#i shed like 2 tears during this convo
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I'm going crazy I need somebody to read this conversation I overheard on an airplane in 2022. I totally forgot about it until I found it while going through my notes.
It is a bit long but it was just so surreal and beautiful and something something humanity ok?
u ever just overhear one of the most touching interactions of your life in the back of a airbus a320
So I'm gna explain this really bad and it was kind of a "had to be there" situation but just imagine a completely dark airplane, no lights, no open windows, except a single one in the row behind you
In that aisle there's a middle-aged man sitting on the aisle. He is traveling alone. 2 women are sitting next to him
Across the aisle from them are 3 guys
So this middle aged guy. his name is Roy:)
He sits down next to the two woman and as we are shuttling to the runway, he asks if they can open the window because it's his very first flight.
They open the window
They ask him about his destination
He says he's going to Chicago when the plane starts taking off. He YELLS "Woah! Full throttle baby!" (Imagine this in the most southern accent you've ever heard)
Everyone in the back 3 rows cracks up
He laughs and says "yall got your windows closed? Not the least bit curious about what in the hell just happened?"
Everyone at a window seat who could hear him opened their window for a bit
For a while he points out things in the window.
"First time I stepped outta my podunk little town and saw the city it seemed so massive. Just... skyscrapers you have to crane your neck to look at, I'd never seen anything like it. But look at it... you can see the entire city from up here. Look at those teeny tiny little buildings."
....
"Are all those squares down there farms?"
"I think so yea"
"....if aliens ever visit they're gonna think someone got to us first"
....
"I thought there'd be more trees. There are trees everywhere where I'm from. I mean ive seen pictures of deserts and whatnot. Just never seen it with my own two eyes. How do people live like that"
"well it is January. Maybe they're all just dead"
"Oh right. No shit............. that's worse somehow."
....
"This is gonna be a stupid question but is that a cloud down there? Or just fog from a different angle or something, I dunno! Nothing looks like it does down there, I don't trust my own eyes"
"Yes its a cloud"
"That is so awesome. I was hoping we'd see some clouds. I looked up pictures on the internet, but they don't compare to the real deal"
After that he gets a bit nervous, says he doesn't like how the plane feels so still, as if we aren't even moving. He asks if we get drinks on this flight, they say yea usually. He tells them to wake him up when it happens.
When the attendant is a few rows ahead of him, they wake him up. He asks them if they've got bourbon. They laugh and say "not for the poor people" then they ask him if he likes ginger ale he says
"I mean sure"
"If you like ginger ale you'll love it on an airplane"
"Why in the... why the hell does it make a difference on a plane?
"I don't know, the carbonation the ginger it settles your stomach. And it just tastes better somehow. Trust me, it's almost a tradition."
"Well gee there's something you don't read about.. ginger ale on airplanes.."
...
He gets the ginger ale
"It tastes like a ginger ale"
"Yea but it's ginger ale on a plane!"
"If you say so"
A few minutes later he says
"Yknow maybe my expectations were just too high. I was expecting it to taste like. I dunno God's spit or something."
The guys across the aisle lose it
"Man that's what I'm calling airplane gingerale from now on. God's spit"
He goes back to sleep after that. As we start our initial descent he wakes up. one of the girls asks where's he's from
"Lousiana. Small town, I never left it once."
"Wow you must have really loved it"
"Ha. Something like that. I'm a rehabilitation counselor there. Have been for 3 years. Got a big fancy promotion last year, now I'm a bit of a team leader. Who would have thought. Have to wear a tie and everything. Never pictured myself someone's boss. Normally I'm... normally I'm the one quittin after a few months and slashin the boss's tires"
"Oh yea? You ever piss someone off enough to get your own tires slashed"
"Not yet but a man can dream"
A minute passes
One of the guys across the aisle, he's wearing a tie tells roy
"I was in and out of rehab for nearly my whole life. What a thankless job, nobody likes you until long after they've left"
"Ah well. We don't do it for the thanks. It's rewarding to see people turn their lives around. Not all of them not even most of them. But every now and then...."
"Well I hope you know even the ones who don't quite make it are just grateful someone gives a shit about them, even if they're being paid to."
"Oh I'm well aware son. I'm In recovery myself. It's why I could never leave my town. My mom died birthing me and my dad... well it's hard for him. He's got health problems and head problems probably. I think losin her really fucked him up. He did what he could but.... Well I don't wanna bring down the room.....bringing down this particular room would be terrorism I think"
I died at that one
"This is the first time in my life I've had a paid vacation. I never married or had kids and. Well I'm taking this trip for me, but those folks back in the facility are what push me to do this. It's hard sometimes to convince them it's worth it to cross the finish line when I can't show em proof of a better life."
"So why chicago?"
"Well... I never said it out loud but I used to read about those old prohibition bars. Those were big in Chicago. I always wanted to go. Secret entrances and passwords and all that. So I looked it up and there's some those old speakeasies that you can still go to. It's a bit kitch
....
"My ears hurt real bad don't they control the pressure in these tin cans?"
"I guess not very well. Try opening your mouth a bunch it'll pop your ears"
"That's.. disturbing"
#i shed like 2 tears during this convo#im so glad i wrote all this down i really hope roy is doing well#smth about love being found in unlikely places....#i hope he found his funky bars and told everyone about them#i hope he told everyone his exciting airplane story#i hope everyone in those last three rows has a beautiful life#some people would be annoyed but eb was just... therr together... remembering how crazy it is to fly....#anyway this was like a poem to me#like reading it back it sounds like a 'then everyone clapped' story but sometimes.... there is beauty....
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Beta squad as dads
Warnings : None
Niko Omilana -
⇒ QOTD, Niko as a boy dad.
⇒ Sheds an ocean of tears when his son was born, still swears to this day that he didn't cry. (George has it on cameras from 3 different angles)
⇒ Niko isn't the type to nap very often, but when he does it's always with his son on his chest. Whenever the baby is feeling ill or needs someone, his dad is always there.
⇒ As your baby grows into his toddler phase, the boys have playful fights to see who gets to sleep in the middle. With Niko winning (no surprise in that) but having to give up his place for a very cute, pouting baby. (100% has your face and adorable smile.)
⇒ Niko almost jumped over the moon when his son made a dad joke. He was following in his dad's footsteps after all.
Sharky -
⇒ The first thing i can think about is Sharky making tiktoks with your twins as soon as they learn to make any kind of movement. He would then add his own steps and post it for everyone else to see.
⇒ Would put his kids on the couch and start talking to them. The boys are still so young, but there's nothing else they love than yapping with their amazing dad. (Even if he doesn't understand al that baby blabber.)
⇒ As they (VERY QUICKLY) reach their toddler phase, they guard Sharky. Not a joke, like GUARD him 24/7. They wouldn't let you go anywhere near him or let you scold him. The grin on his face when all of this happens is unbearable (but you love your family so much)
⇒ Not to worry tho, the babies eventually turn around and make you their favourite parent. A very wild day in your household (according to Sharky)
⇒ 100% gets his sons the same kit he wears while playing football. Boots too if possible. Your dreams of being a football mom and a football wife do come true after all :))
Aj Shabeel -
⇒ His daughter is his twin. She STOLE thoses gorgeous, curly locks from Aj.
⇒ Maybe this was fate (Cruelty according to Aj) but Niko is her favourite uncle. (Understandable, Same.) Thus naturally, she spends a lot of time with Niko's son.
⇒ Often punches Niko on the arm due to the occasional jokes he makes about getting their children married to one other so he can be related to Aj.
⇒ BEST.GIRL.DAD. He lets his daughter do any makeover she wants on him. Be it braiding his hair, painting his nails, playing dollhouse or throwing a tea party. Aj is always your daughter's number one supporter.
⇒ Having 2 Ajs in the house can be crazy at times, but you wouldn't change it for the world.
Chunkz -
⇒ Another Girl Dad. (Girl Dads forever)
⇒Both of them love singing together. Carpool karaoke, singing while doing ousework, singing while outside. The father - daughter duo manage to do it all.
⇒ Chunkz is SUPER proud of his kid. She wins prizes in the most random things scaling from sports to trivia. Who wouldn't be proud to father a young prodigy.
⇒ Loves baking with his baby girl. They make all sorts of pastries and desserts. Every single birthday you've had so far definitely had a contribution from one of their baking projects.
⇒ Top 10 moments in your life.
Kenny -
⇒ Has one son. Surprisingly a very energetic kid compared to his dad who is more laidback and chill.
⇒They do pushups together, Kenny tries explaining the importance of physical health quite early on to his child. (Pretends to not see his son using his knees as support during pushups. cmon he's 6 :(( )
⇒ Super proud dad when his son whisks you away from any man trying to make convo with you, let alone hit on you. If you didn't know this was Kenny's son at this point, you would've now. Both of them are very overprotective of you.
