#i love my mom because even though she wasn't great to me about certain things.. she loves me
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personal
My dad's shared a thing on Facebook which is about relationships, and how they aren't all heart eyes and rainbows all the time, and it takes more than just luck to make them last, it takes real commitment and understanding... All good so far.
My problem with it is it lists certain things couples in strong relationships do: compromise, overlook faults, forgive each other, endure problems.
All STILL good with me... if only it took care to mention as well something like "face one's own shortcomings" "divide the load fairly" "make an effort for each other's sake."
I know from watching my parents that just suffering together, because of each other, isn't enough to make a relationship last. Granted, my mom did a lot more of the compromising and overlooking of faults - my dad didn't bend on a lot, and he didn't often have anything to forgive my mom for.
But the thing is, my mom stayed married to him for over 25 years. The last ten, she told me, weren't great. The divorce was coming. However, she never knew it until the last moment - the moment when she finally decided. Before then, she always forgave, always overlooked, and endured endured endured.
When she decided to end it at last, she STILL gave my dad one last chance: she asked him to take her on a date. She wasn't expecting fireworks and the keys to the city. Just to be treated with attention, and made to feel wanted.
Well, my dad showed up for the date... And that's about all he did. There was no effort. It seemed like just another night. So she realized, this is what the future will be like if I stay with him. He's not going to change.
She put up with so much over the years. She wasn't a total pushover - she DID ask for help. My dad would always make an attempt at it... I can't really call it making an effort though. He would do whatever it was up to his standards, which could be pretty low, never to hers, which were NOT unreasonably high.
It's very important to see each other as flawed individuals and love each other in spite of our faults. But if you overlook every fault, out of love, and the other person doesn't take into consideration how their faults hurt you, then you'll just go on hurting indefinitely. That's what I'm saying. People can't change certain things, but other things they can, or at least they can figure out a new system or way to ensure their weak points aren't so crushingly heavy on their partners.
At home, my dad had an office. It was very small. But it was all his. It was covered in his stuff: train sets, Beatles paraphernalia, pictures of his youth. He had a keyboard and a computer and his guitar and he would make music in there, or watch TV, for hours and hours, only coming out to eat dinner. Meanwhile, my mom didn't have any space for herself. Why couldn't she have their bedroom? Well, because my dad insisted on a very large bed. In his defense, he's a big guy. But I'm not kidding when I say that aside from that bed, there was barely enough room for one person to shimmy in and out of the room. It was NOT my mom's space, and she often didn't even sleep in it because of my dad's snoring (OR his white noise machine).
We all knew my mom wanted her own space. She told us. We had a basement that was mostly finished and didn't get used that much, so she decided to make herself a space down there. What my dad should have done was prioritize that. My mom hadn't had any space to herself at all since having kids - we were teens by then and my parents had owned the house for a few years. She worked and took care of us and did the errands and cooked the meals and and and... My dad pretty much just went to work and came home most of the time. (Not to make him sound lazy: he also did the mowing, maintenance work around the house and most of the driving. The thing is the stuff my mom did was daily. His was extras that cropped up only at certain times.) It should have been obvious to my dad that my mom didn't only deserve her own space, she needed it. But he left it to her. Meanwhile, various things going on, house renovations, etc, meant that making my mom's space got pushed back and back and back, and the available space as well got smaller and smaller. In the end all she had was a desk in the wide open basement that anyone could come to any time, whereas my dad's office had its own door.
It's stuff like that which gets me. It would have been an act of love to notice your partner needs something and help them get it. But to my dad, it was no different than my mom saying she wanted a manicure: just for fun, and while of course he supported her in it, it was totally on her to go and get.
We kids followed my dad's example in regards to my mom. When she was upset, he would line us up and make us listen to her yell and cry. This didn't happen often (years later she blamed PMS, and after said migraines - honestly though I think it was just way too much cumulative stress and no support). But when it did, the idea was pretty much just for us to listen to her. And then nothing would change. At first we could say it was because my dad had a full time job and was tired enough himself. But he lost the job and never really had one after that. He was just home. And then it was, well, he's depressed. But it continued even when he got pretty comfortable. My dad is interesting in that he can be very sentimental and reflective at times, but always has a strong enough self-love to power through. (This describes me too. It's an aspect of myself I like and am grateful for. But, as much as I do love my dad, I also really, really struggle with every way I resemble him.) And we are talking many years here, during which time my brother's mental health collapsed too, and my dad didn't help by always getting in fights with him. My mom wound up supporting my dad and my brother pretty much by herself. She did her best to support me too. But I was at college and tried hard to just not need support.
My dad definitely was capable of doing more for my mom the whole time. He just didn't. His life was comfortable and convenient, and he considered it her job to make sure, if she needed something, she would ask for it. But when she did ask, it led to nothing, or only an attempt at it. (I'll never forget the year he got her a snuggie for Christmas and she was like -___- and I gave her jewelry I picked out while considering her style and she liked it so much that he got jealous :P) At that point, in his eyes, it was her job to not only ask for things, but to make sure he knew just how much she wanted it. Like there are degrees to requests from your partner. I mean, sure, "I'm having a heart attack and need to be rushed to the hospital" is definitely more pressing than "I need more help with housework." But that housework request still isn't something you can just ignore until your partner starts nagging (aka having the audacity to ask you again for what you didn't do the first time around), in which case you worm out of it or do as little of it as possible... I mean come on.
I so wish that as a kid I'd had more clarity about my parents' relationship. But they said everything was okay, and I didn't know how any other relationships looked, so I just believed them. My mom of course didn't want to bad mouth my dad to me. But I wish she would have been more honest while I was at least high school age. I loved both my parents and couldn't pick a side, but I could have been more understanding of how difficult it was for my mom on a daily basis. My mom is too nice to have said anything that would make me resent my dad. Not to mention, my dad, although he has many good points, is also perfectly good at making people resent him all by himself.
So yeah. Love is forgiving and enduring and all that. But it's NOT just getting steamrollered by a partner who says "Love is accepting me exactly as I am."
Geez, another memory: My brother was having a bad day during the worst years of his mental health problems. I guess he was 18 or 19 then. I was home from college for Christmas. I had spent every day listening to him and how he talked to us all, especially to my mom, who only ever supported him. I had been reading Captain Awkward religiously, trying to learn how to support my brother, while also supporting my parents, and not be ignorant. I told my mom about a Captain Awkward post that talked about letting your loved one with mental illness know how their treatment of you is affecting you in a loving and understanding manner. It pretty much said, being supportive isn't the same as being a doormat. I mean this stuff lasts years - decades. Getting angry and blaming the person who is going through so much is never the way, but there were some example phrases that could be used to try to meet in the middle and create some peace for a while. Well, I convinced my mom to try it. I heard everything she said to my brother. Her voice was low, gentle, and not accusing. My brother shouted so loudly it made me jump all the way in the other room, and send my mom racing down the hallway in shock. My brother came after roaring about how no one understood him or cared about him. For him, that's where he was at, I guess. He's doing much better now, and we've loved him and have been proud of him the whole time.
But. Please think of my mother. Who was going through that sort of thing constantly, without so much as an apology. She's given her heart, her time, and even her money to take care of her family whenever we were in need, and she really never got anything much back. Even me, although I've been one of the fortunate ones not to have mental illness, and to be able to take of myself for the most part. I used to dream of making some money and sending my mom on the trip to Italy she's always dreamed of. I have no money. I chose to teach pre-K like an idiot. I love it but the salary is peanuts and no one's had a raise in ten years. And I lost so much of my savings just paying off student loans. It'll take a miracle to get me to a point of financial stability where I'm able to do that kind of nice thing for my mom while she's still independent and able to go do it. As a teenager I didn't understand why money was so important, because I had no idea how much of it you need just to get by, let alone have any extras. And I developed a personality that is just the worst possible for selling anything. I can't even sell my school lol. I can't lie at all. If I think something is stupid I can't hide it. In that way I'm my own worst enemy every single day.
I'm making myself upset now :P
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Thoughts on TBB Eps 1x6-8
Hello! It's me again. I may have forgotten I was rewatching this show and now it's been over a month since the last thoughts post. I said I wasn't going to leave it that long and then I left it longer so well done me!
But now you get my thoughts on three different episodes! I end up talking about Echo a lot in this, but what's new?
1x5
"The Jedi who are all dead?"
Straight off the bat, Tech is being sassy and I love that. He makes a point though. Working for Cid didn't seem to help them out too much in the long run.
Rules
It's great that off the back of the last episode they've decided to lay some ground rules for Omega. They probably should've done something like this beforehand, but seeing as they are notorious for breaking rules, it doesn't surprise me. I can just imagine them getting back from the previous mission and holding a meeting about setting rules for Omega because they don't want to go through the stress of that again. (Also, it was 100% Echo who first brought up the idea).
Cid
*Sees Cid*
*Is reminded of the S2 finale*
*Visceral anger*
Omega Pushing Things
Omega going up the Dejarik table and randomly pressing buttons even though it isn't doing anything is the exact same energy as fiddling with an arcade machine when you don't have any money. You just wanna press all the buttons even though you won't get anything out of it.
Mum Mode
Love Echo going into Mom Mode and stopping Omega from touching the pointy object (plus the head shake). I like to imagine that this is a habit he picked up from dealing with Fives. He would constantly have to stop his brother from picking up every weapon he came across and it's just prepared him for dealing with a young child who wants to fiddle with everything.
Wrecker and Omega High Five
It's cute!
