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officialspec · 3 months

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What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though

i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that

people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists

for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)

similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime

to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)

of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week

the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you

social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be

tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it

#ask #long post #i feel like i should tag for the ask bc it sucks but idk what so like. lmk #gender #trans stuff #i love you language philosophy i love you messy human relationships i love you contradictory identities

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shelandsorcery · 5 months

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Astronomics Game Art : Designing Mining Equipment!

Gonna talk this week about designing mining equipment for the sci-fi game Astronomics - demo on steam right now! - And I thought I'd start with a little conversation about research and process (...that doesn't really have on a much art in it but just stay with me) and maybe get to tap in a little bit into how someone like me who doesn't do a lot of technical design learned a lot about how to get excited about that whole field through the research stage of this game.

So when I say research I really do mean fairly old-school research — and this is probably gonna be a theme with a lot of the posts about this game in particular, because I don't think you can build sci-fi without some understanding of engineering systems and current scientific realities to then play with, you know?

As you may gather from the trailer, Astronomics is a game about asteroid mining, among other things. Which meant that we had a lot of need for legit industrial feeling props and tools for the player to use, things that felt functional and believable without feeling complicated or delicate. I really enjoy the challenge of adding appeal to something that maybe people don't always think about being appealing or fun or cute (this is never an absolute statement — there's always somebody already able to see more appeal in any given subject and I could ever imagine) so part of the research stage is going and looking for that appeal. So above you can see a sheet of loose rough sketches I did in clip studio paint from reference that I gathered with the rest of the team and by myself that seemed relevant to some of the designs we were pursuing.

If you've had the chance to play the demo, you'll know that it's not just surface mining but we are going to be letting you mind gases and liquids and underground mineral veins as well — these are all things that people do in the real world of course, so process one was taking a quick look at those actual industries and then figuring out how I could condense that activity down into a pretty simple and easy to understand machine.

So turned out what we needed was something that drilled and dug, something that pumped liquids, something that sucked air, and all of these things needed to then produce some sort of container to hold what they had collected.

In a videogame you really need to communicate to the player why each act they do is significant and different from the others, and as the art director it was my job to figure how to do that through visual design of the tools they're going to be using. So that meant that even though you could certainly store liquid and gas and solid resources in the same kind of box, I wanted to try and find ways to keep each thing feeling different. Best case scenario is that you're able to look at a prop we've designed and know in a split second which of these three states of matter it will be containing; in the research stage one of the things I'm looking for is any existing visual language that we have (in this Western English-speaking North American videogame audience culture) that already solves this problem.

The great thing about industrial design is that they indeed have very intentionally tackled this problem. Part of it is purely physics optimization that the field of engineering has been working towards for human history. For example, when you're storing liquid and you want to remove all of it from a container you probably don't want something with corners — that's how you end up with cylindrical liquid storage. When you're storing a gas you're likely keeping it under pressure, which means you need a shape that will withstand pressure evenly, which means you're looking for something with literally no corners or edges ideally — and that's how you end up with bubble-shaped gas storage like a propane canister. And then when you're storing something solid and you want to use the space most efficiently and be able to stack whatever it is that you have packed it into, you have a box.

Real good news is, a box and a cylinder and a sphere are all wonderfully visually distinct shapes in a fantastically strong place to start when it comes to solving the question of storage. So then we get into the challenge of the machines themselves — what distinguishes a drill from a pump from a vacuum?

So that's the beginning of some of the questions that you have to answer when you're designing props for a game — in the research stage is only one of bunch of different ways you start figuring out these answers. But I want to talk for just a second a little bit about how I personally wrangle my research, because I am definitely not telling you this is the only way to do it. It seems like it may be worth explaining what I get out of this process and see if anything here make sense for you!

One of the reasons that I have this huge page of sketches, big and detailed or tiny and loose, all laid out in one place for me to look at, is because I personally learn and remember things more strongly by taking notes. With my hand holding a pencil ideally. And when they're abstract concepts or verbal or numerical then I'll use writing and I won't have a problem with it, but my job at this stage was not to figure out abstract concepts or to find themes — my job was to solve visual problems. So my first order of business was visual research specifically. Now for me, that involves lots of things — I have a Pinterest board for any sort of subcategory of stuff I'm researching to just do enormous broad research with; then I probably bring most of those images into a huge working .PSD file and move them around to create groupings. And then I start drawing.

I really think that drawing is integral for me at this stage. I don't think I could do this without drawing as part of my research. There's so much that I just don't bother noticing if I'm not going to be drawing the thing that I'm looking at; even the worst, fastest, sketchy as drawing makes me pay infinitely more attention to something then I do when I am simply collecting information mentally. I'm phrasing this in a somewhat exaggerated, self-deprecating way, but I really can't exaggerate how much more I get out of things when I sit down and draw them. They talk about drawing is a way of seeing, and for me that's a practice I've intentionally pushed and explored in my life.

The other thing, though, is that visual problem that I need to solve. Sometimes solutions to the problem aren't obvious until they are visualized — it can be very easy to get distracted by things like surface details and miss the silhouette language, or vice versa, but when you are doing the drawing you have to wrestle with the silhouette and the details and make decisions about them. Visual trends appear way more clear when you are drawing something for the 10th time as opposed to simply seeing it for the 10th time. And all of the layers of cultural meaning and context that clutter up a photograph can be simply ignored as you transfer only what you need to a drawing, where you might discover something that everything else hid until then. Beyond that, one of the things you may notice about the sketches is that they are somewhat cartoony — I'm certainly trying to capture important details and be representational to a degree, but much like gesture drawing the human figure, researching this way lets me start finding out what the gestures are of these different sorts of subject matter. This is something that I knew about creature design, and about flora design, and one of the real joys of this game in particular was proving to myself that this gesture approach applied to industrial machines and technology as well.

I mean, I knew that there were cute trucks out there, but gosh.

I think if you are in need of something to reinvigorate a particular piece of subject matter for you — if you're designing something that you are just not that excited about, or if you don't feel challenged by the work in front of you — I really think sitting and sketching from reference can open up the complexities and help push you and your work farther. It certainly works for me and I know that the learning I did on this game is something I carry with me to future projects as well.

That seems like a pretty strong place to leave this post in particular, but I'll be back later this week with more breakdowns and screen caps of the actual design process of all of our adorable mining equipment!

I would really love to hear from folks if you also engage in similar research processes before going into full design mode — or if you have a completely different way to get your mind revved up and ready to go, I would really enjoy reading about it!

In the meantime, if you're curious about mining asteroids but it's cute please feel free to check out the Astronomics demo on steam, I made an awful lot of visdev art for this and handed it off to some incredible game creators who have done some really impressive stuff taking their ideas and my ideas and running to honestly some pretty new and exciting places with them.

#video games #indie games #art director #behind the scenes #concept art process #designing games #drawing #trucks are cute #dictated but not thoroughly reread

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izzythehutt · 1 year

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This is why we lie, Jesse!

Everyone talks about the (many) times that Walt lied to/consciously used the truth to manipulate Jesse over the course of Breaking Bad, but rarely do I see people discuss one of the few times he was completely honest with him—the scene where they discuss the buyout in 5x06, also titled "Buyout."

Just two men, separated by a sea of shadows and sage furniture

This scene gets somewhat overshadowed by the hilarious, awful dinner with Skyler that follows it, but I find it fascinating—particularly its placement at the tail-end of their partnership, an episode before they have the infamous Almost Final Breakup You Are Not Worth Five Million Bucks Fight.

This might be the scene where Walt is the most honest with Jesse about...almost anything.

