#i wasnt thinking about it at the time but now im like on my own 🍃🌬 and im like welp lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sturnsbabie · 1 day

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𝐁𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: lil skies x sls!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: in which sls gets questioned about who she was with.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: swearing,mentions of sex,angst.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭:700

not the best chap but im slowly tryinf to get to the good parts and not rush this story😖

i had just got back in the car with nate and mikayla and they both started instantly asking me questions.

“girl where the fuck you been?”mikayla asked me.

“what do you mean? i told you i was going to the bathroom.” i said.

“girl it doesnt take a hour to use the bathroom.we been out here waiting” she said as she pulled out of the venue.

“well sorry i got distracted.”i said.

i couldnt tell them that i was with skies because it was a secret between me and him. it stayed between us and nobody would know.

“why you have hickeys all over ya neck?” nate asked as his jaw started clenching.

“because i made out with a random guy and it was a heat of the moment type thing.” i said as i was playing with the sleeve of skies hoodie.

“and the fuck ya do that for!”nate asked.

“because im my own person and i can do whatever the fuck i want to.” i said rolling my eyes.

“uh incase ya didnt forget me and you yeah we have only been exclusively fuckin eachother.”he said.

“nate its her birthday for fucks sake give the girl a break” mikayla said as she was driving.

“yeah exactly that and also incase you forgot im not your fucking girl so dont treat me like i am.”i said as i was scrolling thru the pictures skies and i took on my phone.

“also us fuckin yeah thats over with.”i added.

“oh so ya meet a random guy fuck he puts you in his clothes and now you decide your done with me?”nate asked with a hint of hurt in his voice.

“yeah sorry.”i said as i turned the radio on playing skies to drown out nates arguments.

i felt bad for being mean to him about it but like at the sametime he already knew we wouldnt work out even if we tried and yet he still caught feelings when i didnt.

the rest of the ride back to my house was silent except for skies voice playing thru the radio.

the whole way home all i could think about was him and the way he had me earlier. i was hooked and i needed more.

.•°♡°•.

after 15 minutes mikayla dropped me off at my house and i went inside to be met with my brothers all sitting on the couch.

“woah what the fuck is on your neck and whos clothes are those”chris questioned me.

“random guy at the skies concert”i shrugged.

“you literally just turned eighteen today and youre already out sleeping with random guys?” chris said.

“you act like you werent doing worse when you were seventeen chris.”i said as i sat beside nick.

“chris dont fucking start on her its her birthday and as long as shes being careful then it shouldn’t fucking matter!” nick said.

matt was quiet and chris was over there fuming. i didnt know why everyone was sooo mad that i got fucked on my birthday. if only they knew it was skies.

“well i wasnt flaunting hickeys and shit all over my neck when i was your age” chris said.

i rolled my eyes. “i didnt have time to cover them chris i was literally in the car and have i once made it obvious theres hickeys on my neck?no!” i said looking at my lockscreen. it was a picture skies and i took on the tourbus.

“chris just stop running your mouth your clearly just mad she got to go see skies” matt said.

chris rolled his eyes. “matt im not jealous im just concerned about out sisters safety.”he said.

i rolled my eyes and got up walking to my room.

once i got in my room i felt my phone go off and i looked at the notification.

INSTAGRAM!

[YN.STURNIOLO]: lilskies started following you.

[YN.STURNIOLO]: lilskies: that was the best pussy i ever had.

[YN.STURNIOLO]: lilskies:cant stop thinkin about how your ass was bouncing on my dick.

[YN.STURNIOLO]:lilskies: let me pick you up tomorrow and come to this party with me in boston baby.

TAGLIST: @sturniololoves , @delaneysturniolo , @a-m-b-e-r-r , @milesfordays11 , @sturniol0s , @riowritesitall , @kriissy4gov , @m0r94n , @laylataylor0910 , @delusional-4-fake-people

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vxlentinescookies · 3 days

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This is a sequel of the previous Dark Cacao one were they fought and everything

Things have calmed down now, the awkward moment has open space for some time, peace and some further talks

But Dark Cacao has come into term with a little something

He likes Reader Cookie: (use any pronouns) are/is strong, resourceful, agile and very skilled, he could see so much potential, and it's a surprise to find someone who not only knows their way in a fight, but ALSO can match HIM

He wants to ask her out, the issue is: how!?

