my first hamster (a very cute satin coat syrian hamster) lived to be 4 years old before dying of age related problems and i was in elementary school when i had him so ofc my mom helped me take care of him, made sure i fed him, cleaned his cage, and was actively involved in his life. idk i see shit like hamsters being treated as "disposable pets" or living toys and if you as a parent are going to get your child a pet you have to accept that you are going to be the primary caretaker and you also have to make sure your child knows how to handle an animal. small animals are hella fragile don't get your kid an animal if they are too young to comprehend that their actions can hurt it

like i wanna be clear here im not blaming premature pet deaths on kids, im blaming parents that basically set their kid up for failure by not helping them care for the animal or teaching them the necessary skills to handle it. and if the parent thinks its a non-issue for the animal to be mishandled or neglected then they're just shitty. like my aunt who let my cousins' fish starve to death to "teach them a lesson" cuz they forgot to feed it but they were like... 4 and 5 yrs old..

WIJ: “Stop!”

For day 15, the @whumpmasinjuly​ prompt is “Stop!”

CW: Adult child of whumper and whumpee, emotional manipulation, Savvie is a manipulative piece of shit as always, references to trauma, panic

Her voice over the line is slightly flattened. It doesn’t have the sharp edges that come so effortlessly in person. Izzy still feels a chill wash down her spine, though, from the very first hello.

“Mom?” Her voice is soft, almost a whisper. Her eyes go rapidly towards the open door to her old bedroom. She’s over for the weekend for Jamie’s birthday, and they’re meant to be getting ready to go out for dinner somewhere, his pick. She’d come in here to find the pair of shoes she wanted when her phone rang and... normally she’d never answer a call if she didn’t know the number and expect it, but...

Something had made her pick this one up.

“Of course it’s me, Bella.” There’s laughter around the edges of her mother’s voice, and that only makes the flip of Izzy’s stomach feel worse. Her heart starts to pound in a very, very old need to run with nowhere to go. 

“How-... how did you get a phone? Aren’t you in prison?”

Oh God, what if she’s escaped-

Izzy hears the whimper escape her own mouth before the panic has even fully begun to take her over. Her knees buckle and she drops to seated on the bed, the mattress giving beneath her weight. If she’d been anywhere else in the room she’d have simply collapsed on the floor.

What if she’s out of prison? What if she’s coming back for them all? What if she’s right outside the fucking house? What if she’s-

She mouths the word Dad, but no sound comes out, nothing but a high whistle of air from a rapidly closing throat. She can hear her fathers and brother talking in the living room, chatting over what place they’ll go to, what movie Jamie wants to see tonight after. Bright and cheerful.

If she’s out, it’s over. 

Izzy should warn them but she can’t remember how to breathe.

“Oh, you silly girl.” The laughter shifts to mockery. She speaks to Izzy like she might to a particularly dull-witted hamster. “You got your brains from your father’s side of the family, clearly. Of course I’m in prison, and how do you get anything in prison, baby girl? With money.”

All the air trapped in Izzy’s throat rushes out of her all at once, head spinning with dizziness.

She’s not out. She’s not here. She’s still in the States, she’s still hours and hours of plane rides away, locked up behind doors and thick walls and only allowed outside an hour a day, she’s not coming for them, she’s not-

“Then wh-... why did you call me? How did you kn-know my number? How-” Izzy’s mind is spinning. The room feels distant from her, disconnected. Like she’s here and not-here, like part of her is eighteen years old about to celebrate her brother’s sixteenth birthday but the rest of her is still a little girl who has never seen a place that isn’t her mother’s house or Isaac’s. 

“I haven’t gotten a letter from you,” Savvie says, the pout audible, her mother’s patented perfect childish sadness at not getting her way. It doesn’t sit well on a woman who must be edging in on fifty years old or more. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

No you didn’t. You don’t care about me. 

Somehow she can’t quite make the words come out. What she says instead is, “But, Mom, how-... how did you get my number-”

“Where are you right now?” Her mother interrupts her with breezy carelessness, changing the subject, dancing around Izzy verbally in a way that the girl has never been prepared for. She didn’t spend years as an adult learning how to handle it like her father did.

She could call him in here. He’d do something - phone his lawyer back in the states, the one who still sends them little souvenirs from all the places they’ve visited and handles everything with Savvie on Jax’s behalf without him needing to travel. The lawyer that sued the company that published Savvie’s book on the case and won, got the profits from sales put into a trust for Izzy and Jamie instead. The lawyer that treats Jax like family. Her father would be on the phone with them in a second and get Savvie’s stupid contraband cell phone taken away, he’d help, he’d take over and hang up on her.

Izzy can’t.

“I’m at-... home,” She whispers. “Mom, you’re not supposed to call me. Us. Contact us at all. You can’t do this.”

“Well, I am doing it, so that ship has already sailed, Bella. I just wanted to hear my daughter’s voice. What’s so wrong about a woman wanting to speak to her little girl?”

I’m not your little girl.

Her mouth still won’t shape the things she wants to say. Under the panic, though, anger begins to burn hot, wearing away at the fear. Her pounding heart is so loud she can’t really hear her family in the living room any longer. Someone says her name out there. She doesn’t answer.

“You don’t want to speak to me. You want to talk to Dad.”

“You know I’m not allowed to speak with your father.”

“You’re not allowed to speak with me, either.” Why is she doing this? Why does she keep acting like one day her words will sink in to her mother’s skull and change something?

“Hm. Fair. How is your father, anyway? Is he-” Savvie’s voice catches, an unusual note of sincerity. Or maybe that’s an act, too. “Is he doing well?”

“I’m not going to talk about Dad to you.”

“Bella, please, I’m just asking-”

“Mom. You can’t. You need to hang up now.”

“Isabella Nicole Marcoset, how dare you speak to me that way?”

“Gallagher-”

“Absolutely not. I will not recognize your father’s attempt to erase me from your existence. I am the entire reason you exist, not that you’ve ever shown me much gratitude. Still, that’s not why I called. I wanted to ask - your brother’s birthday is coming up next month, right?”

Izzy swallows, and her throat clicks. Someone says her name in the living room again. Then she hears footsteps in the hall. “Tomorrow,” She says, lips barely moving. “His birthday is tomorrow.”

“Oh.” There’s an embarrassed silence. Or probably not - Izzy is fairly certain her mother is incapable of being ashamed of herself for anything she’s ever done. “Well. I suppose my present for him will arrive a little late then, won’t it?”

“Mom. No. Don’t send stuff. You have to stop doing that. The card for me was bad enough, but you can’t do this to him, too.”

“Why should I-”

“Stop! Mom, just stop! Stop trying to talk to us, stop trying to send things! You don’t even know our birthdays and you’re in fucking prison! Just stop! Stop pretending to give a shit because of your fucking, your stupid bonkers image of yourself in your head as being a good mom, you’re a rubbish one, you’re awful! Just, just, just l-leave me the fuck alone!”

There’s another pause, and this time it’s frosty. Offended and angry.

Izzy’s stomach twists in anxious knots again, as though even now, across an ocean, her mother can somehow punish her.

The line goes dead.

Izzy drops the phone on her bed and rakes a hand back through the long side of her hair, furiously closing her eyes until they hurt to keep the tears from falling. Her teeth grind together, all her anger turned inward, hands closing into fists against it to force it back down.

“Iz?”

She exhales, shaky, and looks up to see Jamie at the door. At sixteen he’s inches taller than her and much heavier, too. He’s got the Marcoset genes more than she does - bulky and big like most of Savvie’s male relatives, but Jamie’s not like any of them at al - he’s gentle in every way there is. 

This is his birthday night, and he just wants to go to dinner and see a movie. That’s all he wants. Just a night with his family.

And Savvie has tried, once again, to ruin it.

“Hey, Jamie.” She does her best to keep her voice level. Her palms ache from her nails digging into them. But if she relaxes, she’s afraid she’ll cry. 

“You okay? You sounded, um, upset, so I just-”

“I’m just fine. Just, um, my... my ex called, that’s all.” She feels like shit for lying, but the twist of disgust in his face shows that he believes her. She shrugs and pushes herself to her feet, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans just in case her palms are bleeding again. “Are Kie and Dad ready to go?”

“Just about. Oh, hey, your phone’s still on the bed.”

She glances back at it, and feels her heart skip a beat. Then she looks back at her brother.

He doesn’t deserve to have his night affected in the least by having a shitty mother eight hours away.

She gives him a slight, faded smile and moves to join him in the hall. “Let’s just leave it. I’m tired of being tied to that thing all the time anyway. What movie are we going to see tonight, did you three decide?”

No one has to know.

And if Jax doesn’t find out, Savvie can’t hold it over him, either.

Izzy can carry this alone.

-

@astrobly @finder-of-rings @burtlederp @wildfaewhump @whump-tr0pes @iaminamoodymoodtoday@orchidscript @sableflynn @pretty-face-breaker @raigash @whumptywhumpdump@eatyourdamnpears​

Jax and Kieran (referenced) belong to @comfy-whumpee​

The streetlights came on, and Perry had to say goodbye to her friends. Connie comes home a bit tired from helping Talon with the nursery, and Vigil offers to order some pizza since he can't really cook anything without setting something on fire. It took a lot of fighting to decide on the topping, but they settled on ordering Perry and Justice their own pizza since Vigil doesn't want to argue about why pineapples don't belong on pizzas. While waiting for the food, Justice found an old book in his bedroom; he doesn't remember it because the whole room is pretty bare-bones with just the necessities. Going downstairs, Justice wants to ask Connie about it, but she's busy getting herself ready for bed, and the young boy decides to sit down and open it. The boy doesn't know what he was expecting, but to see his grandma's handwriting was not it. From the looks of it, the book's all about her thoughts while taking care of him. The young boy softly smiles until Perry comes out of nowhere.

Perry: *smiles* Whatcha reading, Justice? Oh, that looks like Mrs. Delilah's handwriting!

Justice: Jeez, can't you mind your own business, kid?

Perry: *pouts* Oh, come on! Just tell me what's all this. Is it a diary or something?

Justice: *chuckles* Yeah, it's a diary from grandma when she used to take care of me.

Perry: Isn't it wrong to read someone's things like this? *points at passage* You got scared over a hamster! *giggling* I knew you weren't all big and bad when you were little.

Justice: Hey! That hamster looked like a damn rat with how fat it was, and I wasn't going to let that thing anywhere near me.

Perry: Ahuh, whatever you say. *smiles* Mrs. Delilah liked comparing you to your dad a lot. 

Justice: *nods* My mom occasionally does that, and sometimes I hate it because I never got the chance to meet him and judge for myself. *looks at Perry* Don't you feel the same way? 

Perry: Not really. I don't really want to know my dad or meet him because I have uncle Vigil. *happy* He feels like a dad to me! 

<<<     >>>

Haven

➵ Stray Kids: Jisung x fem. reader / one shot, college AU, frenemies to lovers AU / fluff

➵ warnings: slight cursing, mentions of alcohol/drinking, a teeny tiny bit sexual suggestiveness (nothing explicit)

➵ word count: 6k

It’s not even 8am, and your eyes feel as dry as sandpaper while your head is pounding with a slight migraine. You’re currently getting everything ready for the crowd of caffeine addicts that will soon arrive at the café you work at. It’s way too early to deal with the horde of zombies called students, but you got stuck with the worst shift of the day - starting at 7.30am which, in your opinion, is just inhuman. Stupid Minho and his stupid luck whenever it comes to drawing straws. For some reason, you always end up getting the shortest one. At least you’ll be done with work before most people your age have even made it out of bed. Still, right now you’d give almost everything to be back in your blanket burrito. Earning money is hard and annoying. If you’ve ever wondered if working at a café could ruin the beauty of coffee… the answer is yes. Because capitalism destroys everything, leaving no survivors.  

“Good morning, Y/N!”, your co-worker and the other unlucky one having drawn one of the shorter straws chirps when she enters the café, and you grimace - Sana’s voice is way too cheerful so early in the morning. You only give her a curt nod of your head, not in the mood to talk right now. You’re not really in the mood to do anything, if you’re being honest. Ugh, you hate the morning shift. You’re currently 80% tired, but 20% also tired - you don’t even remember what it’s like to not be tired anymore. College is great! 

Sana doesn’t seem to mind your grumpiness though, being the sweetheart that she simply is, and begins to wipe the counter while humming a cheery song under her breath. It’s only her second week at work, but so far she’s proven to be a better and more reliable part-timer than the last three who had worked here. Jun is usually a nice and caring boss, but he has some strict rules - always be on time, no drinking coffee while you’re working, don’t take more breaks than necessary, and don’t give out free drinks to your friends. The last three part-timers had broken at least one of these rules, so Jun had let them go again. Sana is doing well so far, and you think that Jun has maybe even taken a liking to her - not that you can blame him, she’s not only super nice and a general sunshine, but also incredibly beautiful and funny. You’re always happy whenever you work a shift with her. She’s a student like yourself, and wants to become a kindergarten teacher. You’d never let your children near her though, too scared they’d like her more than you - not that you could actually blame them. “Shall I put on some music?”, Sana asks after she’s finished with wiping everything down, and you just nod, finally being done with prepping the giant coffee machines. Just seconds later, smooth lounge music fills the cozy space of the café, and you inhale deeply. 

Maybe you lied earlier. Capitalism did not destroy coffee for you, you still very much love the scent, taste, and especially the effect of it. You check the time, noticing you still have about 15 minutes left before you have to open the café - meaning you have more than enough time to enjoy a nice cup of coffee with Sana. She immediately agrees to drink a cappuccino with you, and just minutes later, you bask in the fresh scent of grounded coffee beans. Sana sighs deeply after having taken the first sip, and gives you a bright smile. “Heavenly. You truly make the best coffee out of all of us, Y/N!”, she compliments you, and you tilt your head to one side. Thanks to the caffeine in your system, you’re finally ready to talk to her now. “Well, if my academic brilliance proves futile, I can always become the best barista in the world, I guess. And by the way, don’t let Minho hear you say that, or he’ll force you to taste all the coffee he makes, resulting in you overdosing on caffeine. You know what he‘s like.”, you answer, and Sana giggles. “Well, I stand with what I said, and I’ll even say it to his face. He needs to learn that he can’t always be the best at everything.” You raise one eyebrow, lips twitching. “No offense, but I don’t think he’s ever been the best at anything so far, he’s just very good at pretending. He basically invented the phrase “fake it till you make it”.” 

Before Sana can reply, there’s a knock against one of the café’s windows. Surprised, you look up, and groan when you see a familiar face staring back at you. “What is he doing here?!”, you grumble, and place your mug on the counter, not moving a single muscle. But Sana, being her nice and angelic self, is already walking towards the door of the café, and before you can protest, she’s already unlocked it. Jisung jumps over the threshold, sporting a bright grin. He greets Sana with a hug, before sliding his giant headphones off his ears. “Moooorning.”, he says, with at least five Os. You’re already annoyed. You’ve known Jisung for… well. For a long time. Too long, some would say (you, for example). Your moms have been close friends since their own college years, and while they thankfully didn’t move into the same neighborhood, they ended up living quite close to each other. Meaning Jisung had been there for pretty much you entire childhood and teenage years - at every single one of your birthday parties, at most Christmases, and sometimes even at Easter (even though neither of your families really celebrated Easter). You’ve also gone on hiking trips together, and on wildlife expeditions, and on holidays by the seaside… In almost all your memories, there’s Jisung. 