⇒ Your son brings you snacks, rubs your shoulders when you're tired, pulls your chair for you and fills your water bottles. You get worried sometimes that he might be doing too much as a kid, but your son won't have it any other way.
⇒ At the end of the day, your boys love you and spoil you to death. Two gentlemen residing with a lovely lady in the Ojuederie household.
#betasquad#niko omilana#sharky#chunkz#king kenny#ajshabeel#betasquad x reader#niko omilana x reader#sharky x reader#aj shabeel x reader#chunkz x reader#king kenny x reader#beta squad x reader#betasquad reaction#uk youtubers#ukyt#leng men
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Some headcanon info dump for Dislyte Chai, Javid and Jin Qiu.
More will probably be added on, so this will be updated whenever I think of more stuff to add.
**updated (4/19)
* Chai being a hybrid (mountain lion/wolf) she's sheds a lot during spring time, which means a lot of grooming, to which she despises but Javid and Jin hold her down and do it for her because they hate all the fur (I would assume JQ sheds but not as much).
* Since all three have claws, claws covers are a common item as to try not to tear up bedding and such (tho all 3 hate it but also don't like constantly buying new bed sheets).
* Chai being more of a tomboy, she isn't one for girly stuff, but she is more than willing to help Javid (or JQ) with their hygiene and appearance
* Chai and JQ have similar chaotic energy while Javid is calmer. Javid is the referee for the two when they get into heated arguments and resolve by fighting it out (hand to hand, no weapons).
* Chai and Javid have more of a romantic relationship. Chai and JQ are more 'friends with benefits' relationship, but they do have their tender moments. Javid and Chai will purposely get all mushy in front of JQ as it annoys him.
* All three do engage in sexual threesomes
* Chai being part wolf, she does have some characteristics, such as having a strong sense of smell and excellent hearing. This annoys the boys as she over hears their convos and can tell when they are cooking what ingredients they should add
* Chai having huge fangs, she has to wear 'fang cushions' while sleeping
* The food truck Chai owns and operates is more stationary than movable. She operates in her backyard , which she turned into an outdoor restaurant (covers, heaters and such are available so she can operate in all weather). It can be moved but it's a hassle.
* Javid and Chai both love to BBQ so they each encourage the other while also taking turns cooking.
* Chai does hunt, so whenever hunting season is open, she will leave to hunt what she can. Her food truck is Mexican style but with a twist depending on the type of meat she can hunt (elk, deer, bear, duck, fish, etc.). She does offer carne asada, chicken and pork but it's the other meat that draws people in.
* Height in order goes: Javid, Chai then JQ.
* Javid and JQ have strength advantage, Chai is built for speed.
* Chai is extremely ticklish, and the boys know this, so unfortunately, Chai tends to lose wrestle fights due to this disadvantage.
* Chai is a stoner (4/20 all the way) and using Marijuana as a way to relax. Javid and JQ aren't fond of the smell but understand how it helps her.
* All three do sleep together. Imagine 3 big cats curled up with one another.
* Chai enjoys fall and winter so she is outside more often during those seasons. She has the fur to withstand the cold and snow. Javid can't really stand the cold, while JQ kinda can but doesn't like it.
* All 3 can hold their alcohol pretty well.
* Chai does have 2 older brothers and a mother. Her father passed away when she was twelve. Her brothers do have families of their own, so she is also an auntie.
* Chai, unfortunately, can't reproduce. Before she gained her esper powers, she had a life-threatening medical emergency that involved a hysterectomy and her ovaries being removed.
**updated (4/19)**
*Chai has recently had to wear glasses. It runs in her family so it's genetic. She isn't a fan and the boys each have their own opinion about her glasses. Javid think she looks cute, JQ makes fun of her.
*JQ and Chai are a dangerous combo. JQ having some loose screws and Chai having a rebellious side, the two together bring stupidity to another level. Poor Javid has to deal with this chaotic combo.
*Chai and Javid love language is very tender and sweet. From hand holding, random pecks of kisses, and cuddling. For them, it's the small gestures that mean a lot more than words.
* Chai and JQ have more of a tease type relationship. They are always annoying each other, critiquing, poking fun, and calling each other names. Others might think they are being mean to each other, but it's quite the opposite.
*Flirting is different between all three. JQ is EXTREMELY flirtatious to both Javid and Chai, and it works. Javid is more action over words flirting. Chai is a combo of both.
*All three can cook, each having their own specialties. Javid is more BBQ, open fire/grill. JQ is more seafood/Asian cuisine. Chai can cook pretty much anything, but she can't bake to save her life.
*Proper visual aid to show height differences between all three
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Hi! I just discovered your Tumblr blog, and I have an OM! request: both brothers and the side characters go see an opera with MC? I love the opera. My recommendation is Madame Butterfly, a drama with a sad ending. I cam imagine some of the boys will be crying during the emotional moments. And maybe reacting to MC crying at the end (tears of joy btw). The song "Un bel vi dremo" is also really moving. So sorry if it is very specific, I am still kinda new to Tumblr. Have a nice day!
GOING TO OPERA WITH MC
Im not really an opera fan so i'll just keep it at reactions and sort of short, sorry for that i'll try better next time 😳
P.S: luke has a small heart because he is a small boy jajaja
💙LUCIFER
- understandable reaction from you
- he is a fancy man and has definetely seen a good chunk of operas in his old man life spam, he wasnt going to reject this chance with you
- he has too teared up with certain acts but dont expect him to even bring that up
- will pat your shoulder and comfort you while maybe even chukcling a bit by your soft emotions, he finds it just adorable
💛MAMMON
- is also probably crying lets not lie here he has cried in operas before
- he will hug you and cry on your shoulder while you cry on his
- he isnt even an opera fan, he only came becuase you "insisted" on him to come
- the rest of the gang will definetely tease him afterwards for it and he wont admit to have cried in the future
🧡LEVI
- "oh no wait this is just like in anime oh no-"
- did silently get upset during the act and, while he'd become a tomato in the process, will comfort you if you're crying
- he will call it "basic normie stuff" but he knows and understands why you are sad
- he was already comforting you while you were watching anime with him in other moments so this isnt new for him
💚SATAN
- not really the kind to cry but he can see where you are comming from
- yeah sure he is the avatar of wrath but sadness is pretty different from angyness so
- will comfort you and tell you it was just an actand that its ok, no need for tears
- if he can get to be your comfort pillow in the future then he'll come to operas with you more often, he likes to comfort you
💖ASMO
- be careful you'll ruin his very fancy clothes.
- but noseriously he'll hand you the tissues and will make sure your pretty face that he loves so much doesnt get ruined by the tears
- i cant tell if he would get emotional or not too but either way his make up wont get ruined
- dont be surprised if he pulls out a mini fan from his pockets or somewhere and dry yours and his tears away
❤BEEL
- its teddy bear time
- HE KNOWS, HE JUST KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL, he wont cry but he will be sad, will be even more if he sees you sad too
- he is glad to see you feel emotions and can interprete sad moments, the ending was just the cherry on top for you of course so his arms were ready beforehand
- best comfort boy mostly because he is one of my favorites but that's a convo for another day
💜BELPHIE
- ew
- this little bastard LAUGHED at some moments and he'd probably laugh at the ending too if it doesnt involve two very close loved ones being seperated
- if it were to be otherwise then he wont laugh at the ending.... but he will at the other parts
- will let you cry on his shoulder but would probably also give you that look of that one meme with the girl with shitty makeup on her just being uncomfrotable because of her sister in a car or whatever
🤎DIAVOLO
- teddy bear time part 2
- he too has seen a good amount of operas in his days and has too gotten sad at certain moments
- he wont be afraid to admit he teared up a bit during the ending, and he'll gladly offer a comfort hug to whoever needs it, not just you
- he loves your emotional personality and he loves to hug you and pat your head while comforting you, it'll be ok MC
💚BARBATOS
- understandable reaction part 2
- this man has seen some shit, an opera will, AT MOST, make he shed a single tear, but no more
- will pat your back/head if you need some comfort, but he really is a simple man
- has with him tissues or anything you might need just incase anyone were to cry during the opera though he probably knew already what would happen
🤍SIMEON
- give him a moment MC the man's is crying a river right now
- will hug you so strong it'll feel like you're the one who is comforting HIM
- he has seem maybe an opera or two but he was defientely NOT ready for this one, he could feel the knot on his stomach ever since the first sad scene
- he'd probably make luke cry just from crying himself
💓LUKE
- speaking of Luke he came because simeon and you were going
- maybe you shouldve known better because the boy is SAD
- he'll look for you or simeon for comfort after the opera is over, if he hadnt done so during the play itself
- as a child of course he would also be out here making all kinds of questions about the play, what is it with that look, huh? Did you really think a child would understand an opera?
🖤SOLOMON
- understandable reaction part 3
- will give you a pat on the back but would probably also tease you for crying
- another person who wouldve probably laughed during some sad moments, however this bastard might just lose it completely with the ending.
