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spiritualdirections · 8 months

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Ethan Hawke is directing a biopic of Flannery O'Connor called Wildcat. In the linked article, he takes to the pages of Vanity Fair to explain why.

His daughter Maya had discovered O'Connor's journals, rekindling Hawkes own interest in her that dated back to his youth, and together they started talking about making a movie. Then 2020 happened, and people tried to cancel O'Connor as being racist. Hawke got worried, until he started reading:

'I called Maya to talk over whether we should make this film. Is there a place in today’s cultural climate to tell the story of an American genius who also displayed abhorrent prejudices? What was O’Connor’s fundamental attitude toward people of color? Did the master provocateur’s tongue obscure her views or reveal them? 'Turns out, scholars have been examining O’Connor’s relationship to race since the 1970s. Alice Walker movingly describes O’Connor’s legacy in her essay “Beyond the Peacock: The Reconstruction of Flannery O’Connor,” written 45 years ago. '“Essential O’Connor is not about racism at all,” Walker writes, “which is why it is so refreshing, coming, as it does, out of such a racial culture. If it can be said to be ‘about’ anything, then it is ‘about’ prophets and prophecy, ‘about’ revelation, and ‘about’ the impact of supernatural grace on human beings who don’t have a chance of spiritual growth without it. … She destroyed the last vestiges of sentimentality in white Southern writing; she caused white women to look ridiculous on pedestals, and she approached her black characters — as a mature artist — with unusual humility and restraint. She also cast spells and worked magic with the written word. The magic, the wit, and the mystery of Flannery O’Connor I know I will always love.” 'In a 2001 New Yorker piece subtitled “Flannery O’Connor on Race and Religion in the Unreconstructed South,” cultural critic Hilton Als wrote, “Race and faith and their attendant hierarchies and delusions are O’Connor’s great theme. … But readings of this American master often overlook the originality and honesty of her portrayal of Southern whiteness. Or, rather, Southern whiteness as it chafed under its biggest cultural influence — Southern blackness. It’s remarkable to consider that O’Connor started writing … just a decade after Margaret Mitchell’s ‘Gone with the Wind.’ O’Connor’s most profound gift was her ability to describe impartially the bourgeoisie she was born into, to depict with humor and without judgment her rapidly crumbling social order.”

He and his daughter covered similar territory in their interview with the LA Times.

"In the last few years, there’s been a re-examination of O’Connor around issues of race in light of how she wrote about it privately when she was young. How did you grapple with presenting a nuanced depiction of her views of race and how they evolved in her life and work? "Ethan Hawke: Hopefully the movie answers that. This is a young person who grew up in the Jim Crow South, and that is her reality. I sometimes think when people are angry with Flannery O’Connor, what they mean is, “I am angry with America.” Because she is a great American artist and full of all the sin that that implies. There’s a great scholar who calls her a “recovering racist.” And America is in recovery from racism. "Linney: Some of America. "Ethan Hawke: Flannery doesn’t write about oppressed people. She doesn’t imagine that she knows what their experiences are. She knows white hypocrisy. And she writes about it because she knows it, meaning she lived it. She’s a part of it. She comes up from it. But if we don’t look at that, as a culture, we can’t see it around us, because it’s still here. "She was allergic to virtue signaling, which makes people really uncomfortable. My favorite line that we put in the movie was: 'The truth doesn’t change according to your ability to stomach it.'”

I'm not sure which is more interesting--that he chose to make this movie about a Catholic writer, or that he thinks the American people are able to make a complex judgment about complex people even when charges of racism have been made.

#wildcat movie #ethan hawke #maya hawke #racism #flannery o'connor

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ainulindaelynn · 1 year

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ACO - Post Game Alt for the WIP game?

Thanks for asking :)

This one is my most niche and personal WIP, which will be posted separate from the main story. It’s a bit lengthy, so putting most of it below the cut. Apologies for not putting some warning on this one… It’s a lot 😂

One of the original ideas behind my ACO longfic was to bypass the First Blade DLC lineage issue by adding some shenanigans to Brasidas' Underworld storyline... At the time, I hadn't finished the game, played either DLC, or realized how truly, deeply furious I would be afterward, so that storyline has been scrapped completely as an act of outrage I'm not putting people through that, because I'm livid about it too.

That said, that portion of the story resonated with me a little more personally than the rest. In 2020, I had a baby under complicated, traumatic circumstances and am still trying to reconcile all the effects that has on my life, both now and in the future. There is no part of me that wants to write this WIP, but I've spent enough time around trauma-recovery psychology to know that processing it by proxy could be a powerful tool for healing, which is one of my favorite aspects of fiction as a whole - creating safe space to explore concepts that are too high stakes to take on directly.

Like my circumstance, Kassandra would love this baby immensely. She would have loved its father immensely. She would have chosen it, which is paramount, and she would go about parenthood in a very unorthodox way. None of those things would negate the difficulty of that choice or the profound impact it has on her life though. I see a lot of fluffy bullshit in this maternal mental health sphere that doesn't touch my lived experience, so this fic will try to keep the good and the beautiful, while being real about the fact that it’s fucking hard sometimes.

It won't be for everyone, but hopefully it'll be real <3

—————

WIP List for anyone interested :)

#I can feel the aura of healing around this one #and am naturally avoiding it like the plague #someday I’ll get to it 😅#tag games #fanfiction #ptsd #cptsd

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septembersghost · 2 years

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it's almost as if everyone involved in the production of better call saul inherently understands that jimmy getting life in federal prison is a shitty ending that should not have happened, otherwise they wouldn't be engaged in willful denial of it. i've been thinking more and more that the finale is not going to age well once enough time passes for people to think about it objectively. it's sad because this was my favorite show but it is what it is

this has been in my inbox since august 22, and i think i've answered it in my head a hundred times, and every time the response is inadequate. that said, i get where you're coming from and think you're entitled to it.

the post i wrote a little while ago about kim exemplifies my biggest issue with the show's final episodes, but i've also been clear on my very real issues with the prison ending and the lack of middle ground (ie: did it have to be seven years or LIFE? why did they feel the need to use adx, which is hell on earth, and not the place someone like jimmy deserves to be incarcerated? the fact that jimmy only got all or nothing testimony, rather than a nuanced examination of both his trauma and his culpability, etc) - i understand why they felt prison was necessary, but i disagree with the way it was presented. i also still get stuck on the fact that it doesn't feel like a proper ending to THIS story. it feels like an epilogue to breaking bad, and maybe that's by design, but it was jarring for me to be taken out of bcs the way we were, to have so little of our protagonists in those final episodes.

i'll reiterate that i wish so much that peter had given kim a flashback, i feel like there is such a dearth of her in those last episodes, and there's this sense i have of mourning her terribly despite her appearances onscreen, most of which are nearly silent. and i'm never going to be comfortable with framing prison as a happy ending. the american prison complex is inhumane and corrupt, and they did a 180 of sorts on its thematic impact from what it meant in this universe previously. the mutual i was discussing kim with brought this up - how exactly does jimmy heal and reclaim his identity in a situation where he has no free will? where every choice is made for him, and he is sentenced to the punishment of the system for the rest of his life? i know every single person involved keeps saying he'll get out, but that's an intentional misunderstanding of what they themselves constructed, because that's not how the federal system works. we have to suspend disbelief so far - which i support! give them any hope we can - but on some level, we know that's not going to happen. if they'd emphasized what a tragedy the ending is, i'd have less cognitive dissonance about it, but the idea of prison ever being "happy" has driven me further from it. they earn their love back and yet can never truly have that. the cost is immense.

since a little over a month has passed now, i will admit that as time has passed, i myself have become less okay with it the more i've ruminated over it. it was my favorite show too, which is saying a LOT. i have unending love and respect for this show's actors and writers and directors, and i am so grateful to have had it and experienced it. my respect for them is not undermined by critically disagreeing with some key points about the last run of episodes, but it does carry a particular sadness. it shadows a lot of the story in a way that, for me, is much less fulfilling than the romanticism of, say, jesse's escape and walt's blaze of glory death. it feels like they were trying to get some element of that, but swung too far in the direction of punishment, which is not the same as atonement. there is romanticism in the last moments with kim, but the grief is profound.

