#i was someone smarter kinder braver
Text
it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
i love althaea because despite everything i say about her at the end of the day shes just sort of mediocre. she puts all of her effort absolutely 110%s everything and yet theres always someone better than her smarter than her prettier than her kinder than her braver than her etc. why she even got the seat of azem is sometimes debated by the smallfolk but when asked about it venat just says that she wanted to see althaea try
#althaea#this rolls over to ruyans character as well being one of her shards#since hes really not much to call home about as the warrior of light. hes just so. well#the bards REALLY gotta exxagerate when they sing about ruyan sometimes
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oh, to be free.
By: Draco Malfoy
~~~♤~~~
Oh, to shed this name like an old cloak, discarded, a hand-me-down from my father I was never meant to wear. To leave this name behind, gratefully traveling the cold without protection if it means never having to touch that cloak again.
If each tear I cry could be a memory, the pain of the past falling away, dripping off the edge of my jaw and disappearing onto this bathroom tile. If I could cry for hours, maybe I would finally feel light enough to stand, without the tears of the past holding me down, the river of my childhood and all that I have experienced.
If only these eyes could unsee the damage I've caused, if I blink enough, maybe I could wipe away my failures and throw my faults into the darkness. Maybe I would be able to unsee the looks on their faces or the pale hue of their loved one's skin.
Oh to be young and naive, to be untouched by death's hand, to be true and kind and unfailingly loyal, unaware of the hatred in the world, unaware of the war, of the anger.
Oh, to be born in another life, another family, another set of eyes, someone kinder, braver, smarter than I ever was.
To be anyone but myself, anyone but the man who stands before me in this shattered mirror, tears falling from his haunted eyes, blood dried on his calloused hands, the name on his worn cloak dark and familiar.
Oh, to be a child who had a choice, a child who could live in a world unruled by fear, uncontrolled and understanding of the darkness that lay within this old cloak.
Oh, to be free of this burden of life.
~~~♤~~~
#if draco malfoy were a poet#poet draco malfoy#writer draco malfoy#hes doing his best#draco malfoy#harry potter#incorrect draco malfoy quotes#hes just a boy#a literal child#hes been through so much#he needs a hug
0 notes
Note
His head nods fervently at the exclamation of his brother's name, not knowing what other answer it could be. Even with your confession, he still was so sure his observations were right--a trait of his he prided himself in. He was so sure of everything that he remembered and saw; had he just interpreted it wrong this whole time?
His mind focuses back on the present as you ask the same question he just asked, more so a question for yourself than him. Blood rushes to his ears as he waits for your answer, his hands once again rubbing on his sweatpants--a habit he still kept from volleyball to ensure nothing interferes with the ball.
He takes your slight pause to think back to high school, to all the numerous interactions between you and him. As he recalls, you were always kinder to him than Atsumu; though, he just guessed its cause Atsumu was a little shit, even more so than him. Whenever he did ask for your help, you always dropped whatever you were doing to help him. You would insist that you didn't have anything important and rushed to help him before he could even protest.
And as the memories flood back to him, he even recalls the times Atsumu would tease you both about 'dating' each other. Osamu just assumed his obnoxious twin did it because he knew his crush on you. So, when you would get flustered and wave it off, he thought you were uncomfortable so he had to fight, physically, to make his brother stop. Realizing it now, you probably weren't uncomfortable; you were probably just as flustered as he was.
Maybe he wasn't as observant as he thought he was.
His mind zeroes back into your words, his face heating up before his eyebrows scrunch again. It's not a memory he likes to recall considering what bullshit the third-year spat out. But if he's honest, he can barely recall anything else except for that and Atsumu and Suna pulling him off the bloody and bruised guy. He's a little grateful you only saw the aftermath but still a little shameful for letting his emotions get the better of him. Though, he doesn't regret it; if meant defending you, he'd do it over and over again.
Your compliments warm his cheeks, shifting around in his position. He scratches his neck, unable to meet your eyes once more as he presses his lips together. "I mean ya can say that about anybo--", his words cut off as he absorbs your words. He drops his arm, tilting his head as the look of confusion, and now curiosity, etches onto his face.
"Whatcha mean?" He leans forward as he tries to look at your face, trying to read your expression. He tries to reel in his own thoughts, berating your mind that you could mean something totally else. Right? "How do I handle ya huh?"
