Tumgik
#i know i have people who love me and i feel so lucky but no one around me it seems
megalony · 1 day
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Proud Papa
This is a Tommy Kinard imagine, based on a lovely Anon request. I hope you will all like it, please let me know what you think.
Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17
@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @shauna-carsley @dottirose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1
@rainechase45 @ml572 @jessie-lynn28 @lolalolsstuff
Tommy Kinard Masterlist
Summary: Tommy can't wait for the day of (Y/n)'s C-section so they can meet their twins. They know exactly what to expect; but there's room for a few surprises.
Enjoy.
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"So, next week? Are you coming, I can give you a lift if you like."
A grin spread across Tommy's lips as he zipped up his bag and let it lay between his feet. His elbows moved to rest on his thighs and he tilted his head back, squinting up at Eddie against the beaming afternoon sun that was casting rays of gleaming white to shine around the court.
He could feel his smile twitching into a smirk when he thought about how busy he was going to be next week.
"Uh, no, sorry. I can't make it next week." It would be the first time in over two months that Tommy would have to skip the weekly basketball game that had been set up for almost a year now.
He was usually lucky that he didn't work Thursday afternoons, he either had them off or he worked the Thursday night shift and still turned up here for the basketball game beforehand.
But not next week.
"No?"
"You're missing a game?" Buck huffed as he ran his fingers through his sweaty locks, brushing them back while he huffed. He had been to about four of these weekly games so far and he knew Tommy had been to each one. He usually picked Eddie up on the way and brought him down here so they didn't have to take two cars.
"Yep, I'll be missing the next few games, actually. You'll have to make do without me."
"How come?"
The disappointment in Eddie's voice and the confusion on Buck's face was almost endearing. It felt good to have friends that actually wanted to hang out with him and who clearly were going to miss his absence next week. Tommy was a friendly guy and he was easy going, but that didn't mean he made a lot of friends.
He only had a small circle of close-knit friends that he relied on and trusted and who he hung out with regularly. It was refreshing to meet Eddie and Buck and reconnect with Chimney and Hen and feel like he had more people to be around and get to know again.
"My wife's gonna be having the twins next Wednesday." Tommy couldn't quite keep his excitement at bay.
Although his expression was contained, his smile was dampened down so it didn't take over his face. And he took a deep breath to stop from overexciting himself or babbling about everything that would happen next week. He refrained from blurting out every little detail that was planned down to the dot.
And he revelled in the tender smile that lit up Eddie's face, while Buck grinned, but his eyes narrowed somewhat in confusion.
"Ah, you, you mean her due date is next Wednesday?" Scratching the back of his neck, Buck tilted his head to one side and grinned across at his friend. He would have to be psychic to know the exact date when his wife would go into labour.
"No, we're having them on Wednesday. (Y/n)'s having a C-section. As of Monday, I'm off work, and as of next Wednesday, I'll officially be a dad."
Tommy had enjoyed watching everyone become confused when he told them he already knew his children's birthday ahead of time. He loved that he had it circled on the kitchen calendar in red pen that next week would be their birthday. If he wanted, he could add it in his work diary and save it to his phone as a reminder that every year, that would be a special date he would need off work.
They had it all planned out from (Y/n) being five months pregnant that she would be having a C-section. Suffering with extreme morning sickness and then having a minor placental abruption put (Y/n) more at risk, along with having twins. The doctor thought it would be better if they had a C-section so neither of the twins got distressed during labour and so the placenta didn't start moving again and cause any bleeding.
It was more likely that (Y/n) would go into early labour too, since she was having a multiple pregnancy. They would be at thirty-six weeks next week which was a safe mark to have the twins.
"Oh wow, congratulations."
"Do you know what you're having yet?"
"We're having boys."
Tommy wouldn't tell anyone yet that he and (Y/n) already had the names picked out. They would be walking into that hospital next week knowing the exact date they would be having their boys, roughly what time, and with their names already chosen and sewn into matching blankets (Y/n) had made.
It was as scheduled as anything else in their lives and they both preferred it this way. No walking on egg shells, no panicking that Tommy might be at work when (Y/n) went into labour. No worrying that something would go wrong or labour would end up with complications or something would happen to their boys.
It was all pre-planned out and next week, Tommy would be sat with one son in each arm, feeling the happiest he'd ever been in his life.
(Y/n) tilted her head to the right and looked across at Tommy, quirking a brow as she gazed at him curiously. The smile on his lips was one that made his cheeks puff out and the end of his nose scrunched up as he looked down at his phone.
She moved her hands to run them up and down her legs, feeling adrenaline spark through her stomach at the prospect that in less than an hour, she wasn't going to be able to feel the lower part of her body anymore.
"Something funny?" She murmured softly, smiling as Tommy tore his eyes away from his phone and looked across at her before he held the screen out for her to see.
"Just the guys wishing us luck." He swiped across to the next text, watching as (Y/n)'s eyes lit up and she nodded.
It was sweet. Buck had wished them good luck, and cheekily asked for a photo of the twins once the operation was all done and dusted. And Eddie hoped it would go well, and said Chris has asked when he can come down and visit them which was endearing.
Tommy had been a little surprised but nevertheless touched when Hen and Chimney both texted early this morning to say they were happy for him. And said they would come down to see them all soon.
With a smile, Tommy turned his phone on silent and tucked it safely into the bag they had brought down to the hospital with them. He didn't need it going off in the operating room or sitting uncomfortably in his back pocket. He wasn't going to need it.
He pushed up from the chair and ran his hands up and down his jeans, wiping the sweat from his palms before he sat down on the edge of the bed beside (Y/n)'s knee. He reached out and began to trail his hand across (Y/n) knee while she sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. Her hands stopped drawing patterns and reached out for Tommy's wrist instead, holding onto him as tightly as she could.
"Are you ready?"
Her lips curved up into a tender smile and her eyes flitted down to her stomach.
It felt strange to know that in over an hour, she was going to look and feel totally different. Her stomach wouldn't be this rounded anymore. It would feel squishy and flatter and she might have better chance of seeing her knees and her feet which she hadn't caught sight of in the last few months.
In an hour, they would have a boy each to cuddle and feed and adore and love.
Everything had been leading up to today, but now it was here, everything felt strange, in a good way. (Y/n) was ready to be able to walk and feel like her back wasn't crippled and feel like she could stand up straight without her stomach trying to touch the floor. She would be able to push a pram rather than stare holes into her stomach and wish to see her babies.
They would be waking up during the night as of now. They would be swamped with baby grows and nappies and cries filling the house. And they were ready for this.
"I think I'm gonna be a stone lighter after this." She spoke wistfully while she moved her hands to cup her stomach. She was definitely going to feel like a whole new person after today.
A chuckle passed through Tommy's lips before he leaned forward, moving his hands to cup hers that were on her stomach. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of her bump, smiling against her skin when he felt (Y/n) lean down to kiss the back of his head.
"Well I'm gonna miss this," He murmured into her skin, causing shivers in his wake.
He had loved wrapping himself around (Y/n) and attaching his lips to her stomach and feeling the boys move and wriggle around and react to the sound of his voice. But they both knew having their boys in their arms was going to feel a whole lot different to this, in the best way possible.
A soft knock at the door caught their attention and Tommy sat up straight but kept his hands enveloped around (Y/n)'s.
