It's a margaritas in the bath before work type of Sunday 🍹🥰

Too Hard To Forget

Chapter Five

Warnings: swearing and mature themes, sexual references probably

7,958 words

A/N: Hello it’s me again back on my bullshit, here’s chapter five don’t hate me <3 ps please I beg send me your notes comments criticisms ANYTHING I wanna know what y’all think about my babies

» » » » » »

“Special delivery for Parker Daniels,” a deep, familiar voice echoed from behind her. Parker whirled around, a smile already on her face before she even made eye contact with the man holding two bouquets of flowers.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, coming around to the other side of the reception desk where Calum was standing.

“Well, obviously I’m here to give you these,” he rolled his eyes fondly at her, extending one of the bouquets out for her to take. “But it’s also Gram and my Granddad’s anniversary, and I always bring her flowers.”

“You’re really sweet,” she said, taking them from his hand.

Calum wrapped his free arm around Parker’s waist, tugging her close. “Shush, love. Got a reputation to uphold,” he winked, planting a kiss to her lips. He let her go, walking backwards down the hall towards Grace’s room. “Saturday night. Don’t make plans.”

“What’s happening Saturday?” she asked.

“Boys’ night,” he called out. “You can crash. Bring Jenna,” he added before turning and leaving Parker to stare after the delicious sight that was Calum’s ass in tight black jeans.

Calum entered Grace’s bedroom, hiding behind the huge bouquet. “Good morning, pretty lady,” he grinned, peeking his head above the flowers.

“Oh, Calum!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “Thank you! They’re beautiful, dear. Even better than the last time,” she smiled, taking them from his hands. “Hard to believe it’s been almost 17 years since he’s been gone,” she sighed wistfully.

Calum said nothing, just wrapped Gram up in a tight hug, squeezing her and kissing the top of her head.

Parker poked her head around the doorframe, knocking lightly. “Am I interrupting?” she asked.

Calum let go of Gram, turning around. “Come on in, angel,” he replied, reaching his hand out for her.

Parker entered the room, setting a glass vase filled with water on the table beside Grace’s bed. “Thought you might need this,” she said.

“Oh, how thoughtful. Thank you, dear,” Grace said, squeezing Parker’s hand.

She turned to leave, but Calum caught her elbow, spinning her back towards him and kissing her lightly on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Parker nodded, blushing. Grace was absolutely beaming at the two of them. “See you later, Grace,” she smiled before meeting Calum’s eyes once more and leaving.

Calum watched her leave before turning back to Gram. She wore a smile of pure joy, one that reached her eyes. “I’m so glad you two worked things out,” she said. “She makes you happy.”

Calum flashed her a lopsided grin. “You make me happy.”

Gram chuckled. “I’ve never made you this happy, baby. You’re glowing.”

Calum couldn’t argue with her. He loved Gram more than anything else in the world, but since he’d been with Parker, he was feeling lighter than air. It was a strange feeling. For the first time in Calum’s life, he felt like he was ready to let someone in. He couldn’t explain why it was different with Parker, but it didn’t matter. He wanted her to know him.

» » » » » »

“So tell me again why we’re crashing boys’ night,” Jenna questioned as she sat at Parker’s vanity, adding hairspray to her just-curled hair.

Parker was rummaging through her closet, looking for a top to wear. “I have no idea,” she said honestly. “Calum’s request,” she shrugged.

She tugged a sheer long sleeve off its hanger, slipping it over her head when she noticed her phone light up with a FaceTime call notification. She sat down on her bed, accepting the call from Calum.

Her phone screen was filled with a close-up of Michael’s face, yelling to be heard over the rest of the boys screaming along to Nickelback in the background.

“When are you guys coming over?” he yelled into the phone, a silver cross dangling from his right ear. Parker shook her head, chuckling to herself. “There’s too much testosterone over here. Please tell me you’re coming soon!” Michael begged, before Calum snatched the phone out of his hand.

“Give us like, ten minutes,” Parker told him, checking the time. “You’re not even dressed yet!” Parker laughed, only just noticing that Calum wasn’t even wearing a shirt.

“Just get your ass over here, doll. The boys are getting rowdy,’ he said before ending the call.

Fifteen minutes later, Jenna and Parker were in an Uber on the way to Calum’s apartment. Jenna pulled a flask out of her boot and handed it to Parker. Parker smirked, taking a shot of whatever was in it.

She scrunched her nose in disgust, handing it back to her friend. “Tequila? You’re gross,” she laughed.

When they reached Calum’s apartment door, Parker turned to Jenna. “I apologize for whatever we may find in there,” she gestured to the door. “They get weird when they’re together.”

Jenna giggled as Parker turned the handle and opened the door. Just as Calum had said, the boys were definitely getting rowdy. Luke was standing on the couch, Ashton was on his knees, and Calum and Michael were facing each other, all four of them singing unbelievably loudly and playing air instruments along with the music blasting out of Calum’s speakers.

“Boys,” Jenna said, rolling her eyes, and Parker laughed.

“Are we interrupting?” Parker announced loudly, and the four of them turned to look at her.

Michael came bounding over, squeezing her in a tight hug. “Hey, Michael,” she laughed. “This is Jenna,” she gestured to the brunette standing next to her. “Jenna, these are the boys. Michael, Ashton, Luke and Calum.”

After the introductions, Luke made Parker and Jenna a drink, and they toasted to new friends. Parker noticed how Luke’s eyes lingered on Jenna and how his fingers brushed hers when he handed her her drink.

“You’re still not dressed,” Parker pointed out, gesturing to Calum’s still-naked chest.

“I thought you liked me better this way,” he said cheekily.

“Yeah, when we’re alone and I can enjoy it,” she returned smoothly. “Go,” she urged, pushing him in the direction of his bedroom.

“Help me pick something,” he said, grabbing her wrist and tugging her along with him.

Fifteen minutes later, they emerged from Calum’s bedroom. Calum was finally dressed, but both their cheeks were flushed and their hair a little messier than it was when they left.

“Y’all were having sex, weren’t you?” Jenna accused with narrowed eyes, gesturing between the two of them.

Parker shot her a dirty look, but then her face broke into a wicked grin.

• • • • • •

At the bar, after several rounds of shots and plenty of dancing, Parker was having a blast. Jenna was getting on with the boys, and she seemed to approve of Calum, which was all Parker cared about. Lately, Calum seemed less grumpy than usual and it made Parker happy. He smiled and laughed a lot, and it lit up his face, a welcome change from the scowl she used to see etched into his features. Once he had opened up to her, he was a different person. He was still sarcastic and had that same sly, cocky, suggestive sense of humour, but he was also sweet and gentle and he made Parker’s heart flutter. His friends were a blast, too, and without much effort at all she found herself falling for him, fast.

“You need another drink, love?” he asked her, noting her empty cup and downing the last of his own drink.

“I’ll get it,” she shook her head, smiling. She kissed him on the cheek and made her way to the bar on the other side of the dance floor.

Parker ordered a beer for Calum and another cocktail for herself, leaning against the bartop as she waited. Her gaze found her friends on the floor, the boys dancing in a circle around Jenna and having the time of their lives. She smiled fondly as she watched them, smirking when she saw Luke trying to get closer to her. She vaguely noticed Ashton wasn’t among them and wondered where he was. Her silent question was answered when she heard a familiar voice next to her.

“He’s crazy about you, you know,” Ashton stated, raising the hand that was holding his drink and pointing in Calum’s direction. Parker looked up at him, black hair falling in tousled waves around his face. “He’s never been much of a relationship guy. He doesn’t let people in, and he doesn’t trust easily. But I can see that it’s different with you. I don’t know you, but I have to ask—are you serious about him? ‘Cause if you’re not, tell him now. I love that man like a brother, and I can’t watch him get hurt if you’re not sure.”

His expression wasn’t unkind, but he had lines of worry etched in his face, and Parker was a little bit offended by his assumption that she was using him. She had spent too much time and lost too much sleep over trying to convince Calum that she was a good person, and frankly it had been exhausting—she wasn’t going to do it with Ashton, too, Calum’s best friend or not.

“Look,” she began, hand on her hip and mild annoyance on her face. “You’re right—you don’t know me. I can appreciate that you’re looking out for your friend, but I’m not going to hurt him. I care about him. And I don’t particularly like having to prove myself to anyone but him.”

“Hey, easy,” Ashton replied, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying, if you hurt him,” he warned, “believe me when I say you won’t get a second chance.”

The bartender slid Parker’s drinks across the bar to her, and she handed him the money. She turned back to Ashton. It frustrated her that he didn’t think she really cared about Calum, but she didn’t want to give him any reason not to like her. For Calum’s sake, Ashton’s approval was important to her. “I respect you, and what you’re trying to do, but I like him, okay? More than you know,” she trailed off, her eyes finding Calum again. “I want us to be friends,” she added, turning back to Ashton. “So you cool?”

Ashton eyed her for a moment, but he seemed willing to give her a chance. “To new friends, then,” he raised his cup and clinked it with hers, smiling. She smiled back, satisfied that she’d won him over. For now, anyway.

Ashton and Parker rejoined their friends on the floor, Calum shooting Parker a puzzled look. She just shook her head, indicating that it was nothing to worry about. She handed him his beer and he kissed her on the lips, a sloppy kiss that showed his mild level of intoxication, and it made Parker laugh.

“Hey!” she exclaimed suddenly, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. “I forgot to tell you!”

“Tell me what?”

“Well, I shouldn’t tell you. Legally, I’m not allowed...” she teased.

“Angel,” he warned. “Tell me what?”

“Grace had a follow-up today with one of her specialists, and I overheard them talking that she should be cleared to go home this week,” she said excitedly.

Calum’s face lit up, smile splitting his face from ear to ear. “Fuck, that’s the best news!” he exclaimed, grabbing her cheeks and kissing her repeatedly on the lips, Parker giggling at his enthusiasm. “You’re incredible, you know that?” he grinned.

“I didn’t do anything,” she pointed out.

“You take care of her like she’s family. You have no idea what that means to me,” he said sincerely. “Okay, boys, celebratory drinks on me! Gram’s coming home!”

» » » » » »

Calum was out with the boys at their favourite pub for beers on Friday night. He had finished work at six, stopping in at Grace’s house and making sure she was settling back into her routine. It had been a couple of weeks since she moved back into the house, and she seemed to be doing really well being back at home. She was happier, more relaxed, and she insisted that Calum stop visiting her every day, because she was perfectly capable of managing on her own and she would call if she needed him. He’d grinned at her, telling her that wild dogs couldn’t keep him away, and promised he’d be back to visit soon.

They were sitting at a high table, sharing their second pitcher. “I just don’t understand why you won’t give me her number,” Luke whined. He’d been bugging Calum for Jenna’s number since the group of them had gone out a few weeks ago, and Calum rolled his eyes at his best friend.

“For one,” Calum started, taking a sip from his glass, “she’s not interested in a relationship, and you don’t need to get mixed up in that. Two, I’m not letting you fuck around with my girl’s best friend. It’ll get weird.”

Luke groaned. “Fine. I’ll just be single for the rest of my life, it’s totally fine,” he muttered dramatically.

“How are things going with you two, anyway?” Ashton asked, turning to Calum.

“Obviously amazing. Look how annoyingly happy he is,” Michael pointed out, making them all laugh.

Calum smiled into his glass, thinking of the grey-eyed girl that occupied his every thought.

“You’re thinking about her now, aren’t you?” Michael giggled, breaking Calum out of his thoughts.

He looked up, downing the rest of his beer and breathing in deeply. “I think I love her, boys.”

» » » » » »

Parker was at work on Saturday afternoon when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, and she smiled when she saw Calum’s name above the text notification. On the advice of Ashton and the boys, she let Calum take the lead on where things were going. It had been over a month since they first slept together, but they hadn’t talked about what they were, and she didn’t want to push him, even though neither of them had been seeing anyone else. Parker was more than happy just being with him, so she didn’t mind taking it slow.

I’m lonely. Come over.                        

                                   I’m at work :(    

Come after.                                          

                                   I’m off at 5. You gonna survive until then?          

I don’t know.                                        

Parker was struck with a sudden idea. She closed herself in the single bathroom in the staff area. She removed her top and her bra long enough to take a photo of herself to send to Calum. Sending nudes was something she’d never done before, but she did it without thinking and it was kind of exhilarating. She hit send, biting her lip while she waited for his response.

Fuck, that’s not fair. Now I definitely won’t be able to wait that long.

She smiled, pocketing her phone. Suddenly, she didn’t want to wait until five either. Maybe she could pretend she wasn’t feeling well and get off early.

• • • • • •

At 3:15, she parked her car in the visitor lot at Calum’s apartment building, buzzing herself in with the code he gave her and impatiently waiting for the elevator to take her up to Calum’s floor. She knocked on the door, smirking at Calum’s surprised expression at her early arrival.

He tugged her inside and pinned her against the door. “You’re early,” he mumbled as he kissed her. “Not very nice of you to send me that picture and make me wait,” he murmured against her lips.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” she replied, dropping her bag on the floor and kicking off her shoes as she tugged Calum’s t-shirt over his head, walking him backwards towards his bedroom. He slipped his hands under her thighs, lifting her easily as she hooked her ankles around his waist. He carried her to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him before setting her down.

“Clothes off,” he growled. “Now.”

• • • • • •

Parker lay on Calum’s tattooed chest, drawing patterns on it with her finger. “You’ve never told me what these mean,” she said quietly, her fingertip tracing over the roman numerals on his left collarbone.

Calum’s breath hitched. He wasn’t used to sharing personal details about his life, especially the meaning behind that tattoo in particular.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she responded. “If you don’t want to.”

He appreciated her understanding, but he reminded himself that if he wanted Parker to get to know him, if he wanted to be honest and open with her, he was going to have to start somewhere, and here was as good a place as any. He wanted her to know, he just didn’t like talking about it. Calum tried to relax, placing a kiss to the top of Parker’s head. “Things are about to get heavy, doll. You sure you’re ready for it?”

Calum took a deep breath. He’d only told this story once in his life, and not in a very long time. “When I was seventeen, I went through some shit,” he began, trying to condense the details as much as possible to get it over with. “I started hanging out with some rough people and I got into some pretty messed up shit for a while. I just felt out of place, like I wasn’t going anywhere with my life and everything was against me. The boys were gonna be going off to college and I wasn’t—I just felt like an outsider watching my life go by without me. I was miserable. I put up a hell of a fight with Gram—I was a nightmare, honestly. I don’t think she knew what to do with me, but the boys brought me out of it. I found out later in the year that my mum killed herself when I was a baby. Right in front of me. That’s why Gram raised me.” He sighed, rubbing a hand down his jaw. “It was the worst year of my life. Got a tattoo of that year to remind me that I never wanted to feel like that again.”

Parker bit her lip, her chest aching at the thought of what Calum had been through. It occurred to her that she really didn’t know anything about him. She didn’t know how to respond, so she pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand, snuggling closer. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay,” he replied. “I’m glad you know now.” He slipped out from under her, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow so he could meet her eyes.

“Thanks for telling me,” she smiled, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “And for trusting me.”

Calum couldn’t stop the next words from falling out of his mouth. He knew it might be too fast, but he didn’t care. He tucked a strand of Parker’s hair behind her ear and let his fingers trail down the curve of her jaw. “I’m in love with you,” he said quietly.

Parker looked up at him with wide eyes, part of her unsure if she had heard him right. His face was serious, his dark eyes never leaving her face as his fingers stroked along the skin of her cheek and jaw. When he saw her expression, he laughed softly. “Never thought I’d say that to any girl, honestly. But I do,” he said. “I love you.”

Parker’s mind was reeling. She hadn’t known for sure until that moment that she felt the same way. She had fallen for him so quickly, and his confession made her sure of what she already knew—she loved him, too.

Parker leaned forward, moving close to him. She rested her hand on his face, cupping his cheek and pressing her lips to his. She closed her eyes, feeling him relax under her and relishing in the softness of his lips. She pulled away only slightly, their lips still brushing gently. “I love you, too,” she murmured.

Calum smiled, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest. They lay like that for a while, Calum just holding her close, neither of them saying anything.

Finally, Parker broke the silence. “So,” she started, “does this mean I’m your girl?”

Calum laughed softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You’ve always been my girl.”

» » » » » »

Parker slept over at Calum’s often over the next month, the drawers in his dresser and his bathroom slowly becoming home to some of her things. It made him smile every time he opened a drawer and his clothes smelled like her perfume, or he found pieces of her clothing while he was folding his laundry. He was head over heels for her.

They were making out on the couch one Thursday night, a movie playing long forgotten in the background. Parker was in nothing but a pair of shorts, her shirt and bra having been discarded, when she heard the familiar click of the automatic lock on Calum’s door. There were only three other people besides herself who had the code for his apartment, and they had a habit of never knocking. Parker scrambled to find her shirt before whoever was about to walk in saw her half-naked, but she had tossed it halfway across the room and she saw the three familiar faces of Calum’s best friends long before she could reach it. She did her best to cover herself, but her face turned bright red.

“Ah, fuck! Sorry, P. Didn’t know you were here,” Mikey stammered, covering his eyes. He turned around, attempting to get the other two to cover theirs while she dressed.

“It’s fine,” she laughed lightly. “We should know better, I guess, since you guys apparently don’t know the meaning of knocking.” It wasn’t the first time they’d walked in on her less than fully clothed.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” Michael turned to Calum.

“Forgot what?”

“Seriously dude? It’s wing night. Last Thursday of the month. We’ve been doing this for years,” Luke rolled his eyes, setting a huge bag full of takeout containers on the island in the kitchen.

“Shit, is it Thursday? Yeah, I forgot,” Calum admitted, running a hand through his hair.

Parker swiped her car keys off the counter and grabbed her bag. “It’s okay, I’ll go. See you on Saturday?” she asked, pressing a kiss to Calum’s cheek.

“You can stay, P. There’s lots of food,” Mikey offered, gesturing to the bag.

“Thanks, Mikey, but I should get going anyway. I’ve gotta work tomorrow. Later, guys!”

The boys waved and Calum stood, following Parker to the door. “Text me when you’re home,” he murmured, pulling her in for a hug and kissing her temple.

“You know I’ll forget.”

“I know,” he smiled, ducking his head and pressing his lips to hers softly. “I love you.”

“I never get tired of hearing that,” she smiled, closing the door behind her. Calum made his way back into the living room.

“What’s on Saturday?” Michael asked, licking barbeque sauce off his fingers.

Calum collapsed onto the couch and reached for a chicken wing. “I’m supposed to have dinner with Parker’s parents.”

All at once, the three boys looked at Calum with raised eyebrows. He waved them off with a scoff. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just dinner.”

“I’d say it’s a pretty big deal, dude. If you’re meeting her parents, things are serious with P and you wanna make a good impression,” Luke pointed out.

“Can we not talk about this?” Calum snapped, a little more harshly than he intended.

Calum wasn’t the type of guy you bring home to meet your parents, and he knew it. He wanted to impress them, even if Parker wasn’t exceptionally close with her family. But he had a feeling in his gut that this dinner wasn’t going to go well. Calum knew how to be polite and charming, but he didn’t exactly have a shining resumé full of impressive accomplishments. He barely graduated high school. He knew Parker was too good for him, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried that her parents would think the same thing, too.

“What’s wrong with you?” Luke cocked his head, giving him a puzzled look. “Are you really that nervous to meet them?”

Calum sighed. “I don’t know, mate. I’m not really nervous, I just—she’s this incredible person, she’s got a huge heart and she saves lives, for fuck’s sake. I barely finished high school, I work at a record store, and I’m not exactly a nice guy. I don’t see them being too thrilled when they meet me.” He took a long swig of his beer, then set it down on the coffee table and leaned his head back against the couch.

“Why do you care what they think of you?” Ashton questioned, turning to him. “Parker doesn’t care, so why should they? She loves you, man,” he added. “That’s all that matters.”

Calum took a deep breath. “I hope you’re right.”

» » » » » »

Parker was loading groceries into her car when she heard her phone ring. She answered it, propping it between her ear and her shoulder.

“Hey, mom,” she answered, seeing her mother’s caller ID before she answered. “What’s up?”

“Hi, honey. I just wanted to call and make sure we were still on for Saturday. Dad and I are excited to meet Calum.”

“I’m excited for you to meet him, too,” she breathed. And she was. Things were going so well with him, and it had been a long time since Parker had been with someone long enough to introduce him to her parents.

“We’ll meet you there at seven?” her mother confirmed.

“Can’t wait,” Parker said before hanging up.

» » » » » »

Calum had to work Saturday morning, rolling out of bed reluctantly at 7:45 after an unexpectedly late night fooling around with his guitar. He had lost track of time and it was past two when he finally went to bed. Duke sighed heavily at Calum’s sudden movement, turning around in a circle and finding a new comfortable position among his pillows.

“I wish my life was as easy as yours, big man,” Calum mumbled, scratching his dog behind the ears.

He showered and dressed in his usual work attire of black boots, jeans and a band tee, grabbing a coffee on the way into the store. The morning was typical for a Saturday, busier than during the week but nothing crazy. Tom usually came in after lunch, leaving Calum to open the store by himself and shutting himself in his office for the afternoon to do paperwork, only emerging to allow Calum to take his lunch break. Calum was ringing through a customer when Tom stormed out of his office, looking angrier than usual. He wasn’t generally a happy guy so it wasn’t uncommon for him to be in a bad mood, but Calum wondered what had happened that had him suddenly so pissed off.

“Calum, how many times do I have to ask you to put these boxes in the attic?” he demanded angrily, kicking a cardboard box of overstock out of his path.

“I’m with a customer, Tom,” he gritted out, seconds away from losing his cool.

Calum handed his customer the bag with his purchase, nodding, and the guy couldn’t leave the store quick enough, sensing the tension among the two men.

Tom barely waited until the guy was out the door before he started in on Calum again. “You work for me, kid, remember? All I have to do is say the word and you’re out on your ass,” he spat.

Something in Calum’s brain snapped and he felt the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. He’d had enough of Tom treating him like shit when he was the only reliable employee Tom had.

“If you would get off your ass and give me a hand instead of leaving me out here to do everything myself, maybe I’d have time to put your fucking order away,” he replied sharply. He should have regretted what he said, because he knew there’d be hell to pay for talking back to his boss like that, but Calum couldn’t bring himself to care. Tom was a piece of shit and Calum was fed up with it.

Tom’s face turned beet red, his brows furrowing into an angry glare. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you to respect your elders?”

Calum whipped around and without missing a beat, landed a fierce right hook to his boss’s jaw. He fell back into the wall, steadying himself on the doorjamb. He looked utterly shocked.

“Fuck you,” Calum seethed, spitting at Tom’s feet.

Tom straightened, adjusting his tie and adopting a suddenly calm demeanor. “That’s it, Hood. You’re done. Get out of my store.”

“Gladly,” Calum replied smoothly. “Let’s see how long you stay in business with no one but your lazy ass to run this place,” he shot back, fishing his key out of his pocket and slamming it on the counter in front of the man. He stormed into the back, yanking his leather jacket off its hook and lighting a cigarette before he was even out the door.

• • • • • •

Calum drove around aimlessly for the better part of an hour with no destination in mind, listening to Coldplay and lighting one cigarette after another in an attempt to clear his head and calm him down. Once he realized it wasn’t helping, he decided the only thing that would make him feel better was going to see Gram. He didn’t want to stress Parker out with his problems until after he’d talked it out with Gram.

He let himself in the house, the smell of banana bread filling his nose. Calum entered the kitchen where Gram was doing dishes, spotting the fresh-baked loaf cooling on the stove.

He sighed heavily as soon as she came into his view, feeling most of his anger melt away almost instantly. “Hey, Gram,” he greeted, kissing her on the cheek and taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“Hi dear,” she replied, smiling. “I woke up this morning and I just had a feeling you’d be coming to see me today.” She dried her hands on a dishtowel and cut two slices of bread, setting them on a plate and joining Calum at the table. “You look down, baby. What’s wrong?”

Calum sighed. “I got fired.”

“Oh, honey,” Gram said sympathetically. “What happened?”

“I let Tom have it,” he said, reaching for a slice of banana bread and taking a bite. “He pissed me off and I tried to stay calm, but then he started talking shit about mum and I just lost it,” Calum shook his head. “I hit him,” he said guiltily, dropping his head.

“Listen to me, Calum,” Gram said, lifting his chin to look at her. “This is for the best. That rat of a man has been nothing but horrible to you since he took over the store, and he doesn’t deserve you. And he definitely deserved that punch,” she added with a wink, earning a small smile from Calum. She placed her hand on top of his, squeezing it. “You’ll find something better. And who knows,” she added, “maybe this an opportunity to work on your music.”

Calum smiled. He knew he could always count on Gram to lift his spirits, even when he was having the worst day. She packed up the rest of the banana bread in a Tupperware container, saving two slices for herself, and sent Calum home.

When he got back to his apartment, he had completely forgotten about dinner with Parker’s parents that night until his phone went off with a reminder. He groaned. Being social and making a good impression was the last thing he wanted to do tonight, and despite Gram’s effort to cheer him up, he felt anger bubble up inside him at the whole situation. How was he supposed to impress Parker’s parents when he didn’t even have a job? He was already stressed enough about meeting them, and he wondered how this day could possibly get worse.

• • • • • •

Parker spent Saturday morning cleaning her apartment and catching up on some reading while Calum was at work, killing time until the dinner with her parents. She hadn’t heard from Calum since early that morning when he had sent her a good morning text, but he was at work until four so she wasn’t expecting to hear from him until lunchtime. She decided she would bring him a coffee, being that it was nearing his break.

She stopped in at Enzo’s, ordered his coffee, and crossed the street, the door chiming when she entered Rudy’s.

No one was out front when she came in which struck her as odd. Calum was almost always either standing at the register and sorting through albums on the counter or in among the aisles putting things away and organizing.

“Cal?” she called out, wondering if maybe he was in the back.

A few moments later, Tom emerged. He wore a blank expression, not offering a smile or any kind of greeting to Parker. He was holding an ice pack to his jaw, and Parker noticed a large red mark under the pack.

“Uh, hi,” Parker said awkwardly. “Is Calum here?”

Tom scoffed, a sneer curling his lips. “Calum doesn’t work here anymore,” he said flatly.

“Oh,” Parker frowned, confused. “Okay, thanks,” she said, turning on her heel to leave.

Fifteen minutes later she arrived at Calum’s apartment, knocking on the door gently before opening it and stepping inside. Duke was at the door, wagging his tail and running circles around her feet until she bent down to pet him. She rubbed the little dog’s head, setting the coffee, now getting cold, on the kitchen counter. Parker looked up to find Calum laying on the couch, a beer in his hand.

“Hey,” she said softly, noting immediately that he wasn’t in a good mood. “I stopped by Rudy’s to bring you a coffee for your break, but Tom—he said you didn’t work there anymore,” she explained, brows furrowed in confusion as she made her way over to the couch, sitting cross-legged at the other end and facing him.

“Yeah,” he scoffed, lifting the beer to his lips and taking a long drink. “I don’t,” he stated bluntly.

“What do you mean?”

“I got fired,” he shrugged.

Parker’s shoulders sagged, brows knitting together in concern. “Are—are you okay?”

Calum laughed dryly, his dark eyes meeting hers for the first time since she entered his apartment. They held no warmth—it reminded Parker of the way he looked at her when they first met, and it felt wrong. “I’m unemployed with no education except a high school diploma. I’m fucking fantastic.”

Parker flinched at his words. She hadn’t seen this side of him since before they started dating, and she had forgotten how harsh he could be when he was angry. Parker didn’t like it.

“What can I do?” she asked quietly.

Calum looked away. “Nothing, Parker. There’s nothing you can do.” He stood, finishing his beer and walking to the fridge to get another one.

