#i was feeling sad bc my grandma is in the hospital and when i went to visit her they wouldn’t let me pass bc my license is expired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theworldoffostering · 9 months

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I am beside myself. We are back in the national parks and spent today at one of the lakes. DH’s friends from ID came over and we did a picnic lunch with them. It was a really nice day. We then got ice cream and headed back to our campsite to get dinner made.

People were cranky from being in the sun all day and probably travel and being hungry. I was talking to my mom about my dad, and texting with my cousin (her grandma is in the hospital on hospice apparently) and taking each of the little kids for a walk around the loop to try to create some separation and space for everyone.

DS and Ms. 6 were doing nothing to help. Ms. 6 stayed in the tent most of the day bc she's mad and wants to go home. I asked the teens to take a walk. They did and when they came back we were almost ready to eat. Ms. 6 said she wasn't eating and again stated she wanted to go home.

Two minutes later she took off running and took DS with her. I had to report them missing to a park ranger and they put out a BOLO.

Within one minute of the BOLO going out, they were found but then Ms. 6 asserted to the ranger once again that I am abusing her! And then she told the ranger I was abusing DS! And DS went along with it. Didn't deny it.

The ranger that found the kids was one of the ones that helped us last year when we had this scenario and she was so mad at me--basically yelled at me saying that I was now back for the second summer and I had TWO kids accusing me of abuse. So it once again turned into a whole thing.

They wanted me to have proof that I wasn't abusing the kids. Thankfully, I managed to get DS's therapist on the phone at 9pm and one of the people that is in our home doing life skills weekly with the kids. Ms. 6 instructed DS not to speak to his therapist. Ms. 6's therapist never picked up.

Ms. 6 was aggressive even with park rangers present and the police said they could arrest her based on her actions (attempted assault on me in front of them and resisting an officer) but they didn't want to bc she would then be released in town and have nowhere to go. They also considered a 72 hour hold but it would have also resulted in her being released in town with nowhere to go (we are supposed to leave this morning for home). So they basically spent three hours de escalating while I cried my eyes out and tried to not go into shock (my entire body was shaking due to the adrenaline). Then a ranger drove them back to our campsite and dropped them off where H and E were crying hysterically from the stress and saying they didn't feel safe with Ms. 6.

I am beyond sad this happened AGAIN and things have been absolutely fine--smooth even with Ms. 6 on this trip but something was bothering her this morning. I asked her about it. She had a lot of attitude but I just let that roll off. I asked her what she needed. Provided suggestions and eventually asked her if she wanted a nap. She said she did so that's what she did. Before she laid down, I asked her if I could give her a hug and she said yes so I did and felt like we were okay.

Ms. 6 snap chatted with her biological family the entire time the police were managing the situation. Clearly not taking anything too seriously.

I then spent another two hours in the tent with them while they smugly giggled about how great they are. I cried again. Talked to them. Tried to explain why this was not okay. Tried to explain what could be done differently. Said I was glad they were not in jail or the hospital. Radio silence.

I stayed n the van with H and E while DH slept in the tent with the other four.

I'm exhausted. I'm so sad. Idk what to do. I'm not sure how we will make the 20 hour drive home tomorrow. I cannot ever travel with Ms. 6 again. I know DS’s therapist wants DS separated from Ms. 6 but Ms. 6 is being super manipulative. Do I tell her she cannot live at home any more? How do I create felt safety for everyone when she continues to do this?

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creedslove · 6 months

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hey mari bb sorry for the tmi, i need to say this but i got no one :((

i went home from uni for my 21st bday on the 3rd of this month, and came back to my dorm at the 8th bcs i had class. as soon as i’m back in my dorm i’m horribly sick :( had a sore throat for 2 days with cold sweat, then when my throat got better immediately i caught a horrible flu, it’s so bad my nose is very watery and i had to plug it up to lay down or else it’ll get everywhere on my bed :(( it’s so bad really, my nose and face were very raw and irritated i couldn’t even use my face wash :(( i took the strongest med i had for flu and it got better but now i got the runny nose and a horrible cough. like. it’s hard to even talk !! my throat is raw and i’m so tired and dizzy from coughingn all the damn time 😭😭😭 i tried everything !! over the counter cough syrups, drank warm water so much i pee like a leaking faucet 😭😭😭 but it’s still sore 😭😭

i was a very sick child from age 3-13 and for those 10 years i relied on very specific prescribed custom meds that came in little packets filled with powdered meds along with a strong syrup meds like it was so controlled the prescription is only for 2-4 weeks and once they’re up i’d go visit the hospital again and get new customized meds as well and only that one specific hospital can produce the med 😭😭 so over the counter stuff don’t do shit on me even the expensive patent ones 😭😭😭

and i’m soo frustrated bcs i have a deadline and my lecturer is already pushing and giving an ultimatum for it but i’m still horribly sick but i need to go see my doctor but i can’t because from my dorm he’s 7 hours away !! and i don’t trust the doctors available nearby here bcs usually they don’t care and would just give antibiotics and stuff (which you’re not supposed to consume so easily like that) and my mum’s busy taking care of my nasty grandma and i’m just 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞 i wish my dad were still alive 😞😞😞😞😞 wish i had took the semester off 😞😞😞 i’m just sooo tired 😞😞😞 a lot of people in my class are very close to graduating with good GPAs and internship and an almost finished thesis… here i am still coughing my lungs out 😞😞

-jerk loving anon

OHHHH NO MY BABY!!

reading your ask made me so sad! I am so so so so so sorry you are going through that, my angel, you are such a lovely sweet anon and I wish I could do anything to help you! I totally get what you mean, in the beginning of the year I was so stressed and my immune system was down so I was constantly sick, so yeah, I know what you're going through 🫂

I know you don't like these nearby doctors, but maybe you should visit them in order to get a prescription? Antibiotics might be just what you need baby and I wish you would wake up feeling like a million bucks tomorrow 😭

Good luck in your deadline, I hope you manage to accomplish everything you need to in time, but at the same time you recover and that you prioritize your health! I'm here for you if you need to vent more, I wish any of the Pedro boys were around to help you my darling ❤️🫂 love you 💝💋

#ask #answered

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moodymurda · 1 year

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about a boy 8

my honey

the time we’ve had apart is how i know that i love you. and knowing that i love you is what made me pull away the way i did. i know we can both relate in not wanting to like each other from the very beginning. it was so childish in hindsight. my mom always says you make plans & god laughs. and that’s so true because what happened between us was more than what i bargained for. and nothing short of some of the best times in my life.

you being there for me the day [redacted so i can’t get sued or anything like that], the way you took care of me and literally held me up when my grandma was in the hospital, that first time we went to Waffle House together after that party and i realized i liked you, meeting up to sit in the car at the park and talking about our dreams, going with you to cecil to look at the planes and shit, just all of our little moments.

you came into my life and turned my world upside down in the best way. you made me view myself as more than just a girl. you helped me to accept and fall in love with the beautiful woman i am becoming.

that being said, the lack of reciprocity when i asked, it immediately broke my heart. that conversation was crushing to me. looking back, and even in the moment i was so proud of myself for how i handled it. bc while i felt terrible on the inside, i kept my cool. the old me would broke down, i would’ve begged, pleaded even. though i was proud of myself i realize now turning cold on you the way i did almost wasn’t fair. don’t get me wrong i stand behind it but at the same time i wish i had more compassion and understanding for you like you have always given me.

i can not lie, pain was driving me to act the way i was. seeing you be so sad after the fact confused me. it felt like you were trying to make me the bad guy for setting a boundary. so when you started to do nice things when we’d hang out with our friends, just the way you approached me, it all threw me off. partially because of a lot of what you started doing, you’d never done for me before while we were dating (or whatever you’d like to call it. that’s another thing but i won’t beat a dead horse).

some of what you had said stuck with me too. like when you asked “when was the last time we went on a real date”. i don’t know man, in the end i was left feeling so stupid for being open. it felt like i gave myself to someone who didn’t value me. i felt like i imagined that we were falling in love. the timing didn’t help either.

as time has gone by i realized some changes i needed to make, so i guess it wasn’t time wasted after all.

the night of [redacted] reminded me of how i love you. it forced me to confront how much i miss you. up until that point i was ignoring it to protect my heart. but in “protecting” my heart i fear i may have lost the sweetest love i’ve ever felt.

things weren’t ideal but i love how we always tried to meet in the middle no matter what. i love how looking into your eyes grounds me. how you protect & look out for me. i love that i can learn from you & that you aren’t afraid to admit that you’ve learned something from me. you’re gentle with me when you’re right & you aren’t afraid to be wrong. i’m afraid to give my heart to you because it feels like you are my one. and i don’t know that i could take having you break my heart, but even with that knowledge i’m still willing to take the chance

nia

#about a boy #me #ni #mal #honey b #im back on my tumble shit #moodymurda is back lol #nas

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brianyololau · 1 year

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January 4, 2023

starting the year off with good habits. I’m gonna journal lol. kind of weird making a post after i’ve been so lazy to for so long, but there have been too many times where i thought about how journaling would be really good for my mental clarity right now. there were times when i had multiple stressors in my life going on at once, and i didn’t allow myself some way to express and think about these things. i think it’s a necessary process because allowing time to be present creates realizations and through realizations come wisdom & experience.