They both watched as two nurses walk into the room, eager looks of excitement on their faces.
"Are we ready to go to theatre?" It wasn't the best way to word it, but (Y/n) nodded all the same.
The longer they waited up here in this room, the more nervous she was becoming. It was the thought of the epidural she was going to have that made her feel queasy. But she knew once she'd had the injection and everything was set up, she would feel a lot calmer.
And Tommy was going to be there right beside her.
(Y/n) could feel her nerves sparking and igniting when they finally got into the operating room. She had never had an operation before. The worst (Y/n) had done was broken a few bones in her life, but this was different. She was going to be awake for this which was something strange and unusual in itself.
She sat on the side of the bed, keeping her eyes on her knees as her nails punctured into the edge of the operating bed like she was going to extend claws like Wolverine and cut it apart.
But when her eyes lifted, she managed to arch a brow and some of her anxiety died down when she looked over at her husband.
He was wearing scrubs. Somehow, Tommy looked even taller and bulkier in the dusty pale blue scrubs that barely seemed to fit over his arms or his shoulders. But the tender smile dancing across his lips made him look soft and when (Y/n) reached a hand out towards him, he all but melted on the spot.
She felt his lips pressing against her temple as he moved to stand in front of her and interlocked their fingers together.
"Okay, let's get you on this epidural. Do you want to lie down?"
"Can I sit up?" (Y/n) looked over her shoulder at the doctor who they had seen two weeks ago in preparation for today. He smiled kindly and nodded.
She didn't want to lie on her side, something about that made (Y/n) feel a little too uncomfortable. It would make her feel better if she could stay sitting up like this and then when the epidural started to work, she would lie down ready. They knew it would take up to twenty minutes for her body to go fully numb and she didn't want to lie on her side or her back for that long and wait.
"Okay, this is going to feel uncomfortable, but since you can't see any of it, that should be a little easier. This is the anaesthetic first, to numb your back."
Lifting her gaze, (Y/n) locked her eyes on Tommy, but the calm smile on his face made her feel better already. She leaned forward until her forehead was pressing into his chest and her right hand stayed tangled with Tommy's while she reached her left hand out and curled her hand around his torso. She felt his right hand move to cup the back of her neck and he began to hum quietly while his eyes focused over (Y/n)'s shoulder to watch the doctor.
He watched curiously as the doctor slowly pushed a needle near (Y/n)'s spine to numb her back. He felt (Y/n) twitch and push into his chest even more and he was glad she couldn't see this. Tommy had lost count of the times he'd had to hold (Y/n) in a chair or catch her when she fainted while having her bloods taken.
"Epidural going in now (Y/n). This will feel a bit uncomfortable, but not painful."
Tommy smoothed his thumb up and down the back of (Y/n)'s neck while he watched the thin tube thread into her back, between the columns of her spine. It made his breathing quicken, but he had seen much worse while he was on shift with air support.
It was still strange to watch the fluid seep through the thin tube in her back and watch the way (Y/n) twisted and tensed, trying to stay as still as she could so she didn't move anything.
(Y/n) began to sway their entwined hands back and forth, giving herself something to focus on other than the sound of Tommy's gritty, melodic hum that quietly flooded her ears.
This was what she had been worried about. Feeling this uncomfortable and feeling the injections and then having to wait for everything to turn numb. The thought was almost as uneasy as the action itself and after just less than ten minutes, (Y/n) slowly lifted her head to look up at Tommy. She nodded silently and moved their entwined hands down to pat her legs that she couldn't feel anymore.
Well, she could sort of feel them, but it was like a switch had been flipped and they had been momentairely disconnected.
There was a small part of (Y/n) that worried this epidural somehow wouldn't work or suddenly wouldn't be properly effective. She dreamed that when the doctor began cutting through the fat and muscle in her abdomen, she would suddenly feel agonising pain and begin to scream. But feeling how numb and tingly her legs felt, (Y/n) was sure that wasn't going to happen today.
"If we can get you laid down now, we can get set up and have these two. Do we know what we're having yet, or is it a surprise?"
(Y/n) kept her hands latched around Tommy's and smiled gratefully when his hands moved to hold her upper arms. He helped the nurses turn her and move her legs so she was sitting up on the bed. Both (Y/n)'s hands moved to clutch Tommy's bicep which caused him to smile.
"Okay honey?" He whispered softly while he eased her to lay back down and let her curl both her hands around his right hand.
(Y/n) nodded but she pulled his hand down to pin it to her chest and she scrunched her eyes closed when the doctor started to get ready. She didn't want to see him prepare the scalpals or set up the sheet so she wouldn't see. Part of her wanted to see, she wanted to see the exact moment their boys were brought into the world. But the other part of (Y/n) knew it wouldn't be a sight she would easily forget or would really want to see when she felt a little woozy already.
She knew Tommy would look. He wasn't squeamish, he couldn't be in his line of work and he wanted to watch. If he couldn't be the first person to hold their boys, since that would technically be the doctor's job, then Tommy at least wanted to witness them being born.
Her fingers began to glide up and down Tommy's wrist and over his arm, sorting out the creases and wrinkles in his scrubs. She focused her eyes on him and watched the way he smiled and squeezed her hand every now and then to keep her calm.
"Alright, here we go."
The way (Y/n) clenched her fingers into his hand and closed her eyes made Tommy smile. It was almost as if she was anticipating the pain she knew deep down that she wasn't going to feel. (Y/n) might feel some level of discomfort because of the odd sensations, but she wasn't going to be in any sort of pain.
When she opened her eyes, (Y/n) tried to keep watch over Tommy. Noticing the way the lights caused flecks of white to cascade off his eyes like glittering sparkles. Or how he kept biting the corner of his lips and narrowing his eyes every few seconds. Each time he twitched or moved, (Y/n) wondered if the doctor was peeling away another layer of skin. Tommy's reactions and movements were reflecting the procedure.
But she couldn't feel anything. It was a relief to know the doctor was cutting through her skin and all (Y/n) could feel was tiny touches like she was being prodded whilst being deep in slumber.
No pain, no actual sensations or touches or movements at all. They could be slicing her apart and she wouldn't know about it.
"Let's get baby number one out. Nurse."
Tommy let (Y/n) keep his hand pinned down against her chest while he leaned behind the protective white sheet they'd pinned up across the middle of (Y/n)'s stomach so she couldn't see the procedure. It made shivers course down his spine to see the doctor reach into (Y/n)'s stomach like was a magician's act. The clamps keeping her skin pulled apart didn't bother Tommy almost as much as seeing the doctor reach in like that.
It looked invasive. It looked horrific rather than like the miracle he thought it would be.
(Y/n) felt Tommy suddenly tugging on her hand and she lifted her head, adrenaline sparking through her body when she heard a soft cry.
She could feel her heart trying to burst out of her chest and it took all her effort to stay still and prevent herself from trying to move and sit up. But she didn't have to wait long before the nurse was bringing their first boy round behind the curtain so she could see him.
"Here's your first boy." She spoke softly and carefully laid the newborn down onto (Y/n)'s chest who was shaking his arms and fists like he was fighting off invisible hands. His cheek nuzzled against (Y/n)'s chest and she kissed his temple, trying to stop herself from crying but she couldn't help herself.
"Hi baby," Her left hand moved to brush over the top of his head while she felt Tommy lean down to kiss her temple and run his free hand across their boy's cheek.