"They didn't have a choice. They're captives treated like property."
Whoever gave Echo that line... Ouch! I mean, it's perfect. But ouch! Echo knows what it's like to be treated like property and he's damned if he's going to let anything like that happen to someone else. I'd say that it's probably one of the things Echo is the most passionate about. He will always do what is best for people, and that particularly comes through in this episode. Especially since he's been through that experience and knows how horrific it can be.
"And we're going to stop it from happening to that kid."
It isn't just about the money for Echo. At that point, he's more concerned about getting the child out of there. He even sighs when Tech brings up the payment because I honestly think that that isn't Echo's priority. He wants to do good and he doesn't want people to suffer through the same ordeal that he did. Even though the money was the reason they took the mission in the first place, I think that he would rather they saved the captured people than get the money.
"Take care of it. Quietly."
*screech* *scream* *thud*
Clone Helmets
Why does Cid have clone helmets on her wall? Where did she get them from? Did it come from a dead clone? Did she get given it by a clone or was it found somewhere? Is it new? Was it something given to her by the Jedi? I have questions!
Echo Being Zapped
I always get particularly stressed out when Echo gets electrocuted. I know he's had worse, but anytime any sort of current run through his body I get very tense. I'm worried that one day something important is going to short-circuit.
"I wasn't sneaking, I was unlocking."
I swear clones just come with a certain level of sass. Like, it must be genetic because all of them have an innate ability to backtalk everyone.
Echo on a Speeder
Whoever decided this, thank you. Thank you very much. It is very much appreciated. More Echo on speeder bikes please!
Wrecker vs Muchi
The idea that Tech and Hunter were just stood, watching Wrecker fight Muchi is hilarious. They didn't do anything, they just watched. I like to think that instead of cheering him on, they just critiqued how he was doing because that's exactly what siblings do.
And then Echo and Omega turn up and they also both stand there staring at him! No-one does anything! It's perfect.
1x6
Why is Omega Training Indoors?
She almost killed someone and destroyed a Dejarik table. This doesn't seem safe at all. Could they not have taken her some else to train? Who decided to let a child wield a weapon indoors with no training??? This seems like a bad idea, but hey, this is the Batch we're talking about. The idea that none of them questioned this does not surprise me. (Except maybe Echo. I feel like he would've had more to say about this plan).
"Weak noodle arms"
I highly relate to this because I too have weak noodle arms.
Binoculars
I've mentioned this before, but the orientation value (or whatever you want to call it) on the binoculars is always the same. It doesn't matter where they are looking, they value is always 350-450 degrees, even when you have two people looking at the same thing from two different locations.
Since I noticed this, I've never been able to unsee it. (It's the same in the previous episode as well).
Game Map
Anyone else think that the droid factory would make a good SW Battlefront map? It would make for a good PvP arena, with all the stairs and conveyer belts.
I need someone to make this a thing now.
Omega and Trauma
Honestly, I'm surprised that Omega doesn't seem to have developed any obvious PTSD after what she has gone through. That girl must have so much trauma. I mean, she almost got incinerated ffs! That's got to have resulted in some sort of nightmare.
"Is there an echo in here?"
10/10 pun. No Notes.
1x7
Chaotic Opening
I love an episode that opens with just pure chaos. Just throw us right into the action, it's great. Especially since you have to try and work out what the context of everything is.
Rex's Disguise
This man's plan when laying low is to just put a poncho over the top of his very recognisable armour. How has that worked??? It just reminds me of Point of No Return in Phantom of the Opera where the Phantom comes out in a shroud and no-one seems to recognise him even though the mysterious person has the same body structure and voice as the Phantom.
It's very much the same effect as everyone in the MCU putting a baseball cap on and never being noticed. Work on your disguises, people!
Echo
First of all, Echo and Rex having a little "cheers" moment and clinking cups is adorable. I like to imagine that it was them having a throwback moment to when they used to go to 79s between missions. Just a little "I'm happy to see you alive" moment. :)
And then Echo smiling when he sees Omega meeting Rex for the first time!!! He's so happy to see his little sister meeting his mentor and older brother. That man knew that those two would get on straight away.
And Rex's awkward face is so adorable! This man has literally no idea what to do in social situations and it's amazing. Also, Omega calling Rex old is hilarious at the best way that this interaction could've gone.
Protective Rex
The first thing that Rex does after finding out that the Batch still have their chips in is to protect Omega. He has known her for 5 seconds and is determined to make sure that she is okay. It very much reminds me of how Echo is. His priority is to protect the child, even if it means having to hurt his brothers. He doesn't want to, but he's going to do the right thing.
Ahsoka was like a younger sister to Rex, so he knows what it'll be like for both Omega and the Batch if their chips go off. He wants to protect her from what could happen, even though he's just met her, because that's who Rex is as a person and we love him for that.
Omega and Rex
I love watching Omega running to catch up with Rex. It's like she wants to hang out with her cool uncle and chat to him. I just know that Echo would be smiling when he saw that.
Fives Convo
Ah yes, the conversation about Fives. Or should I say the lack thereof. I have a lot to say about this after watching the episode today, but I'm going to do that in a separate post because I have a feeling I may end up going on about it for a while. Instead, I'm just going to leave a gif that summarise my reaction to this convo every time I see it.
Don't get me wrong, I love this episode, but the frustration here!!!
Mistakes
There's a couple of errors in this episode and it always makes me laugh when I spot them. Rex's hairline keeps changing and Echo has a patch on his head before he even has his chip removed.
Echo's PTSD
This would've been a great episode to address Echo's trauma. 6 episodes ago this man had a panic attack because he woke up surrounded by medical equipment and people trying to scan his head. And then we get to an episode where he has to go into a claustrophobic machine that is not too dissimilar in shape to his stasis chamber to get a chip removed from his brain. AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO ADDRESS THE PTSD THING???
I get that there is other stuff in this episode that fills up the run time but this very much feels like a situation that would cause Echo to spiral and we don't see any of that.
Rex and His Helmet
The moment where Rex is studying his helmet breaks my heart. He probably has so much going through his head at that point: losing his brothers, what would've happened if he had listened to Fives, the idea that they may lose the Batch (including losing Echo again), the idea that the repercussions from this war may never end.
It's a look at what once was, what is and what could've been.
"Oh. You made it."
Tech, mate. I absolutely love you.
Wrecker and Omega
My heart! Even though he knows deep down that it wasn't his fault, and even though Omega tells him that, Wrecker still feels the need to apologise for what happened. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her and he almost ended up killing. The pain in his eyes breaks my heart and I just wanna hug him so bad. These two are so precious. I know that he probably has nightmares about that and sometimes doubts that he will be able to protect her. He's scared that he could actually hurt her. But he's a big softie and we know that that's the last thing he would let happen.
Also, is Omega just running around with loose Mantell mix in her pocket? Where is she keeping that???
Hunter and Rex
Okay, I get the significance of having that final conversation between Hunter and Rex. Hunter just wants to do what is best for his squad, to protect his team, and Rex gets that. Rex understands that feeling because he has also been in many a situation where all he wants to do is make sure his men are safe. But I also wish we got another moment between Rex and Echo here. It would've been a great episode to talk through things and it doesn't happen. I would've loved to have had a moment where Rex asks Echo about how he's settling into the group and how's he's coping with everything. Give me back the older/younger brother dynamic!!!
Concluding Thoughts
We need more scenes addressing Echo's PTSD
Omega is apparently running around with Mantell mix in her pockets
Wrecker needs a hug
Rex needs a better disguise
I talk about Echo a lot
#starting to think I need to rename this series#to 'Steph talks about echo for an hour'#sorry for the delay#I forgot that I was even watching this show#which wasn't in the plan#but we're back!#hopefully#I shouldn't make promises at this point#but I try#the bad batch#the bad batch analysis#echo#tech#wrecker#hunter#omega#captain rex#Steph rambles
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In the Future Everything will be Sword & Sorcery (but, like, bad Sword & Sorcery)
At some point in the late 00s and eraly 10s a number of things happened in popular culture:
People wanted more actively engaging stories and overarching plots - I can't be too sure about that since I am and was the least connected person ever, but I think it's what happened?
Star Wars came back and brought a bunch of TV shows with it that you couldn't pay me to watch (okay maybe, and yes it happened mid 10s but whatever).
Franchises started to try to make the jump from "franchise" to "eternal cultural paradigm" much more aggressively.
In this climate an understanding formed that stories, all stories, ought to center character development. A specific kind of character development. Growth, ideally. And also linearly.
I feel a little stupid for saying this, but not all stories are about characters, and of those that are, a lot aren't even about characters growing, learning or even changing.
It seems to me a bit like writers and producers heard people say stuff like my mom does when she talks about the british detective shows she likes to watch "I don't watch for the crime, I watch for the characters" and thought: "Oh! So the plot doesn't matter. The plot should solely revolve around the characters. Which is great because that generates buzz and characters and actors are very marketable and stuff."
But the thing is, the result of that process is just a family drama - except family dramas often chose to deal with topics like loss, love, existing in a society, which are all things that don't fit neatly into a character.
It feels kind of obvious to me, but I don't think people love characters because of their presence, as singular concepts, but as characters in action, as actors agents and re-agents. The character is not contained in the figure, it is found in the friction between the figure and the rest of the story. Obviously.
But if the story lacks substance the character falls flat.
