i'm imagining andreil during sophomore year with neil peeking over the side of andrew's bunk bed and asking "yes or no?" because he wants permission to sleep there for the night and kevin across the room ten seconds away from losing it bc he's been hearing that damn question almost every night since the semester started and he loves his roommates, he does, but he wants to scream at them to stfu and just go to sleep already

it's time for take your pick ✨part 2✨

6, 8, 20, 23

NEVER LET ME PICK SJSJSJ I was so stuck between 20 and 23 but I decided to do 23 in the end, I hope you like it PF. This is so short because I suddenly had the idea that I wanted to expand it so now this is probably going to be added to the wip list (of course it's another fake marriage one URG)

23 - pretending to be married for this high stakes heist is kind of distracting not gonna lie

Needing to work with other people to pull of this heist would've been bad enough, but the fact that Neil had been volunteered to be part of the married couple...he was not happy about it. He'd made that known the moment their assignments had been handed out, because not only did he have to be married, he had to be married to Andrew Minyard.

Why did he join the Foxes, again? Oh yeah, to avoid his father and pull off a few more heists before he was inevitably killed.

"I'm not pretending to be married to Andrew," Neil hissed to Kevin, a last attempt to avoid the inevitable.

"You're the only one that can sneak into the vault, and the only people invited to this party are married couples," Kevin said for the fifth time that day. "You have to be."

Neil glared at this duffle bag. "Why Andrew?"

"He was the one that got connected to the hit first," Kevin said, clearly tired. The car they were in slowed to a stop in front of the large house Neil would be staying in with Andrew for the months leading up to the actual heist. "Andrew will protect you, don't worry."

"I don't need protection," Neil snapped, getting out of the car as quickly as he could.

He and Andrew had clashed ever since Neil had first joined the Foxes, mostly because they were both assholes that couldn't resist trying to get a rise out of each other every chance they got. Neil's original plan when he joined was to lay low, but that had been impossible the longer he spent time around them all. All their past heists had led to this one: their biggest and longest one yet, needing time to gain the trust of their hit before stealing everything he had in his vault and the gigantic diamond chandelier.

This much would set Neil up for the rest of his life, allowing him to finally go underground for good, out of sight of his father. He needed this mission to go perfectly, and if that meant he had to pretend to be Andrew's husband...urg, he didn't like it, but everyone knew he was going to do it anyway.

The door to the house was opened the moment Neil walked up to it, revealing Andrew on the other side. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, his signature armbands on and an amused glint in his eyes. "Welcome home, dear," he greeted.

Neil smiled a bit too widely. "Glad to be back."

It was going to be a long few months.

~*~

Contrary to what Neil had originally thought, the months seemed to fly by. He also wasn't expecting Andrew to be such a...good husband, as weird as it was to think. He still couldn't believe that he was technically Neil Minyard-Josten for the time being, and that he was slowly getting more comfortable with it.

Maybe it had something to do with having to get to know Andrew. Or the practice dinner parties they had to attend now that they were getting more solidified in their hit's inner circle. Or the fact that despite the size of the house they were living in, they never seemed able to avoid each other. Neil had planned to stick to the room he'd been given and avoid Andrew as much as he could, but it was impossible.

The more they talked, the more Neil realized they had just a bit more in common than he'd originally thought. They spent more nights together, trading truths and talking about random things, or sometimes just in silence. Neil felt content when they did that, finding some semblance of safety he was sure he'd never had before.

Tonight, they had finally started talking about their plans following the heist. Andrew said he planned to use his share to finish getting his brother through school, then use the rest to settle down somewhere, to find a genuine home of his own. Maybe get a cat. Neil liked the idea of it, and then decided to tell Andrew the truth: he would go underground.

Andrew's eyes flashed when he said that, something dangerous. Neil held his breath as Andrew hummed, processing what had been said. "What would it take to make you stay?" he suddenly asked, gaze firm, trapping Neil in place against the couch.

"What?" Neil asked.

"Name it, and it's yours."

Neil wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure if there was anything attainable for him to have that Andrew could offer. He thought for a moment, mouth opening and closing as he tried to lock down something that wouldn't be too outrageous of an ask.

"I don't know," he finally said.

"You do," Andrew argued. "Anything, Neil."

"I can't ask for it."

"Because you convinced yourself that?" Andrew asked. He waited for another moment, then grabbed his glass and stood up, starting to walk away. "I don't say things I don't mean."

Neil felt like he'd been run over as he processed Andrew's words, but by the time he finally understood their meaning, Andrew was gone.

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 8) ft. wymack (+ a bonus)

part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 || i'm actually feeling kinda sad that this is the last part but also my brain can't come up with more ideas lmao

wymack stands by the fact that he doesn't get paid enough to deal with andrew and neil's shit (both as separate idiots and together)

but he does care for all his foxes, despite all the... difficulties that surround them

and honestly? one of the biggest struggles he faces is how absolutely thick-headed and oblivious the foxes can be regarding andrew and neil's relationship

truly, the heart-eyes neil constantly gave andrew were so obvious, he's not sure how everyone missed them before

but because he's so observant, he doesn't fail to notice how the older foxes keep giving strange looks to neil whenever he leaves andrew's side now

wymack doesn't get in the way of his foxes' personal lives. but if they start causing disturbances on the court, it's his job as coach to get to the bottom of these issues

(okay, maybe he and dan catch up on the so-called "drama" in the team every few weeks but it's for completely exy-related business. ahem. of course)

one day, wymack corners neil and lets him know that he and dan were to meet in his office after practice to talk through some logistics for the winter banquet

neil agrees, and practice goes smoothly (or, as smoothly as it can go with the foxes)

but after practice is... interesting

wymack swears he had no ulterior motives planned with the meeting; it really was supposed to be a genuine discussion

but the outcome of it was certainly unexpected

he and dan both know to wait for neil, that he doesn't like changing in front of anyone

so they wait. and wait. and wait.

it gets to the point where it's nearly 45 minutes after practice and surely neil should be done at this point, no?

wymack gets up, fully prepared to break down the door to make sure neil is okay when suddenly it slams open

neil tumbles out hand-in-hand with andrew, with matching flushed faces and ruffled hair

wymack sighs

dan outright snorts, and neil's head jerks up and his eyes widen when he notices dan and wymack

but before he can say anything, dan stands up and grins at andrew

"fucking neil again, huh?"

neil chokes on a cough and wymack turns to dan with a groan when he notices the mischievous glint in her eye, almost like that was an... inside joke?

with minyard?

wymack is very confused

andrew just scowls at dan. "i will knife you and make it look like an accident"

neil is still recovering from his coughing bout, so wymack turns back to the stabby midget ready to reprimand him

"i'm not scared of you anymore, remember andrew?" dan's eyes are still bright as she tries not to laugh

"shut up, both of you" wymack interrupts their weird jokes conversation whatever gruffly. "neil, do you remember why we're here?"

"huh? OH. oh shit. drew, i'm supposed to be talking with them about some winter banquet stuff"

andrew considers this. "how long?" wymack tells him about an hour, and andrew nods and turns to neil. "i'll stay"

neil just rolls his eyes. "you have a paper due tomorrow that you haven't even started yet. go do that, i'll be fine"

wymack sighs. he's been doing a lot of that lately. "minyard, go finish your homework or i swear to god, i'll make you run three marathons next week"

andrew glares but mutters out a "fine." he goes to leave but neil tugs him back by the wrist

neil then proceeds to kiss andrew on the nose and gives him the most bashful smile wymack has ever seen on the kid's face

neil's happy. it's a christmas miracle! and it's not even christmas yet!

and that kiss... really, it was the last thing he expected out of neil and andrew but he's happy at how comfortable they've grown around each other

and okay, it was a little adorable

(not that he'd ever say that to their faces, of course)

andrew ends up stumbling out of the court with the reddest face wymack's seen as neil turns back to him and dan

"right" he says sheepishly. "banquet?"

BONUS:

abby doesn't believe it when david tells her about the nose kiss

she knows that neil has a heart of gold, she knows that andrew has so much capacity to feel

but a nose kiss? she doesn't think andrew would agree to that

so when her older foxes come over one night after a tiring, but successful, game, she decides she needs to see this for herself

after a hearty dinner, all the kids are sitting in the living room, with andrew and neil talking quietly in the back corner of the room.

perfect.

"neil!" abby calls, and everyone in the room quiets to look at her. "sweetheart, could you help me bring out the dessert?"

nicky immediately jumps up from beside her, saying how he could help if she needed it

"no no, it's alright, i was hoping to talk to neil, if that's okay? it might take a little while"

neil looks extremely worried at this and abby almost feels guilty.

almost

he glances at andrew and then he leans down so quickly that abby nearly misses it

neil kisses andrew on the nose.

abby barely notices andrew's bright blush, nor does she register neil moving towards her

she just feels so proud of her foxes for coming so far in a world that keeps trying to beat them down

it's a sentimental moment, which is completely ruined by kevin's woop and nicky's yell of glee

"YES BITCH THEY DID IT THEY DID THE KISS GIVE ME YOUR MONEY ALLISON"

"fuck you hemmick. fuck you"

neil looks at them wildly. "you guys were betting on us? i didn't think you would..."

matt sighs and slings an arm around his friend. "oh neil, do you still really think that low of us? we bet on everything"

JSKHKKSJ OK IT'S FINALLY DONE i already miss this series but it has been a fun time :) my asks are always open if y'all have anything specific you want me to write !

Part 2 of the post that was supposed to be a one shot inspired by @knandersonart ‘s art on Instagram (I have too many ideas for it to be left as a one shot, babe, I’ve got a whole book planned)

TW - abuse, anxiety and mentions of Dr*ke

Kevin had been at Palmetto for over a year now; alone and in fear. He tried hard to fit in with the upperclassmen but his short temper and constant panic left a huge gap between them that no one had tried to fill. He tried to get close to his father too but he knew that he’d never be able to tell him who he really was to him; he knew that his dad would only turn him away like Riko said. Kevin tried to keep in contact with Neil but their texts and calls had gone from one a day to one every few months. Everything was falling apart and all Kevin could do was watch as he fought like hell to climb back to the top. And the top is where he is now, but this time the podium he’s standing on is for him only, Riko can’t pull him down. Until Kevin’s alone with his thoughts, then he remembers how small he is against Riko’s power and ruthless abuse. Kevin felt himself slip further into the darkness around him when the championships were announced, something to finally concentrate on and a place where he’ll finally be with his Neil again; even if they’ll be against each other.

Kevin stared blankly at the empty bus seat in front of him as he sat at the back of bus alone; distantly listening to the upperclassmen’s idle conversation as the foxes made their way to the banquet. He couldn’t sit still as fear warred with excitement in his tight chest. He placed his AirPods in and called Neil, knowing that he’d see him in less than an hour but couldn’t wait to hear his voice. He grumbled to himself when it went to the voicemail and hung up, choosing to listen to his music instead as he watched the scenery pass by in a colored blur through the window.

Kevin was last off the bus and he stood behind the other foxes as Wymack opened the storage compartment on the coach, passing their outfits to each player. Matt tossed Kevin his dark green suit before turning back and catching his own suit before it hit the ground. “Jesus, Coach, this cost me a lot of money”, Matt smiled despite his words and smoothed down his suit. Wymack retorted dryly but Kevin didn’t hear what was said as he already turned and made his way towards the stadium; his body buzzing with a distant memory of Neil’s body close to his. He pushed his way into the locker room with a sign reading: ‘Palmetto Foxes’ written in black sharpie. He quickly threw on his suit with his back to the others, ignoring Nicky’s wolf whistle as he moved to the mirror to smooth down his forest green blazer. “Where are you going, hot stuff?”, Nicky winked with a laugh as Aaron groaned and turned away from his cousin. “I’ll be on the court”, Kevin muttered as he left the locker room and walked as fast as he could to the court. It pained him to see a perfect court being used as a dance floor and dining area, but he wasn’t here to be disgusted. He opened the court door as he felt a stern hand on his shoulder causing him to flinch and duck down. “Don’t worry, it’s only me”, Wymack pulled Kevin back up and turned him so that they were facing each other, “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay before you walk into the lion’s mouth”. Kevin looked up into his father’s eyes and blushed in embarrassment at the raw worry that he saw. “I’ll be fine as long as we’re not near Riko or Tetsuji”, he wrung his hands together and tapped his foot impatiently. “I’ll keep an eye on you, kid and if you’re worried in any way come straight to me, okay?”, Wymack gave a fierce squeeze of Kevin’s shoulder before pushing him through the door. Kevin turned away and made his way over to where the seating charts were. He ran his finger down the sheet until he found the Foxes’ name and made his way to the back table, freezing as Riko stood from their shared table. “Kevin, welcome home”, Riko announced in Japanese, spreading his arms in a vicious gesture of a hug. Kevin gulped and clenched his hands before taking a deep breath and making his way over to the table. “Riko”, he muttered as he sat down opposite Neil, relaxing as Neil wrapped their ankles together, “the rest of my team are just coming”. Riko barked a shrill laugh as he sat down and leaned towards Kevin, “me and Jean were just talking about how we’re surprised you guys made it into the championships, what with your small number of players”. Jean looked up and sent Kevin a subtle shake of his head, mouthing a small ‘I’m sorry’. Kevin sent a small smile back before turning to Neil, ignoring Riko’s annoyed frown. “Hi”, he whispered, running his ankle up to Neil’s thigh. “I’ve missed you”, Neil replied in French, reaching down and squeezing Kevin’s ankle under the table. “Hmmm, so we’re doing this now? Speaking other languages so I won’t understand”, Riko nodded slowly before laughing and curling a large smile, “your mother would be so disappointed in your disobedience. If you’d shut up we’d all hear her turning in her grave. Even though we’re so far away from her”. Kevin tensed and clenched his jaw, trying not to give Riko the satisfaction by showing his anger.

“Riko, it’s so lovely to meet you, Dan Wilds”, Dan led her team to the table and scraped her chair back, sitting down with her hand extended to Riko. Riko looked at her hand in disgust before shaking it with a fake smile, “I hope you’re looking after my Kevin for me”. Matt sat beside Dan and laughed sarcastically, “he’s not yours anymore, he’s ours”. Riko dropped Dan’s hand onto the table with a thud and turned to Kevin, “weren’t you just telling me how much you hated this team and that they’ll never win the championships?”. Kevin sat up straighter and smiled, “no, I wouldn’t say that and do you know why, Riko? Because although these aren’t the best players, they’re the strongest I’ve ever met. They use their teamwork to push back and fight to win their deserved place at the top. You won’t be smiling so wide when we beat you and win the championships”. Riko’s smile fell and he grabbed Kevin’s left wrist in an iron grip, “don’t fucking push me tonight, remember that you’re my pet. I won’t hesitate to put you down, do you hear me? One wrong move and I’ll bring your whole team down with you, see if you’re so brave then”, he growled in rapid Japanese. Nicky looked between the two before placing his hand over Riko’s and digging his nails in deep, “I’d advise you to take your hands off of him or I’ll break it off”. Kevin turned to Nicky in surprise and was shocked enough to let his long lost genuine smile get plastered across his face. Riko pulled his hand away and glared at Kevin, “you’ve deluded these jokes into thinking that they’re better than they are. You’re getting cocky, Kevin, what will you do when they turn you away like they inevitably will?” Andrew elbowed Neil to get him out of the way and leant on Neil’s hunched back, “now, now, Riko, let’s not throw your toys out of the pram. I told you what I’d do if you messed with my family, do you really want to test my word?”. Riko tensed and slowly turned to face Andrew, “One more word, Andrew and I will get an old friend over to play with you. Drake must miss you”. Andrew flinched at the name and let out a long medicated laugh, “try me” he growled. Neil shouldered Andrew off and stood up, ignoring Riko’s glare, “I’m going to the bathroom, try and fucking stop me”. The foxes watched in silence as Neil left the room without a single glance back to the table. “Your pets aren’t as loyal as you thought, are they?”, Dan asked and she tapped her nails against her glass, “must suck when everyone turns their back on you”. Riko growled in annoyance, hating how he’d lost control of the situation and his words were thrown back at him. Kevin stood up quickly, knocking his chair onto the floor with a loud clatter as he left the table, half running to the bathroom and ignoring Wymack’s shouts of concern.

“Neil?”, Kevin called into the seemingly empty bathroom, pushing open the stool doors slowly. “I really did miss you”, Neil walked around from the corner of the room and stood on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Kevin’s neck, “I actually missed your irritating shouting and obnoxious presence on the court”. Kevin let out a small huff as he brought their lips together, smiling into the kiss of ‘hello’. “I hate you”, he whispered into the kiss, knotting his fingers in Neil’s orange hair. “Sure you do”, Neil replied, purring as Kevin tugged lightly on his hair. Kevin pulled away first and stared down into the ocean blue eyes before him, the auburn eyelashes fluttering his eyes back open. “Neil”, Kevin started but Neil let go and walked away to the sinks, “please just hear me out”. Neil sighed and turned on the tap, “Kevin, not now, can we just have this moment? Stop trying to ruin everything”. Kevin frowned and followed Neil, leaning his hip beside him at the sink, “I don’t ruin everything”, he muttered. Neil placed his hands under the tap, refusing to look up at his pouting boyfriend, “you know that’s not what I meant”, he sighed and dropped his hands to the bottom of the sink, “I can’t come back with you”. Kevin groaned in annoyance and pushed off of the sink, pacing his way back to the stools, “why not? Why the fuck not, Neil? Nothing is stopping you and even if something was you wouldn’t care anyway”. Neil turned the tap off and slammed his hands against the ceramic, “for fuck’s sake, Kevin, are you being obtuse on purpose? If I could go, I would. Do you think that I enjoy the nest? Do you think I like you being so far away from me? Because I fucking don’t, it’s hell”. Kevin laughed flatly and crossed his arms, half turning away, “you can come with me, you just don’t want to”. Neil pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sighed heavily, “why do you always twist things? Listen to me”, he dropped his hands and marched over to Kevin, pulling his arms apart forcibly, causing him to flinch, “listen, I hate not being without you, okay? And I know it makes you cringe when people talk like this, but I can’t live without you and I hate to admit, I really do, but I need you. I’m trying so hard to get out of there so you’re not alone anymore and Andrew’s helping too. We’re so close to getting out, we just need to be patient and wait a little longer before we can be with each other again, okay?”. Kevin dropped his head and Neil stood on his tiptoes so their foreheads could touch. “I hate being alone”, Kevin whispered, “I’ve never been alone before. When my mom found out who Tetsuji really was, who his family were, she exiled us to Ireland and never let me leave her sight. She took me everywhere with her, not even trusting teachers to look after me at school. But she left to go to the shops in the next town whilst I was sleeping and Tetsuji paid people to stage a fatal car accident. After that day I was with Riko and he wouldn’t let me leave his sight either, so I don’t know what to fucking do. I’ve never been alone before”, he sniffed and let out a small whimper. Neil gently placed his hands either side of Kevin’s face and placed a small kiss on the tip of his nose, “you’re not alone, I’ll never let you go”. Kevin lifted his head and turned to look away, “but you are leaving me alone”. Neil shook Kevin’s head and pressed his own head against Kevin’s ribs, “I’m trying, I really am”.

They stood in silence as Kevin hesitantly wrapped his arms around Neil’s shoulders. “I know you are, I’m sorry, I’m just scared”, he placed a gentle kiss atop Neil’s head and rocked him side to side slowly. Neil hummed and looked up, taking in his boyfriend’s worry filled eyes, “that color looks good on you”. Kevin frowned and looked down at his suit, “I wanted to wear red but I don’t really suit it”. Neil snorted and pulled away, turning to walk to the bathroom door, “you suit red, Kevin, trust me”. Kevin watched as Neil left the bathroom with a wink and couldn’t help but feel alone once again, a heavy feeling weighing on his chest. “Thank you”, he whispered with a small smile to the space Neil left behind as Riko kicked open the door with two broad shouldered Raven players behind him.

