#i need to focus on it pretty hard | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

milkweedman · 9 months

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I'm at "can knit, but requires lots of focus". I've been knitting for like 6 or 7 years at least now, I just can't remember sequences in my head, so the overwhelming majority of my knitting is plain stockinette, lol.

#poll #idk like for me this is train knitting or maybe 'vaguely paying attention to other thing but its just background noise rly' knitting #i need to focus on it pretty hard #i can visually see what stitch comes next in the pattern very easily i just cant count to 4 reliably. RIP #at least not when its un deux trois et tricot and then the next round un deux trois et à l'envers #and im supposed to remember any of this ?#anyway curious if most knitters with reasonable proficiency would consider this super easy or not #knitting

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luhman16 · 1 year

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You got games on your phone?

Transcript:

Blue kid: M'man, can we play angry birds on your phone?

Artificer: (wtf is a phone) No we have angry birds at home

Narration: Angry birds at home:

#luh's drawings #art #drawing #rain world #rain world downpour #rain world artificer #sorry for the text being out of focus and hard to read. i put a transcript if needed #so anyway this one i was thinking about since this morning but since i couldnt put it down on paper at work i was pretty hyped up to draw #i think its funny it makes me heehee and haahaa ok bye #wait do the kids have names? idk how to tag them so huuu ye im done now i think #got inspired by one of pansear-doodles drawing today about the kids with fidget spinners. so shout out to pansear-doodles

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thedevotionaltour · 2 months

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even for period typical ableism it still drives me nuts for karen to go oh poor matt how can he deal and get around as if he hasn't been blind most of his life at this point and living on his own by himself as an adult for his entire adult life after college and has also lived in the city his whole life like girl use your damn brain he can get around by himself just fine. good god. like take five seconds to use your brain. literally adult man who lives by himself if nothing else that should tell you he is fine and when he needs assistance has the knowledge and ability to go get it you act as if he can't even walk on the sidewalk by himself. he literally shows up to work by himself. it drives me up the wall sometimes how she sees proof of him functioning fine independently literally witnesses it on the daily and still thinks these things. like again foggy isn't great either bc again the period typical ableism (and just general ableism in the world outside of this period as this is a common attitude of viewing disabled people as helpless and unable to function even if they are people who do live independently (and im not touching on people who do need extra support and caretaking in this context. as this post is about these characters in the context of a story. so im talking about what we see there instead of any truly meaningful nuanced way) but the writing here is like. Particularly this way due to the time) he has a modicum more of understanding that matt is literally a capable grown adult man. literally told karen matt is a big boy who can handle himself and then karen went b-b-but you forget he's blind as if foggy hasn't known him for years of his life and is his best friend like PLEASE SEE HIM AS AN ADULT. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. PLEASE RESPECT HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM SO DEARLY. AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T. JUST RESPECT HIM AS A PERSON!!!!!!

#i think it's particularly maddening bc we have seen characters be able to understand civillian matt is like. more than just Blind Man.#i am always highly aware of period typical writing and can remember the context etc etc but sometimes.#sometimes it truly. truly does drive me up the wall. especially when other characters have been capable of not being That Level #of infantalizing. again foggy still isn't much better in a lot of respects he is just as capable of and has been as infantilizing #and insulting as karen has been. for sure. on multiple occassions. no questions asked. but i dont think he does it to the extent karen does #as in we dont see it on page just as much. it's just a bit less. so we see karen focus on it far more. to an almost exaggerated extent #part of that is the romance plot of ohhh i cannot possibly love a blind man while foggy is matt;s best friend of many years #so of course it will be in the way of the stan lee and old romance comics schools of writing that this goes down and is written like this.#of course we see her focus on it a touch more in a different way bc she's still getting to know matt and hasnt witnessed him #for about like a decade(? they met in undergrad right?) function on his own the way foggy has. but jesus christ man. good god.#at a certain point even with the period time context it does just still leave a bad taste. at certain points it becomes less eye roll #and far more maddening and hard to push down. bc it is gross. no matter what time period it is.#again. both of them are pretty disrespectful towards matt about it at this point even if mostly in their inner monologues or dialogues #with each other and not super to matt's face about it every time. but still. sometimes karen drives me far more crazy about it than foggy.#becase at least foggy can in fact recognize every now and then. matt is a perfectly capable grown man who can function and thrive.#and is someone who lives independently but also can know how to get assistance when needed.#while karen at this point has never really once given matt the benefit of that assumption despite witnessing his capabilities.#because even with his act of trying to fit the image ppl have of him. he still functions within that! and shows he can do things!#and ask for help when he needs it! even within his act of making himself smaller and quieter for others.#he's still like. adult man who lives his life. and does stuff on his own time.#i cant really speak about matt on any more deeper level than that in regards to his disabilities. i am not disabled.#i only speak as a reader and someone watching what these characters do and have proven to be able to do and how they act.#so i can only talk about karen and foggy's behaviors and attitudes in that regard.#and also as a person with like. basic understanding of other ppl living their lives. that all ppl live their own damn lives however it is #like most ppl on planet earth.#i apologize if any of my wording here is bad or if i dont talk on it well as none of this in the real world stuff is my lived experience #and you are free to go hey. incorrect. think about that or word that differently.#ok i promise im done now it's just. EUGH. UGH!!!!!#static.soundz