There's no game here—it's just two people, with a complicated and close relationship, each trying to convince the other to do something they don't want to do. Walt decides in this case to just be candid about why he does not want to sell his share of the methylamine, presumably because he thinks Jesse will be understanding of his motives, maybe even sympathetic to him.

And given what happens, you can see why he defaults back to lies and manipulation.

Walter used honesty! It was super ineffective!

First of all, the fact that he invites Jesse to his home in the first place is a major change from the norm for them. You could chock it up to him subconsciously wanting to piss off his wife (which later happens), but there's a level of intimacy there. Walt has a very specific way of compartmentalizing his crime and civilian life, and part of that is keeping Jesse far, far away from the latter.

Maybe it's just because he's tired, or because he's drinking (was there ever a scene where Walt was honest on this show where him being drunk or drugged wasn't the cause?) but I honestly can't point to a single moment in this conversation that feels manipulative. For Walt it's vulnerable, a rather intimate admission of a weakness—he's kind of abrupt and rude, too, but Jesse knows him well enough to see that's way more honest for Mr. White than when he's being overly "nice"—being nice is exclusively for moments of manipulation or the product of guilt when it comes to their relationship.

And he really gets personal about his past, which is so not something he does in his relationship with Jesse. As far as we know the only other person he's ever confessed that he's been harboring these feelings about his departure from Gray Matter to is Gretchen (though in her case it was an accusation that he was cut out, in Jesse's case it's admitting he thinks he made the mistake which cost his children "their birthright.")

He is actually willing to admit to Jesse that he made a poor business decision in his youth that he's regretted ever since. He's willing to just put it out on the table and frame his desire to stay in the drug business as being about personal ambition (his own potential.)

The only thing he doesn't admit is the fact that his breakup with Gretchen is probably why he left the company, which could be the subject of a whole 'nother meta.

And how does Jesse respond to this candor, this honesty?

Jesse remembering fonder days of nearly strangling Mr. White to death in the RV

You can see the disillusionment happening in real time. The scales are falling from his eyes on-screen! Jesse really did take Walt's 'family man' motivations at face value, and to realize that his mentor's temperamental personality is actually a cope for his profound wounds and deep-seated resentment at his thwarted ambitions...I think it legit disturbs him.

Maybe for the first time, he really sees Walt for who he is—someone who wants money for his family after he's gone, that he could understand. Someone for whom "empire building" is so appealing in and of itself he doesn't care if people die or its built on an addictive drug that destroys lives? Uh....

This is one of the many things that separates them—Jesse just isn't naturally ambitious in the same way. Walt may have taught him to "apply himself", but the inherited perfectionist tendencies were really in service of gaining Walt's love and respect, not gratifying his own ego.

For Walt, being honest is presenting things in a way that he would find compelling, and he and Jesse are so wildly different (Jesse still has a conscience, for one thing) that he always has to consciously take advantage of their differences to get what he wants out of him.

Now this? This is a conscious manipulation. It's also an admission of something painful and deeply personal (the fact that Skyler told him she'll be happy when he's dead) but with the clear intent of, if not guilting poor soft Jesse who also knows what it's like to be rejected by your family into changing his mind about the buyout, at least making him feel bad about it. Because if there's one thing Walt is good at, it's punishing his loved one for not falling in line.

This makes Walt's desperate clinging to the relationship in the next episode even more tragic, because as fucked up as they are, this is probably the most emotionally intimate relationship he's got at this point. Sure, Jesse's horrified by him, but he's marginally less horrified by him than Skyler is!

#breaking bad #brba #breaking bad meta #walter white #jesse pinkman #skyler white

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searingenvy · 5 months

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a mother's love

a tharja meta.

It is not an unknown fact to those who have played Awakening (or at the very least has seen the way Noire is as a character,) that Tharja is a...complicated character when it comes to the subject of motherhood. In this meta I'll be going over Tharja's view of the concept, both past and present.

It is important to note that I'm not trying to defend Tharja as a mother, but rather I'm trying to explain where she's coming from and how she plans on moving forward in the future.

This will include mentions of other people's characters to some degree, namely Donnel and Noire (who we do not have at this very moment), and any mentions of the former have been discussed with the current mun beforehand! As for Noire, I will only be using information pulled from the scripts (both ENG and JP, with distinctions listed).

Not everything said in this will be 100% in game facts but rather headcanons, but I will try and use in game text in order to back up the idea.

First and foremost, we have to understand how exactly Tharja views her family. Not the one she brought with her to the Academy, but her mother and father from Plegia specifically. We know they exist, and we know they're alive...and that's pretty much it. They're brought up in her C support with Kellam, where she sends them a letter back home. In his B support she expresses concern-- so over all Tharja does care for her family, even if she's reluctant to show it.

As for the type of people her parents are...we can't say for sure. This part is purely headcanon, but I like to believe that though they were not terrible people, they were much like Tharja herself-- closed off and unwilling to outwardly show their affection. This is mostly just backed up by the fact that her parents are also spellcaster and are most likely dark mages. I'm mostly backing up this idea with the line below.

Tharja: I come from a family of powerful mages. They can usually take care of themselves.

Obviously she could just mean in terms of their pure raw strength, but with how Tharja acts, I feel like it would make sense for her parents to also be the type who keep to themselves and taught her that the person you should always rely on is yourself.

They also seemed more preoccupied with teaching her dark arts as well. In her supports with Noire Tharja states that she was taught how to perform dark magic since she was just a baby. Something that will also come back later

Tharja: Hardly a problem. I was instructed in the dark arts from infancy. Even my umbilical cord was cut with a curse.

TL;DR: Tharja grew up in an environment where relying on yourself was the most important lesson. She was cared for, but never shown the love and care that is typical between a parent and child. They also taught her dark magic at a very young age.

With that...Noire. She's a touchy subject. For starters, Tharja finds the idea of her even wanting a child to be ridiculous-- but post game, especially after marrying Donnel, the idea of having a family becomes more and more appealing to the point where I headcanon that she likely asked about children first.

Where things get complicated is that future Tharja's motives are weird. Really weird. We know that Tharja didn't want Noire learning dark magic or curses. Below is an English translation of the Japanese script! Credit here!

Tharja: I didn’t want to teach my daughter… who was so innocent and trusted her mother without a doubt in her mind… anything like curses. Curses are… very dangerous. My future self… surely must have thought the same way as well.

Future Tharja was not a good mother-- and even in game Tharja still performs curses and hexes on Noire...I don't even really have an explanation for that besides the fact that Tharja does it to pretty much everyone in the army. I'd like to personally believe that her supports with Noire take place after her supports with her father (which is where mentions of the cursing her as a child take places) where she would eventually stop when realizing her future self's motives for not teaching Noire magic...but I have no proof of this. At all. Just a personal thought.

She also is a grieving widow for a lot of the future it sounds like-- and when losing the love of your life (especially for someone like Tharja who barely even knew what love was before the events of Awakening,) it gets hard to think logically. I imagine a lot of those hexes and curses post Donnel's death were for the sake of keeping Noire safe or growing stronger as to not lose her as well.

But we aren't really here to defend future Tharja or explain her 100%-- rather, I want to look at how Noire coming to the past and telling Tharja about her future self shapes how she views her role as a mother.

Tharja, for the first time in her life, is experiencing what a true family feels like. Donnel isn't exactly one to hide his feelings, and he loves his wife above all else-- and with the young Noire also existing, Tharja is determined to not allow the same fate to happen to her daughter. There will be no talisman, no curses or hexes (unless to help ig), and she will admittedly be a bit more protective of her. She is opening up to the idea of love and family, just

If either Donnel or Noire were to die there's no telling if things would end up any differently-- but for now all she can do is do her best as a mother, even if she doesn't exactly know what it means to be a good one. She's lucky to know what mistakes need to be fixed, and if she were to ever meet the future Noire again...she would want to make things right once more, even if she still has a hard time outwardly showing love to her.