--Samu
(NO PLS ILOVE THE PLOT LINES TOO DSFJ I KINDA WENT OVERBOARD THIS TIMESLDKJF)
i could nearly die from embarrassment the second the last sentence leaves my lips. wondering if it was because of my close proximity to him and the habit of actually speaking my mind when i was with him. my eyes widen when he leans closer- body facing me.
ah, well-
i stutter, trying to find a way out of the hole i seemingly dug myself in, thanks to my big mouth. i bring my hand up- tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear, a nervous tick. looking at everywhere but his eyes, knowing that if i did i would crumble under the sight of his kind eyes. my stomach twists with the possibility of him finding the way i think about him gross- but i had already gone this far with telling him the truth. sighing for just a second, i come back just a little braver, back straightening up to look at him too.
yknow, sometimes i get a little mouthy-
my nose scrunches at the times i’ve challenged both him and atsumu, poking jokes at about how much smarter i am than both of them, harmless jokes that come with being friends with someone for so long.
a-and i can be cocky, get an attitude when things don’t go my way… and the fact that i don’t like being told, ‘no.’
i ramble, taking a strand of hair and running my fingers down the length of it absentmindedly- scrunching my nose at the way my attitude sounds spoken out loud. blaming it on the way i had always been coddled and treated like basically a princess by the twins, osamu specifically, knowing deep down that he seldom ever says no.
and when i get like that, i like the way you hold your ground. know you just raise your eyebrows at me and it’s game over.
my cheeks flaming by the time i finish speaking, words growing weaker and weaker. embarrassed by how much i like his doting and yet unforgiving nature. eyes pinned down to his lap- unable to meet his eyes any longer-wondering of what i said was too much, whole body thrumming with want and embarrassment, sitting there before him after i had just said all those things.
it… makes me wonder, things. if you’re like that in different aspects of your life.
i whisper, shrugging, trying to keep things light and easy for my own sanity.
#samuu.love#WHWHWHWBBWAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHGG#im going crazy#immmmmmm GOING INSANE!! YES I AM!!!!!!#i hit post on this and set my phone down and RUN!!!!!!!!#im running away now#favorite.love
1 note
·
View note
Text
I’ll take your tired face into my shaky, messy hands and pray it’s enough
I’ll love you in stupid ways, talking your ear off, vanishing on my own for hours, badgering and badgering
I’ll tell you you’re worth everything and fruitlessly hope I’ll ever be able to convince you of that truth
I’ll stumble over my words in clumsy attempts to comfort and wish you had someone else
someone braver, wiser, stronger, smarter, kinder, steadier, better than me
someone who could actually help you, who knows what they’re doing
because you deserve a hand to hold that will soothe all your worries, a balm for your mind better than any doctor’s- not my shabbily applied band-aids that’ll never be enough to help you heal
but I’ll grab your hands because I’m scared and no one else is here
I’ll grab your hands in the dark room and hold you close and look around panicked for someone, anyone who can do this better than I can, who can be all I am not, but until then
I’m here
I’ll do my best
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#i wish i wasnt me but ive got no choice but to be#and im not me but i am but im not but i am#i wish i was someone else i wish i was someone kinder and smarter and braver#and i wish i was far away from here and i wish i was home but i am home#and i wish i had someone who hadnt hurt me to comfort me about the hurt#but i dont wish id never been hurt i just wish id been taken care of#and i wish id taken better care of others#i wish id taken my cat before she got sick#i wish id had the guts to set boundaries and mean it#i wish id known shit about boundaries long ago#and i feel small and hollow and i dont know who i am#and i miss my cat and i miss people who dont miss me and thats my fault#and i wish i could drive if i have to me id like to be a me that can drive#if i have to be myself i hope im a better self#and i hate that i wasnt already i hate it#just to begin with like i cant describe it but it aches and aches#.xylo
0 notes
Text
xxxlovedandlostxxx asked: “So look me in the eyes, tell me what you see.”
wehavefoundthestars answered:
"You do realize I find it incredibly hard to stop looking at you once I start right?" Elio said half-jokingly before turning more serious. Reaching out his fingers gently brush his cheek while he focuses on looking into his eyes.
