't have time to worry about that.

(Because ... he's so close.)

My heart was beating wildly and my face was getting even hotter ...

Ivy: You need to take it easy today and go to bed.

Ivy: Don't worry. I'll be there for you so that you won't be lonely.

Rina: I'm glad you're here, Ivy-san ... but I'm not a child, okay?

Ivy: Of course, I understand.

Ivy: Come on, you need to lie down now.

Rina: Okay ...

After that, he continued to take care of me ... wiping my sweat, placing wet towels on my forehead and so on.

In the past, I might have felt depressed that I was being treated like a sister again.

But now I know that he's thinking of me from the bottom of his heart ...

(I'm glad Ivy-san is taking care of me.)

The fever and the exchange with Yamauchi-san earlier may have taken a toll on me.

And then ... my head was being stroked by a gentle hand.

Before I knew it, I fell asleep.

A little later ...

Hitaki: Oh, Ivy-san?

Hitaki stops Ivy as he comes out of Rina's room.

Hitaki: I was told this is her room, right? You were a little noisy just now. What happened?

Ivy: Oh, she has been feeling a little under the weather, so I've been taking care of her.

Ivy didn't elaborate on the details of the situation.

Hitaki: Oh? I'm worried about her. I think I'll go visit her later.

Ivy: She doesn't need it. ... She has me, so it's okay.

Hitaki gazed at Ivy, who smiled at him with the face of a dependable leader as usual.

Hitaki: ... Is that so? Well, that's all right.

Ivy: Yeah. ... Okay, then.

As he was about to leave ... Ivy suddenly stopped.

Ivy: I remember you telling me before, Hitaki.

Hitaki: Huh?

Ivy: "Sometimes the most precious things that we take for granted can suddenly disappear one day."

Ivy: You were right. I knew exactly what you meant. ... No, I knew it, but I forgot.

Ivy: ... I hope I never have to go through that again. Don't let anything precious be lost ...

Ivy: I have to make sure to protect her properly.*

Hitaki: ... What are you talking about?

Ivy: No, I was talking to myself ... Well then. Good night.

Hitaki: Eeh ...

Ivy quickly returned to his 'normal smile' and turned away from Hitaki.

Hitaki: ...

... Hitaki stared at him as he left with light steps.

Note: Do I even have to tell you that Ivy said this with dead eyes?

#morganatic idol #morudoru #morudoru ivy #resa translates something for once?#resa should've bought the premium version

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dionysianfreak · 10 months

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How can Dionysos remind us of our worth as people? I've been struggling a lot with recognizing my own worth and have been wanting to ask him for help, but idk if he'd think that's weird of me to ask (I also worry that I am not worth anything to him or other gods). What can I say to him to ask for help or advice? I don't have an offering to give right now, so I feel he won't want to help me. :(

hello love, I want to preface this by saying that no matter what happens you will always have worth. you are a human being—the universe created and created until it could make you. now you are the universe talking to itself, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting itself and all its other creations. trillions of years have allowed us, two children of the same cosmos, to speak to each other. it is a beautiful thing to have the chance to be alive, and i understand how easy that is to forget. every human has worth, especially you

Dionysos specifically is a glorious reminder of the beauty of humanity. to me, He is our humanity. He is our gift of consciousness and our breath of relief when that gift becomes overwhelming. He is the balance that must be maintained—there are hurtful things and blissful things around and within all of us. He is our bliss and our pain, our liberator and our animator. when you gaze upon the world, Dionysos is kissing your eyes. when you take up space in the world, Dionysos smiles.

Dionysos, to me, embodies what makes us human. the consciousness, creativity, and revelry that is woven in us all. Dionysos finds joy in reminding us of our worth. He seeks us out at our worst moments because He cares. He loves us so dearly that He even took one of us as His wife, dear Ariadne, saving Her from the suffering bestowed upon Her.

so, you can always ask Him to come. I call to Dionysos when I'm scared or when I'm so stressed I'm going mad. I also call to Him as I fall asleep or when i feel my anxiety begin to rise into my throat. I call to him when i have a moment alone, just to say "hello" and ask "how are you feeling today, my love?". I call to him in my moments of great joy and personal milestones I had only dreamed of. I always picture His hand on my arm or His smile upon me, I always know He is happy to hear from me again, especially if I haven't been able to give an offering or say a prayer lately.

the Gods may be Divine to us, but we are all from the same universe and inhabit the same world. i urge you to start small and build your trust in Them, i understand from personal experience how hard it can be to trust forces you can't see with your eyes. you don't need a big shrine or elaborate offerings, your time is the best offering you can give. sit with Dionysos, tell Him what troubles you, and He will always listen. even if it's hard to feel in the beginning. perhaps you can write Him a letter telling Him about your fears, perhaps request some tangible reassurance (however that may look for you)

the Theoi are not malicious or demanding, they exist as benevolently as you do. think of Them as your kind neighbor you exchange with occasionally, or the stranger you pass on the street who compliments your clothing. your connection to Them is a connection to everything and everyone around you, there is never any harm in asking Them for help.

