the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺

hi im back on my borderline unhealthy love of a book from my elementary school days

if yall dont know i love cryptid hunters by roland smith and like i always do about twice a year I was thinking about it the other day. the hard thing about reflecting on books from childhood is how much fucked up shit happened that is not properly addressed. so under the cut is my rant/things i would change if someone ever gives me my dream job of turning my favorite books into tv shows (@ CW i’m looking at you i may hate riverdale but this would probably work in a similar fashion i was the co-authored of a great thread on twitter about turning cyberchase into a riverdale like show so you know i got skills)

the plot is basically teens sent to live with uncle they didnt know existed who is searching for dinos and theres a bad old white guy who hates people and animals and also mystery

1. how tf does grace have a passport?? i know wolfe’s friend was in the US gov and wolfe also did work for the government so does that mean grace has a bunch of false documents??? what happens when she applied for colleges?? does she have a social security number??

2. did we ever find out what wolfe did that made the us government agree to give him a fucking island??? (idk if roland smith mentioned it in the 4th book, i read it once and havent read it again bc its my least fav and i didnt like the hitler stuff)

3. no hitler. if i remake this into a tv series theres no hitler connection. blackwood is just gonna suck on his own and we wont have any clones or hitler. i want roses mother to be some random chick blackwood knocked up (if we are going dark its an intern or young employee) and then paid off to keep the baby and then probably had killed because hes evil. 

4. rose is an abuse victim. this is one of the more serious changes i’d make because in my head i have a whole four season tv show plan where season 3 focuses on grace at noahs ark and we also get flashbacks to when rose was alive and there. in my tv show/headcanon blackwood is hella emotionally abusive, rose could leave but he gaslights her and guilts her and is awful and basically makes it so while she could leave she can’t really leave. rose meets wolfe, they form a bond, and he helps her get out, then they run away and eventually go to the congo (#honeymoon). this abuse is echoed with grace and blackwood but grace wasnt ya know raised by him so it has a different effect. the abuse is one of the main reasons why rose doesnt want grace to ever be with blackwood because he is awful. 

5. Blackwood is the worse that needs to be highlighted but also hes not a cartoon villain. he also has a power complex thats why he has a whole display of taxidormy animals and thats why he wants all the rare animals to be his cause he wants power over others thats also part of his abuse

6. grace is very conflicted throughout all of this because she found out her parents arent her parents, her mom is dead, her thought to be parents are still missing throughout all of this!! and her grandpa is a fucked up madman who wants her dad dead and she also has preexisting anxiety. i would want to showcase her inner turmoil and this idea of her being unsure of who she is in the later books/seasons and this plays with her relationship with blackwood, not that shes on his side or anything, but maybe how manipulative he is and how desperate she is to learn about this whole other side of her apparent family. grace didnt get enough attention in the later books. also doesnt she straight up think marty and luther are dead at one point in book 3? girl is not walking away from all of this trauma free she doesnt need to have a breakdown but shes confused and should be allowed to be confused

7. reluctant dino parent grace I SAID WHAT I SAID i just have this humorous headcanon that grace has always been a bit afraid of dinos (repressed from ya know the dino that killed her mom) (also she couldnt watch juarassic park as a kid and mentions that whenever someone references it because no one is gonna be dealing with dinos and not quoting jurassic park)but she and the dinos bond at noahs ark and she ends up in a comedy relief bit where she has to feed them and gets annoyed at them in season/book 4. this may or may not be inspired by me and my dog

8. yeah marty and luther have a thing lets be real here

9. more laurel 

10. im sure i have more but i have class tomorrow and ive already spent too much time on this thanks for reading (and im sorry)!!!

we sleepy as fuck! but somewhat happy. the feeling of a bunch of beautiful fair 2 dark skinned aunties n uncles in their 40s 50s masked up with long hair that looks like their kids soft half closed eyes n lashes that look like their daughters, five six people all sitting around talking eating all from one place regathered.. im also part of the crowd and i like myself the most when im part of the crowd ..this boy came in with food and said ‘akhtar?’ we said yea come in.. then he says birthday? n mama says you can put it right there and he says no i need to have him say his birthday so aboo says it. and then as hes walking out mama says ye kya he, ek baje pe lunch aur abhi dinner, smth about what kind of shitass schedule that leaves a patient hungry, n then the boy pops his head back around as hes leaving and says, ha ye siraf schedule hay jab khana lethe he,...or something like that something saying yeah thats jst how we do it and mama was like acha thank you... and everyone started giggling laughing as he walks out bisma was like couldnt u see he’s desi? and she was like yeah good thing i didnt do too much burhai.. and also bisma aunty talking about her book about getting out of the house 2 escape from her kids mama saying yea sophy knows that technique, everyones kids, bisma n mama sitting on 2 chairs n telling sara the story about hajara and her baby, saying smth about her arabic name n me thinking i WAANT him to know this too. to see shit thru my eyes. it feel almost alien the amount they know n have lived that mudswirled part of the world below the mtns where they from.. did u live in sugarland no we were too poor we lived in a small apartment.. n telling stories about u can find anything in houston if its not in pakistan it’ll still be in houston. or mama takin the highway for the first time practicing on sunday bfore she goes somewhere on mon,, the way bisma n fawad bounce off each other that radiance lol u can feel it. u been angry. ayra saying yea i cant see you with a white person. another story about a patient chart one doctor was f ahmed another was s ahmed like 3 different ahmeds the wife was noreen the case manager was noreen n she wasnt even desi she was filipina but she still spelled it the same so tanvir was saying it was all this ridiculous mess of ahmed ahmed ahmed noreen noreen.. like idk who or what tf.. but the boy who walked thru the door (akhtar) the passport control sfya mrym ayman spelling it saying it amani hanan gemal aunties spelling my name whatever way wht im saying is i am hella lucky to be in the middle of this. to know this n get the chance to love this. and idk for how much longer. anyway my hand getting numb i think abt u and i kind of want to do something about it soon. or at least concretely think about doing something