"I see that you're scared and that's why you've built walls around your heart but I also see you found the courage to slowly lower them. I see someone who is a lot kinder, braver and smarter than they think they are but above all I see someone with a good heart."
@wehavefoundthestars
Elio, I’m being serious, he wanted to say. He’d never developed the knack to discern compliments from flattery. The hand on his cheek reassured him, however, and he reached up, catching and holding Elio’s hand there in place before it could be withdrawn. In a sense, he believed more what that touch said than anything out of the other’s mouth, though he knew he was being earnest by now.
“May I kiss you?” he whispered.
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
“So look me in the eyes, tell me what you see.”
"You do realize I find it incredibly hard to stop looking at you once I start right?" Elio said half-jokingly before turning more serious. Reaching out his fingers gently brush his cheek while he focuses on looking into his eyes.
"I see that you're scared and that's why you've built walls around your heart but I also see you found the courage to slowly lower them. I see someone who is a lot kinder, braver and smarter than they think they are but above all I see someone with a good heart."
1 note
·
View note
Text
There is something here which is so exciting for me.
The chemistry is undeniable and your passion excites me.
I am so amazed that there is someone like you.
You make me be smarter, faster, stronger, braver, kinder and more alive.
1 note
·
View note
Note
🔥+ all three Pendletons? Please and thank you?
(Send Me a 🔥 + a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It)
The OG dysfunctional family.
Custis and Morgan have a typical evil twins vibe about them – though I’ll give them props, they’re creepier than most, with the ‘unwholesome’ bond between them that the Heart hints at. I personally don’t hate them as much as I do Campbell and Burrows, but they don’t rank very high on my sympathetic character list either, with their slave mines and the way they mistreated Emily and the awful things they did to their younger brother in their youth. I still wonder just what happened on Treavor’s tenth birthday party.
I do very much appreciate the effort that was put into distinguishing the twins as individual assholes people. Morgan is taller; Custis is smarter, and also more cruel. Treavor says he wouldn’t miss Custis at all, but he’d miss Morgan a little, which implies Morgan is the kinder of the two. Which is also shown in the way they treat the courtesans, when you find them at the Golden Cat; Custis is drunk and rants at his courtesan about how much he hates Waverly Boyle, just seconds before he asks her to roleplay as Lady Boyle because he “should like to teach her a lesson”, while Morgan speaks amicably with his courtesan, about politics no less, and he lets her lead the conversation, seems genuinely interested in what she has to say. The Heart does hint at Morgan having more sadistic fantasies, but I’m not here to kinkshame anyone.
Their non-lethal elimination always gives me the shivers, although they do definitely deserve what they got. Being forced to work in their own silver mines, alongside the people they enslaved for that very purpose, has a sort of poetic justice about it – but the cutting out their tongues part always gets to me. I understand why it’s necessary, but damn. Not to mention that they may be unrecognisable with their heads shaved, but what happens when their hair grows back? When the slaves realise just who is down in the mines with them? I doubt they would live very long, especially after Treavor, the only one who might have wanted to get them out of there at some point, dies at the lighthouse. I always feel like killing them is the kinder option.
Now, Treavor is a different story. He’s as entitled as his brothers, surely, and I do not at all like the way he treats those he thinks beneath him (like Wallace), but I sympathise with him a lot more than with his brothers. He’s a typical younger sibling who’s been left in the shadow of those who came before him, and I feel like his joining the Loyalist Conspiracy was a desperate attempt to step out of that shadow. He’s never struck me as someone with truly malicious intentions – he’s just a sheltered rich child whose money is running out, and he’s doing what he thinks he has to in order to keep his life as he knows it.
I actually think that without Havelock and Martin’s influence, Treavor would not have betrayed Corvo. Not because he’s not willing to use other people as stepping stones to achieve his own goals – he most definitely is – but because he’s both a coward and an opportunist. Martin and Havelock needed Corvo out of the way to get the power they desired over Emily, but as an aristocrat with the largest voting bloc in Parliament, he would have had the Empress’ ear whether Corvo was there or not. I’ve always wondered what would’ve happened if Treavor had been just a bit braver and sided with Corvo instead.
That said, I don’t think I will ever forgive Treavor Pendleton for allowing Wallace to die. That man worshipping the ground Treavor walked on, and I will always be a proud member of the Wallace Higgins Deserved Better squad.
