I love when a characters who probs has autism wears converse. You better work that gay- I mean...brain sis.

I'm looking at you Spencer and House.

.

.

third mp100 post of the night but a theme i dont see discussed a lot online is just how fucking lonely these characters are

serizawa and reigen are easier obvious examples-- one was locked in his room for 15 years and the other is left without his middle schooler employee for a few days and is devastated socially, whereas its harder to remember that despite how fast mob collects people throughout the series, but mob started out alone

the mogami arc displays it best-- even when these characters have communities that support them, the isolation theyve dealt with (esp in regards to whatever allegory you want to apply to them, but most potently the autistic ones) stick with them. forever. they can still grow and change but its a part of them in a way that is never scoffed at or laughed away.

ritsu, shou, and teru... are never seen to have friends. acquaintances like kamuro or the awakening lab kids or each other-- but not Friends. its easy to assume they have people they hang out with that we (as the audience) never see but i think the themes of this show are so much more powerful when you consider it to Be purposeful

like, maybe the reason teru is never seen with the black vinegar gang kids or that girl he dated is less because of character development (because they couldve developed, too) but more because teru never really liked them and only wanted to appear more successful socially than he was. or the reason why shou is alone isnt because hes less involved in the narrative as everyone else but because he grew up in a violent group with kids who have only ever been treated like tools by his dad, or expected to be treated like tools by him. that maybe ritsu doesnt like tsubomi or reigen not because hes bitchy but because... hes a traumatized teenager who doesnt trust a lot of people

and obviously i could say more on each of them, but thats what makes the themes of community in this show so goddamn powerful-- theyre coming from characters who have either given up on connection or have never been given the opportunity to thrive within it. so when you see all of them celebrating together in the end, supporting each other... you believe that its possible, too

So obviously your drama with that one asukasa or however you spell their name is over, and you prob don't wanna hear abt it anymore but I recently checked their account to find out your fans have been harassing them.

Obviously, you don't control your fanbase (as you've said) and I am in no way Tryna put this on you. But some of your fans are straight up being racist.

Like it's not your fault, of course you don't seem racist at all, from what I could see on your account. But I just wanted to bring this to your attention cause it's like strange.

Cause it projects your following on you, it's weird your followers worst insult towards a petty tumblr argument is "you're black 🙈🦧 monkey". Im just saying from any outsider point of view, it'd look bad.

Also the anon sending you fatphobic "jokes" is a total limp dick clown. So I'm in no way on their side, I just wanted to point out both sides of the following are kinda being dicks (the harrasement on both sides I mean) .

But regardless of that, I'm sorry to bother you. I. Hope you have a happy holidays. (Also I'm sorry if my wording comes off as passive aggressive or bitchy I'm autistic and tone through text is kinda hard for me)

I have over 10,100 followers. I am sure some of them are not going to be good people. And if people choose to be absolute idiots and judge me for what a follower does then they are welcome to do so. That is horrible that they did that, and I hope they get reported and banned from the platform. At the very least I hope they see this and reflect on their unacceptable behavior. Also it wasn't a petty argument, they were telling me to commit suicide and telling me I needed to be executed via lethal injection. I feel like you are trying to make me out to be the bad guy because you're really downplaying what that side said and then trying to apply what a racist piece of shit said to be representative of me. But I am so tired of people coming to me about what a follower did. Especially after I ALREADY said previously that I do not condone or support or encourage my followers doing such things. I am done responding to people blaming me for what other people do. I hope this statement has been very clear that I do not condone racism or people telling others to harm themselves in my name. I literally do not know what more I am supposed to do.

Does anyone remember how much people hated OG!Elias when the Elias episode came out? Becuase I do! I'd have people on clock app actively comment on my post refusing to let me be nice to Elias. People on twt would get mad if you shipped him with anyone, people even called it, "abusive" even though HE ISN'T JONAH MAGNUS. People just fucking HATED him for no reason. Like he's so obviously some autistic kid who's been abused all his life and the tma fans went, "Oh he's like. EVIL!"

But then Gwen came out and I haven't seen a single person treat her the way they did OG!Elias. Idk if it's because we support women's wrongs or what, but she's literally just OG!Elias' personality in a woman. She's catty, and bitchy, and obviously doesn't realize she's being catty and a bitch, and she fucking thinks she deserves what she wants. She's just Elias Bouchard if he was a girl.

People made Elias out to be the literal devil while Gwen is now an "autistic boss bitch." it's CRAZY.

A series of events

-Dain notices that the crow collective person is claiming you broke their dni by interacting as an endo supporter

-he is understandably confused by this, bc "endo supporters dni" was not in their tags, and sends them an ask, on anon, asking for clarification as to how, because you're not endogenic. He does so very politely, bc he is a very polite person.

-They act like he's being an asshole on purpose or something and go off about how they're allowed to have boundaries

-He's even more confused, because yes they're allowed to have boundaries but it's a boundary they didn't actually make clear. He goes to ask them about it, on anon again because he is aware of how aggressive sysmeds can be and doesn't want to put a target on our back.

-Cue discovery that they turned anon off, presumably because of his ask.

Anyway I found that kind of amusing. Confused autistic old man very politely asks for clarification on something, sysmed gets bitchy, acts like they're being attacked, and turns off anon.

-🐋

For sysmeds, their "boundaries" are often whatever is convenient at any given time, whatever they can use against the people they hate. So I am not surprised.

But yes, the post I replied to was on the traumagenic systems tag, which is why I saw it and replied to it. If it's that important to them that only other sysmeds see and reply to their posts, they should only add sysmed tags and stay in those. You cannot purposefully blast your posts into a bunch of unrelated tags and then get upset when the people who frequent those tags react to them.