“Ugh, why are you so obsessed with me?”, you whine when he leans over the counter to grab your mug and take a sip of your coffee, “There are literally hundreds of colleges and you had to go choose the one I’m attending?!” He grins, puffing out his stupidly adorable hamster cheeks. “I’d never be so cruel and rid you of my pleasant company, my dearest Y/N.”, he answers, dark eyes sparkling with humor. You just huff and turn around. “The usual?”, you ask in a flat voice, and he hums in confirmation. To say you hate Jisung would be a severe overstatement, you just often strongly... dislike him. And feel annoyed whenever he’s around. Mostly because he’s a walking disaster, who kinda thinks the world revolves around him (you blame him being an only child for that). One of your most vivid and probably also traumatic childhood memories is of your sixth birthday party: you had gotten a brand new, soft green bicycle, falling in love with it as soon as you laid eyes on it. Naturally, you had wanted to take it around the block for a little test drive, but all of the sudden, Jisung had thrown a big tantrum until your mom had made you give him the bike first. And being the clumsy child that he simply was (and kinda still is), he had crashed your beautiful new bike into a tree. The tree had won that battle, the handle bar completely bent, same with the front wheel. So you and your bike had been a very short love story with a tragic ending. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on you. And this instance has only been one of many - Jisung had also accidentally sat on your birthday cake once (till this day, you have no idea how he’d even managed to do that). He had also ruined one of your favorite jumpers by dumping ink all over it, had tipped over the canoe when you’d been happily paddling on a lake one summer day, and had given you a black eye when you went mini golfing for your eleventh birthday.

So Han Jisung has always been - and probably will always be - a walking disaster. Being his friend means you have a “Why is he like that” moment at least five times a day. Your biggest fear at the moment is that he’s accidentally going to sit on your brand new laptop and break it, the one you had been saving up for for over two years. And then you’ll just have to kill him which will probably make his very nice mom very sad. But as the bible clearly states: an eye for an eye, a life for a laptop. Or maybe he’s just going to set your whole apartment on fire - he’s truly a mess inside the kitchen, you sadly know that from experience (note to self: never try to bake cookies with Jisung ever again). Your old dorm kitchen will probably never recover from that one particular incident that ended with half the building having to be evacuated. This is one of the reasons why Jisung hasn’t been at your new place yet. The second one being that you also only just moved into it a few weeks ago. Ever since moving, he’s been pestering you though, asking you to have a movie night with him at your new place. Like you said, he’s kinda obsessed with you. He also literally spends every morning at the café you work at - or well, you just assume it’s every morning. As you’re a part timer, you don’t actually have to work every single morning, but he’s definitely always here when you have drawn one of the short straws again.

You quickly busy yourself with making a flat white for Jisung, his preferred drink of choice, while he continues to chat with Sana. They know each other thanks to a mutual friend of theirs, Chan - he’s one of Jisung’s roommates as well as Sana’s best friend. Everyone on campus knows Chan: he’s on the student council, he plays for the baseball team, and he’s one of the most promising music majors you’ve ever seen (or well, heard), already being scouted by different labels even though he’s not even a senior yet. And he’s also just so nice and down to earth, truly a prime example of a man. Jisung should really take a leaf out of Chan’s book. 

“Here you go.”, you say while sliding Jisung’s finished order his way, taking your own mug out of his hands while doing so. You quickly shake your head when he wants to hand you his credit card, and he shoots you a happy smile. Jun would probably fire you instantly if he knew about this, but not once have you let Jisung pay for his coffee - and you’ve been working here for almost four months now. You try to ignore the way your stomach jolts when Jisung locks eyes with you, but fail miserably. So maybe he has the most beautiful smile in the whole world, and maybe his eyes hold entire galaxies in them, but what about it? It’s not like you even really like him, right?

You turn around and pretend to wipe down the coffee machine, but in reality, you just don’t want to look at Jisung’s cute hamster cheeks anymore, because they just make you want to squish them. And you have a reputation to lose. “Well, I’m off to my lecture now - I hope your day will be pleasant, ladies!”, Jisung finally says, and you turn around, catching him giving you a mock salute and mischievous wink. You just wave at him, while Sana wishes him a good day as well. As soon as the door falls close behind him again, you exhale. You really need to get a grip on yourself.

It’s Friday night, and there’s a party at Jisung’s frat house. At first, you don’t want to go, but your roommate Amber basically drags you with her. You know she’s only going because she has the biggest crush on Chan, and you honestly can’t even blame her - half the girls on campus have a crush on him after all, and at least a third of the guys. But while Amber and Chan are good friends, nothing more has ever been going on between them - not yet, that is. Who knows, maybe tonight’s finally the night.

You’re currently sipping on some stale beer Seungmin - one of Jisung’s roommates - had handed you the second you stepped over the threshold of the frat house, scanning the room for people you know. Amber is off to greet some friends from her architecture class, so you’re on your own for now. Which is fine, you don’t really mind just standing in the corner to observe the other guests, it’s actually highly entertaining. For example, there’s one guy twerking like crazy to some Beyoncé song. You think his name is Kevin and he’s in your calc class. A friend of his is currently hyping him up like crazy, while another one with green dyed hair is clearly wishing he was somewhere entirely else. You honestly can’t blame him, the secondhand-embarrassment way too real. A few seconds later, Sana enters the room with a group of girls, and she happily waves at you as soon as she spots you. You simply return her smile, before continuing to watch Kevin. 

“Enjoying the show?”, someone beside you suddenly asks, and you jump, dumping some of your beer over your shirt. “Oh fuck you!”, you yelp, and turn around to glare at Minho’s shit-eating grin, “You definitely scared me on purpose!” “Fuck... me? Absolutely, just name the time and place, babe.”, he answers, and you smack his chest. “Not even in your wildest dreams, Lee.”, you reply, and narrow your eyes at him. He pouts playfully. “I just think we’d make a really great couple.”, he argues, and you shake your head. “Well, society should be able to limit what some people are allowed to think, then.”, you retort, voice flat, and he ruffles your hair. “You know what I love about you? You’re kinda mean and annoying, but unapologetically so.”, he says, and you raise one eyebrow. “I might be kinda mean and annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.” At this, Minho gasps dramatically, and protectively clutches his phone to his chest. “I mean, I could always change it to one of your selfies, you know?”, he then suggests, making you groan. He’s clearly drunk already or else he wouldn’t be flirting like this. If this sad attempt can even be considered flirting, it’s probably just him being his annoying and arrogant Scorpio self. Minho sighs deeply. “When will you finally accept my eternal love for you, Y/N?”, he asks, and tries to grab one of your hands, but you just smack him again. “Maybe when you finally stop cheating at drawing straws! I have the Monday morning shift again!”, you hiss, and he smirks. “You’ll never know my secret.”, he says smugly, and empties his cup in one single gulp. 

You begin to pout and take a sip from your own cup, eyes wandering towards where Kevin is still throwing it back on the dance floor. “If I ever do something remotely like that, just take me out, and instantly.”, you say, an exasperated expression on your face. “On a date or with a sniper?”, a familiar voice on your other side suddenly asks, and you sigh internally. “Han.”, you greet your favorite frenemy, and Jisung grins while wrapping one arm around your shoulder. “Nice to see you accepted my invite.”, he says, and you quickly duck out of his embrace, trying to ignore your racing heart. Minho just wiggles his eyebrows at you, before flashing you a shit-eating grin and disappearing from view. Traitor. 

“I only came because Amber asked me to.”, you explain, and stand on your tiptoes to look for your friend. Seriously, where did she even go?! It’s been at least 15 minutes since she left you on your own. “You can just admit that you missed my handsome face, you know.”, Jisung says, and you snort. “Yeah, whatever you say, hamster boy.” He groans, ruffling his hair with one hand and making it stand on end. You desperately suppress the need to flatten it again, and quickly take another sip of your beer. “Don’t you get tired of using that old nickname? Plus, my cheeks aren’t as chubby anymore! I have finally lost all my baby fat, the glow up we’ve all been desperately waiting for!”, he says, and you suppress a smile, looking him up and down. “I guess some people would agree that you don’t look bad.”, you finally reply, and ignore the way your heart flutters when he shoots you a wide grin. “Aww, you old softie, I knew you actually liked me.”, he says, lovingly punching your shoulder. You grimace, rubbing the spot he hit - you know he and Chan have started to work out recently, and apparently, Jisung doesn’t know his own strength anymore. “Now don’t get all sappy on me, just because I might have erased your name out of my death note.”, you reply, quickly draining your cup to hide your blush, and mumble something about getting a new drink before basically running away from him. When you enter the kitchen, you exhale deeply. Your hands are shaking, your heart is racing and you know the blush is still very prominent on your cheeks. 

So yeah, maybe you’re kinda a bit in love with Han Jisung. He might be a complete mess, but he’s also funny, hard-working, intelligent and something close to a musical genius. And yeah, maybe you absolutely adore his stupid hamster cheeks, bright smile and beautiful dark chocolate eyes. You close your eyes for a few seconds, groaning internally. You don’t want to be in love with Han Jisung! There is literally no other person you want to be less in love with. Okay, except for Lee Minho, simply because you just couldn’t bring yourself to ever date a Scorpio, no offense. But Han Jisung is at least a close second! 

You can’t even say when you first began to develop these kinds of feelings for him. After graduating high school, you had finally realized how much you’d actually miss Jisung’s constant presence once you had to go off to different colleges. You’re almost embarrassed to admit how your heart had leaped when he told you he’d actually be going to the same college as you. Maybe you had truly just always kind of loved him - him and his weird antics. He’s always been himself, and unapologetically so. In the modern world of snapchat filters, snow apps and facetune, he’s always felt real to you.

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts, and groan again. After you’ve refilled your red party cup, you drown it in a few gulps, repeating the process a few times. Drowning your feelings might not be the responsible thing to do just now, but well, you’re only in your early twenties, so you still have lots of time to become a more responsible adult in the future.

Half an hour later, you have probably drunk way too much beer and are also still trying to figure out where Amber has gone. So you finally decide to go search for her, noticing that for some reason, the floor seems to tilt a bit with every step you take. “Weeeeird.”, you mumble, squinting your eyes, “That’s new.” Just then, you manage to walk into someone, soaking their entire backside with your beer. The person yelps loudly, before turning around to glare at you. Your brain needs a few seconds to recognizes the handsome face, and when it finally does, you give him a bright smile while slurring “Hyunjiiiiiin.”, squishing his face between your hands. The boy turns from annoyed to alarmed, and pries your hands from his face while narrowing his eyes at you. “Okay, what and how much did you drink, Y/N?!” Your smile gets even wider. “Only the best kind of alcohol, which is a lot!” Hyunjin just groans and begins to look around for someone. “Where is Han when you need him?!” With that, he wraps one arm around your waist to pull you with him and through the crowd. You hold onto him like your life depends on it - and the way the floor is swaying from side to side right now, it truly just might. You make a disgusted sound when your hand touches Hyunjin’s soaked shirt. “You’re wet, do you know that?”, you mumble, head lulling around until Hyunjin gently guides it to rest against his shoulder. “Yeah, surprisingly I do.”, he says, but in your current state, his sarcasm gets totally lost on you. “You should change, it’s freezing outside, and we don’t want you to catch a cold!”, you tell him off, and he groans, half amused, half exasperated. “I promise I will change as soon as I’ve found Han.” 

You raise both eyebrows at that. “Why do you need to find Jisung? Does he have clothes for you?” Just then, Hyunjin seems to find the desired person, sighing in relief. “Hey, Han! I think your girlfriend has had a little bit too much to drink tonight.”, he yells over the music, and you frown. “His girlfriend? Since when does Jisung have a girlfriend?! And why hasn’t he told me about her?! I’m his oldest friend! Like, not old in the sense of actually being old, but in the sense of time spent toge-”, before you can ramble on, Hyunjin basically shoves you into Jisung’s outstretched arms. “Here, she’s your responsibility now! Take her home or whatever. I’m gonna go change.”, he says curtly, before turning around and marching off. You wave at his retreating backside, before you look up at Jisung, who sports a very confused expression. “Uh, what exactly happened?”, he asks, taking in your glossy eyes, flushed cheeks and lopsided smile, “Shit, are you drunk?! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drunk!” He actually looks amazed, and you can’t help but ruffle his dark hair. It feels silky when it slips through your fingers, and you giggle to yourself. “Nice.”, you murmur, before you glare at him, “So, you have a girlfriend and didn’t tell me about her?! That’s rather rude, you know? We’re friends, after all! The oldest friends ever! I tell you almost everything.” Jisung just blinks a few times, before he shakes his head in disbelief. “Uh, okay, maybe I should bring you home.”, he murmurs, and wraps his arms even tighter around your waist, “Where’s your stuff?” You shrug while snuggling closer to him to bury your face in the crook of his neck. He yelps, and freezes for a few seconds, before he sighs and drags you towards one of the sofas. “Wait here, okay? I’ll be back in a second.”, he murmurs softly, and tugs some of you hair behind your ear. You lean into his touch, and close your eyes while nodding. The last thing you hear is his low chuckle.

Bright sunlight greets you the second you try to open your eyes. You groan and decide it’s better to just close them again. Seeing is overrated anyway, especially when your head is pounding like crazy. Mh, maybe you did drink a little bit too much yesterday.

“Are you alive? Groan once for yes, twice for no.”

You truly love your roommate, but right now, you’re prepared to throw her out the window as her voice cuts through your hazy state like a knife. Still, you manage to groan once.

“Okay, good. There’s water on your bedside table, and some aspirin. Take it.” 

For the second time this morning (or midday, you honestly have no idea what time it is), you try to open your eyes, just a teeny tiny bit. Still half blind, you carefully fumble for said things on your bedside table. After taking the aspirin and drinking some water, you sigh in relief and fall back into your pillows. “You were really out of it yesterday, huh? Any reason for drinking for at least three people?”, Amber asks, her voice laced with quiet humor. You just grumble something unintelligible, and she chuckles. “Do you remember who brought you home?”

You finally turn around to look at her, raising one eyebrow. “... You?”, you guess, and she presses her lips together to try and stifle her shit-eating grin - she fails though. “Nope. I was kinda busy.”, she just answers, a smug expression on her face. You finally manage to sit up, ruffling your messy bed hair. “Busy doing what? Now that I think of it, I remember you were gone from my side the second we stepped foot inside the frat house. Talk about loyalty.” You try not to sound too offended, but while you don’t remember much from last night, you do remember that you spent some time looking for it, but in vain. “Chan.”, Amber just answers, and you squeal - regretting it a split second later when a sharp pain shoots through your head. “Remind me to never make that noise again while I’m nursing a hangover.”, you say, holding your head between your hands, and Amber giggles. “Noted. But yeah, Chan and I… well. Let’s just say we had a good night.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you, and you return her grin. “Well, congrats, then! You snatched the Bang Chan, props to you.” Her smile softens, and she sighs dreamily. “He even asked me on a date afterwards. So we’re going out to get some pasta tonight.”, she tells you, and your smile gets even bigger. “I’m so happy for you, Amber. He’s a really great guy, and you deserve a really great guy.”, you say gently, and she nods. “Damn right I do. But speaking of a really great guy - Jisung was actually the one to bring you home last night.”, she explains, grinning smugly when she sees your shocked expression. “He did what now?!”, you ask, not ready to believe her, at least not yet. Amber leans back on her elbows, obviously enjoying this way too much. “Well, after you drank about half the alcohol the boys bought for the party, you decided to give Hyunjin a beer shower, who immediately realized it was definitely time to get you home, so he went searching for Jisung who then brought you to our apartment. No idea what happened after you left the frat house though, I only got to know about this because Hyunjin told Chan who told me.”