The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.

Extra Content Part 1

Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.

Head over to the directory to find the main parts.

Words in italics are spoken in Mandarin by the characters.

This is sort of extra content, it’s not a main part and no, I promise it won’t be as bad as Nora’s extra content is.

Eric liked to believe he was a pretty chill guy. There were very few things that could really affect him emotionally, he rarely got angry, and he raised his voice even less.

But somehow, Kevin Day had the ability to turn it all upside down.

He could remember the first time they’d met very vividly. Back then, he’d thought that Kevin was nothing more than a stuck-up celebrity, who apparently didn’t have time for those he considered inferior.

However, Eric found that he enjoyed riling Kevin up.

And secretly, he also enjoyed when Kevin himself wouldn’t go down without a fight.

When they started spending more time together, Eric couldn’t help but want to find out more about him. It was clear there was a lot more behind that cold façade.

From the yakuza story, the pretend dating, that kiss in the attic and eventually, the ‘break up’, Eric was not sure what to think anymore.

He knew he felt something for Kevin.

Correction.

He knew he very much wanted to take the ‘pretending’ out of the ‘dating’.

Despite everything, Kevin didn’t seem to have the same idea. Eric knew he’d been through a lot, but there was only so much he could tolerate. Perhaps when the two of them would eventually cool down, they’d be able to at least stay friends.

“Perhaps this was a waste of our time after all.”

That’s what he’d said before rushing out of the restroom, leaving the striker behind. He’d figured that both of them needed space and time to think things through.

Neil Josten hadn’t been very willing to give Eric his space, though.

The short red head followed Eric outside, saying nothing at first. Eventually, Eric stopped and turned to look at him.

“Is there a particular reason you followed me outside?”

Neil shrugged and then pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pockets. He held it out to Eric first, who shook his head, before taking one from inside and lighting it up.

“Let me guess-,” he started and took a drag, letting the smoke out before he spoke again, “- Kevin is being an idiot again.”

Eric ran his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, not sure how to respond to that. Kevin hadn’t been an idiot. He’d just been incredibly blind and stubborn.

“You’ll get used to it. He’s like that. It takes him some time,” Neil said and blew out more smoke.

Eric didn’t at all doubt that. It was clear Kevin’s mind worked in patterns that were hard to break. But was Eric willing to sacrifice his own sanity in trying to help Kevin?

“I figured. I’m not sure if I’m the one suitable to be there for him.”

Neil’s snort caused some smoke to blow out through his nose.

“I’ve never seen Kevin like that. Lying to Andrew and skipping Exy practice to go to the rink at night with you? Even going there willingly in the first place? Trust me, whatever it is you’re doing is working wonders already.”

Eric wasn’t so sure about that, since he had just left Kevin alone in a restroom after he had literally returned Kevin’s words against him, telling him he’d been a waste of time.

“What do I do?” Eric asked, almost desperately. He didn’t want to mess this up. He definitely did not want to become another reason why Kevin was cold and closed off.

“Give it some time. We’ll handle it. I’m sure you’ve seen what the foxes can do if they get too stubborn.”

Oh, Eric had. The Exy team of the Palmetto State Foxes had risen from the bottom of the ranks and won the championship, in an impressive way to say the least.

“Fine.” Eric wasn’t sure if he liked how this gave him hope, but he decided to hold onto it regardless. He was already too deep into this to be able to back out. He didn’t want to give up on Kevin, but he couldn’t be the only one doing most of the work.

“Where are you planning on going? Not the hotel I suppose,” Neil said and then threw the cigarette down, stepping on it.

The last thing Eric wanted was to spend a whole awkward night sharing the same bed with Kevin. In any other case, it might have been something to look forward to, seeing how he had imagined that scenario many times. But not like that. Not with the two of them barely exchanging any words.

“No. I’m leaving. Figured I should give us both some space. A lot has happened these past months. Maybe the winter break is all we need,” he said with a shrug and then shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll head back to my parents’ place. Was already planning on it. I’ll just show up earlier.”

Eric wanted to give Kevin time and space, wanted to believe Neil. He generally wasn’t the pessimistic kind of person so it was easy for him to cling on the hope that Kevin and him could have something more. Something real.

Going home, he thought, would help him forget and clear his head for a couple of weeks.

Except, it didn’t.

His childhood best friend, Riley Pierce, wasn’t exactly keen on letting Eric forget about Kevin. Mostly because Riley had been obsessed with Kevin growing up. They weren’t a sports person, but they were an Exy fanatic.

And there was no chance they would let Eric forget that he’d started dating national champion Kevin Day without telling them anything.

Two days prior to leaving his home town in Atlanta for the start of the new semester, Riley still wouldn’t drop the subject.

“I can’t believe you went on dates with him. What is he like? I mean, I know you hate him, but really, you went on dates with Kevin Day.”

They were gliding across the ice of their neighborhood rink, a regular hang out spot for the two of them. Riley’s smaller frame and hate for physical violence led them down the path of figure skating instead of playing ice hockey with Eric.

“It was fine,” Eric mumbled, though his mind went straight to the nights spend in the attic. “He is-,” he stopped, knowing he couldn’t start talking about Kevin without Riley figuring out the truth. He had tried to avoid it throughout the holidays, but now it was just the two of them and Eric had no idea how to change the subject.

“Wait-,”

Too late.

Riley halted and made Eric do the same, watching him and studying him the way no one else could. Growing up next to each other was the cause for that.

“You actually like him. It wasn’t just fake dating for you, was it?”

Eric sighed and eventually gave in, nodding slowly. “He is... not used to this. We had a fall out and I figured out that giving him some time might help clear things out.”

Riley’s expression softened. They smiled and then crushed Eric in a hug that almost had them both tripping over the ice.

“If anyone can figure it out, it’s you. Even if sometimes you are a bit thick in the head. I’m telling you; ice hockey isn’t good for you.”

That had Eric laughing, lifting his spirits a bit. Riley pulled back and patted his shoulder.

“Look, Kevin Day or not, at the end of the day, you should do what makes you happy. If you want to be with him and think it’s going to work out, I know you can do it. If not then, well, you have my shoulder to cry on. Or you can tell Kevin I’m very much available.”

They grinned and Eric rolled his eyes but smiled fondly.

“Thanks, Riley.”

Eric knew he had his family, his team and his best friend whom he could count on. He couldn’t help, however, to worry about Kevin and how he spent the winter break. Sure, he had his team, he had people surrounding him, but was he still punishing himself?

Riley eventually suggested they go back for dinner at Eric’s place. They gathered their stuff after they got off the rink and then started heading back.

“Mom?” Eric called as they walked inside the house.

“Eric?” His mother asked as she looked at them from the living room, immediately walking over to them to welcome them. “You are back! Good. Someone very special is here to see you.”

The smile on her face had something mischievous about it that instantly got Eric’s attention.

Eric heard Riley squeal even before he spotted Kevin Day, sitting on the couch, watching him with bright emerald eyes.

kandreil but like kandrew and/or kevneil happens before andreil pls and thank you???

hey there!! so. writing this was actually quite satisfying. we deserved kandreil endgame fuck you and everything forever. this turned out a but long tho :/ around 1400 words or so. i feel so powerful. anyway thank you for joining my mini and kinda mediocre celebration!!!!!!!!!

edit: also on ao3

Kevin Day had always been a very organized and clean individual. He kept his stuff in place, and he tried to do the same with his head, no matter how poor the results usually were. His clothes were always folded the same, his books were alphabetically and thematically ordered. He also organized his memories very well, folded them in his mind, categorizing them as good, bad, in between, and the ones to never be revised again.

He had exactly four favorite memories.

The first one was blurry, warm colors and it felt dusty, old, like a sepia photograph. This was how he remembered his mother, bright and radiant under the sun, paler than Kevin himself but the same green eyes, with an exy racquet in her left hand, her head held high and a proud smile after Kevin had scored for the first time.

The second memory was a quiet one, Kevin getting a french word horribly wrong and Jean laughing— actually laughing at him. Between dark rooms and broken bones, Kevin had managed to make Jean laugh.

The third one was one he placed together. An old letter, the first sight of a tall man with the same smile as Kevin, the word 'father'.

The fourth one was the one that filled him with grief, but made his chest feel warm every time. His first kiss with a dead boy, or as well as. Kevin didn't think about Nathaniel often, except he did. Frightened eyes, almost Kevin's height, not one bit of shame, but a peck on the lips that was shy.

Nathaniel had been with Kevin and Riko for a month on probation. He had disliked Riko, despite Riko's efforts to be likable and accepted. Looking back, Kevin felt kind of bad for him and left him thinking, that should have been the first clue. Nathaniel had adored Kevin, though, and Kevin used to melt under the attention that had always belonged to Riko. And it seemed like it would last forever, Nathaniel being their third one, for better or for worse. But Nathaniel disappeared overnight and it took Kevin a whole year to understand that he wasn't coming back. It wasn't meant to be that way, but it was. Someone always leaves first. This was the reason he left Riko. Like Nathaniel disappeared overnight, Kevin decided this family had taken too much from him, and if he was going to die, he would do it as Kevin Day, not Kevin Moriyama.

Because the fourth memory is not one of his favorites because of the memory itself; but because of what it represented to Kevin. Someone always leaves first, and he would never be the one that's left again.

And no matter how much it seemed he would at some point after Nathaniel came back as Neil, and he kissed Kevin again —because there were some things that Kevin couldn't deny to himself, no matter how evident it was that he would lose it— as Nathaniel had come back, so did Neil.

"Satellites can hear your thoughts from space," Neil muttered against Kevin's forehead. Kevin was lying half on top of him, his hand on Neil's chest and Neil's hand on Kevin's back. He pushed Kevin's chin up and looked him in the eye. "What is it?"

It had been three months since Baltimore. Remembering it was almost like a fever dream, a goodbye promise that Kevin was meant to be number one, a phone on the ground, and a zero. Then, Neil with a burned cheek, fast words in French, and an eleven-hour long interrogation. And then Neil was safe.

"How did you even survive?" he said, softly. It was raining outside. It was Saturday, and Andrew had a session with Betsy, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to be affectionate.

Neil shrugged, nonchalant, indifferent as he was. "It's kind of what I do."

Kevin supposed it was. He could never be indifferent about it, though. The longest years and the longest hours of Kevin's life had been those in which he didn't know if Neil was alive, the clock ticking, too much happening and yet nothing at all, his arms restless from not knowing if he would ever be able to wrap them around Neil again.

"Don't you ever want to talk about it? Or, think about it?" Kevin asked.

This seemed to break Neil's careless mask for an instant. "I don't— I don't know what else to expect," he said. "I was always expecting I would die. I think more about the fact that I won't die. Is there a difference? I think there is."

Kevin thought he understood. "Like you think about the future, not the past."

Neil traced Kevin's queen tattoo as if Kevin would break, as if he was thinking about the past. "I've always thought about the right now. There wasn't time to think about the past. Or the future.

There was something unsaid.

"And now?"

Neil raised a single eyebrow, habit he had picked up from Andrew, and his gaze fell on Kevin's lips.

"Now there's time for the future."

"That's good," Kevin said.

"Yeah." Neil kissed him.

The door opened. Neil broke the kiss.

Andrew stood there, an indecipherable expression on his face. He looked at Neil, and then at Kevin, and then he sighed and headed to the bathroom. Kevin felt Neil relax under him.

“He won’t say anything,” Kevin told him.

“I know,” said Neil. Something in his voice assured Kevin that he did know.

Kevin vaguely remembered Andrew when Neil went missing. There was a flame in him, one Kevin had never seen in him. There was also the slight view of the fire that came with the loneliness, and it reminded Kevin of himself, after Neil disappeared for the first time, back when Nathaniel still existed. It was a question he had never dared to even think, but it was there. “Why would he leave me?” even when it was irrational. Even when Neil had had no choice in either of these situations.

“Andrew kissed me once,” Kevin said.

He didn’t know what he was expecting when he did. Not jealousy, but perhaps anger. Possession. Again, irrational. He sort of wanted to laugh every time he remembered; not everyone was like Riko. However, he didn’t expect exact understanding.

“I think he told me he liked me once.”

Kevin blinked at him.

“You think?” he whisper-shouted.

“I don’t know! It was kinda vague,” Neil said in the same tone.

From the bathroom, Andrew said, "I can still hear you, you know?"

Kevin wondered the same thing.

Neil ignored it, as he did. "Besides, you're telling me that he kissed you. Kissed. Want to talk about that?"

That was also a good question.  

Kevin could somehow still remember how Andrew tasted, how it felt. Cold enough to burn, a cigarette of ice pressed to his lips. Andrew’s hands in Kevin’s hair— then nothing. Just a standard static in the air, we kissed, it murmured, and that is all.

"It was before we recruited you," Kevin said. “We were both a mess back then. So that happened.” He bit his lip, just a little shy. A little lower, “I won’t happen again. I messed up.”

Neil didn’t have the time to reply when Andrew got out of the bathroom, face just washed. “Am I done cockblocking you two?” he asked, and didn’t wait for an answer. He lied against the wall, way too casual for him to be indifferent about this. “We were both messed up.”

Kevin sighed. Without forgetting that Neil was in the room with them, he figured this conversation needed to happen eventually.

It had been different with Andrew. With Neil there was expectancy, adrenaline, like running away from the same devil. Falling for Neil had been a lot like a tragedy set on fire, but the smoke of it evaporated when they were together and safe. Falling for Andrew, however, was resignation. Static, background noise you couldn’t help but notice.

“I did hurt you,” Kevin said.

Andrew didn’t miss a beat. “You touched, you got too close, and you stopped when I told you,” he confirmed. “And then I closed off, got too distant. You didn’t ask me to get closer, but maybe you should have.”

“Yours was just a reaction,” argued Kevin, heatless.

“So was yours.” Andrew sighed, pushed himself off the wall, and sat with them in his bed. “Here is what happened; I kissed you because I liked you, and you kissed me back because you liked me as well. I needed space as much as you needed touch. This is not something to be ashamed of. We were not for each other at that precise time of our lives, and that is all.”

Kevin had expected, somehow, that having this conversation would quiet the noise, stop the static. It did not. He could still remember the exact amount of care with which Andrew would hold him. Not gentleness, or passion. Care. Quite similar to how Neil held him. As Kevin needed to be held.

Kevin took a deep breath, intertwined his fingers with Neil’s, and said, “And now?”

Something appeared to break inside Andrew. Kevin didn’t have time to analyze it.

“Now, you two are in a happy and healthy relationship,” Andrew said with a sarcastic edge. Neil’s hand tightened around Kevin’s. “I’m not planning on  breaking you two up, no need to worry about me.”

“I think,” Neil spoke, for what seemed ages, “that you told me you liked me once.”

Andrew’s eyebrows rose slightly in what meant he was annoyed. “Yes, your point?”

It was quieting. The noise. The rain seemed to be louder outside. Or perhaps it had always been loud, it’s just that there were other louder, deafening sounds drowning it.

As if on cue, Neil said, clearer than before, “I think that, if Kevin likes you and me both, and you like Kevin and me both—”

“I don’t need a pity free ticket to your relationship, Josten.”

“I don’t do pity, Minyard,” Neil said. “You said you wouldn’t mind blowing me—”

“He said what?!”

“Don’t interrupt me, Kev. I think I would mind. ” At Andrew’s scowl, he continued, “However, I wouldn’t mind kissing you. For now at least.”

It dropped, finally.

“I also don’t need you being a martyr,” Andrew said, but it carried no heat. It was just him, asking Neil to argue with him. To prove him wrong. Kevin could tell, as he could tell Neil would give him exactly that.

“I’m not,” Neil stated, plain and simple. “I would like to kiss you for you actually, not for Kevin.” Andrew blinked at him, Neil smirked, just a little smug. “Yes or no?”

Andrew stared at him for so long Kevin almost started to think he was angry. Then he just said, “Yes.”

So they kissed.

Andrew was almost timid; shy even. Hesitant. Neil kept his hands to himself, and Kevin vaguely remembered the first time they kissed; Neil holding Kevin’s face, his arms, his chest. Balance, Kevin thought, amazed. Neil and Andrew kissed with such a care, moved with  grace, in syntony. Neil’s hand was still holding Kevin’s when Andrew’s own hand reached out to theirs without breaking the kiss. Kevin got the most warm feeling inside his chest, a wave of infinite affection.

After they kissed, it was simple. Andrew kissed Kevin again for the first time since their terribly messed up first chance. And it was good. Neil had been able to feed Kevin’s starvation for touch, and he had given Andrew his space. It was not only care. It tasted like a victory.

When they broke the kiss, Neil gave Kevin a shallow peck on the lips and lied on Andrew’s bed in his previous position, dragging Kevin down with him.

“I can’t believe you two parasites have invaded my bed,” Andrew muttered under his breath. Kevin chuckled, because he could.

There was a certain balance in the room. Or perhaps it was between them. A certain peace. It was strange, but not unwelcome. And it was raining outside, but it was sunny as well. Neil lied facing the ceiling, Kevin’s face on his chest, Andrew’s back to the wall, holding Kevin loosely but with care while he joined hands with Neil. It was messy but it was okay. It would be. Kevin had exactly five favorite memories.

Hello! I don’t really use this account a whole lot but I wanted to go ahead and make a pinned post, which I’ll hopefully remember to update frequently lol. Anyways, here’s a collection of the fics I’ve written for aftg, andreil, and others so far ^^

progress comes in small steps series [complete]

and we’re just starting to get it [Rated T, 11.1k]

Neil is nothing and everything all at once, the entire universe for Andrew, however small of a universe that is. Even Aaron is starting to see it, though the pieces still don't line up.

And Andrew is trying to convince Aaron that he's never jealous? Yeah right. You don't spend your entire life being denied, being hurt, going through foster care with nothing to call your own only to be okay with someone else trying to take the one bright piece of life you call yours.

Or, Aaron is done with Andrew's shit and makes it his job to prove his brother wrong.

there’s always more to learn [Rated T, 12.3k]

The subject of Katelyn and Neil hasn't felt like dangerous territory in a long time, but Aaron feels the bomb countdown already coming to an end before Bee even opens her mouth.

"Well, the two of them are so alike," Bee goes on, oblivious to the tension leaking into the space. Her smile is pleasant, teasing. "It just goes to show how you and Andrew have similar tastes despite being so different."

The world freezes on its axis.

Andrew inhales a little too loudly the same time Aaron chokes on his spit. "W-What?"

trust is a slow process [Rated T, 7.3k]

If Katelyn had been stealthier, she could've escaped the crowded dance floor without Andrew seeing her.

But of course, she's no Neil.

Or: Katelyn and Andrew spend some unwanted quality time together, and Katelyn sees things for what they are.

someday there won’t be scowls [Rated T, 8.1k]

Neil finds that even with his mind's best efforts to hang onto the wounds of the past, his opinion of Aaron just isn't what it used to be. He can thank Andrew and Katelyn for a lot of it, but his own observations certainly help.

When he sees Aaron like this, the mix of worry and adoration on his face as he thinks of Katelyn, Neil can't help but feel too exposed himself.

It's a start.

I want this touch to be familiar [Rated E, 38.1k]

Deep down, Andrew knew he would always reach this crossroads, a time where the thought became too strong to ignore.

Going all the way with Neil. It's not something he can continue to avoid thinking about. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil's hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he's forced to acknowledge how much he's allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

But that’s not all there is to it, and the desire to make a decision finally makes itself known.

if magic exists, you’re the closest thing [Rated T, 16.2k]

The concept of love is not one Andrew understands.