#{ hexed out }#{ archived }#if any noire rpers are out there and want to explore a messy but somewhat loving mother daughter relationship you know where to find me ))#once again this is ramblings that make no sense ))

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secretceremonials · 1 year

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I'm completely fascinated by Cassandra's character. But I noticed that here on Tumblr some people romanticize her relationship with Agamemnon and I was very surprised, as I always thought it was obvious that it was a toxic relationship. You seem to understand more about this subject than I do, but did Cassandra have any affection for Agamemnon? Or even Agamemnon for her?

Hi anon! And thank you for the question, I had a lot of fun writing this.

That's a very complicated question, but I'll be my best (disclaimer that I'm not an expert, but I do read a lot).

We do have to take the relationship in its cultural context a little bit. A lot of people do seem to make Agamemnon a lot worse than he is in the texts. The fact that he took a concubine after a war would have been completely acceptable behaviour (Achilles does it, and we mostly forgive him), and doesn't really prove that he must have been violent to her or anything like that. I'm not saying that these attitudes are, or were ever, okay, but the fact that he is coming from a society in which slavery was fine means we can't just assume he is a monster on the basis of him having a slave. But I think that considering this context can also only take us so far. I find it difficult to believe that victims were less troubled by these occurrences, just because they were an accepted part of their society.

In terms of how Agamemnon views Cassandra, I do think there is something resembling affection. In Aeschylus's Agamemnon, he asks Clytemnestra to be kind to her, and in Euripides's Hecabe, Hecabe appeals to Agamemnon almost as her son-in-law, asking for his help, considering the "warm embraces" he enjoys with Cassandra. In Euripides's Trojan Women, Agamemnon takes her as his "bride", and Talthybius remarks that "Love for the god-inspired girl pierced Agamemnon's heart" (James Morwood translation), again suggesting affection, not just lust for her. But, then again, as he cannot possibly have known Cassandra for long enough to base this love on anything except her looks, can we really say it's any different (there is also the view that Apollo orchestrated the pairing, more on that later)? Ultimately, he still feels entitled to marry (have sex with) this pretty girl, by virtue of him being the general of the army that destroyed her home (cultural context is important, but its still hard to see past some things). Still, I do think that this shows that the popular interpretation of Agamemnon as a cruel old man is inaccurate. He definitely cares about Cassandra, and really only feels entitled to her in a completely socially acceptable way.

How Cassandra views Agamemnon is a bit trickier I think. In Euripides’s Trojan Women, I struggle to read anything other than her hating him. She admittedly does express a desire to marry him, but this is because she views it as a way to ensure his death (even if it comes alongside hers). So, she is motivated entirely by a desire for revenge, firmly believing that the match was orchestrated by Apollo, meaning that any acceptance she shows isn’t really any sign of love, just submitting to her fate with the knowledge that she is sealing his. In Aeschylus’s Agamemnon, I think there is a bit more apparent affection. She obviously hates Clytemnestra, and speaks badly of her murder of Agamemnon, which she callas an “accused deed” (Henry Howard translation), so this dislike doesn’t just seem to be of the woman who will kill her, but mourning for Agamemnon as well.

I think it’s worth noting as well that these characters are really more archetypes that can fulfil a different role in whatever story they are involved in, than any concrete characters with distinct personalities. So even amongst ancient sources, opinions vary depending on what the writer intended to use them to show. For example, Aeschylus's Agamemnon is a pretty standard tragic hero plot. Here it makes sense to portray the relationship positively, to highlight Agamemnon as a hero and Clytemnestra as a villain (in very simple terms, since I’d need a whole essay to get into it fully). On the other hand, In the Trojan Women, Euripides was trying to commentate on the horror and futility of war, particularly for the women of the losing side, so it makes much more sense for Cassandra to hate her new master and be vengeful towards him. I would say that even the modern retellings can be valid as well, they are just taking these archetypes, and applying them to their own narrative (it’s just that the extent from which they have derived from the myth varies considerably).

Basically, how I view them depends almost entirely on what version I am reading. When I make my own interpretation, I would say that I don't romanticise them, and that I generally view Agamemnon as somewhat loving Cassandra, but Cassandra despising him, although he treats he fairly well. At the end of the day, he is the general behind the army that ruined her life. I do also sometimes like portrayals where they have a better relationship, but this is more because I love Cassandra and want to see her be happy than anything else.

So overall, it's not very clear cut, and a lot of Agamemnon hate is a bit unjustified (he acts like a petulant child sometimes, but honestly every hero does). While I don't think it is possible to ignore the fact that Cassandra has no agency in the relationship, it may be worthy of note that even in modern law, she could still be capable of consenting (evidential presumptions would fall onto the defence to prove the presence of consent under s75 of the Sexual offences act 2003, so consent would actually still be hypothetically possible, just harder to prove in current English law, obviously not super relevant here, but I do think it is interesting that this isn't automatically legally rape- I am stretching the statute a bit here to say that Cassandra's slavery is akin to unlawful detention, which isn't strictly true, but since slavery is illegal in any case it's the closest comparison I could think of).

Their relationship is inherently unequal, and impossible to form a conclusive judgement on, but I don't think either extreme view is particularly helpful for analysis (although completely fine for making your own interpretations).

#cassandra #agamemnon #cassandra of troy #greek mythology #euripides #aeschylus #asks

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ladydragonkiller · 1 year

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If you’re having to count the Draculas, you may have a bigger issue on your hands. I’d recommend calling the exterminator.

That is a lovely shawl! I’m fascinated by beaded lacework. It combines the best of both lacework and jewelry making, it seems. The tiramisu also looks good! I never considered the aesthetic aspect that must go into culinary school before. It does look quite nice.

Hobbies, hm? I’d consider myself a writer, though I don’t post things all that often. I play a couple different instruments, one more so than the other. I go to the gym at least once a week, though I’m not sure if that counts as a hobby. I’m also quite fond of reading, though I rarely have much time or energy for it during the school year.

Are there any particular stories behind how you got into culinary arts and/or lacework?

- Vampire 🧛

See, i tried calling an exterminator, but he just ended up being another dracula. it's a real problem around here

beaded lacework is a lot of fun to do! and easier than you might think. and the aesthetic part of culinary arts is fun. unfortunately plating designs are not my strong suit at this point, but i'm great at executing other people's ideas.

all of those are wonderful hobbies! i'd say that going to the gym counts if it makes you happy and/or relaxed. and i completely understand reading falling by the wayside, i have much the same issue during semesters.

I became interested in both subjects so long ago it's hard to remember honestly. for lacework, i think it grew from my existing knowledge of how to knit and desire of taking on more challenging products. Plus, there's a local fair with a craft showcase that my family used to enter, and generally, big lacy shawls and the like did well.

I also enjoy the longevity of many lace projects. though hats are fun to make, they're also very quick (i can do one a day, depending on the weight of the yarn). casting on and binding off is the least interesting part of a project to me, so something like a big shawl with far more in the middle appealed. I also enjoy doing more complicated pattern repeats, as plain old stockinette or garter or moss stitch (and so on) get to be monotonous after a certain point.

as for culinary arts, I mostly just enjoy making food. the process of it is very satisfying and meditative, people are happy when they eat tasty things, and i love following recipes. a list of steps that if you follow closely, you're guaranteed success? count me in.

for your question: what's your favorite drink?

#asks #mysterious vampire

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mollrat101 · 2 years

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I’m obsessed thinking about Deborah as a gay icon that I’ll probably want to write a whole essay about it. Here are some of my ideas and I want to see if this resonates with anyone.