So here I am. i have a lot to unfold, but I guess i’ll take this one day at a time because i’m busy tonight. today is my first day that i’m working at orange coast memorial hospital night shift 😮‍💨. ur boy’s employed and not just that.. at a muh fudgin HOSPITAL BITCH. I got an ID that scans into computers, opens doors, and everything. I gotta be at work in an hour so imma cut it short.

I made grandma cry today. I didn’t mean to, but I feel like shit for it. I woke up stressed bc I let myself sleep in, I had work to worry about, some fear of how my life is gonna change, and I knew I had more errands I hadn’t finished. So, i got more annoyed when i was microwaving food and grandma kept asking mundane questions that felt like I was being talked to by a robot. no substance. it felt like a chore just speaking to her. so i didn’t as i was eating and she noticed and asked why i was upset. so i basically told her that and said if she wants me to talk to her more she should start asking more personable questions like how i’m feeling and how was my first day at work. she said okay and started crying, so she left to the sofa. I came over and asked what was wrong, and she told me it hurts when i don’t talk to her because she loves me and always wants to talk to me. But i don’t ask about her. I started feeling terrible. I knew she’s been sad and becoming more weak minded. However, I just didn’t feel like I had the power to change her situation which is why I tried to just be there for her in presence, but I should’ve known that wasn’t enough. Even though I’m not good at expressing emotions nonetheless inquiring about them, I realized how important it was to always consider them. Because you never know who you could be affecting by neglecting them. And I had neglected my grandma’s without realizing it.

I apologized. I explained to her that a lot of things in my life recently have made it hard for me to feel at peace and waking up in the morning to these stressors have made me more irritable which made me more cold to her. I told her I never meant to hurt her like that. I could never. Talking to her made me realize that I was ungrateful for the people I have in my life and that I was forgetting who I’m living and trying to be happy with.

What’s the point of striving for success if you’re not making your life any happier? Knowing that my grandma loves me and supports me with everything she has makes me happy enough. How could I forget that?

Grandpa came during this conversation and started demanding me to read something for him. so told him I was busy. he had the audacity to get pissed and tell me it would just take a minute. I raised my voice and repeated myself which i probably shouldn’t have done but he got the message. Immediately he assessed the situation, looked at my grandma and said why’re you crying? who made you cry? hurry up and tell me so i can fix this. she said no one im just feeling sick. she had my back. he then scoffed and said what kinda wife doesn’t share things with her husband and went back to his room. he came back out to get picked up by someone, and i heard him call mutter to himself how grandma was clumsy, slow, and basically a person not worthy of respect. real pos moment right there, myself included as well.

I went to the gym later and told myself that this year, i should stop letting stressors in life affect my personal life at home. they should be mutually exclusive until i remove myself from the comfort of my home because allowing stress into every part of my life is not worth projecting its manifestations onto myself and around the people i love during every waking moment.

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doubleyeww · 2 years

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december life update

my grandfather who’s been fighting cancer on and off for the past 15 years passed away last week. my mom called me at midnight from the hospital and the next morning i took the bus to her house and from there went over my grandma’s. no one had anything planned for the wake so i offered to make a slideshow to put on at the funeral home if she gave me pictures to scan because i remembered doing the same thing for my aunt donna on my dad’s side when she died back in 2013. she liked the idea so i went home and made what turned out a little more like a movie where the camera pans across pictures of him edited to his favorite songs because he always loved every kind of music. for whatever reason i’m the only person in my entire family of 200+ people who knows how to do something like that so i had to stay up all night to get it done in time. one of my cousins sat next to me to keep me company but she kept wanting me to step out and smoke w her and i was like i want this to turn out good i’m not gonna do that to nan. she slept over for a few days so we could go buy clothes then get ready and go to everything together. we both cried every day. i saw pictures of him when he was around my age for the first time. he still lived in brooklyn and it was the 60′s. there was a big black and white one of him passed out on the couch at a party with his friends and another where he was holding a gun smirking at the camera and smoking a cig. one of his old friends said he was a singer at one point. i’m always gonna be sad that i never got to know him as anything other than strict and perpetually grumpy. i know he taught himself guitar. at the wake i reconnected with the cousin i’m closest in age to. we were baby friends like some of my first memories are of us at her house. when my family lived on long island we used to see each other all the time and even after we moved she would come over to stay at least once a year. but we haven’t hung out since we were like 12 because of family drama that we were each “involved in” through our respective proximities to different adults. it was almost weird how fast we picked up right where we left off though. like other people were even commenting on it. she came right up to me and hugged me as soon as she walked in and then we got drunk together at the restaurant after. i’m going to her salon next week so she can do my hair for christmas ie cut, color, fix my bad bleach job and black stripe roots. i usually do my own hair when i have time bc i don’t trust anyone to do it right but i haven’t had any because of moving, then getting caught up on all the school i missed while moving, then looking for a job, then working, then settling into a new place, and then finals. but she showed me pictures and she’s really good. i graduated college today but i only feel vaguely annoyed about it. it took me 5 years to finish a 4 year degree but no one in my family ever does that period so it’s a bigger deal than it should be. i still wish i never went or had the balls to drop out but here i am i guess. the other day i found out that my grandpa never even finished high school. he got kicked out for fighting and sent to a reform school and then dropped out of that and went on to have a fun life and a job with a pension. not that that’s easy to do anymore but still.

a lot of other things happened but this is already way too long

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shxxtingstarss · 3 years

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stuff abt me

I contacted the psychiatric hospital where I had multiple stays and asked for a copy of my patient record, they sent it to me just two days after I requested it and it's a whole fucking folder, it's about 200 pages long (stopped counting at 50 and estimated the rest). Of course I had to read through it the day I got it and damn, that was a lot. Funniest part was how early all of the recommendations were to get me away from my abusive mother, which I wanted to, but it's funny how hard I tried to keep contact bc she manipulated me into thinking I'm the problem, I failed and it was all my fault (and I was scared as shit of her). Well, now im NC since last christmas and in general, it feels a lot better. She tried to contact me more than once and still wants an explanation on why I (currently) don't want any contact to her... well, kinda sorry but I really don't have the time to explain atm and you really, should know that best yourself...