For a long time, it escaped him. It's always fuzzy, always distorted. He'd given up on it long ago, so why is he still chasing answers?

Whatever the reason, he's content to blame Jean Moreau for a lot of things, Katelyn too.

It's their fault he's here, at the happiest place on earth.

this red is for you [Rated T, 10.8k]

Katelyn never considered herself capable of doling out violence.

It has always been a far away thought, dampened by college courses and late night dates with her boyfriend. She lives a stereotypical life, despite everything she's been through with Aaron. Aside from her growing connection with the notoriously troublesome Foxes, nothing much about her life has changed.

Even then, she's learning she's still able to surprise herself. When Katelyn witnesses Neil defending Andrew, her own protective rage rears its head, ready to be explored.

And maybe that's a good thing.

an unconventional crossing [Rated T, 8.1k]

Aaron likes to believe he and Andrew have a lot more practice navigating their conversations now. And he’s right, mostly. But sometimes, challenges arise at the strangest times, and especially when their significant others are concerned.

In which Andrew and Aaron run into each other at the grocery store, and choose not to part ways.

the roads I traveled with you [Rated T, 35.5k]

When his brother gets engaged, Aaron doesn't expect it to send his head spinning as much as it does. Marriage has always felt like a dream, or a nightmare, one he never thought either of them would be able to achieve.

In that moment, Aaron remembers what he's always known, what keeps his head above water. He wants to be with Katelyn forever. That's never been a question. But marriage hadn't been brought up. For so long it was this abstract concept, a fantasy. He'd always reasoned with himself that it would happen, rationally of course it would, but now...

Now Andrew has made the idea a reality, and Aaron has to confront his own wants for his future.

one shots/multichapters

I’ve had a love of my own [Rated T, ongoing]

Despite everything Neil could’ve imagined for his life, he never thought he’d be here, finally giving the world the interview they’ve always wanted.

It’s been decades, but even with his numerous accolades and sports wins, he finds that they’re the least important thing about his life.

Neil can’t help but laugh. Andrew would be so annoyed if he were here.

Of course, Neil only wants to talk about him, and the life they spent together.

slurred [Rated M, 1.6k]

They're not the type of people to give up control, but with each other they're willing to bend the rules.

growing pains [Rated T, 10.6k]

Stuart knows it’s perfectly normal for teenagers to have crushes. That’s why he’s not surprised in the slightest when Neil starts acting strange; lighter, happier. However, what he doesn’t expect is for the crush to leak into his everyday life—or literally take up residence in his house. Or: five times Stuart knew Neil was hiding a nighttime guest, and one time he actually met him.

your hands are mine to hold [Rated E, 6.7k]

It has taken a long time for Thea to accept a lot of aspects of their past. Her eyes track the fear in Kevin's eyes, emboldened by how his own resolve wears it away year by year. She'll never take that sight for granted.

It's hard to ignore the weights on both of them, with their lives so eaten up by the Exy world and memories of the Nest, but one thing has always remained consistent.

Thea trusts Kevin Day with her everything, and she'll never hesitate to follow him into battle.

better than a night light [Rated T, 7.3k]

Neil hasn’t had the chance to examine the feeling of fear in a long time. He’s all too familiar with it though; from the nightmares, to the memories of a cold basement floor, he knows the feeling like the back of his hand.

But this fear is new, loaded with ridiculousness and a complete lack of reason. It’s nothing more than pixels on a screen, far away theories that can’t hurt him like his past can.

Maybe that’s why he’s beginning to not mind it as much. It doesn’t hurt that Andrew is also there to hold him through it.

Playtime [Rated E, 6.7k]

There was a time when Andrew might've questioned being so into this.

Not anymore.

take what you want [Rated E, 5.4k]

Laila has come a long way from her freshman year, past all the worries and pressure to behave a certain way. She never thought she’d realize it here, lounging poolside with her girlfriend.

The urge to seduce Alvarez is just too good to let go.

a product of absence [Rated T, 7.8k]

It’s funny, Andrew thinks, that this would be seen as a curse in any other situation. Two people, thrown apart by time and circumstances, desperately searching for one another.

But Andrew has never doubted Neil’s return. He’s not running, he’s not worried. It’s perhaps the only waiting game that’s been worth it, that he understands, because this bond with Neil has only ever made sense to him.

In another life, Neil made this much clear: they would always find each other in the end.

here I am, there you go again [Rated T, 17.5k]

There's many things about the past Neil chooses to leave behind, and most of the time it's for the best. For some reason though, his brain can't help but cling to the last memories of him.

"My Ex." Neil bites his tongue at the word, because it never feels right. At this point, so many years later, that man is no one. A stranger. He shouldn't presume to know him anymore than his ex should presume to know Neil.

If he remembers Neil at all.

But Neil should know better than anyone that the past always has a way of catching up to him, and this time, he's not as willing to run as he might've initially thought.

losing battle [Rated M, 3.4k]

It's always been Nicky's dream to be closer with his cousins. However, when he opens Andrew's mail to find more than he bargained for, he finds himself regretting the wish. Unfortunately, no matter how much Andrew's warmed up to him in the last few years, Nicky's pretty sure he'll die (literally) if Andrew finds out.

Nicky's mission begins.

temper, temper [Rated T, 3.7k]

"You paid for the deluxe package," Neil says as he scrolls through his payment history to find his client's invoice. His system is simple:

Basic Package: Fuck you. A general statement of displeasure and a brief description of the wrongdoing.

Intermediate Package: Fuck you, with passion. Everything in the basic package, but with additional insults. Customizable for an extra fee.

Deluxe Package: Fuck you to hell. Everything from the first two packages, for an extended period of time, and with extra viciousness.

And it looks like Andrew Minyard is the unlucky soul today.

a new contract [Rated T, 7.2k]

Neil’s request is simple on its face, but infinitely complicated given his history.

“Convince your team to sign me.”

And this was Andrew’s deal: If Neil can prove that he’s serious, that he can build a new life for himself so that he doesn’t end up crawling back to Riko, Andrew will convince his coach to recommend him for recruitment in the fall.

Yes, it was meant to be black and white…

But Andrew should’ve known better. Nothing ever is.

What a Rush [Rated E, 1.6k]

It's always Andrew's goal to stretch Neil's pleasure to its limits, and he's barely begun to scratch the surface.

locked together [Rated E, 8.3k]

Andrew licks his lips and tugs on the tail of the beast inside him, righting it so it can point him in the direction of what he's searching for. Neil looks good on top of him, panting and giddy, and it's rare that Andrew doesn't want to flip them over and make Neil fall apart.

But...every once in a while...

Well, he's relaxed today. He wants to listen, he wants orders, he wants to be controlled so long as the control comes from Neil.

do you like scary movies? [Rated T, 22.5k]

To say Andrew has never seen the benefit in the make-believe would be a lie. However, he finds less and less use for it as he grows older. He especially fails to see the benefits of anything from the horror genre; he’s made plenty of his own mistakes, has seen more than enough to terrify him in his life. He doesn’t need to rely on jump scares and idiotic protagonists.

But when he meets Neil, self-proclaimed horror archivist, he finds that maybe he never gave the genre the credit it was due, and he ends up thanking the dull movies eventually…

They lead him to Neil, the realest thing he’s ever known.

Northern Road Trip

This is my piece for the AFTG Gift exchange! I went for Andriel coz im a complete Andriel junkie, but i couldnt resist a little Renison on the side XD

This is for @andthenthefirenationattacked​ - I hope you like it! I’m sorry it’s not very good but I tried! (And if you wanna talk or fangirl about aftg at any point, i’m definitely around for that!)

Neil couldn’t remember a time he had felt this safe. Which, he had to admit, made no sense considering his current situation. Despite having family in England, an uncle who had once saved his life, the UK had never been a place that had screamed safety. And yet, here he was, standing in the middle of an endless stretch of rolling green hills that looked like they had been taken from one of Matt’s fantasy novels, and he felt…safe. It was as much a disquieting feeling as hope had once been.

The sky was a bright, forget-me-not blue that, after only five days in the country, he already knew was a rare blessing. Fluffy white clouds scudded across the sky, and the relief that they weren’t even a little grey had been unexpectedly strong when they had woken up this morning. Two cars idled behind him, the engines rumbling softly, and those inside were already betting on the upcoming games outcome and snacking on junk food that Kevin had already tried to throw out four times over.

Neil sucked in a deep breath, feeling the cold air settle in his lungs like shards of ice. Beautiful, this country, but cold. And wet. This was the first day they had been there that it hadn’t rained.

He could hear his old team behind him, laughing and joking, teasing Andrew for their stopping. It hadn’t been Andrew that had wanted to stop, but the goalie knew Neil too well now – had feigned car sickness to cover Neil’s need to see something. To see something other than exy courts and press rooms from the place his mother had come from. The woman had been cold and cruel and protective and beautiful, and standing there now, in the place she had always talked about, in Rivington, he could understand. The people he had met from around here felt like they had been born from the place itself. He could almost feel his mother in the wind’s cold fingers as it raked through his hair and cut straight through his winter coat to chill the blood in his veins.

“Neil! Come on! Andrew says he’s okay to keep going now,” Matt shouted, a grin on his face that was far too smug and pleased to merely be teasing.

Dan smacked him in the ribs as she disappeared around the other side of their hire car and slid into the driver’s seat. And then smacked the wheel in frustration, got out and went round to the passenger side door, grumbling about stupid English cars. Neil tuned out Matt and Allison’s teasing, both of them needling Dan about still not being used to which side of the car to get in, and turned to the other car. Renee smiled at Andrew before going to join the others.

Neil slid into the backseat next to Andrew, Aaron on the goalie’s other side, Kevin up front and Nicky driving. Within thirty minutes of driving, Andrew was asleep, head tipped back against the back of the seat – Neil wasn’t surprised, Andrew had barely slept since the flight, as though he was more scared than Neil that some relative would show up at their hotel. It wasn’t a secret they were in the UK; the whole world had known this is where they would be. The press had been covering the US exy team’s trip to the UK in excruciating detail for weeks. They had already had their games in Glasgow and London, and tomorrow, the last game of Us vs. UK, would take place in Manchester. London had been an easy win for the US Court, Andrew had barely bothered to try. Glasgow had been significantly more difficult. It had taken bribing Andrew to lock down the goal for them to come close to winning – even then it hadn’t been enough; they’d lost by two points.

Tomorrow’s game would decide who would face the Chinese team. And the old team from Palmetto State had come out to show their support as Kevin, Andrew and Neil, played their last UK game of the season, fighting to advance closer to the title of ‘Exy International Champions’. Kevin had been training and planning nonstop. It had taken Andrew’s knives to convince him to have this day off.

“Erm…Neil…?” Nicky asked, voice tight. Neil dragged his eyes away from staring out the window as the North sped by, and met Nicky’s worried eyes in the rear-view mirror. “Satnav is freaking out.”

“Get Andrew to fix it,” Aaron grunted, “he’s the tech wonder boy.”

“Waking Andrew up in a car has never been a good idea,” Nicky warned, no doubt thinking of that time all those years ago.

Neil could feel Aaron’s smirk as the man reached over and tapped his twin on the shoulder closest to Neil. From habit, Neil’s hand was out waiting as Andrew jolted from sleep, one hand instinctively reaching out. Their fingers twined together and held on tight. No elbow in the stomach, no fists flying, not anymore – they had been sleeping in the same bed now for nearly two years; Andrew was too used to being woken by Neil’s nightmares to react violently. Now it was a grasping hand and white knuckled grip, each proving to the other that they are here – that they are safe. On Andrew’s other side, Aaron huffed in frustration and turned his attention back to the steady stream of messages between him and Katelyn.  

“Satnav isn’t working properly,” Neil explained quietly, and Andrew shook off his grip, leaning forward to take it from Kevin.

“Going old school,” Nicky muttered to himself. “Gonna have to use these damn stupid road signs.”

Neil didn’t bother to watch what Andrew was doing to fix the machine – he had learnt a long time ago that when Andrew couldn’t sleep, he and one of the cats curled up on the sofa with an instruction manual of some sort. Andrew couldn’t sleep most nights. By this point, Andrew’s eidetic memory had given him the ability to fix almost anything technological.

It took them another hour and a half to reach the Lake District. They were aiming for a shop that the Northern players on the UK team hadn’t stopped raving about since the team meets had started. By the time they finally arrived, it was raining again.

They parked in a garden centre opposite a tiny little place called ‘The Grasmere Gingerbread Shop’ and stared out through rain-streaked windows. Nicky’s phone started ringing. He took the sat nav out of its holder, tossed it onto Kevin’s lap before balancing his phone in the slot instead. Allison’s face appeared on the screen, and then the rest of the others.

“So, how do we decide who goes out into the rain to get the damn gingerbread we drove for two hours to come and try?” Allison asked and Renee, in the driver’s seat beside her, tucked a few stray blonde curls behind her ear, dragging a smile from the otherwise annoyed face.

“Flip for it?” Nicky suggested.

Matt lost to Renee. Dan lost to Matt. Allison rolled her eyes and picked at a perfectly manicured nail, but called heads when she went up against Dan, only to lose. Storm clouds gathered on her face as she waited for the other car to decide who would flip against her.

Aaron called heads, Allison, tails. Aaron won.

Neil hadn’t heard swearing like that for a long time. He couldn’t help but smile. He had missed them all. He loved being on Court and he loved his team and exy, and playing with Andrew and Kevin, but he had missed being a fox.

Renee went with Allison, smiling as the blonde tried and failed to hide under the trees from the rain. Neil could hear through the cracked window Andrew was smoking through as Allison cursed everyone and everything for her having forgotten an umbrella. Renee just laughed and tugged her in for a kiss. Neil smiled again; it had taken them a long time to realise just how meant for each other they were – but now? Together? They were a sight for sore eyes.

Andrew blew another cloud of smoke past Neil’s face. He couldn’t help the deep inhale as the smoke curled past his nose. Andrew watched, utterly unimpressed – but Neil could read the affection in the stare. Smoke was no longer the reminder of his mother, of the fire, of how it had smelled when her body had burned. Now it was Andrew, it was nights on the roof, the bite of his key in his palm, the feel of a thundering heartbeat beneath his fingertips. Andrew’s knee nudged his, and Neil smiled again.

Allison and Renee got back in the car behind and they drove to Windemere, where they had booked out all the rooms in a little bed and breakfast. The man at the desk was the most English person Neil had ever met. He was the embodiment of every single English stereotype, and Neil couldn’t get away fast enough.

Their rooms were all on the second floor, Dan and Matt disappeared into one room, Allison and Renee into another, Aaron claimed his own room, as did Kevin and Nicky. Nicky was already face timing with Eric before his bedroom door closed. And despite Allison’s usual warning of ‘keep it down’, there were delighted giggles and moans coming from her and Renee’s room.

Neil shook his head, smiling, and followed after Andrew into their room. Andrew was already lighting up next to the window, so Neil dropped the bag by the bottom of the bed and slumped onto the mattress, stripping off his black armbands and dumping them over the edge. He heard Andrew shut the window and the bed dip as he settled nearby. Neil reached a hand up, and Andrew’s fingertips trailed over his bare arms, dipping over every scar and mark.

Neil closed his eyes, even now, years later, most touches on those scars brought back the car lighter, the knife, his father’s axe…

But then Andrew’s lips began tracing every raised bump, slowly washing away the memories one by one, until there was nothing left but the two of them, Andrew’s hands under Neil’s shirt, Andrew’s lips pressed hard to Neil’s, and Neil’s fingers tight in Andrew’s hair.

He didn’t realise how much he needed it until Andrew tugged his t-shirt over his head and slowly but steadily began taking him apart. Neil couldn’t stop the moan that Andrew dragged from deep in his throat as Andrew pushed him harder and faster until Neil’s breathing became ragged and Andrew leaned up to press their lips together as though he could swallow Neil’s hard groans when he fell over the edge. He lay limp and sweating, breathing hard, with Andrew beside him, the man’s expression open and soft in a way he had only seen four times so far.

Neil reached out, “Yes or no?”

Andrew didn’t reply, just pressed his cheek into Neil’s palm and closed his eyes as Neil’s fingers played with the tiny hairs at the nape of Andrew’s neck. He wanted to say something, anything to remind Andrew just how amazing he was – how he always knew what Neil needed, usually before Neil knew himself, how even though Neil had long since learned to stand alone, it felt safe knowing that Andrew was there for him if he needed to lean on someone. But he didn’t have the words.

And he didn’t find them fast enough before Nicky pounded on the bedroom door.

“Come on, lovebirds, Allison ruined her hair to get this gingerbread, and Aaron and I went out for alcohol, come and have a drink and a snack like the old days. But put clothes on first!”

Andrew growled under his breath, but Neil smiled.

“When will he leave me alone?” Andrew said, shaking out his hand and pushing up to sit on the edge of the bed.

“He’s been in Germany with Eric for ten months. He can’t leave you any more alone.”

Andrew just stood and stared down at him a moment. “Come on junkie. Let’s go.”

Neil stood and went to the bathroom, cleaning himself up, before he joined Andrew at the now open door to the bedroom, stood in front of a very irate Kevin.

“We have a game tomorrow. Tomorrow. And they want us to drink and eat and party. Why did they come at all, they’re not playing,” Kevin said, face set; cold and hard.

“Tomorrow will be fine. We’ll win or we’ll lose, but it’ll be fine. Let’s go, it could be fun,” Neil said, shrugging. He’d never felt as safe as he was in that moment and he’d never seen Andrew as relaxed – that was all he needed. All he wanted.

They should take road trips more often.

“Three hundred and seventy-four percent,” Andrew murmured.

Neil didn’t bother to stop the smirk on his face.

----

That’s it! Again, I hope you liked it and I hope it was a good enough gift for you in the exchange! Have a wonderful day!

