#i want out of this fucking house. i want to leave in the dead of the night and never have to come back.
Text
ok i'll indulge myself....
part 1(?) of biker gang!141 and an interesting fem grunge!reader... if u want more
cw; slight mentions of blood
The streets were pretty quiet this time of night. The only sounds to be heard were barking dogs or tires occasionally skidding in the distance. And the teenagers were never out this late in the fall, as school just started or they were working their dead jobs at the gas station or high school graduates pouring the same 5 drinks at a bar.
You liked walking around- even though it was maybe 1 or 2 in the morning- mainly because you had your scary guard dog with you, (who wasn't even a bit scary, he was just a police academy dropout with a fear of cotton swabs and squirrels) but also because the air this time of year smelled the best. It did wonders for your skin and sinuses, so why not? Walking around in the daytime was a lot more of a chore anyways, teenagers skating sporradically with fruity vapes on necklaces or older men just leaving their blue collar jobs for lunch while staring at you with unreadable expressions.
The northwoods, sigh. You'd told yourself that you'd leave it all the time when you were a kid. Over the years, a mix of the economy making that absolutely impossible and an aquirement of taste for small-town life made it a lot easier to accept the impossibility of it. Bartending and eventually being remote in editorial work kept you afloat in the small house you'd been able to buy flat out in the south side of town.
That part of town was just cemeteries and neighborhoods, neighborhoods and railroads, and gas stations and bars. As most south sides were. Another luxury of living where you lived was the copious amounts of streets and drag-worthy strips of old highway that laid for miles in one direction or another.
You used to work as a freelance flag girl for drag racers on some shitty craigslist copy, but quit l because the only racers that wanted you were full of white-claw drunk young assholes rooting for douchebag car modders who compensated for their dick sizes by throttling so hard that the pop of their exhausts sounded like gunfights. It was too loud and to risky and too tasteless.
But in the ends of the summer, it was taken over by the bikers. Not bicycle-bikers, but motorcyclists.
You were absolutely terrible at hiding your drooling depraved stares at every single one of them. The young women in skin-clad leather and red lipstick with matching sleek bikes, the finer-aged older men in their lean-back harleys with bandanas, the cute guys your age in their blackout helmets and their modestly-modded bikes. Oh, the variety, oh the taste. You had once thought about picking up biking yourself, but when you told your friends they all cackled at the idea. You were too absent minded at times; definitely from all the weed you smoked. Only half embarassed, you agreed.
Tonight was no different than the other nights of early Septembers before. Your dog lapped his tongue in the air catching stray dew drops falling from leaves overhead as you took your time walking accross the street. He swayed his tail so hard that you almost got knocked over a few times. The sound of a motorcyle revving in the distance made you slow your speed to a halt, listening intently, shamefully to see if you could get any bit of eye candy while out.
You recognized the sound of the engine, which soon became engines as the sounds came closer.
'Oh... a group of Kawaskis?? No... that's at least two more different motorcyles, but a few Kawaskis.. Do I hear a Harley?'
You blinked to yourself before shaking your head.
'God fucking damnit, you geek. You should NOT be able to tell what motorcyle model someone's riding from the fucking engine.'
Before you can shamefully walk back towards your house, you feel your dog tug harshly at his leash. You try to hold him back, but he yanks with one solid push of his back paws on the blacktop, and before you know it, you're hands and knees down on the hard ground as he's running full speed towards the sound of the motorcycles.
You groan in frustration as you stand up in a small bit of pain, your fishnets torn to shit as your palms and knees are scraped just enough to bleed a reasonable amount for getting launched by a 90 lb dog of muscle.
"Riley!" You shout and run at him, dodging a few trash cans along the street's edge as you do so. "Riley, goddamnit! Come back! Here boy!" Your converse were broken in enough to give you good ground as you chased him, and you almost grab his loose leash dragging behind him- until you trip over your own feet again just before you do.
You stay on the ground this time, unworried for your dog, as he's a big boy who knows how to not get hit by a car or get lost. More focused on the soul-eating embarassment of being outrun by a dog with more anxiety than a war veteran, and tripping twice in the process. You ignore the growing and stalling sound of engines beside- or in front, you can't tell being face down in the gravel- you as you're grovelling.
"Eh... excuse me miss? Are you alright?" You hear a gruff, dark voice mumble from just above you. You whip your head up to look at 5 people in bikers helmets just in front of you, their motorcyles off or stalling as they stand looking down at you on the ground.
"Oh- oh my- uh yeah- don't worry about me I'm great. I just tripped- nothing serious." You wave them off as you try and cover the growing fluster on your face. You stand and shake the dirt off your hands before swiping it off of your zip up, shaking it out of your gloves too. You look up to see none other than Riley, sitting contently behind the man in front of you, eagerly being pet by one of the bikers with a skull design painted onto his helmet and visor.
"Riley!" The biker looks up and your dog wags his tail hard enough to knock the bikers over too, and barks at you. "You are so not going to get any treats when we get home." He whines and continues barking, then twirls in a circle.
"You're dog's name is Riley?" The man in the skull helmet asks- and you suddenly become hyperaware of how all of the bikers are staring so intently at you. And those that have spoken so far have sickeningly thick English accents.
"Ah- yes, yeah. I was just on a walk and I heard you guys from the other street- but he just loves motorcylists so much, he took off on me. Usually he just waits until they pass us by. I'm so so sorry if he got in your way or anything." You scramble to try and seem somewhat normal as you switch between standing like a deer in their headlights, and holding your arms as the wind blew against your back.
"Ain't that a funny coincidence." The biker next to him stated, his accent thicker, and different. Possibly scottish.
