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youwerenevermeanttofeelalone · 3 years

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A Heartbeat Away | Damian Wayne

✦ pairing — older!Damian Wayne x gender neutral!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 2.7k

✦ based off the song I Should’ve Kissed You by One Direction

✦ summary — Damian is haunted by the fact that he only said good night when he should have kissed you.

✦ warnings — light angst, mentions of pregnancy (a minor character is pregnant), mentions of food and beverages, fluff.

✦ author's note i — randomly remembered my obsession with this song and couldn’t get it out of my head.

✦ author's note ii — the parts in italics are flashbacks.

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Ever since he started living with Jason, Damian found himself straying away from the things that held him back.

His life would never be normal, but in hindsight, he could admit things weren’t as bad.

The fallout with his father came crashing down in the worst moment possible — Dick was dead and his relationship with Tim wasn’t the best.

As little as he knew Jason, he was sure he could trust him so he asked for his help instead of somebody else’s.

And Jason didn’t say no. Whether he had the heart to do it or not was irrelevant because he still took Damian in and helped him find a job.

He hated said job.

‘It’s a job,’ you had told him, ‘you’re not supposed to like it.’

You.

Damian rarely stopped thinking about you. Calling it infatuation felt like an understatement, and yet he couldn’t find a better word to describe the whirlwind of emotions you gave him.

He still remembered the day he met you for the first time.

Jason paced in the living room, perking up every time he heard a noise outside the apartment.

You’re driving me insane,” Damian said from the small dining table.

”Roy’s late.”

”Why are you surprised?”

Jason glared at him.

Both of them heard somebody stand on the other side of the door. Their steps didn’t sound like Roy’s.

Pulling the door open, Jason was ready to snap at whoever had knocked.

“You ordered something and gave my apartment number instead of yours. Again.”

Damian didn’t recognize the voice so he slanted his body to the side to see who it was. He couldn’t stop staring.

”I’ll make it up to you.”

”Jay,” you sighed. “I’ve told you before, you just need to tell me beforehand if you don’t want things to arrive to your apartment. My roommate could have opened it.”

Damian chuckled, a single elbow resting on the table.

Jason craned his neck. “You think this is funny?”

”I think you’re a moron.”

”Shut up and come meet our neighbor.”

Damian didn’t have to be told twice. He stood up with an eagerness he hadn’t felt since Jason texted him to let him know he had found the materials so he could build a suit and go back to patrol.

”This is my brother Damian.” Jason turned around to place the package under the table next to the door.

He knew you’d either seen him before or heard about him the moment his eyes landed on you. People always had a visceral reaction when they met him, some found him attractive, others attempted to ask for favors, and some recoiled in fear.

But you didn’t. You held his gaze and stood in the same spot you had been since you knocked on the door.

And whether it had been in a newspaper or a gossip forum, he was glad you knew something about him. There was something about the way you stared at him that screamed for him to trust you. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

“Nice to meet you,” you politely said, smiling at him.

Stunned by the fact that you hadn’t mocked him, and now assuming it wasn’t wishful thinking after all, he tilted his head. Most people did mock now that he wasn’t under his father’s wing.

Still, he said, “Likewise.”

Your smile became warmer. “I live three doors down the hallway in case you need anything.”

He felt a pang in his chest at the gesture. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Weird sensations in his chest were normal when he was around you. Befriending you was easier than he’d ever admit and talking to you became the highlight of his day.

The pangs in his chest turned into a fluttering sensation in a heartbeat. You’d make him feel breathless when you did the smallest things — when you smiled at him, when you complained about other neighbors with him, when you asked about his day.

He felt special. For once in his life for being the closest he had ever been to resemble a normal person.

And he also remembered, quite painfully, that night he let you walk away without mustering the courage to tell you —or show you— the way you made him feel.

The deserted hallway was yet another proof of how easy it was to lose track of time around you.

Damian hadn’t expected to get back home past midnight or to skip patrol, but 1:00 AM turned into 2:00 and he couldn’t part from you no matter how many times he tried to remind himself to do it.

He hadn’t even expected to enjoy the state fair as an adult, yet he couldn’t remember a time he had more fun than that evening.

You gazed up at him, waiting for him to either do or say something. Anything other than stare at you in the middle of the hallway.

You had already thanked him for making you company, there was no way you’d say anything. And he froze.

“Good night,” he sputtered.

Your brow twitched. “Night.”

He watched you unlock your door and get inside your apartment with a heavy heart.

You moved out a couple months ago and he hadn’t seen you since then. The texts the two of you exchanged were sporadic and they bordered in formal.

He should have kissed you, he was aware of that. And to make matters worse, Jason chewed him out when he found out.

He still looked for you every morning he left the apartment as though you’d remember you had forgotten something. That you had forgotten him.

Jon said it was for the best, that somebody as sweet as you didn’t deserve to carry with his baggage.

Damian knew his best friend to be right, but how could he let go of you that easily when you made him see he was more than his mistakes and regrets?

He didn’t need anybody to carry him, he could drag himself anywhere if needed.

He simply hated the hole in the pit of his stomach every time he entertained the possibility of having to see you one day with somebody else because he wasn’t brave enough to say what he needed to let out.

The idea of being out of time was killing him slowly, so naturally, he’d sought a quick death.

════════════════════════

You gasped upon opening the door. You weren’t expecting anybody to be outside — much less Damian Wayne.

“Oh!”

“Hi,” he softly greeted.

You blinked rapidly. “Did you need anything?”

“I wanted to... Are you on your way out?”

“I’m just dropping this off for my mom.” You momentarily lifted the bags you were carrying in one hand. “She lives nearby.”

He spared a look to the reusable bags in your grasp. “Is she sick?”

“Pregnant,” you explained, playing with your keys. “It’s high risk due to her age so we take as much care of her as we can.”

Damian walked backward, allowing you to come out of the apartment and lock the door.

As you pushed the door to make sure it was locked, he asked, “Would you care for some company?”

Turning around, you gave him a small smile. “That would be lovely.”

He reached over. “Let me help.”

“They’re not heavy.”

“I insist.”

”Okay.” You handed him the bags and took the initiative to lead the way.

He reached your side immediately.

Not knowing what else to do, aware you’d let something slip if you didn’t find something, you made small talk. “How’s Jason?”

“As annoying as always.”

You still remembered when he meant those words, when he complained about Jason and how often they butted heads. His tone was different now, lighter, almost playful.

“Good to know some things never change.”

You walked the streets with an ease you hadn’t been able to in years. Growing up in that neighborhood meant which streets to avoid, and sadly, most of them were unsafe.

There were many things you could have asked or said, perhaps apologize for being cold while texting.

You were in your right to be cold and you could have just not answered, but you wanted to keep contact even though you were hurt.

Damian was great company. It was a shame you misread the entire situation and couldn’t go back to chat with him like before.

It took you a few attempts to get them to talk comfortably, but once he was able to, he didn’t look back. He even gossiped with you.

Stopping in front of the house, you looked around to make sure your mom had the windows open. Once sure, you walked up the front steps.

You withdrew a single key from your back pocket and extended your other hand so Damian would give you the bags.

The floors were recently mopped which meant your aunt had visited that day.

“It’s me,” you yelled so your mom wouldn’t get up. It was her time to be watching TV in the living room.

Carrying the bags towards the kitchen, you caught the jingle from a commercial.

You filled a glass with water and added a couple of ice cubes.

Your mom was comfortably sat on a recliner, feet up and remote control on her thigh. “Hurry back before it gets dark.”

“Don’t worry, a friend of mine walked me here.” You handed her the glass. “Do you need anything else?”

She ignored your question as she took the glass. “Who is it?”

“You don’t know him.”

“Him?” She lifted an eyebrow.

You hadn’t mentioned a guy to her in almost two years now, her surprise was understandable. “Not now.”

“Oh, so it is like that?”

Maybe it was and maybe that was the issue. She wouldn’t blame you if she knew him like you did, if she heard him laugh or saw him change his demeanor to accommodate to somebody else’s sensibilities.

You didn’t think you’d witness anything remotely close to that when you met him for the first time, but you learned really quickly that Damian was full of surprises.

“I’ll call in the morning in case you need something. I’m working ’til 3:00 PM tomorrow.”

“It’s okay.” She took a sip of water. “Did you bring anything sweet?”

“Homemade muffins and a few chocolate bars. Do you want one now?”

She shook her head. “I’ll wait after dinner.”

You kissed her cheek. “Call me, please.”

“Go, go.” She ushered you to go with a gesture of her hand. “Don’t make your friend wait.”

It was your time to ignore her comment.

Damian was sat on the front steps when you came out, looking up at the darkening sky.

“Is everything alright?” you asked in a whisper as to not scare him.

“No.” He shook his head and stood up. “I mean, yes. How’s your mother?”

“She’s good. Having fun watching reality TV.”

Damian squinted. “Is reality TV really that entertaining?”

“It’s mindless stuff, but it’s fun sometimes. You get to judge other people’s lives without feeling remorse because it’s most likely fake.”

The walk back was way shorter and you didn’t want to part. It was time to swallow your pride and your feelings for him.

He didn’t part ways with you at the building entrance. He walked beside you until you reached the elevator — Damian extended his arm to keep the doors open and allowed you to get in first. He followed suit.

You turned the lights on with Damian on your tail. He did wait for you to invite him in, but you were sure both of you knew there was no way you wouldn’t.

“I made muffins. Do you want one?”

Damian nodded.

You guided him to the dining table where a trippy vase in pastel colors rested with flowers.

He looked around the apartment as he walked towards the table. As he sat down, he fixed his eyes on the vase.

“Green or black?”

“Mmh?”

“Your tea.”

You could swear you saw him smile to himself.

“Black.” He placed his cellphone on the table. “You still have that thing,” he said, referring to the trippy vase.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He huffed a laugh. “Jason said it was ugly.”

“Jason doesn’t have the best taste in the world,” you lightheartedly retorted.

The vase was precious to you, a gift from Damian who spooked you in the middle of a rainy night and made you knock your favorite vase.

You set a plate in front of him and placed the muffin there. “Your tea’s almost ready.”