The way I look at it when Deborah was basically thrown away by the mainstream audience after Who’s Making Dinner? the queer community basically picked her up.

They never tell us what exactly Deborah and Frank’s sitcom was about except that it was based on the stage show that they created about their life as a couple. Based on the title and where the show would’ve fit into the television landscape of the time (1973-76), my idea is that the show focuses on a heterosexual couple and how their marriage is affected by 2nd wave feminism. The title seems to evoke a cultural anxiety at the time about what middle class white women’s role in the home are going to be now.

The irony of this being that this sitcom must have largely portrayed this cultural anxiety as something that this couple could ultimately work through together and the hegemony of the nuclear heterosexual family is not really at risk, despite the real-life breakdown of Deborah and Frank’s marriage due to Frank’s feelings of emasculation at his wife’s status rising over his.

There is a lot about this past of Deborah’s, not just her aesthetic and comedy, that would’ve greatly appealed to the gays. I mean her penchant for glamour, flamboyance and her campy sensibility would probably be enough to categorize, but I also think there are deeper reasons.

Queer people tend to like stories about artificiality especially where it concerns gender roles because it expresses what queer people already know: how to perform your gender must be learned. The history of Who’s Making Dinner is all about pulling away the artificial construct of progressive and cordial heterosexual coupling that is not rife with issues like gender inequality or adultery.

In order words, the history of Who’s Making Dinner makes the gays look at it and ask, “Are the straights okay?” and the answer is “Fuck no, they’re not, They’re a mess”. The artifice has been blown up.

But, of course, it’s not just that that is appealing about Deborah.

It’s also about rejection and how Deborah responded to such widespread rejection.

It’s understandable that queer people are so drawn to people who have been rejected as it can reflect their own experience of being outcasts.

But what turns Deborah into an icon is her response to not hide herself in shame after the public called her crazy and she was so publicly humiliated by her husband’s affair, instead she became defiant.

She chose to own people labeling her as a “crazy woman” feeling it was better to be a part of the joke, even if it slowly ate away at her soul.

She has portrayed herself, ever since, as a force of a woman all by herself, never having remarried and unwilling to be held by restrictions on women that they should be polite, not angry, meek and selfless.

Of course, even this to, to some degree is a performance as we know how much it hurt Deborah to buy into that idea of her as the ‘crazy woman’ and how her single status seems to be where she’s ended up out of fear, not out of a desire not to be tied down. That’s a discussion for another time.

It’s also kind of interesting that now the show has introduced Deborah to the idea of compulsory heterosexuality which could further complicate this subject. Gay icons, historically, have been predominantly heterosexual women. That’s not as true today, but in Deborah’s time that was absolutely the case.

I don’t feel very confident about the idea of them exploring Deborah being queer, but part of what excited me about it is how it would an interesting layer to her gay icon identity. A gay icon who has mostly appealed to gay men comes out as queer in her later years? You have to admit it’s a fascinating concept.

(I don’t know sometimes I feel like I had an idea for Deborah’s story that I picked out of a kernel of truth of where the writers wanted to go, but that I misconstrue as where they were ultimately going. Now that I think about it, I think that’s been all of my fandom interactions. Picking out a story from the concept that I was more interested in than the writers.)

Just as the idea of the gay icon has shifted over time, thoughts about the fluidity of sexuality and gender have shifted since Deborah’s time and it would be interesting to see those things play off each other.

And part of my disappointment with Marcus’s arc, so far, is that I hoped there would be more examination of not only of Deborah as his maternal figure but also his gay icon who had a profound impact on his identity and how her changing would’ve affected him. After all, even though he got to see behind the mask more than most, Deborah still put on at least some of a performance for him, until Ava. He’s now seeing a more real version of Deborah than ever before and I wanted to see how he felt about that. In s1, his initial reaction seemed to say he was going to reject it. That this split was going to make him realize that he and Deborah aren’t the same person and they’re changing in different directions.

I’m just fascinated by this topic and want to know if anyone else has thoughts about Deborah’s status as a gay icon.

#hacks hbo #hbo hacks #hacks #hacks thoughts #deborah vance #this is definitely not all my thoughts but this is just what's been going through my brain

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rauko-creates · 2 years

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Honey, There Is No "Right" Way

(Part 1: You Knew Who I Was) (Part 2: With Every Step)

Part 3: That I Ran

Balthazar lay staring at the ceiling in their shared room, mind too full and too reeling to sleep. “How does it feel to be in love?” he directed to the other side of the room where he could hear that Castiel was getting no more sleep than Balthazar was. Castiel didn’t snore, but the change in breathing when he slipped into sleep was rather distinct.

Castiel sighed and rolled over in his bed. “Balthazar…” he groaned in a tired voice that was low and rough and—sue him—did things to Balthazar. “It’s two in the morning.”

Balthazar turned his head and squinted through the darkness. “Oh good. It’s the perfect time to have this talk, then.”

“You have work at eight.”

“But you don’t have to be up at any specific time, so why are you worried?”

Castiel sighed heavily, seeming for all as though he were wondering what he’d done to deserve this. “Yes, but if you don’t get enough sleep then I live with you and will have to deal with your crankiness.”

Balthazar waited.

“Okay.” Castiel took a moment. “I think it’s different for everyone…”

Balthazar rolled his eyes even though Castiel couldn’t see it. “Indulge me. What does it feel like for you?”

“I wasn’t done,” Castiel huffed. “As I was saying, I think it’s somewhat different for everyone, and I think…that it’s also different with everyone. Every person is different, so every relationship is different…or at least I believe it should be. People are not all the same, so why should the rules for relationships be?”

Balthazar had barely opened his mouth.

“Don’t complain that that doesn’t help; let me think.”

Balthazar fought down a chuckle.

“When you start to fall in love with someone,” Castiel continued, “for me at least, it—it feels like you’ve found the most interesting and wonderful person to ever exist. You think that they’re intriguing and funny and beautiful, and at first you don’t realize you feel anything out of the ordinary about them except that they stand out to you. You assume that everyone surely notices them and sees all those things about them, because—because they’re amazing; and then it’s very confusing when you find out that other people don’t notice and fixate on that person the way you do.”

Balthazar hummed an acknowledgement that he was listening.

“Then—you don’t always recognize it as it’s happening, but—one day, you realize that, at some point and perhaps without your permission, your entire world has shifted, and somehow your existence seems to have reshaped itself around one person.”

Balthazar shifted in his bed. That sounded…intense. “Is that…how you felt about Dean?”

“Yes.” Castiel’s voice was quiet. “I would have gone with him anywhere.”

“Hey…” At the sound of pain in Castiel’s voice, Balthazar pushed his comforter down and padded across the room to Castiel’s bed. “None of that. Make room.”

“What are you…?” Castiel began as Balthazar lightly pushed him towards the wall. He sighed. “Fine, come on.” Castiel lifted the blanket and moved away to make room for Balthazar to join him.

Balthazar worked an arm under Castiel’s head as he lay down and draped the other arm over him. He felt like an imbecile who couldn’t learn the lesson of not bringing up painful history. “I apologize. I didn’t intend to trouble you.”

Castiel huffed. “I’m not troubled.”

“You are.” It was dark, but Castiel’s scowl was hard to miss anyway. He began stroking a hand along Castiel’s spine. “I’m sorry, both that you were hurt and for my bringing it up. We don’t have to talk about it.”

Castiel lay breathing for a moment and seemed to relax a little in Balthazar’s arms. “It’s fine,” he finally said, “but…why are you asking?”

