#i think the first time i saw that characterization of james was in choices during the prank
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RWBY Character Analysis: Pietro and Penny Polendina
Up until now I’ve been keeping quiet about my opinions on the newest volume, in no small part because my personal life has been one absurd setback after another, and I haven’t had the energy to engage in fandom meta. If you do want to know what my current opinion of RWBY is, go over to @itsclydebitches blog, search through her #rwby-recaps tag, and read every single one. At this point, her metas are basically an itemized list of all my grievances with the show. I highly recommend you check ’em out.
Or, if you don’t feel like reading several hours’ worth of recaps, then go find a sheet of paper, give yourself a papercut, and then squeeze a lemon into it. That should give you an accurate impression of my feelings.
In truth, I have a lot to say about the show, particularly how I think CRWBY has mishandled the plot, characters, tone, and intended message of their series. And while I enjoy dissecting RWBY with what amounts to mad scientist levels of glee, I think plenty of other folks have already discussed V7′s and V8′s various issues in greater depth and with far more eloquence. Any contribution I could theoretically make at this point would be somewhat redundant.
That being said, I’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while, which (to my knowledge) no one else in the fandom has brought up. (And feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.)
Today’s topic of concern is Pietro Polendina, and his relationship with Penny.
And because I’m absolutely certain this post is going to be controversial and summon anonymous armchair critics to fill my inbox with sweary claptrap, I may as well just come out and say it:
Pietro Polendina, as he’s currently portrayed in the show, is an inherently abusive parental figure.
Let me take a second to clarify that I don’t think it was RWBY’s intention to portray Pietro that way. Much like other aspects of the show, a lot of nuance is often lost when discussing the difference between intention versus implementation, or telling versus showing. It’s what happens when a writer tries to characterize a person one way, but in execution portrays them in an entirely different light. Compounding this problem is what feels like a series of rather myopic writing decisions that started as early as Volume 2, concerning Penny’s sense of agency, and how the canon would bear out the implications of an autonomous being grappling with her identity. It’s infuriating that the show has spent seven seasons staunchly refusing to ask any sort of ethical questions surrounding her existence, only to then—with minimal setup—give us Pietro’s “heartfelt” emotional breakdown when he has to choose between “saving” Penny or “sacrificing” her for the greater good.
Yeah, no thanks.
If we want to talk about why this moment read as hollow and insincere, we need to first make sure everyone’s on the same page.
Spoilers for V8.E5 - “Amity.” Let’s not waste any time.
In light of the newest episode and its—shall we say—questionable implications, I figured now was the best time to bring it up while the thoughts were still fresh in my mind. (Because nothing generates momentum quite like frothing-at-the-mouth rage.)
The first time we’re told anything about Pietro, it comes from an exchange between Penny and Ruby. From V2.E2 - “A Minor Hiccup.”
Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much. He just worries a lot.
Ruby: Believe me, I know the feeling. But why not let us know you were okay?
Penny: I…was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.
Ruby: Was your dad that upset?
Penny: No, it wasn’t my father.
The scene immediately diverts our attention to a public unveiling of the AK-200. A hologram of James Ironwood is presenting this newest model of Atlesian Knight to a crowd of enthusiastic spectators, along with the Atlesian Paladin, a piloted mech. During the demonstration, James informs his audience that Atlas’ military created them with the intent of removing people from the battlefield and mitigating casualties (presumably against Grimm).
Penny is quickly spotted by several soldiers, and flees. Ruby follows, and in the process the two are nearly hit by a truck. Penny’s display of strength draws a crowd and prompts her to retreat into an alley, where Ruby learns that Penny isn’t “a real girl.”
This scene continues in the next episode, “Painting the Town…”
Penny: Most girls are born, but I was made. I’m the world’s first synthetic person capable of generating an Aura. [Averts her gaze.] I’m not real…
After Ruby assures her that no, you don’t have to be organic in order to have personhood, Penny proceeds to hug her with slightly more force than necessary.
Ruby: [Muffled noise of pain.] I can see why your father would want to protect such a delicate flower!
Penny: [Releases Ruby.] Oh, he’s very sweet! My father’s the one that built me! I’m sure you would love him.
Ruby: Wow. He built you all by himself?
Penny: Well, almost! He had some help from Mr. Ironwood.
Ruby: The general? Wait, is that why those soldiers were after you?
Penny: They like to protect me, too!
Ruby: They don't think you can protect yourself?
Penny: They're not sure if I'm ready yet. One day, it will be my job to save the world, but I still have a lot left to learn. That's why my father let me come to the Vytal Festival. I want to see what it's like in the rest of the world, and test myself in the Tournament.
Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of the approaching soldiers from earlier. Despite Ruby’s protests, Penny proceeds to yeet her into the nearby dumpster, all while reassuring her that it’s to keep Ruby out of trouble, not her. When the soldiers arrive, they ask her if she’s okay, then proceed to lightly scold her for causing a scene. Penny’s told that her father “isn’t going to be happy about this,” and is then politely asked (not ordered; asked) to let them escort her back.
Let’s take a second to break down these events.
When these two episodes first aired, the wording and visuals (“No, it wasn’t my father,” followed by the cutaway to James unveiling the automatons) implied that James was the one forbidding her from interacting with other people. It’s supposed to make you think that James is being restrictive and harsh, while Pietro is meant as a foil—the sweet, but cautious father figure. But here’s the thing: both of these depictions are inaccurate, and frankly, Penny’s the one at fault here. Penny blew her cover within minutes of interacting with Ruby—a scenario that Penny was responsible for because she was sneaking off without permission. Penny is a classified, top-secret military project, as made clear by the fact that she begs Ruby to not say anything to anyone. Penny is in full acknowledgement that her existence, if made public, could cause massive issues for her (something that she’s clearly experienced before, if her line, “You’re taking this extraordinarily well,” is anything to go by).
But here’s the thing—keeping Penny on a short leash wasn’t a unilateral decision made by James. That was Pietro’s choice as well. “My father asked me not to venture out too far,” “Your father isn’t going to be happy about this”—as much as this scene is desperately trying to put the onus on James for Penny’s truant behavior, Pietro canonically shares that blame. And Penny (to some extent) is in recognition of the fact that she did something wrong.
Back in Volumes 1 – 3, before the series butchered James’ characterization, these moments were meant as pretty clever examples of foreshadowing and subverting the controlling-military-general trope. This scene is meant to illustrate that yes, Penny is craving social interaction outside of military personnel as a consequence of being hidden, but that hiding her is also a necessity. It’s a complicated situation with no easy answer, but it’s also something of a necessary evil (as Penny’s close call with the truck and her disclosing that intel to Ruby are anything to go by).
Let’s skip ahead to Volume 7, shortly after Watts tampered with the drone footage and framed her for several deaths. In V7.E7 - “Worst Case Scenario,” a newscaster informs us that people in Atlas and Mantle want Penny to be deactivated, despite James’ insistence that the footage was doctored and Penny didn’t go on a killing spree. The public’s unfavorable opinion of Penny—a sentiment that Jacques of all people embodies when he brings it up in V7.E8—reinforces V2’s assessment of why keeping her secret was necessary. Not only is her existence controversial because Aura research is still taboo, but people are afraid that a mechanical person with military-grade hardware could be hacked and weaponized against them. (Something which Volume 8 actually validates when James has Watts take control of her in the most recent episode.)
But I digress.
We’re taken to Pietro’s lab, where Penny is hooked up to some sort of recharge/docking station. Ruby, Weiss, and Maria look on in concern while the machine is uploading the visual data from her systems. There’s one part of their conversation I want to focus on in particular:
Pietro: When the general first challenged us to find the next breakthrough in defense technology, most of my colleagues pursued more obvious choices. I was one of the few who believed in looking inward for inspiration.
Ruby: You wanted a protector with a soul.
Pietro: I did. And when General Ironwood saw her, he did too. Much to my surprise, the Penny Project was chosen over all the other proposals.
Allow me to break down their conversation so we can fully appreciate what he’s actually saying.
The Penny Project was picked as the candidate for the next breakthrough in defense technology.
Pietro wanted a protector with a SOUL.
In RWBY, Aura and souls are one of the defining characteristics of personhood. Personhood is central to Penny’s identity and internal conflict (particularly when we consider that she’s based on Pinocchio). That’s why Penny accepts Ruby’s reassurances that she’s a real person. That’s why she wants to have emotional connections with others.
What makes that revelation disturbing is when you realize that Pietro knowingly created a child soldier.
Look, there’s no getting around this. Pietro fully admits that he wanted to create a person—a human being—a fucking child—as a "defense technology” to throw at the Grimm (and by extension, Salem). Everything, from the language he uses, to the mere fact that he entered Penny in the Vytal Tournament as a proving ground where she could “test [her]self,” tells us that he either didn’t consider or didn’t care about the implications behind his proposal.
When you break it all down, this is what we end up with:
“Hey, I have an idea: Why don’t we make a person, cram as many weapons as we can fit into that person, and then inform her every day for the rest of her life that she was built for the sole purpose of fighting monsters, just so we don’t have to risk the lives of others. Let’s then take away anything remotely resembling autonomy, minimize her interactions with people, and basically indoctrinate her into thinking that this is something she wants for herself. Oh, and in case she starts to raise objections, remind her that I donated part of my soul to her. If we make her feel guilty about this generous sacrifice I made so she could have the privilege of existing, she won’t question our motives. Next, let’s give her a taste of freedom by having her fight in a gladiatorial blood sport so that we can prove our child soldier is an effective killer. And then, after she’s brutally murdered on international television, we can rebuild her and assign her to protecting an entire city that’s inherently prejudiced against her, all while I brood in my lab about how sad I am.”
Holy fuck. Watts might be a morally bankrupt asshole, but at least his proposal didn’t hinge on manufacturing state-of-the-art living weapons. They should have just gone with his idea.
(Which, hilariously enough, they did. Watts is the inventor of the Paladins—Paladins which, I’ll remind you, were invented so the army could remove people from the battlefield. You know, people. Kind of like what Penny is.)
Do you see why this entire scene might have pissed me off? Even if the show didn’t intend for any of this to be the case, when you think critically about the circumstances there’s no denying the tacit implications.
To reiterate, V8.E5 is the episode where Pietro says, and I quote:
“I don’t care about the big picture! I care about my daughter! I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.”
Oh, yeah? And what life is that? The one where she’s supposed to kill Grimm and literally nothing else? You do realize that she died specifically because you made her for the purpose of fighting, right?
No one, literally no one, was holding a gun to Pietro’s head and telling him that he had to build a living weapon. That was his idea. He chose to do that.
Remember when Cinder said, “I don’t serve anyone! And you wouldn’t either, if you weren’t built that way.” She…basically has a point. Penny has never been given the option to explore the world in a capacity where she wasn’t charged with defending it by her father. We know she doesn’t have many friends, courtesy of Ironwood dissuading her against it in V7. But I’m left with the troubling realization that the show (and the fandom), in their crusade to vilify James, are ignoring the fact that Pietro is also complicit in this behavior by virtue of being her creator. If we condemn the man that prevents Penny from having relationships, then what will we do to the man who forced her into that existence in the first place?
Being her “father” has given him a free pass to overlook the ethics of having a child who was created with a pre-planned purpose. How the hell did the show intend for Pietro to reconcile “I want you to live your life” with “I created you so you’d spend your life defending the world”? It viscerally reminds me of the sort of narcissistic parents who have kids because they want to pass on the family name, or continue their bloodline, or have live-in caregivers when they get older, only on a larger and much more horrific scale. And that’s fucked up.
Now, I’m not saying I’m against having a conflict like this in the show. In fact, I’d love to have a character who has to grapple with her own humanity while questioning the environment she grew up in. Penny is a character who is extremely fascinating because of all the potential she represents—a young woman who through a chance encounter befriends a group of strangers, and over time, is exposed to freedoms and friendships she was previously denied. Slowly, she begins to unlearn the mindset she was indoctrinated with, and starts to petition for agency and autonomy. Pietro is forced to confront the fact that what he did was traumatic and cruel, and that his love for her doesn’t erase the harm he unintentionally subjected her to, nor does it change the fact that he knowingly burdened a person with a responsibility she never consented to. There’s a wealth of character growth and narrative payoff buried here, but like most things in RWBY, it was either underdeveloped or not thought through all the way.
The wholesome father-daughter relationship the show wants Pietro and Penny to have is fundamentally contradicted by the nature of her existence, and the fact that no one (besides the villains) calls attention to it. I’d love for them to have that sort of dynamic, but the show had to do more to earn it. Instead, it’ll forever be another item on RWBY’s ever-growing list of disappointments—
Because Pietro’s remorse is more artificial than Penny could ever hope to be.
#rwby#rwby volume 8#rwby spoilers#rwby thought dump#my posts#i speak#rwby meta#pietro polendina#penny polendina#james ironwood#arthur watts#ruby rose#rwby worldbuilding#rwde
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Writing Master List
I love writing analysis and fanfiction for Your Turn to Die. Here, you can find links to all my writing. Spoilers abound!
Meta I’m Proudest Of
Why Calling It “Logic Versus Emotion” Makes Sense
Sou Hiyori and Kanna’s Sister Parallels
I was wondering why Sou had a zero percent survival rate…
What is Sou proudest of?
What is Kanna proudest of?
What is Keiji proudest of?
Unpopular opinion about Keiji
What are your thoughts on Nao as a character?
Why pushing Fake Reko is logical and sparing her is emotional
Shin vs. Kanna choice: each “valid in its own way”
That was a real comedy of errors on your part, Shin
What “Things” did Shin learn at Sou’s House?
If I could kill Keiji to save both Kanna and Shin...
Thoughts on queer-coded villains and Shin
I make Shin say five nice things about Keiji (not meta, but important)
Some jumbled thoughts about Redemption, and Part 2
How different do you think the story would be if Shin were a girl?
Theories
“Midori is Meister’s son,” and other Sou theories <- my favorite theory!
The Hades Incident, the Present Death Game, and the Role of the Man from the Memorandum
Rambling about Meister Family Theory
A Quick Keiji Theory
I’m staking my pride on this one: Keiji won’t die in the coffin. Part 1 and Part 2
Implications of Kanna being Original Sou’s blood relative
The Mystery of Anzu’s High Survival Rate
Fanfiction
My username is Florencetheflowerfairy on Ao3! Any fanfiction I write will be tagged “my fanfiction” on here.
I haven’t yet posted this to Ao3.
My fanart
Soup Hiyori
Happy birthday Kanna!
All of my meta
How does Sou deal with pain?
When does Sou feel safest? What would others change about him?
What would the others change about Sara?
What do I wish to see happen with Sou?
Chapter 3 Prediction: Sara will lose Keiji
Sou & Keiji’s relationship thoughts; and Personal Headcanons
Opinion on Midori / Original Sou; and Opinion on YTTS
Thoughts on Kurumada’s Partnership with Sou and Kanna
What calms Sou when he’s upset?
What does Sou wish he could change about himself?
Who would be Sou’s favorite fictional character?
What would EVERYONE change about Sou?
How did both Sous do in school?
Who does Sou want to please the most?
How would Kanna spend her money?
What calms Kai when he’s upset? How does Kai deal with pain?
How does Kanna do in school? What’s something Original Sou lost that he would love to have back?
What’s something I wish had happened with Joe?
Unpopular opinion about Q-Taro
What’s something I wish had happened with the Yabusame siblings?
Unpopular opinion about Kai
Unpopular opinion about Original Sou
Who would I vote for in the Second Main Game?
Laughing at Q-Taro in Russian Roulette
Speaking of “I laugh at inappropriate moments in YTTD”
Math Saga (Collection of Theorizing Posts about the Percentage Papers)
Why Kanna can’t take the scarf
More Scarf Meta
I think Shin should fake amnesia in the zaniest way possible, please
Thoughts on Mr. Policeman is Joe’s Dad Theory, Parts 1 and 2 (Some of these thoughts are outdated because I don’t think Keiji knew Joe’s last name in the beginning.)
If I ever seem too harsh on Keiji, please keep in mind
We can hear Joe’s music theme in Midori’s music theme
Thoughts on the Floor Masters
Did Shin send the Sacrifice Card to Joe?
What if Joe had one month to live?
What is Original Sou proud of?
Reading Shin as Queer
Alice and Pain
What would other people change about Kai?
Could Shin and Keiji’s roles switch?
What was Keiji like before the shooting?
I encouraged Sister to vote for Kai in Practice Round
How does Original Sou/Midori sleep?
Who do you think Keiji would bond with the most?
Analysis of Sara’s vote in the Practice Vote
Massacre Ending Thoughts
Thoughts on Naosara?
Dummy Bullet Saga (How did Shin know about dummy bullets??)
Keiji is my Confront Character
What will the fallout with the dummies look like?
Keiji seeing the percentage papers is the simplest answer IMO
Thoughts on Keialice
Thoughts on Joesara
Shin Tsukimi could have DIED ON HIS BIRTHDAY?!
Shin is Poor! Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3
One more funny story, on a walk with Sister...
How would Shin have fared in the Death Game without the Sou persona?
Is Shin too good for this world? (Reaction to above meta)
How would Joe, Kai, and Mishima approach the Second Main Game vote?
What do you think would be Shin’s partnership ability?
Thoughts on AI personalities
Reaction to ‘Sara gets the Sage Card’ Theory
Have you considered the implications of 0.0% vs. 0%?
Foolish Sara AU
When does the Death Game take place, and how long are they there?
Shin’s relationships with Reko and Gin
“When you drink, you gotta be careful not to get swallowed up yourself.”
Judge Keiji by the fact that he’s acting like a cop
I’ve switched to calling him Shin!
What was Shin like in the years after Original Sou died, but before the Death Game?
Headcanons and Shin, Kanna, and trading tokens
Analyzing Shin and Sara’s doll placements in Safalin’s lab
Shin’s reaction to Sara’s “Haven’t we always been the bestest of friends?”
Scenario: Keymaster Kanna takes Shin’s key necklace instead of his scarf
Artists should draw Kanna grieving Shin however they like
Nao and Shin’s friendship
“I happen to like people with nice personalities”
I’m just putting these here so I can find them if necessary: 1, 2, 3
What if Shin thinks Sara is an adult?
Shrodinger’s Lock Saga (Many theories came from speculating about Asu-Naro’s weird locks in Sara’s first trial!)
Shin emulating Sou, oh no
Some thoughts on Shin and Alice, and the darker side to their relationship
A Serious Analysis of the Collarbone Sprites (& other Shin sprites)
Midori and Joe Sprite Parallels
Do you think Ranmaru is more or less reliable than Keiji?
Ranmaru and Keiji Parallels and Thoughts on Keiji flirting
Ranmaru and Keiji reacting to Joe
Out of the cast, who do you think is most likely to be the mastermind?
Miley vs. Gashu thoughts
Megumi Sasahara theories and headcanons
I love that this game’s heart is so earnest
AU where Shin has the Sacrifice, and he can’t pick Kanna
Theory/Headcanon: Sou-Shin-Sara-Kanna three year age gaps
Scenery Paintings in the Gallery
Kanna and Original Sou Parallel - “creepy smiles”
Undertale Parallels, and making Original Sou sympathetic
Kai and Original Sou Parallels
Fic ideas: Green-haired characters, and Shin + Sara Friendship
I love Fake Reko so much!
What if the decision to push Fake Reko affects what happens with the dummies?
Follow-up to above meta about Fake Reko
What if Joe died in his First Trial?
Reaction to Keiji Discourse about flirting, Part 2
Reactions to Fem!Shin:
Kanna’s perspective, Bath Scene Shin, More Bath Scene, Keiji flirting with Shin, I DON’T CARE HOW SEXY HE IS, Am I a lesbian
Will the dummies want to fill in for their counterparts’ lives?
Q-Taro Pacman Sister Theory
Poison Stinger analysis and Rio Ranger’s characterization
Megumi returns as a doll theory
More thoughts on “Back Up Candidates” Theory
Thoughts on AIs representing younger personalities
What if the current Death Game is another simulation?
Shin and Q-Taro ages musings
Shin and Sara ages musings
Honorifics Analysis: Part 1 and Part 2
Everyone’s music preferences headcanons
Shin’s thoughts on Gin in Logic Route
What if Shin died and Kai survived in the Second Main Game?
Imagine Trans Kanna
Thoughts on the names Sara “suspects” when learning that there is a human from Asu-Naro among us
Why doesn’t Shin challenge Keiji for lying that he’s a detective at the start?
Shipping
Which death hurt you the most?
Who do you think is overrated? Who do you think is suspicious?
Shin-Sou roleswap AU
Did you ever notice how Shin is crying during the First Main Game?
How do you think the characters sleep?
What if Shin became Sara’s ally instead of Keiji?
Seven Deadly Sins in YTTD
Song Analyses
“Rat” by Penelope Scott
“Villainous Thing” by Shayfer James
“Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met)” by Panic! at the Disco
“Butterflies and Hurricanes” by Muse
"House of memories" by Panic! at the Disco
More fun posts
Sister tag (All submissions by my sister)
Sometimes I get self-conscious for loving Sou Hiyori so much
Thinking about how our Sou Hiyori is a queer-coded villainous type
Picrew of the Greenblings
Fannish ramblings and Speculation about Voting for Keiji in 2nd Main Game
Sou has a halo in the manga
Sprite Parallels between Kanna, Sara, and Sou
Confession: Character development is more important than plot twists
Star Wars KOTOR musings
My Favorite Thing about Sou and Sara meeting
Another Greenblings Picrew
How to roast my fave
Are the greenblings next to each other??
Me feeling soft about Sou x Alice and Sou x Kai in spite of myself
I’m too much of a nerd for tumblr
Picrew of Green-haired characters and Sara
Cute Kurumada and Kanna headcanons
Do it for Nao
Happy birthday Keiji, from Sou
Danganronpa Thoughts as of 10/22/20
Top 3 emotional moments
Comparing Eye Sizes
I’m all caught up with 3-1A as of 10/24/20
Link to my “Shin attacking Inbox” edit
I am my PFP
“Disclosure” apparently means “Coming Out”
What did you name your Midori?
Do you think Shin was a gamer?
PMMM Thoughts: Logic vs Emotion
Why would you make Shin a tank?!
Dracula is Sou and Shin is Renfield
Among Us Headcanon
I just think Kanna having the Keymaster first is good drama
So long you fucking fascist (posted on 11/7/20)
Please don’t send me leaks!
Also how are we going to tag spoilers...? (11/12/20)
oh no I’m getting sentimental
Shin and Sara’s confrontation over the smartphone remains my favorite thing ever
Reactions to “I make Shin say five nice things about Keiji”: 1, 2, 3
A Rewarding part of my blog
My undying love for Britney Spears
“Ahaha, I’m glad you remembered my name.”
I love this picrew for the Greenblings
“Saw” and “Cage” on Google Translate
What if there were two Gonbee Yamadas?
Put them in meme boxes
Keiji’s emo eyeliner
Shin can smash something! and part 2
Acrostic Poem for Sou Hiyori
Midori’s canon voice
“Sou” puns
Time sensitive questions!! 1 and 2
All the characters’ ages
Do you think Shin swears?
Let’s not pit bears and twinks against each other!
Here’s how Shindemption can still win
tfw you draw fanart in time for Kanna’s birthday
Keiji accuses Shin of breaking Mishima’s monitor even though he KNOWS Shin is innocent
Q-Taro and Shin college AU
Kugie’s ghost haunting Keiji
Christmas 2020: Part 1 and Part 2
Picrew of Shin and Sou, High School Days~
I struggle to write villains
I play Villains Bingo with Shin
…
This list will be updated sporadically as I write more! You can always use the “mine” tag to find any worthwhile original post I make.
Please feel free to talk to me about YTTD anytime! I love hearing from you all! It keeps me motivated and makes me happy to meet people!
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VLD7x01 – “A Little Adventure”
7x01 – “A Little Adventure”
It was the news of this episode that caused me to arrange a weekend marathon, first catching up watching seasons three through six and then the new season seven. One weekend, 39 episodes. I was so excited to learn that the show was revealing not just that Shiro was gay but also that he had had a same-sex “significant other,” to use executive producer Lauren Montgomery’s words. I didn’t avoid spoilers about this episode, which had been shown at San Diego Comic Con, so I knew that the only content in this episode was the flashback scene of Adam breaking up with Shiro. But given how much LM and Joaquim Dos Santos were applauding themselves during the two weeks between SDCC and the season seven release, I thought for sure that there would be more interaction between them in the season than this one scene.