#anonymous #letterbox #bcs spoilers #not putting this in the main tag

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amaurotine · 2 years

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my thoughts on hythlodaeus’s relationship with being sacrificed to zodiark. (they’re fairly extensive, so be warned)

i personally think hyth fully embraced the opportunity to save not just his closest friends, but the city and the star he loved so much. he spent many long hours just gazing, aimlessly but for his profound appreciation for what he saw; for the star's vivid and beautiful aether, and so to be granted the opportunity to be part of what was intended to preserve that from further harm and destruction was just staggering for him. i think he was fundamentally conflicted about it though; being equal parts joyful and proud but also sad and anxious, because to die in such a way still challenged his fundamental belief about death being a beautiful and peaceful thing that was done in an easy, leisurely fashion, and as the peaceful culmination of one’s duty.

not for want of personal aggrandizement or any sort of gain for himself, hyth wanted so badly to be useful. to even begin to support his friends and loved ones they way they supported him and everyone else. and to repay those who had supported him in turn (because, again. i really love the idea of him being a support character and NOT being uberpowerful with creation magic when it comes to doing it himself.) the whole reason he was an ideal candidate for being chief of the bureau of the architect is due to his immense perceptive abilities, that he can see and analyze things in ways that others cannot.

due to his own low self-esteem, i also think he grievously underestimated the impact his loss would have on others, although he was absolutely resolved (i really kind of dislike the notion that he did this JUST for azem and emet, i think he made the sacrifice for EVERYONE, PLUS the star, which he loved to look at...and god, everybody underemphasizes the bit about hyth enjoying what he sees with his soulsight/aethersight, which. its mentioned in both the Through His Eyes sidestory and stressed by the eloquent ways hyth describes life upon the star during the elpis MSQ...hyth just enjoys perceiving things; this aspect of his character is always overlooked), altho i do think that he was flabbergasted that hey, finally, a moment for him to save his friends in a big, impactful way had finally arrived, because it had always been azem and emet who helped and saved him along with everyone else. deep down, he always had a longing to help others in the same impactful manner that both of them do, and although hyth is more perceptive than both of them put together, he just doesn't have the amount of talent and wherewithal to handle things in that fashion.

post-endwalker, i don't think he has a super healthy interpretation of the traumatic aspects of his soul being set adrift. he doesn't view the time spent within zodiark in and of itself as a harrowing experience, because up until zenos and fandaniel did what they did, he was often in a dreamlike, dissociative state where he'd dream that he was alive; that he was still in amaurot with his loved ones like nothing had happened.

anyway idk, i'm rambling because i got into an unintentionally Feelsy rp at an art party i went to last night where someone basically said that hyth knew what it was like to be in a cage, and hyth was basically like. oh not really because i wasn't aware of being imprisoned or anything...and then he realizes that even though zodiark preserved them from being sundered, perhaps zodiark was sort of like a cage for all their souls after all and they didn't even have the ability to realize this. so there’s a lot of mixed feelings there...and not to mention that they had to literally sacrifice themselves and die in order for any of that preservation to take place, and the fact that in the end, what was it even all for....

so basically, post endwalker, he's in the aetherial sea for 5 minutes and rolling over like an anxious kid who can't sleep because he realizes everything that happened, remembering the incident with kairos and all that...and knowing that the final days came again Anyway, as well as knowing the cause...he literally cannot rest because his Big Heckin Moment of helping his friends ultimately didn't accomplish anything aside from ensuring that himself and the other sacrificed people were preserved from the sundering. in the end, his friends would struggle immensely in horrible visceral ways that lay beyond his awareness for 12k years. his friends, who he wanted to help, would fight, kill, and even hate each other in his absence. so it's understatement to say that hyth is haunted by how ineffectual he was in the end and is still desperately trying to help azem's shard because he feels..strangely guilty. while he doesn't regret his sacrifice and would do it again in heartbeat (especially if he could have assurance that it would have more of an impact this time), he's left wondering if he would've made more of an impact by NOT sacrificing himself. it’s akin to survivor’s guilt i guess, although i won’t call it survivor's guilt proper bc he died, if that makes sense? it also dawns on him that, given what he learns about the final days after the fact, zodiark only would’ve been a temporary solution to a recurring problem....and don’t get me started on that LMAO

#✿:ﾟ* 𝐻𝐸𝒜𝒟𝒞𝒜𝒩𝒪𝒩𝒮 .#hyth (cracking his knuckles and laughing nervously moments before he's sacrificed to zodiark): haha okay besties this is it...The Big One

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kabatakabita · 2 years

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sent.

Dearest B,

It's been a hectic week in my life, I did not want to start a letter in this manner, but that's the only true life update I have had for a while now. As I was continuing my freestyle research, youtube switched to my personal gmail account, and it seems my algorithm is still mulling over your name which I have typed, more often than not, in the loneliest hours of the night. Your face floated on my screen lifting me from where I am seated, when I came back to my senses, I needed to write to you because meeting for now is a silly idea because I have built some sort of filter these days. I dont meet people unwaxed anymore, I come clean, ready with my defenses. And I fear that I might lose contact with you like I have lost with many people in moments as such whence the hinge of my life is broken. And as of now, talking to people is no medicine as is thinking of them. Having said that, I am contradicting the very thing by writing to you. And in my defense I'd like to say this is not me talking to you but giving you a thought of you as it comes which would be curdled if spoken out loud, with the filter of spoken communication. This, whatever it inspires in you is a fragment of silence that you inspire in me.

However, even silences are conspiring, purposeful and strategic. But the inspiration for this letter is absolutely nothing, I have no agenda, I have nothing to state to you...yet I am writing, and what I need to write is unclear to me as is the need to write, and I certainly dont want to exploit your nature by putting out my woes or something profound which I usually do when I need attention because I have nothing as such. Just, here is me.

My life is getting so ordinary that I am the "they" that the people talk about; so ordinary, so overlooked, and so in tune with other collective ordinary, that I have started watching crime patrol because profound movies that I once looked upto feel like mockery and also unnecessary. I like cheap entertainment like watching a bunch of dancers vibing to a wedding song they dont understand. That's my source of dope. I am the modern man in pursuit of happiness, I am that unit, the human that undergoes the experiments of political economy. I mean, I have surrendered to capitalism, and it's not as bad as it seemed to me a few years ago...infact I see worth in my work these days and I cant decide if its because I have to think this way to get myself to do something that I dont like or it is really that fulfilling, because the tax I pay gives me immense satisfaction and it subdues some sense of guilt in me. I have lost the capacity to think for myself. Only a year ago I was filled with ambitions and a fiery hunger to be a woman who could do it all. I never said no to anything that came my way. I wanted to work to shape the education system in nepal, I wanted to do law, I had things to wake up to even when I cried in despair every night. These days I sleep to be more efficient at work. In fact, I postpone the impact of certain things, store hurt not in the heart but on my upper back, or the left temple. I am strategic about the goodness I purport with colleagues, I think hard about ethics at work, I have become submissive. I laugh a little more with the chairman, work from home whenever possible, talk to old men stooping over the desktop working so quietly that it feels like working with trees and talking is irrelevant. These men I share my space with, some see their daughters in me, some the women they would have loved to love, some despise me for my see through shirts that I slip in on fridays. And I see in them the father I never had. I wonder what they would be like as fathers. I love how this corner of old men in the office vibrates with laughter sometimes and wonder again if laughter could be as pervasive as explosions. because the shards of laughter cut through me somedays, they leave me wounded, and the wounded me is in the future. I have to grow old to see from where I bled. And of love, I have been loving alone. My ego is a cotton candy. It disappears when my half lover kisses me even when I have spent all the evening deciding to leave him. The pink on his tongue is only what becomes of me every night. Even love, I love collectively. It's so generic that I love on behalf of all the people that need not love but to love. He hates how incompetent, how tolerant, how submissive i have become and that I dont have a goal in life. But when I kiss him, it feels like I have arrived somewhere. It is a silent milestone. There I rest for days. I am so ordinary that I am jealous when he takes the name of this new co-worker a little more than two times in a sentence. I feel like her name rinses my taste in his mouth, and her presence in any form dilutes mine. But it's not sad. None of this is sad. Just I contest nothing. I am so neutral about all this. But I am uncomfortable because I never wanted to be a stoic, and although it feels like a path towards stoicism, it sure is a path towards a permanent shift in my psyche. I dont know if its incompetence or wisdom or none. How are you?