“No roommate this time?”

“Nope. I miss Lou, but I don’t miss having a roommate that much.”

“I thought the move was temporary just so you could be close to your mother...”

“It is, but there’s still a long way to go. The baby should be here next month and she’ll need help around the house.” You disappeared for a moment as you looked for a mug.

Having found one, you dropped the teabag and poured the boiling water in.

“Sugar.” You put the sugar bowl down just in front of the mug. Feeling his eyes on the side of your face, you gazed at him. “It’s brown, don’t worry.”

He relaxed and uncovered the sugar bowl. “Is the father of your mother’s child around?”

“Yeah.” You sat down on the chair closest to his. “She remarried last year and her husband tries to help, but you know, work gets in the way.”

“Tell me if I can help with anything.”

“Don’t worry, you have enough things to juggle with already.”

“What’s one more? At least let me make you company or walk you home. These streets are dangerous.”

You softly nodded. From the day you met him you knew you would never be able to tell him no — and having his company after a long day sounded nice.

“So...”

“So,” you encouraged him to go on.

“Are you seeing anybody?”

“No. I thought I was a little while ago, but...” You hoped he’d understand what you were getting at. “I guess something got lost in translation.”

“Did it? Or was he too much of a coward to show the way he felt?”

“Don’t.” You hated hearing him talk like that about himself.

“You don’t know how much I regret not kissing you that night. I—“ He sighed, twisting his mouth as he frowned. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“At least now I know you did think about doing it.”

“I did. Many times throughout the night.” He turned to the side to fully look at you. “I wanted to find the perfect moment and became overwhelmed. Sounds like a bad excuse, but I swear it’s the truth.”

“I believe you.”

Damian scooted closer and reached over to place his hand on your face. Softly, he caressed your cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

You leaned onto his touch, tilting your head. “Me too. Sorry for being such an ass.”

“It’s fine. I would have reacted similarly.”

“Similarly or worse?”

“Worse.”

You laughed, making him smile.

“May I?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Damian leaned in, placing his free hand on the back of your chair as his nose brushed yours.

His lips softly connected with yours, but the slow pace didn’t last. The two of you had wasted too much time, thrown away too many opportunities to be this close —or closer— and patience wasn’t a virtue Damian possessed.

The chair was now balancing itself in two legs, making you interrupt the kiss with a squeal.

Damian then made you stand up and wrapped his arms around your waist. His lips were immediately back on yours.

Your hands went up to rest on his biceps as he kissed you again. His arms tightened around you as he deepened the kiss and you melted.

You melted into the kiss, onto his warmth, due to the fact that he wanted this as much as you did.

Kissing him had become a mere fantasy for you, and there he was, not only making it a reality but exceeding your expectations.

Grabbing him by the neck, you broke the kiss in search of air. His breath was barely ragged and you remembered he told you he could hold it in for a long time.

You needed him to teach you just to be able to kiss him for longer.

“That was nice,” you said, still breathless.

“Yeah, really nice. We should do it more often.”

“Are you asking me out?”

“I’m telling you I want you to be mine.”

All in or nothing, of course. Jason had warned you that Damian didn’t take things lightly.

But you were okay with that.

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne x plus size reader #damian wayne

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ashesandhackles · 3 years

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The Hogwarts Express scene in Prince's Tale: A Sirius and Snape analysis

I really, really enjoy Sirius and Snape as characters and their respective narrative functions in story. But what gets me most about them is how much Rowling hints about their backgrounds and so much of it makes sense with regard to who they are as adults. So I am going to be breaking down a very small scene from Prince Tale and getting into long winded hypothesis about their respective childhoods.

So, let's start with Snape. The scene begins with Snape rushing to find Lily, already in his Hogwarts clothes. Harry notes he must have been eager to get out of his clothes - ones that look like he borrowed from his mother, as Petunia spitefully pointed out. This has always been a very interesting detail to me - first off, it indicates how poor Snape's family is. Second, this indicates his tiny rebellion from his father - he refuses to wear clothes of the abusive man, and prefers his mother's. I admit, I am partial to the reading that Snape refuses to associate with his father in tiny ways, rather than Tobias refusing to hand his son clothes.

(I have seen readings which say that it is also a sign of neglect - perhaps his parents bought clothes that simply don't fit him, but I am more inclined to think it's a hand me down, simply because Harry identifies so strongly with it. Because Harry knows what it is like to wear a hand me down that don't quite fit, that are too big for you, or the ones that make you look ridiculous.)

Lily and Petunia's relationship is fraught with Petunia's jealousy. And young Lily is upset over it when Snape meets her. "I am not talking to you. Tuney hates me" she tells him. "Because we saw the letter from Dumbledore". Young Lily shows signs of being extremely emotionally reactive and this scene is one of them. It's easier for her to deal with Petunia's rejection of her by telling Snape she doesn't want to talk to him. It's a childish displacement of her hurt over her sister's rejection. (I am genuinely baffled by interpretations that Lily and Hermione are similar. Hermione is very cognitive person, Lily, as we have been shown repeatedly in memories, is not).

Snape, however, with his bad history with Petunia and his inability/ poor social skills to understand why this matters to her, goes: "So what?"

Lily, who throws him a look of deep dislike, says "So she's my sister". This seed is important because this is what develops into "he doesn't get me" feeling she later displays in her teenage scenes with him. Interestingly, most of Lily's personal relationships have deeply interwined love and dislike - Petunia (whose rejection bothers her but she cheerfully informs Sirius that Harry nearly broke a vase her sister sent - which means there is resentment on her end too), James - who she was attracted to even before 7th year but also disliked at one point, and Snape - again, a contentious friendship filled with love and distance.

"She's only a -" we dont get to hear what Snape intended to say. And given his own acrimony with Petunia, it could be anything. However, I read it as "She's only a Muggle" because it ties into his feelings about his father. Snape, who is proud of being half a Prince, emphasizing his magical lineage from his mother's side, his refuge in a violent, neglectful home. (Barty Crouch Jr and Snape with their disappointing fathers - I imagine Voldemort is supremely attractive leader to people with broken homes like this)

Snape, by all accounts, shows a disorganised attachment style. His caregiver, his mother - and perhaps the only parent he seems to have regard for, is too preoccupied by her own abuse to be there for her son - we see this in glimpses Harry sees in OOTP: " woman cowering" where a man shouts at her, and a young, neglected Snape cries in the corner. Children born in homes like this have trouble regulating their emotions, simultaneously displaying tendencies to aggressively lash out or show disassociative symptoms. Both of which Snape displays. Statistically, this is also seen more in low income households where economic instability and resulting domestic instability creates an unsafe environment for the kids to safely form ideas of their identity, or express emotions in healthy ways, modelling instead out of behaviour seen at home.

Then, Snape reminds her that they are going to Hogwarts. He is already in his Hogwarts clothes - now, Snape gets to be the impressive figure. The one who told her about magic, who theorised about how Muggles get letters from magical people, the one who told her about Dementors and Azkaban. He has already left behind the Spinner's End version of him, he wants to bigger than that, and is keen to be in place of magical learning and to join Slytherin. Essentially, he shows signs of unstable identity, insecurity - all prime for grooming into a cult.

And here comes along James Potter, who looks around at the mention of Slytherin. James's comment uses Snape's line and directs it to Sirius instead and it becomes a conversation between them, as a way to bond more with a fellow "rowdy boy" Sirius. Effectively ignoring the other two.

Sirius as we see here, "does not smile" when James talks about Slytherin. He essentially says something that can be construed as a way to nip that conversation in bud: "My whole family has been in. Slytherin". This suggests to me that there is some loyalty to his family there and his disillusionment with them isn't entirely fixed yet. After all, Sirius's intense loyalty to his friends, more specifically James, did not come out of thin air. It is reasonable to suggest that he felt some loyalty to his family at some point and the intensity with which he regards his friends is a reaction to burned off and being a "displaced person without a family" as Rowling put it.

Interestingly, while his reaction to his mother and Bellatrix are obviously sore spots, his response to Regulus is comparatively quite soft. ("Stupid, idiot" - something he calls James later on in the same book, OOTP). I imagine Sirius has quite complicated feelings about his brother and he is capable of nuance (when the person isn't Snape, where his dislike seems to be borne of an intense projection): "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters". As someone who is grown up among them, Sirius would understand that.

His framing of Regulus's need to please his parents also further highlights what exactly is the source of disillusionment. He calls Regulus "soft enough to believe them" - which means he is crediting his own intelligence to see through his parents bigoted world view. Clearly, bigotry is not something the Blacks explained in a way that Sirius, eldest of their male line and their heir, bought it. It also probably didn't help the Blacks case that Grimmauld Place is in a Muggle neighborhood and that their eldest son is a bit of a wild boy with interest in pushing boundaries. His intellectual disconnect leads to the righteous rage he later feels but it began there. (Boy, it must suck to discover that everything you have been taught to value in the world and in yourself as the heir is essentially rubbish). Since his differences with his family began with seeds of intellectual disconnect rather than on intense empathy with downtrodden, it makes him, as a pureblooded privileged boy, unable to truly understand Lupin's fears regarding his lycanthropy. Hence, the Werewolf prank (I am not getting to the Snape bit, just the Lupin bit). To James' credit, he does understand what that means for Lupin and saves all three of them from different set of consequences.

Anyway, back to the scene. James, who has made an ass of himself in front of his new friend, who he was getting along with fine until now, then goes "Blimey, I thought you seemed alright". (Btw, I find James wildly large ego kind of hilarious here, especially in light of Snape's comment about him to Sirius in OOTP: "You will know he is so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him"). Sirius, who I believe has been raised like "royalty" as Blacks would, has good enough social skills to defuse a situation. He grins and says: "Maybe I will break the tradition".