The foxes go to Disneyland

or as i like to call it! the foxes are nothing but a bunch of adult children and wymack deserves a bigger paycheck (made it disneyworld since that’s the only one i’ve been to)

while in orlando for a game, the foxes bus breaks down and they’re stuck there for at least another day

when everyone starts complaining, abby suggests they take advantage of the extra day off

matt is quick to suggest going to disney since he hasn’t been since he was young

all of the upperclassmen agree immediately and to the shock of the rest of the team, so does kevin

but kevin hasn’t been to an amusement park since he was younger and still living with his mother and he has a hidden desire to go with his father to get a feel of what it would’ve been like had he grown up with him

neil, despite feeling slightly uncomfortable at the thought of the large crowds, feels weirdly excited about going

growing up, he never had the chance to act like a normal kid so he wants to be able to experience all those things for the first time with his found family

andrew acts indifferent but he doesn’t voice any disagreement after seeing the almost child-like wonder on neil and kevin’s faces

not that he’d ever admit it 

wymack can feel his wallet aching at the thought of how high the admission price will be but he reluctantly gives in in hopes of keeping the team under control until they can head back to the school

it goes as well as you’d expect it to

they get drinks upon arriving due to the hot weather and matt drops his frozen lemonade almost as soon as he recieves it

he pouts about it until dan buys him a new one

the first ride they hit is the pirates of the carribbean boat ride 

halfway through, nicky and aaron start arguing about which of the films was the best. it turns into playfully shoving each other until aaron accidently pushes too hard and nicky falls off the boat and into the water

the team are asked to please not come back to this ride again 

allison has one too many bags of cotton candy and she ends up throwing up on its a small word

she threatens anyone who tries to mention it after it happens

at some point the group finds their way into one of the many gift shops

dan and matt get two of those cringy minnie and mickey couple shirts after allison dares them to

aaron buys katelyn a small dumbo stuffed animal because it was the first movie they ever watched together and he’s a big sap

neil somehow manages to talk kevin and andrew into buying matching mouse ear headbands 

allison and renee buy matching keychains and nicky complains about how expensive everything is but ends up leaving with more than the rest of the team combined (half of it is to send to erik)

the first roller coaster they ride is space mountain

andrew obviously isn’t excited bc of his fear of heights, but he stays quiet bc the last thing he wants is the rest of the team to know

neil keeps giving him side glances, but andrew ignores him

since there are only three seats per car, kandreil sit in the first one with neil up front, kevin in the middle, and andrew in the back

as soon as the ride starts and they enter darkness, kevin feels his body tense up

he’s not even really sure what it was that set him off, whether it be the fact that he can’t see where they’re going or bc the darkness reminds him of the nest but he doesn’t have the time to come up with the answer bc suddenly it’s hard to breathe and his hands are shaking where they’re wrapped tightly around the bar in front of him

despite not being able to see, neil’s hand finds his on the bar and andrew’s hand finds the back of his neck and he starts rambling about all of the stupid people he’s seen throughout the day into kevin’s ear

it’s enough to get kevin through the ride and when they get off andrew’s hand is still on the back of his neck and neil is shooting him worried looks

they ignore the rest of the team until a few minutes later kevin nods his head to signal that he’s fine and they continue on like nothing happened

they don’t go on anymore rides in the dark

at some point they pass one of the carts selling little autographs books

they all buy one and somehow end up making it a competition to see who can get the most character autographs before they leave

surprisingly, andrew (and by extension, neil and kevin) wins

(he got most of them by having kevin charm the people waiting while neil asked for the autograph. andrew stood to the side and glared at anyone who tried to say something)

nicky cries when he meets tiana and forces an unamused aaron to take a picture of them together 

eventually, they all make their way back to their hotel

kevin passes out on the bed from exhaustian as soon as they get back to their room

neil grins at andrew, “did you have fun?”

andrew doesn’t look up from where he’s digging pajamas out of his bag when he replies, “what makes you think i enjoyed myself?”

“well, for starters, you haven’t taken those mouse ears off all day.”

andrew glares at him and throws the ears at his chest

neil just laughs and collapses beside kevin while andrew heads into the bathroon for a shower

and if later that night, when he’s the only one awake, andrew sets his phone background to a picture of the three of them in front of cinderella’s castle, all of them wearing their matching ears, neil and kevin grinning widely with neil’s arm slung across kevin shoulders and kevin’s pinky wrapped around andrew’s, and andrew at first glance looking uniterested but upon closer examination has the corners of his lips turned up and warm eyes

well

no one but him has to know

Magic in the Blood - Ch.2

Summary: “You used magic on me,” Neil said, mildly accusing. He opened his eyes, staring into the glowing honey gold of Andrew’s eyes.

“Don’t I always?”

Instead of answering, Neil asked, “Yes or no?” because his hands were aching to run along Andrew’s skin, up his toned thighs, to tug him down over him. …..

Or where everything is the same, but magic exists. The school year is over, there’s no more practices until mid-summer and for the first time, Neil can spend his time the way he wants. Without suppressants muddling his system and Andrew sober, they’ve got magical and logistical issues to work through.

And then there’s the new Foxes when they show which is a whole other magical nightmare of itself.

Pairing: Andreil

Rating: T

Previous <- Chapter 1

Chapter 3 -> Next

Disclaimer: All dialogue, characters and events used from the book for this chapter belong to Nora Sakovic.

Chapter 2: Milport, Arizona

Neil:

Neil sat in the bleachers staring up at the sky. The double suppressants he'd taken before the game were beginning to wear off, enough for him with some difficulty to clear the sky of the few wispy clouds still scudding across the sky. The stars were washed out by the stadium lights, but that was neither here nor there. With the bitter taste of loss on his tongue, he didn't want to think of the possibilities the stars harbored. He simply wanted to ingest the energy the moon provided.

Of course, the moon wasn't in the sky either.

Neil felt Coach Hernandez before he even opened the door. There was a vibration that people who didn't have magic released. It felt like feathers against his skin. Sometimes it was soothing, other times it set his nerves on edge. Today, it only sent a jagged edge through his body.

As Coach Hernandez pushed open the stadium door, Neil clutched his cigarette tighter.

“I didn't see your parents at the game.”

This conversation was a song and dance Neil knew all too well. They'd been through it multiple times over his time in Millport, and he was tired. He knew Hernandez was just worried about him, about the sleeping on school grounds, about his parents never being around, but that only made it harder for him. So he let himself be pulled through the conversation until Hernandez said something that put him on full alert.

“There's someone here to see you.”

Startled, Neil snapped his eyes back to Hernandez. There was no other magic in the stadium that he could feel, no other magic close by anyway. His senses could have been dulled by the suppressants still, but that never lasted for more than an hour or two after the game. If there was anyone powerful close by, he should have been able to feel them.

That, unfortunately, meant nothing for his safety.

In the years he'd been on the run, he'd learned that someone didn't need magic to hurt him. Magic wasn't what made people deadly.

Jumping to his feet, Neil made to run. There was a man standing at the top of the stadium steps, staring down at them. Neil's panic must have been worse than he thought because he couldn't sense either Coach Hernandez or the new man now. He stopped, clutching at the strap of his duffle. “I don't know you.”

“He's from a university. He came to see you play tonight,” Coach Hernandez tried to explain, but Neil just shook his head.

“Bullshit,” Neil snapped, eyes still on the man. “No one recruits from Millport. No one knows where it is.” He should know, he'd placed a tracker block in himself after his mother had died. The tracker block should have pulled anyone's eyes who were looking for him away from Millport. They shouldn't have even been able to see the town on a map, but then again, he'd always been miserable at protection spells. No matter how hard his mother tried to beat the magic into him, he could never seem to pick it up. His magic was too geared towards chaos like his father's much to her frustration.

“There's this thing called a map. You might have heard of it. I might not have any magic, but I do have the internet.”

Coach Hernandez cut in, explaining, “He's here because I sent him your file. He put out a note saying he was short on his striker line, and I figured it was worth a shot. I didn't tell you because I didn't know if anything would come of it and I didn't want to get your hopes up.”

“You did what?” He was horrified. Magic began boiling in his stomach, scorching him from the inside out. The suppressants were doing their job of holding his magic in, but that only made him hot and painfully itchy.

Overhead, black storm clouds crept in.

“I tried contacting your parents when he asked for a face-to-face tonight,” Coach Hernandez explained, standing but not moving closer to Neil, “but they haven't returned my messages. You said they'd try to make it.”

Neil didn't turn his eyes from the other Coach, wary and watchful. “They did. They couldn't.” As always, the lie tasted like battery acid on his tongue despite that the lie was familiar. While he was good at lying -at least he thought he was- his magic always deemed to remind him that that was exactly what he was doing.

The look the man gave him said that he could taste it too, but he didn't comment. He launched straight into his spiel, “Listen, I can't wait for them. It's stupid late in the season for me to be here, I know, but I had some technical difficulties with my last recruit. Coach Hernandez said you still haven't chosen a school for fall. Works out perfectly, doesn't it? I need a striker sub, and you need a team. All you have to do it sign on the dotted line and you're mind for five years.”

“You can't be serious,” Neil scoffed, but he couldn't taste the lie, and that was the stranger part. He didn't know if there was a way to block a lie detector charm, but he needed it if there was.

The man shrugged. “Very serious and very out of time.”

The man tossed down a file that had Neil's name written on the edge in bold black lettering with the word 'MAGICLESS' just under his name. He didn't look at it. That file was a screaming reminder that he'd been found, that he was on someone's radar even if that someone didn't want to hurt him.

Neil's magic was roiling harshly in his belly, needing to be released as the suppressants came to the end of their rope. The Coaches couldn't be around when they wore off, not only because neither of them knew he had magic, but because his magic was explosive and dangerous right after suppressants. Chaotic magic hated being cooped up the most out of all the magics. If they were around when he went off, they would be hurt or even killed standing this close to him.

Sweat beaded down his temple. He could have listed to his mother. He should have stayed off the court when she told him he'd never play Exy again, and suddenly the 22 names and massive amounts of magic they'd both used felt like an effort in futility. Exy was the only thing he had at the end of the day, and he didn't want to be exiled from the court, but college and Exy weren't a future he could have. He shouldn't even be thinking about the future.

“Please go away,” Neil said, the battery acid thick across his tongue only he thought it was actual bile this time.

“It's a bit sudden, but I really do need an answer tonight. The Committee's been hounding me since Janie got locked up.”

Neil's stomach dropped out from under him. “Foxes. Palmetto State University.”

Coach David Wymach stared back at him, not at all surprised, “I guess you've seen the news.”

Well, he'd certainly done that. Janie smalls, Palmetto striker sub, had been found in a bathtub by her best friend with a note that said she had to let the magic out. And that was terrifying. Neil had never personally seen someone's magic make them go crazy, but he knew it was possible. He knew that sometimes despite being born with magic, their body and magic began to reject each other. He'd heard that it was hereditary, but he'd also heard that it could develop over time. The most cases he'd heard of were about pregnant women. With their body chemistry going through so many changes, sometimes their magic didn't make the adjustments like it should.

Neil had always thought that was a terrifying prospect while silently hoping that one day his father's magic would do that same.

Neil couldn't sign with the Foxes. They were in the new every other week for something or other, usually magic related. They were made up of talented rejects, junkies and kids whose magic made them nuts or that they never had control of to begin with. In short, they were a fucking mess.

Then there was Kevin Day, and there was no way Neil could meet him. He'd recognize him immediately, and even if he didn't recognize his face, if he felt his magic- That's be it. He'd recognize Neil immediately. His and his father's magic were one in the same, so similar they were nearly identical at times.

“You can't be here.”

“Yet here I stand. Need a pen?”

“No,” Neil said, tightening his fingers around his bag strap until his knuckles pressed white against his skin, “No. I'm not playing for you.”

“I misheard you.”

“You signed Kevin.”

“And Kevin signed you, so-”

That was it for Neil. Kevin knew who he was and where he was, and he needed to be out of there. Praying to Tyche, Neil bolted for the door, but his goddess wasn't with him that night. He felt the magic, roiling and chaotic and forcibly restrained, a moment before he saw the man. He hesitated for barely a moment, and that was where he fucked up. A racquet slammed into his stomach. Crumpling to the floor, he wheezed as his magic crawled up his throat, choking him.

Andrew:

“Wymack's been out there for quite a long time,” Andrew said breezily, plucking at the taught strings of a goalie stick he'd taken from the rack in the corner, “It might not be going so well.”

“We'll get him. He can't say no.”

Andrew grinned nastily. “That's what you thought of me, yet here we are.”

Kevin grumbled under his breath, but didn't answer.

Andrew knew that Kevin'f failure to convince him to sign with the Ravens still stung, and he loved to poke at the sore spot. Sometimes, he managed to elicit a stronger response, and he was mildly disappointed that he wasn't going to get anything more.

Andrew needed a distraction from the feeling of stale magic in the locker room. Too many suppressants and magic leaking out of the player's pores by the end of the game. He could feel it on his tongue like a film, the taste musty, and he ran his teeth along the top of his tongue to try and scrape the feeling away.

“We're not leaving until he says yes,” Kevin said vehemently.

Annoyance skittered across Andrew's nerves. He leaned on the stick, unconvinced and unimpressed. He was just getting ready to throw back a scathing remark when he felt the brush of another person's magic, frantic with fear.

Standing straight, Andrew held the racquet at the ready.

The man came barreling through the door, hesitating just long enough that Andrew caught a glimpse of the hesitation before he slammed the racquet into his stomach.

Neil Josten dropped to the floor immediately, dry heaving. Even through the haze of his drugs, he could see the bright flickers of color spilling from his lips instead of bile.

Andrew's magic reached out for Neil, wanting to heal the wound he'd inflicted, always wanting to heal. He just let his magic flail at the end of its reach under the influence of his drugs and his own limitations.

As fleeting as it was, he felt Neil's magic more strongly than he did even Kevin's which was interesting. That could have been due to the suppressants every athlete was required to take before a game, but game suppressants only lasted for the length of a normal game. Whatever was putting a lid on Neil's magic, they were much stronger than game suppressants, but they weren't strong enough.

What was most interesting though was the fact that Neil was supposed to be magicless, but that couldn't be further from the truth it seemed.

Andrew stared down at the heaving body, wanting to rip him to shreds as their magics collided and interlaced in sporadic spurts. That wouldn't have been a problem if his magic had simply rejected the interruption like it did all other magics, but it didn't. Instead, it collected and stored Neil Josten's magic like charging a battery.

Andrew grinned manically.

Wymack pushed through the door. “God damn it, Minyard! This is why we can't have nice things!”

“Oh, Coach, if he was nice, he wouldn't be any use to us, would he?” Andrew asked.

“He's no use to us if you break him.”

They went back and forth like that for a moment before he met Neil's eyes. The glared he leveled on Andrew wouldn't have been anything special if he didn't see the lightning streak across his irises. No, not across them... behind them... He was wearing colored contacts.

Andrew narrowed his eyes. 'Oh, this one might be interesting after all.'

“Better luck next time,” Andrew told him, but he didn't miss the smallest of flinches.

“Fuck you.”

…..

Neil:

“What are you thinking about?” Andrew asked, startling Neil out of his road hypnosis.

Neil blinked quickly, checking all the mirrors before glancing over at Andrew. “The first time we met.” He hadn't known Andrew was awake or how long he'd been watching him, but he was still curled up against the window, the sun shining gold in his hair. He was soft and sleepy and beautiful.

“Why?”

Neil shrugged. “I don't know.” He was quiet for a moment. “What were you dreaming about?”

Andrew straightened, glancing around to gauge where they were. “How could you tell I was dreaming?”

“You twitch and mumbled in your sleep sometimes.”

Andrew was silent for a moment. “The first time we met.”

The silence returned, thicker but still comfortable. They were always surprised when their magic did that, pulled their thoughts in the same direction. It was almost like telepathy, but without the direct communication. Both of them could live with indirect communication, but they knew they'd go nuts with telepathy. They couldn't be that entranced in each others minds all the time.

Neil smiled. “What did you think of me?”

“That you'd be interesting, but not worth the trouble.”

“I just thought you were an asshole,” Neil said with a laugh.

“I still am,” Andrew said matter-of-factly.

Neil laughed again, and took the next off ramp down towards a truck stop.

Sewing Scissors and Throwing Knives

Chapter 2 is up! Read from the beginning on ao3 here

What would have happened if Neil stopped playing Exy? If he kept running after his mother died? Neil Josten is working as a janitor at Palmetto State University when he gets the opportunity to work as a fashion designer for an up and coming brand. It's a dream come true, if it wasn't such a public position and if he wasn't still running from his father and the Moriyama's. Aka, the Fashion Designer AU that no one asked for but I couldn't help but write.

After a restless night Neil is sick of thinking about Wymack and his stupid, too good to be true proposal. And he is especially sick of the fact that he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He knew before he even left the university yesterday, but that doesn’t make his choice any better or easier to deal with. The truth it, Neil is exhausted. There is only so long that a human being can go without friendly interaction, and he’s been alone for so long. Every time someone gets too close, he leaves. It was bad enough when he was with his mother, but the past 7 years have been harder than Neil ever thought that they could be. There is a pretty solid chance that Kevin won’t recognize him: Neil’s hair is black and his eyes are a dull brown now, and it’s been so many years that even if his hair and eye colour were the same he doubts that Kevin would have remembered. Although, it was a pretty traumatic event so that might have hammered home some details that would usually be lost to time. And if Kevin does recognize him? Neil figures that he’s been running on borrowed time for a while now. He might as well go out with a bang, and it would be nice to be known as someone with potential. It would be nice to be known at all. So far he’s imagined that his death will be covered up and no one will remember. An unknown body found in the ditch outside of a small American town maybe, or perhaps he will never be found and his name will be forgotten along with his mothers.

The sticky note with Kevin’s number on it that Wymack left on the sketchbook is jarringly orange. It almost makes Neil smile, how it matches the unreasonably bright shade that is on the team jerseys. Neil is standing in the parking lot of a bus station that looks like it’s been around longer than buses have. He’s facing a telephone booth--something that is not easy to find nowadays, but Neil doesn’t want to buy himself a phone just for one call. Plus, this way he is harder to trace. Just in case. Taking a deep breathe, Neil steps into the enclosed space and starts dialing. He holds the phone up to his ear and clutches at his sketchbook like it’s his lifeline. At the moment, it kind of is. The phone of the other end rings, and rings, and rings. Neil is just about to give up and pretend none of this happened when a gruff voice answers the phone. “What?” the voice says, talking over the sound of arguing and faint music in the background. “Is this Kevin Day?” Neil asks after a panicked pause. “Yes. Who is this?” There is murmuring in the background and Neil can barely hear Kevin say ‘no, it’s from a payphone I think’. Neil speaks before he can continue the side conversation. “This is… Neil. Neil Josten. You’re father gave me your number.” “Oh! Oh, you’re the one with the sketchbook.” “Yes.” “Why didn’t you call yesterday?” Neil blinks in surprise. “Wymack said I had until Friday to answer. It’s only Wednesday.”

“Yes, but no one waits for opportunities like this. Everyone wants what I am offering you.” Kevin sounds irritated, or maybe stressed. Neil tries to put this voice together with the smiling picture from the Exy magazines he used to be in. The two do not mesh.

“Well I had to think about it. Is your offer still up or not?” “That’s ridiculous. Why did you have to think about it?” Neil gives him a similar bullshit answer that he gave Wymack yesterday. “I didn’t think I was good enough to work with Kevin Day.” Kevin snorts. “You aren’t. But I still want you to. If you listen to me, do everything I tell you to do, I think that you could be good.” “So the offer still stands?” “You’re in Palmetto? I’ll book your plane ticket. Since I obviously can’t send you the information on this number, I’ll send it to Wymack. It’s up to you to get it.” “So the offer still stands?” Neil says, feeling rather irritable. All this time he was worried about Kevin recognizing him and it turns out that he should be more worried about dealing with Kevins attitude. “Yes. We’re flying you out next week.” The line goes dead and it occurs to Neil that he isn’t actually sure where he’s going yet.

Wymack hadn’t been smug about Neil crawling back for a plane ticket. Instead, he seemed quite pleased about the whole thing. Now that Neil is in the John F. Kennedy airport in New York waiting for one of Kevin’s people to pick him up he is starting to regret every single decision that he’s made since his mothers death. Actually, he’s regretting every decision he’s ever made. Ever. It’s the blank look that draws Neils eye rather than a sign indicating who should pick him up. Neil had done some research this week in between panic attacks, so it’s easy to recognize the man standing in front of him. According to the fashion magazines, Andrew Minyard has been pretty much glued to Kevin’s side since they went to Design school together after Kevin broke his hand and flew the Nest. Andrew is now an infamous addition to the fashion world--his skill with embroidery is often ignored in favour of talking about his tragic past and terrifying demeanour. Now that Neil is seeing him in real life, he can see that Andrew doesn’t look like much at first glance. 5 foot even with pale hair and a blank gaze, Andrew is much more dangerous than he comes across. His time in juvie, a legally required drug induced mania that occurred after nearly beating four men to death with his bare hands, and the assault that ended the drugs during his time in university are all well documented. The only thing that keeps reporters from asking Andrew about these events is the terror that they won’t survive the encounter. “Bags?” Andrew asks once they’ve both looked each other over. “This is it.” Neil says, pointing to his well worn duffle. Andrew shrugs and walks away, assuming that Neil will follow him. Neil follows him.