Anyway, that asshole is adding "anti endo" and "endo dni" tags even to posts that aren't even theirs, that they're just reblogging, which I think is even more absurd. It's hopeless.

do you think red son or macaque count as being queercoded? it seems like something youd know about :]

YES, actually, the history of queer media and queer-coding in media is a HUGE interest of mine! So I’m happy to answer this question! (In much more detail than was likely intended.)

“Coding” is defined as when a character is subtextually given physical, action, or personality traits that draw a parallel to a real-life minority. Popular examples include fictional races being black- or Indigenous-coded, “weird kid” characters being given autistic traits, and, of course, queer coding.

The history of queer coding goes all the way back to the Hayes code. Basically, explicit queerness was NOT allowed on film, and the heroes had to always be in the moral right. So, in order to portray queerness, it had to be both subtextual, and it had to be done with the villains. This is the origin of the “queer-coded villain” trope, which still prevails in media today! Given that both characters you asked me about are villains (or at least antiheroes), I think it only right to cover the tropes regarding the queercoded villain.

Examples of queercoded villains in popular media include the likes of

Ursula from The Little Mermaid

Team Rocket from Pokemon

Shego from Kim Possible

Scar from The Lion King

Him from The Powerpuff Girls

Ways which villains (specifically, male villains) are queercoded include effeminate mannerisms, being well-dressed, flamboyant hand gestures, a sense of “pettiness” or even “bitchiness” to them, and little to no interest in women. These are alongside typical traits used to queer-code male characters, such as living with a male roommate and an interest in fashion or musicals.

SO! Let us apply ALL of that to the characters aforementioned.

Red Son:

Red Son absolutely falls into a few aspects of queer-coding. He has longer hair, and is drawn in skirts in official crew art, and has a very affluent way of speaking. His rage at the implication that Mei is his girlfriend may also fit neatly into this category.

That being said, I do not think that Red Son could confidently be defined as “queer-coded”. I feel as if the traits that could attribute to the idea aren’t a big enough part of his character. I feel like, if he wore a skirt in the show instead of in crew art, we could revisit this, though.

Macaque:

Now, Macaque is where we really hit the nail on the head. Here, we have tons of aspects of a classic queercoded villain. From his flamboyant, almost teasing style of evil, to his interest in theater (remember what I said earlier about musicals?), to his relationship to Wukong (which people on the crew are aware of and support the notion of their relationship being romantic; even to the point of one of them agreeing to the notion that they are bitter exes online), to his plain bitchy demeanor when not on the battlefield, I think that Macaque is a classic, true-blue example of a queercoded villain.

But, to be honest, I would be amiss if I didn’t bring up another character.

Tang:

I mean, you saw this coming, right?

I think that Tang is the best example of a queercoded character in LEGO Monkie Kid; even though I do consider Macaque to be queercoded. His complete disinterest in women attempting to court him has been used three times as setups for jokes. His relationship to Pigsy is exceptionally close, is pushed as important by the crew and the official Twitter for the LEGO toys alike, and.

Like

HE SAT IN THIS MAN’S LAP. Do I- do I even need to explain-?!

Not only that, but Tang also falls into a few different classic queercoding traits! He’s well-dressed, is far more emotional in later seasons than would be expected for an adult male character, and, in earlier seasons, has a sense of cattiness about him at times. I mean, it’s all pretty blatant, textbook stuff!

I definitely think that, at LEAST with Tang, the queercoding is on purpose. In the words of the former showrunner of LEGO Monkie Kid, Villads Spansberg, “There are many great people working on this show, and they all bring some of themselves to the characters. So even if it’s not written down, there’s a lot of layers being added, and I'm sure a lot of that is intentionally done to make our cast relatable to minorities around the world who feel there’s been a lack of representation in TV animation.”

Given that many members of the LEGO Monkie Kid crew are queer themselves? I think it’s safe to say that they know exactly what they’re doing.

Για το ask game Edgeworth και Ανδρέας

Miles Edgeworth 💅

First impression: OH I SHOULD GET INTO ACE ATTORNEY IMMEDIATELY THIS MAN IS GOING TO RUIN ME.

Impression now: I was one hundred percent correct in my assumptions. He did in fact ruin me. This man has the range honestly. He is kind. He is an asshole. He is traumatised. He has every subtype of daddy issues known to man. He is a bitchy gay queen. He is aroace-spec (to me). He is autistic. He has NO idea what to do with himself when he is not in a courtroom. He is insane. Ive seen it. I enjoy it. Amen.

Favourite moment: "thanks to you i am saddled with unnecessary.... feelings....". Everything about turnabout goodbyes. The talk with Franziska at the end of aa2. The talk with phoenix after the earthquake in aa3. I could literally never pick Just One moment sorry.

Idea for a story: ... I've brainstormed two (2) aus that involve Edgeworth with two different mutuals. The first one is the Eurovision au where vk just sends miles to represent germany in Eurovision and the second one is the ace attorney/παρά πέντε crossover me and @alalumin have been driving ourselves insane over. Out of the two, the first one is the most fleshed out but the second one i might actually sit down and write for one day. Thats about all the concrete story ideas ive had for this man so far dkskks. Everything else is just a jumble of vague angsty daydreams.

Unpopular opinion: hmmm a lot of people tend to ignore the fact that he was canonically suicidal after aa1 so i suppose that could count as an unpopular opinion? Like if he wasn't actually suicidal, the note meant that he straight up faked his death which makes him an even bigger asshole that he usually is, which in turn makes phoenix's misdirected anger and blame seem a lot more justified? Also a lot of people tend to ignore the fact that phoenix would NOT handle Edgeworth admitting that he meant the note literally well. And honestly im not really blaming anyone here. Their aa2 dynamic is sooo complex, Edgeworth hurt the people that cared about him by hurting himself and not all of them are ready to forgive him immediately and thats fine. I just wish more people would explore this whole thing instead of oversimplifying it yknow?

