#i lay in bed and all the time and suffer;_;
Text
𝐻𝐴𝑈𝑁𝑇𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝐿𝑂𝑉𝐸
—a/n: hii i am pasi and i like to make people cry and suffer.
He didn't mean it. right?
"You are so fucking insufferable. My wife was so much better than you. You can never be like her."
It stung you. your heart raced faster as fear, panic and pain seeped in your blood. You and toji had gotten into a petty arguement earlier. It was only a matter of time before it turned into a full fledged fight the way none of you were backing down. usually, you both would've just been mad for a few hours before apologizing to each other—although your apologies were in the form of long hugs and favorite food—but this one took the worst turn.
The room was silent for thirty seconds after the words left his mouth. Tears threatened your eyes. To be honest, you did not even have the energy to put a fight with them. So you just let them fall.
"I know." You finally spoke but it was a broken whimper. "I know, dammit." You bit your lips, holding in your loud cries. You wanted to sob till the neighbors knew something was wrong, but you suppressed them. "I can never be like her. She was perfect. She was beautiful. She—she would never get on your nerves like me." You stammered between sentences. "I get it. I respect her." Toji looked at you with raging eyes, his adrenaline still hadn't calmed down but you could spot regret when his brow softened a little.
"But, honestly toji...I don't give a fuck about being like her. I never tried to be. All I tried was to— to love you more that her so you could know your worth after you lost her." Every cell in your body tried to gather as much courage as it could to just stand there and being able to say this.
All the anger in his suddenly had vanished, replaced with regret and hatred for himself. He never wanted to make you feel like this. He never wnated to fuck this up, and make you cry. But now he had. He let his hand reached you, only to notice your leg stepping backward.
"I am never going to be enough, right? Fuck. I can't do this."
"No. Don't say it—"
"I think it's time I leave." Feet rushing towards you, his steps heavier.
"Don't say that. Fuck I am so sorry. I didn't mean it, baby. I..." Broken sobs left your lips. He wanted to kiss them away, but he didn't know if he could right now. Big thumb brushed away your thick tears, palm resting against your cheek. He picked you up and carried you to the bedroom. Placing your body on the grey mattress, he climbed on the bed, laying next to you with your head on his arms. There were no words exchanged for the rest of the night. When your sobs stopped, he kissed your forehead as you passed out from exhaustion. The sight bought him both peace and pain. He promised himself that he will make it up to you tomorrow.
The sun was brighter the next morning, or at least that is what Toji felt when the sun rays coming from the window fell directly on his body. Usually, he'd wake up to the shade of your body. His eyes widened as he hastily sat up, finding you nowhere on the bed.
"No. No. No. Please."
He rushed to the bathroom, but it was empty. Kitchen? Empty. Hall? Empty. Wait. He moved closer to the coffee table when he caught a glimpse of what seemed like a note.
"Thank you for everything and I am sorry I wasn't enough. Goodbye Toji."
A loud thud emerged as Toji's kness met the floor, clueless eyes scanning the room. It qas more silent than usual. The kind of silence that was killing him. Has it always been this quiet?
#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#fushiguro toji#toji fushiguro#jjk x reader#jjk angst#fushiguro toji x reader#toji angst
172 notes
·
View notes
Note
I have a cold rn with a dash of sore throat. How would Yves take care of a sick reader?
Just wondering how he'd take care of me 👉👈
Yves had never left your side while you're awake. Not even to cook, work or do chores. However, when Yves gently wakes you up with whispers and kisses, he would always be ready with something hearty and delicious. Not even your cold can shake your appetite for Yves's cooking.
Steamy chicken soup, homely congee, mild porridge, or anything you're craving (within reason), he would make it for you and always imbued with the purest distillation of love.
You could either let him feed you at the perfect pace, or you could choose to feed yourself. Whatever makes you comfortable, but he must stay close to you.
