theworldoffostering
Hope for the Future
Former foster parent for over a decade. Now working mom of seven with a side hustle of cake baking.
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Raising kids is not for the weak.
The good:
DS took his road test and passed it! It felt so nice to do a normal kid/parent thing and see him be successful.
The anniversary of his adoption day was this month. It’s been 15 years.
Ms. 6 was accepted into a university.
Ms. 6 is going to graduate high school next month!
We are progressing in attachment therapy with Baby.
School is almost done for the year.
The mediocre:
DD broke up with her fiancé and is already seeing someone else. I did not care for her fiancé, but already seeing someone else is a red flag.
I talked with the students with disabilities center on Ms. 6’s campus this week to try to get her some services. In turn, I had to request her IEP. Her IEP from fall was a train wreck so I reconvened the team this week and told them to rewrite it appropriately. Apparently the guidance counselor quit in the fall and no one has taken his place. For real, without a parent, most kids are completely lost.
I signed Ms. 6 up for college registration and orientation. Students have to bring a parent. I offered but she wants her mom to go which is fine. However, we don’t know if her mom will go. She was too hungover to take Ms. 6 to the hospital when she had knee surgery scheduled a couple of months back. Last week she didn’t get out of bed to take Ms. 6 to a somewhat major dental appointment. I told her I would go, but her mom insisted that she was going so I could not attend. I stood down and then she didn’t show up. Same thing happened with the knee surgery.
The challenging:
So much drama with Ms. 6’s family of origin. Ms. 6 lives over three hours away from us but is enrolled in a high school near us and her graduation will be where we live. I offered to throw her a graduation party and invite her mom. Ms. 6 was thrilled. Her mom told her to cut DH and I off and that she could no longer talk to us or receive mail from us. Now her mom is threatening to take away Ms. 6 attending her own graduation altogether.
Ms. 6 insisted she completed her FASFA. She did, but it was for the 23-24 year, not the 24-25 year. I straightened it out two weeks ago and filled it out for her (she’s an independent so parent income doesn’t count). Financial aid packagers don’t go out until next month so I’m hoping she will still get enough to be able to go to school.
Ms. 6 told me this week that she never obtained a new birth certificate or social security card despite me directing her in how to do both things multiple times in the fall after she left here unexpectedly. I finally just ordered (and paid) for a new birth certificate for her this week.
I feel incredibly burned out. Like maybe I need meds? My endocrin called and told me I need to start doing B12 injections because after taking oral supplements for three months, my b12 levels actually went down. I don’t know if it’s that, or wading through all of the drama, or both. Some days, I don’t feel like I can even put one foot in front of the other. It’s too much. How do you ever get a break from everything?
Tomorrow we are meeting with DD to try to work out getting her a $4k car from a friend of mine. It’s a 2006 Odyssey with almost 200k miles on it. The insurance (collision only) would be $2k for the year. She’s bouncing from one hourly job to another and not saving anything. She desperately needs a vehicle to get to and from work. Currently she’s relying on her fiancé and her vehicle, but now that they’re no longer together, it seems more important that she have her own. She has zero money saved, but I have a college fund set aside for her with about $10k in it. Clearly she’s not going to college right now so I think we are going to pivot with that money and pay for the car and the insurance for a year.
I was planning to drive 6.5 hours this weekend to meet up with Ms. 6 and her BF who she met online. Ms. 6 has really been pushing for this. I asked for his address so I could locate a nearby hotel. She said he didn’t want me to have it. Then I asked for his name. He apparently did not want to disclose that to me either. I did tell her that was super sketch, and now I do think he’s like a really scary person who no one has vetted. Ms. 6 has already stayed with him several times so maybe not a serial killer, but anything else is possible in my brain. He’s definitely older because he has his own apartment.
It’s so much, you guys.
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Basically, I’m a short order cook in the mornings. I typically make two kids egg burritos for breakfast—two scrambled eggs with cheddar and ham wrapped in a tortilla. Another of our kids eats Honey Nut Cheerios with bananas daily as does my husband. My teen eats a slice of deli meat and then whatever the school provides for breakfast. I have oatmeal with chia seeds, sliced almonds and raisins or blueberries and a little almond milk, or two eggs over easy and a slice of toast. Sometimes I make another kid toast or egg in a hole.
On the weekends, I often make buttermilk pancakes from scratch because all of the kids love them and will eat stacks of them.
If I ask nicely will people reblog this and tell me what their most common breakfast is? Not your favorite necessarily, just what you have for breakfast most frequently? 🙏🏽
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Someone requested a churro cake. I made a cinnamon cake with cinnamon buttercream and then went to one of the local mercados to get the churros. They made them fresh for me. Yum! Sort of wish I was getting to eat this cake. Both the icing and the cake with new flavor requests for me and I was happy with how they turned out.
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I made this cute truck cake for a three year old this week—first cake of April for me.