I did not expect Shiro and Adam to get back together, but because their breakup was told in a flashback, I thought there would be at least one scene of them talking to each other when Shiro got back to Earth to resolve the emotional content of the flashback scene. Scenes like this flashback serve a specific narrative function: to set up something more. This show failed to provide anything more. Between the Friday release of season seven and my starting my marathon on Saturday afternoon, the news that this one flashback scene was all there was, that Adam was killed off almost instantly the next time we see him after this episode, that once again a show had used the bury your gays trope, it was all being discussed online. I became furious.
JDS and LM had been going around for two weeks acting like they had accomplished something major, and then I find out that the queer inclusion was blink-and-you’ll-miss-it. For me, it felt more hurtful than if they had just not had any inclusion whatsoever. I’m used to most stories ignoring the existence of queer people. What JDS and LM did was manipulate us. They used queer identity as nothing more than a means to promote the season. This is why JDS and LM were accused of queerbaiting the audience, not because of any long period of the show suggesting Shiro was gay without ever confirming it, but because JDS and LM used their many interviews between SDCC and the release of season seven to significantly hype the reveal about Shiro. That promise of inclusion through Shiro’s relationship with Adam was the bait they used to get people to watch season seven, but this one, short flashback scene of the breakup in this episode is the entirety of that relationship.
The anger of the fandom was significant enough that JDS and LM posted apologies online a few days later. Those apologies did not help.
JDS said they had to kill Adam because “we knew seeing a familiar face bravely make the sacrifice along with the squadron he led (and countless others) would help get across the gravity of this invasion.” The only reason Adam was a “familiar face” is because of the two weeks they spent hyping him up, not because of the show itself. Before his death scene, he’s only ever in the flashback scene in this episode. If a viewer was relying exclusively on the show itself, it is easy for that viewer to watch Adam’s death and to have completely forgotten who he was.
JDS said, “We were aware of the ‘bury your gays’ trope but hoped against hope that our struggle to confirm Shiro’s orientation would take center stage here.” They knew that they were using the bury your gays trope, they just hoped people wouldn’t notice.
JDS said, “We had not intended for Adam to be interpreted as a recurring character or someone that would come back into Shiro’s life.” You don’t do a flashback scene like the one in this episode if you don’t plan on resolving it by later having the two characters meet again. Also, JDS has since contradicted this statement in interviews saying that they had wanted to have Adam return with Veronica, but that they didn’t have time to change it back to that supposed original intention because they had changed it to have Adam killed before they were told they could reveal Shiro as gay. Because of instances of public contradiction like this, I don’t trust anything really that JDS and LM say to be the total truth.
JDS said, “We knew people would be affected by the loss of Adam we just could not have predicted how profound that loss would be.” I do not know how he and the rest of his crew could have been this ignorant and oblivious. They are not the first show to employ the bury your gays trope. They weren’t even the first show to do so in the year season seven was released. Audience anger at the use of that trope is not new, so I can only conclude that JDS and his crew just didn’t care to know the history of queer characters in stories to realize why bury your gays is so offensive. Also, this statement and the “familiar face” statement reveal that JDS and LM’s decision to kill Adam was yet another instance of their purposefully trying to manipulate the audience. All writing is a choice. They could have chosen to kill another character instead, but they specifically chose Adam. They wanted people to experience some form of shock in watching Adam be killed, and they thought the best way to produce that shock was to kill a character whose sole characteristic is that he’s gay.
On to the episode. This was a pivotal episode for me, so I have a lot to say.
The episode is credited as written by May Chan and Mitch Iverson. It’s my understanding that May Chan is given a writing credit here, despite not having any credits since 3x02 “Red Paladin,” because she’s the one who wrote this episode’s flashback scenes. I have seen some reference in the fandom to how the content of these flashbacks were originally going to have been included early in season two when Shiro and Keith were trying to survive on that planet in 2x01 “Across the Universe.” So, if JDS and LM are telling the truth when they say that Shiro being gay has been a part of his character from really early on, and these flashbacks were originally written for season two, and JDS and LM wanted to kill Shiro at the end of season two, then they wanted to use the bury your gays trope in killing Shiro too. They wanted to kill the gay character to promote the emotional development of a straight character (Keith). Their approach to including queer characters in the show has always been problematic, at best.
The episode opens at a school – I think Keith is supposed to be something like 12 or 13 years old here. Shiro is there to give a school talk and promote the Galaxy Garrison. The teacher introduces Shiro, saying, “I’m sure you all recognize him. He’s the youngest pilot to ever lead a mission into space.” So, Shiro is a celebrity due to his piloting achievements. This helps give some scope to why Lance has described Shiro as being a role model for him. Every kid in the classroom seems excited, except for Keith, who is just staring out the window. It makes me feel sad seeing Keith so disengaged like this. Shiro clearly notices that Keith is mentally distant. I love when characters (and people in real life) demonstrate significant interpersonal insight like this.
Shiro has brought with him a mobile flight simulator for these students to be tested on. James, who we first saw sitting several seats from Keith outside an office at the Galaxy Garrison during a flashback in 6x05 “The Black Paladins” (a scene that’s repeated in this episode) and will see again as a pilot later this season, is up front, the most eager to use the flight simulator. The visuals of the simulator are ridiculous. It seems like it’s relying on the mistaken belief that the asteroid belt is more dense than it is. The show can’t hide behind a fictional location for the content of this simulation because this scene takes place in a time at which no one on Earth had been outside of our solar system, so this simulation has to be of our asteroid belt. A pilot navigating through our asteroid belt would not have to be dodging asteroids like this because the asteroid belt is nowhere near this dense. Also, anyone having a reaction speed as fast as depicted here, let alone kids, is not realistic. But whatever.
There’s a montage of various kids eventually crashing into asteroids and failing the simulation, including James. Keith sits alone, away from everyone, just looking at the ground. The emotion of Keith’s loneliness is tangible for me. Shiro has let Keith sit off to himself until everyone else has had their turn with the simulator, and then he finally turns to Keith. Keith’s reaction almost makes me think he was surprised that Shiro even noticed him. Not surprising, Keith is really good. “That emo kid’s doing it,” one miscellaneous student says. It’s frustrating that the show, with that line of dialog and with so many others prior to this, is so reductive of Keith’s character to derogatorily label him as “emo,” as if Keith’s emotions aren’t valid. He never knew his mother (until season six) and his father died when he was young, resulting in his being put in an orphanage. His emotionality seems totally justifiable to me.
James is antagonistic toward Keith, saying the simulator must be broken for Keith to have made it past level 5. James’s behavior here is very reminiscent of Lance’s and his perceived rivalry with Keith, so much so that I don’t know why, if they wanted a character to react to Keith like this here, they didn’t just have this be Lance instead of James. With characterization so sparse in this show, why take one of the few characteristics of Lance and give it to another character?
The teacher gives Shiro a list of students she thinks are best suited for the Garrison, and Shiro wants Keith on the list. The teacher then engages in seriously unethical behavior. Clearly able to be heard by both Keith and all the other students, she is dismissive of Keith to Shiro, saying, “He’s a bit of a discipline case. I don’t think he’d necessarily fit in with the rigid Garrison culture.” Even if a student is a frequent discipline problem, no teacher should be having this kind of administration-level discussion in front of the whole class. No wonder Keith is angry, adults like this teacher publicly degrade him given the chance. She then tries to hype up James Griffin, and the show, in giving James a last name, does something it never does for most of its main characters. The show expects us to like James and all the other pilots later in the season, but this introduction to James does not make me like him one bit. The teacher explicitly dismisses Keith and promotes James in a juxtaposition. The show writing James’s introduction this way instantly positions James as an antagonist to Keith.
As soon as the teacher speaks dismissively of Keith and praises James nearly in the same breath, Keith purposefully fails the simulator. He steals Shiro’s transport and drives off. Cut to later, Shiro is getting Keith out of a Juvenile Detention Center. Keith expresses surprise that Shiro would not only not be mad but also help him after that. Keith has clearly had little support in his life. Shiro wants Keith as part of the Garrison and gives him an address to report to. It is a little odd that Shiro drives off, leaving Keith standing in the Juvenile Detention Center’s parking lot, instead of driving Keith home though.
I’m going to say this now and I will say it again in this commentary: I love the music of this episode.
Meanwhile in the main story (I take it that all the non-flashback scenes are the writing of Mitch Iverson), the Paladins are still on that planet like they were at the end of season six. Shiro, now in the clone’s body, is being kept in the healing pod. Allura says, “Only time will tell if this body will accept Shiro’s consciousness.” This statement is a reminder that this body belonged to someone else and the Paladins took it from him to give to Shiro. If the clone is supposed to somehow be an empty body, then there should be no chance of the body rejecting Shiro’s spirit. But if there’s supposed to be a conflict between the clone and Shiro, then the show needed to actually show that. Also, how could Allura have been so confident in taking Shiro’s spirit from the Black Lion and putting it in the clone’s body at the end of last episode and then now have worries about if the process is viable? Shouldn’t she have discussed that with everyone prior to doing it last episode? This whole moment feels really contrived just so the episode can threaten Shiro’s wellbeing.
Pidge says that she’s tried contacting the Voltron Coalition to ask for help, but that she can’t get through to anyone. Hunk says the Lions need their energy systems recharged. Allura says, “If we had the Castle of Lions, we could recharge them.” Uh, since when did they ever use the Castle to charge the energy systems of the Lions? Why would they even need to? In 3x07 “The Legend Begins,” Alfor says that he made the Lions “from the quintessence-infused ore of the comet, which provides them with an endless supply of power.” In other words, the show has established that the power systems of the Lions are self-sustaining. They never would need to be hooked up to the Castle of Lions to recharge. The show now acts like the Lions need an external source of power, whereas the show has previously established that their power is inherent. So, this energy depletion is a contrived situation that is inconsistent with what the show has already established about how the Lions function.
Coran suggests a potential course of action, that they could use some fictional substance to do something. None of it is important. Keith tells everyone to go get what they need, that he’ll stay with Shiro. Krolia steps up beside Keith, and Allura says she’ll stay too.
And then Romelle speaks. I actually think Romelle’s dialog here is important. She says, “Wait. You just fought Lotor, defeated him, stopped an explosion that could have destroyed reality, took your friend’s consciousness from the Black Lion of Voltron and put it inside his clone, and now we’re simply moving on?” Hunk replies, “Trust me, I’m always saying the exact same thing, but these guys like to move on.” This totally lampshades the show’s plot. By employing lampshading this blatant, the writers are demonstrating that they know the show’s story is badly written, and they are effectively asking the audience to ignore it. This is the second instance of lampshading used recently, the other being in Ezor’s dialog in 6x06 “All Good Things.” If an audience has a net-positive reaction to a story, lampshading confusing or senseless parts of a plot can even read as humorous. But this show has burned the audience at this point, so this moment of lampshading with Romelle feels more offensive. This is the writers saying that they don’t want to have to do the necessary work of following up on the trauma inherent in the situation Shiro and the clone have gone through. The show wants us to “move on.” I even kind of wonder if the dialog being specifically phrased “but these guys like to move on” is even some subtle reference, Hunk standing in for the episode’s writer and the “these guys” being a reference to the executive producers. I have nothing to substantiate that idea, but I do kind of wonder what the creative relationship between the writers, at least the non-Tim Hedrick and non-Joshua Hamilton writers, and the EPs were like. For a long time now, I’ve suspected that the work environment for this show had a disruptive level of toxicity to it, and I’d be curious to know for sure what it was truly like.
We flashback again (so, supposedly back to May Chan’s writing). Keith is looking at a ship that Shiro identifies as “the Calypso, the first ship to carry astronauts to the moons of Jupiter.” Keith demonstrates knowledge of space exploration history by following up with a statement that “it took them three years to get there, longest voyage of its kind.” Joaquim Dos Santos and Lauren Montgomery have called Shiro “boring,” but I don’t know how anyone could watch Shiro in this scene and think he was a boring character. He says, “Reading about that mission is what made me want to be a pilot. Those astronauts braved the unknown. People can accomplish incredible things if they’re willing to put in the time and effort.” This shows that Shiro is a curious, dedicated person. He is someone who aspires. Some stories just use space as a setting, and they can be fun stories too, but I love the portrayal of the sense of wonder that space causes those who seek to explore it to feel. What Shiro says here is at the heart of his character’s motivation. His character is also revealed, not just through his personal aspiration, but also through his ability to inspire others to want to achieve too. He speaks very supportively to Keith here.
Back to the now of Coran, Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and Romelle looking for whatever they’re looking for. Honestly, given how emotional the Shiro-Keith flashback scenes are, I don’t care for this Coran and crew plot whatsoever. It’s not exactly a bad story, but juxtaposed to such significant, quality, character-driven storytelling like the flashback scenes, the Coran and crew plot is meaningless and just takes up time. There is some humor in it. Coran licking yelmore spray off of flowers and his yelmore animal call make me laugh. I also laugh at a small moment between Pidge and Romelle. Romelle asks, “Are all ancient Alteans like this?” and Pidge responds, “Well, we only know two.” Things go awry and they all get sprayed by some other animal, and the spray instantly shrinks them. Thus, this plot turns weird and feels tonally unlike anything this show has done before.
Back to the flashback scenes. A group of Galaxy Garrison cadets are working collectively in simulators. The process is so easy for Keith that he yawns. Also involved in this group simulation are Hunk, Lance, and James. Of course, the show has Hunk’s contribution to the scene be only his queasy stomach. Keith feels unchallenged by the current simulation and “test[s his] controls.” First Lance, then James, then the no-name others glare at Keith. In the simulation, Keith jets away from the rest. Afterward, Colonel Iverson yells at everyone, saying that because of Keith the whole group will have to spend several weekends running drills in the simulator.
James again demonstrates that his place in the story is that of being an antagonist, further making his switch-flip turn into a protagonist later in the season annoying. He says to Keith, “We all know the only reason you’re here is because of Shiro.” Keith retorts, “I can out-fly anyone in this building.” James reaches a peak of antagonism then by mockingly saying, “Oh yeah, is that what mommy and daddy told you before—” and he doesn’t get to finish before Keith punches him, knocks him to the ground, jumps on him, and starts to beat him up. To go on a tangent briefly, this is something that infuriates me about our society, and I think this episode accurately depicts this reality: In schools, kids are allowed to bully other kids the way James does to Keith here. Depending on the situation, teachers are either too overworked to notice or they just don’t care and let it happen. The instant that a kid who is bullied fights back, the kid who’s bullied gets in trouble. The conclusion is that kids who are bullied are expected to endure the onslaught of the bullying while our institutional authorities allow the bullying to happen.
We cut to the scene that was in the flashback in 6x05 “The Black Paladins.” Keith and James are sitting outside the, presumably, principal’s office. Shiro is inside speaking on Keith’s behalf. Keith clearly has a very low sense of self-worth, telling Shiro, “You should just send me back to the home already.” These flashbacks do so much character work, revealing to us how much Keith needs to feel wanted by others, and it breaks my heart. I love how supportive Shiro is.
Back to Coran and crew, and I’m still not interested.
Back to the flashbacks. I love the music of this scene so much. Shiro and Keith are flying around on hovercrafts, showing some of how Keith developed his hovercraft piloting skills that he used in rescuing Shiro in 1x01 “The New Alliance,” including jumping laterally across a chasm from one ledge to another. Shiro is clearly having fun racing with Keith here. Like Keith in “The New Alliance,” Shiro dives forward off a cliff (I think it’s supposed to be the exact same cliff). Keith, here, however is too hesitant, so he stops at the cliff’s edge. Keith eventually catches up to Shiro, who’s parked. They watch the sunset together.
I love the music of the sunset so much, more than I can ever describe. I have very strong emotional reactions to sunsets. They have a way of instantly evoking a sensation of nostalgia, wistfulness, and peace. And this music perfectly manifests those emotions. I totally love this moment. (And it annoys me that this music is again used for a sunset scene between Keith and Lance in season eight. Using it there for the two of them feels like a violation of the beauty of this scene and the emotional bond between Shiro and Keith.)
The two of them discuss Shiro’s dive off the cliff. He explains how he did it, and Keith wonders if he is “ready to try that.” Shiro playfully turns the question back on Keith, saying, “What do you think?” and Keith, thoughtfully, answers, “Maybe I should be patient and keep focusing on the basics first.” Shiro asks, and Keith confirms, that Keith grew up in this rocky desert. Keith lived here with his dad, who was a fireman. Keith thinks of his dad as a hero because his father ran back into a burning building, supposedly being the event that killed him.
And then the show hints at Shiro being sick with his using “electro-stimulators to keep [his] muscles loose.” Keith picks up on something benig wrong with Shiro, but Shiro casually dismisses it and says, “It’s just what happens when you get to be an old-timer.”
Back to Coran and crew, and I’m still not interested.
Back to the flashback, where Admiral Sanda is telling Sam Holt that Shiro, despite having cleared all his physicals, “is sick and shouldn’t be sent on another mission, especially as far away as Kerberos.” Sam Holt stands up for Shiro, saying he won’t go on the mission if Shiro doesn’t. Keith is in the hallway and can overhear the argument through the open door.
Then we get the infamous scene between Shiro and Adam. Despite how supposedly close the two of them are, you couldn’t tell it from this scene. The staging does not feel like they’re a couple, keeping them instead across the room from one another. They barely look at one another. The scene ends up not feeling like Shiro and his significant other, and instead feels more like the end of a relationship that was really over a long time before this. This scene gives no sense of these two characters being in love. Shiro is upset because Colonel Iverson called in Admiral Sanda to try to keep Shiro off the Kerberos mission. That Iverson was involved makes Shiro joking with Sam Holt in in a way that suggests friendship between Shiro and Iverson in 5x05 “Bloodlines” even more baffling.
Adam sides with Iverson, citing the mission as a risk to Shiro’s health. Shiro reaffirms how exploration of space is important to him. Adam wants Shiro to view their relationship as more important that Shiro’s desire to explore space. Adam is worried that the mission could result in Shiro’s death. As I said in my commentary for 1x07 “Tears of the Balmera,” the addition of Adam’s worry about Shiro’s health regarding the Kerberos mission in this episode adds a new dimension of emotional pain the revelation in “Tears of the Balmera” that the Galaxy Garrison publicly blamed the destruction of the Kerberos mission on Shiro, saying that it was pilot error. I imagine Adam would have been heartbroken hearing that news, thinking he was right that Shiro’s illness caused him to lose his life. That the show kills Adam, him never learning that Shiro did not die, that Shiro was not at fault for the Kerberos mission, well, it pisses me off. It contributes to how it feels like the EPs and writers of this show wanted to hurt Shiro, and it also makes it seem like they wanted to hurt queer characters.
Adam reduces Shiro’s desire to go on this mission down to the idea that Shiro’s trying to prove something, but we know it’s not about proving anything. It’s about Shiro wanting this experience. He wants to explore space. He likes the way it feels to do this work. He doesn’t pursue this work because he’s competing with anyone, even if he has broken flight records. It is hurtful that Adam doesn’t seem to understand that. It’s realistic though that two people in a relationship would break up because they have different things they want to get out of life.
Adam says, “But I won’t go through this again.” What does that mean? Does he just mean Shiro being away on a mission? Does that mean Adam hasn’t actually been supportive of Shiro’s work even though he says he has? Whatever this is supposed to be referencing, it’s important context, suggesting this is a long-term argument between the two of them. We never get any details as to what has happened before that would result in Adam saying “again” here. I think this line in particular is why this scene feels like this is the end of a slow-process breakup.
I’m okay with Adam feeling like they’re on diverging paths, wanting different things in life, and breaking up over it. I’m not okay with him seemingly not understanding why working space missions are important to Shiro. Adam can claim he’s supportive of Shiro, but with this breakup, it does not feel like he is or really ever has been.
And by having Adam break up with Shiro, it feels like it’s just another instance of the show writing everything to hurt Shiro. And since this is the episode and the scene that reveals Shiro is gay, with Shiro never seeing Adam again, never resolving the tension this scene ends on, it feels like the show is only willing to include gay characters if the story makes them and keeps them unhappy and rejected.
Lauren Montgomery, now infamously, posted a sketch dated November 8, 2016. Hunk and Keith holding a placard with the word Race on it, Allura and Pidge with one with the word Gender on it, and Shiro and Lance with one with the word LGBT on it. At the bottom is a caption: “You are deserving of respect!!!” The show in revealing Shiro is gay, inflicting emotional pain on him in the process, through having the reveal come from Adam breaking up with him, and the show having the rest of the season and the next one having Shiro alone, isolated from the Paladins, no one ever speaking to him as a friend, does not put Montgomery’s claim that LGBT people are deserving of respect into practice. When viewers complained about how the show never lets Shiro have anything that makes him happy, JDS and LM seem to have interpreted that solely through a reductive perspective that viewers were saying Shiro needed to end the story in a relationship, thus the emergency epilogue being added to the end of the last episode having Shiro marrying Curtis. Of course, we fans of Shiro are not against the idea of Shiro ending the show in a relationship, but our criticism is bigger than Shiro having a same-sex relationship. That JDS and LM responded to criticism how season seven handles Shiro being gay and Adam’s death by thinking the solution was to just fling an empty same-sex marriage at us shows that they did not understand why people were so furious over seasons seven. In the end, they could not see Shiro as anything but gay. Respect would have been writing Shiro to be a whole person, with being gay as just a fundamental and important part.
Shiro is an explorer, a pilot, a teacher, a leader, a friend, a fighter, a good man, and a gay man. But with the revelation that he’s a gay man in this episode, the show now begins its process of sidelining Shiro. Being Black Paladin is taken from him. He fought for the Black Lion in seasons one and two. Like here in these flashbacks, we see that Shiro fought to be allowed to pilot space exploration missions. With the EPs taking being the Black Paladin from Shiro, it makes them feel like Colonel Iverson and Admiral Sanda wanting to take being a pilot away from Shiro. They write him increasingly separated and isolated from the other Paladins, his supposed friends. Even with the depiction in seasons one through six and especially in this episode of how close Shiro and Keith are and how important their relationship is for both of them, the next two seasons take that away from Shiro too, leaving the two of them to only ever speak in the most perfunctory ways in season eight. It feels like with the revelation that Shiro is gay, the show decided that he couldn’t be allowed to have a relationship, including friendship, with anyone.
Joaquim Dos Santos and Lauren Montgomery wanted to kill Shiro from the beginning of the show. They did kill him at the end of season two. Imagine May Chan’s flashback scenes from this episode but instead set during Shiro and Keith’s time crashed on that planet in 2x01 “Across the Universe.” Imagine the revelation of Shiro’s illness as set-up for Shiro pushing Keith to become the team leader. In that context, Shiro encouraged Keith to see himself as leader because Shiro thought his illness would eventually kill him. It’s insulting that the EPs and writers thought this was a respectful way to write Shiro’s character.
And what about this illness? The show never confirms that Shiro no longer has to worry about the illness. JDS said the disease is no longer a problem in an extratextual interview, but no one respected Shiro’s character enough to resolve this illness plot in the actual show. This episode introduces the illness and then it is forgotten hereafter. That’s how much respect the EPs and writers have, that they just threw a life-debilitating, potentially life-ending illness on Shiro and didn’t bother any textual revelation that he’s now free of it. It makes the inclusion of the illness in the story absolutely cheap, and it pisses me off.
Back to Coran and crew, and I’m still not interested.
Back to the flashback scenes. Shiro is working on the systems of a hovercraft. Keith walks up, upset, asking him “When were you going to tell me?” He tells Shiro he overheard the argument with Sanda. Shiro explains, “I have a disease, and it’s getting worse. I’ll only be able to maintain my peak condition for a couple more years, after that—The Garrison doesn’t want me up there, neither does Adam.” While whatever disease that Shiro has is not HIV, I cannot escape the distasteful way that the show reveals a character to be gay and to have a disease in the same episode. It feels like the reductionism that a lot of people engage in when they equate being gay with being sick. Our society has gotten better at not doing so, but I’m roughly the same age as Joaquim Dos Santos and Lauren Montgomery, so I’m quite acquainted with when our society did mostly equate being gay with having a disease. I can’t help but to be uncomfortable with the implications of this episode simultaneously revealing Shiro to be gay and to have this disease.
Keith asks Shiro, “So, what are you going to do?” And Shiro, looking down, gets an expression of determination and says, “I’m going on the mission.”
Back to Coran and crew, and I’m still not interested. They have made their way onto a yelmore and ride it to a spot. It digs, some bubbles float out of the dirt, it hollers, and other yelmores come running. The yelmores link ears and dig up more of the bubbles. The shrunk Paladins jump off the yelmore and somehow all luckily fall into the bubbles. Doing so causes them to return to their normal size. It makes little-to-no sense. It’s all just a giant whatever.