(Y/n) almost whined when the nurse gently lifted him off her chest again and took him out of sight. But she knew it was because she was going to clean him up and to let her hold her second boy.
"And here's your second little boy."
The smile on Tommy's face when (Y/n) looked up at him was unlike any she had seen before.
It wasn't often that (Y/n) saw Tommy cry. Only in the dead of night after a vivid nightmare or after a rough shift or the very odd, few days when he was feeling low. (Y/n) could probably count on both hands the times she had seen Tommy cry and the only time she saw happy tears was when they were dancing on their wedding day.
But now, with just a few tears in his eyes and one trickling down the side of his nose, he looked so endearing and beautiful.
When he leaned down to kiss the top of their boy's head, (Y/n) tilted her head up and caught his lips in a kiss. She nudged their noses together, grinning when he let go of her hand to brush his fingers along the side of her cheek. With his other hand still cradling the back of their boy's head.
(Y/n) leaned their foreheads together, barely hearing the nurse whisper that she would get their second boy cleaned up so they could hold them both in a moment.
But (Y/n) opened her eyes and looked up at Tommy when they both heard the doctor mutter "When was the last sonogram?" Panic fluttered to life in (Y/n)'s eyes and she moved her hand up to hold Tommy's hand again while she watched the confusion spread across his face like a wildfire.
"Last week… why?"
They'd had a scan last week to make sure the twins weren't moving or facing down. They had to make sure (Y/n) wasn't going to go into early labour before the planned date for this C-section and they needed to make sure the placenta hadn't moved down either. Everything had been fine at the scan. The boys hadn't moved, the placenta was in place. Blood flow and heartbeats had both been normal and healthy.
Was something wrong now?
What could have happened now? When both the boys were already out and they had seemed fine and healthy?
Was (Y/n) bleeding? Had she had some kind of internal trauma or haemorrhage that they hadn't noticed earlier?
"Tommy, w-what's wrong?" (Y/n) pulled on Tommy's hand and stared up at him while their second twin was taken from her chest. She tilted her head back and tried to look for both the boys but seeing the room from a flipped angle made her head spin and made her blood thump in her ears. "Are they okay?"
Surging panic propelled through (Y/n)'s system while she tried to find someone in the room who would tell her what was going on.
She felt Tommy grip her hand tightly while he nodded. He could see the nurses in the far corner of the room, they were cleaning up the boys and both of them were whimpering and wriggling around. Neither nurse seemed panicked or overly worried about the boys, so it couldn't be anything to do with them.
But that thought made Tommy's heart drop to the pit of his stomach like a stone. If it wasn't something to do with the twins, then it had to be about (Y/n). Was his wife okay?
"What's wrong?" Tommy leaned around the curtain and looked across at the doctor with such a stern look that it made the room drop ten degrees and had everyone shivering.
"No, no it's nothing to worry about."
Somehow, (Y/n) didn't believe the doctor's words. She pulled on Tommy's hand and tried to push herself up on her elbows until Tommy gently nudged her back down. She leaned to the left to try and look at the doctor, but her view of him was obscured and she realised his eyes were focused intently on her stomach with something akin to surprise written across his face.
"(Y/n), it seems we have a third wriggler hiding away in here." He smiled through his words which made (Y/n)'s heartbeat ignite and bring the monitor to live beside them.
"T-triplets?"
That couldn't be right. None of their other scans had showed any signs of a third baby. They were having twins. They had been preparing for the last six months to have twins since they went to their first appointment and found out.
It had been a shock that they were having twins on their first pregnancy. Two for the price of one. (Y/n) had even joked that Tommy had planned this somehow because they had been so eager to have a baby after they got married. But they hadn't thought about triplets.
(Y/n) desperately wanted to move her hands down and run them across her stomach but she felt Tommy tugging on her hand like he knew what she was thinking and was preventing her from doing so. She didn't think she looked big enough to be having triplets. She hadn't always looked like she was having twins. The first five months she just looked a little further ahead in her pregnancy. But even now, whenever she told people she was having twins, they were surprised.
How could there be three hiding away in here?
"Really?" Surprise flooded Tommy's voice and when (Y/n) looked up at him, she saw a mixture of emotions on his face. His eyes looked dazed, as if he was going to pass out, but the way his lips parted into an open-mouthed smile showed he was growing excited at this prospect.
"Another boy?" (Y/n)'s voice shook as she waited, watching Tommy's expression as he watched the doctor gently scoop up a third baby.
He wasn't mistaken. He wasn't trying to make some kind of joke out of this or torment them or just play around. They really did have a third baby hiding away in there.
They were going to have to make a few adjustments when they went home. They had prepped for taking two babies back home with them, not three. Two cribs. A double pram. They were going to need extra sets of bottles and a few more baby grows. About a hundred more nappies. The nursery was going to have to be changed around- again.
Tommy was going lightheaded at the thought and he tried to drag himself out of his mind and focus again while his eyes locked on his third little baby.
"Oh, you have a little lady, this time."
(Y/n) choked on a laugh when she watched a tiny bundle be laid on her chest. They had a girl. They had been preparing for the last six months to bring two boys home. Now they were going to have to prepare to bring a little girl home with them too.
"She's so small." (Y/n) carefully danced her fingertips over her daughter's cheek, feeling her smile spread until she could barely look down at her little girl.
She was miniscule. With her legs curled up to her tummy and her arms pinned into her chest, she barely looked the size of a teddy bear. No wonder (Y/n) hadn't looked like she was having triplets. She would barely look pregnant at all if she was just having their daughter and she came out that small. The boys had clearly been hiding her away from them. Keeping her as a surprise.
"I think the boys got the most preference and nutrients… she's going to need a little bit of extra help."
Tilting her head back, (Y/n) nudged her head against Tommy's hand when he let go of her hand so he could crouch down beside her. His hand brushed against her cheek as more tears started to fall down his face and (Y/n) was sure this was the happiest she had ever seen him. And her eyes lit up when Tommy reached his free hand across and started to drag his fingertip up and down their daughter's cheek.
She was going to be tiny when she was in Tommy's arms.
"Where were you hiding her, honey?"
***
Hen: Congratulations! How's (Y/n) and the boys, did everything go okay? xx
Chim: We're very happy for you. Are you all okay and settled?
Eddie: Hope everything went smoothly. Whenever you're up for visitors Chris would love to come down and say hi. x
Buck: Happy Birthday! (To the twins) Can I see a picture? Please?
(Y/n) rolled her lips together, obscuring her smile as she looked at the texts that had popped up over the last few hours. She could almost hear all their excited voices and feel the love radiating from their messages. It was heart-warming.
Buck's message played on (Y/n)'s mind as she looked across the room towards her husband.
He was starting to fall asleep.
His head was tilted down until his chin was just about resting on his chest and he was slouched in the chair with his knees pushed forward. But he had Grace in the crook of his left arm. The newborn was miniscule and swamped when she was laid in Tommy's arm. The way his bicep flexed and how his forearm tensed around her almost engulfed her from sight with how broad Tommy was compared to how tiny and compact their daughter was.
He had been holding the boys for quite a while earlier and had switched to Grace when James and Jake had both fallen asleep and were now in the cribs in the corner of the room.
When she looked back down at Tommy's phone that she had been holding for the last hour, taking photos and sending pictures to family, she smiled.
