#i keep thinking 'why is my sister acting like a teenager' ITS BECAUSE SHE IS ONE. SHES FIFTEEN. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chillykitty · 11 months

Text

Sander Sides vampire & werewolves au >:3

twas on my list of things to do for art fight but didnt get to until teams were announced and i like had to (especially cause im team werewolf with a handful of vampire/vampire like OCs and no werewolves)

artfight

uhh story stuff below cut

Loceit, prinxiety, & intruality

Characters/story:

Janus - mentally/physically 26-27ish - turned in the 1900s/1910s as a child - was gifted a Victorian house from his adopted vampire family that he now lives in as a bit of a recluse. He allowed Virgil to stay after he was turned and together they keep up the act of being Normal Humans. He allows a werewolf pack to rent part of the property since it has a large yard and forest that he doesn't use. It's only because he has no use for the land and he thinks the supposed rivalry between vampires and werewolves that some like to play up is absurd. it has nothing to do with how charming he thinks one of the wolves is, nothing at all. (I do realize it's dumb as hell to make Janus a landlord but 'rent' is usually 'buy me dinner' or 'be my chess opponent, Virgil keeps refusing to be'). He’s got a port wine stain birthmark.

Virgil - mentally/physically 25 - turned in the early 00's as a teenager - he was attacked by a rogue vampire and struggled to adjust until he met Janus, and then continued to struggle to adjust, but he eventually learned to appreciate that turning got him a friend, which is more than what he used to have. Never outgrew his emo phase and never will.

Ember - Mentally/physically 28 - actually a couple hundred - Janus' adoptive sister, she lives a while away but likes visiting her baby brother. She acts like she's way older than Janus but as far as vampires go she's not that much older. Has a light hearted rivalry going on with Roman and Virgil, her rivalry with Roman is over the top silly and dramatic, her rivalry with Virgil is casually flipping each other off as a greeting. she's albino, dyes her hair for goth reasons, and you decide if her brows are dyed/colored in/shaved and drawn on. her eyes do that thing some albino ppls eyes do where it look red/purple in some lightning when its actually blue, moreso than normal because vampire red tint (she is the dragon witch. dragon witch my beloved)

Roman - mentally/physically 24 - just turned - himbo <3 he was dating Virgil, and it had just been long enough that Virgil was actually going to make it serious and tell Roman about his vampire-ness, though he kept getting nervous and putting it off. Something (car crash? Mugging? idk??) happens and leaves Roman mortally wounded and Virgil is certain that Roman won’t live long enough for an ambulance to arrive so he turns him and then feels awful about turning someone without their permission. Roman adjusts as best he can and forces himself not to dwell because he understands why Virgil did it and frankly he would've done the same if roles were reversed. But if he does think about it too long he dreads the fact that he might outlive his twin. His shirt is Totally Not Bunnicula cause i think its funny

Logan - mentally/physically 25, actually 30 - Born a werewolf - he met Janus by happenstance and when he brought up him and his cousin were looking for a place to live, Janus offered up his yard and Logan had insisted on compensating him for it. Neither Janus or Logan are truly in denial about their feelings for each other but they don’t really discuss it and mildly dodge questions when asked even though it’s like very clear they like each other. They definitely are dating but I don't think they've had a non-emotionally constipated conversation about this. Patton - mentally/physically 25, actually 25 - born a werewolf - when he was young most of his cousins and siblings found him annoying, they were never outright mean, but usually didn’t seem to want to include him, Patton could never be sure if they were actually being nice or if they just didnt want to get in trouble with their parents. His cousin, Logan tolerated him fine though, clearly stating when he was doing something that bothered him and worked through a compromise (autistic besties using direct communication ftw). So Patton would always spend all his time following Logan around at extended pack gatherings. When he got a bit older, he got more confident in his socializing and stopped caring so much about what others thought, his love for pups often made him a defacto babysitter which he didn’t mind, but he was still always closest with Logan. It was only natural that they’d move out as a pack together.