#Dishonored#Treavor Pendleton#Morgan Pendleton#Custis Pendleton#the Pendletwins#ask#Shores answers#Shores rambles#thanks so much for the ask!#this one was really fun#say it with me kids#Wallace Higgins deserved better
30 notes
·
View notes
Note
[2/2] Me with my minuscule problems in the grand scheme of things vs. people with Real Struggles. The rational part of me says that that’s not right, and that if I feel bad then that’s enough of a reason to get help, but another part of me says that compared to so many other people, I have it good. I should stop feeling sorry for myself over ‘nothing.’ Um, I’ll leave it here for now. (p.s. can I go by a sign-off? I’ve always wanted to do that) -Whiskers [2/2]
Hello again. I'm not sure how long it was since you sent me these asks, so sorry if there was a delay in answering.
Ah, the all-too-familiar issue of "not being sick enough". Its a worry that almost all of us with mental health issues will find ourselves going over again and again and again. Like you said, we all know rationally that the concept of "not being sick enough" is ridiculous, but knowing something and accepting it are two entirely separate things.
You've gotta take a step back from the situation. If someone else was having the same issues as you, would you tell them to stop feeling sorry for themselves? Would it even cross your mind that they're not worthy of receiving help? Or would you do everything in your power to help them, whilst constantly reassuring them that their problems were valid?
If it's the latter (and I really hope it's the latter), then you should really be applying that same advice and giving that same validation to yourself. You're being too hard on yourself, punishing yourself for nothing, and generally reacting unfairly to your own problems. Which links right back to the insecurity and self-doubt you mentioned.
There's no easy way to suddenly stop being so hard on yourself. I wish I could give you a magical fix, but I can't. The best advice I can offer is whenever you have these lingering thoughts about not being sick enough, or really anything unnecessarily harsh you think about yourself, think about whether you'd be as harsh on someone else in your situation, and if you wouldn't, then your thoughts and feelings are being skewed by your own self-doubt. Your brain is lying to you, and you need to not believe it. I know it's difficult and kinda scary to have to challenge your own thoughts, but I promise you, it'll be okay. You'll be okay. You're so much stronger and smarter and braver and kinder than you give yourself credit for.
Also, if it helps, I'm totally a mental-health train wreck (woop woop depression and anxietyyy and a bunch of other shit I won't get into), so as a person with Real Struggles, I hereby pronounce thee, Whiskers of Tumblr, a valid and "sick enough" person.
Also, Whiskers is an awesome sign off, please feel free to keep using it.
I love all of you guys, and stay safe out there xx
1 note
·
View note
Text
𝙏𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪
When I tell you that you're beautiful, I mean all of you.
The tears that made you wiser,
fears that made you braver,
Pain that made you stronger,
grief that caused you to be kinder,
and heartbreak that shaped to be smarter.
I mean your heart, which is able to see the sunset even on those darkest days. It's the way you're not just giving yourself to others, but accepting all parts of yourself and letting others see those parts of you.
I mean the way you understood that you are able to make better choices when you're filled with self love. It's the way you love yourself, so you choose yourself over someone else's inability to love you for who you are; that makes you beautiful.
#aesthetic#self love#self care#self esteem#loveyourself#beautifulyou#tumblraesthetic#writing#writeaway#excerpt from a story i'll never write#writers#writblr#free write#spoken poetry#spoken poem
1 note
·
View note
Text
The Perfect Day
@fiestylilmetalbendingqueen comissioned me to write this really adorable story featuring Su and Kya from Avatar: The Legend of Korra renewing their vows. This was so much fun to write.
~*~
To say things weren’t going well was an understatement.
Vow renewals were supposed to be stressful, but Su was sure they weren’t supposed to be this stressful; the cake was late, Tenzin hadn’t shown up yet, and the twins kept fighting over who got the prettiest dress. On top of it all, the baby in her belly wasn’t letting her have any peace. She was starting to regret this idea, but it was what Kya wanted. She just had to suck it up and deal with each problem one at a time.
“Okay,” She said, rubbing her stomach. “Let’s deal with the twins first.”