- He is spending more time judging the mistakes and loopholes of the opera more than the actual story and sad moments
#obey mammon#obey me#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me headcanons#obey me leviathan#obey me lucifer#obey me mc#obey me satan#obey me belphegor#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#obey me luke#obey me solomon#obey me crack#??? maybe
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C2E91
There was... so much to process from this episode. I feel like I can’t even do my little pre-recap ramble without spoiling something. I will say this though: [Captain Holt voice] STONE??? Besides that point however, there were a lot of emotions (especially in regards to Nott near the end there) and I was up until 3am, text-ranting my best friend about said emotions. I think this is one of, if not *the* first Critical Role episode where I genuinely shed a tear. So without further ado here are my liveblogs, notes, and eventual all-caps emotions about Campaign 2, Episode 91 of Critical Role: “Stone to Clay.”
- Nott’s problem is not on her to-do list! That makes me sad :((
- Essek’s soft “If you would have a guest for dinner, perhaps?” stop stop i already love you 😭
- Everyone being a bit awkward at small talk is a Whole Mood, including Yasha saying “I’ll....build a fire?” I love my 7 charisma daughter!!!! (also Frumpkin jumping into Essek’s lap is so cute)
- “There are two stories I can think of that managed to step into the annals of history, the time before.” I am still waiting on that Time Travel Arc!!! I am literally so ready (and they don’t know what happened to the second time traveler... maybe they are still out there somewhere??)
- “Is this friendship safe for you here?” “Nothing I do is safe.” uhhhhhh 👀
- okay WHAT was the embarrassing thing about Essek that Laura got a whisper about, what made her laugh so hard, was he really pooping that one time? I have to know !!!
- Marisha, Sam, and Laura all giving the side-eye when Caleb says to Essek “I think you and I share... interests” dfghjkldjddk leave the wizards alone !!!
- Fjord pretending to be “Jeff” and Jester trying to sell him on the Traveler.... BYE (+ Fjord’s imitation of going ‘Ooh! I’m seeking change and direction!’ is basically him before the Wildmother anyway)
- Fjord’s last name being Stone..... uhhh HELLO? HELLO???
- ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS INSANE COINCIDENCE BECAUSE FJORD’S DESTINY WAS FORGED FROM HIS PAIN OF COURSE BUT ALSO ??? LOWKEY WRITTEN IN THE STARS ??? MAYHAPS ???
- “I’m the Transmutation wizard, but you’re the one who changes people.” Aww that was really sweet, that whole conversation between Caleb and Jester was lovely
- Sam, Travis, and Marisha have the best reactions to that Jester convo with the Traveler loooool
- Aww Yasha sleeping in Caduceus’ room because she’s afraid to sleep alone 😭 My love
- Not gonna lie, I totally thought Vence was dead/had been killed after they’d found out he was being scryed on, so the fact that he’s (a) alive and (b) been captured by the Empire is !!!!!!! A Lot !!!!!
- Also I love how the message was like “Ah yes peace talks to potentially end this devastating war will take place in four weeks” and everyone’s first reactions were “Oof that’s cutting it a bit close to travelercon :/“ because mood 😂😂
- Caleb cupping Nott’s face and reassuring her that he’s so close to solving the equation and getting her back, have I told everyone how much I love them yet lately?? Because I love them so much
- Essek: “So... how I do this... How was your day?” 😭 He’s literally like Zuko post-redemption from the Last Airbender in his awkward but powerful and slightly charming levels, I love him
- One of the lightbulbs in my overhead light has been dead for awhile now but when Matt Mercer said “all the candles immediately light” it chose that exact moment to flicker on for the first time in months???? What kind of witchcraft???
- I’m not saying I ship Beau/Jester/Yasha but...... I’m starting to ship Beau/Jester/Yasha sdfghjk I love them okay
- “The spell is complete” OH SHIT THAT WAS FAST I’M NOT READY AAAAHH
- Laura’s facial expressions during the “We work well together. We should explore other things.” “I have some ideas.” conversation were pure gold I love her sdfghjklkjhghjk
- “You go towards the kitchen and the door is locked.” / Cad: “Well, that’s half your problem right here.” lmaooooo king of comedy
- “I kind of thought I’d have to die to do it again.” When is someone going to confront Nott about her death back in Happy Fun Ball because I think she was acting recklessly under this exact assumption :(((
- Caleb (to Nott): “We wouldn’t judge you if you wanted to stay with us for awhile.”
Beau: “Or if you wanted to go home.”
Caleb, increasingly desperate: “Or if you wanted to stay with us for awhile.”
😭 😭 😭
- “We do what we always do. We do it together. Caleb and Nott.” Why are they literally making me cry at 1am what did I do to deserve this treatment it’s so much
- Jester: “Do you want to come find some gem dust with me Fjord?” / Nott: “I mean, he can’t dig, so yeah.” / Fjord: “What?” / Nott: “I mean, come on.” LMAO GOT EM
- Nott: “I want Beau to mold my titties and no else, because she’s got the most experience with them--”
Yasha: “Well that might not be entirely true!” 😂😂 BYE
- This will be our best trick yet
- Okay here we go...... here we go....... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I’m so emotional :(((((
- uhhh chief
- UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,,,,,,,, CHIEF
- Wait so does Nott have a curse on her? She can’t turn back until the curse is broken? On the one hand I’m really sad because she’s been working towards this for so long but on the other hand I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Nott and meet Veth quite yet, I thought it all happened suspiciously quick (in the sense that at the start of the episode she still didn’t even think it was possible/they were actively planning to work towards a different goal, and then at the end it was very possible to achieve Nott’s goal)... I should have known it was too good to be true :((
#whoa this was long im so sorry#critical role#c2e91#cr#my liveblogs#SO MUCH HAPPENED IN THIS EPISODE THOUGH SO CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR RAMBLING JUST A LITTLE#nott !!!! fjord !!!! essek !!!! all the character developments !!!!#queue
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QOAAD
*SPOILERY REVIEW/THOUGHTS*
I finished QOAAD a couple days ago and I’ll say I have some mixed thoughts on it. I am somewhat disappointed tbh but it also DID have its moments.
I have to say I felt this book had too many POVs. I didn’t like that. I didn’t feel like they were all necessary. All the POVs only ended up with me feeling very disconnected from the story as a whole, and the characters, even my faves at times. I think the POVs where one part of the problem, the other I am not sure. Maybe Cassie has too many projects on her plate or idk but something impacted her writing. Not just for QOAAD but I felt it in Ghosts of the Shadow Market stories too. It had a few exceptions but compared to The Shadowhunter Academy short stories overall, they just weren’t as good. :/ As much as it pains me we gotta wait like 4 yrs for TWP maybe its a good thing? The onslaught of books may have passed and TWP will get more focus. Im just gonna tell myself this to get through the waiting time OTL.
I will start with thoughts on Emma and Julian as they are the main characters.
I like both Julian and Emma’s characters, but I think they lost me somewhere at some point in this series as a couple. I can’t say exactly when but reading QOAAD I realized I didn’t care for them as a couple. I’ve seen this is the case for many others too. Was I very intrigued where the parabatai curse would lead? Yes, but that’s it. Now the parabatai curse, I wasn’t too satisfied with how that played out. I kinda was and I kinda wasn’t. I guess I was expecting something bad to happen some consequences but the rune just burned away and that was that. I loved when Julian got his emotions back and went all into head of the institute since I was a child mode. Like I know my shit I know what I’m doing. Then Dru being like “good to have you back, I missed your lunatic schemes” xD I love Julian scheming ok, lol but like with emotions.
I gotta say one of my favorite things about TDA and what I felt like was one of its strong points is that togetherness the Blackthorns had as a family. My favorite thing about Julian was his love for his kids cause they are his kids!! BUT I just didn’t feel it in this book. When looking forward to QOAAD I was looking forward to how they were all going to deal with Livvy’s death. The kids where gonna need Julian so much but he just wasn’t there for them ALL throughout the book which was my BIGGEST disappointment. At first he wasn’t there because he took away his emotions and separated from them, then he got back and because he was emotionless he couldn’t be there for Ty when Ty reached out to him clearly troubled and broken. Now, I don’t blame him. He was emotionless after all, but after he did get them back I feel like he didn’t make the effort to be there for them. It was like he didn’t remember the way Ty reached out to him before and the things he said to him about his plan. After he got his emotions he was all busy with the Horace-Cohort situation and his situation with Emma but what about the KIDS JULES?! ;_; It was Ty who again sought him but he didn’t really try to pay attention to what was going on with him, during and after their little convo. It felt like
Jules: oh btw you good?