They will be delighted when you find the strength to reach out. it is a very strong thing to admit you need reassurance, and it was strong of you to send this ask. I know Dionysos will appreciate that strength. I wish you oodles of luck, anon. may Dionysos bring you the peace that you need.

#ask #anon #dionysos #dionysus #helpol #hellenic polytheism #personal theology #upg #personal praxis #personal #greek gods #theoi #polytheism

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doveslittlekpoparchive · 6 months

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ʷᶦˢʰ ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃʳᵉᵈ✧ᶜʰᵃⁿᵍᵏʸᵘⁿ ᶦᵐ

ˢʸⁿᵒᵖˢᶦˢ: ᵃ ᶜʰʳᶦˢᵗᵐᵃˢ ᵈᶦⁿⁿᵉʳ ʷᵉⁿᵗ ʷʳᵒⁿᵍ

ᵍᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ

ᶜʰᵃʳᵃᶜᵗᵉʳˢ: ____ (ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ'ˢ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ) , ᶜʰᵃⁿᵍᵏʸᵘⁿ, ᴶᶦʰʸᵘⁿ (ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ'ˢ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ᶠʳᶦᵉⁿᵈ, ᶠᵉᵐᵃˡᵉ), ᴹᶦⁿʰʸᵘᵏ (ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ'ˢ ᵒˡᵈᵉʳ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳ)

!!ᶠᵉᵐ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ!!ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ⁿᵒᵗᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ᵃ ʷᵒʳᵏ ᵒᶠ ᶠᶦᶜᵗᶦᵒⁿ!!

Christmas dinner with your brother, best friend and her older brother sounded nice, but no one said it was a good idea. It could have been a good idea, would have you and Changkyun not have had a fight just one day prior.

Swallowing back a sharp comment towards him the night before spared you a whole lot of explaining to do today, which meant that comment left unsaid spared you the crying you would've gone through. You could lie to yourself all day and night, but everybody knew that deep inside you either wanted to rip his guts out, either yours. No one was safe, either way.

"I'd ask what happened.. but I feel like you won't tell me anyway" Jihyun half asked and you fought a chuckle - Changkyun was around and you had been intentionally depriving him of even hearing you speak as long as he's around you. Yes, being petty is what kept you running.

After five long and exhilarating minutes - which is what took for him to leave - you finally gave her an answer "He was at it again" you answered with half a sigh. "Insecurities?" Jihyun asked and you could see it on her face - she was scared. All you were able to offer as a reply was a small nod before you two started to carry the dishes to the dinner table.

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ .・゜゜・ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

"So, when are you returning to the military camp?" You asked your brother, Minhyuk, and you didn't fail to notice the faint sadness that passed Jihyun's face; but that's a story for another time. "Actually" he said, straightening his back "I'm staying." Again, I would elaborate, but that's a story for another time.

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ .・゜゜・ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

The dinner wasn't bad, but it wasn't what it should have been, either. And you couldn't say that you didn't regret it, because you were done with lying to yourself.

The first one to leave was Minhyuk, quickly followed by your best friend - who gave a deep apology which you didn't will to take; there was no need for it - and, well, after that, no one left.

That's right - Changkyun stayed. You didn't expect him to, not one bit, but he did. And that was fine. That was more than fine, because even though there was a weird atmosphere between you two, you still needed him close.

The first act of closure of the night took moment in the middle of your dishwashing session; he repeatedly pulled up your sweater sleeves so they won't get wet, keeping minimal distance while doing so. The second happened after he offered to dry the dishes for you and the third, well, there was no third - there was a fight.

"Why am I even here? It's not like you deserve it." Changkyun's words echoed through your ears endlessly while you felt your world falling apart. 'not like you deserve it' hit harder than a truck. Your vision got blurry and your ears started ringing but you tuned it out the second your words started coming out of your mouth - without your will. "If there's someone between us who doesn't deserve the other one, it's you. I've sacrificed so much for you.. and got nothing in return." your voice was shaky and maybe you seemed weak and pathetic to him, but in that moment? you couldn't care less. "Nothing in return? All of our moments mean nothing?" he almost yelled and you could feel the upcoming anger in his voice, but that still didn't stop you from giving the following reply. "Exactly, because I don't believe in lies." In that moment, it all went downhill, at maximum speed.

Broken glass, screams, cries - all of that portrayed the scene you and Changkyun were caught up in right now. "I trusted you! I've put my heart into your bare hands and let you have your way with it, only to receive a tormented one back!" you yelled through tears, and immediately noticed him ready to shout back, because how could you call his heart tormented? - but then he paused, his eyes flashing with terror, moments before being filled with sadness. You weren't talking about his heart.. but yours. "I.. didn't.. ____.. don't say that, please." his voice was so shaky it almost blew you off; but right now that didn't matter. Because right there, in that moment.. it was the first time you hated the sound of your name slipping past his lips.

Moments after, both of you calmed down and started tidying up, but he soon started apologising - which you couldn't take.

"Leave. Please, leave, and never come back. For us." you were pleading him endlessly with the same words and all he could do was shake his head "no" while standing outside of your door, snow falling slowly, covering his dark hair and puffy jacket.