This line is an indication of Sirius's desire for independence, an identity seperate from his family. The use of the word "tradition" is interesting. It sounds like Sirius is expected to behave in a certain way, the heir of Black family whose parents thought being a Black "made you practically royal". Adult Sirius is contemptuous of this, or their "valuable contribution to Ministry" which means they just gave gold - it tells me that any and all conditions put on him by his family were to fulfill tradition that is either worthless or holds no meaning in his eyes. The root of the emotional abuse Sirius suffers from his family is this - realising his parents love for him is conditional on him being a certain way. (In fact, you can read Regulus desire to emphasise his connection to the family as a reaction to what he sees with Sirius - Sirius does not behave, Mum and Dad don't love him). As a child with unconscious knowledge of lack of love, Sirius then acts out, they react, rinse and repeat "until he has had enough". Sirius chafes against boundaries well into adulthood and doesn't react well to people enforcing it on him, even if it is out of love for him. Cue the fire scene with Harry where he behaves as if Harry is rejecting him instead of protecting him.

Sirius asks James about where he wants to go, and Snape, who is incensed about James being insulting about a House he put stock in, which he made part of new identity (so that he is no longer that Snape boy from Spinner's End) and was in general trying to be impressive about in front of Lily, "makes a disparaging noise" once James talks of Gryffindor. Snape's response to James' : "Got a problem with that?" is interesting. He says: "If you'd rather be brawny, rather than brainy-"

This is an important value for Snape. He knows he is clever and values it. He spends his spare time inventing hexes, making great shortcuts to Potions. He has genuine thirst for learning and he hones it. In SWM, we see that he has written far more longer answers than anyone else, he is poring over his paper after exams. He even mocks Hermione's lack of inventive answers: "Answer copied word to word from the textbook, but correct in essentials". He values originality. It may be me stretching this, but I am partial to the reading: this is his way of rejecting his father once again, who is implied to be a violent man. (in other words, someone who is hypermasculine - "brawny". In fact, Snape's rejection of hypermasculinity is a huge post on it's own - Potions (brewing, cauldrons - coded as feminine arts), the doe Patronus, his proficiency in Occlumency and Legliemency (intuitive mind arts, again seen archetypically feminine) etc).

"Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you are neither?" - Sirius is quick with emotionally cutting insults. Snape hasn't even finished his sentence, but Sirius is already on his case. Which suggests growing up in a household with sharp tongues. It's a fair assumption, given Mrs Black's half mad portrait. It also tallies with Sirius's talking about his mother: "My mother didn't have a heart Kreacher, she kept herself alive out of pure spite" . The wounds are fresh enough on this. (Another interesting way Snape and Sirius act as inverse mirrors - Snape rejects his father, Sirius rejects his mother. Sirius acts as proxy for James for Harry while Snape takes on Lily's role of protecting him). However, you know who else is spiteful? Sirius.

While James is the physical bully (the tripping Snape, doing most of the bullying in SWM), Sirius attacks emotionally. ( Sample the one about Snape's appearance - "I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment, there will be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word" or even the carelessly vicious- "Put that away, before Wormtail wets himself in excitement"). Curiously, with all that talk of how his mother being spiteful, it's her room he spends time in when he is depressed. (Again, in inverse mirror way, we can talk of how Snape looks for a father figure in Dumbledore - craves his validation and is proud of Dumbledore's trust in him). We could argue it's also because Buckbeak is there, and perhaps it's the largest room in the house, but it's very telling that's where Sirius spends time when he is "in a fit of sullens". Sirius's sense of abandonment from his family, makes him look for family connections with friends - a trait he shares with Harry. Interestingly, the first time he glimpses Harry in Privet Drive, Harry is also running away from home - just like he did. Anyway, I could go on.

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tenthgrove · 3 years

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Yandere Bruno squad headcanons perhaps :0?

Yandere Team Buccelati

Content Warnings: Yandere behaviour, stalking, abduction

A/N: Apologies, but I've decided that I'm not really comfortable writing under 18s as yandere characters, so I'll just be doing Buccialati, Abbacchio and Mista for this one. Extra warning that this is really bad (I'm particularly not happy with Mista's section) because I wrote this late at night and didn't know what I was saying as I wrote it, so double apologies for that.

Bruno Buccelati

In spite of his occupation, Bruno has no qualms befriending the civilian population of Naples and doing good for them. He holds a profound pity for the victims of organised crime, and is eager to help where he can. So when you approach him on the street, asking for help with ridding yourself of a creepy stranger who had made it his business to follow and harass you, Bruno is quick to ensure your would-be stalker never looks your way again.

Although Bruno saw to it that you were escorted home safely, he can't help but feel some well-intentioned worry for your well-being over the coming days. He checks in on you again, which you find to be very sweet, but as the days pass by again his worry returns. Continuing to visit you would seem odd, he knows, but surely there's no harm in asking Narancia to check through your window once in a while?

At first it really is just concern for your safety, but after a while, Bruno is forced to accept that he is genuinely infatuated with you. His feelings are far too strong to simply sweep under the rug, and approaching you the normal way could put you in danger, provided it even works. He isn't going to kidnap you, that would leave him no better than the thugs he chases off of the streets, but to make you his he's going to resort to something unorthodox.

Bruno makes a few preparations. He does a few favours for your friends and family- gotta make sure they're on his side, He also checks his intel into the area's rival street gangs, since it can't hurt to have a hint of truth to the story he's going to tell. Then, armed with a few empty suitcases and a fake look of concern, he heads to your house late one night.

He announces to you that one of the rival gangs in the area has singled you out as a target for trafficking, and because of your previous interactions with him, they're dead set on taking you. Bruno assures you not to worry and helps you pack away your things, promising that you will be safe in his care while the issue with the gang is sorted out. You'll be staying in his house, of course. It's best he's right on call in case anyone tries to come after you.

Your new life in Bruno's house is a strange one. You cannot leave the house of course, except for the occasional short trip with him or his men to stop your mental health from suffering, but your internet access is unrestricted, you can call your family as much as you want, and you're allowed to buy anything you'd like with your money (or better, have him buy it for you). You have your own room, but Bruno often asks to come in and sit with you late at night. It's all for your comfort, of course.

After a couple of months, Bruno's excuses to keep you longer will start to run out as you start to wonder why he hasn't eliminated the street gang yet. The hope is that by this point, you would have already fallen for Bruno's charm and started to love him, but barring this, he'll simply buy more time by making up more reasons why it's unsafe for you to go home.

But, if all else fails, and you begin to insist on leaving... well, Bruno didn't want to do this, but he can't just let you go. You're locked in your room, windows barred as Bruno explains to you calmly that this is all for your own good. You can come out any time you want, Amore. All you have to do is promise to stay.

Leone Abbacchio

Despite his occasionally cold demeanour, Abbacchio is no stranger to the want for companionship and affection. In fact, it's fair to say he needs it, and that going so long without tenderness has left him empty, miserable and disillusioned. But it's only a matter of time before somebody reawakens his need for warmth.

Both of you were having a bad day. You were downtrodden and lamentful, and as sad people tend to do together, you shared your angsts together as you sat at the bus stop, neither of you caring that this was the first time you'd even seen each other.

Abbacchio does not want the conversation to end. So when the bus arrives, he gets a ticket to your stop instead, and sits with you, continuing to talk. He is sad when you say goodbye. He knows he needs to see you again. He thinks nothing of lingering to see which street you turn onto as you walk home.

Abbacchio gets to work right away. He needs to have you, but cannot see you ever falling for someone like him. Not through normal means instead. His thoughts turn to abduction, but the image of you begging and crying as he drags you to his car saddens him. He knows he could never hurt you that badly. He needs to find a half-way point, between force and natural love.

The first thing he does, once his mind is made up, is go to your boss. Using Passione's name, he quickly convinces them to fire you without any question as to why. It is a similar story with your landlord a few days later. Any friends or relatives who might take you in are also sent a warning phone-call.

You know full-well what has happened. You knew at the time your one-time companion on the bus was a mafioso, his story made that clear. You beat yourself up every minute for not avoiding him then and there. And now, as misfortune after misfortune strikes you, everyone who bears you bad news has the same white-haired stranger to speak of. When, on your first night on the streets, a tall figure approaches you from the black car, you do not feel any surprise.

Both you and Abbacchio know what he is here for, so he does not explain much. He sombrely instructs you to get in the car if you don't want to be stuck on the streets any longer, promising that he will not do you any harm if you comply. He has already struck out every other option for possibly helping yourself. You have little choice but to go with him.

You do not expect much when you arrive at Abbacchio's house, but instead you find all your old possessions lined up for you to decorate your room with. After quickly explaining where the bathroom is and which foods from the kitchen are free for taking, he goes to bed, advising that you do the same. You are completely, and utterly perplexed.

Abbacchio forces little conversation on you in the early weeks. Most of the time, he is out doing work, leaving you with free reign of his house. Soon, you do not feel at all as though you were forced to be here. You dare say your life is better here than it was before. Abbacchio's friends occasionally visit, making sure that Leone isn't mistreating you and you're fully happy here. Eventually, Abbacchio relents to letting you reopen communications with your friends. You cannot say you have anything to complain about.

The only question, is what Abbacchio ever wanted from you. It's so strange how he went to all these lengths to take you only to largely ignore you. The truth is, he's waiting for you to open up to him of your own free will. As he lies in bed alone at night, he dreams of you coming into his room, asking if he can hold you for a minute.

Mista

Guido Mista has dated a few times in the past, and he isn't interested in letting Passione stop him from continuing. It doesn't matter how you met him, just that after a few encounters you began to date, and were very happy with your new beau. You worked well together, what else is there to say?

But after your second date, Buccialati received word of your existence and was concerned. He isn't exactly going to force you to stop dating, Mista is an adult after all and can do as he pleases. But Buccelati wants to make sure you know what you're getting into.

Paying you a visit, Buccelati explains to you that your new boyfriend is involved with the mafia, and continuing to see him will involve certain risks. He is happy for you to take these risks, so long as you are aware of their existence. You thank him for him time, and immediately proceed to shut off all communication with Mista without explanation.

After a brief shouting match with Buccelati once Mista realises what he's done, he marches over to your house to plead with you to take him back. You stand your ground, that Mista lied to you and you refuse to be involved with criminals, but Mista isn't giving up.