Remus - mentally/physically 24 - just turned - Remus was smart and also stupid.. Smart enough to realize something was off about his brother and stupid enough to not write off the impossible, good thing too, because he was right. He was already suspicious but got his confirmation when he literally walked in on his brother drinking some drunk person’s blood. He of course helped hide the (still very alive, just passed out) body before really asking questions, but when he did ask questions, he kept insisting until he got the basic gist. Including that his brother would outlive him. Naturally he asks to be turned right there and then but all 3 vampires repeatedly refuse. He doesn’t let it go though and when he finds out there are two immortal werewolves who could turn him living in the backyard, he doesnt think twice to find them and ask them. Patton is weak for sob stories so he (with Logan’s begrudging approval) turns Remus and Remus joins their pack.

Worldbuilding:

werewolf packs are like little groups that live together, made up of actual bio families, close friend group and/or polycules, sometimes a mix of those 3, sometimes not. Werewolf vibes idk. Extended packs are any packs that are any degree biologically connected, which means they get massive. (like a unrelated pack of 3 each have the packs they came from, which then come with packs of their cousins/piblings/grandparents/ect which then come with more packs of cousins/piblings/grandparents/ect from the other side of the family and so on)

vampires and werewolves are functionally immortal, people born as or turned into vampires and werewolves before the age of 25 keep aging as normal until then, and then it slows down significantly, pretty much no one knows how long their lifespan is because they get killed or die from something else long before they make it to old age. They're resistant to being killed but it can happen (see cliche vamp/were killing methods. Crosses don't do anything to them tho.)

Werewolves find it easier to stay as wolves around the time of the full moon and as humans around the time of the new moon, and are often lethargic when trying to go against this. They will typically start to wolf out at any strong emotion, while they can resist this (though it's harder near a full moon) plenty of werewolves (Patton+Remus) just let it happen and deal with getting tangled in their clothing as dogs. (Remus, of course, doesn't care if he's seen nude after shifting but most wolves shift back to human in privacy and try to keep clothes nearby. In werewolf only areas it's p common to half strip and shift, but that's about it)

Vampires' eyes have a red tint to them but not enough to be pointed out by mortals as they'd think it's a trick of the light (insert something scifi-y about reflecting off of blood vessels here)

Both are naturally very protective/possessive(though not toxically so, unless they're like, bad people) but werewolves are extremely social creatures and go into instinct mode when they get too worried about someone in their pack/they consider to be their pack, so much so that they might unreasonably lash out at another packmate because they don't want anyone to touch the one they're worried about. (angst angst angst)

Vampires struggle to control themselves around blood. They can and should eat normal food sometimes but actually need blood frequently to live, can make it a long while on animal blood but still need a human's every so often.

#chi art #tss #sanders sides #art fight #sanders sides au #loceit #prinxiety #intruality

22 notes · View notes

carebooks · 1 year

Text

my S2 rewatch of HOA

so the thing about HOA is that the first couple episodes are always the weakest, it’s before the mystery begins and it’s not that interesting

i despise love triangles and the fact that couples break up due to misunderstanding so fabina breaking up so fast wasn’t fun for me

alfie was the best part of those first couple of episodes in his amber quest, the king tut outfit was iconic

i love bobby lockwood, sad to see him go, glad that it was for wolfblood

i should rewatch that after i finish hoa

joy’s storyline being completely fabian obsessed isn’t my favorite either, especially bc we see how organized and smart she is in planning events, that was fun, and we could’ve explored her having more tense moments around the teachers and victor.

though Klariza plays her with such charismatic acting that hey, Joy's in her villain era and she works it so well. im highly attracted to her when she's in control and scenes where she's just a plain bitch, like not signing up Mara for the competition. it's not a good thing to do obviously, still kinda hot in a villain way.

but anyway, all in all i hate making her into this almost wattpad-like character that is all about the boy and makes Nina into this horrible person that stole everything from her when there was never any build up to them being enemies. like never.

seeing her high-five mr. sweet was all around weird when you remember he was one of the adults responsible for her kidnapping

not even ms. andrews tries to apologize. come on daphne, you’re the one of these assholes i like (adults i mean)

i dont even like jasper all that much

WAIT NO IM SORRY TRUDY I DIDN’T MEAN IT YOU’RE A TREASURE AND IK I WOULD LOVE YOUR CHOCOLATE CAKE IF I HAD IT

i gotta say, victor playing young sarah’s message about ‘the atheneum is the place to look. lift the wings to find the book. hidden in this book of old, water of life and tears of gold.’