As she slowly walked away, you heard a small "pang" in your chest - the sound of your heart breaking. As much as you wanted to stop him, you shouldn't, and you knew it. You finally took a deep breath and turned around to walk inside, but then you heard your voice calling out his name, and realized it just when he turned around, full of hope.

But his face went dark with despair, and just minutes after he left, you heard your own words: "I wish you cared."

ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ ᵃⁿʸᵒⁿᵉ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗˢ ᶜʳʸᶦⁿᵍ - ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵍᵒⁿⁿᵃ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵃ ˢᵉᵠᵘᵉˡ. ᴴᵃᵖᵖʸ ᵒⁿᵉ! ᴬⁿᵈ ᶦᶠ ᵃⁿʸᵒⁿᵉ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ ᵐᵃᵈᵉ ᶦᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ʰᵉʳᵉ - ʰᶦ! ᵀʰᵃⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ˢᵘᵖᵖᵒʳᵗ! ᴬ ˢʰᵃʳᵉ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵐᵉᵃⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳˡᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ 🫂 ᵒʳ ᵃ ˡᶦᵏᵉ! ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ⁿᵒᵗᵉ ᵉⁿᵍˡᶦˢʰ ᶦˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵐʸ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ ˡᵃⁿᵍᵘᵃᵍᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ᵐʸ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃˡ ᵖᵒˢᵗ ᵒⁿ ᵀᵘᵐᵇˡʳ. ᴸᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ, ᵇʸᵉ!!

#changkyun #monsta x #kpop #kpop fanfic #monsta x x reader #changkyun x reader #angst #tumblr fyp #fypシ #fyp #fypage

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the-wip-project · 1 year

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The WIP Project - critical voice

Hello writerly friends!

I don't know how many of you are still reading this and if any of you joined me in 40k in 50 days. I'm currently on my day ten and... it's not going fast, but it's going.

The workdays are kicking my butt, but I have 2470 words on the novel, and I had a Friday writing spree in fanfic of about 2000 words. My highest daily wordcount for the novel was 839 words, which — should that tell me something? That I can spit out 2k words for a fanfic scene but not even getting 1k for the novel done in a day?

I was expecting a slow start, but I feel that by now, I should have gotten to a higher wordcount, at least on my non-work days. Is this an attitude problem? Am I still stuck on the "important novel work, not just fanfic, must be perfect or else" thing?

In the current storybundle for writers (https://storybundle.com/writing, good for another week as of today), is a book by Kristine Kathryn Rusch and Dean Wesley Smith about productivity for writers. Two parts of their "Bundle on Productivity" book are blog posts where Dean live-blogged his writing sessions. He points you to his blog (https://deanwesleysmith.com/), so it's not exactly a secret, but I wondered if these diary-like entries were worth a book. Still, it was interesting to skim these posts, where he describes how he manages to write about 1000 words per hour of publishable fiction.

Dean Wesley Smith is an unapologetic pantser, a discovery writer. He calls it Writing Into The Dark. He starts writing with no plan, no idea what will happen in the story. He goes back mid-writing if he thinks of a great bit of foreshadowing, and then returns to where he left off and keeps writing forward. The three sections in that productivity bundle describe how he wrote a novel in ten, in seven, and in five days.

I'd be happy with a novel in 50 days, writing one in ten days would be awesome! How does he do it?

One advice from him is: Don't focus on words. Follow the characters, let them live the story, don't worry about how the words sound. As he says, readers forgive simple language, but they don't forgive boring characters and boring stories. His other advice is to work on silencing the critical voice in our heads:

Quote:

Critical voice in all of us is designed to keep us safe, to stop us from doing things damaging, and to make us pay attention to upcoming problems. [...] In the arts, past a minor part, critical voice is deadly. Its normal job is to stop you, and yet in any art, including writing, the only way you can learn and grow and become a real artist is to practice and make mistakes and fail at times. Artists, writers, learn from their failures. But for some reason in writing, the myths have taught us that every word we type is in stone, is sacred, must be perfect or at least rewritten a thousand times until perfect.

I think this pretty much hits at least my personal nail on its metaphorical head. My critical voice is trying to protect me from the failure of writing and publishing an original novel. Because it won't be a bestseller, it may not even be good (by whatever arbitrary standard we want to apply)! So, better not even start at it, or at least make it as difficult as possible, like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Brains are fucking fucked up, let me tell you. I've been living with this thinking goo for so long now, and it still fucks me up like this! Time to smash that critical voice.

Today I'm aiming for 1000 words. I'll let you know how it goes.

How about you?

--

@quilleth, @theoriginalladya, @kmlaney, @coffeewritesfiction, @mareebrittenford, @lilliebellfanfics, @keyboardandquill, @fontainebleau22, @kinetic-elaboration, @wildswrites, @rhikasa, @inkvulture, @heroofshield, @bad-at-names-and-faces, @sabels-small-sphere, @annaofthenorthernlights, @sarahawke

#the wip project 2023 #40k in 50 days #critical voice #brain stuff #mindset

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directdogman · 2 years

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Would you, yourself, consider Callum a good person? I don't mean by the logic of in universe, or objectively, I mean would you personally consider Callum a good person?

