#i started this one as part 6 originally but decided i wanted a more lighthearted piece first
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Porcelain Steve - Part 7
Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five🦇Part Six🦇Part Seven🦇Part Eight🦇Part Nine
((TW for this part; period typical slurs and internalized homophobia. Read the tags before clicking readmore if you want the details))
Steve has been a porcelain doll for seven weeks when disaster strikes.
"What is that," Jeff says, because even though the words are in an order which would suggest that it's a question, the tone of voice Jeff uses decidedly is not questioning.
"What is whaaa-AH! Nothing! It's nothing!" Eddie, who was torso deep into his closet throwing things around to find his backup amp cord, turns to look at what Jeff was talking about, and is now launching himself across his room to stand between Jeff and Porcelain Steve. Porcelain Steve, who Eddie had lain on his bed, propped slightly on a pillow, headphones carefully perched on his little head, hooked to a cassette player currently playing the first hour of last week's Top 40 countdown that Eddie had taped for him (all three hours of it, leaving out the chatter of the radio show host. He'd had to use two tapes to get it all).
"Nothing sure looks a lot like a doll in headphones, Munson," Jeff has an amazing poker face but Eddie's certain he can see a bit of judgement underneath the carefully blank expression Jeff is wearing.
"I don't know what you're talking abo- hey! Hey, no, no, don't!" Eddie tries to bodily block Jeff when he moves forward and the two end up wrestling, a match that Eddie almost wins, if not for the hazard that is his messy room. He gets Jeff walked almost to the door before he steps wrong on something, ankle rolling and sending him down sideways. He clutches at Jeff but can't make purchase and Jeff, the bastard, does fuck-all to try and catch him. Instead, Jeff leaps out of arm's length, then lunges onto the bed as Eddie collapses to his floor.
Eddie frantically tries to stand and, in his haste, ends up with his feet tangled in a pile of dirty laundry and that sends him crashing down again, this time forward onto his hands and knees, so he gives up on standing and crawls the few short feet to the bed, finally looking up to see that the damage has been done.
Jeff has picked up Steve, holding him inches from his own face, eyes squinted in suspicion. Eddie is frozen, horrified and afraid, and can't bring himself to do anything as Jeff examines Steve closely, turning him around, poking his torso, flipping him upside down to examine his shoes more thoroughly. It's only when Jeff reached for the shirt, pinching the hem of it between two fingers that Eddie kicks back into action.
He lunges up, one knee on the bed, leaning over to grab Steve and yank him from Jeff's grip. His first instinct is to throw Steve over his shoulder, out of sight out of mind mentality, but as soon as he does, he realizes his mistake and twists, lunging to catch Steve in midair. He does manage to catch Steve, but it sends him bouncing off his dresser and almost back to the floor before he manager to regain his balance, where he proceeds to cradle Steve to his chest, which is heaving from the adrenaline, wrestling match, and subsequent dive after Steve.
Jeff is giving him a concerned look but something else piques his interest; Jeff reaches over and picks up the headphones, holding them up to one ear. His face goes through every emotion a human could possibly experience in less than fifteen seconds as he listens to whatever track was at the forty-ish minute mark on the Top 40 countdown.
Slowly, Jeff lowers the headphones, letting them drop to the bed before he gives Eddie a new, more judgmental, yet infinitely more concerned, look. "Eddie. What. The fuck."
Honestly, he's not sure there's anything he can say in response.
"Why- I don't... are you okay, man?" Jeff sounds both scared for Eddie, and scared of him, at the same time.
"I'm fine," Eddie manages to squeak out.
"Eddie," Jeff says seriously, "this is not fine. This is- this is insane behavior. You know that, right?"
"I've no idea what you mean," Eddie doesn't even know what he's defending himself from but his default response to anything is to defend himself. He grips Steve tightly around the torso with one hand and then moves both his hands to be behind his back so Jeff will stop staring at Steve.
"I mean this fuckin' insane shrine you have dedicated to Steve fucking Harrington. How did you even get a doll that looks like him. Did you- did you make that?"
Fuck. Holy fuck. What can he say to defend himself here? Is there a single way for him to come out of this not sounding deranged? If he agrees, let's Jeff's drawn conclusion be the truth, then that's all but confirmation to Steve about his big fat crush, so when Steve's back to being Steve he'll never look at Eddie again. Jeff might think he needs mental help, but he'll be here for Eddie. If he tries to deny the accusation, then he'll need an explanation. He'll have to tell Jeff something that make him seem less like a creepy stalker, but what? He can't tell the truth, not without letting everyone know he's going to tell Jeff. There's a whole other secret he'd have to let out to even have a chance of Jeff believing him.
Jeff must take his silence for acceptance or guilt, because he's speaking again. "I.... man, this is not healthy. Please tell me you aren't, like, hoarding a lock of his hair or his clothes or something."
Involuntarily, damningly, his eyes dart to the closet, where several of Steve's sweaters hang from when he'd borrowed them and never returned them. And it's not like Steve doesn't have several of Eddie's own articles of clothing, like his battle vest and a few shirts. But Jeff doesn't know they easily, willingly, swap clothes, so his eyes go wide and dart towards the closet, as if he can pick out which pieces belong to Steve on sight.
Actually, he probably can.
"This really isn't what it looks like," Eddie says because he has to say something. Being silent is too incriminating.
"I don't think you're aware of what this looks like," Jeff says, wiggling himself off of Eddie's bed to stand at the foot of it. "Of all the boys in Hawkins.... I knew you liked Steve but this is.... creepy. That doll looks so much like him that I recognized it. Does Steve know you're in love with him, or is this like a way to process your crush without having to-"
"Jeff!" Eddie yells, mortified. He can feel his whole face heat up, knows he must be bright red. Because Jeff just said, out loud and for Steve to hear, the thing that Eddie very much hasn't even said out loud to himself, even if he knows how he feels deep down.
Jeff must know he's overstepped some invisible boundary he wasn't even aware of because his face immediately shows regret. He takes a step forward and Eddie takes a step back.
Immediately, Jeff stops his forward momentum. "Shit, I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm sorry."
When Eddie answers, his voice sounds like he's been eating gravel, "Just, can you go wait in the living room? I'll be right out, and we can talk, or whatever, but can you just..."
A nod, and then Jeff is gone, closing the door behind him.
With shaking hands, Eddie brings Steve back to the front of him. Looks down at him. He's not even aware he's crying until he watches his tears mark Steve's tiny polo. He can't keep holding Steve. Can't keep looking at him. Not when- not when his best friend just outed him in the worst way possible. And Eddie can't even be upset or hurt about it because Jeff didn't know. He's teased Eddie about his crushes before, and in the safety of his own room, there was no reason for Jeff to have to watch what he was saying.
Even knowing that Steve is okay with Robin, loves her anyway, without the ability to confirm that Steve doesn't hate him right now, Eddie's going to freak out. But he can't. Jeff is waiting in the living room, and the band is waiting back at Gareth's. This was just- they were supposed to just grab the amp cable and get back, a fifteen-minute job at most, and now.
Now Eddie is staring down at Steve, willing himself to not have a panic attack.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have heard it like that, it s-should have come from me. It should- you-I'm sorry," Eddie gently underhand throws Steve onto the center of the bed. He lands face up and Eddie sinks to the floor because he can't stand anymore, and he can't really breath.
Steve knows Eddie's a fucking faggot now, and that he wants Steve, and there's no way he'll get to keep the friendship they had before this. There's no universe in which Steve isn't creeped out by this information. There has never been an instance where a straight boy found out about his crush on them and didn't abandon him. Not always cruelly, he'll admit. He's had friends that learned and just... slid from his life with no words and no fuss. Eddie just never spoke to them again because they never came back around, but they also never outed him.
That's what will happen with him and Steve. He'll quit inviting Eddie around, or calling when he's bored, and eventually it will get to the point that Eddie only sees him at BBQ's that Joyce drags him to.
Fuck. FUCK!
He's not sure how long he's on the floor but eventually, he finds the will to get back up and resume digging through his closet to find the amp cord. It doesn't take long, he was ridiculously close to finding it earlier, it seems.
Before leaving his room, he picks back up the cassette player and headphones. Silence comes from them, so he pops the tape out before flipping it to the B side and popping it back in. He puts the headphones around Steve's head again and presses play, doing his best to not actually look at Steve. He'll just have another breakdown if he does.
He trudges out of his room, closing the door behind himself before taking the short walk to the living room, where Jeff waiting on the couch, elbows on his knees, fingers steepled under his chin, eyes faraway as he stares towards the wall in front of him.
"Hey," Eddie says, to get his attention.
"Hey," Jeff says, sitting up straight and turning towards Eddie. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? I'm the fucking psycho here," he sighs, leaning sideways against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, hand clutching at the amp cord just for something to ground him.
"Forget that, whatever I did, or said, or whatever, you were- when you yelled my name. You looked terrified. Of me," Jeff almost whispers the last sentence, and if not for the stark silence in the trailer, Eddie wouldn't have heard.
"Not of you, Jeff," Eddie whispers back, but his voice doesn't stay quiet because 'quiet' isn't a thing Eddie does easily or often. "Of... of myself, and these- of how I feel- I'm a goddamned faggot and now that Ste- when Steve finds out I'll lose him! Like I've lost every fucking person who ever even suspected I was a fuckin' queer!"
Silence stretches between them, enough to make Eddie fidget, dropping his crossed arms to twist the amp cord about anxiously with both his hands.
"Look, man, I don't know what's, like, the appropriate thing to say so I'm just going for the honest thing. You got me. You'll never lose me. And all those other assholes that you think you lost? You're wrong. They lost you. And if Steve Harrington is gonna be another one of those, then you aren't losing him. 'Cause he was never really in your corner to begin with."
If this were anyone else, with the exception of his uncle, he would be able to hold it together better. But it's Jeff. His best friend. Who never believed Eddie committed unspeakable horrors over Spring Break last year. Who didn't question the strange, new friends he suddenly had afterwards; who accepted as the only explanation a softly spoken 'they saved me' and that was enough. Who had said 'ok, cool' in response to Eddie telling him he was gay, years ago now, and continued trying to find out if Eddie had a secret relationship, switching girlfriend for boyfriend like it wasn't a big deal (Eddie did not have a secret relationship; his good mood that week was the result of snooping for his birthday present and finding the guitar hidden under his uncle bed).
It's Jeff. So, Eddie does the most metal, manly thing he can and bursts into tears, blindly reaching for Jeff and pulling him off the couch so he can bear hug him and sob into his shirt.
"There, there, you big baby," Jeff rubs his back soothingly, "let it out. Then pull your sorry ass together, because Gareth and Brian are going to think we died in a car crash on the way here if we take much longer."
"Ah, fuck," Eddie manager to say around the sniffling he's trying to get control of, "you're right."
"You good, though?"
"Uh, I will be."
Jeff nods and steps back. "How about this. We go to practice, and then you can come to my place tonight and we can like, hangout and talk. If that's what you want."
He's already nodding as he says, "yeah. That would be good. I- uh, I have something to do after practice, but yeah, after that I'll come over."
Eddie tosses the amp cable to Jeff after they climb into the van and head off.
Halfway there, Jeff says, "you know Gareth and Brian are in your corner, too. If you ever feel like telling them one day."
"One day," Eddie agrees, "but today has already been... a lot."
Practice goes well, with some ribbing for their tardiness allowed. If Gareth and Brian notice Eddie's been crying recently, they keep it to themselves. Which is good, because Eddie cannot handle one more thing today.
A promise to meet up with Jeff later and Eddie's back home.
Back to where he left Steve, who will be laying in silence on his bed because it's been well over two hours since he and Jeff left, and the tape only held an hours' worth of music on each side. Back to the nightmare of not knowing if Steve hates him now, or if Eddie's, and this is the most likely scenario, being a bit overdramatic.
His uncle is home, so he greets him, asks after his day, gets told dinner is Fend For Yourself Night (which just means leftovers or a TV dinner), and gets asked about Steve. Because of course he does.
"You sure he went on a vacation willingly with those parents of his, and he ain't actually kidnapped and trapped somewhere?"
That's a little bit too true. If only Wayne knew. "Well, no. I'm not sure. All I know is what he said when he left."
Wayne gives him a look. One Eddie is used to seeing, that says 'I know more than you think but I'm waiting for you to tell me' and Eddie's a little afraid of what Wayne thinks he knows. So, instead of prying that box open, Eddie just says he's tired and goes to his room.
Steve is exactly where Eddie left him.
Suddenly, without reason or logic, Eddie is angry. He's so pissed at Steve for being gone for this long. For having transformed in the first place. For not being able to assure him they'll still be friends, regardless of Eddie's stupid crush.
He snatches Steve off the bed, hand clamping around one of Steve's arms and his torso so he can hold him up with one hand. Steve's face, permanently stuck into a blank expression, looks back. Even knowing that Steve sees and hears through this thing, Eddie's so angry at the doll. If Steve hadn't been turned into this stupid thing, if Eddie wasn't so helplessly in love with him, this wouldn't have happened. Eddie could have taken his own time telling Steve, instead of hearing his deepest secret spilled easily from Jeff's lips. Instead of this not knowing what Steve is thinking, or how he feels. Is he recoiling in disgust at the fact Eddie's making him look at his face? Or is Eddie being awarded the same kindness as Robin, a quiet acceptance that won't change their friendship?
Eddie doesn't know that answer and he hates it.
He's so angry with himself because he should know better. He's forcing his own insecurities onto Steve, about acceptance and caring, when nothing Steve's done since they've become friends is prove that he'll always be Eddie's friend and not even the apocalypse could change that.
"I'm going to hang out with Jeff, so you're gonna be alone a bit longer. Or maybe I should drop you off at Robin's when I go," Eddie goes to toss Steve back on the bed when something pinches his palm. It's a startling sharp pain, quick to fade, but it's surprising enough for Eddie to let go.
Eddie watches, horrified, as he falls to the floor. He twists in the air, landing with a dull thump and cracking sound on his left arm before falling onto his back.
"Shit. Shit! Fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," Eddie is crouched, already in the process of reaching for Steve when he freezes.
There is a crack on Steve's left arm, a line that starts above his elbow on the inside of his arm and runs down and across his arm to his hand, where Steve's pinky finger is gone. Looking slightly to the side, Eddie can see the small porcelain piece that Steve is missing laying on the ground next to him. Eddie's own hand is hovering in the air above Steve, shaking.