There is a thing that happens most prominently in fantasy and horror stories, where the interior problems of a protagonist appear in the exterior world as a monster or a central conflict. Sometimes it's done overtly, when in confronting the world the character has to literally confront their demons and overcome them; sometimes it's done to give the narrative depth and emotional resonance. It's about stuff. if you're a Sci-Fi fan and play video games you have played the Mass Effect Trilogy. The reapers are both mortality and the false promise of an eternal life - or death as salvation. It's an easy trick, because as the villains of an epic they are the end of the world type villains that cause a lot of death so the jump to them being a more abstract mortality, personified metaphysical end of all things is easily and convincingly done. In this case it mostly gives them a nice mystique, as transience isn't such a big part of Shepard's story. Saren is a basic man in desperate denial of his mortality, though.
Making interior conflicts explicit in the exterior world can be used for characterization and as a broader theme. Often it's both.
But what happens if you have a franchise instance and the characters are not just the centerpiece of the story but the only piece?
So, recently I watched the latest season of Star Trek: Lower Decks. And I have to be fair here, I'm exaggerating - it really wasn't bad. I'm just an asshole. It was bland. Mariner has the problem Mariner always has but slightly different. Tendi's sister appears so that we can see her do crime. The ferengi exist to be straight.
Things happen only to bring out certain states in the characters, and that's it. It's not a case of the characters' interiority being put in the exterior world, it's the dissolution of the exterior, of the substance of what's happening. Anything that's not part of a character, anything that's not interior to them, only exists as an inciting incident, to give the characters reason to be a certain way. Nothing extends beyond.
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me listening to Elvis: this music is so wholesome and fun and nice why did people have a problem with it? me listening to Steamroller Blues: they let him sing this on the radio? 😳
ASFASHSDHSDKGLJHS
he's only singing about sharing his love for the rhythm and blues, whatever do you mean? 😌😏
the funny thing about that song, which is a much later one from him, is it was originally written by james taylor as a parody: "[He] had heard one too many pretentious white blues bands and wrote 'Steamroller' to mock them." but something about the vocal of the cover sells it.
a lot of subversiveness in old music was subtext (especially like anywhere from the 20s-60s), but it was still enough for certain people to get mad about. then with elvis, add in the forbidden wiggling (how dare! there should not be suggestion of rhythm onstage! what if it conjures...sexiness?! 😱), the pervasive idea of some level of sinfulness that was associated with rock and roll, and the underlying racism towards r&b that extended to anyone presenting it to a mass audience, and you get, well, trouble.
on the personal side of this, my maternal grandparents were both teachers and very faithful people, so despite their deep love of music (and musical theatre of the day) and living in california, they were quite conservative about what was acceptable. my mom was a child when elvis' career first took off, but a teenager when he made his comeback, and she wasn't allowed to listen to/watch him, because, you know, hips and rock music! she wasn't allowed to listen to the beatles (that shaggy hair!), and though they listened to the radio, they disapproved of artists like frank's "lifestyle" (they kind of saw him as a gangster lmao), marilyn was scandalous, and so on. they did let her listen to the beach boys, because they were so nice and clean cut (hilarious irony given what was going on behind-the-scenes, and what's more is elvis' faith and overall personal beliefs probably would've been something they'd have liked). my grandpa had an incredible baritone and was offered a record contract when he was young, after he came back from wwii, but turned it down because he believed his voice should only be used in church to uplift the lord. my mom was asked to do a screen test in highschool and they wouldn't allow it. i think all the time about how different their lives might have been (i wouldn't exist to comment, but that's not a great loss to the universe lol). my mom actually shocked me this christmas when she told me she couldn't remember them ever listening to secular holiday music growing up. this wasn't true by the time i was a kid! i loved my grandparents very much and was lucky to grow up so close to them and know them well, some of my favorite memories are watching old films and listening to music with them, and maybe it was because i was a grandchild so they could be more open, but my grandpa in particular always wanted to know what i was reading or listening to, and i shared so much with him. i vividly remember playing the phantom cast recording for him and how he enjoyed it, how he even listened to 'n sync with me (he especially liked their acapella rendition of o holy night). so much of my appreciation for musical theatre and classic cinema started with them, it just stretched far beyond what they tended to gravitate towards.
meanwhile, my paternal grandmother was a total sponge for the culture, she loved all types of music, movies, and theatre, and they were in brooklyn so closer to that nyc melting pot and broadway. she worked for composer frank loesser for a while, she met a young barbra streisand, she loved frank and bing and tony bennett, all the crooners of the day, she at least liked elvis' ballads, she enjoyed the romantic comedies and the noir. so my dad had all that growing up, and then he was a huge beatles fan. my dad introduced my mom to sinatra's and streisand's work and they jointly passed that on to me, while she gave me the beach boys and fleetwood mac and carole king and the carpenters and james taylor, and he gave me things like the hits of the beatles and elvis and was my introduction to interest in marilyn. i'd hear whitney and mariah and celine with my mom, and reba and the judds and george strait with my dad. but somehow the old things really stuck and are what i ended up expanding on my own (and it probably says something about me psychologically that i held onto the things i could bond over with my dad because we are such different people, whereas my mom and i are alike and she often ends up loving everything i love anyway). i'm always grateful for those early sparks of passion and seeds that i got to water and cultivate and let blossom in my own love of various art.
tl;dr this reply got so away from me but yes, in hindsight and given the many boundaries that have come down in art and expression today, it's hard to imagine why certain seemingly innocuous things were considered so spicy back in the day. and while the culture is ever-changing, those foundations and what was beautifully created and impactfully shifted as time went by still has a powerful presence and ties into so much that continues to exist, and that's part of why much of that music and many of those films are evergreen to me.
#sorry this became a personal essay#i've been thinking about all of this a lot#anonymous#letterbox#music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent#bubble wrap around my heart#i was a dreamer
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REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!
Books I’ve read so far in 2023!
Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!
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64. Things We Never Got Over by Lucy Score--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Hear me out: The main reason why this isn't a five star read was because something about it kept putting me off. Like, I would pick up the book and think, "I'm really enjoying this, wow!" and then I'd put it down. Then anxiety would hit and I wouldn't pick it up for days at a time. But I've very glad I did.
I loved the story behind this and seeing how the FMC and the MMC worked through their *cough* sexual *cough* frustrations. Their chemistry jumped off the page from the moment they met. Their spicy scenes fed some of the spicy hunger I had while reading this book, but it was how they grew to not being able to be without the other that really got me...even if this was set in a short amount of time.
Let's be honest: this book was massive, but it takes place over a surprisingly short amount of time. That threw me off a bit.
I loved the whole "evil twin" trope because it felt like its own character for the first half of this book. It definitely added a nice twist to the traditional small-town romance storyline! Especially since the FMC was already running away from something in her past.
The cast of side characters were great and I enjoyed getting to know them and watching them grow and just warm the pages of the book.
One thing: This felt very much like a book Zapata fans would love. My only complaint (even though in other instances I would be the opposite of this) is that we had a dual perspective. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed seeing what Knox had to say and what his thoughts were, but one of the things I enjoyed about books like this is seeing the love interest slowly melt as the story progresses. Being able to see what he's thinking kind of took that mystery away for me. I'm just in a contrarian kind of mood, I guess.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this and I'm glad I kept trying to read it. It was definitely worth the fight and I definitely want to pick up the sequel at some point this year!
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65. Hitting the Wall by Cate C. Wells--⭐️⭐️⭐️
I came for the secret baby and stayed for the tough as balls FMC. She was a fighter mom who only wanted the best for her daughter and who loved her no matter what society told her or threw at her. Their relationship was what made this book something so special.
But that MMC was something else. He was so naive and so frustrating. There was so much talk about "family" and being unable to believe that someone he grew up with could be so awful. But I WILL say that I appreciated how he did start to notice certain things and was immediately in dad mode. I do think, however, that he needed a backbone and I absolutely loved how the main character kept calling him out whenever he said, "I'll talk to them".
The spice was pretty good, but also felt slightly basic and a little fast--especially consider the trauma the FMC has of being shut out so soon after their ONS so many years before (when she was 17 and he was 24, btw, which was weird af.)
I did like the mystery behind this and how it carries into the second book. I DO think that one of the things that could potentially be detrimental to this series is how it is potentially intertwined with the other series by Wells. I'm pretty sure something happens in another book in her other series that is referenced in book 2. Also, the abrupt ending in this book where...no one really faces any real consequences was disappointing.
Good thing I liked the second book more.
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66. Against the Wall by Cate C. Wells--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Hands down, this book was better than the first one.
The MMC still had some naive moments like his brother in book one, but his spine was a little stronger. Plus, we all love the misguided guy who thinks the only way to get the love of his life's attention is by teasing her and *bullying* her in front of others, even though he insists that he wasn't bullying her.
I think with storylines like this, where we have two narrators, getting the full story really adds meat to a story, transforming it from a one dimensional bully story into a fully fledged story of a man pining so hard for another woman that he reverts to acting like a child. For example, her commenting that he was acting weird and twitchy, when, after reading what his personality is actually like, the reader knows that he's just nervous as hell.
The spice took a while, but I enjoyed it (even if it was admittedly brief) because we had to work for it. It wasn't gratuitous and it was granted to us after a build up of this relationship being fixed and healed.
But while I enjoyed the banter (I laughed a few times), the surprisingly delicious southern charm, and the thrilling undertone of the mystery and cloud of despair hanging over the town, I really didn't like how the FMC reacted to something she stumbles upon. Granted, maybe I'm broken, but I didn't agree at all with her reaction. Another thing I wasn't a huge fan of, but I won't take a star off for because it makes sense since this is a southern book, but the God worship was...a lot. If it wasn't for the sex, swear words, and innuendo, I'd call this a Christian romance. It was a lot and although it didn't feel preachy, it was a lot more than I was used to in my romance novels.