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I made this fire truck cake for my cousin’s little guy this week. I think it’s so cute!
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H turned ten! An entire decade! I can’t believe it. He requested a skate park cake. It’s a triple layer vanilla cake filled with salted caramel butter cream, and iced with black cocoa icing.
He had planned to spend his birthday at the skatepark, but at the beginning of the month, he fell while on his scooter there and broke his hand. I took him to the ER and they sent us home saying he was fine. DH took him to get another X-ray last week and he has a fracture in his hand below the pinky, and they think a broken ring finger too. They sent him to the children’s hospital and now he has a huge cast on that encloses his fingers and goes to his elbow. He can swim in it, but no ocean due to the bacteria. Bad timing as we leave for Florida this week. He’s not allowed to be on anything with wheels and not allowed to play any sports and no trampoline. Basically he feels like his life is over. The cast should come off right after Easter, but by then his birthday and vacation are over. I’m honestly surprised by how hard it has been for him, and I’m nervous Florida is going to be challenging, but nothing to do but forge ahead at this point.
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I love this cake so much!
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I’m not saying this is the cutest kid with the cutest birthday cake I’ve ever seen, but….
The cake is a triple layer decedent chocolate filled with salted caramel pecan filling, and iced with salted caramel buttercream. Baby’s choice and it was really good—I’m glad I got to eat this one. 🙂
My mom bought him the costume for his birthday. He had a great day and was so cute about it all!
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February was so busy! H and E had an orchestra concert. DS had a band concert. H and E had weekly private orchestra lessons. Baby took a Lego “class” after school one day a week, and NB is now in dance one day a week too.
This weekend we are putting away Christmas decorations. They were packed up, but we are relocating them from our basement to the new storage closet upstairs so we needed to actually get the bins in there. Mission accomplished!
Last weekend, I went through clothes for Baby and NB to see what fit, and what needed to be handed down, stored for the next kid, or donated. That’s such a big job, but it’s done (for now).
I also attended DS’s junior conference. It was helpful and informative. He has ZERO idea what he wants to do with his life and I don’t know how to direct him/be helpful. He has great grades, but isn’t actually a great student. As a whole, he doesn’t love anything, and isn’t particularly motivated. I’m hoping he’ll find his way eventually. Let’s be honest, I’m hoping his exit from our home isn’t horrible and unexpected like it was with our two girls.
I talked with Ms. 6 this week. She’s feeling the pull of living with people that are open about how much they hate us. I feel bad for her in that respect. I told her that we are aware of her family’s feelings about us, and have zero intention of trying to change their minds. I encouraged her to try to just let it go as there is nothing that she could say or do to change their minds either.
She’s worried about high school graduation because she doesn’t want there to be fighting. I simultaneously offered to throw her a graduation party at our house that her mom would be welcome to attend, and also said we were be okay with not coming to graduation at all because it’s her day, and the most important thing is for her to enjoy it. She said she wants a party at our house, but a lot can change between now and June so we’ll see.
DD went to urgent care last week because her leg that has the blood clot was giving her issues. Once she got to urgent care she lied and said she was actually short of breath and needed an ambulance to take her three miles down the road to the emergency room. She lied to me about why she was in the ED. She had a CT of her heart and lungs and an ultrasound of her leg. Everything was fine. She blocked me from her phone for a few days when I asked her why she lied to me, but now she’s back to texting me. I keep telling myself it’s the bipolar.
DH is applying for a super intensive graduate program. The deadline is Monday and we just found out about the program, so he’s applying now and going to ask all of the questions later. The application is free, and he spoke with the director of the program yesterday who told him he’s an excellent candidate and he should apply.
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We had our annual Valentine’s fondue dinner last night. It’s one of my favorite nights of the year!
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I made this triple layer strawberry cake with cream cheese icing over the weekend for a customer. To make the cake, I took 32 ounces of strawberries, blended them, and then cooked them down into a thick compote that eventually got mixed into the cake batter. It was a new recipe for me, and although time consuming, very delicious!
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Chocolate peanut butter cake I made for a customer over the weekend.
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Somehow my birthday cake turned into a gender reveal cake. Color coordinating is not my thing and I really wanted to do the piping of a vintage cake. I got frustrated about halfway through so scrapped the sides and just “painted” them with a palette knife and called it a day. Given the opportunity, I think I could do better with a second go at it.
I tried a new cake recipe—chocolate mocha—which was so good! I filled the cake with strawberry compote and chocolate buttercream and then iced it with vanilla buttercream. It tasted very, very good!
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The director of special education did not show up to our IEP this week. It made the meeting a whole lot less contentious. It didn’t hurt that they assigned a much more experienced teacher to DS and our advocate showed up and kept everyone in line. Should it take that much work/effort/stress? Absolutely not! I will never understand how anyone is getting services if we cannot with all of the privileges we have personally been afforded.