You bury your face in your pillow and let out a long, miserable noise. You sound a bit like a dying whale which makes Amber laugh. “Ah, come on, it’s not that bad. You and Jisung are friends after all, I’m sure he saw you drunk lots of times already!”

You shake your head.

“Wait, he hasn’t?!”

“Nope. I very rarely get drunk, and it’s not like Jisung and I are actual friends like that - friends who take care of each other and so on, you know?”, you try to explain, and Amber frowns. “What do you mean? Y/N, you and Jisung have known each other since forever, you hang out constantly, and you always talk about him with endless adoration - well, and a bit of annoyance too, to be fair. But what do you mean you’re not friends “like that”?!” You blink at her, surprise written all over your face. “I don’t talk about him with endless adoration!”, you disagree. Amber just gives you a very long, hard look, and you begin gnawing at your lip. “I… do?”, you ask in a small voice, and she nods. “You talk to him every day, Y/N, and you talk about him even more. It would be annoying if it weren’t also extremely cute.”, she replies, and begins filing her nails, lips twitching while she watches you trying to digest what she’s just told you. “I guess… I should at least message him to thank him for bringing me home.”

“And for tucking you into bed.”

You groan and throw your pillow at Amber. She catches it and laughs. “What, you looked very cozy and all snuggled up when I came home! And I doubt you yourself did that, at least if Hyunjin told the truth about the amount of alcohol you consumed yesterday.”

You look yourself up and down, noticing that you’re not wearing your clothes from last night anymore, but your favorite pj’s, the ones with little succulents on it. “Does this mean…”, you whisper, but shake your head, “Nope, not even going there. I’m way too sleep-deprived and hangover to deal with any of that right now.” Amber grins and shrugs. “Just go ask Jisung, I’m sure he can fill you in on everything.” You groan again, and fall back onto your bed. “I’ll have to take a shower first.”, you mumble, and close your eyes again. “Yes, please do, you reek of stale beer.” And with that, your roommate throws your pillow back at you.

It’s already about to get dark again when you arrive at the frat house, nervously bouncing on your feet for a few seconds before you finally gather the courage to knock on the front door. You quickly stuff your hands back into the pockets of your leather jacket, gnawing at your lower lip while waiting for someone to open the door. Just a few minutes later, Hyunjin’s tired face greets you. He raises both eyebrows when he lays eyes on you, immediately noticing your nervous expression. “Hi.”, you say, and give him a small smile. He leans against the doorframe, and crosses both arms over his chest. “Hi yourself. You actually look less zombie-like than expected.” You roll your eyes. “Thanks, today’s look is inspired by sleep deprivation and a mean hangover. Water and aspirin helped though, or else I could have auditioned for The Walking Dead.”, you grumble, “And uh… Thanks for yesterday, by the way. I’m really sorry about your shirt, I heard I dumped beer all over it.” Hyunjin cracks a smile at that, and shrugs. “Yeah, but it’s fine. The washing machine will take care of that. Wanna come in?”, he asks, and you nod, quickly following him inside the warmth of the parlor. 

Surprisingly, the house looks clean and tidy again - the guys must have spent the entire day getting rid of last night’s mess. You’re actually impressed. “Han is in his room.”, Hyunjin says, before you even have the chance to ask, and you gulp nervously. “O-okay…”, you mumble, and are just about to walk up the stairs, when Hyunjin tugs on your sleeve. You turn around to face him again, expression questioning. The boy gnaws at his lip, looking nervous. “Just… Finally tell him, okay? I’m like, literally begging you.”, he then says, and you narrow your eyes at him. “Tell him what, exactly?”, you inquire, but Hyunjin only gives you an exasperated gaze. “You know exactly what. We’re all tired of you guys pining after each other but not actually doing anything about your feelings. Quick reminder: this is not a cheesy rom-com where you have to wait until one of you guys leaves the country so you can finally declare your love at the airport or some big, stupid gesture like that. Just do it now, in his stuffy frat room and get it over with.” Before you’re able to reply, he gives you a mock salute and retreats into the kitchen. You huff, surprised at the audacity of his words, and turn around to finally go up the stairs and towards Jisung’s room. 

You take in a few deep breaths before knocking on his door, trying to steady yourself. Then, you wait - but after a few seconds have passed and the door has not yet been opened, you simply turn the doorknob and let yourself in. Jisung sits at his desk, giant headphones covering his ears while he hums along to the music he’s listening to. Well, that explains why he didn’t hear you knocking. You quickly cross the room, and tap his shoulder. He screams, and whips around, almost ripping his headphones off in the process. You giggle at his shocked expression, dark eyes almost comically big in his face. “When did you arrive!?”, he almost yells, and you slide the headphones off his ears, brushing some of his hair back while doing so. His eyelids flutter for a few seconds, before he raises one eyebrow. “You don’t look that shitty, which is surprising considering the amount of beer you drank last night.”, he says after looking you up and down, and you defensively cross your arms over your chest. “Wow, thanks. Always the charmer, huh?”, you huff in mock offense, and he grins up at you. “No need to charm when I know your heart is already mine.” You almost choke on your own spit, and beg the blush creeping on your cheeks to just not do that right now. Truly not the time nor place. “I came to thank you, actually. For last night - I heard you were the one to bring me home.”, you finally admit, nervously shifting from one foot to the other. 

Jisung just stares at you for a few seconds, before giving you a soft smile. “Well, yeah. I couldn’t just let anyone take you home - and Amber was kinda busy, I heard.” You nod. “True, I’m glad you didn’t interrupt whatever she was doing. So, uh, yeah, thanks, you’re… a good friend, I guess.” Almost immediately, embarrassment washes over you, and you groan at your own words. Jisung’s lips begin to twitch. “A good friend, huh?”, he repeats and crosses both hands behind his head, still looking at you with an unreadable expression on his face. You blink a few times, before slowly beginning to nod. “Y-yeah…?” “For someone so smart, you’re really fucking oblivious sometimes, you know that?”, Jisung suddenly states, and you huff. “Excuse me?! Who do you call obliv-” But before you can tell him off, he pulls you onto his lap and then, his lips are on yours. You yelp, freezing for a few seconds, before basically melting against him. He hums appreciatively, and wraps both arms around you to pull you even closer towards him, deepening the kiss. You bury your hands in his soft hair, gently tugging on it, and he groans against your lips. You use the chance to slide your tongue into his mouth while his hands wander lower to grab your ass. You shift on top of him, and he moans when you brush against his crotch. 

When you draw back to catch your breaths, you simply stare at each other, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. Then, Jisung begins to smile at you, and your heart flutters. Twenty years of seeing his smile, but you’ll apparently never get used to it. “About fucking time.”, he then murmurs against your lips, voice pleased, and you roll your eyes at him. “I’m not oblivious, by the way! You’re the oblivious one - I never give anyone free coffee, because it could literally cost me my job, and yet you always get a flat white on the house!”, you tell him, and he smirks. “Oh, baby, the oblivious one is definitely you - or do you really think I just happen to have a lecture every morning you got the early shift again?”, he replies, a smug expression on his face. You just stare at him. “You-”, but before you can say anything else, Jisung quickly presses his lips against yours again. You immediately lean into his embrace, and close your eyes, losing yourself to his touch - so familiar, yet also so new and exciting.

Yes, maybe you’ve truly always been in love with Han Jisung - but at least he seems to feel the exact same way. 

[masterlist] | [requests] 

so I might be helping a group legally go after my first employer so I stayed up organizing a list of all the things I could distinctly remember happening in the near 3yrs I worked there.

but some of the memories stood out, and I wanted to share some of the highlights.

some of these might be bothersome to read, otherwise, enjoy. 😏

I adopted 5 animals from the store with defects. I'm all about my weirdos.

while listing defected animals the vendor sent, I remembered the hamster with dwarfism (Bofur) and the gerbil with no eyes (Quasimodo)

the leopard gecko I discovered living under the frozen food freezer. no idea when or how it got there, and I named it Cotton-Eyed Joe bc where did it come.from and where did it go

one of my former managers wanted to euthanize a guinea pig bc he had a chronic eye condition and then got a an abscess, so he was tired of paying for vet care. I had named him Pumba and my former coworker and I loved him so much that she adopted him, we faked his death, and we got him to a local guinea pig rescue. he was neutered, bonded with another piggie, and got to live with a loving family! 🥺

that same manager lied and said he gave me a raise, then told me not to talk about it — which btw is illegal in the US. so ofc I talked about it and we found out the company had raised their wages so he didn't do shit lmao

we had a guinea pig who couldn't use his back legs, and the vet did x-rays and gave pain meds to no avail. I decided that wasn't good enough, so through the power of Google, I found out he had scurvy. yes. like a pirate. I gave him vitamin C cookies and he ended up recovering and waking again! but sad that I outdid a vet with Google.

that manager from before still selling 2 hamsters to a guy I said to reject. not only was he going to let them loose in his trunk, but he had a cop come into the store for him bc he threatened to kill his roommate bc "the voices told me he worships the devil and I don't like that"

talking about the vendor constantly not sexing animals and how we ended up with a pregnant guinea pig and I got to help raise the babies (highlight of my career)

my other manager slept w 2 of my coworkers and they got pissed at him, and I caught him before our shifts belting out Kelly Clarkson to an empty parking lot from his Kia Soul bc therapy isn't an option

the time a drunk guy tried to steal a cat from the adoption room and one of our manager's biggest concerns was that another manager said his breath smelled like whiskey over the radio and he didn't want a confrontation over it (we got the cat back tho)

there was a gummy bear on the wall and one of my coworkers let the wrong manager in on it, and the next day it was gone. but there was another right above it that he missed so that's why being a buzzkill accomplishes nothing

a kid wanted to name his hamster something Russian, so I suggest Sputnik or Vladimir, and he replies: "No, I got it............... Steve."

another hamster was named God. literally God. Just God. and so God had a life expectancy of 2 years.

I had a customer nearly get into a fight with another customer over crickets

we got in trouble for having a book of memes in the back

a chinchilla nearly chewed through a fan wire in the backroom

we discovered a hole in the wall that loose hamsters we're borrowing into, insolation and all

in one of these holes we found a mummified severed leg from some big lizard???????

that time someone opened a bottle of premade Betta water and left it half empty. to this day I'm 100000% sure they drank it

a kid came in and told me about how he was getting a new fish bc his dad flushed his old one bc his mom was divorcing him so he was happy to get a new fish, and his exasperated mother dragged him to leave and he told me Merry Christmas in the middle of July

a lady who told me her Betta died and after some trouble shooting I found out she filled her 2.5 gallon tank with water conditioner. just water conditioner.

how I used to mess with prank callers who said their fish drowned and I asked " having you tried turning it off and turning it on again?" + "did you put him in rice?"

there's much more but sadly most of my memories are the bad things that happened there. hope you guys enjoyed the list tho. :')

Got tagged by @the-con-she-called-conscience! Thank you!

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

I wish, but no.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

To be completely honest, I’m not sure.

03: Do you regret anything?

Way too many things.

04: Are you insecure?

I have a raging case of impostor syndrome.

05: What is your relationship status?

Happily single, although I would like to experience being romantically involved with someone soon.

06: How do you want to die?

Old, painlessly, and in my sleep.

07: What did you last eat?

I think it was chicken with dinner last night.

08: Played any sports?

Not currently, but I have played basketball, soccer, volleyball, and cheerleading. I was not good at any of them.

09: Do you bite your nails?

No, but I do pick away at them with my fingers.

10: When was your last physical fight?

I don’t think I’ve ever been in one!

11: Do you like someone?

In what sense?

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

No, but I have tried. (My awake record is a little over 24 hours.)

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

No?

14: Do you miss someone?

Always.

15: Have any pets?

None of my own, but we have three dogs, five cats, an aquarium of fish, a hamster, and a turtle here at home.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Hungry and a little tired, but also kinda excited because I do love Christmas Eve.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Honey, I’ve never even been kissed.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

They weird me out a little bit but I’m not super-scared of them.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Absolutely.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

See #17.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

No current plans, but I might hang out with a friend or two.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

No.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

I got my ears pierced when I was six, but I never wear earrings anymore and the holes are probably closed up now.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I’ve always done pretty well at most things in school, but my absolute best subject has pretty much always been whatever foreign language I studied.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Too many people. Mostly my dad.

26: What are you craving right now?

Some good holiday food and to go back to campus because I’m so over being home.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Intentionally? No. Unintentionally? Very likely.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

I’ve never dated anyone either.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

See the previous answer.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

Being home. Also being hungry.

31: Does somebody love you?

I certainly hope so, but I’m not holding my breath.

32: What is your favourite color?

Royal blue.

33: Do you have trust issues?

Only with certain people.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

It had something to do with traveling and that’s all I remember.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Probably my mom because she can make me cry very easily.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

I don’t think so.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive, although neither is really easy.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

Honey, it’s 2020, what do you think?

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

See #17.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

No. 

51: Favourite food?

Probably pasta. I’m terrible at most favorites questions though.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

No.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

I put my phone up.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

My first instinct is no, although I feel like there’s almost always an exception to any rule.

55: Are you mean?

I don’t think so, but I’m always worried that I come across as such.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

Zero.

57: Do you believe in true love?

Yes!

58: Favourite weather?

Sunny and rainy at the same time, warm, a little breeze.

59: Do you like the snow?

Yes!

60: Do you wanna get married?

No.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

No one has ever called me baby in that sense; I’ve only been called “baby” in a derogatory manner, so no.

62: What makes you happy?

Any of the beautiful little things. Good music, good art, good food, good people, good books. Learning something new. Discovering the world and myself. Having freedom.

63: Would you change your name?

Nah.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

See #17.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Try to set some boundaries, idk, I’ve never really been in that situation.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I don’t really tell anyone IRL everything about me, but my IRL best friend is a guy and I feel completely comfortable around him.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My 14-year-old brother.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Probably my IRL best friend.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

Yes.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

A lot of people I care about.

Tagging anyone who’s interested!

Alright I don’t know what prompted this. It’s 11:06 at night, although time is fake so who knows. General TW/CW for mentions of violence and such. It’s fanfiction. side note: these are all fictions I find while scrolling Ao3 that I get stronger reactions to the tags or description from! If any of these are yours and you do not want them here, please message me and tell me

This will also include my reaction to the fan fictions but entirely judging the book my it’s cover (in this case, tags, fandoms, and descriptions) on whether I would read/have read or not. If I’ve read it, there will be a rating/recommendation

-Assimilate by AlacrityAbound-

•words: 2,882•

Rating: Incomplete, Teen+, M/M, Graphic Depictions of Violence

Description:

”He saved them all, he had to remember that. He had saved everyone from this terrible fate, from the life he now had to live. They didn’t understand, would never understand, nor would they know the lengths their Voice would go to protect them.”

H-huh??? No no no this sounds painful.

Tags:

“The smiling god”

oh no

”hurt and very little comfort”

EXCUSE ME? PLEASE NO

”believeinasmilingcecil”

OKAY LISTEN. IVE WRITTEN THIS BEFORE. IVE COSPLAYED THIS BEFORE. BUT F-CK THIS AU LMAO

”betrayal”

um. to whom,, may i ask??

Will I be reading this?

Maybe if I grow to a point of numb where I turn to Strex!Cecil in order to feel? Maybe if I just need to cry.

