Ajin Week 2023 Day 1: Black Matter

Almost a whole month late to Ajin week but...hahaha heyyy...

finished my horse ranch gp sims and yes they have unnecessary extensive lore that only matters to me

in order left to right

sullivan (sully) nakai: animal lover, green fiend, serious

jacquelyn (jack) loloma: loner, genius, overachiever

mackenzie (mack) loloma: daredevil

**(i might change some of these traits idk)

sully and jack were childhood friends and eventually fell in love as they became teens. unexpectedly, they became teen parents to mackenzie, and shortly after graduation they got married.

as the years passed a feeling of resentment grew within jack. she loved sully (and still does,) but she didn't want to become complacent in life and give up her dreams of going to law school. naturally, sully and jack grew apart; they wanted different things in life. she wanted to venture outside of her hometown and live in the city, and sully perfectly content tending to his late father's ranch with his brother.

so, they got divorced and jack left with mackenzie to live in san myshuno. sully is someone who doesn't regret anything in life, but sometimes he wishes that he had fought harder to keep mackenzie in his life. their relationship is quite strained now that mack is older and also due to the distance. with jack's busy schedule as a lawyer they don't go back to visit often, so they mostly communicate through the occasional video call when mack isn't too busy terrorizing her classmates at school.

now that mack's out of school for the summer, jacquelyn feels it would be best for her daughter to spend her summer vacation on the ranch with her dad. she'll get a chance to have some quality time with sully and bond with him and also learn some discipline (hopefully).

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anyways that's all i could think of lore wise, can you beleive that this is the short version!! i suck at summarizing pls forgive me lol

if you read all of this then i appreciate you so much bc wow i really do just be talkin.

Pet pat pot

He is being petted

Good boi

The Birds That Fly At Dusk 2023 Revised vs 2020 edition differences

Only one post for this because there's far fewer changes here than in Stars, just 3 scenes and a few of the epigraphs, and the changes that are here are much more minor changes too, but some stuff that really gave me a big !!!!! to compare.

Once again, new revision changes in bold and deleted old version bits in red

First, in chapter 7, "Will this angel ever stop talking?":

Revised version:

“— Still can’t believe They of all people couldn’t imagine how to fix how flaming sad Lucifer was for so long!  A couple of times I even tried to tell Them like, hey girl, I mean not really girl because You have no idea what a gender is, but girl all the same—" Something else. Anything else. That river, flowing so gentle. The feel of clay in her fingers. Softness. Softness under her feet… “—girl, there are some flaws in how You’ve set things up.  And They were just kind of like, shrugging with Their mirrors and fire like what’s better? I guess I thought that was rhetorical, you know how it is with Them and words, though of course you know me, or you’re getting to know me, so I did try to answer anyway but I guess my thoughts just weren’t as impressive an answer for Them as what Lucifer did, you know how it is with Them and arguments.”

The previous version read like this:

“— Still can’t believe They didn't notice how flaming sad Lucifer was for so long!  A couple of times I even tried to tell Them like, hey God, my man, I mean not really man because You have no idea what a gender is, but man all the same—" Something else. Anything else. That river, flowing so gentle. The feel of clay in her fingers. Softness. Softness under her feet… “—man, there are some flaws in how You’ve set things up.  And They … well, the way They are, They basically only responded by just being fire, you know how it is.

INSANE how massive a difference just a few lines makes!!!! The insufferable dehumanization (de-personing?) and 6,000-year-long stagnant incuriosity about another thinking being that Jibril displays in the first version mostly vanishes, replaced by the poignant and knotty small tragedies of miscommunication in hindsight, and more interesting/evocative, stuff to chew on. foreshadowing Lives of course, but also just generally affording G-d the dignity of personality (desire for arguments pushing against them, unsentimentality, impressedness at dramatic and prideful actions rather than useless verbal platitudes) and internal experience, and plans that change and progress linearly when They learn something they didn't know before. And the change from 'man' to 'girl' -- just a little clever jarring of expectations that defamiliarizes from the pickle juice of dominant culture.