My mother traumatised me and my brother for years, she was incapable of controlling any strong emotions like rage, sadness, etc or any impulses. She never accepted any help or treatment (properly). She had/has an ED, she intentionally made us be afraid of her in general, but especially afraid of her punching us, verbally abusing us or afraid of her mutilating or killing herself if we weren't "good kids" (her picture of good kids seemed to be kids that don't talk, eat, cry, or maybe even breathe). My favourite example of this is from a few years ago, she went to look for mushrooms in the forest and began to clean and cut them in the evening at home, when my brother had some kind of disagreement with her about... about nothing (probably school, cleaning his room, sth like that). She got angry and mad very fast (as per usual) and screamed at him that if he doesn't stop upsetting her like that, she will show him how upset she actually is. Few seconds later it got suspiciously quiet (I heard everything through my bedroom door). My brother started crying and ran to his room half crying half screaming as if he was in great pain. That was not the usual way it ended, usually it ended with more screaming and crying and my mother throwing things around (or occasionally beating one of us). I got out of my bedroom and wanted to know what happened, went to my brothers room, my mother was in the bathroom. I saw blood on the floor of the hall. My brother was under his blanket and had our grandma on the telephone and obviously tried to tell her what happened, he seemed extremely scared. I wanted to ask him what's wrong but my mother entered the room furiously and snatched the phone out of his hand. She started to tell grandma that he just imagined stories and nothing he told was true. She left the room talking to grandma on the phone, so I tried to care for my crying brother. He told me, gasping for air bc he cried so hard, that our mother just took the kitchen knife which she cut the mushrooms with and rammed it into her stomach. I forgot what happened afterwards, I probably dissociated bc it was too much, I can only remember hearing my mother leave, then I found the knife on the kitchen floor, full of blood, and cleaned the floor from all the blood droplets. My mother went to the hospital that night and had to stay there for three days. She told the doctors that she tripped and fell on the knife in the woods, I visited her on the second day and she told me to absolutely not tell the truth and stared at me with her devilish eyes that she gets when she's angry. The doctors said she barely missed her liver. I was really tempted to tell them the truth, I hoped she would've been brought to a mental facility and we could finally find peace, but I couldn't do it, I was too scared of her. And so the horror kept going on (especially for my brother). This happened when I was 14 and my brother was 11 years old. I sometimes think I could've changed everything for the better if I would've told the doctors - I got to get out of there around half a year later, but my brother stayed with her for another 5 years and I'm terribly sorry for him. My mother never changed for the better, he got beaten even more often, she started to get even more personal and aggressive and talked him down more and more in fights, I once heard a voice message from her to him and it was horrible. Can't explain how angry I am about her treating my little brother this way.

My brother often said he never really felt loved by her and I used to defense her in all ways possible bc that's how she raised me basically, I had to lie for her, I had to do everything for her. But now that I can actually think about it, I actually never felt loved by her either. I don't know if she loves/loved us and never managed to show it or if she didn't love us at all.

Back to my patient record, the weird part was, I felt something like a strange sympathy, I felt sorry for my younger me, I asked myself why all of this had to happen, especially to an innocent child. But I didn't ask this in the way I normally did, I really felt sorry like for another person instead of feeling sorry for me or being in despair about it. Don't know if that's good or bad, it just is like that.

I know I'm not a different person than then, but at least some things changed and sometimes I really wonder how I managed to do all of this while being strongly suicidal, not very self-caring (more like the opposite if I think about all the selfharm) and not having any support by "family". Luckily I got a lot of support from social workers, my therapist, and sometimes even friends (wasn't easy for me to be close to people/more than one favourite person, actually it still isn't).

Well, it's not done yet and I still feel like pure shit some days/weeks, and I still (or maybe again) have to get better. The stress of being a chem student is not very mental-health-supportive, even for the healthiest peeps. At least I know now that it's actually not my fault, I'm not a piece of shit as my mother loved to tell me as often as she could, I did not destroy my "family", I was not the problem. It was not my fault. I actually tried my best, it just wasn't enough sometimes.

So, let's hope I keep this up and maybe I'll write another post some time soon. Maybe I can even help some desperate soul out there that is being manipulated into thinking that everything bad happened bc of them. No. And yes, I fucked up sometimes, I'm far away from perfect too, that's perfectly normal. But I'm not the "mentally ill person that destroyed her new marriage", maybe she should've had a look in the mirror instead of looking at me.

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jeffhane · 3 years

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dynasty live watching: an incoherent post so that i’m not spoiling people on the twitter tl (i doubt any of this will be chronological or coherent enough to actually contain spoilers but better safe than sorry!)

oh my god the “previously on” - i forgot abt fallon and evan....

Theyre at a FUNERAL??? this was actually predicted but oh my god. if its steven i am going to be so mad. what an unfitting end to the- WAIT WHAT SIX MONTHS? what was that font;;;;:; whes sueiwjwk

copper arch🥵🥵🥵

this is cute. this is cute i like faloon pretty women so true

BYE I FORGOT ABT THIS VASE

fallon is genuinely such a bad person this is so bizarre,,,, i think she needs to calm down about oiterally everything ever

“This wedding is our chance to break the cycle of craziness” babe ur literally the one making the cycle of craziness

w. was that an ikmenn of liam getting his head off

JEFF MY BELOVED HE LOOKS STUNNING IN THAT OUTFIT. WHYS ALEXIS HERW “POWER COUPLE” YOU WERID MANIPULATIVE PERSON GET AWAY FROM HIM LOL

alexis is up to no good. bad bad jpeg. why do they write her dialogue like this

adam is acted so well lmao he’s the most unhinged person to ever exist *screams*

ohhh dominique, i don’t remember much abt her 😭😭😭 this woman she’s with is beautiful

ITS LAGGING????? i cannot Believe tjis

~rebrand~ ok girlboss!!!!!!!!! can we ship this businesswoman i dont recall her name with fallon???? id like that i think

too many plotlines have happened in too many minutes, i’m already forgettint things that have happened... isn’t blake supposed to be in prisoj? no? Ok: sure

adam is constantly doing this expression that is like 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁 HI SAM HI SAM HI SAM BEAUTIFUL MAN I LOVE HIM WHOS THIS MAN

raf is so stunning ughhhh i’m loving the costumes this season, everyone looks great! is this man a sam love interest? nervous? that is kinda cute. i miss stevej though. sadness. so many emotions

UHHHH hi alexis sure ig ur here

~OMENS~ babe that’s a tad dramatic don’t you think?????????? “Ignore the lore at your own peril” alright

WHOS THAT? WHOS THAT? OH HER OK

bye everything is going wrong for this......:..:::... *rubs hands together evilly* that will certainly be entertaining

credit scene!!! such a beautiful cast! where’s anders, oh how i miss him... i miss monica too wasn’t she supposed to be BACK🤔🤔🤔🧐🧐🤨🤨

its a commercial break... havent had to watch the show with these for so long😑😑😑. getting american ads is so funny bc the vast majority of them are Not at all relevant... at all

BACK TO DYNASTY!!!!!! was that a slinky? huh? oh ok that’s why the marriage is happening at the manor. #whenyouonlyhaveoneset oh hi ok monica so shes not going to be here?????😑😔😳

WHY IS SHE GETTING A CAR I FEEL LIKE THATS FORESHAWDOIWIJG FOR UMMMMM.... NOT GOOD THINGS ..... ITS LAGGING AGAIN 🤨

blake having dinner... ok hi cristal,,,,; is the priest subplot back? that was a weird one

adam???? how on earth does adam work his way into everything? NEXT GUEST? HUH? are you cheating on your wife? HI CULHANE! HI!

“straight people are exhausting” i mean yes, objectively, absolutely, but culhane is #notstraight .... idk how i feel about sam and this man. also what? huh? staying here? ok cool ig

OHHHHH he got married i see i see

“Haven’t you milked the carrington cow already” but....... she is literally the person who deserves the stuff..... k......... i don’t like dominique but she was given the short end of the stick also blake stop manipulating people just bc they tell u the truth😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

frustrated that we haven’t seen fallon in any non-wedding related stuff yet i always liked her more ~dramatic~ plots . like she’s a sweetheart but i do want her to evolve beyond thsi. idk if that makes sense. ok bye

“A relative’s happy marriage” uh???? we live in a society😔📈

who is father lynch<3333 oh he is in the hospital that’s not great oh adam upset that’s new /s

y is kirby dressed like an elf. god bless.

ughhhh i just think adam is not good for kirby. he’s not good in general. so true . what is he up to. ads again hhhhhhhhhh💯

omg we are back!!!!! blake wear the suit!! hi liz!!! i’ve seen pictures of this outfit, it looks nice. “I really want things to work out with liam” now that would be great but you’re in a soap opera so the chances of that are .... I DONT EVEN ONOW IF U CAN WEATHER ANYTHING W CRISTAL...)))))!$$ NOT NECESSARILY THE BEET CHOICE????