"You watch it- It is a good name for a dog like this." The skull-helmet points an authoritative finger at the scot before patting Riley's head again. The man in front of you laughs heartily and takes his helmet off, revealing an older- FINELY aged man with hair in a short, short pulled back light brown and gray spotted ponytail. His mustache pulled down into a scruffy beard by mutton chops, giving him a real grizzly harley-rider look. You swore your jaw dropped when he took it off, and you were quick to cover your mouth when he smiled at you.
"I'm sorry about that miss- You've got a good dog protecting you. My names John Price." He walked up and took your hand from your face, squeezing it lightly. "My boys back there are harmless. You seem to have roughed yourself up a bit." He tilts his head as he leans back and looks you up and down, still holding your hand. Oh how deeply thankful you were that he was blocking the headlights from illuminating your red face.
"Yeah- I'm fine though, really! I just, can't keep up with Riley if I tried." You laugh and tremble a little as the cold air catches up to you. He raises an eyebrow- and fuck it gets to you because it makes him smirk a little bit too.
"Well, no offense but you look like you're in no condition to walk home like that!" A woman's voice comes up from behind Price's. You squint at the light when she comes up, and you see a blonde woman about his age with smile lines and blue eyes that could knock you down to your knees yet again. "My name's Kate, don't let John here scare you, he's just an old man." They banter a bit as you stare into space, begging any ethreal being to show you a sign that this is real life.
'Fuck being bisexual, god hates me.' You curse to yourself as you smile shyly at her.
"We can give you a ride home if you'd want! I wouldn't feel right letting you have to get yourself home with blood down your legs." Price motions with his free hand at your torn fishnets, rocks littering the cuts on your leg.
"Oh- I don't want to impose or anything, and I'll have Riley!" You struggle to keep yourself still as the wind continually stings.
"Lass, you're shakin' like a leaf in this wind." The scottish man shakes his head in his helmet, leaning back against the flat of his bike.
"You ain't getting home with just a dog draggin' you forward." The gruff voice of the skull-head from beside him made you look away in embarassment. They were all right, you were blocks away from home, and you didn't have your phone on you either.
"Um.. If you're sure you don't mind... but what about Riley?"
"He can ride wi' me!" The scott excitedly patted the flat he was leaning on, shuffling a few top panels to show a compartment on the back of it that had a hooking mechanism for leashes. Assumedly he had dogs too, and how greatful you were for it.
You sigh in relief that you wont have to limp home in your misery, as strong as you are, the chunk of you lost twice to the blacktop actually hurt more than you'd ever want to admit.
Before you can take a step forward, you're lifted off your feet and holding the shoulders of Kate. She laughs as you gasp and sets you on the back of skull-head's bike so you can backpack him, right next to Riley in the odd formation their bikes created.
"I promise he's not as scary as he looks- right Simon?"
"I don't bite." He chuckles deeply and you tense against his back as he does so. "You might want to hold on tho', I'm not exactly the easiest ride." You blush, hard as he says it, and the group laughs loudly as they start their bikes.
"Oi, treat her nice Si." A soft voice jeered from the last bike to Kate's right. "Or else I'll have to take her off your hands."
"Nice try Gaz."
"Boys! Quit scarin' her." Price chuckles and lights a cigar as he revs his engine. "Or else she wont wanna see us again. Now where do you need us to take you, love?"
'Ah.' Was all that crossed your mind as you locked your arms around Simon's waist, and you all shot off down the street.
#task force 141#cod 141#141 x reader#poly 141#john soap mactavish#john price#gaz garrick#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty x reader#cod mwf2#biker gang 141#soap x reader#price x reader#kate laswell#laswell x reader#gaz x reader#ghost x reader#oooh indulgence i love indulgence
140 notes
·
View notes
Note
full nsfw alphabet for toby??
posting this from the glue trap i'm stuck in
🪓 Toby Rogers NSFW alphabet!
A = Aftercare, what they’re like after sex
checks in with you a WHOLE BUNCH- he wants to make sure you know he loves you and cares about you no matter how hard y'all were going not even 5 minutes ago
B = Body part, their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s
on him, i think it's a tie between his arms and his hair if that counts lolz. he likes how strong his arms are and likes to try n show off in front of you- he likes both how his hair looks, and he thinks his happy trail suits him
in you, i'd say your chest- in both a romantic and sexual sense :) he loves laying on you, listening and feeling your heartbeat, the closeness, all of it. he also loves leaving hickies all across it, little mindless bites and kisses decorating you from him getting lost on the feeling of you.
C = Cum, anything to do with cum, basically
he's a sucker for cumming inside, he just can't get over how you squeeze him and how fucked out you look
D = Dirty secret, pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs
he jerked off to the thought of you WAAYYYY before y'all were dating- he was too embarrassed to tell you when you first started dating and he's too scared now. probably.
E = Experience, how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?
love him to the ends of the earth, he has nothing. nada. zilch. you're his first everything, be patient with him cus he's gonna be nervous !! that does NOT mean he has shame though. he is not at all embarrassed to tell you when he wants you.
F = Favorite position, this goes without saying
anything with you on top- as i said he's a boobs/chest kinda guy, he wants to watch
G = Goofy, are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.
he's more serious, but it's mostly because he's concentrated. he wants to do his best to make you feel good and he wants to focus!!