Su left the tent. The twins were still fighting over the dress. The dress in question was rather beautiful; it was a lovely red with golden patterns on the skirt. It was Jaya’s dress, but Kel was furious that his sister was going to look prettier than him. Jaya had replied that she already was the beautiful twin, and it spiraled out of control.
“Children, please,” Su began. “It’s just a dress.”
“But I want it!” Kel stomped. “Why does Jaya get the pretty dress? She always gets better clothing.”
“Because I’m the favorite,” Jaya replied.
“YOU ARE NOT!”
“AM TOO!”
Su sighed, rubbing her temples. She was about to speak again when Kya came up behind her.
“I’ve got this dear,” Kya walked over to Kel. “Kel, look at what I found for you.”
Kel turned to look to his mother and gasped. Kya was holding a baby blue dress that had silver patterns and a lovely tree on the skirt. Jaya eyed the dress, looking a bit jealous as Kya passed it to her son. Kel smiled, hugging the garment. Kya reached into her pocket and brought out a small hairpin.
“It has a matching pin too?” Kel asked, his eyes sparkling.
“It sure is,” Kya handed the pin to her son. “Now, are you happy?”
Kel nodded happily and ran off to try on his new outfit. Jaya pouted slightly, but she still said nothing. Well, that was one issue fixed. Now there was the cake and Tenzin. Su had no idea how someone managed to lose a cake! The baker had said it was on its way. That had been an hour ago. What would they do if they didn’t have the cake for their guests? As Su mulled over this issue, Kya came up and kissed her cheek.
“Still fretting about the cake?” She asked.
“Yes, I wish I knew where it was,” Su sighed. “Plus, your brother still isn’t here.”
“I know,” Kya said. “Don’t worry. I had Kovu go check. They’re on their way to the bakery.”
“Thank goodness,” Su managed to smile. “Do you have any idea where your brother could be?”
“No, but we’ll worry about that later,” Kya took Su’s hand. “And before you ask, no, we can’t do the ceremony without him.”
Su perused her lips, but she said nothing. This wasn’t the time to argue, this was a time for them. Su didn’t want to fight, she just wanted this day to be perfect. When she had initially gotten married to Kya, their wedding had been a lavish affair. Su spared no expense on their wedding; it had been all she had talked about for months leading up to the event. Kya had gone along with everything, wanting her future wife to be happy.
Things were different now. They had a family, and it was getting bigger with another child on the way. Even though Su wasn’t Tenzin’s biggest fan, she knew family was important. Tenzin was part of her family, whether she liked it or not. He needed to be at the wedding.
“Su, look,” Kya nudged her wife. “The cake!”
Sure enough, Kovu had arrived with the baker and their cake. Su felt herself relaxing slightly. Never had she been so happy to see a cake before.
“They got the directions wrong,” Kovu said. “When I found them, they were lost and confused.”
“I owe you, Kovu,” Kya said. “Now, we just have to wait for Tenzin. You go get ready, alright, honey?”
“Are you sure?” Su asked.
“Yes, we still have some time before the ceremony,” Kya kissed her forehead.
Su wanted to argue, but she decided that getting ready would help her not stress. Things were starting to get better, and Tenzin could arrive any second. She headed to her tent to get into her dress, trying not to think about the problems of the day. While she got ready, Su felt herself calming down. Everything would work out, she just had to be patient.
Su came out of the tent wearing her dress of white and gold, her nerves soothed. This was a day for celebration, not for worry. As she walked towards the aisle, she spotted Tenzin and his family. Despite her feelings towards Tenzin, seeing him made her feel better. Threatening him to be here worked after all. When she saw Kya standing at the alter, her heart began to soar. This is what made the day perfect: having her family here to see Kya and Su renew their vows. Kya looked down the aisle, smiling at Su. Both twins were waiting, ready for their mother to make her walk.
Kel dropped petals with Jaya walking beside him. Su followed them, feeling beautiful and happy. This was how a wedding should be. As she reached Kya, Su wondered if she had ever been this happy before. At the alter, Kya took Su’s hand in hers.
“You look beautiful,” Kya said.
“You look beautiful,” Su repeated. “So, ready to renew our vows?”
“Of course,” Kya said.
When they reached their vows, Su went first.
“Kya, I thank you twice. Once for marrying me and a second thank you for wanting to renew our vows. You are my strength, my rock, my foundation. Without you, I don’t know where I would be. You have given so much, and I hope one day, I can give you more than you have given me.”
