#i know why he sees everyone else as worthless because that's exactly how everyone he knew saw him first; he was supposed to be loved | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thesharktanksdriver · 1 year

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Ragnarok with a Kobeni-like contestant (platonic)

Warning: mention of terrible parents, mention of sex work, spoilers for the show and Spoiler: for Kobeni backstory

It’s safe to say that out of all of the contestants of ragnarok you are definitely the one out

Partially because you weren’t brought back to life

Instead you were just asked by Brunhilde to join her cause

And you hesitantly accepted to join

Now along with that your also meek like really meek compared to everyone else

Hell when the Valkyrie brought you to meet the others you were shaking

It’s definitely a bit departure from what everyone assumed to be the deadliest assassin humanity has seen yet

But the greatest warriors know not to judge a foe by their appearance

And you certainly are the epitome of that gesture

Because beneath your crying and shaking face lies someone capable of taking down entire rooms filled with men twice your size without much effort

A truly fierce some foe that is befit to challenge a god

But not even you can recognize your own talent despite how others try to convince you so

“My names y/n l/n. I’m 20 years old… the job I do is… a secret. My hobby is eating tasty stuff”

Adam is the first to approach you of the bunch mostly because of his fatherly instincts kicking in

I mean here you are

This small scared young kid who is shaking like a leaf

Surrounded In a room with bulky powerful historical figures

From that moment on he kinda just stays by your side doing his best to support you

He sees within you a deep power

Something that most would flaunt around yet you don’t even recognize

You constantly talk down to yourself and your achievements which makes the progenitor of man upset

It’s obvious this lack of confidence is basically woven into you

And he’s unsure if it’s just in your nature or someone else is the cause of it

Either way Adam makes it a goal of his to help you

For you are one of his children and he’d be damned if he didn’t help

That’s why he introduces you to the rest of his family

Warning them beforehand that you need a confidence boost desperately

And so they do just that

Adam and Eve become the parents you never had

They are kind and supportive along with patient with you

They wipe away your tears every Time you cry from having such a good meal or thank them

Eve makes you little lunches that have small notes of encouragement to make you smile

Cain and Abel are the brothers you wish you had

There are no hurtful words of calling you useless or saying your only good for making money

The two instead playfully talk about how your the most precious person they’ve met

Even though you have your own room/living area in the arena you end up staying at theirs a lot

Unlike your room theirs is filled with laughter and warmth

The only place you truly felt the sense of “home” in a place

It’s a slow process but you begin to sometime slip up and mention your parent’s treatment of you

How they view you as worthless compared to your brother

How your the figurative work mule for his dreams and being forced to sacrifice your own

It doesn’t exactly surprise them but it certainly makes Adam and his family even more determined to make you feel at home with them

You better hope your parents aren’t attending the event cause mama Eve and papa Adam are gone be giving them the ultimate side eye

Plus a good talking too if they dare even approach you

Meanwhile Cain and Abel are distracting you by getting some of the other human fighters to join their argument of why your the most wholesome person

Adam also definitely takes to training with you

Partially because he’s worried of how you’ll fair against a god

But like many others is pleasantly surprised by your skill

In battle it’s seems as if a switch flips in your mind

You go from scared to dead serious

It reminds him of animals in the wild

The primal urge of survival setting in as you spar with Bü Lu

Your quick in both reaction time and in speed

Because of your smaller stature it makes you harder to hit compared to the rather bulky build of many others

Not to mention that because of your nature and appearance you have the upper hand of being underestimated by almost everyone

Which is seemingly one of your best qualities since it leads to your opponents being cocky and thinking they could easy kill you

Before you did it before they could even strike

During these sparring matches he takes a lot of your qualities and makes note of them for his own future battle

Yet when he tells you this you dismiss your talents yet again

But with your shy smile he can at least tell some of his words had affected you

At some point you began calling him dad and all he does is smile before ruffling your hair

Eve now Always prepares an extra plate of food just for you

And his sons make sure to make an extra comfy place for you to sleep

Qin Shi Huang is another who seemingly takes to you as a mentor figure

You remind him of himself as a child

Someone forced through brutally and made to bare it

He first hand knows what that can do to someone and your a prime example of that

In his life he at least had Chun Yan who had lifted him up

Taught him not to just grin and bare the insults and cruelty that was always presented to him

But it seems to him you had no one but yourself

And eventually it wore you down

Or perhaps you just accepted it from the start

So much like Adam the former Emperor of China begins trying to help you as best he can

Firstly by telling you to see the value in yourself

Which he does by literally ordering you as emperor to do so (lol)

Every day he makes you acknowledge that you are smart

That you’ve been chosen for a reason and not to diminish yourself

He also goes with you when your shopping around the arena so you don’t have to worry about money

Which you do a lot

Yeah the moment he sees you contemplating whether to buy something or something else cause of your budget he’s just straight up buying an entire store

You try to tell him not too but he does so anyways

Telling you to accept what he and others give to you

Including their help

Whenever your not having dinner with Adam’s family he invites you to dine with him

His room is filled with antiquities of his time

Fine silks and giant a giant feast that you give into eating

Along with that he also gives you nicknames

Stuff that have a meaning behind them in his tongue of ancient Chinese

All of which link back to you in battle

Training with you is certainly a fun challenge especially as he sees you go from one side of a scale personality wise to another

It fills him with pride as your able to take down foes bigger than you with ease

It’s like watching a rabbit game down a wolf or bear

You don’t expect it but once you see it happens it changes your view of predator and prey

It goes to show that anyone can be a threat if pushed far enough

How the tiniest nation can rise and defeat those who stood might and strong for centuries just because they were smarter

After these training session and battles he always pats you on the back and patches up your minimal wounds

He often jokes that you’d make a great kings guard for him if your up for it

You always bashfully say you couldn’t possibly do that

But he always reminds you that an emperor such as himself doesn’t offer such an opportunity to someone they didn’t think deserved it

You don’t even notice it but his and everyone else’s efforts slowly begin to help you build up your self esteem

It’s a slow process

But one that begins to show results over time

Results that make him happy as you now don’t seem to shake or flinch whenever someone looks at you

Back in his childhood he couldn’t help himself as he does now

So he knows you need that push to begin seeing yourself as worthy of having good happen to you

To know you are valued

That you are seen as a good friend

Another of the human fighters you get along well with is Kojiro

The so called biggest loser in history

It’s kinda funny since your brother used to compare you to him

Saying how you were him reborn or something along those lines

It’s disheartening to him of how you look down on yourself

Your such a talented young mind yet the thing that seems to be holding you back is yourself

You are your worse enemy from him others words had ingrained themselves into you so deeply

Unlike the others who work to make you more confident Kojiro focuses on just making you happy and content

He always greets you with a kind smile

Or invites you to sit down for some lunch and tea

He is a calming presence

Like a nice autumn day or a summer breeze

One that eases your nervousness as the older man acts as a rock you can lean to other than Adam

When things get intense you sometimes lean instinctively behind him which makes him laugh

Despite being history’s “biggest loser” he’s surprisingly ok with people calling him that

He takes it almost as a badge or pride or a joke

It’s confusing to you but you don’t question it

Just assuming the older man has thicker skin than you

Training with him is especially interesting considering he’s one of the few who can properly defend against your approach of quick and swift attacks

He makes for a fun challenge and never calls you names

In fact he actually compliments your fighting and admits that your a fearsome foe

There may or may not have been a few times where you called him grandpa without knowing and he couldn’t help but smile

Jack the Ripper is one who seeks you out on his own

You have the constant colour of fear dying you

Almost as if it was the only thing you could feel

It intrigues him

So he sets out to figure out why you constantly feel that way and

Oh-

Yeah he kinda quickly realizes you must’ve had a fucked home life

Takes one to know one as he and Qin Shi quickly realized

He is an English gentleman through and through so he takes to interacting with you as if your porcelain

Your fragile maybe not physically since your fighting against the gods but mentally you are

And despite how fear usually makes him excited it worries him when it comes to you

Especially as he begins to gain a soft spot for your shy and meek self

Despite knowing the atrocities he’s claimed to commit (even if he isn’t the real Jack the Ripper) you cling to him

See him as a protector of sorts

Hiding behind him and his jacket

Or tugging at his sleeve to indicate you feel to nervous to interact with a bunch of people

It’s sweet

And now you have a literal serial killer as a friend

Your emotional support who’s a serial killer

Though to be fair you also had down your fair share of killing due to your job

Other than Adam he’s the only one you tell your actual profession of being an Assassin

He is definitely kinda surprised but doesn’t know what else he was expecting

Considering he’s seen your fighting

Jack is sympathetic to you when you sometimes slip up and mention how bad your parents are

How they don’t care for you and neither does your brother who they love more

It reminds him of his mom but at least at some point she pretended to love him

You never even had that

Because of his ability to basically see people’s emotions he ends up knowing when he needs to help calm you down

And he also tells the others when their getting a bit much for you to Handle

When it does get too much he brings you to his room

Victorian decor filling it as he pours you a cup of tea

He talks about Shakespeare and recites the stories to calm you down

So you can focus on that instead of the world

It works pretty well especially since his accent is soothing

Your parents best watch out especially as unlike Adam and Eve he wont hesitate to actually harm them

Plus all the other human fighters would probably cover for him lol

Surprisingly enough Göll the Valkyrie ends up becoming friends with you quite easily due to your similar meek nature to her own

Brunhilde is the one who suggests for her younger sister to meet you and it goes really well!