I don't wanna ignore such a good question, but I will also have to refrain from answering it quickly because I don't think there's a concise way to answer it without leaving people bewildered unless I discuss some of Callum's past actions and his plans for the future that never came to be. I KNOW what Callum would do if he suddenly came back and I'm worried that an answer without context would leave people thinking Callum's portrayal in-game was false, and I want to specify that, well, it wasn't. I think it's a question of perspective, so I'll talk about some other perspectives before I explain mine. There's four NPCs who talk about Callum Crown in-game. Norm + Mingus both sing his praises, present him as an inhumanly good person, a messiah. Though, they can't seem to agree about what Callum was all about, as they both didn't really know him. Gabby, in the phone store in Uptown Dialtown speaks about him briefly, though she holds her tongue, perhaps wondering if someone could be listening in. She doesn't outright say she doesn't think he was a good person, but describes Callum as someone who just walked into positions of vast power, someone who seemed built to be president, and implies she had a sense of unease coming from that. Gabby is as much of an NPC as one could be, she's an elderly store owner in an often forgotten part of an often forgotten place, and someone who personally witnessed history. She's also an astute, wise person. She doesn't feel strongly about Callum because to her, he's really just a relic, a footnote in history. The first (and presumably) last echo of her dying and forgotten town to reach the rest of the world. Gabby sees the wisdom in letting old things retire to make way for new things. Now, onto God. If you bring God up to Callum, he becomes kind of afraid and mentions that Callum played God better than HE did, but doesn't elaborate further. God's fears are well-founded. God is one of the few people aware of how the Dialup happened and it's something he doesn't like to think about. If I was God (i'm not, i swear), I'd certainly feel the same way he did. Okay, let's pretend I have no clue what Callum's full plan was, I'll look solely at his biggest achievement: The Dialup. He gave all of humanity a mandatory upgrade, but do you think it was the right thing to do, was it right for present an inarguable absolute to the whole world? Crown had very good reasons for what he did, but at a point, reasoning becomes pointless. In your heart and soul, you know deep down if you think he was justified or not and my thoughts on the Dialup (as someone who's had a few years to think about it hard) are conflicted to say the least. Whether the ends justify the means is a question I'm simply not smart enough to definitively answer. What I can say for certain, love him or loathe him: Callum Crown was, and currently is, the most dangerous living person in Dialtown's universe and until he finally kicks the bucket, that won't change. Think about what he achieved with his time on earth. Humanity is really lucky that Callum had good intentions. Imagine what Dialtown’s world would look like today if he hadn’t. If Callum Crown's memory was ever to suddenly just came back, it would be a significant event, to say the least. The world would be a different place, anyway, that's for sure.

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gunsatthaphan · 1 year

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I am already bothering you because of the OS2 trailer lol but I want to express my theories so here they are:

NLMG: I agree with the time traveling theory! with the outfits and setting it's giving Palm and Nueng sent back in time where Palm seems to be the rich one

MLC: soul/body swap as people where saying for a wile, or a different hniverse where everithing is swapped(wich I think could be more probable cuz they all swapped not only Tinn and Gun

ABAAB: same as MLC or as you said a roleplay so that Cher can experience what Gun does

BBS: no clue... people seems to think it's a body/soul swap as well considering some of the scenes shown

ATOTS-SIMM: maybe just vibes and cute times for the couple, to for Phupa Tian people seems to think it's also a body/soul swap but to me not so much

The Eclipse: Wat making a short movie for a film festival in Phuket and he involved all his friends(e.g. the Brokeback Mountin looking scene) we saw them in the bts in front of some theatre

anyway this is my take we will know in a little over a week so!

Still this trailer made me holler in lughter! and twitter dod too the trailer and the comments of it gave me so much joy! can't wait for it!

hi anon!

thank you for sending in your thoughts!! here's what I think:

NLMG: judging from their outfits and the setting, I'm pretty sure that theory is correct. they could even be travelling through multiple different eras before waking up in their time, which is actually something they hinted at before but I couldn't put it together back then lol. so yeah. it makes sense.

MSP (I'm assuming MLC is a typo because if not then I have some bad news for you lmao): I honestly don't know where people are getting this body swap theory from lmao. the trailer did not suggest that? or maybe I'm just blind. I still don't like body swaps but if that's what's happening then let's see how it goes.

ABAAB: the role switch thing seems pretty legit to me. From what I can tell I don't think it's a body swap though, probably just Cher wanting to reverse the roles and knowing him it's gonna be for some kink reason dfjkgdf

BBS: no idea either. the very small amount of footage that we got didn't really look any different from the original show tbh so I'm not sure what they're gonna do. It's possible that it won't be anything elaborate. And I once again want to throw out there that they filmed this whole thing in 2 days lmao. So I'm not expecting much.

ATOTS & SIMM: I agree about both. We didn't get any footage from SIMM since they just wrapped filming today but I also think it's gonna be a compilation of some cutesy-boyfie moments which I'm very much okay with lol. Same with ATOTS.