The argument escalates. You slam the door in his face. Mista goes home and despairs. You were the best he's ever had, and now he's supposed to accept that you're just... gone?! No... all you need is a little more time. Mista turns right around and heads back to your house. This time, he isn't letting up for anything.

It goes much further than he intended. In a split-moment of instinct, Mista draws his gun and threatens you into letting him in. He really didn't mean to scare you like that, but his emotions are running high right now and he doesn't know how else to make you listen.

So, here you are now, a hostage in your own home, because your barely boyfriend couldn't let you go. In the ultimatum the two of you made after he threatened you, you ended up agreeing not to leave the house at all for the time since he was scared you'd try to run.

Mista doesn't stay with you all the time, but he visits you daily to bring you things and try to repair the relationship. To his credit, he hasn't threatened you at all since the initial incident and seems to regret it intently, but forgiving him is difficult after what he did.

Your commitments are mysteriously all taken care of, your boss inexplicably granting you a long period of furlough at full pay. Buccelati wasn't kidding when he said the group Mista was part of was powerful. You shudder to think of what else he could do.

#team buccellati #team bucciarati #bruno buccellati #bruno buccerati #bruno buccelati x reader #bruno buccerati x reader #leone abbacchio #leone abbacchio x reader #Guido Mista #guido mista x reader #yandere cw #stalking cw #abduction cw

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pxrxllel · 3 years

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inner child trauma (11/12/20)

Today was filled with epiphanies, and I’m a mix of excited, at peace, and anxious about all the answers they’re providing.

Yesterday I watched a webinar on self-love and self-sabotaging in the context of romantic relationships, and here were some of the key points:

Who did you crave love and approval from the most as a child?

Your relationship with your parents and your needs being met/unmet subconsciously create emotional patterns that you take into your adult relationships. Therefore, your relationships are a reflection of how your needs were met by your parents.

When you have a wounded inner child, you are fixated on ensuring the outcome that you expect. The energy you take into the relationship is based on fear and control.

You’re trying to protect your wounded Inner Child by controlling the outcome, to avoid being hurt again.

I’ve taken the attachment styles quiz and for the most part, I come out as being anxious. I know I definitely tend to take on the role of the mother/therapist/fixer upper in my relationships (which has usually ended up with me becoming avoidant after a while due to resentment), but I’ve also had some where I didn’t feel the need to and I became clingy instead. So maybe that’s me yoyo-ing between the two, which I think the webinar described as being disorganised.

I’m keenly aware that I have a rich history of needing external validation, because approval was never received from my parents. I was never emotionally applauded for anything I did - in fact, my parents nitpicked me to the point where I was made to feel innately wrong. It’s hard to not be angry about it, but it’s even worse to hold that against them because it won’t help me make progress. A large part of the validation was being called fat and ugly, which may be why I’ve been so reliant on compliments about my appearance all throughout my life, and even still since I’ve become objectively attractive. My father and some extended family always framed it as not being pretty enough to attract boys, which I’ve previously established as the key reason why I clung onto compliments and relationships and used sexual attention from men as a metric for self-worth. I’m just also starting to realise that perhaps it’s why I took sexual rejection from my previous relationship so personally - I was still unconvinced that he was attracted to me and the rejection only confirmed that I wasn’t desirable in that way (or that’s how my mind attributed it anyway).

I think I made that realisation about my dependence on external validation in 2018/19. Since then, I’ve actively worked to disempower that, and I’ve largely been successful. I hardly ever use my appearance or compliments as a success metric anymore. I don’t fish for compliments or check for likes half as much as I used to. And it’s sort of been a self-fulfilling prophecy; the less I cared, the more they came and I genuinely feel OK about myself. I believe people now when they say nice things about me.

The point about fear and control is really interesting to me because looking back, I definitely was trying to be the ‘perfect’ girlfriend and looked for verbal validation (in the form of compliments, how much it seemed like he was into me) that I was doing a good job. I used to be so sensitive to any changes in the temperature of the relationship, and would melt down easily and take it personally if his demeanour cooled down even in the slightest. When I felt him slipping, I would hastily try to overcompensate out of fear for losing him, which I now know is a recipe for backfire. It’s also interesting because I’ve realised that I’m modelling ‘perfect girlfriend’ after my mother. My mother is a voice of reason/wisdom, emotional support cushion, physical support cushion, service-oriented, problem solver, domestic goddess, and all around superstar. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with those things, and not necessarily wrong for me to aspire to those things, but maybe it’s wrong for me to uphold that as the be all and end all of girlfriend material and then get annoyed when it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

Speaking of mirroring, it’s really interesting how accurate it is... a bit too much that it’s creepy. I never heeded it much before, and especially not when my therapist brought it up as something to flag, but I’ve come to the realisation that mine and Jarek’s relationship almost exactly mirrors my parents’ marriage. The long distance thing, and the fact that I feel like my parents aren’t each other’s soulmates. They care about each other a lot obviously, but I feel like my mom relies on my dad for practical reasons (kids and money - she’s much more comfortable playing the role of a mother than a wife) and my dad relies on her for emotional support and all the reasons listed above. Don’t get me wrong, they clearly enjoy each other’s company and get along, but I don’t think they have the X factor that I observe in other couples and what I think I look for. They don’t really have the natural, seamless, deep, almost magical affinity that I’ve been so lucky to experience a handful of times in my life. They don’t naturally understand each other. I think perhaps pragmatic marriages are more common or accepted in Asian cultures and worldviews, but for those of us that grew up in Western cultures, we see the romanticised version of these things and can’t help but want for more. It’s also interesting because I’ve always wondered what it would have been like if my parents weren’t in a long distance marriage/what it’ll be like when they retire and move in together. I always thought that maybe they would get sick of each other and argue more, but I can’t say for sure (plus, they’ve mellowed out a lot as they’ve aged).

This relates to me and Jarek because I feel like our dynamic is really similar. I care about him so deeply and the way that it manifests is that I treat him the same way my mom treats my dad. I’m definitely more of a mom/therapist to him than I’d like to be - I’m sick of taking on the role of the fixer, although I think it’s neat to help people become self-aware of certain things or issues affecting them, I don’t really want to be the one holding their hand through their journey. And I think maybe the reason why I’m so stubborn about this relationship is that he represents what my dad is to my mom: Material security, stability, a comfortable life, America, all the boxes ticked. Even if he doesn’t understand me, and even if he doesn’t absolutely light me on fire, I’ve been accepting of it because I see how it works with my parents. And with them I know it can work, if I stay committed to the path. And I’ll be rewarded with my needs for security and safety and permanence met, which were not present for me emotionally as child - see how I’ve looped back to the beginning of this piece? And that’s also why I guess I feel so stable in this relationship: I know it well, I know how it goes and how it can end up, and I’m not grasping at fear or control to try to maintain the outcome because I already know what the outcome is.

Jarek himself has a lot of childhood trauma too and his level of anxious attachment is far more severe than mine (I think I’m secure in some ways, too, esp ever since I actively worked on myself). His parents have a loveless marriage and he’s been emotionally neglected and felt unsafe in his family his whole life, so that’s something for him to work on and I honestly am not sure if we would be able to have a functional relationship if we were both still stuck in our ways.

I really truly think that because of this fixing issue I have, deep down I believe that until that’s cured, I can only be loved at arm’s length. Because if I get too close, I become too suffocating and overwhelming to be around because my fear kicks in and I start becoming controlling. So it would make sense then that the relationships I get tired of are the long distance ones and then everyone I do get (properly) close to in real life are the people I scare away with my intensity. This pattern makes total sense when taken into consideration with my childhood and how my parents are with each other.

I would like to ask my mom these questions:

Do you think you and dad understand each other?

Why do you love him?

How do you think your marriage would be different if you weren’t long distance?

Have you ever wanted more from the marriage?

I’m quite proud of myself for coming to these conclusions without therapy, and I have a strong gut feeling I’m not wrong with any of these as it makes complete logical sense. And while it’s so good to have some clarity, context, explanations, and answers about all this, it doesn’t necessarily inform my next steps (although it can provide a guide). Knowing about these subconscious patterns and my emotional makeup means I can check myself according to my personal goals, but it doesn’t provide a template for my decision-making. I think that’s something I need to chew on more, as to where to go from here. I still need to figure out what I really want and what’s best for me and will make me happy. It’s hard because I don’t have a healthy relationship to look at and view as a model, so I don’t know what it should be like apart from relying on my gut and perceptions.

However, I accept that although the answers may be not what I want and I may have to make some tough decisions, it’s ultimately the right thing to do for my own wellbeing and happiness, and that of everyone else as well.

#Talking To The Moon #wounded inner child #life #marriage #relationships

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a-to-a-and-d-to-d · 3 years

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The First Post, Unaffiliated

This is not my first rodeo on Tumblr, but I have not logged into my original account in some time. I think a large part of that decision was due to a bitter taste in my mouth regarding friendships made on this site that I would eventually need to detach from, and sometimes that’s a difficult thing to not only recognize the need for, but to accept and actually do.

I am also less into fandom than I had been. I realize that my indulgence into fandom was to find acceptance and love, but much like seeking religion or social groups for this purpose, it was bound to eventually backfire and discontinue that comfort that it brought me.

I will probably go about discuss religion and like things in this place eventually, as I often ponder religion and spirituality, but do not take my pointing out of anything I find interesting as a means to try to disprove or prove anything.

I thought perhaps today, though, I will talk about something that is on my mind a lot lately, and has recently been brought to the surface by a friend’s situation

One of the struggles I continue to deal with, even as I ever so slowly trudge towards that which we call mid-life, is the child’s relationship with the parent(s), and how those that are/were damaging, we some how feel necessary to reconcile in some ways, for our sanity and for the parental love that we crave because we did not receive an adequate amount of any sort of parental relationship in our youth.

I personally did not develop what I would consider a relationship with my parents until I hit my 20s. I spent a childhood being lonely despite being surrounded by siblings and having parents who remained married. My teen years resulted in a tumultuous relationship with my mother and her scramble to convince teachers and other parents that she did not “screw up” as a parent. I dealt with a significant amount of troubles in my adolescence and her reaction to that time was to become angry. Angry that I had issues, angry that it was clear I had issues, and that I wasn’t living my teens as though everything had been and was perfectly fine.