The room's temperature would be lowered to accommodate your fever and he would cuddle himself up next to you, petting your hair and resting his lips on the crown of your head. Doing this allows Yves to monitor any changes in your temperature discretely. But, he didn't have to. He could spot the signs of a flare-up within a glance, he just wanted to hold you close to him.
If your fever is particularly horrible and paracetamol couldn't help, Yves would prepare a small tub of lukewarm water, and a towel and roll up his sleeves to cool you down. It doesn't matter how long it took or how he had to wring the cloth numerous times until the skin of his palms became red, Yves will continue to be by your side and tirelessly care for you.
If you had any assignments due, Yves would complete them for you in silence. That is if he knows you're the type of person to want that. If not, he would contact your lecturers and explain your situation, requesting special considerations for you. You don't have to peep a word, as soon as you're healed, you're already back on track. Perhaps even further ahead with his help.
Throughout the day, he would fuel your body with nutritious fruits and hot tea that warms your chest every time you sip. It's bizarre how he would just appear with them in his hands without hearing or seeing him leave the room. Maybe the cold has clouded your mind a lot, that is why Yves would speak much softer yet clearer and exude an extremely soothing vibe. You couldn't put a finger as to why Yves is so appealing during this time. But for sure, he has manipulated his appearance through the use of makeup and slightly altered his fashion sense to induce some strong, nostalgic, and comforting feelings within you.
Yves knows how boring it could get when you're sick, as all you can do is lay around and perhaps use your phone. But up to some point, you would get tired of that too, and suffer another form of torture. It depends on your personality, but he would add a bit of whimsy to your day.
You never knew Yves owned that many pillows, enough pillows to make a large pillow fort on the bed, complete with a blanket roof. Then, he would tell you stories that he specially crafted or chose as you drifted to sleep on his lap, while he traced sensual lines along your jaw and nose.
He doesn't mind getting snot, puke, or otherwise on him. Yves will never make you feel guilty for your body's natural defenses. It's astonishing how he doesn't flinch when you accidentally coughed up sputum onto his eye. Yves doesn't even scramble to get it off him until you're settled. Apologizing to him will earn a gentle scolding, where he tells you not to feel bad about yourself, and that he loves you so much, he would do anything to make you feel better.
He keeps up on your hygiene, Yves would carry you to the tub and bathe you if you didn't have the energy. He would also work out the knots on your back, massaging wherever he knows are causing you to feel sore. And this could go on all night if you're suffering from so much agony, that you couldn't sleep. Yet, he doesn't mind. He doesn't seem to mind losing sleep or not sleeping at all.
In short, Yves would be present. Perhaps he couldn't solve your cold immediately, as it is up to your body's ability. But rest assured, he will be there every step of the way, holding your hand and tenderly stroking your knuckles with his thumb.
#oc yves#yandere concept#tw yandere#yandere x you#yandere oc x reader#male yandere oc x reader#yandere male#yandere x reader#yandere#yandere oc
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
General Armitage Hux has never felt love behind someone’s touch, the concept would be so foreign to him.
His dad was his only present parent and brought him nothing but pain and angst, poor boy never had a chance. He needs a hug.
I feel like any kind of a relationship with hux would take generous amounts of time and effort - this combination is the only thing that will force him to open up.
He doesn’t want too of course, he’s been let down so many times that any form of prospective partner is going to have a tough time getting though those walls.
It’s not that he doesn’t believe in love but more likely doesn’t see it as a viable option for himself - he genuinely can’t understand why anyone would love him.
Sure, he’s good at his job, he has power and he knows how to fight to keep it. But he is emotionally inept and he’s painfully aware of the fact.
He can’t cry without getting intensely angry at himself - his dads words replay on a loop any time he feels his eyes prick or god forbid tastes his own salty tears as they run down his cheeks.
He’s not enough
He’s not GOOD enough
He’s not worthy.
So imagine how pleasantly surprised he is when he meets someone who doesn’t just give up at the first hurdle.
He’s not outright rude to you, he doesn’t so much push you away, more lightly warn you he’s not good.