She set up a group message to Hen, Chimney, Buck and Eddie and attached one of the photos she'd taken an hour ago. A picture of Tommy with one of the boys in each arm and the widest smile she'd ever seen on his lips.
*Here's the proud papa with the boys. Say hi to James (left) and Jake (right). xx
She attached the message to the bottom of the picture and hit send before she slowly sat forward, being mindful of the new set of stitches across the very bottom of her stomach.
She held the phone out towards Tommy, waiting a dew seconds when his eyes began to flicker before they fell closed again and she took the opportunity to snap a quick picture. Loving the contrast in the photos which showed just how small Grace was compared to the boys. Along with the fact that she was wearing a smaller, blushing pink cap over her head and had a tube taped into her nose to help her get a bit more oxygen
*And say hello to Grace, our surprise. xx
When the message sent, (Y/n) was about to put the phone on the side table. She had been too hyped to sleep earlier but the epidural was starting to wear off now and she was beginning to feel drained. But before the phone was even out of her hands, it began to vibrate and ping with messages.
All of them simultaneous. All of them saying the same thing. Just one simple word.
*Triplets?!!
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postersofleon · 2 days
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gonna bully re6 leon because he needs to be humbled. the way he disrespected chris is still living in my mind. angry/mean sex. fem!reader
the trip back to america was silent. you and leon sat silently in a hotel. you tapped on your foot, feeling annoyed that leon thought he was right. you were the only idiot making progress in the simmons case while leon pointed a gun at chris. "i," you attempted to swallow your anger towards your boyfriend, "why, why didn't you just fucking read my reports?" you even worked on it with ada to see the consequences of simmons, but the moron thought carla was ada. you repeatedly tried over and over through cons or messages and the idiot read it way too late.
"i always feel like I'm talking with a stupid brick wall."
leon opened his legs to man spread, "i thought i was doing right."
"yeah, and what did that get you?" you asked him. leon faked his death to chase simmons and... he gained what? new wounds she has to clean up. you rubbed your face, "and ada still having to clear your name because you focused on the wrong things."
he grimaced for a bit. "simmons was threatening the situation."
"did you even try to ask the people around you?" you asked him. "i know you and Chris don't speak a lot, but, fuck," you couldn't help but laugh, "you are so lucky chris is a good guy. you threatening him for ada despite you knowing shit."
leon's face turned red, "ada saved me. ada had saved the two of us so many times-" his voice was raising every second he got more angry. you laughed softly, he was unbelievable sometimes. "yeah, and defending her for neo-umbrella." you snapped back, "jesus, kennedy, i didn't know you fucked with neo-umbrella. was i the only one actually trying to form a friendship with ada?" the three of them have met for so long. ever since raccoon city, you were the only one who apparently spoke to ada.
leon's nose twitched, "i just wanted to help her."
a small silence was between you two. you two always swore to have sex if an argument was getting too bad. leon took off his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. you followed his direction. you took off your jeans and kicked them down.
"you are a fucking idiot." you hissed softly before sitting on his lap. you rubbed against his bulge, "you are only worth it because of your cock." you grabbed his face.
leon glared at you, but once he felt your pussy lips rubbing on his bulge he groaned weakly. "bitch..." he muttered back. your breaths were mixing with each others. leon's eyes soften for a second until he remembered his anger.
he leaned in and kissed you, nearly throwing you to the ground. leon ripped open your shirt and slapped your tits. "those fucking tits always so fucking needy. you are so angry with me yet your cunt needs me." you grunted weakly from each slap. his hand grabbed your tits and squeezed it.
"you fucking asshole." you moaned weakly. leon dove in and sucked on your nipples. his teeth nibble on the pebble and gently tugged on it.
"you love my bullshit." he muttered softly.
trimming was enough for the two of you.
leon tugged down his underwear and rubbed his cock around your covered panties, "you fucking love my bullshit." you were getting more pissed off and leon moaned softly. "your pussy..." his fingers tugged the sides of your panties. his pre-cum was trailing down your own pubes that you didn't have time to shave completely. you worked too much to worry about it, and leon was the same.
the tip of his cock dragged around your pussy lips. "look at you... god... i need to marry you before i fuck up too badly." his tip circled around your clit making your back arch.
leon's fingers harshly rubbed your clit and they slowly slide down your hole. harshly moving his fingers deep in you. your eyes rolled back as you moaned loudly. "pu-put your stupid cock to work..." you mumbled softly. leon nodded his head.
in the end of the day, leon loved your pussy more than anything. he removed his fingers and slowly slid into your hole. he moaned softly. his anger turned into lust so quickly. your warm walls were always so good. you grabbed his chin and forced him to look at you.
"you need to apologize to chris."
leon nodded his head, "i will. i promise." he grabbed your legs and put them on his waist. you tighten around his cock and he moaned pathetically.
leon is a moron who can't think straight, but he shuts up so fast when he is inside of your cunt. those pathetic little cries of pleasure, his cheeks all red because he wants to keep quiet. leon was moron. you roll your hips so he can feel those specific details, his pathetic cock slips out and oozes out his cum on your tummy.
"i'll be good. i'll shut the fuck up." he grabbed his cock and put it back inside. you two moaned together as he began to push himself deeper into you. your butt was raised from the ground as he pounded you faster and deeper. his balls hit you over and over. his face was in front of yours. the anger in your eyes vanished for a second. you fucking loved this idiot. you kissed you, he stopped thrusting for a bit to properly kiss you.
"i love you..." he mumbled against your lips.
"i love you too."
leon smiled brightly before continuing to fuck your pussy. he rubbed your thighs gently and held your ass tightly against the palm of his hand. he didn't want to lose you despite it sometimes being seen like that. especially with the way you looked at him. he moaned softly, you had the galaxy in your eyes everytime he was around.
he pounded you faster over and over. his hand grabbed you a bit too hard that you moaned loudly. leon was bending you more and more, your legs were completely off the ground as he kept and kept going. the tip of his cock hitting your spot over and over. "leon... leon!" You grabbed his injured shoulder, he hissed out with pain but kept going. his cum painted your wall and filled you up. leon looked at you weakly, he was just an idiot in love with his girlfriend. his hand gently caressed your face. his fingers caressed your lips, "i'm sorry." He whispered softly.
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jinnie-ret · 14 hours
Text
the wisp sings
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jeongin x fem!reader
genre: very angsty
warnings: hanahaki disease, idk grab a tissue maybe especially if you listen to the song at the same time
word count: 1.6k
summary: jeongin never confesses his love to you and it's to his own detriment that he becomes exhausted
requested by: @skzoologist
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Jeongin loved roses. Such soft, velvety petals, held up strong and protected from harm by thorns that could cause you that very thing. He thought they were beautiful, and didn't care if his thumbs always tingled slightly from the amounts of times he pricked them whilst trimming the flowers down. It was a reminder that he could feel something. Something other than longing and heartache.
"Wow! These are gorgeous! And you picked pink ones too? I bet it's because I said they're my favourite ones, hmm?"
Every time she visited her best friend's dorm, she found instant comfort in the light floral scents that drifted around the apartment. It was so pure, so welcoming, so... gorgeous. It summed up Jeongin wonderfully. And on top of that, it distracted her from the fact the dial on his love meter was slowly dwindling down, day by day.
"Anything for you."