Second, in chapter 12, "One way to change":

The interaction between Yairen and g-d is subtly different:

“Their wheels are twisting oddly, Their wings pointing to another thousand mirrors, blinding in their fire-upon-fire reflections—though not blinding enough, Yairēn can still see her room just fine—there’s people, there have been so many, saying Them and touching Them and dancing Them. Dancing? She doesn’t see how anyone could dance a person but here God is showing her images of those who have, their legs catching fire or crisping or both, the burn of Them in each cell, the nerves lit and— And that’s what she’s supposed to do, then? That’s what They’re telling her? She stands—she doesn’t know when she fell—and… and laughs, hoarsely. Because this is one more thing she can’t do, isn’t it?  A different wing-twitch of irritation as if this burning, shining, searing person is hiding Their face from her. If that’s not what They meant, then what is? Tell me, she begs, show me how to let You make me better. Or haven’t They already? She should what, stamp her legs—no, that feels wrong, it’s all wrong somehow— And there's wing-pressure and fire-twitches and then there’s… words. Words from God, who almost never thinks in words. Make… you? Make? You? Make? You? Make you? [...] “Make…? Being, being, being, They are-are-are—are remembering the creation-of-expansion-of the universe and it’s—and it’s singing-so-loud-it’s-screaming like a thousand points of light all at once and she’s holding her head but her eyes work and her ears work so this isn’t her becoming Holy, this is an explanation, but of what—yes, They made that, that’s what she said—just like They made those Holies, right? Made like… being, wanting, bursting, exploding, being… yes, that’s— They shake Their head though of course They do not have a head—at least not one that contains anything other than wings and eyes, so many eyes—all shaking, eyes and flames twitching until those flame-twitches become words, words it feels like They can reach easily because they’ve been said so many times, words quoting Them: I the flame know not… But that’s why I’m telling You! But it’s like hitting a hard wall, Their wings crossing Their wings crossing Their wings into a thousand X’s meaning no— What is she not understanding? And another thought, an infinity of flame filled with chimes that feel like the meaning of two specific words, over and over again, I am, I am, I am—and how those chimes, that flame, that person, can be… brought? Called? Opened? They are, They are, and maybe They're trying to say that that’s… all it is? That somehow she was asking for more? A nothing-person and still presumptuous about what she deserves, she can’t help but laugh— A rush of wrongness and anger, wings beating out a long tumult of images that finally resolve into more words, clear as if They’ve also had to say these ones before: not-Me, not-Me.”

This is also really cool, in the emphasis on the difficulty of communication, and the subtlety of the way g-d understands holies and dislikes Yairen's inaccurate request, but most of all what hit me in a surprising hurt is the -- implied to have been repeated many times -- statement by g-d that They are being misunderstood and are having words and ideas put in Their mouth.

Third, in chapter 25, "Planning to stick around":

“You’re not completely wrong, but then, some of us never did play much to begin with, so they never got good. Speaking of Lucifer, though… I almost regret that xe fell before some of the really cool games got invented, xe was always a great opponent. It’s too bad, too, that seeing what xe once was still bothers xyr so much. Even just a chat is basically impossible, even if I made something like that manifestation I gave Celyet and gave it to xyr and talked from really, really far away—how could I be absolutely sure that a bit of God didn’t wander in, into anything I make? Then again it’s not like xe even answers letters from me, so.” Jibril sighs. “Maybe someday.”

HOW COULD I BE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT A BIT OF GOD DIDN'T WANDER INTO ANYTHING I MAKE!!!!!!!!!???????????????????

Okay and now the epigraph changes:

Chapter 6, the epigraph about the messenger roles of angels has been deleted and changed to: “We must stop assuming the moral superiority of demons. They may be innocent victims, and they may have done countless good works, but they are still only human. —Ārpela Rel-sä, principal of Ākal-ne Northmost Secondary School, attended by some demons”

I FUCKING. LOVE DEFAMILIARIZATION. there's a similar casual one in the revision of Stalking that tickles me to an insane degree. Obviously 'demons' are those morally superior child-rescuers who run orphanages in the woods. duh!