Göll is a kind soul

One that is gentle and good spirited just as yourself if you weren’t thrusted into such a cruel situation

It makes you happy though that she’s not like you

That people care enough for her not to be hurt constantly by words and being thrown into battle

She often finds herself eating with you during lunch with a few other fighters

It’s through you she actually begins to get to know them better

Most of them she had found herself too intimidated to speak to but with you she sees that they aren’t as bad as they initially appear

It’s also through you she sees a different version of herself

One that didn’t have her kind but stern sisters

Someone who the world gave up on

And seeing that makes her both grateful and worried for your sake

You are kind and caring yet you don’t think of yourself as anything other than a burden

It makes her happy though that the others are trying to help you

It goes to show to her that some of the scariest people in history can still do some semblance of good

That despite it all humanity is worth it

It kinda opens her eyes as to why her elder sister is fighting so hard to win

Cause humanity might be full of bad but there’s also good to balance it out

And it’s perhaps because of this that she volunteered herself to be your weapon in your battle

The night before the first round starts everyone decides to have a night of partying

It’s the first ever thing you’d been invited to so you decides to dress nice (or we’ll as nice as you could with the limited hand-me-down’s given to you by your older sibling)

When you arrive everyone is surprised to see you actually smiling shyly

Adam Welcomes you to the Table where everyone is sitting before Qin Shi wraps an arm around your shoulder pulling you to sit near him

Kojiro sits beside Soji and Raiden whom all had begun drinking Sake in some sort of competition

Jack sits on the other side of you and gives a polite smile that you mimic back

He drinks tea unlike the others who enjoy the burning taste of alcohol

Tesla is seemingly talking to Nostradamus about some invention

Simo is feeding his dog some treats as Sakata pets said dog

Lü Bu and Leonidas recounts war stories

Rasputin is already passed out after drinking

The entire mood is cheery

Laughter fills the air as music plays from a record player that Tesla had modified

Eventually Qin Shi is somehow able to get you to relax enough to have a drink

Your definitely a lightweight so as you drink very aged alcohol you end up very drunk very fast

Adam had to cut you off as he saw how you could barely stop

You drunkenly complain since you enjoy the frothing beer that leaves a small bubbling moustache on you that makes Lü Bu comment that you now look manly

It’s also there that in your drunken stupor that you talk about how you ended up as an assassin in the first place

“I was forced into it… my parents only care about my gifted brother… they want to put him through collage, so they put me to work… my options were to become a sex worker or an assassin. I wanted to go to collage too!!! But I’m gonna die here!!, and what’s worse is that this has been the best time of my life but I know I’m gonna die”

At this everyone goes quiet as your drunken giggles mix with a few sobs

the tragedy of your life is now revealed

A tragic symphony now complete from the bits and pieces that had slipped out earlier

There’s a shared sentiment of sympathy from the other fighters for you

The fact that someone could do that to their own child

That they valued one over the other

It’s a moment that they all will forever remember especially as you laugh at your own pain

Your own anguish as if it were a joke

Cause in reality you were just a joke to your parents

To your brother whom you had to give everything to

But with that now shared it also brings up why you joined this cause in the first place

So Nicola is the one to ask why

“I joined cause… if I spent my entire life working for them just for the humanity to be killed then what did I work for?. I would’ve spent my entire life for nothing… and at least fighting for humanity for a chance means I did something, that I tried to save people, that I tried to save my own future if I somehow get out of this…That for once I fought for myself”

During the actual competition you end up watching in the stands with the other fighters

You get front row seats and luckily with comes you being able to yell out encouragement with the others

In between rounds there’s a few days of preparation so you get to training with the others usually

For round one you end up sitting Bessie Lü Bu’s lieutenant Cheng and the rest of his soldiers whom you’d gotten to know at this point

And with that come the unfortunate consequence of the first round

It’s hard watching someone you got close to die

seeing how the general went out with a smile you can’t say he died in vain

But seeing his men valiantly follow him in death is also something that hits you hard

Like really hard

Sure you had only known them for about a month but in that short time you had finally found people you considered your friends

And that in turn scares you for everyone else’s fates

Especially since you know Adam is next

So you train with him perilously

And when the time comes for his battle you have him copy your abilities as an extra slide of hand

You watch anxiously beside Cain and Abel as they both wrap an arm around you for your comfort

Eve occasionally checks to see if your ok which makes you give a nervous smile

It’s obvious you aren’t but you say you alright anyways

The battle comes to a close

Adam left almost for dead with Zeus as the victor

Adam is taken to extensive care and your left spiralling as the others try to console you that it would be alright

That he wasn’t dead but healing

That humanity wasn’t doomed just yet

Göll has the same mindset as you but tries to keep you positive which you appreciate

And then comes Kojiro vs Poseidon

At this point you were terrified for Kojiro but cheered for him nether the less despite how now one did at first

And as the battle progressed you did your hardest to make sure he heard your encouragement

If there was a god you could pray to you probably would’ve lol

You were definitely happy not to be up against Poseidon especially with his cutting remarks

And then despite the impossible Kojiro wins

And you and the crowd goes wild

When he’s brought to the intermarry where Adam still rests you give the older man a big hug

And spend your free time not training with him

But time goes quick and a week passes within the blink of an eye

Your round is up next and it’s not only your life on the line but also your dear friend Göll

You know you can’t lose

“There’s no such thing as a life free of bad things… except in your dreams. But today I gotta make a good thing happen no matter what ”

For your round you go up against Heracles

Someone who you had actually met prior to the match

He had found you scared in a crowd and being pushed around

You just took it

Not fighting back at all

And it didn’t feel right to him so he stepped in and helped you

He saw a lot of himself in you and you remain him of his old friend

So when he sees he’s up against you it feels wrong to him

You look so frightened

So fucking terrified

Even the gods are wondering why they sent you out against him

It feels as if sending out a pawn to die

A sacrificial lamb to the slaughter

What could a scared child do against the Heracles

Some wouldn’t admit it but their disdain for humanity grew for the fact this seemed cruel

Almost immediately he asks you to stand down

To give up

But despite how much you shake you don’t back down

Telling him that you agreed to fight

That you had to fight for humanity’s sake

And when the horn is blown the fight begins in a replica city of modern times

Glass skyscrapers that touch the sky

Empty streets with a few cars placed in a few places

As the god ready’s himself he sees you get into position

The tears nod drained away as a serious expression replaces it

“G-Göll says you mean a lot to her and I don’t think your a bad person…I don’t have to kill you to win, all I have to do is get you to tap out or where you can’t fight me anymore”

His eyes widen slightly

And then he nods

“Same goes to you then”

It begins

It’s immediate that one advantage you have over him is speed and agility

He is bulky and much slower compared to you but makes up for that in power an defence

You attack carefully

Quick and swift cuts of your blade as Göll encouraged you in your mind

The environment of alleyways and the cover of cars

Distantly you think of the other fighters

Of the injured Adam and his family

Of Qin Shin

Of everyone depending on you to win

Of your future beyond this

The future you want instead of slaving away and the killing you do for your ungrateful brother

In that moment as you dodge one of his attacks you promise yourself that you’d go to collage

That for the first time in your life after coming here you’d live truly

You get more focused

More precise in where to hit him as to wear him down

Attack after attack

Blow after blow

No matter how many times he almost hit you

Or you got scraped by an attack you just keep pushing

Cause it’s not just humanity’s life on the line

It’s Göll’s

It’s your own

And then after what feels like hours you do it

You get that final hit to bring down the metaphorical to crumble castle down

He crashes into the asphalt

It crumbles it bits around him and you watch anxious as he tries to get up but can’t

And for the first time since it started it feels as if you could finally breath

He didn’t die like you said and you win by wounding him enough to the point he can’t fight anymore

You forgot he swore to do the Sam etching for you

And you expect him to be mad at you

To yell

To curse you

To promise to strike you down once this is all over

And yet despite loosing he laughs

One that is just full of pure joy instead of malice and disdain like your used to

You sniffle and crack your eyes open to see him moon up at you with pure amazement

“And so the 4th round of Ragnarok goes to the humans!. Y/n had injured Heracles to the point of not being able to fight anymore!”

It feel surreal as those words ring out in the stadium

People are cheering for you

You

The person who was told their entire life that they were nothing but a waste of space

Just a tool to get the more worthy child into collage as you wasted away

Tears bubble up in your eyes that quickly spill over the edge

You bow, thanking the crowd before turning to the injured god and helping him up

As you help him up he smiles

Grabbing your hand and lifting up up to the air as a sign of your victory

And for the first time in your life you feel yourself cry from happiness

To smile so brightly that it could rival the sun

That it hurt your cheeks from it being so wide

Or that you actually feel accomplished for once

“I won…I won!.”

“You did. That was a good fight, thank you. What are you gonna do after this?”

“I’m…I’m gonna go to collage like I always wanted. I’m gonna start living for myself and not for my parents. You hear that!, I’m not sending money to you anymore it’s my life now!”

#ror x reader #platonic #records of ragnarok x reader #ror adam x reader #ror qin shi huang x reader #ror Kojiro x reader #ror Heracles x reader #ror jack the ripper x reader

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taedsyh · 8 months

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✼ ҉ Fighting with your alcoholic husband! Re6 Leon Kennedy

All I can think about Re6!Leon is fight fight and fight 🥺

His words broke your heart, and you were tired of feeling worthless.

You gave him a disappointed look.

"You're drunk."

“I’m not drunk,” Leon said, though it was obvious to anyone with two eyes in their head that he most certainly was.

“You always say the meanest things when you’re drunk.”

“I don’t say anything I don’t mean,” he said.

That was the end for you, your heart was so broken you felt tears in your eyes.

You used to dismiss everything he said as drunk, but not anymore.

You sigh in disappointment.

"So you want to finish?"

“I don’t know. I can give you a hundred reasons to stay, and you can give me a thousand reasons to leave. I’m just tired of trying to please you, and that’s why I drink.”

“I drink to cope.”

“I drink because I don’t know how to do anything else.”

“I drink myself to sleep at night.”

“I drink myself drugged when I’m awake.”

“I drink because I'm me. Because I'm Leon.”

You shake your head in disappointment

"I thought you were strong."

“I’m broken.” Said Leon at the moment you said that. He took a sip of his beer.

“I’m nothing but broken.”

“I’m a goddamn broken hero, and you don’t want me because I’m too much for you.”

You frown in frustration as you see he's still drinking

"You're not the only one who's had bad experiences. You're not the only one who's been through these fucking traumas!"

“I was a secret agent. I dealt with death and destruction every day. I killed people because it was my job.”

“You can’t compare that to your shitty college experience!”

“You think I had it easy? I was dealing with monsters and creatures and bioweapons that could kill a village and destroy a city!” He started screaming.