The love meter was something everyone could see. A holographic vision that hovered above your head, a dial ranging from one end, a satisfied, content heart, to a dangerously lifeless one. People really lived to love, in this world. Those who were lucky to live alongside the ones they had fallen for, got to love. There was no burden of worrying if the dial would waver down to the dreaded grey heart, instead, a beating heart seen above them. It was the type of love that left couples in a state of being unable to speak without a smile.
How Jeongin wished that was how he could live.
She was oblivious, to a lot of things, but mainly his feelings for her. The way he would get lost in her eyes, searching deeply, an imploring look upon his face. If only she could realise the feelings she returned, rather than remaining in some sort of limbo. The dial on her love meter remained firmly in the middle because as far as she was aware, there wasn't anyone she loved so deeply for it to move either side.
"Have you ever wondered why we were born in a world like this? It feels a bit, scary sometimes, don't you think? That we rely on finding the perfect person to survive?"
He wanted a life, a long life, where everyone could see their hearts happily floating above their heads, where they could share story after story, moment after moment, together.
"I don't know... there's something so painfully beautiful about it..."
It was often they had late night chats, sneaking up onto the rooftop when the campus security wasn't lurking. Taking in the starry sky, one of them admiring the peace and the other praying they wouldn't be joining them soon. Oddly enough, they hadn't done so in a while, Jeongin not turning up to their uni classes, concerning her deeply.
"Jeongin? I've brought you some leftover kimchi, your favourite. Jeongin?" she called out as she entered his apartment, having a spare key card they managed to trick the accomodation into giving when Jeongin's 'broke'.
Quiet. Too quiet. Worryingly, the usually pristine roses were wilting slightly, petals scattered across the kitchen unit in a wet path.
"You've really made a mess with these roses this time..." she sighed with a slight laugh, placed down her tupperware box of food on the side and entering the lounge. Immediately, she rushed to her best friend's side, alarmed to see him trapped in a coughing fit, sweat beading across his forehead.
"What's wrong? Tell me," she frowned, brushing his hair back out of his face.
"My meter... Can't you tell?" Jeongin mumbled weakly, a defeated look on his face.
In that moment, a something shattered within her, noticing that the dial on his love meter was wavering towards the faded, lifeless side. It was running low.
"What... No... You'll be ok, we'll find a solution to this, you're my best friend, I can't let you suffer like this..."
Little did she know the dial moved further down the slightest bit when she uttered those words...
Best friend.
She didn't feel like a very good friend when she was suddenly swamped in her university assignment. She texted every hour she was awake, just for that reassurance Jeongin was still with her. But when the replies became less frequent, there was obviously something wrong.
Rushing to his apartment one afternoon, she panted, hands resting on her knees as she pushed the front door open, letting it slam behind her.
"Jeongin?!" she called out desperately, hoping for a response. She didn't get one. Instead there was the harrowing sight of petals scattered across the wooden floors, leading to his bedroom. In any other situation, it would look incredibly romantic, yet the fate of this world created a vision of death and mourning.
Frail and weak, Jeongin was wheezing from his shivering form in bed. The duvet was messily strewn and his pillows were damp with sweat. Most frighteningly, he was pale, sallow.
"No, no, ok, Jeongin, you'll be ok, I'll get you some help," she grasped his hand tightly, kissing his knuckles gently was tightly gripping her phone as she rang for an ambulance.
It wasn't until the paramedics wheeled him out of the room on a stretcher, that she found a folded piece of paper, her name scribbled across it messily, like the writer barely had a grip of the pen. Sniffling with tears appearing in her eyes, it wasn't until Jeongin was rushed off into a private room, with mutterings from the nurses of 'a bad case of Hanahaki Disease', that she was able to read the letter. There wasn't any chance in the ambulance for she was too busy begging the cruel gods above for them to give her best friend a second chance.
I didn't want this to happen, but I knew as time went on, things would probably end this way. And I would like you to love me, but I'd never force that upon you. So instead, I thought I'd tell you all the things I love about you, because you're who I live for.
I love the way you cackle when I do something clumsy, makes it hurt less, I suppose.
"Jeongin, you pabo!" she cackled loudly, clutching her chest and trying to catch her breath as she watched him trip over the rug and bump his leg on the corner of his coffee table.
"Who put that there?!" Jeongin cried out, a smile tugged on his lips nonetheless.
"You bought it, silly!"
I love the way care for others, how you're so selfless, especially with me.
"Kimchi at your surface!"
"Oh my, you must be sleep deprived... You mean at your service?"
"Do you want it or not?"
"Let's eat together, come on, sit."
"I'm fine I've got to go and-"
"Sit down and eat with me, or so help me I will physically restrain you."
"Yes sir."
"I-"
She continued to read the letter, paragraph after paragraph until she reached the last part.
I am tired of this grief. I think these are the cards I've been dealt with and I'm ok with that now. I'm happy to have experienced life with you.
I love you, forever.
Sobs ripped through her throat, body crumpling in the uncomfortable chair of the hospital waiting room. The feeling of impending grief so overwhelming, she didn't notice the raised eyebrows from others as her dial furiously turned towards a full, illuminating heart above her head.
Her feet pounded down the hallways, stray hairs invading her vision where everything felt like a blur. She needed to find him. Because she realised it now, she felt it.
Love.
"I get it now! Please! Don't take him away from me!" she begged, blurry figures of the nurses trying to hold her back but she struggled like a wild animal, needing him. "Please!"
They tried to soothe her, to calm her down, but they stopped when they saw the meter with the dial turned all the way up. And with that, she rushed to hold the love of her life, hands softly cradling his face, cold to the touch.
"It's ok, you'll be ok. Just let me sleep, love," Jeongin whispered with a sad smile, eyes fluttering slightly, heart monitor beeping ever so slowly. He looked drained, almost as much as his love meter was.
"No! I love you! And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realise but-"
"You don't have to say these things, really. I get it, and that's ok."
It wasn't ok. Not to her.
With determination and sadness coursing through her veins, she pulls him towards her and connects their lips together. Passion and warmth flooded within her, and when she pulled away she was worried she had done the wrong thing when the meter above his head disappeared. However, seeing that smile light up his face, and bring new life to his eyes, told her the answer she needed.
"You're not leaving me. I can't let that happen," she sniffled, hugging him tightly.
"I'm here, you're here... I love you so much," Jeongin's voice cracked with a tinge of disbelief.
The nurses still left in the room watched on in amazement, mesmerised at the sight before them, two beating hearts, floating above the couple's heads. Pink. With a twinkle too.
Love was what let them truly live. You've got to nurture that flower within, and let it blossom, let it bloom. It dies when you start giving up, losing hope.But someone will come along to look after it, and just like that there is warmth in the world again. Hearts full of life, beating with newfound excitement at the love it is filled with.
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calaisreno · 2 days
Text
Rise
621 words / Prompt: Family
Today’s mini-fic is a little bit that didn’t make it into The Last Envoy. After the war, Sherlock returns and visits Mummy. 
1946
Mycroft told me that Mummy was failing a bit, but that was not what I saw when I looked through the garden door and saw her snipping flowers to put in a vase. She looked like the woman I’d last seen four years ago, before I went to Oxford, still tall and straight, graceful and beautiful.
Four years seemed a lifetime. Years filled with separation and waiting, spent in places only war can create. 