Chapter 8: there is an entirely new epigraph that, because i guess the author likes to overachieve, a full ghazal about genesis chapter 1 from the pov of the navigationally-impaired spacefaring angel Mikha'il (previously written as michael, the english rather than arabic form of the name):

In the beginning who asked, I am?, just invited to be? You, expert here, told me there was me, You, excited to be. Even today we scream in wonder: where did You reach, with what, to call us all, so brightly not-You, here, incited to be? So distinct, I and You: such made distance clear. Time, You defined as the gap between I and am; so You, delighted to be. We were tongues to speak the concept of tongues, breath to make the air. To leave the sky caused the sky (and ground, once alighted) to be. I am became name became what’s yours? Mikha’il, I said, but You overflowed each name You chose, You, You recited: to be! —the angel Mikha’il, And It Was Good”

It's more pat than the more uh, ambiguous jewish and japanese buddhist/taoist inspired poetry in Stars but also an ideal islamic ghazal form, LMAO.

chapter 17: an epigraph from later in the book is moved to earlier, and expanded:

“A soul is easily shown to be infinite in at least complexity. But then there is the world, which each soul interacts with, and in the world, each other soul living at the same time. What is, then, the sum of infinite complexity interacting with infinite complexity—interacting with any of hundreds of millions of such other infinite complexities? And what, then, is the sum of each of these infinities changing each other as they interact? A mirror catches the light and reflects each other mirror which reflects each other mirror which reflects each—what becomes of the light? —Metinian the Old, Signposts”

this purely epistolary "Metinian the Old" figure has no autobiography, but the couple of times they've popped up in epigraphs seems to echo a buddhist type of worldview, emphasized by the fact this appears to be a clear reference to the brahma net metaphor (but additionally interesting due to the way it seems to clash on the face of it with the conception of souls laid out in Stars and Birds so far, and certainly with common in-universe cultural understanding).

chapter 19: the epigraph about Lilith's motives has been replaced by another, better epigraph about Lilith's movitves:

Interviewer: Why did you do it? Lilith: I wanted to. Interviewer: Because you wanted to help the children with no one to turn to, or because creating the first city wasn’t enough, or because becoming a more regular type of Holy wouldn't be enough, or…? Lilith: Yes. —Excerpt from the radio special Lilith Tells All!, with the demon Rihat Lilim interpreting for Lilith

(the 'i wanted to' echo of Tamar in in Stars is T_T)

I am glad to let you all know that my "Graham Folger lives and therefore nothing bad ever happens" Google Doc is at over 10k words and covers my plans for everything from the events of MAG 3 to the season 4 finale. It's still a bit rough at a few points but honestly, I'm happy calling it basically finished!

...Now only to actually write it.

i mentioned on the dys>sol/nomi i was gonna be posting more of my fic backlog on here and then Did Not Do That..... until now! have some dys>sol>cal. 'you sure write a lot of dys>sol where sol likes other people' yeah. yeah. i won't lie to you guys tho this run does eventually end w/dys/sol but. u kno. takes a bit :)

aaaaanyways please enjoy this Unrequited Teen Angst WWWWWWW set during early year 16!

is that the sun i see (or am i just being greedy); 700 words

Sol’s weirdly moody on the transport. Usually even if he’s quiet, he’ll be fiddling with his holopalm or listening to music or something, but today he’s in the very back, just staring out at the scenery, and when their eyes meet for half a second he doesn’t even smile. Sol always smiles when he sees Dys, which honestly used to kind of weird him out but these days… does not do that.

Still, as the team files out of the transport and breaks off into pairs, Dys keeps an eye on him instead of scouting ahead like normal -- which ends up being a good thing, because after about fives minutes out by themselves Sol suddenly lets out an enormous groan and slumps over, hunched in over himself. And Dys can’t feel fear but his heart’s pounding anyways as he runs over, careful to keep an eye on their surroundings as he leans over and says, urgently, “Sol, what --”

The moment his hand touches Sol’s back Sol jumps, enough to send himself falling back on his ass in the dirt, eyes wide with surprise like he hadn’t heard Dys sprinting towards him. “Dys?” he sputters, before glancing around. “I thought -- I mean, don’t you normally go on ahead…?”