She stood up and followed him, afraid to ask him any more questions, but she had to know. “Should I cancel tonight? With my parents?”

Calum leaned back against the kitchen counter, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t fancy meeting your parents for the first time and getting to tell them I got fired today,” he responded. “I’ve had a shit day and I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Parker hesitated for a moment, but ultimately decided that if she couldn’t love Calum through his bad days, she didn’t deserve him at all. She couldn’t be afraid of him when he got like this. So she moved to stand in front of him, taking his beer and setting it down beside him on the counter. He watched her intently, unmoving, while she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. “It’s gonna be okay,” she murmured. “You hated that job anyway. We’ll figure this out, I promise.”

Calum sighed deeply, finally wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight, resting his chin on top of her head. He felt his anger dissolve a little more when he held her. God, he loved her.

After a few moments of silence, Calum spoke. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

Parker pulled away to meet his eyes. “I know,” she assured him, pressing a kiss to his lips. “It’s okay.”

“We’ll still go tonight. I don’t want you to have to cancel.”

“Are you sure?” Parker questioned.

Calum nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

• • • • • •

At 6:40, Calum parked the Charger in front of Parker’s apartment, pocketing his keys as he walked up the steps. After suggesting a quick tumble to help Calum de-stress a little, Parker had gone home to shower and get ready for their dinner. She opened the door, and Calum smiled. She was in a short, forest-green cocktail dress with minimal makeup and a wool coat to cover at least part of her bare legs.

“You look beautiful.”

“So do you,” she teased, kissing him on the cheek. He had worn a simple black button-up and black trousers, trading his signature leather jacket for a long, dark grey trench coat. “You ready to go?” she asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he shrugged. The drive to the restaurant was relatively quiet, the low hum from Calum’s stereo playing throughout the car to break the silence. Calum’s mind was still reeling over this morning’s events, and he was nervous for tonight. Parker didn’t talk about her parents a lot, and while they got along, he got the vibe that they didn’t always see eye-to-eye. Not that he gave a shit what anyone thought of him, but Calum wanted them to like him, for Parker’s sake. He had an uneasy feeling. He hoped it was just nerves, but deep in his chest, he knew better.

Parker seemed to notice the uncomfortable expression on Calum’s face when they pulled into the parking lot.

“Hey,” she turned to him, cupping his cheeks in her hands and turning him to face her. “Relax. They’re going to love you. And even if they don’t, I don’t care. I love you. That’s the only important thing.” She pressed her lips to his softly before getting out of the car. He knew her heart was in the right place, but her words didn’t make him feel any better. The last thing he wanted was to be the thing to come between Parker and her parents.

She grasped his hand, lacing her fingers with his as they entered the restaurant. Parker spotted her parents at a booth against the far wall. She told the hostess that their company was already seated, and Calum followed behind her as she weaved through the restaurant. When they approached the table, Calum let go of Parker’s hand as her father stood to his feet.

“Richard,” he stated, extending his hand.

Calum swallowed. “Nice to meet you, sir, I’m Calum,” he replied, firmly shaking his hand. He leaned to his left, making eye contact with Parker’s mother, still sitting in the booth. “Nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Daniels,” he said politely, flashing her a smile.

She waved her hands in protest. “Please, just Shari,” she laughed lightly.

Calum let Parker into the booth, sliding in after her. He felt her hand rest on his thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He placed his hand on top of hers, squeezing it back.

To Calum’s pleasant surprise, dinner started off well. Calum put his most charming face on for Shari, and apparently even women in their mid-fifties couldn’t resist his smile.

“Parker hasn’t told us much about you, Calum—she wanted to give us lots to talk about, I think,” she laughed. “Do you have family here in town?”

Calum’s face fell. He hated this question. Parker could feel him tense up, clearly not wanting to get into the topic of his own parents. Parker cut him off, and he sent her a grateful smile.

“That’s how we met, actually,” she started. “Calum’s grandmother is one of my patients.”

Calum was thankful to Parker for taking over this topic of conversation, and he was happy to let her talk.

He knew the next question was coming, and it was one he was dreading to answer.

“What do you do, Calum?” Richard asked him, taking a sip from his beer glass.

“I, uh—” Calum paused, unsure if he should lie about being fired or make something up and deal with the consequences later. He chose the former, hoping that they didn’t visit the store by some chance and find out he was lying. “I work at Rudy’s,” he answered, as confidently as he could manage. “It’s an old music store downtown. Been there since I was in high school.”

“Oh, a musician?” Shari raised her eyebrows.

Calum chuckled nervously. “No, not quite,” he corrected.

“You must be a manager then, if you’ve been there that long?” Richard questioned, his blue eyes boring into Calum’s. This was exactly what Calum was afraid of. “Uh, no, not a manager,” he answered awkwardly.

“So you’re working there while you’re in college?” he asked, brows furrowing in mild confusion.

“Dad,” Parker warned.

“No, I never went to college,” Calum answered honestly. “School has never been my thing.”

Richard bristled. “Well, you can’t expect to—”

“Okay, moving on,” Parker said loudly, interrupting her dad and attempting to change the subject. The subject of conversation for the rest of dinner was decided by Parker, and she kept her father’s pressing questions at bay by talking far too much, which Calum appreciated. There were no other outbursts, but the rest of the dinner was undoubtedly tense. It was obvious that while Shari didn’t seem to feel as strongly as her husband, Richard did not approve of Calum’s choice of career.

It was true, school was never Calum’s strong suit. Even if he had decided to go to college, the only thing he ever had any interest in was music. Unfortunately, the closest school with a decent music program was hours away and he could never leave Gram, so the only thing that made sense to him was just not going. Gram fought him on it, but he was as stubborn as she was, and in the end he had stayed.  

But Richard had a point. How could he expect to support himself and a family if he ever had one on a couple bucks over minimum wage? Sure, he had inherited a good chunk of money from his grandfather, but he couldn’t rely on that forever. Parker had her life together. She was smart and successful and she supported herself. Calum had had the same job since he was fourteen years old, and now he didn’t have one at all.

The conversation they had at dinner ran through his mind over and over, and it affected him far more than he wanted it to. Calum was conflicted—before today, he had convinced himself that he didn’t care what anyone but Parker thought of him, but the more he thought about his life, his future, his goals—he realized he didn’t really have any. He loved Parker, and she loved him, but Calum suddenly wasn’t sure that love was enough. He had nothing else to offer her. He was quiet the entire drive home back to Parker’s place, his thoughts running a mile a minute. He wasn’t even aware of his feet moving as he followed Parker up the stairs to her front door.

“Cal?” Parker had been trying to get his attention as he stared blankly ahead. His eyes snapped into focus and he turned to look at her.

“Sorry,” he shook his head, dazed. “What?”

“I said, are you coming inside?” she repeated. Her brows furrowed at the pained expression on his face. “Are you okay?”

“I—no, I’m not,” he admitted, dropping his gaze to the ground.

Parker looked confused. “No, you’re not coming in, or no, you’re not okay?”

He lifted his eyes to look at her again. “No, I’m not coming in.” Calum ignored her frown, and he ignored the tightness in his chest and the pain stinging the backs of his eyes, and he ignored every fiber in his body screaming at him not to say what he was about to say.

Calum had finally let someone in, let himself feel, let himself love. His heart felt whole with Parker, and he knew that what he was about to do would shatter it, probably for good this time. But regardless of how he felt in his heart, his head was telling him he needed to do this, for her. She was worth more than what he could give her. “I can’t do this,” he said, his eyes pleading with her to understand. “We—we can’t do this anymore.”

Parker’s face fell as she tilted her head to the side and took a step back. “What do you mean?”

He gave her a pleading look. “You know what I mean, love. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

Parker’s eyes turned glassy, fighting back tears that had formed almost instantly at his words. “Why?” she demanded. “Because of my dad? I told you before, I don’t care what they think—”

“I do!” he cut her off, shouting angrily. His dark eyes bore into her steel grey ones. “He was right. I have nothing to offer you. I don’t even have my own life together, I’m not going to ruin yours.”

“You’re not ruining anything!” she yelled back, furious at him for giving up on them so easily. “You got fired, so what? We can figure this out together, I’ll help you,” she pleaded.

Calum shook his head. “No, Parker. I can’t ask you to give up your life while I search for mine. This is my mess. You deserve someone who can provide for you, and that’s not me.”

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna quit?” she asked, the tears she had been holding back rolling down her cheeks. “Please don’t do this,” she begged.

“I can’t, Parker,” he shook his head. “I’m no good for you. I’m not going to drag you down with me.” Calum took a step towards her and raised his hand, wanting nothing more than to brush the tears from under her eyes, but he thought better of it, lowering his hand back down to his side. If he let himself get close to her, he might change his mind, and he couldn’t do that. He was doing this for her. Even though it killed him to lose her, he was trying desperately not to be selfish.

He turned and descended the few steps of her front porch. He stopped at the driver’s door, looking one last time at the tear-soaked face of the girl he loved. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered. When she closed her eyes, lip trembling and body shaking, he got in his car and drove away before he changed his mind. I’m doing this for her, he kept repeating to himself, over and over. He had to convince himself that this was what was best for her.

taglist: @treatallwithkindness @oopsiedoopsie23 @tunnnelvision @wildflower-mmr

Comfort Inn || Anita & Morgan

TIMING: November 9, Evening. Immediately following this.  PARTIES: @professoranieves​ and @mor-beck-more-problems SUMMARY: Anita shows up on Morgan’s doorstep the night that Marley broke up with her looking for comfort.  CONTENT: Heavy Alcohol Use

Anita was still in a haze, and still a little buzzed, as she walked away from Marley’s place. She decided to leave her car in the driveway. Even if she was sober enough to drive, she could barely see through the tears streaming down her face. Besides, maybe she could use that as an excuse to go back and see her tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow she would change her mind. Anita had two destinations on her mind: the liquor store and then home. Over the years she built a pretty solid relationship with the guy who owned the local liquor store, after all she was a frequent customer. As she walked from Marley’s place into town she kept replaying the conversation over in her head and while that conversation played, she remembered watching her family kill the only other woman she had ever felt real feelings for. Opening up to another person was never beneficial. She tried, twice now, and both times she got the wind knocked out of her. As she walked into the store, she headed straight for the imported tequila and grabbed the biggest bottle she could find before going and checking out. 

As she exited the store and stood out on the street she felt a strange aching feeling. Anita wasn’t quite sure what it meant or where it was coming from, but she knew in that moment that she did not want to drink alone tonight. She thought about who she could call, more specifically who would actually answer the phone, and in a somewhat dark moment she realized that she really only had one friend she could turn to: Morgan. She thought about calling, but she knew that if she called and it went to voicemail then she would go home by herself and drink herself to sleep. So she just started walking there, figuring the worst case scenario was that she sat on her front step until she got home. The walk wasn’t too long, that was one of the good things about a small town. As she reached Morgan's house, she tucked the bottle under her arm and rang the doorbell, feeling comforted by the sight of lights on. 

Morgan peeked out the window when she heard the bell, still cradling Moira to her chest. She wasn’t expecting anyone over tonight. Deirdre was out again, tailing her marks to make sure everything went Fate’s way. There were a lot of possibilities to consider, and a number of faces she hoped for, but she hadn’t considered “--Anita?” She opened the door, looking over her friend with concern. “Uh--hey? We weren’t supposed to meet or anything, right?” She arched a brow, finally noticing the amount of alcohol in her hands. “Everything okay with you?”

As Anita stood on the porch waiting for Morgan to hopefully answer the door, she began to wonder if they were even close enough for this. Before this town, before Marley and Morgan,  she never cared to get close enough to anyone to feel like she could rely on them in a time of need. Maybe this breakup with Marley was a sign that she needed to get out of this town, get away from these feelings and try to get back to the safety of isolation she had relied on for so much of her life. But when Morgan answered the door and asked if she was okay, she felt a wave of relief. “No,” she shook her head and tried to wipe away the remaining tears. “I think I just got dumped.” 

Morgan took one look at Anita in the doorway and wrapped her up in her arms. “Hey, you’re okay now. You’re gonna be okay.” Anita crying seemed so...jarring, even wrong. Anita was the kind of person who guarded her heart and floated above heavy feelings. She was everything Morgan had failed at being in her adult life. Even when she’d gotten involved with Marley, Morgan had imagined her with one foot out the door and on the ground. But here, in this moment, everything was intensely, painfully familiar. Morgan ushered her into the great room and went for some glassware and a bottle of top shelf scotch. “Okay. Tell me what happened and what you need. Was this like...tonight?”

Anita froze for a second when Morgan embraced her. She wasn’t expecting that for some reason, but after just a few moments she returned the hug, letting herself give into it. She started crying heavier, simply nodding at Morgan's reassurances, unable to respond to them verbally. As she walked into the house, her grip on the bottle of tequila grew tighter. She was in pain and she just wanted so desperately to not feel that way. “It was, uhm… about an hour ago, actually. She - Marley got hurt. A little while ago, but she’s been kinda out of it. I thought things would get better…” Not feeling like she could wait much longer, she opened up the bottle she was holding and took a quick swig. “But I guess she didn’t want to get better with me by her side.” 

“Okay. So, fresh. Yikes.” It wasn’t the most graceful thing Morgan could have said, but it was what came out. Gently, she tried to work Anita’s hands off the bottle and pour her drink into the glass instead, maybe let Morgan add some seltzer and slow down the pace. “I heard about the injury, yeah. Her head, right?” It was a cruel thought, but Morgan couldn’t help but wonder if the hit had damaged the part where all her good sense was. Marley was prideful, that much was obvious, but to push away her own girlfriend? “I’m so sorry, Anita. Hey…” She worked her arms around her friend again. “That was so stupid of her, and so fucked. Did she say why? I mean I’m sure it’s some stupid, tortured edgelord pride thing, but maybe she thought she was doing something good… I don’t know. What do you need right now? I’m here for you.”

“Very.” Anita’s grip on the bottle tightened at first when she felt Morgan try to take it. She had come here for comfort and having her tequila taken away from her was certainly uncomfortable. However, she gave in and let Morgan take the bottle from her hands. She simply did not have the strength to fight right now, especially with her only friend. “Yeah. It was bad. Still is, I think. She didn’t ever want to talk about it though.” Anita looked around the house briefly, realizing she had never actually been over here before. It really felt equal parts Morgan and Deirdre. She wondered what being in a stable relationship was really like. She wondered if they were as happy as they seemed. “Uh…” She snapped back to the conversation at hand, trying to figure out if she even knew the answers to the questions being asked. “She said that she hasn’t felt the same since the injury. That I deserved better. That she still wanted me but didn’t want a relationship anymore.” Quickly, she wiped away the few tears that managed to escape then shrugged slightly. “My plan was to get drunk? I just...well, I didn’t want to do that alone. And you’re kinda my only friend.” 

“Mother of fucking earth,” Morgan said, shaking her head. “That is the most Twilight-y bullshit I’ve ever heard and when she realizes what she’s done and comes crawling back with a ‘you up’ or a ‘hey,’--” She did her best mocking impression of Marley, scowling the whole time. “You can tell her I said that. Because what you deserve, Anita, is someone who isn’t afraid to be with you when things are hard or to let you in when it’s not all sexy and musical numbers. I don’t know if you want this to work out or if you’re done but… it could get better. For both of you. Deirdre ditched me like three, maybe four times before we settled down. That didn’t make any of those moments feel less like my world was falling apart, but it got better.” She felt a little sick, encouraging a happiness that involved Marley Stryder, but it was happiness for Anita. How could she hold back and call herself her friend? “Okay, first of all, we have to get you out of your shell and mingling more one of these days. Secondly, I am honored, even if I can’t join in. .” She got up briefly to mix some lime into Anita’s newly served tequila glass. “I will even drive you home, whatever o’clock in the morning that turns out to be.” And in preparation for what was sure to be a rough night, Morgan plucked back the elastic on her wrist and started to braid her hair back. “Now, before we really get down to business: are you feeling like a dance it out or cry it out kind of drunk?”

Anita felt a bit overwhelmed with everything Morgan was saying, she didn’t know if she wanted to ‘settle down’ with anyone. She liked being with Marley, more than she ever planned to. But this pain right now? It was unbearable. It somehow hurt worse than when she watched Priya die. Probably because Marley was still around, still in town, but she simply didn’t want Anita in the way she wanted her before. “I, I really don’t know what I want. But… it was humiliating. I mean, Morgan… I literally begged her not to do this. Me - begged.” She grabbed the glass of tequila and quickly shot back the entire glass, letting out a staggered breath as she set the glass back down. “I do plenty of mingling around town. And, well… I guess I’ll be doing a lot more now that I’m single.” A year ago the thought of a relationship would have made her feel sick and now the thought of going back to meaningless sex kinda made her feel sick. But that was life. “Is there a third option?” Anita asked with a weak laugh. Neither option felt right. “Maybe one involving yelling or maybe breaking shit?” As much as she considered Morgan a friend, and even though she knew it was obvious that she had been crying before she had showed up, she wasn’t about to let her guard down enough to openly cry in front of her. “Or maybe we could just get drunk and prank call professors who annoy us?” 

“Being crazy over emotionally constipated women can be a real bitch,” Morgan sighed. She’d begged on an occasion and had come dangerously close more times besides. “Showing your feelings isn’t humiliating, though, even if it feels like shit when the person you’re taking that leap for doesn’t catch you.” She went over to where her phone was charging on its battery pack and brought it over to Anita. “But, much as I think you should try something a little more healing, I think you should follow your heart’s true desire for tonight. So--” She gave Anita a squeeze and dabbed away at some of the splotches on her cheeks. “What do you think is the best-worst thing we could call Ben Cambell about?”

The boys had finished fixing (rather, they’d finished watching Ezequiel fix) Tony’s car for the millionth time, and now they sat scattered around the shop with cold beers.

“You need a new car,” Ezequiel said, settling down into the ratty armchair they kept in the corner. Usually, Tony or Shiloh sat here when they came to visit, but Shiloh was gone. And Tony had taken Ezequiel’s desk chair.

“I don’t need a new car,” Tony scoffed, leaning back against Ezequiel’s still-organized desk. There was even a pink sticky note on one of the drawers. That had to be Penny Maine’s handiwork.

“Tony, you need a new car,” Isaac said firmly. Tony scowled over at him.

“I do not.”

“You need a new car,” Ezequiel echoed.

“What’s wrong with my car? Nothing you can’t fix!” Maybe Tony was getting cocky, but he knew the Correas had his back. Just like he had theirs.

“Everything I don’t want to fix,” Ezequiel replied dryly.

“And yet you still fix my car. It’s our thing, Ezequiel.”

“It is not our thing. It is me pitying you and not wanting to deal with you whining about a broken car.”

“I don’t whine,” Tony objected.

“You whine,” Isaac assured.

“Who’s whining?” A new voice entered; Penny Maine was here in her too tall to be reasonable heels (that she still walked in with ease) and a tight, short dress. She smelled a little like tequila, and her hair looked wind blown.

“Tony,” Ezequiel and Isaac said.

Penny Maine paused to think. “I wouldn’t say whine as much as he purposefully annoys.” She glanced around the shop, where all three chairs were taken or otherwise occupied by stuff. How did anyone work in this place? Everything was out of place! If anything had a place to begin with. She’d have to come back here one weekend and reorganize the place for E.

“Close enough,” Ezequiel grumbled. Penny Maine rolled her eyes.

“Oh relax. You know you love him.” She walked towards the emptiest chair. She moved the stuff on it to the desk, but stepped back in a hurry.

“E, scoot over,” she demanded, walking o we to the old armchair where he sat. It was the only chair that could support two people. And she was lucky that E was the person in it. Even if he’d never be interested in her. He wasn’t interested in anyone.

“What’s wrong with that one?” Ezequiel asked, gesturing with his beer to the chair she’d cleared off.

“There’s dirt on it.”

“Wipe it off.”

“I’m wearing a nice dress. No. Now scoot your boot.” Penny Maine placed her hands on her hips until Ezequiel complied. She sat down next to him. Which meant that she really sat down with her legs over one arm and her back against the other, with the middle of her body placed neatly on Ezequiel’s lap. Penny Maine hadn’t planned for this, but she wasn’t gonna hold back. If anyone gave her crap, she’d blame it on the one margarita she’d had.

“So, E, huh?” Isaac asked, amused. Penny Maine nodded over at him.

“No, not E. It’s Ezequiel,” Ezequiel said, but his words were weak. Penny Maine looked over at him, very aware of how close their faces were. And of how nice he smelled. He must have changed into clean clothes after fixing the junker in the shop. Or he’d work an apron or something when fixing stuff under the open hood.

“Okay, E.” Penny Maine grinned at him impishly. She could hear Tony and Isaac snickering, but she had no clue why. So what if she called Ezequiel E? It wasn’t her fault everybody else didn’t want to upset him. But this was her best friend’s older brother. And the guy she’d been crushing on since before senior prom. Penny Maine was scared of no one.

Ezequiel sighed in defeat, and Penny Maine looked over at the other boys. “Shiloh and. I went dancing tonight. But she went home with some hot dude,” she sighed. “So I came here instead.”

“Shiloh went home with someone?” Arjun asked, entering the shop. He took a cold beer from the mini fridge and the empty seat with dirt on it.

“Yeah! A really, really hot guy. He was a really good dancer, too,” Penny Maine noted. She looked to Tony, who had a clenched jaw and narrowed gaze. Somebody didn’t like this information. Time to make it worse.

“She gave me the keys and everything—“

“That’s enough, Penny Maine,” Ezequiel piped up, sounding pained.

“And it’s my cue to go,” Isaac added, shaking his empty beer bottle. “Nice knowing you, Tony.” He sent a playful wink that Penny Maine attributed to E’s inevitable anger for Tony’s feelings. She didn’t get what the fuss was. Tony would never hurt Shiloh. Like, ever. He wasn’t a harmful person.

“Bye, gorgeous! Oh, and Arjun! there’s dirt in the chair. Take Isaac’s so you don’t get dirty!” Penny Maine exclaimed, pointing to the now vacant chair. Arjun obeyed.

“What were you saying about Shiloh and this hot guy?” Arjun asked, smiling deviously. At least somebody was happy to hear about Penny Maine living vicariously through Shiloh!

“Oh! I was saying that he was a really, really great dancer. And hot. Like, he had a whole sleeve of tats and his face was gorgeous and—“

“That’s enough,” Ezequiel said. Well, he whispered it in Penny Maine’s ear. She didn’t have the capacity to control the shiver from his nearness and the intimacy, even if it wasn’t intimate on purpose.

This wasn’t fair. But Penny Maine wouldn’t fight fair if E wouldn’t either.

“Just saying, Shiloh has a really great night ahead of her if that man can move in bed like he can on the d—“

She squealed. Penny Maine squealed, and it was all Ezequiel’s fault. He’d picked her up and moved her!

“Put me down!” she commanded.

“Stop talking about my sister’s love life.”

“No!”

“Fine.” And that was when Penny Maine realized she was now seated on the dirty chair. She squealed again and jumped to her feet.

“Ezequiel!”

“Ooh, full name, he’s in trouble,” Arjun joked. Tony made no response, but he was too busy glaring at the wall until it developed coronavirus. Somebody really didn’t like hearing about Shiloh’s sex life. Even more than E didn’t like it. Or at least for different reasons.

“He is in trouble!” Penny Maine agreed. She glared at Ezequiel, but he stared back with a glint of challenge in his eyes.

“Fine, I’ll stop for now, but Shiloh is clearly going to have a great night.”

“That’s not stopping, Penny Maine,” Ezequiel groaned, head falling back and eyes shutting in frustration. She shrugged and took the opportunity to reclaim her spot in his lap. She was so not sitting in the dirty chair. And Tony was Shiloh’s and Arjun wasn’t her type. E, however, had the bestest tattoos and also he rode a motorcycle but he had that heart of gold and was hardworking and caring and loving and selfless and all those amazing things.

Yeah, Penny Maine had it bad.

“I’m stopped now,” she declared as if it were obvious. Ezequiel groaned again, but at least he wasn’t complaining about her choice of seating. Penny Maine counted that as a win in her book, even if it was a win that meant nothing.

“So, Tony, how does Shiloh having a hook up make you feel?” Arjun asked. Somebody was definitely still in troublemaker mode. Then again, Penny Maine wasn’t sure her friend had any other mode. First the club, now this? Boy had a death wish at the hands of handsome men.

“He has no opinion,” Ezequiel remarked, speaking over whatever Tony was going to try and pass off as the truth. He was clearly upset. His knuckles were white around the neck of his beer bottle. Penny Maine would happily report all of this to Shiloh the next day, once the hangover faded.

“Is that true, Tony?” Arjun countered.

“It’s true,” E said for him, again.

“Oh, hush up,” Penny Maine said, rolling her eyes and looking to glare at Ezequiel. He glared right back. ‘Cept there wasn’t any heat behind his glare. He was cute when he was trying to be upset.

“It’s true,” Tony grumbled. There was plenty of heat in his words. Somebody was a liar. He needed his pants on fire.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” Penny Maine sang, totally apathetic that her singing voice was horrendous. She was much better at dancing and fashion than singing. Not that it was hard.

“New topic,” Arjun announced, probably sensing that he’d veered into dangerous territory between his friends. “Why does Penny Maine get to call Ezequiel E but no one else does?”

“I don’t give him a choice,” Penny Maine answered decidedly. “And I’m his favorite of Shiloh’s friends.” She was joking there, but she wished that much was true. But Tony and Shiloh were friends, too, so Tony automatically won there.

Ezequiel, however, made no comment. Penny Maine wondered what that meant.

“Interesting,” Arjun mused, stroking his chin. “Very interesting indeed. I think E here has a cr—“

“I’m going home and so are all of you,” Ezequiel interrupted. He patted Penny Maine’s waist, and she got up off his lap. Sadly. She liked sitting there. He was nice and warm. And he smelled really good, somehow. Probably since he hadn’t been at the shop all day.

“Good idea. But someone needs to drop me off ‘cause I have Shi’s car and I’m not crashing at her place if there’s a hot guy there.”

Ezequiel groaned, but only at the mention of Shiloh’s sex life.

“Well, I’m taking Tony home, since his car sucks,” Arjun announced. “Guess that means E over here will take you.”

“It’s Ezequiel,” he snapped at Arjun. Penny Maine giggled. She really was the only one who got to use a nickname for him. That was cute. E was cute.

“So can you give me a ride home?” Penny Maine asked, looking up to him with wide eyes. There was an almost smile on his face when he nodded.

“Yes, but I took my bike here.” Penny Maine squealed, jumping up in excitement and landing neatly, despite her too tall heels. She loved motorcycles! They were so cool. And Ezequiel had an extra cool one. She didn’t know anything about make or model, but his definitely looked cool.

“Perfect. Thank you, E.”

Maybe the night had a bad forecast starting out, but it had a happy ending, and that made everything okay.

A happy belated birthday to my darling Gemma <3

(( four little drabbles based on some of our pairings )) @gemmamakeslists

A Dangerous Affair with Faith and Antonin

The door had closed much too loudly behind him. It mirrored the finality of this moment. Antonin had never pretended and that perhaps was what had made him so uniquely cruel. When he’d chosen her, when he’d decided to ‘see what happened’, he’d been open to feel whatever he might have. After all, the more open you were, the easier you were trusted. The more receptive you were to the little things she did, the more you noticed and became intrigued by. It was a dangerous tightrope he walked but Antonin hadn’t lost sleep about it. After all, he would always finish the job.

He was supposed to finish the job.

His hands never shook, not ever but tonight they betrayed him. If she had suspected, if she had been worried, it didn’t show. Instead, concern flashed across that almost unreadable face. That alone was a punch to the gut. Of course he didn’t exactly look his best. He was about to make the single most impactful decision of his life - his hair had not taken it well. Neither had the dark circles under his eyes, the palpable anxiety he felt causing a trickle of sweat to make its way down his neck.