Sending a hug,

nisha

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ujunxverse · 16 days

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hello viv! i doubt you remember me, but a couple years back i sent a lengthy ask to you upon reading 14 steps to a better you (angsty teen, lighthouse analogy person??? if that helps). if you do recognize me, i apologize for such a delayed response. when i first got notice of your reply i was eager to write back right away, but i felt bad to do so. i spoke of how your story had such an influence that it made me want to get back up again, but at the time i had not made much progress that i would have been satisfied to report. i wanted to talk to you as, well, a better me.

i believe i was 16 back then, i’m 18 now and finishing up my first year of university soon. i’ve achieved and experienced a lot that junior year me would have not even dreamt of. i know i am capable of more, but considering what my state was previously, i'm glad i'm stable enough to establish such a foundation for my “adult” self. it's not a constant feeling yet, but it's a slow and steady improvement. i cannot stress how thankful i am for you and your kind words that motivated me, viv.

honestly, i think about you and your writing more than i expected. as far as i can tell, you are someone who has such immense love and care for your craft. despite having only read 2-3 of your works, your words and passion have lived subconsciously in me for years. while i do enjoy reading, i have not really read many stories in my life so it may not mean much coming from me, but to this day 14 steps is still one of the most impactful pieces of work i’ve had the pleasure of consuming. i sincerely do wish that your efforts always receive the amount of appreciation they deserve.

your pinned post… perhaps i should be sad that you privated your previous stories, but i think i’m more proud than anything. last i recall you had plans of doing so earlier. i am glad you know your worth and are interacting with an audience who can recognize that. also if i am not mistaken, you had a magazine right? i’m sorry but i forgot its name, if you do get the time to see this could you please share the blog? i would love to support in any way that i can! i remember there was a categorization of genres into seasons which was such a beautiful concept, i hope the magazine is flourishing.

how have you been? i really hope you are doing okay and taking care in the midst of your busy life. until the next time i talk to you, i pray my admiration and support reaches you through telepathic signals. best of luck with everything!!!!!

hey anon !! sorry for getting back to you so late. i'm trying to remember, but frankly, it's been like two whole years since 14 steps initially came out on the blr back in orpheyeux, so i can't really remember much. i hope you don't take offense to this, because i'm normally the type to remember things with a photographic memory. i think a part of it, despite how nice the community i've crafted as orpheyeux was, is the fact that there were some bad things that happened in my time there, and having my work plagiarized here left a bitter taste in my mouth that tanked any form of sentiment i had for this site and my works being published here. i do remember an ask saying they had no place to comment on 14 steps as someone with a lack of experience in life, but it could be someone else.

first off, before getting into my full response, i'd like to say thank you for reaching out. it's always nice to have someone come into my inbox and tell me my work and my words had a profound effect on the trajectory of their life, and seeing that 14 steps, too, was something i wrote when i wanted something to change in my life and the stagnancy i felt, it gives me solace that, as cheesy as this sounds, i'm not the only one going through some form of individual crisis. writing has always allowed me to channel my thoughts and my feelings about whatever emotion i was going through, and i'm extremely happy that it had reached you and affected you in one way or another. it wasn't my initial aim when i wrote 14 steps, but seeing as so many readers have had their lives altered or at least learned something from jake and mc's journey, i can say i'm in some ways proud of what 14 steps had accomplished.

it's good to hear that you're doing well !! i know adolescence can be a difficult time to navigate as i've gone through many ups and downs as a teenager myself, but one thing i would say is that it gets better with time, even if things do get harder and more challenging. when i wrote 14 steps, i was still in the middle of my second year at university fresh out of the pandemic, and now, i'm due to graduate university in the summer and have been offered a spot to do my masters. creative writing had become something that i put in the backburner as i gear up to work on my research interests, and i think it will stay that way for a while given the reading and writing intensive labor required to complete a masters let alone consider a career in academia. though i rarely get praise for any of my works, i think 14 steps left a mark huge enough to have people such as yourself coming back to my now defunct blog and pseudonyms to thank me, and that's more than enough praise and appreciation to me. there's an odd, almost humane experience of wanting to be remembered, and in a sense, this tiny, niche space where my work lives on is good enough to me.

i've watched frieren recently and it completely changed my views in life, where i now believe it's better to live mundanely but with content than continue chasing after accomplishments and success, because in a sense, what you accomplish for yourself is already good enough. and good enough is all you need to keep yourself satisfied. if i'm being honest, part of why i had to let go of orpheyeux was 1) the fandom being toxic but also 2) because it was getting to my head. the statistics, likes, reblogs, praise—all of it was getting to my head and it was getting too difficult for me to keep up. i wanted to write more, but i was afraid i would let my growing audience down because my ideas were not romantic or something that had the same effect as 14 steps or welcome, which was two of the works that gained explosive popularity at the time. despite this, though, it's good to reconnect, and once again, i'm happy you reached out, truly.

yes, you're right. i've been meaning to leave for quite some time now, and i've decided to completely move to ao3. i think the lack of aesthetics has made it a bit better for me to focus my energy on writing alone, because writing on tumblr made me very conscious about banner art/design etc. and yes, indigo seasons was an old project that's now unfortunately defunct, and i do run a music magazine irl but i would like to keep my real identity separate from what i do here, if that's okay with you. since i'm graduating, i'm also stepping down from my two-year tenure as co-editor-in-chief, but if you're curious to see more of my works for the music magazine (to be honest, it's not creative writing at all, just op-eds and show reviews), then i would love to reach out privately and show you our magazine.

your words have certainly reached me the way 14 steps have reached you, and messages like these keep me wanting to write a lot, knowing that there are people out there who truly feel anything from the things i've put out. apart from graduating and preparing for grad school, nothing's going on in my life. i have a pretty stable part-time job and i plan to do an internship, and i've been thinking about my own 14 steps ahead of time.

how have you been? i hope you're doing well too, and do reach out whenever you can if you need someone to talk to. i'll always be here despite a hectic schedule, and i do enjoy long conversations such as this one.

best regards,

vivian.

#ujuasks #anon

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reneluvrs · 3 months

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My dearest, weapon#4673

I hope this text finds you well. It has been quite some time since we last spoke, but I wanted to take a moment to express just how deeply I miss you. You were not just a person who came into my life, but someone who left an indelible mark on my heart. You were the first person who truly made me feel loved. From the moment we connected, I felt a warmth and acceptance that I had never experienced before. Your presence in my life brought about a profound transformation within me. You made me believe in myself and my worth, even when I was at my lowest. Your unwavering support and encouragement were like a lifeline, pulling me out of the depths of despair and showing me the beauty and strength that resided within me. During the darkest and most challenging times of my life, you and our friends became my guiding light. You guys were the sun that shined through the storm clouds, illuminating my path and giving me hope. All of your unwavering belief in me gave me the courage to keep going, even when I felt like giving up. But you held my hand through the toughest of moments, reminding me that I was not alone. Your love and presence brought me solace and reassurance, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I find myself reminiscing about the little things that remind me of you. The color green. The playful phrase "suntukan tayo" or "susuntukin kita," which was our lighthearted way of expressing our affection for one another. The anime Hunter X Hunter, which you always talk about, immersing yourself in its captivating storyline and characters. The white-haired anime characters, which is your profile as always. The never-ending story song from Stranger Things, which I sang to you. The voicemail on Discord, where I always wanted discord to add on that moment. The word "inaanpi," which I didn’t knew the meaning, and kept calling me a foreigner. The word "mornight," where you told me to use because it wasn’t night anymore, it was exactly 4:00 am. And even the "/gn" that stood for genuine, although you mistook it as goodnight, reminding me of our shared moments of laughter and misunderstandings. And of course, that one particular profile picture of mine, which captured a precious memory that I will and can never forget. These seemingly insignificant things hold immense significance to me because they are intertwined with the memories of our time together, reminding me of the love and happiness we shared. It may seem unusual to some that I still hold onto these memories and feelings, even though our time together was relatively short, and we lost connection years ago. But they will never understand the profound impact you had on my life. You were not just a fleeting presence, but my rock, my confidant, and my safe haven. You protected me from the darkness that lurked online, shielding me from harm and providing me with a sense of security. You were the one who stayed by my side, even when everyone else seemed to fade away. Your love and support were unwavering, and I will forever be grateful for the comfort and strength they gave me. But, my dear weapon, the truth is, I still miss you with every fiber of my being. It hurts that it has been a year since we last connected, yet the ache of your absence remains as raw as ever. My days feel incomplete without you by my side, sharing laughter, making memories, and experiencing life together. There is a void within me that yearns for your presence, and no amount of time can erase the profound connection we shared. I find solace in the memories we created together. I close my eyes and let the images of our joyous moments flood my mind. I can still hear your laughter, feel your gentle touch, and see the sparkle in your eyes. Those memories are etched into my soul, and they bring both comfort and pain. They remind me of the love we had and the happiness we experienced together, but they also serve as a constant reminder of what I am missing. My dear Bomba, I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart. The love we shared was unlike anything I had ever experienced before, and it has left an indelible mark on my soul. I cherish every moment we had together, and I am grateful for the love and happiness you brought into my life. As time passes, I hope that wounds heal, and hearts find solace. But until then, I will continue to carry you in my heart, cherishing the memories and longing for the day our paths may cross again. You are and always will be the one who made me feel truly loved, and for that, I am forever grateful

With all my love and longing, anding

#letter #missing you #w.anding

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irememberyoulove · 3 years

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Thank you, Kentaro Miura

Kentaro Miura, the author of the Berserk manga passed away only recently. In the last few days, thousands of people mourned him and expressed how much has Berserk changed or saved their life.