He was not a single clue, time to ask his soldiers for advise I guess?

Maybe even contact hollyberry?

(To resume, this is Dark Cacao finally knowing he likes Reader Cookie, asks others for advise to ask them out and fails miserably, but Reader Cookie is so amazed at the brave [though failed] attempt that decides to give the idea of a date a try)

→ ❛Between the sword and your opponent, pt. 2❜

→ Pairing ; Dark Cacao Cookie x Reader → Quote ; ❛❛It surely didnt go according to plan but, to say Hollyberry, who had been listening intently from behind one of the pillars, wasnt satisfied, would be an understatement.❜❜ → Genre ; Drama , Romance → A/N ; This was very fun hahah, pt 1 is here!

Its been a good few days after the incident, the one where you shamelessly flirted with Dark Cacao in the middle of a fight. To say the king hadnt been thinking about it was… an understatement, he had thought about it, quite a lot. It had leaked into his daily like like the growing vines of grapes, and in return, they were twisting and shaping around his brain like a deadly respite. This, paired with the following talks you both had about the help the kingdom of Rose Champagne wanted to offer to the kingdom of Cacao, and the inevitable flirting that came with your personality, Dark Cacao seemed to inevitably start falling in love. It was a force of nature he didnt expect, that he didnt take in consideration, but as time passed, he realized that these feelings were ever present, and that there was no way he could keep them hidden.

Love, for Dark Cacao, was something he had long since given up on. He no longer seeked it, and he no longer expected it, especially after the falling out with his previous wife and the loss of his son, that he still deep down loved dearly, he no longer felt he had a place in the grounds of love, therefore, he simply stayed on his own place, allowing himself to be moved by the currents of life while focusing on the current moments with his kingdom, his subjects, and the war ever present with Dark Enchantress Cookie.

Thats perhaps what made this moment the more jarring to him, to be flirted with after he felt unlovable, after he felt undeserving of being loved—And then, the fact that his heart was starting to beat with fervor and energy yet again, for someone he once hurt unintentionally… It put his mind and heart at a standstill, confused as to how to proceed, confused as to what to do exactly.

“Damn, sounds like you’re deep in the trenches of love, old friend” Hollyberry would tell them once Dark Cacao sought them out for help, after all, out of all his comrades, the hollyberrian was the most capable when it cames to matters of love.

“Sigh, Im just, confused as what to do… I’ve given up on love a long time ago…” He said, looking down for a few moments, before turning back at her.

His hands were tainted with blood, and his mind haunted by the warriors long lost in the wars the cacao kingdom had been part of, not to mention the small guilt that followed him for having fallen in the trap that was Affogato’s tricks. He sighed yet again, because then there was you, someone hurt unintentionally by his hand, even if he was under the tricks of the snake, he still felt like he owed his people something.

“Oh c’mon, rid yourself of that long face, Dark Cacao!” Hollyberry would snap him of his thoughts, as she’d laugh heartily “Its clear what you must do, you must act upon your emotions!”

“Act… Upon my emotions?” He felt like he stayed in square one, unable to think of what exact way to move thorough this new challenge. “Right, but, how exactly?”

“You speak as if you hadnt been in a marriage once!” She spoke yet again, frowning for a moment before patting his back lively, and perhaps a bit too strongly “Fret not! What you must do, is confess and ask her out on a date! Dosent that sound logical?”

Right, a date… If only he wasnt rusty in these themes, perhaps the idea would’ve seemed more appetizing, but as it stood, he was confused and didnt know exactly what to do or say. Hollyberry, noticing this, would just sigh and shake her head, she thought Pure Vanilla was THE challenge in the ancient’s groups when it came to love, but Dark Cacao? Now he was winning second place.

You had been resting in your quarters, quietly taking a nap when it happened, a soldier knocking on your door causing you to wake up startled, and once the door opened, you would look confused at the soldier in question, looking at you with seriousness as he spoke the words sent by his majesty. He was requesting your presence in the throne room, words that left you dumbfounded as you brushed hair out of your face before nodding. You didnt put much thought about it, as you dressed to come see Dark Cacao in the throne room.