H = Hair, how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.
i think he trims, but he doesn't wanna shave unless you ask him to (mostly because he has a tendency to accidentally nick himself with the razor)
he gets some facial hair on his chin, but it's nothing super serious. he'll jokingly ask you to help him with it sometimes, if you say yes you'll be rewarded with a very flustered boyfriend that keeps letting out shaky breaths every time you put your hand on his chest to keep him still
I = Intimacy, how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect
it really depends on his mood, but most of the time he's romantic about everything; telling you how much he loves you, all the noises you make, how fucking good you feel. if he's in a mood though, expect most of the words flowing out of his mouth to be about how bad he needs you, and reminding you that you're all for him.
J = Jack off, masturbation headcanon
it's. a lot. and it's mostly because he thought too hard about you- whether it was a small thing you did earlier that day that he thought was hot or his mind drifted to certain memories of you
K = Kink, one or more of their kinks
Toby praise kink truthers in this house !!!!!!!! lean over into his ear while you're riding him and tell him how pretty he looks when he's close, tell him you feel so full when he fucks you; he's putty in your hands
L = Location, favorite places to do they do
anywhere private- not big on getting caught by other people (catching you on the other hand is something else)
M = Motivation, what turns them on, gets them going
dead serious anything. you stretching in front of him, bending over to grab something, you smiling into a kiss- you get him hot and bothered by doing nothing and everything. (he does also really like it when you take any kinda control over him- even if it's just telling him in any kinda stern tone to go do something)
N = No, something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs
nothing that would seriously hurt you, and nothing to do with a daddy kink, sorry shawtys
O = Oral, preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.
he definitely prefers giving. loves how your thighs squeeze around his head, the feeling of you tugging at his hair, getting fistfuls of your ass as he pulls himself further into you.
he's such a mess receiving though, he's so sensitive and you look so pretty when you look up at him while he's halfway down your throat. he likes it when you take control when you're giving him head
P = Pace, are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.
tends to get lost in the feeling of you and ends up fucking you at a rough and fast pace, no matter how slow he started off. of course you can tell him to slow down if you really need him to, but his rough grip on your thighs and the whimpers and pants in your ear tell you just how bad he needs you.
Q = Quickie, their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.
they're not his favorite, but there have definitely been a few times where he just could not keep his hands off of you when the two of you were out and he pulled you aside. prefers to be able to take him time with you and draw things out a bit, but he'd never say no to you
R = Risk, are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.
he'll experiment with you !! it just has to be thoroughly talked about first
S = Stamina, how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?
UNTIL HIS BODY GIVES OUT BABES- he does not care how tired his body gets, if you're down to keep going, he is too.
T = Toys, do they own toys or use them on a partner or themselves?
doesn't own any himself, and might be a lil shy using them on you, but he's a crying mess when you use them on him. he gets so overwhelmed so fast- make sure you tell him how good he's being <3
U = Unfair, how much they like to tease
he had no idea how to tease you for the first little bit- but as soon as he figured out how he could draw out little whines and begs for him to keep going, he could not get enough. can't do it for too long, though, he gets impatient
V = Volume, how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.
he is LOUD, panting, whimpering, whining- the whole nine yards. you feel fucking heavenly to him and he just can't help it :(( poor boy's sensitive
W = Wild card, a random headcanon for the character
he likes to have music in the back when y'all are going at it- he doesn't need it and it wouldn't be super loud, but it is nice to have background noise. some she wants revenge or somethin
X = X-ray, let’s see what’s going on under those clothes
~6.5, skinnier with such a sensitive tip
Y = Yearning, how high is their sex drive?
VERY this boy is down for anything 24/7 if you mention it. will wrap his arms around you from behind and whine into your neck if he's feeling needy.
Z = Zzz, how quickly do they fall asleep afterward?
if he was more rough or dominant with you, he doesn't wanna fall asleep until you do. if you were the one to take more charge, he'll certainly try to stay up !! but he's usually pretty spent and ends up asleep on your chest, gently holding your hand
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
this is a vent post it's not meant to be actionable I just need to get some shit off my chest.
Tldr I come from an Exceptionally poor border town. The sort of place where you grow up with permanent lung damage from the mold growing in the school rooms bc there's no money to fix it. the sort of place that has no clean water but does have a Coca-Cola factory sitting on the other side of the river from us draining the one water resource in this fucking desert so they can sell it back to us in bottles and cans bc you can't drink the water that comes out of the tap. the sort of place you have to drive three hours one way for medical care.
This is a town with an 80% Hispanic population. The 20% that's not is here because of the military base that's been leaving tanks outside my grandmother's house.
Trump fucking killed my home town with his war on the border. He's called it out as a place for the righteous gun loving white Americans to take their guns to to protect the free country from" Mexican drug dealers and rapists". while ignoring this shit hole of a town has been settled longer than it's been a part of the US. My aunt's have sent pictures of maga facists walking the street outside the fucking mold ridden elementary school with rifles because it happens to be the same street that connects up to the Mexican town on the other side of the river.
And no one does Anything about it bc the few police officers who are locals and actually give a shit about the insane crime and kidnapping rate are beholden to Border Control who are still loyal to trump because he upped their pay enough to make escaping this town a possibility for their families.
Biden is going to hell for his support and complicity in the ongoing Palestine genocide. but so far he's passed bills that are going to pay to get our school fixed. our water clean. People who were locked up by ice under trump are walking free because of reforms Biden passed. I'm terrified for my family every single day because of Trump's actions in naming our home as a seat of the fucking cartels. My cousins are going to get to grow up without their water coming out of the sink yellow bc of Biden.
it's been fucking Impossible to handle the cognitive dissonance of the "can't handle the trolley problem" website looking at these two and saying they're the same. and I know it's because no one ever actually gave a shit about the poor brown people in our own fucking country Trump wanted dead on top of all the brown people he wants dead globally. but still. it's just fucking irksome to spend four years as a leftist gotcha only to be dropped as soon as we became inconvenient to their narrative.