If he made it quick, it could be a mercy. She was a target now and even if he let her go... It would be a life of looking over her shoulder. Faith may have been tougher than most but she wouldn’t survive, not now. Loneliness was easier to accept, to live with, when you hadn’t tasted the alternative. He knew that all too well now. This was just supposed to be another job. Another name scratched off a list. Another day.

What did it matter if he loved her? What did it matter that his father would kill him himself if he didn’t see this through? What did anything matter when she was looking at him like that, eyes hopeful and trusting and all too familiar with disappointment and pain?

The loaded gun felt impossibly heavy in his hands as he watched the colour slowly drain from her face as that trust started to falter. Surely not...? He couldn’t, he wouldn’t-

“Antonin-,” but he’d made his decision long before she breathed his name. In truth, he had made his decision long before even now. He had been interested every time she spoke, dizzied by her rare laugh and moved by the way she saw the world and all its dark, terrible corners. She’d danced with the devil and never known, until now. He took a step towards her and to her credit, to her grit, she barely flinched and did not move.

The cold touch of the metal ran up his spine as he put the gun away. Of course he put the gun away.

“We have to leave. Tonight. There’s no time to explain-,” his mind was moving faster now, catching up, calming down. This he could do. This he could manage without shaking. “They want you dead. My father, his organization. I won’t let that happen to you, do you understand?” Usually she would argue, questions, rage until she was blue or purple or red in the face. There was an ache in his chest as he saw the tears in her eyes, too stubborn to fall. Convincing her that his feelings were real would take time and maybe she’d never believe him which she was well within her right not to but that didn’t matter now. Now his only thought, his only goal, was to keep her safe.

Antonin stopped moving for long enough to look her in those burning blue eyes. It had to boil down to one thing now and it wasn’t love, it wasn’t longing or truth. It was this: “Do you trust me?”

And perhaps against her every better judgement, in that moment she nodded, gripping tightly onto his outstretched hand.

“Yes.”

A Reckless Serenade with Krystal and Luke

The pub was probably the dullest, stickiest, faintly rancid place in town but it let his band play and paid them in free drinks. So, really, who’s to complain? Luke was usually nervous before a show, anxious right up until he was bouncing around the stage and even then. Tonight he was especially nervous. Tonight, he’d asked the prettiest, coolest, sassiest girl from the record store to come to his show. He’d made some big song and dance about putting his homemade poster up in the store to which she’d said ‘nah, pal’. Luke had just been pleased as punch to chat with her anyway.

The likelihood of her actually showing up tonight... He wasn’t sure what made him more nervous. Would she? Wouldn’t she? He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was about Krystal Mercury but he thought an awful lot about holding her hand. That was enough to inspire screeds and screeds of poppy poetry, some of it beautiful even. When it came to writing a song, he could say it all. When it came to talking to her? Forget about it.

Now, all he had to do was convince himself that he wouldn’t be perfectly miserable if he didn’t see her tonight. It was a decent crowd, anyway. At least fifteen people. If you counted the bartender (which he always did). It was all peachy.

Except, he really wanted her to be in the crowd.

“Come on, mate.” Luke blinked at his band-mate, as if suddenly remembering the fact that the whole point of tonight was to play a show. Right, here we go. No matter what happ---

For half a beat, he held his breath entirely. After all, it wasn’t terribly well lit in here and he might have been mistaken. Although, wasn’t she quite unmistakable?

Krystal’s hair was down, hanging by the shoulders of her denim jacket with what he thought might have been sewn on patches for a splash of colour. She was here. When he met her eye, he reckoned he caught a smile and time might have slowed down. He’d always been hopeless and maybe even romantic but he never thought he’d get himself quite this tongue tied over someone. Not a very handy thing when you were the lead singer, mind.

Then just like that reality return and he opened his mouth at last, the sound of rip roaring guitar and faster-than-your-racing-heart drum beats filled the air, and his head. Luke felt giddy, elated and it wasn’t just from the adrenaline of playing a show. It wasn’t that at all.

“And truth be told, I’d be terribly content to hold your hand.”

Funny how much effort it took to make it seem like you were very cool and casual around someone you definitely didn’t feel cool or casual around. Luke gave it his best once he’d exited the stage.

“Alright, Songbird.”

“Well, you weren’t shite, then.”

Luke let out a laugh, still clad in his leather jacket despite the stage lights.

“Do you want to see backstage?” Luke took the world’s longest breath, holding out his hand.

“Backstage,” he shot her a grin at that comment. Fair enough, this was hardly the Grammy’s. Still, she took his hand.

A Brighter Day with Olivia and Ian

Ian Morrison had just been some guy on vacation when he noticed her. A totally normal, very stylish and slightly drunk guy on vacation. Olivia Winters had just been some girl working her part-time job and going to classes. Sometimes she remembered to text back her annoying BFF Samson too. She was perfectly normal, happy and a little bit no-nonsense especially when it come to guys on vacation who thought they were stylish.

It was perfect.

The first time Ian noticed her, she was sitting outside of a café with a stack of books and a black coffee. Her bangs threatened to cover her eyes, her brow was furrowed in concentration and she was about to lose one of her papers to a summer’s breeze. Now, being a perfectly normal, perfectly human guy, Ian had to run like a fool to catch it for her. Did he expect to be showered in thanks? No but a compliment on his Hawaiian shirt would have been nice.

Olivia didn’t even give him that.

The next time Ian sees her, she’s wearing dungarees and eating an overly shiny apple. He smells strongly of daytime tequila (it was vacation, after all) and was just on the way to meet his brother for a late lunch. Ian doesn’t have a good excuse this time but damn it all, he goes for it anyway.

“You know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

“And what exactly would keep you away?”

“Pineapples. They freak me out.”

“There are at least seven pineapples on your shirt right now.”

“It’s a power play, I’m letting them know who’s boss so they don’t smell my fear. I’m playing the long game here. I’m Ian, BTW.”

“Right... Olivia, BTW.” She wasn’t nearly as accustomed to using the acronym out loud, hence the sarcasm.

“Well, I’ll see you around O-L-I-V-I-A,” he grinned, shooting her a wink. She rolled her eyes. She smiled. What a weirdo.

The next time again that Ian sees Olivia, the sun is setting over waves and he’s wearing shorter shorts than you might think appropriate for a Sunday evening. He was just giving the people something to smile about. He has his sunglasses on, sitting under one of those absurdly large beach umbrellas, half-asleep, when she sits herself down without even a ‘hello’. How rude. He didn’t mind.

“Here.” Ian opened his eyes lazily, glancing down at the apple in his palm. A smile tugged at his lips. What a weirdo. “For the doctor,” she added, as if that made sense. Ian let out a laugh. She felt funny but not in a bad way.

“Thank you, O,” he said around a crunch, peaking over at her before nudging his sunglasses down his nose. “So, you planning on sticking around or are you actually a mermaid en route to the sea? Either one is cool with me.”

“Not a mermaid. A sea-witch and if you’re not careful, you won’t leave here with all your fingers and toes still attached.” He was only almost certain it was a joke which only made Ian Morrison grin wider.

“Only one way to find out then.” Olivia stayed beside him long after the sun had set, telling herself it was fine because he was just some boy on vacation with a nice smile and a ridiculously warming laugh.

The last time Ian sees Olivia is when he’s on the bus, feeling a keen hangover as he presses his face against the cool glass. Mark Morrison is putting their luggage under the bus, making sure Ian has plenty of water and crackers for the uneasy ride back home.

Ian doesn’t know why or how he opened his eyes at exact, perfect moment to see her but he did. He was so glad he did. An easy smile came to his face and the same happened for her.

Olivia lifted her hand up in a wave, minimum effort and very meaningful all the same.

Ian pressed his palm to the window, dramatic and very meaningful all the same.

Mark made his way onto the bus, backpack in tow and Ian turned to shoot his best bro a grin and by the time he looked back around, Olivia was gone.

A Little Hope with Autumn and Oliver

There was only one bed in the motel and the bath tub was abysmal. Oliver would have taken the chair- it’s not as if he slept much these days anyway but Autumn had insisted. Well, perhaps that was the wrong word. She said he would be no good to her if he was exhausted and hadn’t he been the one who had dragged her into this mess? That he could not argue with.

Still, he couldn’t sleep.

Oliver wasn’t proud of the weakness, of the cruelty he had inflicted by having Autumn conjure up the soul of his beloved. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t know just how Angel had died, the fire, the explosion... The way that Autumn had to feel that just so he could have a scrap, a false echo of the woman he had loved more than anything in this wretched world. What’s worse is that he needed her to do it again.

Autumn needed the money. She needed to start over so if that meant sticking with Oliver DiLaurentis a little longer then fine. He shouldn’t have lied to her, shouldn’t have left out the part where there was a price on his head. They’d been on the run for weeks now and he had begged her to leave him to perish more than once. Autumn refused, for whatever reason.

Well, it was the money, wasn’t it? Of course it was. They had a deal. Had his father not taught him how to be a good businessman? He couldn’t back out of a deal. That would be dishonorable. How goddamn backwards his family had been. Were. Oliver turned on his side.

He owed Autumn his life, whatever was left of it. He would see this through. He’d protect her the way that he hadn’t been able to protect... To protect Angel. A haggard breath left his lungs as he looked over to her lying beside him. He felt his chest ache. Then-

Autumn turned, turned too far in fact and now she was leaning against his chest. Oliver stopped breathing. He hadn’t felt a moment of peace since the fire. Since he’d... Just, since. He doubted he’d ever feel a moment of peace again but for the briefest of moments, as he let out his breath, he felt the first real glimmer of hope that he might. It was a foolish, frivolous thought but he had it nonetheless.

Her breathing was even, her sleep yet to be interrupted. For reasons entirely beyond him, he gently touched her shoulder and felt the real weight of exhaustion he had been fighting off until now. He was bone tired, desperate for sleep but too scared to close his eyes. Autumn wasn’t though. From what he had seen of her, from what he had seen her do, he thought she was fearless. A survivor. Beautiful, in her own special way. He fought the thought off but still it whispered in the back of his mind- not like her though, not like Angel.

Oliver closed his eyes, a tear falling down his cheek. He didn’t move his hand from her shoulder and she didn’t move her head from his chest.

For the first time, he slept.

Undisclosed

Fandom: Criminal Minds Warnings: Canon rewrite Pairing/s: Emily Prentiss x Original Character Authors Note:

A slight rewrite and coda to Season 11 Episode 19 Tribute. Emily enlists the help of the BAU in tracking a serial killer who is mimicking famous murders across the globe. However, the recent addition of two new rings on Emily's left hand has her old team questioning when she got married and to whom?

This is part one of a new series, a story that has been brewing in my mind for years with an original character. My Kinktober 2020 series was written with this character in mind as the reader insert but they don't have to be read that way by others.

Word Count: 1406

AO3

“I've always heard every ending is also a new beginning, we just don't know it at the time, I'd like to believe that's true.” Emily Prentiss.

Emily Prentiss awoke with a jolt and sat bolt upright in bed trying to catch her breath. The nightmare had become hauntingly familiar, a replaying of the night a young inspector had lost her life in an undercover role Emily had pushed her to take. ‘Baby? Same one again?’ Your warm hand rubbed small circles on her back as Emily nodded and buried her face in her hands, struggling to ground herself in the here and now and not in that night. A soft kiss to her exposed shoulder made her look around and into the concerned eyes of her partner. ‘I’m ok’ she lied ‘go back to sleep love.’ Getting up before this turned into another discussion of her coping methods Emily padded into the en-suite bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her. Sighing you vowed to keep a closer eye on her and rolled over, falling back to sleep before she emerged and crept back into your bed, another sleepless night ahead of her.

The case in New York came so suddenly that Emily barely had time to leave you a quick voicemail explaining that she’d be out of the country for a few days. Two hours into her flight and mid way through reviewing the case files for the millionth time her laptop pinged with your ringtone. Accepting the video call she sat back and grinned at your face filling her screen. ‘Hotch and the team are gonna meet me in New York, we’re just waiting for DOJ conformation that we can work together on this case.’ It was good to hear her focused, after Boston turned out to be a single victim and the unsubs trail went cold she’d seemed defeated, like she would never get as close as she had in London again. That had bumped the nightmares up a notch in frequency.

‘So what you’re saying is I should expect a virtual frisking from Penelope Garcia imminently.’ Emily laughed and nodded ‘If she hasn’t got a file on you already I’ll be surprised.’ ‘I’d be surprised if she finds enough to warrant a file, work has kept me pretty off the grid. Are you still determined to introduce me in person?’ ‘Yep.’ She confirmed, the pop in the p letting you know she wasn’t gonna abandon her planned big reveal of you just because she was heading to the States a few weeks ahead of schedule. You understood her reasons and you loved the idea too, but keeping anything a secret from one profiler was hard enough, an entire team and the information queen that was Penelope Garcia was something akin to a miracle if you managed it. ‘Keep me updated yeah? And be safe love. No more close calls, please?’ She assured you the BAU had her back and that she would text you. Getting up from your office chair you sighed and went to make your third cup of tea of the day, hoping the team was as good in reality as they were in Emily’s stories.

The crime scene could have been reproduced from forensic photography of the Son of Sams murders and Emily was already scanning the alley for signs of a second victim as she exited the SUV. She was therefore totally blindsided by Rossi when he pulled her up on not talking much on the ride over and her mind jumped straight to the teams recent loss. Morgan had been on her mind, he had only left a few weeks ago and she knew all about that and the feelings it evoked in the team. Chastising herself for not asking them sooner she explained her reasons for not bringing it up, the freshness of the loss seemed so obvious and raw. JJ’s response about taking it one day at a time brought back the guilt she had felt both times she had left the team that was more family than any blood relative. ‘Actually I was trying to give you a hard time about this.’ Rossi lifted Emily’s own left hand up, nodding to the rings that had only resided there a few weeks. Before Emily could do more than stutter and blush the NYPD detectives were approaching them and all focus went back to profiling the scene.

Between the nightmare she had on the plane and the obvious personal nature of the case none of the BAU questioned Emily on the ring again until they arrived back at Quantico. Having successfully surprised Garcia and broken out the bottle of tequila she’d lost in a bet with Morgan it was quickly decided that a family dinner was in order and Penelope demanded to be filled in on this mystery spouse of Emily’s. You had been spot on Emily thought, she hadn’t been able to find much on you, only a name, Dr O. Ryan. ‘That’s not even a full name, do you know how frustrating that is for someone like me to not even be able to find the name of the guy you’ve married without telling us?’ Penelope lovingly chastised her as they took their seats around the round table in the colourful Mexican restaurant. ‘Oooh, a doctor!’ JJ teased, grinning at Emily over the menu. JJ was the only one who knew anything more about you, Emily having spilled all when she rushed to save JJ from a torturer. You’d not even been engaged at that point, the rings had made her do a double take too. ‘How come you didn’t tell us you were getting married?’ Hotch asked, the smile he had from congratulating her still on his face. She was all set to answer them, to give up on her plan of surprising them all with a visit when her phone buzzed in her pocket and took her attention from the table of curious eyes.

‘Find Your Friends has you at this Mexican restaurant and I really hope it’s accurate cos I’m outside :) x’ Emily read and reread the text and laughed disbelievingly. ‘You’re all gonna get your answers don’t worry’ she placated the table as she stood to walk out and get you. Her smile made the cost of the last minute flight worth every penny and you hugged her close, relieved to feel the tension she’d been carrying since Louise’s death had lessened considerably. ‘Ready to meet my family?’ She asked softly against your ear and you squeezed her affectionately before pulling back. ‘Absolutely, lead the way love.’ Emily leaned in and kissed you, her excitement palpable and together you both walked inside.

The plan was exquisite in its simplicity really. You walked in holding hands and watched as the faces of the profilers changed when they twigged. Spencer was first, his face lighting up as he waved a greeting across the table to you. JJ was beaming, you’d spoken to her plenty of times via video calls so it was no surprise that she was first up to hug you and give her congratulations. Tara and Hotch weren’t far behind her, and Rossi was hugging Emily when Penelope arrived in front of you, arms outstretched, and drew you into a huge hug. ‘Oh my gosh hi, hello, wow look at you you’re gorgeous, Emily your wife is gorgeous!’ Emily laughed along with you and Penelope dove straight into questions, pulling up a chair beside her own for you. ‘Tell me everything, how did you meet, who proposed, what was the wedding like, ‘ Rossi had to speak loudly to be heard over the happy chatter and rush of questions. ‘How about a name first, so we can toast the happy couple?’ ‘Olivia.’ Emily said proudly and you beamed up at your lovely wife. ‘Well then, could you all raise your margaritas to the wonderful Emily Prentiss and her beautiful wife Dr Olivia?’ He paused and looked at you both questioningly. ‘Prentiss.’ You answered, and took Emily’s hand in your own as a margarita arrived at the table for you. ‘Molte bueno, to Emily and Olivia Prentiss, may your marriage bring you many years of solace and joy.’ Glasses raised and clinked all around the table as the BAU toasted to the addition of a new family member and you took the brief moment while they all clinked to steal a quick kiss with your new wife. From what Em had told you you’d be far too busy fielding questions from Penelope to get another chance for a long long while.

An Offer Received - Part V

A Jaguar Villain Tom Hiddleston Character (Thomas Conrad) fanfic 

Pairing: Thomas Conrad x Fem!Reader 

Summary: In which Mr. Conrad makes his move and you have a front row seat. 

Rating: Controlling behavior, f-bombs, Conrad being Conrad 

Previously: Part IV - 5 Minutes 

GIF credit to the original poster via the Tumblr search! (just, you know, replace the t-shirt with a bespoke suit) 

Part V - 5 Days 

You hadn’t slept well in days now.

Your wrists had ached long after he released the knots of his tie, the discomfort a constant reminder of that afternoon and everything it represented. If your night in his bed had felt like surrender, that afternoon felt like the ultimate submission. He seemed unbearably pleased with himself when you both dropped to his desktop, exhausted, sticky, and heaving for breath. 

But the fallout from that encounter had been equally as disturbing. 

Even through the humiliation of answering his questions and the mind-numbing pulse of pleasure, you didn’t forget that he had sacrificed a meeting to be with you, offering you your first glimpse at a timeline.

“Believe me, this time next week - it won’t matter.”

Of course, you could figure out the implications. It wouldn’t matter because the world as everyone knew it would...would just...cease to exist? Change? Upend? You didn’t have an accurate word for what he would do. 

But that wasn’t the worst part - the worst part was waiting. And continuing to wait. And now…? Now, two weeks had passed since he uttered that statement. Had something happened? Did you miss his great revolution? Had someone betrayed him? You didn’t understand, and you didn’t dare ask.

And, to make things worse - five days had also passed since Sebastian Barnes disappeared.

Honest-to-God disappeared. No one had heard from him. His flat was pristine, undisturbed. His car parked in its assigned spot. The office security cameras recorded him leaving and his car pulling away, but after that…well. It was anyone’s guess and the police had no leads. Simmons had been doing a decent job serving as interim Head of IT, but he couldn’t wait for his boss to return.

You didn’t dare ask Conrad about him, either. But of course, you suspected him. Between binding your wrists and his innovative use of cufflinks, he made clear his displeasure over Barnes’ treatment of you. Sure, Conrad was hellbent on world domination, but was he really the type of man to make men disappear? To murder?

A chill ran down your spine as you glanced to Conrad’s closed double doors. It made sense that he’d have to get his hands dirty to achieve world domination. But did Sebastian Barnes really pose that much of a threat?

You took a sip of your coffee, trying to push your sleep-deprived thoughts aside and glancing at the clock. 6:46 am. Plenty of time to run through your inbox before starting on the day’s to-do’s. And you needed to be on your game today – you were attending a production strategy meeting in three hours. Sure, it was Barton’s department now, but you still watched it like a hawk, taking extra pride in its continual success.

You recognized the hissing hinge of Conrad’s doors, the click of the handle closing. It was second nature to glance up, offering a polite smile as you waited for his instruction or request.

Even now, it still amazed you how he looked flawless every day without end. Today’s suit was a sleek charcoal that reflected an almost dark navy under the office lighting. A pocket square matched the crisp, pristine white of his shirt. He approached your desk, smoothing the front of his jacket and fastening the front button. His gaze met yours, sharp and bright. “Time to go, darling.”

Time to go? Wasn’t the work day just starting? You shook your head, smile faltering. “I don’t understand, sir. Your first meeting isn’t until 9 am.”

“Time to leave this world behind.” The corner of his mouth curved. “Time to build anew.”

The words stunned you. This was actually it? Today was the day? Your heart leapt and your stomach lurched as you struggled to form a thought. “Today?”

“Right now, in fact. No time to waste.”

You glanced to your desk, numb. Did you grab your laptop or coffee? Perhaps purse and phone? What would be left to come back to after…well, after. You didn’t even have a clue where you were going.

“You needn’t worry about any of your things. You won’t need them.”

The surety of his voice unnerved you. And, yet, moved you to action. You pushed up from your seat, grabbing your coffee tumbler. You couldn’t handle this without more caffeine. He started in a brisk clip for the door, reaching to hold it open for you. You passed through without acknowledging the gesture, feeling his hand quickly fall to the small of your back, steering you through the maze of office corridors.

Eventually, you reached the south end of the main building and he pushed the button for the service elevator. You knew better than to ask, despite the rising tide of anxious nerves that threatened to reject your last drink of coffee. Instead, you took a deep breath and another sip as he led you into the elevator confines.

He extracted a slim key from his pocket, inserting into a keyhole as he pressed the ‘LD’ button three times. A rather puzzling gesture. The loading dock was the lowest level for the service elevator, and only the employee elevators went the next two levels down to the parking garage.

His soft chuckle startled you as the key disappeared back into his suit. “You needn’t look so worried. Or, perhaps, it’s confusion? Either way, you’ll have your answers soon enough.”

You wanted to smart off. To tell him just how unhelpful that was. But you just swallowed another mouthful of coffee instead and told him what he surely wanted to hear. “Yes, sir.”

The elevator doors slid open to reveal…to reveal - 

You nearly tripped over your feet, bowled over at the sight before you. The elevator had opened onto a platform overlooking a covered dock on the water of the city harbor that berthed a sharp, sleek submarine. A small group of people moved about, bustling ropes, hefting boxes, calling out actions. The forward most hatch on the bow was open and a box emblazoned with ‘Dole Bananas’ rested beside it, the yellow fruit bright in the glow of high-pressure sodium lights.

This had to be it. The Operation ‘Blue Sea’ submarine prototype. Sure, Conrad had continued to funnel funds into the project account, but it had never occurred to you that he was actually pursuing the submarine - outfitting it to be his…well, his hideout, his floating command center, his place to stage global change.

Conrad’s amused chuckle sounded low in your ear. “Close your mouth, my dear.” His hand fell again to the small of your back, a guiding gesture. “Can’t have you catching flies before we cast off.”

Your feet moved of their own accord down the metal stairs as he followed swiftly on your heels. “You can’t be serious…that – that is your plan? Surely, we’ll never make it out of the harbor.” You scrambled to recall what you knew of submarine films. “There have to be submarine nets...radar, sonar….”

“And I’m insulted you haven’t given my development team enough credit.” His voice carried just above the din of preparations. “Operation ‘Blue Sea’ was conceived with the sole purpose of developing a stealth, reconnaissance submarine befitting the modern technological age. And we’ve had four years to perfect it ever since the government decided it wasn’t a practical investment.”

You stared at the gleaming black hull, at the sail that rose to an intimidating height. Claustrophobia had never afflicted you before, but you’d never been on a submarine. Your head went light at the prospect of being confined in that tube beneath the crushing ocean depths.

He stopped short, turning towards you with a questioning gaze. “Your watch, please.”

Suddenly the weight of your LOKI smartwatch felt like lead as you held it up yet drew it protectively towards your chest. “What for?”

His nimble fingers reached for your wrist, efficiently undoing the clasp and pulling your watch free. It dropped to the metal with a clink before he brought the heel of a pristine oxford down on the watch face.

You jolted as it cracked under the blow, and again as he brought his heel down a second time. The screen winked to black and he stooped to retrieve it. 

“No unauthorized GPS devices.” He tossed the damaged watch casually into the dark water of the submarine bay. 

You sighed, overwhelmed at the situation. Lamely, you waved your metal, insulated coffee tumbler. “What about this? Maybe there’s a hidden GPS tracking device in here...”

He arched a brow, impossible to tell whether in displeasure or disbelief. Maybe both. “You’re welcome to keep it if you can climb ladders with only one hand.” 

Your gaze stole up to the sail and the access ladder, watching a sailor scale up to the top. You knew what waited on the other side. Another ladder...one that led nowhere but inside.

Coffee wasn’t strong enough right now. You really needed tequila or bourbon. 

Raising the tumbler to your lips, you downed the rest of the dark, bitter liquid. You chucked the empty tumbler aside, hearing the metal exterior connect with the metal decking. You licked the last drop from your lips. “Well, you said no time to waste.” 

His eyes wrinkled with tells of amusement as the corners of his mouth pulled to a faint smirk. The tip of his tongue darted out to wet his lips as he lifted a hand gallantly towards the gangway. “Ladies first.” 

You tried not to focus on the murky water as you stepped onto the serrated metal, gripping the handrails as you felt the gangway roll with the bobbing submarine. Conrad followed right behind you, raising one hand in a signaled gesture to the dock workers. 

No turning back now. 

The kitten heel of your pumps plinked off the hull as you navigated the unsteady surface to the sail ladder. With one hand in front of the other, you started to climb. Thank god you wore slacks today. A hand extended at the top of the ladder, and you accepted the sailor’s steadying grip as you stepped off. The gentle swaying motion of the submarine was far more pronounced at this height, and you hoped seasickness wouldn’t set in. 

“After you, miss.” The sailor motioned down at the open hatch, an almost inviting glow emanating from it, offsetting the hull’s dark exterior. 

Your gaze caught Conrad’s as you stepped onto the ladder. He looked so impossibly pleased that you wanted to punch him. Maybe you could try later. 

Taking one step at a time, you descended into the calm buzzing activity below. You weren’t entirely sure what you expected of the interior - all you had to go on were Hollywood movies. But the control room was whitewashed clean, lined with some of the expected pipes and valving, but banks of sleek consoles and display screens dominated the space. A small uniformed crew hunched over stations, giving status reports to a central man who stood, coordinating the controlled chaos. No one paid you any mind as you stepped off the ladder, moving to one side. 

You studied the openings in the bulkheads that extended both fore and aft, but you had no clue what lay in front or behind. Would you even have free reign of the submarine? Would you be treated as a guest? A prisoner? 

Conrad stepped onto the landing beside you, and the groaning squeak of metal sounded above you. With a gasp, you looked up just in time to see the last vestiges of exterior light swallowed up by the black hatch, the watertight lock mechanism sealing into place. 

“Lion and Fox secure.” The man - supposedly the captain - standing front and center called into his radio. “Prepare to set sail.” 

Conrad stepped up to the man, conversing in low tones that you couldn’t quite make out. As best you could tell, the man took his orders from Conrad, of course. 

“Very good, captain,” Conrad said louder, stepping back, “take us down and blackout mode, if you please.” 

The captain opened a shipwide channel, sounding the order for dive preparations. The blaring of a klaxon horn made you jump as you stiffened, squeezing your eyes shut. You really didn’t want to know the minute the ship slipped beneath the waves - the thought of nothing but these walls between you and endless water….

“Darling, breathe,” Conrad’s gentle, soothing voice sounded in your ear, “in and out, slowly. Just breathe. You’re going to be alright.” 