This can't be- how did- Eddie wracks his brain. Was the crack there already? Did Eddie cause the crack when he bounced off his dresser earlier? When did it happen? Does that fucking matter when it's Eddie who broke a piece off him? If Steve didn't hate him before, he's got to now. Eddie doesn't have time to panic about this, he's got to- El. El can talk to Steve. Find out if he's okay. What if breaking him-
Eddie launches himself up and to his dresser, grabbing at the Walkie up there. He pulls the antenna up, clicks it on and tries not to actually shout as he says, "Code Red! Code fucking Red!" He lets off the talk button, counts to seven in his head, enough time, he reasons, for someone to respond before he repeats the process. "Code Red!! Code Red!"
He repeats this process for three minutes with no response. Where the fuck is everyone!? How is he supposed to- Oh! The phone!
He tears down the hall and to the phone. He must look a right state, because Wayne looks very concerned and is halfway to standing up when Eddie gets to the phone beside him. He yanks the phone up and dials the number for the Byers-Hopper household, holding up a shaking finger to Wayne, a silent plea to give him a moment.
It rings and rings and rings before the answering machine kicks in. Eddie presses down on the disconnect button before dialing the Wheelers' number next.
"Hello?"
"Mike! Code Red! Where the fuck is everyone and why aren't they answering!?"
"What?"
"Code Red! Where's Nancy. Put Nancy on."
"Dude, slow down, what's-"
"I broke St-it. I broke it and someone needs to get El here now. Code Red does not mean ask questions, Mike! It means Code. Fucking. Red."
"Shit, shit, right! I'll get Nancy and we'll get everyone- just- we'll be there soon."
Eddie slams the phone down and has to meet his uncle's eye now.
"Eddie. What is goin' on?"
Eddie inhales a breath and can feel his lower lip quivering. "It's- can we talk about it later? I promise I'm not the one hurt, or in trouble, or- it's not me, ok. I just-"
"Yer shakin' like a leaf boy. What's got you so spooked?"
Eddie just shakes his head and flees back to his room, slamming the door shut between him and his uncle. He can't bring himself to cross the room to Steve. He slides himself down the door to sit on the floor, pulling his knees up to hug.
"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm sorry."
#steddie#my fic#porcelain steve#TW: Eddie calls himself a faggot and he means it in a bad way#did I make a playlist on spotify w/ Top 40 songs for June 21-27 1987 so id know how many tapes eddie had to use to record it?#yes. its 2 tapes fyi‚ using side A and B of one. a total of 2h54m. in my defense it was a writers block activity.#couldnt figure out what to have jeff say to comfort eddie that was in character and era-appropriate so... playlist it was!#if i were titling these parts this would be Eddie's No Good‚ Very Bad‚ Terrible‚ Horrible Day#I mean... he's had worse days (Spring Break '86) but this is up there for him#also back to back updates!? who am i??? but don't expect another one too soon#i started this one as part 6 originally but decided i wanted a more lighthearted piece first#so i wrote like 2/3 of this before writing what i posted for part 6 so finishing this was quick
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trimax volume 6 random thoughts
chapter 1:
oh, hey, it's the guy from the 98 anime!..... or not?!
i'm not keeping track of this TOO closely, so there may be other instances of this that i missed, but the guy from 98 episode 1 also showed up in trimax chapter 7. it makes me wonder if nightow provided character designs/ideas to the 98 team, or if it's the other way around and he decided to incorporate anime-original characters into the manga. either way: neat!
HAVE I MENTIONED I LOVE MERYL, BY THE WAY.
i love the bits of characterization we've been getting for her. she (and milly) are our tie to humanity, after all
i must say it is nice to have a goofy fight after... all that in volume 5. and before... the rest of volume 6.
chapter 2:
aaaand now we start the next chapter with wolfwood's nightmare/flashback! hurts just a little bit! (the trio IS kinda serving tho ngl... when you have a fashion show at 7 but need to terrorize the orphanage at 6)
^ completely and 100% unironically, they were in love here.
i just... ugh. this is such a vashwood chapter. the absolute trust and fighting together completely seamlessly, they are just. ugh. ughhhhh. this kind of trust just GETS to me.... sorry. i'm normal about them. i'm NORMALLLLLLaauughghghgh
ANYWAY. chekhov's table made me laugh
i am physically restraining myself from going crazy over vw again as i reread this chapter to write this post.
anyway anyway. ww calling himself "nicholas" is cute :)
just kidding one more vw comment as a treat
HE'S SO IN LOVE. FUUUUUCK.
chapter 3:
legato continues to be fascinating to me. i'm observing him like a bug in a jar. which is appropriate, considering...
WHEN I CALLED HIM A BAGWORM IN THAT ONE POST I WAS JOKINGGGGG I WAS JOKING!!! THIS MADE ME LAUGH FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT WHY DID SHE HANG HIM FROM THE CEILINGGGG IT'S SO FUNNY
this is actually making me fucking cry.
...i got so distracted laughing at bagworm legato that i almost forgot to say literally anything else about the chapter, but anything else i have to say mostly boils down to "wow, legato is such a freak (affectionate)"
also, whenever something that was in tristamp is brought up i feel like the leonardo dicaprio pointing meme. like "oh hey, i know this!" going into this manga with prior knowledge from stampede is... an interesting experience. all that being said, i can't WAIT to see more of the manga version of double fang. oh nightow we're really in it now
chapter 4:
oh, finally, FINALLY!!! last volume i asked where the knives nuance was and now we're FINALLY getting some knuance, thank god. seeing knives react to just how badly humans treat plants is SO effective. and we're not even up to the juicy part yet. it makes me want to eat glass.
speaking of eating glass.
i thought something like this might've been the case, but still... this hurts to read.
i want to eat glass!!!! fuck!!! this reveal is so insane, it's like monkey's paw of "this is a way knives can be defeated, but by the same method, vash is closer to death than knives is." WE don't want vash to die, and neither does knives, and this chapter is the first (and possibly the only, idk) time the reader's feelings and knives's feelings are... well, aligned. at least in a sense.
chapter 5:
this chapter is really something, because it starts off almost seeming like another lighthearted "we're in a random town fighting a goofy enemy of the month" romp much like the early chapters were, heck like chapter 1 of this very volume. but it's just wearing the skin of that. which is, y'know. the thesis of this entire chapter. smiling to hide the pain and all that.
i don't think i can really... articulate anything of substance. the chapter just kind of... speaks for itself, i think.
although i DID laugh at ww trying to enjoy his noodles and failing, and also the phrase "needle-noggin-isms." thanks for providing some levity, we actually really do need it.
chapter 6:
ohhh boy we are REALLY in it now!!
i enjoy seeing knives ponder like this. legs crossed, arm slung over his face... i don't know. maybe it's because i myself sometimes lounge in this pose.
what exactly is he thinking about, i wonder. that in awakening/forcing vash to use his powers, he unintentionally pushed him closer to death? maybe? i don't know. either way it's very on-the-nose for what their relationship has been like.
and then of course we cut to this shot of vash, looking in a mirror created by knives's slice
this shot is making me think a lot and i'm reading too much into it, but- obviously the reflection puts vash's beauty mark on the opposite side, so there's the knives resemblance, so also, i suppose vash must see knives every time he looks in the mirror, right? also vash looking at his reflection featuring his own black hair- which we're all still thinking about... i dont know. i dont even know if this is anything LOL. i feel like i have the dots but i'm failing to articulate the connection. anyway
this made me laugh. thanks for the levity again, wolfwood :)
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA NEED ALL THE COMIC RELIEF WE CAN GET, BABY!!!
maybe i'm just insane for this because it's Generic Party Imagery but the specific combination of rem flashback + party popper + funny glasses makes me think of the similar scene in 98 when the seeds crew celebrates finding planet gunsmoke. like is this another instance of nightow nabbing stuff from 98 or am i just making things up.
the twins are so cute and baby knives smiles so much, i want to microwave myself.
knives wants to believe in humanity. man. MAN!!!!!
what comes next... i'm absolutely carrying my prior stampede knowledge into this, but fuck, man. fuck. even then, i know that stampede didn't show everything, so i don't even fully know what to expect. which is fun! but i can't believe the volume ends right in the middle of the flashback, MAN!!!
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im loving this series and i have a few questions about the thought process behind it,unfortunately some of my questions overlap with My Pride though.
how much was this series "inspired" by My Pride? did it start off as a sort of fix-it-fic that you realized had merit enough to be its own thing?
if that's the case, how many things in IHS are sort of parallels to things in My Pride, such as the protag's naming situation, a butch lesbian love interest for the protag, etc.
if Hope was indeed "based on" Nothing, what made you decide to make her disability a birth defect instead of a result of trauma?
i dont mean any of these questions to demean the originality of IHS btw. but now for more lighthearted questions
4) you said before that there will be humans in this series, i believe. are you worried about it being kind of a Warrior Cats situation where everyone's like "why are humans studying the beavers instead of the cats that reached the agricultural revolution and practice organized religion"
5) are all animals as anthro as the lions and hyenas appear to be? sorry if this is splitting hairs, im just curious if that's part of the worldbuilding. do the zebras have their own society going on?
6) theres a couple lions other than Diamond in the mountain/forest/whatever pride that appear to be physically disabled, such as one seemingly blind in one eye and one missing a leg. is this pride just way bigger than the golden grove pride so the amount of disabled lions is proportional, is the territory just more dangerous leading to more injuries, or is the pride like a safe haven that disabled travelers end up staying?
sorry for all the questions or any typos. keep up the great work
The comic started off as an AU where we were going to merge some characters together and take the story in the direction that we personally felt would've benefited it. Not really fixing it because that's pretty presumptuous but just where we wanted it to go.
I wouldn't describe these things as "parallels" because My Pride doesn't own such broad tropes? In fact, it pretty much lifted these tropes from Warrior Cats but some MP fans try and pretend that never happened lol. The only similarity we opted for was the disabled protagonist and, even then, we tried to make her differ from Nothing as much as possible.
Hope and Storm were also based on MP OCs who were in a gay relationship that we had already and we naturally weren't gonna change that. Especially since Cat is a butch lesbian and deserves to be able to represent herself through her characters without MP fans insisting that MP copyrights butch lesbians all of a sudden and Hover was such a bad stereotype anyway. Storm's original design also actually came about in 2018, about a year or so before Hover's design was revealed so some similarities are just coincidental because MP's character designs are generic af and making similar looking characters is unavoidable.
We made that change because we wanted to show how a disability can be part of somebody as opposed to a tragedy in their life that hangs over them like it was in MP. Not saying that this is how these kinds of things are always handled in disability media as a whole but we just wanted to handle the disability theme differently from how MP handled it. We also didn't want Hope and Nothing to be viewed as the same character so giving Hope entirely different circumstances was essential for developing her as we have done. As much as I wanna hug Nothing: that's the whole point? We spend the whole series feeling sorry for her because of what happened to her and we didn't want Hope to fall into the same pattern.
No, because we've already established that the lions fear humans and keep well away from them. Even in situations where they could be present like with the Tigress, the irl situation regarding the tigers in South Africa is that their keepers interact with them as little as possible as they are wild tigers destined to be released back into the wilds of China.
Also, I think our lion's philosophical beliefs aren't as obvious to the naked eye as large colonies of cats having a monthly ritual under the moon. lol
It could be argued that all the animals have their own societies going on, yep. Africa is a webcomic by ARVEN92 that explores this kind of thing. We're just personally not going in that direction because it's not important to the plot and it's also too much to develop societies for every single critter out there. lol
All of the above? The territory is slightly more dangerous than the Golden Grove due to it being based around an abandoned mine, so there are shafts where cave-ins and falls can injure and potentially kill the inhabitants. With Diamond's parents (and Bronze) being unfortunate examples. Hence why Bronze and the Tunnel Guards are a thing, they guard the more dangerous parts and help guide lions through them so they don't get hurt. On the other hand, disabled Travellers know the place is pro-Traveller so they will certainly settle there too.
And you're good, I like an excuse to write an essay! Hope these answers clear some things up. c: - RJ
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i need all of them answered for Smitten
omg okay. (from this) (read Smitten here)
1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?
I wanted two povs between Mia and Peter. I usually stick to one character's perspective because I'm not the biggest fan of changing mid story but, for this to work properly, I sort of had to. I originally wanted to have Mia be a Reader character but it was too big of a fic to not give her something more substantial than a nameless face.
2: What scene did you first put down?
The very first paragraph of Peter, post kill, jerking off with blood all over his hands. That was the always how I wanted to start off the story to set the vibes of exactly what was going to come.
3: What’s your favorite line of narration?
I don't know because I don't want to reread all three parts but I am quite fond of the scene in part two where Peter cums simply because she saying his name. Then he cries after and she comforts him. "She found her heart breaking for him, needing to pick up his broken pieces." Like, honey sweetie pie baby girl, no he just molested you and has you locked in a basement who hurt you to be like this.
4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?
This: His eyes widened in shock, “She used to get her servants to torture young girls and kill them. It was rumored that she bathed in their blood. The Blood Countess.” He lifted his head and wiggled his fingers at her, the shadows dancing around his face, “Spooky!” -
Because I like the idea of them having a somewhat normal, lighthearted conversation in the middle of the crazy.
Let's put the rest under a read more because it's getting long.
5: What part was hardest to write?
I haven't written it yet but I already know that it's the ending and figuring out to get everything exactly how I want it. But, up until now, I would say the hardest part is writing Mia in a way that would make everything that's happening to her seem plausible. I needed her to be a very broken woman in order for her to accept the things that she's going through and trying to get that balance right is hard af.
6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?
It's an AU. It's a serial killer/full on non-con fic. It's like nothing I've ever wrote before.
7: Where did the title come from?
The original title was Doll Face because that's what Peter was going to refer to her as before I decided to make her an oc. It became Smitten because it's a short and sweet title that sums up the way Peter "feels" about Mia. The difference between smitten and love: "Being smitten is about hope and promise and enchantment. To love someone is to love his/her person which implies that you actually know the other person, are attached to him/her on multiple levels and that you have a high regard for his/her feelings, thoughts, desires and needs." Peter is smitten. He is not in love.
8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?
Based off anyone: no. Based off general crime media I consume: yes. Have people helped inspire to write parts of this and helped give me some amazing ideas: yes. That would be @liz-allyn and @mrshipsmcgee for being at my beck and call whenever I need inspiration and help.