“Happy Birthday, Mummy,” I said, smiling. 
She turned then, and I could see that her hair was whiter, her movements slower. She lay down the scissors and put her arms around me, still holding two roses. I felt her hands tremble against my back.
“My boy,” she whispered. “My dearest darling.”
She knew me, but in her mind I was always the son she’d lost, so many years ago. A bright little boy she’d called Sherlock, as well as the man Mycroft had named after that child. 
“How are you?” I could see a brightness in her eyes and was glad that her mind was still active. 
“I’m fine,” she replied, holding me at arm’s length now and examining me with that sharp gaze. “You look surprisingly well. Doctor Watson has been taking good care of you.”
“He has. Switzerland is a very healthy place to live. Up in the mountains, the air is crystal clear. I’m sure I’ll miss it and will need to visit again some day, but for now I’m happy to be back.”
We sat, and Rose brought us tea. 
“Mycroft told me about your experiences. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s heart-breaking that people can do such things.”
I did not speak; a question should not be answered until it is asked.  
“How is John?” she asked.
“He’s fine. He would have come with me, but he had to be at the hospital today.”
“He’s a good man. I’m glad you have him.” 
“I’m very lucky.” 
We sipped our tea in silence. I could hear the bees humming in her flowers. Closing my eyes, I recalled the first time I saw bees travelling between the flowers in Mycroft’s garden. I imagined a day when I could no longer sit in Mummy’s garden, watching the bees and talking to her.  
As if she could hear my thoughts, she smiled and spoke to me. 
“I’m seventy-five years old today, Sherlock. With luck, I may have several more birthdays.”
“I hope so, Mummy.” 
She gave me that familiar look, the one that means she wants to share something personal, words for my ears alone. “You once described to me how the Beta view time as an arrow, always travelling up, leaving the past behind. It’s a good way to look at ageing, which often feels like loss. I’ve decided that as the years pile up, I will rise above them, into the future.”
In my mind I sometimes felt myself looking back as my ship moved up and away from Beta, my home planet, until it sparkled, a tiny point of light in the trackless black universe. I remembered everything about my home, every one of the people who loved me. They were moving quickly into the past, growing smaller as I looked back. I was flying away from them, but still too far away from my destination to see the life I would have on a planet that couldn’t be seen from Beta. In my memories, they were always looking up, watching me leave them.
That is how it would be for this woman who had become my second mother. In my memories, she would always live. 
One day, I would be a Memory too.
I smiled. “We all rise.” 
For a bit of context, an excerpt from The Last Envoy, Chapter 2:
1938
“How old are you?” I asked.
She raised her chin, a sign of pride. “I am sixty-seven years old.” She leaned forward and patted my knee. I wasn’t sure what this meant. “You’re a lovely boy, Sherlock. I want to teach you something important.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
“Women don’t like being asked their age,” she said. “I don’t mind because I’m an old woman and you are a lovely young man. You don’t know all of the social nuances, but you’re a quick learner.”
“Why do women not like to be asked their age?” It seemed to me that any human ought to be proud of living so long. 
She sighed. “It’s a bit complicated. Men don’t mind saying their age. You must understand that the role of women in our society is to produce children and raise them. For that, we have to project youth and good heredity, as evidenced by our beauty. A woman hates to think that she is no longer useful, so we continue to foster the illusion that we are still young and beautiful, even when it is a ridiculous fantasy.”
“Why do you think you are not useful?” I asked. “Women are not just breeding machines; they have brains. You had an important job; you’re obviously an intelligent woman who would do a better job running the country than most men.”
She sighed and leaned back in her chair. “I do not disagree. But these are the roles that nature has given us and society requires. Perhaps one day, we will rise above nature and society.” 
@totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes
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quitealotofsodapop · 23 hours
Note
Pigsy be cleaning up shop (with Tang being forced to help) when he hears a whispered conversation. He doesn't mean to eavesdrop, but Wu and Mihou aren't exactly subtle.
"Do you think Gramps would have liked to meet them?" Wu was saying, to which Mihour snorted,
"You mean before or after he smacked us both over the head for our stupidity? Yeah... he'd have liked them. 'Specially since the egg was yours."
"Mihou, you're the one incubating the egg! If anything, they're more yours than mine."
"Yeah, but you were his favorite. His 'Little Prince,' remember? I was just the weird cub he found by the river."
"You and I both know that isn't... entirely true. He loved you just as much as me the short time we had living on the mountain together while we were cubs before your sister picked you up."
"Wuko-"
"Wu."
"Right, Wu, you seriously underestimate how much he loved you. You were his whole reason for living at the end there."
"He was just... he just looked after me as a favor. For the ones who came Before. That's all."
"Your oh so secret birthparent that you refuse to tell me about but insists existed despite literally everything about your origin story?"
"I don't 'refuse to tell you,' I just... don't know how to explain it. Explain Her! I only found out about her after Gramps died, and by the time we met up again, we both were way too busy to remember old stories from a long dead monkey I've never even met."
"...Well, we aren't as busy as we were before. Maybe you can tell me now? We could tell the cub stories about his grandmother when they get here."
"...I'd like that."
:'(
Anon this is so cute and sad I tear up a bit.
The idea of Pigsy and Tang accidentally learning that part of "Wu and Mihou's" worries comes from both of them being essentially orphans gets them in the feels.
I hc that Pigsy lost his mom at a young age (got taken in by his Grandma), and Tang has no contact with his brith family, so they both sympathise hard with the two monkeys' situation.
Wukong wanting to Understand who his people and his mother were, but the chaos of Heaven and of all his new responsibilities keep getting in the way... until the incident with the Comet allows him for the first time ever to slow down and contemplate.
Macaque giving up on his search for answers on what he was centuries ago, and thinking that he's just One in the whole universe. Until Wukong begins recalling stories that Elder told him of other monkeys like them beyond the stars - ones with "Lotus-shaped ears" that used them to hear across the vacuum of space...
And they both agree that the Egg is a miracle no matter how they look at it. Even if the comet it arrived in was likely one of their own kind who had not been so lucky. Macaque wonders if the baby's original parent had been "Lotus-eared" like he is...
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cwritesforfun · 3 days
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The Bear: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x Fem!Reader: Business Dinner
Enjoy;) Masterlist
(YES, the plot has changed. I do not own The Bear characters.) Y/N = Your Name
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Y/N's POV
You finish getting ready and you walk out to your living room where you see your boyfriend pacing. He was pacing earlier, but you were hoping he had stopped when you did your make-up. You exclaim, "Carmy, baby, what's wrong?" He turns to you, sees you, and says, "Wow honey, you're gorgeous. I mean, jaw-dropping stunning. Let me see you twirl." You twirl and he says, "I can't believe I'm your boyfriend. I'm so lucky that I have you in my life." You wrap your arms around his neck and say, "I'm lucky to have you in my life too. I've never been happier." He wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you gently. He asks, "Are you sure you want me as your plus one tonight? I'm sure one of your friends would go if you asked." You answer, "Yes, I'm sure. I can't wait to show you off. I'm so proud of you and your success with the Bear. You also said you couldn't wait to try the food at this restaurant, so I'm happy we get to try it together. Why? Where is this sudden hesitation coming from?" He replies, "I just ... I know that there are going to be a lot of business people tonight with their millionaire star boyfriends or girlfriends. I'm not even close to that. Everyone at the party doesn't have anxiety like us and I'm stressed I'll say something wrong. Times like these make me feel insecure about who I am and like being together doesn't work." You ask, "But if you ignore tonight, do you think we work together?" He answers, "Yeah, I mean sh** I love you. I haven't told you that, but I'm nervous and stressed. I don't want to lose you." You say, "I love you too, Carmen Anthony Berzatto. I think you're the sweetest and kindest boyfriend ever." He kisses you on the cheek and you continue, "I know you're nervous, but you'll be okay. We'll be together all night. You won't ever lose me. And I refuse to hear you talk about yourself as worthless and think that. You're worth the weight of the world in gold. You're the love of my life and you're perfect to me. I love every side of you." You kiss and he says, "Ok, if we are going, we should leave before I back out. And, warn me, next time you say my full-time, I felt like I was in trouble." You laugh and you leave the apartment.