“Am I?” Your words rushed out. “We’re in a fucking prototype submarine. How do you know it’ll even work! How...how can we already be diving...we haven’t even left the dock - are you sure it’s deep enough-” 

“Shh, now,” his arm wrapped around your waist, both in comfort and warning, “it won’t do for you to make a scene.” He tugged you along at his side, turning to the captain. “You know your course.” 

You let yourself be pulled along through the forward bulkhead, leaving the steady buzz of the control room behind. A narrow corridor along the curved hull snaked along a collection of rooms that stretched to the hull’s other side. He opened the first door, guiding you in. 

The room that greeted you looked so unassumingly ordinary. Half office, half living room - crisp furnishings, clean walls, and pleasant decor. If it weren’t for the couple of camouflaged pipes and the rushing sound of ballast tanks emptying - you could almost, almost believe that you were back in your office. 

“I’ll forgive you this once,” Conrad started softly, “but do not publicly cast doubt on my plans again. This prototype, as you called it, has made over thirty dives. I’ve personally overseen the testing of every system on board, and accompanied her through trials in open water. We’ve already proved all of the city’s best anti-submarine defenses inept.” He pulled you tighter against him, his scent wrapping around you. “I have not come so far, so close, to leave anything to chance at this late hour.” 

You looked up at him, still reminding yourself to breathe. “How long?” 

“How long...will we be at sea, or can we stay at sea?” 

You didn’t like the implication of the last option, but you had to know. “Both.” 

“We will be at sea for five days, but we are well provisioned to stay at sea for three months, if needs must.” 

“Three months?” How was that even possible? How could you go for three months without touching solid land? Without escaping him, without….without…. 

Soft lips pressed to your forehead. “There, there…just keep breathing.”

“What…what am I supposed to do? I-I’ll surely go crazy just sitting around here….”

He pulled back with a quizzical look. “Then, why would I continue to pay you?” He motioned towards the desk, and you registered the presence of a laptop. “You’ll find a remote connection to your office laptop. LOKI’s resources are at your disposal just as they ever were.”

You struggled to understand. Did he really just expect you to keep working...like it was any other day? “I don’t get it,” you looked back to him, “won’t LOKI have to take a hit or go down or something…in order for you to rise up?”

His brow furrowed. “Well, that would certainly be a waste. Especially considering that LOKI will need a new CEO in short order. My attention can only be divided so many ways.”

You froze on his words, stunned at the implications. Were you presumptuous enough to actually ask…?

He could probably see the question swirling in your eyes. Especially if the grin that teased his lips was any indication. “A new CEO who understands all the company’s workings and has set upon building a strategy of success that should only continue to flourish.”

“You can’t…fuck, you can’t be serious.”

He winked and turned around just as quick. You almost had to second-guess yourself – he had fucking winked.

His voice carried over his shoulder as he reached for the door handle. “Best of luck with today’s production strategy meeting.” 

Silence descended and you wanted to scream. 

What the fuck?

Up Next: Part VI - 5 Empires 

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 2

A wise man once packed up his whole life and moved to the country to escape people. That man lived happily, with his cat, his ford bronco, and high speed internet. That man didn’t entertain the notions of his two best friends, nor did he spend the night trapped at what had to be the weirdest bachelor party known to mankind. Who in their right mind decided to have a bachelors party in a haunted hospital? Rocking up in a party bus, the stench of cheap booze wafted from their sweaty skin, there were thirteen man sized toddlers to take care of. Pidge and Hunk both wore their regrets on their faces. Lance taking offence when the loud mouth of the group asked Pidge “Who pissed in her fruit loops?”, the man further daring to wag his finger in Pidge’s direction. Stepping between them, Lance knew his type too well. Daddy’s credit card had brought him everything he could ever want and need, other than brain cells. His arrogance was sickly sweet, stinging at Lance’s tongue as he took a calming breath. Vampires born vampires were supposed to have powers, all he had was the iron will of someone who was done with dickheads. Forcing his lips up to expose his teeth, he locked eyes with his target, hand coming up to take the man’s in an overly firm handshake

“Hello, you must be tonight’s tour. We weren’t informed it was a party, or we would have arranged a little entertainment for you all. Now, we do have a few ground rules. First, please don’t touch any of our equipment. It’s all highly calibrated. Secondly, please don’t piss in the hallways. Thirdly, and most importantly, you ever take that tone with my friends, I will break both your finger and your balls. Now, I’m Lance, this is Pidge, and this Hunk. How about we try this again with some manners?”

The man spluttered. His mate coming up to clamp a hand on his shoulder. The moment between them broken, Lance letting the man’s hand drop. He’d never actually hurt a human. He had his own code he lived by, even when he’d mugged he’d never fought back. If anything he’d been more concerned for the people who’d jumped him. A vampires blood was a curse he didn’t wish to spread. No... No, it was much better to turn the other cheek with the physical stuff, then sob it out over a bad rom-com and some ice cream. His Mami would always tell him how proud she was that he didn’t ever let that other side show

“Damn, man! You got told by a kid! Don’t worry, dudes, no trouble here. This dickhead’s...”

Lance blanked their names as fast as possible, fake smile in place as he nodded. His memory was unfairly good. An unwanted steel trap, where he refused to remember the annoyances before him. Maybe he was also jealous... It happened more than he liked to admit. He’d never gotten to be this kind of idiot, he’d learned too young about the things that went bump in the night. He wasn’t allowed the option of ignorance, sometimes things inside niggled at him, reminding him he’d never know nice it must be to be clueless. Ugh. Pidge had two jump scares planned for the group too... He already had Hunk’s heart to worry about, his friend too much of a teddy bear for this cruel world, and Pidge’s shenanigans.

As the drunk party started whooping, walking away from their tour guides to look at the exhibits in the main foyer, Pidge threw her arms around Lance, Lance snapping out his inner mullings as he returned the hug

“I’d forgotten you can be super scary”

Lance snorted, if Pidge thought that was scary, she should have seen of the court cases he’d been through. Nothing major, but enough for people to recognise behind his appearance he held a sharp tongue

“I couldn’t let them pick on my favourite Gremlin. She might go getting ideas of ditching me for them, then what am I going to do?”

“Be useless and hopeless? Barricade yourself at home and cry over the loss of my brilliance?”

“Mmm... all of that. Seriously, I know you can handle yourself, but don’t let people underestimate you”

“I think it was you, that they were underestimating. I thought that guy was seriously going to shit bricks when you shook his hand”

“He would have been cleaning it up with a toothbrush if he had. You ready?”

Pidge looked up at him, flashing him a toothy grin at the thought of the mischief she had planned

“Yeah. Let’s scare some idiots and take their money”

“They didn’t pay up front?”

“Maybe...”

Lance groaned

“Pidge, you can’t go hacking into their bank accounts. That’s not the kind of law I specialise in”

Pushing him away, Pidge pulled a face

“Then what good are you? What’s the point of having a best friend for a lawyer if you won’t defend me?”

Lance raised the back of his hand to his forehead, faking a swoon

“Is that all I am to you? What about my totally radical driving skills?”

“Your car’s as old as I am!”

“You leave her alone. She’s a priceless family heirloom”

“She’s a hunk of shit and you know it”

“You wound me, Pidge. I’m utterly wounded. Hunk, back me up here. Are my skill not the greatest ever?”

Hunk shuffled his feet, his friend having the habit of worrying his two pointers together even during banter like this

“There was that time we got bog-...”

“But did you die?”

“Well, no...”

Lance beamed

“There we go then. Let’s get this show on the road”

Two jump scares, one phone drop, three scoldings for touching, and two and half hours later, they were finally starting to pack up. Pidge could complain all she liked about Lance’s beat up Bronco, but she couldn’t complain over the fact that it had more than enough storage in the back to load all their crap up. Hunk had fretted through the ordeal, while Pidge had grown bolder, she dished out sass like there was no tomorrow leaving Lance in silent stitches. There was something about the way she said things that turned the most mundane of passing comments into an insult. The girl so salty the world was in danger of running out limes and tequila. As Hunk passed him the last of the camera boxes, Pidge reset the alarm system, the tour bus already long gone from the main road. Sighing as he leaned against the side of the car, Hunk was the embodiment of relief

“You okay?”

Hunk nodded as he yawned, Lance felt a kind of parental concern and the urge to send Hunk home to bed. His best friend was normal a night owl, but the weather made it a perfect night for climbing under the covers as the rain pattered on the tin roof

“Want to come back to mine for the night? I’ll drop you back in tomorrow after Pidge has processed the camera footage”

“I don’t know, man. I think I’m going to be out as soon as my head hit the pillow”

“I don’t mind either way, but you know Pidge is going to be calling first thing in morning if you go home now”

Hunk groaned. It wasn’t unusual for Pidge to call any hour she felt like it. More than once Lance had been woken in the wee hours to listen to Pidge rant about some new conspiracy theory. She was worse on road trips, she’d get so into what was going on, she’d literally jump into bed next to you, wake you up, then talk a mile-a-minute about whatever she’d worked out

“I’ll come to yours. Just gotta text the folks and let them know I’ll be staying over”

Hunk’s parents were amazing. Lance instantly fell in love with the whole clan of them. His family was big, but they loved even bigger. Hunk’s mother baked some of the best cookies he’d had in his life, and instantly made him feel welcome when Hunk left him outside the house, having formally forgotten to invite him in. Lance wasn’t sure if he needed an invite to actually enter, but he’d wanted to respect whatever family conditions that came with Hunk having friends over. As for Hunk’s father, the man ran the local automotive shop. Most people took their cars to Platt for servicing, but Lance knew he had to build bridges with the locals if he expected to last in such a small town. That didn’t stop Hunk’s dad for continuing to undercharge him when it came to labour costs, so Lance usually left the man a large tip. Plus, he knew how temperamental his old girl could be. Originally Hunk’s family had been from somewhere else, his parents selling up to move somewhere quite before retirement, or so Hunk said. Lance didn’t like to pry, not when he had a fair idea of how much shit came with a decision like moving. Hunk had finished his senior year, then moved down to Platt for college, before falling in with Pidge. The pair of them were thick as thieves, but went out of their to never make Lance feel discluded. The three of them making up what Pidge liked to call “The Garrison Trio”. A connection like this was dangerous for him, especially given he was less than human, and he’d had no intention of being best friends with anyone when he’d made his move. He couldn’t help but love them as if they were siblings he’d known all his life... unlike his real siblings who were still a little iffy about his vampire status. With all the crap in the media, Lance couldn’t blame them, not when he was supposed to be a blood drinking night stalker. He’d never even fed off an actual real life human, but the stereotype was too ingrained in culture and after the death of his Papi, the only one he really remained close to was his Mami who now lived in an assisted living complex outside of Platt. Before he’d moved, he’d been her “carer” for the five years after his father’s death. His Mami was the one who insisted she go into a home, Lance pleading with her not to, but if there was one thing that ran in their family’s blood, it was stubbornness.

Besides, the home was actually really nice. Mami has plenty of friends there, there were games and social events, outings into Platt out to places like the Zoo and the Aquarium. It wasn’t home like Cuba had been during his childhood, but if it hadn’t been so nice there was no way he would have allowed his mother to stay there. He also had a soft spot for everyone there. They all laughed over “Miriam’s hot grandson”, occasionally he was pinched on the arse or gently flirted with until he couldn’t help but feel his cheeks burning. He loved his Mami, so on weekends when nothing much was happening, he’d take her out for the day driving, wherever she wanted to go. At 82, his Mami was still full of life. Her eyes had always been kind, and her hugs the warmest in the world. No matter how many times he’d broken down over his curse, she’d tell him how much she loved him. Mami didn’t know that most of her living costs came from him. She was a proud woman who wanted him to spend his money on himself, to treat himself right and to be happy, but being with her was what made him happy.

“Dude, you okay there?”

Lance shook his head to clear his thoughts

“Yeah, man. There’s a bottle of Shiraz calling my name”

“Should I be worried?”

Lance chuckled. He couldn’t get drunk the way a human would. Mix in a little blood and then that problem went out the window. Mix in a lot of blood and he’d be recreating far too humiliating memories. Two glasses at night to relax, three if the day was bad. He kept himself in check, not wanting to let himself fall back into wallowing the weirdness of his life

“Only that Pidge is going to make us do this again. I don’t think they appreciated our “razzle-dazzle”

Hunk groaned as his hand went to his chest

“I thought I could do it, man. We knew where the jump scares were and they still scared the bejesus out of me. I love Pidge, but she’s scary”

“That’s because she’s our resident gremlin. I’m more scared of what she’s got planned for the footage of tonight”

“Y-you don’t think we caught an actual ghost on camera... do you?”

Lance played along, teasing his best friend felt a little mean, but seeing they most probably caught nothing but the sounds of the tour he shrugged as he said

“I don’t know... tonight could be the night”

“Boo!”

The ever queen of the jump scare, Pidge cackled as Hunk jumped

“Dude, you should have seen your face”

“Don’t do that! You know I’m naturally jumpy”

Punching Pidge on the shoulder playfully, Pidge laughed harder

“I’m sorry, but I’m not. Are you two losers done yet? The alarms all set and I sent the curators a message to let them know it’s all locked up”

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re done. You crashing at mine tonight?”

“Dah. I thought that was the plan all along”

“Then jump in already. Wanna make a stop for snacks on the way?”

The town had two service stations, the trip out to the 24 hour was half an hour out the way, nearly half way to Platt, yet his Mami had always told him that house guests came first

“Can I have a super large raspberry slushy?”

“I don’t know, is it before midnight? I’m not supposed to feed or water you between midnight and dawn, right?”

“For that, I’m having two. Oh, I dibs the front!”

“No fair! I was here first”

“You snooze, you lose, Hunkerino. Besides, Shay might be working”

Hunk blushed hard at the mention of “Shay”. The poor man had been crushing on her so hard that he’d failed to notice she was into him. Every time she’d ask him out, he’d say no as he didn’t want to inconvenience her. His best friend was as dumb as a sack potatoes when it came to getting a clue. Hell, Lance was sure Shay could scrawl her feelings across her face in red marker and Hunk still wouldn’t get the hint.

“She’s a friend, okay”

Pidge bumped her hip against Hunks, her voice sing-song

“A friend you’re too scared to ask for her number”

“I... but... she... I...”

Hunk stumbled over the start of what he wanted to say. The poor dude had it bad. Stepping out the way, Lance pulled the back window down before snapping the trunk door shut. Patting Hunk’s shoulder, he sympathised with his best mate something chronic

“Hunk, she’s into you, buddy. You are the best man that I know. You’ve got a whole lot to offer, and any one would be lucky to have you. I swear man. Cross my heart and hope to die, if I ever tell a lie”

“Not you, too”

“Look, all I’m saying is that from my point of view she seems interested too. I’m not trying to push into something you’re not ready for. I just want you to know I’m there when you are”

Pidge blew a raspberry at him, ruining his attempt to be serious

“You sound like such a dad. I swear you’re like some old fuddy in that body. Hunk, grow some balls and get out there”

“I don’t want to grow balls”

Hunk moaned at his own words. Pidge went into a fresh fit of laughter at his expense. Lance cringed in second hand embarrassment. He couldn’t love the pair of them any more than he did, even if he tried

“For that, Pidge, you’re in the back. Hunk, I’ve got your back, bro”

Tequila

A/N: Dialogue request for JJ X best friend Reader. 

“I told you that you’d get stuck. I’m not calling the fire department again.”

Mentions of smut.

“Girl, I’m so glad we did this, this is so much fun!” You slurred to your best friend JJ. “We don’t do this enough. You work too much. Your boss sucks.”

“Well, maybe if you slept with him more, he wouldn’t be so mean and pull us apart from each other.” JJ laughed, taking another shot.

“Ok, Aaron and I have plenty of sex. Plenty of amazing, mind blowing, rough, but not too rough but also very sultry and slow and sensual… sex.”

You and your best friend JJ were out for a much-needed girls night. With her team being away so much it was hard to find time to get together. Especially when the team was home JJ wanted to spend with the boys and Will, and you wanted to spend time with Aaron. Though this was one of those nights where you both just had to say screw it.

“Ok, that’s my boss…” JJ made a face and you rolled your eyes.

“Well need I remind you that your husband is my partner and I’m still not over the fact that I know how good he is at shower sex.” You reminded her, and she nodded.

“Alright, fair trade. Have you and Aaron tried again after last time?” She couldn’t hide her smirk.

“Well we tried it with him taking me from behind like you suggested and that worked a lot better, I just hate standing up sex, man makes me weak in the knees.” You sighed a dreamy sigh.

“Have you guys started talking about marriage?” She asked after ordering two more margaritas.

“We’ve most definitely discussed spending the rest of our lives together. I think Aaron’s a little apprehensive about diving back into marriage. We are planning on moving in together as soon as my lease is up though.” You smiled widely when JJ gasped.

“That’s so awesome! Yes!” JJ put her hand over top of yours. “That’s so great, I’m so happy you two found each other.”

“Well we didn’t really find each other, we were kind of shoved together at the table at Rossi’s now weren’t we? I’m really glad it happened though.” You chuckled. “I’m going to get some waters and then we should go to our spot in the park.”

“Oh! Good plan!”

You hopped off the high-top stool and meandered over to the bar, ordering two waters. Surveying the room, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself at all the memories you shared with JJ at this place. This was where you had met when Will invited you to a night with JJ and her team. Consequently, it was also where you’d met Aaron, but you hadn’t thought much of him at the time. You were pulled from your thoughts when a man approached you.

“Excuse me, I just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely beautiful.” His voice was like velvet.

“Oh, um thanks.” You mumbled in surprise, turning back to the bartender.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He was leaning against the bar, standing too close for comfort now.

“No thanks, I already got drinks.” The bartender handed you the glasses of water and you grabbed them smiling and giving the man a curt nod.

“Oh are you here with a friend? Can I meet her?” What was with this guy?

“Girlfriend actually.” You shrugged and walked back over to the table. “Follow along!” You hissed through your smiling teeth at JJ and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, honey.” She placed her hand on yours and gave it a squeeze.

“Guy is a total skeeze. First of all he’s trying way too hard, but his rolex was totally a knock off. Either married or recently divorced as in like… this morning because he had an indent where a ring would be.” You rolled your eyes and took a sip of water.

“You should probably become a profiler.” JJ copied your actions, sipping from her water as well.

“Oh no way,” you shook your head furiously, “One of two things would happen. I would either murder Aaron, or I’d jump him in really inappropriate places because the one time he got mad in our precinct with an UnSub… girl the sex that night.” You held a hand up and sucked in a breath.

“Ok, I think we need to go for a walk to cool you down.” JJ laughed.

“It’s the alcohol, it just makes me really horny!” You shrugged.

“Alright, well then let’s go for a walk so you can go home and maybe I’ll get another day off tomorrow.” JJ reached for your hand and you glanced over at the man who had hit on you earlier. You grabbed JJ’s ass as you walked past and the two of you giggled wildly walking quickly out the door.

“The look on his face!” You roared with laughter as the two of you walked down the street toward the park.

“Oh my, I forget how fun it is to get in trouble with you.” JJ laughed.

“JJ! It’s been so long since we’ve been here! I need to climb the tree.” You dropped your purse on the bench near your favorite tree. This is where JJ and you had come to wind down after hard days. Often alone, but occasionally together. It’s a place where you knew you weren’t alone, that JJ was always there, even if she physically wasn’t.

“(y/n)! Do not dare climb that tree! You’re going to get stuck!” JJ warned sternly.

“It’ll be fine!” You said with a wave of your hand, kicking off your heels. Jumping up you grabbed the lowest branch and pulled yourself up into the tree.

“I can not believe you’re doing this. Do I need to remind you what happened last time?” She called from down below. You went a few branches higher and had a seat.

“No, the guys at the station never let me live it down! There’s a lot of crossover between the fire department and the police station.” Something moving out of the corner of your eye caused you to freeze.

“(y/n)?” JJ called when you fell silent. “(y/n)?”

“JJ…” You trailed off locking eyes with a raccoon.

“I told you that you’d get stuck! I’m not calling the fire department again.”

“No, JJ it…” The racoon jumped to another branch startling you, causing you to flinch away, loosing your seat and a scream escaped your lips as tumbled through the branches. Your leg wedged between to branches and you were left hanging upside down, head level with JJ’s.

“Oh my god. (y/n)!” JJ looked up to see what she could do about the situation.

“I wasn’t stuck, there was a raccoon, but now I’m stuck.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Just hanging there laughing uncontrollably, JJ pulled out her phone.

“Will, can you bring a step ladder to the tree?” She paused so Will could talk. “Yeah, she’s stuck again. No she’s not in shock she’s drunk and thinks this is hilarious.” A laugh erupted from JJ and suddenly she started cracking up as well.

“Will please!” You pleaded, still giggling. “My leg actually really hurts and I’m getting a headache.”

“He’s on his way. Aaron’s with him.”

You hooked your other leg around a branch and grabbed the branch, hoping to let some of the blood release from your head, though unable to pull yourself all the way up because of the way your ankle was wedged between branches.

“You look like a sloth.” JJ had sat down and slumped against the tree and was looking up to you.

“Then my plan has succeeded.” You giggled.

“JJ!” Will’s southern drawl resounded.

“Over here!” She called still from her place on the ground. It was kind of astounding how different the two of you were after drinking. JJ was a very sleepy drunk, you were very loud and flirtatious.

“Where’s (y/n)” Aaron’s voice sounded. You slowly released yourself from the branch and hung back upside down.

“Hi, honey!” He chuckled and shook his head. “Oh! Kiss me, like in the spider man movie!” You grabbed his shirt and pulled him to you. He smiled but gave you a quick kiss.

“Let’s get you down then.” Will laughed and set up the ladder. “Aaron you stay there in case she falls.”

“Oh, you kidder…. You’re kidding right?” You tried to look at Will but he was already on the stool.

“We need to relieve some of the pressure. Aaron, push her up a little bit.” Aaron put his hands on your shoulders and pushed up so that your full weight wasn’t pulling on the branches, from there Will was easily able to release your foot. Though this caused you to fall completely, of course Aaron catching you easily.

“My heroes!” You mused with a smile. JJ had all but fallen asleep. Will was now helping her up.

“Can you walk in your shoes?” Aaron asked. You looked down at your red and slightly swollen ankle.

“Probably, but I’m going to lie so you carry me.” You smiled and gave him a quick kiss.

“Alright, I’m gonna get JJ home.” Will laughed when JJ yawned and stumbled slightly.

“Oh, but I’ll miss you!” You leaned away from Aaron and gave JJ a hug. “I’ll never forget the night you became my girlfriend.”

“Yes! We will treasure this moment!” JJ leaned in and gave you an extremely dramatic and loud kiss, much to both men’s surprise.

“Alright… We’ll uh… see you guys later?” Will sounded as confused as he looked. JJ giggled maniacally and the two of them, fingers laced walked away. Aaron leaned down and grabbed your shoes, somehow managing to still hold you bridal style.

“You’re so strong. It’s such a turn on.” You mumbled against his skin.

“What was that?” Aaron still sounded wildly confused.

“Nothing just take me home. Your home though. I’m too drunk for sex right now but I’m going to screw your brains out tomorrow morning.” You nipped at his neck and smiled at the chuckle that rumbled in his chest.

“I thought I told you no more tequila.”

Be My Player 2? Ch. 26

Sorry for the delay in posting, y'all. This chapter has been ready for a few days, but I didn't have a chance to post it over the weekend.

Also on AO3!

“Keith!”

He looked up and found Hunk barreling towards him. Keith grinned and accepted the hug from his friend. “Hey,” he said.

“It’s been so long since we’ve gotten to hang out.”

“I know,” Keith sighed. “I was hoping to spend more time with you guys over break, but…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Pidge and I had our own stuff going on, too. We went and visited our families and I’m sure you spent some more time with Shiro,” he said with a smirk.

Keith flushed and tugged at the edges of his beanie, his breath fogging in front of him in the cold air. “Yeah…”

They pushed through the doors of their academic building and Keith sighed happily at the warmth.

“What’s that look for?” Hunk asked, pulled him from his thoughts.

“What?” Keith asked.

“That smile,” he said. “You look happy about something.”

Keith bit his lip and stuffed his hands in his pockets despite being out of the cold.

“Keithhhhhh?” Hunk asked, elbowing him in the arm.

“Shiro and I…”

“Yeah?”

“We told each other that we love each other.”

Hunk gasped and grinned. He pulled Keith into a rough hug. “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you guys!”

Keith grinned and nodded. “I know. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“This is huge, man. Pidge is going to be so excited.”

“I’m going to be so excited about what?”

They turned and found Pidge grinning behind them. She pulled her hat off her head and shook out her hair.

“I saw you guys and thought I’d stop by and catch up before class,” she said, walking over to them. “Had to sprint across the quad to make it, but what’s it really matter anyway, right? So what’s up?”

“Keith and Shiro said their ‘I love yous,’” Hunk explained.

“That’s great!” she exclaimed, looking up at Keith. “And perfect since you’ll be seeing him again over spring break,” she added with a smirk.

“I know,” he said. “I’m really looking forward to it.”

“You’re going to have to buy plane tickets soon though, aren’t you?” she asked.

Keith nodded. “Yeah, I should probably take care of that this weekend. Amidst the new round of shifts and homework that I’m going to get this week.” He sighed.  

“But it’s your last semester. Just remember that,” Hunk said, patting him on the back. “We can have stressed, job hunting parties where we order pizza and do drunk job applications.”

Keith chuckled. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“You can invite the boyfriend, too,” Pidge added. “He can join us over Skype.”

“Sure,” Keith said. “When are you guys free next? We should get started on this as soon as possible.”

Hunk hummed. “Are you good for Friday in two weeks? We could do then.”

Keith furrowed his brow, trying to think over his schedule. “I need to double-cheek my schedule, but I think I should be okay. Once we get our schedules worked out, I can ask Shiro. He should be good for whenever we decide to do it.”

“Cool,” Pidge said with a grin. “We’re all in charge of bringing a bottle of the strongest stuff you want. You can go for whisky, vodka, tequila, I don’t care which. And then we’ll split the cost of the pizza. Keith you can crash on the couch after.”

Keith nodded. “If the night goes how I think it’s going to go, I’m going to need it.”

“Great!” Pidge said. “I gotta get to class. I’ll see you guys later.”

“See you,” Hunk and Keith said. They waved her off as she hurried down the hallway. Keith and Hunk turned to the stairwell and started climbing. When they reached the second floor, Hunk broke off and Keith continued to the third floor where his class was.

Keith pulled out his phone, weaving expertly around other people in the hallway as he approached his classroom. He typed out a quick message to Shiro, smile pulling at his lips even though he hadn’t sent it yet.

Keith: So…in a couple weeks Pidge and Hunk and I are planning to have a night in where we get drunk and submit job applications and wanted to know if you wanted to join us?

He pushed open the door to his classroom and made for his seat in the back. Shiro’s reply came before he managed to sit down.

Shiro: How exactly am I supposed to join you? Fly up there? I wouldn’t mind taking a vacation after the first two weeks of classes.

Keith rolled his eyes.

Keith: You’re not allowed to skip class and come up here. I’m talking about over Skype. We Skype you in while we work on applications.

Shiro: Ahhh, I see. Use the power of technology so it actually seems like I’m there.

Keith: Shut up, Shiro

Shiro: Love you, too, babe

Keith bit his lip, his stomach flipping happily at the words. It still didn’t seem real. And he never got tired of saying it or hearing the sentiment from Shiro. They loved each other, and it was the best thing he could ever ask for.

Shiro: I might see if Lance and Allura want to join in. We could have our party here and your party there.

Keith: Sure. The point is to get drunk and apply for jobs so Hunk and Pidge wouldn’t mind. We already wanted to have you there so it’s no problem. And I’m sure it will be a lot more fun for you so you’re not alone in your apartment.