9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?
So many. The ending (which hasn't even been written yet) could already have about ten different ways it could go. I joked that I was going to write a chose your own ending style fic because I have too many versions of it. There's also about fifty random scenes in my mind that I know will never make it into the final product.
10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?
Peter needed to be sadistic and cruel and also needy af for human contact. Mia needed to be broken and submissive and desperate for love. Together they can make a strange pair that somehow feeds off the other into a very unhealthy co-dependency.
11: What do you like best about this fic?
I love Peter. I love dark shit. I love diving into the psyche of people. I love analyzing characters and figuring out why they do the things they do. Smitten is a good fic for me to play around with all that.
12: What do you like least about this fic?
It's very big. My attempts at making it three parts were too ambitious. I'm afraid I bit off more than I can chew and I'm slowly choking to death.
13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?
THIS by @plainemmanem I listen to it before I start writing to get into the mood and I think it accompanies Smitten perfectly.
14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
lol yeah...don't let yourself get locked in a basement to become a sex slave to a man unless that man looks like Andrew Garfield and then it is okay
15: What did you learn from writing this fic?
I'm a sick fuck with a lot of issues.
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March 2023
(Series: Tensai Oujo to Tensai Reijou no Mahou Kakumei | Artist: Yuri Kisaragi)
No. of Reviews: 4
List of Reviews:
Urasekai Picnic 8
Tensei Oujo to Tensai Reijou no Mahou Kakumei 6
Aohal Devil 2
Danmachi 18
The Winter Anime Season has ended I have Thoughts on the shows I watched.
BOFURI 2 - This one had a rocky first half for me where it was very battle-focused and was starting to feel repetitive but it picked up a lot in the second half. I think once the concept of tame monsters was expanded with the other characters getting their own monsters was when I started to enjoy the series again. The best episode so far has definitely been Maple and Sally’s date episode where Kon and Syrup get power-ups. It was really cute and fun. This was delayed due to COVID so it hasn’t finished airing yet so I might touch back on this next month if anything changes but for now I think this is a solid season that’s not quite as good as the first but is still really enjoyable.
Danmachi 4 part 2 - While I’m glad J.C. Staff decided to give this plot more room to breathe in the anime than they have previous story arcs, I definitely found that it dragged far more than than the novel did. These volume are LONG and I was fine with that in the light novel format because I was able to read them at my own pace but having to be stuck in this plot for week after week with the situation changing little each week really made this season hard to keep interest in. It doesn’t help that it follows a few different groups and it became harder to keep track of who was where. I think this season might work better if it’s binged rather than watched weekly. I do want to give massive props to Saori Hayami though. She was fantastic and really made those emotional scenes land. I do also kind of wish there was one more episode as well to try to end the season on a more lighthearted note. Either an anime original episode, or one adapting parts of volume 15 or, even though it’s meant to take place earlier in the story, it would have been great to have gotten a condensed version of the first story from Familia Chronicle Episode Lyu. I just feel like a light hearted episode would have given us more catharsis after being stuck in this darker storyline for 11 weeks. Still a good season though, especially if you like Lyu, and I look forward to the inevitable season 5.
Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady - A perfect adaptation that reminded me of what makes this series special. The adaptation made the already stellar character work shine. I really enjoyed watching it every week and I’m so glad that Diomedea gave this series the love that it deserves. Also, watching the anime made me appreciate Tilty more. She didn’t make much of an impression on me in the light novels but the anime really made her stand out more. I probably wouldn’t want a second season given how directionless the story feels after volume 3 but it would be cool to see an OVA focusing on Lainie and Ilia and how they get together.
Misfit of Demon Academy 2 - I caught up on this one the week the delay was announced RIP. This season has had a fairly interesting storyline but it’s also messy and confusing and I was already struggling to understand it so this break isn’t going to do it any favors. I’ll probably touch back on this one at the end of Spring season but tbh I don’t remember much from the last episode I watched and I don’t really want to rewatch it so I might give up on it.
Digimon Ghost Game - Caught up on this as soon as it’s end date was announced. And while I don’t regret finishing it, I’m also really glad that I put it on hold when I did because that was such a disappointing finale and I would have been much more pissed about it had I not taken that break. Ghost Game started out so good with a lot of intriguing set-up and fun mysteries but pay-offs for all of those mysteries were really disappointing. It took far too long to advance the plot and when it finally did, the plot was rushed. It suffers from all of the same problems that the Adventure remake did. At least with this one I enjoyed a lot of the stand-alone episdoes so I’ll give it that. And I also want to give big props for Sawashiro Miyuki’s performance as Gammamon as that’s a major reason why I stuck around for so long and why I probably will rewatch this in the future to see if it holds up better if it’s not consumed weekly.
Next season, I am obviously hyped for the second half of The Witch from Mercury and I’m also looking forward to Yuri is my Job which I’ve read some of the manga volumes for and enjoyed. I really want to try Pokemon Horizons. I finally got a switch over christmas because Scarlet/Violet looked so freaking good and I really enjoyed it and it got me back into the franchise. It was my first pokemon game since Black/White 2 because I never got a 3DS so you can imagine how blown away I was by how many advancements the franchise has made. So I want to watch the anime, especially because Sprigatito’s in it, but it’s gonna depend on if I can find a place to watch it weekly in Japanese because I want to hear Suzuki Minori. I’m pretty sure I should be able to watch it with a VPN but we’ll see. Otherwise, I really like the key visuals for The Galaxy Next Door. The plot doesn’t seem all that interesting but I’ll probably check out the first episode.
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Is the shipper worth watching? I've seen you praise it quite a lot and wanted to know your take on it
hi nonny! many apologies for the late response xx
my general feelings about the shipper can be summarised as: aaaaaaaggghhhh the shipper was such a good show i’m so mad it had so many problematic elements that (understandably) keep people away from it. also, it absolutely fascinates me from a storytelling point of view (my original answer to this turned into a a several-thousand-word essay about why the shipper is actually a piece of metafictional genius, but that took me so far from what you're asking that i started again 😅).
so anyway, here's a list of things I like about the shipper, with a big disclaimer that 1) it's been over a year since i watched it so i might have forgotten some things and b) it isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea (and that's okay!). i'll just summarise the stuff i liked, since you can find enough negative reviews of the shipper in other places if you want to, and i'll try to keep this spoiler free in case you decide to watch <3
THINGS I LIKED ABOUT THE SHIPPER:
1) Four (4) of the seven main characters are female, which is UNHEARD of for a gmmtv show (particularly one with bl themes lmao). imo, the female characters (particularly the human ones) are all really well developed and I would die for all of them.
2) The cast is incredible. It used mostly newer and less experienced young actors (with the exception of Ohm, Jennie and First) and it really allowed them to showcase their skills. Also it gave some of the younger gmmtv actresses a chance to have roles that weren't just sidepieces or jealous girlfriends
3) The characters: I love all the characters so much. The shipper is essentially a character-driven show, and they're all fleshed out so well. They initially appear to be fairly stereotypical figures (the smart and hardworking one, his popular jock love interest, the bl fangirls, the evil jealous girlfriend) but they are SO MUCH MORE than that. In fact, that's the whole point of the show--picking apart these narrative archetypes and humanising these characters. Plus, all the characters are genuinely so precious and by the end I was ready to die for pretty much all of them <33
4) The plot and pacing is really good. There were plot twists every other episode, I could never predict what was coming next, and that ending threw me completely. it also straddled the line between multiple genres--fantasy, slice-of-life, romance, mystery, comedy--in a way that felt incredibly fun and fresh.
5) It's funny! In a way that is so delightful and refreshing. It's so fantastically self-aware, and it pokes fun at itself wonderfully--but it's always such gentle humour. It's never cruel or at the expense of any of the characters.
6) The ships! All of the character dynamics are fantastic, all the actors and characters had amazing chemistry, and none of us had any idea who was going to be endgame till the end. (Again, the narrative is very self-aware in this respect.)
7) The relationships (non-romantic): the shipper spends just as much time on friendships and familial relationships as it does on ships. i really liked the way friendship was explored as an important but complicated and difficult part of adolescent identity
8) Its handling of heavier topics, like death, grief, and the complete emotional wreckage of adolescence. It does largely maintain a lighthearted tone throughout, but possibly for that reason I found the times when it did to be startlingly touching and profound.
Some extra thoughts:
- Don't go into it thinking it's a bl. It's not a bl; it contains mlm characters and relationships but it is not primarily a boys' love romance. That's not the story it's trying to tell and if you judge it by those standards then the narrative beats come out looking all wrong. It's a series about a group of teenagers struggling to figure out who they are when their identities are overshadowed by the expectations and narratives projected onto them. Queer romance and identity is a big part of that, but it's not the only thing the series focuses on.
- Not going to go into this too much, but to me, the shipper is an absolutely fascinating exercise in storytelling and narrative, and it only really works if you don’t take it at face value. it's a lot deeper than it seems at first--it's super self-aware and uses its premise to really interrogate lots of harmful bl tropes, and the whole POINT of the series is that appearances lie. All the time. And this is a lesson taught not only to the characters, but to the audience as well. I also find it interesting how the show itself almost never explcitly condemns any of the characters or their actions. The characters do! The audience does! But the show itself deliberately maintains a sort of moral neutrality, and a very purposeful compassion towards all its characters, that is absolutely fascinating, and i'm not sure i've ever seen it anyway else in quite the same way. And i think it's brilliant because it means you can't be a passive audience. The show does things that force the viewer to undertake the same journey that Pan (the main character) does: to decide where they place the line between fiction and reality, what they are okay with. There are bits that are supposed to make you uncomfortable, or go 'wtf'. But depiction isn't necessarily glorification, and it's up to the viewer to decide how to interpret what they see
So, would I recommend the shipper? My answer is: yes, but if you start it and really don't vibe with it, or if you come across bits that make you legitimately uncomfortable, then it might just not be for you and that's okay!
#anonymous#ask response#the shipper#hope this answered your question sjdgfdkj#honestly i love this show sm and i'm never quite sure if i'm romanticising it in my memory or reading too much into it lmao#but honestly i stand by what i said#and it might be a somewhat infamous show but the people who love it really do love it <3#and honestly i'd say it's worth it just to see the fantastic performances by the cast#also i had to check if one of my friends sent this as a joke bc i would Not Be Surprised
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My top 10 Tales games openings
well this is sure to upset some people 😅 Tales games have so many amazing intros i decided to rank them according to my own tastes. I’m only doing the intro songs for the games, so anime songs like "Kaze no Uta" or late-game songs like "Rising Up" or "Party! Love Beat!" are not included (though i love these ones too)
10. “flyaway” by BACK-ON - Tales of the World: Radiant Mythology 2
Irresistibly catchy, makes you want to sing along. A really underrated song but it’s competing with some real bangers, so I sadly can’t put it higher.
9. “Yume de Owarinai” by Yumi Yoshida - Tales of Phantasia
What an iconic intro. Lively but not fast paced, sweet and nostalgic. A great intro to start off the series.
8. “VS” by misono - Tales of the Tempest
Another underrated gem- Tales of the Tempest did poorly but this song did not. It sounds like a Japanese version of Footloose, and I mean that in the best way possible. The boppy rhythm makes you start tapping your foot immediately, and you wanna belt out the English words. (this one’s by misono too haha im biased)
7. “Hibana” by Kankaku Piero -Tales of Arise
Love the fast pace and energy, you have to dance a little while you sing the refrain, it’s so good. Even the Japanese version uses a lot of English that doesn’t make sense but it’s ok, you’re singing fast enough that no one can tell what the words are anyway.
6. “Song 4 U” by Ayumi Hamasaki - Tales of Xillia 2
An excellent emotional piece, perfect for Xillia 2’s story. The game even remixes it into an epic boss theme and an emotional orchestral one, which I always love. I know my association between the games and songs makes me biased, which is why I think that I’d love this song even more if I enjoyed Xillia 2 more.
5. “Burn” by Flow - Tales of Berseria
Just a great song, it starts pretty and calm then comes right at you with such vivacity and an infallible melody. Suits the game and characters so well. This song is here to kick ass.
4. “White Light” by Superfly - Tales of Zestiria
So badass. I adore that it’s basically about punk kindness, like ‘I’m here to make the world a better place bitch suck it up.’ I do feel like it doesn’t quite match the tone of Zestiria, which is usually more lighthearted or somber instead of rebellious, but the message absolutely matches and it just sounds so so good. Only complaint is that it’s completely out of my range, I can only sing the “na na na” part but I don’t mind that much, the singer is incredible.
3. “Mamoritai: White Wishes” by BoA - Tales of Graces f
This song, and Tales of Graces itself, are so, so corny. It sounds like the ending credits theme to a Disney Channel original movie. I love it. I wanna sing it into a crappy High School Musical-themed karaoke machine.
2. “Starry Heavens” by misono (Day After Tomorrow) - Tales of Symphonia
This is a good song. I know it’s not nostalgia this time because I didn’t know this song existed until a few years after I beat Symphonia; I only knew the orchestral North American Gamecube song. Starry Heaven is just stellar (pun intended), it suits the game, it carries emotion as it goes through the verses, then rises up into an iconic refrain. A great song to get a crowd cheering.
1. “Karma” by Bump of Chicken - Tales of the Abyss
As much as I love these other songs, I doubt anything will top Karma. Its melody is so incredible it works in all of its variations, from the original with awesome vocals to sing along with to the epic guitar solo in the NA localized version to the emotional remixes like Mirrors or Meaning of Birth that make me wanna cry. And those ending notes? Everyone likes them. Just brilliant. Perfection.
#tales series#tales of#id like to see other ppls lists too if mutuals want to share 👀#honorable mentions to xillia 1 and dotnw openings i like them too#i am largely blinded by nostalgia here i admit but not entirely bc i dont care for ring a bell and that was my first tales game#'ring a bell fans have entered the chat' sorry guys it just doesnt do it for me
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This one is a winding one, that spans the entire show. But hang with me on this.
Dean’s journey of self can be mapped out in musical performance.
Let me explain.
It’s not until later in the series that we learn that he wanted to be a rock star (Rock Never Dies and Bad Boys being the big ones here), but it’s not hard to spot from the beginning. .
So let’s look!