My older siblings also had difficult times during their teen years, resulting from abusive and neglectful parenting and allowing their children - mostly due to a lack of interest in them - to stay in unsafe private schools and ruminate on those difficulties by themselves. Somehow, I had been expected to be emotionally capable at 10/11 years old to deal with constant harassment. I found release in music and story telling, and sometimes I still very much cling to these things.

What is currently difficult is trying to reconcile parents you had to who they are. Can one forgive an entire childhood of neglect and mistreatment because their parents are better equipped to deal with the issues of completely independent children, or is the fact that they are no longer sole providers for any children making it easier for them to have a relationship with them? The real question at the bottom of this barrel is, is are we - who decided we can tolerate a relationship with these people as adults - continuing to trigger ourselves? I have had more than one night, after talking to my mother, laid in bed and unable to sleep, thinking about some violent act committed against me when I was so small, and wonder... how could she look at a child of 5 and think that was reasonable in any way? It upsets me when I recall those my moments; of course they’re upsetting. But the biggest part of the upset is the fact that I have the memories of this violence but a parent now that I feel more connected to and invested in their wellbeing.

When I was about 18, I was certain I wouldn’t cry at the funerals of either parent, but now I’m concerned about their well being as they become elderly. In some ways, it feels like I’ve betrayed my child self by maintaining a relationship with them even though I had promised myself as a child I would cut them off for good. This is a promise I’ve made a few times as an adult as well.

I think part of the reason I continue to go back is that we all yearn for a family of some sort. And for a while, I thought I had found a “found family,” but after so many years, it was made clear that it really wasn’t that way. Being rejected by found family hurts so much more than an entire life of biological familial rejection. I’m sure this is due to the fact that I had been subjected to violence and neglect once I became a toddler. Once actual parenting was required.

My childhood resulted in an odd way of feeling emotions and attachments. I may talk about this in depth at a different time.

What’s been really bothering me is a friend and their particular relationship with their parents. I’ve spent the better part of a year hearing about how their parents, one in particular, is vile and just the worst. They plan to call authorities. They let pets suffer & die (though my friend also noticed the pets in question and lives there so there is some question as to why they didn’t step up and do something about it). They claim years of abuse and current child abuse in the home. A lifetime of making them feel worthless and taking jabs, blaming them for a lack of confidence and depression. They spent a lot of time discussing their anti-mask feelings and has made comments about them dying so the other parents could be free. The other parent isn’t great, either, but the major complaint is that they’re racist as all get out.. but they excuse it away by saying “but they’re my parent.”

The bad-mouthed parent, the vile and evil one, the anti-mask one (and the racist one as well,, but less about them), the one said friend couldn’t wait to leave and never speak to them again, contracted our pandemic friend. And the vile parent is suffering quite a bit more at its hands. Suddenly, we love this person.

I had a similar experience several years ago, as well, of supposedly incredibly abusive and terrible parents that continue to abuse and mistreat into their adulthood, suddenly becoming a weird sort of saint in their eyes when illness/death is at the door. its not that I believe people who have toxic parents do not love them, or should not worry or mourn if tragedy strikes them. What I am saying is that, if you imagine your parent getting sick and suffering, and that makes your heart hurt and you feel a surge of love, then perhaps you shouldn’t have spent several years convincing everyone around you that they’re the worst person. It makes me question what is more true. I do think that we all unconsciously exaggerate situations that effect us, such as relaying a story of toxicity, but if you do it to a point where I think you’re just waiting for the opportunity to leave their life forever, I might wonder why you’re so bent out of shape.

Is it mourning of the relationship we wish we had? As long as that parent is alive and relatively well, we may be thinking that there’s still a chance to have that relationship. We hope that maybe the parents will suddenly give a shit about us and will love us in the way we needed when we were children. And its difficult to admit to yourself that this isn’t going to happen. Even if your parental relationships are fulfilling and loving now, they are not what you needed when you were a child and you cannot get them now, because you are not a child.

You can always experiment out in the big bad world with different avenues. As I equate violence to the touch of a “loved one,” I’ve fetishized some of that violence. Just as, I’m sure, people had fetishized their own experiences and needs that had been neglected.

However we cope, we need to find healthy and viable ways to do so. And while I do question the legitimacy of the abusive parent when a friend’s reaction to their parent takes a complete turn when something bad happens, I also understand that relationships with abusive people are weird and difficult, especially when they’re our families.

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repost-this-image · 4 years

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PSA FOR TEENAGERS:

1. Do not talk about the stuff that makes you horny around people that you know are over 18. I’m not saying don’t BE horny; you’ve got hormones coursing through your veins saying “Hey, time to start feeling horny at the most embarrassing possible times” and you can’t really turn that off. I’m saying DO NOT discuss fetishes with adults. Do not sext or send naughty pictures of yourself to adults. (Distributing porn of an IRL minor is a felony, even if YOU ARE the minor in question.) Do not request or comission pornographic drawings from an artist. (Distributing porn TO a minor is also a felony.)

I’m not saying this to rain on your parade. I’m saying this because p*dophiles exist on the Internet, and too many members of my generation had to deal with shit they were not old enough to deal with because of said creeps. P*dos will totally act like your best friend as part of the grooming process. Which brings is to point #2:

2. If someone over 20 is romantically interested in people under 17, that person is a predator. You might act very responsible for your age; IDK because i don’t know everyone on this hellsite personally. Doesn’t matter. Anyone who says you’re “so mature for your age” and also expresses romantic or sexual interest in you is grooming you for abuse. Period. End of story.

Remember: They go after underage teens because they want someone easy to manipulate and control. If they wanted a normal relationship on equal footing with their partner, they’d date other adults. (No, age differences between two adults aren’t creepy unless the older partner started grooming the younger before they turned 18. Weird, maybe. Uncomfortable to think about, perhaps. But not predatory the way a 26-y/o going after a 16-y/o is, TRUST ME ON THIS.)

3. Your parents have an obligation to care for and protect you, and to help you learn how to assess risk and protect yourself. Your teacher also takes on those responsibilities while you’re at school. Mandatory reporters are required to tell the authorities if they have reason to believe that you or your peers are being abused in any way. But! No one else is under any obligation to protect you from the world.

Some of us may volunteer to help protect you on an individual basis (like a field-trip chaperone). Some of us may give you information like this post on how to protect yourself. But we’ve also got a lot of our own shit to deal with just trying to live in The Worst Timeline. Not all of us have the time or energy to babysit, and we DEFINITELY don’t have the ability to put foam padding on the entire Internet so you don’t encounter anything that might upset or disturb you. It’s just way too fucking big. There were hundreds of TB of Internet 20 years ago when I was your age; imagine how much more huge it’s gotten since then.

So how do you deal with going to a webpage that makes you uncomfortable? Simple. Have a moment to cringe and say “OH DEAR GOD WHY,” if you like. Then hit the Back button and go look at pictures of kittens or something to get your mind off the Squick.

DO:

Block tags that disturb or gross you out on fandom and social-media sites, so you’re less likely to get a nasty surprise. This is exactly what the ability to block tags was invented for. :)

Being disgusted, feeling uncomfortable or unsafe, suck but they are not the same as having your PTSD triggered. Please don’t use the word “trigger” for stuff that just grosses you out; that trivializes the actual trauma of PTSD sufferers. Just say “that makes me uncomfortable.” Please. As someone who’s flinched from innocuous shit my husband does because of how bad my dad fucked me up, I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU.

If an adult starts creeping on you, say “I’m underage and don’t feel comfortable with this. Please stop.” If they don’t, then take screenshots in case you need them for legal evidence, and BLOCK THEM IMMEDIATELY after that. Don’t even fucking respond; they’ve already ignored your boundaries by persisting, and that means that they are dangerous.

DON’T:

Agree to meet anyone online that you don’t know IRL without your parents being there. If they don’t want your parents around, that is a HUGE red flag.

Put personally-identifying information on public webpages. Your age; your last name; your phone number; the town you live in; even your first name if it’s unusual enough. These are tools that Nasty People can use to find you. Make it as hard as possible for them to do so.

Hate on people for shipping characters you don’t ship. It would be an abusive relationship? They know; they can handle that because fictional characters aren’t real and can’t really get hurt. It’s not canon? Doesn’t matter; part of the fun of being a fan of something is imagining “What if?” One of them died 100 years before the other was even born? Does. Not. Matter. It’s fiction; they are not interfering in the real lives of real people by shipping. Don’t intimidate, harrass, or threaten someone for wanting to imagine 2 characters kissing that you personally wouldn’t want to imagine kissing each other.

Insist that someone who has tagged a fanwork as “That Thing That You Hate The Most,” take down the fanwork because it contains That Thing You Hate. They put a warning label on it. If you ignore warning labels, bad things happen; you wouldn’t ignore a DO NOT DRINK label on a bottle of household cleaner, so don’t ignore tag warnings. They are there to protect your mind, just like the DO NOT DRINK on the bleach bottle is there to protect your body. Just say “OMG WHY” to yourself, hit Back, and find something better to look at. Don’t view that fanwork; don’t leave a comment on the fanwork; just Walk. Away.

Don’t make callout posts that have images of The Exact Shit You’re Warning About in them. You’re just exposing more people to the same shit that offended, disgusted, or outright PTSD-triggered you! Don’t do that to people, guys. I’ve seen way more Disturbing Shit in callout posts than I have elsewhere at this point, and I read weird fansmut as a hobby, so that’s saying a LOT. Please, please stop exposing us to that stuff!!!

#for teens #internet safety #cw csa #tw p*do mention #tw csa mention #learn from my mistakes

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multiimuse · 5 years

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1 2 3 4 6 10 12 13 15 - bsd kids !

1.) what would completely break your character?

Chuuya - There isn’t much that would break Chuuya. In fact, it would probably take someone deliberately going to the trouble to do so. He’s skilled at picking himself up from things that would have broken others and throwing himself into something else. Betrayal would shake him, but the only thing that would truly break him would be a complete and prolonged loss of control over himself, his life, and his body. He values his ability to be in control of himself so highly that to lose that would tear him apart, and the longer it goes on, the worse he’ll be when he comes out the other side.