Shiro: What time should I tell them?

Keith: We’re not sure on the exact details yet. I need to check my work schedule so we’re going to finalize the rest later

Shiro: You should just take the night off so we can definitely make it for then

Keith: Can’t. Gotta make the money. Keith: I need it for when I come see you

Shiro: Only another two months Shiro: God, I can’t wait until I get to see you again.

Keith: Me too.

The door to the classroom was pulled open and Keith looked up to find his professor striding inside.

Keith: Talk later. Prof’s here which means class.

Shiro: Have fun!

Keith grinned and tucked his phone away, pulling out his books.

~~

Keith stared at his computer. He was in his living room with his feet propped up on the coffee table. He’d gone through to update his resume and knew he had all the right information on it, but it still didn’t feel good enough. And he hadn’t even started applying for jobs yet. Now more than ever, he wished that a job could fall from the sky and land in his lap. It would save him a lot of stress and the rejection he knew was coming.

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Whatever. I can worry more about this later.”

He checked the time and saw that it was getting late. He saved his resume and closed out of the document, grabbing his textbook from the coffee table. He leaned back and flipped open to the page of his assigned reading.

If he wasn’t careful, he was going to end up getting behind on his reading and schoolwork and that’s something he couldn’t afford to do. Not when he had work and job applications on the line. He’d come this far and worked his ass off, he wasn’t going to start failing classes when he was almost finished with school.

Keith sat forward, planting his feet on the floor. He rubbed at his eyes to try and clear away his exhaustion and focus on the words in front of him. School was most important, and he couldn’t let it slip, no matter what else he was worried about.

~~

Keith yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Someone looks tired.”

He looked up from the drink he was preparing and saw Kayla had slipped behind the counter without him noticing. He smiled.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Getting back into school has hit hard and I’m trying to balance everything.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I can understand. I’ve got a load of credits this semester and I don’t think any of my professors are going to be taking things easy.”

Keith chuckled. “Yeah. Not to mention job applications.”

“Job applications?” she asked. “Are you leaving?”

“It’s my last semester so I’m going to need a real person job.”

“Oooh,” she said. “I didn’t realize you were getting ready to graduate.”

“Yeah, I’m trying not to stress too much, but I can already feel the pressure of needing to have a job lined up when I graduate.”

“Where are you looking?” she asked as she pulled out a bottle from under the counter.

Keith shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it too much. I guess I’d go somewhere down south. I want to work with a space program, but I’m not sure how easy it would be to get on with NASA.”

Kayla whistled. “Surely there are other groups down there though.”

“A few, I think,” Keith said.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find something,” she said.

“Yeah…”

Keith stared down at his hands as he worked, keeping mostly to himself.

“You know,” Kayla said, pulling him from his thoughts. “If you needed help with the applications or finding jobs, I wouldn’t mind helping.”

Keith swallowed, grabbing the drink ticket from the server before they could even set it down. “Thanks, but I can handle it. I’m getting together with my friends in a couple weeks and we’re going to do a lot of work on applications and resumes.”

“Oh,” she said behind him. “Well if you need any help, I don’t mind, and it’ll be good experience for when I have to do it later…” she trailed of with a tight laugh.

“Yeah,” Keith said, expertly mixing the drink for the order. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He set it on the tray with the ticket and dumped his mixers into the sink to clean.

“I can do that,” Kayla said, holding out a hand.

“Don’t worry about it. I got it, it’s fine,” Keith said, keeping his head down. He checked a sigh and was ready to kick himself. He wasn’t trying to sound like an asshole, but the turn in the conversation had made him uncomfortable and he really wanted to pull out his phone and call Shiro. He sighed and closed his eyes, slowing his movements so he didn’t splash water over the side of the sink.

He only had a few more months to go before they were going to be together again. It wasn’t that long, and they’d have plenty of fun next weekend doing job applications and getting drunk. He looked over his shoulder and saw Kayla leaning against the counter further away from him. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was staring off to the side.

Keith almost wanted to apologize. He rinsed off his mixers and started drying them.

“Look,” he said, catching Kayla’s attention. She glanced over at him before looking away. “Sorry if I was kind of harsh, I just...I just don’t really the need the extra help is all.”

“I think I should be the one apologizing,” Kayla said. “I shouldn’t have been so pushy.”

Keith shrugged and started putting the mixer pieces away.

“I just thought it might be kind of fun to hang out outside of work.”

“Don’t take it personally,” Keith said, “but I don’t have much time to hang out with my own friends outside of work, let alone anyone else. Most of the time I actually do see them is when we run into each other on campus between classes.”

Kayla nodded. A server walked by and set down a new ticket. Kayla got to it before Keith could and he watched her work, noticing the droop to her shoulders, but if she was already making a second attempt so soon after asking him out the first time, something inside of him knew that this wouldn’t be the last time.

~~

Keith shivered when he stepped inside his apartment. The warmth was a nice change from the freezing temperatures outside and he brushed the snow from his beanie and his jacket. Now that they were in the midst of winter, he knew it wasn’t going to be long before the inches started to accumulate, and he’d have to wade through snow to get to class and work. He toed out of his boots and left them in the entryway. He winced at how much salt and slush he was going to end up dragging inside when the weather really got bad.

He pulled out his phone and sent off a quick message to Shiro.

Keith: I’m so tired. Zzzzz I’m ready for spring break

He tossed his jacket over the back of his desk chair and set the beanie on his desk. He sighed, and landed heavily on the edge of his bad, falling back onto the mattress as sleep tugged at him. His phone vibrated, and he rolled onto his side even though his legs were still hanging over the edge of the bed.

Shiro: I’m ready for you to be here, too. I was gonna ask if you wanted to watch a show or maybe play a round of Voltron tonight, but that’s probably a hard no, isn’t it?

Keith: You have no idea. Getting back into school has been kicking my ass. Not to mention this girl at work….

Shiro: You wanna talk about it?

Keith: She’s just…she’s apparently not one to give up.

Shiro: Isn’t that a good thing?

Keith: When it comes to work? Yes. When it comes to trying to get me to go on a date with her? Hell no.

Shiro: Oh

Keith: Yeah, I told her I was seeing someone, but apparently that’s not enough. Little does she know that I have the hottest boyfriend ever waiting for me in Florida.

Shiro: Keithhhhhh

Keith grinned and chuckled.

Keith: What’s wrong, baby? Are you getting flustered?

Instead of getting a new text message, his phone started ringing. Keith grinned and answered.

“Hello?”

“You’re so mean,” Shiro groaned.

“Am I not allowed to use pet names with you now?” he asked with a laugh. His stress and exhaustion were starting to lighten slightly. He imagined that if Shiro was there with him, his responsibilities wouldn’t seem half as bad as they were.

“No…” he grumbled, sounding like he was burying his face in the pillow.

“Come on, bayyyy-beeee,” Keith cooed.

He heard a muffled noise come over the line and smiled. He closed his eyes and imagined what Shiro looked like. He imagined his cheeks were bright red and he had the bottom half of his face hidden behind a pillow while he held the phone up to his other ear.

God, he missed that man.

“Anyway,” he continued after the silence stretched between them. “How is school for you? You’re probably not having as rough a time as I am.”

“It’s not too bad,” Shiro said, voice light. Keith could see him rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling and smiled. “Most of the professors I have this semester have been ones I’ve had before which means less scrutiny when it comes to my arm.”

“Wait…” Keith said. “Do professors give you shit over your prosthetic?” he asked, sitting up.

“Well…I wouldn’t say they give me shit exactly…but they always kind of stare at it during the first few classes until they get used to seeing it. Sometimes they don’t even stop then,” he muttered.

Keith felt anger coil in his gut and frowned. He fell back on his bed with a huff. “When I come down there you should introduce me to anyone who’s giving you shit and I’ll kick their asses.”

“Keith, you don’t need to-“

“I’m serious, Shiro. I’ll fight them on the street. The cowards,” he growled.

Shiro laughed. “Okay, Keith,” he said, softly.

Keith huffed, his anger draining out of him. “Hey,” he said. “If I don’t have too much homework over the weekend, do you feel like gaming or watching a movie or show on Saturday? It would be pretty late, and I know it hasn’t been that long since our last one, but…”

“Sure,” Shiro said. “I’d like that. And next time we’ll have a split party where we get drunk and do job applications,” he said with a snicker.

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

“It’ll be okay. You’re cute and smart, and companies would be stupid not to hire you. Isn’t that right, baby?”

Keith smiled and bit his lip. “We’ll have to wait and see, I guess.”

He yawned and placed a hand over his mouth.

“You should get to bed,” Shiro said. “Don’t want you to fall asleep in class and it’s getting pretty late over there.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Keith said, rubbing his eye. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Sure thing. Don’t work too hard and don’t stress too much.”

Keith breathed a laugh. “Okay. Love you, Shiro.”

“I love you, too, Keith,” Shiro said, voice soft.

Keith bit his lip and pulled his phone from his ear, ending the call. He sighed and stood from his bed, grabbing his pajamas so he could change in the bathroom before bed. His dreams were probably going to be filled with images and memories of Shiro again, but he couldn’t really complain when it was just as good as reality. Even if they were separated for the moment.

If you enjoy my work, please reblog or consider buying me a ko-fi!

The Haunting No Reply

Ghosting, everyone has experienced it and everyone has done it. But what is wrong with telling someone you aren’t interested? We seem to be in an age where we have to go off signals and behaviours of our own interpretations which only lead us down the rabbit hole of uncertainty falling into the all too familiar questions, why hasn’t he replied? Is he talking to other girls? Is he even interested? Should I have done this instead? Did I do something wrong? The last question being the biggest question that constantly plays on the mind which no doubt leads to - well what is wrong with me? Absolutely nothing! It’s on them and this was honestly one of the hardest things for me to get a hold of and since we are telling the truth, it is still hard to grasp at times.

As much as some of us don’t like to admit it, we are creatures of habit. Most of the time you can tell by a person’s behaviour how interested they are... for example, are they asking questions back or are they trying to end the conversation, what is the response rate like, are they now taking 5 seconds as opposed to 0.02 seconds to reply, where was my good morning message, who is suggesting the meet ups and what is the meet up, etc. We get attached to the routine of our communication with another. This is even with friends and family - for example, even though I live out of home, I will still message my parents when I go out of town to let them know I got to the destination safely. With potential partners you fall into this habit of knowing around what time they will message you throughout the day or know they aren’t available to chat at certain times due to sporting or other commitments. We can’t help it. So it’s when their behaviour changes the questions begin and your own behaviour changes... You are no longer the cool chilled chick you were a few days ago and you start to rattle your brain;

- Idiot! Why did you put hahaha when haha would have been plenty?

- Who is he with?

- What if I send one more message to see if he replies?

- Is my phone broken?

- Is their phone broken?

- I’ll send a Snapchat aimed for them but also generalised so they don’t think it was sent just to them

Now I’m going to use my favourite analogy, I came up with this one after a guy ghosted me then after a few months told me why. Go back to when we were talking, would I have been upset, yes, however, I would have dusted off gotten back up and moved on a lot quicker because by ghosting it meant it still had a hold in my mind as it always felt unfinished even though we knew it was done - closure, it’s what everyone needs but most of the time doesn’t get. By waiting that time it left me in my own head, which most will agree, is not the most ideal place to be. You only have yourself to battle with and more often than not you lose.

So anyway - my analogy, guys seem to treat us like porcelain dolls, wrapped tightly in bubble wrap, they unwrap us by being the guy we want them to be, take us on nice dates, one layer gone, message replies are instant and engaging, another layer gone, suggests future plans and wants to start including you in social events with friends, that’s me pretty much unwrapped exposing my delicate self for them to take care of. Then, then comes the ghosting. Guys see this delicate porcelain doll and they don’t want to break it so they place it on the shelf never to acknowledge it. It shouldn’t be the guys concern for breaking us, yes you leave some cracks but lucky we know how to put ourselves back together. It should be about how you handle it, place the doll on the shelf and it’ll eventually get knocked off, taking longer to be put back together, but wrap it back up in a layer of bubble wrap and it’s good to go to another home. Know what I’m saying!?

So how do we date? Lay it all on the table and see what they eat up? Or deliver ourselves in small courses to slowly get through the meal of getting to know someone?

I’m going to share a recent dating experience, this one was hook line and sinker direct, lay it all on the table.... Let’s call him B. B seemed super confident through texts, we had a pretty good first date discovering we had a lot in common and the potential for it to go further was on the table. I was right out of my comfort zone with this one only because he became very intense within a few hours.... yep I’m sticking to hours. We went from hey lets hang out again to hey I’ve told every man and his dog about you and me and they can’t wait to meet you, are you free 2025 for a family holiday oh and also what should we call our kids? Woah woah woah, lets back up about 50 steps and go on a second date. (I wish I was kidding but we hadn’t even had a second date).

So B was super intense, I didn’t really know how to handle it, do I ghost because his pursing was too much for me, do I be up front and say the all-time classic – it’s not you it’s me or do I play it out and see what happens. Maybe it’s just the hype of meeting or the excitement that we’ve clicked on a few levels, maybe, just maybe he will settle down with it after another date. Nope, second date came around and it was full steam ahead, are we a thing? Can we continue this? Do you want to meet my friends? When can I meet your friends? I’ll step to the side and I say I did get a little caught up with the prospect of it all knowing full well in the back of my head it wasn’t going to work long term and also in the background was my best friend holding up all the red flags and me being semi blinded to see them. Here’s where the story takes a turn, I can see where I went wrong on our second date but it is only while beginning to write this blog that I realised the domino affect it had on him.... by a silly (I thought funny, turns out not so much) comment I made and my change in behaviour over the days between dates he had begun to doubt himself and us together. He came across so confident at the start which was an attractive quality but suddenly, from my own observation - unable to confirm with him, I brought out some of his insecurities and I didn’t exactly comfort or acknowledge them which made me see a different side of him. He also went from showing full emotion to just blocking me out after trying to consult with him. In the end, when he had come to the conclusion I wasn’t the girl for him, he decided to ghost me. So we went from one extreme to another of messaging constantly and him providing ridiculous amounts of attention to nothing. This brings me to what I have found to be the different levels of ghosting;

1. The fade away - slowly stops replying, doesn’t use the same language in messages.

2. The “sorry been busy” - welcome to 2018 where we are constantly on our phones. If you can’t find a few moments to reply then you are not interested, kinda simple right?

3. The snapper - if you have each other on Snapchat the snaps will go from sending you more personal and funny things that remind you of the other to - look at my lunch, look at this dog, look at this pencil etc.

4. The Hello, are you still into me - will send messages every so often (mainly when drinking) to remind you that they are still there but also keep you at a distance as a back-up plan.

5. The mutual Ghost - where you are both on the same page of not being into each other but neither wants to end it so you both slowly go your separate ways.

AND of course! For the big finish

6. The cutter - everything is fine, he has been acting a little odd but nothing alarming, then wham bam thank you mam no reply and never hear from again (until you run into them at downstairs moose after one too many tequilas and start the cycle again).

So why ghost? Is it to save the persons feelings or is it more to avoid the awkward conversation around “what are we” because I can assure you both suck just as much. Of course no one likes rejection, I have never met someone who has said, hi I’m Stacey, my likes include being rejected and my dislikes are pineapple on pizza, I mean a girl likes her beauty therapist but isn’t thrilled by getting waxed. Where does this option of ghosting come into play? I personally would much prefer the “hey I’m just not that into you” message then you switch on me faster than Will Smith - turn around now - switch - never to speak again. For the guys and girls that think they are preserving the others feelings I’m sorry to say you aren’t.

Got a fair way through writing this blog before I thought I should get the perspective of my mates that have gone through ghosting and I got more than I wanted; she wrote about how she did the haunting without the realisation of how it affected the other, here’s a snippet of what she wrote;

“Guys have feelings too!

One of my guy friends said to me and at the time I always wondered why. Now years later I have reflected on his words and understand his situation. He was wanting me to want him and I was not the girl to do it.

I was not his person, but he was weighing it up in his head.”

Which brings me trying to speak on behalf of the male gender... wish me luck. Ok so I know girls can be just as bad when it comes to ghosting and games. Hearing stories of girls just using guys for attention or keeping them in their pocket until their Prince Charming comes along and I 110% don’t agree with this. It’s selfish, unkind and straight up a dick move. But its girls like that, that will often complain the most about mistreatment from guys. Which if you learn anything from this blog let it be this - treat a potential partner the way you want to be treated. You want to play mind games, expect them back, you want to stir and create jealously, don’t be shocked when it happens to you. To summarise - Don’t expect to be treated like a Princess when you treat them like a frog.

We can keep coming back to we don’t know another’s situations so many times before someone asks the question, well how do we know if we don’t try? Good question with no helpful answer. You can only try; you can line up 15 dates in a week and have 3 of them cancelled, 5 of them ghost you, 2 of them not your type, 3 of them just looking for a hook up and the other 2 being put into the potential bucket. You can let all this get to you or you can face it, claim it and get back on that horse.

I dated this one guy, you could put us in a blank white room and we would be entertained for hours by each other’s company, we could talk about the paint drying on the wall and it would be interesting. We had a lot in common and there was no pressure to be anyone but yourself, it was an incredible feeling. And then he ghosted me..... I’ve been ghosted plenty of times but I don’t think I will ever quite understand what happened with this one. Usually you can at least pick up little things, but the battle in my head says it was timing and his head space with the added reminder that it isn’t all on me. Ghosting doesn’t always hurt, but this one did. But hey, here I am dusted off writing about it and soldiering on. Because there is only so many times I can ask a brick wall why before the realisation of me not getting any answer becomes clear as day.

Andddd what’s the point of this all? Well a few things, ghosting is not the most ideal way to end things, but it is a common one, just be mindful of the situation and the other person before you leave them on read. Better to rip off the band aid!

As always here are some handy tips to finish this blog;

1. Every fairytale has an ever after and sometimes that ever after isn’t with that person, you’ll find your prince/princess soon

2. Don’t take it personally if you get ghosted, you have probably done it too

3. The reason behind why you get ghosted is not a reflection on you as a person

4. Honesty remains the best policy

5. Go out, have fun and you stay classy San Diego

REVIEW

Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert

Shore Leave #1

 What fun this book proved to be! I fell in love with Derrick and Arthur but also with Arthur’s family and the look into what it must be like to be involved with someone in the Navy. I knew that the men on the LST that evacuated us from Lebanon were missing their families, appreciated the effort they made to keep us safe, and thought of them again today while reading this book and realized even more the sacrifices they and their families make every day to do the jobs they do.

 What I liked:

* Derrick Fox: Petty Naval Chief working with sonar in a submarine, orphaned as a youth, raised by his grandmother, the Navy is his career, and he is focused, sweet, kind, gentle, confident, and perfect for Arthur.

* Arthur Euler: musician, different from other family members, fun loving, lives for himself, kind, generous, interesting, perfect for Derrick.

* The Euler family: large, loving, boisterous, competitive, do-gooders, there for on another.

* The look into part of what it might be like to be in the Navy and/or to fall for someone in the Navy.

* The growth of the relationship between Arthur and Derrick

* That the obstacles to overcome were dealt with honestly

* The communication between the couple

* The support of Arthur’s mother

* That the relationship between Derrick and Arthur was healthy and normal and believable

* The family reunion and the activities and situations that occurred there

* All of it really!

 What I didn’t like:

* Can’t think of anything except maybe the undervaluing of Arthur by some of his family.

 Did I enjoy this book? Yes

Would I read more in this series? Yes

 Thank you to NetGalley and Carina Adores for the ARC – This is my honest review.

 5 Stars

   Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert is available in trade paperback, eBook and audiobook on September 28th!

 The sexy Navy chief and his best friend’s adorkable little brother…

 It’s petty, but Naval Chief Derrick Fox wishes he could exact a little revenge on his ex by showing off a rebound fling. His submarine is due to return to its Bremerton, Washington, home base soon and Derrick knows all too well there won't be anyone waiting with a big, showy welcome.

 Enter one ill-advised plan…

 Arthur Euler is the guy you go to in a pinch—he's excellent at out-of-the-box solutions. It's what the genius music-slash-computer nerd is known for. So when he finds out Derrick needs a favor, he’s happy to help. He can muster the sort of welcome a Naval Chief deserves, no problem at all.

 Except it is a problem. A very big problem.

 When Arthur’s homecoming welcome is a little too convincing, when a video of their gangplank smooch goes enormously viral, they're caught between a dock and a hard place. Neither of them ever expected a temporary fake relationship to look—or feel—so real. And Arthur certainly never considered he'd be fighting for a very much not-fake forever with a military man.

 Add Sailor Proof to your Goodreads!

 Carina Adores is home to highly romantic contemporary love stories featuring beloved romance tropes, where LGBTQ+ characters find their happily-ever-afters. 

 Discover a new Carina Adores book every month!

Meet Me in Madrid by     Verity Lowell (coming October 26)

The Life Revamp by     Kris Ripper (coming November 30)

If You Love Something by     Jayce Ellis (coming December 28)

D’Vaughn and Kris Plan a Wedding     by Chencia C. Higgins (coming January 25)

Sink or Swim     by Annabeth Albert (coming February 22)

 Buy Sailor Proof by Annabeth albert

https://www.harlequin.com/shop/books/9781335984920_sailor-proof.html 

  EXCERPT

Derrick

Arthur turned out hot. That was my first thought when I spotted him after I heard my name called. Derrick. My actual name, not Fox, not Chief, and outside of Calder a couple of times, I hadn’t heard that name in months. And definitely not like that, all eager and excited and happy. On the sub, hearing my name inevitably meant that someone needed something right that minute, but the way Arthur said it didn’t inspire dread at all.

I’d already been caught up in the energy of the day. Homecoming day was always exciting, even if I didn’t usually have someone waiting. The whole crew was jostling about, getting into our dress whites, making sure everything from our cover to the chest candy of ribbons and medals to the gig line was perfectly straight. Getting chosen to be on deck as we came into port was an honor, one that I usually let others, especially those with kids, fight over, since there was still plenty to do belowdecks in preparation and support. As the chief sonar tech, I was responsible for working with the A-gangers from engineering and the operations department to help navigate us in. Adrenaline was contagious, and by the time my department was cleared to disembark, I had enough energy to rival the reactor that powered the sub.

And then I heard my name.

I recognized Arthur’s red hair right away. But the rest…

Wow. Arthur had grown hot. Still shorter than me and skinnier, but wiry now, each lean muscle defined under a thin white shirt and tight jeans. No signs of his ever-present too-big nerd-humor tees. Same startling green eyes as before, though, and a new, more chiseled jaw sporting the perfect amount of fuzz. He’d grown into his long regal nose, and the hair that had seemed to have a life of its own when he’d been a teen was sculpted now, this perfectly styled wave that made me want to mess it up. His hands, which had always seemed too big for the rest of him, were clutching a giant sign.

For me.

And for a second—a literal instant when our eyes met and time stopped—I forgot it wasn’t real. And in that moment, I wanted it to be. Someone smiling that broadly for me. Had Steve ever been so happy to see me? Hell, I wasn’t even sure the poodle my grandmother had let me keep had been that happy. Arthur just radiated pure joy. The kid was one hell of an actor.

“Welcome home.” Even his voice was different. Deeper. Sexier.

“Hey,” I said because I was simply that brilliant at conver­sation. I reached an arm out, instinctively going for a hand­shake, but Arthur shifted his sign and met me partway, coming in for a hug.

A really tight hug.

Damn, he felt good. Amazing really. Solid muscle against me, hair tickling my nose, exactly as silky as it looked, strong arms able to haul me in and hold me tight. He smelled like mint and green tea, two things in short supply on a boat that tended to smell like old socks on a good day. Sweet. I inhaled deeply as his lips brushed my ear.

“Calder said to kiss you,” he whispered. “And I want to. But you gotta tell me you’re good with that first.”

Was I good with that? Hot guy who smelled like a concoction I wanted to drink every day for a month wanted to kiss me. And ordinarily, the friendship code would put Arthur far, far off-limits, but here was Calder telling us to kiss. It was a free pass, the sort I’d be a fool to turn down.

I wasn’t a fool.

And what harm could a peck do?

“Yeah.” My voice was a rough whisper, and I didn’t have a chance to brace myself before Arthur was sliding his mouth over from my ear to mouth. A double shot of tequila would have had less punch than the first brush of contact.

And okay, not a peck.

We were kissing. Arthur and I, which should have been weird but somehow wasn’t. At all. Someone whooped behind us, but almost all of my attention was riveted on Arthur, like I was on watch and every sense was heightened lest I miss something vital.

Like how soft his lips were. Full too. Or the bristle of his scruff against my cheek. I’d done a submarine shave that morn­ing, not my best job, but close enough that the rasp of beard felt electric. Our chests were pressed so tightly that I could feel his heart pounding. Or maybe that was mine, blood zooming to places that had been in deep freeze for months.

“Wow.” Arthur pulled back, leaving me dazed and still clinging to him.

“Damn.” The statuesque purple-haired woman he’d been standing with laughed loudly and thumped Arthur’s shoul­der. “Is that the best you can do? Your man has been at sea how many months?”

Your man. If only. If he were actually mine, we’d be racing across base, a mad dash to find a room with a door. But he wasn’t and all we’d ever have was this moment. A potent mix of want and resolve raced through me as suddenly I was determined to make this count.

I pulled him back to me, and this time when our mouths collided, I was ready. Ready to taste. Ready to absorb every single detail. Ready to seize control and kiss like the world might be ending.

And it could have. Not sure I would have noticed. Everything faded away. The crowd. The docks. The balloons Arthur had been clutching and his sign both as his strong hands clung to my shoulders as we kissed in earnest. He tasted like he smelled, sweet and minty, and his tongue against mine was like floodlights coming on.

“Welcome home,” Arthur breathed against my mouth as the sound of applause gradually pulled me back into awareness of our surroundings. Applause. Whoops of laughter. Clicking cameras. But still I couldn’t seem to look away from him.

About Annabeth Albert

Annabeth Albert grew up sneaking romance novels under the bed covers. Now, she devours all subgenres of romance out in the open—no flashlights required! When she’s not adding to her keeper shelf, she’s a Pacific Northwest romance writer of many critically acclaimed and fan-favorite LGBTQ romance series.  To find out more, check out: www.annabethalbert.com. The fan group, Annabeth’s Angels, on Facebook is also a great place for bonus content.

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a walk through the park | anolai

nik and ana talk a walk and swing. lots of flirting.

Nikolai had been a bit busy with the bar since he'd decided to give Dominic a bit extra time off even after he was released from Mungo's. He just thought it was a better idea all around to not shove him right back into work. But, he'd forgotten that he'd promised another bartender some time off and so he found himself covering extra shifts. He didn't mind so much except that he hadn't really been able to see Anastasia and had to resort to using the ridiculously complicated phone that Dom had set up for him. He'd invited her to drop by the bar, thinking seeing her even for a brief few moments here and there was better than nothing. If she came, that is.

Anastasia had noticed Nikolai hadn't had much of a chance to talk with her too much. They talked a bit over the phone, but he seemed oddly against using it too much. She was cool with it, though. She had to appreciate someone who would rather live in the now than spend their days glued to their phones. Given his lack of communication, she wasn't at all surprised when he told her he had been busy and invited her to the bar. She got all dressed up and headed down, pushing the door open. She found him at the bar immediately and went over to sit down. "Fancy seeing you here," she grinned.

Nikolai felt bad that he hadn't been able to see Anastasia much. It was hard enough trying to work the phone to even speak to her but he had to if he wanted to keep things going between them. When he heard her voice, he turned, grinning at her. "I was hoping I'd see you tonight," he said, leaning on the bar. "Sorry to have been so hard to get a hold of. I may have given too many people time off at the same time and I didn't want to ask Dom to come back to work before he was ready," he admitted. "So I'm really glad you could make it in tonight. You look incredible, by the way. Should have led with that," he grinned.