The Eclipse: The wat-short-film theory seems to be the general consensus and I think it's very likely. Wat makes a movie where they recreate old movies such as Golden Eagle, Brokeback Mountain and others and I think that makes sense. At first I thought there might be some universe-travel involved but not anymore. And I actually really like that idea tbh.

I'm super excited for all the episodes 🥺 it's been such a long drought lmao so I'm happy we're getting all of them back!! 🥺💜

xxx

#our skyy 2 #gmmtv #theories

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animegirl1363 · 1 year

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Home

AO3

Summary: Crow is visited by Leo and Luna when his kids pay a surprise visit too.

Today was a lazy day for Crow. No work, Yusei is in Crashtown, and most importantly no Jack to kill his vibe. Today he will relax. Is what would have happened if someone had not knocked on the door.

"If it's Jack I'm sending him to Carly's." Exasperated, Crow opens the door to see all of the kids.

"Big brother!"

""Hiya Crow!""

The Childeren, sans Luna and Leo, all mobilized around Crow for one big group hug.

"How are you guys here?!" Crow asked them.

"We crossed the bridge. Duh." Ginga said as if it was the most obvious awnser. Unfortunately for Crow none of the kids elaborated on who was with them or how they got transportation. All five kids quickly made their way into Crow’s shared abode.

"Is Yusei here?" Asked Leo.

"He is taking care of some business." Crow said.

The two were visibility disappointed. But Leo managed to recover quickly. "Can we hangout here for a while?"

"Leo." Luna chastised him. "We have school tomorrow. It's picture day."

"Picture day!?" Daichi said.

"What is picture day?" Kokori the youngest asked.

"Well, it's a day kids go to take pictures at school." Ginga spoke up. "At least that's how I heard it described."

"Big brother can we play 'Picture day'? Hikari asked.

"I have never experienced that...." Crow said.

"That is why Big brother Leo is here." Leo bolstered. "I know how to make a perfect picture day for you all! Come on!"

Leo ran off with the children into the complex.

"Forgive Leo and his antics." Luna said.

"There's nothing to worry about." Crow patted her head.

As Leo was explaining picture day. The kids were making a makeshift backdrop with bedsheets that they found. They had no camera so Crow had to call up Carly.

During the wait the two girls had come up to Crow asking if he would do there hair. This meant borrow Jack's stuff but he will deal with the blond later. He put Kokori's hair into a side ponytail and Hikari's into a double bun style.

""Thank Crow!"" The girl rejoiced.

"Huh!? Crow I didn't know you could do hair." Luna said.

"You learn a lot when taking care of kids." Crow said. "Now how about you?"

"I don't know...."

"Sit down and let me work my magic." Crow said.

He made Luna’s hair into plaits that came into a singular ponytail. He used Jack's hair pins to make Luna’s front bangs into hair loops.

Luna was mesmerized by Crow's skills and her new look. "Thanks Crow."

She hugged him.

By the time Carly arrived the group had set up a backdrop with the bed sheets. Carly worked her magic and took photos of everyone.

"Crow it's your turn!" Taiga said.

"Huh me!?"

"You never had a picture day so do it!" Kokori said. He had no chance to protest because all five kids pushed him into the chair. Carly was enjoying snapping ever second of Crow's wild expressions.

"Say cheese!"

Once everything was said and done, Carly was packing up and Hikari walked up to her. She held out her tiny hands to show what could only be described as literal pocket change. "It's not much. But we wanted to chip in."

Carly looked at the money and shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

"But won't we get in trouble for not paying?" Hikari said.

"Let the adults worry about that." Carly winked and bobbed off to her car. Where Crow had finished putting her lighting equipment in the trunk. He heard everything.

"Hey...."

"Keep your money. I mean it." Carly said. "I'll have the pictures for you in no time!"

Crow watched until she faded into the city traffic and made his way back inside with Hikari.

"So this is your first time here?!" Leo said. "You make it seem like it's not."

Ginga nodded. "Where ever big brother Crow is, it's home."

"Back at Satellite he is known as everyone's older brother." Dachi said.

The twins looked at each other and chuckled.

"Maybe Jack and Yusei aren't the only ones we can count on." Luna smiled.

"Yeah," Leo nodded.

"The sun is setting." Taiga said.

"That means we have to get home Leo." Luna said.

"No way! I want to stay." Leo pouted and crossed his arms.

"You are acting more like a kid than the kids." Luna said. Leo grumbles. "Do you guys have to get going?"

"Well you see since it's sundown we have no choice to stay here now." Ginga said in a voice that gave away that this was a part of a plan. "Our plan worked!"

From behind Crow appeared with a dark shadow casted over his eyes. "You want to let me in on the plan? I'd love to help."

"Ahh... um...." Ginga got his face pintched so hard that they turned red.

"I'm gonna have to talk to Martha about restricting your outside time." He was only joking but the kids believed him and that was enough to scare them.

"I'll get started on dinner. Come on Kokori." Hikari said. The two girl made way to the kitchen.

"Let' set up the beds." Dachi said. The boys got to cleaning up the mess.

"We should at least help clean. We helped make the mess too." Leo said.