Walking towards the castle suddenly felt colder than usual, and your steps felt heavier, as if you were expecting something bad to happen, but thinking about it, the worse that could happen would be Dark Cacao shaming you and sending you back after your constant flirting… which didnt seem to be the case, if anything it did seem quite… out of character? The king didnt seem to be that fazed by your flirting, so… But on the other side, you could be expecting the end of the trip as he declared that all was well, and that the Cacao Kingdom would continue relations with the Rose Champagne Kingdom… Not really out of character and far more viable… still, if it were to be the case, why were you hesitating? Why were you feeling so heavy? Confused, you simply approached the door before stopping.

Were you, were you falling in love? No, there was no way, there was simply no way that you were falling in love with the King of the Cacao Kingdom, was it…?

“Your majesty, I’ve arrived…” You spoke as you finally took a step inside, bowing in front of the king, before he’d dismiss the other cookies in the room, letting you both alone in the room. “Is there, something you wished to discuss with me?”

“Yes, ahem… (y/n) cookie, there are some matters I must get to… involving you”

You lifted an eyebrow as he spoke, his nervousness apparent as he left the throne and walked towards you. Each step felt dangerous yet filled with a certain sense of unknown that scared you in some way. Yet you persisted, until he was right in front of you.

“Will… Ahem… Will you go on a date with me?”

“Huh?”

Now it was your turn to be taken aback. You stared at him dumbfounded as you felt all your worries and fears fade away into the dark. He looked at you curiously and you simply coughed before looking at him, smiling.

“... S-Sure, I dont mind!”

“You dont have to if you dont want to…”

“No-No, I do want to! Lets go on a date!”

It surely didnt go according to plan but, to say Hollyberry, who had been listening intently from behind one of the pillars, wasnt satisfied, would be an understatement.

#🌙;moonlit dreams #dark cacao cookie x reader #cookie run x reader #cookie run kingdom x reader #crk x reader

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bmpmp3 · 1 month

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fish......

#art #traditional art #watercolour #embroidery thread #oc art #ocs #oc group: unsorted #oc: unnamed #i gotta name him. my guy whos secretly a school of fish pretending to be human #this was another study i made for class along with a few other doodles of this guy. then i got kinda roasted by my TAs lol #wasnt their fault i think they were just tired and stressed. plus theyre like the same age as me. i know what its like being 25 LOL #it did discourage me a lot in the moment because despite the everything about me thats probably apparent both through my blog and irl #i keep my art passions really REALLY closed off irl LOL so at the time i was like just barely stepping my toe out and showing my truth:#that all i do all day is draw dorky oc stuff HDKJSDS i did kinda immediately get called cringe in all but the actual word orz #it was a bummer but i think i feel better about it now. especially because again my TAs are the same age as me or younger than me #and im not gonna let a 25 year old calling me cringe get me in my head HKFSKJFDSd plus again i think they were just stressed and in a mood #because other times theyve been chill even when giving a harsh critiques so it mightve just been like. something in the air #but you know. isnt that a bit of a milestone in its own right. being called cringe in your fine arts class critique <3 #but i still like my funny guy from my dream. hes just a normal ass looking guy. who is made of fish :)

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elftwink · 1 year

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one of the most infuriating things that happens in discussions about trans people is like, when a transphobe talks about how its just SOOOO easy to access gender affirming care, it's so easy to get on hrt or get referred for surgery etc... some of you dense motherfuckers respond to this by saying "no!!! it's not easy!!!! its so hard!!!" & listen. i KNOW that it IS HARD for many of us. and in many places it's getting harder. but tell me this: isn't the goal, eventually, to make it easy? not just easier than right now, but genuinely easy for a transgender person to access the care they need on whatever timeline they want, no matter how fast or slow? so if you spend all your time right now combating transphobia by insisting that transition is difficult and taxing and traumatizing, what are you going to do if and when it's none of those things? if there is no endless suffering and million hoops?

when someone says "it's too easy to transition" in order to justify their own transphobia, and you say "no it's not", you're also saying "if it were, your feelings would be justified". which is already kind of a terrible implication without taking into consideration that what most of these people mean by "too easy" is "possible". they mean that you can transition and they don't want you to. point blank. when you say it's difficult, they think "good. it should be harder". it will never be difficult enough to not be easy to them.

i am literally so sick & tired of all of us throwing each other under the bus in order to advocate for a future that is fucking miserable and awful. when someone tells you their nightmare scenario is transgender people being happy, you should not be responding to that by reassuring them that actually, transgender people are miserable and always have been and always will. when someone complains about how easy transition is you should say "good". we are never getting out of this fucking crab bucket if we're not only pulling each other down but also telling other people that pushing us back in would be fine if we were a little closer to the top.