He doesn't look hurt at all, though on closer inspection there’s bags under his eyes Dys’s never seen on his face before. “I mean,” says Dys, who can’t bring himself to say I was worried about you, “you were acting weird, so….”

“Oh,” says Sol, before managing a tiny grin up at him. “That’s… that’s really nice of you. Thanks.”

“Whatever.” Ugh. He can feel his stupid face going red. The worst part is that he can’t even leave, not with how Sol’s smile is still wobbling at the edges. “...Are you okay?”

“Oh, well, um… I mean, that’s….” The smile slides off Sol’s face piece by piece, until he gives up on it all at once and sighs miserably, pulling his knees in close until he’s curled up on himself in the dirt. “No.”

Dys… can’t even pretend to be surprised. Slowly he sits down next to Sol, watching as Sol leans forward to rest his chin on his arms, for once not even fidgeting. “...It’s stupid,” says Sol, finally. “It’s really stupid, and you’re gonna think it’s stupid too. But… if I tell you… can you pretend you don’t think it is? Just for like, ten minutes.”

This already sounds like it’s going to suck. “...Okay. I won’t… say anything, I guess.”

“Thanks.”

The moment drags out. Dys picks a little at a hangnail, waiting. Finally, Sol sighs again, and doesn’t quite look at Dys as he says, “Cal and Tammy are dating.”

“...Oh.”

“He told me on my birthday.” Sol tilts even further forward, until his face is buried in his arms, and with a muffled voice says, “Like, he knocked on the door and she was there and he had his hand on her back. And she’d made me a cake, which was like, nice or whatever, but it was so unbearable just seeing them together and I just -- I just had to sit there and pretend I was happy for them….

“Apparently she asked him out during Glow? Like, after the attack? And I saw them together in the lounge but I didn’t even realize….” There is, horrifyingly, a sniffing noise. “Stupid… stupid Fennec Face. She’s not… she’s not even that cute, and she’s afraid of everything, and I… I….”

Another sniff. Dys is probably the person least equipped to deal with this in the entire colony, not in the least because he heard Cal was dating someone else and his first reaction was gratitude. “...Sorry,” he offers up, finally. “That… that sucks.”

“Yeah,” says Sol, as he burrows deeper into his arms. “I… I just… I really like him. Y’know?”

Quietly, Dys answers, “I know.”

In response Sol just lets out this big shuddering sigh, somehow burrowing even deeper. “Sorry,” he says. “I know it’s stupid. I… Sorry.”

Dys can’t think of anything to say to that, can’t think of a single thing that might make Sol feel a little better. Instead of trying anyways he just sits there like an idiot, keeping half an eye on the planet around them to make sure they don’t get eaten by anything, and next to him Sol doesn’t move for a long, long time.

OK mabey you've answered this before but I don't feel like trying to find it sorry.

Why dose rui have cat ears? is he a cat? Also I found this blog a bit later so I'm kinda confused, do I have to look through the blog to try and understand

//answering this ooc :3

I'll keep this explanation as simple as possible so this doesn't turn into an essay. So basically, this is a fantasy world, not everyone here is human, like Tsukasa, he isn't even fully human, he has a bit of pixie heritage.

And going through all the posts might be a bit confusing if you don't know what is going on with the timeliness so I'll simplify it; Tsukasa and Rui are roommates, Rui is freeloading while Tsukasa is working his ass off to pay for stuff, currently Tsukasa's not actually interested in Rui and are just friends.

(but since this is a Ruikasa blog this will change soon)

That's all! This post is getting too long.

If you got anymore questions just ask!

how am i supposed to live laugh love under these conditions

tldr for tags my mom found an old journal of mine and read through it so i accidentally outed myself to her lols

a message, hi, hello, to the predominantly white estadounidense community on tumblr: I hope it depresses you to be American. I hope you are realizing how much blood we have on our hands. Decades and generations of it. I don’t want it to make you hopeless and helpless and victimized I want it to make you ashamed and devastated and motivated to do something. Your tax money pays for weapons that kill children overseas and if you got a minimum wage job here you couldn’t afford to live between paychecks. What a shit fucking country. Are we supposed to accept this? Is this how you want to live in ten or twenty or thirty years from now? Do you want to continue to shoulder the responsibility of our great acts of “justice” and “mercy” and “intervention” on the countless souls who don’t even live in our borders? What can your own soul live with? Don’t we owe it to humanity to at least feel the gulf of guilt we’ve made for ourselves?

she who holds the strength of the sun, or some shit,

Do do you think Citron has vague memories of a time that he and his brothers weren't fighting?