It’s not until they’re sitting in an obviously expensive car that Andrew speaks again. He’s smoking a cigarette with the window open, the vehicle still parked in the underground parking at the airport. Neil holds himself absolutely still to make sure that Andrew doesn’t notice how badly he wants to get away from the airport. “Kevin says Wymack recruited you,” Andrew says in a bland tone. “I don’t think ‘recruit’ is the right word. I forgot my sketchbook at the court and Wymack kidnapped it. Then sent photos of it to Kevin.” Neil hopes that he could mask some of the disdain at being slightly forced into this opportunity. Andrews glance at him says otherwise. Andrew doesn’t respond to that, just stubs out his cigarette and starts driving. Neil is on high alert throughout the drive, his eyes tracking every sign that they pass. Andrew doesn’t even look at him again until they get to what Neil assumes is the studio. Despite the brand getting more and more popular, the building is bland and unassuming. Neil guesses that this is just an office, that clients wouldn’t normally come here. The area that it’s located in is obviously high end, with the buildings all new and built in modern and stylish ways. The one that Andrew leads them to doesn’t stand out, but the closer they get the more Neil can see how tastefully expensive it is. There are two men standing outside waiting for them when the car pulls over and Neil gets out. Both are significantly taller than Neil. He maps out an escape in his head, hoping that their height would slow them in a fight. Neither seem to notice his hesitation. The shorter one of the two beams and pulls Neil in for a hug, one that he extricates himself from as soon as he can. “Kevin didn’t say you were so attractive! This is seriously going to be so much fun, Kev never lets anyone have any kind of control. Except for Andrew, sometimes, but never over the designs! I’m still in shock that he wanted another designer here, this is crazy,” the man babbles. The taller one beside him looks just as thrilled, but he’s calmer and just offers a hand to shake to Neil. “I’m Matt Boyd, and this is Nicky. Dan wanted to be the one to meet you first,” Matt sends a significant look to Andrew, “but it’s a little hectic right now with a client fitting. You know how it is.” Neil does not, in fact, ‘know how it is’. But he gives a little nod to let Matt know that he’s following. Andrew starts into the building and the others follow him. Neil wonders about the control comment that Nicky made about Kevin allowing Andrew to have some. “Dan, Danielle Wilds, is head seamstress,” Matt explains as they walk. Nicky buts in. “And she keeps us all together when it gets stressful. And she’s Matts girlfriend.” Matt takes over again, a small smile on his face. “I’m lead pattern drafter, Nicky here is in the Marketing department--” “And Andrews cousin,” Nicky sings. Andrew gives him a rude gesture without turning around to look at them. Neil sends a quick glance between the two of them. Where Andrew is pale in every way, with his blond hair and nearly translucent, Nicky is the complete opposite. His tan skin and dark eyes make a stark contrast between the two, and his hair is curly while Andrew’s is straight. Nicky must notice Neil’s confusion because he explains quickly. “I know! Doesn’t look like it, does it? My mom was ‘rescued’ during one of dads missionary trips in Mexico. I got moms colouring.” “Why are you greeting me if you’re in marketing?” Neil asks. Matt laughs at his blunt approach. “Nicky always does, it makes new employees feel a little more at ease. Especially when Andrew picks them up.” Andrew is waiting for them to get to the elevator. If the comment bothers him, he shows no sign of it. Neil clutches his duffle a little closer as they all pile into the elevator. No one mentions it, but Nicky does raise an eyebrow at the ratty bag. “Anyway, I’ll introduce you to everyone else once we get to the floor. Like I said, it’s been a little crazy right now so we won’t be able to ease you into anything.” Matt gives him a sympathetic look, even though this news is a relief for Neil. The less time people have to ask him questions the easier. “What do you do, Andrew?” Neil asks, even though he knows exactly what Andrew does. Andrew gives him a carefully blank look and crosses his arms, one hand on an armband. Neil’s eyes track the movement. It makes sense to have weapons there, since it would make them easy to access. He vows to keep a closer eye on them from now on. After the silence lasts too long Nicky takes over, laughing uncomfortably. “Andrew is an embroiderer and Kevin’s guard dog.” There’s a barely concealed threat in Andrews eyes and Nicky is quiet for the rest of the excruciating elevator ride. It stops on the 14th floor. It takes everything in Neil to get himself to step off of the elevator and away from any possibility of escape. He scans the room to find the emergency exit (in the far right corner) and check the windows. No matter what, he knows that there isn’t an easy way out of this building. Quietly spoken German startles Neil out of his thoughts. He turns around to see Nicky whispering to Andrew. “What was that? Is he going to have a panic attack or something?” Andrew doesn’t answer, but when he sends an assessing gaze towards Neil, he knows that they’re speaking about him. Neil forces his muscles to relax and follows Boyd into the room. After the original alarm, Neil actually looks at the room and how it’s set up. There’s a gently hum of voices and machines that permeate the floor and make it feel almost cozy. The room that they’ve stepped into has a line of industrial sewing machines on one side, each with a dress form sitting beside them. Most of the dress forms are partially dressed with the beginnings of elegant evening gowns. On the wall to the left under the large windows is a row of ironing boards. A man is standing at one of them with a look of bright concentration on his face while he irons what looks to be a cotton gown. Neil has never had the time to properly construct anything-all of his training when it comes to sewing was done in the heat of the moment. He’s much better with hand sewing, a by product of the little chores he had to do when they were on the run. “Knox! Neil is here,” Boyd says to the man. He puts the iron down on the holder and turns around with a thrilled smile. “Hi, I’m Jeremy Knox. I’m the lead tailor. I work mostly menswear, so you won’t see as much of me, but I love to do a good women’s suit as well.” “Who designs menswear?” Neil asks, shaking the enthusiastic blond mans hand. Nicky gives him a strange look. “Um, Allison does. You know, Allison Reynolds? The creator of Alli Rey?” Neil sends him a blank look. His research had focused on Kevin, he hadn’t had the time to pay any attention to the other roles in the company. He’s regretting that already. Matt takes over, sounding more friendly about Neil’s lack of knowledge. “Allison is known for exquisite suits. As her company expanded, she wanted to add in womens wear, and that’s when Kevin joined the crew.” Neil tries to commit every detail of the jobs of each person that he comes across. Matt is patient and good with the other staff. He introduces Neil to everyone without interrupting their work too much, and is quick to move them on to each room. There are two rooms with sewing machines, one of them for mens and one for womens. Another massive room is filled with huge, waist height tables for the pattern drafters. Matt is obviously in his zone there, and he shows Neil the area with pride. There are rooms for fittings and meetings, as well as a cutting room, which they don’t enter but just peak into. The area is filled with offices--one for Nicky and his small crew that work marketing, and one each for Allison and Kevin. There are a few more offices off of this, but since Matt stops at Kevins door, Neil decides to ignore them for the moment. Neil notices Andrew slip into one of the rooms without any of the others noticing. Even though Neil has already spoken to the ex-striker and was perfectly aware that he would be seeing him today, it’s a shock to see him sitting at a desk and yelling into the phone, one cheek tattooed with a queen chess piece. It had been a huge deal when it came out that Kevin had covered up his tattoo. Accusations and rumours were thrown around for months, but when Kevin never released a statement it was eventually forgotten about. Or, at least the topic had gone dormant. They wait in the doorway awkwardly while Kevin finished his heated call. The wall behind his desk is covered in images that look like reference and inspiration photos. One wall is full window and the room is stylishly furnished. When Kevin finally puts down the phone and puts his full attention on the two men hovering in the doorway Neil freezes. This entire journey was stupid, and if Kevin recognizes Neil right now he won’t have a way out. No flash of recognition mars Day’s face, though. Instead, Neil is fixed with a haughty expression. He barely spares a glance for Matt, and Matt eventually leaves after telling Neil that he’ll introduce him to Dan as soon as she’s back from the fitting at the Madison Avenue store. “You don’t look like much,” Kevin says eventually, pinning Neil with an unimpressed look. Neil is fully aware that he’s wearing an old t-shirt and jeans, both a size too big. He feels like trash in this fancy office with shiny furniture. Usually these clothes help him blend in, but here they are making him stick out like a sore thumb. “I don’t think I’m here to look good,” Neil finally replies. Kevin doesn’t look impressed with that answer, and chooses to ignore it. “I’ll send someone to pick up clothes for you. Probably Nicky, he knows the image that we’re trying to portray.” Kevin gets up from his chair and leans against the desk. He is significantly taller than Neil (like most people are), but he stands hunched over like he’s trying to hide himself. He straightens every few minutes, but continues to forget and hunch over again. Neil watches the inner battle with fascination. “As I’m sure you know, the Resort show is coming up fast, which is why things are so hectic around here right now,” Kevin looks put out by the chaos. Neil doesn’t appreciate the assumption that he knows when fashion shows are, since he very much so does not. “Anyway, we’re working on Spring/Summer right now and it needs to be good. We’re getting outside pressure and with the brand getting so much attention right now, we need to keep it up.” “So why did you bring in a rookie?” “You’ve seen the floor,” Kevin says with outright disgust. “We’ll never come up with something groundbreaking the way it is now.” Neil raises an eyebrow and makes a note of how little faith Day has in his own team. That could be a bit of a recipe for disaster. “That doesn’t explain why you’ve brought someone in whose never studied or worked in the industry.” “If you do exactly what I tell you to do, it’s all going to work out.”

Neil spends the rest of the day shadowing Kevin, being grateful he never played Exy with the man, and trying to memorize every single piece of information he’s being given. He’s exhausted by the time Kevin decides that they’re allowed to leave at 8pm, but he knows he can’t let his guard down yet. Just because Kevin hasn’t recognized him yet doesn’t mean that he won’t, and there’s something about Andrew’s vacant stare that’s causing Neil some anxiety. He’s pretty sure that the small blond will be more trouble that Kevin and Nicky combined. Although Nicky is starting to be a big problem. He’s gotten it into his head that if Neil doesn’t look perfect, he’ll lose all acclaim that he’s procured from his years in Marketing. To be fair, the way that Kevin worded his job to buy Neil clothes did make it sound like life or death. Nicky refused to let Neil get a cab to the hotel room he’ll be staying at while they try to find him accommodations, so he’s trapped in the back of the expensive car with a chatting Nicky while a grouchy Kevin sits in the passenger seat and an apathetic Andrew drives. “Don’t worry about anything, we’ll get you measured tomorrow during your lunch break. If Kevin gives you one,” Nicky says, glaring at Kevin before continuing on his tirade. “It’s seriously going to be so easy. You’re gorgeous enough in that trash, but in a suit? No one will survive those sharp cheekbones!” Nicky fans himself. To Neils surprise, Andrew gives Nicky a sharp look through the mirror. “Stop,” he says in German. Nicky takes the dangerous tone in a stride and rapidly changes the topic to talk about an upcoming photoshoot. That sets Kevin off about not having promotional material ready in time, which gives Neil a glorious breather in the conversation. Getting measurements done shouldn’t be a big deal. It wouldn’t be, for most people, but Neil isn’t most people. And he’s pretty sure that he’ll have to disrobe at least a little to get proper measurements. He’s still trying to figure out a way around this when Andrew dumps him at the hotel. Only Nicky says goodnight.

the foxhole court bad

(aka the eden’s twilight chapter is gross, the thanksgiving chapter is also gross, andriel is an abusive ship, and nicky and andrew are two terrible people being terrible to each other, a passionate essay by a dude who’s real sick and tired of this garbage)

I was gonna try to reread the whole series so I could factually and definitively prove that tfc sucks once and for all but after 2 chapters I concluded that reading it again was killing my last 3 brain cells, so I stuck with rereading the worst two chapters and gathering a few other moments I thought were noteworthy, and we’re just gonna have to go from there. I’m gonna discuss a bunch of stuff so I’m putting the entire meta under the cut. Also! If you have no idea what tfc is and follow me for other reasons but are intrigued by my hatred I doubt you could get through this whole thing without being bored. I’ve made a couple short posts saying what’s wrong with tfc, most recently this one here, which you could read instead of this long ass mess. 

If you know nothing about tfc and still wanna read, trigger warning for mentions of drug abuse, rape, physical abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse (both of children and adults... well of one adult who was once a child), actually. all abuse. just. don’t read if you’re triggered by any general categories of abuse

You still here? So sorry about that. Now let’s get going! 

I can’t deny that there’s some sort of appeal to tfc. “Sports team for fucked up weirdos” is an interesting concept and one that can draw you in, if it’s done well. But Nora Sakavic thrives on shock value and can’t write to save her life, so it’s not done well. It’s done very, very badly. Now I’m not here to complain about the terrible writing (even though I could, believe me). I’m here to complain about how Nora writes like she gets into tumblr discourse with teenagers and makes anti blocklists. So we’ll just go in chronological order, because I think it makes the most sense that way. 

Eden’s Twilight

Up until the Eden’s Twilight chapter, the bad parts are more or less excusable. Andrew is...being Andrew, but the book has just begun, and as long as he doesn’t get any worse he’s bound to have some character development soon (which ha funny joke but we’re hopeful, the night’s still young). Nicky is likable and seemingly the good guy who’s said maybe a couple iffy things, Aaron isn’t noteworthy (and boy does he stay that way), and we haven’t seen much of Kevin’s “fun alcoholism” yet. 

And then there’s Eden’s Twilight.  The setup to the chapter has a couple interesting moments, most notably Nicky pushing Neil to take out his contacts despite the knowledge that it makes him deeply uncomfortable because everyone just bends to the fucking whim of Andrew apparently (a running theme that I’ll get to later) and a gross bit of setup where Nicky comes onto Neil and Andrew threatens to kill him. 

“...his happy expression faltered when he got a good look at Neil. “Oh man. Neil, you clean up good. Can I say that, or is that against the rules? Just--damn. Aaron, don’t let me get too drunk tonight.” (tfc pg 129)

(Nicky is an adult with a fiancee who he allegedly loves. Neil is 18. Just in case anyone’s forgotten.)

Then they go and buy some drugs! Nora shows a worrying misunderstanding of how drug withdrawal works (Nora do even one ounce of research for your shitty book please ma’am I’m begging you) and they buy some drugs with vague side effects (I have no idea if the stuff they take is based off real world drugs and I’d rather not find out) in a scene that seems unrealistic but I couldn’t tell you for sure (never bought drugs. not about to ask the people in my life who have.). They buy their drugs, Andrew takes some drugs, Nora continues to know nothing about withdrawal, they go to a nightclub! The night is still young!

And now comes the big problem area. 

Their nightclub adventures begin with a complicit bartender who says, “Back so soon, Andrew? Who’s your newest victim?” (tfc pg 133). On a later page it’s established that the bartender was spiking Neil’s drinks and fully aware of everything the siblings planned to do (as is routine with them? apparently?) so. Fun guy. 

They do some drugs, drink some alcohol. Neil refuses to do both. Andrew and Nicky are adamant about him doing drugs with them, but he refuses, so they concede. 

“Drink with us if you won’t dust with us,” Nicky said, holding his open packet in one hand and his shot in the other. 

And Neil does. Because there’s no reason not to, really. Andrew’s gang accepted it when he said he didn’t drink. They’ve so far not forced him to do anything he doesn’t want to. He watched the bartender pour his drink. He has no reason to suspect he won’t be fine. 

So, of course, his drink is drugged, and Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky hold him down as he tries to run away. The twins force him onto the dance floor, then leave him with Nicky, reigning defender for World’s Most Predatory Man. 

“Bodies and lights blurred around him, making Neil nauseous. He clawed bloody lines down Nicky’s arm as he fought to get free. Nicky didn’t let go until they’d reached the middle of the dance floor. He pulled Neil up against him and caught Neil’s chin in his fingers to force his head back.  Nicky’s kiss was harder than Neil expected it to be, and there was more than just tongue in it. Beneath the burn of vodka Nicky shared with him was the sweet tang of cracker dust. Neil didn’t mean to swallow, but it hurt too much to hold it in his mouth.  “This is how the game goes,” Nicky said against his lips. “Stop fighting if you want to survive.” (tfc pg 136)

Nicky is a good guy of the story. Not only that, he’s a fan favorite character. This isn’t even a chapter people gloss over to glorify their faves, either. People often point to this chapter and the surrounding scenes as one of the series’ most iconic moments. Neil’s night ends with him paying a bartender to knock him unconscious to put an end to the drugged abuse, which can be found near the top of pretty much everyone’s “top ten iconic Neil Josten moments” lists.  This scene is fucking disgusting. He’s forcefully assaulted, allowed and encouraged by Andrew, who’s supposedly the force keeping Nicky in line, and who told him earlier in the chapter not to try anything. Aaron and Kevin are complicit in this, as is the bartender. As are the rest of the team members and Coach Wymack, even if it’s to a far lesser extent, because though they’re horrified that Andrew and his gang brought Neil to the club, they’re not surprised. For people who seemed to know it was coming, they did an awfully lax job of keeping Neil safe though they claim that’s their top priority, and Wymack hardly reprimands Andrew. And no one even shifts blame towards Nicky, despite the fact that he’s the worst person here out of all of them.

People tend to ignore Nicky in general when it comes to how bad of people all these characters are. Which is weird, because Nicky is a horrific predator, and this scene can’t be excused. Though he never assaults Neil again, he continues to be interested in him up until his lackluster apology (which, by the way, does not excuse his actions in this chapter so fuck off if you’re gonna say it does), and it’s pretty clearly implied that he only stops flirting uncomfortably with Neil (who, side note, is still barely not a child) because Andrew forces him to, and not because of any personal growth. 

This should be the end of my explanation of why these books are terrible. Writing a scene like this, in which the assaulters are the good guys of the story and will, throughout the next three books, improve as people by exactly 0%, is reprehensible. There’s no coming back from that. But some of you obviously disagree, so let’s keep going. 

There’s more scenes like this, one in particular, but I’m gonna talk about it later. My point is just that “token gay character is a blatant predator” is not a good look, especially when written by a straight woman.

Thanksgiving

Nora Sakavic would not know how to write a rape victim if one punched her in the face and told her she was a horrible writer. I wish I didn’t have to say more. But I obviously do, so let’s go. 

(as always: necessary disclaimer that I am not a csa survivor and if anyone out there is and disagrees with me I’m more than willing to hear you out, however, i don’t think it takes one to tell that Nora Sakavic is a Fraud And Hack) 

This one wasn’t quite as hard to reread as the Eden’s Twilight chapter, probably because even though the acts are worse, it doesn’t have a bad message overall. The rapist is, thank god, the bad guy in this one. 

It does, however, have problems. Because Nora is still unable to write about serious issues without incorporating scenes purely for the purpose of shock value. 

Like, y’all, it’s really not hard to say “this character was raped as a child and has problems with consent and intimacy because of it”. You don’t need to bring the rapist into the story and have them rape the character again only for the main characters to walk in on it and kill the rapist with a lacrosse racket. 

Oh yeah, spoilers, that’s exactly what happens.  

The chapter starts out fine. If anything, it’s tame for a chapter of a book out of The World’s Most Unnecessarily Over The Top Book Series. 

The basic setup is: Nicky’s parents have invited him and the twins home for Thanksgiving after being estranged for 5 years. Andrew refuses to go. He won’t tell anyone why, but after a talk with him Neil learns that it’s because he was raped by his stepbrother and when he confided in Nicky’s dad about it, Nicky’s dad told him it was a misunderstanding. 

Y’all know what that is? Perfectly fucking adequate writing. We learn this thing about Andrew’s past. He has, for probably the only time in this entire series, adequate motivation to do something. But Ms. Sakavic, known Fraud And Hack, said fuck that. We need more. We need to really know what Andrew went through. “Like in a longer conversation sequence?” Someone sensible asked. Nora shook her head. “Like in the second worst scene I have ever written because I am a Fraud And Hack.” 