#good idea generator #one thing i vividly remember is like. back when i read discourse blogs for fun (never do this btw this did irreparable damage to my psyche)#i saw an argument between a t*rf who had detransitioned and a trans person #where she was complaining it was too easy for her to transition and he was accusing her of lying about her transition #because he was like 'its not that easy. it cannot be that easy it never is you're lying'#but the thing was she and i had had nearly identical transitions like very similar timelines #the only thing she had that i didnt was parental support from the outset (my parents are cool btw we have long since worked it out. im js)#and it was infuriating to me that the person on my side who was arguing for my community was essentially saying #that i should have had it harder. that it wasnt possible for it to be like that #especially considering i dont think my transition was 'easy'!! certainly 'easier' than some people #but like 'easy' is so subjective and in this context mostly reliant on your own feelings and experiences #and i was not having a very easy time when starting my transition i would say #also her argument was bad in other ways made me furious that he resorted to accusing her of lying #like great now she'll run back to her t*rf friends and theyll all talk about how we live in an echo chamber #we have to stop telling people it's their moral duty to argue with bigots because some of you are terrible at it

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echo-s-land · 1 month

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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

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orcelito · 3 months

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I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

#speculation nation #negative/#this got really long on accident. but i think typing this out was really helpful for me.#getting the thoughts out. processing. the works.#nearly cried several times just from writing this.#...and honestly i might reference this again when i start seriously writing my eulogy.#things suck a Lot right now. and i really wish they were different.#feels like i picked a bad choice in a video game and am now seeing the Bad Ending or whatever #all i need to do is reload a previous save. it's all still there. perfectly preserved in my memories.#but... that's all gone. as suddenly and unfair as it is ive been thrust into a new chapter of my life so thoroughly.#it's not all bad though. he wasnt prepared for dying so it's been hell to prepare for him #we dont know if we'll even be able to get into his fucking iphone. stupid piece of shit.#but he had life insurance. he had a union job. and That comes with benefits #(something about a year's salary going to the family. aka half a year's salary to Me. and isnt That mind boggling.)#as much as it hurts im going to be realistic about it. im going to do what i need to finish my education.#and im going to use it as a springboard for finally becoming a 'proper adult'.#the kind who could own a nice kitchen fridge. one with an ice machine on the front of the door #and freezers in the drawers.#maybe then i could think about getting motorcyle lessons. not from my dad as i originally wanted #but i wanna keep the family biker spirit alive. i wanted it even before he died. and now i want it even more.#ive had so so many thoughts. it's only been 3 days. ive had to emotionally numb myself several times just to Get Through It.#everything is exacerbated. my mom wants to go to the funeral. we will have to fight her on this. my dad Hated her.#and i certainly dont fucking want her around either. not then. not when im talking about my dad.#(my dad. my Dad. i saw him die. i felt him cold. i do not regret it. it still hurts me.)#it's overwhelming. i loved him so fucking much. even with his flaws he was truly an amazing father.#i'll... shut up now. if you read this far. well. hug your loved ones a little tighter. you never know when youll lose them.

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smokeys-house · 4 months

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.

#i feel like a lot of the people who i thought i was cool with have been. keeping me at arms length lately #like one person suddenly showed up and then decided i wasnt cool and then i was like ok. bye!#which was the right call imo #but since then it feels like ive been. idk sorta cut off from a lot of folks #like im just being uhh whats the word. tolerated #idk. im not cut out for social stuff. i dont even know my own feelings let alone the feelings of others. but i wish it would be a little #more clear cut. like either hate me and go away or stop ignoring me #u cant have me as a pretty little stuffed animal on a shelf. im either with u or ugotta put me in the garage sale pile #idk i dont think anyones actuallly doing that. i just feel distant lately is all #i think im just kinda stressed out. things have been hard since last year or. maybe before that now #i have trouble keeping time around grief.#it feels like im trying 2 talk 2 ppl and they just cant hear me #its like when i was a kid all over again #anyway #dw about me. i just needed 2 get that out ig

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coldvampire · 5 months

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anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.