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bubbleteasing · 4 months

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#and then finish the other of course #it’s been pretty hard for me to write two works at the same time… I need to focus on one at a time

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hood-ex · 2 months

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Having a crisis over whether Joshua Hong is prettier than Dick. With this hair and outfit I—😩.

#that man joshua is pretty af #and he's one of my comfort kpop boys #dick is also pretty... BUT... he's not always drawn that way depending on the artist #so hmm hmmmm #joshua is funnier than dick though and that definitely gives him like attractive points if you know what i mean #my brain is cycling through 4 different fandoms rn and it's hard for me to focus #like i need to return to my hongjoong and seonghwa videos rn or i'm gonna combust #but joshua dude freaking joshua. and then dick and donna.#dick and donna are on the brain as well #but also i want to go look at my fav leo and mikey fic but no i don't but yes i do #and then lip and ian are there and what if dick and jason were like lip and ian if jason never died y'know #so anyway

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just-a-pole-sir · 4 months

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Are there any stars who's movies or shows you watch and can't concentrate? Like, you're so distracted because they're handsome / hot?

Richard Madden and Steve-era Chris Evans (in those tight t-shirts... fuck) are those for me

Oh definitely Jensen during early Supernatural.

I was really into the show during the first three seasons. But I had to replay so many scenes, because I was just drooling at Jensen's face and didn't listen to anything they said lol

To be clear he was still hot to me after s3, if not more. But the show went to shit, so I didn't care as much. I was just watching to have my Jensen fix really lol

#also i think it was the first show i watched without subtitles #in english #it's not my language so my ears weren't used to that #it was pretty hard i needed to focus a lot #and jensen's hotness didn't help lol #asks #thrillhoues #jensen ackles

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lucyvaleheart · 4 months

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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

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ff2-soda-pop · 3 months

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I'm starting to question if I should even bother with the stupid paper.... I'm probably just gonna fail anyways lmao

#ive been running around stuck on Babysitter Duty for the past three days and the teacher only gave us any instructions on thursday yet #somehow expected a full paper done and edited by sunday. even if i wasnt stuck on babysitter duty she'd get a shitty paper just due to how #little TIME that is to get things done. but because i am on babysitter duty uhhh..... well so far there's no paper #ive been spending practically full days having to take care of my sister and i cant just Ignore Her so i havent done my paper while watchin #her because again: my focus needs to be on Her. and shes incredibly loud which makes it super hard to focus. fun combo /s #so i was like 'i'll just stay up Really Late and do it then' but that hasn't worked because my sister WONT GO TO BED if im awake. i was up #until 4am last night hoping she'd fall asleep and shut up and i could work but Nope!#and then i got too tired to even care anymore #i've tried explaining this to others and they're just like 'ok well you just need to find a way to make it work :/' which is very much #easier said than done! and im scared about this paper because this teacher doesnt accept late work at all for pretty much any reason #and im sure she wont understand my situation. because shes also the teacher that didnt understand that i didnt have the textbook on time #because it was still being shipped and i dont control the rate at which book ships and she was like #'..........okay well you still need to have the book by tomorrow at least <3' when i told her the book had Just shipped and idk when i'd ge #the dumb thing. so yknow i dont have high hopes about this #also just as extra 'make stuff more difficult' i have zero accommodations because my mom cant keep track of my fucking IEPs and they wont #let me have accommodations unless i have that and idk how to get a copy anymore. so i've also been running around with no help in that area #and it's not great </3 #idk im just stressed out and frustrated and i Want To Cry :)#vent

