Yeah

Follow ur leader

if youve msged me and i havent replied, please understand that the goblins in my brain will not accept me opening the msgs bc of the anxiety that its been so long, and this only grows worse as time progresses and its a very vicious cycle

I've come back to life for pride month, happy birthday gay people

Hii how have you been?

hi!! i’ve been okay, just doing a lot of school work! my exams are this coming week and then i’m on winter break.

i hope you’ve been well <3

Flora!

Hey everyone, long time no see huh? Suppose it's been quite the time since I last posted on Tumblr.

To be frank I really don't mean to disappear out of nowhere from Tumblr and then pop back in with a new digital drawing of a goofy character or some traditional doodles and disappear once again

Life has been hard if it helps for some to understand, it's probably useless to write to people who follow me on yet another excuse on why I vanished off the internet-

College started a couple of weeks ago and to be honest it has slapped me in the face- (it feels more like a year of college). College hasn't been quite the same as school was, you get a lot of homework but they are big and you gotta write a lot of essays and for my already sleep deprived ass it is hard-

Due to me being so drained from going to college I began to notice that my hobbies (art) hasn't been so easy to do in my free time because now I'm resting more than I am doing things I love.

I can occasionally make a small doodle or a digital artwork but it's not as frequent as before and I then forget to post it on tumblr-

My mental stability hasn't been well either and I can feel shitty if not for people who are there to be the light in the dark for me. My mood has been low and it's probably because I'm not eating as much or sleeping.

My body feels like it's breaking down as well- constant joint cracking, I'm tired all the time. I most likely have hypermobility, which my parents say I do have they just don't want to give a real doctor's diagnosis,and I have signs of it. That may be the problem for some of the shitty wellbeing I got and pains.

Yes I'm not dead, just not in a very good state at the moment. Sorry if some of you didn't want to hear my ass ramble about my problems-

I hope you all have a wonderful day today and you all take care of yourselves!

hey so i know its not what a lot of you or any of you followed for but my ocs!!! Just to hold yall over. Working on TSP fanart and i might make some ds/dst things. Feel free to send in requests in my ask box (pretty please)

The struggle with being a perfectionist is TOO REAL

miss juni my beloved <3

Figured he was due for an update.

oh i just realized i haven’t posted since like last november lmao😭😭

hii guys so many updates -

i was electrocuted and have nerve damage in my hand- still going through nursing school- talking about engagement with my big bear of a bf- might be pregnant???- uhhhhhh yay, getting two tattoos on friday wtf

rrraahhhh I have been sooo busy I'm sorry I've neglected this blog again, I gotta get the requests done soon Im gonna close requests for a little bit juuust so I don't get overloaded until I can clear my inbox, other asks are just as fine though, I just need to get the art stuff outta the way. Ive got a few sketched out already and I have some posts drafted so I'm making progress!! I prommy. I may switch up art programs between requests, it depends on which one I feel like battling with at that time BHARHJRHJ Ive also been accepted into an academy program so I'll be a tad busier in general, but I'll try to make more time for this blog !! +)

i’ve been super busy with school recently and i keep getting notifications of people liking and reblogging my posts (thank you so so much by the way <3) and i couldn’t figure out why there’s still so much activity on this blog when i’m being dead to the world and then it dawned on me that our beloved josh hutcherson is out being gorgeous in the new fnaf movie

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.