Favourite relationship: narumitsu obvs but honestly? The Franziska and Miles fucked up sibling relationship means the world to me, its like a really really really close second.

Favourite headcanon: does it actually count as a headcanon if its strongly supported by canon? Idk but he definitely avoids elevators as much as he can and considering that his office is in the twelfth fucking floor the man walks up a lot of flights of stairs. He must have thighs of steel skkskaka. Also i like to think that at some point after the investigation games he went to therapy and he finally (!) got some help for that unmedicated and undiagnosed canon ptsd hes been drowning in since he was nine years old. Also he got Pess because i love her. Maybe she is trained as a service dog. He would love her with all his heart and her death would kickstart a major depressive episode because god knows this man can't handle grief but in the end he could get over it. Maybe even get a second dog or learn how to deal with loss in a less self destructive way. Also i don't think he would ever be able to fully enjoy Christmas? Like sure his fathers death doesn't hurt as much anymore but i like to think that the nightmares rear their ugly head during the Christmas season. Sure, he IS doing better but some things never really go away. He can hang out at the prosecutors office or Wright anything agency Christmas parties without feeling utterly miserable but he doesn't enjoy the holidays as much as everyone else. Some people don't understand why or think thats its just another aspect of his charming personality but the people who do are sympathetic about it.

Ανδρέας Καλογήρου 🔪

First impression: γουαου ποιός είναι αυτός ο μαλάκας λολ. Ειλικρινά νομίζω την πρώτη φορά που είδα το παρά πέντε δεν με ένοιαζε πολύ σαν χαρακτήρας.

Impression now: κοίτα. Έχεις δει το μπλογκ μου. Ξέρεις πως νιώθω για αυτόν τον άνθρωπο. Ο Ανδρέας έχει θεματάρες. Έχει παγιδεύσει τον εαυτό του σε μια θέση στην οποία είναι και θύμα και θύτης και από την οποία δεν έχει τρόπο ή ιδιαίτερη θέληση να βγει. Κατά την διάρκεια του σόου πηγαίνει από την αδιαφορία για τους ανθρώπους που σκοτώνει, στην εμμονή με το να πιάσει τους πέντε και μόνο όταν τον συλλαμβάνουν και όλα τελειώνουν συνηδειτοποιεί πόσο μάταια ήταν όλα αυτά και πόσες ζωές έχει καταστρέψει συμπεριλαμβανομένης και της δικής του. Επίσης ο άνθρωπος είναι μούναρος 😔😔.

Favourite moment: το τηλεφώνημα στον Σπύρο στο φινάλε με στοιχειώνει τα βράδια.

Idea for a story: πέρα από το ο Σπύρος επισκέπτεται τον Ανδρέα στη φυλακή fic που βρίσκεται αυτή τη στιγμή στο wip hell μου έχει καρφωθεί στο μυαλό εκείνη η ατάκα που ο Παυρινός αποκαλεί τον Νίκο πρεζόνι και το τι μπορεί να υπονοεί για το Ανδρέας/Νίκος μπακστορι. Επίσης εκείνο το όνειρο που είχα δει ότι έχει κόρη και redemption arc, angst fic για την γενική κακομεταχείριση που τρώει από τον Παυρινό, το Ανδρέας/Νίκος καφενείο au το οποίο κάποιος πρέπει να γράψει σας εκλιπαρώ και το προαναφερόμενο ace attorney/παρά πέντε crossover στο οποίο εμφανίζεται ως μάρτυρας στην δίκη της Αγγέλας. Το πόσα από αυτά θα καταλήξω όντως να γράψω ποτέ είναι πολύ αμφιλεγόμενο τβχ αλλά το γεγονός είναι ότι μου τριβελίζουν συνέχεια το μυαλό.

Unpopular opinion: δεν ξέρω είμαστε στο παρά πέντε φάντομ, είμαστε δέκα άτομα όλα κι όλα κάθε άποψη μετράει για unpopular κσκσκσ. Αλλά απλά και μόνο για να πω κάτι. Νομίζω όντως προσπάθησε να αγαπήσει τη Ζάνα. Ο γάμος τους ήταν ότι πιο hand in unlovable hand και σφάζονταν όλη μέρα αλλά προσπάθησε να φτιάξει τη ζωή του στην αρχή τουλάχιστον, εξού και ο ευτυχισμένος χετεροσεξουαλ γάμος. Στο μυαλό μου ήταν από αυτά τα ζευγάρια που έχουν ημερομηνία λήξης και το ήξεραν και οι δύο. Μετά έπεσε στα βαθιά με τις δουλειές με τον Παυρινό και πήρανε επιτέλους διαζύγιο. Επίσης δεν νομίζω ότι με τον Νίκο τα έχουνε, έχουνε. Νομίζω έχουν μια ελαφρώς fucked up relationship όπου δεν επικοινωνούν τίποτα εβερ, απλά πηδιουνται περιστασιακά on and off και μετά απλά πηγαίνουν και τα φτιάχνουν με άλλους. Τουλάχιστον στην αρχή. Τώρα αν μετά το τέλος της σειράς βγουν ποτέ από την φυλακή θέλω να πιστεύω ότι θα μπορούσαν να φτιάξουν λίγο τη ζωή τους αλλά αν δεν βγουν ποτέ. Well. Πώς νιώθεις όταν συνηδειτοποιείς ότι αγαπούσες τον καλύτερο σου φίλο χρόνια τώρα αλλά δεν έκανες ποτέ τίποτα για αυτό επειδή απλά δεν τολμούσες να αλλάξεις τίποτα στην μοναδική σταθερή σχέση που σου είχε απομείνει στη ζωή σου και ταυτόχρονα ήσουν πολύ απασχολημένος να σκοτώνεις κόσμο; Πώς νιώθεις όταν συνηδειτοποιείς ότι τώρα μπορεί να είναι πια πολύ αργά; Γενικά head full many thoughts.