He likes you, so he’s not going to dismiss you completely, after all deep down he knows he will never forgive himself for being the own destroyer of his chance at happiness.
But then he’s always battling with the fact that you deserve better - something he can’t provide for you.
That feeling never goes away for hux - it’s particularly bitter sweet in moments of true happiness;
waking up to you in his bed, hair sprawled on the pillow next to him, your hand on his chest. He can only get a few moments of utter serenity before the voice in the back of his mind (which sounds exactly like his dad) tells him you will leave when you wake up and see him for what he actually is - and he turns over, your hand slipping
You coming up behind him in the kitchen, wrapping your arms around his waist and laying kisses on his back. The butterfly’s he feels from the warmth of your soft lips are soon replaced with viscious bats - circling round his stomach telling him once he turns around and you get a good look at him, you’ll laugh in his face in embarrassment.
Your first night together, the first time you have sex, your face full of pleasure and enjoyment. But everytime your eyes close he’s wondering if it’s because you’re turns besides yourself in ecstasy or if you’re picturing someone, anyone but him.
Its hard on you too, you don’t catch it often because he’s so so good at covering up his outbursts; but sometimes you see just a little reality before Huxs picture perfect facade kicks in.
The odd time you reach out to touch him and he flinches or looks visibly alarmed, or the times you wake up to him turning away from you in bed, returning to his side as if you’re two kids on a sleepover.
Of course he doesn’t tell you, and as you assume it’s an issue with you and your capability, you don’t ask.
He’s the general for gods sake! What are you ?!
But it clicks when one day he gets a little too drunk and tells you about his dad; you’d assumed their relationship wasn’t grand due to his visible absence from Huxs life but you’d never be prepared for the depth of the cuts he had emotionally (and sometimes physically) suffered at such a young age.
Because as he looks at you, with a cold laugh, a smile that doesn’t touch his eyes, and tells you how his father had always told him he would never be enough, you feel sick.
You tell him that night just how worthy he is, you even show him.
And then you repeat this the night after, and the night after that, and the night after that and so on…
And one day, when you have kids of your own, and you get to see Hux be a fantastic dad - you’ll argue back and forth.
Hux says it’s your impression on him, that he’s only capable of loving his sons so well because you taught him how to love.
And you’ll protest that he always had it in him, and that he was never like his own father.
And he will hold you as you sleep and thank every star in that sky above him that you somehow ended up with him; because although he is sure he will never be worthy of your love he is willing to try every single day
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've got fckng sinusitis AND period, whoever prays for my suffering plz stop, u won
#i lay in bed and all the time and suffer;_;#send good vibes#plz#maybe it restore my hp a little#bloodborne is perfect metaphor for period btw#it's a suffering and nightmare#literally#personal
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
795 notes
·
View notes
Text
somehow while ive been going through the unbearable torment nexus ive still been able to keep up with my album-a-day-for-a-year thing so far
#like yeah brother i wish i was dead right now but im not. somehow i havent killed myself so i keep checking out albums#but i dont wanna undermine that im in unbearable pain rn lmao#my therapist said that wasnt good for me to pretend#im very much still in a torturous life and i feel helpless cause i dont think i can ever escape#but at least ive had the motivation to keep up one thing yknow#or im just crazy and psychotic and this made no sense whatever im going back to my suffering hibernation now#at the very least being honest cant hurt even if it doesnt help all that much but im really at the lowest ive ever been my dudes#ive never been lower than this#im failing at all the aspirations of a healthy person but at least im keeping up on the album thing#i know that maybe doesnt seem significant to other people#but when the only thing i can do when i get off work so i dont die of starvation is get in bed#but i still make an effort to hold myself to this commitment#thats at least a tiny bit of light im trying to put in my life no matter how hard i just wanna lay down and die all the time
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fevers are cool except when they happen to me
#not snz#i am suffering tho#me and a couple of the coworkers went to get the new vaccines at lunch#were we all slightly in pain for the rest of the day? yes#was it worth it? also yes#but god it was miserable a few hours in#I'm used to being able to take pain meds when i get a headache but Not This Time#luckily i didn't have to drive myself home lmao#hate my coworkers (affectionate) they hit all of us in the arm bc they thought it was hilarious#i did get my forehead felt while i was sitting on the ground tho bc i 'looked flushed' so that did something to me#anyway I'm home now so at least i just get to lay on my bed and pass away lmao#can't tell if I'm normal sore or fever sore tho so we've got an ice pack and a heating pad at the same time#something has to work lmao