#Vote in people who'll veto all the cunts future support of genocide and dont fucking vote in the guy who wants to bomb Palestine#and my home fucking town at the same time#us politics#i did my schoolwork on fucking chalk slates in the year 2013 just to have to watch white people who had iphones at the same age and time#throw us under the bus so they dont have to feel icky.
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
Heated dispute, solved by the cause.
14+
You and Rin got into a heated argument that caused you to leave, and somehow end up in Sae’s house?
CONTAINS: angst, slight force/aggression, swearing
Pairing: Itoshi Rin x Reader FT. Itoshi Sae
WORD COUNT: 1708 CHARACTER COUNT: 7304
Rin has been rather busy with his Soccer career. This wasn’t exactly new to you as this has happened a lot in the past, it’s just that you can’t shake off the feeling of something being wrong or out of character. You see, Rin always manages to “give” you what you want despite his busy schedule. A hug? Sure. A quick peck on the cheek? Why not? A quickie? Of course. But suddenly, he hasn’t been able to even hold a proper conversation with you or just give small replies.
Y/N: “Hey Rinnie? What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?”
*No response*
Y/N: “Rinnie??”
Rin: “Huh? Oh, just whatever.”
Y/N: “Alright then, and how was your practice match thi—”
Rin: “I'm heading out.”
Y/N: “Out? To where? Isn’t it a little late?”
Rin: “It’ll be quick..”
Y/N: “Okay, be car—”
Rin shuts the door behind him. You won’t lie to yourself it did sting a little and struck a small nerve. He isn’t usually like this. The only time you can remember he did something similar was when you went out with friends and came home at nearly dawn. Not to mention, some of them being males. Around 3-4 along with 2 females, excluding you. (He found out through your friend’s story) However you failed to mention this to Rin as you were running late to your agreed time. So of course, when you came home, reeking of alcohol, at ungodly hours. See your supposed stoic boyfriend, frowning, phone in hand. You’d be scared. Thankfully though only one word left his tired mouth; “Bed.” And that’s when the morning then came and you tried to apologise yet your dear boyfriend brushed you off. Of course it didn't last long. It had been months since this incident and hasn’t happened since. Though to your surprise. It happened. Lasting longer too. It used to be days. However it turned into weeks.
Y/N: “Rin? Dear?”
*wraps my arms around his neck from behind, whilst he sits on the couch*
Y/N: “Is something wrong?”
Rin: “No, nothing.”
Y/N: “Then how come, you’ve been colder to me?”
Rin: “It’s nothing.”
Y/N: “Are you sure, baby? Maybe I did something wrong?”
Rin: “Y/N, I told you it’s nothing.”
Y/N: “Are you really sure? I can hel—”
Rin: “God will you ever shut the fuck up?!”
*I let go of him and stand back, letting out a gasp*
Y/N: “What?...”
Rin: “All you do is fucking talk and talk and talk! I'm SICK of your stupid voice!”
Y/N: “What do you mean?? You literally have to be lulled to sleep by it..!”
Rin: “Well not anymore! I’m tired of you continuously bothering me. Being a literal pest. I’m so fucking done.”
Y/N: “D-done..?”
*Thousands if not millions of thoughts ran through my mind. Every single reply and outcome I could think of coming in. “You want to break up?” “But I just want to take care of you” “I’m giving you the love you deserve and you say I’m a bother?” “Are we gonna end like this?” “Fuck you.” “Is it really my fault?” “Fuck..I—
Y/N: “I'm leaving.”
*Rin suddenly stands up*
Rin: “What?”
Y/N: “I said I’m leaving. Y-you said I’m a bother, a fucking pest to you, then since I love you so fucking much, I’ll leave and give you the space you want.”
*Rin froze. He stood there, staring me dead in the eye.*
Rin: “Fine then. Fucking leave.”
*What the fuck..? Did I just say that? N-no.. I-I don’t mean it.. That’s not what I was meant to say..!”
*I started to clench my fist and scurry towards our shared room, shouting:*
Y/N: “Fine!”
*I packed my bag, tears falling out of my eyes. He….really said that to me? He meant it. He fucking did. Shit. Are we going to break up? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fu— phone notification— Instagram: itoshisae_ added to their story —
Doorbell rings
Sae: “Oh shit, Y/N. Come inside”
*hands you a towel*
Sae: deep sigh “Let me guess? Rin?”
*I nod, drying my hair. And slowly tearing up*
Y/N: “Yeah… He— We, got quite heated, during a small talk”
Sae: “Doesn’t seem to be that small for you to leave without an umbrella during a storm, huh?”
You just smile and look down on the tile flooring. Watching the drops fall down from your hair, creating a small puddle. Then feeling your cheeks get rolled on by tears, the aching feeling in your chest worsening by the second.
Sae: “Come on, tell me what happened. I mean, why would you think of coming to my house out of all places?”
Y/N: “Well—...”
*I end up explaining to Sae what happened, and the events of the past weeks. He just kept nodding and nodding and when I finished, He just said:*
Sae: “I might be a part of the problem”
Y/N: “No, I already know you are. N-no offense... You’ve been part of something else since the beginning of our relationship, and it never gets us to this point.”
Sae: “No no, I mean the “current” problem”
Y/N: “Huh?”
Sae: “Well, since about a few weeks ago, I was invited to Blue Lock to train the supposed “future of Japan Soccer”. However, during the practice match, Rin’s team didn’t win against mine. And I don’t know exactly what triggered him but he suddenly came and held me by my shirt. I told him to quit soccer if he doesn’t plan on improving even one bit and brushed off his hand.”