Ty: yeah sure
Jules: ok im here btw
Ty: K
Jules: K
And that was it. He never found out about the necromancy or biting and just *sigh*. At least the biting is something he should’ve and would’ve noticed as Dru pointed out. Everyone was on their own basically and then in the end he and Emma are going on a travel vacay. Like what?! There was Helen but Helen is not Julian. She is trying to get to know them but Julian is the one who is basically their parent. There are 2 things I loved about Julian best, one was his willingness to do what needed to be done, and second was his care for his family and like I said, I did not feel it here. :[ I’ll say I do love Julian’s character, and more than Emma’s actually. Emma is just fine, but there is a lot more going on with Julian. Though neither are my faves in this series. But I love Julian xD
THULE: ok so I was sobbing during this part. I couldn’t control my tears. All this broke my heart when we found out about how everyone’s fates turned out. I felt so sad for Livvy all alone there. Everything was just so tragic ;_;. I do found myself wanting for the POV to switch to see their friends and family freaking out about what happened to Emma and Julian. I’ll say it didn’t make sense to me how Ash went into Thule only like 5 minutes before Jemma and he aged up yrs yet Jules and Emma where there for a pretty long time too and nothing?? It was another reason I wanted the POVs to switch I was wondering if yrs where passing by in their world or what. I’ll say I did enjoy the pain and hurt Thule gave me lol. It was one of those moments where like I didn’t felt disconnected with the characters at all. I was very much feeling all the feels but it also felt like I left QOAAD and was thrust back into CoHF. It felt too much like TMI it was kind of a whiplash, like from TDA i went back to TMI then TDA again. 0.0
Now to my faves
Ash!: He was one of my favorite things of this book! His character was so interesting. I have high hopes for his character. He is probably not all good or all bad but what I’ve seen of him from boy to teen he is more good and human than meets the eye. Cassie Cassie Cassie! Do we really need a 3rd evil Morgenstern? No, No Nope! He deserves the chance Sebastian never had! </3. ;_;
The way he shook when he was holding that sword with the Unseelie King when he was trying to make him kill Kieran. He clearly didn’t want to and not only that, he questioned WHY, like he thought you can’t just kill someone just because. Then in Thule we had Thule Dru talk about how she noticed he didn’t want to be there for Thule Sebastian’s executions, among the rest of things that happened there.
Now Ash and Dru, omg PLS I ship already! I cant wait for them!
Ty and Kit!: My other faves, my babies. I am the most invested in them! I just knew they were going to be separated at the end of this. I had a feeling. Then they made that “To never being parted” declaration in the campfire and I knew for sure oh no, they are gonna part. ;_; Their fight in Lake Lyn broke my heart a little bit, tears were shed. It particular broke my heart how while they were both physically fighting, they were crying about it and the whole situation. Though I’ll say I also did like that Kit went to live with Jem and Tessa <3. I feel like he is in the process of finding himself as a shadowhunter and just as a person too. I love that Jessa will be like his family. I cant wait for Jessa being parents! Also the arc of them separating only to meet again yrs later with so much unsaid ugh I cant wait for them either OTL. I could drown myself in feels thinking about all the different scenarios in which they might meet again. ;_; Oh! When they were in the campsite and Kit was wondering why Ty didn’t went inside the tent with him right away was everything. His mind was just reeling with TY scenarios it was the cutest.
I have to say I hope TY, KIT, and DRU, as they are our main characters are given priority in TWP no 10+ POVs PLS. (Ash gotta be in the POVs though ofc.) We only have 3 books with them. They deserve the focus so we can connect with them the most. Heck if there is no more than 4/5 POVs even better. We can get to know other and new characters without being in their heads as we got to love Ty without his POV in TDA.
Mark, Kieran, Christina: Other characters I love too. What can I say? I love that this threesome happened. I think the initial delivery coulda been better, but I loved their ending. When I say their initial delivery I mean their coming together as 3. I LOVED that spark they had in LOS when we first could see that there could be something between the 3 of them like ‘OMG what?!’. But in QOAAD I feel like I didn’t get like a full understanding of how and why Kristina and Kieran came to love each other. We could all see the love, feelings, and intense connection between Mark and Kieran since LOS. Also the connection between Mark and Christina, but with Kieran and Christina I feel like it needed more development. They were suddenly very into each other when they hadn’t spent much time together after LOS events and Kieran left with Diego. I’ll say what did help that a bit was that it was actually pointed out by Christina herself, saying how what they might have (Kier+Tina) is probably not close to the connection Mark and Kieran do. Despite this I love how it eventually concluded with the three of them. It was bittersweet, like Kieran my boy <3 ;__; but I liked it very much. Have I said how much I specifically love Kieran and Mark because I do!!
Lastly, woah I did not see that coming with the clave leaving Idris. I’m shocked they even agreed to that considering how prideful they are of their home. It is also like a safety cocoon for them. Im still processing, this is a huge change. It will be so interesting where the shadowhunter world goes from here.
#ok this turned out way too long but i just had a lot to say ok#thank you if anyone read it all hehe#qoaad#queen of air and darkness#tda#kitty#kierarktina#julian blackthorn#ty x kit#kit x ty#ash morgenstern#ashthorn#blackstar#ty blackthorn#kit herondale#the dark artifices#tsc#the shadowhunter chronicles#shadowhunter chronicles#kieran#kieran of the hunt#mark blackthorn#kieran kingsmaker#text
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Jan 30, 2020 - 11:25 PM
This song is kinda a big mood right now with my oldest sister.
I was trying to keep everyone in the loop about my op today. My partners ordered me a hysterectomy cake for my surgery, and so I found it delicious and offered to bring some for the fam.
However…my oldest sister separately texted me about her disapproval.
t’s 100% official, Bear (my oldest sister) is transphobic.
I did cry a bit because of this...and that’s been incredibly hard for me to do right now...to shed tears…
Here’s a kicker with it, she purposely did it in solo instead of group (because she knows she’d piss people off)
Kitty mentioned why she realized it pisses her off so much that Bear said she was offended: She’s offended that I’m happy. More or less.
She wanted me to not close the door and share etc, got on my case for keeping the transition secret at first, and then says this
And honestly, I really should let this bother me the way it does. but it does, it hurts.
From refusing to use my name until it was legal, from insisting not to ever use masculine terminology, to this...
And some other stuff when she had a convo with Kitty, comparing allowing people to wear Pride gear (during pride month) almost being the same as allowing white supremacist to wear racist stuff
“It might make people uncomfortable to see pride gear”
On the other hand, my ma was actually using he/him pronouns, apparently today. I didn’t hear her do it (except maybe once), so that made me happy to hear about.
She’s almost only exclusively used she/her, so that really touched me.
Just something I've got to accept. It's a good thing I don't live there anymore.
even my parents aren't bigoted like this and my dad identifies as Republican
my ma actually went to court with me, has gone to several of my trans-related appointments, and then drove me to and from my surgery
And I know she doesn't understand, maybe not even approve (at least of some of it), but she cares and wants to help me at least be safe and careful and make sure I'm not alone
and my ma was on the opposite spectrum on the "pride gear at work thing," where she was all for it
Kitty and some other employees had gotten in trouble at work for wearing a "pride shirt" on the first Friday of Pride month
and my ma was like, "you wouldn't say that to someone wearing a pink ribbon on breast cancer awareness month" and even turned to my dad who runs a business and he was agreeing that they technically don't have a right to restrict that
but when Bear heard, and saw that Kitty was now wear pride enamel pins every day for the month (or at least every Friday, can't recall), she called her out as immature, saying that was childish and spiteful and that wearing pride stuff could make someone uncomfortable, and if we allow LGBT+ people to wear pride stuff, we should let white supremacist wear racist stuff
and it's just like "n-no…LGBT+ people are a protected class and this isn't anything hateful or harmful on their stuff, as opposed to racist stuff being bigoted and harmful with hate"
"it's bringing sex into the workplace"
uhhh…being gay =/= sex
if that's the case, than wearing "I love my husband" or those "his/hers" shirts are also sex
she got on my case for telling our neighbors (they're not mine anymore) that I changed my name (not my gender, just my name) and in front of their children who weren't paying attention
but you know what, my neighbor immediately took it well, stopped her children and said "This is Li'l King now" and they were cool with it
like, I doubt the kids even remembered my name cuz the oldest was around 2 anyway and my sis was like "IT'S GONNA CONFUSE THE CHIIIIILDDDDREEEENNNN"
no, no it's not. Kids get this stuff easily, it's adults who struggle
and you know what else, their neighbors are doing better at gendering me than they are
And she's an educator: SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS
and I also said it had nothing to do with gender, just my name
one of my other sisters, Bunny, overheard Bear scolding me for that one and told our ma and then messaged me as well to see if I was OK and what it was about, but I didn't want to be a tattle tail. Later that night, my ma checked on me and I told her everything and she was like "I'm willing to fight her for you, cuz that's not OK" and that's when she told me that Bear had been refusing to call me Li'l King up until I finally had it legally changed etc
I'm gonna tell my ma about the cake thing too, but in private and in person. People were saying I should have posted the screen shot to the group chat, but tensions and stress are really high in their household right now, and I don't want to add to it.
