#and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

teruthecreator · 10 months

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trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard

#in neg city #they were rlly like ‘we can’t force you’ but then just kept fucking talking about it #even as i’m crying and saying no no i don’t want to go i’m not going i really don’t want to #and like. idk. when ur sister gets sent to the psych ward at a pivotal point in ur childhood #and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would #in fact be very very bad!!!#like any time i think abt the psych ward i think abt my sister one day just disappearing from the house. i think about when the doctors #withheld my letters and i thought my sister either hated me or was fucking dead. i think about having to hide all this agony behind polite #smiles while i was also being bullied mercilessly at school and my CHOIR TEACHER WAS DYING OF CANCER #i think abt the car ride when my aunt told me and my brother that she had to go back in #i think of empty houses and missing places at the dinner table and arguments and so many fucking arguments #i cant go into the psych ward i won’t. and it just felt like that’s all they wanted me to do #and then it became well michelle how do u want us to help u? LEAVE ME ALONE #THATS HOW U HELP. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FIGURE IT OUT #i get rlly overwhelmed and stressed when too many people are trying to butt their heads in #and i know they mean well but it just feels like they’re both gonna become mom and i’m not talking to mom for THIS EXACT REASON #idk i just don’t think they can help. i get that they’re rlly worried but i can’t let them help i don’t know what they could do #and they wanna talk about this again tomorrow so now i don’t wanna sleep bc i don’t want tomorrow to happen #but i don’t have anything to do bc i’m in such a terrible mood #i rlly wish i wasn’t alive sometimes #clearly i’m putting too much stress on my siblings and mom is probably worried sick but i’ll never kno bc we aren’t talking #i’m just ruining everyone’s life i rlly shouldn’t be on this planet anymore

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