Alcott - Being directionless and without guidance would break Louisa. She’s very good at supporting others, but she’s a follower, and without someone to guide her or a purpose to work towards, she’s very easily broken. Her desperation to find and help restore Fitzgerald to his position of power was, at heart, her loyalty combined with her inability to take hold of her own life. Without someone or something to give herself to, Louisa would fall apart.

Ranpo - Having his world upended on him again. It nearly broke him once, and it took the intervention of Fukuzawa to keep him from snapping. To have his security ripped out from under him again, to lose the people he’s come to depend upon and car for in return... he couldn’t handle that happening again. (He’s always known there’s an inherent level of risk in the work they do, but he never fully believed anything could take a single one of his coworkers down, let alone the president. Not permanently.)

2.) what was the best thing in your character’s life?

Chuuya - Receiving closure on the whole Arahabaki... thing. The answers he learned weren’t all things he wanted to hear, and they weren’t necessarily easy to live with, but knowing for certain is still the best thing that he could have ever experienced, because it let him put that chapter of his life behind him at last and focus on building up who he wanted to be.

Alcott - Working for Fitzgerald --- as frustrating as he can be, she knows he relies on and appreciates her strategic skills, and it inspires her to work her hardest. Even now, she wouldn’t go back; she’s right where she wants to be, and she’s thankful that she could get this back.

Ranpo - Getting an answer that made a confusing and terrifying world refocus into something he could understand. That day in the theatre with Fukuzawa saved his sanity, and he knows that full well. More than that, it shifted the direction his entire life took, and led to him gaining the family that he has now. There’s very little that can even come close to the relief that came from him getting a logical explanation for why the adult world was so bewildering.

3.) what was the worst thing in your character’s life?

Chuuya - Dazai leaving the mafia.Alright, no, that was just the culmination of it. The worst thing was the disintegration of their partnership, the tentative friendship they had been building falling apart before it could solidify or grow into anything more.

Alcott - Losing her younger sister, Elizabeth. It wasn’t something that surprised anyone, because she was very sick for a long time. But it still hurt, and hurts to this day. That, in the end, there as nothing that could save her --- that the money she sent home from her work with the Guild could, in the end, only go toward making her comfortable... it’s easily the worst thing she’s ever had to face.

Ranpo - When his parents died and left him alone in a world that he could neither understand nor cope with, leaving him to face his grief and try to find his way without any kind of support. It was and is the worst thing that has ever happened to him, though... recent manga events are threatening to outdo that.

4.) what seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

Chuuya - A lot of little incidents from when he and Dazai were partners: spilling a newly-purchased wine on his equally-new rug, a spar that got out of hand (and got both of them in trouble), the mission that earned the mackerel his nickname, etc. It would take too long to go through all of them, because there are so many and so varied. They’re not all tied back to Dazai, however --- there are moments with Kouyou, sharing tea and training, conversations with Hirotsu, any number of Kajii’s strangest ‘experiments’... just little things, but things that remind him of the people who have been a major part of his life for good or ill.

Alcott - Listening to her sister Elizabeth play the piano, discussing dreams and future plans with all of her siblings, reading by the fire with her father. When she cut her hair to above her shoulders for the first time in her life, much to family’s horror. An argument between her parents about philosophy versus practicality. Falling into a pond when she was eight years old and losing a shoe to the muck.

Ranpo - Hahaha... this would take too long to list, because Ranpo’s memory is like a steel trap, and he remembers so many things that seem insignificant to other people that it would take forever to go through all of them. But one such memory is walking with his mother in their garden, just after she had gotten some new, imported flower seeds. He was angry thy hadn’t sprouted yet, and she told him to give them more time --- they’d emerge when they were ready to face the world, and not before. (It stands out in his mind moreso than most things, because neither he nor his mother ever saw those flowers bloom: she and Father died mere weeks after that walk.)

6.) what is your character reluctant to tell people?

Chuuya - Anything about Arahabaki and Corruption. If you don’t already know, you don’t need to know. On a less obvious level, he’s very reluctant to tell anyone when he’s feeling conflicted about something. It’s much easier to be honest about straightforward emotions --- when something has him tangled up in mixed feelings, he’ll generally only address the surface-level, obvious issues in conversations with other people. (For example, he was very open with being pissed at Dazai for everything he did, but was extremely reluctant to bring up or admit to anything else he felt about his partner.)

Alcott - Louisa is reluctant to tell anyone the kind of background she comes from. She’ll admit she has multiple sisters, and that one was sick for a while before passing away, but she won’t breathe a word about her father’s habits or how many times they moved or... anything like that. Why should she? She at least has a family, and she’s loved. There’s no reason to bring up the less-pleasant details, is there?

Ranpo - With the ADA, at least, he’s very reluctant to tell them that he knows he doesn’t have an Ability. While this is in part because he doesn’t want to look stupid for having believed it for so long, it’s also due to the fact that it’s a comfortable little delusion, something that’s become a part of his identity and the routine of his world, and admitting that he knows the glasses do nothing would shake him out of his comfort zone. (He has less issue admitting it to other people, and he can finally admit it to himself entirely as long as he’s alone, so... he’ll get there eventually.) He’s also pretty reluctant to talk about anything that upsets him on a deeper level --- he’d much rather distract himself or fuss about something that’s easily remedied than address anything more serious.

10.) what would your character make a scene in public about?

Chuuya - He’s not prone to making scenes in public unless Dazai is right there and pushing his buttons. Then he’s likely to make a scene just because he can’t keep his temper under control around that asshole. (...And, alright, he’s kind of a wine snob, and he’ll kick up a fuss about bad wine.)

Alcott - Nothing! Why would she want to make a scene? Scenes are scary, they make people look at you and try to talk to you and then all you can do is try to get away. The only kind of scene she’s likely to make is when something spooks her enough to make her panic, or Fitzgerald has driven her to the very end of her rope.

Ranpo - He doesn’t really care if the world knows that he’s hungry or tired or lost or just feeling ignored, so he’ll make a scene about just about anything if he’s uncomfortable or unhappy enough. Why bother with societal norms that seem pointless and stupid to him, anyway?

12.) what are your character’s major flaws?

Chuuya - His temper, though he’s gotten better at controlling it as he’s gotten older, save for when it’s Dazai poking at him. He’s also a little too trusting, a little too gullible, a little too willing to believe what he’s being told if it comes from the mouth of someone he considers important enough to pay attention to. And it isn’t a major flaw anywhere else, perhaps, but the fact that he genuinely dislikes taking casualties and tends to get attached to other people within the mafia is a trait that is a flaw by virtue of leading toward unsafe habits. In short, he cares too much. (Note, however, that this doesn’t apply to strangers or anyone outside of the mafia --- he doesn’t care about everyone, after all.)

Alcott - Her anxiety is to the point of crippling, and is one of her biggest flaws. But it’s far from the only one: she also tends to see money as a way to solve problems, or at least ease them, and she’s far, far too reliant on others to give her a set goal and purpose in life. She wouldn’t be able to function without Fitzgerald giving her something to do, and her loyalty to him has led her to excuse most, if not all, of his actions.

Ranpo - His pride and lack of tact, for sure. He’s arrogant to a fault, and while yes, he can back up his claims, that combined with his lack of tact can leave a lot of wreckage in his wake. (See the state that he left Poe in after crushing him in that competition.) Generally, he can be thoughtless and disrespectful, and cheerfully selfish in a way rather like a human hurricane --- he doesn’t necessarily mean to leave everything scattered in his wake, but it happens anyway.

13.) what does your character pretend or try to care about?

Chuuya - He makes an effort to try and show interest in and care about whatever his coworkers are hung up on. This mostly extends to putting up with things that he has no desire to actively participate in, like Kajii’s experiments or ideas. It helps that he really does care about the rest of the mafia --- they’re the only family he’s ever known, so it’s worth expressing an interest in things that he has no real interest or investment in.

Alcott - She doesn’t see much point in pretending to care about anything, even if it might be the kinder thing to do. However, she does try to care about Fitzgerald’s sudden interest in shopping for bargains, if mostly so that she can try to teach him how to actually shop wisely. It’s less about enjoying the hobby, however, and more about damage control.

Ranpo - Why in the world would he pretend to care about something he has no interest in? Why would he want to try? Ranpo doesn’t bother with anything like that, both because he doesn’t care for pretending or conforming to others’ ideas about what’s polite or sensible, and because he’s naturally a little too self-centered to see the worth in faking or forcing interest. If he’s interested, he’ll show it, if not, why bother?

15.) what is your character afraid of?

Chuuya - Losing his humanity; being forced into using Corruption when Dazai is too far away or too disinterested to step in and stop him before he dies, the pictures of his unfortunately highly-successful crossdressing mission turning up again.

Alcott - Something happening to her family while she’s away in Japan and never finding out. Being left to try and find her own way. Talking to strangers or people she doesn’t know well yet or particularly loud and intimidating coworkers. Heights. Mice.

Ranpo - Losing Fukuzawa and Yosano, and to a slightly lesser extent the rest of the agency. (He likes everyone there, or is learning to, but Fukuzawa and Yosano are family, and he can’t bear to lose another family.) Looking stupid in front of the people that matter. A national candy shortage.

#;hc: chuuya #;hc: alcott #;hc: ranpo #strangefellows

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writerman · 7 years

Text

Request- Damien Bloodmarch

This is for @spaceviking who sent a request as I was heading to bed last night, it was a request for Damien and a traumatic hair cut. It was going to just be some headcanon bullet points but I couldn’t bring myself to do just that.

Guys, if there is anything that makes you uncomfortable let me know and I can tag it appropriately.

- - - - - - - - -

His heart thumped in his chest, so hard it could have ruptured in his chest then and there, but Damien didn’t pay attention to his hammering heart, he could scarcely feel a thing aside from total fear and absolute humiliation. Throat raw from screaming as he twisted in the grip of several others.