A bunch of people that I talked to about this also kinda grilled her for the fact that she messaged me that whilst I'm supposed to be recovering and literally just had surgery
#transgender#transition#journal#Mood#mood journal#transphobia#transphobic#transphobes#discrimination#sibling#siblings#sister#sisters#hysterectomy#gender affirming surgery#gender affirmation#bigot#bigotry#family#surgery#support#unsupportive family#unsupportive#unsupportive sister#unsupportive sibling#supportive mom#lgbt
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2019
back here again and i feel like letting it out here cause maybe atleast i feel abit ease when i let it out here? so here it goes, bismillah. 19 yrs living, never have i ever experience this. last yr, i’ve lost my very own bestfriend. 8 yrs growing up in the same sport, a sport that we both have so much passion in it, also a sport that we went through hardships tgt and much more. all those mixed emotions started when i received a text in the morning from irbah before going out to watch her psk’19 final match against kak wani. “farz dah meninggal, astaghfirullah 😭” — i cldnt react to it bcs nope, how cld it be her? out of all person. not even a tears drop until farhanah, arwah farz’s sister dm-ed me and told me abt it then i started to believe. alot of my silat friends started to dm me, asking for a confirmation and also told me to stay strong. i was standing while reading all the dms, then i started to shed tears and sit back on my bed. only god knows how i felt the moment i sit back. i frozed. so much questions were on my mind and i cld even imagine how it happen. i cldnt miss irbah’s fight, i still decided to come and watch. wtv happened, i will always be there for her even up till now. i will try. not gonna lie, thruout the journey from north to east, i cldnt even stop thinking abt it. tried holding my tears. the moment i entered the hall, asrul was the first person who saw me and told me to stay strong and thats when i shed tears back but i managed to control. Saw Irbah and i went to her, sat beside her and had a short convo. Told her this — “aku tk percaya dia dh tkde.” and she replied the same too. it was too devastating. we cldnt even react to anything and all i did was laying on her shoulders. Watched her match and it was supposingly her win but stupid and bloody bias juris just had to lose her game. a week before arwah farz’s passing, she just lost her dad in the morning when she was on a overseas comp and its that morning itself she have a match. she returned home on that morning itself. i cldnt even imagine being in her shoes and a week later, farz’s passing. she wanted that win for her dad and for farz too but that’s just disappointing cause it was rlly her win. cldnt be with her aft her match cause her sisters went out with her aft her match and she told me that she let everything out to her sisters. i cldnt miss kak azza’s match bcs i promised her that i wld come down and watch. i wanted to be there for her all the time but i only managed to watch from round 2 till the last round. even when im watching, my mind cldnt stop thinking abt it even for awhile. To kak azza, sorry if i cldnt be myself on that day. i cldnt even speak so much. Cik Min, my team manager, tapped my back when i was watching kak azza’s match and hugged me tightly. i rlly dont want to shed so much tears on that day but those ppl that approached me and told me to stay strong is just....😔 then ariqah tapped me again when i was watching one of the matches. Saw her smiling, with tears rolling down, trying her best not to pull her sad face and i didnt say a word, hugged her and shed tears back. Cried so much on that day and its during a competition period even if i didnt compete. the pain, the sadness, everything in one, i cldnt believe i went through all that. i used to wonder how does it feels like losing my own bestfriend but i’ve never thought that the phase wld be this painful and hard for me. how wld it possible for me to lose someone who i wanted to keep forever? someone who wld create a rainbow after a storm? you’re a heartwarming and a cheerful girl. no one shld ever hurt you. you deserve all the happiness in this world. you rlly have the most sweetest smile and the most cutest laugh ever. its sad to say that i wldnt be able to see all of that. whats even more worst? your presence, i wldnt be able to see you anymore and it breaks my heart. i wldnt be able to see you standing outside of the arena cheering for me, shouting — “tojang kau mana!” “shikin keras lagi oi!!” “baik mcm gitu!!” & also seeing you all hype up to watch my fights —
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im crying not only bc of your amazing writing, but bc i was scrolling thru my dashboard and i saw you answering all these asks about new rules and i’m so dump thinking that you set up new rules or sthg, i didn’t understand it so i read all those asks and fucking spoiled myself kmp, but on another note yOU FUCKING ROCK OMG NEW RULES IS SO AMAZING I LOVE IT 💘💘💘
Anonymous said:I'M LOVING NEW RULES SO MUCH just wanted to show my support. i love your writing in general don't get me wrong but new rules is messing with my heart and it's amazing
Anonymous said:Hi! I just read both parts for "New Rules" and I loved them! If this goes in the same direction as Dua Lipa sings (I guess it will) it sounds like it'll be very interesting. I love how everyone in the story is human, not just good or bad, you know? 90% of fics would've made Mijoo the stereotypical barbie bitch, but you didn't and I was pleasantly surprised! I also feel very identified with the OC. I really want her to open up and discover who JK really is, whoever that is. Keep up the good work!
jabaelashit said:Hey! i already wrote you a message on one of your posts but i just wanted to say that i am feeling so skabakks right now, I can't stop thinking about new rules and i'm torn between crying or crying but w angsty. I hope oc learns her worth and can understand she's just as amazing as mijoo, even better if we're talking about morals but oh well people fuck up:( I'm glad she forgave her but I hope she distances from her cause that gurl ain't having the same respect for the friendship as oc/1
jabaelashit said:and i also hope she gets to tell jimin her feelings not to like make him break stuff w mijoo, but to let him know she hadnt seen the note and to release some pressure and feelings cause oc bottles up so much and i just want to go and hug her and don't leave her until she understands shes fucking badass and cool and that the way she thinks is 👏👏👏 lu you've made me feel such a diverse amount of emotions i don't know what to do w myself anymore, your writing is amazing! love love loove you❣/2
Anonymous said:Hey!!:) idk if this is the right place to send compliments cause im really new to tumblr but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR FICS. Tbh I'd buy it if you published a physical compilation;)
Anonymous said:Wow for the longest time I was searching your old username; idek why cause I’ve known you changed your username and have been keeping up to date with you LMAO this is what being sick and delirious does to me. ANYWAYS! Hope you’re not too down with the crazy anons your story is great and I’m thankful for the dynamic characterizations you create! It makes it so much more interesting cause you create many characters with depth!!
Anonymous said:Can I please just have your writing talent? The OC is just so real, and that moment when she's deciding what to do with Mijoo, and what she actually says at the end.... I can't actually put my thoughts into words. I'm legit stunned by the sheer amount of emotions I felt reading the second chapter. I genuinely adore the banter between JK and OC, I personally prefer people to be more direct with what they want, so I already appreciate them, but also Jimin's convo with OC... (1/2)
Anonymous said:Jimin's convo with OC... Idk about these other anons going off on Mijoo, I was more thinking 'why didn't Jimin chase the note?' and then he would have had his answer then and there. But that might have just been me... And also, thinking back to it now, when JK said 'I need you' and OC repeated it back to him like super softly, like she was surprised oh god, okay, my heart is breaking even more for OC now, idk if I'm reading too much into it. I love you Lu, I hope you're well, and happy! (2/2)
Anonymous said:I love your fics so much!! The sass is real esp with jungkook 😂
Anonymous said:Anyways do ya thang hunny ✨ Keep wrecking me with your writings 💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨😩
Anonymous said:Read part 1 of New Rules and was like yeah thisll be fun, I'll have a great time. Then I read part 2 and ended up shedding some real tears at the end?!?! LU WHAT THE...... But really though its so nice to read a fic where the OC values friendship. The idea that its always girls against girls makes me sad.. we should be sticking together!!
Anonymous said:so... surprise surprise, dis gon be about new rules 😂 but I really wanted to thank you for adding so much of the oc's inner dialogue, and making her such a character in the first place. a lot of fics do not portray ocs with more defeatist attitudes, but yours does and I was glad, because I could finally relate to a fic :) also, coming back to the inner dialogue thing, it was so in depth that i could really feel what the oc was feeling, what she was going through. it was amazing ❤️ thank you!
Anonymous said:Man this is one hell of a good fic i’m highly anticipating the next chapter!!! Even though it seems like traditional frat fuckboy x ‘i hate frat bois but ye i’d fuck u’ type of girl it still is in a way a little different i just can’t quite catch how but nonetheless it’s amazing!!! Keep up the good work babe
oceanjoon said:ok so ur newest fic new rules literally is so real n relatable !! like honestly i understand seeking physical comfort in people u dont care about wen u r feeling down/insecure to validate urself n it just rlly hit home
kyarybunny said:Lu. At this point I have so many compliments to give you I can't really form it all properly. But I really am enjoying New Rules and this plot you're breathing life into! It's a different facet of your writing and I love how you can interpret every character's actions in a few different ways. Thank you for continuing to write and I hope you enjoy writing as much as we do reading/analyzing.