"We?" Luna raised an eyebrow. "We have to go home. We have school tomorrow."

Leo grumbles but gets ready to leave.

"Will you both be alright?" Crow asked.

"Yep, we have traveled across the city before." Leo said. "There's is still sunlight left."

"If you say so...." Crow says. "You both know that you are welcome here anytime."

They all smiled and Crow saw off the twins.

On the way home it was silent between the two. It was normal for Luna but not Leo. They both knew what the other was thinking: they don't want to go back home.

They were jealous of the kids. They could make any place home with their parental figure. And Leo and Luna could not make the home they had feel like home after all the years they've been there. They wished to be with their parent and have what they had.

"I want to go back." Leo said.

"Let's go home." Was all Luna said.

#crow hogan #luna 5ds #leo 5ds #yugioh 5ds #ixia writes

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magneticflower · 11 months

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Ok. What was that about songs? I’m READY. Totally all ears.

Are there any about Inej’s happy tie laughter and - Wylan’s fund for his father’s lawyer?

ask me about six of crows

AhH, thank you for indulging me sjsjs I am so sorry it took like 3 to 5 business days to finally answer this--- I was letting myself get too carried away with songs before I eventually made myself cut out down lmao.

I'll put the rest under readmore for the sake of sparing anyone who does not care sks

Oddly enough, I'm not starting off with Kanej but with Helnik because the song West Coast by Imagine Dragons makes my heart ache when I think of them. I could put every single lyric on here buT I'll refrain-- sorta. I'll make sure to just elaborate on this one and the Kanej one I have ---

In particular though--- the bridge describes their ending so well.

"I'll change my ways if you would stay And all your tears that you have cried will go away Oh, just grant me one more day Oh, my love, please don't give up See the Devil at my door I see the future of the ones that I've ignored I guess I was born to be at war And, my love, I won't give up So, my love, please don't give up."

Matthias being so ready to just go with Nina wherever that may be. Matthias wanting to to just be with her one more time that he uses every last bit of strength he has to make to her before he dies. The war line alluding to both of them and their lives as soldiers. It just HITS me in the heart 'cause it reminds me of them especially when I think of it all leading up to their moments together in Crooked Kingdom and Matthias' oath to her.

The pre-chorus also --

"I ain't no Superman, I ain't no Holy Ghost I'm just the one who keeps you up at night, you love the most I'll be your strong man, I'll be your West Coast I'll be the sun, I'll be the waves, I'll be the one you love the most."

---

For Kanej, the song Easy for You to Say by 5SOS. Once again, I want to throw out all the lyrics of the song fit Kaz's pov but I will stick to only one verse ----

"I feel it in moments, a semblance of free Between all the gaspin', I finally breathe So I hold on so tightly in times that I see Someone with striking resemblance to me A darkness that holds me and loves when I bleed It locks all the doors and then hides all the keys Wish someone had told me what I couldn't see A glimmer of hope that was starin' at me."

This song in particular come to when thinking of the infamous, "I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all," because the song is about saying one thing but having a hard time following through and that definitely happened with Kaz then. He was trying to be honest--- but the timing was off and wasn't ready to commit to what he needed to be willing to do to be with Inej.

"Easy for you to say Harder for me to take This nostalgia in my bones Why can't I forget it?"

I have more songs for them but this one has struck me the most at the moment.

----

And here I'll just narrowed it down to one or two songs (for most, couldn't help myself with Inej and Kaz) and won't go on a tangent for any of them for the sake of brevity haha.

The Crows as a Whole: Rescue Me by OneRepublic, Sharks by Imagine Dragons, Crossfire by Rag'nBone Man; Seven Nation Army cover by Haley Reinhart (Post-Modern Jukebox) Inej: Hallowed Ground by Bishop Briggs. Mine by Phoebe Ryan, Wanted by OneRepublic, Art of Survival by Bishop Briggs, Praying by Kesha Kaz: Cutthroat by Imagine Dragons, Payback by Vo, Lost by NF Feat Hopsin, Blinding by Florence + The Machine Jesper: Run and Go by TOP; Bang! by Ajr, Mistake by NF Nina: Dear Departed by The Band Perry; Baggage by Bishop Briggs Matthias: Changing of the Guard by Rag'n'Bone Man Wylan: Not Today by TOP Kanej: Kings by The Pierces Helink: Nostalgia by The Band Perry Wesper: So Tied Up by Cold War Kids (Specifically book wise) Bonus one for the Trio (Kaz, Inej, Jesper): Next to Me by Imagine Dragons

End of tangent but feel free to ask me about any of the songs if you wanna know why I chose them for the characters -- and feel free to tell me any songs you associate with the characters!

#i totally respect if you don't even read any of this 'cause I get far too carried away and I appreciate you asking nonetheless!!#six of crows #crooked kingdom

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faksyan · 11 months

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Well, I didn't think my first post was going to be about writing, but what is this website for if not for the very specific rants on the topic you're passionate about, am I right.