Also, some of the events of book one are transferred to this one, so that was a great way of continuing the tension from the last book.
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67. Skandar & the Phantom Rider by A.F. Steadman--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
SKANDAR book one took me completely by surprise. I never expected to love it as much as I did, to the point where I sometimes still think about it. I think this is one of those series that has the power to be remembered decades from now because it has so many things that a lot of readers love in MGLit novels: adventure, mystery, a daring group of friends, an outcast MC trying to still do the right thing, and a world that is determined to make the MC's life as difficult as possible.
While book two didn't have the same impact on me as book one, I still really enjoyed it. I loved the twists and that ending! This book follows the MC almost directly after the events of book one, so we are immediately seeing the repercussions of his secret keeping, how the truth of his existence is affecting his new society, and what it looks like to be treated as an outsider in a very bigoted world (bigotry against spirit unicorns). I liked seeing these very really consequences and felt the pain the MC felt when he encountered the people who wanted to either keep him down or take him out completely.
One of the things this series also tackles in a slightly subtle way is grief, its effects, and its aftershocks. It shows us our inability to forgive when grief has its clutches in us--whether it's grief for a person or for a life that never was. This grief can be catastrophic and even world-ending.
SKANDAR also touches on the very real emotions kids might experience: jealousy, moments where emotions are overwhelming but because they're so young they don't fully know how to navigate them, and the fear of disappointing those we love.
This is just a very well rounded book with some surprising twists and fun but dangerous adventure. I loved reading about how these characters find the answers they're seeking, despite everything being against them.
I highly recommend this series!
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68. Charge by Cate C. Wells--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Came for the single mom romance with a biker dude, stayed for the adorable kid and the slap in the face the FMC's dad and stepmom needed after all of the shit they put her through. The level of audacity these people have is so frustrating that that ending was *chef's kiss*.
I love how we're introduced to the MMC in this book because it felt very realistic (especially when he finds out that the beautiful and young woman he was hitting on is actually a very young mom). I don't think I've ever read a romance book where the love interest looks terrified and breaks that "oozing sexual confidence" that a lot of love interests tend to have when the MC first meets them. It was hilarious and one of the better parts of this book.
I think I'd have to dig further into this series to fully appreciate some of the characters since they're only briefly touched on, but I did find it entertaining to see some characters I recognized from Wells's other series.
Trigger warning in this one for the mention of r#@e--that part was rough. Also, victim blaming, and emotional and verbal abuse. Stay safe out there!
I'd definitely recommend this one to readers who love a strong mom who doesn't have an easy life, but has all of the love for her child. Also, if you like a sassy kid who has a huge personality, then this one might appeal to you. And finally, if you like the classic bad boy with a heart of gold and brothers who would ride to war for him, then you need to add this to your TBR.
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69. Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak--⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
While this wasn't as amazing as I thought it would be (thanks hype trains), I ended up really enjoying HIDDEN PICTURES.
I thought the mystery aspect of this book was fun and had some pretty good twists thrown in there, even though they did feel like they came out of nowhere. The paranormal aspect of the story gave it that nice creepy vibe--especially the artwork thrown into the story here and there.
The writing wasn't the absolute best. There were some instances that felt very YA, especially when the MC is falling for her love interest. I do love their teamwork, but it was giving me YA Thriller vibes (which isn't a bad thing because I love that genre). I don't know if I'd call this a horror novel, maybe more of a paranormal thriller?
That being said, there were definitely some creepy and skin tingling scenes that had nothing to do with the paranormal aspect. Those scenes made me so uncomfortable and were probably the things that creeped me out the most about HIDDEN PICTURES. Other than the truth behind the mystery. That was some twisted shit.
If you're looking for a fast-paced paranormal thriller this summer, this might be the one for you. Maybe don't read it alone in a dark cabin, though.
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Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!
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Happy reading!
#books#bookish#booklr#bookworm#bookaholic#bibliophile#Features#on books#on reading#reviews#review#my writing#my opinion#long text post#book list#book blog#book blogger
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I am absolutely LOVING your takes on the Cullens forcing reader to regress, something about vampires having that control over you just hits the spot. I notice you lean towards Jasper and Alice a lot and I wonder, are they your favorite Twilight characters? And what are your opinions on the other Cullens (specifically Carlisle--he's my fave personally)? Would you consider writing drabbles for any other Cullens forcing regression onto reader?
All just questions, feel free to ignore! Either way thank you for your time <:)
Thanks so much! My favorite Twilight characters change a lot, but I definitely think Alice and Jasper might have been my first favorite Twilight characters. The first Twilight movie was what got me to read the whole series (and this was when I was young enough that my mom made me skip a solid twenty pages of Breaking Dawn even though no graphic sex even happened). In-between the release of the Twilight movie and that of New Moon, I read the whole series, but I had not even heard of the series when I first watched Twilight, and Alice and Jasper definitely grabbed my attention. Alice had her skirts and leggings and ballerina flats that were basically exactly how I wanted to dress at that age (and she was pretty, but I wasn't ready to process that one), and Jasper was cute and weird and did that thing where he twirled Alice in the cafeteria. Later on, I ended up having lots of "favorites", but they definitely have been my favorite characters before.
(The rest of my answer under the cut, as I have a lot of thoughts.)
As for the other Cullens, I enjoy Rosalie and feel like she deserved fairer writing. That being said, I think it is pretty awesome that she was allowed to have a hobby as subversive of the "hot blonde" stereotype as working on cars, and I think SMeyer's habit of having Bella react so strongly to the slightest unfriendly glance from Rosalie that Rosalie never really had to say anything actively unfriendly means that we really end up with a very protagonist-informed view of her as a "mean" character without her actually doing much to earn this. (And "supposed mean girl who really didn't do or say much of anything" is a trope that I have great sympathy for.) She has a few racist moments in Breaking Dawn, but throughout the series everyone kind of has racist moments because that's how SMeyer writes, I guess.
Esme I think really got the short end, because the series does not let her have much by the way of wants or thoughts or feelings outside of being maternal and caring. I guess she's not a big enough character for it be reasonable for me to demand a subplot, but I feel like she just kind of floats around so benignly and I wish she got to be a little imperfect sometimes. It seems like all of her emotions are filtered through everyone else's well-being. I guess that's the thing; not so much that she isn't allowed to have imperfections or depth, because a lot of the others aren't particularly deep either, but the fact that I feel she's written almost as if she exists to serve the family and not to feel joy on her own behalf.
Emmett is fun, in a pretty easy way. I'm certain he's been my favorite character at some point, too.
Edward I enjoy more as the brooding, pretentious teen who lives in my head rather than the brooding, pretentious teen in canon; I imagine him as more of a well-meaning but ultimately hopeless disaster, rather than the openly condescending and at times actively threatening character who is actually on the page.
And I love Carlisle. I don't think he's ever been my favorite exactly, but I do love him a lot. (Maybe he would have been my favorite at some point if he weren't already my mom's favorite; when we were making our own Twilight t-shirts, I didn't want to have the same character on mine as my mom or my cousin or my aunt.) He does also suffer from the limitations of the writing, since he can only be as good a doctor as wouldn't get in the way of the intended plot, and he can only be a variety of moral and compassionate that the writer considers so. In SMeyer's writing, the moral and compassionate thing to do is not judge your friends for making the conscious choice to murder humans because not to do so is a tough lifestyle. The Carlisle that I invent when I imagine him is more strongly opposed to his friends eating people. But again, ultimately I like him a lot.
Not to shamelessly self-promo, but I did also make a video about how I would characterize the Cullens, on my YouTube channel, if you have any further curiosity.
Also, another Yandere Cullens forced agere post is in the works. 🤗
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My two cents on Des fwiw: I think it was good for Devi to have a dating experience that wasn't so high-stakes-and-high-drama, and seeing her with him was a very effective illustration (if we still needed one) that Devi has grown and healed a lot since the start of season 2. She's ready for a real relationship now in a way she wasn't then. And Des himself is a generally nice person, but 1/2
(2/2 sent a couple days later) Hi, sorry, I think that was me! I must have clicked away thinking I had hit send. I think what I said was Des reminded me of Paxton in the early part of his arc; he has both qualities Devi liked in Paxton (he's pretty and displays a certain social ease with peers) and some that made it hard for me to invest in Paxton early on: he withdraws without explaining when things get complicated, he judges Devi's actions without considering all the facts (such as when Devi had been told by her mother that Des had no friends and by him that he’d been wearing a sweater vest, which, something of a trope, and he shamed Devi for being racist in “assuming” he was a nerd), and he's nicer than he is kind. Again, he's not a bad guy, he's just emotionally immature, fairly self-absorbed and pretty much unaware of it. Which is normal for a teenager! It's just also not impressive, and ultimately not what Devi needs or deserves.