Anastasia smiled when he said he was hoping to see her. "You and everyone else here," she teased. She shook her head and waved a hand nonchalantly. "It's no trouble. I knew you'd get back to me when you had a chance. Is Dom feeling better?" she asked curiously. She let out a laugh and nodded, raising an eyebrow for a moment. "Mm, you should have. But I'll forgive you," she teased. "You look very dashing," she added. "Are you working all night? If you are, you should get me a drink, bartender," she said with a sweet smile, batting her lashes at him.

Nikolai laughed at that, shaking his head. "You're not wrong," he teased back. He thought it was nice that she didn't seem to be too bothered by him being so distant lately. He really hadn't meant for it to happen. "He is. He's out of the hospital. I just felt bad asking him to come back right off the bat. Thought I'd give him a few days," he shrugged a bit. "Very thoughtful of you to forgive me," he grinned. "Thank you. I'm not working all night, hopefully, but I will gladly get you a drink. What would you like? Juice box?" he teased, getting one and placing it on the bar.

Anastasia chuckled a bit, pleased that he humored her. She nodded along when he spoke about his brother. She was glad to hear he was feeling better. She wasn't entirely clear on what had happened, but she knew being in the hospital sucked. "That's good! Kind of you to give him some time, though. What a nice boss you are," she grinned. She shrugged casually. "I do my best," she teased. She nodded, glad to hear she'd get some time with him later. "Do you have to ask?" she teased. "Also a shot of tequila," she added.

Nikolai let out a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, it's more of a he's my older brother kind of a thing, but we'll go with nice boss," he teased. "He deserved some time off anyway." He smirked at her a bit, pushing the juice box closer. "Shot of tequila? Interesting," he grinned. He poured it for her and gave her everything necessary. "Have at it, love. I'll be right back," he grinned. He helped a few more people out before returning to her. "What have you been up to lately? Anything interesting?"

Anastasia scrunched up half her face. "Same thing," she said playfully. "It was nice of you regardless," she added, a bit less playful. She opened the juice box, taking a drink as she waited for him to get the tequila. "Oh yeah? A shot of tequila can be good," she teased. She took the shot while he was gone, going back to sipping at her juice box. "Mm, nothing particularly interesting. Just the same as usual. Oh, though I have started training my cat to shake."

Nikolai laughed at that. It definitely was not the same thing but he'd go with it since she was so damn cute. "Well, I try. If I'm nice, the employees are happy and if they're happy, they're nice and if they're nice, the customer is happy and so on and so forth," he grinned. "It was just an unexpected choice, though, I suppose I should expect that with you," he laughed. He nodded slightly as she spoke before laughing again. "Sorry, what? You're teaching her to shake?"

Anastasia nodded along. She was pretty sure it was like that with most jobs. "More money for you," she said, rubbing her fingers together. She laughed a little and shrugged. "It's a good choice," she teased. She sipped on her juice, laughing at his confusion. "You know, shake paws. Like you would with a dog," she added. "I watched a YouTube video, and this guy made it looks so easy. It was so cute, too. I was like alright, alright, Gin can do it if they can."

Nikolai grinned when she got it. "Exactly. More money means, well, I can hire more help or give out more vacations. Maybe even take a vacation, who knows?" he teased. "It is a good choice." He laughed when she explained, shaking his head. "No, I mean, I get that. I just... I don't think cats share that kind of temperament that dogs do. Shaking paws seems beneath them," he laughed, leaning on the bar. "Did she do it?"

Anastasia raised an eyebrow when he suggested taking a vacation himself. "Woah, you leaving the bar for more than a few days?" she teased. She figured he'd have to take a vacation one day. She laughed when he said it seemed beneath them. "I can't argue with you there. She definitely isn't wild about me touching her paws ever," she laughed. "Not yet, but we're making progress. She nipped at my hand the first time, and now she just pulls her paw back."

Nikolai laughed a bit. "I know. I think I'd start to have withdrawals," he teased. "I reckon the whole place would start to fall apart without me," he added with a grin. He shook his head as she went on, amused that she was still trying to convince her cat to do something like that. "She's going to end up batting you in the face with her paw," he teased. "I've had that happen plenty of times."

Anastasia chuckled and nodded, taking a sip from her juice. "It'd be hard to get your fix when it's fallen all apart. You'd have to build it up from rubble," she teased. She smiled at how amused he was by her adventures. "I probably will, in fact, get batted in the face. And I will have it coming. But one day you're going to see me ask for her paw and she's gonna give it to me. Just you wait," she said playfully.

Nikolai leaned a bit closer to her over the bar. "Exactly. What would I do with myself? I'd be an annoying mess. You wouldn't even want to hang out with me," he teased. He shook his head, letting out a laugh. "You are something else, Anastasia. You're going to have battle scars from this adventure," he teased. "Yeah, sure. If you say so," he laughed. "Or maybe I'll come over and you'll ask for it and I'll see her bat you in the face."

Anastasia laughed when he suggested she wouldn't hang out with him. "Oh yeah. What's a man without his bar?" she teased. She shrugged casually, smiling still. "Maybe. But it'll be worth it," she grinned. She laughed, shaking her head. "Have a little more faith in me, Nikolai," she teased. She took a drink from her juice box, finishing it and shaking it to make sure it was empty. "It's all gone. Sad. I'll just take a glass of wine now," she smiled.

Nikolai made a face. "I'm afraid he's absolutely nothing at all," he said solemnly before letting out a chuckle. He rolled his eyes with a laugh. "Will it, though? One party trick is worth all the battle wounds from it?" he teased. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry. You can definitely do this," he grinned. He watched her shake the juice box, smiling fondly. "You know, I have more juice boxes," he laughed, even as he reached for a wine glass. "What kind of wine would you like, love?"

Anastasia snorted a little, shaking her head. He was hilarious. Few people could keep up with her like he could. "What a pity," she teased. She nodded seriously. "Uh huh. I have it all planned out. Don't you worry," she teased. "And I already have a real party trick. I'll have to show you sometime," she smirked. She rolled her eyes playfully. "Thanks, now," she teased, pretending to sound exasperated. She shook her head. "Juice boxes only come in packages of like eight. If I drink them all right now, I won't have any next time," she grinned. "Whatever rosé you have on hand."

Nikolai chuckled quietly. "Lucky for me, the bar is still standing. And you're sitting in front of me," he grinned. He laughed again, shaking his head. "I'm sure you do," he teased back. "Oh, do you now? What is it? I bet it isn't better than mine," he smirked back. He raised an eyebrow slightly, giving her an incredulous look. "Do you really think that I just ordered an eight pack of juice boxes? I run a bar. We can't just order things in that size," he laughed, shaking his head. He poured a glass of rosé for her, picking the one that he knew Simone favored. He had a feeling that if she liked it, Ana would. "Here you go. Tell me if you like it."

Anastasia wiped her forehead and sighed. "I'm relieved," she grinned. She nodded, leaning forward a bit. "I can do magic," she grinned, nodding a little. "I'll show you sometime. Don't worry," she smiled. She laughed and shrugged a shoulder. "I don't know! You didn't have any until I asked for them," she laughed. "Who else here orders juice boxes, hm?" she teased. She nodded, picking the glass up and taking a small sip. She hummed quietly and nodded. "Mm, very good."

Nikolai stopped for a moment, looking at her. His heart hammered against his chest. "You can--what?" he asked, trying to play it cool. He wasn't sure what she was playing at, mentioning magic so casually in a muggle bar. Had he been wrong all this time? "I had to order a case of them!" he laughed. "No one orders them but you. No one else even knows about them," he teased. He nodded when she said she liked the wine. "I thought you might like that one. It's the one Simone orders."

Anastasia laughed a little at his reaction. He was so surprised, it was amusing. "Would you like me to show you? I need someone's help," she told him. She raised an eyebrow and let out a small laugh. "Why did you order so many?" she asked. "Especially if you didn't tell people!" she added, laughing more. She had to admit, she liked being the only reason he had them, but she thought it was funny. "Simone is one of your friends, yes?" she asked, making sure she remembered right.

Nikolai didn't know how he was supposed to respond to that. Did he say yes? They were surrounded by muggles. He still was confused as to if she was one or not. "I. I suppose, if you want to," he said. He managed a shrug. "I didn't know how big the case was when I ordered it. And you're the one who told me I couldn't give them to anyone but you," he reminded her. "She is. She's the doctor," he nodded. "One of the French twins."

Anastasia nodded a bit, standing up and finding someone who looked nice. She talked to them for a moment, smiling when they agreed to help her. "Okay, I'm going to go over there and close my eyes, and you're going to pick an item in the room by telling my new friend Alana. Then, I'm going to come back, and I'm going to tell you what you picked," she grinned. She stepped aside, closing her eyes and waiting for Alana to come tap on her shoulder.

Nikolai had absolutely no idea what was going on. What kind of magic was that? He was beyond confused and his head was starting to ache a bit. He wished Dom was here to explain things. "Uh. Alright," he said. He glanced around a bit, trying to think of something. He wasn't sure that this Alana wouldn't just tell Ana what he'd picked but that didn't make sense either. "I guess... that guy's hat," he decided, nodding to someone down the bar.

Anastasia turned back when Alana tapped her shoulder. She walked over, waiting as Alana started talking about things. "Did Nikolai pick this barstool?" Alana asked. Ana shook her head, "No." Alana pointed to the glass holding someone's shot. "Did he pick that girl's shot glass?" Ana shook her head. "Did he pick that guy's hat?" she asked. Ana smiled and nodded. "Yes. Yes he did," she said.

Nikolai narrowed his eyes a bit when the two women returned and continued on with this magic. He had absolutely no idea what was going on. What kind of spell could this be? Was she trying to say she read minds? He had absolutely no idea. Once she said yes to the hat, he leaned against the bar, frowning slightly. "Right. What exactly is going on? How did you do that?" he asked.

Anastasia smiled widely at Nikolai. He was so amusing. She walked over and leaned on the bar, taking a sip of her wine. "A magician never reveals her secret, silly," she grinned. "It's just a silly game. My brother does it with kids. They think it's hilariously fascinating. A lot less frowning from them than I'm getting from you right now," she said with a smile.

Nikolai wished he could just go and ask Dominic what any of this meant. He'd have the answers and he wouldn't be all cryptic with them. "I'm just a bit confused, is all," he admitted. "It's a very fancy party trick, I promise, love," he said, smiling at her. "Ah, so your brother knows magic too?" he asked conversationally. He didn't really think any of this was magic but then again, he was really, very confused.

Anastasia wondered if no one had ever shown him a magic trick. "That's the point," she laughed a little. She nodded, but shrugged a shoulder, sitting back in her spot. She thanked Alana who was sitting a few seats down. "I mean, not really. It's not really magic, you know. You do know that, right?" she said, smiling a little. "It's just like, a trick of the mind," she explained.

Nikolai laughed a little bit, nodding slightly. "Right," he said. He poured a drink for the Alana girl, giving her a refill of the one she had on the house. "I know it's not really magic," he laughed. He was pretty sure that was no spell and she clearly wasn't a legilimens. If she was then everything about this would be a lot easier. "If you say so, love. I still think my party trick is better," he teased, trying to change the subject.

Anastasia let out a small breath she didn't realize she'd been holding in. He'd had such an odd reaction, she was pretty sure he thought she was, in fact, performing real magic. "Oh, okay, good," she laughed. She shook her head a bit, shaking it off, and took a sip of her wine. "Oh yeah? What's your party trick, hot shot?" she teased, taking another drink from her wine.

Nikolai shook his head, letting out a chuckle. "I know you don't know real magic," he teased her. He was pretty sure she didn't, at least. He shrugged a bit, a smile touching his lips. "I'd show you but unfortunately, this isn't a party and I'm on the clock. You'll just have to wait and see," he told her, the smile turning into a grin. "Maybe next time."

Anastasia nearly added that magic, of course, wasn't real, but she didn't think it was necessary. She let out a laugh when he said she'd have to wait, scoffing a little. "And to think I have up my trick for nothing," she teased. She took a drink from her wine, setting it down again. "When do you get off the clock again? Not for the party trick."

Nikolai shrugged slightly, his grin turning into a smirk. "Well, you know, you should have thought about that before trying to show off," he teased. "Silly Ana," he grinned. He looked at the watch he kept on his wrist, checking the time. "Not too long from now. About half an hour, actually," he told her. "Why? Did you have something in mind that you wanted to do?" he asked.

Anastasia snapped her fingers, letting out a disappointed sigh. "Damn. My loss," she teased. She watched as he looked at his watch, nodding a little. "Oh, that's good," she smiled. She shrugged a shoulder, shaking her head a little. "Nothing in particular. Although, there is a park nearby that I really like. I know it's late and parks are for kids, but you're never too old to swing."

Nikolai chuckled at her. "You'll get to see it eventually. Just stick around enough and I'll show off all of my tricks," he teased. He nodded a bit, pouring a drink for the person next to her. "Oh? The park?" he grinned. "The park is not just for kids. Who told you that load of rubbish?" he laughed. "I'd love to go to the park with you," he said with another smile. "Can I top off your wine for you?" he offered, reaching for the bottle.

Anastasia didn't actually have any intentions of going anywhere. She really liked Nikolai, and she thought they had good chemistry. Plus he was cute as fuck. "I'll hold you to that," she said with a smirk. She laughed when he said it was rubbish, shrugging. "My dad says the playground isn't really intended for adults, and I should be walking around if I'm going to the park," she said, mocking his voice. "Good. We can swing together," she grinned. "Please," she said, holding the glass out for him.

Nikolai wondered if there would come a day where he could show her real magic. He was still confused by everything she'd said about magic, honestly, but if she was just a clueless muggle, he wanted to see her reaction to an actual spell. He hoped that she'd handle it well, honestly. He let out a laugh when she imitated her father's voice. "Well, lucky for us, your dad isn't here. Besides, if the playground equipment wasn't intended for adults, why did they build it big enough for us to comfortably use it?" he asked with a grin. He topped off her glass and then put the bottle back. "I'm glad you said swing together instead of just asking me to push you," he teased.

Anastasia grinned. She liked his way of thinking. She liked it a lot. "You have a point," she grinned. "I can't wait," she said honestly. She took a drink from her glass, swirling it around a bit before putting it down. "I'm a big girl, I can pump my legs like everyone else," she teased. "What fun would it be if you were just pushing me?" she said with a laugh.

Nikolai grinned right back at her. "I usually do," he teased. "It'll be a fun time. I actually haven't be on the swings in quite a while," he admitted. He checked his watch, making a thoughtful sound. "I would assume you can with legs like yours," he teased with a chuckle. "I don't know. Some people just like to be pushed on the swing," he shrugged. "I'm going to just end my shift now. I think the others can do without me," he decided. "Let's go swing, love."

Anastasia rolled her eyes playfully at him. She thought for a moment and shrugged. "I haven't in a while either, though sometime tells me I've been on swings more recently than you," she teased. She just suspected he was far too busy, honestly. She smirked a little and nodded. "You'd be amazed at the things I can do with these legs," she admitted. She made a face and shook her head. That wasn't fun. She grinned, perking up a bit when he said he was going to leave. She finished off her glass, setting it down and standing up. "Let's go!"

Nikolai let out a laugh. "I can guarantee that you've been on the swings more recently than me," he chuckled. "I can't even remember when I was last on them," he admitted after a moment with another little grin. He shook his head fondly. "I don't doubt that at all," he smirked. He chuckled at how she'd perked up and walked around the bar to meet her. "Come on, love," he said, offering her a hand.

Anastasia laughed and shrugged a shoulder. "I'm not at all surprised," she grinned. She was an adventurous person, and she likely had more spare time than him. "Shame. At least now you'll be able to say when you last were," she said. She smirked a bit, but didn't say anything else. He'd see one day. She reached out and took his hand, pulling him towards the door. "You're good with walking, yes?"

Nikolai shook his head with a smile. He really enjoyed being around her. She was refreshing and interesting and she made him laugh. He couldn't wait to introduce her to his friends. "That's very true. And my memory of going will always have you in it," he grinned. He smiled when she took his hand. "Of course I am. It's cheaper than calling a cab," he teased as he squeezed her hand.

Anastasia smirked a bit and nodded, glancing over at him. "Exactly. And any memory with me in it is a good one," she teased. She laughed, shaking her head. As if she was gonna make him pay for a cab ride. She was content walking, though, so it wasn't a big deal. She swung his hand with hers a little as they walked, not rushing or strolling. "When does your brother get back to work then?"

Nikolai grinned at that. Of course it would be. "You're very right about that," he chuckled. "I think even a memory of a bad night would made good just if you were involved," he smirked. He thought for a minute about the question. He hadn't given Dominic an exact date but he'd probably ask him to come back in a few days. "Not sure. I'm gonna go to his place tomorrow and see how he's doing and if he looks good then I'll ask him to come back in a day or two."

Anastasia shrugged a shoulder casually. "I do have a tendency to lighten dark moods," she said with a grin. He was a good brother, she thought. It was nice. She had a great relationship with her brother, and it really meant a lot to her that he had a solid relationship with his siblings. "That's so kind of you. I'm sure he's going to like having you there, especially if he needs you to make food for him or something," she grinned.

Nikolai laughed quietly. "You certainly do," he teased. He shrugged a bit, thinking. He didn't think it was that kind of him to go check on Dom. They had their differences just like any siblings but that didn't mean he didn't love him. "I think he'll enjoy it. I'm not so sure I'll have to make him food but you know, that's a good idea. I know he got tired of the hospital food after a while," he laughed.

Anastasia gave him a look, shaking her head. "You're telling me you're gonna go to your injured brother's apartment and not cook him something while you're there? Maybe you're not as kind as I thought," she teased. "I would at least bring cookies or something," she said, shrugging shoulder. "I'm sure he'll be content just to have your company, honestly," she said with a genuine grin.

Nikolai laughed a little bit. "I'm going to cook! Or I'll bring him food from the bar. We'll see. I will feed my idiot brother," he chuckled. "He'll appreciate the gesture.' He thought for a moment before nodding. "I can bring cookies too. I'll stop by mum's bakery and get his favorites." He smiled down at her, finding that sweet. "He would be. He's a good man. He'd be alright with just hanging out I'm sure."

Anastasia made a face and moved her head back and forth, sort of mocking him playfully. "Mm, sure, now that I called you out you're gonna," she said, shaking her head. "Oh bar food, that's delicious and homemade," she teased. She laughed and nodded. "I'm sure he will appreciate it," she said honestly. "Oh, see now you sound sweet," she teased. She nodded. She wasn't at all surprised that he'd be alright with just hanging out. "I mean, he's your brother. I'm not surprised he's a good man."

Nikolai grinned with a shrug. "Hey now. I'm still doing it," he teased. "That's what counts." He let out a chuckle. "You know, I did come up with the recipes for all of the bar food," he chuckled. "It's essentially homemade in that sense." He thought it'd be nice to do a few things for Dominic. After all, he had been helping him a lot with Anastasia things. "I'm not trying to sound sweet," he teased. He smiled a bit, pleased at how she thought. "He's a better man than me, that's for sure. Don't tell him I said that."

Anastasia smiled, trying to hold it in a bit. "Sure. He'll never know that you were gonna scoot out on him without feeding him," she teased. She tilted her head a bit, genuinely impressed. "Oh really? That's pretty cool, actually. Really interesting. But it still doesn't count for your brother," she teased. She nudged him their hands. "Well you do, so tough," she teased. She laughed a little, shrugging a shoulder. "I believe you," she teased. "I won't tell, though."

Nikolai laughed at that. "I wasn't planning on doing that! I just said I wasn't sure he'd ask me to. I'm a nice guy," he laughed again. "I did. I pride myself on the food of the bar. I'm a very good cook. My mother taught me," he said with a smile. "Fine, fine. I'll take the food from the bar and cook it at his place. Better?" he asked, shaking his head. "I'm not sweet," he laughed. "Come off it. Hey, there's the park."

Anastasia believed him. She just liked giving him a hard time. "I have no doubts about you being a nice guy. It's the other part I'm not so sure about," she teased. She thought that was pretty cool. He had quite a nice menu, and to know he came up with it all was intriguing. "Color me impressed," she said playfully. "Your food has been good from what I've tried," she grinned. She laughed and nodded. "Yes, better," she agreed. She shrugged, smirking at him. "I don't know. You've been pretty damn sweet when I've kissed you. Practically dripping with sugar," she teased. She laughed, nudging him before running to the swings.

Nikolai chuckled to himself. "Oh, I'm sure. Now you're just backtracking so you don't hurt my feelings. I know exactly what you're doing and I must say, I'm not please," he teased. His smile widened when she said she was impressed and he shrugged it off a bit, though he was quite proud. "Well, my mum taught me how to cook," he explained. "So, it's all because of her." He laughed loudly and shook his head. "I think you're confusing me with another bartender. There's nothing sweet about me, love." He chuckled again, following her to the swings.

Anastasia laughed loudly at that and shook her head. "Did I not just tell you you were sweet? And you think I don't think you're a nice guy? You're ridiculous, Nikolai," she laughed. She grinned a little bit, giving him a look. "You're just a nice, sweet, momma's boy, huh?" she teased. "Your mum must be quite talented," she added. She rolled her eyes playfully. "Seeing as you're the only bartender I've been kissing, I'd have to say I do not have you confused for anyone," she teased.

Nikolai shook his head with a grin. "Maybe I am but I made you laugh, didn't I? I quite like the sound of that," he winked. He shrugged a bit and laughed it off. "I'm the youngest and the favorite, so yes, I might be a bit of a momma's boy," he teased. "But my siblings were off to school first and so she spoiled me. And she taught me to cook. I can't bake like her, though," he admitted. He chuckled a bit, walking around the swing after she sat in it and giving her a little push.

Anastasia smiled a bit, biting the inside of her lip. "Excuses, excuses," she teased. "Momma's boys are the best. And so are the youngest," she grinned. She had been too much of a handful to be the favorite, she was pretty sure, but she was fine with that. "Which is why we need to go to her bakery," she grinned. She turned a bit to look at him when he pushed her. "Hey, knock it off. Get on the swing next to me," she said, reaching out and grabbing the chain and letting it go again.

Nikolai chuckled quietly. "If you say so," he teased. "It's much better to be the youngest. You get away with a lot more. I did, at least," he laughed. He'd been a bit of trouble growing up, he was certain of it. "We'll go to the bakery, I promise," he laughed. "I think you're more excited to meet my mum than you are to hang out with me," he teased. He rolled his eyes when she stopped him and stepped back. "Look what chivalry does. Rejection is what I get," he teased. He walked around and sat down in the other swing, moving it gently. He focused a bit on her swing, making it move a bit easier. "So much for being nice," he chuckled.

Anastasia had to admit she'd gotten away with quite a bit of troublemaking herself. Something told her that she got away with things for different reasons than Nik had though. "I get away with everything," she teased. She looked forward to going to the bakery. "No, I'm more excited to eat her sweets than I am to hang out with you," she teased. "I told you I wasn't going to make you push me, and I wasn't kidding. Swing with me," she said playfully, smiling over at him. She frowned a little as her swing continued to move as if he was pushing her a little, glancing over at him. He was definitely sitting and swinging. She moved her legs a bit more, glancing behind her subtly. It must be in her head, she decided. She shook her head, turning to smile at him. "Aren't you having fun?"

Nikolai laughed at that, shaking his head. "Somehow I don't doubt that at all. You seem the type, which I like, because I'm the same way," he grinned. He really found her fascinating and he wanted to spend more time with her. She was like no one he'd ever known. "Oh, of course. Sweets over me. Though, didn't you tell me I was sweet as well?" he teased. He chuckled a bit, shaking his head. "I just thought I'd give you a bit of a push to get you started. That way, maybe you'd be able to swing as high as me," he grinned. He started swinging a bit more when he noticed how easily her swing was moving. That was only a bit of magic, he thought, so he didn't think it was really breaking the law all that much. "I am. This is nice. A bit nostalgic."

Anastasia smirked a little, nodding a bit. "We'll get away with things together, how about that?" she teased. She thought that over, laughing a little. "I did say that, didn't I? I guess I'll just have to take the both of you, then, hm?" she grinned over at him. She laughed and shook her head, pumping her legs faster. "Like I need your push. My legs are incredible, remember?" she teased. She reached a leg out and kicked the pole next to her gently, bumping into Nikolai as they continued swinging. "It is nostalgic. I'm having lots of fun," she admitted.

Nikolai thought that sounded like an adventure to him. He figured they could get up to all sorts of trouble. He couldn't wait. "I like the sound of that," he grinned. He chuckled quietly. "I guess you will. Such a burden, isn't it?" he teased, kicking his legs a bit harder. He shrugged slightly. "They are pretty incredible," he agreed. "But I still bet I could swing higher. And jump farther off, if we were to try it," he teased. He grinned when she bumped into him, kicking the pole to do the same to her. "I am too. I really missed swinging, I've just realized," he laughed.

Anastasia grinned and nodded. "I like the sound of it, too," she agreed. They could have a lot of fun together, she was pretty sure. She let out an exaggerated sigh and nodded. "Such a burden," she agreed. She scoffed, laughing afterward. "I can swing higher and jump farther than you," she said, kicking her heels off as she pumped her legs so she wouldn't fall when she jumped. She kept swinging, really putting a lot of effort into it, but laughed when he bumped into her. "Swinging is a lot of fun. Who wouldn't miss it?" she teased.

Nikolai smiled to himself when she agreed. He couldn't wait to see where this thing could go. He let out a laugh at her sigh. "How will you ever put up with me?" he teased. He shook his head a bit and chuckled. "We'll see about that. I'm pretty sure I have a good chance at beating you," he told her with a grin. He wasn't entirely confident about it but he would do his best. He laughed when he saw how hard she was working at swinging, shaking his head. "Boring people, most likely. I could think of a few," he chuckled.

Anastasia shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I have no idea!" she said exasperated, but let out a laugh she hadn't been able to hold on. She made a face, shaking her head again. "You fucking wish," she teased. She grinned when he laughed, pumping her legs still. "Let me know when you're ready to jump," she said. She shrugged a shoulder. "I don't talk to boring people," she teased, her voice playful.

Nikolai liked the way her laugh sounded when she'd been trying to suppress it. She just kept getting cuter and cuter by the minute. "I hope you figure something out," he teased. He rolled his eyes playfully, considering using magic to give himself a little extra boost. He decided against it, in the end. "Let me get a little more momentum," he chuckled, kicking harder. "I know a handful of them." He waited a moment before nodding. "On three, we jump. One, two... three!" he chanted, launching himself off the swing.

Anastasia laughed again and nodded. She nodded, still swinging to make sure she didn't lose momentum while he caught up. "Shame on you. You're better than knowing boring people," she teased. She nodded, getting lined up with him. When he shouted three, she jumped, landing carefully and standing up straight after a moment. "Ha! I told you I could go farther than you," she grinned, turning around and doing a little dance. She walked over to him, he wasn't really all that much behind her, and put both hands on her face, kissing him hard on the lips. "You did a good job, though," she said playfully.

Nikolai landed just a bit short of her after the jump. He stumbled slightly, nearly losing his footing but luckily caught himself before he embarrassed himself by tumbling. He let out an exaggerated sigh and hung his head for the briefest of moments but looked up in time to see her doing a dance. He chuckled to himself but then she was in front of him and kissing him and the sounded faded easily. When she pulled back, he smiled, brushing a thumb across her cheek. "I tried my best, that's what counts," he teased, kissing her again.

Anastasia smiled fondly when he laughed, the fondness spreading over her face when he brushed his thumb against her skin. "Definitely what counts," she agreed, leaning in and kissing him back. She moved her hand to the back of his neck, pulling him in a bit and kissing him harder. She bit his bottom lip softly, pulling away slowly. "Hm, yes. I was right. Incredibly sugary sweet," she smiled.