~technically it wasn’t cancelled~ alright love i feel as though you’re not telling the full truth here. ok his name is ryan . we know that now . cool . this relationship is awkward but it could be sweet

what the Fuck is dominique talking about this is so creepy😭😭😭 please do not market lingerie to ur niece 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 why does no one in this show know how to be polite

“You want me to stake my personal assets” i’m sure this would be meaningful if i knew anything about finance????? WAIT WAIT WIAT WAIT WAIT DHE REHEARING THE SAM DONS G THE SONG ALEXIS DONT INTERRUPT HER SINGING THE SONG🧐😔😔😔🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥰🥰🤬😤😤😤😤😤😤

~duplicitous sham~ that’s quite a juicy phrase ms fallon. alexis i dislike your marriage. and you in fact. yes x . “We were just like any other newlyweds” except the newlywed factor........:

anders. oh my god i adore him so much. he reminds me of my grandfather . YES adam is dangerous. anders i love you so much. be my grandfather figure. top 10 cool old dudes of all time.

liz is so beautiful how am i suppised to “Focus” on the “storyline” kirby just went 🥰🥰 also hi culhane ily babe

“My father’s convinced adam is pure evil” you see, that is......... trueeeee...........:.::: im sorry culhane ily love

this dialogue unfortunately does not flow all that well LOL . people dont think up things like this on the fly “my love is like that boutineer” sir i guarantee that metaphors r not going to save ur relationship... HI sam. so true. hi ily. samhane? culsam? 😳😳

DONT STEAL ANDERS SPOT OH HI JEFF YOU LOOK STUNNING.......... BEAUTIFUL BOY ....... HI!!!! ~you are the only family you’ve ever needed~ shit none of this wouldve happened if the Carringtons werent so greedy ij the first place

~true love has many faces~ how many anti liam omens can they sneak in into the episode 😭😭😭😭 hi laura whats up

the poor waiters at this establishment...... why does laura look like a rlly young version of my grandma........: huh.... wont think abt it /... alexis bad mom.jpeg

“I don’t want to miss my sons special day” ok bye i don’t #care she’s kind of rude

fallon trying to avoid future drama is confusing to me as that used to be her ENTIRE THING? HUH??? everyones talking to their moms today what the heck do that many people talk to their moms???

jeff hiiiii <333 that maroon suit!!!!! love!!!!!

Dont hurt anders you strange little evil man!!!!!!!!!!! (Adam, for reference)

fallon likes to ~e n u n c i a t e~ her dialogue. Drama Teachers Love Her

FIRBY SCENE! WELL THEY R TALKINF! UWU ! UWU ! smiles:) smiiiiiles:) the height difference i cannot do this😑😊😊😊🕯🕯🕯 BYE

BueirHWIIDWJDIWIFJWIFJWJJFWJFJWJDJWJDJWIFJWJFJWJDKWJDJWDJJWHDWHDHWHEHWHDHWJDJWJRJWJEJWJDJQUEUWJEJWJEJW CRIES SOBS SCREAMS THIS OS SO FUCKING FUNNY

Kirby you dumbass😭😭😭😭😭 ALEXIS WUDIWNDJW JEFF CAN YOU NOT HEF FCANKREMTIWN WHY IS THIS DIALOGUE IM SCREAMIGNRJFJD

kirby babe you are the kist imorjri WHQT? HUH? when all the characters have the maturity of a 13 yr old <33333 DID THE SHOW JUST END?????? OK.... DAMN.... they were really 2 minutes away from the end and remembered that things are supposed to happen in tv show episodes.... i cannot tell whether it os over actually?????? huh??? going to keep watching because it would be so embarrassing if i missed a few minutes oh yeah theres more

IM SORRY WHYBARE THESE PEOPLE SO STUPID. every single one of them. ih my god l. ohhhh my god . “I never meant to hurt you” you cheated on him. both of them are bad people. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 kirby darling what were you thinking . this dress on kirby is STUNNING ugh, she’s so charming . adam Shut the fuck up. He hasn’t said anything but shut the fuck up. OH MY GOD ADAM SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD I HATE ADAM SO MUXH. OH MY GOD HOW IS HE THE WORST PERSON TO EVER LIVE 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶 HES SO EVIL

“I didn’t want to tell you because i didnt want you to think of me as a monster” why did you do that stuff then bro . Kirby you SHOULDNT trust someone after they say that? How naive? Huh ?

omg hello jeffs grandma!!!!! she deserves better than every shitshow in this family... god🤨 dominique being a good person? i like to see that. she seems so genuine. ok this is nice . wait... SAFE? 😳😳😳😳 💴 💵 #money i miss monica

why do they never have sufficient lifhting in WAIT..... HER?????? #dumbofass HI JEFF <33333333 HI you can scam and whatever ur allowed to i support u

ooohhhh GORGEOUS fallon outfit

“Such a fail” IS THIS 2012 . CRINE HEIDJWJFIWNDWJDNWKFJW ENJDJSDJWJNDJWJD they keep saying folklore and im thinking its some sort of reference to the album and i get confused. wheres scheming fallon. need scheming fallon. do a scheme. do it

“We are that lucky couple” press x to doubt .... wait who is this🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 this seems cincerning im cocnentwd why did it zoom in on this random man

#how many ads are there you ask?#too many #i never watch things live #this is .... a lot #american cell service is so cheap #cruella de vil ad😭#how does the cw app work #more ads ig #i dont have the attention span to remember what happened before the ads

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litakino · 3 years

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Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Rose's death. Also, this November she would've been 30y/o.

She was a close friend of mine, and died of an aneurysm; she collapsed on stage while singing and playing the guitar, and died the next day.

Rose was the same age as my sister, two years younger than me, and her sister is my age and was my best friend. So the four of us were really close, almost like sisters. We would spend the summer holidays either with our family, or theirs, whichever family went to the beach that year.

She was such a big part of my life growing up, that it's weird thinking that she's "stuck" at 20, and I'm 32 now.

I'll try really hard to convey, how important she is to everyone who knew her. How missed she is.

She was so smart, like book smart, but also surprisingly insightful for a 20y/o.

I remember Rose telling me once "I wanted to know if I liked it, so I kissed a girl. But it's not for me". You have no idea how important that was for me. Like I've never even thought of the possibility of not being straight (raised catholic and very conservative), it's not that I was repressed, it was just something I never even considered before.

And she was from a family very much like mine, but able to break away and try her own path (it wasn't that she went around kissing people; and there's nothing wrong with being that person, but she just wasn't, I'm saying this to illustrate how important it was that she did it).

Rose also loved things with all her being. And she was never ashamed of the things she liked. Like she would go into forums and investigate about her heroes and know all there was to know about ER and Sarah McLachlan and Rent and U2 and musicals and Broadway and Wicked.

I'm writing because there's so much she would've done, so many what-ifs I feel I need to make her be present this way, this year.

She wasn't top of her class when she graduated high school, just because she didn't want to spend too much time studying. She was close second though, and that was just with minimal effort. She was a real life Hermione.

Also, Rose was tall, and big, and had long bushy hair. She had to buy her heels from drag queen shops bc her feet were so big, "regular" shoe shops didn't carry her size. And she was CONFIDENT. Like, loved to wear her hair down, big and all, no shits given.

And was really good at shopping for cool clothes, even though most traditionally "feminine" shops didn't carry her size (take into consideration, this was 2009/2010 and we grew up in a small city in Argentina, there weren't many shops available, and "plus size" meant grandma's clothes)

Her last birthday (2010) she rocked a really short shirt-dress with bright yellow tights, I can't even begin to imagine what her style might have been nowadays.

It took her some time to gain that confidence, went through the awkward baggy-pants-and-big-sweatshirt phase like most of us fat girls, but she already loved herself when she was finishing high school. It took me many more years to reach that stage.

I'm painting the best picture, since everything positive about her comes to mind these days.

That's not to say, she was perfect. She definitely wasn't. She was human and made mistakes and (I'm sure) hurt people.

She was loud and could be obnoxious sometimes, but there are very few teenagers and young adults who aren't.

Oh also, Rose really enjoyed singing. And she was really good at it.

She was studying to become an English teacher.

She was really spiritual, and sang in church every Sunday, and was part of the community.

I would love to speak to her now, about feminism and love and gender and sexuality and family. There's so much we didn't know back then, so much I want her insight into.

When I heard the Hamilton soundtrack, all I could think about was about her. And how much she would've loved it.

I want to have the opportunity to hear her rave about things like Lin Manuel Miranda, or Doctor Who, or Good Omens.

I'm glad Rose got to meet my (now) husband, and that she liked him is an endorsement like very few I can think of.

I wonder where she would be living now (I think Ireland or England, studying for her third master and singing in pubs some nights).

I know she would have finally found someone who saw her for who she was, and loved her for it. Perhaps a few whirlwind romances before that.