You sigh to stay calm, because you would scream right away too if you didn't help yourself

"We live in the same world."

“But I’ve had it worse!” Leon shouted. “You’ve never had it worse in your life! You don’t understand one damn thing I’ve been through!”

“You’ve had a perfect life compared to me! You don’t know what true suffering is!”

You sigh in disappointment and had to try harder to hold back your tears.

"I won't argue with you anymore."

He sat in his chair and was pissed off.

“Good.” Said Leon, his tone turning cold. “I don’t want to argue either. Why do you care so much about me anyway?” He shouted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I’m a drunken, useless piece of shit who has nothing but alcohol and a job that drives me to drink.” He took another sip.

“You’re always so mad at me, what's wrong?”

"Fine, keep feeling sorry for yourself."

You walked to the door to leave the room, you didn't want to argue anymore.

The sound of a bottle breaking on the wall made you turn around. Leon had thrown another bottle against the wall.

“You’re all the same!” He yelled. “Everyone is the same!”

“Everyone just leaves like everything is fine.”

It was a tantrum you had dealt with before, and you couldn’t do it again. But you couldn’t leave it either.

You turned back to him, your gaze falling on the broken bottle, and you frowned.

"Because you push everyone away."

"What do you care?!" Said Leon, and his voice began to crack. "Why do you keep trying to make it work? I'm just a drunk pushing you away!"

He rose from his chair and began pacing.

"What do you care?"

"WHY DO YOU WANT TO FIX ME?!"

When he yelled at me, you couldn't hold back my tears

"Because I love you!"

“But why?!” Leon cried out, his eyes beginning to water. “Why do you love me?”

“Why are you always trying to make things work?”

“Why are you trying to fix me?”

“Why do you just love me?”

“I’m not worth your love.”

You took a deep breath to stop your tears, you felt too bad to speak

“Just tell me why you love me, damn it!” Leon shouted, breaking down and finally showing his vulnerability. His lips were trembling and his eyes were full of tears.

“Why do you love me so much when no one else does?”

“That's exactly why.”

His words broke your heart, you wanted to hug him, but you didn't dare

"Because I love you… I don't have any long explanations or reasons. I just love who you're. I love that despite everything you've been through, you're able to move on…"

“I can’t move on!” He said and his voice cracked. He wiped the tears from his eyes and sighed. “I’m stuck in a rut that I can’t get out of. I’m not the same man you knew. I’m worse off, I just don’t want to admit it.”

“I’m just a broken man with a broken heart, with broken dreams.”

You have lowered your gaze as you wipe away the tears that continue to flow

"You won't let me help you. You prefer fucking drinks to me."

“Because the bottle never judges me! The bottle never yells at me! The bottle is always there for me when I need it!!!”

“The bottle never says it hates me!”

“The bottle never leaves me!”

“The damn bottle cares more about me than you do!”

What he said only broke your heart more. With a sigh, you continue to wipe away your tears.

"If you prefer the damn bottle… okay."

“Then just go ahead and leave me! Just like everyone else!”

He wiped the tears from his eyes and sighed, his tone turning cold again.

“Don’t try to pretend you care.”

“You’ll leave, just like everyone else always does.”

All you wanted to do was hug him and help him and be by his side, but he wouldn't let you.

"I'm tired of trying."

“You’re tired of trying?” Leon asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

“What did you actually do?"

“What have you done to help me and not yourself?”

The moment you said that, something broke inside him. He threw the beer bottle against the wall. It shattered into a million tiny pieces, one of which cut into his cheek as he screamed.

“Don’t pretend you tried, don’t pretend you know how I feel, damn it!”

"I've been trying! I'm trying!"

Your voice was hoarse as you saw the cut on his cheek.

"Your cheek is bleeding."

Leon touched his cheek with his hands, pulled them away and showed blood on his hands.

“Great, now I’m bleeding.”

He turned away and wiped his hands on his black shirt. Then he sighed and put a hand to his chin.

“I don’t need any help.”

“I’m fine.”

"Wait, I'll get a Band-Aid."

You ran through the house, found the band-aid you were looking for, and came back.

He sighed and shook his head.

“I don’t need your damn help.”

But when he saw the patch, he decided to swallow it.

“Gimme.”

You gave to him.

He took it and stuck it on his cheek.

“I don’t need your help, damn it…"

But his tone was a little softer and maybe even a little grateful.

You stopped looking at him and looked around the room. You were tired and just wanted to sleep. But staying here didn't seem like such a good idea. You think it would be better to stay with a friend.

"I'm going to go. We'll talk more later when you're sober."

Leon's facial expression changed instantly. The emotions now visible on his face were regret and despair.

"Don't go..."

"This isn't working, Leon."

"It is working," He said, his tone a bit harsh. "It's working because… we just need communication. Communication and compromise. Do not pretend that me being a drunk bastard is the only thing that's wrong with us."

"There was an issue with me before I started drinking. You just refuse to acknowledge that."

"At least we used to be able to talk properly."

"But we never did!" He said, more harsh than he wanted it to be. "You refuse to tell me anything because you think I can't handle it! You pretend everything is fine when it's not!"

"I hate how this is turning into a damn game, where you won't tell me what's wrong to save yourself pain! We both know there's an issue that you won't tell me, you won't give me a chance to prove myself, to fix it!"

You kept staring at him in disappointment.

"I don't know if I can do it anymore."

"What to do?" He asked, his voice breaking slightly with sadness and frustration. "Is that it? Are you just going to give up on me? Is that what you want?!"

"It's always a damn fight! Always acting like you don't care!"

"What do you want from us anymore?"

Your whole heart aching. Was this really how it was going to end?

"I guess there's nothing left to do now."

“So… that’s it? You’re just going to leave me?”

His tone was soft, almost a whisper.

“It’s over? You're just going to walk away?”

He put the bottle down and looked away with tears in his eyes.

He already knew the answer. He was just hoping he could change your mind.

“Please… please don’t go…"

You sighed in frustration.

"Do you realize that we are repeating the same thing over and over again?"

“So what?!?” He said, his tone loud and aggressive. “So what if it’s repetitive doesn’t mean we can’t fix it!”

“We can compromise… We can work through it together…"

“But you don’t compromise at all… … you don’t even give me a chance to solve the problem. You just walk away.”

He looked away, searching for the bottle, but it was out of reach. He wanted so much to take a sip of alcohol.

“Please... don’t go…"

"Will it always be like this? The argument, the breakup, and the reconciliation. That's all we do."

Leon tried to argue against it, but he knew you were right. You were always fighting about something, whether it was his drinking or his attitude. And you always broke up and came back within a couple of hours or so.

“It doesn’t have to be that way. We can work through this. You refuse to see that I can be better.”

“I’m trying to change, you refuse to see that I can be better.”

“I’m trying to change, you just refuse to see that too.”

“What if I promise to stop drinking?”

"You don't keep your promises, we've tried that before."

“I can do it this time.”

It sounded pathetic, and he knew it. But he had to stop drinking if it was going to work, and he was willing to try.

“I’m sorry I broke my promises. I know I have a problem. It’s hard. But for you, I can make it work.”

“I’ll… i’m going to stop and never do it again. I swear on my life.”

You avert your gaze, uncertainly

"I don't know, Leon."

“Please… please give me another chance.”

He was desperate enough to get down on his knees, but he refused. This was too pathetic, even for him.

“I swear on everything in my life.”

“I'll change, just… please, give me another chance to make it up to you. I hate to see you suffer.”

“Please… don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. I love you.” He said. He really did love you, deep down, he just couldn’t show it.

"Do you really want to stop drinking? "

“I promise. I promise I won’t let you down again. I… it’s one of my problems, I know, so I’ll do better for you.”

“I want more than anything to make it work.”

He put his hands on your knees.

“Please… please give me another chance.”

Slowly, you put your arms around him. You were too much in love with him to leave him

His eyes widened as he slowly let his guard down.

You didn’t go, so you were going to fix it. Or at least you weren’t done with him yet, and he wasn’t going to be done with you yet. The only thing he wanted at the moment was you.

He put his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug. His eyes closed immediately as he breathed in your scent and tried to enjoy your closeness again.

He was relieved. No more screaming, no more anger, no more fighting. Just two lovers embracing and happy.

His nose pressed against your neck and he sniffed softly. He could smell your scent, he could hear your heartbeat and even your breath. He knew you were real, and that gave him a feeling he had not experienced in a long time.

After a few moments, he let go of you so he could look at you.

“I love you.” He said. “I… can’t lose you.”

・❥・English is not my native language, sorry if I made mistakes.

#leon kennedy #resident evil 6 #resident evil leon #leon x reader #leon kennedy resident evil #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy re6 #resident evil

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atlasscrumpit · 6 months

Text

🔞Priest Miguel au🔞

(Priest au means Miguel is a Priest duh. Also means that if you don't want to read about things that may offend your religion that do not read on! If you read on and still get offended that is your problem and you're dumb as hell. It's like someone warning you not to walk into wet concrete yet you walk in it and blame the guy who laid the concrete)

🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞

Miguel watched everyone leave, exhausted from his day as he took a sip of water to clear his throat.

When he turned back around he saw someone still sitting.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" He asked as he began to walk towards them.

From the moment he saw your eyes he knew exactly what you were.

He took a step back and gripped the cross around his neck.

"Leave now." He growled as you looked at him and tilted your head.

"I'm not causing any harm." You said innocently as he looked at you with such hatred and disgust.

You hated the fact that he despised you only based on the fact that you were a demon.

"You look at me with such disgust, yet you have no idea who I am." You said, staring into his eyes.

"You are a demon, a disgusting creature sent here to tempt me." He said as you looked away and chuckled a little.

"It's sweet that you think you're important enough for me to tempt. I'm not here to cause any harm, just here to see what all the fuss about religion is." You muttered as he continued to keep his distance.

"You don't fool me, demon. I have spent my life learning about heaven and hell." He said making you chuckle again.