Kya sniffed as she wiped away a happy tear before getting on with her vows.
“Su, I feel like my life officially started when I met you. There is no one smarter, kinder, and braver than you. I feel like you could have chosen anyone to be your mate, yet you chose me. I wake up wondering how this wonderful woman became not just my lover but my wife. I’m thankful for you and the joy you bring to my life every day.”
“With the vows exchanged, you two have officially renewed your voices,” The officiate said. “Now, you may do the thing.”
Su and Kya kissed. The crowd applauded, and Su was thankful that everything had gone right that day.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Defeated
I’ve written a lot of small pieces like this from Essie’s perspective, but not enough with Amon’s so.... Here’s a smol bit I had in mind earlier.
- - - - - - - - - -
Tongue-tied with yearning, Amon could only watch, fascinated, as Essätha spoke calmly with to the mighty minotaur before her. In a few calming words, she’d been able to deescalate the furious bull from possibly charging their warlock and beating him with their enormous fists blazing, to the placid individual they were now. They spoke like acquaintances; her warm inviting smile and hand upon their bicep and the man-beast showing his teeth in a smile that was polite but still daunting.
She had such power in her words; more than any average spellcaster or enchanter. Her true courage was not even her spunk or her magic, but her perseverance in her kindness and patience. It took her such little effort to be able to dig beneath other’s skin; to find their weakness and exploit their hurt, but not in the way one expected. Not with hurt or malice, but with care and tenderness.
His insides twisted uncomfortably. With her popularity and free spirit, there would be no stopping her. She was going to continue roaming far and wide; aiding man and beast, and disappear further and further from his reach. It did not matter her promises to him. He knew better then to think she could keep them. Such a precious woman would be fought and squandered over for years; others desperate to cling to her, and her urge to keep moving forward and fixing every broken thing in the world would send her away.
To his left, a man chuckled. The nobleman glanced in their direction wearily.
“That’s one incredible woman right ther’,” they stated with awe. Their gaze moved over to Amon; surprised to meet his eyes.
“Oi, you with ‘er mate?”
“I am,” Amon stated, a burning pride swelling in his chest. His heart latched hopefully on to the words he very much wanted. To be with her.
The man’s expression changed to one almost sly. “Shoot, you lucky a fella to be on the same side as ‘er. Must be nice to have someone that beautiful ‘round all the time to admire.”
Amon bit down on the inside of his cheek to avoid saying something crude in response. Caesar; hovering ever-faithful at his side, was not so silent. Picking up on the change in his demeanor and his scent, the great hound growled quietly in the back of his throat up at the man.
The mastiff unheard by the stranger, they crossed their arms over their chest, and gazed back at Essie. “A woman that fine could probably get about anythin’ she wants, I reckon. She got a sweet mouth on her.” Their eyes swept back to Amon, and with a knowing that made the Briarton Protector’s skin crawl, the man murmured, “Can’t imagine just anyone could tie down a lady like ‘er. Have to be a real special kind of guy to catch her eye.”
Almost immediately, the flair of anger boiling acid in his stomach cooled. Insides quivering, Amon tightened his lips. He placed a hand upon his hunting companion’s collar to stop their protective advance forward.
“I’m sorry, can we help you in some manner?”
“N-No sorry mate,” the guy chuckled, nervous of the sudden hostile tone in his voice and narrowed eyes. Their eyes fleeted over to Essätha, and there was no hiding the sudden spark of want in his eyes.
“Not you, anyway.”
Exhaling loudly through his nose, Amon turned his eyes back towards Essie as well.
He… he was right.
Unworthy, he cast his gaze aside from woman, and the soft glow that seemed to exude from her like a halo. He swallowed roughly against the lump forged in his throat.
What was he thinking? That maybe she might love him? Impossible. What was there for her to love? A broken man, with little good qualities? No title, no honor; a stain on his name from his past? He was not special. He was hardly somebody even when he was a Lord; barely recognizable save for the mockery of his hunting tactics. Nothing about him was particularly worthwhile; not in looks, not in charm, or expertise, or romantic gestures, or fame, or fortune. He had an old estate, and an old name, and a lot of bad habits and scars and wounds that made him bite and claw and growl without warning. He was a mess. A cruel, cold, hurtful, angry mess.