I completely agree with "he withdraws without explaining when things get complicated" Yes, he technically ghosted her because he wasn't sure if she was over Paxton but also, ESPECIALLY if their moms were friends and he knew they would see each other again, he should have communicated that with her instead of pretending like everything was cool when he saw her next. Honestly men in their 20s and 30s don't even do this shit, but still we should hold them, including fictional men, to a higher standard. He also couldn't be upfront with Devi about not wanting to date her and slow-faded her instead. Again, how was that going to work when the moms were still friends??? It makes no sense. "Nicer than kind" is also extremely fitting. "Kind" is having the balls to stand up to your mom and defend your girlfriend suffering through reliving the trauma of her dad's death, not claiming "dating you isn't worth pissing off my mom" and not doing a damn thing to defend Devi. "He judges Devi's actions without considering all the facts" I honestly get that, especially considering the info he texted Devi and Devi got from her mom, but I also love that he called Devi out and Mindy wrote that entire self-critique of her perception of Indian men so I can't blame him for that because we got that great moment. I completely agree that he is unimpressive though, to me, he was smooth and nice and said all the right things, but I didn't feel like he and Devi had any kind of special connection or chemistry, though I did like seeing her happy for a bit as well!
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OSRR: 2988
todays only been a long day because it's almost 3am and im still awake.
i have a cut on the knuckle of my thumb and it hurts. i have the intense need to scratch it a lot.
worked this morning and did papier-mâché with the kiddos. one was doing it for school, the other just wanted to do it too. but i realized last night that i didn't have all of the things i needed. that i didn't have any of the things i needed. so i got up early to hit the craft store for things. i ended up going to walmart bc mom asked me to get a couple other things too.
after work was the meeting and i got to give somewhat of a run-down to ben about what i expect to happen. i'm happy i have a staff member.
after that i went inside because it was quiet, and i sat and talked to daniel and joel for a while. i was tired so i went to take a nap, but joel was leaving so i gave him a hug before he headed out. i had to be up at a certain point so i could go with papa to pick up dinner, so i fell asleep probably around quarter past 2 and woke up two hours later.
got up, packed my stuff, headed to panera, waited with papa for the food, and brought it home.
of course, the whole reason for the panera was that it was my family birthday party. because we have those for every person in our family around their birthdays. like this one, they usually occur the weekend after. it was nice.
aunt wendy made the cake - it was chocolate mousse cake again, which is excellent because it was just delicious. the decorations were cute - they were put up nicely but you could tell momma wasn't feeling great. but also she's the shortest one besides grandma, so she had a hard time putting things up anyway. but it was really nice.
aunt wendy got me a two-parter, the first of which hasn't arrived but the other was in a big bag - it's a queen sized red fleece blanket. it's beautiful and i love it.
papa got me a new sewing machine!! i'm so excited about it. i can make things without the machine snapping the thread and/or fucking up the tension! i'm honestly so excited about it.
and the eggies got me something i totally didn't expect: an apple watch, with cellular. the model i wanted, the size i wanted, and the color i wanted for both the external case and the band. and they got the right kind of screen protector, which i wound up fucking up almost immediately bc there was a speck of something and i thought i could get it off - i was wrong. rip. but at least i can get a new one for almost nothing! it's fine how it is right now though. the band is a little itchy, but i'll get used to it. it's so cool.
after the party, i said my thank-yous and took myself to the pumpkin festival. it was almost 8 at that point, so i went downtown and walked around for a while, just absorbing the atmosphere and buying things without going over my limit (i used cash). i was looking for a new tote bag, and i found one by a lady who works with african women who are mothers of children with disabilities, and all the proceeds of the things they make go directly back to them to help them get care and therapy for their children. i got an orange bag with elephants, and i love it a lot. i'm lucky i found it, too, especially because of who it goes to. as someone with several disabilities, it's important to me to be able to help people like me however i can. and even though my disabilities are only mental, being able to help kids with mental and physical disabilities is important to me. being different is okay, good even. but we live in a world that's not made for us. so being able to help people live better means a lot.
i walked around for a while downtown. it was nice. warm enough to walk around comfortably for me, but cool enough that walking around wasn't uncomfortable. i didn't wear my sweatshirt i'd brought.
i got some earrings and some candy and i eventually played a darts game and i got a little pink octopus from it. i smiled and cradled her all the way back to my car.
i went to mcnaldos after, stopping for ice cream and juice, and i went home to work on some homework. i got the last of this week's work done, and finished watching a movie with papa. when i was finally done and ready to go to bed, i got upstairs and the octopus family i have told me to go get my new friend, so i did. i went downstairs and got her and brought her up so she could spend the night with her new friends and family and not all alone.
i totally didn't cry about her being lonely. nope.
also it's now quarter past 3, my thumb still itches, and i need to finish my routine. i'm a disaster.
but at least i can track my sleep better.
also i'm looking for a recommendation of a discord access app for my watch because there's a few but i don't know which to use, or if i should at all. eh.
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Listen as one of my FF mutuals I gotta know…. can you rank your top five villains (bonus points if you say why you like em)?
now, I've played fewer FF games than maybe the average FF fan but I love the ones I have played so yes I am up to the challenge.
However. In a way, I'm counting XIV expansions as individual games, and due to how they're structured, "antagonist" may fit certain characters more than "villain" but like they have boss fights at an end point of their expac so I say that counts
Mild to moderate spoilers for every game I mention wheeee (7, 8, 14, 15)
So!
Zenos yae Galvus (FFXIV). As written, Zenos is somewhere between "it could be that deep" and "it is that deep," because of Choices(TM) the writers have made along the way, including locking valuable information in a side book that people will now disregard/downplay the importance of due to their not having read it. ANYWAY. But. Zenos is very much a reflection of the hero, the Warrior of Light. People had been discussing this since Stormblood, and then fighting about this since Endwalker came out and said it pretty explicitly, but he is. It's another version of the path the Warrior walks. If he hadn't been subjected to all he was in his life (and hoo boy is that a whole rant-worthy thing), he could have been different, more like the Warrior. If the Warrior hadn't had all the support they got, they could have behaved more like Zenos. This is just scratching the surface, because going deeper gets into excessive spoilers and personal headcanon but yeah. Zenos is a really cool character and I wish more people recognized it.
Nidhogg (FFXIV). Nidhogg was justified in doing what he did, for the most part. And the wherefore makes total sense, when the dragons say "we live forever so a thousand years ago is like last week to us, of course he's still mad." Totally valid.
As an antagonist, he perfectly fits the themes of Heavensward. I wish we hadn't had to resolve his story the way we did. We had the perfect "see, people and dragons can work together with no exploitation or murder" solution. Maybe a couple, actually. But I guess he was fairly set in his position, and one can't say his grief and anger aren't valid. I just think it could have been great. I wish we'd gotten to see a flashback to when he wasn't so mired in his grief. I dunno I just really like Nidhogg and I would have wanted to see if peace could have been restored another way (my friend Dae and I say, correctly, he just needs a catgirl wife)
Sephiroth (FFVII). What's most interesting about him is how he gets where he is. He's engineered to be perfect, and then dropped into a situation, and it goes off the rails so fast from there. I was rewatching the cutscenes from Crisis Core recently and I realized Shinra is doing like five extremely messed-up things at once, and they all kind of converge on Sephiroth. Poor guy has two moms and one god-awful dad and they're all in the web of Shinra's machinations (Hojo willingly). But he didn't have to burn down Nibelheim about it. That created like. Even more problems. But his question of identity is a good one. That's interesting! I wish SE didn't use FFVII as its milkiest cash cow such that it dilutes his story but what can ya do
Ultimecia (FFVIII). What's funny to me is that Ultimecia is both really interesting and really boring. I read this really neat theory years ago that Ultimecia's final form was the Great Hyne, the first sorceress. That's what's made me like her, is that theory. And/but a lot of the cool stuff Ultimecia does is spread throughout the game when we haven't met her yet and don't know the full extent of what she's up to. Like, Edea, the stuff in space, Adel and Rinoa (as a unit), that's all before everyone starts really working on the whole Time Compression thing. I remember groaning to myself, "every disc, it's another sorceress"
Though, the fact that she creates a time loop at the end of the game is pretty neat, too. (I have only seen that scene once despite playing FFVIII three times. The Ultimecia fight--the four fights one after another, in fact--suuuuuuuuucks, it took me months, and you need Rinoa in the party for Angelo but iirc that carries its own risks so I usually just go "yeah okay I bet the game I've beaten Ulti before, I'm done" instead of going through it again)
Ardyn (FFXV). I have extremely mixed feelings about Ardyn, partially due to SE's handling of the second bunch of Episodes. And because the Ardyn fans I knew in 2017 really turned me off being interested/exploring him as a character in fandom space. In canon, though, I do think "Christ, but Supremely Problematic" is deeply intriguing. SE has done the "bad guy is your family" thing before, and I think it's to pretty good effect each time.
Ultimately, I have questions, but I don't feel like looking for answers. Which is sad, because there's depths there I just can't plumb.
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maybe later on we could have a better look into billy's psychosis?
i would never survive this cause my psychosis makes me so paranoid sometimes i cannot leave my house. if someone so much as hinted anyone as the killer it would be game over, i can't sleep, i think everything is poisoned and im convinced im always being followed. i can recognise when it's a delusion normally but that doesn't make it any less real. if you tell someone with psychosis that there hallucinations/delusions are not real it's very bad, it's like if someone told you that the sky doesn't exist.
a thing with my psychosis that i would like to think billy experiences is forgetting. i don't want him to be in distress but i would quite like some representation because i want to relate to him more. if someone has hurt me or made me upset sometimes i will just forget. i will associate them with pain but i won't remember what they have done, it really sucks. i most likely remember after a while though. it just feels invalidating and i think that i did something. sometimes i have an episode or really bad anger and my coping is pretty self destructive.
if you don't think it's right for his character or this didn't make sense then ignore me. i hope you are doing well, i love your writing. <3
Sorry, I've had such a busy week! Grandpa in the hospital with pneumonia, driving 30 min away twice a day everyday to take care of his pets, family friend has uterine cancer and my mom is driving her to her surgery and were both helping her out at home this week and weirdly enough my great uncle had been battling cancer for 5 years (Terminal. He's on his death bed basically. He only weighs 95 lbs now.) and has medical psychosis now.