I wonder if she would've even wanted to have kids.

When Rose died, it was a shock, because no one saw it coming (both her parents are doctors, and the aneurysm was never diagnosed, she never had any syntoms before. And by the time she was rushed into the hospital, it was too late).

Afterwards, slowly but surely, all of her friends and family finished high school, then university. Some of us got married, some got kids. Some moved to other countries.

The year she died, I was out of the country, doing one of those work and travel programs, that encompass our summer (December through March), in WDW. It was something she had actually suggested, that she wanted to do, but last minutes backed out (I never knew why). I was far away from home, working 13-hour shifts (the holidays in the resort are madness). And after her death, a friend suggested some of us took the days off from two weeks, put them together, and take a 4-days trip to NYC. I didn't really have the money to do it, but said yes anyways because Rose wanted to attend Juilliard (childhood dreams), and so we said we were going to visit her in her break (more childhood dreaming). So I ended up eating rice and crackers for a few weeks in order to pay for travel and lodging, but it was so worth it. Everything there reminded me of her, of what she dreamed of doing, of becoming.

I miss her so much, and as I go through life and hit new "milestones", I wonder what she would be doing right now.

Yesterday some close friends and her family gathered (socially distant, and out in the open air) in our old high school. It's a place of 400 square meters, most of which are various sports' fields, and a small forest. It was a place she felt was home, and since the moment she said she wanted to become an English teacher, a spot was there waiting for her to finish her studies.

Anyways, there in the small forest, around the fallen walnut tree, people who loved her, and miss her, gathered, to remember her smiles and jokes and songs.

Her mother read a poem Rose wrote, and her sister sang the solo in "Seasons of Love".

It was lovely, and sad, and had her in every moment.

She is loved, and missed so so much.

#Spotify

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sugawara-sweetheart · 4 years

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ok this is a longass story but it truly is something that has stuck with me. im 20 now, but when i was sixteen, my gma was unfortunately dying. she was really close with my family, she lived with us and everything. i went on this school trip to disney when she was in the hospital and tbh i was feeling guilty as hell for it even though my parents assured me that it was fine. one day i went to a cool consession stand bc i wanted one of those mickey themed chocolate caramel apples, and when i bought one i noticed the little chocolate hat on top of it broke off when the worker put it in the bag. i was like on my last string of sanity or smthn and was ready to lose it BUT, i went to the side of the counter and asked the lady, could i please get another one, the hat broke on mine, and i STG i think she knew i was sad af. she just nodded at me like she knew and then she MADE ME A BRAND NEW APPLE ON THE SPOT. it was a v nice moment for me. i think about it often. thas all <3

i’m sorry about your grandma🥺💞but that’s so sweet + i’m so happy she was kind enough to do that. she must’ve been a nice lady to understand that everything is going through something tough + a little bit of kindness can really make things so much easier for them. i aspire to be that lady ahaha and i’m happy she was nice to you💞

#interacting #sweetheart asks <3 #sweetheart: anon

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s-nh · 3 years

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Heaven literally gained an angel yesterday.

His name is Miguel Ángel Ramos. He grew up in Jalisco Mexico and in his early 20’s came to America to see what the fuss was about living here. He lived with my uncle Ramon and my mom and dad in a one bedroom apartment before he met a girl and they had a beautiful baby girl. My now 23 year old cousin, Celeste. At the age of 27/28, my uncle was in a car crash. He wasn’t wearing his seat belt and he went head first out the windshield when a drunk driver hit him, his girlfriend and Celeste.

Celeste and my uncles girlfriend were okay for the most part but my uncle was not.

He was in a coma for 3 months. Doctors didn’t believe he would make it. But he did. And slowly but surely they helped him gain his mobility back through physical therapy. He didn’t remember anything or anyone for a while. He had to relearn a lot.

His life was sadly and unfortunately never the same after that accident. My uncle Miguel was not all there mentally and could no longer work bc of all the brain damage he had suffered and so his girlfriend left him. My uncle Miguel pleaded to her, “Look, you’ll be able to have more kids some day. I might not. Please, let me have my daughter. Please.” So his girlfriend agreed and 3 year old Celeste and my uncle left to Mexico where my grandparents would take care of the both of them.

Uncle Miguel later on in life suffered from seizures almost all the time. He was on loads and loads of medication and took frequent trips to the hospital.

My grandparents dedicated 20 years caring after him and making sure he was on top of his medication and on time to his doctors appointment.

He had severe migraines. Every. Single. Day.

But I swear he was always smiling despite the fucking actual bullshit he was going through. He always had jokes to crack, a story to tell or stop to tell you how much he loves you.

Sometime at the end of October, he was coming downstairs, took a wrong step and fell down the flight of stairs.

He was so fragile. Imagine accidentally dropping a glass cup and having its pieces shatter once it’d hit the ground.

He was immediately taken to the the hospital and spent all of November being just there. In the hospital.

My grandma couldn’t go see him. She was afraid of being exposed to COVID and Celeste would stay with her to comfort her and take care of her when my other uncles were going to make their way to the city to go see him.

He would tell my uncles “I just want to get out of here to see my mom and Celeste.”

They said he was doing better. That he would be discharged this thursday.

But something happened. I still don’t know what but he fucking died.

I injured my knee on Sunday morning, we got the bad news on Monday afternoon.

I was in the room with my sister and we heard my mom scream “NOOOO!!” After she answered a phone call from my other uncle, Ramon.

My sister and I immediately sprinted out of our beds. She got to her first since my knee was too messed up for me to move fast.

“What happened mom?!”

Half way down the hallway my heart shattered.

“Your uncle Miguel died!”

This time I found myself screaming No.

“No! You’re lying! It’s not true!!!! Mom, stop it’s not true!”

Her wails and sobs wouldn’t let her speak. My uncle Ramon pleaded over the phone to calm her down and that he would be on his way.

My sister and I sat there in disbelief. It felt like an actual joke.

They said he was fine. He was gonna go home this Thursday.

It didn’t hit that he was actually gone until my moms aunt and uncle called her.

As soon as her uncle said “I am so sorry, Sonia.” After my mom answered, Hello, did I burst into tears myself.

My uncle Ramon came and I’ve never seen this man cry before in my life.

He hugged us Hello, his blue eyes were blood shot.

He cheeks were wet.

Seeing him walk into my moms room to hug her broke me.

Realizing that this brother and sister are embracing one another in pain over the devastating news that one of their little brothers has died.

“We’re going to Mexico today. Pack your things.” He told her.

We asked him if there was anything we could do.

“No, nothing. You guys are fine, really. But the only thing I’d want one of you to help me with is finding flights to Guadalajara for today.”

I immediately hopped on it and found them a one way flight to Mexico for midnight.

My mom kissed us all goodbye and left with my uncle.

Tío Migue. You were a miracle. You were actual walking love and acceptance. You were an honest to god loving person. A fucking good man who was sad that he couldn’t provide for his daughter and mother.

He loved Celeste so much. He would say that she was his whole fucking world. And he kept telling my uncles that he couldn’t wait to go home to see her and my grandma.

And now he’s gone. I wish we had more time.

He loved to dance. He loved to buy music. He would always hug and kiss you and say he loves you. He was so fucking kind.

If anyone deserved a fuckinng DO OVER it was HIM. He didn’t deserve to be in that car accident. He didn’t deserve those seizures, hundreds of pill intake, monthly hospital visits, just not being able to live a 100% normal life.

He was 27/28, barely starting his life and family, and at 48, gone.

Te amo tío. You didn’t deserve this. You fucking didn’t. I hope my grandpa received you with the biggest fucking hug and kiss.

Te amo. Te amo. Te amo.

We lost you both in the month of November. I still can’t fucking believe it.

Nov. 22nd, 2016 and now Nov. 30th, 2020.

Isn’t it crazy? We literally pass every year the date in which we will die.

I wish we knew when it would be the last time. At least to make that hug last longer, make every “I love you” count, squeeze ones hand a little tighter and just have a couple seconds more of a glimpse of the person.

I wish I had that with you tío Migue.

I can only imagine how Celeste and grandma feel.

Celeste not having her mom wanting to be around in her life and not giving a fuck about her and my uncle who literally wanted to give her the world even tho he physically couldn’t but with his love and actions spoke louder than fucking money.

And to my grandma. Having lost her husband and then her fucking son????