Anonymous said:Istg when I read the new chapter of New Rules I clenched my fist like that Arthur meme when it came up to the part about mijoo and the note. Girl got me heated lol. As usual, your works do not disappoint! I love your wittiness and how it shines in your writing. The remarks and dialogue in all of your series really proves your talent. You’re truly a gem amongst fanfic writers 💕☺️📢
Anonymous said:i was happily reblogging a few things on my dash and ch1 of new rules just came and i started reading WHERE THE FUCK DID I GET MY ASS INTO???!!!???!?! IT'S FUCKING AMAZING i don't know why i didn't start reading before. don't you ever dare stop writting, you're such a good writter and i enjoy your works very very much
Anonymous said:OC DESERVES HAPINESS JUST AS MUCH AS MIJOO. OC SHOULDVE PUT HERSELF AND HER HAPPINESS BEFORE HER FRIEND'S BECAUSE SHE IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THEM DJFJFJ i hope one day jimin finds out about her feelings :(
Anonymous said:new rules just keeps getting better and better 😻😻
Anonymous said:Wow.. Okay.. I do believe chapter 2 of New Rules has officially ruined me. My heart was actually beating so fast through out the whole chapter, and it's still racing now too. I've thought this multiple times while reading your fics, but you're writing really is incredible. Your characters and the way you describe their emotions is so unbelievably relatable that the reader can't help but be sucked in. I always find myself becoming invested in your characters! Thank you for all the adventures!
Anonymous said:I felt so bad for the OC this chapter ;.; If I were in her position, I'd probably do the same since causing a scene is yes, immature and not worth the energy. But, if i could be a character in New Rules I'd probably be the other best friend who'll be like "guurl, confront her ass it isnt an excuse just because she's your friend." All in all I see the OC as the kind of person who'll go out of their way to care for someone to the point of disregarding their own feelings, which is unhealthy :( (1)
Anonymous said:(2) but thats what makes her such a relatable character. I really, really like that in your OCs. This is probably the second OC i emotionally relate to, first is Copper Girl. But yeah I'm just distracting myself from assignments lol this series is amazing and just you are amazing Lu!!!! ily!!!!! PS. Jungkook is still agsjshskll he's cocky but with OC he's quite vulnerable. I wonder why? Is it just a front or does he have other intentions?
Anonymous said:alternative ending to new rules: mijoo and mc are over their respective boys, does not bother to get into any messy scenarios like that ever again, love each other and support each other and is forever the friendship that everyone envies anD I HATE THIS SITUATION SO MUCH GODDAMMIT LU!!! UR REALLY TRYING TO TEAR MY HEART APART!!
marchxseptember said:OH MY GOD CHAPTER TWO IS UP. I HAD A FEELING SO I HAD TO CHCK UR ACC AND I WAS RIGHT. BRB GONNA READ
marchxseptember said:AND THE PLOT THICKENS. I JIST FINISHED READING CH. 2 AND I AM FUCKED UP. I HAD A THEORY BEFORE BUT NOW I HAVE LIKE 2 MORE IM CONFUSED. I LOVED IT SOOO MUCH. AND I HATE MIJOO NOW. I CANT WAITT TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. THIS WAS SO GOOD LU.
omg the amount of response ive gotten for new rules is unbelievable. I dont think ppl were even this into equilibrium. the last time u guys acted like this was during the golden boy trilogy and it really feels so good to have this again.
thank you all for your thoughtful messages and for giving this ridiculous little fic a chance. I love you all
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laurenplayspeople
WOAH WAIT HOLD UP WHATS GOING ON HERE
short answer: no one knows!!!!! ~*~shrugging emoji~*~
wow okay but let’s start at the beginning i guess ... so yeah this is probably way more than you needed to know, but here goes ...
Before I dive into The Jeff Situation™, you should know that I have pretty much zero experience in the dating world. I’ve had a few casual crushes before but none of them have ever looked at me twice and honestly it never crushed me when they turned out to like other girls/went out of my life.
So Jeff and I met a little over a year ago at work. We’d been casual work friends for several months when this all started. Honestly, I’d never even considered him romantically before. Once my sister asked me about the guys at work and it made me think about Jeff x me as a couple and it actually made me laugh b/c I was sure that it would be that awkward.
Anyway.
Fast forward.
DECEMBER:
1 day @ he’s talking w/ another coworker about La La Land and how much he loves it
the co-worker said he’s never even heard of it and asks me if I have
I said I had and that I really wanted to see it!!! I had plans to see it a few weeks before but didn’t end up going b/c of bad weather
the next day I get a text from jeff asking if I was working
I said I wasn’t (I was 100% positive atp that he was gonna ask me to come in and work)
but instead he asks me if I wanna see la la land w/ him
and ofc I jump at the chance
he tells me he wants to go to dinner beforehand and suggests going to this theater that’s down the road a little b/c he says he’s sure that they “have bigger screens”
and then he says we should probably meet and ride down together
and like i’ve never been on a date b/f in my life, but this is sounding a lot like a date, right???
anyway he picks me up at a starbucks and then he lITERALLY GOT OUT OF HIS RUNNING CAR TO OPEN THE PASSENGER DOOR FOR ME (i died a little)
and we have such a great time
we get down there super early and walk around barnes and noble and then go and get sandwiches for dinner and we talk and we laugh and we joke and i’m just so super comfortable hanging out with him
and then we see freaking la la land aka the most romantic movie ever
and we have a great convo on the way back just talking about the movie and honestly its like the greatest night of my life
JANUARY:
so we went out on friday the 30th of december and he’d used a couple vacation days at the end of the year so i don’t even see him again until a few days later
and he asks me to go out to dinner with him and some friends during break (which we’d never done before)
and he confesses to me how much fun he had and how he was thinking about asking me to go to the movies with him again the next night but it was news years eve and he assumed i had plans
anyway we all hang out at dinner and it’s great
but the next time we see each other .... he’s definitely more reserved??? like not anymore than he normally is (we are both reserved ppl tbh) just way more than he had been those last two days and my logical self is telling me that it isn’t b/c of me, but my emotional side is like WHAT HAVE U DONE!!!!!!
and yeah things are a little more distant between us after that.
I kept thinking that we needed to just hang out 1 x 1 again and so when I had a random weekday off (his off days are wednesdays/thursdays) I asked him to go to the movies with me (which is a HUGE deal for me to have done btw)
this doesn’t go nearly as well as the first time
we go see manchester by the sea which is supER depressing and it made him cry a little (but I didn’t shed a tear b/c apparently i’m dead inside)
and we had this really awkward convo outside of the theater and I couldn’t tell if he wanted to ask me out to dinner or not and in the end he didn’t and I wished I would have said something but anyWAY
FEBRUARY:
he tells everyone that he’s gotten a new job at another station and will be leaving in march
we haven’t hung out outside of work since the awkward date (although we tried to make plans to go again but they fell through b/c of what i later found out to be him making plans to get a new job/move away)
still we’ve had a lot of great convos together during dinner breaks
and i’m freaking out b/c i’m convinced that i’m probably never gonna see him again
his new job has taken him about an hour/an hour and a half away (so not that far) but i’m still afraid that our friendship isn’t strong enough yet to survive a long term dealio
so i decide, oh what the hell, i’m gonna tell him that i like him
MARCH:
so i’ve got it all planned out.
it is one of his last days at work and i’m only working half a shift ... which means we could go out for dinner and he’d go back to work after and i’d go home (so if things go badly i didn’t have to go back to work with him)
he loves this pizza place that is right across the street
so I decide i’m gonna ask him to go there w/ me and on the way back, I’ll just say it
i’m not really expecting anything tbh ... like I know we are friends but I’m only about 10% sure he likes me anything more than that, but i know I will always wonder about that 10%, you know???? and it’s so terrifying but I decide i’m gonna do it anyway
so i never really get a great time to ask him at work b/c I don’t want other ppl around where i feel like I need to invite them
so i don’t ask
and i’m on my way to my car and freaking out that i may have missed my chance so i call kate and she’s like “omfg just go back in and ask him or text him or something”
so i text him
and he says no
and i’m like “cool”
and it hurts a little but the rational side of my brain does list all the reasons why he may have said no (1) he’s pretty frugal and he’s about to move and so he’s definitely trying to save, 2) he had missed the work the day b/f bc of a stomach virus so he might not wanna eat a greasy pizza and 3) he hasn’t even gone out with his super close friends b/c of reason #1)
so i’m still thinking that maybe i can say what i need to on his last day
it’ll be kinda tricky b/c so many ppl will be wanting to talk to him and i’m like the least aggressive person in the universe but i can try
ofc we are gonna get this huge freakin’ snowstorm on his last day and my dad tells me there’s no way i’m driving over the mountains to get to work on that day
so i ask a friend in town if i can stay at her house (also a huge deal for me!!!) so I can be there to work the next day (but you know mostly to say goodbye to jeff)
... and then he calls out of work b/c of the weather
so i don’t see him
but then that weekend he shows up at work (WITHOUT ANY NOTICE!!!!) to pick up the stuff he wasn’t able to get on his actual last day
anyway during break, he and two other friends + me hang out and watch some tv
he says he’s about ready to go but then the three of them start talking about some drama with the news anchors that i don’t really care about so i ran to the bathroom
and ofc they are both occupied and the guys using them are taking fOREVER
and by the time i use the bathroom and get back anthony is there
(this whole moment feels like a scene out of a romcom tbh)
and he’s like “omg you literally just missed jeff!!!!”
me: omg no!!!!! that’s not okay!!!!
and then he’s like “hurry if you run outside, you might catch him still!!!!”
and so i’m about to leave but realize i don’t have my keys and that i left them in the break room and that w/o them i can’t get back inside but anthony tells me not to worry that jack has them and to just go and they will let me in
so i dash outside and i reach his car and he’s about to pull out when i bang on his window ....