i recited that from memory

im just wondering, why did little sarah do that? record that message? did dad tell her about it? did she figure it out and did it herself? gimme context @frobisher-smythe if you got any

lets review some characters so far yeah?

eddie really doesn’t get the vibe that he’s in a boarding school with rules, it’s hilarious to see him make pancake runs in the kitchen and have victor catch him and him try to talk victor into it. he’s the newest kid so it makes sense especially when you count in his troublemaker personality. but still quite refreshing, i want to see him succeed one day, get victor to do a pancake run with him and get him to feel like a kid for once bc the guy is 95 and you best bet he didn’t feel like a kid even when he was a kid.

jerome is particularly interesting with his sister. he almost feels like a parent actually. poppy said so herself that she keeps his pictures on her phone because he was there for her, he came to recitals their mother flaked on, and he was there a lot. he tells mara he ‘trained her himself’ so he definitely spent time around her when she was little. and he takes her phone, keeps it, and if you rewatch the episode during the masked ball where she’s hiding and trying to get the letter and he feels betrayed by mara for her helping poppy do this, he sounds like a dad. he sounds like a dad trying to keep his kid out of trouble. and its really sad when you think about how he had to grow up fast. he’s been at boarding school since he was 5 years old, and the thing about boarding school is that it’s teenagers gaining some independence from parents, they’re alone more often despite the adult supervision, they don’t have their parents. jerome basically spent the better of 10 months every year since he was 5 without his parents. no wonder he became the way he is, and no wonder he tried to be there for his sister when she was growing up.

when he gets kidnapped by Rufus and he's fighting back, Rufus threatens to get Poppy as well and it's the absolute horror on his face that really sells it to me.

ngl, i feel bad for victor. rufus clearly sent vera with all the bullet points on how to sweeten up to the old bird and he is falling hard and fast. “smart and pretty lady likes to stuff animals AND she despises children? plus she cooks?” im surprised he didn't propose on the spot

idk about ya'll but i completely forgot about whether or not Vera really cared about Victor since i havent seen this in a minute. so lets talk about her. Vera's motives can be seen as though she's completely in cahoots with Rufus but really she's just a hired gun. he likes her, sure, but she genuinely believes that Rufus is insane. the whole 'becoming a god via the mask' is just too wild for her. think about it, from her perspective the Mask is a really old, really priceless thing she can exchange for lots of money but this old English bloke created a set of tunnels, why? bc rich people are weird. that's understandable, that's somewhat believable, the evil Senkhara ghost thing? pff, that’s going in the denial bucket. she denies it so much even after her frozen debacle. but even if she believed it all she wanted was riches in this life not the afterlife. and when he gets the wrong mask, he threatens to kill her, so she shifts her allegiances. get the mask, if this elixir thing Victor talks about is real then even better for her but overall? sell the damn thing and get rich. she might not have been 100% on Rufus or Victor's side, she was on her own side.

we’re finally at the chasm episode and they got the crocodile and i forgot this is where the rest of sibuna comes in!!! yeah!!

reminder that Eddie speaks fluent French. and so does Nina.

Alfie did an improvized interpreted dance for Ms. Andrews. it was glorious.

Victor reading Amber’s diary, “How can a man with perfectly groomed facial hair be so horrid?” as he proceeds to check out said facial hair in the mirror. fucking amazing

NOT AMBER FLASHING THE AMULET IN FRONT OF VICTOR BABE YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT

not gonna lie, the phobia episode was so interesting when it came to Alfie. we love seeing his progress.

the fact that the Book of Isis was in the study the entire time, no one, not even Victor would’ve found it with the idea of the Mask on everyone’s head

Alfie being a genius with the itching powder

i remember someone posting about the episode where they all keep Victor awake to take the amulets off him, and man i agree, it’s a goddamn hoot

i love it when everyone comes together for something. reminds me of the episode of the cameras where alfie and jerome come up with staring at victor through them.