Favourite relationship: Νίκος/Ανδρέας δαγκωτό.

Favourite headcanon: ναιιι δεν νομίζω ότι αυτός ο άνθρωπος είχε καλά παιδικά χρόνια. Ή καλό πατέρα. Ο Παυρινός κυριολεκτικά του πετάει πράγματα και αυτός ο καημένος σκύβει να τα πιάσει 😔 babyboy έχεις τραύμα. Η μάνα του είναι νεκρή (ναι κυριολεκτικά αναφέρεται έτσι throwaway σε ένα επεισόδιο και δεν το έχω ξεχάσει ποτέ) και επιλέγω να πιστεύω ότι την σκότωσε ο πατέρας του. Μισεί τον πατέρα του και κατά βάθος μισεί και το γεγονός ότι μεγαλώνοντας έχει γίνει σχεδόν ακριβώς σαν αυτόν. Ξεκίνησε να καπνίζει στο γυμνάσιο. Επίσης δεν πιστεύω ότι τελείωσε ποτέ το λύκειο.

rant time: disability and ableism

(don't worry there's a hopeful happy part at the end)

being disabled is a weird experience, just like in general. I have a disability that's more hidden than others, but it's still very real. i also have a mental disorder lol.

I hear ableist things all the time, even said directly to me. It's mostly from my grandma because we work together, yet it's still so awkward. Shes very judgmental and misinformed, and she's said harsh things to me about my own disability. Our boss is hiring two(2) new people for building, and they are both autistic, she thinks they shouldn't be allowed around power tools. if they had self/movement control issues then they likely wouldn't be going out of their way to do the job they're being hired for. It strange how utterly misinformed that she, and one of my coworkers who agreed, is. Her words are hurtful, and while she lived in another time, she still can't accept the change. And she has so much internalized ableism because she's growing older and medically disabled. It's so bad that she ends up hurting and pushing herself to prove that she's "stronger" or something, everyone knows she's strong, but she sees disability as so bad that she dreads it and hurts herself.

My own mother told me I wasn't disabled. She corrected herself and fully supports my disabilities, but for my own mother to doubt my issues just because I didn't fit a stereotype hurt.

There's also my aunt, a proud cancer survivor, who shamed me once for complaining about my disability. She told me I was being dramatic and that she wasn't bothered as a 50yr old woman who fought cancer, the activity we were doing was causing strain to my hips (i have hip dysplasia) and it was causing no strain on her whatsoever.

her partner is even worse, she grew up with tough love, so she gave me tough love. I have issues with social interaction and cues, shes made me cry a lot and refuses to change her language and style around me, knowing it hurts me. Our aunts take us on vcation every year, so we were having a conversation, somehow on the toipic of adhd. My aunts partner said something incredibly abelist(and also supporting child abuse) and i corrected her and told her that adhd is not something that can be BEAT out of children, it something in their brain. She decided to be the "bigger person" and say, infront of everyone, that I was a "bitch", im way too judgmental ad corrective, and that "thats the reason no one likes you". Safe to say i did shed a few tears. Yes, i correct people who are being abelist. However i also misinterpret social cues and "moods" and thought it was an actual conversation, i though as someone who was apart of the conversation was alowed to voice an opinion, didnt know that being anti-ableism and anti-abuse is bitchy. and i hav eproblems making friends because of my disability, and i also genuinely believe everyone hates me sometimes, because of my disability. the worst thing is that no one stood up for me, they just let her say terrible things to me. Thats how its always been, even when people see an injustice or something rude they just ignored it. It was a froup of 7, including my brother. And no one said anything reasssuring to me, she never apologized.

Also, my friend who knows exactly what my disability is, who is a complete asshole to me. when she gets mad or just bored shell completely shut down and ghost me irl. so much so to the point I've started crying multiple times and begged her to stop, she knows being ignored triggers my anxiety. she also likes to take things I care about (ie; my ceramics project for SCHOOL and my entire phone) and pretends to throw/drop them just to freak me out. She constantly tells me she hates me and gets pissed at me when she finds out that I was genuinely convinced she did. she speaks in very vague ways and refuses to elaborate, despite me not understanding social cues and asking for her to elaborate.

hatred is everywhere in this world, however, there are some safe places I've found.

I have a sole confidant, the one person who completely understands me, and listens. He respects me and assures me that he cares. He is also neurodivergent, so he somewhat understands, and even when he doesn't, he still treats we with respect.

When I started treatment for my anxiety I started talking more, my family was so proud of me, they praised me for opening up at family gatherings and they included me more. It was like I finally felt their love.

there are some good people in the world, people who care and love unconditionally.

WWDITS headcanons

The Guide uses they/she/it pronouns, Laszlo is genderfluid and uses all pronouns, Colin Robinson uses he/it pronouns.

Nandor uses he/him and Nadja uses she/her, but that is not to say they are cis. No vampire is truly cis because of now societal norms change over time, fitting the associations and ideology around a gender during their human lives does not mean they do in the modern day and with the amount of gender norm changes they've seen it's easy to feel disconnected from gender as a whole. Also gender is mostly based on human society, and of course vampire society is very different.