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#so i finished my 4 out of 4th 12 hour shift in a row last night and i'm literally so exhausted and i was glitching mid simple tasks 🤡✌️#my coworker asked to change shifts so he could have that one specific day as off#and he managed to do some very critical mistakes in his 4 days prior and that's considering his gf is often with him there#and i was the one suffering the consequences even if it's literally not my fault#ever since i've got this job i've been fixing so many mistakes of his i kept wondering who's the newbie here??#like i try to leave my shift as good as possible i clean everything check everything and do all my duties#and when i come here after his shifts it's.. a fucktonne of work mistakes and literal dirt like dude!!!#4 shifts in a row never again man never again i am so tired my brain is nerfed and i can only rest for 1 day today because tomorrow i'm#going to a doc;#my social battery is not just dead it's nonexistent at this point#i just want to lay in bed and not be percieved or interacted with for at least the same amount of days 😫#i really thought i could take a socially demanding and rather multitasking job without it taking hugest toll on my mental state huh???#and i had such a bad sleep too i had a very graphic and sickening nightmare which woke me up 2 hours after i fell asleep#and then i woke 2 more times after that and i feel so exhausted and not rested at all and so fatigued i can't even do anything#man for me my sleep being interrupted is the worst like i function better if i have a smaller amount of sleep but it's uninterrupted#than longer in hours but it gets interrupted and i wake up even once#sorry i come here once in few days vent post and then dissapearvckfkv 😭 i miss tumblr but have no energy currently to even rb anything 🥲#tbd
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
venting real quick
#tw alcohol#sooooooo I feel nothing lmao#i'm hollow and emotionless and empty#spent all day just wasting and waiting for time to pass#my heart is tired. my soul has been drained.#going to bed and calling it a night to escape this wretched state is an option#but i'm not sleepy in the slightest and i don't want to go lay down#and it's still pretty early#so if i go to bed i'll just be wasting even more time and feeling miserable#and if i fall asleep i'll wake up groggy and sickly and miserable#so me - being a very rational human fully in control of herself - ams seriously considering just getting a bit tipsy to pass time#maybe watch some dumb show to forget about my misery for like an hour or so#i know i shouldn't cause health or whatever#plus i have a meeting at 10am tomorrow and i've been having trouble getting up in the morning#PLUS tomorrow i'm finally gonna meet up with the student's office to discuss my special needs status#and what options I have to not have this school year completely ruin me#oh yeah right this september i applied for and got accepted to have special needs status for mental health reasons!!!!#(my university especializes in psychology and they - on paper - can grant the status to students with chronic mental health#that suffers from a chronic mental illness that's considered very severe that is frequently debilitating)#that significantly affects their academic experience)#both of which are my case. it's not very common tho so I'm fortunate they accepted me for the status!!)#anyway the council was supposed to inform my raging bitch of an advisor that i have the status#so we could write down a schedule that would better fit my needs#thing is she seems to have no idea#and I haven't brought it up yet#because 1.) i don't know how to#and 2.) i'm constantly scared she'll think i'm like. leaning on my status too much or throwing a “pity party” or something#which - objetively speaking - is a bit of a silly thought because my uni has given me the status because (cont.)#they felt it was fair and reasonable and that I have the right to have an uni experience that better fits my needs#BUT THAT'S THE THING LIKE there's this looming feeling in the back of my head that gives me massive imposter syndrome
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bro I need the rheumatologist the doctor I’m seeing allegedly referred to me immediately. If I have to go on living like this I might actually kms lol
#going to stand at work for eight hours while my legs feel like they’re on fire 👍#fully aware I’ll spend my day off tomorrow laying in bed and suffering instead of enjoying my 20s like I should be 👍#love my life :)#genuinely. how do I go about living my life like this#I just spent the last 5 years working toward a degree I can’t even use bc my body can’t physically handle field work#like I rly did try with field work this summer. but I spent all of august suffering and pretending I wasn’t <33#but now I’m completely unemployable outside of custome service bc I have a useless degree#for anything but archaeology/anthro#and I also don’t do anything outside of work bc I physically can’t handle it. like I need to spend my time off of work recovering from work#I have no life and I rly don’t know if I have a future lol#but whatever#it is what it is ig#op
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
:D