So, today learned the term purple prose and I thought the way people view it is interesting. Basically, it's the overly ornate writing that might make the text difficult to read/understand, taking away from the actual narrative. And yeah, this can definitely happen, sure. But when I searched for examples, most of them seemed fine. I didn't struggle to understand them at all, just some fun information and metaphors. Long, yes, taking away from the narrative? Not really, I don't think? And English is not even my first language, so seems kiiinda like a skill issue to me tbh. Not in a mean way, but it really didn't feel that bad.

(Now that I think of it, the reason I have a soft spot for long elaborate sentences might be exactly the difference between my first language and English, a lot of our literature is very much like that. It's not everyone's cup of tea, yes, but it doesn't make it inherently bad.)

It's like the whole "avoid using adverbs" thing, which I've seen being used as an advice plenty of times for some reason (though, again, in English-speaking spaces, so perhaps it's a culture thing?). And um. Why would I. Do you use adverbs in regular speech much, some unusual ones? And you say using them in writing is also somehow bad? If the word exists, it was intended that someone would use it. Some outlive their meaning, but why purposefully avoid them? Like, yeah, the definition of purple prose says that it refers only to writing that doesn’t contribute meaningfully to the piece, but the way I see it, if the author thought the thing was worth mentioning and didn't cut it out afterwards, then it is, period. Maybe it's convoluted, maybe it's confusing, but it's the way they (maybe, not always, of course) wanted it to be. Fucking love going nuts with details, because this literally is how I view the world irl. Hard on the eyes? Well it's hard on my brain too bucko, and you're stuck with me now. If I notice all these things then so do you.

The moral of the story is that you should do whatever makes you happy, regardless of how people perceive it, I guess. You know classic literature? These guys did whatever the hell they wanted and it turned out great. Everyone's different, someone's going to like it, someone won't. But at least this way if no one likes it, you still do. Same goes for anything creative, really. People like to make up too many rules about what you can and can't do while the whole point is to just express yourself, however you see fit. It's art, if it's not harming anyone, go nuts.

#writing #writing stuff #I tend to be overly dramatic when I go on a rant uhh #gee I hope people on tumblr dot com won't think I'm crazy #I just want people to create stuff without feeling guilty or restricted okay #let others enjoy things #'there are actual times when purple prose is allowed'#(some article I read while looking stuff up)#like what do you mean 'allowed'??#who the fuck's gonna stop me?#the writing police?#'only say what needs to be said'?#I am literally the one who's choosing #tags are so fun here I can just put whatever I want #faksyan talks

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quaddmgd · 11 months

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I finished Signalis with my s/o. It was my second playthrough, but she hasn't seen it before. We beat it last night, at 3am, and had a near-hour talk about it just after, so I'm a walking corpse today.

I can't say much about how she feels, other than that she liked it. After playing it for the first time last December, it took me days to better understand my feelings.

The second playthrough allowed me to understand the game and my thoughts better than any video essay ever could and overall I enjoyed it even more than the first time. Notes weren't that overwhelming, because I already knew the rules and terminology of the game's setting. I was also more than ready for strict inventory limitations, which made Nowhere and Rotfront more enjoyable this time. But whatever... all of this is to be expected from consecutive playthroughs.

Signalis spoilers ahead

What I couldn't be ready for is how it got to me - much more this time and I'm not sure why. Nothing really happened since last year that could affect my reception of its heavy subjects. If I had to guess, it's because I already knew the ending and I was awaiting it?

Feels like that would have an opposite effect, but it kinda makes sense. My break from Signalis was long enough to misremember the order of certain reveals, along with the confirmation of Ariane's sickness. After fighting Falke and reaching the ship, I was like: "Oh fuck, all of it is going be revealed in such a short sequence. It's going to hit like a train." And it did.

Fortunately, I have a day off today so I can sit alone with my thoughts. It resonates with me on so many levels, and touches upon many themes that are very personal to me, reflecting some of my experiences and values I live/used to live by. It feels like it was made for me and I won't even try to elaborate why. Writing anything about this game already feels like oversharing - it has to mean something, right?

This post barely makes sense, but I just had to scream, throw it off my chest, I don't know. What I really wanted to say is that video games very rarely make me cry. But last night, looking at the results screen, I felt dead inside... and only today I let it all out of my system. It took me half a year to understand what this game means to me.

youtube

#text.qd #man am i a wreck today #in a good way i mean #i mean everything's fine #just this game #wouldn't be surprised if it ended up as one of the most important games I ever played #or will play

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brittleskyblue · 1 year

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Here's Shay's thoughts on Lightfall, even though I know people won't care cause I'm in the minority of people that actually liked it.

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Was I expecting something different than what happened in Lightfall? Yeah. Did I enjoy it? Oh fuck yes (yes even when I got stuck at some parts and complained about it).

Maybe a slight bit more context on the Veil was needed, bc I aknowledge it wasn't perfect, but honestly I don't mind because that leaves it up for theorizing and different interpretations until we know more. Accept the mystery! Lightfall, to me, feels like a prelude that's setting up The Final Shape. We're not gonna get everything now, so deal with it. It's going to be okay.

(Also, even if we got all the answers now, there would likely still be people complaining about it. You killjoys all set your expectations too high. Yes this is me making commentary on what some of you have been saying about what was posted in the recent TWAB. Fucking chill out already.)