#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj #yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish #& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh #instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living #(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr #i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things #okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk #that nail gun is MINE #she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that #excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things #give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time #maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it #as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny #shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too #scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually #anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs #have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty

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13eyond13 · 1 year

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Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind

#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me #there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless #anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication #but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc #im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago #anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless #reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for #take it little steps at a time #celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call #the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more #instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much #i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc #also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them #and less alone in it all #because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are #the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end #volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and #i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually #like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that!#even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all #other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby #p

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deancaskiss · 1 year

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highlight of the day today: the cranky pessimistic doctor actually said really nice things about me today. I had been asking him questions all day and giving my thought process behind things and my theorized diagnoses and then he let me do a cat neuter today and let me close up another amputation and he wants me to do a spay later in the week… but the real highlight was when we were in surgery and he was asking me questions to test my knowledge and then i asked him a question about his suturing and he was impressed with my knowledge and he called me “intuitive” and said I was “precise and mechanical” (probably because im a hands-on learner and because i like to run through everything I’m doing and do things systemically and he noticed all of that about me in just 2 days and he thought i had good approach) and he repeatedly said he thought i was going to be a good doctor/surgeon and he’s seen students on rotations that he knew wouldn’t be good at the job but he has no concerns about me and said i had good skills and instincts and he was sure about me 🥹

#oliver talks #vet school adventures #literally me trying not to tear up in the OR because he said such nice things #like i asked him why he was doing certain throws with the suture and he was impressed that i noticed he was only doing 2 throws #and he mentioned it was because the suture was a different material than PDS (the normal go-to where we do 4-5 throws)#and he said he does 2 throws because it has good memory and at the same time I said ‘good tensile strength’ and he looked impressed #then he called me intuitive and said i was precise and mechanical (but in a good way)#like he was impressed with the way i approach things and because im hands-on with learning i work through things in my head as im hands on #like i will be coaching myself through it mentally as im doing ti physically #and its like he’s noticed my thought process and the way i work and he was impressed with my approach #anyway still crying about this because after the internal med doctors said crap things in my last review and said i wasnt ready to be a vet #and then this ‘real world’ doctor who’s cyanical and disillusioned turns around and says he has confidence in me and thinks im a good vet #that means literally a million times more than anything else ever could #like its this huge difference from doctors on campus in a education setting being overly critical and harsh #and then an actual real world practice practioner basically sang my praises today in his own cranky way #yeah thats like the biggest compliment ever #because its like he’s so honest and brutal about things he doesnt sugar coat anything #so the fact he said those nice things to me today. i know that was genuine and real because if he doesn’t like something he makes it known #but ive impressed him. me. i did that. i impressed the doctor today.#dont mind me im gonna cry now #now i gotta watch all the spay videos again before i do surgery in front of him this week so i can impress him (dont wanna disappoint him)

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cyoza · 26 days

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the wattpad/ao3 girlies would have a field day with the day I've had

#bro lmao #my housemate came home after a run and was like covered in mud and shaking #so i was like yikes are u okay #and they were like no i fell whilst running and ive really hurt my ankle #i was like ok it looks swollen (and it was so swollen) we should go to a&e #so they were like yeah ok and we got an uber to the hospital #long story short we were there for like 5 hours and the ankle was broken #the way im thinking back and am like oh man this is so funnily textbook #they couldnt walk so i had to like hold them and have them lean on me whilst walking #pushing them in the hospital wheelchair #advocating for meds and giving personal information #i wasnt thinking about it at the time but now im like on my own 🍃🌬 and im like welp lmao #and then we got back and i made dinner and they had a splinter in their hand #so i had to get a pair of tweezers and like try and get it out #lots of hand holding and closeness #which is so funny bc all i could think is how awkward it was 😭#there is literally nothing there (i think most definitely 99%) but like this could be an #ao3 chapter #this so long sorry lmao

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drev-the-procrastinator · 1 month