-Dinner Break by StarshipRangerBoyWonder-

Rating: Completed, M/M, General Aud.

•words: 1,717•

Description:

"Cecil’s in desperate need of some food. Lucky for him, Carlos comes to the rescue."

Firstly, this sounds like sm-t, though it’s not marked as being such. I do have to note, one of the fandoms listed, along with the obvious WNTV, is. McDonalds..? Is there actually a fandom?? Secondly, Carlos to the rescue.

Tags:

”Cecil/Chicken Nuggets”

Please.. please tell me this is not a ship. This can’t be right??? Wot?? I’m scared mom come pick me up. I need Carlos and Martin(tma) and my boyfriend in a cuddle pile with me right now.

”duck”

..duck goose?

”Kentucky does not exist” “I repeat” “Kentucky” “does” “Not” “exist”

Gotcha! Makes perfect sense! thank you night vale

Will I be reading this?

likely.. not. the tags mixed with the description have me in fear of my brain cells. i have so few left.

-Absolutely Facinating, Scientifically Speaking, by zombified_queer

Rating: Completed , Teen+, M/M

•words: 584•

Description:

"Carlos was just out doing some shopping when he just about had a heart attack. Still, it was facinating, scientifically speaking."

To be fair, without the tags this one would not have caught my eyes, however, the tags are as follows:

Tags:

"Earl Harlan is a merman"

Okay... Go on..?

"The aquatic hamster ball"

Firstly, huh? I think I have been in one of these. It leaked and got my jeans wet. Secondly, really weird deja vu right there.

"Earl is loosely based on the zebra turkeyfish"

..The what now? DId I miss a few episodes or--

Will I read this?

It is relatively short for my liking, however, I have extrmely curious. I've read the works of this fandom and I've seen just how weird it can be. I might.

A remembrance of strange things, by Pseudothyrum

Rating: Completed, M/M, General Aud.

•words: 630•

Description:

"There isn't enough coffee in the world to deal with Night Vale"

Me reading some of the tags/descriptions of fanfiction at what is now 11:57pm on a Monday. Giving off the vibes of a Cecil POV.

Tags:

"wall tentacles"

... what? yknow.. its not as strange as it could be..

"crack"

ah a crack fic. that last tag is a bit less concerning now.

"definitely not ghosts"

hey uhh i think they're might actually be ghosties.

"blood"

did i accidently find a hannibal x will fic.

Will I read this?

Again, it is super short, so I likely won't. I gotta point out, most wtnv fanfiction would be considered crack fic by any other fandom, so this fandom's idea of 'crack fic' concerns me. I might check it out. Not super high on my look out.

-Endless Wedge, by the_angst_alchemist

Rating: Major Ch. Death, M/M, complete

•words: 1,397•

Description:

"Years have passed since that snowfall way back when, and Carlos can still recall every second when he wasn't able to say those words to the man he cared about. So in order to keep that broken voice preserved in his mind, he's kept his own voice quiet."

..Oh wow. Ow. This one caught my eye with tags that made me giggle, but a caption that made me well aware I will cry upon reading it. The description suggests it is well written, I want to even say beautiful. It also hurts because how dare you make Carlos sad?

Tags:

"Carlos doesn't cope well with death"

:( baby no its okay (Have I mentioned I'm a simp?)

"Cecil doesn't cope well with being dead"

I think that's the general consensus of the public, Ceec

"endless wedge"

Sounds like this is describing an emotion? Maybe the wedge of pain in my heart when I read this.

Will I read this?

Oh no doubt in my wee brain. I wish to hurt this good please. It seems amazingly written judging solely on the description, and has a decent amount of words for my liking! I will update when I have read it. I just noticed it's a part two, so I might have even more pain to bear first.

I will update this post when I go through more! It's currently 12:25AM on 12/01/20 on a god damned Tuesday why did I hyperfixate on this for an hour and a half.

Kill Em With Kindness CH2

Thank you all so much for 3.5k (and growing)! You are all so wonderful, and I’m glad that you all enjoy my content enough to stick around and follow. I have a lot of plans for the future, and I just hope that you all will like them! Here is part two of this next spite filled adventure.

The opening scene and really this whole fic were inspired by lenore’s post from forever ago after Chameleon came out so shouts out! Also, I know several of you wanted me to tag you when I updated this, and I will do my best to get everyone, but I suggest getting an AO3 account and subscribing to the fic there instead. You’ll get an email whenever I update, and I always post on AO3 first before tumblr. 

Read on AO3

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Chapter 2

“You know, when you made these plans with Adrien, I thought you meant to be nice,” Tikki said chidingly in the bathroom as Marinette washed her hands several days later.

“I am being nice,” Marinette said with an innocent pout.

“You put a ‘Coping with loss’ book on Lila’s desk yesterday.”

“She said her hamster died.”

“And the safety glasses by the napkins in the cafeteria?” Tikki cocked a brow.

“Max was worried about losing an eye.”

“You did your science presentation on tinnitus.”

“Well, after the music festival with Juleka’s mom, I was worried about our hearing.” Marinette snatched a paper towel from the dispenser and dried her hands.

“Your history report on the greatest liars and cheats in history?”

“I became fascinated with P.T. Barnum’s life after that movie and finishing with a comparison of Volpina and Rena Rouge was just a modern-day example everyone could identify with.” Tikki gave her a look. “I got a standing ovation for that presentation.”

“What about the fact-checking robot you petitioned Max to make?”

“For Alya for her birthday! I’m just trying to help her become a better journalist because I’m a good friend.” Marinette placed her hands on her hips haughtily.

“Speaking of Alya, you’ve been telling her to just hang out with Nino lately.”

“She said she wanted to spend more time with him. I’m just being supportive of their relationship,” she shrugged.

“Marinette,” Tikki sighed.

“What? We can’t expose Lila, so we’re just playing along until she inevitably exposes herself which I will watch probably with popcorn,” Marinette said with a laugh. “It’s called kill em with kindness.”

“It’s called being petty.”

“Semantics,” Marinette waved it away, but Tikki was unamused. “Look, I can’t beat Lila at lies. She just makes more, so I’ve come up with another plan that doesn’t harm anyone and keeps everyone from getting mad at me for calling her out. I mean, you saw what happened the other day when she got me expelled. Scarlet Moth almost made a comeback, and I was on the frontlines.”

“I guess we can’t let that happen again…” Tikki reasoned, tapping her chin.

“Exactly. Lila wants everyone to believe those things, so I’m just gonna let her keep falling down the rabbit hole until she eventually hits the bottom,” Marinette said with a twisted grin. “If I happen to push her a little deeper along the way then so be it.”

“That’s very underhanded of you, Marinette.”

“I don’t like it when people use my friends and threaten me.” Marinette clenched her fists. “She almost got me akumatized multiple times now, and we can’t ever let that happen.”

“You’re right. Just be careful,” Tikki advised.

“Don’t worry, Tikki. Coming up with solutions is my superpower.” She winked as her phone buzzed in her pocket with an akuma alert. “Speaking of, we have a city to save. Tikki, transform me!”

***

“Ladybug!” Alya waved her down after the battle, brandishing her cell phone. “Do you have time for a quick interview?”

“A little,” she said with a shrug. “Make it quick.”

“Okay, okay, many of my viewers want to know what advice you have to help people stay positive to avoid being akumatized,” Alya began, pressing record.

“Well, I would recommend changing your perspective a little. Instead of being bummed out about failing a test, maybe commit to studying harder next time. If you get into a fight with your friends, just take a deep breath and remember that if they’re your real friends, they’ll forgive you.” Ladybug replied, placing her hands on her hips. “And if you do get akumatized, don’t make a big deal out of it. Chat Noir and I will always be there to save you. Negative emotions are a part of life just like positive ones, and everyone can have a bad day, even me.”

“Next question, with the passing of Hero’s Day, my viewers want to know what they can do to help you and Chat Noir.”

“Just do your best every day. Lift each other up instead of tearing each other down and do your best to help others who need it,” she said with a smile.

“My friend Marinette is like that, always helping others and helping us stay positive,” Alya remarked, and Ladybug bit back a smirk.

“I think I’ve met her a few times. She’s alerted me of a few akumas here and there.” She tapped her chin with a coy smile. “Not everyone has superpowers like me and Chat Noir, but there are a lot of ways to help out in your school, in your community, or even in your own home just like your friend. I think that everyone should strive to be a Marinette.”

She pressed a hand to her earrings as they beeped and palmed her yoyo, flashing Alya a peace sign. “Gotta go before I change back.”

“Thank you for your time, Ladybug!” Alya bounced on her heels, clutching her phone to her chest as Ladybug tossed her yoyo over the roof.

“Bug out!”

***

When Lila walked through the doors of the library that afternoon, she stopped short when her eyes locked with Marinette’s sitting at the table with Max. They held that same taunting innocence that made Lila’s blood boil, and she knew this was another one of her “nice” schemes.

“Oh, Lila, there you are,” she greeted with a smile, and Lila did her best to suppress an eye roll. “You haven’t been doing so well in class, so I’ve asked everyone to pitch in helping you catch up. Max is here to help you with your maths and science, Rose has agreed to help you with Literature, Sabrina can help you out with history, and then Nathaniel said he would be more than happy to help you with the art project we have due next week.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary. Adrien agreed to help me,” Lila said, waving it away. “He should be here any minute.”

“Actually, he had a pop-up fencing lesson with Kagami this afternoon. She insisted because her mother is so hard on her to improve her technique, and Adrien is the only opponent who challenges her enough, so he just couldn’t say no,” Marinette explained.

“Adrien does score well across the board on all of his exams; however, his schedule guarantees an 87.96% chance that you won’t get sufficient help in order to pull your grades up in time, so Marinette reached out to the rest of us to step in on his behalf so you don’t fail the semester,” Max stated, and Marinette smiled sweetly beside him.

“As class representative, I’m just looking out for the needs of everyone,” she said, standing up. “Thanks again for your help, Max.”

“No problem, Marinette.” Max waved it away. “Oh, and I will have prototype designs for that software you asked me for later this week.”

“Awesome! You’re the best, Max!” Marinette clasped her hands together cheerfully. “Good luck, Lila, and let me know if you need any more help.”

Lila offered her a forced smile before her face fell into a scowl.

“Have fun at movie night!” Max called, waving as she left.

“Movie night?” Lila quirked a brow.

“Yes, many of our classmates are convening to watch movies at Kim’s house this evening, but seeing as it’s a movie I’ve already seen, I agreed to help you catch up on your studies tonight instead,” Max explained, pulling out his textbooks. “I’ve assembled 100 maths problems for us to work covering each section of material that you missed while you were traveling then I have a PowerPoint reviewing over our particle physics unit from last term-”

Lila glared at the door Marinette had gone through, gripping her pencil with white knuckles. She wasn’t quite sure what game Marinette was playing with her, but she was definitely up to something. No matter, she wasn’t about to be defeated so easily. After all, she had Gabriel Agreste on her side.

***

“How did Lila react to Max?” Adrien asked as Marinette grabbed a juice from the snack table.

“She looked half ready to strangle me,” Marinette replied, popping the tab and taking a sip.

“There isn’t going to be a lot I can do if my father decides to use her in photoshoots again, but I’ll help you in any way that I can outside of that,” he said, grabbing a cookie.

“What are you two whispering about?” Alya asked with a smirk, and they both stiffened.

“Uh, I was just asking Marinette if she wanted to sit with me during the movie,” Adrien said, nudging Marinette with his elbow.

“Y-Yeah, I- of course. You don’t mind, do you, Alya?” Marinette fumbled, and her friend gave a proud beam.

“Not at all. I was actually on my way to tell you that I want to sit with Nino.” She winked.

“Great. Then it’s settled.” Adrien waved as they moved to their bean bags.

“How did she sneak past your father anyway? I thought he was some impenetrable wall?” She asked, and Adrien threw his head back with a sigh.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Is it wrong I kind of wish she’d teach me?” He chuckled, popping a popcorn kernel into his mouth.

“Your dad let you come to this, didn’t he?” Marinette pointed out, but Adrien averted his gaze guiltily.

“I’m technically supposed to be meeting with my Chinese tutor right now, but I may have told him I lost my voice while also telling Gorilla that this was his address,” Adrien admitted, tapping his chin with an impish grin.

“Sneaky,” Marinette complimented, but he curled his shoulders.

“I feel kind of bad disobeying him, but all I want to do is see my friends. What’s so wrong with that?” He shrugged, and Marinette offered him a smile.

“Nothing, and I’m sure your dad will come around eventually,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks, Marinette. I really hope so.” He smiled weakly, his gaze softening on her. “You really are the kindest girl at school. Lila won’t know what hit her.”

Marinette bit back a smile, cheeks pink and heart pounding.

“Ya know, Adrien, maybe if your dad ever allows it we could-”

“Lila, Max, you made it!” Kim called, and Marinette felt her blood run cold.

“I’m a really fast learner,” Lila said, shooting Marinette a pointed glare, and her jaw clenched as Nathalie entered through the doorway beside her. “Oh, Adrien, I ran into Nathalie on the way over. She was worried about where you were, so I told her we could check here for you.”

“Adrien, you’re supposed to be at Chinese right now,” Nathalie scolded, and Adrien stiffened, face falling. “If you come now, I won’t tell your father about this.”

“Yes, Nathalie,” he said glumly, shooting Marinette an apologetic wince. “I’ll see you at school.”

“I’m sorry, Adrien. I didn’t realize you’d get in trouble.” Lila winced, pressing a hand to her lips in an ‘oops’ manner. “Nathalie said your father was worried.”

“It’s okay, Lila. It’s my fault,” Adrien said as he passed, head hung low as he made his way out with Nathalie.

When the door closed behind them, Lila curled her shoulders and turned to everyone with a pout.

“I’m sorry. I feel like I ruined everything. I didn’t realize that Adrien was here without permission,” she said, covering her face.

“Don’t sweat it, Lila. You didn’t know,” Nino assured her, and she peeked over her hands.

“I hope he doesn’t get into too much trouble,” she fretted, but Nino waved it away.

“Nah, Nathalie totally sticks up for him. If she says she won’t tell, then she won’t,” he said, and Lila relaxed a little.

“That’s a relief,” she sighed.

“Well, since Adrien had to bounce, why don’t you take his seat next to Marinette? You two have been getting along so great lately,” Alya suggested, pointing to the empty beanbag beside Marinette, and Lila flicked her gaze to meet Marinette’s with a grin.

“Do you mind, Marinette?” She asked, a challenging glint in her eye as if to say, ‘your move.’

“Not at all.” Marinette smiled sweetly as Lila paced over to sit down, and her phone buzzed in her pocket with a text from Adrien.

Well, looks like we have our work cut out for us.

Marinette glanced at Lila out of the corner of her eye, chatting with Rose about Kitty Section before typing a quick reply.

So it would seem.

*sigh here we go*

Tagging: @teresarosiadeviluke2112 @sam-spectra @posyfoot @captain-rice @aloeveraspeaks @somethingelsefine @crazylittlemunchkin @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @rlv29 @kaleigh-girlonfire @kokoa-vb @fanwarrior-at-your-service @liebredavinci @starberry-mina @dalandana @rose-sparks13 @foreverblindedbystars @a-6-yearold-inside @redheadeddemon16 @deerestaurelia @graduatedmelon @janaikam @zatanni @shamefulllove @lunar-wolf-warrior @french-dog-joke @magnitude101999 @pinkittwice @musicallylara @summersprit-sims @timelinegodabandoned @patronusxcharms @azureocean33 @zazzlejazzle 

11.08.2021 (Part 1)

I'm starting this in hopes that I'll keep it up, I've had many, many diaries over my lifetime since the age of six. I struggle with dedicating myself to finishing things. I'm hoping that if I post this diary online, screaming into the void as it were, then I'd feel more obliged to continue it even though no one is reading it. I can pretend you are.