"Yet you know nothing about heaven or hell. But, I should be honest with you. I don't work for hell, not anymore at least. I'm here on earth to see why humans like it so much... I find it interesting that everything that you consider a sin is everything that makes a human...human. You preach a God that wants to make his people suffer, a God that would torture you if you didn't follow. Do you know who else does that? My master in hell, your God isn't that different from him." You say slowly circling the priest like a shark.

"Do not compare God to a demon! He protects, he loves and he keeps us safe." He said as you smiled and continued to look at him.

"Don't think of yourself as so high and mighty. You are filled with sins, all of them and I know how badly you want to let go." You whispered slowly approaching him.

"Don't you want to see what it means to be human? And not just a worthless follower? Don't you want to feel?" You whispered as Miguel began to feel an odd sensation in his body.

"Stop this now demon, before I destroy you!" He shouted before he backed away and braced himself against the podium.

"All I'm doing is letting your desires free. Heaven and hell is a plague! The sooner you see that the better." You said before the sensation stopped in Miguel.

"Why are you doing this? Why me!" He shouted as you stepped back a little and took a breath.

"I don't know..." You whispered as he looked at you in shock.

"You don't know why you're here?" He asked as you chuckled a little and looked away from him.

"I've been running from my destiny for centuries... I felt like my time was running out when I started being plagued with visions...of you. I tracked you down and I found you here...and now I don't even know." You muttered as the priest looked at you in confusion.

He couldn't believe how human you were, he didn't expect a demon to act like this.

"You ran from you duties?" He asked, you noticed he was starting to relax a little more.

"My purpose was to destroy this world... To end all life. But, that's not who I want to be." You admitted while the priest listened in disbelief.

"But it's your duty, you cannot turn your back on your purpose." He said as you slowly approached him.

"I know why you're angry... Because you've had thoughts of leaving your duties behind to live a life of sin. Isn't that right, father?" You whispered before you stood in front of him and looked into his eyes.

"That's the difference between you have I, I am not weak like you to give in to my sins!" He shouted as you sighed a little.

"Is this really a sin? When it feels so good, father?" You whispered before pressing your palm to his crotch that was half hard.

"Enough." He whispered breathlessly and you continued to palm him through his clothes.

"I need you and you need me. We were meant to help each other break free from those who are controlling us. Let go, father." You whispered before he gripped your wrist roughly to stop you.

"On your knees." He growled as you smirked a little and kneeled before him.

You looked up and could see the sins brewing in his soul.

"You've lived your life as someone's slave for too long." You whispered as he reached forward and held your face in his hand.

"Tell me your name, little demon." He said, looking down at you.

"My name in Hell isn't one that can be pronounced by humans... So, call me Y/N." You replied as he nodded a little.

"You'll address me as Father, little one. I am your superior here, I am above you in every sense of the word... But, you could prove very useful to me." He whispered as you looked into his sinful eyes.

"I can see how much you want to be worshipped, father. Let go of everything you've learnt and let me worship you." You whispered before he slowly went to his knees and looked into your eyes.

You leant forward and kissed him softly as he gripped your hair.

You finally broke the kiss and he looked at your face.

"Was this your plan all along, little demon? To tempt me?" He asked caressing your face gently as you watched his eyes.

"It wasn't my intention, father. But... I can tell how much you want freedom from this, freedom to love, live and...fuck." You whispered as his thumb gently ran over your bottom lip.

"You want me to free you...and you want to free me. I can't give up my life as easy as you." He replied as you leant in and kissed him again.

"It is easy, father. Just let go, let me show you what you're missing." You whispered, leaning in yo kiss his neck before you started to palm at his crotch again.

"Naughty demon..." He whispered, moaning a little before he kissed you again.

"Show me what I'm missing, little demon."

#Miguel #Miguel o'hara #Miguel x reader #Miguel o'hara x reader #Priest au #Demon reader

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theroundbartable · 3 months

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What do you think are Merlin and Arthur’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

OOoh... interesting question.

Arthur Pendragon:

Arthur's positive traits, his strengths, are also his weaknesses. He questions everything. He tries to see the good in people and tries to do right by them. It is kind of why he's such a resetting character. Because every time he reaches out to something, like magic, he gets proven otherwise. Yet, he can't NOT question it. He's trusting and forgiving and yet, he's the character who has most often been deceived, lied to and actively betrayed. In a strange way, this behavior makes him extraordinary. He has trust issues, in the end, but he still offers his trust to his knights and especially to Merlin. In a way, he tends to overlook the bad things people did because he values their positive traits more (like with Agravaine).

And of course, he cares more about his kingdom than himself. His kingdom is even more important to him than his father or any of the people who's love he craves.

Other weaknesses of his are obviously that he can't do basic stuff like brush his hair or cook. And I'm pretty sure he's somehow cursed that all these magic events happen around him.

Another is his self worth. He sees worth in everyone else but never in himself. His life is important only to protect Camelot. His life belongs to his people and he really does believe that. It's not that he thinks he's worthless, it's that he misinterprets it and lives as a breathing sacrifice.

Merlin:

Merlin's strength is his confidence and his faith. From the moment we first see him, he's able to face one of the most powerful people in the world and not back down, even though he knows he has to hide his magic.

He is brave and selfless. In the sense that he doesn't care about his own feelings and life as much as about others, especially Arthur. And of course, he hates conflict.

Merlin is NOT trusting. Not the way Arthur is. Merlin trusts people he has seen do good in action. He does NOT trust people he doesn't know, and in some cases, even his friends. Best example for this part is Lancelot's shade, whom Merlin almost immediately suspected. I think, in a way, he seems more naive and trusting to us because for us this is fiction and just a show. But to Merlin, it is significant that some stuck up noble saves his life without question, or that someone is willing to keep his magic secret for Merlin's sake, or that the dragon helps him find his purpose and helps him to better Camelot. That is why Merlin's trust is RELIABLE, while Arthur's is not. And that is why Arthur trusts Merlin's instincts. I think Arthur knows that Merlin has a better hunch for people's true intentions than he does. It is just that after a while, he thinks he's learned from previous mistakes and he doesn't want to be so bad at it, when HE'S the one who should know, after being betrayed so many times, while Merlin is JUST a servant with no such history (that he knows of).

Their dynamic:

How could I start this part other than with 'they are two sides of the same coin'. And I think it's really fucked up because imagine a coin with a person on each side. They would NEVER be able to ever fully see each other.

Imagine that. I think, Arthur's side is the one with the number on it that tells him exactly what his worth is, where he's supposed to be, supposed to go, what he can be exchanged for.

On the other side is Merlin who is the side that talks about where he's from, what his traditions are, etc.

Merlin has to learn his self worth through the storyline, Arthur needs to learn the traditions and where he is from and what he is truly fighting for. That's kind of why I love the metaphor.

It also means that Arthur can never truly know who Merlin is unless Merlin tells him. Can't know magic, can't know his own background and the circumstances of his birth.

And Merlin can never truly see how important he is to the kingdom. He only knows he's tied to Arthur and that SOMEDAY it will be better. That he's already reached his destiny doesn't even occurr to him.

It makes me wonder what it means when Arthur dies, in relation to this metaphor. Is the side blank now? Has the coin simply been flipped and now Merlin is at the front? What does it mean???

Anyway. What else I love about their dynamic is how intimate it is. I'll say it as I always do, I think Gwen is the better queen and makes more sense to marry Arthur since they both see only the future of the kingdom. But that is the point. Their relationship is public and a symbol of peace. Merlin's and Arthur's shared destiny is always private, always hidden behind layers of lies. Even when they finally share their true feelings, it remains intimate and private. When they are together, they are focused on themselves and their soulbond.

Where Gwen and Arthur discuss the future of the kingdom and what to do with their people, Merlin is personal reassurance for Arthur.

Here are two example scenes that shall make this more clear.

In the episode where Arthur is meant to marry Elena, he asks Merlin what he thinks about the arranged marriage. And Merlin goes on a rant to tell Arthur that his feelings matter. That being emotionally available, by choosing himself and who he loves, he WILL be a better king. In Merlin's rant, Arthur's happiness comes fist. The kingdom, second. Even though they are clearly interconnected.

Arthur had a conversation with Gwen about the marriage beforehand and Gwen accepted his responsibility to marry for the better of the kingdom, putting CAMELOT first. While promising him that he can be happy with his wife too. Even if she's not what he wants at first, he can grow to love her.

Neither of those are bad things. As I said before, Arwen makes sense and MORE sense for the kingdom. But Arthur and Merlin are more private and intimate and basically soulmates. Romance aside, this is what I think makes their dynamic so fascinating to me. It is friendship, a deep emotional bond that often times goes beyond normal friendship. (Not necessarily romantic, but definitely deeper than best friends.)

There is more I love but I don't want to spam the tumblr. Lol. Thank you for the question, anon :)

#bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #merlin bbc #faq #ask #answer

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anemic-kazutora · 4 months

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No one mourns the Wicked

If you like Kisaki, I automatically like you, just so you know.

I wanted to make a point about how, to me, it is obvious that his thinking isn't actually healthy, that there is something we are forced to overlook because of the narrative that makes Kisaki's reasoning about Hina make sense in his own head. By this I mean that there is no way someone as smart as Kisaki would pursue the plan he concocted if not for the need to desperately fight against something, which, I argue, would be loneliness, and the feeling of worthlessness that comes when you realize that your efforts mean nothing if there is nobody to acknowledge them.

Kisaki liked Hina, she was his childhood crush, but also so much more than that, because she was the first kid to ever treat him nicely and not like he was some subhuman weirdo because of his aptitude in school. She was the only one who showed the willingness to accept and welcome an outcast like him, not in spite of his perceived weirdness, but because of it- and this is where I argue that Kisaki is most likely neurodivergent, whether one agrees or not. She's a lovely person, she is everything that is good (I love her very much).