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love waking up to my mom giving me an ultimatum and ordering that i have to give up my (admittedly expensive) apartment 1n 2 weeks and move back home for good. i had stuff to do today but i guess being gripped by dread and anxiety works too

#i had been thinking about moving to a smaller one too. but now she's ordering me to do that #and expects me to move back home #when my university and all of my two friends are in the city.#and i have TWO WEEKS to live here if she wants me to move before summer because i have to go back home anyway in early may #for my summer job.#like sure i wouldve understood like a hey. my child. your financial situation is oretty tough so i have some suggestions that could help #but she was like okay here's whay you do: option a) [something i couldnt do before fall] b) find a cheaper apartment and live in two weeks #c) move home for good and commute over an hour any day you have university stuff to do and also essentially lose access to your #friends and all and any independence you have managed to cobble together so i can treat you like a child and yeall at you #the last part wasnt included but it's what she does anyways so i assume it's part of the deal #then i would have to commute or drive an hour any time i wanted to see either of my friends. after every summer im already #tired and desperate to come back to my apartment to get to be on my own. and now she's saying i have to never do that again #and here's the fuckin thing. her husband is planning on fixing my car. my mom pays my phone bill. i know what a loser i am whatever.#she actually owns my dogs and my childhood home. i cannot. piss her ofd too much. because then i'll lose all of those #phone. whatever i can get a new one. car. slightly more heartbrwakin but like i still own it. but the house?#my dogs?? i think i would rather die atm if im being honest #so what the fuck am i supposed to do. huh.#maybe i should just walk into the sea foe good i feel like that would just so neatly solve all of my problems

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ariesbilly · 10 months

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN LANA DEL REY IS 38 YEARS OLD. THIS BITCH ALMOST 40?!

#im having a crisis of my own age now lmfao #cuz like i knew lana wasnt close in age to me (like definitely more than a few years)#but in my brain im still 20 lmfao #so when i think a celebrity is older than me by 10ish years im like 'oh so theyre like 35'#and then i realize they are CLOSE TO 40 #WHICH MEANS I AM OLDER THAN I THINK I AM #AND I DONT LIKE THAT SHIT #i dont like the progression of time it scares me it makes me sick to my stomach and this is why i dont think about it ever

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infizero · 1 year

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kills you kills you kills you kills you kills yo

#listening to the audio on the page again gawdddd i feel ill im gonna throw up #kris' frenzied discordant playing. you usually play the piano a bit more beautifully. they didnt have a piano at their house #they loved to play the piano and there was no piano in the house there was no keyboard in the house nothing #and now their hands' movements are not their own their fingers uselessly mash against the keys in the clumsy frustrated way #they cant even do the one thing they were good at anymore. you usually play the piano and bit more beautifully #and then noelle listening in from the other room. there were times when i wasnt even sure if we were friends. maybe they werent thinking #about me at all. we're friends. we're something else. we havent hung out in so long but i know how you like your eggs. what your favorite #color has been throughout the years. the first movie you cried to. i know you better than anyone. i dont know you at all #your voice isnt your own. what happened to your voice? what happened to the beautiful music you made? what happened to you?#why are you telling me to do these unspeakable things? why am i going along with it? (we're getting stronger) why do i let the blood drip #down my finger from the ring you slipped onto it? (we're something else) what happened to us?#we used to play tag in your backyard. there's blood on my hands because of you. i dont know whats happened to you and i cant stop it #maybe they weren't thinking about me at all #you usually play the piano a bit more beautifully #but when i closed my eyes it felt like a concert just for me #i need a drink #serena.txt

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truckstoptigers · 3 months

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I don't know why I keep thinking about this because I'll never get an answer but why didn't ANYONE on my father's side think anything weird was going on??? I know I dwell on it too much but when I really think about it I don't know how anyone thought it was normal that he would drive me to random places, leave me there for several hours, and then come back with me later. I wasn't there often enough to make friends/get to know neighbours.

and even if they didn't notice that, HOW would my behaviour not give something away?? whenever he would come back with me I was always pale, quiet, sullen, and preferred to hide in my room or to sit by myself in the basement. sometimes I was crying. a lot of the time I came back walking funny, too, and bleeding, which wasn't always hidden well. I just don't get it. I don't understand.