Days later, this still feels so unreal. There's so much I want to say but I don't know how to even start. But I will try.

It's hard to imagine a story that teaches so many lessons and has had a profound impact on people's lives, to think that the person behind it was only human and he can also die, it's a hard concept to wrap your head around.

Miura started Berserk in his twenties and gave over thirty years, more than half of his life to Berserk. And you can tell that he loved it! Every page, carefully crafted, sometimes going pixel by pixel, no matter how long a page took. And you can see his drawing improving as time goes by. He even told his assistants how he had ideas for another thirty years! Though probably working on Berserk day and night is what cost him his health. This is what true dedication means. He died doing what he loved, I guess there is some comfort to be had in that, I hope he was happy.

Berserk is simply an amazing work of art and a masterpiece was written by a person of immense talent, ability, and dedication. He poured his heart and soul into this and there is truly nothing out there like it. He gave the world one of the most beautiful things!

But what is Berserk, anyway? If you don't know, I envy you because you have this wonderful opportunity to experience this manga, its' world for the first time!

If you read about it, perhaps you'll find out that it's a revenge story? A horror story? A love story? A coming of age story? A story about moving on? Maybe all of those are true, it's hard to define Berserk with a few words, it is something that you have to experience yourself to understand.

To me, Berserk is one of the most beautiful things in this world and one of my favourite things. It's a story about the friendship between equals. About sacrificing everyone close to you to achieve your dreams. It's a story about being on the other end of this - going through this tragedy, being betrayed. Struggle. Persevere. How sometimes things seem dark and like there's no way out of this. Picking up all the broken pieces and finding a way to move on, choosing life. Finding out what is important to you and protect it. Even when the cost is inconceivably high. How if you don't let go of what's happened in the past, what's holding you back, it will consume you until there's nothing left. And most importantly, you need to have a dream in life!

Some of the things Berserk has taught me:

- Celebrate life

- Struggle onwards

- Even when things are dark and gloomy, there is always going to be a light

- Never let the bad stuff that happens in your life define you

- Living for the future is more important than living in the past

- Protect what is most precious to you

- Have a dream in life

- If you give up on your dream, you might as well be an empty shell of lost potential

I will try to take everything to heart and live on for the future.

But I've never been good at talking about my feelings, I've always been better at showing how I feel. So I want to share some of his beautiful work and hopefully, that can convey how strong I feel about Miura and Berserk and what a masterpiece his work is.

Thank you, Kentaro Miura, for changing my life and so many others and for providing me with a story that I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life!

youtube

The hell do I do now?

Kentaro...

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whitehotharlots · 3 years

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CRT and the sad state of educational politics

If our culture is studied 100 years from now, the predominant theme of the research will be a sense of perplexed revulsion toward how we did nothing to address the climate crisis in spite of having decades of forewarning. If there is a second theme, it will be a profound confusion regarding our immense and unearned sense of self-certainty. A retrospective of the early twenty first century would be titled something like Who the Fuck Did These People Think They Were?

The latter theme is illustrated in the debacle surrounding a recent slew of municipal and statewide bills that seek to ban the teaching of Critical Race Theory (CRT) in public schools. For the record, I am strongly against these bans. But I’m also self-aware enough to know my opinion matters very little, and therefore realize that an analysis of the discussion surrounding the bills will yield much more worthwhile observations than a simple delimitation of their pros and cons. Regardless of your personal opinion, I hope you’ll humor me.

I am, in some regards, a moral absolutist. But I also realize that abstract morality has very little bearing on material and political realities. In my ideal world, classrooms are free from political meddling. Teachers teach to the best of their ability, presenting students with truths that are confidently unvarnished due to the thorough amount of work that was required to reach them. I don’t cotton any of that socratic bullshit. Students are there to learn, not to engage in weird Gotchas with some perverted elder. The teacher’s job is to teach. The material they teach needs to be subjected to some graspable and standardized mechanism of truth adjudication before it is worthy of being taught. Teaching is not therapy. Teaching is not poetry. Teaching is not love, nor is it religion, nor is it a means of social or political indoctrination. There are plenty of other avenues available to accomplish all of those other things. Teaching is teaching.

That’s the ideal. But ideals are just ideals. They never come true. The art of teaching, regardless of setting--from overpacked classrooms to face-to-face instruction to curricular design to nationwide pedagogical initiatives--boils down to a teacher’s ability to reconcile the need to convey truths with social and political pressures that are heavily invested in the suppression of truth.

I have formally studied and practiced education for nearly two decades. In that time, the prevailing political thrust toward education has been a desire to casualize the practice of teaching, to render educators as cheap and fungible as iphones. The thrust takes different shapes depending on the political affiliation of whomever happens to be in charge of the state and federal governments that fund education, but the ultimate desire is always the same. The goal is always to attempt to make teaching rote and algorithmic, something akin to running a google search for How to do math? or What is morality?. The framing is always just windowdressing, empty culture war bullshit.

Maybe it’s the inescapability of this thrust that’s rendered so many educators so blind to it? We only have nominal political choice, after all. The discourse gets more blinkered and vicious as the stakes decrease. At any rate, this is the undeniable reality, and anyone who doesn’t see that isn’t worth listening to.

Non-administrative per-pupil spending as been on a steady decline since George W. Bush was president. Administrative bloat and meddling are becoming as common in k-12 as they are in higher education. The will of parasitic NGOs are implemented as common sense pedagogy without anyone even bothering to ask for any proof that they work. The so-called Education Reform movement is sputtering out due both to its manifest failures and rare, bipartisan backlash. But it will be replaced with something just as idiotic and pernicious. The thrust of causalization will not abate.

And so what do we decide to do? What’s the next big thing on the education policy horizon? Critical Race Theory.

Okay, this makes sense. In 2021, a local paper can’t run a news story about a lost cat without explicitly mentioning the race of every human involved and possibly also nodding toward the implied cisnormativity of pet ownership. So it makes sense that this broad rhetorical mandate would come to dominate the transitional period between Bush-Obama Education Reform and whatever bleak future awaits us. The controversy is so perfectly inefficacious that its adoption was inevitable. Because, seriously, it doesn’t matter. Regardless of the outcome of this kerfuffle, no problems will be solved. The real shortcomings of public education will not be addressed. Larger social problems that are typically blamed on public education in spite of having little to do with public education will especially not be addressed. Maybe white kids will have to do struggle sessions in lieu of the Pledge of Allegiance. Maybe black kids will get full credit for drawing the Slayer logo in the part of the test where their geometric proof is supposed to go. Or maybe it won’t happen. Maybe instead these practices will be banned, and in turn liberals will begin to embrace homeschooling, the charter movement will be given new life as a refuge against the terrors of white supremacist behaviors such as, uhh, teaching kids to show their work. Whatever.

Within the context of public education, the outcome will not matter. It cannot matter. There will be broader social impacts, sure. It will continue to drive Democrats more rightward, providing their party’s newly woke corporate wing with progressive-sounding rationales for austerity. But so far as teachers and students are concerned, it won’t matter.