It feels to me like Kisaki is a number of things: - a "gifted child"/"genius", the type that adults love and kids despise, the type that has no friends because of it, the type that decides their own worth based on their successes or failures because their talent is all they are and ever will be to anybody who meets them; - plagued by the need to fit in, be accepted and recognized without actually changing himself in ways that betray his core values/what he thinks makes Kisaki Tetta Kisaki Tetta (which is something that is, I think, shaky and hazy to himself also. He's his brain and his smarts, but what else...?); - convinced that he's inherently unlovable and worthless unless he has tangible proof of his own successes (which is why he confesses to Hina only after realizing his 10 year plan) while also thinking, constantly, somewhere in his brain, that he's above everyone, that he just needs to show them just what he can do, that he's so much more than any normal person could hope to be; - unable to see others' affection as anything but transactional (something he can earn like a medal, something he has to trade for); - unknowingly (to a degree) desperate for genuine human connection (which he finds in Hanma despite not realizing it, because he's 13-14, they are both too young and neither really realizes that death can happen to them, too, and that they probably never could make it clear that they genuinely did care for one another); - deeply lonely and envious of everyone who isn't and is naturally a people magnet (Takemichi, Mikey, for instance).

To me, he was simply a boy who wanted to prove that he could do something great just by himself and on his own terms, that he was enough as a person for others to look up to and acknowledge, that he was worthy of the same love Takemichi could effortlessly get, just by being his naively heroic self. But he got caught up in the idea that Kisaki Tetta was what everyone else told him he was: a weirdo one should stay away from. He made that his strength, he became exactly what they said he was, because his admiration for Takemichi turned sour when it became clear that his charisma meant there would be nothing left for him. He mentions that a gang leader needs to have the looks to be successful in the part. He has resigned himself to the spot of those who lack every quality he values (outside of his own smarts), but he never stopped hoping that he could stand where the others, the "good" ones, like Takemichi himself, stood. He wanted to be like him, and be liked like him. But he couldn't, because he wasn't Hanagaki Takemichi, he was only Kisaki Tetta.

The end of the manga proves that simply having a friend who understood him from the start would have allowed him to become the fulfilled person he was always meant to be, that he was never inherently evil. He was just suffering through what Takemichi describes as the most painful thing. He was alone.

He was alone and he died alone. At 14, on a February night, on the asphalt, alone, under the horrified gaze of someone who had just had the thought that he would have deserved to die, someone whom he looked up to, despite everything, who had just told him that now everyone knew what he was up to and that nobody would ever listen to him again. He died alone and the only friend he had was too far away, and came too late. He died alone and the only one who could truly miss Kisaki Tetta was Hanma himself, while Takemichi belatedly realized that it shouldn't have ended that way and that it still wasn't right, that Kisaki was just like him: weak and only powering through by sheer force of will. He died alone, and he was the only one who died thinking and saying that he didn't want to.

He never got to be graced with forgiveness like Kazutora and Izana. Nobody even tried to understand him, save for Hanma and Takemichi.

No one mourns the Wicked. Yes, goodness knows The Wicked's lives are lonely Goodness knows The Wicked cry alone Nothing grows for the wicked They reap only what they've sown.

#this is my brain fart of the day if it's a mess i'm sorry i am stupid and also was crying as i wrote this #ulriscreams #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #kisaki #kisaki tetta #hanma shuji #hankisa #tagging it as that but i want to talk about that in some sort of detail next #i do believe kisaki's redemption lies within hanma somehow. but they met too late.

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eldritch-spouse · 1 year

Note

Okay, first off, I ADORE your blog. You're writing style and creativity? *Chefs Kiss*

Secondly, I wanted to ask, how do the Icons of Hell react to a reader SO that is self-conscious, and\or has low self-esteem?

(I also can't help but wonder if Vorticas[I think that's the right spelling] name is a pun?)

[Thenk you very much, I'm pleased you're having fun. <:7]

Self-conscious reader and the Icons

Vesper is perhaps the nicest about it, realistically. You're Queen of Lust, everyone wants you and everyone admires you! What kind of madness is this?! What do you not like about to yourself? He'll make you sit down and tell him, just list it off. He's no psychologist, but Vesper's sure changes in your routine and self-afirming exercises will strip that out of you.

Vorticia has had many kids, all of which have already gone through their very hectic adolescent phases, in which they struggled with all sorts of natural self-esteem issues. She knows the types of things that can be weighing you down, and although her attitude is very "no nonsense", the Queen of Gluttony will crack at your tilted view of reality jarringly fast. She's the first to notice how deep your insecurities go.

Zizz is entirely out of his depth. He doesn't know what to do with you. He's not sure why you feel this way, and he's even more stressed out when his frantic declarations of your supposed perfection are just shunned. He even gets a tad irritated. He doesn't know what to tell you, so he forces you into dreams where you're worshipped from top to bottom- Physically and verbally, by numberless faceless demons and himself. He hopes repeating this achieves something.

Kalymir is a cunt. An honest cunt. He doesn't know what the fuck is in that shitheap you call a brain, but it's all wrong. It fucking grates on his nerves hearing you say that shit, get out, touch the ground, do something you moping little ball of misery! What are you, some fucking loser? Chin up, bitch- You're the Queen of Wrath! Act like it, dumbass. Do you think he would have picked you if you were worthless?

Rinx unfortunately has a very linear approach to dissatisfaction. Materialism. But how can you be insecure, when you have everything you could ever want laid at your feet, woman?! What is there to be insecure about? Come on, you're overthinking it. You'll have to be more vocal about it with Rinx, he will gladly get you help, but he doesn't really know how to tackle it on his own.

Cero... Will only assert your insecurities. He doesn't even mean to do it (unless it's a punishment), but it's not in his nature to praise or lift spirits. He thinks the correct way to go about this is to have everyone else praise and worship the ground you walk on, instead of adressing you directly. See, don't be a fool, look how superior you are to them. This is childish honestly, the two of you have better things to waste your time on.

Livius is someone you need to urgently avoid, like the plague. Remember, he mimics you. If you're deeply insecure and unwell, he'll take on those traits too. What ends up happening is that he'll adopt your insecurities and create a cycle of negative feedback. No, you're not ugly- He's ugly!!! HE'S STUPID AND USELESS. Congratulations, now you're both mentally unwell.

To address the name thing, a lot of these names are puns, and I've said it before too.

Vorticia = Vore + Morticia.

Rinx = "Rings".

Zizz = Catching Z's.

Kalymir = Derived from "calamity".

Vesper = Not exactly a pun so much as I'm determined to give vaguely religious names to sex demons as an inside joke.

Livius = From a roman origin, means "livid or envious". Liviu, a man who envies others.

(Di) Cero = Means wax in Latin, because this fucker waxes poetic. It also sounds like "zero" in some languages (including mine), and he's a whole ass 0/10. The name is also said to be associated with unstable, bitter individuals.

#Livius oc #Cero oc #Kalymir oc #Zizz oc #Vesper oc #Vorticia oc #Rinx oc

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mejcinta · 8 months

Note

what are some of your personal assumptions about s2

Do you mean for the Greens alone? That's pretty much all I've been thinking about so I'm sorry if this isn't complete. I'm going to try and be optimistic so:

1. Aegon's Agony.

We'll see a more human side to Aegon through how he cherishes the safety of his children and Helaena. His relationship with them is a whole other matter (Aegon's not exactly the most emotionally mature person in the family) but I think he does value his children and views them as untainted, younger versions of himself. The violation of their innocence will utterly destroy him.

2. Aemond the Outcast.

Aemond will struggle to re-establish his place in the family. I think we'll get to sympathize with him even more because he was an unwilling Kinslayer, yet society will only imagine the worst of him and his family (probably Otto and Alicent) will doubt him. This will be a painful arc to watch and might explain much later why he transforms into his darker Harrenhal persona. I bet his love for his family will not waver, though. It's just that he'll doubt whether they truly see him the same.

I also expect that Aemond's jealousy for Aegon will persist. It won't go away immediately.

3. Helaena's Fate.

Helaena's arc will be a mirror of Alicent's in her young motherhood, although I doubt they'll be exactly similar. It's the differences between them I want to see. We've not been given a deep look into Helaena, but if I'm to go by s1 we could see her relationship with Alicent and Aegon expanded upon. After all, Alicent fixed Helaena's fate by not only giving birth to her, but by also marrying her to Aegon.

I also think Helaena's visions will ramp up as the war begins/progresses and might even contribute to her deteriorating mental health after the loss of Jaehaerys.

4. Daeron the Outsider.

Daeron will be charming and win many people over to the Greens. However, I suspect we will see some cracks on Daeron's sunny exterior. A darker side to him. Being sent away from his family must have affected him in a way. I think that he's the type to shamelessly express himself, whereas everyone else suppresses their feelings. He's a foreigner in his own family. So there could be conflict there if he brings up things no one wants to hear or outrightly say.

5. Alicent and Criston/ Greens infighting.

There could be friction between Otto and Alicent. And as a result Criston and Gwayne might not get along. Gwayne and Otto want charge over Alicent and Aegon, but Alicent wants Aegon for herself and under Criston's supervision. Aegon will beef with Otto to no end. Alicent and Criston will draw closer.

5. Larys the Schemer.

Larys will switch targets from Alicent to Aegon but I don't know what Aegon will make of him. TGC has said that Aegon can be very perceptive, so we'll just have to see how he'll trust or doubt Larys' motives. A also think the Clubfoot will have his sight set on Aemond during his regency. Where power goes, he follows.

6. Vhagar, Dreamfyre and Sunfyre.

The Greens dragon bonds will be explored and I'm thinking post Shipbreaker's Bay with Aemond and Vhagar and then the funeral of Jaehaerys with Dreamfyre and Sunfyre.

7. Alys' Motives.

Alys won't be loyal to anyone. She will dance with dragons for her own benefit. However, a more emotional side to her will be revealed through her relationship with House Strong, who see her as an outcast and worthless. I think their treatment of her will play a big role in her personal ambitions.

#anon #answered #hotd headcanon #aegon ii targaryen #aemond targaryen #helaena targaryen #daeron targaryen #alicent hightower #larys strong #alys rivers #fire and blood

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princess-of-the-corner · 19 days

Note

concept: azula is just a better actress than zuko is at following ozai's demands, because she's not stupid and sees how he treats people even before he burns zuko. ursa, iroh, zuko, and ozai all fall for it. she is incredibly frustrated at how stupid everyone else is because like, ozai's dumb (what's your post-war plan, idiot? someone's got to till fields and raise livestock but oh it seems that all the people who would do that were kidnapped by the military or killed) but come ON

God though.