it's like with my ex stepmom's brother - why didn't anyone think it was strange for him to be so touchy-feely with me the very same day we met? because he was technically 'in the family'? I suppose that could make sense, but he had his hands & arms all over me. I get that he also would technically be my uncle, but again, we had just met!!! for him to have his arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheeks and trying to sit me in his lap is just fucking weird to me. I don't know. especially because I'm sure my discomfort was visible. I wasn't good at hiding how things made me feel yet.

even earlier than that, how could my brother's mom not notice something was amiss? he would take over an hour to 'put me to bed' at night and she never wondered why? or, again, why he would be taking me somewhere, dropping me off, then going back for me later? sometimes after dark??? we LIVED with her then. maybe he said he left me at my cousins' for a while, because I could see that being believable. maybe that's it. that's the only option I can think of for people not to notice.

I mean, before I went to his house on his weekends I would sob and sob and beg my mom not to make me go, but she didn't know why. I never said anything. I would just say I didn't want to go, and that wouldn't work because my mom would get in legal trouble for not exchanging custody without reason. my brother's mom would've certainly encouraged him to bring my mom to court again. that should have been a red flag, too.

I was considered a pretty 'off' kid when I was little, to the point that it concerned several teachers given the things I spoke and wrote about. nothing about hurting other people, but I had several that worried about me being completely quiet and withdrawn. that only changed around third or fourth grade. they mostly only worried about what I was reading because I drew a lot of graphic Warriors fanart lol.

I guess it just like... hurts? in a way? it makes me angry but at the same time it also just makes me really sad. there are definitely people i'm angrier at than others for what happened - or what didn't happen, I guess. I'm not mad at my past self for not telling anyone, because she did the best she could with what she had to deal with. she lived in constant fear for her life. I can't blame her for that.

I just wish someone noticed, is all.

#when i look back now i recognize a lot of red flags in my own behaviour that im shocked no one else seemed to have noticed #even i didnt realize how many there were until recently. there were just ones that were considered more concerning than the ones i exhibite #like i had no idea wanting to bathe multiple times a day was one of them bc i had only heard of kids refusing to take baths yk??#a lot of the 'weird' things i did were actually trauma responses i wasnt even aware of and that messes w me a lot admittedly #milo murmurs #trauma vent #csa vent #tw csa vent #csa tw #im more angry with my abusers than anyone else but. i really do wish just one person thought smth was off & tried to ask me about it #i like to think id tell them the truth but when i was that little & it was still happening... i was deathly afraid of telling #im not sure how it wouldve gone

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nabaath-areng · 7 months

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I was planning to build new desktop this fall, but seeing that the winter half year practically chains me to bed making me incapable of sitting up I took some of my savings to get a laptop so I can have it in bed for drawing, writing etc at least. And so I'll save back up the coming months and build it once spring arrives instead (hopefully component prices has gone down then too)

All that to say I can only eat my hands as I catch glimpses of dawntrail news after having been ffxiv-less since july last year. my abstinence is out the roof

#that being said i am admittedly a little bit nervous about returning now that its been so long #i played without break from 2014 til 2020 and then its been on an off between 2020 and 2022 #and then since then i havent had the means to play #like on one hand i dont dare looking too much into ffxiv happenings cause my abstinence grows worse #and on the other i worry that ill feel weird coming back #because returning from past breaks have felt weird #which admittedly might be because i dont allow myself to take my time and enjoy things but rather rush to catch up #but whenever i can play im just gonna take all effort possible to not rush and potentially even do things on my own #rather than feel stressed by not slowing down others #im glad for the increased single player options tbh #at the same time the break has done me good cause i feel like im further away from making those mistakes #and having a lot to catch up with before being up to date might be good for me #finding hobbies outside ffxiv has done me good too #my relationship to it wasnt the healthiest as it was my sole lifeline during horrific and traumatic years #but now ive been able to play tons of other games again and read books and draw more and write more than ever #and done more irl things again even finishing one type of education #so honestly? i think itll be fine #i dont have to feel bad over my relationship with the game evolving into a different form #i still love it immensely and its had a profound impact on my life as a whole #both in terms of friends and creativity and also significant other #anyway that got longer and rantier and more personal than i first intended #peace signs and sparkles

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