Back with Shiro in the healing pod. Allura says, “I’m afraid the clone body has rejected Shiro’s consciousness.” I can still feel JDS and LM’s desire to kill Shiro in this moment.
Keith slams the pod with his fist in frustration. Keith’s voice acting is good. “Shiro, please. Fight. You can’t do this to me again.” The ache in Keith’s voice hurts. The pod’s display then indicates Shiro’s vitals improving. Keith opens the pod, saying Shiro’s name.
Shiro, with more really good voice acting, looks at Keith and says, “I was dreaming. Keith, you saved me.” Keith hugs Shiro and replies, “We saved each other.” It is so emotional. It still makes me cry watching it.
I love the music during this moment. It affects me in similar ways to the music during the sunset scene. This music evokes something that feels pure to me. It contributes to why the relationship between Shiro and Keith is the most important and interesting thing to me in this entire series.
Coran and crew return. Lance relates their absurd experience, and Shiro just laughs and says, “It’s good to be back.”
I was so excited to learn that the show was revealing Shiro to be gay. He was my favorite character. He was the lead character, at least in seasons one and two. He was strong, brave, supportive, calm, a leader. It meant something to think that this show was going to make a statement by having such a character be revealed as gay. But then, the how of they did it was a huge disappointment. Realizing how JDS and LM were totally manipulative of the audience during the two weeks between SDCC and the season seven release made me feel totally deceived and used. I did not feel respected. Their attempts at justification in their apology were offensive.
I’m not a big mecha fan (maybe I just haven’t seen the right mecha stories yet), but I am a big science fiction fan, especially space science fiction. I’ve loved space since I was a really little kid. I also love animation because I think it allows for a way of expression and storytelling that’s different from film. Having a space-based science fiction animated story revealing my favorite character to be a gay man was important to me. It was hurtful to then see, through how the show treated Shiro, how little respect the EPs and writers actually had for LGBT people. How little they understood the importance and implications of how they handled the whole situation.
#voltron legendary defender#voltron#vld#voltron criticism#vld criticism#voltron critical#vld critical#vld season 7#vld 7x01#commentary
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Moon Sick
Ao3 Link
Pairings: Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter
Summary: James is in his final year at Hogwarts, seventeen and thriving, but no matter how long he'd spent in Slughorn's class over the past few years, he still didn't much see the point of potions, and he was running out of time to finally get motivated about it. His seventeenth Christmas at The Burrow, however, proves a better teacher and motivator than Slughorn or his father ever were, as a dear friend becomes ill, where the only method of healing and relief is through the brewing of a special tonic. Though James has little to no interest in such things, if it's to help relieve the pain of someone he truly cares for, he would do just about anything.
Words: 9511
Warnings: fluff!
Notes: MY VERY FIRST JEDDY FIC! Quick background: in this fic Teddy and James 100% like each other but 100% don't realize it. Teddy and Victoire DID date for a bit, but broke up mutually and are still extremely close friends, because I don't believe in adding toxic exes where toxic exes don't need to be. Victoire is an amazing character and deserves respect, so I hope I don't see any hate on the fact she dated Teddy in this fic. Featuring the entire spectrum of Weasley cousins, because I got two requests in the comments of "Thicker Than Water" to add more of the family! I AGREE THEY ALL NEED TO BE LOVED! I had to take some creative liberties about their personalities, but I hope everyone likes how I characterized them! I've grown especially fond of Fred Junior! Also featuring one of my favorite personal Teddy Lupin headcanons, where he gets sick during the full moon! He's not a werewolf, but surely being a hybrid would have some unforeseen effects.I think that's it, so please read and enjoy!
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James never really cared for his Potions class, from his first year at Hogwarts and onward. The Professor was interesting, and so were the tonics and potions that they read and created while in class, but James never saw much point in it. Charms and Transfiguration, now those were two skills he wanted to know more about and perfect, because using magic was what they were at school to learn after all. They were wizards, not druids.
What was the point of something physical like Potions when it would be better in the end to perfect spell casting and magical wand defense? Of course, James would never say that aloud, especially in front of his teacher or father. He mentioned only once that he wasn't entirely fond of the class, and Harry had just smiled at him.
"I didn't care for it in the beginning either, I was never very good at making potions, and the Professor I had most of my time there was... difficult. When Slughorn took over the position, though, I really started to have fun."
James tried to accept that without bugging his father about his first Potions Professor being difficult ("Didn't you name Albus after him?"), but it was certainly a trial. Harry said potion making had come in handy many times during his life, both as a student and as an Auror, and James had smiled and agreed, but it still wasn't very interesting to him.
He was good enough at it, he read the text and did his homework, fine, but he just never felt much excitement or passion for the class. What was he supposed to do about that? Fake it? For six years of school he just didn't care about Potions. He excelled because he had too, but every class, every exam, just made him sigh in boredom.
It was over Christmas break in his seventh year that he started to gain some form of interest towards potion making. He was hanging tinsel and garlands around The Burrow with Lily, throwing bits of the metallic silver shavings into Albus' hair whenever they crossed paths and giggling until his brother had realized it and started cursing from behind him.
James and his family had arrived at The Burrow just that morning, though Christmas was still a day away, so they were fixing up some last minute details in and out of the house before the rest of the family arrived. Throughout the day, Hermione, Ron, Hugo, and Rose had come home, greeting Arthur and Molly with a kiss on the cheek and excited hugs. Around noon, Percy and his family came alongside George and his. Charlie had been there for days already. The family was slowly filling into the old Weasley home, helping with decorations and cooking, some of the younger kids running through the house with bags and rolls of wrapping paper yelling at the adults not to look as they finished last minute present wrapping.
It was James' favorite holiday, because though he got to see his cousins all the time at Hogwarts, this was one of the only times that all of those from the Potter-Weasley clan got together under one roof in one area. Even Charlie had made it a new promise, that even if he couldn't get away from work during the rest of the year, he would always be there for Christmas to see all his nieces and nephews (and absolutely spoil them rotten because, according to him, since he had no children of his own, that gave him the divine right to hype the children up with snacks and cackle madly as they shot through the house in a sugar rush).
So far the only ones who hadn't arrived were Bill and his family, and Andromeda with Teddy. They always came for Christmas, always. Ever since James could remember, Andromeda Tonks would be sitting in that hastily patched armchair next to the fireplace, while her grandson, sporting a blend of ginger and black hair, would bounce around the house enjoying every Weasley and Potter that would let him hug them (and the ones that wouldn't; they really didn't have a choice).
James was hoping they wouldn't be too late. It was already getting dark out, he could smell the scent of dinner wafting through the entire house, Lily was starting to fidget and pace, bounce on her heels as her stomach growled and she whined under her breath, trying to concentrate on the ornaments she was adding to the tree. Albus had a broken stick of peppermint hanging out of his lips as he set out hand knitted doilies on the coffee tables and took presents from Fred to tuck safely under the tree, their cousin sneaking small cubes of toffee from the candy dish on the table whenever Albus turned his back. Everyone was starving, but they wouldn't start before the others arrived.
James was hanging stockings at the mantle when Bill's family finally arrived, bustling through the door covered in a dusting of snow. Louis went right for Fred, who was closest, and pounced on him in a hug, while his older sisters opted to remove their coats and cloaks so they wouldn't get the floors wet. He overheard Victoire asking if Teddy had arrived yet, frowning at his Uncle George's old stocking at the taste the question put in his mouth (dusty, sour), and hanging it before pulling the next from the box under his arm.
It was Teddy's, made special by Molly with knitting of a dozen colors, something to represent his uniqueness and the way his hair changed according to his emotions. There was a T right in the middle, stitched there in gold. His Uncle Ron used to joke about it, saying Molly had spent days lamenting over what name to use for Teddy's stocking and sweaters. His name was Edward, but he went by Teddy? E or T? In the end she settled on using the T, because it just looked right.
James was about to hang it up next to his own when the fireplace started to make a sputtering noise, shaking a bit, and it only occurred to him that someone was using the floo before they appeared in a spit of green flame, so close to James that all he saw was a flash of pale blue and gray before they had collided against him, sending them both crashing onto the floor, the box of stockings falling from his arm and skidding across the floor spilling socks.
James could only grunt as he hit the ground, his head smacking against it, a heavy body landing none too gently on top of him, practically dead weight that groaned in pain and muttered curses as Harry and Molly hurried into the room and the floo roared to life again. Andromeda Tonks was the one to step out of the fireplace, dusting a few specks of ash from her shoulder and carrying a bag, pausing and staring down at her grandson, who, James was finally realizing, had been the one to fly out of the floo and knock him to the ground.
"Teddy, honestly," she chided him, but she looked incredibly worried.
James lifted a hand in greeting, "'Ello, GrAndy!"
"Owe," Teddy's voice was muffled against the floor, finally shifting to push himself up and shuffle away from James, who felt winded and somewhat flushed as he sat up grinning, hoping he didn't look as exhilarated as he felt.
"Quite the entrance, Ted!" he said, rubbing the back of his head as Teddy pushed himself, somewhat heavily, to his feet, laughing like he hadn't caught his breath yet.
"My humblest apologies, James," he said, holding his hand down for James to take and hoisting him up to his feet before turning to meet his grandmother, who was patting away the specks of ash caught on Teddy's shirt and muttering about him being unsafe while he grinned.
Harry went directly to hug his godson as Molly picked up the box of stockings, which James took from her so she could hug Teddy next, pulling back and squeezing his cheeks between her hands.
"Looking peaky, aren't you Teddy? Staying over at the office?"
"Course not, ma'am," Teddy said through a grin, but even Harry looked a little concerned, waiting until Molly had moved away to greet Andromeda before he reached out to Teddy's face, "I'm fine, Harry, really."
Harry didn't look very convinced, and frankly, James didn't feel convinced either. Teddy did look washed out. His hair, while blue, looked very dull and almost pasty, and his face was pale and somewhat flushed, but not from the cold. His eyes were currently a steely blue and glazed. Maybe he was feeling unwell? Had he gotten sick in the weather? Or maybe he was overworking himself like Molly had hinted?
"What are you doing standing, James?!" Molly asked, and James stared at her in puzzlement.
"Well gran, I was putting stockings up like you told me too before Teddy came crashing in."
"Oh!" Molly exclaimed and looked at the mantle before walking over and sifting through the box, "Just need Percy's now, Percy and Lily, where's hers; there we go," she pulled out two before patting James' cheek, "Now take the rest upstairs and find your brother to help."
"What's he need help with now?"
"It's Albus, he's probably done something," Molly said, and James heard Albus yell from the other room.
"I BLOODY HEARD THAT!"
"I'll help with that," Teddy offered, taking the box from James, "I did knock him down. You hit your head?"
"Teddy I hit my head daily. It's a problem. Al says it's why I'm so dumb."
"You're not dumb, James," Harry said, then turned to Teddy, "Don't worry about helping with boxes or decorations, have a seat. Mum, can you get some tea?"
Molly had her hands at her chest, "Course I can, dear. Andy, would you like to help?"
"I'd love to."
"And you sit," Harry pointed at Teddy as the older women went from the room.
"Harry I'm fine," Teddy said on another laugh, "I think I can carry a box, see? Besides, James is the one who hit his head."
He started for the stairs and James gave his father a puzzled look, but Harry was still watching after Teddy with a severe light of worry in his eyes. Figuring he'd get no answers from him, James just followed Teddy, hiking up the steps two at a time before reaching Teddy and slowing down. He looked over his shoulder to watch Harry leave the room before turning to Teddy.
"You okay? What's riled everyone up? Did something happen?"
"Don't think so," Teddy said, but he looked distinctly uncomfortable with the question, which made James a bit more uneasy.
"Your gran seemed worried too."
"She worries over everything, James, don't you know?" Teddy laughed, but it sounded wrong.
Forced, airy. James narrowed his eyes and watched Teddy as they continued up the steps. There was definitely something wrong. Teddy's laughs sounded wrong, he was moving slower than he usually did, he was pale and seemed unfocused, continually looking down at his feet and once or twice almost tripping on the steps.
It wasn't until they were at the top and Teddy had stowed the box into a broom closet that James said something, standing in the narrow hall with his arms out and hands against either side of the wall, blocking Teddy from moving. Teddy just set a hand on his hip.
"James you know I can just apparate around you, right?"
"Something's wrong," James said, staring directly into Teddy's eyes, "You're gonna tell me what."
"C'mon, Jamie."
"Are you sick? Is the ministry overworking you? Have you been sleeping enough? Or eating?"
"James," Teddy rolled his head from one side to the other, "My gran's been getting on me all day with this, not you too, I am fine."
"Teddy your hair is turning gray!" James snapped, and Teddy looked at him blankly before lifting a hand to his hair, as if touching it would make it easier to see.
He sighed after a minute of James glaring at him, burying a hand into his hair, which had indeed paled from a frosty blue to a dull blue tinged gray.
"Look, it's just a bit of a headache. I get them all the time. Way more than you probably think."
"Headache?"
"Yea, I get them sometimes."
"Like, recently enough for everyone to worry over you?" Teddy nodded and shrugged, "Wait, why don't I know about this? How long have you been getting them?"
"I don't know... they started when I was five or six maybe?" Teddy was rubbing his neck, and James just gaped at him.
"I've never heard you complain over a headache..."
"Well they're not all bad. Sometimes they're easy to ignore, you know?"
"And when they are bad?" James asked, and Teddy stared at him again before forcing a smile onto his lips.
"Hey don't worry so much, Jamie. It'll go away in a bit."
"You sure? You don't need anything?"
"I'm sure," Teddy paced over to him and turned him around, putting an arm around his shoulders and leading him down the hall, "I appreciate that you're worried, James, really. Just... don't mention it to Lily? Or Victoire? I don't want any of them to worry."
"Vic doesn't know?" James asked in surprise.
"Well, I didn't think it was something she needed to know..."
James felt a swell of pride at that, at the fact Teddy didn't take much prodding before he told James what was wrong, while he hadn't told Victoire. The entire family seemed to think she and Teddy were soul mates, meant for each other, so they would probably be stunned that Teddy hadn't told her anything of his chronic headaches. It wasn't like they were dating, though. They didn't need to tell each other everything, and they wouldn't have needed to even if they had still been dating. Come to think of it, it was likely no one else in the family knew about their breakup either. Teddy had been blasé about it, still smiling with Victoire beside him.
"It was mutual," he said, an arm propped against Victoire's shoulder, "Snogging her is very fun, but-."
"But I want to date someone more available," Victoire had interrupted, arms folded, while Teddy's face darkened and the tips of his hair got pink, "He's just going to get busier now that he's an Auror, and I have my own ambitions. Not to mention, I think both our eyes have been turned towards other people."
"Merlin, what?!" Dominique had gaped, standing beside James and Fred, who were both just as dumbstruck.
"Teddy likes someone else?" Fred asked, pointing at the older man.
"So do you?" Dominique pointed at her sister, who rolled her eyes.
"So you're breaking up?" James asked, and Victoire shrugged.
"Well, yes. I'll still snog him if I'm bored though."
Teddy just laughed, the pink in his hair disappearing, and James tried to ignore the excitement he felt at their breakup while also wondering why he'd be happy at all.
Teddy leaned against him as they descended the stairs, and James got the sense it wasn't to be funny. He could feel Teddy shaking a bit, trying to hide it, or thinking he could from the way they swayed while walking, but even his voice held a tremor as he talked about his work and prodded James into talking about school, his steps faltering more on the way down than they had on the way up. The last few steps, James put an arm around Teddy to help him down, then helped him back into the currently vacant living room, where he sank down onto one of the couches.
"Pretty bright in here, isn't it?" Teddy asked, and James glanced around.
The Christmas lights in the tree were on, but the rest of the room was rather dark, there wasn't even a fire in the fireplace. He looked back at Teddy, who was squinting at the tree, a clear wince on his face.
"Maybe you should lie down," James offered, and Teddy blinked at him before shaking his head.
"Don't be ridiculous, Jamie, we haven't even had supper!"
"Yea, but-."
"Don't worry about me, James," Teddy insisted, "Really, I'll be fine."
James wanted to believe him, and he did admit Teddy hid his pain way better than James expected when Molly called for dinner. Teddy sat across the table from James, smiling and laughing with everyone else, he seemed to be having a great time. When he caught James watching him, he just smiled, and James smiled back, but he still felt worried.
If Teddy having a headache made Harry as worried as he was acting, then James got the feeling it was a lot more serious than Teddy made it out to be. Of course, that just made James more uneasy, eating only because it was an automatic response, eyes down as he scooped casserole onto his fork and pushed it into his mouth while going through a long list of both muggle and magical possibilities for Teddy's headache.
Sleep deprivation, fumes from potions he was making (because Teddy made potions quite often as it was a huge part of his job; and because he had a habit of making Wolfsbane potion just for kicks. He called it a hobby, for some reason, and always carried at least seven bottles with him "just in case"). Maybe the headaches were from overwork, or not eating enough, dehydration, casting a spell too advanced for him and leaving him with physical side effects, maybe he got cursed on his last mission. Honestly, it could be anything.
"You're being unusually quiet this evening," Albus noted from beside him, working on his dessert, which James hadn't realized had been set out.
His slice of pie was already almost entirely gone and he was feeling pleasantly full from food.
"Got a lot on my mind, that's all," James tried to counter, finishing that last bit of pie as Albus stared at him.
"How much could you even fit in that head? Isn't 80% of your brain Quidditch wired?"
"Al don't be ridiculous, Quidditch takes up no more than 50%."
James heard Teddy snicker, and met his bemused eyes as the Auror continued to laugh at him, but James just grinned back. Albus looked between them before something seemed to dawn on him and he turned away, nose wrinkled.
"Ugh."
Dinner finished and half of the family moved to help Molly clean up, Percy and Ginny worked to get the youngest kids to bed, Lucy was the only one who went without a fuss, Fred and Roxanne complained with Louis about wanting to stay up later to wait for Santa to come, Dominique muttered about Santa not being real and there was a short uproar of adults scolding her and Hugo shrieking that she was a liar. James, still seated at the table enjoying a cup of tea, saw Teddy wince at the noise, his face paling a few more shades. James was tempted to leap up and tell everyone to just shut up already, his fingers biting into the porcelain of his mug and eyes glaring until the youngest of his cousins had finally left the kitchen.
Molly brought Teddy a new cup of tea before his first had even been finished, simply because she decided he'd let it get too cold and that was unacceptable. Andromeda left with a promise of returning the next morning, and tried to get Teddy to come with her, but he insisted he stay.
"I'm still drinking my tea, gran."
"Don't worry, Andy, we'll take care of him," Molly assured, and Andromeda nodded, squeezing her hands before kissing Teddy's cheek and leaving through the floo.
"Bedtime, James," Ginny called, and James gaped at her.
"What for? I'm not a kid, can't I stay up?"
"No, James," Ginny chided, and Teddy grinned as he groaned and pushed himself up.
"I'm seventeen, this is dumb."
"Nighty night, Jamie," Teddy sang, and James stuck out his tongue defiantly.
He passed Ginny in the doorway, accepting the kiss she placed to his forehead, "Sleep well, darling."
But he didn't go straight to bed, and hovered just around the corner as Ginny joined Harry, who was talking in a low voice. James inched closer to hear better.
"Did you take something?"
"Yes, just before I came," Teddy was the one to answer, "I really am fine."
"You should sleep," Harry said to him, clearly not caring for his words, "Tonight will probably be the worst for you."
"I just didn't want to disappoint Lily or the others by not coming," Teddy admitted, sounding tired, "I'll be okay."
"Do you want a bed, darling?" Molly asked.
"That's okay, gran, I can take the couch. I think that would be best."
James scrambled up the stairs before they walked out of the kitchen and ducked into the first bedroom he came to. All the boys had been set up in one bedroom, the girls were in another, Christmas was always set up like that, and James normally loved it. Accept, Teddy usually took the room with the rest of them, but now he would be downstairs. Because he was sick with a bad headache and didn't want to worry any of the younger kids.
James would be sharing the room with Fred, Louis, Albus, and Hugo. Victoire, Dominique, Rose, Roxanne, Lily, Lucy, and Molly were all in the room just next door. Fred was bugging Albus when James walked into the room and shut the door, all of them curled up in sleeping bags on the floor, or the little bed that Louis and Hugo had commandeered as theirs. Albus was curled up on the couch trying to ignore Fred, holding a pillow over his head.
"Come on, Al, one game."
"Sod off, I'm tired."
"Why are you so moody all the time?" Louis asked, smiling at James but frowning immediately, "Where'd Ted go?"
"Uh, he's staying downstairs tonight."
"Too good for us small kids?" Fred asked, abandoning his quest to get Albus to play wizards chess in favor of sitting on his sleeping bag.
James just laughed and made sure the door was shut before walking over and taking the sleeping bag next to Fred, between he and the couch where Albus was laying.
"It's nothing like that. He's just, you know, talking with the adults right now, and doesn't want to wake us up later by sneaking in to sleep, so decided to just take the couch."
"That's a lie!" Hugo said, then leaned down to whisper, "He's in the living room. He's trying to catch Santa. I know Dom was lying, he is real, and Teddy's gonna catch him tonight!"
Louis rolled his eyes and flopped onto his back as Fred grinned, biting back a joke as James nodded fervently.
"You got that right, Hugo, but we better be quiet, otherwise Santa won't ever come."
"You're thirteen, Hu," Louis noted, "How has Uncle Ron kept you believing this nonsense?"
"I've seen him Lou, with my own eyes!" Hugo argued, and there was a knock on the door.
"Sleep well, boys," Harry's voice came through, and the five boys waited and listened for his footsteps to lead away before James pointed his wand at the lamps on the table to flick them off without having to get up.
"Let's go to sleep now."
"I'm not sleeping," Hugo said wisely, "I'm staying up all night to help Teddy catch Santa."
James laid down with a sigh, "Hugo, you're the light of my life, but if you bother Teddy tonight, I'll hang you out the attic window by your ankles and bind you there with spelotape until you apologize."
"And I, will help," Fred added, and Hugo mumbled something before the sound of rustling sheets and comforters filled the room.
James stayed on his back, staring up at the pitch ceiling with his wand in his hand as he waited for the sounds of his cousin's finally sleeping. It seemed to take forever before Hugo's soft snores began to rise from the bed, Fred's slightly louder snorts coming from beside James, and the occasional mumble in Louis' sleep, in French (an absolute phenomenon, because while awake, Louis had trouble speaking more than a few basic words, but while sleeping he appeared fluent in his mother's language).
James almost jumped when Albus spoke in a whisper under his breath, "Is Teddy okay?"
"Merlin- I thought you were asleep."
"I'm not."
"I noticed."
"He didn't look too good today."
"He's just overworked," James lied, "He needs sleep, that's what dad said."
"... fine," Albus decided, blankets shifting as he turned, "Try not to worry too much."
"I'm not worried."
"Sure, James."
James didn't know if he or Albus fell asleep first, but the next thing he knew he was waking up sometime during the night, tangled up in his sleeping bag with Fred partway on top of him, having rolled closer in his sleep and deciding James would make a nice cushion. It was pitch black, but he was pretty confident that what had woken him was his brother's hand dangling in his face, which he pushed back onto the couch before grumbling and sitting up, rubbing his hands into his eyes before squinting around the room.
There was no way to know what time it was without leaving the room, so he slipped away from Fred's grasp and slowly rose to his feet, picking up his wand and shuffling over to the door before cracking it open and slipping out, shutting it and whispering "lumos" to dimly light the tip of his wand.
The clock hanging on the wall just in front of him ticked with a dozen hands, but the two largest were at 2:23 a.m., so James turned to return to bed, but paused when he noticed a dim orange glow from the stairs. His thoughts on Teddy, he crept to the steps and began descending them, shaking the light in his wand dark and stopping halfway to the first floor, crouching to peer between the bars of the staircase railing into the living room.
Teddy was sitting up on the couch, clearly awake, the blankets still folded beside him with an untouched pillow sitting on top. Sitting on the coffee table in front of him, for some reason, was a case that held, from what James could see at the distance he crouched, potion ingredients and other oddities. The fireplace was crackling with orange light that send oddly colored shadows across the room, the lit up Christmas tree adding to the coloration, and Teddy was slumped forward, his face in his hands, his hair a color of pitch and tar that seemed even blacker than normal black hair.
James stowed his wand in the pocket of his sweatpants and snuck the rest of the way down the stairs, rounding the wall to reach the living area and slowly coming up to Teddy from the side, not wanting to startle him so calling out softly.