I guess we just dive right in.

Maybe you need some information about me? To make a link to keep you interested in what I have to say, to feel as though we are in some way connected across the cosmos and across the net.

I was born on the 26th of December 2000, a minute before midnight. I have a photo of the second I was pulled from my mother's womb and I will spare you the sight of it.

I was a very happy child and when my parents divorced when I was six, I gradually spent more and more time with my mom until I only saw my dad every second weekend. This seemed to be fine with him; I have a complicated relationship with my dad. 

I met my best friend when I was turning eight, mom and I moved from the family house to a complex and then to the house we live in now. She was my neighbour, diagonally across from us. At first I hated her, I don’t remember why but after some time we became inseparable. Her family became my family and my family became hers. We are best friends to this day, going on nearly thirteen years. 

I loved the colour pink as a small child and grew up thinking that if I wanted to be different I had to hate pink because it’s a “girly colour”, I wore all black and the only colour I would admit to liking otherwise was purple, bit my nails till my bled and tried fighting other people to prove that just because I was short doesn’t mean I should be discounted. Thank all the gods I grew out of that mess and now I love pink. 

I’m a cat lady, I’ve had maybe more than twenty cats in my lifetime and three dogs, a parrot, a lizard, two mice, a hamster, two rats and for quite some time I collected snails. I am an animal lover, to the point where if there is an animal as a recurring character in a TV show or film I am more than likely not to watch it because if there is any discomfort, even just the animal being sad, I have nightmares about it. Call me sensitive, I don’t care. 

I live for my cats, currently I have three (and a dog) and one in particular spends all day and all night with me, she is my baby, they all are and I would give them my beating heart if they needed it. Even if they didn’t I’d still cough it up.

I have five tattoos, three of which I want to remove because I got them when I was sixteen and seventeen and they really didn’t turn out well because I got them cheap. Advice: always get an experiences artist, pay their high price because it’ll be worth it and it’ll save you thousands in trying to remove shitty work. 

I have a nose piercing and I recently pierced my tongue. 

I have a problem with most foods (textural OCD) and so although I don’t look it, I’m malnourished and often very weak. I sleep a lot even though I’m not supposed to, I sleep as much as I can because I don’t have anything really to be awake for, except my university classes I just went back to. 

I’ve been diagnosed with depression, general anxiety, textural OCD. I’ve been in therapy since I was six years old which started with the divorce therapy and continued off and on throughout my life. 

I want to study linguistics, sociology, philosophy, ancient history and theology if I can. I never want to stop learning. I want to get a doctorate but I’ll have to see how my funds are at the end of second year. 

I want to be a writer, I’m putting together my poetry into a book. I love writing, it sounds so clich�� but it’s my escape. I’ve been telling stories, true and untrue, since I can remember and it’s all I want to do.

I guess that’s most of me. I’m prone to long monologues concerning ethics and philosophy, you can skip those parts if you like, I sometimes do. 

Well, this will serve as an introductory post.

I don’t know how to end this, is it too much to say I love you? Maybe. We should say it more often. 

talk later, 

V

Everything Stays

By Mila A.

*names of some characters have been changed.

When my parents sat down my 8 year old self and told me that my hamster had died, I just looked at them. “Oh…” I said after a while. “Can I get a new one?”

I remember them looking at each other with a concerned and surprised look on their faces. “Aren’t you sad?” My dad asked. I gave a quick answer of “yes” and went back to my room.

When my dad pulled my 10 year old self out of the children center at my moms work to tell me that Grandpa had died, I just stood there. “Oh… can I keep playing here?” Is all I said. He said I couldn’t, and that we had to go see mom. My mom and dad hugged and cried in the dingy cafe kitchen at Golds Gym as I stood and watched, their grief beyond my understanding.

Death terrifies me. Not of it happening to me, but of what it does to the people around it. It changes everything, making a home in its witnesses' hearts forever. It’s helpless and powerful and controlling, and I hate it. I was intensely close with my grandpa, a rugged, bearded sailor with a beautiful house and farm in Long Island. He was a veteran and stuck to his intense beliefs about manhood and respect like they were life and death. I was close with him, but I refused to feel his death. I believed that to feel it would mean that I accepted it.

No death is easy, but I wish I could say Grandpa’s death was a simple one: a funeral, family bonding, a grieving period, and coming to terms with the death as you continue on with your life. I wish I could look back on my grandpa's death with only happy remembrance. I wish that his death hadn’t altered the entire course of my childhood. But death is death, afterall. Maybe there is no such thing as a simple one.

During the funeral process we were staying at Grandpa’s house with his wife, Edith, and their young daughter, Ella. Edith is not my biological grandma, and is a decent amount younger than Grandpa. Their daughter was only a few years older than me at the time of his death. Their house was beautiful, with intricate stone walls and high vaulted ceilings. During what came to be my last time in the house, I overheard a whispered conversation between my parents. Much of the conversation went over my head, but I heard mentions of calling a lawyer. I quickly scrubbed the conversation from my brain in hopes that nothing more would come of it. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my brother, in hopes that not talking about it would keep it in some far away land separate from reality. This didn’t work, however, and the legal battle started when we got home from the funeral. My parents didn’t talk about it with me, but I could tell it was serious. All I knew is that Edith had changed my grandpa’s will so that she got everything and we got nothing.

Edith had always been a confusing figure in my life. I couldn’t pinpoint an exact reason as to why, but I always felt watched when around her, as if she was looking for a reason to dislike me. It was her and her daughter, and my family and my grandpa. They weren’t a part of our family and never seemed interested in joining. I never knew anything about her life, what she did, or how she met my grandpa. I had no real reason to expect it, but I wasn’t at all surprised by her betrayal. I also never learned the reason behind it. Was she a scared widow who didn’t know how to get by without her husband, or were her actions completely based on greed? I never really cared about motive. No matter what, her actions were unredeemable to me.

The main attraction of this story happened three years later. The legal battle was in full swing until Edith and Ella went missing. The two had told friends they were going on a trip yet didn’t return. Two missing women and a dramatic legal battle? The media had a field day. News sites from all over began covering the disappearance with reporters contacting my aunt and mom daily. I was 13 at the time and had my first phone, which was my mom's old one. Since the phone number was still registered as hers, I received many of the phone calls from reporters trying to make sense of the situation. I even received a voicemail from Good Morning America inviting us onto the show.

Even three years after his passing, I still wasn’t feeling my grandpa’s death. I also wasn’t registering the fact that my family was. I remember telling my mom about the call from Good Morning America, expecting her to find it as crazy and exciting as I did. Instead, she just looked at me for a few seconds and told me to delete the voicemail. She didn’t reply to any reporters or read any of the articles being written about our family, and I didn’t understand why. I realized later that to my grieving mom and aunt, this wasn’t a crazy kidnapping story but instead a reminder of who they lost to death and greed.

The situation didn’t last very long. It was revealed that the two hadn’t been injured or kidnapped as many had speculated but were in hiding instead. They came back and the legal battle continued. Two years later Edith disappeared again but the media had grown bored at that point. She came back, wrote a poorly rated book about the situation, and continued with the legal battle. Another year and the battle was over. We won mostly everything, including the multi-million dollar house in Long Island and an expensive car.

It wasn’t until after the legal battle was done that I started to come to terms with what happened. My mom told me that we were selling his house and the farm he and Edith owned nearby. My heart sunk as I thought about all the memories that were being sold away. Some of my happiest memories come from Long Island, where he had lived. Grandpa’s house always smelled old, but not in a bad way. There were stone walls and animal furs and a grand piano. I would sit on his leather couches and reread Percy Jackson over and over again. I would get in everyone's way when the family made pancakes in the kitchen. I would wander the farm for hours, breathing in the sour smell of the horse stables. I’d chase barn cats around in hopes of befriending them. I’d sit and watch the ducks on the farm pond and create stories about which ones were in love with each other. That farm was my playground; it was all a young girl could want. Those were my years of childlike wonder.

Grandpa was in the background of each of these memories, completely inseparable from the best years of my life. He'd be reading a book next to me in his recliner, or in the farm with me feeding the animals. The loss of the house and farm is what made me realize how significant of a loss Grandpa’s death was. The fact that I would never be back to the foundation of my childhood reminded me that I would never again see the man who made my younger years so great in the first place.

For a while after this realization, I was bitter. I wondered if I would still be able to go to the house and farm if Edith hadn’t caused all the drama that she did. I resented her for causing division after my Grandpa's death instead of unity. Her selfishness made my family’s grief a spectacle, and her actions drew out the mourning process for years.

Out of everything, my journey towards acceptance was sparked by an Adventure Time song. It came after a 7 episode mini-series called “Stakes,” where the character Marceline thinks about her past and her life as an immortal vampire. Her attempt to cure her vampirism causes her past to come back and threaten the lives of her and her friends. After she goes on a journey of growth and reflection she defeats the evil and accepts the fact that the past is the past and that she will always be a vampire. The song, called “Everything Stays,” plays as the series closes. The chorus goes, “Everything stays, just where you left it / Everything stays, but it still changes / Ever so slightly, daily and nightly / In little ways, but Everything Stays.”

The message of the mini-series and song is that life goes on and changes, but the memories and happiness you once felt always remains. The song made me realize that treating my old happy memories with bitterness does nothing but tarnish them. My childhood happiness exists inside me in the memories I have of my grandpa. The events after my Grandpa’s death did force me out of that childhood wonder, but they didn’t make it disappear all together. “Everything Stays” portrayal of your memories as something tangible and constant inside of you made me choose to hold Grandpa close to my heart.

Death still scares me, and I don’t think there will ever come a time where it doesn’t. Processing my Grandpa’s death did show me I have more control than I thought I did, however. I can control how I hold the memories of those I’ve lost. My memories aren’t symbols of what I've lost, they’re reminders of what once was. They’re happy, innocent, and joyful, even if what happened afterwards was not.

My memories of my grandpa are strictly mine. Not Edith's, and not deaths. I decide what to do with them, and I choose to remember.

Acknowledgements: I’d like to thank Adventure Time for giving me a song that would come to represent the happy memories I have with my grandma, and I’d like to thank Grandpa for being such an inspirational and caring man. I could write 100 more pages about him and his character alone.

Zenith: Chapter 68-71

Chapter 68

Andi remembers how Kalee gave her a tour of her home and bragged about how she’d be ruling the place someday. Andi asks why her and not her brother.

Oh, Androma. Kalee had laughed then, tossing her head back in that glorious, carefree way that made everyone around her want to come closer. You and I both know that a woman can rule better than any man ever could. And I’ll look twice as good doing it, too.

Shinsay, voices muffled as their heads are stuck up each other’s asses: This is definitely, 100%, one whole, bona fide, authentic, organic, home-grown feminism that we just put in our book.

Also ... take a look at that weak-ass description that’s supposed to show us how good and cool Kalee is. When she laughs (in a way that tbh have you ever laughed? be real with me now), people want to ... come closer? 

Wow! That’s like saying ... when I scratch my face, people want to call their mom. When I brush my hair, people may spontaneously feel the need to take a slightly deeper breath.

Talk about low standards. Hey fellas, you ever see someone laugh and just kinda sorta want to approach them but not really? Yeah, that’s the stuff.

Andi thinks about how Kalee would’ve been a better ruler than her dad, who doesn’t even bother coming down to meet his tortured son because that’s how incompetent and evil and heartless he is. I mean, Andi doesn’t know that Valen is the result of rape, but still. Idk if I’m on board with how the book demonizes the hell out of the General but tried to make whatsherface sympathetic. And by “I don’t know if I am” I mean “I’m definitely not what the fuck is wrong with these people.”

Dex tries to make some conversation and Andi says that nobody befriended Kalee, that only super duper special people were CHOSEN by her to become her friends.

I’m ... not sure how this is supposed to be better. In fact, I’d say it’s worse?

“Kalee chose the people she wished to let into her life. I was honored that she allowed me to be assigned to her.”

“Honored?” Dex asked, raising a bruised brow. “Or damned?”

“I’ll let you know after we talk to the general,” Andi said.

I’m gonna fiking piss. “I’ll tell you whether this important life event was honor or damnation, but like, later, after we have this appointment, ok?” Why is this so funny. Have I fully lost my marbles?

Andi foreshadows some escape tunnels that are hidden all around the estate so Dex has a logical way to save them at the end of the book. I’m sure there is a more elegant way of setting that up, but I can’t be bothered to find one, so let’s call it acceptable and move on.

They arrive at their destination and Andi notices that Alfie seems bummed out. She muses that he’s “capable of far more complex thinking than she’d originally guessed,” which, DOY, but ok, and then thinks about how he’s saved her crew and remembered Gilly’s Marketable Space Pet, which implies he has some “understanding of feelings and attachments.”

That hamster wheel do be spinnin’.

The “head Spectre” comes out to meet them and ...

It took everything in her to speak as the truth struck her.

“Dad?”

DUN DUN DUUUN, it’s Andi’s dad! Also, “the truth struck her?” What truth? That it’s your dad? Was that in doubt? Did you really need a moment to connect the dots, to realize this is your dad? Was there a moment where you saw this man, who is your dad, and thought that this wasn’t your dad, only for the truth to strike and OH SHIT THAT’S MY DAD!! WOW HOLD YOUR HORSES EVERYONE I NEED TIME TO PROCESS THAT THIS IS INDEED MY DAD.

Tbh if you strapped knives to a roomba it’d have more charisma and presence as the protagonist than Andi. And let’s be real, more intelligence.

Yet another chapter ends on a pointless cliffhanger only for the scene to continue exactly where it left off!

You’re just full of surprises, Shinsay.

Chapter 69 (nice)

Andi recaps everything that she’s gone through after the Kalee crash up to the fight with the big alien dude who got deus ex machina-d by Alfie and how she nearly kissed Dex, which gets written as extra special, just so she can make this point:

But this...her father, as General Cortas’s head Spectre?

This might actually kill her.

And aside from how generically melodramatic it is, I can’t help but recall this, from chapter 7:

The man in front of her was a victim of her foolishness. Beside her was the man who’d rejected her love.

The two of them, together? It was nearly enough to shatter Andi.

Andi has the same reaction as I do when in a room with multiple men. Except in her case I think it’s supposed to be deep and personal.

Anyway, self-plagiarism aside, Andi thinks about how her dad was always there for her but then one day wasn’t when he didn’t support her on her trial and how conflicted she feels about him, both wanting to demand justice but also wanting comfort. This is actually quite touching and feels very grounded and realistic.

General Cortas rubs it in that Andi’s dad, “Comander Racella”, has been very loyal and hardworking since he was promoted after Andi’s trial. Andi hopes that her father actually hates the general and was forced to work for him as some sort of punishment for what happened with their daughters.

The general says the situation on Adhira has been taken care of, and when Andi asks whether Xen Ptera attacked because of Valen and her crew’s presence on Adhira, the general says that’s classified. For reasons? Idk. Seems pretty obvious to me, or maybe he just doesn’t know?

Dex tries to yap but Cortas flexes his big dick and reminds Dex that he’s a Guardian now, and Dex is too much of a baby to risk his regained status so he shuts up. This is all spelled out for us by Andi’s inner monologue, because we’re idiots.