Y/N: “What? Seriously..? I-I mean I know you both aren’t on great terms and all, but did you really have to say that??”
Sae: “Rin isn’t the type to “just” start. He needs a concrete reason for it. And the fact that I told him such, probably could be part of your current argument. Though in all honesty, I just want him to improve even more. A little push as his older brother.”
Y/N: “I guess…B-but did it have to be that harsh? You technically pointed out that certain things, such as that could potentially trigger him…”
Sae: “Like I said, a little push for him.”
Y/N: “Then that wouldn’t make any sense. Why did it get so bad? Over something that he mostly opens up to me about. Like I know he wants to have, and he does have, that “strong” persona and all but… Still I-...” sigh
Sae: “I’m not too sure about this, though I think I need to ask you about it,”
Y/N: “What is it?”
Sae: “Before all this and the past years you’ve been together, whenever he opens up to you. Is it a lot? Does he start feeling vulnerable and sensitive?”
Y/N: “Yeah, he does.”
Sae: “When was the last time he opened up?”
Y/N: “A little while back, actually, just before he started being cold.”
Sae: “Ah, there it is. I think Rin might be going through a lot again. And since he talks to you a lot about these sensitive topics, he probably thinks you’re—”
Y/N: “Tired of him? N-no, no never…”
Sae: “There, at least you understand now.”
Y/N: “And I’m guessing his way of coping is, ignoring and lashing out on me… Huh.”
Sae: “Exactly… Now, you should probably get ready for bed. I have a spare room upstairs a door after mine, talk to Rin in th—”
The door bursts open. Rin stands there, drenched in rain. Clutching the door, his eyes looking red. But you can’t really tell if it’s from the rain entering his eyeballs or he has been crying.
Y/N: “R-Rin?”
Rin: “What the fuck are you doing here.”
*my voice both raised and husky*
Y/N: “I came to see—”
*He cuts me off.*
Rin: “Sae? chuckles SAE!? You know how much I fucking hate him and yet I find out you look for him whenever we have an argument?!”
Y/N: “This is the first time! And besides where the fuck do you expect me to go during a storm? Everyone lives farther off in the city or in the suburbs and I can’t really show up at a hotel looking like this now can I?! What!? You would rather have found me dead instead of alive and staying at your brother’s place?”
*Rin pauses and takes heavy breaths. Before he took my arm and held it up.*
Rin: “You’re coming with me.”
Y/N: “No!”
*I took his hand off my arm.*
Y/N: “Not until you calm down.”
*Rin doesn’t respond and just stares at me. With eyes fuel of negativity. Anger, jealousy, and deep sorrow. However if anyone can look directly at his soul, it would be me. And despite his showing anger, glowed with relief. So much that I just hugged him, ignoring his brother.”
Sae: “Alright now, both of you get ready for bed. I’ll set up your room… For two. Calm down and settle your little fight in the morning.”
Y/N: “Yeah yeah, sure… Thanks, Sae.”
*Sae just nodded and proceeded upstairs, leaving me and Rin alone.*
Y/N: “Look I’m sorry I left, okay? I’m really sorry, I should have understood and approached you better.”
Rin: “N-no, no no no don’t apologise. Please. I-I should be saying sorry. I l-let my emotions get the better of me and bursted out on you. You were just trying to help me. Like always.. D-don’t leave me….Ever again… Please.”
*I smiled and managed to distinguish his tear falling onto my cheek from the water. He hugged me and held me close, showing no sign of letting go.*
Y/N: “C’mon, let’s get ready for bed, okay?”
Rin: nods “Okay…”
Morning shine appeared on the bed you both slept on from the large window. Its beaming rays lit up the room, and shone on your beloved boyfriend. Causing you to chuckle, as you finally confirm the cause of his eyes’ redness.
#Kamisatoqiqi#rin itoshi x reader#itoshi rin x reader#itoshi sae#blue lock#fandom ships#angst#x reader#x gn reader#x gn y/n#x fem!reader#x male reader#m4f#M4M#m4a
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm going to finish writing the most existentially stressful grocery run TODAY. It's GOING TO HAPPEN.
#megs is writing#honestly I could probably snatch some of the earlier iterations of this scene but#am I going to do that? probably not. I will at least reference it for help but anyway#on a related note god it's apparent that I started writing this book in november of 2020 huh.#feat. such anxieties as 'will a grocery run kill me' 'under no circumstances can I leave this house' and 'does the government want me dead?#will I be mentioning this when I query it? absolutely the fuck not. I'll let them figure it out if they can.#I do actually think that this draft is the one that's gonna come together. and thank FUCK
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
play online with your friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#this was made because of tf2#i wanna play but unfortunately i think people will want me FUCKING DEAD KILLED AND MURDERED irl if im bad at the game ive never played befo#ofc not gonna happen but what if a person on the internet thinks that for half a second then forgets??? ill be ruined!! tarnished forever!!#apparently#according 2 my brain#fun fact i found out abt tf2 via sfm and looked it up#(i was tiny itty bitty btw this is important information)#and i heard stuff about it being shut down FOREVER!!!!!!! and unplayable and stuff.. & just believed it and went OK!!! tf2 doesnt exist#& then i prompty forgot#until recently but it looks soooo fun#but also i have an anxiety disorder that kept me from leaving my house and home 99% of the time for 2 yrs#and now im TEARING EVRYTHING UP#LET ME IIIINNNNN LET ME IN TF2#also applies to lethal league but to a lesser extent#sorry for rambling#funny how i use ta spend 100% of my time on animal jam (an online game) and now if i even THINK about an online game im like#“yeah but imagine if the entire userbase wanted you dead lol” like OKAY BRAAINNN#nothing happened on aj to make me feel this way btw i look back on aj very fondly#i do still think that da stamp from user thisdastampdoesnotexist still applies#that one where its like#animal jam logo on a black background with white text reading “i will ruin your life and everything in it”#i love that thang sm#<3 animal jam sucked lowkey but i still love it to death#and im talking about CLASSIC not fucking PLAY WILD which i will never not call play wild because its play wild#you will never be animal jam classic animal jam play wild#my relationship with animal jam is like that screenshot of a set of text messages that read as follows:#Imy 😢😢😢#i miss you too 🥺#i was so drunk i dont miss you bitch#<- me and animal jam
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
me and my cousin i'm barely on speaking terms with (but in a relatively casual way) repotted her deceased grandmother's pothos today. this was our first time actually properly repotting it bc last summer it was in such a fragile state and we were so scared to hurt it that we just lifted it out of its pot and placed it in a bigger one but this go round we basically dismantled it entirely. we got eight discrete plants and placed it into four different pots!! in nine months it went from the edge of death to that many plants and like ninety leaves altogether. so if you're bad with plants but still wanna fool with them, i guess you should get a pothos.