#Like. i need a new mindset around weed cause I’m genuinely trying to demonize my actions cause like ‘ahhh drugs on a Thursday night’ but#genuinely this is a magical experience#because I was gonna lay in bed all night being SO MAD at my body for not working and being upset that I was tired and in pain#and instead I said well fuck. if I can’t do the homework I want because my body hurts anyway. might as well take weed#and I took 2.5mg of weed and 5mg of cbd. like that is a teeny tiny eeny weeny amount#and yes I can still feel my headache but mostly I’m disassociated from it. mostly I’m floating in the sky feeling calm and serene. and I’m#just reading fic. honestly haven’t even been enjoying it much although I think I just found one with some promise#but just. resting and being in bed with a calm mind rather than doing work and focusing on all the things I have to do.#weed turns my brain off and truly nothing else can. and I appreciate that. i truly need the unravel time. v#i act like it’s so noble to stay sober and make myself suffer but sometimes taking drugs is the only way for me to function and that’s okay#that’s not addict behavior that’s chronic pain#boom blogs high
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do?#me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care#but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour#away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from#sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont#care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it#manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean#i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking#measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her#new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted#ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning#for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering#and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself#amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads#god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im#putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do#so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u#productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh#look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment#whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh#but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see#uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs#unrelated
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#feeling very. Bad lately#in a despondent 'there is no future at least not for me' kind of way#hard to feel optimistic about anything. if I think for more than five minutes about the more than immediate day to day future#I get lost in a fugue of scenarios that will never come to pass because I'm too willing and ready to just be a tool and not a person#to everyone in my life and somehow still pretend day in and day out that I'm actually living a life#I constantly feel like I'm sixteen years old and never got the guidebook for life beyond hs#don't have a job and can't find one without access to transportation and my hours would be severely limited by my caretaking duties#ostensibly I have all the free time in the world right and just absolutely no drive to do anything at all with it#except lay in bed and suffer anxiety over everyone else's problems and my limited/un-ability to solve all of them#logically I am aware this is ridiculous and self-sabotaging and also impossible and also NOT on me to fix#but I've never been any good at treating myself the way I feel the desire to treat everyone else. my problems aren't worth fixing etc#life is and just always has been something that happens to other people#and most days I'm fine with that. I can find some silly interest to lose myself in and not think about it.#I'm very good at disappearing somewhere else. I don't need to exprience anything. my brain is great at theater#but right now it's just nothing. and so reality crashing in on many sides at once is destroying me a bit#I've also got a migraine right now so that helps tremendously. obviously#maybe if I make dinner now before I become completely useless I can just go to sleep early#I know this'll pass. It is what it is. I'm just Tired. and wish everything were different. y'know.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
the worst feeling in the world is thinking you understand something and then taking a quiz on it and realizing that actually, you understood nothing at all
#damien.txt#my quiz grade wasn't That bad but it was also... not good#and i am frustrated because i feel like a lot of the stuff on the quiz was. not really discussed in depth in class#and now really all i want to do is go home and lay down in bed and maybe cry a bit#because i cannot deal with academic failure#but also i have a whole project due today that i need to work on so. literally cant do that#sighh. considering going to my professor's office hours to talk to him about this quiz bc. some of the questions man.#also maybe i can get him to take pity on me <3#i think i am maybe doing not as good as most of the people in this class which is.... rough. humbling.#i don't think that's ever happened to me before. but i think a lot of this is going over my head maybe#and bc this has never happened before i have no idea how to ask for help!!! ahhhhh!!!#literally it's compounding so much actually. like im getting lower grades on essays in this class than i ever have before in other classes#and it can't be that my writing is worse or something because i'm still getting higher grades in other classes?#so i guess it must be that i dont understand the content as well. but i literally have no idea what i don't understand#ahhhhh. Ahhhh!!! this class is not even in my field it's literally just a required class for my major!!!#i'm a literature major but we have to take like an 'advanced rhetoric' class and i took rhetorical historiography for some reason#and now. suffering. so much.#okay time to go. stare at a wall for an hour. and then start my project#academic.......... weapon...........................