The general claims the Xen Pteran forces have been wiped out, saying how it’s probably all they had since there’s few able-bodied and willing people to recruit for war after their planet got fucked, and when Andi presses him for why the attack happened now and on Adhira, he says:

“War never really ends, Androma. The desire for revenge is often too strong to forget.”

“War never ends ... But me and my crew totes ended that war just now. They don’t have any more soldiers so this war is over.” Makes sense, sir. 

Cortas says that queen Alara is safe and will be at the Peace Summit, which Andi immediately tells him to cancel because it would be the perfect opportunity for another attack. Cortas replies by saying that Arcardius is impenetrable and that the day the Olen System successfully invades will be the day “stars fall from the sky” which is a very poetic and not at all natural way to say something like this, so it’s there for ... idk dramatic irony? He also reminds her that the Summit is important because it celebrates the peace after the war and the unity between the systems and I’m here like ... for a guy who says war never ends, you sure seem happy to celebrate a war ending and don’t believe one is going on right now. But I guess these characters just exist to spout meaningless yet deep-sounding nonsense at each other.

Dex reminds the general that they’ve done their end of the deal, at which point the general conveniently decides to prolong it out of nowhere and essentially forces Andi and Dex to be Valen’s bodyguards at the Peace Summit by holding Andi’s crew and ship and Dex’s money and status hostage. Thanks for ensuring the main characters are there for the climax, sir! Appreciated!

Dex and Andi leave in a huff.

Chapter 70

We’re in Lira’s POV as she reminisces about her childhood with Lon while he’s recovering from his near-death-experience.

So she sat by [Lon’s] side for endless hours, until the warm clutches of sleep stole her away.

She dreams about flying on an “Adhiran darowak” but then DUN DUN DUUUN Adhira below turns into Xen Ptera and it’s horrible!

“No,” Lira gasped. Her heart began to crack. Fissures spread through it, reaching cold fingers through every valve until Lira felt darkness stealing her away.

So the editor just left that in, huh? Just let Shinsay use the exact same wording in less than 200 words? Must’ve been stolen away by the editing fairy for editing crimes while reading this.

Lira is woken up by Alara, who got here so fucking fast she must be part-Sonic on her father’s side. You’d think a planetary leader would have more to do after a sudden and deadly attack on her home planet, but I guess Adhirans are so chill they’ll just let their leader fuck off to take care of her angsty teenage niece instead.

Lira says that she’ll do anything to make up for bringing Valen to Adhira, to which Alara says that the only thing Lira will do is “follow her heart,” which is sweet of her to say but also really convenient and makes this whole decision easier for her.

I mean, it’s nice that Alara is so supportive, but 1) narratively, it removes the conflict that was introduced only a few chapters ago 2) it makes Alara seem like she’s only there to be the supportive cool aunt and the Good Queen, without any expectations or wants of her own. Like, wasn’t the pressure from Alara something that gave Lira actual conflict? Idk. Seems too easy, is what I’m saying.

Lira didn’t let go of her aunt until the tears dried up. Until they sat down on either side of Lon’s bedside, held his hands and spoke of happier times. The beauty of a family that could come together, broken, and still find a way to become something whole.

You’re one step away from “Ohana means family” over here, Shinsay. Stop spelling shit out. WE. GET. IT. Also, whose narration is this? We’ve mostly stuck to third person limited, so ... is Lira thinking this? Is she thinking this shit while it’s happening? About her own family and situation? What the fuck?

Shinsay couldn’t keep their suspiciously sticky fingers out of their own writing and let it breathe so it comes out looking like God’s mistake.

Anyway, Lon wakes up and Alara tells him what went down on Adhira.

Chapter 71

We’re back with Andi, who just got out of a bath and is bitterly admiring her “private quarters” when she’s interrupted by DUN DUN her dad! He’s been waiting for her!

It’s all very tense. Before they can really start talking, though, we get a flashback. No, really. This whole tense reunion between father and daughter is interrupted by a lengthy flashback brought on by Andi watching her dad and Remembering.

Because Shinsay.

It’s a flashback to Andi in a cell, the day before she was supposed to be executed. Her dad tells her that her mother is "not well” and we find out his name is Oren. As they’re saying their tearful goodbyes, Oren slips Andi a key and tells her “Bay Seven. Tomorrow at dawn.” 

The flashback ends with Andi’s cell standing empty the next morning.

Very cool and all that.

Back in the now, Andi rightfully chews her dad out for being a cowardly little bitch and throwing his teenage daughter under the bus for the sake of status. Something he freely admits to doing. He says he and her mother had to struggle to rebuild their reputation after she ruined it, and that he believes his daughter died with Kalee and that whoever he saved in the cell was already the Bloody Baroness even if she didn’t know it yet. Then he fucks off.

It’s all extremely silly. It would’ve been heartbreaking in any better book, but instead, it just feels like it’s tacked on for the sake of adding even more angst to Androma’s character. In fact, she’s not even upset at this. Instead she just carves some more tallies into her swords, dances some more with the dead, and then sneaks out.

No really, it’s written like a list.

She waited for the tears to come. But they never did.

Instead she sat alone, adding more tallies to her swords. Dancing with the dead inside her head.

Why is this so funny! I think it’s because both the tally-carving and the ghost-dancing is supposed to be these deep and haunted things she does that’s given a fair amount of weight and focus, but then it’s just written out like this like it’s just some generic routine shit she does like brushing her teeth or wiping her ass.

Yup, there she goes, doing her generic angsty shit one after the other. Emotional whiplash glossed over for the sake of moving the plot along. She’s in such a bad mental state that we simply MUST ignore it and move on.

Also, I want to highlight how convenient it is for Shinsay to already have Andi suspect and previously coming to terms with how her parents don’t love her before this confrontation. Like, we see her father save her tearfully, yet Andi has almost no hope that he still loves her. Or, she does, but when it’s squashed, she just ... accepts it? Because hey, she already processed that trauma years before! Makes it easy!

Wouldn’t it make it more impactful if all these years, she’s hoped that she has a home to come back to? That her father’s final act of saving her meant they love her still and want her to come back? And now she finds out that they never even mourned her loss? Wouldn’t that be heart-wrenching? And also add to the idea that Andi wants to return to Arcardia, both because it’s her home planet but also because that’s where her parents are? Instead we’re led to believe Andi wants to return, but when she does, she hates it here, she knows nobody wants her here, and she wants to leave immediately.

I seriously question the inclusion of this subplot and these characters. It adds nothing, changes nothing, and is just there to make Andi more angsty, which she already is, so ... why is this here lmao?

Shinsay really went “let’s squander all our potentially interesting ideas and concepts for the sake of more cheap angst and making our protag a cool emotionless badass who don’t care for no thing.”

Since people liked my Teruteru posts, I’m going to be listing every character in V1 and V2 and saying if they are overrated or underrated and why. WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR BOTH GAMES/ANIME

V1:

Junko: overrated, obviously. She’s very pretty but other then that? Not the best lmao?? Abused and manipulated Mikan and Mukuro

Makoto: Boring, was carried through the whole game by kirigiri. Not even all that funny in the anime, he’s just a boring kid.

Togami: A spoiled rich boy that messed with poor Chihiro’s body. He’s cute but a total asshole and a twink (derogatory). He should have been a victim.

Toko: I love her personality and her design is very pretty, but the way they are further demonizing DID with her character is horrible and I do not stan. 

Leon: Underrated boy, everyone gives him a lot of shit for being the first murderer. He’s cute, he’s got a funky lil shirt (that he shares with nagito?) and hes got some scottish roots like me. A good boi (minus the fact he killed someone.) 

Maizono: Overrated, shes not even all that pretty. The REAL musical ultimate was Ibuki and you can’t convince me otherwise. 

Hifumi: He never did anything *wrong* in v1, but he gives off this horrible vibe. Probably has a body pillow of Kisa from Fruits Basket or smth gross like that. 

Kiyotaka: In the fandom, his personality has been muddled down to “old gay man” but lets be real, if this dude wasnt in a killing game, he’d be a c*p (o)

Aoi: Her personality is literally eating and big boobs and closed lesbian. Not a fleshed out character and honestly, Sakura should have survived, not her. 

Mondo: You’ve heard of mommy and daddy issues, now get ready for “I accidently killed my big brother when he gave me his biker gang when I was literally 15 years old and now I lay awake for nights thinking about and on top of that I might be gay and oh my god I just got turned into butter.” issues

Yasuhiro: 100% underrated. Is there colorism in the fact he’s one of the only dark skinned characters in this series and his personality is literally “spout off random bullshit and have the whole fandom think i’m a druggie?” yeah, but if i remember correctly, in the anime, he’s actually really smart or something? (in the second anime, not the first.) And he was really kind when he was taking care of Kiyotaka when Mondo died. He’s a good character, minus the obvious racial stereotypes

Sakura: Deserved to live. She was a great friend to Aoi and sacrificed herself so her friend could keep going. She’s a good gorl. 

Chihiro: Prefacing this with I’m a Chihiro Kinnie: overrated and everyone in the fandom sexualizes him. Or headcanons him as mtf or nonbinary. It literally explains why he dresses as a girl (he was v v weak and sickly so if he convinced everyone he was a girl, they wouldnt pick on him for being a weak boy). Headcanon what you want, but dont come at me with the “hE wAnTs To Be A GiRl” cause youre literally erasing his entired character and the REASON mondo was able to kill him. 

Celestia: She’s so creepy and mean? and not even in a cool way I just don’t like her. If Junko wasnt the mastermind behind this game, it totally would have been celestia. Manipulated Hifumi, framed Yasuhiro, and killed Hifumi and Kiyotaka. Not a fan with the double kill tbh

Kirigiri: I personally don’t like her cause she has no personality beyond “gotta solve this mystery like im fuckin scooby doo” and “I can’t believe its daddy issues!”

Mukuro: literally wants to fuck her sister. No. 

V2: (I’m not finished with it yet, just finished the Mikan trial) 

Teruteru: underrated and over villainized. he’s literally a horny teenager and was just trying to a) protect everyone from nagito cause he thought twogami was nagito and b) just wanted his mom. 

Nagito: literally insane lol. If I hear him say anything else about hope, I’m going to scream. 

Nekomaru: No personality minus “I need to take a shit”

Akane: (see Aoi) they are literally the same character

Ibuki: overrated, but I can see why. She was really nice and cool. (I also have an Ibuki interject in my system so I can’t really bad mouth her.)

Mikan: Annoying at most. If Junko didnt hurt her, she probably wouldnt have killed anyone. 

Chiaki: I get.... v bad vibes from her, but I also kin her so its an odd toss up

Hajime: Whole personality is “fuck off nagito” and “orange juice in a wine glass” 

Mahiru: No my favorite, I didnt really like her, but she was really nice to Hiyoko so she’s okay in my book. 

Hiyoko: Underrated because no one takes into consideration: she is litearlly like 16 or 17, shes under 5 feet tall, she’s never gone through a killing game before, shes probably terrified. Thats why she’s mean. And she’s not even mean to everyone, just to Mikan really (who didnt deserve if but she was a really easy target)

Fuyuhiko: boss baby, tiny boy, underrated. He lost his sister and his best friend, let him be. 

Peko: Eh?? if she didnt have a literal slave mentality she’d be cool (and i dont think it was hiko’s fault, cause there are many times where he was just trying to treat peko like a friend and she was in full human shield mode.) 

Gundham: nice design, but the theatrics are getting on my nerves. Whats with the hamsters? I like his scarf though

Kazuichi: literally a giant perv, but i like his design and I have a small soft spot for pervy characters. If he would have left Sonia alone, he would have been an okay character. 

Sonia: overrated, annoying, would fuck ted bundy and run a true crime blog on this gods damn website. Not a good girl and I’m surprised she hasnt killed kazuichi yet. 

I dont think I missed anyone so here you go. Read it and weep /j 

Survey #342

“in this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi  /  ‘cuz i’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies”