Maybe she’d been a hidden gem at first; almost his for the taking when she’d been beneath the radar from most of Etheron. Now their faces; and their names, were spreading more in whispers and tales and stories here and there. The memories; the images, the vows, all those yes, he could keep them and hold them dear to his heart, but that is all they would remain to be as she spread her wings.
As desperately as he wanted to wish she would love him; that maybe she would be the one; his soulmate as Abernathy put it (what a cliché), there was no way. He would never be able to keep up in the race. The competition for her heart was too grand a scale, and he would end up with many opponents and would be quickly sidelined and vanquished.
There was nothing special about Amon Thomas Illiad at all.
Nothing for her to love when there was always someone better. There would always be someone better. They would be gentler, stronger, smarter, braver; someone more creative, appreciative, cheerful, kinder, and more considerate. They’d probably be handsomer, bolder, gallant, generous, hard-working, honest, and respectable. Someone who could protect her better. Someone who would give her every luxury. He was not the best to be offered; and the better of the world would certainly show up at her doorstep ready to offer her far more wonderful things then he could. Even if she denied many of them; hoping to find the perfect individual, eventually someone was going to catch her eye.
All he would be able to offer her is his heart. A vow that no one would love her as deeply and truly as he did; boundless and unrestrained and resolute. No one could take that place from him. His very life he would lay down at the blink of an eye for her. He would hand over the keys to what little kingdom in the world he owned, and promise to try harder he ever had in his life to give her everything he could; everything she was worth.
At his side, Caesar let out a mournful whine, his head nudging the nobleman’s leg. Amon released the dog’s collar, and pat him lightly.
The gentleman who had just spoken to him managed to squeeze around Sulhadur, and approached Essie with an eager grin as she waved farewell to the departing minotaur. From a glance around, that man was not the only one drawn in to her magnetic pull like moths to a flame.
With a quiet sigh, Amon’s eyes moved away. There was no use fighting a battle he already lost. He would never be her choice, and he wouldn’t be able to blame her for it. He was not deserving of Essätha. He wasn’t even adequate to himself; how could he possibly be worthy of her?
Upon his shoulder, he felt the reassuring squeeze of Abernathy’s hand, but he ignored it. The soft melody of her voice as she greeted the stranger brought forth a thousand different feelings in him.
All he wanted was for her euphoric voice to call to him. To give him hope, one last time.
1 note
·
View note
Note
Oooooooo! Questions! I love asking questions: 3, 6, 7, 9, 35, 92. I’m just waking up so let’s hope I remembered those correctly.
OMG, thank you Tumblr for NOTnotifying me that I had asks in my box! *grumblegrumble* (And YAY! I love answering questions. Especially yours @thewhiterabbit42. I’m SO sorry to respond to these so late.)
3 - Favorite motivational quote?
I’ve loved this one since I was a wee cupcake, it’s helpedme feel better about myself more times than I can count: “Promise me you’llalways remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem,and smarter than you think.” – A.A. Milne
6 - Favorite animal?
Overall? I love Jellyfish: they’re beautiful, they’re very calmingto me, and I love how they symbolize grace and flexibility – they just let thecurrent carry them wherever… Which is a trait I try to adopt (but I’m such acreature of habit and I get set in my ways and get super anxious when thingsare changing.)
That was probably way more than what you wanted to know. AndI’m not sure if this question meant overall animal or pet-type animals..?
So, as far as favorite pets? Cats. (If you couldn’t alreadytell by my constant doting on my potato-baby-squish/Howl.)
7 - Favorite song?
This is tough. I have genres and sub-genres of favorites (i.e.Favorite catwalk song, favorite theatre musical song, favorite angsty romancesong, favorite videogame song, favorite drive-really-fast-and-don’t-get-a-ticketsong)
Shoot.
I’m totally drawing a blank here.. all I can think ofis Foo Fighters - Everlong, but I guarantee you my ACTUAL deep-down-in-my-soulfavorite is by Depeche Mode, Nine Inch Nails or Danny Elfman.
9 - Any turn ons?