~oOo~

Friends- that was what they had called themselves, old friends from college, those who he had barely known but they had recognised him while he was out grabbing dinner for himself and his son after work. Nothing unusual about himself, his hair was tied back, purple polo shirt and name tag, it had been a late shift at the shelter- Lucien had finally decided to message him and tell him he wanted spaghetti for dinner. Typical teenager waiting until the very last moment to make a decision. He had thrown the grocery bags into his car when he was approached by two men, they seemed familiar, with smiles and open hands they had introduced themselves as friends of his from college, Damien admitted he did not fully remember them, but they had insisted they’d had classes together. Which classes he wondered, but he paid no mind to the nagging apprehension at the back of his mind. “I’m so sorry, gentlemen, I honestly don’t remember you both that well, perhaps time has changed us too much?” ”Well, you haven’t changed all that much, you just have much longer hair.” One had said still smiling, eyes lingering on Damien’s long hair as he spoke, predatory but not quite unsettling. Feeling, somewhat, uncomfortable he moved to say his goodbyes but as he did so one of them invited him to grab a quick coffee, or a drink, one drink wouldn’t hurt. It sounded like a genuine request, it had been years since he’d spoken to anyone from college, perhaps they truly wanted to catch up with him?

It wasn’t until they led him past the last coffee shop and bar on the block did he believe something was, perhaps amiss. However, he chose to give them the benefit of the doubt, some people were good at finding little places off the main street with good food and good prices. Damien was not one to disregard a place just because it seemed a little dingy.

Sunset had been and gone and now they merely walked down a dark road past an old industrial estate with warehouses and factories lining the grey concrete, closed and locked up for years now sporting vivid graffiti like scars.

“Fellows, I believe we shall find nothing down here but empty buildings. Let us turn back?” Damien’s request was point blank ignored as they walked through the industrial estate towards a solitary warehouse at the end. A shudder ran through him, he felt unsafe... What men wandered through such places?

'You are a fully grown adult, Damien. You can leave whenever you wish to!' The internal argument lasted a few minutes, he stopped walking this caught the attention of the others who seemed agitated by this.

No longer did they hide their ire when he finally spoke.

“Dear fellows, this is too far off the beaten track for me, I think I’ll be heading home. Please, accept my sincerest apologies, do enjoy your night without me.” With an elegant bow he left them, as he turned away someone tugged on his shirt hard enough for him to miss his step and lose his footing falling back into a chest that seemed scarily close, strong arms wrapped around him and he was carried off, someone spoke to him but Damien could only hear the blood pounding in his ears.

Was he going to die?

“This is just a bit of fun, Dames. Like old times just guys having fun!” This man in front of him spat out his words with a sneer, voice dripping with malice. Confusion still flooded his mind, who was this man that had taken such time to him find him- he seemed to take such joy from watching him struggle against the almost iron grip of his other captor.

Without much grace he was dragged into the warehouse, a rusted room dimly lit by a naked lightbulb still swinging the string that had lit it had been yanked so hard it was held by a mere thread.

Damien winced as he was thrown on to a metal bench, there were more men here than he recalled walking with, some were far more recognisable but he didn’t have a chance to say anything, thick silver tape was smacked over his mouth with enough force his head was thrown back, he struggled to pull it off, his hands moving to remove the tape, another set pull them back and were bound behind him, he wasn’t sure what with but all that truly mattered was that he was being held against his will.

He cried out against the tape begging to be let go tears streaming down his face. His muffled voice only served as entertainment and his begging was returned with taunts and lewd actions as though none of this bore any consequence to their minds and souls.

What could they possibly want with him, he held no qualms with anyone, yes he had argued with people about certain things but it was just passion nothing malicious... Never had he quarrelled with another to the point that a rivalry had sprung up between them.

“We are going to have fun, we’ll give you a make over and then... Well... You’ll see.” The one that had originally approached him spoke, a voice low and dangerous, he had seemed too happy to see him earlier and now there was only a heated hatred in his eyes and Damien wondered at what point in his life had this man decided he hated him for no reason?

There was a strange buzzing sound at his left and his eyes darted toward the noise, tears leaking from his eyes more so at the sight of the electric razor. He had no doubts in his mind what they had planned to do to him.

“Let’s get rid of the hair first, only faggots wear their hair long.” The words hit him hard, bit into him and tore chunks out of his insides and left him feeling icy with dread. He had not heard this kind of talk before, he lived in a nice area and his neighbours were kind, he had been safe there.

He was brought back to his cruel situation when the razor buzzed close to his scalp and his long dark hair fell to the floor clump by clump.

How he sobbed against the tape, screamed and struggled, the bonds holding him too tight, unforgiving...

His hair...

Damien was not a vain man, he liked his clothes to match the era he adored it was just part of his hobby, but his hair... How he loved his hair, it was a part of his identity, he felt violated and the very fact of cutting his hair against his will nearly broke him completely.

It wasn’t until the razor stopped and the noise was replaced with anger that Damien realised the group’s plan wasn’t going well, there was hell going on in the warehouse, howls of pain... Men yelling, and a sickening crack and thud.

Damien thrashed left and right, trying hard to catch a glimpse of the carnage that seemed to be going on. Someone roared in pain and then it was silent.

Someone breathed heavily some way behind him. A breathless beast by the sounds of it.

The lights went out and Damien shrieked behind the tape, this was his own personal horror movie and he had no idea how the end would play out.

His throat raw from screaming, this event has traumatized him to the point that even if he could speak after this he wasn’t sure he would… could…

The room flooded with light, there was only the sound of someone still breathing heavily and the sound of a lighter flaring to life.

A face appeared before Damien, blurry though, as he was trying to make them out through tears of fear. They reached out and gently pulled the tape from his lips. He gasped out a sob breaking out from him.

“Damien, hey... It’s me, Calder.” Someone behind him sliced through the bonds at his wrists. Damien scrubbed at his eyes with his wrist before looking up, his newest neighbour stood looking at him with deep concern etched into his features.

Someone snorted behind him trying to smother a derisive laugh but failed, they sounded exactly like Robert.

“Come on, Prince Charming, quit with the heart eyes, Damien needs to get home. We’ll call the cops from his place I’ll get someone to watch this place in case anyone tries to clean it out.” Robert spoke before exhaling a lung full of smoke, he put a comforting hand to Damien’s shoulder before Calder helped him to his feet.

It wasn’t until he tried to stand that Damien realised he was shaking violently, shock near split his bones and ate at his insides, before he knew it he was stumbling into the night air to throw up the contents of his stomach.

Boots hit gravel skidding as Calder ran to catch up, and Damien felt his soothing hand on his back rubbing circles as he sobbed, his own hands digging into the gravel. Robert said something behind them but Damien couldn’t hear him, it didn’t matter because Calder bit back at him snapping something that sounded like- “Shut the fuck up.” But he could not be sure.

Everything after that was a blur, Damien didn’t even realise he was home until someone lit a fire in front of him and wrapped him in a blanket.

No one in the room mentioned what happened to his hair, no one knew what to say.

Damien sat in silence, he hadn’t spoken since Calder and Robert had found him, his mind constantly screaming incoherent thoughts.

His identity had been stripped from him.

#Writing Prompts #Damien Bloodmarch #Traumatic Haircut

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unluckyxse7en-moving · 7 years

Text

Ok, so the last 24 hours on my blog have been discourse heavy re: salify.

Before I go any further I am going to say - do not send him anon hate. If you take legitimate issue with him don’t send it via anon. Especially because I discovered he’s accused me for sending people after him. I did not, because he was the one who hurt and crossed a bunch of people who did not deserve what he has done during this period of time. But even if you don’t believe me about that, that’s fine. My concern is people staying safe, and if that means staying uninvolved - on both sides of the issue - that’s more important.

Furthermore, anyone involved, besides Sam and myself, are going unnamed for their sake and protection. They can choose to reveal themselves if they wish but that is their judgment to make and not ours.

Salify, aka Sam, is a 22 year old adult who runs a server that is going unnamed for the sake of protecting others still there. Said server was mostly comprised of minors under 18 who were brought in with the promise that the server was an inclusive safe space where people would be positive and uplifting and encouraging. We had many extensive rules dedicated to this aspect encouraging basic respect and decency, and discouraging topics or actions that would make people feel unsafe or upset them.

Sam himself, believing as owner he could do what he liked, broke his own rules and when people spoke up is when things got worse.

It all started off with the server’s tendency to tell jokes about cishets. Obviously, not a crime. sometimes many would get carried away and tell the jokes in every channel and the jokes could last for a good half hour in a conversation. Maybe a little obnoxious if you get tired of the same topic quickly, but not a crime or an issue.

Here’s where it started to become an issue. Fairly recently, a few of the members on the server, who will remain unnamed for safety, have mentioned and complained that the jokes made them feel uncomfortable when in excess. Very uncomfortable, and I imagine for some of them, unsafe. As there were no requirements of being not cishet in the server, surprise!! there were some who identified as cishet and others who just wanted to escape the type of discussion already abound on tumblr. I cannot and will not say where people fell but it is something to keep in mind - regarding a server mostly full of minors.

complaints were made, and the acting moderators at the time announced a new rule saying to ease up on the cishet jokes, people regardless of orientation and identity were feeling uncomfortable with them.

Things quiet down and go back to normal. Then, last night, the jokes started up in full force again. And they went on a long time. In all fairness, they were in the channel dedicated to discourse. That said, given the server’s habits there was a high likelihood this meant the jokes were coming back and would be scattered throughout all the channels once more. Not to mention people who had become used to those jokes being moderated probably received an unwelcome shock if they wandered into the chat at that time.

One of the members, after the jokes wore out most everyone’s humor, spoke up. They requested that all the people involved drop the jokes, members have complained about this before and felt unsafe when it was done in excess like this. Most of the group backed off, but Sam, and others who were taking great joy in these jokes, refused. Their argument was that as people who were oppressed by cishets they could make jokes about their oppressors as much as they want.

On its own, that’s not a terrible argument. That is valid and understandable.

The problem is that when people say they feel unsafe or uncomfortable, and they are people who did no wrong to deserve this from the person, and the person telling the jokes refuses, that’s crossing a limit.