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writhe · 6 months

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my whole body hurts SO BAD

#my back hurts pretty bad. i can tune it out a little but not ignore it. i think this is making the rest of my spine really tense? and #shoulders too? and i’ve also been getting headaches almost every day #im still a little sick but it’s probably just gonna linger until i can rest which can’t happen for a few more days (i say this like #every week though no?)#hands and wrists are like. bad worse than usual #like both numb and painful and it’s taking a lot more focus to do things nimbly or not stop stuff #*drop stuff #ankles have kinda been sore i think just from walking so much which is manageable #but it’s hard with everything else rn. also i think i kinda pulled something yesterday because i almost hit it onto the concrete while #almost BIT IT not hit #walking at night #felt like a pull? but it was painless but then i ran across the street and a numbness shot up my leg #and it’s a little tingly today #i think i need to build some more core strength honestly #and get enough sleep more than one night per week #also probably more stretches for hands and wrists #ideally i’d also love to not be enormously stressed but i do not see this happening!#im actually less stressed this week but i think the months and months if not years have done their damage #also getting beat up for fun. which i think is objectively funny to layer over all this but yknow. i think that detracts from my overall #stress & doesn’t contribute to bad exhausting pain #(-:<

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disengaged · 14 days

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alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

#yeah so i gained 20lbs and started hitting the gym pretty hard two months ago #struggling with weight restoration/relapse urges worse than ever BUT i’m also feeling good about my progress and enjoying myself immensely #honestly didn’t realize how bad i missed lifting #and now that i have time off work i can actually focus on getting my nutrition right (i.e. actually consuming enough protein for once)#pegasus speaks #my face #my ancient ipod camera is shit quality but my abs are starting to show for the first time in like … 1.5 years lol #and im pleased with my anterior/lateral delts! although my pecs need some serious work. wtf #i train chest 2-3x/week and i can still see bones fml #ed ment tw #weight tw #ask to tag #i feel like i’m kind of relearning all my limits. like in terms of physical/mental energy and stuff. idk #doing a lot of research and figuring it out as i go. trying to avoid falling into systemic fatigue etc #as much as i love the gym i do have to compensate in other areas of my life #if i want to push myself this hard then that’s my choice. but like. i need to give up on doing other things. give and take. spoon theory #etc etc etc

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4lph4kidz · 8 months

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idk maybe talking about my writing seems conceited for who hasn't published much of anything and hasn't finished anything as of yet, or maybe all this hand wringing is annoying, but i've written a lot of bits and pieces over the years and it's enough for me to be reasonably comfortable with the basics, you know? but working on something this long is presenting a whole other world of trouble for me and i think i accidentally put a hell of a lot more of myself into it than i meant to. so i'm feeling particularly vulnerable about it being out there and existing. it means a lot to me and that's scary!

#i know i wasn't anywhere near as annoying about publishing light headeds first chapter #obviously i cared about it and i was excited to publish something for the first time in this fandom (wow! i did it!) but its not a big deal #there are no major unknowns with it as a project. i will continue it just couldn't make up my mind about one specific thing #so now the rest of the chapters are on hold while i focus on i&i for a while #i could probably polish up and publish more of my drabbles but its mostly pretty dumb and generic aus that arent saying much of anything #maybe thats being pretentious but i want to say something with my work and like. if it's not meeting my own standards i'm not putting it ou #sorry for all the rambling. i needed to work through some stuff and talking helps #i've always had a contentious relationship with my work which is why you don't see much of it. because it's not good enough #this project is my main creative outlet right now because carpal tunnel and my work schedule have fucked up everything else for me #and like. to be honest i kind of want to destroy it. because it means something to me and it's hard and that's scary #it didn't have someone else's work attached i probably would have deleted it by now #that's a weird place to be with a creative project #anyway if you want to read my dumb bro/grandpa superhero au that started out a gag and quickly devolved into tragedy then let me know ig

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ofcowardiceandkings · 2 months

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i would like to stop obsessing about the dumb thing where i was scolded a little for being distracted but its a tangible single thing my brainworms can latch onto instead of the many many other shit things in the background that are objectively way worse or scarier

#i'll admit like yeah my bad i goofed for a bit #its just ... hard to keep an eye on that sometimes when theres a lot of junk going on #and its not a strong point anyway ... i need to constantly keep an eye on my lack of an internal clock and its exhausting #like it really doesnt matter either but the brain being a turd abot it is ALSO exhausting #s i g h s #i just need a little 'reset focus' reminder every so often but its like ..#having that be a formal thing is hard without a piece of paper saying you have brainbonk #its why i chose to apply for a physically engaging job rather than office shit yknow #staring at documents all day makes me want to scream lol #its also just irking me that there was yknow ... 'lol now we'll have to find you something to do' comments #because for someone who doesnt DO data entry im pretty speedy in the zone #my brain just did a giant yawn and needed to reset targets without me noticing #idk i wanna eject it from my brain but it WONT LEAVE #rory's ramblings