#neither of us are corny enough to say it or interested in tearjerker moments but i think we both felt the presence of her grandmother HEAVY#this was the only potted plant of hers still living since she died back in 16 & it was. god. it was no longer variegated from lack of light#it actually had more leaves than i remembered. it had like 20. but for every leaf there were 4 places there should've been and wasn't.#water that touched the soil came back yellow which i've never researched to see what the cause is#but i associate it with like. bogs. and stagnation#like if it was still in that dark corner of my other cousin's living room it fr might be dead now#but in nine months thanks to my other cousin asking for help and thanks to us repotting it and taking our turns with it#it has more than quadrupled in size and is variegated af#i don't know what we'll do in like six months when it wants to do it again...#i'm keeping mine somewhat contained tbh i don't even like pothos i just love it bc it's a piece of my aunt#and it is like objectively so fucking sweet that we've rehabbed it like that#adam yaps#like two weeks ago i asked my other cousin if she'd want a pot of it when we repotted and she once again emphasised#that she didn't want it or any cuttings off it leaving the family or being handed out willy nilly#and i once again tried to explain that it's a pothos. it wants to be split up and thrown all over.#that's a pothos' favourite thing#plus her mom probably gave an ungodly amount of people cuttings off it like come on now#but anyway maybe she'll understand now when she sees and fully comprehends that in 9mos we turned half a plant into 4#at this rate we'll either be giving bits away or throwing bits away. those are the options we will eventually face.#because you can't just repot infinitely. eventually your whole house will be one massive pothos in a hundred pots.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
like it’s VERY very important to not text and drive. and i understand how dangerous it is to do that and to be distracted at all in any way for any amount of time on the road. i know it’s important to learn about these stories and bear witness to them. but i just think. like idk. watching multiple of them every day for 10 days (with a two day break halfway through for the weekend) is realy… like idk. i think after seeing a couple you can get the point. i don’t want to sound dismissive or lackadaisacal and im scared im sounding like that but i just am so freaked out by all of this and witb every new horror they’re showing us it’s scaring me worse.
#purrs#delete later#car accidents tw#death tw#child death tw#ask to tag#drivers ed tag#like this sucks so bad. we go from watching a video about how to drive in the city… to a 10 minute vid of a man talking abt how he hit and#killed 3 kids and it shows a PICTURE OF THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT WITH BLOOD AND EVERYTHING… and then after the video we immediately start#talking about like. fucking street cleaners and how you have to watch out for them. HOW is the video about the kids being hit and killed#part of the flow of the learning. what purpose does it serve. and it’s like these are REAL PEOPLE who died. real kids who existed. and it#just feels kind of fucked up. maybe it’s more fucked up thst im not following the flow and accepting the weight of it but it’s hard to when#im scared as fuck and just want to not be shown gore videos anymore. and then once we pick up the content again like abt street cleaners and#shit i can’t focus on any content bc i have to wind down from seeing the dead bodies and hearing the letter the parents wrote. like how is t#this helping. maybe it’s landing / more necessary for the 16 year olds but im 24. i am a whole adult. i do not take being alive for granted#i am terrified of death and dying and painfully aware of how fragile human beings are and how easy it is to be in danger. this is not#helping me or sending me a message it’s just making me so scared and terrified to even leave the house and unable to stop thinking about#death or injury lol!!! and i can’t tell them to stop and i can’t quit bc i need my fucking license so i have to just put my head down and#do this but it sucks indescribably. and we also saw one of those trick videos again too that makes you feel stupid bc it tells you to count#the number of lkke. things you see and it turns out i missed a few AND they were like did you notice what was going on in the background snd#i didn’t bc i was too busy counting the fucking things they told us to. i want to SCREAM. this makes me feel so stupid and helpless lolllll#<- as i was typing that we were learning about the chance of survival if you are hit by a car at different speeds! bc that’s relevant 😍😍😍😍😍😍#anyways. my therapist was telling me stuff abt how i need to remember this isn’t targeted for me and i need to regulate my nervous system an#and how to calm down when it triggers me but i forgot everything she said literally 5 hours ago and now im here freaking the fuck out so. 🥰
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard
#in neg city#they were rlly like ‘we can’t force you’ but then just kept fucking talking about it#even as i’m crying and saying no no i don’t want to go i’m not going i really don’t want to#and like. idk. when ur sister gets sent to the psych ward at a pivotal point in ur childhood#and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would#in fact be very very bad!!!#like any time i think abt the psych ward i think abt my sister one day just disappearing from the house. i think about when the doctors#withheld my letters and i thought my sister either hated me or was fucking dead. i think about having to hide all this agony behind polite#smiles while i was also being bullied mercilessly at school and my CHOIR TEACHER WAS DYING OF CANCER#i think abt the car ride when my aunt told me and my brother that she had to go back in#i think of empty houses and missing places at the dinner table and arguments and so many fucking arguments#i cant go into the psych ward i won’t. and it just felt like that’s all they wanted me to do#and then it became well michelle how do u want us to help u? LEAVE ME ALONE#THATS HOW U HELP. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FIGURE IT OUT#i get rlly overwhelmed and stressed when too many people are trying to butt their heads in#and i know they mean well but it just feels like they’re both gonna become mom and i’m not talking to mom for THIS EXACT REASON#idk i just don’t think they can help. i get that they’re rlly worried but i can’t let them help i don’t know what they could do#and they wanna talk about this again tomorrow so now i don’t wanna sleep bc i don’t want tomorrow to happen#but i don’t have anything to do bc i’m in such a terrible mood#i rlly wish i wasn’t alive sometimes#clearly i’m putting too much stress on my siblings and mom is probably worried sick but i’ll never kno bc we aren’t talking#i’m just ruining everyone’s life i rlly shouldn’t be on this planet anymore
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
What if I deactivated
#feeling sick because it feels like I did something wrong again and I don't know what it is so I'm grasping at straws#don't know if talking or leaving people alone is the better option here I wanna leave this house I don't feel safe#I don't feel safe saying anything here or anywhere else I don't feel safe in my HOUSE#have to worry about people looking through my windows and having shots fired into my room and someone breaking in because I have two doors#I want out i want to sleep I wish I could say something or disappear and reappear where nobody knows me#be pronounced dead but someone who looks like me shows up in Chattanooga. I want to be nobody I want to be a stranger PLEASE#I don't ever fucking know if leaving people be or not is the right choice BECAUSE I DON'T HELP I NEVER FUCKING.#I never help I am never useful or good enough for people don't you fucking understand why I want to do what I'm doing#trying to hurt myself and poison myself so FINALLY people don't have to deal with me because I'll be too sick to speak#being forced to do things and feeling like I HAVE to exist when all I feel is fear and have delusions and hallucinations#and fucking psychotic symptoms. I can't even go back to the ward because they didn't DO anything#I can never say JACK FUCKING SHIT. EVER.#if I say nothing then suddenly one day you hear about the time I relapsed or when I purposefully eat expired things to get myself sick#but if I DO say something then suddenly it feels like everyone feels obligated to say something and it makes me feel horrible and terrible#and like a bad person I can't I can't I can't I can't#...I guess at least. I have therapy tomorrow. I'm sorry if I'm hospitalized again. I'm so sorry.#not art#vent#tw selfharm#// selfharm#tw ???
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
getting bad enough i want a drink. ......heh
#it’s been two months since my last drink! rhat usually means nothing with me#pov yoire a good for nothing asshole who will die just like their father 👍#and i know my stomach problems are from my yesrs of binge drinking just to make the pain go away#what am i supposed to feel? when everyone tells me it’s my fault? when everyonr says i was the one who drank first?#physically i took my first drink when i was 15. mentally my body wanted to swallow anything that would make this go away#it didn’t matter what it was#i wake up everyday with sickness so profound i cant leave tbe house#and i have to let the guilt steep. to know that i did this because i’m too fucking stupid#to never have tried. i was warned my whole life. my parents were alcoholics. half my family is dead from it. i watched it swallow my brother#and it swallowed me too. for years. it ruined everything. and now even when i’m finallt clean#i’m finally sober like i begged and fuxking begged for years. for something to#knock me out of it. and i stopped. and now everytime i’m sick#every single fucking day of my life i think about how i did it to myself#i want to die#and now i feel worthless because i don’t drink#i don’t have any fucking social skills all my friends are from when i would drink and be able to actually talk#i bore everyonr away i say the wrong things always. i just#whatver. i’m too sick to leave to even get a drink. it doesn’t even matter
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I cant stand this, cant deal with this constant exhaustion. im so damn tired yet no matter how much I sleep its never enough and i pass out through the day regardless. the worst!!