No but like. I know you mean this in a 'she's just going along with it because she knows better' way but

In all seriousness: that's exactly why she acts how she acts. She knows /exactly/ what Ozai will do to her if she ever goes against him. He might not be 'perfect' but he is good enough to be a danger to her. Azula does not want to be told how worthless and pathetic she is, or hurt, or burned and scarred, or banished, or even killed. So she does everything Ozai asks of her because she knows he will do those things to her if she doesn't.

Now we can have a level of like. She's biding her time until she's sure she can take him out without fear of failure because if she tried and failed the repercussions? Oh boy.

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dujour13 · 1 year

Text

In response to @silversiren1101’s challenge: write from your KC's perspective the answer to an interview question asking why they love their chosen other.

---

“Did you see that?”

With his beer mug Lann directed Siavash’s gaze to the hip of the Varisian merchant at the bar but it was already too late. Woljif’s left hand had snaked under his jacket in the guise of a casual bump and he was off, slightly richer, delivering another bottle to the Count in the opposite corner of the tavern.

Lann grimaced after him. “You’re not going to say anything, are you?”

“Nope.”

“As Knight-Commander, I mean. Our leader, our protector, our shining example.”

Siavash winked. “Heavy burden, isn’t it?”

“I just don’t get it,” Lann sighed. “Out of all the… why him? I mean fine, what do I know about this stuff? But it seems to me there was a point in the Crusade where you could have taken your pick.”

“It’s not like choosing a cake in a pastry shop, Lann.”

“It just falls on your head?”

Siavash considered. “No, not exactly that either. You do choose. And you’re chosen. But it’s more of an act of will than choosing a cake.”

“Did someone say cake?”

“Fye said he’s clean out, Aivu. Ask Dae if he’ll send out for one.”

Once she’d bounded off he slid his guitar into his lap and laid a hand across the strings.

“You have to choose to look closer. It’s more like looking for the right cliff to jump off of when you’re learning to use your wings.”

“Yeah, how are those bruises?”

“Daeran fixed them up but I kept this one.” He rolled up a sleeve to proudly display a bluish-green elbow. “A reminder for next time.”

Lann opened his mouth to make some quip but saw the intense, thoughtful look and shut it again.

“That’s something I try to do. Keep a bruise or two so I don’t forget and rush in again.”

“You’re telling me—forgive me, I’m trying. I’m also drunk. You’re telling me you willingly went into this. With forethought. Climbed up on that ridge and threw yourself off.”

“Yeah.”

“For Woljif.”

“Yeah.”

“All right, I’m drunk enough to ask. What do you see in him?”

“And I’m drunk enough to answer.” Siavash leaned his way, a challenging gleam in his eye.

“I see a man who’s had nothing handed to him. Not even three meals a day, let alone a fair shot at life. From the moment he was born, everyone—even his own parents—took one look and decided he was worthless at best. He learned early on that if you don’t toughen up you end up at the bottom of a very miserable heap.

“And toughen up he did. He’s smart, resourceful and ambitious, and even if the Crusade hadn’t given him a leg up he would still have succeeded. He built himself a life, and he built himself an armor.

“But, lucky for me, not a perfect one.

“There were gaps if you knew where to look, if you bothered to look, and what showed through those gaps was a heart that was bruised but still beating, full of hope hidden behind ambition and kindness disguised as selfishness.

“I don’t think it would have taken much to crush that heart. He’d surrounded himself with the wrong kind of people, and they’d already put quite a few dents in it by the time I showed up. But it also didn’t take much to nurture it. All he needed was a chance to show his worth, to see how the kindness paid off, to know there was a shoulder for him just once in his life. To let him believe in the things he wanted to believe in… including himself.

“I’m not asking for credit. Someone else might have done the same. It’s just the Lady’s luck I was the one who found him.

“I’m also lucky he gave me a chance to see through the cracks in his armor. I don’t know what I did to deserve it—somebody as tough and smart as he is listening to my sentimental treacle? And not just that but making the leap of faith that I wasn’t going to be like everybody else in his life so far and not let him down. Maybe it’s just the pretty face?”

He gave a shrug and a lopsided grin, but then grew serious again.

“Because I’ve let people down before, but for him I’m willing to put the work in. I’ve stuck by him, and he’s stuck by me even when every instinct was whispering at him to run.

“I guess we both decided to live up to each other.”

A lull in the tavern chatter punctuated this.

“You could use the image of a diamond in the rough, but I think of him as one of those captive songbirds, that are so used to not being able to fly they don’t even try to escape when you open the cage—only he did. He dared. He even trusted me when I didn’t trust myself. People call him a coward but he’s the bravest person I know.

“He’s smart, funny, insightful, competent, surprising… handsome… Have you really looked at that smile? Ah, I could go on. This song says it better.”

Lann laughed and polished off his beer. “If you’re going to start playing love songs to Woljif I’m going to need another one of these.”

“Get me one too.”

The instant his fingers hit the strings, even across the packed Half Measure, Woljif’s head turned to glance over sideways, a shy smile softening his expression.

(to the tune of “Time in a Bottle” by Jim Croce)

On the cliff stands the cold iron city A river of grief runs below The discarded lives and dead dreams flow to oceans afar And none heeds the crow

Toss aside rags to find riches Though long since your hope should have died An uncaring wind stirs your wings but you use them to hide No one thought you could fly

(chorus) But in your heart, I’ve come to know The gold you seek already glows Like hearthfire The ember burns, I feel it close A breath is all it needs to grow Let mine in

The chains and the fears that drag earthwards Let me unlock with my song To watch you take wing is my heart’s dearest dream and I long For our hearts’ flight as one

(repeat chorus) But in your heart, I’ve come to know The gold you seek already glows Like hearthfire The ember burns, I feel it close A breath is all it needs to grow Let mine in

#pathfinder: wrath of the righteous #woljif jefto #siavash x woljif #siavash #lann #my writing #tw: extreme sappiness #i'm so sorry i'm neither a musician nor a poet #i tried

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cosmicjoke · 2 months

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“Why the hell can't we sympathize with a character that isn't like us? Why do they have to be what we are in order for us to care about them? Why do we have to see ourselves in everything?”

Thank you for this. As much as I understand that a part of connecting to literature (or media in general, whatever), when young, depends on how much that is relatable to your own experience, and that is why fair representation is important, I think that like many other things this need has been bastardized and commodified. Now you can’t connect to a character unless you convince your followers that the characters has the same sexual orientation/gender/ethnicity/brain as you do (but in an argument when you remove your personal need from it, and present your need as a hard truth that everybody has to agree to, or else).

You think it helps diversity; in fact, it only makes people see characters as recyclable labels, and people as well.

While I don’t think all the people that do this are assholes (it’s such a widespread trend, claiming I don’t know, bisexuality for this or that other character, that is mainly about being young, insecure, wanting to belong… then there are indeed assholes among those, but not all, and a lot depends on group dynamics, and pervasive violence in internet discussion spaces), I wish there was a clear understanding that the best thing you can do when experiencing stories is to find commonality with people different than you, and that knowing that commonality is part of the human condition, and not because they have the same X diagnosis you have.

*sigh*

Exactly, and well said.

And no, not all of them are assholes, just the ones that harass others and literally try to force their pathological need for these characters to be self-inserts onto everyone else. When they start becoming aggressive and hostile toward anyone who doesn't accept their headcanons as canon, then there's a problem. And those seem to be the ones that dominate fandom spaces, and make the general experience of fandom miserable.

And like I said, this absolute refusal to acknowledge that this or that character isn't them and doesn't encapsulate who they are and what they identify as, is often indicative of how they'll treat people in the real world, flying off the handle at anyone who expresses different views to the ones they hold, or isn't what they are (i.e. this general hatred and demeaning attitude toward anyone who isn't like them, or isn't part of whatever group they identify with).

The idea of story telling, as you said, is to find commonality even with people who AREN'T like you, and through that, to find empathy for one another through our shared humanity. But we've gotten to a point in society now where racial or sexual or gender essentialism has taken over, where once the goal was to render these things obsolete and recognize them as arbitrary and thus non-essential in judging another person. Instead we make them the only thing that matters about someone, and that's also reflected in this obsession with making every character gay, or trans, or nonbinary, or bisexual, or whatever. Because we make those arbitrary characteristics the most essential part of who we are, then we also want to make them the most essential characteristic of everyone else too, including fictional characters, and yeah, it ends up homogenizing everything, instead of creating actual diversity.

Relating this to Levi specifically, it's particularly ironic, since Levi is the most empathetic character in the story, and that empathy extends to people who are very, very different from him. The people that try to force Levi into a box then are completely missing the entire core of his character. Levi should be teaching us about the importance of compassion and empathy and kindness, but instead these people display this attitude toward Levi where, if they can't mold him into exactly what they want him to be, then in their eyes, he's worthless.

#Levi Ackerman #attack in titan #shingkei no kyojin #meta #commentary

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uni-writes-things · 7 months

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Prompt: Prompt #2 “I’ll call out your name but you won’t call back.” Thermometer | Delirium| “They don’t care about you”

Whumptober 2023! This is Day 1 mwahahahahaha! Prompts are in no particular order. Under the cut:

Guilt was the only feeling Legend could feel at the moment. He had gone and said something horrible because his emotions got the best of him. The vet had been mentally out of place, especially because today was his dead Uncle’s birthday. It doesn’t excuse what he said, and Warriors was making sure he knew that. Legend was standing, listening to the captain lecture and yell, and get angrier when he didn’t respond. But Legend’s throat felt dry and he didn’t want to risk saying something else that would upset anyone further. “Are you even listening?” Warriors growled, face twisted in a scowl.

Legend grumbled a yes, because had indeed been listening. Each word was practically imprinted in his brain. “Sometimes, I don’t know why Hylia chose you to be a hero. You’re an ass, and you have no tact.” Warriors continued, glowering down at the veteran, rage taking over his emotions.