For similar reasons all vampires are neurodivergent. Societal norms have changed so much over time that it is hard for them to seem 'normal', super vampire senses give them sensory overload, and they all follow strange certain rules and routines (of course ones that they have to do as a vampire e.g. not going in sun or not entering rooms unless they're invited, but also completely independent personal rules like Nandor only reading letters in the sitting room, in order to keep their sanity in an everlasting life in our ever changing world)

Nadja and Laszlo have ADHD obviously, Nandor has autism and ADHD, and the Guide has autism and OCD (but her OCD is basically canon so), Colin is autistic

I know this is canon but I just want to say it. Nadja, Nandor, Lazlo, and the Guide are pansexual. I personally see Colin as a sex-enthusiast aro-ace, and obviously Guillermo is gay

A lot of the main group are actually just a big polyamorous relationship. Laszlo, The Guide and Nadja are getting it on, The Guide and Nadja are getting it on, Laszlo and Nadja, Guide and Marwa, Guide and Marwa and Nadja, Guide and Marwa and the Djinn, Guillermo and the Djinn, Guillermo and Nandor, Nandor and Laszlo, Laszlo and Nadja with Sean and Charmaine. I could literally go on all night

Nadja and Guillermo kicked ass together in London. I wish they had given us a full season of that year because I want to know more. They did face masks and cried about being separated from their boyfriend and bitched about their boyfriends and got absolutely shitfaced together. Guillermo had to save Nadja from getting into several fights whilst she was drunk, both with humans and vampires alike. They were just besties

NADJA CAME HOME FOR A REASON AND YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE! Also whatever the reason was I think Guillermo doesn't know, she found a way to hypnotize him and make him forget, hence why she goes back to being bitchy to him in season 4. I don't know what I think the reason is yet but I'm taking suggestions.

The Guide and Van Helsing wiped out the majority of the vampiric council when they got arrested over the affair. They weren't going down without a fight and they fucked shit up. The Guide was the OG "you killed all the other most powerful vampires so we're putting you in charge because A) that's fucking impressive and B) you're literally the only option right now. The only reason she wasn't put in charge in charge was because she was fighting with a vampire killer to protect said vampire killer and vampire killers are a big no no. Also said vampire killer died and she was captured in a very violent manner and the trauma is what made her forget, not simply the shame

Nadja originally either did or intended to join Lilith's coven, she definitely practiced witchcraft even before she was turned

Nadja didn't learn to read or write until a fair bit into her vampire life, perhaps after she met Lazlo, and still struggles with it

Nadja and Lilith were in love

Marwa, the Djinn and Guillermo have a "I hate Nandor" support group, occasionally the Guide will show up too

The Wraiths are all actually physical manifestations of the Guides mind. No I will not elaborate

1, 3, 7, 8, 12 and 13 for the disability pride ask game?

1. What disability/ies do you have? (And are they mental, physical, or both?)

*Music starts up*

Physical: Crohn's Disease, Celiac, Scoliosis, AND Kyphosis. My ankle might also have something going on with it but I'm not sure if it's a disability from "this has been left untreated for too long" or something else

Mental: Autism, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, probably more shit if I keep digging but right now I don't think I need to

3. What, if any, disability aids do you use? Do you customize them/their containers/outside?

I have an ileostomy because my large intestine is so fucked up from the Crohn's that I basically can't go to the bathroom normally anymore. I have a cover that a nurse made for me but I always forget to put it on so no customization. I also have some citrus slice chewelry necklaces if those count but I need to order other ones

7. What's a struggle you wish more people talked about?

I think I just wish people talked about ostomies or even just gastro issues in general? Like the most acknowledgement I see are IBS jokes and I can never tell if people are laughing because yeah it is hell or because ha ha poop. I remember when I was first told I'd need an ileostomy that I was like "well this is the end of my social life" because of the stigma around fecal matter. It still gets in the way sometimes but like, my friends don't care. The airplane attendants didn't bat an eye and just helped clean up. My family is constantly trying to help and support in any way they can. Just people acknowledging it as something normal so that when someone does have to get one it's not terrifying to them

8. Does your disability affect how you experience other parts of your life?

Being autistic DEFINITELY plays into me being non-binary. I think my OCD also affects my sexuality like yeah I'm aroace and looking back I've always been like that but my OCD affects how I explore it. Which fucking sucks.

12. What's something people don't realize about your disability?

My parents don't seem to realize that yes I'm autistic and that means sometimes there's more to it than quirky things they like. I've gone non verbal a couple of times and gotten in trouble for trying to communicate in writing, I sometimes have a flat "bitchy" voice because I don't have the energy to emote and that doesn't mean I'm angry at them I just can't be a cartoon character anymore, and I've gotten in trouble for vocal stimming. Also same with ADHD, I get in trouble for not remembering some things over others and not having time awareness. Like sorry my brain latched onto a video game instead of reminding me to grab the cat's dishes because I'm leaving in 10 minutes (this means nothing to me)

13. What's the most Abled Person Thing someone has said to you?

I have TWO things. First one, I used to have this therapist I chose because she said she worked with autistic patients and I was starting to suspect I was autistic. I brought it up at the first meeting, she never really brought it up again except for our second to last meeting. She suggested I was a "highly sensitive person". I looked it up then and

Oh my god it's literally just autism symptoms. I was like "do highly sensitive people tend to be autistic?" and she was like "Erm it's often confused FOR autism". She also specifically said "if" I was autistic that I'm "likely high functioning" and "it wouldn't be worth getting a diagnosis". I don't plan on trying to get diagnosed anymore but at the time it felt like a punch to the gut

The second was also when I was a skeleton (flaring up and losing a shit ton of weight because I couldn't absorb any nutrients) and was being pushed in a wheelchair at Disney World. My mom was pushing me and we were headed to the Nemo ride. The cast member at the line entrance "jokingly" said "Don't think you're the princess for the day" and other stuff after that I blocked out. Sir putting aside the misgendering I am almost quite literally a skeleton and barely have any energy. I do not think I'm the princess I think I am going to die YOU CAN SEE MY BONES-