Why do I give a shit about this, then? To put it bluntly, I’m struck by the utter fucking inartfulness of CRT’s proponents. At no point has any advocate of CRT presented a case for their approach to education that was at all concerned with persuading people who aren’t already 100% in their camp. There’s been no demonstration of positive impacts, or even an explanation of how the impacts could hypothetically be positive. In fact, so much as asking for such a rationale is considered proof of racism. Advocates posit an image of existing educational policies that is absolutely fantastical, suggesting that kids never learn about slavery or racism or civil rights. But then... then they don’t even stick with the kayfabe. They’ll say “kids never learn about racism.” In response, people--mostly well-meaning--say “wait, umm, I’m pretty sure they do learn about racism.” The response is “we never said they don’t learn about racism.” You’ll see this shift from one paragraph to the next. It’s insane. Absolutely insane.

Or take this talk from a pro-CRT workshop in Oregon. The speaker freely admits that proto-CRT leanings like anti-bias education, multiculturalism, and centering race in historical discussions have been the norm since the late 1980s. The speaker admits that these practices have been commonplace for 30+ years, as anyone my age or younger will attest. Then, seconds later, the speaker discusses the results of this shift: it failed. Unequivocally:

We had this huge, huge, huge focus on culturally relevant teaching and research. [ ... ] So you would think that with 40+ years of research and really focusing and a lot of lip service and a lot of policies and, you know, a lot of rhetoric about cultural relevancy and about equity and about anti-bias that we would see trends that are significantly different, [but] that’s not what we’re finding. What we’re finding that you see [is] that some cases, particularly black and brown [students] the results, the academic achievement has either stayed the same and gotten worse.

Translation: here’s this approach to teaching. It’s new and vital but also we’ve been doing it for 40 years. It doesn’t work. But we need to keep doing it. Anyone who is in any way confused by this is a dangerous racist.

Even in the darkest days of the Bush-era culture war, I never saw such a complete and open disregard for honesty. This isn’t to say that Bush-era conservatives weren’t shit-eating liars. They were. But they had enough savvy to realize that self-righteousness alone is not an effective way of doing politics. You need to at least pretend to be engaging with issues in good faith.

This is what happens when a movement has its head so far up its own ass that it cannot comprehend the notion of good-faith criticism. These people do not believe that there can exist anyone who shares their basic goals but has concerns that their methods might not work. Their self-certainty is so absolute and unshakeable that they can proffer data demonstrating the complete ineffectiveness of their methods as proof of the necessity of their methods.

For decades, the most effective inoculation against pernicious meddling in education has been to lean upon the ideal form of teaching I described earlier in this post. We claimed that teaching is apolitical and that no one is trying to indoctrinate anybody. Regardless of the abstract impossibility of this claim, it has immense and lasting appeal, and it was upheld by a system of pedagogical standards that allowed teachers to evoke a sense of neutrality. The prevailing thrust in liberal education is to explicitly reject any such notions, and no one--not a single goddamn person--has proffered a convincing replacement for it. We still say, laughably, that we’re eschewing indoctrination. But people aren’t that stupid. If you find it beneath yourself to make your lies digestible, people will be able to tell when you’re lying to them.

This, my friends, bodes very poorly for the future of education, regardless of whatever happens in the coming months. A movement that cannot articulate its own worth is not one that is long for this world. Teachers themselves are the only force that can resit the slow press toward the eventual elimination of public education, and they have embraced a worldview and comportment style that renders them absolutely unable to mount any worthwhile resistance.

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imma-talk-back · 4 years

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Yesterday, I was called a Nigger. Within mere minutes of being in my favorite store, it happened. Without warning, a gentleman bisected my path and seemingly reflexively blurted it out. It was if the word had a life of its own and was pushing forth from his mouth at a full sprint. I say this not to emphasize the innocence of the man, but to shed light on the immense power of that word.

Yeah... I thought that’d get your attention.

Frankly, I’ve always been one to prefer Target to Walmart. I appreciate the structure and organization of the store, and though I am a person who thrives in areas of “organized chaos”, I’m afraid, I find Walmart to be a little too chaotic for my liking. As someone who suffers from The Big Bad Beast that is Anxiety, I experience a visceral uneasiness in certain environments, but generally speaking Target is one of few places I nearly always feel safe in. There are of course the antsy customers who brush past me on occasion or ride my tail too closely in the checkout, but for the most part, to me, Target represents the epitome of comfortable shopping experiences. It’s almost as if the structure demands it’s patrons to be on their best behavior. Unfortunately, not everyone heed these demands...

Please allow me to begin by laying the ground work; let me explain just how much effort I put into a simple trip to the market. You see, one of the many awful things about this lovely condition that is Anxiety is that it has the potential to make even the most mundane tasks feel insurmountable. A quick errand run the average person puts little thought into, can for someone like me, be a delicate tightrope walk; from the moment I leave the safety of my car and began my trek though the aimless herds of self-focused patrons, to the exact position of my body in accordance to yours, while in line. I see you in a straight line, but I take several steps to the right or left, creating a meticulously crafted triangle between you and the person in front of me; all with the intention to grant me just a bit more security. You see, I’ve been socially distancing since before COVID made it cool.

Well, it’s about time I get to the point, isn’t it? So, here goes...

So here I am.. and on top of dealing with my typical feelings of sporadic and unannounced paralyzing panic that may rise at any moment during my routine errand, whilst in the midst of none other than The Zombie Apocalypse that is 2020, I am the victim of an unprovoked physical attack in on of my few “safe” public spaces. Notice, I consider this a physical attack, because of slew of negative bio-mechanical implications it presented me with, after all the word Nigger cannot be compared to that of Bitch, or Asshole. No, when spat with the right amount of hatred, the word surge through your veins like a poison.

Thus, I instinctively stopped dead in my tracks and felt the heat of pain and rage radiate through my body. I shook my head, dropped my gaze, and took several steps forward before stopping. Rather than metaphorically quietly quivering in the corner, I decided to act.

I turned around, sought out an employee, mustered up all the poise I could find, and collectedly said something along the lines of: “Hi, I just walked into the store, and within moments upon entering, a gentleman wearing a white blazer called me a Nigger. I would very much like for him to be escorted out of the store”. It was important that I used the full word to convey the level of discomfort I felt in having it thrown at me. Perhaps that did the trick because the woman responded with a look of genuine shock, without hesitation confirmed the direction the man was walking towards, and urgently called for security. I said my peace and entrusted my safety in the store to the woman’s follow-through.

It wasn’t the first time and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I tried my best to continue on my journey as if he “hadn’t gotten to me”, but he had, I rush through the store, in search of whatever had prompted me to enter. I can’t for the life of me remember, I imagine because I moved through the store in what can only be likened to a fear-induced haze. I walked through the isles wondering if the gentleman would return and found myself looking at every Black passer-by, wondering if they had, or would soon experience the same.

I power walked through the store with a combination of sorrow, profound fear, inexplicable anger, and incredible gratitude. It instantly pained my heart to hear that a complete stranger could have so much hate in their’s for me, it still does. Although I don’t imagine the N-word is typically equated with fear for non-Black people, for someone like me, it can be terrifying. Despite the ever-so-obvious gravitas of that word, I know it hardly represents the tip of the iceberg of the hatred that lies below the surface. As such, I feared retaliation from the moment I reported the gentleman, throughout the store, to my stop at the gym where I went through my daily workout routine, to the moment I drove home, parked my car, and double-checked the locks to all the doors at my house.

Though this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this sort of overt display of hatred in a public setting, it was without a doubt, the first time I have ever felt seen enough to report it. The death of George Floyd exposed just how serious the issue of racial injustice in this country is, and made it unmistakably clear just how prevalent, not to mention perilous it is. After 34 years of just taking it, and doing everything in my power to “not let it get to me” or knowing “it’s just the way it is”, I finally feel seen enough to say; look this just happened, and you have the power to make it so this isn’t just how it is.

You see prior to May 25, 2020, we could all live with a degree of ignorance in the matter; you could deny my life was actually different because of my skin tone and I could feign my perception of equality, but that shield has been lifted. We have awakened from our socio-normative unconsciousness... That was deep, I know, but rather or not we choose to stay woke is up to us. The US needs a reckoning, regardless of if recent demands for equality stemming from the death of Mr. Floyd, Ms. Taylor, and Mr. Arbery can transition this moment into a movement, I am here to remind you of its importance. You see, I was Black before you ever heard of those names and will continue to be such even when they began to fade from your memory. I am here to remind you just how vital that demand for equality is.