So they go to Nicky’s house for Thanksgiving! This also gives Nora a chance to remind us all that she is a straight woman and Nicky is a gay stereotype. Andrew is on edge the entire time, but Neil manages to keep him under control for the most part. Then we learn that Nicky’s dad invited Andrew’s rapist ex-stepbrother to the house. And than they’re upstairs together. Alone. 

So y’know, Neil and Aaron run upstairs, break down the door, there’s a page and a half of description of the scene of Andrew about to get raped before their very eyes, Aaron kills the rapist with a lacrosse stick (exy stick, whatever), and scene. I’m not gonna quote this one, because I don’t wanna make anyone read it, but it runs roughly from page 215-220 of The Raven King if you wanna see for yourself. Highly recommend against it. It’s nasty. 

This is a chapter that goes from 0-100 in pretty much too seconds. Someone should probably tell Nora that forcing Andrew to have dinner with the man who discredited his rape is enough digging up of his traumatic past. We don’t need to go deeper. She can stop now. She should stop now. We know Andrew’s history of csa at this point. If Nora thought that wasn’t enough, there are a million ways she could go more in depth without doing this. This scene doesn’t even go more in depth. In terms of advancements in the story, all that happens is that Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky find out about Andrew’s past (something that could have happened in so many different ways) and Aaron kills a man (which doesn’t actually matter because it takes no toll on him and is never mentioned again because nora is a fraud and hack). I was appalled and horrified the first time I read it, and rightly so, because that’s it’s only purpose. 

And putting a rape scene in a book for the sole purpose of shocking your readers is just a nasty thing to do. 

Bonus Point: Riko Moriyama Is An Evil Monster And That’s Bad Even If He Is The Villain 

Riko’s an evil monster! Yeah! Obviously! We’re glad he died! He sucks! But...he’s a very badly written evil monster, and I don’t feel like unpacking all of him, but I just want to point to a couple scenes towards the end of The Raven King real quick since they fit with the whole “Nora don’t write about rape like this” theme. 

I’m not gonna quote this one either because it’s Real Gross. But basically, Riko convinces Neil to spend winter break with him by telling him that he arranged for Andrew to get raped over Thanksgiving, and that if Neil doesn’t comply with his terms, he’s paid off one of the doctors at the psych ward Andrew is staying in and will get that doctor to rape him again. 

So that didn’t...need to happen. It’s quite frankly disgusting that Nora wrote all this (the language in this scene is very explicit). It’s disgusting that she couldn’t think of any other way to portray her villain as evil. This is bad writing. Riko doesn’t need to be cartoonishly villainous. It’s unnecessary, it’s over the top, and it’s sickening to read. 

Also? That scene at the end of The Raven King where Riko handcuffs Neil to the bed and like...stabs him and it’s never said he rapes him but he definitely rapes him because Nora’s predatory subtext is more obvious than a slap in the face? That didn’t need to happen either. 

Andriel is a terrible ship, Nora you FRAUD AND HACK

So Andrew and Neil get together in the last book, because every series written by a straight woman needs a super unhealthy gay relationship for fangirls to call cute.

(This one is...weird because a lot of the fanbase are gay themselves, but I’ve heard there’s gay people who like the captive prince too so. i guess it just be like that sometimes.)

I don’t have time to comb through the entire book looking through problematic moments, and I wouldn’t want to. I’m just gonna grab a couple noteworthy scenes in what I hope will make an adequate outline of this fucked up relationship. 

The Foxhole Court starts by setting up a running theme of Everyone Disrespecting Neil’s Boundaries All The Time with Wymack, Andrew, and Kevin coming to his high school and refusing to leave until he agrees to sign on with their Not Lacrosse team. His first meeting with Andrew is when Andrew hits him with a lacrosse racket to forcibly stop him from leaving the locker room, a pretty good encapsulation of the sort of person Andrew is. They spent the next three books allegedly falling in love.

Neil establishes boundaries. Andrew breaks them.

“I don’t need to be persuasive,” Andrew said, putting a hand to Neil’s chest as the elevator slowed to a stop. “You’ll just learn to do what I say.” 

This is on page 33 of tfc, during their second meeting. Andrew establishes that he’s controlling and manipulative pretty damn early. 

A list of other “romantic and iconic” Andriel moments include:

Andrew breaks into Neil’s room and goes through his belongings

Andrew drugs Neil and allows Nicky to assault him (after threatening to kill Nicky if he tried anything??) because he doesn’t trust him

Andrew uses threats of sharing personal information to force Neil to tell him secrets

Andrew is repeatedly physically violent (their first meeting, beating him up at Eden’s Twilight)

Andrew tells Neil’s secrets to the team psychiatrist, knowing full well it’s a betrayal of Neil’s trust

Andrew delights in Neil’s fear and goes out of his way for most of tfc to make him fear for his safety

Andrew didn’t look at Wymack. “Neil wants to come with me.”  A day ago, those words might have been an order or a threat, but today Neil heard only truth. He’d chosen the Foxes. He’d chosen to trust Andrew, whatever that meant and whatever consequences it brought down the road. (tfc pg. 152)

After that quote the moments are harder to spot (read: I reread less of trk and none of tkm so I don’t have any bookmarks to turn to), but they are still there. The last moment there is from trk, so the abuse doesn’t stop, I’m just too exhausted to keep looking. 

And let me be clear, that quote is barely consent. Andrew physically and psychologically abuses Neil into the position he’s in when he surrenders and sides with Andrew on page 152.  This scene takes place right after Eden’s Twilight, and above all of what went down there, Neil has just been forced into telling Andrew more personal information than he’s ever told anyone. After a night of abuse he feels trapped, like resistance is futile, so he gives in. Saying he wants to be part of Andrew’s crew doesn’t count as consent when his hand is being forced. 

Even though scenes towards the end of the series show Neil beginning to learn how to control Andrew and the two of them coming to stand on a more level ground, their relationship is one built on abuse and violence, and it’s important not to forget that. It’s unrealistic that Neil would come to trust Andrew, honestly. And having the abusive, more mature character give Neil his first ever relationship and teach him that he’s gay (or bi, or whatever he is) is not a good look. Especially when this book has everything else I’ve already mentioned. Especially when Nora is, once again, a grown ass straight woman. 

Nicky And Andrew Are Two Terrible People Being Terrible To Each Other And Actually I Hate Both Of Them 

So Nicky’s predatory and Andrew is violent and their relationship is as unhealthy as can get. Andrew’s relationships with Nicky and Aaron are both unhealthy, but Aaron’s much less so, so I’m just gonna get into Nicky today because I’ve been writing for almost 3 hours and I kinda wanna die right about now. 

We’ve already established that I don’t like either of them. But let me be clear, it takes a lot for me to admit that Andrew “knives hidden up my sleeves” Minyard is right in any situation. And yet, in pretty much any situation where he threatens Nicky, it’s easy to see him as the good guy, at least up until a certain point. 

Andrew is a bad person. He’s violent and manipulative and has no regard for people’s boundaries. Nicky is arguably worse, painting himself as the peacemaker while being horrifically predatory. 

(A point on Nicky: Nora spends pretty much all of the first book showing Nicky as predatory, then abandons it entirely for the next two books, making it easy to forget the kind of person he is. Just because the predatory behavior stops doesn’t excuse it. Just because Nora thinks one lousy apology makes Nicky a good person suddenly, doesn’t mean it does.)

I’m gonna paste in a pretty massive chunk of text from the foxhole court, but I think it’s all important, so bear with me. 

“Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I’d like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight.” Nicky pointed at his face, presumably where Andrew had decked him. “So yeah, I’m going to crush on safer targets until Andrew gets bored of him. That means you, since Matt’s taken and I don’t hate myself enough to try Seth. Congrats.” “Can you take the creepy down a level?” Aaron asked. “What?” Nicky asked. “He said he doesn’t swing, so obviously he needs a push.” ... “Nicky’s scheming to rape Neil,” Aaron said. “There are a couple flaws in his plan he needs to work out first, but he’ll get there sooner or later.” “You’re such an asshole,” Nicky said as he started for the door. “Wow, Nicky,” Andrew said. “You start early.” “Can you really blame me?” ... Andrew caught Nicky’s jersey in one hand and threw him hard up against the wall... “Hey Nicky,” Andrew said in stage-whisper German. “Don’t touch him, you understand?”  “You know I’d never hurt him. If he says yes-”  “I said no.”  Jesus, you’re greedy,” Nicky said. “You already have Kevin, what does it-” He went silent, but it took Neil a moment to realize why. Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky’s jersey...Neil knew Andrew meant it. If Nicky so much as breathed wrong right now, Andrew would cut his lungs to ribbons, any and all consequences be damned. 

 So there’s a lot to unpack there. I loose Andrew at the point where he’s ready to murder, but though he’s extreme as fuck, it’s not like he’s unjustified. We learn later from his backstory why he’s so extreme in shutting down any behavior he sees predatory, and rightfully so. (Even though there’s still Eden’s Twilight soon after this... it’s Nora’s incompetent writing isn’t it.) Nicky is a creep. He’s an adult. He has a fiance. And he’s talking about how he’s going to coerce a teenager into having sex with him because he won’t tell him his sexuality. 

He says he wouldn’t do anything without consent, but we know that’s not true. He’s just saying what Andrew wants to hear. 

And as for Andrew, though his violence is excused by backstory and mental problems, it’s a big fucking deal. He nearly killed his cousin, who we know he feels at least some sort of fondness for, because it’s established at this point that the reason he’s so heavily medicated is for attacking men who threatened Nicky. Would he regret it later? It’s impossible to say. He killed Aaron’s mom and assumed Aaron would be grateful. He’s threatened or attacked pretty much every member of the Not Lacrosse team. And I honestly don’t know what Nora is trying to tell us about him. He gets tamer once he’s permanently off his medication, but he was violent before it. I suppose that’s because by then Neil has learned how to calm him down, but is that the message? Abuse a boy into hanging out with you and eventually he’ll be a boyfriend who knows how to deal with you? 

Nicky is a predator and Andrew is a violent abuser and neither of them are the good guys and that’s the only conclusion I can possibly draw from the way they’re written. 

Assorted noteworthy moments that didn’t fit into any larger part: 

the part in trk where Nicky’s parents are homophobic and he tells them he loves his fiance and this is the moment that’s supposed to make us sympathize with him? “The sexual predator has homophobic Christian parents feel sad for him” nice try Nora but he’s not getting shit in the way of sympathy from me, your straight is showing

the part in tfc when Seth says the f-slur is bad because uh. Nora that’s not your word to say

bonus Nicky is predatory bit: Nicky waggled a hand at Aaron. “Quick, have we said anything totally incriminating these past few months?” “Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you’d like to do to [Neil], I don’t think so.” (tfc pg 239) 

Kevin is also manipulative! I felt like covering it would be a bit of a rehash of Andrew and this was getting really long but he continually uses exy as leverage to get Neil to do things he feels will put him in danger the same way Andrew uses threats of sharing his secrets. 

bonus bonus Nicky is predatory bit (I’m discovering more and more as I go): Nicky’s stare was appreciative when Neil returned, but for once he kept his mouth shut. (tfc pg 243) Is this supposed to be character growth? Being predatory without explicitly saying anything is barely better Nora!! (Side note, in this same scene Nicky does make a comment about Neil jacking off in the bathroom stall which? Seems kinda bad considering everything else with him?)

I didn’t touch on it very much because no one cares about it and it’s way harder to convince people poor writing about drug abuse is bad than poor writing about sexual assault is bad (even though it shouldn’t be, and i could have tried both but again. long post) but Nora’s attitude to drugs and alcohol is bad. Every character and their mom is addicted to something, with Kevin and Andrew being the most obvious touched on (also Seth but I don’t think anyone cares about him), and Nora’s attitude towards writing it is quite frankly disgusting. She’s offensively misinformed and it pisses me off to no end. But that’s a rant for another day.

Every sex scene between Neil and Andrew is gross. (I think there’s two of them from what I remember? At least two, maybe more.) I googled plenty and I couldn’t find Nora’s age anywhere, but I know for a fact that she’s an adult, and I also know the series took her 13 years to write, so I’m fairly sure she’s at least in her 30s. 

I know I said I wasn’t gonna complain about bad writing but. It’s so bad y’all, and I honestly think it gets worse as the books go along. Every time Neil monologued it took a year off my life. 

So yeah. There’s a lot that’s fucked up about the foxhole court. And the worst part of it is that it never gets better. Andrew makes marginal improvement, but Nicky never does. Nora writes shock value scenes until the series end (I didn’t write about the scene in tkm where Neil gets tortured because it’s the same shock value effect of the thanksgiving chapter in a different sort of way but it’s also bad). I am of the honest belief that this book is far too fucked up to salvage. This is my official tfc bad masterpost, because every time I criticize it someone wants to know more. But I’m also putting it in the fandom tags because it annoys me to no end that y’all support these books, and I’m hoping I can at least change someone’s mind. 

Part 3 of the Kevneil thing (IB @knandersonart on IG)

TW - torture, detailed injury and physical abuse, verbal abuse, blood

“That was quite a show back there”, Riko’s lips curled cruelly as he took a step into the bathroom, letting the door slam shut behind him and his men, “making me seem inferior to show off to your little foxes”. Kevin swallowed a lump and stepped back to press himself against the bathroom wall, “I wasn’t showing off, I was just telling the truth. We’ll beat you and you know it”. Kevin’s heart was thumping loudly in his ears as Riko slowly closed the space between them. “Oh, do I? Do you really think that you’ve ever been in a position to say what I know? A pet like you?”, Riko laughed then scowled, his voice like gravel, “don’t make me laugh”. He raised his hand and in one quick movement full of practice, knocked Kevin to the floor. Kevin exhaled sharply as a shooting pain exploded across his jaw, rattling his teeth. “I’ve missed this”, Riko smiled and kicked Kevin in the ribs, breathing in a delirious gasp before kicking Kevin until his foot hurt. “Have you met my boys?”, Riko clicked his fingers and crouched down, stroking Kevin’s swollen jaw lightly as the two men stood over him, “it’s a shame, Kevin, we could’ve gotten along really well if you weren’t such a push over”. Kevin spat onto Riko’s cheek and winced at the sharp pain it caused across his mouth, “fuck you”, he groaned through clenched teeth. “I wish you could”, Riko wiped the spit off with his thumb and gouged it into Kevin’s eye, “right boys, it’s your turn”. Riko stood up and turned to leave the room, shouting for the men not to kill Kevin before leaving the room with a slam of the door. “You know that you’re just dogs to him, he’ll kill you too when you’re not useful anymore”, Kevin glared at the men and tried to keep his voice even despite the fear crawling up his throat. “Shut up and bite this”, the tallest man leaned down and shoved a ball of cloth into Kevin’s mouth, “we can’t risk people hearing your screams as we tear you apart”. Kevin whimpered and made to sit up and get away as the other man pulled a knife from his blazer pocket. He shook his head in a pleading no and screamed when the knife ripped down his side, blood spilling down to the front of his once pristine white shirt. The man with the knife inspected his handiwork with a small smile and kneeled out of the way as the taller one shoved Kevin onto his front. His heavy knee was pressed between Kevin’s shoulder blades while his hand pressed Kevin’s head forcibly down onto the cold tile floor. The knife was brought back to Kevin’s skin, leaving little lines across each dip of his spine. “What shall we carve?”, the man holding Kevin down asked with a smile in his voice, “how about your owner’s name?” Kevin screamed and attempted to thrash about as he felt Riko’s name being carved through his blazer into his skin. “Make sure he doesn’t bleed out”, one of the men grunted, shoving his free hand onto the torn skin in an attempt to stop the blood from spilling over onto the tiles. Kevin felt as bile tore up his throat, burning his mouth as it stay trapped behind the make shift gag. Kevin squeezed his eyes shut and screamed as his tears began to fall, causing the two men to laugh. “No wonder you’re the pet, you’re such a coward”, the man with the knife laughed before slamming his elbow into the side of Kevin’s head. He stood up and stared down at the blood covering the floor, sniffing before nodding in satisfaction, “let him go”. The man lifted his knee cautiously from Kevin’s back and stood up, stretching his legs before laughing at the mess of Kevin’s limp body. “Take the gag out and let’s go, we can’t let anyone see us”, the tall man nodded to the shorter one who walked over and pulled the gag out, grimacing at the damp bile lining the back of it. They both stared down at Kevin before leaving silently, this time not letting the door slam behind them. Kevin let out a shaky breath and pushed his head harder onto the floor, letting the pain in his head replace the burning in his back.

“Kevin? Shit”. Kevin opened his eyes groggily as he felt hands grip his shoulders. He sat up quickly and cowered away before remembering the pain and collapsing back onto the floor, accepting whatever beating he was about to get. Except the next touch he felt was a gentle brush of his hair and a thumb stroking his cheek as Nicky leaned down and whispered reassurances into his ear. “Don’t worry, Matt’s gone to get Coach, you’ll be okay”, Nicky’s voice wavered as he tried to swallow down his fear at the sight of all the blood. Kevin squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to sit up, grateful for Nicky’s gentle help. “Tell them not to worry, I’ll be okay. I’ve played with worse injuries”, Kevin grunted as he tried to roll his shoulder despite the blinding pain. “Can you not think about Exy for one fucking minute? You should be thankful that you can’t see what you look like”, Nicky had the back of his hand pressed against his mouth, quiet tears rolling down his cheeks. “Kevin!”, the bathroom door smacked open as Wymack barged in with Abby and Matt close behind, “fuck’s sake, what did I say? I said to come to me if he-fuck”. Wymack turned away and swore before turning back and dropping to his knees next to Kevin, “you kids are gonna be the death of me”. Kevin smiled sadly and dropped his head onto his father’s shoulder, fantasizing for a bleak moment that circumstances were different and Coach was supporting him out of love, not duty. “There’s too much blood, I don’t know where it’s coming from”, Abby kneeled on the other side of Kevin and began to pull off his blazer, “I’m sorry, I know it hurts, I know”. She peeled his blood soaked blazer and shirt off, whimpering at the sight of the deep cuts and dark bruises. “Matt, take Nicky out and get the others on the bus, don’t you fucking dare let anyone out of your sight”, Wymack rubbed a hand down his face and sighed tiredly. Matt nodded and pulled Nicky off the floor, dragging him out of the bathroom with an arm over his shoulder. “Did Riko do this?”, Wymack asked as Abby began working on the long tear down Kevin’s side. “Is Neil okay?”, Kevin whispered, closing his eyes and clenching his fists in his lap. “Neil? Who the fu-the Wesninski kid? Do I want to know why you need that information?”, Wymack placed a hand on the back of Kevin’s head and grabbed a fistful of hair, pulling on it protectively. “I just need to know he’s okay”, Kevin looked up at his dad and frowned, “please”. Wymack glared at Kevin before sighing and standing up, “I won’t be long, don’t you fucking dare move”. Kevin gestured to Abby who began stitching his side back up with a deadpan expression and watched as Wymack left the room. “I hate seeing you kids hurt, why would anyone want to do this to my foxes?”, Abby cut the last of the stitches off with small scissors and stared down at her handiwork. “I’m sorry”, Kevin whispered, unable to look her in the eye. Abby leaned over and placed a gentle kiss onto Kevin’s forehead before slowly turning him to check his back and, by her choked gasp, it was a mess. “Kevin”, she whispered, sorrow weighing her words down and making Kevin feel guilty for hurting her. “I’m sorry”, he whispered again, slowly pulling his legs to his chest with a wince and resting his head on his knees.