In season 1, we have Dean singing for the first time. He belts out “Fire of Unknown Origin” by Blue Oyster Cult while pranking Sam with the spoon. This is a happy-go-lucky Dean. He’s having a lighthearted moment and his performance is on-key, with good tone. A little behind on rhythm, but whatever, he’s not paying much attention. He even plays drums on the wheel. That’s pure Dean. He and Sam are still getting used to each other here. He probably sang a ton on the road when it was just him.
In season 2, Dean, while Sam is in the car, sings “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon after a somewhat flirty encounter with Jo Harvelle. He’s on key, but breathy, possibly because it’s a little above his singing range. It’s warbly but not bad. And he gets a deep, deep side-eye from Sam along with a “You’re kidding, right?”
And you can literally see the light just leave Dean’s eyes here as he shuts it down. “I heard the song somewhere and I can’t get it out of my head, I don’t know man.” Because Dean isn’t just reading Sam’s judgement as a bratty little brother judgement. It hits Dean hard that singing, and singing that song in particular is not masculine enough, and so he clamps down on it. Dean is still grieving John here, and still in a point in his life where he feels he has to be like John.
John would not sing REO.
In season 3, we get three musical moments from Dean. The first one being in A Very Supernatural Christmas where they both sing a very bad, shaky, nonsensical version of Silent Night. It’s played for laughs with the dirty santa, so it doesn’t quite count, but it is a performance so there you go.
Later in season 3, we have the first instance we see of Dean exuberantly lip synching. His singing has been silenced from the REO incident, but he loves music and performing so much, that he can’t help bopping his head along and lip syncing to Heat of the Moment. But it’s manly you see, because he’s not really singing, and “Dude. Asia.”
The last season 3 musical moment we get is Sam and Dean singing Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi. He sings loud, and he sings off-key here. A small part of me thinks he’s flat because the song isn’t in his range...but a bigger part of me thinks his flatness here is performative. “I love to sing, but it’s socially unacceptable for me to love to sing because I’m a DUDE and singing is for people with feelings, and I don’t show those ever.”
Season 4 gave us the infamous Eye of the Tiger scene. Obviously the outtake goes WAY harder than what’s in the episode, but it’s another instance of Dean lip syncing with some added air drums. When Dean performs he goes all in. Even in small moments like this, there’s such feeling and joy in it. This is the real Dean - the Dean he wants to be, shining through.
The next time Dean performs something musical is in season 7, where he lip syncs “I’m All out of Love” by Air Supply. Again, the outtake actually has him singing, but he emotionally mouths the words in the actual episode, much to Sam’s annoyance (NOT because it’s not masculine, But because Dean is lamenting not driving the Impala, and Sam’s just acutely aware that his brother is deeply strange). We’re getting closer though, in terms of Dean’s comfort with himself. His facial expressions alone are indicative that he does not give a damn what Sam thinks in this moment, and that’s really new for him.
In season 9...we get Bad Boys. Fifteen-year-old Dean in Bad Boys is such an emotional topic. He was learning to play guitar, being given support for the first time since Mary’s death, and was really allowed to be himself. He explicitly wanted to be a musician - a rock star, and at the very least he was on his way to being a proficient musician. This, of course, is all left behind once John shows back up to get him, and Dean decides to leave the boys’ home. We assume that his performative behavior starts here, as chronologically, the next time we see flashback younger Dean is in After School Special (season 5), where he is seventeen and playing a literal, stereotypical bad boy.
And then…
And then we get season 10, and Demon Dean.
Oh, Demon Dean.
Not only does Demon Dean have sexual adventures with Crowley, but Demon Dean sings karaoke. He fiddles around on a piano. While Demon Dean is crippled by his very human depression in his episodes with Crowley, he also can’t be bothered at all with the performative stoic masculinity he normally tries so hard to exude. So he sings, because he wants to. But he sings badly, and he sings songs that human Dean - not even a Dean who’s not being performative - would sing.
It’s almost a mockery of his old self’s dreams of musicianship and rock stardom. “Fuck the old me. Fuck his weaksauce insecurities and fuck his stupid fucking dreams,” is what those song choices and sour notes seem to say.
And then...we have season 11, and with season 11, we have “Baby.” It makes sense that Bob Seager is a favorite of Dean’s. It’s really simple, straightforward music, that’s surprisingly emotional, and easy to sing (unless you’re trying to emulate Bob’s rasp. I can feel my throat getting scratchy just thinking about it). It’s often about loss, heartache and what it means to have a lonely existence. It’s also been used on the show before (Beautiful Loser plays over the montage of Dean living an apple pie life in the season 6 opener to great effect).
So in “Baby,” not only does Dean talk about the wisdom of “Night Moves,” but he and Sam sing it, happily, after a night of sexual adventures...or misadventures. “MIstakes were made,” Dean says after a wild night.
Hm. Mistakes.
But in any case, a relaxed and non-performative Dean comfortably sings Night Moves, and sings it well.
In Season Twelve’s Rock Never Dies, we see Dean playing the role of a rock star and doing it badly. It’s an incredibly confused disguise because he’s trying to keep up his performative masculinity while also being excited to be a rock star. It’s a failed disguise to say the least. The little boy in Dean trying to play out a fantasy while trying to be who he thinks he has to be.
And finally, in season 15, Dean sings Good Ol’ Boys with his old friend Lee, who coaxes him on stage, teasing him about lip syncing to Eye of the Tiger in his car, which means two things:
1. Dean’s penchant for lip syncing is well-known by friends and family alike. We only ever see Sam’s reaction previous to this, but it’s implied that other people have caught him in the act.
2. There is someone in Dean’s life who knows he can sing well and encourages him to do so.
And then...the lighting. This has been pointed out many, many times, but the light in Lee’s bar is uh…
Well, it’s the bi flag, isn’t it? It’s important to note that I don’t know whether this was on purpose or not. But it certainly exists.
We have this scene where Dean is being coaxed into setting aside his performative behavior and be his true, honest self, for the first time we’ve seen in fifteen years of musical performance, either vocal or mimed.
I wish we’d gotten more of these moments of musicality from him, but the ones we do get a damn gift.
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A comprehensive list of all my Ghost au's
this post will be talking about all of the ghost au's ive created or co-created including talking about ghost au's from old fandom's that i am no longer in.
if you want to ask about any of my au's my ask box and dm's are always open this includes the hermitcraft au but keep it to a minimum please
also if any of the creator's of the characters have said that they arent comfortable with what im making ( with proof ofc) i will edit or delete what is needed to fit in the boundaries
also another thing this is a long post if you just want the art go under the cut!
this post will discuss how each au works and basic plot stuff about them
the fandoms in this post are hermitcraft, epithet erased, and dsmp
okay first things first-
my hermitcraft au (what a pity)-
On my old tumblr account I made a few posts about it along with a fanfic which never got finished due to me not wanting to interact with the fandom any more due to personal reasons and also I'm not very good at writing imo but I think I'm ready to talk about it again.
Just keep in mind i will most likely not talk about this fandom ever again at least not on here again for personal preference : -)
it was about season 6 Grian since he was who i was hyperfixating on at the time, being haunted by the ghosts of Sam and Taurtis, both of them from the old roleplay series' Yandere High School, and Tokyo Soul, and taurtis from Grians old-ish smp Evo.
Since I never finished the fanfiction nobody but me and close friends ever got to hear the full story i had planned but now you will i guess.
It was mainly just grian stressing about Sam and Taurtis being ghosts and him worrying about being crazy, though he would still join the hippies during the area 77 war he would be significantly more stressed especially when finding out that Sam and Taurtis have been possessing his body during the night, he’s more worried about Sam though because of his track record back in the other servers( yhs and ts) it was going to be that Sam (although death isn't permanent) would go on a killing spree in Grians body which would cause the area 77 guys to put him in the facility to see what's going on with him, and it didn't get further then that.
My favorite part of this au much like all of my au’s were the design elements i had for it which i'll have under the cut with the other designs.
Now for a rundown of how the ghost physics work in this world, in typical ghost fashion Sam and Taurtis were not able to touch or move anything, but they were able to interact with Grian, him being the only person who could see/hear/or touch them. Their only super natural abilities is being able to possess Grian.
Okay! Time for my Epithet Erased au!:
Unlike what a pity this one doesn't have a name or a fanfic to go with it as said before i'm not exactly a writer but i have talked about it a bit before on this account along with posting the designs and general concept but i'll go more in depth here!
As said in my original post this au was a co-creation with my best friend and sibling @brocolibean so go check bun out ^^
Unlike ‘What a Pity’ it was more lighthearted and comedy centric because it dealt with a bit more and also the original show is a comedy. This au didn't include the character’s epithets so they are all humans. This will also include talking about house each ghost died so if your uncomfortable hearing about that you might want to skip the ghosts portion
Just like the original post I'll separate the story summary into 3 parts with intervals in between to talk about the ghosts.
First we have the Banzai boys part of the story. Giovanni, Spike, Dark Star, Crusher, Flame Thrower, Car Crash, and Ben all decide to move into a house together so they could all easily split the rent since its close to their collage, the house, which they get for cheap, is aa very old house with sketchy history. But it's a huge house for cheap so they don't complain they encounter the ghosts very early on living in the house and they swear to figure out how they died so they can get their memory back!
The ghosts, Molly, Sylvie, Trixie, and Pheonica have no memory! All they know is that there are ghosts! They are connected to the property of this house but if you where to get something- like perhaps a stone from the property the ghost is still technically attached to it therefore the ghost can go with you anywhere
Speaking of-
-Phoenicia Fleecity is one of the last ghosts to show herself, her body is found in the overgrown garden flowers growing over her skeleton, she is from the victorian era making her the oldest out of the ghosts though he death is the most mysterious
-Molly Blindeff is the first ghost the group meets her decomposed body is found buried in the floorboards of the living room, found when gio decided that the house needed renovation and taking matters into his own hands, she died via blunt force trauma i will not be going into detail here because i'm still thinking of doing something with this au she died in the early 2000’s
-Sylvester Ashling is the second ghost to show himself though he didn't want to, his body was found in the bottom of the pond in the backyard of the house in the garden. His body while it was decomposing and falling apart was still intact, bloated from drowning. Again i wont go into detail but this wasn't an accident time of death is unknown
-Trixie Roughhouse is the third person to show themselves to the Banzai Blasters she is found in the bushes in the backyard her face disfigured from some sort of explosion unlike the others it seems like it was purely an accident, like sylvie their time of death is unknown
Mera Salamin is the collages part time librarian nicknamed “the library witch” she started seeing her ghost after obtaining a neck bow with a blue pendant from a pawnshop she got it cause it was pretty and didn't expect a himbo to come along with it
-Indus Tarbella is a ghost who is attached to the pendant and bow Mera wear it used to be his own until he was decapitated wearing it through he was properly buried he has no troublesome memories about what happened even after seeing his body he’s just happy to be with Mera
Percival King is a security guard at the college and one of the best at that, she wields a story she got from a pawn shop as its her preferred weapon she takes her job very seriously
-Ramsey and Zora both died by the same sword while fighting neither remember who wielded the sword, even after death they hate each other and hate being bound together even more
Everyone ends up meeting and finding out they all have ghost hijinks ensue.
The way ghosts work in this world is a bit strange I'll admit but it's one of my favorites.
The ghosts can interact with the human world(menma style) but
they can only talk to the others who can see them (the Banzai Blasters, mera and percy) and the ghosts can interact with each other ghosts in this au attach themselves to an item or property that has someway to do with their death, the kids in the property, Indus it's the bow, and the sword duo is well, the sword Percy carries. As alluded to from before Gio and the rest of the boys end up carrying a bit of the property with them in the form of friendship bracelets four for each of them which makes 28 different bracelets so the kids can decide who to follow around for the day.i talked about how percy and Mera’s items work enough but i would like to mention that Indus does most of the heavy lifting around the library but becaus enoone else can see indus they assume she’s magical, the glowing pendant doesn't help.
The last two au’s i want to talk about are both dream smp au’s
though i've never talked about them online until now, again thanks to @brocolibean for letting me brain vomit my way through these au’s and helping me out with things i love them please check him out
I'll be honest i'm so scared of this fandom so i'm afraid to talk about my au’s please be nice to me
Also this is all roleplay and fiction!<3
The first one i'll talking about is the dsmp ghost hunters au
Sam runs a company where groups of people hunt ghosts for money!
Those groups being
Phil, Technoblade, Wilbur,Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo
Dream, George, Sapnap, Quackity, Karl
Bad, ant, Skeppy, and Puffy
There’s most likely more but there the only people i can think of at this moment
The only canonical ghost being Schlatt
This au doesn't have a proper story perse it's more about gags and stuff about the different character fighting over ghosts for money but the story stuff i do have-
Sbi family dynamic is real here you can rejoice, Phil adopts Tubbo after his dad (Schlatt) kicks the bucket and fucking dies , Tubbo befriend’s Ranboo some mysterious teen who just desperately needs a job so he- and the rest of the Minecraft family help him get one- though they find out Ranboo isnt as human as he was made out to be and he finds out he’s this worlds version of angels called ender’s and he’s there to protect Tubbo and Tommy which explains why the more violent ghosts start being less violent at the arrival of Ranboo joining their team.
Bad isn't human either being a demon his entire group know’s plus quackity. Quackity found out but squirting him with holy water through a water gun but don't worry he promised not to tell anyone; -)
Bad and Ranboo know about each other because they see each other as their true forms
The minecraft fam found out about Schlatt being a ghost through Tommy- despite Tubbo telling him not to- telling them from calling up and paying for them to investigate their own house saying “technically i didn't tell them” they ended up not getting rid of Schlatt though
I'm not going to talk about how the ghosts here work because it's not super important to the plot
The second au is another ghost au where the main characters are ghosts themselves,
like the others its mainly lighthearted and comedic with dark attributes
The plot surrounds the sbi family moving into a new house and Tommy finding out it's being haunted by two ghost’s. Those ghosts being Tubbo and Ranboo
This au isn't fully figured out but I know that he found out he was haunted by sending a selfie to someone(possibly Drista and Purpled? Since there are only other minors who were part of the dsmp lore? But ultimately idk) and them being like “yo i didn't know you had friends” and him being like “?????”
Tubbo died from a boiler exploding and Ranboo died from drowning (which are apparently my two favorite deaths) this also doesn't have an official story? It was just an excuse to make ghost designs with a bit of a story without the commitment
As said before it's a sbi au but also a Dadschlatt au cuz I like Dadschlatt au’s.