Because because Citron wasn't officially/publically Crown Prince until he was six and and like while we don't have ages for his brothers Orange and probably Navel were likely already born. Looking at my ages for them means if Citron was six, Orange was 3 and Navel was 2. (so Tangerine might not have quite been born yet.) but like kids play with kids so seeing as before this they wouldn't have had real reason to fight, maybe maybe Citron was able to play with them like kids do.

OR or do you think they were never able to play together? Citron may have within the castle been announced as Crown Prince already and while teeny tiny kiddos don't fully understand that stuff, they mamas do. And even if if he wasn't already set to be Crown Prince (I don't know when it was officially known that the Queen wasn't gonna be giving birth to any kids or why. I just know she's not.) what if if Orange and Navel were with their moms more as teeny tiny kiddos and they moms were already judgy of Citron because his mom was a commoner.

My brain is like which is it which is it?

What if it's both?

OC TAG GAME

tagged by: @nuclearstorms, thank you bones!!! 💗 tagging: anyone who has ocs they want to talk about! please tag me if you do because i wanna read about yours!! template by @sehyune / picrew

✦ favorite oc

zafira al-sentinel (skyrim)

all of my ocs are so dear to me but i think if i had to pick one, it would be zafira <3 she is one of my oldest too (i think this year she will be maybeeeee 6 years old?) because i have been playing with variations of her since my junior year of high school so she is like a true day one :') she is such a sweetheart and loves helping people and loves animals!!! she's sort of a reluctant hero and didn't really wanna be dovahkiin but realized she could use her powers for good :')))

✦ newest oc

jang mi-cha (fallout 3)

i recently started playing fallout 3 for the first time since it came out??? because i rmr playing it when i was like 8 and being way too scared by it KSDLFKJS so i figured to give it another shot! so this is ms. mi-cha!! my lone wanderer and for my playthrough, she is half korean, half black (going off of the fact that catherine's game model is black which i never knew until i started going through the fallout wiki!) and she is a lil smartypants <3 and OFC she's bi (she dated amata when they were young teens but realized they were better as friends and they were each others first kisses!!)

✦ oldest oc

refer to the seventh question because i realized mara is in fact my oldest oc but i didn't wanna rewrite that here so yeah! see mara's info down there 🫶

✦ meanest oc

this is crazy i don't actually have a true mean oc... i can't help but make nice characters 😔 he doesn't count since he isn't my oc but i do play around with miraak from skyrim and he is such an asshole but he's my little asshole <3

✦ softest oc

deon cameron (state of decay 2)

MY SWEET BOYYYYY (i say abt a 25 year old man), deon is definitely the softest oc i have so far, he is the second in command, later the leader, of my first community in state of decay 2, the fragments! he took over the position after his best friend (and crush) max's mental health started to decline as a result of stuff he had to do as warlord (a subclass of hero in sod2) :( he is a very kind hearted man, always wanting what is best for the settlement and as a trader hero, he established a trading outpost at their homebase allowing for traders from around the region to come and trade! he also looooves animals and specialized in pathology to help create more plague samples and became one of the settlement's main medics! he is a very busy man but he doesn't care what is thrown his way, as long as it means that the settlement and the valley is safe!!