Carmy drives you both downtown and you use the valet at the restaurant. It's free valet tonight, but we're allowed to tip.
Outside the restaurant, one of your coworkers waves and walks up with their partner. The coworker says, "Hi, I'm Pippa and I work with Y/N. This is my partner, Jennifer." I introduce Carmy to them and meet Jennifer. We all head inside and ask to be seated at the table together. I know Pippa and she's a good person. She's also very passionate about food. I've met Jennifer once or twice when she drops lunch off for Pippa at work. She seems cool. They should get along with Carmy and not make him feel anxious.
Drinks are being ordered. I know Carmy is still working on staying away from alcohol and being clean. I'm so proud of his journey with it so far. I lean over to Carmy and say, "Check out their Clean Cocktails. It's their version of mocktails and they're really good." He kisses me on the cheek and says, "Thanks babe."
We then get up to get a salad from the salad and appetizer bar. Carmy gets excited to see the fresh fruit and hot fresh bread. The restaurant has some pepper that makes him excited since it's hard to get, so he tells the chef behind the bar that he is the head chef at The Bear and he wants to know more about how they use it/cook it. The chef behind the salad bar says he will send the head chef to talk to Carmy about it after the salad servings are out. This excites Carmy and you're so happy that he is happy.
You both mingle with a few people as you walk back. You can tell some of their eyes linger on Carmy an extra second or just stare weirdly at you both, so you try to keep moving.
As you're eating the salad, the head chef of the restaurant walks up and asks if we want to see the exclusive inside of the preparation of the peppers as well as the meat. Pippa, Jennifer, Carmy, and I follow him to the back. We learn about their process and they let Carmy try, which makes the head chef intrigued. You all try them hot off the pan and they're so good. We then head back to our seats.
The entrees are served and you notice your boss walking over with his wife. Note about your boss, he thinks he's the best boss and the smartest person in the room at all times. His wife is super fake and clearly is only with your boss for the money. Your boss exclaims, "Hello Pippa and Y/N! I don't believe I have had the pleasure of meeting either of your plus ones yet tonight." Pippa says, "This is Jennifer and she's one of my best friends. You also might recognize her from The Chicago Bandits Pro Softball Team. She's the pitcher and the captain of the team." Jennifer shakes your boss' hand. Your boss says, "It's nice that you were able to make it. I'm sure practice keeps you busy." Jennifer replies, "It's the off-season, so I was able to be here. It's a lovely dinner." Your boss nods. To cut the tension, you exclaim, "It is a great event. This is my boyfriend, Carmen Berzatto. He's the head chef and owner of the restaurant, The Bear." Your boss' wife says, "One of my girlfriends said you had lovely appetizers and a fine wine selection." Carmy smiles and says, "I'm glad, tell her thank you. I helped hand-select our whole menu and think it all pairs well with our wines. Our sommelier hand selects it all as well." Your boss asks, "I'm glad to hear you have a sommelier. Do you think that we could get a reservation there for Tuesday at 7:15?" BRUH wtf?!?!?! The Bear is usually full at peak dinner times and most reservations are already fully booked. Carmy pulls out his phone and says, "Sure, enter your details. I'll send a confirmation of the reservation. We'd be pleased to have you." Your boss enters his details and asks, "Will you be working that night?" Carmy answers, "Yes sir, I will." Your boss hands Carmy his phone back and replies, "Good, we want the best experience." Carmy replies, "My staff is highly trained and all have completed training with chefs worldwide. And, my sous chef is the expediter as well. You have nothing to worry about." Your boss nods and then asks, "How did you go behind the scenes tonight? I saw that you all met the head chef too. It took me forever to meet him. I thought he was avoiding me." And for good reason lol ... You exclaim, "Carmen was talking to them about their peppers. The head chef had heard of The Bear and knew of Carmen's work from NYC as well as here, so he was excited to invite us back into the kitchen. They gave us a tutorial on preparing them, and we tried them hot fresh off the pan." Your boss nods and then leaves with his wife. That was weird, ok.
When they're far away, you ask, "Is there even space free at The Bear on Tuesday?" Carmy says, "We always save a few tables for walk-ins, so yes." You reply, "You should put them by the bathroom." Carmy replies, "No, I'm not that mean." Pippa says, "You should spit in their food." Carmy replies, "I don't want it to bite either of you in the butt if he hates it. They won't be at a prime table, but I'll make sure my staff are on their best behavior. I'll even stop by to check in on their meal." Pippa says, "Don't give them a discount. They have the money." Jennifer says, "You're so evil, babe." Pippa laughs. You say, "Yet there was no lie in what Pippa said."
Dinner finishes and light desserts are served. It's sorbet, which is cold and refreshing. Your boss thanks everyone on the microphone and everyone is reminded to pick up the free swag bags by the door prepared by his wife.
Pippa, Jennifer, Carmy, and I leave together. The swag bag includes a bottle of wine, soap made by the boss' wife, socks with your work logo, and extra pens with your work logo.
You tip the valet and you get in the car.
At your apartment, you strip off the dress and slide on one of Carmy's shirts and your pajama bottoms. You go into the bathroom to wash your face of make-up. Carmy walks in, wraps his arms around your waist, and says, "I'm glad I went tonight. I liked being with you. I also will admit that I liked your friends. Pippa and Jennifer were cool. I don't like your boss or his wife. They kind of suck." I laugh and reply, "Yeah, they're not the best. Why did you give them a table this week at your restaurant? Also, I need to rinse my face." You move slightly out of his arms to wash your face then you say, "Ok, we can go to bed." Carmy holds your hand and you both get into bed. You exclaim, "I loved being with you tonight. You're the best boyfriend for going and for putting up with my boss. I feel like I didn't get to show you off as much as I could have. I forget how many people I dislike at work and don't want to speak to. Ugh, I wanted to tell everyone how cool you are and why you're a catch." He laughs, kisses the side of your head, and says, "Baby, it's okay. I think you're a catch too. I'm sure people saw us together and thought we were just the hottest couple." You laugh and say, "I mean we are." He kisses you as he laughs with you.
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uncanny-tranny · 9 months
Text
I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.
Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.
If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.