His body has been through so much that one day his mind just snapped for lack of a better word. He walked in the hospital fine and completely his regular self before a surgery and then within an hour of waiting he started screaming and thrashing that he was in a bus and kids were going to get ran over. It scared my aunt to death bc he wasn't my uncle in that moment and none of us have ever seen him like that before. He's home and doing much better. He knows who you are has complete clarity but he is absolutely terrified now of my aunt leaving his side 💔 He got so angry and scared when she left and one of us watched him in her place (He can't hardly walk) but yet that day he made all these appointments and paid bills before my aunt even got up and made a ton of phone calls he just doesn't want her to ever leave...Ik I shouldn't laugh but I gotta find something to laugh about in this situation and he was talking to us calm as can be on the phone and just casually mentioned. "Yeah, ya know she has me in a box underground, right? These fucking abortion nurses are stealing fetuses and they got me locked in a god damn box bc they couldn't steal mine."
...We just rolled with it but omfg I'm glad we know he has psychosis rn bc I can't imagine a stranger calling me and telling me that 🥴☠️ I just have to laugh and so did my aunt bc she's so defeated and tired seeing him like that and taking care of him that we have to find some humor in this especially since he's not scared about it just not connecting certain dots and he only gets scared when she leaves for groceries or anything like that bc that's when the paranoia sets in. And it's just disheartening to see him in this mental state sometimes
I know that psychosis is different in everyone and medical psychosis might not be the same as the psychosis you're dealing with and that there's varying levels and that most psychosis especially medical or stress can go away within time and on proper medication. Now, idk much about psychosis brought on by having other psychological disorders or if there are forms of psychosis that never goes away?? I'm more than eager to learn from your perspective bc I definitely hc Billy is my story as having psychosis similar to his future daughter Sam but he just won't admit it and that maybe it's lessened since his Mom's death or gotten worse; either way. Maybe both? Bc now I could see his paranoia heightening from cops, betrayal, etc.
Sadly tho, this story is from YN POV
I fully understand wanting to relate to him but I feel like that can be hard to do bc from not only who I've known irl with psychosis and what I'm trying to educate myself on is everyone's symptoms and degrees of the symptoms are different. Plus, it's hard to do with YN being the POV and the only canon mental issues she has is PTSD, Anxiety and probably High Functioning Depression from what she's went through (Of course anyone is free to add in their own to personalize the experience while reading) and people thought she had psychosis from Billy and Stu purposely trying to make her doubt herself as well as others doubt her in Windsor. So, that makes it hard to show Billy's POV in detail.
I'm sure tho later on a short story will come along the way and I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experience with psychosis so I can add it into Billy's character. 🖤🖤🖤
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Supergirl Season 6 Thoughts
This is gonna have finale spoilers, so watch out if you're one of those people who didn't finish the season.
First off, some general, overall stuff: this season was too short. The pacing was off, and too many things happened offscreen. There wasn't enough time for everything to happen in a way that felt good. I particularly felt this with Lena's arc, but basically everything in the second half of the season felt that way.
The fact that a giant cat attack that lasted all of six minutes onscreen was a highlight for me explains a lot about my experience, I think. The best part of the season was the Midvale stuff(not just because I love Peter Sudarso) because it was actually paced okay and felt good. The characters were handled well, even Kenny(i thought he might show up in the present but no) and it actually wrapped up nicely without feeling incomplete.
Everything post Phantom Zone was... eeh. Nyxly was a good character, but I feel maybe for the final season a villain we already knew would have been better. Some people have suggested Brainiac, which I approve of, though one wonders if it would have been the one from the Krypton show. I'm not sure myself, maybe just Lex would have been good, but the fact is that there was no time in the second half of the season. Zero reprieve for characters or viewers. I missed seeing National City as a setting that the characters actually lived in.
Characters who got decent arcs were: Alex, Kelly, and Kara. J'onn was just sort of there, Nia's arc was ???, and don't even get me started on Brainy(he gets his own paragraph later). I do feel like Alex and Kelly's adoption and marriage was a good progression for them. They are very wholesome lesbians, but c'mon y'all this is the CW, the best we'll get is Nia yelling and wanting to murder(very good work Nicole). Not even touching Lena and Kara, they were fine. Just fine. I think Lena needs friends more than anything else. Nia was great this season but her arc was just so not. I mean I get that she wanted her mom, but they just glossed over that in season 5 so it felt really out of nowhere. She just seemed all over the place in season 6. Lena's arc was paced poorly, and while there's nothing wrong with magic, there hasn't been much precedent for it in Supergirl(except maybe in crossovers? idk) so same as above. I have no idea what to say about Kara revealing her identity. I guess she felt it was the right choice, but doesn't she realize what will happen? You've got enemies Kara, and they've already come after your friends, now they'll come after even more of them. I suppose it was meant as a conclusion to her ongoing identity crisis but man, literally anyone who's read the comics knows why superheroes have secret identities, especially the Superfam. This problem could have been solved the way I thought they were going to seasons ago, by having Kara go to the future to join the Legion, but that would have required a very different procession of events, for longer than just season 6. Do I mean KaraDox? Yeah, I guess, but I no longer care at this point. Supergirl is just a little disappointing, in general.
As for how they massacred my boy... Brainy's characterization and arc for the first part of the season were not bad. I feel like they gave up and just made him a joke character, but also tried to keep giving him depth? Most opportunities for deeper exploration were passed over in S6, including his relationship with Nia. They hardly spend any good time together in this season, and I'm expected to believe he said "sprock the timestream" for her? I barely believe it even if I can hear Jesse's voice in my head as I type. His end-of-season arc was just so random and poorly executed. Those sorts of things can only be meaningful if the character goes through with it! But they just said no, he's gonna come back without sacrificing himself actually. I'm also certain it was out of character for him. He'd rather Brainiac 5 die saving his planet, because then he's finally redeemed his family name, and there will be no more Brainiacs(presumably, in this universe). Do you agree, fellow Querl Dox syndrome havers? I think having him go and not come back, and showing him giving up his sense of self to the(so-called) Big Brain would have been a meaningful end for him.
*sigh* I've run out of steam, but this post is long enough. Thanks for reading.
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sun, 3 jan 2021
Holy crap, it's 2021!
It feels like yesterday I celebrated 2020 new year by working so fucking hard in January, and then quarantine, and then the new year again! Where the hell are those days going? That damn quarantine makes the day shorter, I guess. Not gonna lie, 2020 was so damn hard and I'm glad to leave that year (let's act as if those shits left behind in 2020).
Oh god, I just wrote some words but my fingers couldn't stop swearing. I just want to be a good girl!
That's okay, let's move on! Life must go on! Even though 2020 was so rude to me, I wouldn't learn so many things if 2020 didn't happen. So, whether 2020 puts so much poison in my drink or my food, I can assure you that I am still alive and stronger!
I just want to write some lessons that I’ve learned in 2020 which may sound nonsense, but it does change my perspective of life.
1. Always be grateful for what you have, best or worst!
As I said before, 2020 was a pandemic year, and we were in quarantine for almost a whole year. No activity outside, no physical meetings, no meet-up in your favorite restaurant, and no going outside for an unspecified reason. The point is to STAY HOME!
Back in 2019 until January 2020 when I was so busy with my college and part-time, I always complained about my condition and situation which always made me so busy and tired.
Wait, don't get me wrong! I like to be busy and tired. I like to come back to my room late at night, take a bath, and then have a deep sleep. I like it. BUT SOMETIMES, my college had an unspecified schedule about the assignments. Like suddenly we had to make a meeting with someone from a certain company, we had to go to another city to research about warehouses or something, etc. Let alone my part-time job. Before I took the part-time job, I had explained to them that I only can take the job at a certain time, but they suddenly called me to take the job outside of the time we had agreed before. Like dude, I have a social life as well. It was sad when sometimes my friend went to hangouts, but I had to do part-time, or I had to go home to meet my family, or I had been too tired to join them. Duh...
And then the pandemic came. Me, who was an outsider, had to stay at home for the whole time, trust me, it drove me crazy. It made me feel so grateful for something I always complained about before. For the God's sake, I miss being busy and tired. I miss going everywhere with my friends doing great or shits. I miss sleeping when I'm physically tired. I miss everything. I even miss my irregular schedule which made me curse myself. Jeez.
2. Never wait for yourself to be ready, because you will never be!
Besides the pandemic, I had other things that made my 2020 so stressful. I lost my grandma, my classmate, and my uncle (in terms of death, but not Covid19).
My grandma (oh God, why did you do this to me?) was my support system. She would always say yes when the world said no. She was the one who backed me up when the world would like to beat me up.
I have known my classmate since he came to Indonesia (he is an exchange student from Africa). We became so close because we had the same classes and group project lately.
My uncle was my savior every time life got hard for me. He would calm me down when I had a fight with my mom or another family member.
I lost them in a row and God... idk how was my feeling. I know this is fate. At the end of the day, we will lose someone we love the most whether we are ready or not. But seriously? 3 at once?