The main story bits i have are background stuff for Tubbo and Ranboo which ill elaborate now
The house was originally meant to be just a summer home because it had a large lake in the backyard Ranboo’s family would go there often but that doesn't mean his family liked him very much because of his heterochromia, Vitiligo, and his height his family thought he was strayed from god and drowned him
Tubbo died during sleep while Schlatt wasn't home either out drinking or just at work he came home to the house being partially blown up and his son nowhere to be seen he calls Puffy out of fear and she calls the cops. He moves away and most likely starts drinking a bit more.
The house gets rebuilt and now the sbi live there hijinks ensue!
The ghosts in this au work in a simpler manor only Tommy can see them unless a photo is taken but even then they are blurred, they can float and go through walls and their ability to touch things is limited Ranboo’s memory is worse then Tubbo’s but Tubbo’s isn’t much better.
below the cut will be designs and stuff be safe pal's- there will be minor/cartoony blood-
rip me exposing my old art on this account also i'm ripping these from my fucking amino account that i don't use but still have the password too
gonna do the original what a pity drawins first them ill show a more recent rendition because i hate the old drawings
these are the old drawins i hate them
then,,, i just drew them,,,,, fuck these guys/j
thses are the old sprite edits of these four! trixies design is the only one that really changed
the ded;-; i couldnt fit him on the page
there he is! ft indus and very much alive mera(who i cant figure out how to FUCKING DRAW-)
gay's get wilbur'd/j
they lookin for ghosts
the whole fmaily is here but its quality is shit
these bitches dead! good for them,,, good for them,,,,,,/j/rp
#LET FUCKIGN RE TRY THIUS'#LETS HOPE IT ACTUALLY SHOWS UP IN THE FUCKING TAGS#FUCK#no fucking arounf this time: -/#long post#au talk#EE Ghost au#hermitcraft au#not maintagging hermitcraft im scared of u bitches/Lh#grian#samgladiator#btw i dont support sam gladiator i think he's a prick#he can go suck a dick/srs#taurtis#yandere high school#tokyo soul#epithet erased#wont tag the characters unless their drawn#molly blyndeff#mera salamin#indus tarbella#dr sylvester ashling#trixie roughouse#phoenica fleecity#zora salazar#ramsey murdoch#dsmp au#dsmp tommy#dsmp tubbo#dsmp ranboo
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A List Of Norman Reedus Movies/Shows I Have Seen And My Opinions On Them
1. The Boondock Saints
The Best. A classic. Bloody and inappropriate and if I remember my count correctly, contains 194 “fucks” or variations of it (this movie certainly illustrates the diversity of the word). Terrible Irish accents. A KICKASS soundtrack. Willem DeFoe crossdressing. Dropping toilets on people’s heads. Over the top action sequences. Cheesy dialogue. Campy as fuck. I freakin’ love it.
2. The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day
Some people didn’t like this one as much as the first one, and I admit that I wasn’t as fond of the new detective in this one as I was of Smecker...but, overall, I really enjoyed it and I drove 2 hours to see it in theaters. I love Romeo more than Rocco. The humor was on point. It was nice to see the original actors for Doc, Dolly, Duffy and Greenley. There was more terrible Irish accents, another KICKASS soundtrack, cheesy dialogue, over the top action sequences, still campy as fuck. I freaking love it.
3. The Walking Dead
Cannot even describe how much I love this show. I have ALWAYS loved zombie related shows and movies so this show was right up my alley from the very beginning all the way back in 2010. I watched it religiously every Sunday. I adore this roller coaster ride of a show and I especially adore Daryl, Carol and Jerry.
This show has it all: Comedy, drama (hella lots of that), tragedy and triumph...and it never fails to pulls me in and hold my interest.
4. Mimic
Honestly, I saw this a LONG time ago and I hated it because...well, because I have a cockroach phobia, ok?! Don’t judge. Norman’s part was pretty small, not one of his lasting impressions on me.
5. Six Ways To Sunday
This is a weird one. It’s about an overly innocent 18 year (played by Norman) who gets involved in the Mob and develops an alter ego that’s violent and his complete opposite. There’s murder, prostitutes and good ol’ fashioned mother-son incest and it wasn’t a movie I suggest for the lighthearted or anyone with those sort of triggers.
That being said, I watched the whole thing and didn’t hate it. It was just uncomfortable...as seems to be a theme with Norman Reedus movies.
6. Dark Harbor
This fucking movie...
Ok, so, I’ll be straight with you: I really enjoyed this dumbass movie. It had me guessing right up to the very end and it took me on a very strange ride along the way.
If watching someone sexually feed a woman a poisonous mushroom, lots of dark eyed staring scenes or Norman Reedus making out with Alan Rickman is your thing, then go for it.
7. Let the Devil Wear Black
It’s modern Hamlet. What else is there to say? If you like Hamlet, you’ll like this movie. If you like pre-car accident, baby face Reedus with the black hair, you’ll like this movie. I liked it.
8. 8MM
You know what the best thing about this movie is? Nicholas Cage. He steals the damn show no matter what movie he’s in and no one can even deny that fact. Norman’s part in this one is pretty small too but I liked this movie anyway because...well, Nick Cage. Enough said.
9. Bad Seed
I honestly can’t remember how this movie ends, all I remember was that it wasn’t at all how I expected it. I liked this movie because it’s a psychological thriller and that’s my most favorite genre of all time. The movie’s premise is a guy suspects his wife of having an affair and comes home one night and finds her murdered so he goes after her lover (Reedus) to try and kill him because he believes he was the one who killed her. It’s a cat and mouse chase sort of thing...now I need to rewatch it because I can’t, for the life of me, remember how it ends.
10. Gossip
Ok, no JOKE, this is the best movie I ever randomly discovered and I can’t believe how many people have never heard of it! It’s got some big names in it (Lena Headey, Norman Reedus, James Marsden and Kate Hudson to name a few).
It’s a psychological thriller/mystery drama in which three friends start a rumor at their school as a social experiment for their class. The rumor grows, however, and suddenly it’s out of their hands and spiraling out of control. People start getting hurt, reputations get dragged through the mud and then it escalates to the point of someone losing their life. The three main characters {Reedus, Headey and Marsden) try to figure out the truth behind the out of control rumors and discover more than they ever imagined, or ever wanted.
I HIGHLY recommend this movie. I really, REALLY do. The ending is one of the best twists I’ve seen in a LONG time.
11. The Beatnicks
This movie is so weird. It’s like...it’s just really weird. It revolves around two beat poets who find a magic box that somehow magically helps them get good at being poets but it’s like...an evil box and so they decide to only use it once and then get rid of it. Yeah, it’s a weird movie. Not my highest suggestion.
12. Blade II
Ok, if you’ve never seen the Blade Trilogy then I just don’t even know what to tell you.
My favorite of the three movies, Blade 2 gives us the glorious Reedus character of Scud, the pot smoking, horrible-shirt-wearing, mechanical genius and Blade’s sidekick. Not only is he precious and adorable, the movie in all is enjoyable and has a fun rave-esque soundtrack.
The one thing I hate? *SPOILER ALERT* Scud’s scummy betrayal.
13. Tough Luck
This is another one of those movies that I liked but it’s just so freaking weird.
It’s a psychological drama where a down on his luck con artist, Archie (Reedus), tries to rip off a carnival worker and gets caught. As punishment, he’s hired to work at the carnival to pay off the debt. He gets involved in a scheme to murder the owner’s wife, but falls in love with her in the process.
Things go to shit. He gets the short end of the stick. More plots and lies develop. It’s all twisted until the end and the answers fall into place.
I really like this movie, it’s one that I kept and still have my copy of.
A word of warning though, never leave this movie on your movie shelf for your father to find and watch while you’re away at college, resulting in your mother calling you and asking you why you have such a nasty movie. Because the sex scene at the end is OUTRAGEOUS. I mean, it is the FUNNIEST fucking sex scene I have ever seen in my life and I can’t ever watch it without cringing and laughing. My mother, however, didn’t think it was funny at all and my father was too shocked to even form a sentence.
I highly suggest this trippy as hell movie.
14. Octane
Ok, to be fair, this movie is actually alright, although Norman’s character gets the shittiest death possible. I mean, imagine dying because some psycho vampire kisses you and bites your tongue out. That’s one shitty death.
But, overall, this is a good thriller. Johnathan Rhys Meyers plays the villain and he’s always pretty quality. The story is basically a teenager has a disagreement with her mom and gets picked up by this drugged up, blood sucking, vampire wannabe cult and indoctrinated joining them. Her mother joins up with a tow truck driver (Reedus) whose daughter was also kidnapped years ago and who has been hunting the cult down ever since.
It was a cringe filled, yet interesting, movie and I didn’t hate it.
15. John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns
This is John Carpenter....OF COURSE I liked this one.
I won’t say what it’s about because that would ruin the story, but it’s part of an anthology and John Carpenter loved Norman’s role so much he STILL talks about it today and suggests Norman to people in the industry.
It’s a good one if you’re into horror shorts or anthologies or the genius of the legend that is John Carpenter.
16. A Crime
I had completely forgotten about this movie until I started making this post, but now that I remember...I REALLY liked this one!!
This is a pretty sad one, but it was very good and Norman’s acting in it is absolutely wonderful. His character’s wife was murdered and the suspect was never found so his neighbor, who really likes him, creates a fake culprit so that he can finally get some closure.
This is a good one. I suggest this one if you’re in the mood for a strange sort of romance movie that has underlying thriller tones.
17. Moscow Chill
I remember watching this one, and I remember enjoying it, but I honestly can’t remember anything about it except that it’s a Russian film in which Norman plays a computer hacker who gets hired to hack into a Russian bank and gets caught and put in prison. But I honestly can’t remember what happens in detail.
If you like foreign movies with hacking and subterfuge plots, then give it a try because I do remember enjoying it while I watched.
18. Red Canyon
This one is kinda fucked up. Imagine Daryl Dixon mixed with Breaking Bad mixed with Deliverance and you’ve pretty much got the story...
A brother and sister return to their mother’s hometown to settle things and put their horrible past behind them...but upon returning they end up reliving the nightmare all over again.
It’s a good thriller/horror watch, but there are scenes of sexual violence so if that’s not something you can handle, then don’t watch this one.
19. Hero Wanted
This. Is. A. GOOD. Movie.
Cuba Gooding Jr. is the lead and he does an AMAZING job. Gooding’s character is a garbage man who falls in love with a girl who never takes any notice of him. To get her attention, he stages a heist in which he is supposed to jump in, save the day, and win the girl...only the heist turns out to be real and he is shot and the girl is also shot in the process. He sets out for revenge and gets in way over his head.
Norman’s part in this isn’t very big...but HOLY SHIT, was it impactful. His character didn’t have a lot of screen time, in comparison to a lot of other people, but he had a solid backstory and reason for being involved and MY GOD did I cry about it. This was actually the first movie of his I watched AFTER discovering Boondock Saints and it solidified my love for his acting abilities.
A very good watch. Highly suggest.
20. Messengers 2: The Scarecrow
This one is pretty ok, actually, as far as lame horror movies go.
The plot is simple: Blonde, beardy, corn farmer Norman gets slowly driven insane by the haunted scarecrow in his field that he thinks putting up is a good idea for some damn reason. He starts to get more and more violent and rapey as time goes on until his family is forced to take up arms against him.
It’s not bad. Second part in what I THINK is a trilogy? I’ve only ever seen the first two. If you like horror movies then this one is a good watch. As I mentioned though, there is an attempted rape scene in this one so just be aware.
21: Pandorum
It’s an alien movie. Astronauts run into a species that is stronger and hungry for tasty humans. Shepard (Norman’s character) doesn’t make it out alive. If you’re not in the mood to see Norman get LITERALLY gutted or other characters get nommed by aliens, then don’t watch.
If you ARE, then go ahead and watch, because it was pretty alright.
#norman reedus#panja speaks#I just thought anyone wanting to check out more of his stuff should have a starting point
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CSI Musings
Season 6, Episode 3: "Bite Me"
I rewatched “Bite Me” last night, and I’ve been thinking about the conversation between Sara and Grissom in the bedroom at the victim's house. Given that we have zero context for the somewhat pointed exchange that Sara and Grissom have while supposedly talking about the case but seemingly actually talking about their relationship, I’ve decided that to the extent this conversation is about their relationship (which it may not be at all), I interpret their exchange as taking place in a broader context where the two of them having been discussing living together and Sara has been the one to be hesitant to take that step. My reasoning and rambling thoughts below.
***
To start the scene, Sara seems to think it’s totally normal that the husband and wife may be sleeping in separate beds. She also appears to be the first one of them to relate the situation at the scene directly to her and Grissom’s relationship, by listing insomnia and working at night as reasons for separate beds—both of which seem like reasons she and Grissom would identify with. (Another good reason not on her list might be being in a secret relationship that cannot be revealed to one’s coworkers/surrogate family, just saying.) It seems somewhat weird for Grissom to respond to this comment from Sara that gives a lot of space to each of them in their relationship with a statement basically saying, "Hey I need space."
In other words if Grissom's comment that "maybe they were suffocating each other and he couldn’t breathe" is about him, the subtext of the exchange between him and Sara essentially goes: "There are lots of reasons to have some personal space away from someone you otherwise want to spend time with." "We spend too much time together, I need more space." Sara essentially is offering up reasons for two people in a relationship to have private spaces and experiences, and if that's what Grissom wants from their relationship, it seems weird that he would respond antagonistically rather than with agreement. Unless Grissom doesn't want to be with Sara at all and so is upping the ante in their conversation, which I think we can take off the table not only because of how much he clearly loves her and has previously shown us he wants to spend all of his time with her, but also for reasons discussed more below about where Grissom is on his romantic journey by the time we get to Season 6.
So I interpret Grissom’s comment that “maybe they were suffocating each other and he couldn’t breathe” to not actually be about him, but rather him implying/questioning whether she feels suffocated. He’s using “he” here because he’s ostensibly talking about the husband, who may have killed his wife and needs a potential motive. But Grissom doesn’t look at Sara when he says this line, which to me makes it seem less likely he’s telling her how he himself feels. If he really felt “suffocated” it seems to me that he would want on some level to push her away, but keeping his eyes averted makes his comment less assertive. (It also stops him from having to see her response, which would make sense if he’s feeling vulnerable and is afraid that she might confirm his fears in her expression.)