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stuckinapril · 3 months
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#I’m only very rarely inclined to get this intimate w my thoughts so I might as well say it NOW butttt I will never not see the dead children#In everything I do#Like legit#I’ve read up on Hind so extensively and seen so many photos of her#And I have a very healthy relationship w the popular Palestinian journalists so she’s not my blorbo or anything#But hearing that memo destroyed me bc bisan is only 23 and she seemed so vivacious#Idk like I do normal people things I can’t just pause on my life#But idk how it feels like to sit at a boba place and enjoy my pearl milk tea w my friends#While the horrors over there don’t just lurk the back of my mind. I do normal things and I’m guilty for having the luxury#And as an Iraqi girl I’m living in the literal ideal timeline#Where my mom decided to immigrate to the us and that’s why I’m here living a normal life like everyone else#It’s like in a different world if I were born in a different time it could’ve so easily been me. I’m one of the Lucky Ones idk#It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything#But like. If some things had fallen just a little differently#And I keep thinking about how I’d feel if it were happening to Iraq and people behaved the way they’re doing to Palestinians#I’d be so mad#And some people on here are dealing w assholes while bursting at the seams w grief#For losing their loved ones#This is why I’m so fucking angry at anyone who’s complicit#This was a major tangent but basically I feel weird about doing normal things now while simultaneously knowing I can’t just sit and wallow#And watch life pass by as if it’ll do anything#Misery is not a home but I’m struggling to be 100% normal#And I think that this tonal dissonance is reflecting on my blog too bc I can’t go back to just#Posting about all the other normal things I used to. Like I want to but sometimes I feel off.#Is this anything. I haven’t slept all night#I can’t just allow myself to lose interest in everything I used to like and be and just fade away but maybe it’s about accepting that this#Will also always be a part of me now. It’s that awareness that shadows everything I do#or maybe I need a therapist it’s a toss up#I’ll probably feel better once I get my day started but this was cathartic to voice I think#p
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melverie · 9 days
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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mtt-burger-emporium · 7 months
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thinking about chara and the implications of the line "chara hated humanity. why, they never said..." like ok i KNOW something was happening at home. chara baby you didn't deserve that shit i'm so glad you fell down a thousand feet in a cave hole and right into the arms of people who would keep you fed roof over your head and would never raise their hand against you. "eradicate humanity" you're 10 years old how about eradicating your shitfucked surface fam by calling cps first
#soda.txt#chara#(ok idk if this will work but LEEEENGTHY discussion of child abuse below)#ok listen hear me out on this- i know the initial interpretation is a sui attempt WHICH I ALSO AGREE WITH- BUT LISTEN#i believe there was something else going on leading to the whole ''eradicate humanity'' bit and the obvious answer is an unsafe homelife#well. at least for me.#being around people (or perhaps adults) who hurt you and make you feel unsafe in a place where you should be welcomed with open arms and-#a promise of care would probably make any child feel like all of humanity was (in simple terms) cruel and uncaring#so hearing about somewhere they could GET AWAY FROM THAT? of course they'd take that opportunity and run.#chara was just lucky enough to fall into a place that pulled them out of the ideology of ''all of humanity is cruel''#because the dreemurrs were kind and patient enough to take them in and give them a new family#and wouldn't anyone want that?#for the part of The Plan (the buttercups) i think.. i think that one was formed by the idea that chara felt obligated to-#pay the dreemurrs back for their kindness. not that the dreemurrs would have made them. just by their own mental code.#what better way to pay a kind family back- one that took you in and cared for you like one of their own- then by forming a plan to-#set their people free?#they've been stuck down there for so long. they've wanted to feel the sun for SO LONG. why not give yourself up to grant that dream?#idk if these thoughts are coherent. LOL sorry i kinda just started saying words huh#but its ok.#feel free to ask me questions ab my interp of chara btw teehee ^_^ i love talking about chara they're my favorite theyre so silly#ok now for the proper tags on this bitch#chara undertale#chara dreemurr#child abuse mention#suicide mention#tw child abuse#safeutdr#OH ANALYSIS TAG UHHH UMM#🧪lab notes
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em0-opossum · 11 months
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sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are
#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much#but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt#and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling#i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them#i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me#sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong#even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me#i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want#i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard#there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating#i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me#and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful”#i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness#(tags are just for finding people who relate)#social anxiety#avpd#avoidant personality disorder#actuallyavpd#loneliness#chronic loneliness
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nebulouscoffee · 6 months
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Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this
#''this'' being collective grief. because tbvh it's the main reason I haven't written very much this year (but will slowly start to)#I write to remind myself I am lucky. I keep telling myself this but even now when I feel awful I am so lucky#I am lucky that none of these funerals have involved very close family members or friends of mine#and I am lucky to be living in conditions with the space to write and space to grieve#and space to come together to mourn with dignity while people not that far away from me are not receiving the same privilege rn#I am lucky my dad was with me today and I spent the evening chatting with him on the terrace I am lucky he is alive I am lucky I am lucky#(apologies if this sounds like a robot malfunctioning lmao writing is just how I process things)#(and apparently I just don't seem to feel like I have the right to feel bad about any of this anywhere except my st@r trek blog hehe)#anyway. To stay on theme I shall say something about Trills :D#I imagine loss and grief must register very differently to them. very Non Linearly in the literal sense but also a highly abstract one#even I feel this massive sense of time warp between all these funerals; and this chest-crushing distance between me and my friends#how do Trills even exist#how do they wake up every day remembering all those friends and children and parents who loved them and they loved and are gone now#and still function#how does Ezri feel walking around with memories of parents that aren't hers (but were soooo much better than hers) taking care of her#does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically?#does it even matter who it belonged to originally if a memory is HERS now?#does Ezri mourn for any parents of past hosts more than she knows she will mourn for her own mother one day?#does having all this lived experience bring her reassuring amounts of perspective for a 20-something or just overwhelm her all the more?#idk; but I hope she learns to take comfort in her past hosts' memories of family eventually...#(...again. I am going to write sooooo much fan fiction about this lmao)#cw death
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suddencolds · 3 months
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#not snz and not a vent... just passive musing#had a dream two nights ago where someone who i used to know (and love a little) wished me goodbye with a#kiss to the hand before i flew away from them forever on a magic chair#which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but#the feeling of grief i felt saying goodbye to a friendship which i had once held so close to me - and which i know can probably never#be as close as it was at that point in my life - stuck with me for a long time even after i woke up#it's been something i've been thinking about for awhile... but the dream felt like such a concrete and painful severance#i think that like a childish part of me wants to hold the people i'm close to at#the same distance and trust that they will stay there forever#but logically i know it's natural that the people i met under certain circumstances might drift apart once those circumstances change#for one or both of us... i guess friendship really is just a lucky convergence at one point in time where everything aligns#like i know this and i have known this for awhile but god does it hurt#especially those kinds of goodbyes that feel so gradual... not like a clear severing of ties but just a gradual disappearance#i think i probably have to not feel so hung up over what i used to have. and for the most part i am not; life goes on#but for those people?#i sometimes just miss them#there's a special kind of hurt knowing that i could reach out to them and say hello and that they would probably respond but that it might#never be quite the same again
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buppypuppy · 5 months
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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craycraybluejay · 4 months
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ok guys serious question and i want answers
my standard dose is 40mg oxy
if i take 2 perc5s, is there a chance itll actually get me high? i have no tolerance (recent use) but 40 is the sweet spot. is 10 enough? will it give a better rush if i snort it even tho the high is shorter or should i just booty bump. or bite the bullet and try to iv
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i feel USELESS and horrible and all the bad things
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