#makes me so miserable that id rather be dead. cuz i aint living#i havent ever been living. its been like this for as longas i remember i have to sleep for at least 10 hours or im unable to function#and thats at least. i usually sleep longer. literallt have slept for 24 hours before. and was still tired after. as so fucking tired#i cant stand this combineed with my chronic migraines?? i rathe rkill myself than live like this much longer. who wouldnt?#tired lf the passing out too. im afraid to leave the house often bc i get so sleepy i feel faint. makes my agoraphobia worse#idkwhats wrong. i need to get a sleep study but i have no way to do so. its not up to me. plus i dont trust doctors no more#ive kinda just. given up at this point. id rather just sleep it away. my dreams are so vivid and happy why wouldnt i want to stay#i need to sleep now anyways. imso tired im shaking and hurting all over. sorry i nwed to vent i feel alone and paranoid. void talking#if i get embarrassed by this i might deleted it. if i even remember that is#vent#personal
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
im like *Gets mad at my parents*
#im like constantly baseline mad at them but i cant be Mad at them all th time bc i run out of fuckign energy yk#i just wish theyd stop trying to give me financial advice like 1. Stop fucking looking at my bank statements leave me the fuck alone#my dad literally said it up so hed stop seeing my bank statements why the Fuck is my mom seeing them. shes not even connected to th acct#2. you think im going to take financial advice from ppl who had kids at age 20 one hs a shopping addiction the other buys new gaming#consoles when his kids r starving. You think im gonna take financial advice from th couple who hve been on th brink of divorce for 15 years#and then decided to BUY A FUCKING HOUSE as soon as one of them got a job that paid like 25 dollars an hour. full offense. if i want#financial advice im not fucking going to you two chucklefucks.#if my childhood has taught me fucking ANYTHING its 1#what not to look for in a marriage 2. what not to do with my money 3. how not to raise kids 4. Dont ever be like my parents#like. gddd#and she ws like#bitching at me abt having a savings acct. which i have#and i have a decent amt of money stockpiled and she knows that bc she snoops on my shit#and ALSO shes literally never had a savings acct in her fucking life afaik#ik its mot their fault explicitely that we live in poverty ik both of their families r like. well theyre both pretty poor#but yk like. theyre bith so fucking irresponsible with their money qnd i hate that theyre trying t act like paragons#when again. th only thing theyve ever taught me is What Not To Do. i never wanna be like them id genuinely rather be dead.#ik im just like a dramatic teen but. the thought of ending up like either of them is my biggest fucking fear. whatevr#and ik ppl say moving out rly helps yr relationship with yr parents but gd i. Ik theyll keep asking me for money and keep rpetending that#either of them r like. even Slightly worthy of being called a parent#GD. WHATEVER
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
like this is so wildly stupidly unfair I guess that the more I talk about stuff with my therapist the more that everything happening gets to me now. i couldn't even be in the front of the house when my stepdad was about to walk in. I saw him and had to hide in my bedroom and im still hiding because im just sick of being so anxious and having to constantly be aware of where every item in my room is because it is always at risk of being taken or moved or stolen and then i get fussed at after. it's becoming paranoia. it's making my life miserable. it's making it impossible to leave the house without thinking all day about how I might have left a box or a book out or something. nothing is safe or private when your stepdad has a habit of snooping in your room and you don't have the ability to move out yet. and my mom is so fucking useless about it all and refuses to stand up to him ever. it's so stupid. I deserve better than this and I always have but I have just convinced myself that this is how it is and that's just ehat I have to put up with if I don't want to be basically homeless and have no money for school.
#im fucking sick of it. im so tired. nothing changes.#i want out of this fucking house. i want to leave in the dead of the night and never have to come back.#rent a uhaul pack my shit and leave.#im gonna try downsizing on stuff again in a few weeks when the semester ends. hopefully will be able to seperate me#meaningful things versus the things i can toss or store. and hopefully over the next couple of years if i do that enough#l will have an amount of things that can beoved into a camper with bf#and i wont have to live every single day paranoid about getting my room snooped through. and i will be able to wake up to comfort#i want to wake up and not be afraid. i want to go to bed comfortable and happy. i want to spend my days being fulfilled.#i want a life. i want to live. but i dont want to live in this anymore and sometimes that feels like wanting to not wake up anymore.#sui mention#in tags but. yeah.#delete later. i dont want to look at this shit on my blog sorry if it stays up too long.#vent
0 notes
Text
There are times where I think my mum just doesn't care about my safety the way she should, but it's not like I can do shit about it
#if I told my grandmother the things i tell my mum she would care#she would do something#meanwhile my mum makes light of the situation#or BLAMES the situation on me#she says she's take care of it#but never does#it's always been like this#'we need to go out driving so you can learn'#*never does*#'i need to teach you how to make dinner'#*barely does*#'ill talk to V about it when I see her'#you said yourself that V barely leaves the house#how are you doing to talk to her when you see her WHEN YOU'LL NEVER FUCKING SEE HER#DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS!?#IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE!!!#IF I END UP TRAUMATIZED OR DEAD I'M BLAMING YOU#i want to learn self defense#i want to have knifes#mace just SOMETHING#but no#she'll say i don't need those things#so I remain defenseless for now#abluehappyface
0 notes
Text
i want to die my mom shit on the toilet seat then called me annoying when i pointed it out to her
#personal#nooo leaving shit stainss or being allergic to flushing her piss isn’t enough she gotta shit on the toilet seat now#i legitimately feel fucking sick how does that even happen#my house is so fucking disgusting it’s not funny#like just recently found out! not normal to find maggots all the time!#in food or other objects!!!!!!!!!#thought that was a more common problem and needed a check in if i was okay to throw this thing out or if i should pluck the dead maggotsout#answer was toss out thank you audrey#it’s just so fucking gross#and she never washes her hands and gets annoyed when i tell her to#she’s like i was NO. you weren’t#and thanksgiving she got annoyed with my brother and i thinking#she was putting dishes on the trash to dry.#we were like. hey. i think you need to wash those again.#and she was like ofc i’m gonna wash them i hate how dirty you guys think i am blah blah#which double funny my brother got dental surgery and when she offered to cook for him#screamed in a drugged up voice I DONT WANT UR DIRTY ASS PANS#and somehow she has 3 rooms for her stuff but it’s still dominating the whole house to the point we can barely walk#and the other day when she asking me#to get a second job couple hours later was explaining oh hey im gonna buy you this random thing#and do you know how often i have to run to the post to return these random ass things when she’s broke or it doesn’t work????#but i can’t be like hey since we’re like FUCKED. can you stop spending a lot on random shit.#sorry it’s just disgusting at my house outside of my room
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
blackphobiaaa
BlackPhobia
bahughes
Untitled
faeryfaieth3
Witchery For The Overwhelmed
lolarlover
i love rosie
primewatches
The Prime - Luxury Watch Boutique