Balthazar’s hand wandered up, and he began absently playing with the soft curls along Castiel’s neck, thinking. “It’s a complicated subject for me and one I remain curious about, because…well, I do understand the appeal of a relationship; I just never never feel as though I’m doing it correctly.”

Castiel shifted and wound an arm around Balthazar’s waist. “Our society puts far too much weight on romance as the highest form of love. It’s not. It’s simply a form of it. If you don’t feel like you’re missing anything in your life without it, then you’re not. If it doesn’t appeal to you, you shouldn’t force yourself.”

“I’m not. It’s more…” He sighed, searching for words that explained it. “It’s not that I don’t see the appeal of a romantic partner. Believe me. It’s why I’ve tried so many times. I think it would be nice to know that someone would always be there, to have someone for whom I cared deeply and who cared for me. I enjoy relationships; I simply don’t enjoy people telling me how I’m supposed to feel while I’m in one. And people do insist that you’re supposed to feel a certain way about that person, that they’re somehow supposed to feel innately different than all the other people you love aside from perhaps being your strongest bond; and I think that if I were able to experience that feeling, I would have by now.”

“You…want a companion…” There was a significant level of surprise and awe in Castiel’s expression and voice over something that Balthazar would have thought obvious. “It’s not—you don’t date for sex?”

Balthazar huffed. “If that were all, I would forgo the entire institution and simply meet people in bars. Sex is a nice perk, a really nice perk…but no, that’s not why I date, not the whole of it anyway. Aside from the fact that sex is much more pleasant to me when it’s someone I know and trust and have a connection with—I honestly have trouble even being attracted to someone physically that I don’t already like as a person—but that is simply one of the many things I enjoy about being with someone.”

“Huh…” Castiel tucked his head beneath Balthazar’s chin. “Are you lonely?” he whispered.

Balthazar held his best friend as they lay there in the soft glow of streetlights through the window and wondered why love couldn’t feel like this. Why couldn’t it feel like having a best friend whom you trusted and who felt like home and whom you could hold in your arms, not because you felt aflame but because you were that comfortable with each other?

Balthazar closed his eyes and ran his fingers further into Castiel’s hair. “No, but I imagine I shall be someday.”

Castiel pulled back and looked up at him. “Why?”

He swallowed. Because, someday, someone’s going to see you for everything wonderful that you are, and they’re going to sweep you off your feet; and I can’t even ask you not to leave me, because I can’t give you what you need. “Because I don’t want people the same way they want me.”

Castiel’s voice was serious. “Neither do I.”

Basthazar let out a breath. “I suppose not.” His thumb traced the lines of Castiel’s cheekbones. “You know, sometimes I wonder how much easier it would be to be normal like everyone else.”

“Ha, ‘normal,’” Castiel scoffed, and if his hands were free, Balthazar knew they’d be forming quotation marks. “Having seen the divorce rate, I don’t believe things are so easy for the rest of the dating world either.”

Balthazar chuckled and tucked Castiel’s head back against his chest, his hand resuming its earlier path through Castiel’s hair. “No, I suppose it’s not as though they’re doing spectacularly.” They lay there quietly for a while, Balthazar’s mind wandering over their conversation. “Hey…” he swallowed, “The way you described falling in love, how it felt for you…is that normal? What I mean is…do you think others would describe it the same way? Have you felt that way for anyone else? Or was it just…”

It took Castiel a moment to answer. “I don’t fall in love easily,” he said. “I don’t…think it’s this way for everyone, but for me, there has to be a strong connection before I’m able to even consider someone in a romantic light. I suppose that’s not unlike how you said people are more sexually appealing when it’s someone with whom you feel a connection, but it takes me…a particularly long time. Usually, it’s only when I’ve been friends with someone for years. And…falling in love is a little different every time, but to answer at least part of your question…yes, the feeling I described, I’ve felt that way more than once.”

Balthazar took a moment to process that.

“I can’t tell if this conversation is helping or leaving you more confused.”

“A bit of both I believe.” Balthazar chuckled. “I have to be honest, being in love sounds a bit horrifying.”

Castiel laughed suddenly against his chest. “It is. To give that much of yourself to someone…and hope that they even actually want it…it’s terrifying.”

“But good…” it must be, or so many wouldn’t do it, “right?”

Castiel’s fingers pressed into his sides. “...It can be,” he breathed.

Balthazar thought about that, about everything Castiel had described, about having someone who was central to your world and mind in a way that others perhaps didn’t understand and that didn’t match how those others thought of them. “It sounds…not too different from having a best friend that perhaps others don’t seem to get the way you do.”

Castiel hummed. “Yes, it can be a lot like that.”

Balthazar huffed into the darkness. “Well, that wouldn’t be so bad you know? A best friend that you get to kiss.”

“No.” There was something in Castiel’s voice even as his arms wound tighter around him that Balthazar couldn’t quite place. “That wouldn’t be so bad.”

(Follow on AO3)

#calthazar #castiel #balthazar #spn rare pairs #ace!cas #aro!balthazar #domestic fluff #roommates au #friends to lovers #challenges/events #tiny ship fleet fest #rauko writes

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gunkbaby · 1 year

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Cringe OC X Canon Character shipper gives unwanted opinion on subject they do not care abt, for a fandom they are no longer a part of:

From an outsider pov, my takeaway from seeing 6 yrs of tokyo ghoul ship discourse is this:

It’s complicated.

There are a lot of components, lots of complexities to each popular ship, and a lot of parties make good points, but said points are devalued by general cattyness and the fact some of y’all cannot keep ur chill.

Look, I don’t care about shipping. Monogamy makes me physically ill, and I just. Don’t see the appeal. Tokyo Ghoul was always about non-romantic relationships more than the platonical ones from my POV. So who tf am I to suddenly post about this?

Well. Discourse does pop up on my twt tl sometimes and it’s irritating and I have thoughts, which I wanna give now, bc i feel this way a lot, and if this post is nothing but a ramble to get it off my chest, then be it so. I really don’t care.

So. My honest opinion on tg shipping is :

although monogamy as a whole makes me uncomfortable, and I dislike certain th ships bc I don’t feel they’d be unhealthy and i want the best for my bby boy -

i honestly think we should just…let people live.

If people enjoy or take comfort in a harmless ship then I dont think anyone has the right to take that away from them. If you’re not going after anyone else, and if the ship isn’t like, involving incest or children, etc, then i dont see anything rly wrong with it. And I don’t think anyone has any right to try and take that from anyone.

I dont like that tokyo ghoul shipping has become this horrible thing that - as a sort of outside member of the community- i have felt uncomfortable with and afraid of.

isnt shipping about love? the childlike whimsy of making two barbies kiss? why don’t i feel any of that love from shipping communities? why does it instead feel catty and petty and violent?

I’ve said before but, loving something is not a competition, and if you treat it like a competition, you’ll just fight with whoever forever.

If no one’s hurting you, and you’re not hurting anyone - then i don’t understand why you can’t just love your ship.

Yes, by all means, defend it when people come at you, but at the end of the day : this is just the adult equivalent of making two barbies kiss. The kid in the corner making different barbies kiss is likely no lesser or better than you, you don’t need to fight over who gets what doll, why you deserve it more, etc - there are enough dolls for everyone!

I’m tired of the hatred in this community. This fandom is dead as is, and even though I’ve chosen to distance myself from most of the greater fandom, I don’t want more people to feel pushed out of it because of a fucking ship. And it’s like, I’ve seen bad behaviour from basically every ship in tg - from people randomly deciding to say awful, bigoted things about characters, to actual people - all because they like a different ship.