Sara seems sort of annoyed by Grissom’s comment, but doesn’t seem particularly affronted or caught off guard. She almost rolls her eyes when she turns to the nightstand, as if he had brought up a preexisting point of contention. I would think if my boyfriend that I also worked with constantly and had been in love with for years but just started finally dating said he couldn’t breathe around me, I would be pretty upset! But she takes Grissom’s comment in stride, and then chooses to continue the conversation by saying “you don’t have to sleep in the same bed to have sex…or romance.” I read Sara’s comment about sex and romance to be focused on the “romance” part more than the “sex” part, given the way she pauses before she adds “…or romance.” Again, maybe I’m just overly emotional, but if my boyfriend had just said he felt suffocated by me I wouldn’t choose that moment to push the subject further by talking about how much romance we could have in our relationship.
My read is that she emphasizes romance here because the question of what her and Grissom’s relationship is all about is a larger topic of conversation between them at this time: if they’re not living together does that mean it’s just sex between them? Clearly Sara doesn’t think that has to be the rule. But Grissom is afraid that she doesn’t want to live with him because she’s feeling suffocated and like she can’t breathe. Sara is trying to reassure him that they can still be romantic even if they’re not living together. And it seems to work, because their final exchange before Grissom leaves is lighthearted and has none of the angst you would expect if they were fighting because one of them actually felt suffocated. It makes more sense to me that it is the fear that one of them feels suffocated that underlies this exchange.
This all begs the question of whether/why Sara might be hesitant about moving in with Grissom, particularly given that from what we’ve seen she’s been the more aggressive one in their relationship and he’s been the one holding back. But I actually think it makes a lot of sense in this particular moment. Sara desperately wants a relationship with Grissom, but she’s already given up her life for Grissom once (in moving from San Francisco to Vegas) and then had him ultimately reject her after giving her what would have felt like a runaround. She’s never really had a home, and she lost the only one she had before in an incredibly traumatic fashion. The idea of living with Grissom and building a real home together would likely be as terrifying as it would be exhilarating.
It also makes sense to me that Grissom would want to live with Sara basically as soon as they start having sex. We know that Grissom is not one to have sex without love, so it would be important to him that their relationship be explicitly defined as one based in love (romance). Living together is a very clear step indicating that a relationship is not just about sex, but is about the larger connection and partnership between two people.
Also, Grissom has already fought through his fear of being with Sara in Seasons 4 and 5, and I believe that by the time he chooses to be with her he already knows that he wants to be with her in every way forever. He enters their relationship knowing that it was coming, and having time to prepare himself emotionally for what it will mean to actually be with Sara in real life, not just in his fantasies. Sara, on the other hand, has finally gotten what she’s desperately wanted in getting to be with Grissom, but is only now in the stage of actively having to fight against her own natural inclination to protect and guard herself against the vulnerability that comes from a serious, long-term relationship because actually being with him is only now real. For her, he had pushed her away for years despite clearly having feelings for her, and she had far less warning that the dynamic of their relationship was going to change when it did in mid-Season 5. Obviously she is very happy (they have sex and romance!), and I don’t think her hesitancy to move in together lasts very long. But it makes sense to me that it might take her a moment to get to the point of being comfortable fully entwining their lives for reasons that are not ultimately about Grissom or their relationship really.
I also think it’s noteworthy that this is one of multiple episodes in a row in early Season 6 that Grissom and Catherine primarily work the case together, and Grissom and Sara spend only a small amount of time together despite them both being on the case. This is a contrast to the back half of Season 5 when they’re on nearly every case together (granted, Graveyard is small in that part of Season 5 with half the team gone, but with the addition of Sofia Grissom still wouldn’t have needed to basically only work with Sara the way he does.) If I remember correctly, in much of later Season 6 and Season 7 he and Sara work together all the time again. I’m so curious how the original Gum Drops script and reveal may have led to later Season 6 episodes that could have explained this scene in Bite Me, and the overall Sara-Grissom dynamic in early Season 6.
(Also y'all, their little flashlight hellos to each other at the beginning of this scene are THE CUTEST.)
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Have a ⭐star⭐ for a specific part of CHFIL you feel like talking about
HIIII HELLO I saw your reply about the almost kiss and I’d LOVE to talk about it so LET’S GO!!!!
The almost kiss was a part of the story’s DNA from the very beginning! Like, when I planned the story out back in late July/early August, there was always going to be a scene where Isa and Phineas got swept up in the music and almost kissed before being like “wAIT UM OH NO!!!” and freaking out. Originally, I intended this moment to be the catalyst to Isabella reaccepting her feelings for Phineas. That was going to be her big arc in the story, just warming up to him again and realizing it was okay to let herself have feelings for him. (Eventually, I realized it was more fun to just write her being unabashedly in love with him pretty early on😂. So her arc became more about overcoming anxiety and reaffirming hers and Phineas’s friendship!)
It took awhile to figure out the logistics of how the scene would work. Like originally I think I had them just jamming at the park? Like, maybe Phineas had a guitar, and they were just practicing and then got caught up in the moment? But THEN I got the idea for them to make Candace’s music room into a recording studio. Here’s some notes from when I came up with the basic gist of the scene!!!
Well. Phineas and isabella record the song as they arranged it….and it goes a little too well. since it’s a scratch recording, they don’t worry about singing into far away microphones and are really close to each other while singing….they keep making eye contact...and getting really into the song. At the lyric “take my hand” one of them subconsciously takes the other’s hand (haven’t decided who yet). The song ends….and they’re still standing there in the studio, completely isolated from the outside world….they lean in, closer and closer and almost kiss……..and then, in the words of Elphaba, “reality sets back in” and they realize what’s going on and are like “a a A A A A H”.
Aaaaand I’m going to put the rest of this below a cut because it got pretty long, lol!
SO. Originally, the Almost Kiss was going to take place in Chapter 4....but then the flashback took over that chapter, so I pushed it back to Chapter 5. ....but THEN the Football X7 subplot (which was not a part of the original outline, I came up with that after I wrote chapter 4😂) ended up taking over Chapter 5. SO the almost kiss landed in chapter 6!!!
When it came to planning that scene, drawing and recording music for it really helped!! Drawing the scene helped me really understand the emotions Isa and Phineas would be feeling during it (aaaand also helped me figure out if what I wanted to write was physically possible because...phineas has a triangle head🤣).
INTERESTINGLY, prior to this, the Big Kiss in what eventually became Chapter 9 was going to be more lighthearted. Like, Isa was just going to be all confident and flirtatious before she kissed Phineas. BUT, drawing art for the almost kiss and really thinking about it made me realize just how SCARY and UNNERVING it would be for both of them, which led me to work a lot of hesitation and buildup into their actual first kiss. (I can talk more about the development of the actual first kiss in another post though, this is about the almost kiss🤣)
Having the basic structure of the duet figured out REALLY helped me as I was writing that scene! I think I figured out the structure, then wrote the scene, THEN recorded it so y’all could hear it exactly as I heard it in my head!
It also took awhile to get the buildup to the almost kiss right. I wanted to say “THEY’RE ABOUT TO KISS” without actually saying it, you know? I’m really proud of how it turned out: that sequence—from the music starting to them freaking out and separating—is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written!!!
ALSOOOO fun fact, chapter 5 was ORIGINALLY going to end with the almost kiss! I think the last sentence was going to be something like:
Isabella came to her senses first. “....what am I DOING??”
But THEN I wrote Phineas kissing Isa’s cheek at the end of chapter 5 (which wasn’t planned, btw, that just kind of EMERGED as I was writing, lol!!!), and I was like “....you know what.....this is a sweet ending. The people can have a sweet ending before everything crashes down in chapter 6”🤣
Thank you for the ask, @palizinhas!!! I had fun talking about this😊
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Handsome Devil
next / masterlist
Meet Jonah and Vincent!
What started with a little flirt soon becomes the worst experience of Jonah's life... Since this is only the prologue things are still very lighthearted in general, but that will change rather quickly.
cw for this chapter: implied drugging, implied non-con
cw for the story in general: abusive relationship, creepy/intimate whumper, mentions of and actual torture, non-con touching, drugging and references to past drug abuse
@whumperofthetristatearea you asked me to tag you, so here we go ;)
***
'Double espresso,' the dark haired man ordered, handing over his credit card to the employee without a word of greeting. Pushing his glasses back up his nose, he unfolded the newspaper he was carrying, leaning against the counter while he waited for his order.
'Double espresso?'
He looked up at the barista, annoyed that he even dared to address a regular like him given the fact that he'd ordered the same beverage every morning for more than a year now. To his surprise he saw himself confronted with a handsome young man whose ash brown hair was long enough to almost cover his amber coloured eyes, giving him a tentative smile as he shoved the espresso cup in his direction.
'Enjoy, sir.'
'Oh, hello there... never seen you here before... Jonah,' he purred, inspecting the name tag on the young man's shirt while he emptied the small cup with a single gulp.
'Yeah, erm... I just started working here a few days ago, so...'
'So that means I'll have the pleasure of seeing you again, how convenient! Have a nice day, Jonah,' he said as he put down his cup on the counter, tucked the folded newspaper under his arm and turned towards the exit with a final wink in Jonah's direction.
'Same to you,' the barista mumbled even though the customer had already left, nervously brushing a strand of hair out of his face.
'Don't do that,' a voice behind him stated.
Carol had been doing the dishes, but now she looked up, honest concern showing on her face.
'What do you mean?'
'I know that look. And I'm not going to stand back and watch while you're precipitating into ruin.'
'But I... I didn't do anything wrong, I don't know what you're talking about!'
'That guy? You know him?'
'No?'
'Vincent Dunne, he's a publishing editor and an obnoxious person. Wish he'd get his espresso elsewhere.'
'A publishing editor..,' Jonah mused, turning around towards the door even though it was obvious that the man had long since gone.
'Whoa, Jonah – no. I know exactly what's going on in your crazy little head right now and you will not do that!'
'Oh come on, Carol, you knew from the start that I'd only be working here until I've found something else and that's a chance in a thousand!'
Grabbing him by his shoulders she turned him around, making him face her.
'You don't understand, it's not that I want to keep you from getting a job that matches your abilities, I just don't want you to ask him.'
'Why not?'
'Because he's creepy.'
Jonah couldn't help but laugh.
'And you're crazy, Carol. Now let me through so I can wipe the tables, will you?'
*
'Never thought you'd agree to see me again so soon,' Vincent smiled, taking a sip of his wine.
They were sharing a table in a cosy restaurant by the river, watching the people walking by albeit most of the time only having eyes for each other. It was only the third time they met – if you rated their first encounter at the coffee shop earlier that week as meeting even though they barely talked back then. The second time Vincent had spent his entire lunch break standing on the counter, talking to Jonah while he kept preparing lattes and mocha cookie crumble frappuccinos with non-fat milk and extra syrup for the other customers, flirting blatantly – after that experience, they decided to meet somewhere else where they could talk without being interrupted all the time.
Feeling more confident by now, Jonah started asking questions about Vincent's job, just incidentally mentioning that he was still looking for an occupation that matched his qualification.
'That is?' Vincent asked with raised eyebrows.
'I've got a master's degree in English Literary Studies and Creative Writing.'
'So you're just hanging out with me because you want me to get you a job? I'm shocked! And I already wondered why somebody this young would go on a date with someone my age...'
He made an expression as of utter consternation, then burst into roaring laughter right away.
'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of you, everyone has to start somewhere. We can give it a try if you like?'
'Sure thing, I'd love to!'
Jonah's eyes lit up as if Vincent had already offered him a job, but the other man reminded him to take the whole thing one step at a time.
'You probably shouldn't tell your colleagues just yet, not to be rude, but I'll have to see if you're any good before I can recommend you. Having a master's degree doesn't mean you're any good as an editor.'
'I know, I know! I'm just... I'm so grateful that you'll give me a chance to prove myself!'
'Don't disappoint me, then. Are you working tomorrow?'
'Yes, but only until 5pm, I could come to your office right after that...'
'Hey - slow down. You're certainly not coming to my office right away, it would make me look stupid if I introduced you to the others without testing you first.'
'I'm sorry,' the younger one mumbled, blushing, 'I really don't want to embarrass you.'
'I've got some things to get done tomorrow but I'll pick you up at 6 pm. Wait for me in front of Archway station, will you? You should be able to get there in time.'
'So you live in that area?'
'No.'
After being scolded for his officiousness Jonah didn't know how to resume their chat and just stayed quiet. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but he didn't want to offend Vincent. Looking up at him shyly, he realised that the dark haired man was watching him with an expression of kindness.
'How can I restore that beautiful smile you sported earlier this evening?'
'I don't know,' Jonah replied, feeling the heat rising in his cheeks again, 'Maybe you could...'
He felt Vincent's lips pressed against his own before he was able to finish his sentence.
'Yes honey, I can...'
*
Vincent showed up at 6 pm sharp, picking up an exhausted looking Jonah who had given his all to arrive at Archway station at the agreed time with his boss holding him up shortly before he wanted to leave the coffee shop and a signal failure on the Northern Line on top of it. They drove around for some time, passing through parts of North London Jonah had never seen before, the only landmark he recognised being Highgate Cemetery. Vincent seemed very focussed on his driving, so he didn't dare to address him, although he was still curious to know where they were going, especially since he couldn't fight the feeling that temporarily they had been heading south again.
The car stopped in front of a detached building that seemed to be made entirely of light wood and glass; Jonah already felt at home before even setting foot into the house.
'So this is were you live,' he muttered, 'I'm impressed.'
'I often work at home, so I prefer having a quiet and calming environment, you know, light colours, natural materials, floor-to-ceiling windows...'
'I really like it.'
'Wait till you see the inside,' he replied with a wink, leading him up to the entrance and into a light-flooded living room, beckoning Jonah to sit down on the vast sofa while he went over to the open-plan kitchen to fetch a bottle of wine and two glasses, pouring his guest and finally himself a drink.
'Cheers!'
They clinked glasses and while Jonah already took a sip of his wine, Vincent got up again, picking up his laptop from a desk in front of the window.
'We're not meeting just for fun, right?' he grinned while switching it on and placing it in front of his guest, 'Though of course we might have some fun later if you don't mind...'
'I don't mind at all,' he smiled back.