“The Wesninski kid is ‘fine’ apparently, but he wouldn’t let me go back to you without him coming along”, Wymack sighed as he pushed open the door and led Neil and Andrew into the room, “this blonde one threatened me with a fucking knife”. Neil took one look at Kevin and turned to leave the room only to be stopped as Wymack grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him away from the door, “we’re not having anymore injuries today, do you fucking hear me?” Neil snorted and tried to shake him off, “you’re not my Coach”. Wymack pushed Neil away and gave a warning look over his shoulder to Andrew, “congratulations, I don’t care”. Neil sighed in frustration and dropped down to Kevin, cupping his face in his hands, “I shouldn’t have fucking left you”. Kevin pushed his hands off weakly and dropped their foreheads together, placing a small kiss against Neil’s lips, “it’s not your fault so shut up and come back with me”. He didn’t open his eyes to see Neil’s reaction, but by the sound of Neil’s sigh he guessed that he finally won the argument. “Yay, we’re coming home with you, big guy”, Andrew kicked the back of Wymack’s foot and walked over to Kevin, “you look like shit”. Kevin huffed a tired laugh and pulled his head away from Neil’s. “I didn’t invite you two to come back with us”, Wymack grunted, but he called Matt to warn the others of the new arrivals anyway. “There you go”, Abby whispered as she finished stitching Kevin’s back, “that’s going to leave quite the scar, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it”. She helped Kevin back into his blazer, balling up the torn shirt in her hands and shoving it into the provided bin in the corner of the bathroom. She turned and watched as Andrew and Neil helped Kevin up with a small smile, “welcome to the team, boys”.

no other name (falling off my lips)

A/N: So I was sitting here minding my own business listening to music as I was avoiding doing hw when I was hit with the inspiration for some Angsty Andreil from my SN&E universe. So I did it. Enjoy the pain while I cry and finish up the last of my hw 

[Read on Ao3]

          Neil sits in the empty studio and stares at the ivory keys beneath his fingertips. They trip and glide over the white and black bars but never press down hard enough to make a sound — almost too afraid of what will happen if he does. The piano was never his instrument, not in any way that mattered at least. No, it was always Andrew’s, a piece of the drummer only few got to see and even fewer knew how deep that part of him went. Maybe that’s why he sits alone tucked away in the empty piano room at Fox Records. It’s the only way he can feel close to him.

           It’s stupid. Neil shouldn’t need an instrument to feel close to the person who made him real — to the person that breathed Neil Josten to life and told him to stay. But the fact is that Neil hasn’t seen or heard from Andrew in almost two months. Not since Andrew had stormed out of their room after the biggest argument they’ve ever had. He could still hear the ringing of the door slamming closed and the rev of the engine and Andrew’s sleek black car peels out of the driveway and races down their quiet suburban neighborhood.

           At first, he just thought that Andrew needed to cool his head — take his space where he needed it after Neil pushed too hard for something he wasn’t ready to give. It was fine. Neil couldn’t begrudge him that, especially when he found his own blood boiling at the mere thought of looking at his boyfriend’s seemingly indifferent face after that particular argument — after he tore himself open only to have it shoved back in his face. He was fine. So, he pulled on a pair of running shoes and lost himself in the streets surrounding their home and city until the sun sets and the sky darkens too much for him to continue. When he gets back, Andrew is still nowhere to be found and his phone is silent. That should have been his first sign that something was wrong. Andrew may disappear from time to time but he always texted Neil, even if just to tell him to leave him alone. The silence was deafening.

           But Neil didn’t heed that whisper in the back of his head, still too angry at himself and Andrew to think any more of it. It was a big argument. Maybe Andrew just needed more time to figure his own thoughts out; god knew Neil still did. He showered and went to bed, ignoring how the bed felt too big with Andrew there on the other side of the mattress and too cold without the warmth of his back pressed against a broad chest. When his eyes closed he thought to himself that tomorrow he would talk to him again. That he would fix this between them.

           He didn’t know that tomorrow would never come. That he would wait day after day with no response from Andrew, no call, no text, nothing. He tried calling only to find that the number couldn’t be reached at this time. Then Neil really started panicking. Clutching his phone tightly in a fist, he rushes out of their room and flies down the stairs until he’s skidding into the kitchen where Nicky is cooking. The tall man startles, nearly tossing the contents of the pan onto the ground as he jumps.

           “Jesus Christ Neil!” he gasps, putting the pan down and turning the flame on low. “What’s-”

           “Have you heard from Andrew?”

           His brows furrow, “Not since Friday. I just thought that he was off on one of his self-isolated road trips.”

           “Friday, you’re sure?” Neil urges him.

           “Yeah. He sent a text saying that he was taking a break and not to look for him.”

           Neil runs through his hair. “Fuck.”

           “What’s going on?” Worry starts to mar his face, but Neil is already turning away, running to the only other person who Andrew would have contacted.

           He finds Aaron sitting on the couch with his phone glued to his hand like always. So irrational part of him wonders if that was Andrew on the other end of the screen no matter the fact that Neil knows the twin have texted each other only a handful of times in the two years he’s known them. Still, he wonders.

           “Are you talking to Andrew?”

           “No.” Aaron doesn’t even bother to look up from his screen as he types away at a message.

           “Are you sure?”

           He sneers, “I think I would know if I was texting my brother or not.”

           Neil wants to tear his hair out. Or Aaron’s. “When did you hear from him last?”

           “God what’s with the third degree? Go bug someone else.”

           “Aaron,” Neil all but growls, “When did you last hear from him?”

           “Fuck you.”

           Neil dives for him then and he would have made it if not for Nicky coming out of the kitchen hot on Neil’s tail and yanking him back just in time. Aaron finally looks away from his phone and stares at Neil like he’s finally lost his mind. Maybe he had.

           “Neil calm down!” Nicky tries to push him further away, but he pulls at his arms.

           “I swear to fucking god Aaron, if you do not tell me right now, I’ll fucking kill you.”

           Aaron gives him a bored look. “What did you lose your boyfriend? Maybe he finally got tired of you.”

           Neil almost breaks free.

           “Jesus Aaron really?” Nicky sighs exasperatedly. “Kevin! Get your ass in here before you have to find a new singer!”

           Kevin ambles in from upstairs, looking for all intents and purposes like he just crawled out of bed despite it being nearly 11 am. “What the fuck is going on now?”

           “Well as you can clearly see I need your help!”

           Kevin looks between Neil and Aaron before turning around and going back upstairs.

           “KEVIN!”

           In Nicky’s moment of distraction, Neil breaks free from his grasp and grabs Aaron, yanking him off the couch and hauling him so they meet eye to eye. “If you do not tell me what I want to know right now-”

           “You’ll what?” he sneers, pulling at Neil’s grip.

           Neil only tightens it. “I was the son of a serial killer that liked to torture people for hours before he granted them even a thought towards mercy. I could kill you in ways that you could only image.”

           Aaron pales and the sneer slips slightly.

           “Neil,” Nicky whispers, voice shaking.

           He ignores him. “Now when did you last talk to him?”

           For a moment, he doesn’t think Aaron will answer him — that his stubborn nature and ill regard for Neil would keep his mouth silent. To his surprise, he answers. “Yesterday.”

           Neil lets him go, the single word enough to open the world beneath his feet and leave him feeling. “What?”

           “I said I heard from him yesterday. He texted to say that he’s going to be gone for a bit and to bug Renee if I needed anything since he wouldn’t be reachable.”

           Neil’s world bottoms out. Andrew was gone. Gone. And he left his family to Renee, not Neil. Trusted Renee to keep them safe not Neil. The message hit him like a ton of bricks: painful and clear. Andrew couldn’t trust Neil to do that job anymore, nor did he want him to.

           Nick was trying to say something to him, but the words fell on deafened ears. All he could hear was that slamming door and the rev of an engine. Over and over again. He’s flying out the door before he even registers moving — feet slapping concrete and sending shocks up his shin until it becomes painful. His lungs heave and constrict in his chest for the too little air squeezing past his throat. This time even when the sky darkens, he runs and runs until the sun peaks over the horizon again and he has to crawl to keep moving. When he gets home their bedroom is still empty and his phone is silent.

           No one hears from Andrew for two months. Kevin is pissed, seething about the fact that they had to halt the progress on their next album with their drummer missing. Nicky looks worried and flickers between mother-henning the band and locking himself in his room to skype with Erik in hushed German. The Foxes range between worried (Dan, Matt, and Wymack) and apathetic (Seth and Allison) with only Renee giving him a sad pitiful look whenever he catches her eyes. Even Aaron starts to look a bit worried, but Neil can’t bring himself to care.

Staying in the house hurts — hurts more than anything his father or Lola ever did to him as a child or adult. He spent hours staring at their empty bed from a spot where he curled up on the floor since he couldn’t bring himself to sleep in it alone. The glass doors to the balcony became impassable and the empty spot in the garage opened a pit in his chest he thought he long since filled. After the first month, he gives up and moves onto Matt and Dan’s couch after the two of them offer him a place in their new apartment together.

           He stares at the keys again, this time pressing one until a soft ping fills the room. The sound breaks something in him and he presses another. And then another and another until the room fills with a simple melody.

           The piano was never his, but Andrew taught him some of the basics during the late nights when neither of them could sleep. It was never anything more than a couple of chords here or there or how to move his hands across the keys — even if they never moved half as fast as his. He loved those nights. Loved seeing Andrew lose himself in the music that once meant so much to him, even if it meant that no one else would.

           He plays the melody over again, and then another time, adding a few complexities as he goes along until he can feel the hint of a song scratching at the back of his mind. His fingers fly and the music twists itself into words in his throat until he starts humming along trying to decipher them. When he opens his mouth, the words come pouring out.

Wish I could, I could've said goodbye I would've said what I wanted to Maybe even cried for you

He didn’t know. He couldn’t have known that when Andrew left he would never get to say goodbye. Even when he thought he had seconds left, he always knew he would spend them saying goodbye and now that he can’t-

If I knew, it would be the last time I would've broke my heart in two Tryin' to save a part of you

           He should have kept his mouth shut. Should have never said a damn thing about it. But he was so tired. Tired of lying. Tired of pretending that he was nothing to Andrew. Tired of people thinking that they were nothing.

Don't want to feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss No other name falling off my lips

           He didn’t want anyone else. Didn’t want to pretend that he could want anyone else. It was just Andrew. It would always be Andrew. No one else. Never anyone else.

To another stranger Or let another day begin Won't even let the sunlight in No, I'll never love again

           And he ruined it all. Ruined it because he didn’t want to hide anymore. He wanted the world to know that he was Andrew’s, even if Andrew would never be his. He wanted to scream it to the world, to take Andrew’s hand in his own and face all the shit the world threw at them. Because with Andrew at his side he felt like he could take on anything. But he pushed too hard.

I won't I won't I swear I can't I wish I could but I just won't

           He did the one thing he promised he never would do, he asked for too much. Too much and too fast for what Andrew was capable of giving him. Of what Andrew wanted to give to him. But he grew greedy.  Greedy enough to want for something Andrew had told him from the beginning that he could never have. And yet he pushed, ruining it for good.

I'll never love again

           His fingers slip and bang against the keys, the sharp noise jarring and dissonant to the soft melody still lingering in the air. He moves to start again, but his vision blurs with tears and a choked sob fills his throat. Hands curl into fists and bang onto the keys, filling the room with the same discord and disarray that echoes in his chest.

           “Oh Neil,” Matt whispers from his spot in the doorway, but Neil can’t bring himself to look at him (too ashamed of the tears being spilled from his own doing). He feels a heavy hand fall softly on his shoulder, gently guiding him into a solid stomach. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

           Neil doesn’t say a word even after hours pass and Matt drives him back home. He doesn’t go back to the studio again.

           Two days later Neil’s phone pings with a text message. It’s the middle of the night and his phone sits on the coffee table just out of his reach, the bright light from the screen cutting a path of blue light in the otherwise darkened room. For a second he debates letting it sit there unanswered, almost positive it’s Nicky trying to cheer him up or ask when he’ll come home (as if he still had a home there without Andrew). But that same stupid part of his brain holds out hope that maybe even now it will be Andrew.

           It takes a few tries, but he manages to slide the phone off the table and into his hands, eyes squinting as the bright light shifts to blare in his face rather than the ceiling. He almost drops it when the name registers in his mind. Andrew Minyard. He stops, looks again, looks away, and then check again. The same still stares back at him. With shaky fingers, he swipes the screen open and clicks on the message.

           There are no words, no explanations for where he has gone or why he left without a fucking word, just a simple link sitting in a small blue bubble with a still of a black title card. He clicks on the video only for it to open in his YouTube app. It was uploaded on an anonymous account and the thumbnail was a black background with the words For Him written in italic script. Neil hits play and waits for it to finish buffering.

           It’s a video of himself, sitting in that empty piano room at Fox Records as he belts out the painful melody that took him over. The video is shot from his back so you couldn’t see the tears falling down his cheeks but the waver in his voice gave him away all the same, each intake a break stuttering slightly and his body trembling as it sways back and for. It captures most of the song ending with that same jarring key. Just before the video cuts out there is a soft “Oh Neil” that tells him just who is responsible for this latest video. His eyes dart down to the view count to see that it’s reached millions.

           The phone buzzes again, this time with a single word. Studio.

           Neil is off the couch and out the door in seconds, not bothering with even shoes or a coat despite the chilly autumn evening air. He runs faster and harder than he’s had to in a long time but its all worth it when he bursts through those doors to see Andrew standing there in the lounge. Dark circles rest under his eyes and tense shoulders betray his calm demeanor even as he turns to meet Neil’s gaze.

           “You’re here,” Neil breathes, feeling like it’s the first full breath he’s had in months.

           Andrew nods.

           “You left.” Neil continues, stepping further into the room until they are less than a foot apart.

           He nods again.

           Neil wants to reach out and touch him, but he doesn’t — too afraid that if he does then Andrew will disappear again. “And you’re back? For good?”

           This time there is a hesitation before he nods tightly, chin jerking like the question left him stilted and unhinged.

“Yes or no?” A quiet yes falls from those lips in a raspy voice from disuse and Neil feels something click into place. He falls into Andrew’s space, slotting their foreheads together and tangling his fingers in those soft blonde locks. Something else clicks into place.

           “You left.” It comes out choked and small, even as he pulls away to meet Andrew’s eyes. “You left.”

           “Yes.” He says it simply because it was. He left Neil behind.

           “You left. Without a word or a text for two months.” This time Andrew didn’t bother replying. “What the fuck Andrew? What the actual fuck.”

           Neil pulls away more firmly, anger boiling in his chest as the shock wears from his system. “What the actual fuck.”

           Andrew crosses his arms. “What do you want me to say? I left.”

           “Exactly!” It comes out near hysterical. “You left. Just like that. You asked me to stay and then you left me.”

           Andrew’s jaw ticks but he says nothing.

           “What was I supposed to do Andrew?” Neil grasps for understanding. “We had one argument and then you just disappeared for two months without a single fucking word. What was I supposed to do?! Did you even plan to come back.”

           “I don’t know.”

           “You don’t know?” Neil seethes, “Fuck that you do know. Were you going to come back?”

           Andrew meets his gaze head-on. “I don’t know.”

           Neil deflates, knowing the real answer. “You weren’t.” Andrew says nothing. “God, I don’t even get a reason why?”

           “Why what Neil,” Andrew sighs.

           “Why we have one argument about me wanting to go public about us and you drop off the fucking earth!” Neil explodes walking away. “Why that, Drew. Why fucking that.”

           Andrew is silent for a beat, then two. “Because I can’t give you that.”

           “Then why didn’t you just say-”

           “I did, but you pushed. You pushed and I could see that you would keep pushing even if it took years until I was ready.”

           “That’s right. I would have. I would have waited until the end of fucking time for that, so why push me away?” Neil’s voice is raw against his throat and he can feel tears sting the corners of his eyes but he pushes on. “Why.”

           “Because you deserve better.”

           Neil blinks. “Excuse me?”

           But Andrew is done talking. “You heard me.”

           “No, I don’t think I did.” Neil whips around, “Because it sounded like you just said that I deserve better. Whatever the fuck that means.”

           Andrew remains silent. Neil explodes.

           “Fuck what I deserve. Fuck what everyone including you thinks I deserve. I decide that.”

           “Shut up.”

           “No, I won’t. And you know what? I fucking deserve to be happy. I deserve to have someone that makes me feel like I’m an actual person. I deserve someone that makes me feel as alive as music does. That’s what I deserve, Andrew.”

           His jaw locks, “Then what are you waiting for?”

           “I’m waiting for him to say that he deserves that too. Because I can’t fight that battle for him as much as I fucking want to.” He crosses the space between them. “I fucking love you, Drew. More than I’ve ever thought I could love another person and I just want you to love you too. No more of this ‘deserve’ bullshit. Decide for yourself.”

           They are inches apart now, breath intermingling and burning amber meeting icy blue.

           “Yes or no, Andrew?” The question is soft off his lips.

           A moment. Then two. Then three. Finally, “Yes.”

           Andrew’s lips slot against Neil’s and it feels like coming home. It feels like first burning him alive and water drowning his every breath until all he can taste and think of is Andrew’s lips and the thundering beat of his chest matching the one in Andrews. They stay like that for eternity or maybe a few seconds before they must pull away for air, neither straying far from the other.

           “Don’t leave again,” Neil whispers into the space between them. “Don’t leave me again.”

           Andrew doesn’t answer, simply presses their lips together until his head becomes dizzy from the lack of oxygen. Hours later they would curl up on the lounge’s couch, Andrew pressed to the back cushions with Neil half pressed to his side and half on his chest. The lights are dimmed and the steady beat of Andrew’s heart lulls him to sleep no matter how long he tries to hold onto consciousness. Just before he slips away, Andrew’s arms tighten around Neil’s torso and he feels the rumbles of his chest as he speaks.

           It sounded a lot like, “I promise.”

Dan is the closest of the Foxes to Palmetto, working in DC where the others have migrated North or East, with Kevin down in Texas as one sweaty exception. She visits more than the others, hopping in and out of her car on occasions, and always comes in the Foxhole court holding a large to-go cup from the campus’ coffee, looking radiant and focused.

Neil smiles more easily, these days, and he never fights the natural inclination of his mouth when he sees Dan and lets himself be hugged, maybe a bit tighter than someone who doesn’t answer to the name of Dan Wilds would.

“Rookie,” she calls, lobbing her paper cup in the garbage one day. Half of the freshmen turn their tired faces to her, dragging their feet after today’s hard practice.

Neil smiles. “Dan,” he greets, and waves his team away. Robin steals his car keys on her way out, clearly not eager to repeat the time she had to wait half an hour in the cold for Neil and Dan to finish talking.

Dan lifts an eyebrow. She knows Robin from last year, when Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky were still there to share a bedroom that now feels to big for two people, but she’s emboldened over the summer. Neil is quietly proud of her, like warming his hands to the residual heat of a slow-burning fire.

“I’ll run,” Neil says with a shrug. “I haven’t been jogging as I should lately.”

“Yeah,” Dan says, “maybe because there’s actual frost on the ground. Don’t be crazy, I’ll drive you back.”

“Okay,” Neil accepts, because he’s gotten better at acknowledging the casualness of the Foxes’ kindness. “Wanna get out of here?”

Dan’s hand flies to her chest.

“Who are you and what have you done with Neil Josten, local exy court vermin?”

“I don’t actually live here.”

“Then you can explain to me why I’ve found you sleeping on those damn couches more times than I can count,” a gruff voice says from behind them. “Get out of here.”

Wymack emerges from his office with his usual stack of papers and grumpy expression. Neil knows how much Dan means to him and how long they talked on the outer ring during the last half of practice, so he understands the way Dan laughs with her teeth and turns around to hold the door open.

“We’re having dinner at Abby’s tonight,” Dan says as they make their way to Dan’s rental car. “Wanna come?”