The fact of the matter is that the woman who essentially “came to my rescue” by respecting the seriousness of the matter was in shock not only the verbal brutality spewed, but also in part I imagine from simply awakening the reality that such an incident actually happened. This brings me to my anger... you see I am beyond grateful for the fact that I can finally stand up for myself and declare something like this has happened and be taken seriously, but I am equally as enraged that in order to be taken as such, the entire world had to witness a man be crushed to death. It goes without saying that, the level of enlightenment that the entire non POC (people of color) world is having right now is just as appreciated as it is enraging.

On a final note, I want to draw your attention to the fact that I referred to the man who accosted me, as a gentleman. There is certainly two contributing factors to consider in this; one I was simply raised right- with manners and respect for everyone, and I knew this man couldn’t have been in his right mind, and two, I knew the importance of remaining composed in even the most daring of times, to counter the very real likelihood of simply being written off as an Angry Black Woman. Think about that... even in an assault, I must maintain my composure, because society says an emotional Black woman is an Angry Black woman, society doesn’t question her countless motives for said anger; no, it merely writes her off.

Well... let this first blog entry be a testament to my Eloquent Black Rage--sitting posed, with perfect posture, well read, well spoken, highly educated in fact... with well manicured fingernails and an accented middle finger nodding to a less than subtle, “fuck you”.

In close, I hope in writing this I have helped to explain the depth of feelings that stem from such a verbal attack, the long term impact it has, and that I have drawn your attention to just how often injustice occurs even when they are not spoken of or otherwise exposed.

This is my very first Blog-entry, it originally started out as a wordy Facebook post, but decided I needed a more appropriate venue for my voice. I sincerely thank you for reading and hope you continue to peek into my mind from time to time. Congratulations, you’ve earned 10 Friend Points and good karma!

#blm

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adrianodiprato · 4 years

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+ “Great leaders, in contrast, are able to inspire people to act. Those who are able to inspire give people a sense of purpose or belonging that has little to do with any external incentive or benefit to be gained. Those who truly lead are able to create a following of people who act not because they were swayed, but because they were inspired.” ~ Simon Sinek | Author – Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action

Game Changers | Series One Reflection

In March this year I launched an educational podcast series titled Game Changers, with fellow host Associate Professor of Education & Enterprise Dr Phil Cummins. Game Changers is a podcast for those who want to change the game of school. We started Series One with the provocation “What is the purpose of schooling for today?”

When Phil and I started to record this series the coronavirus pandemic had not taken hold. Before I launch into a reflection of Series One I feel it is important to acknowledge and state that during this unimaginable time we find ourselves in, we in education have to be super conscious of our parents and families, who are balancing work, finances, a house and home learning, our remarkable teachers who have demonstrated amazing agility and adaptability like I’ve never witnessed before in my educational career and finally to our students. Who now find themselves without the huge benefit of the physical, on campus community and relationship connectedness that had brought them much psychological safety, certainty and comfort.

Since then we have seen a new learning paradigm – learning remotely, online, distance, home campus – whatever you wish to call it, actually I prefer continuous learning, because the pandemic has amplified the notion that learning can happen anywhere and anytime. So, we live in interesting times. Coping with the complex changes of VUCA (Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguity) – but what do we do with this insight? For mine, this podcast has become a sign of our times. This series has confirmed that emotional competency and our inherent humanness is the new knowledge base, in a world that is increasingly automated, with artificial intelligence a more and more prevailing construct. And it has taken a virus for educators across the global to put a spotlight on educational models, amplifying the gulf between a model of schooling that has passed its use by date and a move toward a dynamic learning ecosystem for a new world environment.

It has been a real privilege to be in dialogue with this diverse group of educators and entrepreneurs. I am better for my encounter with their body of work, their passion, their thinking, their unwavering commitment to young people and above all, their humanity. When I think about all eight individuals I am remined of this quote from Parker Palmer’s landmark book, The Courage to Teach, he writes, “The connections made by good teachers are held not in their methods but in their hearts – meaning heart in its ancient sense, the place where intellect and emotion and spirit and will converge in the human self.”

Episode One | Stephanie McConnell

We then started Series One with foundation Principal of the Lindfield Learning Village in Sydney NSW, Stephanie McConnell.

Key learnings – We have to reimagine schooling to best prepare all young people to learn, live, lead and work for their future. And to this end Stephanie spoke about equipping young people with the mindset to thrive. That learning needs to be more around the contexts of young people, therefore relevance a prevailing construct. And that a thriving learning community or village is about true collaboration - learning with and from the local and global community. And that the individual learning pathway is central to the future of schooling.

Episode Two | Yong Zhao

Key learnings – We need to abandon the prescribed factory model. That we currently manufacture scarcity with our industrial model of schooling – life is not about fighting for a few spots. And that adaptive challenges however are less precise, intangible and are usually resolved through a more organic process of trial and error, as we have been witnessing many adaptive teachers during this pandemic. I particularly love that Zhao is strong advocate for students to become drivers of their own future, trusting in each young person to take ownership and agency. Believing each can create their story, for their own future.

Episode Three | Valerie Hannon

Nobel Prize-winning scientist Paul Crutzen first suggested, back in January 2011 in Yale Environment 360 online magazine, that we were living in the Anthropocene, describing the value of this new framing for our current Earth history. He stated “Students in school are still taught that we are living in the Holocene, an era that began roughly 12,000 years ago at the end of the last Ice Age. But teaching students that we are living in the Anthropocene, the Age of Men [Humans], could be of great help. Rather than representing yet another sign of human hubris, this name change would stress the enormity of humanity’s responsibility as stewards of the Earth. It would highlight the immense power of our intellect and our creativity, and the opportunities they offer for shaping the future.”

Key learnings – For mine, our conversation with Valerie Hannon was brilliant in highlighting that we are in exactly that, The Age of Human. And that we have a responsibility to craft learning communities that understand and embrace this stewardship of earth, where we see ourselves as part of nature, understanding how to live within and with the planet as a whole. It is less about a selfless approach to living and more about place and the other. And that educators and schools have a fundamental role to prepare future generations for this world that awaits.

Episode Four | Henry Musoma

Key learnings – For mine, this conversation was the reason why I do what I do, teach. Henry reminded us all that authentic learning is a social exchange of the heart and of the mind. He reminded me of two key things:

Self-actualisation - When we do the work and invest in improving ourselves, we evolve all aspects of our being. Then, we take what we’ve learned and share that light and love with the other. This feeling of self-actualisation is worth actively working toward for true personal fulfilment.

For All - Effective educators leave a legacy, and a tremendous influence on the life of the other. This is a privilege and gift. “Never regard study as a duty but as an enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later works belong.” – Albert Einstein. This is the human act of giving. Therefore generosity, love and kindness are not impulsive reactions. They require a profound consciousness and concern for the other.

Episode Five | Catherine Misson

Key learnings – Today’s educational sector calls for adaptive leadership. It is a collaborative change movement that emerges in a non-linear manner from interactive exchanges. School leaders and educational sectors need to wake to the fact that control, order and certainty are fallacies and that agile and adaptive leaders read the patterns of life effectively, moulding themselves to the needs of the moment, the sign of our times. Catherine is one of those leaders who isn’t afraid to agitate for doing schooling differently, always with the wellbeing and dignity of all the centre of her decision making.

Episode Six | Peter Hutton

Key learnings – School leaders need to re-examine the purpose of education for today’s world and ensure that it is based on the facts and emerging predictions about the impact of the exponential change we are currently witnessing. It is our collective responsibility to expose young people to new experiences and possibilities, but if we want them to take charge of their learning, these experiences have to be worthwhile and applicable in the students’ lives… really applicable, not because traditional dogma says they have to know it.

Episode Seven | Madeleine Grummet

Key learnings – Real opportunities exist with private enterprise to partner with schools and educational sectors to codifying curiosity and connect young people to industry-based people. What a dynamic way to accelerate the work of careers practitioners in schools and scale up with entrepreneurs that are focused on empowering young women, across industries that smash gender stereotypes. I always love having a dialogue with wonderful entrepreneurs like Madeleine - because they are forever curious about learning, living, leading and working. So, ask yourself, how do you quench your thirst for curiosity?

Episode Eight | Mark Hutchinson

Key learnings – The heart of the matter is what matters most to Mark and his commitment to the formation of pre-service teachers. He spoke about the importance of congruence and a readiness of pre-services teachers having a greater sense of fit with the ethos of the schools they are joining. Ensuring that the preparation of future teachers to be re-situated in the learning ecologies of their particular practice.