Bashing hypothetical others who are not present does NOT take priority over those who ARE present, do not deserve the bashing and are stressed, not comfortable, hurt or terrified by this bashing.

So at this point, I intervened and asked they just ease up. They don’t have to stop telling the jokes forever, but even the funniest joke in the world gets unfunny when drawn out too long, it becomes obnoxious, and if people felt definitively unhappy then it was time to drop it. Rather than agreeing to back off even than just the night, Sam became more obstinate, and continued to push his argument, not changing anything but continuing to parrot that as someone oppressed he could do what he liked. Others who took his side gleefully joined in and jeered and mocked as the argument continued.

Initially, some of the people present attempted to drop the argument and change the subject. But they became quiet and stepped to the side as things got worse. While I am not going to rehash the argument step by step, Sam along with his support continued to screech about how oppressed they were and could therefore make all the jokes they wanted, while I and others tried to argue it was making people uncomfortable and that’s not worth it.

During this, Sam and his entourage

accused us of claiming heterophobia (not a thing) and being cishet allies

tried to pass it off as acceptable by likening the situation to other oppressed minorities being allowed to make jokes about their oppressors, bringing race and neurodivergence and disabled people into it in doing so.

used the name of the Pulse Shooting as a get out of jail free card for his jokes (which is in bad taste and absolutely disrespects and tarnishes those who suffered from this tragedy as it is being misused as an excuse to exhibit unacceptable behavior)

openly stated that he was on a voice call and laughing at those of us who disagreed with him (more of a personal attack but absolutely unnecessary in any rational argument as it only serves to mock and belittle the other side and has no functional purpose)

when I referenced the point that neurodivergent people in our own server were the ones at stake here, being unnerved and feeling unsafe by all of this, Sam continued to ignore it and insist it was his right to tell these jokes as he liked.

after I asked this, someone else asked if Sam even cared about those of us in the server, to which Sam freely admitted he didn’t care at all. While we didn’t need his statement as actions speak louder than words, it was nice to know he owned up to it and thought he was justified in doing so.

By this point, I and others on my side of the argument were thoroughly disillusioned and disgusted by our server leader. I had left the servers I shared with Sam and unfriended him around this point. Sam told us off and said if we didn’t like it we could go make our own. In the heat of the moment, I said fine, we will, and right then he abruptly booted me from the server. Supposedly he proceeded to forcibly kick others involved but I was the first to go. I’ll admit I had considered leaving the server, but I had no intention of doing so when I had thought perhaps if both parties cooled their heads and came back, we could either apologize or discuss more rationally. Likewise while I had unfriended him, I had not blocked him on discord because I had hoped we could talk it out better later. Sam banning me made it clear he didn’t want to do that.

regrettably, I have no screenshots - the chat went much too fast for everyone involved and being kicked as quickly as I was there was no time. None of the others do either to my knowledge. According to those who remained longer in the server, Sam deleted the entire chat, most likely to hide his mistakes because, in all honesty - why would you delete so much evidence against people who were wrong when you could have converted it into a shrine of receipts? Given Sam’s following pettiness on the matter he clearly would have kept it and gloated. That said, if Sam or the others have any undoctored screenshots then I encourage him to add them to the discourse - I can’t imagine they’d actually look that bad compared to what he has said and done then and since.

So that was the blowup. Many people left the server if they hadn’t been kicked, and in the wake Sam has gone to town with the absence of the ‘bad people’.

Here are some highlights of Sam clearly showing no regret at the time despite what any later blog posts may suggest. And while this post sounds good on paper, if you put it in the context of “made right after disrespecting people’s deaths so that he could force people to shut up and let them upset minors to their liking” then it sounds a little less than golden.

So there it is. Take this information as you will, but this is basically why I am officially embroiled in discourse and anti-Sam/salify.

#long post #stay away from salify #discourse #negative #receipts #you said you were ready to see more callout posts right sam #glad I don't have to disappoint you like you did me

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nobody-but-mebody · 7 years

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Understand that no one is claiming that you can't feel the way you want, because chances are, that no one that old wants you anyway. The fact that you think people are claiming that you should look at people that way, and that if you don't feel comfortable then you shouldn just shrug and be okay with it just goes to show how naive and immature you actually are, when no one is saying that, and no one is shipping sheith with you or anyone else in mind

The grammar is actually so weird in this that i have basically no idea what you’re trying to say but i’ll do my best.

A good amount of this will be uncomfortable or unpleasant to read if you ship sheith, please read it anyway. In the end I hope you’ll understand that I’m not demonizing you as a person, and I just want you to understand the impact that producing sheith content can have on the real world without precautions.

I can feel the way I want..because no one over the age of 20 wants to date an 18 year old?

First of all, i see no correlation between these two statements. Second, either you’re assuming i’m WAY younger than I am, (again, 18) or you’re completely forgetting theres an entire porn industry (in both straight and gay) devoted to (usually older) men fucking eighteen year olds. In fact, it comes in different flavors, here’s for example what comes up when you google something like “just turned 18″ and click the first link

I’ll add emphasis.

This one porn site has 994 videos JUST about sex with an 18 year old who’s only been 18 for, at most, a month or so. AKA the youngest person you legally can fuck or view being fucked. Not to mention btw, this is just in the heterosexual porn section. To drive the point home, here’s another search result number from another porn site.

211,962 results. 211,962 videos specifically catering to the desire to have sex with the youngest teenagers you can legally get at. ��No one that old wants [me]” huh??? There are people out there who are predatory towards people my age. There are people who will use praise like “your so mature for your age” and the like to coax young people into relationships where they’ll be controlled. There’s a power imbalance. We live in a society, partially due to culture and partially due to nature, where teenagers are constantly told they’re not adults, they dont know as much as adults, they’re not as smart as adults, they’re not as powerful as adults, so when an adult praises them as an equal the teenager will respond more than if an adult praised another adult. Because of this, while the adult may treat the teenager as an equal, the teenager is usually incapable of treating the adult as an equal. Hence, these relationships are inherently imbalanced, and an imbalanced romantic/sexual relationship is an unhealthy one. There are adults who use this imbalance to control teenagers. Its a predatory form of abuse.

Keith clearly admires and, dare i say, even idolizes Shiro. Even if we presume that Shiro favors Keith among the paladins and views him as an adult and his equal, Keith is incapable of doing the same. He reveres Shiro, but Shiro doesn’t revere Keith. Because of this Shiro wields immensely more power than Keith in their relationship. Shiro could suggest something, and Keith could feel uncomfortable with it but agree anyway because of that sort of idolization. It isn’t healthy, and even though Shiro is a good person, he would end up hurting Keith eventually due to this imbalance. To Shiro, Keith is a favorite. To Keith, Shiro is everything, the only family he has left. If that doesn’t communicate the power imbalance here I dont know how else to say it. I am uncomfortable with adults shipping Sheith, because even if you whole heartedly believe fiction exists in a vacuum, if a predator sees support of a relationship where one party is around 25 and the other is in his late teens, and confirmed not to be an adult by the shows creators regardless of what promotional materials (designed to be catchy and flow well, “five teenagers” sounds better than “four teenagers and an adult”) that predator has had their behavior in a small extent normalized. If a victim of this abuse and predation sees a similar situation portrayed as romantic and healthy, it might reinforce their incorrect world belief that their relationship is romantic and healthy too.

I am uncomfortable with adults shipping Sheith because adults should know better.

I am uncomfortable with adults shipping Sheith because whether that adult knows it or not, they are giving passive approval of these relationships in the real world.The only time fiction exists in a vacuum and does not affect the real world is when it is clearly stated with every instance of that fiction not to apply to the real world. If you produce Sheith content and apply a warning to it saying something such as…

“This is a work of fiction. As a work of fiction it is not meant to reflect the real world, and is an idealized and impossible version of a relationship. Relationships like this are, in real life, always unhealthy. It is intended for consumption, again, in a purely fictional setting.”

I will not have a problem with your content, as it has been fully removed and severed from reality. It may seem obvious that the work is fictitious and people should not take it as a real world example of something good, but the truth is that the human mind is shaped by media as much as by upbringing and other sources. Perhaps even more so.

For a real world example, when i was a young child who watched a lot of TV, I wondered why my mother didn’t cook and clean. The answer is that my mom always has hated cooking, and she suffers from migraines that make her doing housework difficult, not to mention how for as long as i can remember she’s always been working. However, my perception of reality was shaped by the cartoons i watched and media I consumed. The message repeated over and over again was that Mothers cook and clean.

That might seem an irrelevant example, as I was a small child at the time and thus impressionable, but the thing is that teenagers are still incredibly impressionable. There’s a reason most terrorists and suicide bombers are young men between the ages of 18 and 20. Theres a reason why young people are some of the most passionate and quickest to take up new world views. There’s a reason that so many kids on tumblr so ferociously buy into “problematic” and “call out” culture. People my age, older than me by a few years, and younger than me by a few years, are incredibly easy to coax into a belief or world view and once that world view is established it can be strengthened and set with media.

Not to mention that once these beliefs are set, they’re difficult to dispel. Confirmation bias is a phenomenon where people will discard conflicting facts and accept only that which enforces their own beliefs. If relationships like sheith, however innocent the original intent, continue to exist without obvious warnings that this is UNHEALTHY in the real world, it has the power to damage real people and real lives by playing into confirmation bias.

If I were in love with an older person, and there were sources that said that it was unhealthy, and sources that merely implied it was fine, i’d definitely seek out more of the later because it feels good to have your beliefs reinforced. So even if its unpleasant, or clunky, or downright annoying, people who produce content unhealthy in the real world but fine in fictional settings (such as dub-con, unsafe sex, or the relationships we’ve been discussing) have a duty to point out that these aren’t cool in a real world setting to prevent real world damage.

Even if you’re not shipping sheith with anyone in mind, and you’re producing content or spreading content of it with no one in mind, there are people consuming that content with themselves in mind.

Dont let your content normalize and romanticize abuse. Sever it from reality.

#anti sheith #anti shaladin #TBH #antisheith

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