I went off on a customer today and I need to rant

I already went off on twitter so I’m going to go off on here but thiiiiiiiis stupid bitch got mad at me. She was already bitchy and rightfully so I admit it was annoying that the last appointment took so long that her appointment started late and was like yeah I get it I’d be pissed to no problem and was trying to deal with how goddamn erratic she was cuz I was like yeah our bad and was even planning on waving her sitting fees as a sorry

BUT THEN the whole time she was complaining that the flash is too bright and it was making her sons face scrunch up. That he wasn’t smiling big enough. That we needed two photographers to pose AND take the pictures. That she has a bachelors in fashion so she knows how pictures are supposed to be (yet you’re coming HERE? And you live HERE? Okay girl) that he wasn’t smiling the way she wanted him to smile

We go view her photos and tbh the photos were fine. Her son looked cute. He was smiling in a few of them. Looked great to me. But she was mad that I’d take the photo and then he’d make the “face” she wanted after like girl I cannot control that I am not a magician.

We get to the last one okay that’s the only one she liked and then we go back up and I’m like okay but he’s smiling in these sooooo???? Like if anything he was smiling more in the other ones over the one that she did like but OKAY

So she’s going off about how she’s also a photographer but doesn’t have any of her equipment set up and that she can tell me EXACTLY what’s wrong with each picture even though he’s smiling and immediately pointed that she didn’t like how her sons eyes looked.

So I was like FIRST OF ALL do you not see the store you’re in like girl calm tf down (I apparently never said that according to my manager). Then I was like you know what manager can you handle her cuz she’s being ridiculous right now and I will not be dealing with this so I’m gonna go over here

So my manager pulls me to the side like omg I can’t believe you went off like that 😳 and she’s like it’s okay I heard the way she was talking to you yadda yadda

So the girl leaves and I go good fucking riddance but apparently when I left she came back to ask for the number to corporate to report me (if I get fired… well that was a fun Peter Parker era) and my manager tried to reshoot

She was saying how she wasn’t happy cuz we weren’t making her kids look like the kids on the wall. My manager was like first of all those are models so they’re not going to look like your children your children are going to look like how your children always look 

Long story short she was mad that I made her autistic child look autistic that apparently when they’re taking pictures at home he smiles bigger as if her autistic child wasn’t supposed to react to an unfamiliar environment with bright fucking lights over her fucking phone camera

And I could peep that that’s how that shit was going to go. Like bitch your son is going to look like your son if you’re mad that he’s autistic that’s on you because there is nothing wrong with him you dumbass bitch

So anyway if I get fired I expect all of you to support me like you’re my collective sugar daddy’s/mamas

With a dollar a day you can support your very own Allie.

I think I got too silly HELP,, [[HOMESTUCK ,, TROLLSONA / FANTROLL]]

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Your name is JACKSON “JACKASS” WILLSON. 

You live in TERRIBLE HORROR as you don’t like anyone and are pretty much INCAPABLE of feeling any emotion other than SADNESS and ANGER, what’s worse is that you can’t SMILE. You are forever trapped in a grim, bitchy sad face.

Though you seem all GRIM AND DARK, you are actually quite nervous sometimes and HATE meeting new people. They are always so MEAN to you. It makes you more SAD than you normally are. I mean it’s not like you like having friends anyway. You just keep the ones you have now for comfort and support, even if it doesn’t help at all. Anyway, your favorite thing to do is play silly little games NO ONE has heard of. It is your favorite activity. You particularly like SCRABBLE and MONOPOLY, however no one seems to want to play with you.

Your trolltag is tealCowboy and you spEAk in A wAy thAt mAkEs you sounD like a mAniAc with An AburD sEnse of humor.

What will you do?

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HERES SOME MORE INFO ON HIMS !! :p

He doesn’t like wearing shoes or socks because “thEy ArE fEEt prisons AnD i rEfusE to put my fEEt in A prison.” (His exact words btw) also idk why he has a human name I just thought it would b silly,,, ALSO HES AUTISTIC!! He only like teal and will RARELY touch any other color besides black and white [[top left is a picrew by castledoctrine]]

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Jackass my beloved <3

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Tokyo mew mew new season 1 ep 1-6 thoughts!! I'm finally getting around to watching it…I was procrastinating because once ive watched it I'll have to wait for season 2 -w-;; but I had to watch it this weekend since all of november ill be busy with nanowrimo! obv, spoilers under the cut, but this is basically an informal liveblog as I watch. only 1-6 for now, since im abt to leave to take my nephew trick or treating, ill prob watch the rest tomorrow tho! <3