'Okay, but still – business before pleasure. I picked a text I worked on a few months ago – you're getting the original version, of course. You can have a try at it while I'm preparing dinner for us, alright?'
'Sure!'
'Shall I get you something else to drink while you're working on it?'
'A glass of water if you don't mind?'
'Of course.'
After he was fitted with everything he needed, Vincent patted his shoulder, gave him an encouraging smile and left for the kitchen.
Curious about what his task would be, Jonah opened the test1 named document and was confronted with a 10-page text. Vincent hadn't told him how long he was expected to work on the script, but he decided to just start right away and see how far he'd get until his host called him for dinner. First of all, he'd read through the text to get a feeling for the author's way of writing.
A few minutes later Jonah leant back, staring at the screen in front of him. What the hell...? Why had Vincent decided to give him something like that to edit? He was really testing him, wasn't he? The poor protagonist really had lots to endure in this text... Jonah sighed. Let's get on with it...
*
Vincent returned about an hour later, two plates in his hands.
'Dinner's ready,' he stated, placing one of them in front of Jonah with a smile on his face while sitting down next to him. 'Are you ready, too?'
'I think so...,' the younger one muttered as if waking from a dream.
'Hey darling, are you okay?'
Vincent leaned over, eyeing him with an expression of utter concern.
'Sure, I'm...'
He cleared his throat, trying to sound like his usual confident self again.
'This just isn't something I read every day – but that's probably why you gave it to me, right? To show me that it's part of the job to edit things you're not comfortable with, too.'
'You're right, that's exactly why I gave this text to you. So you would still want the job now you know what you might be facing?'
'Of course! As if something like that could stop me! After all, it's just fiction, so...'
'Thought you'd say that,' Vincent smiled, 'I'll have a look at what you wrote tomorrow and let you know how I feel about it. Unless there are any questions left?'
'In fact, I do have one question about the text, background story-wise...'
'Go ahead.'
'Why was he locked in a cage?'
'Punishment for disobedience,' Vincent shrugged.
'Nice.'
Smiling at each other to ease the tension, they reached for their plates.
*
'You are trying to make me drunk because you want to seduce me, right...?' Jonah mumbled, clinging to Vincent's neck and kissing his temple for the umpteenth time, still holding his wine glass in one hand while making himself comfortable in the other one's lap.
'Nope,' the older man answered, taking the glass out of his hand and putting it back on the table, 'You've been doing this all by yourself and I am putting an end to this now.'
'What...? Noooo, don't do that, Vince...,' he whined, but he was scooped up nonetheless.
'I thought we could go somewhere else... somewhere more... comfortable...'
Facing each other, they both started to grin at the same time.
'Bedroom?'
'Bedroom.'
Holding the younger one's hand, Vincent lead him up a wooden spiral staircase to the top floor that was set right under the roof, therefore being smaller than the living room downstairs, but appearing very cosy that way. A wide bed with beautifully carved bedposts made of the same light wood as the rest of the house dominated the room. Walking past a low table, Vincent picked up a glass bowl filled with strawberries before sitting down on the bed with his lover.
'Something sweet for my sweet boy?' he asked, offering one of the fruits to him.
Jonah didn't need to be told twice, opening his mouth and finally licking some of the juice off Vincent's fingers.
'You put sugar on them?'
'Life is bitter enough.'
'Mh-mh...'
Lying back, he grabbed for the tie Vincent was still wearing and pulled him down with him.
'You're too far away,' he whispered, snatching a kiss, 'And there are way too many clothes on your body...'
'Look who's talking!' Vincent chuckled, unbuttoning Jonah's shirt. The younger one tried to help, but his partner prevented him from doing so.
'Keep your hands over your head and let me do this while you relax...'
For a few seconds Jonah managed to do as he was told, but since Vincent seemed to have all the time in the world and took ages for every single button, Jonah reached down, intending to get rid of his jeans.
Vincent stopped his movements.
'Didn't I tell you to keep your hands over your head?'
'I've never been a patient person, you know?'
'I'll teach you to be patient, then...' Vincent purred, taking off his tie and getting hold of the younger one's hands, tying them to the bedpost with it.
Jonah moaned in annoyance but didn't object, kind of enjoying the feeling of helplessness while Vincent continued to strip him of his clothes. Still, something seemed off... it was getting harder to concentrate and he started to feel dizzy... he hadn't really drunk that much though, two glasses of wine in total, so this couldn't be the reason. Shifting in his restraints he tried to ease the feeling of lightheadedness, but it just wouldn't go away. Should he tell Vincent? He really didn't want to ruin this perfect evening... leaning back again, he tried to relax. Maybe it was just the excitement, the alcohol only adding up to that. He just had to stay awake, had to... With his vision blurring, he caught one last glance of Vincent, smiling down on him almost maliciously.
'You're mine now', he heard him whisper into his ear before he passed out.
#whump#intimate whumper#drugging tw#abusive relationship#implied non-con tw#jonah#vincent#my writing
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Lazerquest - part 1
Alex Turner x Reader
Chapter 1/?
Description: you are an impulsive bartender who recently moved to London after traveling across the United States and living on the road for a few years. You befriend Alex, a musician who recently got out of a long term relationship, and you show him the ways of your free-spirited lifestyle in an attempt to help him move on from his ex. However, you become more of a muse than a friend for Alex and all is revealed when he releases his band’s fourth studio album, “Suck it and See”.
Word count: 1.7k
Warnings: none ;)
**************
“You know, Y/N, this isn’t a terrible place to have to work,” your flat-mate, Tatiana, sighed. The two of you were sat sipping glasses of red wine at the bar of a rather bustling club in London. You couldn’t stop thinking about how six months ago if you had told yourself that you finally settled down in one spot for long enough to get a serious job and a flat with a lease for more than 6 months, you would have laughed in your own face. Although, you could say that about anything you had done as of late. Your recent life decisions had been everything but predictable.
“I know. I’m just not thrilled to be the only female working the bar. The guys here sketch me out and I’m not too keen on getting womanized in a foreign country. That was on my mind enough as is when I was living in my parents’ house,” you joke. As lighthearted as you and Tati were being, you very much did feel uneasy. After travelling the United States for nearly 3 years after high school, you felt that you needed to move on to something bigger and more exciting, but you had never left the country before and you knew only one person here.
You had always been the spontaneous type. Your parents worried about you most of your life, as you were extremely impulsive and constantly making brash decisions. When you turned 18 and decided to take off across the country on your own instead of going to college, they were absolutely furious. You went nonetheless, what they thought had never stopped you before. Your excursion was originally only going to be a year long, but you absolutely loved being on the road. You had met so many wonderful people and seen so many wonderful things that going home never once crossed your mind. You just kept on sleeping in hotel rooms and on strangers’ couches until you turned 21.
That couldn’t last forever, though. You were getting bored of the lower 48 states, and your parents, still completely livid that you were ‘wasting’ their college money on what they saw as a cross-country bender, cut you off financially. It was an extremely stressful time, you can vividly remember searching for hours on end for roommates and jobs in Europe before meeting Tatiana and getting a bartending job in the UK.
Now, 2 short months later, you were in London, living alone with a stranger. Luckily, though, you and Tati were getting along famously and your flat already felt like home. You were eager to start this new adventure.
Tati looked over at the clock before pouting a bit and resting her hand on your knee. “Looks like it’s time for your first day of work, love.”
“Shit. I’m nervous. Do I look okay?” You got up out of your seat and did a little spin for Tati. She squealed and gave you a hug.
“You look fantastic, love. Now go make some money!”
You smiled at your new friend and bid her farewell before walking towards the back of the club. Once you approached the door with a sign that read “EMPLOYEES ONLY”, you took a deep breath. Here we go kiddo. New job. New country. New life.
The second you placed your hand on the door, a large man barged through it. The man huffed and began to tell you that you couldn’t go into the kitchen unless you were an employee. He stopped his lecture and just smiled and when he noticed you were in the club’s uniform of a black dress, Mary Jane heels, and a red name tag, though.
“Oi! You must be Y/N, then?” He chuckled. When you shyly nodded he gave you a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I’m your manager, Chuck. Let’s get you behind the bar, shall we?”
**********************
After an hour or so of Chuck showing you where things were, how to ring people up, how to use the cash register, and making sure you actually knew how to make drinks, he left you on your own to serve customers. There were only a few stragglers left in the club as it was near closing time, and all you had done the whole night was pass out some tequila shots to a group of rowdy middle aged women and make some small talk with a man who reminded you a bit of Frank Gallagher from a show called Shameless that you used to watch back home. You were exhausted and started to clean up behind the bar so you’d have less to do when the bar closed for good. It was nearly 2 in the morning and all you wanted to do was get out of your tight ass dress and your heels.
“What kind of work uniform is a slutty dress anyway, huh? I look like I work on the corner” you mumbled to yourself as you wiped down some glasses.
“I think you look lovely, miss,” a voice said from the corner of the bar. His accent was unlike most men in Londons’ and his voice was raspy and thick. His sudden presence startled you a bit, making you jump a bit and let out a gasp.
“Didn’t mean to creep up on yah and scare yah like that, I’m sorry.” The man chuckled. When you turned around you saw an attractive man, maybe a bit older than you, smirking at you and smoking a cigarette. He had messy hair and a tee shirt on, you thought he looked like he had just gotten out of bed.
“You’re alright, it’s my fault for zoning out while on the clock. What can I get for you?” You smiled weakly, partially hoping he’d just order a quick drink and then get out of your hair so you could go home.
“Well, what are you good at making?” the man asked. “I’ll take anything as long as it’s alcoholic.”
You smiled. Making drinks for friends back home had been one of your favorite things to do, and you were excited to show off your skills to an actual customer. “Well, I’ve wanted a grapefruit daiquiri since the beginning of my shift. How does that sound?”
“That sounds fantastic,” the man rubbed his hands together in excitement, “but first I’d like to know how long you’ve been in London. You sound quite American.”
Oh brother, you thought. The attractive stranger seemed to be here to stay and the idea of making conversation when you were this tired made you want to cry. If you had been any less worn-out you would’ve been more than eager to talk to him, brown eyes were always a weakness of yours and there was something particularly enticing about this boy’s, but right now you just wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep.
“Well go on then, don’t just stare off into space and leave me hanging,” the boy said.
“Sorry, I’m just a bit tired. I’ve only been here for a few days now.”
The boy was rather amused by this. “A few days? And here you are working the closing shift at one of the best bars in London? I’m going to need some more information, love. You’ve drawn me in now.”
The boy’s excitement perked you up a bit. You had been rather proud of yourself to land a job at such a well-known club with only over-the-phone interviews, and you weren’t going to miss the opportunity to brag a bit. Especially to a cute boy.
“Yeah, I went to bartending school like right after my 21st birthday back in the states and then when I was looking for jobs here in the UK a few months ago I saw there was an opening here. I was really surprised to even have gotten an interview, especially since we had to do everything over-the-phone,” you beamed, knowing that it was impressive to get a job like this in the way you had. The boy looked at you intently while you made his drink. His eyes focused on your hands gripping the cocktail mixer and when you began to shake he had to do his best to hide a smirk.
“You know I never caught your name,” the boy cleared his throat and broke the momentary silence.
“You could’ve looked at my name tag,” you murmured just loud enough for him to hear and rolled your eyes playfully.
“Well I’m sorry Miss Sassy, I find it impolite to stare at a woman’s chest without knowin’ her. Not my fault that’s where your name tag is,” the stranger chuckled, then looked closely at the red tag pinned to your dress. “It’s nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Alex.”
you did your best to hold in a giggle. Alex sounded good saying your name, his accent was rich like honey and you couldn’t help but think about how it’d sound in…other situations.
“It’s very good to meet you, Alex, now here’s your daiquiri,” you said after pouring the contents of the shaker into a martini glass and adding a sprig of mint to the top. You slid the glass across the bar and nodded your head in satisfaction when he took his first sip and let out a little laugh.
“My goodness, Y/N, that’s a fantastic drink.”
“Thought you might like it. Now drink it quickly, it’s nearly closing time and I’ve still got to wipe down the counters and walk myself home,” you imitated pointing at a watch in your wrist.
“Walk yourself home? Love I couldn’t let you do that. Why don’t you let me finish this drink while you clean up and I’ll escort you home. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to you,” Alex proposed. If it had been anyone else you would’ve politely declined the offer, you knew that walking with a complete stranger in the middle of the night was just as sketchy if not more so than walking alone. But something about Alex made you want to trust him. Even when he had been checking you out while you were making his drink he hadn’t been creepy, his brown eyes had a sort of innocence to them and his smile was soft. You felt comfortable with Alex, and thought his company might be nice on the walk home.
“Deal.”
“Brilliant. Now get to work, Y/N, I’ll be done with my drink before you know it.”
#alex turner#alex x reader#alex turner x reader#alex turner fanfic#alex turner fanfiction#arctic monkeys#arctic monkeys fanfic#tlsp#miles kane#tlsp fanfic#fanfiction#alex turner/reader#the last shadow puppets#nick o'malley#matt helders#jamie cook#suck it and see#am#tbhc#whatever people say i am that's what i'm not#fwn#favourite worst nightmare#milex
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In 2020, I read 40 books (with maybe a few more to be added after I post this) after discovering my love of reading all over again. I am not a very hard reader to please, so it will be rare for me to rate a book with a low score, so I doubt you’ll ever see any criticism from me. So, here we go!
A few things before I start: There are three series in this list (but technically only two, because I’ve only read Serpent & Dove so far) but I’ve limited myself to no repeat authors. That must have been the hardest part for me. Since Jessi went the extra mile and ranked them in order, I’ve decided to make myself suffer the same. And while most of these were not published in 2020, they were read in 2020.
I am (sometimes) a picky reader, but any book that is on this list, I have loved. I chose not to rate them because honestly, they would have all been high. I give ratings easily, and try not to pick things apart even for books I truly did not like.
Please keep in mind that I do my best to add trigger warnings, but you should always check for certain triggers before reading. Triggers vary for everyone.
10. Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen
Warnings: There’s a male character that’s a creep and you’ll spot him as soon as you crack this one open. This tale deals with Peyton being sentenced to prison, and their mother practically glossing over what he’s done by victim blaming.
I have read Dessen’s books since I was 13 and I truly still enjoy her stories as much as I did then. While this was a re-read for me, it’s a tie for my favorite book of hers. It’s tied with Along For the Ride.