Visiting won’t feel the same.

There was already a weird feeling inside that house when my grandpa passed and now that my uncles gone and now it’s just my grandma and Celeste...idk anymore.

And to my mom and her now, four brothers rather than 5.... I can’t even.

He was too young. 48?!!??! Life is so fucking unfair.

I’m so sorry tío. And I love you more than you know.

Till we meet again you literal angel.

#personal

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swearronchanel · 4 years

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9.06

I’m a day late but I have thoughts

- Fred is truly a gem lol but another garden seems redundant

- Trixie actually working!

- Why did they bring back Val’s really bitchy cousin lol, I’m sure she has others on the block😂

- Also Mcnulty seems eager to come back, nice boy

- Sister Hilda tryna stay positive when she knows the truth, bless her

- Also the heat 2000 feels just as far away when you say it now at days too😂

- Save Nonnatus House 1k65/2k20

- I was always wondering when the Turners would tell Angela she’s adopted. I think it should be soon, she deserves to know & I hope we see it

- Little girls always wanna be the same😭 that’s true, but I hope that they acknowledge the fact that it’s a different situation and Angela won’t ever have the struggle May is about to have

- “Maybe they’ll move and carry on like before” Trixie in tears makes me wanna cry😭 she’s literally already been through this. I wish we saw more moments where she reflects as the only OG midwife left (yea Shelagh is technically too but you already know all the issues)

- Also Trixie looks damn great

- What will midwives the do!? We shall see

- Oh so Val has a dad? Did he pass? Give us more info lol

- I also feel like it’s been spring/summer this whole series lol

- Ok but the suddenly alive lost parent trope is pretty soap-y/melodramatic but go on,

- Shelagh stress smoking is a big ass mood but also stop you have weak lungs sis

- Reggie always have great ideas

- Chugging castor oil uh I rather die 🤢

- She’s going to shit her brains out now

- LMAO YUP

- Sister Hilda and Trixie could be an interesting dynamic, let’s see it

- Fred do not worry you’ll figure it out

- What’s wrong with Sister Frances?

- Where is Ms Higgins from that she just said laboratory like that LMAO?? Or do all brits say it like that? i dont remember

- Can’t wait to see Phyllis back with her cubs

- Fred and Reggie hugging for so long🥺

- Sister MJ is going to make a garden, I love her

- Trixie’s new pyjama’s are so cute

- It’s a boy 🥺

- “I am not alone sister” LMAO omg reminds me of the time my grandma went shopping by herself right after she came out of the hospital and we called her and asked who she was with and she straight up said “con díos” aka god and I died

- Never underestimate Sister Mj tho

- Tim is so grown and yet he’s still just the babysitter is so wack give him a little story

- “I like that we’re complicated” awww

- The photos of May🥺awww

- Give Esther a chance man, I feel so bad. She only asked to meet her before she goes back

- Gtfo how can the agency not provide a translator so that she can understand official documents in her first language? That’s bullshit

- LMAO FRED IS WASTED

- “Only in the line of duty ma’am” 😂

- Oh no poor Sister Frances, cramps are the WORST 😭

- I legit would not be able to move for hours and have thrown up before from period pain. Thank god for birth control

- What’s wrong with baby warren?! Omg noo a heart problem

- Trixie’s fit is great

- The fucking chicken pox caused this omg nooo

- THE BEATLES AT SHEA!! iconic! Remember when Don took Sally on Mad Men

- Omg baby is blind? and only going to live a few weeks? Noo😭 this is heart breaking

- Poor Val and poor Maureen ugh this is so awful

- My niece turned 1 today and baby warren is making me extra emo😢

- Sister MJ with the teddy bear 🥺 she doesn’t even care she got caught for taking the blankets LMAO

- Damn May doesn’t remember her or her language. This is so heartbreaking

- ALSO why were there not subtitles so we could know what she said? 🤔 very questionable... just like how they emphasized earlier her going by a “christian” name now...

- Esther shouldn’t have gotten loud but they didn’t even give her a chance? That’s not really fair

- I know Patrick is being protective but he’s so defensive that he probably did scare May

- PHYLLIS FAKING CAR TROUBLES TO GET CRYRIL AND LUCILLE TOGETHER I LOVE IT

- Damn that didn’t go well LMAO

- I’m really feeling conflicted here. I know the Turners have the best intentions and want to keep May safe but I feel like they haven’t given Esther enough of a chance before passing judgment. Like how do we not know she’s a completely changed/clean from drugs women?

- like she is working for a family with enough money for international travel so they probably pay well? IDK what to think rn. Maybe I’m giving Esther the benefit of the doubt but no one else really is

- “They made my child afraid of me” that’s so sad to hear

- “Forgetting her language, forgetting that she’s Chinese” !!! THIS, no one is talking about May’s loss of culture & what’s worse is that no one else seems to care. It really upsets me, the show always wants to pride itself on respecting other cultures and being inclusive but I don’t always feel that

- Also what she said about what they’ve done to her people. She ain’t wrong. F**k colonialism and all its evils !!

- Poor Esther 😭 this is so sad. It’s a lose lose situation for her and she just wants her daughter to know her and know that she loves her

- Also I know sister J is sister J but her talking to Esther is a bit biased don’t you think

- NO NO NO Warren passed 😭😭😢

- Damn Patrick has to carry a stack of death certificates 😢

- ANOTHER look from Ms Franklin

- all the girls look great though

- My heart really breaks for Esther man. This is so sad. She’s the victim of circumstances and it sucks to feel like the world is against you

- It’s so awkward bc the Turners are always set up in moments to kiss and then they don’t and just stand or sit there

- Such beautiful flowers

- They developed the film of Baby Warren😭

- Cyril’s FIT ! A fashion KING who loves Lucille. I love it. I love them.

- The nosy nurses of course

- Alright this is an awesome little festival good job Fred and Reggie !!

- Love the dress Trixie. The hat no so much but it’s the 60s so

- A BABY GARDEN OMG HOW PRECIOUS

- SISTER MONICA JOAN WON OK!

- “Flowers take many forms. Each one has its story. Each one unfolds...” 🌼🌸💐🌷🌺🌻🌷

- “Not every garden blooms as we except it... tears take the place of rain when the sunshine fails us...” 😭💖

- This was a beautiful ending to a sad episode wow

#call the midwife #im conflicted #thoughts #live blogging but not really live

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kpop-forwhaat · 5 years

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alright sO, here’s a little story of how kpop helped me personally. but in order to share my story, i must start from the beginning.

growing up, i’ve never had much family. my mom was constantly on drugs and my dad wanted nothing to do with me. my cousins and aunts wanted nothing to do with me either, they would say one thing and then never commit. my mom’s mother (grandma but she wanted us to call her mema bc it grandma made her feel old) also wanted nothing to do with me. so what i had growing up was my great grandmother and her son, my papa (grandpa).

my mom was constantly on drugs, always moving us around from town to town whenever she made some enemies. i remember going to 7 different school districts by the time i had started my freshman year of high school.

but throughout this entire time, my grandma and papa would always be there. when i was a toddler, my mom was caught and sentenced to 4 years in prison, while she was in prison, she had my little sister, we’ll call her Taylor. but that’s another story.

so basically, my grandparents raised me together. 3 generations living peacefully, as well as my siblings.

fast forward to 13 year old me. i was in my hometown, where my grandparents were raised, and I was living with them again at the time because they both had their own variants of cancer. so i offered to help with getting groceries and cleaning the house, so i lived with them. one day, my mom drops my sisters off for the “weekend” and says she’ll be back on monday. i was stuck watching two elderly cancerous people as well as two little girls who are 5 (Haley) and 6 (Edith), for six months. my mom didn’t come back for six months. i had to enroll them in school, i forged her signiture. i washed, clothed, and fed 4 people at 13.

fast forward 2 years later.

my grandpa had just passed away from his 6th round of cancer, throwing my mom back into a deep spiral of drugs after being clean for almost 2 years after coming back. her dad just died, i understand that she was going through a lot. but with the lack of my father figure, my papa had become my dad, and my grandma had become my mom.

my mom had moved out to live with her boyfriend at the time, as well as taking my little sisters Haley and Edith. that left me with my grandma, who i had no problems living with. she was beginning to get quite old, so i would help out even more.