"Teddy? Pst! Hey, you okay?"
Teddy moved sluggishly, pulling his hands away from his face and cringing, pushing them back up and grinding the heels of his palms into his eyes.
"Jame... Jamie, yea, I'm... what are you doing awake?"
"Fred rolled on top of me, I was suffocating and needed to check the time. It's almost 2:30."
"Is it?"
"Have you slept?" Teddy just laughed and James drew his brow as he stepped closer, lowering himself to sit next to Teddy, as close as he could, "Is it your head?"
"I just... need a minute."
He sounded breathless and in pain, and James felt something like panic spark through him as he put a hand in Teddy's shoulder, rubbing small circles into his back as Teddy continued to cling to his face, fingers digging into his hairline and his body trembling.
"I'm okay."
"You're not okay, Teddy, Merlin. Let me help, how do I help?" Teddy shook his head, "I'll get my dad, he'll know what to do."
"Don't wake him up for this, James, I just need a minute," he winced, "Owe..."
James had his hand on the back of Teddy's head now, stroking his unusually dark hair and turned towards him, his other hand curled around Teddy's wrist.
"Teddy I can't help you unless you let me. You're used to these headaches, right? So tell me what to do to help."
Teddy was still for a moment, shadows from the Christmas lights and the fireplace casting across him, and James rubbed his back as he started to pull his hands from his eyes.
His face seemed even whiter than before, if that was possible. The flush in his cheeks had gone green, and the white had tinged gray, he almost looked seasick, or like a ghost, his black eyes blank and glassy like he couldn't see straight. What really made James panic, though, was the blood.
A single fine line of scarlet that dripped from Teddy's nose, across his lips and down his chin, stark against the pale white of the rest of his face. James felt himself choke and reach out, instinctively pressing the sleeve of his shirt under Teddy's nose, the light gray staining quickly as Teddy tried to pry him away.
"Stop, you'll make a mess."
"Teddy you're bleeding!"
"Shhh!" Teddy cringed, pulling James' hand away, the blood smeared and dry edges if the line flaked across his lips and chin, nodding to the table.
James was reluctant to look away, but did so anyway, to see that Teddy had set up a few potion ingredients, a small cauldron sitting next to them, but he seemed to have stopped in the middle of weighing strands of hair-thin willow bark.
"What's that?"
"Tonic... for my head. Kingsley Shacklelbolt developed it with a bit of help from Slughorn when I first started getting my migraines. It... it helps. The first potion I learned how to make, because I needed it. I ran out, though, too embarrassed to tell Harry. I've been so busy I didn't have time to make more before coming, so I figured I'd just whip up a small bit while I was here. But my... my head got really bad... it's pounding, it hurts so bad, my hands are shaking too much."
"I'll do it!" James offered immediately, snatching the paper sitting on the table that held the directions for the potion, "Just lie down, okay? Close your eyes."
He scrambled around, pushing the pillow against the arm of the couch on the other side of Teddy, then taking his shoulder and urging him to slowly lie down, wincing as he went and rolling onto his side, taking the handkerchief James gave him with shaking fingers and holding it against his nose to keep the blood from getting on Molly's furniture.
"Just lie there, okay?" James said, rounding the table and kneeling down, going down the list and repeating everything at least eight times in his head, "I'll take care of it."
It was, unfortunately, a very complicated potion. After lighting a small magical fire under the cauldron that wouldn't smolder the wood of the coffee table, he began weighing ingredients and adding them; willow bark and heavily diluted dittany, an eighth of an ounce of powdered silver, exactly two drops of Salamander tears, and a handful of other ingredients that made the tonic bubble a strange orange.
James was absolutely silent the entire time, concentrating harder than he'd ever done before for any potion or tonic, even during an exam. He just wanted to get this right, so Teddy could stop hurting. After adding in another few ingredients, he stared in awe as the potion turned an odd silvery color that took the appearance of mercury, added Flobberworm slime to thicken it, mixed it exactly sixteen times counterclockwise, and nudged Teddy.
"Teds, I'm done. Did I do it right?"
Teddy opened his unfocused eyes and sat up, shaking worse than before, James noticed the ring of white in the middle of either iris, and he stared at the tonic, nodding slowly.
"Yea... yea, it has the right consistency, the right color."
"Right, good," James carefully ladled the tonic into a cup that had been waiting nearby, sitting on the couch next to Teddy and waiting for the Auror to wrap his hands around it.
Still shaking, so James kept a hold on the cup as well, helping to lift it so Teddy could drink it, his face twisting in dislike but drinking all of it and turning away to cough into his arm.
"Did it taste right? Did I do it right? Are you okay?"
"You did fine, James, I trust you," Teddy promised, but James felt wary as he set the cup back down, taking the handkerchief from Teddy's weakly clenched fist and cleaning away the blood on his chin.
"I thought from the silver... does this have to do with your dad?"
Teddy winced at that, "I'm not a werewolf."
"Yea I know, but-."
"I get migraines when the moon is full," Teddy mumbled, "No one picked up on it immediately, took a few years for my grandma to realize the headaches came so frequently around the same cycle of the moon filling out. There's never been a case of a werewolf having a child before, not like me, so no one really knew what would happen. I guess... even if I'm not a full werewolf, even if I don't transform, something in me still reacts to the full moon. My head feels like it's shrinking in on my brain, like my skull is shattering open. It's horrible. It can get so bad that I black out, I get nauseous, have nightmares."
"I'm sorry," James said it softly, still trying the wipe away the blood from Teddy's nose, "Do you... get nose bleeds a lot?"
Teddy nodded, "If my nose starts bleeding it's a pretty clear sign my headache is getting too severe. Normally I'm supposed to take that tonic before it happens. After it bleeds, then I start feeling nauseous, and by then it's too late to take my tonic, and I usually black out."
"Did you take it too late now?"
"No, I think I got it in time...," he managed to smile at James, taking the handkerchief from him, "Thank you. I don't think I would've been able to finish preparing it had you not come along to help. I'm sorry, though, that you have to see me like this."
"I don't care about that, Ted," James assured, keeping a hand on his shoulder, "You don't have to hide anything from me just to keep me from worrying. If you need help with this again in the future, let me know, okay?" he waited eagerly for Teddy to nod, then pulled away his hand, "Good then. Lie down again since you've taken the tonic. I'll put all this away."
"You go back to sleep too," Teddy insisted, watching James put all the potion supplies back into the small case.
"I will, I promise, just let me do this much more for you."
Teddy didn't complain, either he was too exhausted to or was genuinely fine with James doing more. He sat quietly on the couch and finished cleaning up his face as James finished putting everything away, filling a few vials with what was left of the tonic and stowing them in the box as well, shutting and securing it before sitting back on the couch next to Teddy.
"Aren't you going to bed?" he asked, James was pleased to see his eyes were lightening from the pitch black.
"Um, duh?" James pulled at the blanket that was hanging over the back of the couch, "I'm getting settled now."
"You should go back upstairs."
"Fred and Hugo keep snoring, Louis talks too much in his sleep, and I woke up with Al's hand in my face. I'd probably sleep better down here anyway," James decided, wrapping the blanket around himself, throwing the other side around Teddy, who seemed like he wanted to protest.
James didn't give him time to, just took the second blanket that Molly had left there for Teddy and wrapped that one around them both before curling up, feeling the weight of his worry mix with the early morning hour and yawning through the crackle of the fire.
"You can use me as a pillow," he said to Teddy, but he didn't really expect him to take the offer, so when he did, slumping and lying his head on James' shoulder, he tensed up in surprise, wide eyes staring at the mantle.
"Thank you," Teddy mumbled, he sounded truly exhausted, and James looked down at him, eyes closed and face still too pale.
His hair, luckily, had changed from that tar black, and the shade it had taken made James blink a few times in surprise. Pale, powdery pink, like crushed peppermint.
Teddy fell asleep within moments, and James curled closer to him, ensuring the blanket was securely around them and shutting his eyes, lying his cheek in Teddy's hair. He smelt like peppermint, too...
It didn't take James long to fall asleep either, and by the time he woke up, it was already nine in the morning, which was much later than he'd expected. Though he did stay awake with Teddy for pretty long, at least an hour. At first he didn't understand what had woken him, peeling his eyes open a crack just to stare at the fireplace, the stockings all stuffed and the fire newly stoked.
Then he heard it, the condescending sound of someone sipping tea, and blinked his eyes open, rolling his head to see both Albus and Lily sitting in armchairs across from the couch against the wall, holding cups and wearing matching red and green rimmed Christmas themed sunglasses that twinkled at the edges, the lenses a flashing gold and silver; gifts from Ron no doubt. The two of them were watching him with simple expressions, their eyes hidden by the glasses, but when they seemed to catch him looking at them in bewilderment, they lifted their tea cups from their saucers and brought them to their lips in a ridiculously well rehearsed and simultaneous movement, taking slow, very loud, very condescending sips.
"What... the devil... are you two doing?" James managed to ask through his tumble of confused emotions, and Lily slowly lowered her teacup back into the saucer held in her other hand.
"That, Mister Potter, is what we should be asking."
"How long have you been sitting there?" James asked, shifting, pausing when he felt Teddy's weight still rested against him, head against his shoulder.
"What time is it, Miss Potter?" Albus asked, and Lily answered without looking away from James.
"It's 9:23, Mister Potter."
"Then we've been sitting here for thirty minutes maybe."
"Why do you sound so proud of that?" James asked, still so entirely confused, "You two are freaking me out."
"When did you come downstairs last night?" Lily asked, and James gaped at her.
"I don't know, two o'clock I think?"
"And why did you come down so early, Mister Potter?" Albus asked, "Surely you don't believe in Santa, do you?"
"What? Don't be ridiculous."
Both of them stood up at the same time, setting their saucers and teacups on the table as Lily whipped out a muggle flashlight and flipped it on, shining it into James' face.
"So you admit you came down here to see Teddy?"
"What? I mean, yea? Where did you get that?"
"And what were you doing?" Albus asked, and James squinted against the light to see him.
"I was sleeping, what the bloody else would I be doing?"
His younger siblings crowded closer, "I don't know, James, what would you be doing at 2 a.m. Christmas Eve, sneaking downstairs to visit Teddy?"
"Sleeping, I just told you!"
"Kids, I said not to wake them up," James looked to the side where their father was standing, arms folded and one eyebrow raised, still in his sleepwear and his hair tangled in a bedhead.
Albus and Lily backed away, and Lily shut off her flashlight before picking up her teacup, "He woke up on his own, we didn't do anything, right Al?"
"Yea, dad."
Harry looked at James, who just blanked at him, "I don't even know what's going on, dad."
"Oh both of you!" Ginny snapped as she walked up beside Harry, and Lily and Albus scrambled to grab their cups and leave the room with their mother following, scolding them about bothering their brother, let Teddy rest, blah blah.
"How's he doing?" Harry asked, stepping further into the room and glancing at the closed potion kit before looking at Teddy, whose hair had changed to it's natural tawny brown color in sleep.
It was the best way to know he was really sleeping and not faking. Teddy always kept his hair blue, or other wild colors, only allowing it to change back to the shade he was born with, his father's hair, when he was truly relaxed, not paying attention. Usually when he was sleeping. James loved how fun Teddy's hair could be, but he loved it when he showed his true colors even more. He just wished he could see Teddy's blue-green eyes more often.
"I dunno... he wasn't doing too good last night," James said, looking at his father, "Why did you never tell me about his migraines?"
Harry paused beside the couch, one corner of his lips twitching in a controlled smile before looking down at Teddy, "Well, it wasn't entirely relevant, and would have just worried you."
"His nose was bleeding, too," James said, looking down at where the stained handkerchief was clutched in Teddy's loose fist, "He was hurting pretty bad."
"So he didn't take his medicine after all," Harry looked again to the potion kit, and James shook his head.
"He said he ran out and didn't have time to make more because he's been so busy with work."
"He knows I would have helped," Harry said, looking both guilty and indignant, like he was upset he hadn't realized Teddy was lying and mad that Teddy had lied in the first place, "Honestly."
"I made it up for him," James assured, "Last night. He was starting it but couldn't finish, so I did it for him and made sure he drank it."
"He still looks pretty ill," Harry sighed, "I'm going to let your grandmother know, she and I will make something to put color back in his face," he paused while turning, smiling at James, "Good job looking after him. You must have fixed the potion quickly if he slept so easily."
"Think so?" James asked, "I was worried I may have gotten something wrong. That probably would have made him sicker, I don't want that."
"James, you did fine," Harry chuckled, "Just keep doing what you're doing, okay?"
Still feeling worried, but grateful, James nodded, watching his father leave the room before settling back, looking over at the tree. There were still presents sitting there, so James had a feeling everyone had been waiting for he and Teddy to wake up before tearing into them. That was nice of them, though James felt a bit guilty about making the kids wait.
They wouldn't have to wait much longer, though, as Teddy shifted and lifted a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes and blinking them open, keeping a hand on his head as James reached over to him.
"Teds. You feeling better?"
"Yea," Teddy said blearily, sitting up and detaching himself from the blankets wrapped around him, stretching his arms up until his spine cracked a few times and rubbing his eyes again, "Wow, yea I feel much better. Headaches almost completely gone."
He smiled at James, who had to grin back, because his eyes were that shade of pale blue and icy green that he'd inherited from his father. He must not realize what he looked like yet, still sleepy and not paying attention. James rarely if ever got to see Teddy like this, with his guard completely down; he really did look like his father.
The shade of his eyes flashed to a darker green as blue rapidly colored in his hair and footsteps pounded on the floor, the back door opening and most of the Weasley kids crowding back into the house covered in snow, Lily prancing back into the living room and brightening when she saw Teddy awake.
"Happy Christmas, Teddy!"
Teddy laughed and caught her in a hug that she threw at him, "Happy Christmas, Lils. What time is it?"
"Like 9:30," Albus answered, his Christmas sunglasses pushed onto his head, nestled in his dark hair, "Dad said we weren't allowed to wake you up."
"You should've," Teddy said, eyes wide and looking guilty for some reason, "I don't want to make anyone wait to celebrate."
"It's not a celebration without you though!" Lily argued, pulling away from Teddy and bouncing on her feet, "Dad! Dad! Mummy! Everyone's awake! Daddy! Gran! C'mon! Auntie!" she darted from the room and Teddy laughed loudly.
He stood up and picked up his potions kit, stuffing it into the bag he'd brought along and stowing it back behind the couch before anyone realized what it was and started asking why he'd have it out in the first place. A few of the family were eating or drinking tea and coffee in the kitchen when James and Teddy walked in, but the kids were flitting about in excitement over the presents under the tree.
Molly had Teddy sit, despite his swears that he was fine, and set a plate of breakfast in front of him, ordering him to eat and not move a muscle until he'd finished. James sat with him to eat his own breakfast, not caring that it was a little different than Teddy's.
"Join us when you finish," Molly said, hurrying around the kitchen to tidy up a bit before leaving to join everyone else in the living room.
Teddy and James just laughed about it and finished their food. Like Harry had hoped, there was a lot more color to Teddy's face once he'd finished eating, balancing a mug of cider in his hand as he followed James back into the living room. Teddy seemed to be feeling better, but James kept one eye on him the rest of the morning, even when Andromeda came back, this time through the front door.
Wrapping paper was thrown everywhere, little Molly couldn't decide what she liked better, the bow that had been tied around her present or the thick sweater her grandmother had wrapped it around, everyone was wearing their new Weasley sweater, even Teddy, while eating the candy and looking through books or toys. The adults had gone into the kitchen to cook and talk, half the kids were outside playing in the snow. Teddy tried to join them, but Harry asked him to stay inside ("Just for now, rest."). James was silently pleased about it and stayed inside with him despite how Hugo and Lucy tried to get him outside for a snowball fight.
"The last thing I want to do is ruin your Christmas, James," Teddy muttered, and James just stared at him.
"Name one legitimate way you've ruined my Christmas at all," he dared, and Teddy frowned.
"You had to take care of me last night, I made you wake up late-."
"Teddy I said a legitimate way. Taking care of you didn't ruin anything," James said it with a smile, and after a moment it had the effect he wanted as Teddy smiled back, the ends of his hair paling into that same powder pink that it had been before he'd fallen asleep just the night before.
The pink changed back to blue after a moment, but through the rest of the day it kept popping back up at times. Sometimes just the tips, sometimes whole streaks would flow into existence before changing back to blue, and Victoire was becoming increasingly fascinated by it, looking far too amused and absolutely beaming whenever the pink would show up again.
The more Teddy noticed her grinning, the more frustrated he seemed to get with her, but that just seemed to amuse her even more, and the entire time James just smiled at their interaction, innocently oblivious to whatever silent conversation they were having.
"Stop smirking at me," he heard Teddy whisper at one point when he was focused on something else, and Victoire whispered back.
"You're being very conspicuous, you know?"
"Shut up."
"Do you want a hat?"
"I swear to Merlin..."
"Just be happy he's a complete idiot."
"What are you two whispering about?" Albus asked, from behind them, making them jump in their seats.
"Nothing, Al," Teddy assured quickly, "Grown up stuff."
"Sure," Albus said, reaching up to slide down the red and green sunglasses and lifting up a bottle of Butterbeer with a straw sticking out of it, "but keep in mind, Teds. I, am not a complete idiot," Teddy actually looked a little frightened at that, while Victoire just grinned more, and Albus lifted his drink, "Cheers," and walked away.
"Sometimes I love that boy," Victoire revealed, and Teddy sunk down in his armchair, taking hold of the neck of his sweater and lifting it over his face to hide in it.
By supper time, Teddy seemed to be back to normal, though a bit tired. Sections of his blue hair kept changing to pink, and he'd mutter under his breath in annoyance after realizing it, but he was in much higher spirits, and despite how worried James had been for him, he felt that Christmas had been a success, and was eager to get back to school. It was his last year after all, he wanted to make the most of his Potions class.
"I think I might want to look into being an Auror," James said nonchalantly to Teddy, having taken the seat beside him for dinner that night, and Teddy glanced at him in surprise.
"Really?" he asked for clarity, leaning closer so they could hear each other over the roar of voices passing around the long table, "What brought that up?"
James shrugged, one elbow against the table and his chin in his hand, "Dunno. Guess it seems like a good career."
"You shouldn't pick a job just because it sounds good. You've gotta be passionate about something or you might start slacking, and a Ministry job isn't something you can slack on."
"I know that already," James said in annoyance, "I just wanna learn more about Potions and Tonics, and Aurors use them a lot, don't they?"
Teddy stared at him for a moment, assessing his words, not realizing his blue hair was quickly changing back to that powdery peppermint pink color. Not just strands this time, but entirely.
"Yea, they do," Teddy agreed as James slid his fingertip around the edge of his glass, "You know, there are other careers where you can research Potions. You could go into medicine and work at St Mungos, that could be nice."
"Yea, but you're not at St Mungos, you're at the Ministry," James said, holding up his hand in a "blah" way as if he figured his reasoning was already obvious.
"I thought you weren't that interested in potions?" Teddy asked, dragging his water goblet closer and hiding his face in it as he tried to fix his hair back before more people noticed it.
Already Victoire was snickering again, Albus and Lily had slowly lowered their matching Christmas themed sunglasses over their eyes (where had they even gotten those?), and Harry was glancing between he and his oldest niece with a look of confusion. He could only take bits of comfort from the fact they couldn't hear his conversation with James over the table.
"Well, I wasn't really," James folded his arms over the edge of the table, "They seemed kind of pointless, you know? If I can cast Charms and Spells, why do I need something as physical as Potions? But... I think I get it now, after last night."
"Last night?"
"Well, yea," James gave Teddy an innocent look, one eyebrow raised, "I can't imagine there's a spell I could've cast to make your migraine go away, right?" Teddy choked on his water, "Potions have their uses, they're important; I get it now," James smiled at his plate as he went back to his food, not noticing the way Teddy tried to drown himself in his goblet.
"You're sure you can't stay?" Molly was asking Andromeda at the door later in the night.
The kids were back in the living room trying to clean up, but constantly distracted by the tinsel, toys, and wrapping bows. Harry, Molly, and Ginny were at the door seeing off Andromeda and Teddy, who'd finally managed to fix his hair right and was playing with the strap of his bag.
"We would, but you know how I like spending some alone time with him," Andromeda smiled over at Teddy, who was saying goodbye to Harry, "Besides, we still need to visit Cissy and Draco."
"Yes, of course," Molly looked towards Andromeda's bag, where she'd placed three more wrapped presents, sweaters Molly had made for the three Malfoy's.
While Molly Weasley had found common ground with Narcissa and Draco, and liked Scorpius, she'd conveniently forgotten about Lucius; but she was sure he wouldn't mind; and she didn't care even if he did.
"You'll be apparating there?"
"That's right."
"Well go quick, it's supposed to snow again soon," Molly hugged the other woman before hustling Teddy into her arms, then patting his cheeks and praising him for looking much healthier than he had before.
The two of them stepped into the snow beyond, and Molly shut the door to keep out the cold, moving to the window instead to wave them off. James was at the other window across the room, opened and leaning out to wave at Teddy.
"Happy Christmas! I'll see you soon!"
"Yea?" Teddy grinned and trudged through the snow to reach the window, "See you at the Ministry?"
"Absolutely! And you have to come meet me once I'm home from Hogwarts! Meet me at King's Cross and see me off! It's my last year remember!"
"I couldn't forget if I tried," Teddy promised, digging in his bag for a moment, "One thing, Jamie, but would you watch something for me?"
"Hm?" James frowned, watching Teddy pull out a glass vial of his tonic, and a familiar folded piece of paper, both of which he handed to James, who cradled the vial before unfolding the paper, "Your tonic?"
"Yea, keep it," Teddy said, "I've got it memorized already. Keep that bit just in case I forget again, and keep the recipe too, just in case."
James gaped at him, "Are you sure? This is your health you're giving me, it's no small gift."
"No, I know," Teddy smiled, cheeks flushed from cold, "It's a metaphor, Jamie."
"I'm not that great with those."
"I figured," Teddy started backing up, snow crunching under his boots, "If I trust anyone with my health, it's you," James felt his face warm, and Teddy laughed a little, like he'd made a funny joke, "Happy Christmas, James."
"Yea," James smiled again, lifting his empty hand in a wave, "Happy Christmas."
Teddy and Andromeda apparated seconds later, and snow started drifting down from the dark sky. James leaned back into the house and shut the window, reading over the recipe again before stowing it and the spare vial of tonic into the pocket of his jeans, turning around and jumping in place when he found himself face to face with Lily and Albus.
"Bloody fuck!" he gasped, grabbing his chest and leaning against the wall, "Why have you two started doing this? What pleasure do you gain from giving me these heart attacks?"
"What did Teddy give you?" Lily asked, and James frowned, folding his arms.
"A potion recipe, why?"
"Why'd he give you that?" Albus asked next.
"To practice. I'm going into the Ministry as an Auror after graduating."
Lily and Albus exchanged a look before slowly sliding their sunglasses onto their faces.
"Sure, James, we believe you."
"Where did you even get those?!"
Gleeful laughter and carols sung off key continued to lift from the Burrow into the night as the snow continued to fall and blanket the ground, the sky cloudy, but near midnight when the snow finally paused, there was a break in the clouds, letting a newly waxing moon shine light over the field of white.
#jeddy#je t'aime#tames#cursed child fanfiction#fanfiction#teddy lupin#James Sirius Potter#albus severus potter#lily luna potter#potter sibling triune#ao3#first actual jeddy fic#moon sick#werewolf
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Top 10 Greatest Leonardo DiCaprio Movies of All Time
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We all love Leo for his promising performance. May he be a bad boy, a romantic boyfriend, or a mentally-ill child, we couldn't deny the fact that he's an incredible actor. Plus, he's the King of Freak-Out scenes! Now, let's find out his top 10 greatest movie roles of all time.
1. Titanic
His most popular movie performance of all is playing Jack Dawson in the award-winning 1997 movie, Titanic. This box-office, record-breaking movie that stunned millions of people across the globe has made a worldwide phenomenon that goes deep down in history. Besides the heart-breaking story of the tragic ship, there's also Leo and Kate's chemistry that binds the audiences into a more level of attachment. No doubt, it's still the summit of Leo's career, and one of the greatest old-school movies to come out of Hollywood in the last 20 years.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet committed to the film even before the script was written, on the basis only of a 165-page outline James Cameron had written.The hands seen sketching Rose are not Leonardo DiCaprio's, but director James Cameron's. In post-production, Cameron, who is left-handed, mirror-imaged the sketching shots so the artist would appear to be right-handed, like DiCaprio.Both Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio learned how to dance the polka for the scenes set at the party in the third-class compartments.Johnny Depp was offered the role of Jack Dawson, but turned it down, and considers it a big regret.