“Shut up pretty boy. I get it, I’m a horrible person.” Legend snapped.

Warriors huffed, but decided to ignore the vet. The captain continued to chastise the veteran, Legend getting more agitated. The remorse the veteran felt was crushing Legend like he was just a bothersome insect. You know what, that’s exactly how he felt. A worthless piece of shit that was just a bother to everyone. Legend had just been a hindrance, a liability, bringing everyone down because he was in a bad mood. He was such an idiot to think these heroes would understand why he was so out of place today. He was an idiot to let his mouth open in the first place. Eventually the old man came and lightly placed a hand on Warriors shoulder, indicating it was time to stop. But Legend didn’t miss the glare Time shot him. Legend had fucked up. “Go take a walk vet, clear your mind.” Time ordered.

Legend nodded. None of them wanted him, so best take his leave. He walked away into the forest nearby and sat down on a patch of grass. Before he knew it, tears were sliding down his cheeks and he uncontrollably sobbed. The vet quickly forced it down, rubbing his eyes furiously. He had no right to cry. Legend gave a hysterical laugh and before he knew it, he was rolling on the ground, laughing. Oh, he was an utter wreck. No wonder Warriors thought he was mad. Something rustled in the bushes and the vet was able to stop his laughing and sit up. Dark walked out of the bushes, black blade glistening, and red eyes screaming danger. Legend reached for his blade but realized very quickly that nothing was there. He left his bags at camp. “Hero of Legend, I see your fellow heroes have left you here, all alone.” Dark spoke, tone menacing.

“You can talk?” Legend tilted his head, not wanting to touch on that.

“Yes, yes. Tell me Vet, why would such great heroes leave you out here, with no regard for your safety?” Dark questioned.

“I…I would just bring them down. I’m not….I’m not a hero anymore.” Legend stammered, throat going dry again.

“Is that so?” Dark hummed slyly moving behind the vet.

“…I think so. I mean I don’t blame Wa-“ Legend’s sentence stopped as he felt an excruciating amount of pain.

He looked down and saw Dark’s black sword through his chest. The veteran felt a freezing cold hand on his back as the sword was pulled back out of him. Legend couldn’t help the guttural shriek that rose from his throat, and in an instant there was the cold black hand covering his mouth as Dark rested the vet’s head on his shoulder. “Shhhhh little hero, there will be no more pain for you.” Dark promised.

Legend wanted to protest but his vision was slowly fading. “LEGEND!” Someone that sounded like Twilight screamed.

“Rest well Hero of Legend.” Dark whispered and fled, as Legend crumpled to the ground, head hitting the ground and knocking the vet out.

______________

Warriors was sitting back down at camp after Legend had stormed off. The vet had been a jerk and said something awful to Wind. “Captain, I know what the veteran said was horrible, but you were too harsh.” Time reprimanded.

“He just has no regard for what words decide to slip out of his mouth! I don’t think he even listened to a word I said.” Warriors huffed.

“It seems to me, like you were the one that had no regard for your own words.” Time deadpanned.

The captain took what the old man said into consideration, and then winced. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“This does not excuse what Legend said, but you need to learn to take control of your emotions.” Time demanded.

Warriors nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me, I’m not the one who needs it. Later, you can have a talk with the veteran.” Time urged.

Warriors muttered an okay and sighed deeply. “Wars?” A small tug on his scarf brought him to see the sailor.

“Yes?” Warriors answered.

“I really am fine. I know Legend didn’t mean it, it’s just been a hard day for him.” Wind assured.

“How so?” Warriors wondered.

“It’s the day his Uncle died. His Uncle was his only parent growing up, so this day has been tough for him.” Wind informed the captain.

Oh fuck. That was why Legend had been off. “Oh.”

“Thanks anyway for standing up for me.” Wind murmured.

“I’d do it in a heartbeat.” Warriors smiled.

Abruptly the camp was disturbed by a shriek. “Was that…” Wild trailed off.

“Did Legend take his bags with him?” Time asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Nope they’re still here.” Four winced.

A few seconds later and everybody was ready to go find Ledge when Twilight ran in. “Help.”

Twilight was carrying Legend, they were both covered in blood, and the rancher looked like he was applying pressure to some wound. Legend was pale. “What the heck happened?!” Sky gawked.

“Dark was there, must’ve ambushed Legend.” Twilight panted carefully laying the veteran in Hyrule’s arms, still applying pressure to a gaping wound in the vet’s chest.

“Shit, I need a fairy.” Hyrule cursed through his teeth.

Warriors deciding to make himself useful grabbed a fairy bottle and let the fairy loose. Hyrule spoke something in chimes that the fairy seemed to understand and sprinkled its magic on the wound. Legend didn’t stir. “Fuck, I forgot that fairies don’t work. I’ll have to use my healing magic. Is there a town nearby?” Hyrule questioned, tone rising in panic.

“No, but there is a stable.” Wild bit his lip as he examined his slate.

“That’ll have to do. Lead the way champion.” Time declared.

Wild obliged and after they packed the camp up they set out. Twilight was holding the veteran, and Hyrule never strayed from the rancher’s side. A single tear was shed when Warriors glanced upon the face of the vet. Hardened in pain, from both physical and emotional pain. Now, Legend might not even make it to see another day. When Twilight was safe and no longer dying, it was a miracle. Warriors wasn’t sure if miracles could happen again. The captain was drenched in a feeling of overwhelming shame as they moved. “We’re here.” Wild announced after a little while.

“Hello Link good to see you again how may I-…” The stable-master trailed off seeing the horrible sight.

Nearby strangers gasped. “Please, all I need is a place to stay. Maybe preferably without an audience?” Wild winced.

“Of course. I’ll clear out the stables for you.” The stable-master nodded sagely.

“That’s doing a lot…here I’ll just pay you this.” Wild bit his lip and then handed a few hundred rupees.

The stable-master nodded sagely and successfully got everyone out as Twilight attentively laid the vet on a bed. The traveller almost instantly set himself up next to his predecessor and started his healing magic, after making sure no other stranger was looking. “Your people certainly like you Wild.” Four murmured.

“Huh? What makes you say that?” The cook raised his eyebrow slightly.

“Well, usually someone wouldn’t clear out their entire space because you asked them to. Especially if it’s a business space.” Four elaborated.

“Oh.” Wild hummed, staring at Hyrule and gripping his slate tightly.

They were all anxious at this point, filled to the brim with worry that their veteran hero wouldn’t last. Warriors was out of his mind with the crushing guilt. Of course his emotions had gotten the best of him, and he was about to be the cause of another Hylian’s death. Legend didn’t deserve the captain’s wrath even though the thing he said was pretty bad. Warriors took a shaky deep breath, forcing the damn tears in. He had to be strong, he was a a captain, a commander. “Champion how many of those potions do you have for Hyrule?” Warriors asked, voice coming out more raspy than he wanted.

“Probably enough. Lemme see…” Wild rummaged his slate.

A cold hand grabbed Warriors’ hands and he looked to see the sailor there. Wind proceeded to snuggle up to him, the poor kid. They all sat there in an uncomfortable silence, watching the traveller’s hands glow with magic and feeling the salty and soothing air emanating from the healing magic. Warriors was occupied with his own heavy burden, and likely everyone else just didn’t know what to say. Eventually though, Hyrule passed out an empty bottle beside him. Time sighed and wrapped a blanket around the traveller, being the good leader he is. “I’m just going to take a breath of fresh air.” Wild announced and quickly left the stables.

“So this is what it felt like with me?” Twilight put his hand on his head.

“Basically.” Time gave another huge sigh.

“It’s the feeling of knowing that your friend is suffering, and they might not even make it out alive. I know the traveller’s healing magic is potent, but…” Sky trailed off.

“But there’s always that possibility.” Warriors was surprised to hear the sailor make that statement.

“Let’s not focus on the what-ifs for now, Legend has enough sheer will to stubborn his way out of…not making it.” The captain tried to make some chuckles.

Silence was all he gained. “I’m gonna…go…check on the cook.” Twilight excused himself and ran outside.

Soon everybody was doing something, and only Warriors, Time and of course Hyrule and Legend remained. Things were like this way for a day, tense, and almost nobody spoke. Hyrule healed, slept, and eat. The rest of them took to helping the stable in a thanks to letting them stay in privacy like that. Warriors would end up often just staying with Hyrule and keeping him company, watching over the veteran when the traveller passed out. One particular evening when this occurred, Legend began talking in his sleep.

“N’ I’m s’rry. Pl’se, I know you guys d’nt care ‘bout m’. I d’nt wanna die.” The veteran whimpered.

The captain took a few minutes to comprehend that before gasping. “That’s not true Link.”

“Y-You h’te m” Legend accused, voice pained and hurt.

“No, I don’t hate you.” Warriors tried to reassure.

“D’nt leave m’ to die.” Legend panicked, eyes still squeezed shut in pain.

Suddenly the hoarder’s breathing became noticeably faster and faster. “Whoa there bud, it’s okay. Can you breathe for me?” Warriors flinched and went closer to the vet.

“I-I’m s’rry, p-pl’se d’nt leave me. I-I’m s’rry!” Legend cried out, tears leaking down the veteran hero’s cheeks.

Warriors had never seen Legend this…this vulnerable, this distraught. The veteran really believed that the heroes would leave him to die. But why? They all had shown—…oh…ohhhhh…shit. Warriors had caused this. Of course he did. His attention quickly turned back to the vet who was struggling to breathe and he grabbed Legend’s wrist. “Breathe. You need to breathe. Follow my breaths ‘kay?” Warriors began to take deep breaths, slow, breaths.

Legend must’ve subconsciously followed. Gradually, Warriors was able to get his breathing back to normal. “Why d’ you h’te m’?” Legend started.

“Shhhh, I don’t hate you. Nobody does.” Warriors gently moved Legend’s hair out of his face, eyes crestfallen.

Legend hiccuped and then went limp. Warriors’ eyes were shining with unshed tears as he shut his eyes. The profound guilt that ensued gnawed at him like he was nothing. Legend was downright convinced that the captain hated him. He was devastated. A tap on his shoulder led him to see the old man standing there. “Cap, you alright?” Time rasped.