around christmas that year, my mom was kicked out of the house she was living in bc her boyfriend just recently went to prison and there was no reason for her to be living there with my sisters in a house with her bf’s parents. she had no where to go, and my grandma almost didn’t let her stay with us. hell, my mom didn’t even know where we lived. but i had convinced my grandma that my mom had changed, and that she just needs a place to live before she gets back onto her feet.

boy, was that the biggest fucking mistake i’ve ever made.

my mom used to be abusive before, whenever she would get high, she would get angry at something and then proceed to take it out on me, whether it be through physical violence or mental abuse. i learned to tune her out eventually, but years of damage had been done.

i knew something was going on when she would bring strangers over, or i would hear her fucking her newest side piece in the living room at midnight in the same room while my sisters slept on the other couch.

but one day, i had stayed home from school bc i had pulled a muscle in my back helping my grandma bring groceries into the house. i remember sitting in my room alone when two of her druggie buddies practically knock down my door and say that the cops are at the front door. they said they wanted to hide out in my room, and pleaded that my grandma don’t open the door.

my grandma had nothing to hide, and she wasn’t going to stop the police from coming in when she knew that this could be the way to get my mother out of our lives for good. she opened the door, and the police found a fucking meth lab in the garage.

my sisters and i were put into foster care in march of 2015. i was 15 years old.

because my sisters could go and live with their dad, they weren’t sent to a foster home. i had no family that would take me in, other than my grandma but i couldn’t live in the house with the lab so i had to go to a home.

fast forward to my junior year of high school.

i’ve always been fangirl. first it was one direction in middle school. then 5 seconds of summer after that. but then i had started watching kdramas on netflix and came across this one group. in their webdrama “To Be Continued...” Astro caught my attention. they were all so cute and i wanted to know more.

so in my senior year of high school, i was finally living with my grandma again. i wasn’t in a foster home anymore, and i was happy. but then, my grandma had fallen ill, the fumes from the meth lab years ago were still fucking with her lungs, and she had stayed in the hospital for a few days.

my social worker found out and told me that i can’t live with her anymore, unless i let my cousin move in. so that’s what happened.

then in december, between christmas and new years, my grandma had fallen. she broke her hip and her collerbone. because of the injuries, she had to be transferred to around the clock care in a nursing home.

that next february, with the stress of college applications and the fact that my own fucking mother figure was dying in front of my eyes, i attempted suicide in february of 2018. i had taken 30 tylenol pm tablets without hesitation. but once it had sank about what i had done, i immediately asked for help. i was in a hospital for 5 days, and then court ordered to go to a mental health facility. now this is where kpop really helped me.

the other girls in the facility knew about kpop too. we all bonded over BTS, EXO, and other groups. before this, every other kid in the teens wing was there for attempted suicide. but when all of us girls started bonding over kpop, the therapists and helpers saw a change in our behavior. we weren’t sad anymore, we were happy, singing our favorite songs that we knew by heart.

i know that i personally sang bs&t for days, and us girls even did our favorite choreo during physical times. it got to the point where one of our supervisors brought in tv, hooked up a computer to it, and let us watch music videos during our free times.

i honestly don’t think i would’ve recovered as quickly as i did if i didn’t have those other girls, if i didn’t have kpop or BTS. they helped me, they saved me. and they continue to save me whenever i have a bad day, or i feel an episode coming on. BTS is my world, and i love and appreciate everything they do for us.

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campcamp-nerris · 6 years

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(P1) My initial thought was that i assume this was some time after college. Preston and Max were in a serious relationship but Preston was too nervous to tell Max he was poly. The reason no one knew is bc neither of them were out of the closet. The thing with Harrison and Nerris happened after the couple (who were his best friends) confessed they both had feelings for him after talking it out with eachother (& having at least 3 seprate arguments about how to tell him)

(P2 of ?) When they confessed Preston was caught off guard by the fact he DOES like them both and he was so happy he didn't think of the pain he was inflicting. The fact he was in the closet also helped to hide that he was seeing them. Preston hadn't meant to hurt anyone but they were all so affectionate and wonderful not to mention the drama element was… Amazing to Preston.

(P3 of ?) He panicked and to keep it from getting out he lied to Nerris and Harrison that max had been a selfish ex and he had a messy brake up so they wouldn't talk to max out of respect for him. At this point he knew he was fucking up bad but he was falling in love. It got even better when they found out Nerris was pregnant. It was the happiest,and scariest, moment for the trio but Preston couldn't shake the immense guilt and fear of loosing them.

(P4 of ?) As time went on he thought his secret was safe. That didnt last long though. Max snapped and told his two best friends how in love he was bc he wanted them to be happy for him. Nikki and Neil were happy but a little worried. Tbh Nikki thought Preston liked Harrison and Nerris. She wanted to be happy for Max but she caved and told Neil and they snooped. This soon lead to finding Preston’s secret after seeing him sneak a kiss with Harrison while out to support Nerris at a book release.

(P 5 of ?) It hurt so much to look up at Nerris’s concerned face and tell his girlfriend that the man they loved cheated on them. Frankly Nerris was so upset she was shaking and replaying every happy memory they had in her head feeling fucking sick. He cheated on them and now shes pregnant. Possibly with Preston’s child. They ended up just staying quiet waiting on Preston to get there for date night. As soon as the front door opened though Nerris was up.

(P 6 of ?) The first thing Preston got was not a kiss but a slap to the fucking face curtasy of Nerris. It was all a blur to Preston as he was shoved back by nerris who had started to cry without realizing it before she was pulled back by Harrison who was blinking away tears and asking why Preston would do this. They love him so much and were starting a family. The only question nerris could bare to ask was how long he had been lying to them.

(Part 7 of ?) When Preston eventually sobbed out the truth that he had been seeing max when he started to fall for them Harrison looked up at him hurt and said in disbelief that it was all a fucking lie. Before Preston could respond Harrison pulled Prestons bags out of his hat and threw it at him before slamming the door. Preston was left crying outside of their apartment before he got a text from max that read “I hope it was good for you while it lasted asshole. Were fucking through”

(P 8 of ?) Preston ended up going back to his grandmas temporarily in tears bc he lost everyone he loved. Max however was out drinking with his two best friends trying to move the hell on way too soon because thinking of Preston fucking hurt. It was a few weeks of hell tbh but it ended in a simi messy brake up between Nerris and Harrison. He wantef to not think about Preston and made her feel like she was needlessly stuck on the past. He didn’t mean to but Nerris was scared of being hurt again.

(P 9 of ?) The Preston situation caused so much hurt and anger that it destroyed their relationship. Nerris moved out despite Harrison asking her to stay. And they didnt talk for weeks. Tbh Harrison didnt hear from Nerris much after that until a month later when he got a call from the hospital that Nerris was going to have the baby soon and wanted him to be there. Unknown to her… One of thr nurse’s also called the other man listed as her boyfriend on her emergency call list. Preston.

(P 10 of ?) That was a very awkward meeting. Harrison glared at him and walked with him to the hospital room. When they arived Preston almost cried at the sight of Nerris’s outstreched arms. But then, Harrison ran straight to her and she couldnt bare to look at Preston when she told him to go wait outside. Preston felt his heart shatter as he realized he truely wasnt wanted. He backed out of the room as Harrison and Nerris seemed to curl up apologizing to eachtother.

(P 11 of ?) A few hours later and Preston was invited into the room to see the newborn. Nerris thought it was only fair since she wasnt totally sure who the father was and since someone invited him anyways. While Nerris was trying very hard not to get emotional, Harrison was completely wrapped around the babies finger. Honestly Preston could see why. The little boy was very cute. After getting a nod from Nerris he too came closer to look. (Also i might be a bit bc my mind is going blank)

@fiddler-unroofed jesus fucking criminy lord almighty god fuckign destroy me on the spot give me a sock in a notebook and call me a dead free elf, this is sad

EDIT: IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER (WORSE)

EDIT: OOFS IN G MAJOR

#camp camp #cc nerris #cc preston #cc harrison #cc max #maxpres #presmax #nerriston #magic missile mail for nerris the cute #good for you au #mageofclass

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firelord-frowny · 2 years

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SIGH tw for aging and impending death, i guess

my grandma spent the last 2ish days in the hospital bc her blood pressure was apparently catastrophically high?? high enough that they put her in the ~stroke unit~ even though she didn’t actually have a stroke?? and then after they got her blood pressure back down, she came home today,

and then a few hours ago as my mom was helping her make her way back to her room from the bathroom, using one of those lil walker thingies, my grandma clearly started losing consicousness and eventually just went totally limp and basically just CRUMPLED as my mom tried to gently ease her down omfg.

so she tells me to go get my dad and so i do and then i call 911 (literally have never dialed those numbers before so that was neat 🙃) and then i basically just skedaddled on up to my room because i’m clinically Useless In A Crisis.