The American marketing guru Seth Godin once said, “The cost of being wrong is less than the cost of doing nothing.” It is time. We can’t do nothing. We must act in creating a schooling model that has an explicit emphasis on the fostering of confidence, competence and character. Having said that, above all, this series has confirmed for me why remaining forever curious, highly adaptive and that when we make a commitment to our own self-efficacy and that of the other, these are all fundamental to thriving in this new world environment.

When we go back to school everything will be different – and it must be different. It is time to focus education on the flow of humanity and the importance of relational connection. And if that’s the construct of the new normal, the new mainstream in schools. A holistic education nurtures a student’s unique talents and shapes their awareness of the broader common good. We need teachers and school leaders who challenge the status quo, embrace diversity of opinion, acknowledge limitations in expertise, seek input, and most importantly who are not only able to as John Dewey as previously stated “learn from experience, but rather learn from reflecting on experience”.

Thank you to Stephanie, Yong, Valerie, Henry, Catherine, Peter, Madeleine and Mark for sharing your story and passion. And thank for reminding us all that each person in our learning communities is home to a life. It is as simple and complex as that. Born from the construct of love – of self, for place and the other.

Listen to our Series One: Epilogue via streaming platforms - SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Google Play.

#Game Changers #permissionistriumph #Education

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aftaabmagazine · 5 years

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Conversation with Jamil Jan Kochai, author of "99 Nights in Logar"

By Farhad Azad

[caption: The cover of Jamil Jan Kochai debut novel]

Jamil Jan Kochai's multi-layered debut novel 99 Nights in Logar opens inside Afghanistan at a time when Khaled Hosseini first book The Kite Runner was making waves in the US. While Hosseini's story depicts the urban Kabuli perspective, Kochai's narrates the rural Logari experience. The distance between Logar and Kabul maybe a short 45-minute drive, however in many ways, the two places are worlds apart.

In this rural environment, we are guided by the main character, Marwand, a 12-year-old Afghan-American from the capital of California. He is spending his summer vacation in his parent's modest village located near the Logar - Kabul roadway.

Being so young, he is collectively accepted as a local by his large extended family and the people he meets. Marwand, along with his younger male family members, leads several hairy adventures. They organize a disastrous search party to find the fierce family dog, avoid local gunmen, including a couple of young Taliban, and don burqas attempting to join a women's wedding party.

Humorous, tragic, and honest, the novel requires careful reading because the multi-layered stories are intricate and dense. The primary reader is the Afghan-American who will connect more with the native terms and phrases skillfully crafted by the author, along with particular cultural nuances. Through the stories of the different characters— young and old, male and female —Kochai writes an authentic narrative about the people of his native Logar, one of Afghanistan's most picturesque regions— romantically beautiful on the surface and dark and complex on the inside.

I chatted with Jamil Jan Kochai about his novel, here is our conversation.

Farhad Azad: What did your parents think about your desire to be a writer vs. the usual lawyer, doctor, or engineer?

Jamil Jan Kochai: At first, they were definitely resistant to the idea of writing as a career. Up until my third year of undergrad, my father was still trying to convince me to switch to engineering or computer science. For a time, I was able to quell their worries because I'd actually planned to go to law school. But, gradually, as I won a few writing awards at Sac State and eventually became the commencement speaker for my graduating class, both they and I realized that I was much more gifted as a writer than I ever would be as a lawyer. So, after I graduated from Sac State and entered the Masters in Creative Writing Program at UC Davis, my parents began to fully support my creative writing endeavors. They let me interview them for stories, they respected the time I needed to read and write, and they never doubted or scolded me for pursuing such a risky career path. Their faith in my abilities made me work even harder. I read and wrote like a mad man. Alhamdullilah, their support was honestly astonishing. I couldn't have written this novel without them.

Farhad Azad: Were you familiar with Afghan writers and literature growing up?

Jamil Jan Kochai: I was very familiar with Pashtun poetry. My father was an admirer of Rahman Baba, Khushal Khattak, and Ghani Khan. He would often recite their poetry from memory. I was also familiar with some of our local folktales and our more culturally expansive epics. Laila and Majnun, Farhad and Shirin, and those sorts of tales. From an early age, I was taught to appreciate the poetic arts and Afghanistan's literary lineage.

Farhad Azad: Post 9/11, how did you deal with the backlash growing up?

Jamil Jan Kochai: In many ways, I think the backlash, the alienation, and the condemnation I felt in the years after 9/11 only made me prouder to be a Muslim and an Afghan. Even as a young kid, I was very defensive of my cultural heritage and my religious beliefs. I became rebellious. I would argue with my teachers about Afghan and American history. I questioned what I was taught in high school, and by the time I got to college, I had this immense curiosity about all these differing but interconnecting lineages of imperialism and warfare. By studying the American War in Afghanistan, I learned about the civil wars, the Soviet Invasion, and the Anglo-Afghan Wars, which led me to study the broader histories of colonization and imperialism throughout the world. This all had a profound impact on my writing.

Farhad Azad: There are many stories told by the various characters in 99 Nights in Logar, how did you decide to include them in the work?

Jamil Jan Kochai: I realized that my stories themselves can encapsulate all these other stories. There was this moment when I was writing the novel itself when I hit this barrier in the road, and I didn't know what would happen next. Once I realized that we had this rich tradition of oral storytelling and all these stories within my own family, I sort of allowed the characters in the novel to tell their own stories. That's when the project really hit its stride.

Farhad Azad: Afghans have a habit of not finishing their stories which you included in your work.

Jamil Jan Kochai: It is sort of magical in that way. When I first started this project, I would interview my father. It was really important to me that I recorded some of his stories from his life, but I would try to do this chronologically, starting with his childhood. But it was difficult trying to get stories out of him. He would say, "Oh, I had a regular childhood."

I couldn't get the details I wanted. Later on, we'd be sitting somewhere. We would be drinking tea, and he would see something on TV. It would remind him of this beautiful, incredible story from his life that he didn't mention to me in my interview. And he would tell the story and stop at some place, often times a place where it would be emotionally difficult for him to continue the story. It would be about a significant loss, and he would have to stop. It took me a while to be patient with his stories, to learn that certain stories didn’t always have pleasant resolutions, that some stories you had to piece together, a memory at a time, like a puzzle.

Farhad Azad: Telling stories is a quality that Afghans possess, including the ability to describe anything in very fine detail.

Jamil Jan Kochai: It's incredible. I remember on a trip with my aunt to Yosemite, and out of nowhere, just because of the mountains and the forest, she started to tell us the story of when she escaped out of Logar during the war, going through the mountains between Afghanistan and Pakistan to escape to Peshawar. She told this incredibly detailed story of carrying her little sister through the mountains and then getting lost. Then my father is eventually finding them on horseback. Then she remembers calling my father's name and the echoes coming back to her through the mountain. It was so visual, and it was so essential at the same time. It really made me appreciate it. At a storytelling level, how talented my family members are at telling stories.

Farhad Azad: For the past two decades you have traveled to Logar, but your trips to the region have shortened in length.

Jamil Jan Kochai: When I first went to Logar, I was 6 years old, I had all these really precious magical, memories of swimming in these streams, with my cousin, these were some of my greatest memories. When I came back from Logar, I was telling everyone how really beautiful Afghanistan was. And everyone was so surprised that my reaction to the time because the Taliban were in control. So everyone had this very grim vision of Afghanistan. I was telling everyone how much I loved it and how beautiful and incredible experience. And then I went back when I was 12, and it was again an incredible experience with some of the most precious memories that I still have is from that summer that I spent in Afghanistan those three months especially in Logar.

Then I had the opportunity to go back in 2012, but it just seemed like progressively Logar was becoming more and more dangerous. And so when I went back in 2012, the security situation hadn't completely deteriorated, but it was a very murky situation. During the day, government forces were in control and then at night, the Taliban had control over the village. And I had to be very careful about speaking because of my accent, I had to be careful about telling people who I was and where I was from. Nonetheless, I still got to spend a decent amount of time. I was 19. I spent a great deal of time in my grandfather's orchard. I spend a great deal of time with my cousins. It was another beautiful experience.

But when I went back in 2017, by then the security situation in my village had gotten so bad that even villagers who had lived their whole lives there were afraid to go back because of the gunfights and the executions and the bombings and these things had become almost a daily occurrence.