Tonight is the Foxes’ movie night. Neil quickly calculates pros and cons: Indian take-out in a room crowded with people he already spends too much time with everyday, or in Abby’s kitchen with some of the people who count the most in his life.

“Sure.”

He sends a message to Robin to tell her not to wait for him to start the movie, then closes the door of the car on the uncharacteristically cold winter.

“So how’s the team?” Neil asks at the same time Dan does, backing out of her parking space. They share a grin: Dan’s enthusiasm for the sport will never be on the same level as Kevin’s or Neil’s, but he likes more detached outlook she brings to the conversation nonetheless. Probably because exy means less to her than to him—although Neil’s had some difficulties wrapping his mind around this truth in the beginning—Dan is particularly soothing to talk to. Andrew suggested once that it may be because she refuses to make herself insane for something as inconsequential as exy, but Neil would rather bet that it was a thinly-veiled insult thrown to Kevin’s obsession.

“We’re getting into the season on a strong foot,” Dan says finally after Neil gestures for her to speak first. “The changes we’ve brought to the starting line are already showing results.”

“Drafting Perez was a risky move,” Neil says, because his interest in pro teams has considerably grown now that it’s a certainty of his future and not a dream sitting just out of his reach.

Dan’s smile grows sharper. To Neil, she’s still the young woman who led them all the way to finals in his freshman year.

“It was,” she agrees, “but it’s going to pay big time—we have a game with the Hawks next week, and I know where the odds are leaning.”

“I don’t bet,” Neil reminds her as they park in front of the Fox’s Paw, the campus coffee.

“Still? Neil, you have no respect for traditions.”

It’s true; mostly because he didn’t get to experience them before he met the Foxes. Dan keeps talking about the Eagles in the line to the counter, prompting questions in Neil’s mind that he never took into consideration before—it’s been three years, but it still feels weird that his captain ended on the other side of the plexiglass wall. Not wrong: Dan was made to mentor, but still.

Dan almost gets another coffee, then reconsiders and orders some kind of chocolate concoction that Andrew likes, provided they add cream and sugar in large quantity, because that’s Andrew’s favorite way to eat anything. A small stitch drills into his chest like he’s gulped too much air while running, like always when the realization comes that Andrew is miles away in a large city, and not smoking, up on the rooftop of their small world.

“So how’re you doing?” Dan asks, twirling the cream in her cup.

Neil hums in response. “I’m fine.”

“Uh huh. And without the bullshit?” She’s not fooled by his confused look. “Neil, I know how it is—”

He knows she does. In hindsight, he’s grateful for the reprieve she accorded him by talking so extensively about her team first.

“The first weeks are the worst,” Dan says, which Neil doesn’t believe because it’s already mid-November and Neil’s been feeling down since August, when Andrew moved to Boston for good.

Andrew flew down to Columbia two weekends ago, which means that Neil will fly north in ten days for Thanksgiving and spend the beginning of the week holed up in Andrew’s apartment with only each other, ice cream, alcohol, and cigarettes for company. The perspective brightens Neil’s immediate future, but it doesn’t relieve the constant ache of not having Andrew right next to him to exchange truths and stories with.

“Andrew came to our game against the Ravens two weeks ago,” Neil says instead of dwelling on the feeling.

“I saw on TV. The journalists had a field day.”

Neil nods slowly. He feels miserable, and he’s sure that Dan read it on every inch of his face. He longs briefly for the days when lying to the Foxes was as easy as breathing, when the reality of his feelings concerned him only.

“I find it easier to bear long distance if you talk about it,” Dan says finally, done with being subtle. “Nicky would agree.”

“You just want the gossip. How many bets?”

“There’s a consequential one on where you’ll spend Thanksgiving break. Renee says you’ll have a quiet week in Columbia, visit Bee. Nicky has quite a few bucks on you meeting in Boston and boning the entire time.” She winces. “Sorry, his words.”

Neil waves if it off. “I gathered.”

Dan huffs a laugh and drumrolls on the table, phone in hand. “Do I get to settle anything, or are you just going to send us a pic from Vietnam or something?”

“We wouldn’t fly anywhere this far,” Neil says, then relents: “Robin invited us to her parents’ for the day. I’m not sure Andrew will take her up on that offer, but we’ll see. We’ll spend the rest of the week in Boston, so I guess Nicky wins, for one.”

“Nicky only wins if you spend the whole time in bed,” Dan says delightfully as her fingers fly over her screen. “I don’t think I have to ask you how likely it is to happen.”

Neil snorts. “You’d think he’d have learned by now.”

“Renee’s happy you won’t be alone for the holidays,” Dan reads after her phone beeps a few times. “Allison is mad—she would’ve made three hundred bucks. Don’t look so pleased.”

“Don’t bet on my life.”

“Never gonna happen.”

They sip their drinks in silence for a while, basking in the warmth of the crowded coffee shop. Having Dan by his side in Palmetto is familiar, like the feeling of watching his shots land true. If Robin is his best friend, the quiet extension of himself, then Dan is his sister, warm, teasing, and proud.

“I miss him,” he admits, because he suddenly wants to. Andrew has always been a point of friction between them, but he can acknowledge the olive branch Dan has been offering him. He doesn’t mind taking it; the riverbanks are slippery enough as it is. “We talk a lot, but it’s not the same.”

They’re good at communication, because they can’t afford not to be, but most of their conversations are silent, exchanged through looks and actions. Neil knows Andrew enough by now to read his tone, what he leaves unsaid, but he misses the touches, the certainty of Andrew, there besides him.

Dan’s hand curls around her cup like she wants to grab for him but is restraining herself.

“Have you discussed the situation?”

“Of course. I thought long-distance was all about communication?”

“And Skype sex,” Dan adds with a grin curling her mouth.

Neil frowns. In a rare bout of sharing, he says: “Not likely.”

“Really.”

“I’m not discussing sex with you.” That’s a conversation for another day, possibly imaginary, definitely involving alcohol. Neil has managed to escape it so far by sticking close to Nicky, who, despite his own interest in the situation, is always prompt to deroute on his own sexual adventures and attract Aaron’s ire.

“Fine. Keep your gossip to yourself, ungrateful child.”

“I will.” He waits a beat then says: “He’s not happy there. He never says anything but I don’t think the team is right for him.”

“Problems with his teammates?”

Dan’s frown his sympathetic. Twice captain of her exy teams and now assistant coach, she knows exactly how much inside tensions can affect a player’s game—and their lives beyond.

“Whitney is outwardly homophobic and an asshole,” Neil says. Five years ago, he would never have thought he’d ever get so worked up about something not directly linked to his survival; five years ago, he also didn’t have Andrew Minyard in his life, to love and protect fiercely where Andrew himself doesn’t necessarily. “Andrew won’t stand for it forever.”

“You’re worried it’ll fall back on Andrew?”

Neil raises his hands in front of him, palms up. “Exy golden boy from an Ivy league college and three years of seniority. Andrew.” He tips his hands like scales. “You know what people are going to see, and you know that it won’t be the truth.”

“It might if someone can attest of Whitney’s slurs,” Dan says. “He doesn’t have a good reputation in the division. People talk. And I think Andrew knows better than pulling a knife under another coach than Wymack.”

“He doesn’t carry knives anymore. And that’s not the problem, is it?”

“No it’s not,” Dan sighs. “I’m sorry.”

She asks about the team to distract him after that, and it works—Neil will never miss a chance to talk exy, especially not when it’s his team, a responsibility he never thought he’d have. He remembers the sick feeling of fear and want when Wymack first told him about his future captaincy; some days, Neil can still feel it, curled tight in his stomach to make room for pride and affection, and all those other feelings that he’s learned along the way. He doesn’t need to ask Dan if it ever goes away. He’s not sure he wants it to.

They clear out their table a while later, when night has already fallen around the bright yellow streetlights, and head back to Dan’s car, jogging slightly to fight the cold. Neil leans his head on the window and staring outside past the fog of his breath on the glass, and only straightens when he sees the shape of Abby’s house, shadow pierced by large rectangles of light. Dan winds her arm over his shoulders when they get out the car and drags him to the door.

“We’re here!” she announces, opening the door left unlocked, as usual.

Neil sheds his coat and removes his shoes, padding in the kitchen to find Wymack and Abby prepping chicken around the table. A small pot is already simmering on the stove and filling the entire room with the smell of tomato and thyme. Abby gives them each a knife and different vegetables to peel; the celeri makes a cheerful crunching sound every time Neil lowers the blade.

“You’re a terrible cook,” Dan observes good-naturedly after Abby corrects him three times on how to best mince garlic. Neil doesn’t mind: he’s usually the first to admit that he doesn’t care all that much about cooking.

“I know,” he says, and thinks, Andrew prefers to do it anyway.

The King’s Men, Chapter 10 – [Andreil Intensifies]

In which Mission Fix the Twinyards finally kicks off, Nicky values the important things in life (ice cream), Andreil have a Consent Talk, and oh, also the Foxes rule. Natch.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

After the game is before the game, so the team kicks off this chapter by sorting through the aforementioned applications for new recruits. This goes well by pretty much everyone but Kevin, whose Exy Elitism is making him kind of a little bitch.

             Kevin insisted Wymack put out a second request, to which Wymack demanded Kevin be a little more accepting of strikers who hadn’t been raised to be champions.

Exy-actly.

No offense, but chill, my man.

             Neil didn’t have the experience or insight to argue with Kevin, but he quietly clung to one of the choices he’d made and refused to let it go.

Okay, but do we ever find out who Neil recruited?

I need to know this for reasons.

REASONS.

             Abby stepped in when the argument got too loud and banished Wymack and Kevin to opposite ends of the locker room.

Bahahahahaha. Love me some good Fox mom moments.

In other news – Mission Fix the Twinyards has finally commenced!

Apparently, all is takes to get them to cooperate is to have them shout emotional murder confessions in each other’s faces. Who would have thought.

             “One of these days I want you to tell me how you roped Katelyn into it.”

             “I asked,” Neil said.

             “There goes that ‘asked’ thing again,” Matt said. “Does it mean something different where you come from?”

             “Most of the time, yes,” Neil said.

             The unexpected honesty startled a laugh from Matt.

Same.

Also, a laughing Matt is a wonderful Matt. In this household, we like all our Foxes laughing and happy, thank you very much.

However, of course, one counselling session isn’t enough to fix years and years of Twin Teen Trauma (even if it’s with Betsy and her magical cocoa powers), so the brothers still aren’t exactly BFFs, as the kids say.

             Wymack looked from one to the other. “Is this going to be an ongoing thing? I need tot know how to plan around you.”

             “No,” Andrew said.

             Aaron flicked him an irritated look. “Yes.”

BahAHAHA.

Wonderful.

In a rare occurrence, the Foxes get a night off, which everyone takes as an excuse to kick back and relax.

In Kevin and Neil’s case, this means marathoning Exy games and taking notes like fucking nerds.

Nicky, once again, manages to be my fictional voice in this universe:

             “It’s Friday night and this is how you’re entertaining yourselves? Give me a break! Think about something else for a while, would you? Like ice cream.”

SAME, MY DUDE.

Nicky, in a brave attempt to distract Neil’s nerdy ass (as we all know, all hope is lost on Kevin), tries to convince him to go to the store with him, which of course – works?

             Neil looked at Andrew and thought about Nicky’s worried appeal last fall, the warning that one day Exy wouldn’t be enough on its own. (…) Neil built his life around Exy after his mother dies because he needed something to live for, but Neil wasn’t alone anymore.

BITCH I’M CRYING.

I am SHOOKETH.

And all of this over ice cream.

The food of gods, my guys. The food of gods.

Also: Nicky apparently isn’t on Andrew’s insurance policy anymore and doesn’t have the keys to the new car either? Which means Andrew didn’t just give Neil permission to use his car, but gave it only to him?? What kind of gay FUCKERY????

I can’t believe I’m really out here having feelings about car policies. What the fuck has this book done to me.

Speaking of gay shit!

You thought we were done with a little angsty kissy-kissy on the rooftop?

SHIT NO.

THERE IS MORE.

             “Question,” Neil said, “when you said you don’t like being touched, is it because you don’t like it at all or because you don’t trust anyone else enough to let them touch you?”

HELL yes, this is what I am about.

Give me that sweet sweet consent talk.

             “It doesn’t matter to a man who doesn’t swing,” Andrew clarified.

             Neil shrugged. “I don’t because I’ve never been allowed to. The only thing I could think about growing up was surviving.”

Hell yeah again for Neil not having a Gay Freakout over this <33

Only like, a General Life Anxiety Freakout, but when does he ever not have that one.

             Maybe this was why this was in that gray area of what was acceptable. It didn’t matter that Andrew was a would-be sociopath or a man; the idea of Andrew was so intertwined with the idea of Neil’s safety that this too was a means of self-preservation.

That’s… kind of poetic, actually.

Damn, Josten.

             “I trust you.”

             “You shouln’t.”

             “Says the man who stopped.”

Ohhhhhhhh, you clever boy, you.

I LOVE this.

Please know that I am giggling gleefully, almost manically, during this entire exchange.

             “So are you completely off-limits or are there any safe zones?”

             “What are you hoping for, coordinates?”

             “I’m hoping to know where the lines are before I cross them,” Neil said, “but I’m open to drawing a map on you if you want to loan me a marker.”

Bless these boys and their sass at all times.

Also DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS CONSENT TALK I DON’T THINK I DID.

Seriously, this is so, so important and so, so wonderful.

             “I’m still waiting for a yes or no I actually believe,” Andrew returned.

             “Yes.”

BITCH, YES.

             “It’s fine if you hate me,” Neil said.

             It was the truth, if a bit of an understatement. So long as Andrew was only physically attracted to Neil, this was safe to experiment with. Neil’s death wouldn’t be more than a faint inconvenience to Andrew.

My boy…

Yeah right. A faint inconvenience, my entire fucking ass.

             “Good,” Andrew said, “because I do [hate you].”

Again – yeah right, my entire fucking ass.

             “Stay,” Andrew said, and leaned down to kiss him.

And the next part I’m sparing you all because this is, frankly, unholy.

I want to quote everything.

I want to quote nothing, and let us all treasure the absolute gloriousness of the following makeout session in peace.

Because honestly – I read a lot, and I read a lot that has kissing in it, and this is still one of the best, most real, most heartfelt-without-being-tacky descriptions of kissing I’ve ever read. All the kudos to you, Nora.

I am way, way too invested in this pair by now. Holy shit.

All good gay things come to an end, though, and eventually Nicky comes back, diverting the good gay things with ice cream and horror movies.

But – our boys don’t quite walk away from their, ahem, encounter quite as unscathed as they’d like:

             Andrew had stayed by the door after letting Nicky in. Thinking that Andrew needed space and time to regroup the same way Neil did almost wrecked Neil’s attempts to get his neutral façade back together.

This is the most beautiful shit I’ve read all chapter, what the fuck.

Any time we see indicators of Andrew not being an Emotionless Void With Arm Bandages, I gain +5 years to my life expectancy.

Phew. We survived the gay shit once again, folks. What’s next?

Oh yeah.

SPORTSBALL.

More specifically, Neil and Kevin have an argument about whether to be a Technical Mastermind Player, The Very Best, Like No One Ever Was, or whether to be an Intuitive, Impulsive Heat Of The Moment Player, Because Fuck You Kevin.

Basically, Kevin wants to bone the perfect game, while Neil wants to bone the suspenseful game.

Oh, guys.

(Watch me revive year old memes at all times, watch me.)

In related Sportsball News – the Foxes have their first death match coming up!

And apparently they’re… Crushing it?

             When the Foxes hit the court February 9th, no one was expecting the fight they brought to it. (…) The sportscasters were shaking their heads in amazement.

             “I’m not entirely sure who we’re looking at now or what they did with last year’s Foxes, but they’ve completely blown me away.”

BITCH, ME TOO.

Also hah, we almost made it exactly to the date again – three days late, but this is still such a nice touch to be reading this in almost real time.

             “This is the kind of synchrony you’d expect from top-notch schools. A few weeks ago we all laughed when freshman Neil Josten said the Foxes were raring for a rematch with the Ravens. No one’s laughing now.”

Hell fucking YEAH for my children. I am such a proud soccer mom.

Exy mom. Whatever.

             The seniors exchanged a long look, exhausted and triumphant. (…) The girls came to Palmetto State University knowing it’d take work to salvage that sour reputation and knowing Wymack was their only ally. (…) Despite every loss and every roadblock, they’d made it, and now they were finally getting the nod they deserved.

Uhm, YOU GUYS IMMA CRY.

Honestly, this bit right there just got to me. These three fought so hard, wading through patriarchal bullshit every day of their lives and going on still, and now they finally fucking made it, and we get to see them as a unit, standing proud.

More love towards our Fox girls always, y’all.

TREASURE THEM WITH ME.

(Also, did I mention I’ll be cosplaying these three ladies with two friends of mine at a con here in Germany next month? With full jerseys? And did I mention I’m hella excited? And does that heighten my feelings over this bit hardcore right now??

Absolutely.)

Back to the death match – hey, remember last book when Andrew actually gave a shit about Exy for 0.2 seconds and pulled some really sweet stunts?

Apparently, our boy has decided to up his Giving A Shit game to 0.3 seconds now, because I manages to give Neil a goal shot by – hold on – making Nicky take a red card for fucking flooring a dude, taking the penalty shot, deflecting it like an absolute badass, and clearing the ball all the way up the long ass court.

Holy shit, my dude. Do I want to see what you’re like when you give 0.4 shits, or even one (1) entire shit?

Unbelievable.

Also, there is a description in there of Neil running “like his father was on his heels”, and if that isn’t the funniest, most unexpected bit of gallows humour I’ve seen in this chapter I don’t even know.

             [As the match went on] Andrew stopped every shot on goal and bounced a couple rebounds off the strikers’ helmets just to rile them further.

Andrew, I love you.

And of course, what happens as soon as Andrew moves so much as a little finger?

             The buzzer sounded on an eight-three win. They’d dominated their first death match and were on to round three for the first time ever.

HECK FUCKIN’ YEEAAAAAHHHHHH.

Sadly, even though he may give a tiny bit more of a shit on the court, as soon as the game is over Andrew is back to being his angsty self. Shame.

Petition for their final game to be the one that finally gets through to Andrew, please.

However, Nicky more than makes up for his mood.

             “Can you believe it?” he asked, amazed. “We are such hot shit sometimes!”

Nicky, never change. <3

When they go back to Wymack And Abby’s for a mandatory team celebration, there is another bit of Quality Nicky Content that had me in absolute hysterics:

             Matt commandeered the sound system in the other room. Nicky and Allison argued with all of his choices and each other, but they didn’t sound serious so Neil didn’t intervene.

I cannot, cannot stress how much I love this.

PARTY DJS NICKY AND ALLISON. GIVE ME THEM SWEET FANARTS NOW.

Brb, making a playlist instantly.

Neil, sadly, isn’t super hyped about choosing the latest bops, and goes in search of his boyfriend instead, who he finds sitting on a car gazing into nothingness – as one does when one is Gay, Angsty and Dramatic.

             “We won,” Neil said. (…) “Would it kill you to let something in?”

             “It almost did last time,” Andrew said.

YIKES.

Hope your foot tastes good, Neil, because you just put it real nicely in your mouth.

             “You sound like a wind-up doll with only one topic,” Andrew said. “I have nothing to say to you.”

             “If I talk about something else, will you talk to me?”

             Andrew quirked a brow at him. “Can you talk about something else?”

Oh, burn.

One last thing before we go –

             Halfway across the lawn his phone went off. Neil was annoyed enough to answer tonight’s “28” in his inbox with an “Enough”.

             No one responded.

Seriously guys, what the happ is fuckening.

If you like what I do here and you want me to continue writing fun things for you, why not buy me a coffee? Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!