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elegyofthemoon · 3 months

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HI HAZE I hope ur having a better day today!! ;w; i love you! /pl

hey nick! days just starting while im answering this. truthfully things still kinda feel like a dream - yesterday at least felt like it, but trying very hard to manage between responsibilities and trying to reconnect with myself/doing things i like

though today there are some stuff i need to get done bc i dont think ill have time to focus on them this weekend. so just gotta push a little harder 👍🏼

#ilyyy #answered #idk. do you know how weird transitional periods kinda feel? its sort of that feeling #being shifted between two things and being uncertain which to focus on #like yeah i could just keep working hard on all this and put in effort but like lol wheres all that gonna go? nowhere #folks are still giving me a hard time about it unfortunately so i think mentally. im really checked out from reality :V #so not a super super fun time but. i just need some laughs thats pretty much it lol laughs can fix me :)#i had a good dream last night though #though ive aged in the dream it was nice going to a family bakery in winter. warm pastries :)#nick tag

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carrotpiss · 3 months

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🐰🧡🐻

#in stark contrast to most of my personal posts this is about me being happy and gay #because i need to just get it out my system bc otherwise i am just going to grab a friend by the shoulders and scream (in joy) in their face #i am dating someone and its really really nice and sweet and cute and like nothing ive ever experienced before #and instead its like every tiny little dream about this kind of thing ive managed to hold onto despite every experience otherwise and ahhhh #the lack of focus on just sex or sex appeal is so nice its like there but as a side thing so its nice and i dont feel like an object #i feel like a human person with thoughts and feelings and interests outside if that and feel safe in that and feel safe that everything wont #just be discarded if i dont want to do that like i feel like boundaries and stuff are an option! without jeopardising everything #and el likes me as much as i like them and wants and sees and communicates that they want something long term and ahhhhhhhh #i just want to cry like holy shit this is everything ive ever wondered about like i have spent so long wondering what this feeling would #actually feel like and its so good and so indescribable and ahhhhhhh #waking up on monday night and seeing them in my bed and cuddling me was just so nice i felt wanted i felt... loved #this all seems so out of left field still i still feel like i just never saw it coming but its so welxome and nice and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #my pessimism is still there but its less loud now its more learning to accept this may not be perfect forever but letting me enjoy the now #crouch speaks #it feels so nice to not be scared and to feel secure and ahhh #also it made me laugh El remembered me hitting on then at the Dgoals release show making them blush lol #i only remember the time i hit on them later at the groles show so its funny i pretty much used the same line twice and it still worked #i cant wait to see them again i cant wait to hold hands in public again i cant wait to be idiots who keep blushing too hard and accidentally #kissing eachother on the nose instead of the mouth because we are stupid and gay and pathetic about it hahaha #just ahhhh i could gush forever how perfect the 2!!! dates weve been on were and the fact they want more and more and ahhhhh #this is so lame i know i just haven't experienced anything remotely like this before and its just... wild #like wow holy shit what on earth i have been so increasingly miserablely depressed and insecure from the shea stuff last year and then this #just absolutely removed all of that i actually feel like a human person again with value

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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year

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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

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sunnykeysmash · 1 year

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#to the beautiful tumblr people that are too pretty to use twitter #im cooking a meta post thats over 10k words long already #i haven't finished it yet but im almost there #and i may also need to do a separate one for dennis specifically but we will see about that #i hope ppl will like it because ive been slaving on it for 3 days now. will be 4 tomorrow #it's about sunny meta in s14 and s15 #it does not predict macden or anything bc im trying to stay unbiased. but i will say that i found it -#extremely fucking hard not to mention some things that would make it instantly macdennis. but i resisted #either way i mean... u can... i probably will... separately.... because i need to talk about dennis' arc and....#i PHYSICALLY cant do that without dipping in macdennis. like i tried. i dont know how dudebros live bc i cant interpret it any other way #anyway im only missing the last 3 eps of s15 to analyze then im done and i can focus on the dennis post.#i just hope to god it's coherent my gawd im trying so hard. and i hope people will like it idk... we will see. im compelled to do it anyway

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