I thought I was so sad because I wasn't ready to lose them at that time. And I thought, if only God took them away when I am a little bit mature, I would be ready. But until now, I realize that I will never be ready for losing someone I love the most. Whether I'm 18, 19, 20, or even 50 years old, I will never be ready. We have to agree on the way the universe works, whatever it takes. And that's the only way we can come to terms with the situation. This makes me understand the term sincere in life.
3. Love is not only having each other but also letting go
Pandemic, losing people I love, and now heartbroken. How could life be so rude to me? Like, what I had done before which made the universe against me this cruel? But that's okay, let's see how far I will fight back!
But don't listen to me seriously about this thing. I'm really bad at love. Two break-ups for less than a year dude, I can't make people stay.
Tbh, I don't really know what to write in this section, because what I feel about this ‘thing’ is so complicated. I'm a too realistic person and feeling things like this makes me feel so confused to explain it in a word. Because that's what love should be, be felt and proven, not to be explained lol
Okay. So, it sounds so bad for me to say that I can't make people stay while making them stay is not my responsibility. But indeed, I feel guilty every time people go. It makes me think "what mistake have I made this time?"
I'm sure that I dated only good people in my life. I mean, they only needed nothing but time and love. And so did I. I only needed time and love from them. If you know what I mean, no parasite relationship here.
So those are my responsibility, giving time and love (which can be in various ways). I have to do my best to spend time with him, listen to his story, laugh at his jokes, appreciate every simple love he gave, always be there for him, etc. Even though making him stay is not my responsibility, staying with him is my responsibility.
And if he decides to go at the end of the day or the universe can’t make us both as one, at least I've tried to give my best. Well even though that "best" is only my opinion. Everything still can be so wrong although you have done everything so right.
If he is happy and right for you, he will stay. So, if he is not staying, it means he is not happy enough to be with you even though you have given your best. Just let him go for his happiness. Don't waste your time and love to please him to stay while his heart is not for you anymore. You’ve done so well, and you deserve someone who will be happy with you, as happy as you with him.
“I love you, but I let you go”
I hear that clause everywhere and every time, but just at this age, I finally get the meaning.
4. It's okay not to be okay
Maybe this was the simplest thing that I never noticed in my life. I also heard this clause so often, but I never knew the real meaning before. Or maybe because I just didn't have time to be not okay before.
I was so busy with my life out there, chasing my ambitions, putting my emotions aside, and just focusing on my dreams. Because I thought, that’s the only thing that matters in my life. The only thing that people always want to see in me.
If I felt sad, I would only spare a few hours to cry in my room. A few hours later, I went out of my room, and was facing a new day. Because I had so many things to do, and sadness would slow it down. Back in 2016 or 2017 (I forget the exact time), when one of my closest friends asked me about my ex, and I just told her that we had broken up a few days ago. And she was so surprised and said "WHAT? YOU JUST BROKE UP? AND NOW YOU JUST SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF ME AS IF NOTHING HAPPENS?". Indeed, I was so sad, who wasn't? But with those busy schedules, trust me, I looked so heartless. I had to be okay and no time to tear up my tears too much.
But when this pandemic came, it felt like I had so much time to do nothing unless being sad because I had no busy schedules. With those many things in terms of death or break up, I cried a lot at night (sometimes without reason), I felt sad at day (sometimes without reason as well), sometimes I felt so desperate, and I wanted to give up. Jeez, I did feel sadness for real. I thought it was abnormal because I had never been that way before. Until I realized, I guess the universe just gave me time to mourn. I'm just a human, and it's normal to feel sad, crying, and okay not to be okay. I can cry as much as I can even if I have a lot of things to do. It's okay to stop some work just to heal my emotions. And I thought some people need to see me at my lowest point (but tbh this is not me lol I can't do this one, not to all people).
So, whatever happens next in 2021, I guess I'm totally ready. Whether life will give me sugar or salt, I believe it happens for a reason. This life will give me only happiness or sadness. And from both, we need to be grateful.
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#14
I actually had a good day today, which is surprising considering today is Monday. I actually felt good about today, but I still want a break from certain things.
I met my English teacher, she was pretty chill and nice. We had 15 minutes of reading today and I got to choose my first book of the year. I chose the book Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky. From what I've gathered, it's about this boy and his mom who escaped from his mom's abusive ex. I think the boy has Dyslexia because he mentions the words jumbling all over the place and then switching. He goes missing for 6 days and then is found by a girl who's trying to rush home. I love the writing style as a writer and the way the author captures this story. I'm already 70 pages in and I love this book, but there's a specific part that sticks out to me. It's on page 11.
"That was it. He didn't know anything about his father other than he must have been a great man because that's what all fathers were. Great men."
-Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky
That specific quote has been in the back of my mind all day. It bothers me because not all fathers are actually great men. I would know, mine left and didn't give a shit about me. I have seen father figures leave countless times. No good father or man would leave the people they love. He didn't even have a reason to go.
In Chemistry, we did a lab and I enjoyed it. I sat with some pretty chill people and they all made jokes and laughed about it. We were doing chemical reactions and watching the changes. But my favorite class right now has to be Medical Terminology. I actually had a good time trying to find the different meanings of certain words and in general, just love health. If I didn't want to be an embalmer, I'd totally be a...I actually don't know, but it would probably be something in the medical field. Then came time for lunch, and one of the people who was with me in chemistry came up to me.
"What's the book you're reading?"
"Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky, who made Perks of Being a Wallflower."
"Do you have imaginary friends?"
That question caught me off guard, I wasn't exactly sure why he asked me that. I don't have any imaginary friends, just a screaming mind I want to shut up every once in a while. He left and I went back to reading until my next class.
I have Sociology and honestly, I really love the topic. I find it really fun to learn about. In general, I like to learn about new things. I want to tell my friends, but I don't know how they'd take it. I love learning, I love school, but that makes me a nerd and I feel sort of...off about it. I'm already enough of a nerd, do I wanna make it worse for myself? I'm already crazy enough, I don't need to add to it. It feels like something I have to hide from the world, but I know no one sees this so I really don't mind at all.
I got rained on when I walked back to my apartment. I love the rain, it feels nice. I'm probably gonna read and write, maybe draw too. I'm lacking in my art right now so I don't have the courage to talk to my friends. It feels like the only thing that catches their interest besides my writing. I feel really insecure about my art right now but also don't have the courage to let them know. I feel pathetic about it. I'm not sure though.
-Dxll Face
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When I was younger we would regularly go to the local gay bar. It was the one place we could go dancing and not worry about being groped by men. We could openly talk about sex and sexuality and not be judged. It was a good time. And drag shows! I loved drag shows, it was always a fun, funny, sexy, satirical performance with great music. The queens put so much hard work into what their costumes and act. I loved drag queens, loved LGBT spaces, my baby bi self was so happy to be in the community.
When I became a mom, drag queen story hour was starting to become a thing. I was hesitant at first because I always considered drag to be a form of adult entertainment. But I was able to reconcile that it wasn't an issue. Costumes are fun, dressing however you want is fun, clownery and silliness is fun. It doesn't have to be sexual. Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire is classic whatever.
The first story hour we went to the queen was dressed as Dolly Parton. She read a few books, was sweet and silly and great with the kids. It was pretty much what I expected and hoped for.
The next story hour we went to was completely different. This queen asked every kid if they were a boy or a girl or neither. It was a group of 5 year olds, half the kids said they were dinosaurs or superheros. Then there was dancing. Which wouldn't have been an issue, but we're not talking about silly music and me child appropriate dancing. We're talking hip thrusting everything but the pole sexualized performance. When she ripped off her skirt and revealed leotard bottoms with an outline of untucked genitalia - I left.
Over the years we began seeing video clips and news articles about drag story hours being cancelled and criticized for inappropriate behavior. Over and over the left insisted this shit wasn't happening. Or my favorite, even if it is happening it doesn't harm kids.
Every year when Pride comes around one of my friends inevitably asks if I'll be bringing my kiddo to celebrate. Every year I say no. "Oh but they have family friendly activities!" "Sure, but the leather daddies are matching at this time, you just showed me the lingerie and pasties you plan to wear. There's usually a lot of drinking. I don't feel comfortable bringing my kid."
Though my response is usually, actually, "we plan to get a babysitter so we don't have to worry about bringing kiddo." Because when I tell the truth I'm called phobic, exclusionary, denying my kid of important inclusive exposure - which as a bisexual parent is apparently hypocritical.
My kid knows LGBT people exists simply because there are LGBT people among our friends and family members. Age appropriate conversation comes up, "aunt L is married to aunt B, yes they're both women." "J was born a man but is actually a woman and is doing what she can to be recognized as her trueself." "Mom likes and has dated men and women."
As a bisexual polyam woman who is also part of the BDSM community I've often found myself more and more estranged from the communities I'm part of. If I question or bring up concerns about anything I get labeled as phobic, intolerant, and problematic. I have to toe the line when it comes to discussions about politics, parenting, spiritual beliefs, mental illness, women's rights, domestic violence. And it's kind of exhausting.
While the right will talk about the crazy things I see and hear on the left - I can only agree with right wing bs to a certain point. While I always thought I was pretty far left - there's a point where I'm thinking wtf can't you see how insane you sound? This is why the right hates us! While I try to sit middle ground and understand all sides the more I just hate and don't understand anyone.
Rambling rant over.
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• pairing: sanzu x fem!reader, rindou x fem!reader, ran x fem!reader
• request by anon: @mari3119 Heyyy! Hope you’re doing great. Don’t really know if your requests are open but if they are I’d like to request Head cannons for Ran, Rindou, Sanzu, and Kakucho being home alone with their daughter’s experiencing their first period. While F!Reader is overseas on a Bonten work trip. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this request feel free to ingore it. By the way, are there more doors or wheels?