“I’m fine. Just…the vet woke up.” Warriors sighed blinking back the urge to bawl.

“He did?! What happened?” Time’s eyes widened.

“H-He thinks we hate him, and we’re leaving him to die. He was delirious that’s for sure but I don’t think that comes outta nowhere Sprite.” Warriors informed the old man.

Time looked horrified. “But…we would never.”

“I know. The words I said to him…Time I can never forgive myself for what I’ve done. This is all my fault.” Warriors couldn’t stop the stupid tears that fell from his eyes.

“I’ve got you Link. He’ll be okay, and when he is, we can make sure he knows we don’t hate him.” Time wrapped his arms around Warriors, gently patting his back.

“Will he be okay though?” Warriors wondered.

“He better be.” Was Time’s response.

Warriors glanced at the sleeping veteran and checked for a pulse, wanting to make sure Legend was alive. He was alive thankfully. The captain had messed up before, and now it was his job to make sure the vet stays alive.

#linked universe #lu legend #lu chain #lu wild #lu twilight #lu time #lu wind #lu sky #lu warriors #lu hyrule #whumptober 2023 #whumptober #linked universe fanfic #lu four

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thranduel · 2 years

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reminder that will byers is the only reason mike could say the words “i love you”. this is canon and nothing will change that. he could only say it because of will.

will gave mike strength. will made mike feel like he was worth something. will listened to mike express his struggles and insecurities when no one else would. will chose to sacrifice his own feelings just to help mike because that’s how much he loves him. will made mike feel more confident about himself. will made mike feel more loved than anything.

will gave mike the painting he worked so hard on and basically told him “there’s nothing wrong with being a nerd. you talk down on yourself and think that you’re lame and worthless compared to el just because she has powers, but you’re not. you’re the furthest thing from that. and yes, you’re a nerd. but that nerd is the boy that i fell in love with. that nerd is the boy that has made me feel safe my entire life. that nerd is the boy i immediately related to when he walked up to me all alone at the swingset on the first day of kindergarten. that nerd is the boy that has never made me feel like a mistake; like i’m better for being different. that nerd is the boy that holds our party together. that nerd is the boy that understands me better than anyone else. that nerd is the boy that changed my life in the best way possible. and look, here’s a painting of us; our nerdy party, from our nerdy game that we play. i don’t know about you, but i think that being a nerd is the best. and here you are, my knight in shining armour with a heart on your shield, because that’s exactly what you are to me. i’ve always loved you for exactly who you are. not because of societal pressure. not because you’ve done things for me. not because i feel like i owe you something because you saved me. but just simply because you’re YOU. you mean the world to me. i would never walk away from you or leave you behind. i’ll always be by your side and i hope that you’ll always be by my side too, because i will always need you. i love you more than anything.”

all it took was one painting and a beautiful monologue for will byers to make mike wheeler feel more loved than he’s ever felt in his entire life. and although what i wrote above wasn’t what he said exactly, it was everything he was thinking. because will has always loved mike for who he is. it doesn’t matter that he’s a nerd. will is a nerd too! they went through the same struggles growing up and they’ve always shared the same interests. that’s why there’s so much understanding. that’s why they feel safe with each other and why they can actually be themselves without being fake. but it’s heartbreaking that mike doesn’t realise will was talking about his own feelings in the van because THAT is what gave him strength and made him say “i love you”. seriously, no one else has ever made mike feel loved the way that will did in that scene, and that’s exactly why they can’t leave this storyline unresolved. mike’s current relationship is unhealthy, there’s so much miscommunication and misunderstanding and he only said “i love you” because of a lie and because he was forced and pressured into it. he feels inferior and insecure (and so does el) and they don’t feel like equals. it’s not good for either of them. also, will can’t suffer anymore after everything he’s been through.

anyone who can’t see that mike and will have the closest, strongest and most genuine relationship on the entire show clearly isn’t paying attention or simply don’t want to admit it. it’s always been THEM. they were each other’s FIRST friend. they are each other’s safe place. the show started with them. most of the other characters wouldn’t have even met if it weren’t for them. mike’s current relationship would’ve been over if it weren’t for will giving him strength and making him feel loved. they need each other. they understand each other better than anyone else. their relationship has always been different to everyone else’s. mike and will are the heart of this show. they belong together and they deserve to be happy after everything they’ve been through.

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #byler analysis #stranger things #screaming and crying #i love them so much #and the love they have for each other is so beautiful #how do people not see it #their relationship has ALWAYS been different to everyone else’s #and mike couldn’t even say ily until will gave him strength #it’s literally canon #mike and will belong together and deserve to be happy #they’ve suffered enough #why keep mike in an unhealthy relationship and leave will heartbroken??#that would be the most cruel and selfish and stupid outcome #DUFFER BROS LET THEM BE HAPPY TOGETHER

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akkpipitphattana · 6 months

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Hello!!!

I saw this post https://www.tumblr.com/victorialovesstiles/731872422364577792/ray-and-his-need-to-be-actively-chosen-another about Ray’s need to be chosen by Sand and OH MY GOD have I been waiting for someone to talk about this!!! (or part of it bc this is only a part of the bigger issue, which I haven’t seen a full post about yet) and I want to know what you think.

So I am someone who… relates a little too much to Ray. I pretty much fit him to a T in terms of the problems he deals with (except drug and alcohol addiction, I pursued other unhealthy ways of coping). The week between episodes 10 and 11 was truly agonizing because it was almost like going through what Ray was going through bc I know exactly what that’s like. But, anyways, I can understand Ray on a deeper level than I can other characters (I share a lot of issues with Sand as well, but that’s a topic for another time) and we need to dissect Ray’s abandonment issues straight to the core.

Ray has abandonment issues up the wazoo, and while I’ve seen posts talk about his issues with his dad and why he depends on alcohol in the first place, I have yet to see one take a deep dive into just what all of that means (it very well might exist, I just haven’t seen one).

Ray feels abandoned. By his mother, his father, and everyone in his life. He is no one’s first choice. He is constantly being told how much of a burden he is. It’s hard to explain what that does to a person unless you’ve lived through it. It makes you feel unloved, worthless, dead weight. You distrust people and don’t let them in bc who knows when (when, not if, bc this is something ingrained in your mind after a while) they’ll abandon you.

So how do you live with it? You find outlets. A lot of the time abandonment issues start when you are very young and have no idea how to cope with anything, so a lot of times these outlets can be harmful. What’s worse, is you often develop a dependency on these things. For Ray, that’s alcohol. Until Sand came along, you could pry alcohol from his cold dead hands (much like me and my TV shows).

A lot of the time, abandonment issues come with massive trust issues. Ray doesn’t seem to have these at first glance, but then he almost immediately falls into “self-fulfilling prophecy” after SandRay becomes indisputably real. Everything is “too good” with Sand, therefore it must be destroyed before it hurts Ray. This is a big thing with abandonment issues people. If we destroy something first, we haven’t been abandoned, it was us who left, not the other way around. Say you’re living in a flat with a roommate whose name is on the lease. They tell you you have 2 weeks to pack your things and leave, but you are gone in 1 week. You tell yourself that it was your decision bc you decided to move out the first week, therefore you weren’t kicked out.

This is essentially what Ray is doing. He’s confronted with this information about Sand and instead of talking it through or doing quite literally anything else, he blows up in Sand’s face. He feels betrayed and is facing the possibility that everything between him and Sand has been a lie. “You slept with me” is so real for him bc he let someone in and he can’t face the possibility of being abandoned. So he self-destructs all over Sand (he tells himself he wanted to end the relationship, not that the relationship was never real) and this completes the self-fulfilling prophecy and everything he’s ever told himself and why he hates himself is “proven” again: that he is just a burden, his only worth is his money, no one cares about him. He knows deep down that this isn’t true, but it’s easier to fulfill the prophecy than counter it bc countering it means facing his greatest fear: the possibility of being abandoned.

It was so comforting to see him face that fear and go back to Sand in episode 11 🥹 his love for Sand was more powerful and he just couldn’t bear to lose him. His abandonment issues certainly aren’t resolved (probably why he keeps suggesting threesomes as a way to force Sand to choose him and/or providing the opportunity to fulfill his abandonment prophecy) and I’m guessing it will continue to crop up in his relationship with Sand after this whole Boeing thing gets (hopefully) resolved until he finally is able to truly feel safe. (That’s another thing for abandonment issues people, we rarely feel “safe”, oftentimes security comes from knowing you’ll be abandoned bc that is the only constant). The only upside to Ray never letting himself believe he is actually worth something his whole life is that he hasn’t let himself trust people and then be abandoned all over again so there are less hurdles to jump over. Sand is a very patient and understanding person (sometimes to his detriment) so I think with even basic communication, they should be able to work through this together fairly quickly.

Wow, that was a lot of thoughts 😅 if you read this, thank you 😊

-MA

saw this in my inbox this morning and was like “oh i so cannot read that before going to class, i’ll lose it” and here i am, having lost it. and you’re so so right with everything you said.

it’s kind of funny, though, that you bring up relating heavily to ray and somewhat to sand cause i’m the opposite sjdkekd i relate a LOT to sand and can still see myself in small bits in ray. they’re both incredibly real and well written characters and its very clear what their motivations are and why they make certain choices, even if logically we know they should do other things. really i feel that way about all the characters in this show, which is why it’s so frustrating to me when people cherry pick who to be mad at and can’t be understanding of their motivations at all. this week it was sand and while i get people are protective of ray, it’s not sand’s fault that ray feels this way. yes, sand needs to be firm with boeing, but not because it’s hurting ray but because it’s hurting sand. its not sand’s responsibility to make sure ray never gets scared that sand’s gonna leave because there’s no way to prevent that because like you said, ray has abandonment issues and those are gonna keep sneaking in no matter what sand does or doesn’t do. and that’s why it’s good he’s in therapy and also why sand should probably join him because my baby needs to learn to value himself

#only friends #sandray #ray pakorn #asks #ma 🎈

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