EP 1

Ichigo's VA is So Good. -high schoolers instead of middle schoolers!! -Ichigo seeing aoyama all sweaty with his hair in that…helmet wrap thingy and STILL crushing on him is incredible. bc thats probably him at his Sweatiest, LMAO. (his awkward lil wave…PLS. theyre both so CUTE) -THE OPENING MADE ME CRY. LOOK AT THEM ALL. It's so dang CUTE. -Ichigo's friends new hairstyles are super cute -MINT!! -ICHIGO'S FRIENDS BEING SO SUPPORTIVE and getting their own character aspirations?? thats unexpected and cool! -love how they kept the animation so SILLY -mint hiding behind a tree and being annoyed at this hetero nonsense. queen of stealth -ichigo and her friends basically snooping for INFO. I love them LMAOO. mint being the best WINGwoman (pun intended) -Ichigo saying "MEN" when she was explaining she watched his kendo match LMAO -the lil sequence of seeing all the girls at the exibit…their main chara energies compared to the bg characters. love that for them -her admitting she doesnt know much abt conservation stuff was sweet. good on her for honesty -I know its for the sake of the plot, but having Ichigo NOT KNOW WHAT ENDANGERED MEANS AND SHES IN HIGH SCHOOL??? -aoyama ready to go full ecoterrorist in that lil date speech. ok king go off. heavy topic for a date (does..he even realize this is a date lol) -her being the optimist to his pessimist <3 -MASAGO KISS FIRST??? FIRST EPISODE??? OH MY GOD -something about mint swooping in and stealing ichigo right off aoyama. ichimint rights too. love this. every one of my ships is winning. ichimint/masago rights! ichigo has 2 hands -something about that…spiritual lil trip thru the cosmos and dino age ichigo was having made me burst out laughing…girl is seeing the whole universe after ryou SHOT HER WITH A PINK METEOR -the midcredits scene was so cute -respect aoyama for protecting ichigo, but king what could u do against a giant rat monster -ICHIGO THROWING A ROCK -Ichigo's new transformation is so cute!! Still think I prefer the old one, but the new one is also very good -im glad ichigo immediately recongized mint, bc they rly do not look much diff from their civilian forms, lol. mint being the first wasnt a surprise (kinda already speculated by a lot of ppl based on the trailers/teasers) but its fun! -good lil rat noises -MASHA HAVING AN ELDRICT SPACE MOUTH. obsessed -ryou/mint matching bitchy energies. love it -you know I dont actually think its good for aoyama to have been unconsious THAT long. hope he goes to a hospital or smth. -Big. Pink. Truck. where did keiichiro get a liscense to drive a bigass truck. DOES he have a liscense to drive it -ICHIGO ONLY REALIZING SHE COULD BE KIDNAPPED/EXPERIMENTED ON WHEN SHES ALREADY IN THE TRUCK LMAOO GIRL. absolutely 0 street smarts in this one. the test tube scene. pls. -this new series has given me true joy: seeing mew ichigo climb out of a bigass truck. thats really about all I needed, thank u -my god, was that francis in the ED?? they KEPT HIM IN THIS SERIES?? the ED IS ADORABLE THO. MY GOD

EP 2: -sorry…keiichiro is a CRYPTID INVESTIGATOR??? OK KING. THATS NEWS TO ME -Ichigo shaking masha's wing was so cute -cryptids are just chimera anima….new lore drop………..im shook. mothman is real in tmm universe. -ryou insisting hes NOT being a creep and having no concept of social norms while doing things ichigo 100% finds weird/creepy…dare I headcanon him as autistic? bc same king! -yeah something about them letting her be mew ichigo the entire ride to the cafe when she couldve changed back anytime was HILARIOUS -ryou telling ichigo shes important becaUSE SHES A BIOWEAPON. ONCE AGAIN HAVING NO CLUE ABOUT SOCIAL ETTIQUTE. THIS IS HOW AUTISTIC RYOU CAN WIN -'when i woke up I was already home!' bro are u not even worried about that? at all? if I passed out in public and woke up at home I would have. SO many concerns and questions. aoyama is the king of rolling with it ig -they replaced lettuce's bullies. and yet. they still suck very much. poor girl I feel SO BAD for her even knowing how itll play out :") -keiichiro rly said u can have unlimited sweets and ichigo agreed to work at the cafe. girl ask about ur WAGES. excited for the ep where the mews will Unionize -I think lettuce Deserves to be a Menace if she wants to. I believe in girl rights and girl wrongs -ichigo living every servers dream of being able to just dump shit all over the customers who suck and not ever being fired for it. love that for her -'lettuce could be in danger' LETTUCE IS THE DANGER. SHE IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS -'youre next' WHY IS THAT SO SCARY LMAO -ichigo rly said LOVE URSELF and it worked. shes right -ichitatsu rights. the slow hand grab over the course of the episode. love wins (no but actually it was so sweet n tender…the OST is so good!) -really glad they left the alien designs p much the same bc I do like them, but also I wanted to see the fandom riot if the middrift got cut out… cant win them all ig -_-

EP 3: -dont know if ive said it yet but the cafe bg characters are always really cute -ichigo being BAFFLED at mint being Nice to Lettuce jkhkjad -'the animals at the zoo arent anything special' girl anyone who turns down a zoo date is weak and will succumb to natural selection. zoos are so fun tf -ichigo worrying aoyamas not having fun…girl hes an introvert and ur energy is A LOT and hes prob flustered. let him LIVE -I love being proven right 0.2 seconds later after I type something. him getting flustered/nervous and holding Ichigo bc of it. shes his emotional support cat i am LIVING -then him being SUPRISED he was even nervous aww…theyre so CUTE -him immediately infodumping abt cats body temps. another autistic king but I KNEW that in my heart already -goddamn theyre so cute -pudding being the ultimate dateblock queen. here for her energy tho -puddings energy during the unconsentual kiss was WRONG tho. ichigo being abt to cry abt it…death to kish for 1000 years -is there a lore reason that cat protected aoyama? do normal animals like…instincutally wanna fight chimera anima/sense theres smth wrong with them? (i mean ik in universe the implication is prob the cat trusted aoyama and wanted to help him bc he helped it or w/e. just Thinking) -kish immediately saying ichigos boring so he'll kill her…he rly does just see her as a lil toy ugh. in a weird way it reminds me of rose quartz from SU, how she treated greg as a fun lil toy at first instead of a real Person bc humans = aliens to the aliens. if that makes sense. and he Does have reason to dislike humans/preconcieved notitions (not to excuse his behavior towards ichigo, but its INTERESTING and I do like him as a chara, just not the ship, lol)