What’s your all-time favourite cartoon? Does anime count? In which case I'd say Fullmetal Alchemist, or the original Pokemon. If we're not including anime, then uhhhh Avatar: The Last Airbender, even though I have much more to go in the series. Have you ever taken dance lessons? What kind? Yeah, I've done a few for many years: jazz, clogging, modern, and hip hop. When did you last run and why? I literally couldn't tell you. I don't even know if I can run with the current state of my legs. My knees would probably crumple. Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Not necessarily cleaning, but sorting. I still have boxes outside and inside my room of my stuff I need to put up somewhere... but whenever I prepare to do it, I just get so overwhelmed and shy away from it. Then there's the spare room, that's a total mess loaded with boxes and the like. Mom and I have just avoided it like the plague. Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman. What do you think your next achievement will be? HOPEFULLY getting a job... Do you like mushrooms? NOOOOOOO. What dream do you remember most vividly? I'm not talking about it. Favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. Rabbits or hamsters? Rabbits. I've never met a nice hamster, and I just think rabbits are cuter. A movie you’ve never seen that it seems like every one else has? Harry Potter films. Favorite dog breed? I'm biased towards beagles. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Where I live, there aren't really many weighty trees with low branches. Just pine trees. Most common lie you tell? That I'm "fine" when I'm not. Ever seen your parents make out? Jc no, I'll take a hard pass there. Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek dermals at all, but you do you 100%. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes; I was raised Roman Catholic. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Mom used to for many years until I became an adult and she just realized it was in vain. I haven't lived with Dad since I was a teenager, but when my parents were together, he usually didn't say anything. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, thankfully. I'd stop talking to the person immediately. What would you do if your parent hit you? I honestly feel like I'd slap them back and get the fuck out. Or just freeze in shock and cry. What's your most common mood? Stressed but distracted. Do you like poems? Yeah, usually. Ever kissed someone half-naked? Uh yeah. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you still play Pokémon? I play Pokemon GO, and I've actually been tempted to get out my DS and play one of the games I have (I can't remember which). I do find Pokemon games to be VERY grind-ey, though, so I can't play them for too long without getting bored. What is your favorite Pokémon? Ninetales. I also really love Espeon, though, and Charmander will always have my heart. Is there an animal you like that most people don't? Bats! :') Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No animal is overrated. Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? Uhhhh I don't think so. Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Most would probably consider "vulture culture" to be pretty weird, being drawn to dead animals and all... What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The breakup with Jason. I learned that some people make promises they aren't afraid to break, that someone can promise "forever" and not mean it, that the most unexpected can just snap their fingers and forget about you... I learned a lot. And most things, not positive. What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? 1.) To be able to financially support myself by just freelance nature photography; 2.) sooo many different kinds of pets; and 3.) to be totally rid of my mental illnesses. Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I would if I was the one who bought groceries and stuff. I do however take Vitamin D once a week for my legs. Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? JUST THREE??????? FUCK MAN idk. Uhhh well there's of course Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache, then uhhh probably Pyramid Head. If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idk, I'd really need to be more educated on their lore before I made that decision. Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I both do and don't want to resume learning German. I got very good at it and could have basic conversations, but lack of application has slaughtered my vocabulary. Now it's like, it'd be nice to try again, but for what purpose? I don't think I'll ever actually apply it to my life, so it just seems like it'd be a load of wasted effort. But then on the other hand, I also feel that doing something you simply want to do isn't a waste of time. Idk. What is one of your firmest beliefs? Equality for all. No race, religion, whatthefuckever makes you more or less valuable than someone else. Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? Oh yes. Depression and anxiety, mostly. Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I definitely try, and I'll certainly admit to them. How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I just want more compassion, less violence, more understanding... What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? In short, I believe that something sentient created the universe, and it/they/he/she/what-have-you just... let life play out from there, I think. I like to believe there's a plane of consciousness like an afterlife that exists, but if not, I don't really care. I hope the evil get what was coming to them, and the good get back what they gave, but maybe we're all better off without life after death. We'll all find out one day. Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? Some, yes; others, not so much. This is very situational. Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Haha, you're asking an avid player. I enjoy it, but not as much as I used to. At one point I was a Heroic raider, sometimes dabbling in Mythic, but now I'm just mostly a casual mount collector that likes chatting with my guildies and just doing dailies 'n shit. I owe a lot to the game, honestly; it helped me stay occupied throughout the breakup, and still today gives me something to do. What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have an Acer Nitro with Windows 10. Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I'm no longer in school. If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? No, but I would like to join a photography course somewhere. A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo just made me hate war more than I innately did. What genres of music are your favorite? Just metal as an umbrella term. Some heavy stuff, some less, some in the middle, some leaning towards other genres... but I just like metal. Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No. Wouldn't "fate" just make it all... worthless? Like we're just storybook characters with a predetermined ending? What are your opinions on the media? One word: manipulative. What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I REALLY want a PS4, especially lately. There's just a lot of games I REALLY want to play. Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? We're already *too* reliant on it, which I do believe is a bad thing. I know, absolutely hysterical for me to be talking. What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don't think I've ever had a truly odd ice cream flavor. There's this local place though that makes a kind that tastes JUST like s'mores, and I can fucking murder a cup of that. What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? They're limiting and devalue uniqueness, imo. I know very, very few people who totally fit a certain stereotype, so why even bother. Like I don't care if you use them as adjectives to some extent, just don't put too much weight on them. Just be you. Do you believe that history repeats itself? It's not necessarily doomed to, but it happens sometimes, obviously. Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Depends on the mistake. What was the most interesting class you had in school? Probably Mythology in high school. Do you write? If so, what? Yeah, meerkat role-play. And every now and again, poetry. Do you have a favorite culture? No; I'm not educated on nearly enough to pick one. Do you believe in global warming? Have you researched it? Lol no shit I do. I don't exactly think it takes much research to see with your own two eyes that it's factual. Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos, if I had to pick. What comedy movie is your favorite? White Chicks. Have you ever meditated? Yes. Doesn't work for me. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Realizing it was my choice to liberate myself and my happiness from my ex. He didn't and never should've carried it, because that's my right. What do you like about springtime? Aaaaall the flowers. <3 How have you handled having to stay in? It's not really different from my average day, so... How would your friends describe you? Quiet and overthinks literally everything. Have you ever hallucinated? When I was coming off a certain med in middle school, I saw black moving shadows. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program I attended for two months following my suicide attempt. It's where I met my psychiatrist, who set my medication straight. Medicine besides though, I learned so many coping techniques and just how to deconstruct my trauma. As well as possible, anyway. What is the worst decision you ever made? Handing over the ability to make happiness for myself to another person. What is your favorite arcade game? Don't have one. Do you feel neglected? No. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, Arts, Science. Are you allergic to pollen? Yep. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Probably ballgown. Are you over your first love? I probably never will be in complete totality. Do you always answer your phone? No. I only ever do if I recognize the number. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Today is actually my sister's birthday. What song is currently stuck in your head? I have Halocene's cover of "What I've Done" on a loop right now. It has me absolutely covered in goosebumps. Do you ever use coloring books? Not really anymore. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? Not to my knowledge, no. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just your normal, mildly hot salsa. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? Mom's car hasn't been washed in... well, years, given its bumper. Mom worries that in a car wash, it'll be broken off (it is literally held on with a lot of zip ties and duct tape), and we ourselves don't want to wash it, so... Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I know we have one or two, but idk what they're called. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Dad never went to college. Mom changed her major a few times, but her latest was social work, I believe. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? Not at all. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? Because it's hot as fuck and humid. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I don't know. Hopefully I'll start one soon when I leave PHP and pursue a job... What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I'm always in my room. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I feel awful admitting I do quite the opposite... Being in the dark during the day affects my depression, so I'll have my lamp (or both) on even if it's just sort of shaded inside. Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Eh, it depends on the food. I'm not very adventurous with foods though. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I do. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... It wasn't "kinky," but it was a dream lmao. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? That's how I ended the whole Joel childishness. Which friend do you confide in most? My mom. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your favorite doughnut? That's so hard. :( Krispy Kreme's normal glazed though probably takes the cake. I also love chocolate frosted and just totally plain, though. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Neither. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Dad did growing up. Now nobody does or needs to. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? Yeah. Have you ever heard voices? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My nieces. What do you want the most in life? To feel like I made a difference, even a tiny one. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? OBVIOUSLY Amy Lee's. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? *shrug* What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? Hm. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, which I absolutely do not, I'd rather have my own. I know I'd feel a deeper connection. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you do/say something you don't want your s/o to know about, you're cheating. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you recycle? Yes. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? People have thought I don't try hard enough before. Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. ^ What about your "Z"s? Yes. What are you most known for? My art "skill," at least irl. How do you feel about shameless self-promoting? Depends on when, where, and how. As someone who's trying to be a freelance photographer, I get that it's sadly necessary, but there are some places it's just uncalled for.

To the Ends of the Earth 8

Supernatural 

Warnings: OOC Gabriel

Story Summary:  AU Supernatural. Gabriel is tired of Micahel and Raphael’s constant interfering and dictating what’s best for him. Little do they know that he’s been sneaking to earth to fall in love with you. When he convinces you to run away with him, all hell is about to break loose.

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader

______

3 weeks and counting...That is how long it had been since Ketch returned with Gabriel. You had made no progress in getting him back to “normal” either. It was making you nutty! You had spent countless hours pouring over books and on the computer looking for anything that could be useful. Apparently, an archangel with amnesia wasn’t too normal.

You rolled your eyes at that thought as you closed the book in front of you. This had to be the millionth book that you read hoping to find something on fixing broken archangels.

“So much for that.”

You grumbled before putting your hands on your head to massage your temples. 

“Find anything?”

You looked up as Dean walked in with a steaming up of hot tea. 

“Not a damn thing. This is useless, Dean. I am not going to find anything. I am stuck with a damaged archangel that I don’t know how to fix. Thanks for the drink...I need it.”

Dean frowned.

“This is mine.” 

You gave your brother a scowl as he shrugged and pushed the cup across the table to you.

“I guess you need it more than me. We’ll figure something out, Y/n. Just keep talking to him or something.” 

You glanced over your shoulder at Gabriel. He sat on the couch looking around the room as if he had never been there before. To you, he looked blissfully numb to everyone and everything around him. 

Maybe Dean was right after all? You had at least got Gabriel to stop freaking out whenever you got within two feet of him. Now he had taken to following you around like a puppy. Gabriel still didn’t like to be touched but as long as he was in the same room as you he was happy. Did he know who you were to him? You didn’t think so but he did seem to realize that you were something. 

“He may not know who you are but he seems to recognize you. The poor guy doesn’t want to let you out of his sight. Whatever Raphael and Michael did to him at least didn’t leave him a  drooling mess.”

Cas said after Gabriel began to panic when he realized that you had left a room at one point. Gabriel quickly resumed his motionless sitting when he realized that you hadn’t gotten too far from him. Part of you hoped that in some file in Gabriel’s mind he realized that you were his soulmate. 

After that episode, it was agreed that wherever you went Gabriel had to go. Sam and Dean didn’t want to deal with his panicking when you weren’t in eyeshot of him. 

You returned your mind back to the conversation with Dean. 

“Talking isn’t doing a whole hell of a lot.” 

Dean gave you his best understanding expression.

“I know. I also know that you are exhausted.” 

You nodded, rubbing your hands over your face. 

“Exhausted is putting what I am feeling lightly! I want to get out of here and go on a hunt so bad. Does that make me sound like an awful person? Gabriel is sitting over there in his own happy little lost world and I want to get away from him. Some soulmate I am.”

Dean was silent for a moment as he looked at you intently. He glanced over his shoulder again at Gabriel. The archangel’s amber eyes were on him with a deadpan stare. Dean frowned and turned his attention back to you. It was a good thing that Gabriel’s grace was depleted. If he was at full power and Gabriel knew how to use it then Dean may be in trouble. 

“No, it makes you sound like a reasonable human if you ask me. Y/n, you have been caring for him all day every day since this shit started. You have hung in there and haven’t quit. You have done a lot better with Gabriel then you did that hamster you had.” 

You frowned.

“My hamster? You said it disappeared.” 

Dean immediately turned bright red and began to back peddle. 

“Son of a bitch! It actually died. I had Sam put it in a shoebox and take it off somewhere so you wouldn’t know. It was right after your mom and Adam died. I didn’t have the heart to tell you.” 

You smiled and reached out to pat Dean’s shoulder. 

“You big softy!. Good thing that Gabriel isn’t a hamster.” 

Dean chuckled.

“Don’t think that we could find a shoebox that big.”

You smiled and looked back down to the book in front of you. The lighthearted feeling seemed to vanish as you thought about Gabriel some more. You snuck a glance at your lover. He sat giving you the poutiest expression ever. 

Your heart ached to look at him. Nothing about him was familiar at the moment. Everything seemed different. You would give anything to have your Gabriel back Hell, you would even be satisfied with Gabriel the way that he was when you first met him. He didn’t know a damn thing about humans and was clueless to your feelings...but at least he knew who you were. 

“Dean, I understand how you felt when Cas was killed now. I am so that Sam and I were so insensitive.”

Dean took a breath. 

“Y/n, you don’t have to apologize for shit. We are going to figure Gabriel out. As much as I don’t like the thought of you dating anyone...I see how much he means to you.” 

You nodded. 

“I don’t think that I would be this serious about getting him back to normal if I didn’t love him. I think that I am going to go get ready for bed.” 

Dean nodded and got up to go find a beer. Tonight was a good night for a drink! 

You, meanwhile, stood and stretched. It had been a long time since you had gotten up and was feeling tenser than ever. Relief washed over you as you walked over to Gabriel. He looked up as you smiled gently. 

“Want to come lay down with me?”

It was a stupid question. Gabriel would have gone with you anywhere. You considered giving him talk on “personal space” but it seemed almost irrelevant. He would forget what you said to him in a matter of hours and be right back at your heels like a clingy toddler.  

Gabriel slowly stood and looked down at you with a child-like expression. You ran a hand through your messy hair. 

“Are you sure that you don’t remember anything about me?”

You asked timidly. Gabriel looked at you with a sad frown before looking down at his feet. You sighed before reaching out to touch his arm. Gabriel immediately stepped back and gave you the biggest go to hell look imaginable. You groaned. What were you thinking? You knew better than to touch him but you couldn’t help it! How were you supposed to tell Gabriel that you missed the feeling of his skin on yours? You missed that coky little shit-eating grin that he would give you after making love. You missed everything about him!

“Sorry! I forgot touching was on your terms. Boy would crap yourself if you saw all of the touching that we were doing a few weeks ago.” 

Gabriel shrugged innocently. You turned and motioned for him to follow you. Walking down the hall, you fought the urge to make a comment about Gabriel being like an indecisive cat. It wouldn’t do you any good to say anything snooty to him. He wouldn’t get it anyway.  

Walking into your room, you looked over your shoulder at Gabriel. He was looking at you awkwardly. Before all of this stupidity happened, you had been used to Gabriel’s awkward silences now it was different. You would give anything to have Gabriel chattering about some random subject. Hell, you would even be happy to listen to him in “archangel” mode. 

You flopped down on your bed and stared at the ceiling. After a few moments, you focused your attention back to Gabriel. The archangel sat with his knees gathered up to his chest. You sighed at the lost vacant expression on his face.  

“Gabe, I really miss you.” 

Half an hour later you had dozed off. A knock at the door jarred you from your peaceful sleep. You grumbled as you swung your legs over the edge of the bed. Sam and Dean knew better than to wake you up like this. If you didn’t at least get three good hours you could be a real bitch to deal with.

You opened the door to see Dean on the other side. He looked as wiped out as you felt. 

“Dean, we just saw each other not long ago. Have you missed me already?”

Dean rolled his eyes.  

“I didn’t miss you enough to wake your haughty ass up. I have something that you need to see in the Dean cave. You may want to leave your lapdog here.” 

You didn’t have to look at Gabriel to know who Dean was referring to. 

“Gabe, I’ll be right back.” 

You mumbled. Part of you didn’t have the heart to look back to Gabriel’s lost eyes. 

“This better be good.”

You grumbled and followed Dean down the hallway. Dean led you into his “Dean Cave.” When your older brother moved out of the way; your mouth dropped. 

In front of you stood Adam….

_______

@brokencasbutt67-writer, @tas898, @supernaturalways, @authoressskr, @shaylybaby2032, @summer-novak, @emiwrites3reads, @li0nh34rt, @untoldshortsofthefandoms, @mycuddlycorner, @wontlookaway, @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts, @deanwherescas, @stuckinsaudi1, @hankypranky, @sprnaturallover, @marichromatic, @fandom-trash-worth-it, @shitfaceddaniel

evebs up to 20 for miss vivian?

SIR... thank you so so much, this was the oc developing excercise i needed for her istg! 💘💌 i’m gonna have to say sorry to people who were uninterested in this but my keep reading parter thing isn’t working so we are stuck rip

1. what is a rumor people tell about them?

wayhaven is a small city where everyone knows everyone and no one is exempt from gossips and rumors, not even it’s new detective! while there have been certain other rumors about her previously, currently the biggest one is that she got her promotion because of her mother’s influence and ties, and that she hardly deserves it - which granted makes sense, but for someone so proud of her work and achievments it’s difficult for vivi to hear these rumors and not hope for a chance to prove herself! her mother casts a long shadow...

2. how long would they last in the zombie apocalypse?

ah depends, if she’s with a group probably longer than alone! she’s not very physically powerful so that definitely puts her at a disadvantage, but she is very fast and difficult to catch too! i wouldn’t say she would be the last woman standing but her creative solutions and her knowledge would keep her alive for a decent amount of time even if she was on her own!

3. if they’re about to get in a fight, what song plays in their head as their ‘hype song’?

destiny’s child - survivor 100% (also maybe like half of their discography in general, she’s always listening early 2000s music)

4. how important is family to them?

i think not very much, but only because she hasn’t really had the chance to experience the good nor the bad that comes with having one? her dad died when she was very young and she doesn’t remember him and her mom was always away. she likes the idea of family but it’s very difficult for her to imagine herself as a part of a functional one, if that makes sense?

5. if they had a theme song, what would it be?

lorde - bravado

6. what’s a movie they can quote from start to finish?

clueless is definitely her all time fav and she watched it more times than she cares to admit! 

7. are they more of a leader or a follower?

she feels very comfortable being both! definitely more used to being a leader though, but doesn’t mind being a follower when she recognizes that someone else might have a better grip on the situation than her. but the moment the leader makes a mistake or does something she doesn’t agree with she will probably be the first one to try and take over the situation!

8. if they were given 1000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would they do with it?

honestly? she would probably sell it to someone who might know what to do with it... because she definitely isn’t one for that kind of working and planning. when she was younger she thought about having a farm but once she realized just how much work (mainly physical work) goes into it, she decided living in a small apartment is definitely suits her more!

9. if they had to flee their home country, where would they live?

she loves colder weather, so if she could pick anywhere she would probably pick a scandinavian country! 