It’s ridiculous. If y’all wanna hate on me for this post, then fine, but I am so consistently disheartened by the lack of kindness in this community. It’s exhausting, and just writing this ramble has been exhausting, because y’all really will just go and bully someone for shipping touken, or hidekane, or whatever - it’s not that deep. It’s not that big of a deal. Your ship is special to YOU. No one can or should try to take that away from you, but that has to work both ways.

Just be kind u guys. That’s literally all. It’s not always easy to make the kindest choice, or choose the kindest words, but it is worth the effort. Just be nicer to each other, please.

#im tired #watch me get absolutely fookin flamed now lol #discourse #tw shipcourse #i hate this why did i write this #i literally dont care #i onlt ship si and ocs wtf #bye lol #gunk

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chee-annn · 3 months

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Hello and welcome to my blog on ICT where we will look at the complicated world of ICT components and their functionality in real life. Let’s explore some practical examples of how these components play a significant role when it comes to developing a contemporary lifestyle, accessing information, and browsing through this new digital era. We will travel from basics of hardware to software inventions, as we discover how different parts of ICT make a connected world.

Cloud Computing

I use cloud storage applications such as Google Drive or Microsoft OneDrive for my academic papers, research documents, or project files. My documents are kept in clouds hence they can be accessed by any device with an internet connection. With cloud storage being so convenient and flexible, I can easily shift my papers from a computer or laptop even a smartphone. In addition, this permits me to collaborate more effectively as well as work on educational things wherever I need them to be done.

Software

Last semester and this semester, our instructor introduced some helpful software. For instance, the simulation software we have been using like Interactive Simulations helps me to do virtual experiments and understand complex scientific ideas by doing them virtually. It makes difficult things easier to understand. My assignments and projects are being done in Microsoft 365 as well. I can easily work on documents like making a report or presentation; therefore, it simplifies school activities and creates a platform for collaboration.

Hardware

To start with, when it comes to academic life an essential tool is a laptop which helps me to find the latest information relevant to our lessons, visit educational websites as well as gather multimedia materials that improve my understanding of different subjects. Our instructor took us through hands-on sessions where we could practically learn about microscopes most recently. During our practical quiz, I learned about the importance of microscopes, and their functions and gained experience in focusing on various samples under observation through a microscope lens because of its higher magnification power in comparison with eyesight. Moreover, we also use printers for printing hard copies of our experiment papers, research papers, and other outputs.

Transactions

I recently bought a pair of high-heeled shoes on Shopee as I prepared for an upcoming Soiree. The entire process was smooth as I navigated through the Shopee app, I'm careful in selecting the perfect pair before proceeding to check out. To make it more convenient, I chose to pay using G-cash, a mobile wallet service. This payment option is made for a smooth transaction that guarantees fast and secure digital payment.

Communications Technology

In our capacity as SK officials, we actively participated in a seminar through Zoom last Saturday. During the seminar, there was an online orientation on different aspects such as youth development plans, fund utilization, and disbursement. This digital forum made us understand our roles and responsibilities. When I look back at my Senior High School (SHS) days Google Meet proved to be very useful. First of all, a few classes were conducted virtually and Google Meet was a way of connecting teachers and students online. Apart from educational issues, I also can connect with my family members using communication platforms such as Messenger, Instagram, etc. These platforms give me instant access to my contacts whether they live nearby or far away, as I can share my stories and stay in touch with them.

Digital Data

It is normal for us to utilize tools like PowerPoint or Prezi as well as create visuals, infographics, and charts that are eye-catching and talk about our findings and data in class. The presentation’s appeal is boosted by these digital platforms and enhances understanding of the research results. Besides, rather than physical notebooks, I love using an app called Microsoft OneNote for jotting down ideas, main points, and references. This digital process ensures easy accessibility, efficient organization, and fast retrieval of information leading to a more streamlined way of organizing academic work.

Internet Access

Being a BSED Science student, I need to have internet access. It plays a crucial role in my study of the Spiral Progression Approach in K to 12 Science. My group mates and I can also get materials from recent academic sources through the internet hence incorporating the latest teaching methods in our papers. Moreover; we can communicate easily since we have online contacts which makes teamwork easier thus allowing us to compare notes together. In turn, this means that we can dig deeper into the curriculum.

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artg211-termproject · 4 months

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Week 4 - Vanitas

3 Considered Concepts and Appealing Characteristics: Vanitas (Allow me to work with abstract art, Give me a chance to explore Photoshop, I can be less “wholesome” with it), Primitive Figuration (Fits within my ability level, Wide range of possible subjects, Does not require “perfection”), and Floating Heads (Wide range of tone/mood, Would be better done in Photoshop, Could use my own photography).

Chosen Concept: Vanitas

Why: I think this is a really unique subject and I am excited to work with abstract art and learn to use imperfections to my advantage. I also wanted experiment with darker moods/tones and subjects.

Key Words: Spooky, Eerie, Sad

Software: Photoshop

This week, we were challenged to design something inspired by art forms that involve parts of the human body. I chose vanitas, which (as I understand it) incorporates the human skull into the design. I decided to depict a more abstract skull because a realistic human skull would be incredibly detailed and complicated. The reason I chose to design a new version of the poisoned apple from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is because of how skulls are often used to express danger. I immediately thought of this scene from the animated movie and wanted to recreate it.

#design #illustration #photoshop #snow white

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wingedbeargoatee · 2 years

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Uncle Ben and Little Luke

AKA we combine several types of time travel for maximum Soft Chaos, let’s go

EDIT NOW THAT I’VE WRITTEN THIS UP: jfc this ended up much angstier than initially intended uhhhhhhhhhh sorry

So a common enough thing I’ve seen in time travel fics is characters getting de-aged when tossed back physically, to neither the age they should be in that time, nor the age they were from the time they left, but whatever is most convenient. This is usually de-aging OT Obi-Wan into his TCW self, for reasons relating to, chiefly, removing the damage of Tatooine absolutely destroying his body alongside PTSD-driven alcoholism, but also because fic writers are horny, and Ewan McGregor playing a late-thirties negotiator is on average more appealing to people than Alec Guinness playing a vaguely feral desert hermit.

So, here’s how it plays out:

We take Luke and Ben from some point in the OT. There are a variety of options depending on how angsty we want it to be. My first instinct is ‘right after Owen and Beru die’ but I want to have that sweet angst where Luke knows that his dad is Vader and that Obi-Wan was trying to convince him to kill his own father without telling him that.

We’ll go with shortly after Bespin, and then they end up significantly before TPM. The Obi-Wan of the timeline proper is, eh, let’s say eighteen. Not really ready to be a knight, but old enough that we don’t have to worry about “if we go save Shmi, do we somehow wipe out Anakin?” which is absolutely a worry. Anakin is a toddler, and is in no place to be evil, on account of being literally two years old. He can’t even explode people with his brain yet.

Now, Ben finds himself mid-thirties, as is traditional. He’s not upset at this, because his joints hurt so much less than they used to! His knees aren’t exactly teenage-perfect, but by the Force are they better than they were in the years before he died! His hair has color! He doesn’t have arthritis! And, goodness, no physical withdrawal symptoms! The psychological aspect is still there, but nonetheless, he’s in much better shape than he last remembers being.

Luke looks like he’s about six. He was recently twenty-two. This is not an upgrade. Ben keeps having to carry him. He can’t see over the counter when they enter a bar for information. He can’t enter the bar in the first place. He’s very annoyed by all of this.

Ben is not annoyed. Ben is having a lot of emotions, actually, but annoyance isn’t one of them. He didn’t get to help raise Luke the way he might have if Anakin hadn’t lost his shit, okay, he sees a small Luke and he wants to hug him and cry.

Luke would like to be able to purchase a speeder part without the lady at the stall asking him if he needs his “dad’s” permission.