OOH LA LAAAA.. *brow waggle*
Besides the obvious ones like suit-porn or hair/eyes/smile Ireally crush on a sharp sense of humor. Or someone that is super humble… thefact that you KNOW the person can whoop your ass in trivia or can cook agourmet brinner and they don’t let it show (or go to their head) always makesme swoon.
35 - What is a quality that all people should have?
Understanding/kindness/patience. A level of empathy. Atleast TRY to put yourself in someone else’s shoes so that you have a bettergrasp of why they’ve reacted a certain way or have taken a certain stance. Theworld would be a MUCH kinder place.
92 - Craziest thing you’ve ever done?
I’m pretty vanilla, actually. I drove drunk once andregretted it the WHOLE time, still do to this day (no issues or accidents, it’sjust fucking stupid. Don’t ever do it.) Other than that, I think the mostdangerous thing I do is I like to think its okay to live beyond my financialmeans… and occasionally sneak into movie theatres.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
She’s everything
She’s never known what it feels like to be completely adored and loved. She’s never known what it feels like to be respected. She’s never known what it feels like to be heard. She’s never known what it’s like to have support and she’s never known what it’s like to have someone who believes in her.
She’s never known.
Now, she’s stubborn of course. She doesn’t want to open up too much or show too much emotion. She doesn’t want to be seen as vulnerable. She doesn’t want to be let down. So you’ll listen for a while and then offer some advice or state a general summary of what she said, and she always has something to say to it. She doesn’t want you to be right, because she doesn’t want to acknowledge her battles sometimes.
But it’s all okay. It makes me love her more. I love that stubbornness. She never lets me make a mistake or misjudgment. She will always put me in my place, if need be. Her stubbornness is good, and in fact, it’s one of the reasons I fell so hard for so hard in the first place.
See, when I asked her out, it wasn’t some “spur of the moment” leap. It was something I had thought about for months before l. I had planned, doubted, considered. I never questioned my feelings for her, but I worried if I was viewing hers correctly or if I was surely going to doom us forever.
I fell in love with a lot of things about her, some all at once and some a bit more slowly. One thing I knew about her from the very beginning was that she struggled with depression and anxiety, two things I’m far too familiar with myself. However, from the very beginning, I viewed it differently with her. Her sadness and her anxiety felt like it was also mine, and I wanted to take it all away as quickly as I could just so she could have a few quiet hours. I would see her struggling and I’d be so mad that I couldn’t do anything about it.
Now I’m dating that girl. She still struggles with mental health sometimes. The difference is that I feel things with her now. I can actually help. I can ease the pain for a while. And I feel incredibly lucky that I get to play a role in that.
Here’s the thing, beautiful girl. I knew you struggled with mental health, and I didn’t run. I could have turned the other way, I could have gotten scared, I could have been silent. But I didn’t do those things. I knew you had those issues and I went TO them. They made me fall for you even more, even harder. They made you YOU, someone who’s brave, strong, and wise beyond your years. They make you real. Your raw emotions and struggles are something I take so seriously, because they are a part of this girl that I am so incredibly infatuated with that I cannot even begin to form the words.
You’ve been led to believe that you would be soooo much better of a person if you didn’t have mental illness. You’ve been told it’s the reason you’re not good at certain things, like making people happy. It’s led you to think that things are your fault because of it. And guess what? Not one bit of that is true.
While mental illness sucks entirely and I wouldn’t wish it upon a soul, I like to think of it in a more kinder way. Yes, you do have it. Don’t hate yourself for it. It’s who you are. It’s something that makes you stronger than most. It makes you braver. It makes you smarter. But most of all, mental illness does not make you unlovable.
I fell in love with you, mental illness and all. I don’t view you as any less of a person or a girlfriend. You’re my babygirl, whom I’m madly in love with, and who happens to also love me back. You won’t scare me off. You won’t annoy me. We will only grow stronger. And we will do it side by side, Hand in Hand, together.
I love you so much, I feel it in every ounce of my being. I hate to see you hurting, but I hope you know that this is all entirely temporary and I am still here no matter what. You make me so happy. Please don’t forget it.
With love,
Syd
@ya-dumb-bisque
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
totkspoilers
fuck it we ball
rubberroswell
Rubber Roswell
starstrucksheepmagazine-blog
Untitled
apettyferlove
Alex Pettyfer
constructoradeimagenes-blog
conѕтrυcтora de ιмágeneѕ