EMS came, checked her out, took her vitals, said she was fine, and left.

????????????????

like damn, passing out and pooping yourself on your way out of the bathroom is fine???? being 94 must be wild.

but honestly i’m mostly just REALLY sad for my mom??? i have 0 affectionate feelings for my grandma other than a general Hope She Doesn’t Die In Unnecessary Circumstances kind of way, but my mom is so stressed out from taking care of her and it makes me Extra Mad bc my grandma has been mean FOREVER and is STILL mean despite not being able to remember shit??? she was literally threatening to kill people at the hospital like wtf woman you can’t even GO TO THE BATHROOOOOOOM without almost dying, who the fuck you gonna kill???

apparently she said, about the hospital staff, “somebody in here is lyin’ to me and when i find out who it is, somebody’s gon die”

YOU, BITCH!!!! IT’S YOUUUUU!!!!! YOU’RE THE SOMEBODY!!!! Maybe try to be nice for once in your life before the cosmic will of the universe decides you’ve used up the allotment of electromagnetism allocated to you for your lifespan?? You better hurry up and start smiling at people! chop chop!

#didn't mean for this to be a Hilarious Post but it kinda is

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rqs902 · 4 years

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for a split second i actually thought tencent had bought them gifts but LOL oh its their parents that makes more sense

ofc zzn would be with ljt’s groupppp hahahha aw im glad nana got to work with a group she had previously said she’d wanted to collab with.

lol why do i feel like langlang is bringing all his friends and family onto this show LOL

i cant tell if i like xiao li without bangs better, but a change isnt bad, gives him a new look

oof the way xiao li says “im someone who doesn’t have a father” being raised by his mom and aunt and just remembers broken plates from his childhood, and left at 13?? its been 6 years?? wild

and hyt commiserating talking about how admirably strong he thinks his mom is too but then im like wait a minute... they’re probably the two that contributed the most to making this song (well mostly xiao li) but theyre the ones whose parents didnt come, that’s sad :(

i respect xiao li rocking this bright colored hoodie in a sea of black LOL

wow i think he’s saying that music should have a personal touch to it, tell a story, and even tho growing up sometimes there are moments that aren’t happy, when you look back it may still be a treasured moment. is he talking about the broken plates? wow this just got real deep real fast and im just so intrigued by his artistic mind wow im just grateful that his group mates are really letting him drive their musical direction. i mean thats part of why hyt chose him, for his composition abilities, so im not surprised but its really so cool that his group is helping him tell such a personal story through their music

pushu complimenting xiao li’s guitar composition in the demo and xiao li’s like im the one playing it :’) xiao li is really so talented wow

wait why did they do the elims in the middle of them making their own compositions tho? that just makes it sad that the groups that didnt make it didnt get to show their music and the reshuffled groups are at a huge disadvantage they only have 3 days left?? the timing seems bad

so basically xiao li did everything except hyt made his own drum part and they all supposedly wrote the lyrics together

wow this song is.... oof. im still trying to process

on a side note, i was kinda worried how mz would fit in this group but its great that he can be their bass player! and tbh im still kinda questioning xiao xiong’s singing, like it still sounded kinda pitchy to me but maybe its at least improving like gem said lol

but back to the song, when asked why a song about family isnt more warm, the way xiao li said life can be cruel but he still sees it as beautiful when he looks back and he still loves his family. i think thats why this song creates such conflicting emotions in me. its sad and even spiteful but also touching. you can feel how lonely and lost he’s been in life, but he recognizes he’s still loved. theres a lot of complicated emotions presented in the space of a few minutes (which shows how real and personal this song is) and i think i need to listen a few more times to help me digest his story. i feel like the messy, discordant chords in his piano solo represent his inner feelings and im grateful and amazed that he was willing to share his vulnerabilities so openly.

Oof I read xiao li's weibo post about this song and it's so poetic I had to use the dictionary but oof it just made me think of hyt saying it seems like xiao li has been through a lot. I'm grateful he says he isnt lonely with the family members he loves (again sad they couldnt come support him...) I'm wondering what the meaning behind his words is when he says he still has candy and can forever be a child. At least he says he'll be happy.

OOF continuing with another sad story, man maybe its why that group of kids are so close, xu yang also talking about being raised by his mom (and zk too) from meager beginnings. kinda sad he cant perform the song himself but at least his friends can publicize it for him? i do feel like it wouldve been even more emotional for xu yang to have been in the perf himself :\ they did make it together but writing the lyrics shapes the whole message of the song. glad to see zk and jym are on good terms still and xu yang supported them to perform the song.

well im glad to see that the adults are able to whip the kids in qiang ge’s group into shape so muji and wjy can work together lol seems like qiang ge’s learning from them and gaining confidence. oof qiang ge’s father being responsible for a family with 5 kids and always getting sick

happy to see mty so happy on stage and qiang ge so happy to see his parents and muji being so gentle with his little brother

im tearing up at wjy talking about his grandma’s noodles and then qiang ge being all “arent my noodles good too?” I CRACKED UP HAHHAHAHAHHAHA

me watching xiao zhi’s group: wow xiao zhi is such a great older bro

AW muji’s little bro sitting at muji’s desk with the rest of the kids backstage !!! and then high fiving the kids going on stage !!!

zhang yang’s always seemed a bit like an awkward turtle but you can tell he really loves his group mates, its sweet

oh ljt’s comment about parents gradually becoming like kids and the kids have to learn to 包容 them.... thats so real

did nannan just walk in with a SUP DUDE.... HAHAHHAHAHAHA

nice to see jym has found peace within their group haha and not surprised ljt’s dad likes ljt’s music but zzn’s dad thinks zzn’s music is too loud L O L

lol they said liu yang wrote the music and szb and ljt wrote the lyrics, then how come the credits have only ljt for the music and lyrics??

lol ljt’s dad’s singingggg hahahhah

i teared up at szb’s mom’s words bc it must be hard for her to blame herself for everything

LOL JYM’S DAD !!! they seem to have a fun relationship. and i love how ljt saw jym sit down and immediately went to check to make sure he was okay.

oof rip wu xing’s dad being like uh so we cared more about your older brother when you were growing up oops

but wu xing’s song may be my favorite from this ep. theyre not my favorite group, but i like this song.

LOL zjy’s dad seems fun, why do i suddenly get the feeling thats how i imagine ljt would be like as a dad L O L

oof hyt saying hes not surprised his dad didnt show up but he felt like something was wrong when he mom said she was sick. then asking whether parents should hide something like hospitalization from their kids... thats rough

aw muji’s mom feeling so sad for hyt and crying when saying muji would also feel like something was wrong if she hadnt shown up.. aw

honestly i cant tell if i like muji in particular, bc there are times where i feel like his personality seems a bit unique in a way im not sure if he’d be easy to get along with, but i respect that hes repping his culture and staying strong and seems very close with his family.

xiao xiong’s cantonese tongue twisters with the badminton LOL that made me laugh, he just seems so pure

man im sad that xiao zhi’s group is least popular, so they’ll likely be broken up. MAN if xiao zhi gets eliminated ill be sad......... hopefully he’ll get saved and jus reshuffled bc it may be cool to see him in a different context. itll be weird to imagine him as a side addition rather than the main pillar of a group tho.

yall at this rate hyt’s group is gonna win this competition and idk how i feel about that even tho i like them.

#rants #wow im still just so shook by xiao li's song... his composition really just hit me like a ton of bricks with so many conflicting emotions #its so complex and deep and there are so many layers to the feelings he has for his family it feels so personal and raw #im honestly not sure if i like the songs on this show but ive gotten more attached to the kids than i expected #im not allowing myself to get super attached bc i havent taken the time to watch their abundance of side shows and extra content but #i respect these kids and their dedication to music and this ep really showed how each of their unique family backgrounds shape who they are

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