2. What's Eating Gilbert Grape
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In this emotional, tear-jerking movie, our young Leo plays Arnie Grape, who is a mentally handicapped teenager. He's the younger brother of Gilbert (Johnny Depp), who struggles to bring their family out of difficult circumstances. Leo's performance as a mentally disabled teen is so convincing, it'll make you think that he's definitely not normal at all. This movie brought our young Leo to his first Oscar-nominated role. It's just so sad that he won't be able to tell his "Mamma" about his Oscar award, because she won't wake up anymore.
Fun facts:
Leo said that playing Arnie Grape was "the most fun I've ever had."When getting into character, Leo remarked of it. I spent a few days at a home for mentally retarded teens. We just talked and I watched their mannerisms. People have these expectations that mentally retarded children are really crazy, but that isn't so. It's refreshing to see them because everything's so new to them."Leo created Arnie's trademark flicking his finger against his nose, describing it as a sort of "brain wipe...like Arnie is massaging the inside of his brain."Leo really did not bathe during the period in filming when Arnie refused to go near water!
3. Romeo + Juliet
Before Leo had the role of Jack in Titanic, he's already a hot icon for being the handsome, sexy, and romantic boyfriend that every single ladies dream of having. Set in the modern era, Baz Luhrmann's histrionic, gang-war-filled setting take on the classic play. Although Kate and Leo's chemistry is so much perfect in Titanic, it is undeniably true that Leo and Claire's pair up is also stunning.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio's version of Romeo's speech at Juliet's bier was so good it movedClaire Danes to tears, nearly ruining the scene. The moment the director yelled "cut!," Danes smacked DiCaprio on the arm and said, "Don't make me cry. I'm supposed to be comatose, here!"Leonardo DiCaprio was Baz Luhrmann's first choice to play Romeo.Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio initially did not get along well on set. Danes accused Leonardo DiCaprio of being immature, while Leo said Danes was just uptight.
4. Catch Me If You Can
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Who would've thought that this handsome, good-looking man is a fugitive? Not in real life though, but in Steven Spielberg's hit movie, "Catch Me if You Can". Leo is Frank Abagnale, a real-life con-man who traveled around the country and lived the high life as he impersonated pilots, lawyers, and doctors. Leo's acting from one character to another is just so promising, we'll all convinced that he's not just impersonating.
Fun facts:
To get her to achieve the way he wanted her to sloppily kiss Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg asked Amy Adams to pretend she was starving to death and eating a cheeseburger.According to the real Frank Abagnale Jr. approximately 80 percent of the movie is true.When Frank begins recruiting decoy flight attendants; when announcing the girls picked he announces the actresses by real name.17-year-old Frank tells Brenda he's 28 years old, which was Leonardo DiCaprio's true age when Catch Me If You Can premiered in 2002.
5. The Departed
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One of the most intense roles that Leo ever had was playing the role of Billy Costigan as a cop infiltrating the mob. Together with Matt Damon as a mobster infiltrating the police force, the film is an intricate, fascinating tale of competing cat-and-mouse games. However, the film director and his screenwriter infuse it with so much tragedy that it winds up becoming something almost mythic. But seeing Leo's performance is just so intense, in a totally unglamorous way by being a desperate man who almost loses his identity. It's one of his all-time greatest performances.
Fun facts:
Leo could've won an Oscar award for this movie. A possible reason why he did not receive an Oscar nomination for his performance in this movie was because the Warner Bros. Studios initially did not want to favor him over his co-stars and place him in the leading actor category. The studio favored his leading performance in Blood Diamond (2006) (which eventually got him a nomination). DiCaprio himself refused to campaign against his male co-stars in the supporting actor category, so Warner bought no supporting actor ads for DiCaprio, and he did not receive a nomination.Leonardo DiCaprio was cast in the title role in The Good Shepherd (2006).Leonardo DiCaprio called his one-on-one scene with Jack Nicholson "one of the most memorable moments of my life."
6. Django Unchained
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Playing the matured role of a slave owner Calvin Candie in a smooth and attractive way is definitely a credit to Leo's amazing talent. His dirty, racist, and demented heart on Quentin Tarantino's hit movie "Django Unchained" brought him into a remarkable role of being the bad guy playing his cards on a sophisticated way. This is a man who breeds and forces his slaves to fight each other, who has a weird fascination with France, and who is, at heart, a murderous psychotic.
Fun facts:
When Leonardo DiCaprio's character Calvin Candie smashes his hand on the dinner table, the actor accidentally crushed a small stemmed glass with his palm and really began to bleed. DiCaprio ignored it, stayed in character, and continued with the scene. Tarantino was so impressed that he used this take in the final print, and when he called cut, the room erupted in a standing ovation. DiCaprio's hand was bandaged and he suggested the idea of smearing blood onto the face of Kerry Washington. Tarantino and Washington both liked this, so Tarantino got some fake blood together.During the filming of one of the dinner scenes, Leonardo DiCaprio had to stop the scene because he was having "a difficult time" using so many racial slurs. Samuel L. Jackson then pulled him aside telling him, "Motherfucker, this is just another Tuesday for us."
7. The Basketball Diaries
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Another young Leo movie, this is just one of the many proofs that Leo was born to act. His role in the movie adaptation of Jim Carroll's memoir, The Basketball Diaries, is a big shift from playing the sweet, innocent, and mentally-challenged Arnie in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" to a high school basketball star, who eventually becomes broken, and worse, a homeless drug addict. But Leo's flexible character made him so amazing in this movie, which brought a dramatic atmosphere in his struggles as a broken teenager.
Fun facts:
The guy Jim talks to in the underground drugden, is the real Jim Carroll.Leonardo DiCaprio and Juliette Lewis previously appeared together in What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993).This is the first film with Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlberg. They would later appear together in The Departed.Jim Carroll was unaware of who Leonardo DiCaprio was at first. "When they first told me it was gonna be Leo, I didn't know who he was," Carroll told The Los Angeles Times. "If they'd said the kid from Growing Pains (1985), I would have known, because when I first saw that kid, I said, 'This kid has a lot of presence.' I said, 'That kid is very pretty. He's gonna do well.'"To prepare for his role, Leonardo DiCaprio hung out in Greenwich Village and went to a poetry reading with Carroll.
8. The Aviator
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This movie is another Martin Scorsese's. Leo plays the role of Howard Hughes in his early years of being an inventor, and at the same time, a bigtime millionaire businessman. He's facing a lot of problems in almost everything. As he tries to continue chasing his plans and dreams, there are times when he's about to get mad, and Leo's characterization on this part of Howard's life is truly convincing. He's definitely a great actor for this movie.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio spent a day with Jane Russell to hear her memories and impressions of Howard Hughes. She was very impressed with DiCaprio's visit and told him that Hughes was a quiet yet extremely stubborn man who always got his way in the end.Howard Hughes' Los Angeles home in the film was actually the home he lived on Muirland Drive.Leonardo DiCaprio received an Oscar nomination for playing Howard Hughes.Leonardo DiCaprio (standing roughly 6ft) is several inches smaller than the actual Howard Hughes (6ft4).
9. Revolutionary Road
This 2008 movie is kind of special, as Leo and his Titanic partner Kate were reunited for this adaptation of Richard Yates' classic novel "Revolutionary Road". This movie is mainly about suburban despair and two adults who realizes that life is not as easy as one-two-three. Contrary to their adventurous and colorful characters in Titanic, their roles in this movie is matured and somehow full of problems. Leo's excellent performance in this movie is his signature freak-out, where we're all stunned and scared for a moment as he burst out his anger and disappointment.
Fun facts:
While directing the love scene between Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, director Sam Mendes (husband of Winslet at the time) opted to watch the monitor from another room.This was the second movie Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet worked on together since Titanic (1997). Paramount Pictures, which distributed the early film in the U.S., was the worldwide distributor of this film.This film marked the second time Kate Winslet has been in a movie where she makes love in a vintage car, and someone's hand hits the window and slides down it in the throes of passion. The first time was in Titanic (1997).
10. The Man in the Iron Mask
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After the success of Titanic comes this movie. Leo, who played the sneering, playboy King Louis XIV with his long-imprisoned twin has become a hit after Leo's stardom in Titanic. Young Leo was so versatile, he was able to play two different characters in one movie! Besides, we can also see Leo in his elegant robes while hiding the fact that there's something more dreadful in those shiny dress.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio's mask was made out of polystyrene.Louis XIV did have a brother named Philippe, but he was not a twin. He was several years younger, a flamboyant homosexual, and had the title Duc d'Orleans.MGM discovered the audience the movie attracted was "directly related to appeal of Leonardo DiCaprio", being 55% female and 46% under the age of 25.The film cast includes two Oscar winners: Leonardo DiCaprio and Jeremy Irons; and two Oscar nominees: John Malkovich and Gérard Depardieu.
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my top 25 favorite programs from the 2017-2018 season
So. We survived Olympic season. (Or did we?)
A few lessons gleaned from the past ten months:
the season is indeed long
momentum is fleeting
in the wake of disaster there will always be skaters who shine (thank god)
eating pineapples and writing prayer fic is extremely therapeutic
Olympics hype really is all that
being an fs fan is equal parts suffering and reward, though often times it seems more of the former and less of the latter.
See below for twenty five of my favorite programs from what has been a most tumultuous season, roughly in order of enjoyment. There is no rhyme or reason to this list as it is purely subjective based on my taste, which is already questionable to begin with. To avoid cluttering the top spots with skaters I absolutely stan and would gladly die for, I have limited myself to one skater per program.
Re: performances from Olympics. It was notoriously difficult to find footage for many of these skates. Thanks ISU I’ve done my best to link to broadcast footage whenever possible but have resorted to a few fancam links for some of these performances. Please do not manipulate fancam footage without permission from the uploader; I’ve been guilty of reblogging gif-sets made from fancam footage (which 99% of the time have the watermark removed and are clearly uploaded without consent and credit to the fancam creator) and am now trying to be careful with what I reblog.
Without further ado, here are my top picks:
25. Jimmy Ma’s SP, Propaganda/Turn Down for What, 2018 US National Championships
A guilty pleasure but something this fun can’t be bad right? This is the kind of skating program I’d show to friends and family in real life who dismiss figure skating as a dated sport characterized by heavily used classical warhorse music almost everyone recognizes but can’t actually name.
24. Ross Miner’s FS, Queen Medley, 2018 US National Championships
While Nathan skated a very technically strong program at US Nationals, the free skate of the night for me went to Ross Miner, who roused the crowd into a roar when he had the skate of his career and made a convincing bid for the Olympic team. Fun and electric, this program sparkled with energy from start to finish.
23. Moa Iwano’s SP, Asturias, 2017 JGP Austria
I generally don’t pay much attention to the junior skaters (so much skating, so little time!), but this talented lady from Kobe caught my eye during the JGP series. There were quite a few tangos this season but this one was by far the best one (that’s right, the best tango this season came from a 13-year-old). While her jump technique is not the best, Moa has an impressive sense of musicality beyond most skaters her age. I’ll definitely be following her more closely in the seasons to come.
22. Keegan Messing’s FS, Chaplin Medley, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics
Thanks to a certain Spanish skater, I’ve developed a soft spot for Chaplin programs and while Keegan didn’t manage to skate this program clean, I really enjoyed it. It’s cheeky, charming, charismatic and full of fun choreographic details that bring the program to life. With an exodus of Canadian men retiring this season, Keegan will be among the oldest. He really hit his stride this season; here’s hoping he snags his first Canadian title next season!
21. Patrick Chan’s FS, Hallelujah, 2017 Skate Canada
Enjoyed...is not quite the right word to describe my feelings when I saw this particular skate via live stream. Shocked to pieces was more like it, and perhaps an overwhelming sadness to see him struggle so much. This skate would set the tone for the rest of Patrick’s final competitive season--a mentally, physically and emotionally taxing end to a competitive career most skaters can only dream of having. While this skate was a technical disaster--he skated a total of only two clean triples--it is nonetheless beautiful in the way a withering flower is; a remnant of elegance, an echo of years of skill, a lament for what could have been.
20. Yuna Shiraiwa’s FS, Pictures at an Exhibition, 2017 Internationaux de France
I had a hard time with this one because I adore both of Yuna’s programs this season, set to two very interesting pieces of music. Her FS, “Pictures at an Exhibition” won by a slim margin mostly because I love Mussorgsky and “Pictures at an Exhibition” is one of my favorite suites of all time--I also realize now that it’s really really difficult music to skate to because of the million tempo changes, key changes and the fact that half of the movements are very slow and not at all suited to skating. It’s a highly ambitious program for a 15-year-old and choreographically there are a couple of abrupt music changes that break up the flow (it’s mostly variations of the Promenade theme with a few other movements spliced in) but I really appreciated the challenge she took with a riskier but interesting piece of music. Looking forward to more exciting programs next season!
19. Nathan Chen’s FS, Mao’s Last Dancer, 2017 US International Classic
Super early in the season when skater after skater hopped onboard the recycling train like there was no tomorrow, I was ecstatic to hear Nathan bring forth two brand new programs. While Nemesis proved to be an instant hit, I was drawn to the free, an intriguing blend of Chinese music and Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring (avant-garde eargasm!!!). Mao’s Last Dancer had the potential to become a truly memorable and complete program. While the strategy to strip down the choreography in favor of hitting the technical elements later in the season was a practical choice, alas the performance I enjoyed the most happened to be its debut.
18. Cheng Peng/Yang Jin’s SP, Assassin’s Tango, 2017 Finlandia Trophy
What a rough season they’ve had :/ But I loved their short program, which they only managed to skate clean internationally exactly once this season. For some reason, after Finlandia, this short never really clicked for them (missing the cutoff for the free at Olympics was tragic) and they ended up returning to their tried and tested short from last season for their post-Olympics redemption in Milan. It’s a cute and fun program and they skated it best here.
17. Vanessa James/Morgan Cipres’ FS, The Sound of Silence, 2018 World Championships
After a strong start to the season led to a lackluster 4th place finish at Europeans, James/Cipres scrapped their initial free program to return to a program they were much more comfortable with, a strategic move that paid off when they rebounded at the Olympics and at Worlds with season’s bests and a shiny Worlds medal :) While it is not a technically perfect performance (see their 2017 World Team Trophy for a clean skate), there’s a lot of power and passion in it.
16. Carolina Kostner’s SP, Ne me quitte pas, 2018 World Championships
Simply divine! I have nothing else to add except that this was a breathtakingly exquisite performance, and I’m glad Carolina was able to perform this program to perfection in front of her home crowd.
15. Maia Shibutani/Alex Shibutani’s FD, Paradise, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics
I admit I wasn’t immediately sold on the Shibutanis’ final program to their self-proclaimed “Trilogy”. “Fix You” was an amazing program, the best program of their career so far, and as with all sequels, it was tough to imagine “Paradise” could be better. But somehow things started to pull together once they made a few tweaks midway through the season and they pulled off a magical performance in Pyeongchang. Technically brilliant but also brimming with emotion, a performance absolutely worthy of Olympic bronze.
14. Elizabet Tursynbaeva’s FS, The Prayer, 2017 Internationaux de France
I fell in love with Elizabet last season (particularly her free skate to “Princess Mononoke”) and was very excited to see what programs should would do next. And she did not disappoint. Besides having the only acceptable Carmen this season, I also loved her free skate to Celine Dion’s “The Prayer”- it’s light and lyrical, a good fit for her. She still rushes through the choreography and some of her spins look really weird to me but she has made enormous strides in her presentation despite being hampered with a serious hip injury midway through the season. She’s lovely to watch, so floaty and quick over the ice.
13. Adam Rippon’s FS, Birds, 2017 NHK Trophy
What can I say? I loved this program last season and seeing it again this season was even more spectacular. The attentiveness to the music, the choreographic touches with bird movements, the meditative atmosphere. It’s just a very beautiful program. Adam has such a vibrant personality that obviously shines in his more “showy” programs, but I think I enjoy seeing his softer, lyrical programs best.
12. Wenjing Sui/Cong Han’s FS, Turandot, 2017 NHK Trophy
As a fairly new fan, I don’t have the same level of distaste for warhorses as veteran fans do (I imagine this will change once I have more years of figure skating watching under my belt). It’s not as poignant or as memorable as “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” from last season, but I admit I still very much enjoyed this skate, if only because Sui/Han were the ones skating it. Did I wish they had picked something a little more interesting? Yes, but they’re Sui/Han. They can make anything look good.
11. Kana Muramoto/Chris Reed’s FD, The Last Emperor/Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence, 2018 World Championships
Kana is the best thing that has ever happened to Japanese ice dance (Chris, you’re cool too.) I’m so weak for this genre of music and ever since I discovered a certain tiny queen skated to Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence, I’ve been waiting to hear it again. I’m a sucker for nature imagery and you really get the sensation of the passage of time and the movement of the seasons. Watching this is like taking a breath of spring air.
10. Boyang Jin’s SP, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, 2018 Four Continents Championships
Meh movie, great music. My favorite Boyang program to date, it was really exciting to see him attempt something more serious, a heftier program that would expand the emotional range of his skating. His short program was brilliant at Olympics, but I enjoyed Four Continents a little more because it was such a comeback after an injury-filled first half of the season. Out of the new generation of rising quadsters, he’s made the most improvement and I have no doubt he’ll continue to grow over the next quad. Onwards and upwards, Boyang!
9. Madison Hubbell/Zachary Donohue’s FD, Across the Sky/Caught Out in the Rain, 2018 US National Championships
My favorite free dance of the season! You can always count on Hubbell/Donohue to do something a little offbeat. Blues is a bit of an unusual choice of music for a free dance (which tend to be either lyrical or warhorsey drama) but it fits them like a glove. After building some good momentum earlier this season, a few fatal errors in the free including an invalidated choreographic sequence left them trailing in 4th, just shy of the podium at the Olympics. They rebounded to claim their first Worlds medal a month later, which was a special moment to witness but I felt their Nationals performance was the most passionately skated.
8. Tatsuki Machida’s EX, Swan Lake: Siegfried and His Destiny, 2017 Carnival on Ice
Go big or go home. The time and technical requirements of amateur competition are clearly too restrictive for Tatsuki’s genius :) Why cram the greatest hits of Swan Lake into a paltry two-minute program when you can really do it justice by skating to it for almost eight minutes instead? Tatsuki spares no expense for his epic-length programs. Every moment is meticulously thought out and is as extra af. We’re treated to almost a minute of dramatic music and a skater-less spotlight before Tatsuki appears. The star of Swan Lake is typically the swan (or the black swan) but no, that’s too conventional; let’s make Siegfried the guy everyone’s talking about instead. Drama hands! Floofy hair action! Seven straight seconds of twizzles in time with the tempo change! Dramatique feather posing because why not. Did that twenty seconds of absolute silence between movements make you uncomfortable? Good, because it’s all eyes on me! Skating so gorgeous you wouldn’t even notice there are only two jumps (both amazingly timed to the music), this is a visual and aural feast for the eyes. It’s a Swan Lake to outclass all other Swan Lakes that have been, that are, and that will be.
7. Akiko Suzuki’s EX, O, 2018 The Legends
[inserts crying emoji] A regret I have is not becoming a fan when Akiko was still skating competitively. I love this program soso much and seeing it brought back again was a real treat. The choreographic sequence still sends shivers down my spine <333
6. Tessa Virtue/Scott Moir’s FD, Moulin Rouge, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics
Scintillating. Flawless. The pinnacle of ice dance. It’s the kind of performance that just sears into your mind for a long, long time. Though they didn’t get perfect marks here, it’s as perfect a skate you’ll find.
5. Wakaba Higuchi’s FS, Skyfall, 2018 World Championships
Such a cool and sleek program. I like the blue dress more than this one but this was easily the free skate of the ladies in Milan for me. A passionate and powerful skate, it was really nice to see Wakaba come back strong after a disappointing Nationals finish and hit it at Worlds. Reigning World Silver Medalist! (now please give her the PCS she deserves)
4. Aliona Savchenko/Bruno Massot’s FS, La terre vue du ciel, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics
Wow. Just wow. I went in as a Sui/Han fan but wow, this free skate is gorgeous and sweeps me away every time I watch it. And they performed it to perfection at GPF, Olympics, and Worlds. The choreography is amazing and unique, and apparently full of little touches to previous programs (like the star catching moment from “The Lighthouse”, their free program last season). Dominant, majestic, and absolutely exhilarating to watch. I can watch this again and again and never tire of it.
3. Satoko Miyahara’s FS, Madame Butterfly, 2017-18 Japanese National Championships
While her short program is more loved (as it should be, it is an amazing work of art, Lori really outdid herself, you should go watch it ^^), I think I enjoyed her free skate more simply because it’s given her so many Moments this season. Coming back from a slew of injuries, including a serious hip injury from last season, it was highly questionable if she would even be able to make it to the Olympics at all. But Satoko silenced all doubters again and again, at Skate America and then at Japanese Nationals, where she gave the free skate of her career with an emotive and stunning performance that carried her to her Olympic dream on butterfly wings ^^. Triumphant, mesmeric, spectacular-it is a Madame Butterfly that rewrites the tragic ending into one of hope, a story that is entirely Satoko’s.
2. Javier Fernandez’s FS, Man of La Mancha, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics
(password to video link: man of la mancha)
A skater from a small federation, from a country where figure skating barely exists, Javier has written history again and again. And what a journey it has been! From finishing 35th at his first Worlds appearance in 2007, Javier would go on to qualify for his first Olympics in Vancouver and become the first Spanish skater to win Europeans, to win Worlds, and ultimately, to win an Olympic medal. It feels appropriate that “Man of La Mancha”, an unapologetically Spanish program that perfectly captures the essence of Javier’s career--”to dream the impossible dream”--is to be the program to stake his Olympic dream on, And his Olympic dream truly seemed almost impossible in the months leading up to Pyeongchang. An uncharacteristically disastrous free at the Cup of China disqualified him from making the Grand Prix Final for the first time since 2013. And while his Chaplin short clicked for him (also excellent, highly recommended), he struggled with the free all season long. Unabashedly romantic, with just the right amount of earnest cheese (the best kind) and aged whimsy, “Man of La Mancha” is my favorite Javier free skate and I’m so glad he was able to skate it to its fullest potential at the competition that mattered most.
1. Yuzuru Hanyu’s FS, Seimei, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics
What makes a skate great? Legendary? Memorable? It’s easy to jump to the pristine “Seimei” in Barcelona, the ethereal cleanliness of “Hope & Legacy” in Helsinki, or even the world-record breaking (again) “Ballade No.1″ in Montreal. While all of these skates are indeed great, legendary, and certainly memorable, I find my thoughts turning instead to a young seventeen-year-old Romeo in Nice, unleashing his battle cry after a dramatic fall as he fought through a sprained ankle to win his first Worlds medal. Clean performances are definitely great, but great skates don’t need to be clean. At the end of the day, what makes a skate great is in the struggles overcome, hardships endured, fears mastered, doubts silenced; in spite of it all, to manage to find joy and fulfillment in not only what you have accomplished but also in the thorny path that has led you there. It’s not as perfect as Barcelona, but the Seimei in Pyeongchang offers a different kind of magnificence, a triumph in more ways than one.
#season: 2017 2018#figure skating#yuzuru hanyu#javier fernández#satoko miyahara#savchenko/massot#wakaba higuchi#virtue/moir#akiko suzuki#tatsuki machida#hubbell/donohue#boyang jin#muramoto/reed#sui/han#adam rippon#elizabet tursynbaeva#shibutani/shibutani#carolina kostner#james/cipres#peng/jin#nathan chen#yuna shiraiwa#patrick chan#keegan messing#moa iwano#ross miner#jimmy ma#it was really really hard to stick to narrow it down to 25#originally the list was closer to 40#textpost
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April 18: Rocky IV
(previous notes: Rocky III)
The Cold War one! I was in high school when this came out, and it seems like the Rocky movie that has most endured in pop culture for people my age, and even younger maybe? I haven't seen it in a very, very long time so I'm wondering if the Rocky-versus-All-Of-Communism logline is going to seem like a pathetically irrelevant conflict. Or, frankly, if that sentiment is going to sound like the dipshits that attacked the US Capitol just a few short months ago. It's definitely going to feel like just a slight twist on a formula that's been working, right? Let's see…
Totally different intro from the rest of the series, and surprisingly the recap of the end of the last movie also includes the hit single from the last movie. But also there is a thing about an American-flag glove and a Soviet-flag glove punching each other into an explosion.