• genre: fluff
• note: okay so this is my first time writing for sanzu and i don't know if i do him good or not so you tell me :( also idk probably wheels?
— sanzu
he wasn't used to being alone with his daughter bc usually he's the one sent overseas
he literally begged you not to go bc she was in her teen years so she was annoying
that's what he said
yes he loves his daughter
but you were like no <3 bc its work
when she comes to him to ask how to remove bloods from clothes bc you weren't answering man is shook
like he literally asked her if she killed someone
"omg no! i just- i just had my first period"
sanzo: OoO
"don't make it weird okay, just tell me how to remove blood from my jean"
he just can't believe his baby girl is growing up that fast
"okay i'll show you" "NO! just tell me" "its just blood" "just tell me, please"
so he explains her and he keep asking her is she's okay "you want me to go buy you ice cream?" "or do you need pain killers?"
i think he'd handle the situation good though
and when you call him at the end of your day he says he's proud of himself
— rindou
panic the second his daughter told him she's on her first period
he would go through all your things to find the right things and panic even more when he don't find anything
but he refuse to call you because you taught him many things just in case you weren't home at certain moment
and the day has come
sooner that he thought
"okay here" he says as he gave her the things
he don't really know what to say, what is he suppose to say to his daughter about period
he feel like it's not his job but it actually is so he ask dumb shit like "do you want me to explain you something?" and she's like "no, mom did it once"
and then he's like "if you need anything you come to me okay?"
he would panic the entire weeks tbh
and calls you to ask you new things bc he's scared of saying dumb shit to his daughter
— ran
he would call you
straight up talk to your daughter through the door of the bathroom like "wait your mom isn't picking up"
and she'll sigh "dad, don't call mom, i'm okay and i have everything"
"but is everything alright?" he ask "yes dad! you're embarassing me leave" she whines
ran: :o
he's like "the audacity of this girl"
when she comes out of the bathroom he hug her as if she's gonna die and your daughter just let him do like -_-
"my baby is growing up" he says "i'm not a baby anymore" "you're still my baby"
then he follow her "you want to talk about boys" he ask just to annoy her "or about girls, im okay with that"
"dad leave me alone"
#mel 🌻#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers imagine#tokyo revengers headcanon#tokyo revengers fluff#sanzu x reader#sanzu headcanons#tokyo revengers sanzu#ran headcanon#ran x reader#ran and rindou#tokyo revengers ran#rindou imagine#rindou x reader#rindou angst#rindou headcanons
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I love what you said in your tags on that Literati post (the "Why did you drop out of Yale?!" one) about Rory being like Amy March, with her "I want to be Great or nothing" attitude. That is SUCH a good parallel and a great way of distilling her mindset in a way I hadn't been able to quite put into words yet! I also loved what you said about her time off from Yale not truly being a "waste" because it was a chance for her to discover what she DOESN'T want her life to be, which is almost as important as figuring out what you DO want out of life. And she'd never had the opportunity to consider other OPTIONS before. Think about the way her mom got so upset to learn that Rory was even considering applying to other colleges besides Harvard (even though applying to several schools is absolutely the norm!) because "Harvard was the dream." Rory dreamed about a certain career path when she was little, and Lorelai- with the best of intentions- wanted her to have it. But most kids have the luxury of changing their minds! But with Rory, it was never so innocent as "changing her mind," but taken as "giving up on her dream." And so I think when Mitchum Huntzberger introduced the idea that maybe she WASN'T cut out for it, it really hit Rory that maybe she needed other options, and she didn't know what those other options were. But she found out in the following months that her grandparents' life wasn't one of them. Anyway, I always love seeing your perspective on things!
Hey! Your asks never fail to put a smile on my face and, as always, you get me! There are a couple of things I want to tackle (thanks for giving me the opportunity to do just that, my mind is a bookstore and I don’t always know what book to read if you know what I mean😅), but let’s stick to this:
1. Rory Gilmore/Amy March (with a bit of Amy/Laurie + Literati)
2. The Importance of Logan Huntzberger
1. I think the obvious thing to do would be to associate Rory Gilmore with Jo March, which I’ve seen a couple of people do (and that debate usually ends with something along the lines of “Jo March, the girl Rory Gilmore can only dream of being” which is disgusting but oh well, almost everyone treats Jo like some sort of saint and trust me, nobody loves that girl more than me, but she’s nowhere near saint status which is exactly what makes her so appealing in my eyes and I’m rambling already, let’s leave that for another time), but I strongly disagree with the statement. Rory is a lot more like Amy (Isn’t it interesting? The way fandom’s been treating both of these girls? Coincidence? I think not. More like: The world is hard on ambitious girls.) Both of them have these patterns they feel the need to follow in order to achieve success (or what they consider success to be, it’s very specific in both cases which is a big part of their respective struggles) and both of them seem to be battling the same question: Do I have what it takes to be great, do I posses, not only the talent, but the necessary genius? It’s not something you can accomplish (and they are each hardworking and dedicated and willing to do whatever it takes to be the best, even if they end up suffering in the process) and I find that particularly interesting. Their biggest fear is built out of something they can’t control (I feel like that’s an important word for both of them, control). That’s why Rory’s world comes crushing down when Mitchum suggests she doesn’t have what it takes to be a journalist. He’s voicing her biggest fear. He’s giving voice to something she has absolutely no control over. And that’s something that inevitably needed to happen to her (more of that in the second paragraph). Mitchum was to Rory what Europe was to Amy. This is where Jess (in Amy’s case Laurie) fits in. Jess never tells Rory to go back to Yale, he never refers to Yale as her one and only option, one and only future (Even when they were dating, he never made a fuss about her choosing Yale over her original dream, which was Harvard, there’s never a “Woah, weren’t you going to Harvard, wasn’t Harvard the dream?”. There’s just him being incredibly proud of her and supporting her in decisions of no one's but her own making). Instead, he’s asking her what nobody actually asked her, which is: Why did you drop out of Yale? Why. He’s asking her if this is what she wants for herself, is this the life she wants to lead or not. To Jess, Rory is Rory, she’s not Lorelai’s daughter or Richard and Emily’s granddaughter. Just Rory. (I absolutely adore the fact that Lorelai doesn't like Jess at all and it has less to do with Lorelai and Jess being similar people and more to do with the fact that Jess is someone Rory chose to spend time with on her own without the approval of her mother, who is such a big part of who Rory is and such a big part of Rory's decision making even when she's not actually present, she is. I'll talk more about this in another post once I get myself to do it 🎇head full🎇). That’s the reason why Jess is the only person she actually hears. Because he’s the only person to actually hear her. I think I should leave the parallels between Amy/Laurie and Literati for another post, this is getting too long. I will probably add in a bit of Lizzie/Darcy to the mix too (the I love you from 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice is so so SO similar to the Literati one in 4x13, look at this!!!!!). I’m just going to say that the best thing about both Amy/Laurie and Literati as relationships is the fact that they both rely on identity and growth.
*I feel like “I want to be great or nothing” is an explanation on its own. There’s a lot of Rory in that (and Paris! I have to mention her at least once, though it’s a lot more explicit with Paris than with Rory).
2. Logan Huntzberger. Regardless of the way I feel about him, I think him to be an extremely important part of Rory’s life (and hey, every single character in GG, Jess and Luke excluded, is more of a character of the "Gilmore orbit", as I call it, rather than a character on their own, the show was written like that on purpose, which is why I tend to think of GG characters as chapters in the lives of our girls, each one of them holds a certain importance). Logan’s been introduced as someone who will change Rory’s perspective on things starting from his very first appearance, he’s someone she would never consider spending time with under her own conditions. He was always supposed to shake up her world, challenge her reality. It’s up to the viewer to decide if what he brought was positive or not. I, above everything else, believe it to be beneficial. Maybe it’s the way I was raised that makes me think that, but I strongly believe that it’s necessary to try a bit of everything in order to evolve and make the decisions that are the best for you. If you stick to a certain path for the eternity of your life, the range of possible choices to be made is rather limiting. That’s why hearing the phrase “The Downfall of Rory Gilmore” makes me so mad. Downfall? Why? Because she was exploring her options, because she went to parties, had a couple of drinks? Exactly like you said, her experiences in season 5/6 helped her figure out what she doesn’t want, who she doesn’t want to be. And man, I love Jess (yeah yeah, I make fun of him, so what? he’s still deeply beloved.), but to say Rory doesn’t deserve him, like he’s a saint or something (development doesn’t exclude mistakes, we don’t exactly see every single bit of his life after season three on screen, I doubt he didn’t have his fair share of downfalls after getting his life back together, yet, I don’t see arguments of “The Downfall of Jess Mariano” circling around, people either hate or love him because he’s a man, no other explanation for that).
Anyways, Amy March & Rory Gilmore defense squad forever!
I wrote a sort of reflective piece on Amy's character here, so you can read that if you want, I think parts of it can be applied to Rory too.
For the end, these scenes have the exact same energy, I will die on this hill (I need to write that Literati×period dramas post ASAP):
them <3
#gilmore girls#little women#literati#amy x laurie#otp: it's just you#otp: you wrote a book#otp: i'm looking at you#little women 2019#idk if i should tag this anti logan????#rory gilmore#jess mariano#amy march#laurie laurence#gg meta#lw meta#long post#jo rambles#sparkly answers
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