Alfie killing two birds with one stone, getting to do a fun jewelry heist with his best friend whilst scoring a point for Sibuna.

holy shit, guys, i think Alfie’s my favorite character.

you just know he had so much fun shaking that case.

when victor sleeps, he cuddles corbierre. its adorable.

again, some times i feel so bad for Victor this season, can’t see that Vera is clearly manipulating him.

I know a lot of people didn’t care for the goose chase and the other goose stuff. but the line, said by Alfie, “Alfie knows people.” when explaining how he got the goose is top tier for me

am i the only person thinking that Mr. Sweet feigned knowing Jerome’s dad because he was somewhat responsible for him going to jail? like idk, they were all in on it and pushed John under the bus? otherwise, why deny it and act all sus? @frobisher-smythe @mask-of-anubis thoughts?

damn, i forgot how long the hathor challenge took. between them all being hexed and trying to do everyday stuff with the hexes. nina gets real pushy and unlikeable but i mean i understand, she’s seriously under pressure, her and her friends lives are on the line and she’s the only one who isn’t hexed so she's the only one fully concentrated on the task, plus she feels massively guilty for doing all this. it’s bound to happen.

i suddenly remembered they need a cowbell or smth for this task. ugh, im not gonna lie, this was my least favorite one. probably bc it was just so long.

Jasper stealing the gem and Jerome declaring war. I don’t know why but it’s hilarious. Jasper you have no idea what you’ve started. i forgot that eventually Jerome and Jasper team up and that was actually pretty fun. Jerome started it out because of the Gem, bc Jasper stole it and then finds out that Trudy got kidnapped by this 'Collector', they're in cahoots now and y'know what, Jerome getting into this sketchy business is very-Jerome. idk it just fits his character, both he and Jasper have things to hide, and it's still about Egypt and/or the Frobisher-Smythes so it doesn't feel out of place, it's perfect.

Nina and Fabian hiding in the attic from Jerome and Jerome hiding under Vera’s bed from Vera.

when Sibuna + Jerome figures out that Rufus is back and then they actually decide to tell Victor is a pretty big deal. i really like it. because at this point, it's not about the Cup, it's not about the Mask, it's about Rufus. and that's never a good idea to keep secret. so instead, they immediately tell him, they tell him the truth about Vera, and big reminder that the number 1 rule in Sibuna is to not involve the adults. but they are all so terrified of this man that they know not to keep this hidden. and this time it's Victor who screws up by not believing them (but can ya blame him, all they do is lie)

reminder that during the scheme into giving Rufus a fake mask, Alfie was given the ‘replica’ to give it a new paint job so as to pass it off as the real one. so, not only did Rufus actually have the real one in his hands, throw it across the room, and dented it, but, out of all the Sibuna members, Alfie was the first one to hold the real Mask of Anubis.

and he painted it.

ok so, random thing but i’ve got to say, Klariza Clayton’s acting is incredible. i love Nathalia Ramos but some times certain scenes are left to be desired. but when Joy starts crying her eyes out, even when she knows she’s done bad, it’s heartbreaking and even relatable. Nina however, has to be written a lot in cliffhanging scenes that end up being more silly than serious by the next episode. but it's just a couple of scenes, not the whole show.

so, Victor Sr. died in pursuit of the Mask. does that mean he went through all the tasks? if so, how did they all get reset? and where are his bones?! did Nina just summon up his ghost out of nowhere??

i love how they all have good and proper reactions to Nina getting lost to the game. Alfie's freaking out, he's scared shitless. Patricia is yelling and silently crying. Amber's scared with shock that she couldn't even remember her steps to go back and her tears are much louder than the others. but not louder than Fabian's. he is an absolute wreck, sobbing the loudest and angry and just— just brilliant acting by Brad Kavanagh.

i've got to say, having Nina be benched first is weirdly perfect. it was a red herring that Amber was going to go down first, but instead, it was the main character. and everyone's feeling that loss. and it gives Nina a chance to talk to Victor Sr. and get some exposition about being the Chosen One and find out about the Osirian.