Sydney is left in the aftermath after her older brother, Peyton, is sentenced to prison after a drunk driving accident that paralyzes a boy. Formerly in his shadow, Sydney struggles to discover what it is she wants, and how she wants to be seen as her own mother seems to gloss right over her. It’s a YA read that always feels like more than the romance that originally interested me.
9. Serpent & Dove by Shelby Mahurin
Warnings: Misogyny. The church and religion plays an extremely heavy part of this plot, which was hard for me to get into. It’s clear that some characters do not value women in their actions and words toward Lou. It made me uncomfortable in spots because I just wanted to get past it, but I plan to read this one again since I know that it won’t bother me this time! Still, there is: violence in parts, religious zealots (in case that’s something that makes you uncomfortable like it did me), derogatory slurs toward women, and again, misogyny.
I finished this one two days ago, and I sincerely cannot wait to dig into the sequel. Lou is a witty, snappy character that was such a breath of fresh air from the normal. You usually see the male lead that’s a bit crude, a bit quick to pull the trigger, and the one that’s harder to crack. Is that what happened here? Absolutely fucking not. Shelby Mahurin took something I loved, enemies to lovers, and kicked its ass. Forced marriage? UM YES. A witch and a witch-hunter? Mortal enemies? Characters that can never possibly love each other? DONE DONE DONE.
It’s hilarious in parts. Serious when it needs to be. A bit spicy too, while not a lot, which I certainly appreciate. Reid’s character development is a wonder to watch, at least for me, and by the end of the book, I am so in love with him that I don’t know what to do with myself. I have so many annotations for this novel.
8. The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller
Warnings: There’s a fair bout of murder. Women are expected not to take lovers before marriage while men are not held to the same standard. Gross. Allessandra is continually underestimated so let me say: let the women do the work.
It’s called the Slytherin romance we’ve been waiting for, and I agree. While this is a shorter read, and a standalone, I was pleased with it. Both characters are incredibly ambitious, but it’s Allessandra that steals the show. The plan? To enter the palace, woo the king, and then kill him in order to take his kingdom. She’s wicked in all the ways I love.
I loved this book, and each page, but this was the line that will make me return to it: “I’m not a trollop,” I announce to the empty room. “I’m a sexually empowered woman, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
The Folk of the Air Series by Holly Black
Warnings: Aside from murder, there’s nothing that stands out to me as a trigger.
A series! The first! There’s something interesting about this series for me, and it’s that I didn’t fall in love altogether, all at once. It was gradual, like wading into water until it went right over my head. By the final fourth of The Cruel Prince, I was fully invested in this world and I absolutely needed to know how Jude and Cardan would become, well, Jude and Cardan.
As a YA series, I was not expecting the sheer amount of mystery, political intrigue, and plot twists that came with this series. However, I never knew what was going to happen, and if I did guess what was coming, Black had at least two more twists to send me for a loop. The Queen of Nothing was likely my favorite book of the series, with The Wicked King as a close second.
6. Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston
Warnings: Discussion of attempted non-con assault, forced disclosure of sexuality
I laughed until my eyes watered and I nearly cried in this book. Delightfully funny, and snappy, RW&B delivers on everything I didn’t know that I needed. I had never read a book where LGBTQ was represented in such a positive light. As someone raised in a more conservative household, I’ve known my own sexual orientation for a long time, but this book made me feel like I could relax in my skin because this story was stunning.
Alex and Henry left me with so much hope that it’s impossible to ever put the lid back on. I’m so happy I read this.
(oh, god, we’re in the final five.)
5. The Caraval Series by Stephanie Garber
Warnings: Physical and emotional child abuse.
I could dedicate multiple posts to this series. Maybe I still will. While this is at number five, it’s my favorite series I’ve ever read. If I could only have one series to read for the rest of my life, I would choose this one. Hands down. Full stop. These characters live in my head constantly and I would give an obscene amount of things to read it all over again for the first time. I actually read this with two of my closest friends in our many book club, and we all loved it.
Doused in magic, this world is unveiled to us with excellent descriptions. Truly, Garber owned my heart within a few chapters. Scarlett is the elder sister, Tella the younger, and if you don’t love Tella by the end of Caraval, I promise you will. I know because I was skeptical, but here I am. I’ve said it to my friends, but Scarlett is the one who holds my hair while I have a hangover. Tella is the one that helps me start the bar fight.
With non-stop turns, and magic, everything comes to life on these pages. And the romance, the romance. Please, please give me my great love in this style. It’s not too much to ask for, is it?
4. Letters to the Lost by Brigid Kemmerer
Warnings: loss of sibling, loss of parent, alcoholism, mention of infidelity, mentions of previous physical and emotional child abuse.
Mae sent this recommendation to me, and I devoured all of Kemmer’s books post-haste. Declan and Juliet fall in love without knowing who the other is, while also not liking the real version of their penpal. Juliet has lost her mother, and she’s treading water, but not well. Declan has suffered in the years that follow a family tragedy, and he’s not adapting to life with his new step-father.
But he opens with CemetaryGirl (Juliet) and it’s raw in the best of ways, and the openness between them that eventually moves from their bubble to reality is one of the most pleasing things to read. I’ve read it twice this year. I will read it again next year too.
I also read this twice this year and will for sure be reading it again in 2021.
3. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
Warnings: Child abuse.
This was another novel that I fell in love with as I went, and that’s definitely because of the non-linear narrative. It was a little confusing, but I’m going to read it again someday since I know everything now! I read this to follow-up to Caraval with my book club pals, and it’s just what I needed to leave Caraval behind. Marco and Celia are incredible and I absolutely believe that the ending of this novel is one of the best endings I’ve ever read.
My book club has not finished this book entirely this so I’m not sharing any spoilers, but I would like to share one of my favorite quotes. “What did you wish for?” “I wished for her.”
2. Next Year in Havana by Chanel Cleeton
Warnings: Cuba is in the middle of a revolution, and it’s tense in parts. There are some bittersweet elements and I think the parts of the ending are like the punch in the gut you need in order to wake you up and remember to live.
This was my first read once I really dug back into this hobby in August. It was picked by Reese Witherspoon for her book club, and she always picks good books. This is a dual timeline romance, and mystery. It’s an absolute stunner of a book. It’s a dear favorite to me now. I’ve never been to Cubs, or heard stories, but Cleeton manages to make you feel like you’re right there feeling saltwater spray across your face.
The romance made me feel breathless, but truly it’s the strong familial ties that make this such a beautiful gem. It leaves you with hope even in the dark and with love in the absence of it. I could scream about this book for the rest of my life, which I absolutely intend to do.
Favorite line? “You’re going to be difficult to walk away from, aren’t you?” “I hope so.”
1 In A Holidaze by Christina Lauren
Warnings? There are none that strike me. This is a lighthearted read that pulls at the heartstrings, but it’s by no means short on the laughs. And, I’m sorry for the long wall of text below.
In A Holidaze is the story of a woman stuck in her ways of never going after what she truly wants until a stray wish lands her in a time loop over the holidays. It's only after repeating the same day a few times that she quite literally says "fuck this," and starts living for HER. I really expected this to just be a Hallmark kind of read, but it was SO MUCH MORE. You should read it, even if it's after the holidays.
It's witty, and heart-wrenching, and it's just everything I didn't know I needed. Mae is snarky, and brave when she figures out that there is nothing stopping her, and the romance is - GODDAMN. Andrew. I need an Andrew and a fan.
It's not quite a love triangle, which was what I expected and I was so pleasantly surprised. I have grinned like a goddamn fool all day. I have giggled all day in front of customers, and my co-workers. I have nearly CRIED in my bedroom when my heart fell out of my ass and landed somewhere near my ankles, because hello, it's gonna get you.
This is going on my yearly re-read list for the holidays.
In the two days since I’ve finished, I’ve convinced my two friends in book club to read it, convinced Jessi to order it from Book of the Month Club, convinced another friend to read it, and bought it for Mae on Christmas day because her library had a six month hold and that was simply unacceptable.
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My Glee Life
Hello wonderful followers,
It’s been awhile since I posted something more lighthearted on my Tumblr and I figured this would definitely be the time to do so. This whole post is inspired by a thread my good friend Sarina made that I somewhat edited and my other good friend Esme actually talked about their Glee life so this is what I kind of envisioned for myself had I been a part of Glee.
I would start out as a sophomore (wanting to graduate with the OG Glee Cast) who is mostly a loner but with dreams of making it big in the music world. Much like Kurt, I would be bullied at the beginning for dreaming big and wanting to make something of myself and I believe my main tormenters would be the Cheerios and Jocks with Santana and Puck leading the charge against me.
When I find out there’s a Glee Club starting off I’m actually excited. Finally, a chance to showcase my talents as a singer and I quickly would sign up, unlike most of the others who were afraid, I would actually be excited and confidently sign up, which would probably lead to me getting slushied but oh well.
My audition song as said in my post would be Christina Aguleria’s ‘Reflection’. It’s a song that I relate to so much in that I wish people could see me for who I really am instead of just some loser that they make fun of. For me, it’s the perfect song to define myself and really is my signature song.
Once in Glee Club, I definitely forsee Rachel hating my guts just because I want leads as much as she does and would kind of view me as competition much like how she was towards Sunshine. Being the person I am and not confident in the slightest I probably wouldn’t fight back with her but would definitely get fed up with her behavior early on.
In the early days of Glee I think Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, and Artie would be my closest friends being that we’re original members and I would fear Rachel. I think I would have a friendly relationship with Finn but wouldn’t be around him as much due to both Rachel and Quinn kind of competing for his attention and fighting constantly over him. Once Brittany joins I actually think I would get along with her as well but much like my fear of Rachel, I would fear Santana about getting too close with Britt. When the football players join I definitely see myself bonding with Matt and Mike since they’re two of the nicer football players, meanwhile I would also avoid Puck at all costs just because of his reputation and the bad vibes he gives me.
As Quinn’s pregnancy is revealed, I would try to be a friend she could lean on, especially when she loses everything, something I think she’d be grateful for and sorely needed in Glee. I could see her confiding in me the truth about Puck being the father and how scared she is for word to get out which I will promise her will stay between us.
Unfortunately, our rival Rachel reveals all to Finn which in turn hurts Quinn. I could see myself much like Mercedes offering to let Quinn stay with my family and us being close because of it. And that’s my Season 1 story arc.
Moving onto Season 2, where I would be a junior, I would have a bit more confidence in myself and be somewhat less of a loser due to my friendship with head cheerleader Quinn. I know I’d be crushing hardcore on Sam but be totally shy about it (I have no confidence in myself and wouldn’t think he’d be into me). I’ll be a supportive friend through Quinn and Sam’s relationship, happy Quinn has someone who treats her well, something she deserves. I also will be really bummed when Kurt feels he has to transfer due to the Karofsky harrassment. I feel like Kurt, Quinn, and Mercedes would be my core friendships and losing Kurt would hurt since we both kind of went through bullying together. I feel like Rachel would continue to be incredibly jealous that people like me and I thankfully would have friends to defend me like Quinn and Mercedes.
Once Sam and Quinn breakup due to Quinn being well...not herself, I probably would try to be there for both of them, especially Sam. I see Santana being slightly annoyed that I’m hanging around Sam and reigniting her feud with me wanting me to stay away from her beard. Once Santana breaks things off with Sam however, I feel we’d be hanging out together a lot and I would try to help out with his family as much as possible. I enjoy kids so helping him babysit would be fun and much like Quinn I’d probably do girly things with Stacey. I could see it possibly blossoming into something more since I’ve been there for Sam and we would end up going to Prom together. At the end of S2 we would be the secretly dating couple.
Now moving onto Season 3, Senior Year! I know I’d be bummed with Sam moving over the summer and probably would have lost touch with Quinn due to her punk phase. I most likely would be hanging out with Kurt, Blaine, Mercedes, Tina, and Mike over the summer and applying to colleges (something I didn’t do in real life because of fear of rejection but fictional me will have more confidence). My dream school has always been Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee and I forsee a lot of my storyline revolving around me trying to get into that school to pursue my dreams of being a recording artist. When Quinn returns to the school I would try to talk to her and find out what’s going on trying to be a friend for her to lean on. When she goes a little crazy I will also try to talk her out of it knowing it’s ruining her life. However, the one thing I wouldn’t discourage her from is telling about Shelby sleeping with Puck. That was so disguisting and was something she absouletly should have reported. Shelby’s the one who made the bad decision that could cost her Beth. I always hated how the show portrayed Quinn to be the bad one in that situation when she was doing what was absouletly right.
When Sam moves back to McKinley High I would be elated and if he wanted to start up our relationship again, I’d be all for it. I would’ve truly missed his presence in my life and having him back would’ve brightened me up. I believe we would talk about the whole long distance relationship with me going off to college and him finishing his senior year in high school. Nashville’s only about 6 hours from Lima so I probably would try to come in on weekends and visit. It would be different but I’d assure him we’d make it work. I also would try to help Quinn through her accident and truly be a friend to her, encouraging her along the way to get on her feet.
Once I graduate at the end of Season 3, I will be on my way to Belmont University for Season 4. Much like many of the others I would come back occasionally and probably spend a lot of time with Sam whenever I’m in town trying to keep our relationship alive and well. Same goes for Season 5. I would come back for Prom to be Sam’s date, attend his graduation, and of course be back for the end of Glee Club.
The time jump in the second half of Season 5 would probably when things would get dicey for me. Sam would be out in New York with the others while I’d be in Nashville but I could see me having a dilemma and ultimately deciding to move back to New York to be with Sam and try my hand at getting a record deal which would hopefully be successful.
Season 6 with Sam back in Lima, I probably would go back to Nashville and finish up my degree or be pursuing a recording contract. I would definitely come back to Lima a lot for Sam much like I had done before and might end up settling down there as my home not wanting to be away from him.
In the 2020 time jump, I would be a successful recording artist and may be opening for artists I love like Demi Lovato or Christina Aguleria. Sam and I would end up together and settle down and have a family.
And that is what I would envision my Glee life to be. I hope you enjoyed this little journey. It was fun to write out an imaginary life for myself.
#glee#glee life#quinn fabray#sam evans#kurt hummel#mercedes jones#tina cohen chang#mike chang#rachel berry#finn hudson#artie abrams#noah puckerman#puck
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