My uncles and cousins, who had seen war and gone through warfare, they were completely afraid to enter Logar. They wouldn't allow me to spend a night in Logar. My father, brother, and cousins, and I ended up taking a very short trip through my home village. The whole village had been emptied out because one of the militias had shot a rabid dog with a machine gun. Everyone thought it was a gunfight. We entered my father's village, and it was a ghost town. We drove in, and there was this incredibly heart-wrenching experience. My father's cousin, who had grown up in Logar and my father looked afraid. But we were determined to visit the grave of my father's brother, and other family members' graves. We said our prayers, and we came out as quickly as we came.

I just remembered being incredibly saddened by the way that the security situation in Logar had developed. My father's village has been so precious to me. The security situation has deteriorated to the point where I'm not able to visit anymore and spend time anymore. Logar has fallen into tragic circumstances. It has made me want to tell the stories of Logar even more. It has made my storytelling even more urgent.

Farhad Azad: Today on social media, we see thousands of beautiful photos from all over Afghanistan, but these places, more or less, are intangible to experience.

Jamil Jan Kochai: Thinking back on these memories, these precious times I had in Logar, it really feels like that beauty I had experienced had been lost to war in this very concrete way. Looking back at these memories, I have access to this time in this land that is almost lost to me now.

Farhad Azad: Your novel you have incorporated the stories of almost every character.

Jamil Jan Kochai: That was really important to me when starting the project was that I tried to get as many differing and diverse voices as possible into the novel and into my stories because I didn't want it to just be this kid from America coming into Afghanistan and just telling everything from his point of view. I was trying to find a way how I could resist that and how I could tell as many different stories, I can capture as many different voices as possible. Once I realized that the main tool I had was of the storytelling and allowing the other characters to tell their stories. And Marwand [the main character] listens to and absorbs the world and not always talking. And so I did I went into the novel with this with a very specific goal.

Particularly Afghan women voices, which can often time in our culture can be overwhelmed by men's voices and particularly telling these voices of the story of people but particularly women living in these rural spaces. I'm trying to try to understand these stores and trying to understand their lives and try and understand the particular ways that they live, grow, and suffer.

The novel was expansive in its abilities to tell different stories and perceptions and point of views. I was really concerned that I was able to capture these different perceptions and point of views. And one thing that I did when I finished writing, I showed it to different Afghan women, who identified as Pashtun or Tajik or whatever else, because I didn't want it to be to just be a book about an Afghan American boy seeing the world. I wanted it to be about different versions of Afghanistan culminated to this one narrative, which I think is one of the biggest problems of how Afghanistan is always understood-- about one narrative about terrorism, about one narrative about oppression or one narrative about violence. It seems to me there is beauty, and beauty of the complexity of just a small village. Often times it isn't crafted.

Farhad Azad: You clearly describe the nuances of the people, down to the standards of beauty.

Jamil Jan Kochai: With so many aspects of Afghan culture, so many aspects of our society and country, we are constantly being put into these boxes.

"This is the conservative mullah who beats his wife." "This is the wine drinking musician and who is doing drugs." "This is the oppressed women who never spoke up for herself."

It was very important to me to unpackage those boxes that our people are being put into and understand the complexity of it at the same time, maintaining a sense of realism.

Women in villages and in Logar are often times oppressed by men. And they go through severe abuse. They go through these incredibly traumatic events in their lives. It was important for me to demonstrate that. But I also wanted to show the ways that these men at the same time because of poverty, because of war, because of whatever else are living painful, traumatic lives themselves. Often times the trauma you see in villages, there are larger, more complex reasons for these things that are occurring. And it was very important for me to demonstrate and show that these are very real in Afghanistan.

Insurgents can oftentimes also be incredibly young men. Just boys on the brink of becoming men.

I was heartbroken by that, and I feel that is a side of Afghanistan, that isn't often demonstrated. There is an incredible amount of nuance to all these figures, stereotypes, and cliches that we have put on Afghanistan. That there are reasons-- historically, politically, socially -- people end up becoming the way they are. I don't know how successful I was in the novel, but that is something I was trying to do.

Farhad Azad: Please talk about the shape shifter character Jawad who seems to match many of the political and militant personalities in Afghan history.

Jamil Jan Kochai: That character specifically came out of a story that I heard one day when I was at my uncle's house. This is in 2012. I visited my uncle in Logar, and over dinner, one of my uncle's brother-in-law's brought up this guy named Jawid who was on the run from the Taliban because he was impersonating a Taliban and had been working for the government forces. He was a spy. He was also running away from the government forces because he was spying on them too. He was putting these two groups against each other. He became kind of a folk legend in the villages because no one could capture him. I found this character so incredibly fascinating. He became this figure of fluidity, like you said, a shape shifter, one day he is Talib and the next day he is a government soldier, the next day he is a civilian and the next day he is donning a burqa pretending to be a woman. He was a figure who disrupted the usual categorizations placed on Afghans, this "black and white" of government vs. rebels, revolution vs. order, however, you want to categorize it. By showing figures that are constantly moving back and forth, I wanted to demonstrate how it is not always so simple to be able to relegate people into one group or another. There is an incredible amount of fluidity and shapeshifting, these gray areas in war. I was trying to get Jawid to sort of embody that.

Farhad Azad: The maze is a central piece to the novel. For me, it symbolized the complex history of Afghanistan.

Jamil Jan Kochai: Definitely, the history of Afghanistan was an important part of it. When I was thinking about the maze, I was specifically thinking about the geography of my village, which has these mazes, alleyways and compounds build close to each other. I was also thinking about the stories my father told about these tunnels built underneath the compounds during bombings. The Russians had figured out what the Afghans were doing to avoid their bombs and so they began to use gas. There were tunnels in Logar filled with dead bodies. During the Soviet war, Logar was sort of turned into a ghost town. And now new buildings are being built upon these sites of these massacres.

So when I was thinking of the land itself, it seemed to me that there were so many layers of trauma, massacres, and history. And these stories that were buried right underneath the earth, locked inside of the ground. So much of these stories have been lost. The maze sort of embodies the bits and pieces of the history of Logar, but also of Afghanistan at large, that have been sort of lost to time but are still buried in the earth. Somewhere ready to be found.

Farhad Azad: In modern Afghan history, there have been two versions of Afghanistan: Kabul and everywhere else. Your novel touches on the dichotomy between rural vs. urban.

Jamil Jan Kochai: I wish I had given more time to Kabul. In my last two visits, I've spent most of my time in Kabul and I have come to appreciate Kabul as a city. But coming from the rural area of Logar, my family came to despise Kabul in a way. We felt that the urban people of Kabul were living in their own world, their own universe. Although our village in Logar was maybe a 40-minute drive from Kabul, it was still its own world. The people in rural Afghanistan lives are just built around the compound, the crops and local forms of government, that all the goings-on and incredible events happening in Kabul wasn't touching them in a very real way. My father told me that it wasn’t until the Communists took over and repressive measures were being laid out in the countryside, in Logar, that people felt the shift in the country.

It was fascinating to me that the perception and the stories and viewpoints that were coming out of Kabul were the ones that ended up getting the most light shown on them. We talked earlier about "The Kite Runner." I remember reading it, and it was an important novel to me, I'm not sure if I would have pursued writing without having read The Kite Runner first. But it didn't feel like my own vision of Afghanistan, my experience of Afghanistan wasn't really captured in that novel because it was centered upon Kabul and not the countryside.

And that kind of became inspiring to me in an odd way, my experience of Afghanistan, my family's experience in Afghanistan, and rural Afghanistan it hasn't had its own light and its own time to share its stories. That was one of my goals in the novel was to demonstrate life in Afghanistan and to show this very complex relationship between the urban and the rural and the how the political and economic roles of Logar and Kabul were deeply intertwined and yet encapsulated in their own worlds.

Farhad Azad: You also show the various levels of how Islam is embraced within a family.

Jamil Jan Kochai: Practicing Islam, praying, and reading and studying the Quran was such an important part of who I am, and it was such an important part of how I understood the world. I wanted to show how people practice and struggled with faith. And ultimately my goal was to show the struggle, even the struggling with Islam is in its own way very beautiful.

Farhad Azad: One chapter is written entirely in Pashto.

Jamil Jan Kochai: That was a story my father told verbatim to a scribe in Pashto. My father gave it to me. I gave it to my editor and told them that I want it to be part of the novel. I wanted to stay in Pashto, true to my father's voice.

Farhad Azad: Thank you for the time in speaking with me.

Jamil Jan Kochai: It was an absolute pleasure.