They were so happy with the chummy chit-chat at the end of Rocky III that they just gratuitously include that whole scene here. It is a cheap way to eat up a couple of minutes.
Oh My God. The first actual new scene in this movie serves the important purpose of documenting for all time how dazzlingly technically advanced things were in 1985. For Paulie's birthday party, he gets a ROBOT! It talks… ROBOT-style! Paulie is whelmed by how robot-y it is.
"Open your prize," Rocky tells her when asking Adrian to open her PRESENT. Why did he say "prize".
MEANWHILE IN SOVIET UNION… They do a quick montage that only vaguely suggests something about a boxer and the USSR.
Apollo Creed spots an innocuous news story about Russian boxer Ivan Drago coming to America to participate in sportsmanlike fighting. AC is PISSED! A Russian being competitive, oh hell no.
At least Drago has a female companion so there will be an actual female character who isn't played by Talia Shire.
"Commies Are Evil" isn't the only theme of this movie; there's also "The Marvels of Technology". Drago's unmatched strength is demonstrated for the press in a very electricity-filled gym. And the robot has been in three scenes already in the first fifteen minutes! Oh I hope they aren't going to get me to fall in love with Robot Character only to have it lose in a boxing match to The Commies.
Big press conference to announce that AC will be fighting Drago in an exhibition match. AC is all cocky and Drago literally says nothing the whole scene. He is characterized as perhaps yet another robot character. But his wife and some other Russian guy do all the talking, and if they're supposed to seem like the Bad Guy, I don't see it. They are perfectly diplomatic and AC is just acting like a tool.
0:23:23 - I remember this scene, we all do, oh yes we do. The Fight That Does Not Go So Well. It starts with a super flashy intro; they're at the venue in Vegas and there are showgirls and pretend fighter planes and Actual James Brown singing this movie's legit hit single, "Living in America", singing it all At The Russians as AC descends in front of a monster thing in spangly Uncle Sam garb. AC actually dances alongside James Brown and around Drago. What they're doing, these diabolical filmmakers, is going to make what happens next sting the audience pretty bad.
Right before the fight, Drago's first line is "you vill lose". Monotone. Robotic. Technology! #1985
Drago beats him to actual death, he twitches on the floor as Drago robotically says things like "I will not be defeated". It is a bummer, this turn of events.
New press conference. Rocky is going to fight Drago. "No money. It's not about the money." That's weird, addressing money in this press conference. They're not really addressing the monumental fact that Rocky is sitting next to the guy that killed Apollo Creed.
This time, the Soviets are less diplomatic. Rocky barely says anything, but the old Russian dude calls him little and weak. They have a good point, though, about how Drago gets death threats in the US on account of he is a killer of an American hero, even though the wife also says he is not a killer. But that's why the fight will be in Russia.
New montage with a very 80s pop song. Worth noting that we have not heard any of the famous music from the first movie. This montage also looks very 80s, with it's flashbacks using a lot of different, highly techologically sophisticated frame rates.
0:42:41 - Adrian eye-close sighting! Thank you so much for that, it is what we all want and only you, Rocky-movie, can provide it.
Flashbacks to all the other movies. He is thinking about it all as he anticipates The Hell Of Going To Russia. Remember when he pointed to the jacket in the window that one time? Rocky does. Remember when he looked at his statue? Rocky does. He even somehow remembers Adrian closing her eyes. This is a music video with mostly recycled footage from the whole series.
0:48:35 - Another "modern" pop song, I think it's the band called Survivor again. Were we supposed to love all the catchy tunes and go out and buy the soundtrack? We only remember the James Brown one in 2021.
It is snowy in Russia ha ha! Paulie has joined him on the trip because he is part of Rocky's staff, but he doesn't like how cold it is ha ha.
Rocky's quarters consist of a log cabin dripping with icicles at the foot of some really pretty mountains. I play Geoguessr a lot and I don't ever see pretty mountains like that in Russia, but they must have them, right?
Rocky has been assigned minders. He is told they will go wherever he goes. I'm pretty sure that's not an unfair characterization.
He's got Apollo's trainer guy there with him, but Rocky makes it clear that he just has to do this training stuff on his own or whatever blah blah.
Now a montage going back and forth between Drago training and Rocky just running through the snow-covered countryside. ON HIS OWN. Plus also sawing wood and displacing boulders on his own. Oh and being the dog in a dogsled pulling Paulie! Locals look at Rocky because, look, a man doing something, that's new and confusing. Drago has electric machines. Rocky fells trees! Drago is inside comfortable facilities. Rocky is growing his beard out! The minders observe it all. The minders observe it all.
There is a subplot about how Adrian is dealing with this whole thing. She had been unconfident earlier, and did not join Rocky in USSR. But surprise, she is now there in Russia suddenly because love! Rocky continues to train, not so alone-y now and with a new rock song with more major chords. That is Drago's weakness! Communism hates major triads.
Gotta have inspired running, right? This time Rocky runs up a snowy mountain, running so hard that the minders can't keep up! At the peak he does his trademark cheer howl in that pretty place… but he is saying "DRAGO!!!!!!!!!"
Just like that, we're at the big fight. This time it's in Russia and it's mostly uniformed soldiers in the crowd.
Ugh. Quick cut to Rocky's kid watching at home on TV with friends. He says "that's my dad" and one of them replies "what do you think we are, nerds?" Ladies and gentlemen, the wit of Mr. Stallone: Screenwriter.
Do we need to talk about Drago's hair? He has very styled hair. I think it looks like Vanilla Ice hair. Is that a strange choice? I don't know how to think about hair, I guess.
"I must break you". That's what Drago says to Rocky right before they fight. I remember it. It is an above average dialogue choice compared with other Rocky-movie-right-before-the-fight dialogue choices.
Drago punches Rocky a lot, and the commentators make sure we know that Rocky might lose and they may even have to stop the fight. But also, yes, it does just look like Rocky is taking a lot of rough beating.
"He's not human. He's a piece of iron." So speaks Drago in unbecoming monotone. I don't know what that means.
It's a montage now, an appealingly edited summary of a whole bunch of rounds. The two boxers are both doing well and maybe not doing well, both. Montage.
I guess I'm experiencing what I remember noticing back when I first saw this in the 80s, which is that they really did convince us that Drago was indestructible, and now we're seeing him be damaged and it's kind of satisfying.
1:21:15 - Whoa, I forgot about this. The Soviet Diplomat Man is giving Drago a hard time about not winning yet, and Drago lifts him up violently by the neck and says something about I Will Win For Me, For Me. It's a little like we're supposed to think Drago is increasingly inspired by American Freedom, maybe? But it won't help him if he's still the bad guy in a Rocky movie.
This fight is taking a long time. A lot of this movie's running time is being consumed by this fight.
Eventually Rocky wins, because it turns out that he is just better because Freedom, and it's that same tiresome "Rocky-won" music, maybe arranged a little differently.
What does he say in the mic at the end? What is his message? "During this fight, I seen a lot of changing…" he says that during this fight, like during the actual boxing match, they all grew to appreciate each other. And it's better to do boxing than do nuclear annihilations. The whole crowd cheers for Rocky! Even the important Soviet Boss Men, startling even themselves with their abrupt adoration of The Wise American. Then when he says Merry Christmas Kid to his kid at home, well this whole entire crowd clearly thinks Rocky is better than their whole entire country. We don't see Drago any more. We don't know if he, too, is moved by Rocky's profound monologue. And we never find out what Drago and Robot Character think of each other.
So that's it, that's the end of Rocky IV. I get why it fires people up in a simple way, but I don’t think it's good. It totally assumes you'll understand that Rocky wins because the USSR just kind of sucks. Or you won't care that it's improbable that Rocky wins because it's just so gratifying to see Drago falter. Which they achieve by making him look very perfect, and having no charming characteristics.
It's true, though, how cocky we were about technology in the mid-80s.
(next: Rocky V)
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Roundup of the Romance Books I’ve Read in the Last Couple of Months:
I’ve been a die-hard romantic for my entire life, but I’ve only recently started reading romance novels, so I’ve been exploring the genre a little bit based on random recommendations and impulse buys (which only cost 25 cents, so if I hate them, no worries!) I’ve still yet to read a contemporary romance novel, but I’m working on it! These are the three romance novels I’ve read in the last couple of months (and wow these reviews are long so have a read more):
Wanderlust by Danielle Steel (I just read this one this morning, so the review is pretty long whoops):
It was a pretty quick and easy read, and although I definitely had some issues with it, it was also fairly enjoyable!
Audrey was an interesting character, who was strong and stuck to what she thought was the right choice, even when many other people pressured her about what she should be doing. I enjoyed Vi and James, who were kind and good, and many of the other supporting characters - I cried twice reading this, once from sadness and once from joy, and neither were because of the main characters. (Which maybe says something about the romance in the book--I think I mostly just wanted to find out what happened with Audrey.)
I thought that the novel did a reasonable job setting Wanderlust in time, and the interplay of the buildup of World War II was interesting but not too overdone. The descriptions of the places were also fascinating, and as I would love to travel more I appreciated them.
Things I didn't like quite so much, though, included the hero, Charles, and the book's portrayal of Charlotte. Charles makes a lot of choices I didn't agree with. To be fair, I didn't agree with a lot of Audrey's choices, either, but although I wouldn't have chosen to live her life they seemed like they fell in line with her character traits. Charles, on the other hand, seemed like he made a lot of choices simply for the convenience of the plot, and never truly felt like he had a solid characterization, I think.
In terms of Charlotte, SPOILERS: when Charles ends up trying to divorce her because of the whole "I lied about being pregnant" thing, she refuses to capitulate and divorce him, despite no love existing between the two of them. She doesn't need his money, she doesn't want his name, she just wants to be married to him. And eventually it is revealed that she is a lesbian, and she's been using her married status to help her hide that, I guess? It was a little weird. Anyways, she's pretty vilified, and Charles goes to yell at her and blackmail her into finally divorcing him, and she accuses him of just attempting to smear her name. And he responds by telling her that honestly he doesn't care if she's a lesbian, he just wants them to be divorced. Which...it felt, not really out of place, but I think as though it didn't really seem like that was the truth, and that Danielle Steel just didn't want her characters to be homophobic. And then when he comes back the next day to finalize the divorce she's been killed in the Blitz! END SPOILERS I think I just wanted her to be handled with more tact, honestly. That whole plotline felt like it got very out of hand and then the author had nothing left to do but make it incredibly complicated. But that's just my opinion!
Anyways, it was an enjoyable enough read for an early Sunday morning, so take that as you will.
My Rating: 3.5/5
When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare
It’s been a couple of months since I read this one, so this review is going to be a lot less detailed than the previous one. This is one of the novels I saw recommended a lot for new readers of the romance novel, so it’s the first one I picked up! The premise was amusing, and I liked both of the protagonists. I appreciated that the heroine had goals that she wanted to reach, and I really enjoyed the hero’s dedication to his men. However, it definitely isn’t one I’m going to want to reread over and over again. It was enjoyable, but not mind-blowing.
My Rating: 4/5
Simply Love by Mary Balogh
I really enjoyed Simply Love. It was sweet, and I liked the protagonists very much. Both of them were dealing with trauma, and the other person helped them to move on and process their trauma, which was very heartwarming. I’m definitely going to get in to spoiler territory here, so be warned. Anne is a sexual assault survivor, and her child was a result of the sexual assault, so it ruined her public reputation. Part of her romance with Sydnam is her learning to move on from her trauma and process it more. I thought that the novel did a very good job of showing how even when you enthusiastically consent to sex, past trauma can affect your enjoyment of it. Her process to move on from that was handled well: Sydnam was very kind and good about consent, and she recovered slowly, instead of a magic fix when she fell in love. Sydnam was devastatingly injured during wartime, and it destroyed half of his face and he lost his arm, and part of his healing process is learning to paint again with his other hand.
Anyways, I liked it quite a lot, and although I don’t really consider it to be a favorite book, I’m definitely going to keep it around and re-read it.
My Rating: 4/5
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Nobel prize in physics won by scientists who changed our concept of the cosmos
https://sciencespies.com/space/nobel-prize-in-physics-won-by-scientists-who-changed-our-concept-of-the-cosmos/
Nobel prize in physics won by scientists who changed our concept of the cosmos
A cosmologist who revealed that the universe was made mostly of invisible matter and energy, and two scientists who detected the first planet orbiting an alien star, were jointly awarded the 2019 Nobel Prize in physics Tuesday.
By studying the earliest moments after the birth of the universe, James Peebles of Princeton University developed a theoretical framework for the evolution of the cosmos that led to the understanding of dark energy and dark matter – substances that can’t be observed by any scientific instruments but nonetheless make up 95 percent of the universe.
Fellow laureates Michel Mayor and Didier Queloz of the University of Geneva revolutionized astronomy, the Nobel Committee said, when in 1995 they announced the discovery of a large, gaseous world circling a star 50 light-years from our sun – the first extrasolar planet found around a sun-like star.
In the decades since, scientists have detected thousands more of these exoplanets, and astronomers now think our universe contains more planets than stars.
“This year’s Nobel laureates in physics have painted a picture of a universe far stranger and more wonderful than we ever could have imagined,” Ulf Danielsson, a Nobel Committee member, said at a news conference Tuesday.
“Our view of our place in the universe will never be the same again.”
For almost a century, scientists have theorized that the universe began with a big bang, growing from a hot, dense particle soup into the current collection of dust, stars and galaxies flung across a vast and still-expanding space.
Fifty years ago, a pair of radio astronomers stumbled upon the signature of those earliest days of expansion: the cosmic microwave background, a faint form of radiation that suffuses the entire sky.
This radiation is a “gold mine” for physicists, the Nobel Committee said. By analyzing tiny variations in this ancient afterglow, scientists can peer back in time to understand how the universe evolved.
Peebles studied the temperature of the cosmic microwave background to understand the matter that was created in the big bang.
“It was, conceptually, a door-opening event,” said observational cosmologist Sandra Faber, a staff member at University of California Observatories. “It showed that known laws of physics could explain the universe when it was only 100 seconds old. Isn’t that amazing?”
Peebles also developed tools for explaining how the universe as we know it came to be. Tiny quantum fluctuations that occurred during inflation – a period of rapid expansion of the universe that unfolded in less than one-millionth of a second after the big bang – gave rise to “lumps” of matter that would eventually evolve into galaxies, he said.
These lumps, along with the still-mysterious dark matter, explain the size, shape and distribution of galaxies we see today.
“I was not working alone,” Peebles said via a phone interview at the news conference Tuesday, pointing out that researchers in the Soviet Union provided important contributions to scientists’ understanding of the universe’s evolution.
After the detection of the cosmic microwave background in 1964, the field progressed in fits and starts, he said: “I put out lots of wrong ideas, too, you know.”
Eventually, Peebles’s theories led to the discovery of dark energy, the invisible force that drives the expansion of the universe, and dark matter, the unobservable material that holds galaxies together.
James Peebles speaks to well wishers after his win. (Eduardo Munoz/Reuters/TPX Images of the Day)
Everything we can touch or see, everything ever detected by a scientific instrument, and everything that has yet to be found makes up just 5 percent of the universe. Even in that small slice of the cosmos, there is more than meets the naked eye. The science behind the second half of this year’s physics prize is proof of that.
The first exoplanet observed by Mayor and Queloz wasn’t visible through any telescopes. Instead, the astronomers intuited the world’s existence by observing the way it affected its star.
Their research relied on the fact that planets don’t orbit stars; instead, both planets and stars orbit their common center of mass. If a planet is sufficiently large, compared with its sun, it will cause the star to wobble just a bit.
This wobble produces tiny shifts in the light the star emits, and scientists can analyze these shifts to determine the size and distance of the planet.
The first world that Mayor and Queloz discovered, dubbed 51 Pegasi b, is unlike any in our solar system. The planet is large and gaseous, like Jupiter, but is so close to its star that it takes just four days to complete an orbit. Its temperature exceeds 1,000 degrees Celsius.
When Queloz first saw the planet’s signature in his data, “I panicked,” recalled the scientist, who was a graduate student working with Mayor at the time of the discovery. “I thought something was wrong with the instrument.”
It took much reanalysis for the astronomers to convince themselves that they were looking at something real. Then they had to persuade the rest of the world. The planet was so different from what scientists predicted they would find, many researchers were initially skeptical of the discovery. But subsequent studies eventually showed that Mayor and Queloz’s initial hunch was true.
“New science is very rarely done by just one person … and there were a lot people who made important contributions before and since then,” said Johanna Teske, an exoplanet astronomer at Carnegie Observatories. But Mayor and Queloz’s discovery “was really a turning point for the field.”
Soon, astronomers across the globe were conducting their own exoplanet searches, scanning the skies and looking over reams of historical data to detect the telltale wobble of a planet-hosting sun.
Observations from ground- and space-based telescopes have revealed more than 4,000 confirmed exoplanets and challenged scientists’ notions about how planetary systems evolve.
Last year, NASA launched the Transiting Exoplanet Survey Satellite, a powerful space telescope that will scan the entire sky seeking out worlds circling nearby stars. Of particular interest to the mission are rocky worlds orbiting near enough to their stars to potentially have liquid water on their surfaces.
“When [Mayor and Queloz] were studying and looking for these exoplanets, people would laugh at them … and call it science fiction,” Teske said.
“To see it come from there all the way to now, where they’re winning Nobel Prizes and we’re getting ever closer to finding and characterizing Earthlike planets, it’s great and exciting and a little surreal.”
In a tradition as regular as the prizes themselves, the announcement Tuesday prompted debate over the lack of diversity among recipients. Just three women have ever been awarded the physics prize in its more than 100-year history, and no black scientist has ever been recognized.
The choice to recognize Peebles’s cosmology theories sparked particular anger, because the woman who proved the existence of dark matter, Vera Rubin, was never given the award.
The Carnegie Institution astronomer battled sexism and “utterly revolutionized our concept of the universe,” astronomer Emily Levesque once told Astronomy magazine. She had been considered a leading candidate for the physics prize before her death in 2016 (Nobels are not awarded posthumously).
“She was and continues to be hugely influential and inspirational for everyone in astronomy,” Teske said of Rubin. “It’s particularly ironic in a not-so-nice way for her not to have been recognized, and I think that will just continue to be, at least for me, a sore spot when any Nobel Prize in physics is awarded.”
The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, which awards the prizes, told Nature last week the organization had implemented measures to address bias against women and scientists of color, including explicitly asking nominators to consider diversity in gender, geography and topic. All six recipients of this year’s prizes for medicine and physics have been white men.
Yet Peebles was unique for the “intellectual interpretive stamp he put on things,” Faber said. “His work ranged from the big bang to quantum mechanics to the true nature of dark matter. I am extremely happy with this prize.”
The cosmologist, who worked on questions of galaxy formation and dark matter around the same time as Peebles, said his theory “profoundly affected her,” emotionally as well as scientifically.
“It tells the human race that we were born according to the laws of physics and the implication is we need to live by those,” she said.
Much as Peebles’s research emphasized Earthlings’ insignificance in the context of the universe, Mayor and Queloz’s discovery revealed how rare and unusual we are. The vast majority of exoplanets discovered in the past two decades are unlike any body in our own solar system.
Still, Danielsson, the Nobel committee member, said somewhere in the vast and inscrutable universe, on one of those strange and distant worlds, it’s possible that some other form of life exists.
It might take years, or centuries, or even millennia, he said. But he holds out hope that one day, hidden in the darkness, humanity will find evidence that we are not alone.
2019 © The Washington Post
This article was originally published by The Washington Post.
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thoughts on Moonlight
Warning: There are spoilers ahead. Not that there are huge plot twists in this movie but would definitely recommend you watch it before reading this.
It took me awhile, but I finally saw Moonlight. Everyone has been talking about the whole Oscars mix-up thing, but I’m pretty tired of hearing about it, so I’m just going to move on. This film deserves to be talked about on its own.
Let me start out by saying that this film is not meant to be a portrayal of my life or my identity, and I fully acknowledge that. I am not black nor am I gay. I consider myself an ally of both of those communities, but this film is not meant to be a reflection of me, and that should be taken into consideration when reading my thoughts. That didn’t stop me from loving this film and appreciating it as a work of art.
One of my favorite things about this movie is its subtlety. I can’t remember a movie before this one that doesn’t overdramatize in some way or another. I cry a lot during movies and TV shows, and I think in a lot of cases, that’s a goal for filmmakers. To make you feel this heart-wrenching pain, to make you go through this forced catharsis, to cram all these emotions down your throat. With Moonlight, I didn’t cry at all. That’s not to say that I didn’t sympathize. I felt so sorry for Little who spends so much time trying to get away from his mom and finds pleasure in drawing himself a bubble bath with dishwasher soap. It’s painful to watch Chiron get up after getting punched again and again. But at no time did I ever feel like the film was trying to squeeze an emotion out of me. A perfect example of this is when Naomie Harris as Little’s mom is screaming at her son. This could have easily been a scene where we feel like Paula (Naomie Harris’ character) is a terrible mother and that’s it, but the stylistic choices that are made lessen that effect. We can see Harris opening her mouth, clearly angry, but the sound is muted. There is this lovely, magenta pink lighting behind her. We know she’s angry, we know she’s not a good mother, but we see a glimpse of another side of her, one that’s softer, and it’s genius. This kind of restraint from full out drama and its resulting dimensionality is shown again and again and it adds a layer of reality to these films.
The cinematography of this movie is mindblowing. I remember thinking throughout the movie that I need to put all of the stills I can find on my Tumblr. The colors in all of the shots are so vivid, but not in an artificial way. There are no gimmicks, no impressive drone shots that show the skyline, everything is so up close and personal. It needs to be because so much of the movie is silent. With everything being so personal, I was surprised by how they got the characterization of the cities so perfectly. Though I cannot not attest to Miami’s depiction (all the articles I’ve read say it’s spot on), I definitely recognized Atlanta in the first few seconds. Right as they showed the exterior of Black’s house with the two set of stairs leading to separate apartments, I thought to myself ‘that looks a lot like Atlanta; they probably filmed there for tax incentives’ (which is really common i.e. Hunger Games, Passengers, Captain America: Civil War). Then, a couple minutes later, when Kevin is talking to Black on the phone he says he’s in Atlanta. I was able to glean that from one singular shot of a house. There is so much else to be said, but I am not an expert so read this article where James Laxton, Moonlight’s cinematographer, talks about the influences behind the aesthetics in TIME.
While I watched it, this movie just felt different. It subverts what we think movies should be and the way they should be filmed. There is no “plot” with a beginning, middle, and end. We see moving snapshots of the main character as he goes through different stages of life. The romance is not full of hair grabbing and passionate rolling around on the bed. We don’t even see the character’s faces during their first and only sexual encounter in the movie. We see a hand clutching the sand and Kevin stroking Chiron’s head. Most obviously of all, it tells a story of a gay black man, written by a gay black person, directed by a black person, acted out by black people, co-edited by a black woman. It’s not forced, and that is what makes it so special and so necessary.
My only real qualm about it is that I would have liked to see Mahershala Ali have more screen time because he was so excellent, but I admit that story-wise, it would have not worked out as well.
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The Proxy War Over a Top Biden Adviser
Win McNamee
The rise of a former deputy CIA director on Joe Biden’s transition team is drawing furious objection from the left—to the shock of her colleagues in the Obama administration, who believe Avril Haines’ record in government ought to endear her to progressives.
In late June, the Biden campaign announced that Haines, an attorney who served as deputy director of the CIA from 2013 to 2015, will helm the foreign policy and national security aspects of a potential Biden transition team.
To activists, security experts, congressional aides who are more left than liberal—as well as mainstream human rights campaigners and at least one ex-senator—Haines’ elevation is worrisome or unacceptable. She approved an “accountability board” that spared CIA personnel reprisal for spying on the Senate’s torture investigators, and was part of the team that redacted their landmark report. After the administration ended, Haines supported Gina Haspel for CIA director, someone directly implicated in CIA torture, a decision that remains raw amongst progressive activists. Until late June, she consulted for the Trump-favorite data firm Palantir, which emerged from the CIA.
Melina Mara/The Washington Post/Getty
“This is a pretty ominous signal about what is to come” in a Biden administration, said a Senate staffer who works on national security issues. “To have the deputy CIA director touted for her record in advancing human rights and respect for the rule of law I don’t think can be adequately squared with not only her record but her deliberate choices of advocacy.”