0 notes
Text
oh, the unmatched relief of cancelled plans
#Seven.txt#cw dentist#i was supposed to be laying in the dentist chair rn but instead i am comfy and cozy in my bedroom ehehe#i say ehehe but i’m actually not all that giddy abt having the appt. delayed. like yeah cancelled plans r great in the short term#but i was already ready to go!! i only got 3hrs of sleep so i could get up and get ready in time for my appointment today#and then while i’m in the middle of putting my boots on they call me and let me know the assistant isn’t there today#and he needs his assistant for my procedure so they gotta reschedule me. which is like fine it’s nbd but also#i already got all mentally prepared to go and forced myself out of bed for nothing. AND this delays the other future appointments as well#but it’s fine as long as it all gets done before he retires at the end of the year it’s all good#so anyways now i can at least use this unexpected free time to do some other stuff that i wanna do instead#and yeah i Could go back to bed but that’d fuck up my sleep schedule even more. so i shall just suffer through the Tired today#it worked out anyways cause my father was able to move his afternoon appt. up into my appt’s vacant slot so he’s in that chair rn instead#which is good cause i felt bad that he got up early to drive me and then. they had to reschedule me anyways. so it all ended up working out#and now i’ve got about 18 more days before i’ve gotta worry abt going again!
1 note
·
View note
Text
realized that satan and mephisto are the ones that bring me comfort in certain moments simply because they dont care all that much. they are the guys who just let me be, who wont fawn over me and try to get me better. if im already extremely overwhelmed its nice to have a person that doesnt care.
#i love levi with all my heart but in my mind he'd just have to help me. he wants me to get better and is prepared to do anything to get....#... me there as soon as possible.#same for literally all of my blorbo's. in my mind they care too much to watch me suffer.#but for me at some moments that can be entirely too taxing. it means that besides my own situation i'll also have to feel responsible for..#... someone else and their feelings. thats too much. i love you dearly but at this moment i cannot handle your love. im sorry#ik that none of this would be my fault etc. etc. but thats not changing my feelings.#so. its nice to have characters like mephi or satan. i imagine them sitting next to me while im laying on a bed.#he's just reading a book next to me or whatever else. he doesnt mind me.#i get to lay there without being bothered. knowing that the person whos protecting me is doing only that.#he knows damn well that ill get up again. and if i dont hes prepared to step in. but not now.#now is a time for silence. theres nothing to do about my situation and worrying about it wont help. so we sit. we lay.#if he gets up to grab a snack he gets some for me aswell. if he notices my eyes wetting he'll place the tissues closeby.#if i try to reach for his hand he'll let me. but he wont reach to me. he wont move for just my accord. i get to be.#idk if that makes sense#im having a bit of a feelings moment. can you tell??#lol#im fine dont worry =w=bb#sillyposting#yippee
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
blue-hair-chick
Blue Hair Chick
emotionaldisgrace
Crowned.
dogconfessions
Dog (Owner) Confessions
weewtomee
WeewTomee