10. do they think psychic abilities exist? Which one would they like to have?

before everything with the agency happened, she truly didn’t! maybe when she was a kid or a teen and was reading way too much sci fi and fantasy novels, but as she started growing older and working in a very no nonsense field she honestly didn’t even have the time to entertain such ideas? now that she knows stuff, she would definitely love to be able to read minds it is such a useful detective skill to have!

11. what was their favourite fairy tale growing up?

the snow queen by hans christian andersen! she got a very beautiful edition of the book from her mother for her 10th birthday and she remained forever slightly enchanted by it...

12. what’s a skill or craft they would like to master, but haven’t?

she used to sew a lot when she was in middle school and high school but her sewing machine broke and she never got to buying a new one... her skill is okay but she always wished to make something really extraordinary with it one day - well, not until she gets a new sewing machine at least and it’s been a long time she last made anything so she must be pretty rusty by now!

13. how did they find out Santa isn’t real?

at 7 years old she saw rebecca putting the presents under the tree and ever since then the christmas santa magic hasn’t been the same...

14. what’s a personality trait they wish they had?

she truly wishes she was a slightly more intimidating because with some people she’s worked with being charming just isn’t going to cut it especially when they don’t really take you seriously. all her confidence and wit don’t really help with certain situations unfortunately...

15. do they believe in getting revenge on those who wrong them? If so, how do they go about it?

vivi isn’t a very revenge driven person, it’s more likely for her to just cut ties with people who have wronged her and she has no problem doing so. in fact, it’s remarkable how easy she leaves people behind if they prove to be unworthy of her trust and loyalty. in a way for those people it might seem like a punishment of it’s own, because once she cuts someone out that’s that pretty much forever. but it’s pretty difficult getting her to do that, the person has to do something truly ugly for her to decide to remove them from her life!

16. if they were arrested with no explanation, what would their friends and family think they had done?

oh god i thought about this for so long and it would probably be either driving waaaay over the speed limit (which she might or might not do on the regular) or insurance fraud (one of these days she just might, she really wants a new car)...

17. in 40 years, what will they be the most nostalgic about?

probably all her time spent with the team bravo to be honest, but also she will remember the same period of her life really fondly because she finally mended the previously cold relationship with her mother which from then on continued to be one of the most important relationships of her entire life...

18. how would they describe their family?

yikes what family :( i mean nonexistent is one word for it at the moment, though now that she’s been fixing stuff with rebecca i guess we could say it’s on the ment at the moment!

19. if they could shop for free at one store, what would it be?

as she has the biggest sweet tooth in the world, probably some doughnut chain like krispy kreme or dunkin donuts... yes yes she knows it’s cliche for cops to like them, but at least she eats hers with tea exclusively not that muddy water people call coffee!

20. do they have any pets? If so, what are they?

yes! she has a hamster named pebble that she got for her last birthday from tina! vivian adores it to bits, although at first she was a bit taken aback because she never owned an animal and was afraid of hurting it. now they’re best pals and they watch reality tv together!

[maybe send me a question for one of my ocs 👉🏻👈🏻]

The Goldfinch (Spoiler)

If you want to read the Goldfinch for yourself to get your own understanding and opinion on it, read it for yourself before you read this because this is what I thought about it for myself.

    Donna Tartt’s The Goldfinch is divided into the chapters Boy with a Skull, The Anatomy Lesson, Park Avenue, Morphine Lollipop, Badr al-Dine, Wind Sand and Stars, The Shop-Behind-the-Shop, The Shop-Behind the Shop, continued, Everything of Possibility, The Idiot, The Gentleman’s Canal, and The Rendezvous Point. At the beginning of the book there is a quote ,“He’s telling you that living things don’t last-it’s all temporary. Death in life. That’s why they’re called natures mortes. Maybe you don’t see it at first with all of the beauty and bloom, the little speck of rot. But if you look closer-there it is.” (24) I like this quote because I can relate to this. My grandfather passed away from cancer in December of last year while my aunt was also very ill with leukemia during the time. My hamster passed away and so did both of my parakeets. I didn’t know how to take it when my parakeet passed away at the bottom of his cage with his feet up in the air. It affected me a lot. My mom took him out of his cage and made him a nice home in a box with tissue paper and clothes so he could rest nicely in them. My mom and I had a funeral for him and said nice things about him and the memories that we had about him and then I buried him underneath a tree in my backyard. My hamster was breathing heavily and his heart stopped beating one morning when my dad woke up. He woke me up by coming into my room and telling me that he had passed away overnight. We put him in a nice box too and buried him by my parakeet. I did not know how to cope with the avalanche of sickness and death that has happened to my family members and my pets at the end of last year and the beginning of this year. I grieved in my own way because it was a really sad time. I felt like I shut off and became angry at the world because I did not understand why things happened the way that they did. My family also lost a distant family member this year from a heart attack.       People cope with loss in different ways too. It is very personal.       I enjoyed the section of the book where his mother gave him the painting to keep and hold on to to remember her by. It is a keepsake and an heirloom.   A mother was taking her student son to an art gallery in New York City but an explosion went off in the gallery while they were inside and everyone was rushing to try to escape the gallery. The son left, but the mother never did. She passed away in the explosion and the son has to come to terms with it and where he is going from there. He doesn’t have a home to stay at anymore so the social workers want to put him with his grandparents, but his grandmother’s back is going out and she can’t take care of him properly. He feels out of place and he doesn’t belong anywhere. “But suicide wasn’t the ansswer.” (93) He felt isolated and disconnected. He wanted to go back in time.     His father is not a presence in his life when he is living in New York. He is irritated and cold a lot of the time. He doesn’t  like to come home and wants to stay out drinking. It is described that he has a lot of stressors on his mind and that he even wants to move to Atlantic City and start over again. He is fearful. The son can’t look up to him because he doesn’t want to be involved with anything. The son is taken to a home where his friend is in AP classes and he is dedicated to his studies so he can’t do anything because all of his time is taken up. He watches old Turner classic movies to distract himself. Theo misses his mom and questions if he could have done things differently to prevent her death while he is staying at the temporary house. He wants to leave the house but he has nowhere to go. Theo wants to disappear and hide. He goes to therapy and while he is there he thinks about a girl named Pippa that he saw at the museum with his mom when the explosion happened. He cannot get Pippa off of his mind and he fantasizes about her. He meets with her and he finds out that she is moving away to Texas because her mother had passed away too so she is looking to start a new chapter in a new location. A fresh start.      He gets to move in with his father in Las Vegas and is charmed by his father’s lifestyle. It is a completely different lifestyle living with his father and girlfriend than living with his temporary housing family Andy and the Barbours. He meets a guy named Borris in his class in school and Boris lived in Ukraine and Russia and he introduced him to that culture. Boris is a main character in the book and is almost Theo’s wingman. Boris is not a good influence for him because he introduces him to a darker lifestyle.       Theo, the narrator of the story gets early admission to go to college and he goes into a European film class. His friends are taking classes like intro to Russian literature. The book, The Idiot by Doeskevsky is referenced too and philosophical things are taken out of the book and questioned by Boris near the resolution of the book. He has a painting called the goldfinch that his mother gave him. When the explosion at the art gallery happened, some paintings got ruined.       He discovers that his friend Andy had died and he is contemplating death some more.     I liked how the beginning of the book connected to the end of it in the way that it explains the characters’ fate and circumstances. At the beginning of the book he is in Amsterdam, but it is not explained why he is there until the ending of the book where he commit capital murder to save the painting his dead mother gave to him.  “It was a social and moral lesson, if nothing else. But for all foreseeable time to come-for as long as history was written, until the icecaps melted and the streets of Amsterdam were awash with water-the painting would be remembered and mourned. Who knew, or cared, the names of the Turks who blew the roof off the Parthenon? The mullahs who had ordered the destruction of the Buddhas at Bamiyan? Yet living or dead:their acts stood. It was the worst kind of immorality. Intentionally or no:I had extinguished a light in the heart of the world. An act of God:that was what the insurance companies called it, catastrophe so random or arcane that there was otherwise no taking the measure of it. Probability was one thing, but some events fell so far outside the actuarial tables that even insurance underwriters were compelled to haul in the supernatural in order to explain them-rotten luck, as my father had said mournfully one night out by the pool, dusk falling hard, smoking Viceroy to keep the mosquitoes away, one of the few times he tried to talk to me about my mother’s death, why do bad things happen, why me, why her, wrong place wrong time, just a fluke kid, one in a million not an evasion or copout in anyway but-I recognized, coming from him-a profession of faith and the best answer he had to give me, on par with Allah Has Written It or It’s the Lord’s Will, a sincere bowing of the head to Fortune, the greatest god he knew.” (701-702)      He describes going through drug withdrawals in some parts of the book and he talks about morphine, xanax, oxycontin, riboxycotin. He was snorting coke too. His father was taking vicodin which is hydrocodone. I didn’t expect for there to be so much discussion about drug use. The father relies on drugs to ease his situation. He got sober however. The father was addicted to drugs because of the relationship he had with his wife, the mother of Theo. The husband and wife got at each other’s throats and they would argue. He didn’t appreciate the situation he had when he was around her. He tried to escape. I think drug use is escapism but is also used for relaxation. Cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol are ok to use because they are soft drugs that put one at ease. When one starts to use hard drugs like cocaine, then it is not so good because they rely on it for its effects and get addicted to it. They have to get enough money for drugs too. It’s a cycle that is hard to break because one always craves the drug rush. I have smoked cigarettes and marijuana and I drink. I don’t care if people drink. I don’t care what people do unless it is illegal. I think that things are ok in moderation.     The Goldfinch is about appreciating every moment in life whether good or bad, its ups and downs because it's a very rare and precious thing. One has to appreciate life because at any second one’s relative could pass away in a car accident, shooting, etc not to say that it will happen, but anything and everything is to be expected and can happen. The Goldfinch is a rare creature that moves quickly. One moment it could be here and the next moment it can be flying away and migrating to a different location with its species to be never seen again for a while.  When I was reading this book, I went outside to sit in my backyard and continue to read and I had my parakeet and dog sitting outside with me. I went inside the house to get something, but my dog alo wanted to come inside the house at the same time while my parakeet’s cage was very close by. My dog was biting my pants trying to get inside the house first, and I had slightly kicked him trying to get him to stop biting me, but in doing that, my parakeet’s cage had toppled over into the flower bed by accident and my parakeet was free. She tried to fly away through a hole in our fence to get into my neighbor’s yard, however I was quick enough to come and get my mom to help save her, because I had thought that I had lost her. She did not go very far and was stuck in the fence. My mom was able to get a hold of her and put her back in her cage. I had fixed her cage after it had fallen down. It was scary because she could have easily been gone for good like my two other parakeets. My parakeet looks like a gold finch because she is golden and bright like the sun. I call her sundrop. Her name is Coronja.        ‘...if bad can sometimes come from good actions-? Where does it ever say, anywhere,that only bad can come from bad actions? Maybe sometimes-the wrong way is the right way? You can take the wrong path and it still comes out to where you want to be? Or, spin it another way, sometimes you can do everything wrong and it still turns out to be right?....What if all your actions and choices, good or bad make no difference to God? What if the pattern is pre set?...What if our badness and mistakes are the very thing that set our fate and bring us round to good? What if, for some of us, we can’t get there any other way?”  (745-746) This quote discusses predestination. The idea of if you will go to heaven or hell or some other universe. “Predestination is the doctrine that all events have been willed by God usually reference to the eventual fate of the individual soul.” (wikipedia.org) “Explanations of predestination often seek to address the paradox of free will.” (wikipedia.org) “Therefore as predestination includes the will to confer grace and glory so also reprobation includes the will to permit a person to fall into sin and impose the punishment of damnation on account of that sin.” (wikipedia.org)     “It’s not hard to see the human in the finch. Dignified, vulnerable. One prisoner looking at another...the bird looks out at us…” (766) From this quote I get the idea of reincarnation and that animals do have human characteristics. Animals have little souls that are like people. They have common traits that cannot be denied.       “...wade straight through it, right through the cesspool, while keeping eyes and heart open. And in the midst of our dying, as we rise from the organic and sink back ignominiously into the organic, it is a glory and privilege to love what Death doesn’t touch. For if disaster and oblivion have followed this painting down through time-so too has love. Insofar as it is immortal (and it is) I have a small bright, immutable part in that immortality. It exists; and it keeps on existing. And I add my own love to the history of people who have loved beautiful things, and looked out for them, and pulled them from the fire, and sought them when they were lost, and tried to preserve them and save them while passing them along literally from hand to hand, singing out brilliantly from the wreck of time to the next generation of lovers and the next.” (771) This quote talks about even though people are unhappy,achy, fragile, unhealthy and sick, there is still a bright side to things and to see things through, like my grandfather. My grandfather had given up in his elderly age and would lay on his couch and just watch the news or the stock market. He did not want to have that much of an existence when he got old. He had a stroke when I was ten years old and he could not get around that much and his speech was slurred. He had to go to physical therapy. The main message of the book is to say don’t take anything for granted and to be appreciative because everything can be taken away in an instant and your whole life can change by the small actions that you choose to make or not to make.  At the beginning of the story, the main character is on house arrest in Amsterdam and it ties in with the ending of the story to say that he is on House Arrest for the actions he decided to make. He cannot appreciate the city of Amsterdam and everyone there knows him as a criminal. He got charged with capital murder and has to stay where the cops knows where he is at.     People move quickly and do make poor decisions that affect them for the rest of their lives. Small choices have a great impact being if you commit a crime such as embezzling money, committing fraud, stealing, etc then you will have big punishments. It affects a lot of people in negative ways. People’s feelings can get hurt and everything can change for the worse in a matter of seconds.         It is difficult to deal with death of loved ones and animals and even the idea of it is scary and hard to come to terms with. When there are situations where one is faced with it, he or she can make harsh decisions that they will regret later on whatever they may be. Things can be altered so much that there could be no going back to the way things were. Small events can have a large impact. In the heat of the moment though, anything can happen, and regrets made. That is why it is important to be appreciative and loving to everyone, because people can grieve over the loss of their pet, over their loss of money, over the loss of a friend, etc. Even if you don’t want to wake up day after day after day because you did have loved ones pass away, you still need to wake up for yourself and see the good in everything because there are so many wonderful things to appreciate and cherish, so many opportunities to be had and loved and memories to be made. Love the pets that you have and love your family and friends. Cherish everything because everyone and everything is valuable and meaningful and adds to the quality of your life.       Theo comes to terms with his mother’s passing and grows from it and learns how to live with it.      Donna Tartt, the author of The Goldinch, puts in philosophical ideas and examples in this book that I appreciate. She uses quotes from Albert Camus, “The absurd does not liberate; it binds.” What I understand of this quote is absurdity doesn’t make one free, it ties one down and wraps one up. She uses another quote, “When we are strongest-who draws back? Most merry-who falls down laughing? When we are very bad,-what can they do to us?” This is said by the French poet Arthur Rimbaud. I get from this quote that who is there to watch people fall when times are hard? “We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves.” is a quote by François De La Rochefoucauld. Rochefoucauld is a noted French author of maxims and memoirs. He is part of the literary movement of classicism and is best known for his maxisms. “It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.” by Schiller. I like this quote because people have hearts and want to enjoy the good things and get past the bad things that happen.    “We have art in order not to die from the truth.”-Nietzsche.     Tartt grabs philosophical examples from The Little Prince in some parts of the book.