To Obama administration alumni who are more liberal than left, the antipathy for Haines is stunning. Haines was perhaps the leading voice inside the administration for restricting the drone campaign. She was “a voice of restraint on all counterterrorism issues,” said Harold Koh, the former State Department legal adviser. As deputy national security adviser, she was principally responsible for increasing refugee admissions against massive nativist headwinds. Haines, her old colleagues say, kept pressing to transfer detainees out of Guantanamo Bay when others conceded defeat.
Story continues
“When someone doesn’t get everything they seek inside the U.S. government, critics can say ‘that person is legitimating policy by improving it,’” said Samantha Power, the former ambassador to the United Nations, “but the fact of the matter is that more innocent civilians would have died and a far wider set of targets would have been pursued without the changes that she secured.”
The divide between liberal and left perceptions of Haines highlights a crossroads for the future of Democratic national security policy and for a prospective Biden presidency. Liberals tend to view Obama’s maintenance of the war on terror, however circumscribed, as unfortunate but understandable. A reinvigorated left views it as an epic, discrediting mistake. Behind its dissatisfaction with Haines is a fear that Biden will restore the Obama legacy, rather than expand its horizons to, among other things, rolling back the counterterrorism apparatus.
US President Barack Obama speaks before a meeting with the National Security Council (NSC) on February 25, 2016 at the State Department in Washington, DC. From left: National Counterterrorism Center Director Nicholas Rasmussen, US Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Joseph Dunford, Defense Secretary Ashton Carter, Secretary of State John Kerry, Obama, National Security Advisor Susan Rice, Attorney General Loretta Lynch, and CIA Director John Brennan, Director of National Intelligence James Clapper, Deputy National Security Advisor Avril Haines, and Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communication Ben Rhodes.
MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty
“As a general matter, I am somebody who believes in good process and I try to keep myself out of the spotlight. I can understand people wondering whether I am someone who can help to promote big change where it is needed, and for what it is worth, I believe I’m exactly the right person for making such change where appropriate,” Haines told The Daily Beast in a rare interview.
“Being someone who values good process doesn’t mean you don’t seek big shifts in policy—it just means that the change you seek, once achieved, is far more likely to be sustainable. And in a moment like the one we face today, with a president as unpredictable and disdainful of rational, evidence-driven decision-making as President Trump is, it wouldn’t be bad to have someone working to promote good process,” she continued.
A sign of her values, she added, came from her current work at Columbia University’s Columbia World Projects to “bring research and scholarship to bear on fundamental challenges we are facing around the world, such as inequality, access to energy, climate change, and maternal health.”
Haines is not part of Biden’s foreign-policy inner circle, like former Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken; ex-Pentagon policy official Brian McKeon; Jake Sullivan, Biden’s vice-presidential national security adviser; and Carlyn Reichel, his vice-presidential foreign-policy speechwriter. The campaign says she won’t have a leading role staffing the administration, despite a perception to the contrary on the left. Instead, she’ll convert Biden’s campaign pledges on those subjects into policies for the first year of his presidency. Many expect her to get a senior position in the administration.
“The transition operation will be focused on responsibly developing the readiness of a potential new administration to serve the American people,” said Ted Kaufman, the former senator in charge of Biden’s transition.
Interviews with nine former Obama officials, as well as admirers in the human rights community, echoed with paeans to Haines’ warmth, diligence and commitment to the law. As State Department attorney during the late Bush administration, Haines unearthed and shepherded through the Senate 90 languishing treaties. “Without Avril, the Bush administration would not have had this very good record on treaties,” said John Bellinger, Koh’s predecessor as State Department legal adviser. “I can’t think of a bad thing to say about Avril, I just think she’s a superstar.”
A detail to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee put her on the radar of Biden, then the chairman. By late 2010, she transitioned to the White House, where she was deputy legal adviser before ascending to the legal adviser’s job the next year. There she chaired the interagency lawyers’ group that would convene to consider the “targeted killing” enterprise—that is, drone strikes. She came to see it as operating without meaningful constraint and quickly partnered with White House counterterrorism adviser John Brennan, the CIA veteran.
David Hume Kennerly/Getty
“We wanted to make sure that the counterterrorism program and any type of lethal strikes that we might take would be very sharply caverned within a framework that made certain stipulations [and] criteria before any strike was taken,” said Brennan. “We all approached it from our various portfolios in a manner that limited the number of times that strikes would be authorized. Avril and I bore the scars of a lot of the pushback that we received from counterterrorism proponents that wanted to have more latitude in carrying out strikes.”
Koh, a contributor to the process, remembered Haines as a force for curbing the drones. “A lot of people characterize themselves as voices of restraint, but she really was. ‘That’s illegal, we’re not gonna do that,’ she would say. She showed guts,” Koh recalled.
Haines remembered pressing for a process that would ensure drone strikes would occur “only in the rarest circumstances, when it’s absolutely necessary.”
The result was Obama’s 2013 policy-planning guidance. It required “near certainty” that both someone targeted “is in fact the lawful target”—a standard that did not previously exist—and that civilians would not be killed. The drone attacks diminished. In 2010, the high-water mark of the bombardment, the CIA launched 122 strikes in Pakistan alone. After the guidance was issued, there were 61 Pakistan strikes in Obama’s entire second term. But while the drone attacks diminished, human rights groups, as well as relatives and survivors of drone strikes, disputed that civilians had stopped dying from the lethal activities in significant numbers. And while the drones were placed under restrictions, they persisted.
Haines supported restraint. She did not, she said, support abolition, which she did not consider “realistic.” Her former colleagues say that the only one who could have decided on abolition was Obama.
“The drone program existed and wasn’t going away. President Obama saw the risks of abuse in the program and tasked Avril with making it law-abiding,” said Power. “Avril sought to put a lethal instrument of U.S. power into a legal framework, to minimize the risk of civilian casualties, and to give a program shrouded in secrecy far more transparency.”
Andrea Prasow, the acting Washington director of Human Rights Watch, has resisted the war on terror since its inception. She credited Haines with increasing transparency around the drone strikes—though, in 2016, the Obama administration released a civilian death tally that human rights groups considered a cynical undercount—and said Haines did not share the “just-trust-us approach, ‘we’re the good guys’” that she saw from other Obama officials. At the same time, Prasow continued, “I don’t know how you reconcile the drone program with anyone who believes in human rights and international law.”
Haines said she “understood the concern expressed by some that the process that was put in place legitimized the program, but if you come to the conclusion that the program will remain in place, having a rigorous process and a clear, transparent legal framework that promotes accountability is critical, especially one we can live with as other countries begin to have access to such weapons.”
Brennan, Obama’s second-term CIA director, took Haines, an outsider and a lawyer, to Langley as his deputy in 2013, “to challenge many conventional wisdom or thinking or practices within CIA.” Asked what Haines’ legacy at the agency was, Brennan called her a “tremendous mentor and role model to young officers, especially to women,” as well as aiding with a structural overhaul unveiled in 2015 and ensuring CIA lawyers understood Obama’s counterterrorism restrictions. A different former senior CIA official, however, immediately answered, “she had that shit-burger to deal with”—meaning the Senate intelligence committee’s torture investigation.
Led by Sen. Dianne Feinstein, the years-long investigation found that the CIA torture was vastly more sadistic than known; useless for counterterrorism; and enveloped in an edifice of lies so extensive as to constitute a disinformation campaign against Congress and the public. The CIA, resisting those conclusions, took the fateful step of secretly accessing Senate investigators’ work product on a shared private network—enraging Feinstein—and requested the Justice Department prosecute lead investigator Daniel Jones. A CIA inspector general report said the agency personnel involved in the spying exhibited a “lack of candor” about the episode.
Haines played two roles over the report. First, she was part of the CIA team, supported by the White House, that spent months negotiating with the Senate over how much of the report to declassify. It infuriated Feinstein and her allies, who saw the purpose of the exercise as concealing the report’s findings. “My recollection was that Avril was pushing as vigorously as she could for minimal redaction,” said Denis McDonough, Obama’s White House chief of staff. Those recollections are not shared by others in the process, who remember Haines pressing to obscure the Senate narrative. Haines would not comment about it for this story.
“It was not my sense that her goal was to cover up torture,” said Human Rights Watch’s Prasow. “Was that the outcome? Sure.”
Second, Brennan appointed an “accountability board” to assess the intrusion. Its findings clawed back the CIA inspector general’s assessment, found no reason to discipline those who spied on their Senate overseers, and criticized the Senate. Brennan recused himself, leaving Haines to accept the board’s conclusions, which she did in one of her last acts before returning to the White House in 2015 as deputy national security adviser.
“I found the Board’s review and conclusions to be persuasive and consequently, I accepted their recommendations. I have no trouble believing that people disagreed with the Board’s conclusions or, for that matter, my acceptance of them,” Haines said. “Both Senate staff and CIA personnel felt passionate about the situation. Personnel on the agency side felt wronged, like the Senate staff had gone after them, and the people on the Senate side felt like the agency folks had spied on them. I honestly think both sides have a misimpression of the other side’s intent and I understand that others will not have come to the same conclusion. But again this has nothing to do with the RDI [Rendition, Detention, and Interrogation] report or the program and what I think about torture, which I believe is immoral and unacceptable.”
Mark Udall was a Democratic senator from Colorado on the intelligence committee when it finished the torture report. Asked about Haines’ role with Biden, Udall said: “If our country is going to turn the page on the dark chapter of our history that was the CIA’s torture program, we need to stop nominating and confirming individuals who led this terrible program and helped cover it up. I trust Joe Biden to ensure his administration’s intelligence agencies understand the grievous mistakes the CIA committed through its torture program and to only nominate intelligence officials who are dedicated to changing the culture at the CIA.”
U.S. Sen. Mark Udall (D-CO)
Doug Pensinger/Getty
Haines returned to the White House for what her colleagues consider perhaps her finest hour. The Syrian civil war and the so-called Islamic State prompted a dire refugee exodus. It also prompted a nativist backlash on both sides of the Atlantic. Republican governors, conflating ISIS with those fleeing them, refused to resettle refugees. Haines took charge of expanding the admissions. Ronnie Newman, a former NSC official, remembered Haines leveraging her CIA pedigree against intransigent security agencies. “She was able to say convincingly and persuasively not only we could live up to our humanitarian commitments but also keep the nation safe,” Newman said. “There were life and death consequences for people and that was what was great about working with her. Every refugee counted.”
Haines’ work raised refugee admissions from 70,000 to 85,000. As the Obama administration wound down in fall 2016, she got the admissions totals raised again, to 110,000 for fiscal 2017. In a speech to Human Rights First, Haines framed embracing refugees as a counterterrorism measure, since “when we support and care for refugees, we contradict [extremists’] message.” Ben Rhodes, one of Obama’s chief foreign-policy aides, reflected, “Not a single human being besides Barack Obama did more than Avril to get more refugees into this country.”
A record like that stunned Democrats when, in 2018, Haines joined a chorus of former intelligence officials supporting Gina Haspel for CIA director. To anti-torture activists, it was nauseating to permit someone who played a leading role in torture to run the CIA—and the inevitable consequence of suppressing the Senate report. As Democratic opposition to her nomination crested, the White House crowed over the ex-intelligence officials’ support.
For many on the left, this moment defines Haines. “Even in the Trump era, with the supposed ‘#Resistance’ rallying cry of congressional Democrats, that [Haines] went on the record and endorsed Haspel speaks to the depths of a commitment to a similarly lawless enterprise,” said the Senate staffer. Added the leader of a progressive nonprofit that works on national security issues who requested anonymity out of concern for professional reprisal, “Being where any decent person should be on a few issues doesn’t cancel out an endorsement of torturers.” Danielle Brian, the executive director of the Project on Government Oversight, said, “Her support was used by the administration to legitimize the nomination, and that’s a black mark against Haines’ record.”
Haines would not comment for this story about her support of Haspel. In an April co-authored piece for Foreign Policy, she observed that Trump’s long-predicted politicization of the intelligence agencies has manifested, something many of Haspel supporters backed her to prevent.
After the Obama administration ended, Haines took several academic and consulting positions. One of them was with Palantir, the data firm allied with Trump that, among other things, aided ICE in rounding up undocumented immigrants. According to Palantir, Haines consulted on promoting diversity within the company’s hiring from July 5, 2017 to June 23, shortly after her position with the Biden transition was announced. As The Intercept first reported, Palantir quickly disappeared from her Brookings Institution biography, smacking of a whitewash. Brookings told The Daily Beast that Haines’ office had requested an update scrubbed of non-active affiliations broader than Palantir.
Peter Thiel, co-founder and chairman of Palantir Technologies Inc.
Kiyoshi Ota/Bloomberg/Getty
“The vast majority of my work for Palantir was related to diversity and inclusion, with a particular focus on gender. For the most part, this involved visiting with different offices, talking to those in the workforce about their experiences, occasionally mentoring some of the remarkable young women who work there and suggesting ways in which they might promote diversity and inclusion,” she said. “This is an issue I feel passionate about and on which we need to do better not just at the CIA but across the national security workforce in government.”
Haines’ left critics consider her Palantir work egregious, swampy and a capstone for her career. “It’s interesting to do diversity for a company founded by Peter Thiel,” who has mused that womens’ political empowerment is a negative for “capitalist democracy,” observed Jeff Hauser of the Center for Economic and Policy Research.
“Those who engage in revolving-door for-profit national security firms like Palantir, there’s something redolent of the corruption the progressive left is fighting against,” said the Senate staffer. “We should absolutely be able to expect that a Democratic national security leader will both be humane as relates to refugees—and also not cover up for torture, promote torturers, and take paychecks from some of the world’s most malevolent corporations,” the nonprofit leader added.
More broadly, the concerns with Haines on the left underscore an exhaustion over Obama’s cautious embrace of the war on terror and a fear that Biden will continue it. Constraining the war on terror instead of dismantling it did nothing to confront the post-9/11 nativist security paranoia that Trump rode to power. Once he did, all the work Haines did to circumscribe the drone strikes vanished as Trump intensified the bombardment and returned it to the shadows. The 110,000-refugee ceiling she raised crashed to its foundations. All that remains is the war on terror.
“When we look at the continuities between Bush and Obama, we should be concerned that we’re going to return in a Biden administration to a kind of status quo. A return to transparency and legality is hardly enough,” observed Nikhil Pal Singh of New York University, author of Race and America’s Long War. “That’s just handing the baton back and forth between two types of approaches that are deeply flawed, unjust and provide no durable security framework.”
The leftmost Obama alumni want the Biden team to listen to the dissatisfaction and translate it into policy. “The main takeaway from this controversy is that the Biden campaign ought to reach out to progressives and hear them out on matters of foreign policy as much as it does on domestic social and economic matters,” said Rob Malley, president of the International Crisis Group and Haines’ former colleague on the NSC.
Haines said that’s what she wants as well.
“Yes, I’m absolutely open to it. There’s no question. What the Bush administration called the global war on terror and what the Obama Administration called the conflict with al Qaeda and associated forces, cannot simply exist forever on automatic,” she told The Daily Beast. “To the extent the concern would be ‘Is she somebody who represents just a return to the policies of the Obama administration, simply promoting constraint but not actually changing the landscape,’ that’s not a concern with me. We have to rethink things.”
Read more at The Daily Beast.
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Rap Music - The New Frontier? HipHopology 101
Move CALL
During the right on time to mid '70s, visionaries like Kool DJ Herc acquainted new thoughts with the manner in which music was played. Like some other music-adoring 'bredren and sistren' alongside myself, Kool DJ Herc was conceived in Kingston, Jamaica. Following the strides of Jamaicans that preceded him, he migrated to the Bronx, NYC and flourished. With a sound framework like no other, there was constantly a gathering when Herc spun records. People from all city districts appeared, and brought their companions. A large portion of them had encountered nothing like Herc's roar in the clubs or at 'square gatherings,' where he was an old neighborhood top choice. There'll be more on these special, parties somewhat later. Kool DJ Herc was one of those felines that was breaking new ground for quite a while, and propelled different DJs to go with the same pattern. Wherever Herc contacted down, he left an unmistakable imprint engraved in the psyches, bodies, and spirits of music darlings in and around the region dance playlist Afrika Bambaataa was homegrown in the Bronx. He is most popular for taking the radical, free groups of the Hip-Hop way of life and sorting out everything into a urban music society...and for being the principal rapper, ever. In 1984, he chipped away at the tune "Solidarity" with the as of late left Godfather of Soul, James Brown. (We're going to miss ya, 'Soul Brother #1.') By blending square gatherings with DJs and break-artists, he synergized all the fluctuating elements of Hip-Hop through his Zulu Nation. The Zulus taught downtown youth about their history and enabled them to be profitable residents. His ears were available to a wide range of music as he turned into an impetus for mixing cadenced styles from Africa with Funk, Go-Go, Jazz, Reggae, Rock, Salsa and Soca without precedent for music history.
Bambaataa's affiliations incorporated the Rock Steady Crew and Double Dutch Girls. There was additionally a shower painting spray painting craftsman who parlayed his affection for 'visual workmanship' into being the host of a well known show that drew in the psyches of America's Black and White youth. It wound up changing Rap music history everywhere throughout the world. Presently with a 'resigned' container of splash paint, Yo MTV Raps' Fab 5 Freddy was likewise a key player in the great film, "New Jack City." There'll be more on that caught minute in time somewhat later, after we wrap up with Afrika Bambaataa (and companions), and dive further into the part: there's some genuine meat in thar! That is what's up.
Afrika Bambaataa turned into a significant music maker in his own right. He invested a ton of energy signed in at Tommy Boy Records somewhere in the range of 1982 and 2005. While there, he created a colossal hit for the New York club and radio scene, 1982's "Out of control Sensation." To me, that melody characterized another period of music for both myself and the City of New York. "Crazy Sensation" assisted with setting up a way that many move music makers followed, well into the new thousand years. Another chronicled Rap name that Bambaataa put some time in with was Profile Records.
Profile was the home of a trio that made music history: Run-DMC and the late Jam Master Jay. Their narratives characterized the following influx of Hip-Hop and design by method for overflowed Fedoras, calfskin pants, blues pants, and loosened, Adidas tennis shoes. Throughout the winter, they brandished swims with hide around the hood. In New York winters of the 70s, we wore caps like Kangols (still well known) and 'Robin Hoods'(with side quills) on the vault. A few people preferred toboggins and ski tops for their 'veiling' highlight. Brooklyn later got a nom de plume Crooklyn. Our 70s design additionally comprised of beautiful silk shirts (Versace ancestors), polyester pants with sewed creases running down the sides called Swedish Knits, and ringer base Levis with zippers at the foot.
Squares (L-7's) wore no name 'rejects,' however our well known footwear included Converse All-Stars, red, dark and green Pro Keds, Pumas (my most loved were rust-shaded), PONY's, and shell-toe Adidas. We had intriguing abbreviations for the last two brands. "I could let you know, but..." you know the story. Thinking back now, I notice that Adidas kept a similar body style longer than the Ford Explorer! My New York winter-wear included snorkels, sheepskins, cowhides, 'Maxie' and 'Cortefiel' covers with delicate hide on the neckline; they were the anger. Individuals stalled out up (ganked) for them, as well. I once saw somebody snatch a companion's cap directly off his head - as the train entryways shut (this person was fast!)
A portion of my 'work of art' articles of clothing are as yet unblemished: a dark Robin Hood cap with a currently shriveled side plume, a beautiful, winged (large neckline) polyester shirt with a Disco topic on the front, my sky-blue secondary school graduation tuxedo, 'Mack' full-length Maxie coat (it looked great; mother made it), and dark Cortefiel coat are completely reserved some place around Area 51. Try not to ask me what I will do with them, however my jackets despite everything have hide around the neckline. Does "E.T.W." (Extra Terrestrial Wear) sound infectious to you? How about we check in with 'Surge' (Phat Farms), 'P-D' (Sean John), 'J to the Z' and 'Twofold D' (RocaWear), 'Fiddy' (G-Unit), and WTC (Wu Wear) for the last answer.
I'm being advised to nix the outing through a world of fond memories and adhere to the content, so it has returned to the first 'terrible young men's of 80s Rap. Run-DMC and Jam Master Jay opened up Pandora's crate with their great hit "Rock Box." I got a feeling of what was around the bend for Rock and Rap at an early stage: inspected 'guitar crunches' combined with 'dem phat Hip-Hop beats, boyee!' Then the precious stone ball uncovered another thing to me - up hopped Def Jam Recordings, LL Cool J, Public Enemy and the Beastie Boys, all utilizing overdriven guitar sounds riding alongside the large, profound 808 beat that caused vehicle trunks (and within your body) to vibrate.
Run-DMC and Jam Master Jay un-bound their Adidas and went on to re-make Rock bunch Aerosmith's great "Walk This Way," at that point welcomed the first rockers to get in on it. En route, Run-DMC sold 'two or three million' records. Out of sight was one Russell Simmons, pressing catches on his remote control. At that point he got a cellphone. Be that as it may, before bunches like Run-DMC made it to the game, there was one of the main significant alliance rappers- - Afrika Bambaataa. Goodness no doubt; alongside his gathering The Soulsonic Force, Bambaataa shot a weighty shot recognized as being 'most deliberately propelled' from the archives of New York's urban wilderness.
At the point when the exemplary "Planet Rock" hit Billboard's graphs (it hit the year 1982 out of a BIG as well), the melody extensively changed music history. It utilized a comparable mechanical, vocoder-like sound as the one found in Kraftwerk's crush "Trans-Europe Express." "Planet Rock" was a buffet of cool electronic sounds and Hip-Hop beats. Coincided together with tests from different records, it caught the consideration of music sweethearts found moving to the constant, out of control impression of this inconceivable new beat. Afrika Bambaataa's Electro-Funk style proceeded to impact the sound of music styles like Dance, Electronic, House, and Techno. On the off chance that a sound framework exists anyplace in the cosmic system, I anticipate that "Planet Rock" will shake it. Meanwhile, you can tune in out for this great hit on Internet radio, satellite radio, communicate radio, clubs and move parties all over the place. Nothing more needs to be said - next!
Imaginative personalities of amazing pioneers, for example, Russell "Surge" Simmons, Eddie Cheeba, Spoonie G, Lovebug Starski, The Juice Crew, Marley Marl, MC Shan and D.J. Hollywood are additionally among those credited as being key pioneers in the flood that brought Rap music and Hip-Hop culture to standard society. Numerous individuals may think the Sugar Hill Gang was one of a couple starting powers in Rap, however there were really numerous other hot carries on there pounding to acquire their levy
- like those partnered with Rush Productions. Surge was building a name for itself as a music advancement organization to be taken note. I'll clarify upon the transient ascent of the dynamic establishment which followed this occasion presently.
With affiliations all over the place and credits that incorporate the convenient presentation of Hip-Hop players like Kurtis Blow, Afrika Bambaataa and the Zulu Nation, Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five, Scott La Rock, DJ Red Alert, and incalculable different countenances covered up in the channels, Rush was determined to vanquish the world. The original of Rap and Hip-Hop brought forth an adoptive parent, Russell Simmons, notwithstanding all these other imaginative abilities. All things considered and as one, they assisted with concentrating the social inceptions and sound of this music for a developing world. The second-age pioneers of this new development would incorporate Russell's younger sibling Joseph, who alongside Darryl McDaniels and the late Jason Mizell, made up Run-DMC: the principal craftsmen of their sort to go platinum by selling a million Rap records on Profile Records. This was only the start; Def Jam Recordings was in transit.
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Dead End
I want to begin this sermon with a confession…I am sometimes quite prone to misplacing things. I have a childhood memory of searching around my parents’ house for my glasses, only to find them on my face. Last semester, in the midst of a hectic week, I panicked at the thought that I had locked my keys in my car. This seemed like the most likely explanation for the fact they were not in my left pocket, where I always keep them. This state of distress lasted for a few agonizing moments, until I realized the keys had been in my right hand all along. Just two days ago, while eating breakfast with a friend, I thought I had picked up his glass of water instead of my own. He asked me what I was looking for (I was scanning the empty table in concern) and then I realized he had been holding it the whole time. My friend told me how his family would tease each other about misplaced items by asking “Well, have you looked where you last put it?”
As infuriating as that “advice” is, it describes our natural human response to misplacing things. It is infuriating because we almost certainly already have looked where we remember last seeing it, or else we cannot remember, however hard we try. When we can’t find something in the most likely place, we begin looking elsewhere. But sometimes, it’s hard for us to get out of the rut of thinking it will be where we expect.
Jesus’ disciples were certainly dealing with expectations that had been shattered on the first Easter morning. In the midst of their pain and fear, one of them tried to return to where they had last seen Jesus, hoping to find some solace in expressing their grief:
John 20:1-13 – Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent down to look in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he did not go in. Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus’ head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. Then the disciples returned to their homes.