Once they figure out when and where they are, they need to decide where and how to leave. There are general shenanigans to gamble their way into enough money to hire a ship. They are in the ass end of nowhere, but definitely not Tatooine. There appears to be a jungle. There appears to be a significant variety of man-eating creatures. There appears to be a temple to the Force of questionable origin. None of this is actually helpful, except for the moment they find a “baby’s first lightsaber” in the temple.

Luke only has one hand and, being a six-year-old, his body is growing too fast for him to bother with getting a wired-in prosthesis the way he could as an adult. He can get a more basic prosthesis, but nothing that attaches to the neurons. He’ll outgrow it too fast.

He’s tiny and he’s not used to doing things with just one hand. He uses the Force to do what one hand can't, and every time someone tries to tell him he's misusing the Force he whaps them with the empty sleeve.

So, you know, they find out what year it is. Ben has a breakdown. Luke is upset that he left behind his friends. Ben admits to him that Leia was his twin. Luke stares in horror because dude, she kissed him, you couldn’t have mentioned this earlier???

Ben points out that Beru and Owen were keeping Luke away from him for nineteen years, and then they had about three days of awkward travel to find Leia in the first place, and then Ben died. He didn’t have a whole lot of time to figure out how to tell him.

(This sparks an argument that lasts several days. All onlookers assume that Ben’s son is throwing a tantrum. He doesn’t correct them, even though this is a very valid reason to be upset, because the truth is much harder to explain.)

Sooooo they travel. Mostly, Ben plays Sabacc, cleans house, and pays their way towards Coruscant. Luke still really wants to learn to be a Proper Jedi, even though Ben is pretty sure that Luke would have... a lot of difference of opinion with the Temple, but sure. Coruscant. They can at least stop by, and see Qui-Gon, and Mace, and Quinlan, and Bant, and everyone else that’s still alive and not tragically deceased in the horror following the start of the Clone Wars and then the birth of the Empire, and Ben can have a nice sob over all his dead friends being alive again.

Ben is only barely holding it together while Luke is in the room with him at any given point. But it’s fine! It’s fine. He’s fine. All of his loved ones have come back to life! It’s great! HE’S FINE.

He is not fine.

Luke is also grieving all the people who haven’t been born yet, but he’s... significantly more okay than Ben is.

The closer they get to the Core, the more often people just assume Ben is Luke’s father, and then look shocked and uncomfortable when Luke flatly calls him by his name, and they just... compromise. This is the point at which Luke starts calling him “Uncle Ben.”

Ben cries in his bunk later that night. Luke overhears it and wonders how the HELL Ben is more unstable now, when there’s a chance to fix things and no Vader or Empire trying to kill or capture both of them, and all his friends are alive.

(Luke will later learn a lot about PTSD and realize this is actually a fairly normal situation, to process significant events and emotions only after gaining safety or catharsis.)

(Twenty years on a ball of sand with an alcohol addiction and debilitating fear of the man you raised as your own brother is not, in fact, safe or cathartic.)

At any rate, they’ve settled into that pattern by the time they reach the Inner Rim. The Inner Rim is the part of the galaxy at which they’ve collected enough money (and mental stability) to travel a little better, and to take a few more risks.

Risks like “manipulate people with those baby blues.”

Ben tells Luke that he’s a menace, after he pouts so cutely that he gets a free scarf added on to a purchase that Ben makes. Luke responds that Ben has no room to talk, since he flirted a free breakfast out of that one inn owner.

Also, Luke is currently physically six. That is objectively a situation that sucks. He deserves to use it for all it’s worth if he’s stuck like this.

“You know, if you keep wearing all-black and looking longingly at the velvet cape and Space Chanel boots, the temple is going to worry that you’re a darksider.”

“Uncle Ben... you told me, yesterday, that I sparkle so brightly in the Force that it’s almost blinding.”

“Yes, but the gloves--”

They don’t agree on this, but Ben relents. He does actually understand good fashion, unfortunately, and he’s not unaware of how much Leia taught Luke about such things.

Luke’s about forty years ahead of the curve, of course, but Skywalkers are prone to such things. It’s usually in regards to technology, granted, but...

They get to Coruscant. Ben is very obviously a Jedi. He knows all the right words and walks like a Soresu master and feels warm and comforting in the Force. They let him in with minimal questions. They note down “my first padawan left the order to have a child, but died shortly after; I consider Luke here to be my nephew, and have raised him as such,” and move on.

Luke is vaguely annoyed because he already had an uncle (and aunt) that raised him, but he admits that a person can have more than one uncle. He can live with this. Ben was more family to Anakin than Owen was, in some ways, so it’s kind of true. Luke is even working on feeling more childish affection for Ben instead of the complicated mess of emotions that come from being lied to about some very large and important subjects, and then seeing the person saying those lies have regular emotional breakdowns due to something as small as Luke saying he likes the curve of the hull on that freighter.

(Apparently he sounds just like his father did as a child. This is almost heartwarming.)

The thing is! The thing. The thing is, they almost make it to the Halls of Healing to get looked over for weird viruses, or Outer Rim Parasites, or whatever the hells needs to be happening. They almost make it without Ben having a flashback to dead younglings or brainwashed troopers or the declaration of a Sith Empire. They almost make it without incident.

Then Ben sees Qui-Gon, and freezes, and does not move again.

Luke cannot get him to restart.

People are staring.

They haven’t even made it to Medical, Uncle Ben, come on.

Young, local Obi-Wan comes over and asks if there’s something he can do to help. Or maybe this “Ben” knows Qui-Gon? Master Jinn doesn’t recognize Ben, but maybe Luke knows more?

Luke does know more, but what Luke actually says is “he probably needs a mind healer.”

(Ben will not appreciate this.)

(Ben is unfortunately standing in the middle of the hallway and completely unresponsive, and is unable to argue with this assertion.)

(Ben is pretty much proving this assertion entirely correct, actually.)

Obi-Wan is helpful, if a little bitchy in the manner of most late-teens individuals, and offers to help get Uncle Ben down to the Halls of Healing. It involves Obi-Wan gently pushing on Ben’s shoulders, and Qui-Gon offering to carry Luke so he can be in Ben’s sights (because Ben is a Mystery, and Qui-Gon is quite fond of those, so he wants to stay involved). Ben kind of just... shuffles on down.

There are medical tests. They ask about how Luke lost his hand. He refuses to talk about it. They ask how Ben got all his scars. Luke says he doesn’t know. They ask if he knows why Ben looks like he’s been through a war. Luke says it’s because he probably was.

They check for foreign viruses. They find evidence of thus-far-unpatented vaccinations. They ask Luke if he knows what he’s vaccinated for.

“How would I know? I’m six.”

They agree that this is a good excuse.

(It is not. He’s lying. They do not know this.)

They do some more tests. They find a lot of questionable medical bullshit in Ben’s body. Most of this is from the clone wars, but they don’t know this. Someone realizes they haven’t gotten a ping back from the Shadow Network regarding “do we have permission to pull the medical file of a Jedi that isn’t in the normal database? We’re assuming you know who he is, since we don’t.”

The Shadow Network does not know who Ben is.

The healers, of course, go “huh, that’s weird, but maybe the name he gave his nephew was fake. We can’t exactly ask ‘Ben’ for more details right now. We already had to sedate him. Let’s check the DNA!”

The DNA pulls up as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

The padawan who brought this guy in two hours ago.

“Huh, that’s weird. Let’s call in Kenobi and ask if he knows what’s going on.”

Obi-Wan absolutely does not know what’s going on.

They ask Luke.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he says, lying through his teeth and not even pretending otherwise.

“You’re not a very good liar,” teenage Obi-Wan tells him.