... AND SCARE HIM TO DEATH
the station is in a really bad part of town and he’s had a homeless guy try to climb inside his car with him once and i think I must have given him a heart attack
anyway he realizes its me and he turns his car off and gets out and we get to hug and say goodbye and if our friends hadn’t come out to meet us so they could let me in, that would have been a great time to tell him
but anyway
so he left
and on his first day of work i decided to text him and when he texted back he said how sorry he was that we never got to go see that other movie and how he wished he’d gone to dinner w/ him before and how he hoped we never stopped being friends, etc.
and so we started texting a lot and like we both watched bates motel so we’d talk about the new episodes etc.
APRIL:
he comes into town and invites me and anthony to lunch
its really good to see him and we have a nice time
i had to leave work to go get lunch tho and ofc we talk for way too long and my boss calls me like “um where are you!?!!” and i have to dash off
he sends me a nice text later about how nice it was to see me and how he hoped i didn’t get into any trouble
MAY:
he comes into town again and we go out to dinner with a bunch of work people
we don’t really get much chance to talk 1x1
JUNE:
haven’t texted each other in like a month
we will occasionally like things that each other posted on insta/facebook but that’s about it
so that’s the The Jeff Situation™! And I know I should text him and start a new conversation. I know that. It’s just that I’m super scared. And I have this weird mental block where I’m like “well if you don’t text him, you can always hope that 1 day things will work out for you guys” vs. “if you do text him, you know that you will eventually mess it up!!!” so that makes things super stressful for me ... plus, our last text messages that we sent was like
me: rants for three or four paragraphs about bates motel
him: oh yeah that was crazy
and that’s not super normal for us b/c we used to send paragraphs back and forth. and i know i’m overthinking things but to me that also translates into = i don’t really wanna talk to you anymore (which i know is stupid)
Plus another part of me is like “wow u’ve put yourself so out there and if he’s interested, he’ll make the next move” but then part of me is like ... “you putting yourself out there is literally send him a text message so he probably doesn’t realize??????”
So yeah. Everything’s a mess!!! I’m an awkward piece of bread who has no idea what she’s doing and instead of being active about it, I’ve decided to just sit and think about him and how much I miss him! Yay! So that’s where I am in my love life!!!!! It’s super fun and great!!! 10/10 would recommend
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Sloppy post about my ex incoming!
Recently my ex got in touch with me through Tumblr, about 2.5 years after leaving me in a shitty way and in a shitty situation, and telling me he never wanted to speak to me again. Perhaps I shouldn’t have engaged, but I did, and...here I am. I could make a long-ass “here’s what he said” post, but tbh it’s not worth the effort. But I wanted to say a few things, still.
Basically the only reason he got in touch was because he creeped on my blog, read through my “personal” tag, and didn’t like what I said about him there. But his whole attitude was that he was doing me a favor by talking to me and ~answering any questions I may have.~ Remarkably similar to my sister’s shitty ex getting in touch because she made a vent post on Facebook about him. I did have some questions and he did answer them, but that conversation...oof. All this crap about how he’s “unlearned elitism and a lot of other things” and “honesty is his new policy” (he fed me so many lies through the course of our relationship, he lies when it suits him and there’s no reason for that to have changed).
I wanted to believe that he’s changed since we were together, because I know I’ve learned and grown a lot. But that’s hard to take seriously when he 1) laughs at me for working food service jobs, 2) says he left me partially because I didn’t fit into his grand privileged life plan and could see why his mom disapproved of me and my “upbringing,” 3) revealed I was the thirteenth person he’d had sex with when the previous numbers were six and zero...and the name of the first person he had sex with changed...? Also he threw in the lines that “if [he] read an obituary for [me] tomorrow, [he] probably wouldn’t shed a tear,” that he felt like I’d have it easier if I was more inclined to date women (hot take?), and that I was “branching out” because my current boyfriend is not white.
All in all, it was kind of a mess. But I’m glad that I’ve progressed to the point where I still know I didn’t deserve what he did, and I can see through his “doing me a favor” to the real motivation: he doesn’t want to be the bad guy. He hates feeling guilty (if only there was a way to avoid that feeling), and is very good at saying apologetic words to get the reassurance that he’s not a bad person, that the shitty things he’s done are okay. He even said, in regards to cooking me breakfast minutes before the aforementioned leaving me in a shitty way and in a shitty situation, “I’m not a monster.” That says a lot. It also says a lot that during the convo, he said we could speak again, but has since blocked me, just like he did 2.5 years ago.
This definitely turned into a long-ass “here’s what he said” post anyway, but whatever, told ya it was gonna be sloppy! As my sister and I say, “There’s a lot to unpack here.” Here’s to bigger and better relationships ^^
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November Update Mo’de.
November 9th
I don’t even know what’s going on.
I thought I wanted dick tbh. Like thought I was okay with fucking with him cause I didn’t feel anything for him.
Turns out I play myself and etc you already know how this goes...
So I’ve been talking to mode on and off lately mostly weekdays for like 2 weeks we been texting. Was supposed to see him Sunday or something but said fuck it and he never replied back. So he says he has a phone issue okay I get it cause he downgraded to a iPhone 6. Kinda make sense but idk if I even wanna believe his phones been acting up since February.
So.. we had talks of plans on meeting up. Come Monday he’s been very friendly with me via text. Even when I give him half ass replies he takes it and says something else. Told me me missed me again, I said yah sure should’ve ghosted your ass he’s like why? I told him he’s like sorry we can chill this week. This week ended up turning into a w/e feeling tbh. Like I was horny mad horny i was even down to fuck him and not say anything either. Just go there fuck and leave nothing else. Maybe even end it the feeling was just trash tell him I moved on or something and that I want to focus on my self. Sound like a white bitch but it’s true. I really wanted to end it at some point. Everyone I know says he’s not worth it. Damn even my mom says he’s not worth it. He challenges my insecurities. He isn’t that good looking but he makes me feel like I’m just average at best.
Nov 20th So cont.
he sends me a message on Tuesday asking about my bday and that I should let him know if anything changes. I said I would, then he finishes the text sentence for me with one word & I reply back like you finishing my sentences he’s like yah real one I’m like cringing rn he’s like boo I’m like don’t.
Lol^ but he never texts me affectionate stuff so that was a turn off since I was already tryna distance myself from that.
So come to Wednesday we still talk via text only**
I was horny too 😭 so I messaged him asking if he was busy after work. Then replied back he’s with his homie.. asked me if tomorrow was okay I was like okay.
I just wanted some dick tbh nothing else maybe a little cuddle that’s all 😰
Come Thursday, we text during the morning was still replying late the other day. W/e but we did have plans to link up that night.
- we link up Thursday night. He pulls up to tim hortons in my area and I get into his car. We’re just talking for like a bit suddenly out of nowhere my younger brother pulls up, him and his friend in my step dads car. I see him get out the car smoking a cigarette and just standing there.
I’m shook at this point. I lean back in mode’s car because I don’t want to be seen. I confused because I don’t wanna expose myself but I want to approach him and smack him across his head. So he goes into Tim hortons, mode tells me that I should go and just say I saw him pulling out of the drive way. Once he goes inside I quickly run in the store and approach him. I look at him and can tell he’s high. His eyes red, smells like shit & can’t even focus.
So I talk to him and tell him fix up. That’s not the kinda path he’s gonna wanna be on when he’s older.
Long story short, I told him go home and I’m see him there.
I leave the area call mo’de to link up again and he follows me to another spot near by. We talk for a bit I can’t even remember what cause it was two week ago. But we talked for a bit then started making out. He pulls up to another spot, we get in the back and he’s so horny. My intentions that night was to fuck. But the whole seeing my bro thing fucked me up. Like my mind wasn’t there. I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t fuck knowing what I saw. And he was really horny too.