But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.”
Mary’s summary of events is, frankly, inaccurate at multiple points. She says twice “They have taken my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” While it is true that she doesn’t know where Jesus is, there is no “they” and “they” did not take Jesus or put him anywhere. We might wonder why the thick-headed disciples didn’t hear and understand Jesus’ predictions of his own death and resurrection; why they were so shocked and unable to have faith; why someone didn’t tell Mary “Don’t worry, Jesus will rise on the third day, and all will be well.”
Even if the disciples had this information, human beings are rarely so rational, however much we like to think of ourselves that way. Brené Brown talks about a helpful phrase for navigating emotions and relationships: “The story I’m telling myself is…” We always have stories running underneath our responses to people and the world around us; and the sobering truth is that these stories are rarely positive. We have stories that tell us we are incompetent, unloved, or unlovely; stories that whisper in our minds at night of what we stand to lose, reminders that even if things are going well, of course that will never last; stories that paint ourselves as hopeless cases or the world as a dangerous place characterized by scarcity, isolation, and violence. These stories are powerful, and they are rooted in our own experiences of pain. We all have what seems like evidence that they are true, some of us more so than others.
I think the story Mary is telling herself mirrors her own pain, and goes something like this: “Hostile people have done violence to Jesus and severed my relationship with him.” And she is right. This story happened to her just two days ago, and while the trauma is still fresh, now Jesus is not where he is supposed to be.
When we misplace things, we may be confused, frustrated, or even hopeless.
But what happens when we misplace God?
Sometimes we can be so sure exactly where God is; what God being real is supposed to mean for our lives, for the lives of others, for the world. We think we know what God is saying, how God is calling us, what God will do. We’ve put God somewhere, and knowing that gives us some kind of security. Because we think we know where God is, we have a story to tell ourselves. This is nothing new – the Israelites had Moses’ brother Aaron tell them a story like this when they were in the midst of uncertainty in the wilderness: “These are your Gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!” This human tendency has been present for all of history – we call it idolatry. We tend to think this God, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, will always line up with our ideas from yesterday about what tomorrow was supposed to bring.
When God no longer seems to be where we “put God,” we can be disoriented, doubting, panicked. We’re left with the choice to either keep hoping in that particular outcome, that understanding of the world and our place in it, that word or calling we thought we received from God, or to give up. Both options can feel like sitting in the dark. This is where our path has brought us; but we see no way forward. Where is God?
The day after the Notre Dame cathedral caught fire, James Martin shared these words:
“As the smoke poured from the medieval stone cathedral, flames leapt from the wooden roof and, in perhaps the most terrible moment, the ornate metal spire collapsed like a cinder, it was hard for many of us not to think of the suffering and death of Jesus. During his public crucifixion, just as yesterday, crowds of people looked on in horror—feeling powerless, overcome with grief and wondering what they could possibly do.”
Martin then poses the question burning in the minds of many: “Where was God yesterday in Paris?”
Just three days ago in Sri Lanka, believers flocked to church services on Easter morning. Of all the days of the year, and all the places we could go, we expect in church on Easter to be perhaps the time and place to meet with God. But these people were met with explosions that ripped apart their places of worship, as suicide bomber attacks targeted Christians and foreigners in churches and hotels. As of yesterday, the death toll has risen to 321, 45 of whom were children, with over 800 injured. And so we ask again: “Where was God?”
I think we often find ourselves asking this question in our own journeys, in struggles both catastrophic and mundane. Suffering takes many forms, but it gives us stories to believe, to build our lives and actions around, that are quite different from the stories God tells us. We ask, “Where is God?” and wonder when, if ever, God will come through in the ways we hope for.
When things go wrong, we often try to return to the familiar: to the old stories we told ourselves; to our old haunts where spectral memories promise false comfort; to the old questions we’ve pounded into the ground with endless pacing steps, back and forth, back and forth. “Where is God? Where is God? …Where is God?”
It’s easy for us to think we’re so different from those first confused, doubting disciples. But are we really any better? I wonder how often we live as if Jesus isn’t really alive, and go through our days without expecting him to be around the next corner, beckoning us to follow and obey, and inviting us to love Him through the person in front of us.
On Easter morning, the tomb no longer held Jesus. But it still had a hold on the disciples, and they needed him to raise them to new life. They couldn’t let go of the tomb, and each had to encounter a unique experience of Jesus that reached them individually through their own walls and tied them to each other in community.
So…what is your tomb? Where does the well-trodden path, walked alone while it is still dark, end? Where do we as individuals, as a community, say “God has to be here,” only to find ourselves reeling, until we are slumped in the dry emptiness of the cave? When all you can hear are the echoes of still, stale, dead air, what do the whispers say? What story has wrapped itself around your heart; what cold, rusted iron pulls you to the floor and will not let you stand?
When we have misplaced God; when we have walked our own path alone; when we have believed the wrong story; this is when we need God to show us something new. We are trapped, staring into the darkness: by God’s grace, we need to turn around.
John 20:13b-18 – [Mary said…]“They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” [She still can’t let go of that story she’s telling herself] Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni!” (which means Teacher). Jesus said to her, “Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord”; and she told them that he had said these things to her.
The stone rolled away, the empty tomb, the appearance of two angels, and even seeing Jesus was not enough to shake Mary out of the false story. It took the tender love of Jesus calling her by name to do that. Then she recognized him, and received a totally different story, a new vision of the world, a new self.
We need a better question, a better story. Parker Palmer describes this experience in a powerful way:
“As often happens on the spiritual journey, we have arrived at the heart of a paradox: each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around—which puts the door behind us—and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls. The door that closed kept us from entering a room, but what now lies before us is the rest of reality.”
We need to leave the tomb, turn around, and follow Jesus. There are at least two ways to ask the question, “Where is God?” The first is, I think, our default in times of suffering, fear, and confusion: we believe God to be absent, impotent, or uncaring; we are sure we put God somewhere around here, but are having the hardest time finding the place. The second is far more expansive, hopeful, and life-giving: we look expectantly for where God is moving and acting, where we are being summoned to step out in faith, how we take the next step with Jesus. The wrong question is “Where did I last put him?” The right one is “Where is he leading me?”
When it seems we are lost in the dark, and the things we had expected and put our hope in have come to nothing, God may be offering us an opportunity to step into what feels like a shockingly new story, but is really the inevitable continuation of what it’s been about all along.
When James Martin asked the fateful question “Where was God in Paris?”, he offered this response:
“The answer is: everywhere. God was there among the crowds kneeling, praying and singing…
God was there among the firefighters who selflessly rushed into a burning building that represents the spiritual heart of France. There is a parable right there. How much does God love us? As much as a firefighter who runs into a building on fire to save it.”
So I ask myself: What is the tomb I refuse to accept as empty, the place I keep looking to find Jesus when He is beckoning me from beyond death, to join Him outside in the garden? What is the story I am holding on to, the voice I am tempted to let define me instead of the voice of God?
And now I ask a question Jesus did when he was teaching his disciples: “What is God’s kingdom like? To what can I compare it?” God’s kingdom is like a person who has been trapped in a tomb, blank walls and darkness closing in on them, the dead end of death in front of them, who turns around and sees a whole world of abundant, vibrant, new creation life, full to the brim of the unexpected, surprising God who is Love. Because when we walk in the way of Jesus, death can drag us into the tomb, but when we walk out of it with him, death cannot follow.
Because when we walk in the way of Jesus, what looks like a dead end just might turn out to be the end of death.
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Top 10 Greatest Leonardo DiCaprio Movies of All Time
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We all love Leo for his promising performance. May he be a bad boy, a romantic boyfriend, or a mentally-ill child, we couldn't deny the fact that he's an incredible actor. Plus, he's the King of Freak-Out scenes! Now, let's find out his top 10 greatest movie roles of all time.
1. Titanic
His most popular movie performance of all is playing Jack Dawson in the award-winning 1997 movie, Titanic. This box-office, record-breaking movie that stunned millions of people across the globe has made a worldwide phenomenon that goes deep down in history. Besides the heart-breaking story of the tragic ship, there's also Leo and Kate's chemistry that binds the audiences into a more level of attachment. No doubt, it's still the summit of Leo's career, and one of the greatest old-school movies to come out of Hollywood in the last 20 years.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet committed to the film even before the script was written, on the basis only of a 165-page outline James Cameron had written.The hands seen sketching Rose are not Leonardo DiCaprio's, but director James Cameron's. In post-production, Cameron, who is left-handed, mirror-imaged the sketching shots so the artist would appear to be right-handed, like DiCaprio.Both Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio learned how to dance the polka for the scenes set at the party in the third-class compartments.Johnny Depp was offered the role of Jack Dawson, but turned it down, and considers it a big regret.
2. What's Eating Gilbert Grape
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In this emotional, tear-jerking movie, our young Leo plays Arnie Grape, who is a mentally handicapped teenager. He's the younger brother of Gilbert (Johnny Depp), who struggles to bring their family out of difficult circumstances. Leo's performance as a mentally disabled teen is so convincing, it'll make you think that he's definitely not normal at all. This movie brought our young Leo to his first Oscar-nominated role. It's just so sad that he won't be able to tell his "Mamma" about his Oscar award, because she won't wake up anymore.
Fun facts:
Leo said that playing Arnie Grape was "the most fun I've ever had."When getting into character, Leo remarked of it. I spent a few days at a home for mentally retarded teens. We just talked and I watched their mannerisms. People have these expectations that mentally retarded children are really crazy, but that isn't so. It's refreshing to see them because everything's so new to them."Leo created Arnie's trademark flicking his finger against his nose, describing it as a sort of "brain wipe...like Arnie is massaging the inside of his brain."Leo really did not bathe during the period in filming when Arnie refused to go near water!
3. Romeo + Juliet
Before Leo had the role of Jack in Titanic, he's already a hot icon for being the handsome, sexy, and romantic boyfriend that every single ladies dream of having. Set in the modern era, Baz Luhrmann's histrionic, gang-war-filled setting take on the classic play. Although Kate and Leo's chemistry is so much perfect in Titanic, it is undeniably true that Leo and Claire's pair up is also stunning.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio's version of Romeo's speech at Juliet's bier was so good it movedClaire Danes to tears, nearly ruining the scene. The moment the director yelled "cut!," Danes smacked DiCaprio on the arm and said, "Don't make me cry. I'm supposed to be comatose, here!"Leonardo DiCaprio was Baz Luhrmann's first choice to play Romeo.Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio initially did not get along well on set. Danes accused Leonardo DiCaprio of being immature, while Leo said Danes was just uptight.
4. Catch Me If You Can
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Who would've thought that this handsome, good-looking man is a fugitive? Not in real life though, but in Steven Spielberg's hit movie, "Catch Me if You Can". Leo is Frank Abagnale, a real-life con-man who traveled around the country and lived the high life as he impersonated pilots, lawyers, and doctors. Leo's acting from one character to another is just so promising, we'll all convinced that he's not just impersonating.
Fun facts:
To get her to achieve the way he wanted her to sloppily kiss Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg asked Amy Adams to pretend she was starving to death and eating a cheeseburger.According to the real Frank Abagnale Jr. approximately 80 percent of the movie is true.When Frank begins recruiting decoy flight attendants; when announcing the girls picked he announces the actresses by real name.17-year-old Frank tells Brenda he's 28 years old, which was Leonardo DiCaprio's true age when Catch Me If You Can premiered in 2002.
5. The Departed
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One of the most intense roles that Leo ever had was playing the role of Billy Costigan as a cop infiltrating the mob. Together with Matt Damon as a mobster infiltrating the police force, the film is an intricate, fascinating tale of competing cat-and-mouse games. However, the film director and his screenwriter infuse it with so much tragedy that it winds up becoming something almost mythic. But seeing Leo's performance is just so intense, in a totally unglamorous way by being a desperate man who almost loses his identity. It's one of his all-time greatest performances.
Fun facts:
Leo could've won an Oscar award for this movie. A possible reason why he did not receive an Oscar nomination for his performance in this movie was because the Warner Bros. Studios initially did not want to favor him over his co-stars and place him in the leading actor category. The studio favored his leading performance in Blood Diamond (2006) (which eventually got him a nomination). DiCaprio himself refused to campaign against his male co-stars in the supporting actor category, so Warner bought no supporting actor ads for DiCaprio, and he did not receive a nomination.Leonardo DiCaprio was cast in the title role in The Good Shepherd (2006).Leonardo DiCaprio called his one-on-one scene with Jack Nicholson "one of the most memorable moments of my life."
6. Django Unchained
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Playing the matured role of a slave owner Calvin Candie in a smooth and attractive way is definitely a credit to Leo's amazing talent. His dirty, racist, and demented heart on Quentin Tarantino's hit movie "Django Unchained" brought him into a remarkable role of being the bad guy playing his cards on a sophisticated way. This is a man who breeds and forces his slaves to fight each other, who has a weird fascination with France, and who is, at heart, a murderous psychotic.
Fun facts:
When Leonardo DiCaprio's character Calvin Candie smashes his hand on the dinner table, the actor accidentally crushed a small stemmed glass with his palm and really began to bleed. DiCaprio ignored it, stayed in character, and continued with the scene. Tarantino was so impressed that he used this take in the final print, and when he called cut, the room erupted in a standing ovation. DiCaprio's hand was bandaged and he suggested the idea of smearing blood onto the face of Kerry Washington. Tarantino and Washington both liked this, so Tarantino got some fake blood together.During the filming of one of the dinner scenes, Leonardo DiCaprio had to stop the scene because he was having "a difficult time" using so many racial slurs. Samuel L. Jackson then pulled him aside telling him, "Motherfucker, this is just another Tuesday for us."
7. The Basketball Diaries
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Another young Leo movie, this is just one of the many proofs that Leo was born to act. His role in the movie adaptation of Jim Carroll's memoir, The Basketball Diaries, is a big shift from playing the sweet, innocent, and mentally-challenged Arnie in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" to a high school basketball star, who eventually becomes broken, and worse, a homeless drug addict. But Leo's flexible character made him so amazing in this movie, which brought a dramatic atmosphere in his struggles as a broken teenager.
Fun facts:
The guy Jim talks to in the underground drugden, is the real Jim Carroll.Leonardo DiCaprio and Juliette Lewis previously appeared together in What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993).This is the first film with Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlberg. They would later appear together in The Departed.Jim Carroll was unaware of who Leonardo DiCaprio was at first. "When they first told me it was gonna be Leo, I didn't know who he was," Carroll told The Los Angeles Times. "If they'd said the kid from Growing Pains (1985), I would have known, because when I first saw that kid, I said, 'This kid has a lot of presence.' I said, 'That kid is very pretty. He's gonna do well.'"To prepare for his role, Leonardo DiCaprio hung out in Greenwich Village and went to a poetry reading with Carroll.
8. The Aviator
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This movie is another Martin Scorsese's. Leo plays the role of Howard Hughes in his early years of being an inventor, and at the same time, a bigtime millionaire businessman. He's facing a lot of problems in almost everything. As he tries to continue chasing his plans and dreams, there are times when he's about to get mad, and Leo's characterization on this part of Howard's life is truly convincing. He's definitely a great actor for this movie.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio spent a day with Jane Russell to hear her memories and impressions of Howard Hughes. She was very impressed with DiCaprio's visit and told him that Hughes was a quiet yet extremely stubborn man who always got his way in the end.Howard Hughes' Los Angeles home in the film was actually the home he lived on Muirland Drive.Leonardo DiCaprio received an Oscar nomination for playing Howard Hughes.Leonardo DiCaprio (standing roughly 6ft) is several inches smaller than the actual Howard Hughes (6ft4).
9. Revolutionary Road
This 2008 movie is kind of special, as Leo and his Titanic partner Kate were reunited for this adaptation of Richard Yates' classic novel "Revolutionary Road". This movie is mainly about suburban despair and two adults who realizes that life is not as easy as one-two-three. Contrary to their adventurous and colorful characters in Titanic, their roles in this movie is matured and somehow full of problems. Leo's excellent performance in this movie is his signature freak-out, where we're all stunned and scared for a moment as he burst out his anger and disappointment.
Fun facts:
While directing the love scene between Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, director Sam Mendes (husband of Winslet at the time) opted to watch the monitor from another room.This was the second movie Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet worked on together since Titanic (1997). Paramount Pictures, which distributed the early film in the U.S., was the worldwide distributor of this film.This film marked the second time Kate Winslet has been in a movie where she makes love in a vintage car, and someone's hand hits the window and slides down it in the throes of passion. The first time was in Titanic (1997).
10. The Man in the Iron Mask
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After the success of Titanic comes this movie. Leo, who played the sneering, playboy King Louis XIV with his long-imprisoned twin has become a hit after Leo's stardom in Titanic. Young Leo was so versatile, he was able to play two different characters in one movie! Besides, we can also see Leo in his elegant robes while hiding the fact that there's something more dreadful in those shiny dress.
Fun facts:
Leonardo DiCaprio's mask was made out of polystyrene.Louis XIV did have a brother named Philippe, but he was not a twin. He was several years younger, a flamboyant homosexual, and had the title Duc d'Orleans.MGM discovered the audience the movie attracted was "directly related to appeal of Leonardo DiCaprio", being 55% female and 46% under the age of 25.The film cast includes two Oscar winners: Leonardo DiCaprio and Jeremy Irons; and two Oscar nominees: John Malkovich and Gérard Depardieu.
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James Cd Case Packet: Mix Notes
alright here’s another long post about my song choices for this mix
THE HARDEST THING
i wanted another sh2 mix that was less industrial/hard rock than those tend to be so i made this. i have less to say about some of these songs because i feel some of it is a little bit more... self-evident?
i. the view - modest mouse
“If life's not beautiful without the pain / well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again / Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer / And it feels pretty soft to me [...] For every good deed done there is a crime committed”
i feel this one is just a good mood setter for how like... overall fucked up james’ situation is. his situation does stem from getting hit with something awful and tragic and struggling to deal with that. what really sold it for me was the “for every good deed done there is a crime committed” with the radio static-y distortions
“You loved her, right?”
ii. satin in a coffin - modest mouse
“Are you here right now / or are there probably fossils under your meat? [...] Are you dead or are you sleepin'? / God I sure hope you are dead. / Well now the blow's been softened / since the ocean is our coffin / Often times you know our laughter / is your coffin ever after.”
“ Or maybe... you hated her."
i wanted to do some more messing with duality via song choices, so here we have two songs by the same artist back to back. besides the fixation on death in this song, i chose it as the flip side of the love/hate issue with james and mary. after all, there are times james wished she was dead, weren’t there?
iii. my secret friend (remix) - IAMX
“Oh take me to the river / My secret friend / So we can swim forever”
setting up another duality, but this one is mostly mood. think of it as james entering silent hill - the eerie and vaguely foreboding mood of the song sort of captures the fogworld. also, water themes.
iv. vices - brand new
“Those days are dead / (forgive me) / We need vices to wave to the good old days / She said goodbye to the ground / She said goodbye to the ground”
wow it would be SURE NICE if this song could ACTUALLY PLAY ON THE MIX. anyways. this song starts out soft and gentle, like some old style song, and then shifts very suddenly into a much harder rock. that felt very appropriate. anyway the concepts of something lost and a need for vices, or sin/something carnal seems... very appropriate for james
v. kettering - the antlers
“I wish that I had known in that first minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you”
it’s the first in a series! honestly you could probably just put on the antler’s hospice album and practically call that a sh2 mix, but, you know. a lot of the themes are similar - the struggle of losing someone, dealing with the slow death of a loved one, the strained relationship that follows and abuse. while james and mary are nowhere near as unhealthy as the couple in hospice, at they end things definitely got bad. it still works very well
vi. get out (acoustic) - circa survive
“I can't get started from the part where I left off yesterday / Should've spent my time a little wiser / I sat alone guilty as sin waiting for words to come / From out of my head still making sense to anyone [...] Lock myself up in a room without a window just to see / If it was any easier to breathe / I was wrong”
i like this song for the sense of confusion from the weight of the burden. there’s a kind of self-destructive desperation in the pursuit of understand that honestly characterizes james’ pursuit of “mary”. also, suffocation themes. while the original version is more energetic and jarring, i felt the slightly subdued acoustic version was more appropriate here
vii. daisy - brand new
“I'm a river that is all dried up / I'm an ocean nothing floats on [...] Well if we take all these things / and we bury them fast [...] Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain / Like he knew it was time / to start things over again / It'd be all right, it's all right / it'd be easier that way”
james is a... conflicted person, and i like the chaotic mood of this song to represent this. there’s a sense of self-loathing and uselessness that really speaks to the heart of james’ character. the mix of wanting to move forward and also being stuck on the past and the easy route. also, water themes. also, another duality, since there are two songs by brand new
viii. my secret friend - IAMX (feat. Imogen Heap)
“My secret friend/ I'll take you to the river / My secret friend / So we can swim forever / In your skin / To die a little death / This time there's no code word / When everyday frays in hollow ends / Dream sweet love submissive”
the original version of the remix from earlier. this one feels a bit darker, more subdued, which i feel reflects how one’s perception of the town as you go along. i also like that this is a duet, which seems... appropriate. also, water themes.
ix. against the tide - celldweller
“Under the waves we're sinking like a stone / I'm sorry son, you're reaping what you've sown [...] This sorrow weighs down on my shoulders / This fear is getting harder to hide / You'll leave me alone in this darkness /Left to hold out /Against the tide”
james is crushed by the weight of his own actions. “you’re reaping what you sow” - this is, ultimately, james’ doing. maybe a song for pyramid head? anyway i feel the theme of this is pretty clear in its relationship to james. also, to beat a dead horse, water themes! this may also be the closest to the sh vocal track sound as this mix gets
x. holocaust - jordaan mason (original by big star)
“Your mother's dead / You're on your own / She's in her bed”
replace “mother” with “wife” and... well. the mood and feeling of this song is the most mary-ish of them all, and i chose it to capture the quiet misery and hopelessness of that whole situation. listening to this song doesn’t feel good in a really purposeful way.
xi. epilogue - the antlers
“I think you buried me awake (my one and only parting gift) / But you return to me at night / Just when I think I may have fallen asleep / Your face is up against mine / And I'm too terrified to speak / You're screaming / And cursing / And angry / And hurting me / And then smiling / And crying / Apologizing”
another song off of hospice. the scenario of seeing a dead loved one in a dream as a nightmare is... basically james’ silent hill experience? anyway i feel this captures more than anything the complexity of emotions going on between them during mary’s last day. as if the lines i quoted above aren’t basically the hallway conversation
xii. kings of medicine - placebo
“Don't leave me here to pass through time / Without a map or road sign / Don't leave me here, my guiding light / 'Cause I, I wouldn't know where to begin / I ask the kings of medicine / But it seems they've lost their power / Now all I'm left with is the hour”
this mix needed a song that was completely and purely just james’ grief. kings of medicine is an expression of - a healthier kind of grief, maybe? it comes at the end of the mix as james’ grief through the lens of the truth. or maybe in the past? but the explicitness of being lost without mary. i like just the pure power of this song
xiii. vindicated - dashboard confessional
“I am Vindicated / I am selfish / I am wrong / I am right, I swear I'm right / I swear I knew it all along / And I am flawed / But I am cleaning up so well / I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself [...] Just one touch and I'd be in / Too deep now to ever swim against the current / So let me slip away [...] Slight hope / It dangles on a string / Like slow spinning redemption...”
the thing about silent hill - about james’ story - is, at the end of it, there is a sliver of hope. i mean, more or less depending on the ending, but there is always the possibility of growth. of... healing? james reaches a point where he has the opportunity to move forward. mary forgives him, mary asks him to do what’s best for him/live for himself. that’s what this song is - the flicker of hope, the ability for james to become a better person. also: water themes!
xiv. wake - the antlers
“It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phones than to show my skin / because the hardest thing is never to repent for someone else / it's letting people in [...] Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you.”
how could i not end with another song from hospice? wake is the song that likewise has that glimmer of hope, but in this case it represents a move towards self-forgiveness. after all, mary is dead, her last will and testament is just the letter. it’s ultimately james who has to forgive himself. while uh there is a bit more legitimate blame in mary’s death, her illness was something that was never his fault. if the last song is the final boss battle and mary cutscene, this is mary’s letter
i could have included something to indicate at all of the endings (none of these, for example, really gesture towards in water or maria). there might be a slight lean towards leave, but i like to think it matches just the games’ mood in general. i have a few songs that were cut - most notably fever dreams by circa survive (replaced with get out), but most of my ideas made it on.
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