Nikolai noticed the way her features had softened and he rubbed his thumb over her skin again. "I'm glad that you agree," he smiled. He kissed her again, softly at first. But then she was kissing him harder and he was returning it. He was a little bit surprised when she pulled away and hummed thoughtfully, blinking once. And then he laughed. "Still stuck on that are we?" he teased, kissing her again.

Anastasia felt all warm and soft inside. She found that he made her feel both warm and soft, and full of electricity and fire. She loved it. "Of course," she mumbled. She smiled at the sound of his hum, nudging him gently but holding him close still. "Only until you admit you're sweet as pie," she grinned, kissing him back. She liked kissing him. She pulled away from him slowly, going to the playground and the slide. "I can't believe you're spending you're free time with me at the park. I love it."

Nikolai chuckled a little and shook his head. "I will never admit to that," he told her. "I am not that sweet. I still think you're confused," he teased. He kissed her a few more times, softly, before letting her pull away from him. He glanced back at the swings, noticing hers was still moving a bit too much and he slowed it down and followed her. "What can't you believe about it? I'm a fun person," he teased. "You should know that by now."

Anastasia rolled her eyes playfully, reaching out and patting his cheek. "You're the sweetest. And for some reason you feel the need to deny your sweetness, which makes you all the cuter," she said with a grin. She shrugged a shoulder as she climbed up, getting situation at the top of the slide. "It's just so ridiculous. It just seems too hilarious and childish. Which is why I love it so much," she said with a laugh. "Oh, I know you're fun. Don't worry."

Nikolai narrowed his eyes slight but he let out a chuckle despite himself. He shook his head. "You are ridiculous. You're the sweet one here. Full of compliments," he teased her. He followed behind her, watching her climb up the slide. He walked to the end of it, waiting for her to come down so he could kiss her again. "I enjoy doing childish things from time to time," he teased. "You can ask anyone that knows me." He smiled up at her, shaking his head fondly. "Come on down, love."

Anastasia shrugged a bit at that. She didn't think she was ridiculous or particularly sweet. He was ridiculously sweet though. "You're silly, just copying my compliments," she teased. "That doesn't get to count," she added, laughing a little. She nodded, smiling down at him. "I'll take your word this time," she teased. She thought that made sense. He seemed the fun type, honestly. And fun people did childish things from time to time. She pushed forward a bit, sliding down. "My legs are too long for this," she laughed, reaching the bottom rather quick.

Nikolai rolled his eyes a bit. "I wouldn't have to copy your compliments if you didn't keep giving me ones meant for you," he teased. "If you say so," he chuckled. He watched her come down the slide and laughed, leaning down to press his lips against hers when she reached the bottom. He straightened back up with a grin and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet. "Maybe so, but you look pretty damn cute," he told her, kissing her again. "Let's look around a bit more. Maybe they have monkey bars. They'll probably be too low for you but I bet I can cross them," he teased.

Anastasia snorted at that, shaking her head. She shoved him gently. "Stop it, ass," she said playfully. "Stop trying to give me your compliments," she laughed. She leaned in, kissing him back, and smiling when she pulled back. "Mm, thank you," she grinned, standing up with his help and kissing him back. She nodded, walking with him around the playground. "You're maybe an inch or two shorter than me," she laughed. "We'll see."

Nikolai laughed when she shoved him, catching her hands. "That's not very nice, Anastasia," he chastised playfully before letting go. "I'm not very original. You'll have to deal with that," he joked. He smiled at her as they walked, shrugging a bit. "I like that you're taller than me. It means you can reach for things for me," he teased, nudging her side. "Ah! There they are," he grinned, jogging over to them. He jumped up, catching onto them and started his way across. "These were always my favorite."

Anastasia laughed a bit when Nikolai caught her hands. "See, I'm not very nice," she teased, nudging him gently when he left go. "Stop trying to give me compliments!" she laughed. She laughed a bit, shaking her head, but she was glad he didn't have some kind of masculinity issue with their height difference. "I guess if you ask nicely I can manage that," she teased. She ran after him, grabbing onto the bar even though her feet were still on the ground. "I used to hang upside on them. Actually, I probably still can."

Nikolai grinned when she laughed. A moment later, he was joining in. "You got me there," he teased her back. "Fine! No more compliments for you! Ever!" he joked, his tone heavy with faux exasperation. "I'll just start calling you names," he teased. "I'll ask you very nicely. I'll say, 'Ana, darling, can you grab me that jar off the top shelf?' And you'll say 'oh, of course Nik, my love' and we'll live happily ever after," he teased. He dropped down at the end of the monkey bars, landing softly on his feet. "Go for it. I'd love to see that," he teased.

Anastasia smirked and winked at him. "Aha, you admit I'm right," she grinned. She laughed a little and shook her head. "I definitely can't do that. I thrive off of people saying sweet things to me. Just no more compliments right now," she teased. She smiled fondly at his story, laughing quietly. "I guess if you're gonna call me darling," she trailed off, grinning over at him. She watched him finish the monkey bars, applauding when he reached the end. "I'm sure you would," she teased. She grabbed one of the bars, lifting her body up with her arms and getting her legs around the bar. Once she was secure, she let go, letting her torso hang. "Ta-da."

Nikolai rolled his eyes playfully. "You're a very difficult woman, Anastasia," he teased. He shook his head in fondness and amusement. "If you say so," he teased. "I'll compliment you later. Or tomorrow," he winked. She made him smile. He felt like whenever he was around her he was surrounded by pure joy. She just gave off so much happiness, it was almost too much. "I'll call you darling if you like it." He walked back under the monkey bars as she started to flip herself upside down. His eyebrows went up a bit and he smirked slightly. "Very impressive. Sexy, too," he grinned playfully. "I don't think I could do that."

Anastasia reached over and patted his cheek lightly. "That makes me all the more worth it in the end," she grinned. She nodded a bit. She needed people to like her. She just also needed people to listen to her. "Later probably works," she said playfully. She quite liked him calling her darling, actually. She was rather convinced that she'd do anything he asked, though, regardless of if he called her darling or not. Not that she'd let him know just yet. "I do like it," she smiled. She smirked at his smirk. "Thanks. I'm actually surprised I can still do it as easily as before," she said with a small laugh. "You maybe would surprise yourself," she said honestly. "Okay, my blood is rushing to my head now, so I'm gonna flip back," she said, reaching up and grabbing the bar, moving back to her feet carefully.

Nikolai thought she was awfully cute telling him she needed the compliments to return later on. He thought it was even cuter that she thrived off of sweet things from others. Maybe he just thought she was precious. He wasn't sure. "I'll compliment you when you least expect it," he teased. He smiled to himself and nodded once, making a note to call her darling at every opportunity. "I'm not surprised at all," he admitted. "I'm starting to think there's nothing you can't do," he told her. He laughed as she flipped back upright and then clapped politely. "Very impressive. Consider me hooked on you, darling."

Anastasia grinned and winked at him. "Perfect," she said, the smile still on her lips. Boy, she really liked him. She liked him a lot. Once she was on her feet again, she laughed a little. "You're not entirely wrong," she teased. She was pretty sure she could do anything she set her mind to, honestly. She bowed a little when he clapped. She smiled when he called her darling and said he was hooked on her, leaning in and kissing him again. She pulled back a little, laughing against his lips softly. "I like you an awful lot, Nik," she smiled, kissing him again before pulling back.

Nikolai looked her over with a sense of wonder. She was incredibly stunning, not only in looks but in personality too. Everything about her just drew him in. "I can say with completely certainty that I have never met anyone like you before," he told her, even as she teased him. He smiled softly when she leaned in and kissed him, moving his hands to her hips to pull her closer. "Do you?" he asked with a grin when she pulled away. "Guess what, darling. I like you an awful lot too," he whispered, kissing her a bit harder.

Anastasia smiled ever so slightly as he said she was unlike anyone he'd ever met. She moved her hair behind her and smirked a little. "I am one of a kind," she said playfully. She liked how highly he thought of her. She leaned into his touch, smiling a little. "Mm, I do," she said honestly. She smiled again when he both said he liked her and called her darling. Oh, she was getting in way too deep with this one. She moved her hands to his face, kissing him back fervor.

Nikolai didn't doubt that for a moment. He had met a lot of people in his life, both magical and muggle, and none had been remotely like her. She was like a rare gem, one people would never let go of once they had. "You are. You're like magic," he grinned. He held her a bit closer to him when she leaned. He was so gone for her. He nipped at her lip, flicking his tongue out to meet her skin. One of his hands slid from her hip to her lower back, holding her close.

Anastasia thought he was pretty good at the whole compliments when you least expect it thing. He was doing a good job. She loved it. He was so kind and fun and interesting. She just really enjoyed him. She kissed him back, moving one hand to the back of his neck. She let out a small whimper against his lips. Her tongue flicked out against his, breathing him in slightly.

Nikolai hadn't been expecting to hear a whimper but when he did, his hands tightened around her. The sound was beautiful, just as beautiful as she was. He let his tongue move against her, his fingers splaying out against her back as he pressed her body against his. He wished they weren't at the park and were instead somewhere more private but he figured this was for the best. He bit her lip again, tugging it lightly between his teeth before flicking his tongue against it.

Anastasia liked the feel of his hands on her body, his squeeze causing her to press her hips into him a bit. The taste of his lips, the feeling of his hand on her back, his warmth radiating through her. It was all sort of overwhelming and in the best possible way. She kissed him harder, her hand moving through his hair, tugging on the strands lightly. She pulled away after a moment, kissing his face for a moment, catching her breath. "You're intoxicating," she spoke against his skin. She pulled away from reluctantly, taking his hand instead. "Let's walk more."

Nikolai liked it an awful lot when she tugged on his hair. It sent waves through him. She was somehow managing to pull him apart at the seams in the best possible way. He sighed out a breath when she broke the kiss to press her lips to his face. "Fitting, since I sell alcohol," he joked, his breath a little heavy from the kissing. He let her go from his arms and linked their fingers. "Walking sounds lovely," he agreed with a smile. "We should definitely come back to this park," he decided.

Anastasia let out a small, airy laugh at his bad joke. She pushed him lightly, shaking her head. "That was terrible," she teased. She took his hand happily, letting her fingers move with his easily. "I'd like to come back. I like this park. It's probably warmer during the day, but I think we'd get looks for hogging the swings during the day," she said lightly.

Nikolai grinned at the sound of her laugh. "It made you laugh which was the point," he teased, squeezing her hand. He walked along with her, tugging her slightly closer to him. "I'm sure it is. The children definitely wouldn't like us though," he laughed. "Are you cold?" he asked after a moment, slowing his walk down as he waited for an answer. He could give her his jacket and do a spell on himself.

Anastasia rolled her eyes fondly at him. He was ridiculous and she loved it. "Good job," she teased back. She moved so her arm was more intertwined with his, holding him close. "They'd boo at us," she laughed quietly. She shrugged a shoulder. "Only a little," she said honestly. It wasn't terribly cold out, but it was a bit chilly. She slowed down a bit when he did. "If you want to give me your jacket, I won't say no," she said playfully.

Nikolai smirked a bit. "I'm very proud of myself," he teased. He smiled as she adjusted, finding her to be rather cute. "Ha. I've had that experience before. I'm not a fan of being booed at. So rude. The swings aren't just for children," he chuckled. He stopped walking when she answered, letting go of her so he could shrug his coat off. "What kind of date would I bet if I didn't give you my coat?" he asked playfully, wrapping it around her shoulders. "I think it adds to your whole look."

Anastasia squeezed his hand gently. "As you should be," she teased back. She grinned a bit. She was pretty sure he hadn't had that experience any time recently, but she loved his sense of humor. "Exactly. They should make a park for adults and then we can swing without harassment," she laughed quietly. She let go of his hand, slipping into his coat easily. "One that wouldn't be getting a third date," she teased. "Kidding," she added. She spun around in his coat, posing for him. "Oh yeah? I quite like it myself," she grinned, reaching for his hand again.

Nikolai thought that actually would be rather smart. A park for adults. They'd never have to feel guilty about swinging when a child was waiting for a turn. "You know, that'd be a really great idea," he admitted. "I can think of a lot of people that would enjoy something like that." He laughed, rolling his eyes slightly. "Oh, well, luckily I know my manners. It's more important to keep you warm," he grinned. He cast a warming charm on himself, not at all bothered by the weather. "Gorgeous," he grinned. He held her hand tightly as they started to walk.

Anastasia thought that sounded great, too. She wasn't sure how it would work, though. It'd probably get some odd looks, really. "It'd be a blast. I would go," she said honestly. "I think plenty of people would. Why should all the fun be for children? Their lives are already easier," she laughed. She smiled a little at him, the smile a slight smirk. "Luckily," she teased. She took his hand, holding it tightly as they walked. "Thank you."

Nikolai hummed thoughtfully. He wished he could invent something like that but he figured most adults would need a bigger draw than just a park with no children. "Maybe we could put some swings in the bar," he joked, letting out a chuckle. "They do have rather easy lives," he agreed. He looked around as they walked. "You're welcome," he smiled. "Where would you like to go next, darling?"

Anastasia laughed loudly at that idea. She could picture the drunk patrons swinging to their heart's desire. It didn't seem like a good idea. "You should," she laughed again. She didn't know where she wanted to go, really. She was just enjoying his company. "I don't have anywhere in mind. I'm happy enough to just hold your hand and walk in the night a bit longer. Do you have anywhere you'd like to go?"

Nikolai had a feeling he might end up in a lot of trouble if he installed swings. Someone could fall and get seriously hurt. But... if Ana asked him to, he might consider it for real. "Maybe. We'll see," he chuckled. He smiled at her answer and nodded slightly. "I'm happy to do the same, actually. I can't think of anywhere I'd like to be. I just want to spend some more time with you," he promised, giving her hand a squeeze.

Anastasia didn't think it would happen, but she liked the way he pretended it was an actual option. He was cute. "Mm, how perfect is that, then?" she said with a slight smirk. She held his hand, walking slowly with him. "Tell me more about your siblings," she said softly, swinging their arms a bit as they walked. She was interested in knowing everything about him that he would tell her.

Nikolai grinned at her, shaking his head just a bit. "Not as perfect as you," he teased, giving her hand a playful squeeze. He let out a thoughtful hum at her question. "My siblings," he repeated. "I think they're a loss less cool than I am but I suppose that's subjective," he joked. "What do you want to know about them? Or, rather, who would you like to hear about first?" he amended with a smile.

Anastasia leaned into him a bit as they walked before straightening out. "You're right about that," she smiled. She laughed a bit at his colorful description. "Well, they already sound rather boring then," she teased. She hummed quietly for a moment, thinking it over. "Whichever you want to talk about first," she said honestly. "I want to know about both of them, ultimately."

Nikolai laughed rather loudly when she called them boring. She had a killer sense of humor, in his opinion. "They are. Terribly boring. Not worth any of your precious time," he teased. He thought as he walked, trying to figure out what to mention first. "Well," he began. "Dom is much more academic than Rosie and I. He's much smarter. He knows a lot more than I do about a lot of things,"" he chuckled. "He's the oldest, I probably mentioned that. Four years older than me, two older than Rosie. You know he works at the bar with me."

Anastasia let out a laugh, smiling widely at him. "Screw em both then," she teased. She grew more serious as he started talking about them, nodding along. "Sounds like a big brother," she said playfully. "Do you two get along well? I reckon you must if he works at your bar with you, but I don't think you've actually said," she asked curiously. She wanted to know everything about him.

Nikolai grinned at the sound of her laugh. Adorable. "Screw em," he agreed with a chuckle. He nodded slightly. "That's what he is," he smiled. "He fits a lot of the characteristics of a typical big brother, I think. Smart, a bit pretentious," he joked. "We do. I like to mess with him and he likes to mess with me but that's just family," he smiled. "We do get along rather well. He's been quite helpful lately. He's always very nice, too, which can sometimes get annoying but mostly is refreshing," he admitted with a shrug.

Anastasia smiled from ear to ear when he agreed with her. He was so easygoing and fun. She loved it. "Sounds kind of like my brother," she admitted, laughing a bit. "I don't think they can help but be smart and pretentious," she teased. She nodded, listening as he described their relationship. They sounded close, which was nice. "That's lovely, that you get along. Good that he's nice, even if it's a tad annoying," she said honestly.

Nikolai thought that was kind of cute. They had the same opinions of their brothers. He liked it. Maybe, he realized, he just liked her and everything that she said. He wouldn't doubt it, honestly. "They probably can't. They're smart and pretentious and we're younger and fun and maybe a bit annoying," he laughed. "But ultimately, we're our parents' favorites," he grinned. He nodded. "We do. He's easy to get along with. I don't think anyone dislikes Dom," he admitted. Plenty of people disliked him but he was okay with it. "Rosie isn't pretentious, though."

Anastasia laughed when he called them annoying. "I'm definitely annoying," she agreed, smiling at him. She really was glad they were close. "Even though he's pretentious?" she asked with a small smile. She nodded a little. "What's she like?" she asked curiously. She wondered if they would like her. Siblings were always tricky to win over, and she was admittedly a bit annoying. She hoped so, though.

Nikolai laughed with her. "Oh, trust me. I am as well. I'm really irritating when I find out a secret, too, but that doesn't stop them from telling me them," he grinned. "His pretentiousness is outweighed by how friendly and kind he is. People were quite bummed when he wasn't working because of his injury," he admitted. He titled his head to the side a bit. "She's a bit like you in a fearless kind of way. She's hardworking and dedicated."

Anastasia nudged him gently as they walked. "I don't find you irritating," she promised. "Siblings," she said lightly, shaking her head. She thought that made sense. He sounded like a wonderful guy. "Were they? How cute is that. I, personally, would have been happy to see you, but that's cute," she said honestly. She raised an eyebrow. She wouldn't have guessed his sister was similar to her at all, though she didn't know why. "She sounds great."

Nikolai smiled, tugging her closer. "I'm glad. You will. Eventually," he grinned. He nodded a bit. "Siblings," he repeated. He shook his head fondly. "Yes, but you haven't met Dominic yet. He's tall and polite and has a different kind of charm than I do," he laughed. "But I'm glad you'd be happy to see me." He nodded a bit. Maybe Rosie wasn't a lot like Ana but he could see some similarities. "She is. She helped out with the bar when I was first opening it, just as Dom does now."

Anastasia shook her head, smiling over at him. "I don't think so," she said honestly. She made a face at that. "If I had wanted to date someone who was tall and polite and had a different kind of charm, then I would be dating someone my dad knows," she said honestly. "You're far more interesting," she added. She didn't know that Dom wasn't, but she didn't think she'd be easily swayed. "Aw, how sweet. Your siblings really care about you," she said with a smile.

Nikolai shrugged a bit. He was pretty certain he'd end up annoying her at some point but he liked the faith in him that she had. He let out a laugh. "That's good to hear, even if you haven't met Dominic," he grinned. "I'm glad you're dating me, though," he added, bumping her with their hands. "They're good people, even if we argue a bit here and there. I wouldn't have the bar if it weren't for them. They really were fantastic when it came to helping me."

Anastasia hoped he didn't actually think she'd go to Dominic once she met him. She liked him. She liked how charming and cute and funny he was. She liked that he made her laugh. She liked how gorgeous he was. She just liked him. "Me, too," she smiled at him. She let out a small laugh. "I don't think you could keep your official Little Brother status if you didn't argue a bit here and there," she teased. She nodded, nudging him slightly with their hands, too. "That's amazing of them. You guys sound like you have a great relationship."

Nikolai thought things were going very well for them. He wanted things to get even better, though. He wanted this to last. He wanted to be able to tell her about magic. He was getting far too ahead of himself, he realized. "I don't think I could either," he agreed with a laugh. "But they're good people. I think you'll really like them," he said with a smile. He let out a quiet chuckle. "We do. We always have. I look forward to you meeting them," he smiled, squeezing her hand.

Anastasia thought they all sounded lovely, honestly. "I'm sure that I will. I don't see why on earth I wouldn't," she admitted. "You guys sound great. I look forward to meeting them, too," she said honestly, squeezing his hand back. "My brother is a good bit older than me. He's a little more by the books. He follows all the rules, the social norms. He's a bit protective and bossy. But he's great. He's so fun and interesting. Plus, he's a dancer, too, which is fun."

Nikolai really couldn't wait to introduce her to them. He wanted her to meet the whole group, honestly, but he'd settle for introducing her to them one at a time. Dominic first, he thought. His brother liked muggles more than anything else and on top of that, he knew everything about them. "I'll introduce you sometime when you come to the bar," he told her with a smile. He nodded a bit, thinking that sounded like an older brother. "He sounds great. What's the age difference between you? I don't think you ever told me that," he admitted.

Anastasia thought that sounded like fun. She could sit and drink and hang out with Nik and meet his siblings. She looked forward to it. "Can't wait," she grinned. She nodded. He was pretty great. She loved him loads. "He's seven years older than me. A real adult," she laughed a little. "We weren't terribly close for a while, but when I got a little bit older we got closer, and now we're like best friends," she said honestly. "Except when he gets all big brother-y."

Nikolai hadn't expected such an age difference honestly. He'd always thought Nik was ridiculously older than him. He wondered what it was like to grow up with someone who was seven years her senior. "He is a real adult. He's Wren's age," he laughed. "I can understand not being close back then," he admitted. "It's nice that since you've grown up you've been able to become so close," he smiled. "Ah, big brother-y. I know that well," he grinned. "I like that the two of you are so close."

Anastasia nodded a little and raised her eyebrows. "It's wild," she admitted, laughing a little. She nodded. It was nice. When she was a kid, she couldn't have ever imagined being friends with her teenage brother, but once she became a teenager herself it had become a little easier. He was a bit more serious than her, but in general, they got along pretty well. "It is," she smiled. "What a pain," she teased. "I like that you and your siblings are close. Good sign of character, I think," she grinned.

Nikolai smiled a bit because he agreed. It was wild. They led completely different lives because of the difference and yet they'd found a way to come together as friends once Ana had grown up. He liked the story of it. "I'm happy for you. You'd be really missing out on a lot if you weren't close to him. Big brothers are something else," he teased. He let out a quiet laugh and shook his head fondly. "Looks like we're both good people then," he teased. "We have close ties to our families."

Anastasia agreed with that wholeheartedly. She was so happy to have him. Siblings were so fun. Her relationship with him was unlike any relationship she had with anyone else. "I feel the same way," she laughed. She nodded and grinned. "Exactly! Excellent people," she teased. "It helps that our family doesn't suck, but you know," she added with a small laugh. She swung their hands a bit, holding him close after a moment. "I should probably go home soon."

Nikolai laughed a bit. She was so precious and he had a feeling that she knew it. He thought that made her even cuter, honestly, but he thought that might be just because he fancied her so damn much. "You're right. That does help an awful lot," he teased. "I can't imagine being born into a sucky family. It sounds exhausting," he laughed. "I mean, I get annoyed with my siblings occasionally but I'd do anything for them and I know they'd do the same for me." He nodded slightly. "Yeah, it is getting late."

Anastasia made a face. She couldn't either. While her parents weren't always the best, her brother was incredible, and her parents tried. She couldn't imagine it any other way. "Mm, it'd be awful. I don't think I'd be able to stand them," she said with a small smile. "I understand. My mum isn't the most affectionate she could be, and my dad is always busy, but I know they care about me," she said, smiling softly. She wasn't really ready to part ways with him, but she figured they'd have to eventually.

Nikolai listened to her as she spoke. He hadn't expected that and he felt a bit sorry for her. He always felt bad when he heard about parents that weren't very close to their children. "I'm sorry." He squeezed her hand. "I'm glad you can tell they care. I can't imagine not feeling like mine did. I don't think I'd be where I am today if it weren't for them," he admitted. "Do you want me to walk you home again or should I get you a cab?" he asked, looking over at her again.

Anastasia looked over at him and smiled when he apologized. "Oh, it's not a big deal. Don't be sorry," she said honestly. It had been rougher when she was younger, but she'd gotten used to it. "I'm glad they were exactly the way they were then, because you're lovely," she smiled. She looked up, catching the name of a street. "You should probably get me a cab," she admitted. "And you can kiss me goodnight, too, while you're at it," she grinned.

Nikolai nodded slightly but he still felt badly about it. He thought everyone deserved two kind, loving parents like he'd had. He couldn't imagine growing up any other way. He was lucky, especially being the youngest and having two older siblings looking out for him. "If you say so," he smiled. "Well, thank you. I'll pass the compliment onto them. I'll tell my mum when I see her tomorrow," he teased. He looked up when she did and nodded a bit. "I can do that. I can kiss you, as well," he smiled. He looked around a bit, spotting a taxi. He waved it over and then turned to her. "Goodnight, Anastasia," he said softly, a fond smile on his lips. He leaned in for a kiss, keeping it gentle.

Anastasia squeezed his hand tightly and nudged him gently. "You better actually tell her, because I mean it," she said seriously, though the smile on her lips showed she wasn't all too serious. She was kind of far from her place, and she didn't think it would do them any good to walk all the way there. She smiled a little. "Good," she said softly. When the taxi started to pull over, she turned her attention to Nikolai. She hated this part. She leaned in, kissing him back just as soft. "Goodnight, Nikolai. I can't wait to see you again," she promised. She leaned in, kissing his lips softly, and pulled away to get into her taxi.

Nikolai smiled at her, letting out a quiet chuckle. "I promise I'll tell her. Cross my heart and all that," he insisted. He had every intention of telling his mother about the compliment but he wouldn't go too far into detail about the girl who'd given it. Not yet, at least. He had to talk to Dominic first. He moved his hands to her hips when she leaned in, giving her a gentle squeeze. He sighed a bit when she pulled away but smiled all the same. "It'll be soon, I promise," he smiled. He kissed her once more and stepped back to watch her get in. "Get home safe."

This is my first time writing any of these characters, so please bear with me. Batten down the hatches, etc. etc. This takes place after The Defenders but before the new Punisher series. Basically a Karen Page character study with some Kastle because I love their dumb butts. Warning for swears and canon-typical violence.

+ There's something about women and vengeance. Some unknown, yet to be written variable that will never see the light of day. Maybe there’s even a list of women on a document somewhere; each one followed by another name with no substance in between. She’s not sure she’ll ever publish it—it’d have to be an op-ed or something. It’s not really newsworthy, but it does feel relevant somehow.

“How is it that you require a dick to acceptably lose your damn mind?”

Josie’s is always packed when it rains, full of patrons in untenable living situations not made for those weeks in fall when it never fucking ends. It’s been uncomfortably damp for about 3 straight days and she’s already ruined some of her nicer shoes.

“Unfortunately,” Trish answers sagely, gulping down a substantial amount of bourbon, “a dick is required for most things.”

There’s a vengeance narrative running through this city that Karen can’t quite get a line on. These men running around in armor waging war for all of these “legitimate” reasons and she’s just sitting here with this fire burning a goddamn hole in her chest.

Jessica drops a pitcher in the middle of the table and grins. “Hey now, I’ve lost it plenty.”

“And it’s not the ‘dicks’ so much as it is the patriarchal bullshit.”

“That’s right,” Jessica answers with a nod to Claire, “no two dicks are alike.”

Karen mumbles against the lip of her shot glass, the smell of the tequila tickling the fine hairs of her nose. Can already taste it at the back of her throat. There’s lots of laughter and jokes about cocks and how nice Rogers’ butt looks in those pants and somewhere around 3 AM she turns in for the night. Or out. Roaming the dark, wet streets of Hell’s Kitchen trying to put the fire out. 

He quells and kindles the flame in her belly in a really unsettling way. It’s hard to explain to anybody, so she doesn’t really try to—just stares at her laptop and all those names and thinks about vengeance.