“I’m not trying to be,” Luke says. “Can you get Master Yoda? I feel like we’re going to need him.”

They normally wouldn’t get Yoda on the request of a six-year-old, but they also normally don’t have a catatonic thirty-something Jedi who looks like he’s been through a war popping up in the medical database as the pimply teenage padawan that broke his pinky trying to do a Badass Ataru Flip last week.

Or... whatever Luke i... is... oh dear.

“Young one,” Qui-Gon asks, while people whisper-shout behind him, not realizing he’s cutting the Correlian Knot and just asking the kid himself. “Do you know why your midichlorian count is so high? It’s almost unheard of.”

“Uncle Ben said my dad was the Chosen One,” Luke says, because he is capable of being a little shit and is actually really eager to let Ben deal with some of the fallout. He feels for the man, really, but he’s also tired of being the one to field every single question.

Also, the expressions that pass on Qui-Gon’s face are hilarious.

(Luke may or may not be more affected by his six-year-old brain than he would like to admit.)

“Thank you,” Qui-Gon says, sounding more than a little strangled about it.

It takes another three hours for Ben to wake up.

He listens to the questions. He hears what they say his ‘nephew’ said. He looks at Luke.

“Is this revenge for not telling you about Leia?”

“It’s not revenge,” Luke does not lie. “I just don’t know how to explain it.”

“It’s pretty easy to explain.”

“It’s not my secret.”

“This is revenge for the Leia thing.”

“No,” Luke says. “Revenge for the Leia thing was when I ate a live frog in front of you.”

This is the point at which someone interrupts and points out that they appear to be stalling.

“Oh, he is,” Luke tells them. He gestures at Ben. “I can’t tell you more, because it’s more his story than mine.”

“I’m afraid, Master, that I am very likely to have an emotional breakdown if I allow myself to consider the reality of this situation for longer than the fraction of a second I already have,” Ben reports, full of false cheer. “Suffice to say, I am far from stable and have only held out this far for Luke’s sake.”

“Can you explain why you have my DNA?” Obi-Wan asks, as the person who’s most concerningly involved in this situation.

“You can,” Ben says, smiling like there is absolutely nothing wrong in the slightest, ever. “I’m you, from the future. I actually died and spent a few years dead before coming back. I’m not sure why I’m younger than I was when I died, but I appreciate being able to put on my shoes without my knees attempting to mutiny.”

“He needs a mind healer,” Luke reiterates, in case the strained grin hasn’t made it clear. “So do I, but not as much.”

“I have felt literally every person in this Temple save for Luke and Yoda die,” Ben reports, looking a shade more manic than a few seconds earlier. “It’s very overwhelming to feel you all being alive again. I may be approaching a mental breakdown, and I’ve been rather strictly advised against using alcohol to treat my traumas again.”

Luke kicks him in the thigh. It’s not a very hard kick, because he is very small, and he does actually like Ben. “I’m not letting you turn into an old drunk again.”

After several seconds of silence, a healer quietly suggests that everyone clear the room, and asks if someone could fetch Master Yoda as the youngling requested.

(THIS IS ALMOST THREE THOUSAND WORDS. I started it less than two hours ago. Why am I like this.)

#Ben Kenobi #Obi Wan Kenobi #Luke Skywalker #Qui Gon Jinn #Time Travel #De Aging #Phoenix Posts #Uncle Ben and Little Luke

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volterran-wine · 3 years

Text

For the Greater Good || Volturi Kings (HC)

Requested by Anonymous: "Hi, could I request some hcs of the volturi kings with an s/o who is very interested in science and medicine, and is studying that at university. Thank you x"

Carlisle is this you trying to get in contact with Aro again? I jest. Hello dear Anonymous, once again your request takes me into the realm of academia and I am not mad at it. Since I am not that familiar with the subjects; these headcanons are based on a lot of googling. Any doctors or scientists; please don't crucify me. Bless all of you for driving our species forward.

!Warnings! Mentions of unethical disposal of bodies

𝐀𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰.

𝐀𝐫𝐨 𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢

Aro will certainly be reminded of his dear friend Carlisle when it is revealed that his potential mate was studying Medicine. He sees it as a noble practice, and respects his S/O for choosing to go down such a path. It saddened him to know they most likely would never be able to fulfil their dreams, vampirism and practicing as a doctor was only possible in the rarest of occasions.

If his mate was adamant however, he might just get in contact with Carlisle once more. His old friend would provide a perspective that he sorely needed in order to gauge what sort of risks he would have to foresee in the future.

One evening they had demanded they wanted to study his anatomy, wishing to take note of the differences they could discern between a vampire and a human. He had humoured them, watching as they excitedly scribbled down notes as they discovered something new. Aro would tease however, attempting to distract them away from their goals.

When they finally graduated he was very proud, it had been a long and difficult road but now they held that diploma that meant so much to them. Aro could not deny that his mate was truly meant to help others, he hoped that they would be able to do so for centuries.

"Humans are basically machines you know? Like a car that needs every single piece in order to run properly. And sometimes we need fixing." "... What an unromantic way to look at life." "I think it's rather the opposite, we are one of the most complicated beings even the most talented architects would struggle to recreate... every single part of us striving to keep us alive so we can fullfill our purpose." "... I suppose there is beauty in that."

𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢

Despite being what is considered a supernatural entity, Caius is very much a man of science. He finds it endlessly fascinating how all these microscopic pieces fit together to create the grand artwork we call existence.

His high regard for learning was one of the core reasons he reluctantly agreed to let his significant other continue studying and not be turned right away. When he learnt they studied Physics he was quite curious about what field they were interested in.

He'd watch with humour as his mate was surrounded by sheets of paper and notebooks filled to the brim with mathematical equations. Caius found them especially attractive when they were in deep thought, that look of determination appealed to him.

Once they had gone off on a tangent about Space and Time and it had spiralled into a discussion that was part scientific and part philosophical between the two mates. Neither had noticed that the sun was on its way up when they finally reached some form of conclusion. They had agreed to disagree.

"It's a true marvel... all this knowledge;" "You think so? I imagined the world might seem dull when you have lived for thousands of years?" "One of the redeeming qualities of humanity is their thirst for knowledge, the need to understand. And the discoveries that follow" "... So the great Caius is fond of humans" "That can be up for discussion."

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢

Marcus had seen many things through the ages as humanity progressed. All their discoveries and failures that had lead them to where they were today. Chemistry had always been a practice that had immensely fascinated Marcus, so when his second chance at a mate came barreling into his life with a half finished degree; he had been quite pleased.

He had complete faith in his S/O' expertise, but that did not keep Marcus from watching over them as they worked. The kings nerves were always on edge when they were mixing various dangerous components in order to conduct their experiments.

Based on urgings from his coven Marcus would challenge them to create a new form of acid that made quick work of decomposing and was odourless. They had looked at him with confusion, wishing to know what he intended to do with it. Marcus had elected to keep it to himself for now; when they were a vampire they would know. Hopefully they would not be too horrified. (The Volturi use Acid to decompose the bodies of the people they feed on in canon.)

Would volunteer as their assistant whenever they needed it. After all, none of the substances they were using could harm him. The first time they accidentally poured acid on him they could only stare as they watched it glide right off Marcus' hands.

"You my dear is a modern day alchemist." "... Now you are just making me sound much more interesting than I am" "So you will not humour me and transmute these slabs or marble into gold?" "That is impossible and you know it. Besides, the coven has more gold than all the Royal Families of Europe combined Marcus." "You have a point."

#aro volturi #aro volturi headcanon #caius volturi #caius volturi headcanon #marcus volturi #marcus volturi headcanon #twilight #twilight renaissance

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