I recall him kissing my neck down to my breast and me feeling sad. Like I felt like crying. I even shed a tear but wiped it away. I was just looking at him rubbing his chin, and asking him if he missed me he’s like he does. But I ended that night. Told him I had to go, it was getting late he’s like what, come on Im super H’d. My whole
Mode just changed man. Like I felt like crying, felt so bad and sad. Just wanted to be held nothing more. I realized it he can’t love me and that hurts. He can’t love me how I want him to love me. Made me even cry harder that night.
So I left it as that.
Messaged him later that night when I got home saying I was sorry & that shit just caught me off guard. Didn’t mean it. He’s like he understands. Texted him Friday morning also and then he said he could see me later on after work. I said that was cool, yah cause it’s Friday why not. So I ended up agreeing for 8:30 ish. My friend was buggin so I invited her over and went to the mall together to do a little outfit shopping for Marisa’s bday. So... times getting closer and he’s not hitting me up. I message him at 9 and ask busy? He’s like yah i say it’s okkk. I leave it as that. From Friday to next week Thursday I never hear from him. Whole week last week I was like when’s he gonna text me. Check for me? Send me snap? Nothing. Anyways I literally left it as it is, & see a text from him Thursday afternoon asking what’s up. I reply back and so we make plans to link again. He asks about my mtl plans and that’s a flop. Says he’s still going so I’m like lol have fun, he’s like why don’t you come. Awww he’s such a lair I love it. Like tell me to come with you and you gonna hurt my feelings. That’s what niggahs do.
November 22nd cont.
He texted me Thursday we talk about the basic shit and kinda make plans to link up but the doesn’t happen. Friday night we say let’s met after work, okay bomb so it’s planned. I get home and have to deal with my older bro getting him a rental under my name. Smh so I’m running back and forth in traffic in the city with him. Let mo’de kno what’s going on. Text him he’s like it’s cool, after works still a go. I get back to the house around 8pm perfect timing. Tell Hoyo I’m about to step out for a bit then bam. He hits me with “his friend got into an accident this is his second accident in two weeks” damn I said. Alright.
Next morning he asked what I was up to
I was busy dealing with family wedding planning that weekend so I wasn’t really checking for him like that. I send a text asking if he could visit me and he’s like yah around after the wedding and he’s like yah that’s okay. I’m at the wedding waiting for a text back from him kinda, cause it was an early wedding dinner. By 9:30 I was out that place back home. Didn’t want to stay home but I tried to see what he was up too. No reply back I just left it as that. Texts me in the morning Saturday now asking what I went when I texted him. Convo continued, it was kinda dry. But never really cared. Just wanted dick at that point but also was on my period :(..
He still messages me Monday and we agree to see each other after work. The time comes to see him and I’m already ready at this point. I’m home I leave without telling anyone just out the house Start the car and wait to text him.
We met around his ends a plaza parking lot. I arrived at the plaza around 8:10 maybe waited till 8:40 for this guy. So I was just in the car playing music crying going through emotions while waiting for him.
He comes, I get in his car and we drive off to the back of the plaza... I’m on my period so nothing could even happen. But he parks the car and we talk. We didn’t talk about my bday or the Mtl trip, we didn’t talk about us and how we wanna go from here, we didn’t talk about texts and how we waste each other time. Instead we talk about stupid shit that won’t even matter.
I just called him names that whole night. Made fun of him jokingly but seriously. But I did kiss him when I got into the car at first.
Woah, my train of thoughts everywhere. Shit probably doesn’t even make sense but I’m tryna sum it up. So we talked for a bit then made out. Jumped into the back seat to make out further. Took my jacket off and had him kissing all over me. His soft ass kisses, shit got intense cause I felt his boner through my pants and pad. I had him screaming, moaning telling me he’s coming don’t stop. My jaw got fucking tired but it ended he came so much cum holy. But to end that night, he told me to text when I get home, I told him hit me up if you wanna go out, aka niggah I’m tryna go out..
So fast forward next day Tuesday I’m still calling him names via text. Convo doesn’t really go anywhere but I wanna see him again 😔😔 I just wanna cudddle it’s so cold outside :(
Wednesday I tell him I wanna cuddle then says come then said I’m wild for leaving in the cold. W/e I just want dick and to cuddle not a big deal.
Don’t have plans with him to see him but once my period ends I’m gonna fuck.
- Friday November 23rd.
So i thought.
Thursday evening around 7pm the convo was going. Mostly all Tuesday and Wednesday was kinda sex talk. But thursday night he messages me asking if i was home told him yah he's like lucky I'm like nah i wanna be cuddled up with you.... That was around 7pm..
i don't get a text back until 9am friday morning aka tonight.. He messages me like so come through.. Im like damn. its a little to late now, then he follows up with a confusing ass convo talking about how he always fucks up things.. Im like L o L have a good weekend talk to you monday.. He's like where you going? I'm like dead at this point because nothing he's saying makes sense and is confusing as fuck. So i sent a text around 6 or 7pm once again and get no reply now its 11:30 just ending off the night.
Well i know what we are and know we won't be anything more. I don't want a relationship no matter how much my tummy feels for it.
I can't deal with that that type of fucked up ness in my life.
Either you with me or you aren't.
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Ya know I was looking for one thing that hurt me, kind of, from about a month ago and I ended up scrolling and scrolling and then I found the messages.
you: Hey we need to talk
I still remember right when I sat down in those bleachers to watch another guard perform that my throat clasped up, my stomach turned and I stopped drinking my water. I slammed it down on my thighs, it hurt but I just wanted to prepare myself for what was coming. I screamed internally and grabbed my friend by her shoulder after violently tapping her for attention. I couldn’t do this alone. I explained in a hiccuppy voice that you were going to break up with me, why else would you use a capital letter, I mean it’s me. You never used correct punctuation. And neither do I.
me: sure about what
Let’s be meek, he might change his mind. But that’s not you, when your mind is made it’s almost impossible to undo, which I’ll come back later to.
you: About us, I don’t think this is working out
Mmmmm called it. It was at this point I started crying. Started thinking of ways to fix things miraculously. Started thinking how I should have kissed you longer that Thursday on the corner to the bus lot where people would stare and tell us to just bang already, but I’ll come back to that later too.
me: dang
What else do you say when your main supporter just dips on you.
me: that sucks
Sucks doesn’t even cover, didn’t that day and still doesn’t. Fun fact I read this whole convo as was in the screenshots and shed two tears.
you: Yeah sorry
Sorry? Not even a comma after yeah? Seriously? At this point I was stumbling down the stairs wafting through the stream of people with food and drinks and smiles and friends around them, and my friend was following me. I didn’t know where I was going but I needed to find a way to escape reality. We were in the parking lot, sitting on a ledge made of concrete that was near the swim building, waiting for something more than just that pathetic statement. But I’ll come back to that later too too.
me: can i at least know why?
It came out of the blue and you knew it too. I felt that. Maybe it wasn’t true but what could I do?
you: I don’t have feelings for you so it’s better not to waste either of our time trying to make something out of this
I was sobbing uncontrollably as my friend was rubbing my back, I was explaining to her how good things were and how you were going to move during drawing class. Why wouldn’t you? You knew that too.
me: so that’s it?
You broke me.
me: well i hope you’re happy. that’s all I wanted for you
You built me up, everyday.
you: Sorry for wasting your time
No, you’re just mad you wasted your time on a girl who cared but you couldn’t fuck, I thought. Mascara was everywhere at this point. You woulda thunk I would have used waterproof mascara because it was a performance day, but I guess the universe just wanted me to be dramatic.
me: it was anything but that, i really should be apologizing for how clingy i was. i pushed
This was the moment I knew I couldn’t fix anything, I was going to make more excuses but you just broke up with me. Me blaming my mom for restricting us or you not calling or face timing me didn’t help or we should have done more or we shoulda fucked in the bathroom even if it was just a joke wasn’t going to do shit.
you: I just don’t like the relationship
Broken.
BeFoRE YOU WERE DATING ME YOU EVIDENTALLY SAID in the dm “you’re not just cute you’re fine as hell A1” and I said “awe thanks, cutie” bitch and you fuckin said “anytime baby” bitch get fucking back here and be like that again bc not even an hour after you said that we stared dating. man, you really were a great dude.
But AnyWayS
1. I’m glad I was able to undo your thoughts about me and how you apologized. I’m just upset because it ruined a good relationship I had with another guy and because he wasn’t as hot as you I went for the drunk stoner aka my ex boyfriend aka my first love aka you.
2. That corner meant so much to me. It doesn’t do anything to me now but remind me of a more romantic or dazy time in my life.
3. I remembered as I was writing that that the parking lot I was in was the day I decided a year ago that I was going to make my life better from that day forward because of the emotional performance I had. Funny how things work out.
Now, the rest of Tumblr, that you have seen this, it’s clearly a broken hearted story about a boy that I’m clearly hung up on but to be fair, the dude’s pretty hot.
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