And who is she trying to fool anyway?

“It’s not like I’m even gonna write the damn thing.”

He’s half-asleep, the tip of his nose so close to the surface of his coffee she’s afraid he might burn himself.

“Hey,” she says again, tugging lightly at his shoulder, “you planning on drinking that?”

He grunts and sips at it, the captivating spectrum of blues and purples shuffling around on the planes of his face. It’s like he can’t help but look like spilled gasoline all over blacktop. There’s also this vague left behind-ness of sweat and pus and in the end it just looks like oil swirling around in dirty rain water.

She goes for an ice pack in the freezer; started to buy those soft, fabric-covered packs because she kept noticing that small flinch underneath his eye whenever she had used the hard ones against his warm, swollen face.

“Well?” she asks again, hoping he’s perked up a bit in the last 30 seconds, “No comment?”

“You wanna write about justice.”

“Vengeance.”

“Same thing, ain’t it?”

She’s not quite sure it’s the same thing, but she’s been struggling to articulate why. Frank Castle would absolutely say that vengeance and justice are one in the same, and maybe they are a little bit, but there’s something a little more satisfying in executing vengeance isn’t there? And it’s not just the way the word sounds in your mouth as the “v” passes between your teeth and over your lips.

“I don’t know,” she says slowly, considering the answer. “I used to think so.”

“But you don’t anymore.”

“I don’t think so,” sick to death of not actually knowing anything, and just thinking that she does, “no.” Nodding, a charming definitiveness to the bounce of her hair. “No, not anymore.”

Sometimes she imagines James Wesley in handcuffs and it’s not nearly as satisfying as the memory of his chest riddled with bullet holes. She never told Matt, and Foggy has no idea. Trish doesn’t know, or Jessica, or Claire. But he knows. The Punisher knows.

“I guess I’d just like to know if I make the cut,” she inquires one evening over cheap as hell vodka straight from a plastic jug.

“You’re fucked up, Page,” he answers on a grin, casually sliding a glass of water across the table. “Also no, your ass never gonna make it.”

“I wish you’d be a bit more consistent sometimes.”

“Yeah, well,” sniffing, grunting, “wishes are a funny thing.”

She wants to ask a question but she’s afraid of the answer. Wants to know what would happen if she were to admit it—that there was an absolute righteousness to it. A vengeful quality to the way her finger wrapped around the trigger, absolutely certain of her decision to squeeze. Would he be so forgiving then?

“I got no answer for you, ma’am. If only this shit were simpler, right?”

Apparently too drunk to know she’s asked a question instead of simply thinking it, slightly mortified but also frustrated at this vague, lacking answer that won’t cure her writer’s block or make her feel any better about this unnerving heat in her bloodstream.

At some point he must’ve walked her to bed, tucked her in. She wakes up early the next morning still wearing her tights and skirt, top slightly askew but that’s only because she sleeps like she’s been in a fight. When she looks to her right there’s some water and aspirin on the nightstand. If only this shit were simpler.

There’s a story in the wind about sexual assault statistics in city prisons and she gets blown into a bit of hot water over it. She says “a bit,” when really it’s kind of monsoon levels of hot water and she’s been dreaming of buying a boat or something. Like middle aged men who fantasize about divorcing their wives but they up and buy a freaking boat instead.

She’s managed to cut herself loose this time, all on her own. No Matt or Frank waiting in the wings to set her free. It’s a lucky thing, she could easily slip through the door into that side alley. Run up the street, find a cop. But ya know what else is easy? Slamming a crowbar against the back of this asshole’s head. Which is where the whole vengeance v. justice conundrum comes into play.

Pictures him in handcuffs—sees him in a courtroom, in a jumpsuit, rotting away in a jail cell. Feels the weight of the crowbar in her hands, the way the scrapes against her palms start to stretch and bleed all over it and it’s way more satisfying than the handcuffs and the television reporters. Because he’s run his slimy hands over her chest and through her hair; because he’s admitted to her the heinous shit he’s done to all those women and he doesn’t deserve justice. She wonders if maybe justice is a privilege before she brings it down in a shot against his knees.

She doesn’t kill him, so that rends the entire vengeance and women piece moot.

“Why?” he asks politely, or about as politely as Frank can, taking cartons of Chinese food out of a plastic bag. “What’s changed?”

“Did you bring me Chinese food?” Ignoring the question in favor of admiring The Punisher in all his delivery boy glory, taking down plates and cups and silverware with a disturbingly intimate knowledge of her kitchen cabinets.

“If you don’t take those meds with food, shit won’t end well for you,” he grunts, placing a steaming plate of noodles in front of her. “Eat.”

“Wouldn’t you have preferred I killed him?”

“Maiming works too.”

She snorts, manages to curl a few noodles around her chopsticks. What does the violence got to do with it? This vengeance narrative she’s writing in her head. How does an angry woman define herself in the company of such fine, fine violence?

“Nah, I don’t think it’s about that.”

“Oh, all of a sudden you have an opinion?”

There’s a lot of people out there, a general consensus, even, that Frank Castle isn’t the cleverest of the vigilante set. That he’s all muscle and hardware; that he’s effective, but he isn’t particularly bright. Watching him move his rice and veggies across his plate, the gears in his head turning—the way his voice lowers an octave or two whenever he’s in the same room as her. Doesn’t matter what anyone thinks; there’s a carefulness to the guy, a deliberateness of movement and thought that anyone with half a brain could perceive as intelligence. Hell, he’s out smarted the cops more than enough times.

“Doesn’t need to be about the killin’,” he starts slowly, dropping his chopsticks against his plate, “not for you anyway.”

“He’ll be back, won’t he? Guys like him.”

“Probably,” he answers shortly, “there’s always gonna be guys like him.”

The mere thought of it is exhausting, knowing that no matter what she does, no matter how many knees she shatters or triggers she pulls, there’s always gonna be guys like that.

“Guys like me.”

“Frank—”

“No,” he interrupts, an ironic, painful smirk on his face. “Ain’t nothing to admitting the truth in things.”

It’s about power.

Turns out, it doesn’t really matter whether you’re the one who’s decided that the clock’s run out. It’s the adoption of the thing; the very fact of her decision that pulls the thread through the eye of the vengeance needle. She doesn’t write the article—convinced the whole thing still needs tweaking and she’s not there just yet.

“You planning on getting kidnapped a few more times first?”

“Fucking, ha.”

Figuring out your place in this city is a tricky thing. Surrounded on all sides by people far more powerful than you’ll ever be. It’s hard to really know your strength in a contest like that, everyday being perceived as the weaker thing in that equation. Bat to the knees or bat to the head, there’s still a bat. Her thin, delicate fingers wrapped around the end.

“Just make sure you’re the one who’s holdin’ it.”

home sweet home

4/?

so it’s been a pretty rough week, and things are gonna start getting a bit busy for me soon. i wanted to get this chapter up before it all starts! also again, it was written entirely on mobile and that is beginning to be a real pain. so i may put a pause on the next few chapters till i’m able to get a new laptop but we’ll see!

She shouldn’t go in. She couldn’t go in.

Claire sat in her father’s pick up, her fingers wrapped tight around the steering wheel. Around her the sounds of nighttime mingled with the distance clamor of the bar.

A bar that she and Owen use to frequent more often than she cared to admit.

‘Ha!’ Owen laughed. Claire gave him a sly look and placed the shot glass down. In front of them swayed another fool who thought they had Claire beat.

Y'all…’ He slurred, flipping clumsily through his wallet, flinging a twenty at them. ‘Set-hic-me up!’

‘Ah, like ya could prove it.’ Claire smiled innocently, taking the twenty, and neatly tucked it into her pocket. The warmth of Owen’s arm secured around her waist.

'Told you my Claire can out drink anyone here.’ Owen said with a grin. His eyes caught her’s and he did nothing to hide the admiration in them. It was the same look he had back on the beach all those years ago.

‘Y'all are also only eighteen!’ The bartender shouted from the back. ‘I told ya both not to even-’

Claire didn’t give him a chance to finish the lecture they heard plenty of times already. She took Owen by the hand and lead him out, their laughter echoing after them

Claire’s hand flew to her cheek and quickly wiped away the tear that began to fall. This was suppose to be quick and easy. Get Owen to sign the damn divorce papers, get back to New York, get married (with an actual ceremony and reception this time) and finally shake the dust of this town off of her.

It wasn’t quick, and sure as hell not easy.

*

Owen made a sound between a grunt and a hum when another bottle of beer was set before him. At least it wasn’t low calorie or gluten free or whatever the hell it had been that Claire placed in his brand new fridge.

“So, you told Claire that you had a hot date.”

Owen didn’t even have to look at Barry. He could hear the grin in his voice. Barry looked around the lively bar. “Where is she?”

“It just came out.” Owen grumbled. “She was goin’ on about signin’ those papers and I just…” he trailed off.

Barry waited for him to finish, but instead Owen took a long drink.

Sighing, Barry shook his head. “She’s not going to stop, you know.”

That was one thing Owen had admired about Claire. Her drive to achieve something and anything. He just never really pictured himself being at end of it.

Owen nodded, taking another drink “I know.”

*

“I think she’s dead.”

Those were the first words Claire heard as she struggled to wake up. It was a small voice, worried and unsure. It took Claire a good few seconds to even start opening her eyes.

“No, she’s just drunk.” A new voice replied. Who in the world was in her room, trying to decide whether she was dying or hungover?

Claire lifted her head and finally her gaze adjusted. Zach and Gray stared back at her.

“Morning, Aunt Claire.” Gray greeted.

Zach folded his arms across his chest, his eyes slightly narrowed. “Been a few years.” He commented.

Pushing herself up slowly, Claire winced at the dull ache in her head and gagged at the horrendous taste in her mouth. Whiskey…mixed with ugh…tequila.

“Yes. Been a while.” Claire mumbled, rubbing the side of her head. “What…” she squinted at her nephews. Gray shot an unsure glance at Zach.

“Um. Why…why are y'all here? To visit grandma and grandpa?” Claire tried to defuse the awkwardness between herself and the boys.

Zach lifted a brow and scoffed. Gray had the decency to give her an answer. “Oh, Aunt Claire you’re…you’re in my room.”

Claire paused, her eyes focusing finally on the room she was in. Dinosaur posters lined the walls and models of planets dangled from the ceiling.

“Oh…” Claire breathed, looking back to Gray. “Gray, sweetie I’m so sorry.”

Gray shrugged. “Ya didn’t look too happy last night.”

Last night.

She remembered following after Owen to the bar. Wondering which of the flashily dressed women wandering in could’ve been his hot date…then driving to Karen’s and…

“Ya ransacked mom’s liquor cabinet and crying.” Zach supplied, reading Claire’s lost look. “Drank half the tequila and most of the whiskey.”

“Ya might be sick later.” Gray added quietly. “Ya were last night.”

Claire sure felt it. Now she began to remember a bit more and instantly wished that she could forget. She had cried. She cried about the insane new mother in law she would earn with this upcoming marriage, she cried over lost time and years away from her family, and she cried over Owen.

Zach tugged Gray back as Claire stumbled past them and into the bathroom.

“Should we tell Uncle Owen?” Gray asked quietly. Zach frowned and shook his head.

“That’s between them.”

“But she still loves him.”

“Gray…”

Gray frowned this time. Until his brain began tick with a new idea.

*

Claire made it a point to never ask ‘how could it get any worse’ but cause 9 out of 10 times, it would get so much worse.

Not too long after she had spent time hovering over the toilet Daniel called. Well, his mother did most of the talking. Wedding plans had to be made, reporters were becoming more and more curious about the one of the most political hopeful’s bride to be.

That was the very last thing Claire needed. Reporters and paparazzi down here. In the middle of the longest divorce ever.

She quickly assured Daniel and his mother she would be back in New York in a few more days, till finally it hit the fan…

“Well you seem to be quite homesick.” Daniel’s mother, Lucille, had said. “Why don’t we bring the wedding down to you there?”

Claire could practically hear the scheming smile on the older woman’s face. From the first date Claire and Daniel went on, Lucille made her disapproval of Claire obvious.

This was just another trick.

Rubbing her temples, Claire whispered a few colorful words she hadn’t used since her teen years.

“Aunt Claire!” Gray called. Claire lifted her eyes to see him walking over, a sort of nervous look on his face. “Um…I-I wanted to ask you something.”

“Gray, I don't…” Claire began but trailed off at the sight of his face falling slightly. Sighing, she patted the spot next to her on the couch.

Gray took a seat and hugged her. Claire’s eyes widen in surprise.

He beamed a smile her way. “I haven’t seen ya since I was a baby. I missed ya tons.”

Claire smiled slightly. “Gray, sweetie. I’ve barely been around for you to miss me like that.”

“You can still miss someone a lot. Even if you haven’t seen them in forever.” Gray replied. “I want to spend time with you before ya leave again. Can we go to the fair tomorrow night? Mom is gonna be at work and Zach is probably gonna have a dumb girl over.”

Claire watched him, his eyes gazing at her in hope. She couldn’t fight it, even if she wanted to. No matter how long and how far she tried to distance herself from her family and past, a part of her always missed them.

“Okay.” Claire nodded. “Alright, we’ll go. You and me.” She pressed a small kiss to the top of his head. Gray hugged her once more.

“Thanks, Aunt Claire.” He whispered.

“Now, lemme go shower off last night. I can’t believe I drank half a bottle of whiskey.” Claire winced. Standing, she wandered towards the bathroom.

“Tequila, too.” Gray called after her. Claire groaned.

Once the bathroom door shut, Gray took picked up the house phone and dialed a number. Waiting, he smiled when they picked up.

“Hi, Uncle Owen. It’s Gray… are ya gonna be busy tomorrow night? I wanna go to the fair but mom said I can’t unless someone is there to watch me.”

Gray nodded, his smile widening a bit more. “Thanks! I’ll see ya tomorrow night!”

He hung up. His idea was starting to work.

Our Love Story

I'm starting this account to write out and express the feelings that I feel for you. Your love has affected me in such a positive way and it's so hard for me to SAY how I feel to you, the words just never come out right. So I write. I realize that you may see this one day, and you may not. If you do, know that I'm going to be an awkward potato about it. Our love story is my favorite love story ❤️ When we first met, I was broken. I was picking every piece of myself up off of the floor. Please realize and understand how hard it was for me to even make that silly dating account. It was hard for me to believe that anyone on this earth might be capable of being interested in me. I was in a dark place. But then here came you. We talked, about everything. I told you things I've never told anyone. Things I'm afraid to admit, and you were still interested. I was amazed, "How can someone know all of this crazy information and still want to know more?" I waited what felt like a lifetime to meet you. Every person I told about our date thought you were going to chop me up and put me in your trunk. It came down to me leaving the house, and for the first time in a very long time, I didn't hesitate. I hopped right into my car and took off. I was nervous, yes. But at that point, I had made the decision no longer let my fear and nerves rule me. You beat me to the restaurant. I wanted to get there first so I could double check my makeup and touch up if I needed to. I wanted to impress you, but little did I know, that I wouldn't have to do anything I wouldn't normally do. This was a strange feeling. To be myself, I didn't know what it meant, until I met you. We drove around, we ate, I tried sushi for you (okay, that was me doing something I wouldn't normally do, GUILTY), we smacked golf balls, and we got to know each other. I started to become infatuated with the idea of being with you. You see, women do this thing when they meet a guy for the first time. We analyze you, how you look, how you talk, your body language, etc; this helps us identify you so that we can categorize you accordingly: Potential lover, friend, or acquaintance. And just after a moment of being with you, I categorized you into as a potential lover. You are so charismatic, you're hilarious, and we have a lot of the same values and beliefs. It was time for us to part, even though a large part of me was BEGGING you to kiss me, take my hand, do SOMETHING. I'm glad you didn't, You left me wanting more for next time. Before I left, we made plans for the weekend to go to the wineries. You said "well, you said you've never been wined and dined before, so that's what I want to do, I want to spoil you." My heart smiled from ear to ear. I was so excited to spend more time with you. We had more 'I can't wait to see you again' conversations, I stayed up all night just to see my phone light up with your name across the screen, and I longed for the weekend. I told every girl at work about our first date, how well it went, how much I liked you. You know, girly talk. You started taking over my thoughts. YAY, ITS SATURDAY I woke up with excitement, for once, it wasn't a struggle to get out of bed. I tried on about 17 outfits, and while I really wanted to just wear a dress, you advised against that due to rain. My mom and I traveled to the train station, where I was going to meet you, then we would take off to Herman together. It was raining, cloudy and pretty awful outside. But none of that mattered because this meant I got to spend more time with you. I'll never forget getting on the train and seeing you, an older woman behind you drunkenly says 'You must be Sarah, we've heard so much about you!" I smiled politely and I'm sure gave you an odd look because you looked at me and said, "I made friends" We got off of the train, got on a trolley, and made our way to the first winery, after some wine and some conversation, you leaned in to kiss me. I'll never forget it, it was just like the movies. I was caught off-guard and totally expecting it at the same time. When your lips met mine, I knew, I was going to fall deeply and madly in love with you. Side note: the first winery is where I fucked up Now, I think you already know this but, I have a pride issue. I don't like admitting that I'm wrong. So as I type this, know that I'm shaking my head in disappointment; I drank way to much. I puked. And to my pure amazement, you took care of me. To be honest, all of the puking is kind of a blur to me. So let's fast-forward to when I came back to earth: That bar. The one with the root beer beer. We were listening to some crappy band in a cellar with not a lot of people in it. We sat next to a middle-aged couple and drank some more and made small talk with the couple next to us. The man asked his wife if she wanted to dance, we both thought it was kind of strange because the band that was playing wasn't a band that you danced with someone to. But they got up and they danced. I sat quietly, still embarrassed that I puked my brains out on our second date And you said "do you want to dance?" Through some slurred speech I replied "I'm a terrible dancer" You said "me too, come on" and you took my hand, and we danced. The terrible music that the band was playing no longer mattered. I didn't care about the stupid band and whatever lame song they were playing. I didn't care about my two left feet stumbling over yours. I had my head on your chest and all I cared about was making this moment last as long as I possibly could. The song ended. We gave our goodbye, nice to meet you farewells to the couple and we went outside. I smoked a cigarette and you were smoking your fancy vape. We realized what time it was and got our asses back to the trolley to get back to the train station. You bought a bottle of wine at one of the wineries we liked and saved it for the train ride home. Almost everyone on this damn train was wasted, including us. And even though I had already puked up my body weight, you fed me more wine. Side note: this is where it gets foggy again We successfully managed to piss off my mom, (I could've told you I loved you at that moment) you got into it with the train attendant about yelling the F-word, (you were being a total ass but I thought it was so sexy) and we made it back to Kirk wood. You didn't tell me this, but you planned on having your mom pick us up. Cue anxiety. I was a drunken hot mess, about to meet your mother for the first time, definitely NOT the first impression I wanted to make. We went to a coffee bar, got coffees that were terrible, threw them away and ended up at Bar Louie. We drank a s'mores cocktail (which was amazing), did a vegas bomb, you paid our tab and we went outside to wait for your mom to get there. I remember your mom walking up, I remember a tequila shot (bad idea) and I remember getting in the backseat of your moms car. I don't remember any conversations in between all of that. (Thanks Tequila!) I don't remember much of the car ride back. We ended up at Todd's drinking more. There was more tequila, more beer, and I don't really remember much of that either. We somehow (I'm assuming by car) got back to your moms house. We went to your room, I met your cat, and after that, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. You told me about your kinky lifestyle before and I was intrigued. I never knew it, but I craved the feeling of no control. You asked me if I wanted to 'have some fun'. I eagerly shook my head wondering how in the world you wanted to even kiss me, let alone have sex with me after my hot-mess-express debut. And then there you were, tying me up in your crazy lifestyle. I was so scared and excited and soooooooo turned on. You tied me up in a way that I wouldn't be able to move. Leather arm binder, ankle restraints, neck restraint all tied together with a chain. We had sex for what felt like hours. I never knew I was capable of orgasming so much. You opened me up to this whole new world of love-making. I like to call it Kinky Fuckery. After our amazing fuck-session, we both passed out. The next morning, we woke up still naked from the night before. I was still really foggy as to what all had happened and had a moment of panic before I realized I was next to you. When you woke up, you came and cuddled me, and even though I was sweating bullets, I didn't want to move. And you said, "so does this mean we're official now, because I don't want to be spending my time with anyone else" Cue heart smiling I shook my head yes and we both fell back asleep. After we both woke up, we had a normal rest of the weekend. Riding motorcycles, going to Gordman's, out to eat, etc. It came time on Sunday for you to take me home, I didn't want leave, We had such an amazing weekend together, I just wanted to stay curled in your arms. We got in your truck and headed back to my neck of the woods: You met my mom (thankfully she chose not to be a psycho that day), my grandpa and got a look into my side of things. You hit it off immediately with my grandpa, talking politics and what-not. It was the sweetest thing in the world to see that my family actually approved of the man in my life. That whole week all I did was talk about you. About how amazing you are. You invited me to come stay the weekend with you, you mentioned that your kids were going to be with you and you wanted me to meet them. Holy crap Batman. I'm meeting his kids. Anxiety, you know what to do! While I have plenty of experience and education with children, I was freaking out about meeting your kids. What if they didn't like me? What if I didn't like them? My mind was racing. Nervous doesn't even begin to describe the feeling of meeting your children. I got to your house, and we all very awkwardly met. I'm sure as you already know, I turn into an awkward potato when I meet new people (Thanks anxiety) But they were amazing and I'd say we totally hit it off. We had to go to one of your cousins birthday party. I was prepared to meet your family, but nothing could've prepared me for the tiny voice in the back seat as we pulled up "Mom's here!" Cue internally screaming WHAT? I'm meeting your kids and your ex wife in the same weekend?! Oh god. I did NOT want to get out of that truck. But I did. The rest of the weekend was pretty normal. We played with the kids, you made me dinner, and we were lazy for the rest of the weekend. The weekends went on and eventually I started staying a week night or two here and there. I started to fall madly in love with you. These feelings were scary, I purposely tried not to feel them. I was so scared of being hurt. Being rejected. I didn't want to say it first, So I waited for you to say it. And I waited. And I waited. And I waited. And nothing. I started to get really impatient, but most of all, I started to worry. Was it just awkward for the both of us? Were you waiting for me to say it first? What was happening? I was back and forth with it. One minute I would say, I'm telling him this weekend! The next, I'd say, No it's too soon. My emotions were running wild. I'll never forget the moment I realized I was truly, madly, deeply in love with you. It was a normal weekend. We fell asleep, and you got up in the middle of the night because your back was hurting you. I was having a bad dream (I promise I'll talk about it eventually, it's just hard) I woke up and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. When I wake from my nightmares, my chest feels constricted, which makes it incredibly hard to breathe. Which makes me panic even more. Then I hyperventilate. And the pain in my chest is unbearable. All I want to do is take a deep breath but I can't. I can't focus. And I sob uncontrollably. Well, I had the nightmare and when I woke up you weren't next to me. I sat up and saw you at the computer. I lit a cigarette to help calm me down. You turned around and said "sorry babe, I didn't mean to wake you up, my back is killing me" I said "no, you didn't wake me up, I had a bad dream" You replied, worried, "what about?" That question is very difficult for me to answer. I've never talked to anyone about it and I wasn't ready to do it then. I said "It's really hard to talk about " You were very understanding and said okay and you went back to your game. I finished my cigarette and I still felt panicked. I got up, and I came to you and I kissed you. All of the panic, the anxiety, the hurt, the pain was gone. And I smiled. You asked "what are you all smiley about?" I just shook my head and kissed you more. I knew I loved you in that moment. There was no denying it for me. But still, I was scared to say it. Another weekend goes by, your asshole kittens pissed all over everything so we went to the Laundromat just to get it all washed. You were adorable when you didn't know what to get at Dollar General. We got uno to play together while we waited. You made doing laundry (which I HATE) so enjoyable. We played cards, you kicked my ass. We got the laundry done and loaded and we decided we deserved a drink after all that hard work. Because adulting is hard I think we both know at this point, I'm a freaking light weight and I sure in the hell cant keep up with your iron stomach. We started out with a Long Island Ice Tea, my new favorite mixed drink. One turned to two and by two we were pretty drunk. Then we played washers and had more booze, then shots. We both knew what was going to happen to me. Offfffcourseee. I puked. You took me home and I layed in bed to sleep off the drunkiness. I'm not sure how long you were gone, but you busted through the door and said "I just got kicked out of Todds!" Still drunk, I replied "what? What happened?" Then you told me about the bar fight. We were both drunk, and as usual, horny so we got in the shower. We were fucking and you grabbed my face and asked me, "Do you love me?" Liquid courage replied "yes" Then you said this, and it probably should have raised some questions at the time but I was wastey-face so it didn't, "I'm on the fence about it, like I want to love you, but I'm scared" And before I could reply, you asked me another question. A very sobering question. "Do you want to have a baby?" Internally screaming "Uh, you mean like right now or in general?" "Why not right now?" "I just don't think I'm ready for that yet" "Sarah, you're never ready for a baby, it kind of just happens and you deal with it" Then here comes your mom, BANG BANG BANG. "Are you gonna leave me any hot water?" We got distracted and got out of the shower and took it to the bedroom and didn't talk about it again. I woke up for work the next day, feeling like a zombie. You were still passed out and I hurried up, got dressed and had to leave for work. On the drive back, I pondered about our drunken conversation. Why is he scared to love me? Did he really ask me if I want to have a baby? What if he does want a baby right now? I'm not going to lie, as crazy as it sounds, I thought about it. I pictured us in a home, with a new born baby girl, her name was Josie. Jeffery and Jake would be such great big brothers. For a second, I actually considered it. Then the logical part of my brain came back and said I have to talk to you about this. So I did. And we came to the conclusion that you have a totally different agenda when you're drunk. I think a part of you was embarrassed. You shouldn't have been. If you have to know one thing about me, it's that I'm never going to judge you. Ever. The week went on as normal. I came back the next weekend, and ironically we ended up back in the shower and while we were fucking, you said "I love you Sarah" More internally screaming I wanted to stop everything we were doing and just kiss you. But I'm not gonna lie, you were putting it down reallllll good so I didn't want it to stop and I just said "I love you too." And as usual, we turned off the shower to take things back to the bedroom. I just couldn't get enough of it. I could hear you say those three little words over and over and over and never get sick of it. You assured me that you meant what you said. I think you knew that I felt like I might have pressured you into saying it from the previous weekend's shananigans. But, you made sure I knew just how much you loved me. It was such an amazing feeling to be able to hear you say it. I knew you were scared. You've been through divorce. I can't imagine what that's like. I would be scared to love again too. And I can't imagine what it'd be like to have your family turn against you during that process. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You're a strong man. The whole point to writing all of this out, is to remember our moments together. Moments that led us to where we are now. I'm so happily in love with you. And while I have my dark moments while we aren't together, you give me something to look forward to. You are the most genuine human being I've ever met in my life. You are my rock to lean on when I can't stand on my own. You are the calming soul I look forward to sleeping next to every weekend You are my best friend who I can confide into about anything You are my love story and I write you into everything I do, everything I see, everything I touch and everything I dream. You are the words that fill my pages. You are my favorite place to go when my mind is racing I feel like you're so much more than just my boyfriend. You're the one person I need to talk to when I've had a bad day, the one person I can rely on not to judge me. To call you just my boyfriend would hardly give you justice. You are so much more than that. I love my eyes when you look into them. I love my name when you say it. I love my heart when you touch it. I love my life now that you're in it. I can't wait to start a life with you. To succeed and to fail with you. To take on all of life's challenges with you by my side. You're my hero, I love you more than I'll ever be able to put into words. Forever and always, Sarah