✦ most aloof/standoffish oc

venus (cyberpunk 2077)

it comes as no surprise as someone who was once embroiled in arasaka's innerworkings and coming from a family who was thoroughly involved in arasaka business would be standoffish but after being backstabbed by a higher up in a botched assassination attempt on another higher up and having everything she had worked so hard to earn taken away in the blink of an eye, it's no wonder that venus is the way she is :/ but don't let her steely expression and sharp words get to you too much, once you crack through her touch outer shell, you will find a woman who wants nothing more than to be loved and trusted :/ she rly does have a heart of gold tho, she kept it quietly but when she was still employed at arasaka, a small chunk of her paycheck went towards a school for inner city kids to help fund their educations and provide teachers with supplies 💗

✦ dumbest (affectionate) oc

mara sanchez (saints row 2)

i mean. if you have seen saints row 2 in any way, either played it or watched a playthrough of it, you will see how much of a dumb (affectionate) game it is 😭 i believe mara is my oldest oc omg... this bitch has been with me for 10+ years?? that's actually so crazy to think abt omg... anywho, mara is the boss of the third street saints and is genuinely one unserious women. she is fashionable as hell and likes to appear a professional, well kept lady but she is anything but 💀 has been caught streaking multiple times on the beach during a night out with her crew, once got stuck hanging out the side of a helicopter during a mission with her underwear on full display, advertises open house free weed "tastings" at the university district apartment, joined a coed curling team at the university when she was younger for the hell of it... just a very unserious woman

✦ smartest oc

xolia vene (star wars) and jang mi-cha (fallout 3)

i already mentioned mi-cha being a smart lady in her section but i felt i would mention her here once more <3 and ms. xolia my beloved... she is a benefactor for the resistance in my sequel trilogy rewrite and i can't decide whether i want her to run a nice nightclub or be like an art gallery curator that is able to shuffle money around without suspicion... but yes! she was orphaned as a young child and taken in by a wealthy family from naboo who later saw their oldest child become the senator of naboo and xolia sort of followed in her sister's footsteps during her teenage years, shadowing her and learning the inner workings of the galactic senate. she is a very attentive and smart woman and i love her dearly 💓

✦ oc you'd be best friends with irl

vernon (cyberpunk 2077)

VERNONNNNN named after vernon from the kpop group seventeen and also inspired by vernon himself! he is a nomad and just such a little comedian, even though he is a pretty quiet guy! like when he is in the right atmosphere, around the right people, he will be the absolute life of the party. he is a major cat lover and is looking to adopt whatever cat he might stumble upon in night city. i think vernon and i would get along super well for all of these reasons but specifically the part abt being cat lovers!

finally actually working towards fixing my blogs lol 💪

Girl help, I forgot how much having a rare pair kind of sucks

something i think about a LOT with both kristoph and klavier is like... do you think either of them had a Moment where they realized they could either open up to someone else and confess what they’ve experienced, or keep going forward knowing they would never have the ability to open up like that again?

i think kristoph had that, personally, with zero doubt in my mind. i think there was a time in his life where kristoph could have talked about his life, his family and his upbringing, could have expressed what he’s thought and experienced. but any chance of doing that was overridden at the time, and now he won’t explain anything to whoever visits his cell, be it apollo or phoenix or his own fucking brother.

and i would say klavier is the same, honestly. though he’s slightly (SLIGHTLY) more open than kristoph is about things, i think prior to becoming a rockstar and a prosecutor, he had a chance to talk about it. he had friends who asked him are you okay? but he never wanted to open up then. and then he became a rockstar and created a persona and became a prosecutor and created a persona and then all of a sudden there is no klavier gavin anymore, there are just fragments of the faces he puts up to get the responses he wants out of people, and there’s the very fragile void in between that you see in succession where his mask cracks, before he assembles it again. 

this isn’t to say that i don’t think klavier could ever open up to anyone ever. but i think it comes in pieces and i think there is a lot he never says. i think it takes him a good couple of years and a long standing relationship with someone before he mentions a single thing about his parents. longer before he really unwravels everything with daryan. and i don’t think he ever talks about kristoph, not everything about him, because klavier wants to be loyal and more than anything he wants someone to stick around long enough for him to be loyal to. 

so i think he tries to honor his brother, tries to shut the family closet. tries not to spill the secret and tries to take it to the grave. 

that’s not to say that he never has a good happy life, or that he never recovers. but i think for klavier there are just some things that are past that moment in his life, just some things he never wants to say again.