DH and I talked to Ms. 6 this week. It could be worse, but it’s not great. She bought herself a car or someone else did, but it seems no one cares if she has insurance (legally required). I told her to call and get some quotes. She has not.
She has a boyfriend she met online that no one has vetted. He’s older (no idea how much older) as he has his own place. He lives three hours away in a neighboring state, but Ms. 6 couldn’t remember which city he lives in. She goes to see him on the weekends despite the fact that no one has met him or vetted him. It’s killing me! She was very vague on the details regarding what he does for a living.
Her car seems some basic repairs. Her grandpa has been a semi truck driver for decades. Hasn’t helped her with the repairs. Boyfriend is maybe some kind of mechanic but is unable to help with repairs. Mom is driving Ms. 6’s uninsured car and teaching Ms. 6 how to do donuts in it.
Ms. 6 said she applied to a PA program. When I pointed out that the PA program she applied for is a masters program (aren’t they all?) that cost $109k for the 28 month program, she seemed shocked and unimpressed. I did do a conference call with her and the high school this week to try to sort out her graduation.
Ms. 6 had knee surgery last week. I offered to be available and make the three hour drive to take her. She said her mom was taking her. The night before surgery her mom said she had to work and couldn’t take her. Grandma said she couldn’t take her because she had already take a sick day that week. Mom’s BF drove her, but apparently doesn’t like hospitals so he didn’t sit in the room and wait for Ms. 6 to be taken back to surgery. Surgery was pushed back several hours. Now mom doesn’t want to take her to the post-op appointment because the dogs have a vet appointment.
Post surgery, Ms. 6 was prescribed narcotics. Mom is an addict. Is she currently using? I have no idea but she used for at least a decade and has a conviction for cooking meth with the intent to sell. Kids were removed for many reasons including heroin use. Ms. 6 said the “oxy” isn’t managing her pain so she asked the nurse for something else AND an oxy refill. The pharmacist wouldn’t give both to mom. Mom told Ms. 6 it’s because they don’t have the same last name. I pointed out that I also don’t share the same last name as anyone in our family, and we were also recently denied a narcotic at the pharmacy. It is clear that no one that she has contact with lives in their thinking brains—they are all convinced that they are victims of one system or another.
Ms. 6 also quit her job. She said it was because they were making her do too much work.
Ms. 6 really wants contact with the other kids, particularly NB at this point. We have withheld that so far but can’t really articulate why. I think because it doesn’t feel healthy or good, and things don’t necessarily feel stable with her between DH and myself and her. I’ve talked to her a handful of times in the past month which are the first times I’ve spoken to her since she left in August. Anyone have experience in this area? Is it wrong for us to feel it out as parents before we open that relationship back up to siblings? It’s not my intention to use them as pawns, but it probably feels that way to Ms. 6. The kids here have not asked to see her, and DS and DD are actively continuing to say that they don’t want to have contact.
I’m trying to be something for her but that all feels very temporary and complicated right now. I sent her a small care package today via mail and am going to offer up some services for her like connecting her with colleges, but am trying to hold tight to a lot of boundaries at this point.
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I have been super stressed about DS’s IEP. We had his annual meeting a few weeks ago. It was a small meeting—myself, DH, DS, special ed teacher, regular ed teacher, and a principal who served as the LEA. It was a virtual meeting. The principal never turned the camera on. So weird. At any rate, during the meeting it quickly became apparent that DS has not been receiving a bunch of services all year. When I asked why, the special ed teacher said, “I’m not really sure.” Two days later I sent an email following up and asking for compensatory services.
Cue all sorts of drama because now the director of special education for the district is involved and he doesn’t know his job very well (he’s not qualified for the position), and has an ego that is easily wounded. He was straight up very unprofessional in an email to me. It made me realize that I have been fighting this same school district for 20 years! I have about 13 more years to go. I cannot believe some of the things that have been said and done to myself and my kids in these meetings. After the email he sent, I felt completely overwhelmed.
There is no way out. No accountability. The president of the school board here believes board members should stay out of the schools because the employees know how to do their jobs. This guy reports to the superintendent. That’s it. It’s an old boys club and will never change until there are enough people who care about special education to make it change (probably never going to happen).
We have the next meeting tomorrow. I had planned to spend the weekend prepping. Instead we were hit with an awful stomach bug. NB woke up at 3:30 Friday morning with it. Saturday evening it hit Baby. It took down DH and H in the middle of the night Saturday, and me yesterday morning. We are managing okay today, but DH and I have never been sick at the same time and it was horrible. No prepping of anything got done. I didn’t even order groceries for pick up.
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Beautiful day in the Midwest today. First time we’ve seen the sun in like two weeks and I’m here for it. It was also nearly 50 degrees. Welcome, February!
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Chicken pot pie perfection for dinner tonight.
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