Also, for the record, I adore Nimbus. They remind me so much of Galo from the movie Promare, and it's good to see some nonbinary rep. I do wish we'd gotten a bit more time with Rohan though.

Strand did feel like it was trying to be a bit too much a part of it all, however, I think Strand is fun, and I appreciate that our character doesn't just master it right away. It doesn't cone easy to us; it's a struggle. It pretty much knocks our character off their feet the first time after using Strand. Eventually we do learn how to get a handle on it and we learn from our failures. I just wanna say I appreciate that aspect of it.

I want to talk about Osiris and Calus real quick. On one hand, I understand where Osiris is coming from with how aggressive he seems. After everything that's happened to him, I get it. It get his motivations. However, I did think he was being a bit too harsh for most of the campaign. Also, as far as Calus goes- great to see him, great we finally get to fight him, but... I feel like the final fight is only really satisfying if you're running it solo (like I did and got stuck in hell for at least an hour). Also I'm kinda sad the end to his story came as quickly as it did. But alas.

And, as to the final cutscene... well, I still won't elaborate much on it right now, but I will say I had a feeling something like that was going to happen. To me that was a Red Signal moment (any Mechs fans will get tye reference). Where we go from here is... uncertain to say the least.

I really did enjoy Lightfall overall and I'm looking forward to learning more secrets, theorizing about the Veil, and getting more ideas to write about for my Guardians. I've already been through the VexCalabur mission and will be getting around to seasonal stuff/exotic quests thus weekend. And hopefully soon... the new raid that just came out today (say hi to Nezerarc for me lol)

#shay's misadventures #Destiny #Lightfall was good despite its flaws fight me #destiny 2

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raevenlywrites · 1 year

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Hi Raev! I'm wondering if I can get your opinion on somethin.

So I've been having symptoms of depression and adhd and anxiety but I'm not any of those, I don't have any official diagnosis of anything but I've been trying to figure out for years what's wrong with me. The doctor says I need to be more active and sleep better, which I agree with that it would help. However, I cannot find motivation to even get up once I lay down, it's very difficult. I tried reward systems but they don't work because I either cheat (or skip a scheduled task) or I reward myself for the barest minimum lol.

I have other issues I won't get into, basically I feel stupid sometimes. But anyway I think something is wrong with me or I'm just lazy. But I don't know how to improve. How do I force myself to do things I need to?

Hey Nonny,

Let me start off by saying that the world is on fire and feeling depressed and anxious is like a given. That's not to diminish your situation at all, simply to say that even w/o a Dx, feeling stressed/anxious/depressed/hopeless is a very reasonable reaction to the state of things. So just keep that in mind.

I'd recommend a slight tweak on the reward system for starters, and try for a general tracker, so that you have an unbiased record of how things are going for you. It's easy for our brains to focus on the negative, and to negate any progress no matter how small. So, if you're able, make a note somewhere you can access easy (I email myself for example) and track any points of interest. Start small; you can always add more, but you don't want to scare yourself off with a massive list. When I'm at a low point, my tracking email is a simple "slept bad, hate everything" sent right after I turn off my alarm. Eventually, that email turns into "slept ok, gonna try to write something today" or a "had a decent day. Tired, but I managed to take a shower." It doesnt have to be elaborate, but the act of checking in with yourself will help make sure you don't miss the better days, and will help give you ammo against the "it's always been bad and it will never change" feeling that creeps in when you're at your lowest.

My other bit of advice is to seriously lower your expectations. The success you'll feel at achieving a ridiculously small goal adds up, and it helps combat the "do all the things! Oh no I didn't do them all I faaaaaaail" trap. Set a goal of brushing your teeth once a fucking week. Just once. Don't think about how small it is or what other folks are doing, just hit that goal of brush your teeth once a week. If you wanna be more active, start with just flexing all your muscles a few times while you're lying there in bed. Seriously, it's more exercise than none at all. Doing just a little bit is better than doing nothing. The babyiest of steps, ya know?

Finally, I just want to remind you that you're not bad or stupid or wrong or lazy. Your brain isn't doing the go thing, that's all. It's easy to fall into this idea that you should be productive and everyone else can do it etc etc. First off, no, not everyone else can. Lots of us struggle with executive function so it's seriously not just you. And second off, even if it was that doesn't make you stupid. It just means your internal processes aren't firing as expected. It happens. I'd recommend using coping strategies for ADHD that work for you, even without an official Dx. If it helps, it helps. If it doesn't, try something new. Shift the way you expect things to go. For example, I can't seem to make myself unload the silverware from the dishwasher if it's the last step I do. So I just do it at some random point, only the silverware, and leave all the other dishes. I get back to them eventually. Doing it in pieces works for me, and there's no weird dish police coming to write me a ticket (I do get that I have the luxury of an understanding partner and no one breathing down my neck to be upset about how I do this, ymmv). This is part of where tracking can help, too. If you can figure out what parts of a task hang you up, you can pivot and try doing them a different way.

I wish you all the luck with this, Nonny. It's a tough battle you got there. Make it as easy on yourself as you can. <3

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