EP 4: -ryou with his goddamned square window, again. im having a FIT -his room IS kinda sad. damn -im sorry, I swear they also described zakuro as having black hair in the og anime, but WHERE. its PURPLE -mint still gay. good. shes such a lil fangirl -her gay fantasy of hugging zakuro and having a Moment with her lmao. girl same -mint knocking ichigo out of her fantasy to turn around and freak out abt there being lint on her clothes and she cant let zakuro see that. then ichigo sayin she understands the feeling. how else could this possibly be interupted except ichigo being the best ally -LETTUCE GETTING THE ROLE OF ROCK I AM LOSING MY MIND -the knight mint/ichigo prince dynamic. I am Shocked. and Gleeful -lettuce stayed in character as a rock. love that for her -zakuro saved their asses in the audition. ok theater queen!!! go off!! they rly just segued into a full ass music video and im living for it. mint is truely living her self insert dreams too -I love the mix of manga and the old anime stuff! very Cool -the birds fucking GETTING zakuro oh my god i would CRY -glad zakuro is putting up a fuss about joining the team still. esp after they just showed her they arent rly working as a unit yet! still very harsh on mint which HURTS but I love the conflict. the girls are fightinggg

EP 5: -so all the bg charas at the cafe are girls. it makes it look like a lesbian superhub -mints Super Okay facade HURTS. she should be allowed to be lazy -I burst out laughing when they showed micky. why he look like that lmao -mint's brother has more than like 2 speaking lines, I am Shocked -pjs……cute -and pillow fight….they are all so cute ARGH Im literally getting cuteness agression fromw watching this -this is how ichimint can still win (theyre being cute at a sleepover and talking abt their feelings) -mints whole thing with her family and also recongizing she doesnt really KNOW zakuro. omg. they added so much depth im so happy…that whole mint monologe was so GOOD -god kishu calling mickey annoying. if he turned MY YAPPY little dog into a monster it would be on sight. mint should get rights to maul him right after ichigo does. i love yappy little dogs. (and mint being conflicted on fighting it bc thats her DOGGY. Aw :( ) -ichigo tackling mint….this is how ichimint will win -take the fucking shot mint. get his ass.

EP 6: BABY CHICKS?? WHERE /DID/ THOSE COME FROM IS THIS A PUN IM NOT UNDERSTANDING -glam lettuce is everything. i love watching them SCHEME TOGETHER -performer squad mews is so iconic -thinking abt mints fierce gaze while ur singing ur power ballad, huh, zakuro?? thats kinda gay. -ichigo's kitty phone. cute -this fucking security guard is having the worst day of his career LMAO -my god, mint just awakened zakuro as a lesbian LMAO zakuro has been hanging on her every word and theyre inspiring each other…ITS REAL. TH GAYS MUSTVE EATEN THIS UP AS IT AIRED. IM THE GAYS -mint and zakuro's respect and love feels a lot more balanced in this version, which I love -kish makes some feral ass faces -kish being SHOCKED zakuro would join the fight?? sir youre the one bringing the chimera to them to awaken all of them! youre doing that! what did u expect! -how did the live camera not catch zakuro transforming? how does no one recongize them!! esp zakuro!! she looks!! the SAME!!!! ( I realize masaya def does, but NO ONE ELSE??) maybe in universe her hair rly is black…huh -'im so happy for you mint!' what did lettuce mean by that…besides Gay Events. really. truely iconic episode. I do wonder where the cutoff point will be for the season and what the next 6 or so eps will consist of..we will SEE. So far it’s super cute and I’m enjoying it so much. And I’ve cried a normal amount 🗿

I keep myself from life. Actively destroy it by thinking. Thinking of which rituals to perform to access it - to be allowed to access it by thinking of the things I saw others do when I fell in awe with them, when I adored them, when I envied them. I copy their surroundings, but I do not feel the source. And when the feelings inside me are good, they start to crumble as soon as I look back at them. Because they don't match the picture of what I thought it should look like to feel good, to live life. How autistic of me. More gut-wrenching. How much energy and life have I already wasted? Can I somehow make up for that? Haven't I shed too many tears? How much mourning do I need to do until I reach a safe haven? A place that feels like home. I have build myself an environment that was supposed to represent me, dreams that I wanted to live as a child that were denied from me, spoken out of existence. I fought that back rebelliously only to find out that chuldhood has already passed me by. I understand now. I have become a woman. I am no longer that defenseless. I am taking my words back. Allowing myself to think ugly. To be ugly. To allow my inner dragon more and more. But I don't want to linger there either. Where are my next steps? Away from material security. But does that mean to give up everything. Living a slow, minimalistic life, because that will do what exactly for me? Aw fuck me! It cannot be it. I envy Chris. I scream for him inside me, for this fierce bitchiness that fights rigorously. I scream, I scream, I burn inside, let me burn until I am reborn, break me down for heaven's sake shed me shed me I am begging you. I tapped into greed in hopes to be reckognized, to be seen in my power, yet what it brought me was distance, I tried to give myself away and it turned me into a ghost that was not needed to be noticed, just used to recharge for own life purposes. I built a fortress in hopes to finally have things of my own and teach myself what no one cared to teach me. I so naturally support others on their path - who teaches me the basics? All I get is anger and upset, when I cannot keep up with what people have learned already. But all by myself I don't get to where I want to be either. When I share, then my things are gone and I do not get them back, have to pay extra time, money, energy to get them again. Loss loss loss. I have lost people I love, I have lost myself, lost opportunity, lost the source to life. I broke, I see so much conflict, dissonace in me. I'm looking for meaning. For meaning in my actions, in my decisions, my experience, but where is it? Where is the vibrancy that will lift me on waves that bring me into the flow of life? It's time to stop the fake fight and renew myself. Let my ego die as much as it needs to. What do I need to give? Where can I leave meaning behind? What can I do that leaves an upbeat mark? I want to learn to surrender my life to the layers of existence