ok, so the next time they play the game, PROPS TO MY FAVORITE: ALFIE LEWIS MANAGING TO NOT GET SWALLOWED UP BY THE GAME BOARDS HE’S AN ICON, PEOPLE. NO ONE ELSE COULD DO IT

them all nominating people to bring over who are smart at chess but also needing someone ‘sneaky’

- Fabian picks Joy

- Amber picks Mara

- Alfie picks Jerome

- and Trixxie picks no one, vv Patricia

idk why but i liked that, they all had good choices, but Joy really was the one. glad she joined in.

i completely forgot that Trudy’s memory doctor was Rufus until he literally rips off the mask.

let me repeat that. Rufus Zeno. rips off his face. Scooby-Doo villain style. this is an actual thing that happened.

i completely forgot that Alfie gets taken by the game during Victor’s period as the gamemaster. ugh. Fabian, this was your idea, first Nina now ALFIE? you seriously suck during this task. buddy, come on, you were great for the spiderweb one but now? get your act together.

I FORGOT THIS IS THE EPISODE THAT JEROME GETS KIDNAPPED FUCK YOU RUFUS

hey Eddie, great Osirian instincts on being able to detect danger. *sarcasm*

the fact that Victor actually tries to call Sweet about Alfie's disappearance, and Alfie’s his least favorite last I checked (that or Eddie probably is) (some might say Nina but i think it’s mainly a rival thing rather than dislike) it tells you, just like when Alfie was immediately lost, Victor was beside himself, he refused to do this, hurting the students wasn't part of the plan. when you think about it, i don't think Victor really likes seeing children in pain, he was obviously abused as a child himself and then he took it out on Sarah, doing the same to her. he may enjoy punishing them with the most inconvenient cleaning supplies but actually hurting or killing any of them was out of the question.

AND THEN FABIAN MESSES UP AGAIN LOSING AMBER AND PATRICIA WHEN JOY'S THE GAMEMASTER BRO COME ON

FABIAN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST NOT HELP?? YOU LOST NINA, YOU ALMOST LOST ALFIE, THEN YOU ACTUALLY LOST ALFIE, THEN THE GIRLS. NOTHING YOU'VE DONE IS GOOD DURING THIS GAME.

i honestly love how it comes full circle with Sarah’s doll riddle leading them not to the book of isis but to the key that led to the mask.

AND jerome’s gem being part of what completes the mask.

this season is fucking genius i swear.

AGAIN the idea that Senkhara was planning on having Nina wear it all along— it’s so deceptively obvious but no one ever expects it because we just don't question it. Amber asks what Senkhara even wants the Mask for anyway, she's dead. it’s so fucking cool

i think as a kid i understood that maybe Senkhara was tied to the Mask, that she needed Nina or something to unleash her so she could be free and then they'd find a way to tie her back or banish her

WE WERE CHEATED

I WANT THE ENTIRE SCENE OF ALFIE RUNNING THROUGH ALL THE TUNNELS WITH THE FAKE MASK W THESE TWO 90-YEAR-OLD MEN ON HIS TAIL

i finally got to hear the voices that Eddie's been hearing and the final one, "Find Nina," was Sarah's voice. (at least that's what it sounded like) that was so nice.

i also have a theory about Nina and the Dollhouse. what if Sarah wasn't actually watching them the entire time and Nina was actually unknowingly using her Chosen One powers? times where she legit asks the dollhouse for help, it lights up, after a while it feels like lazy writing for them to find answers quick rather than writing more clues for them to find. we've established that Nina can see the dead, she has 'the gift of sight' as Victor Sr. said. and Eddie can also see the dead, but he can also banish (and eventually have visions). so how do we know that Nina can't summon the dead as well? she constantly dreamt of Sarah, and now she's summoning her for information or help, only through a dollhouse instead of a crystal ball.

Nina telling Victor she had something for him and it was from his father, the utter confusion on his face as to how she could have possibly found this and her giving that message to him, "He says, sorry." as he holds it and weeps.

see, this is another reason to dislike S3, because when he's told that Nina won't be coming back he's glad of it, "she brought too much trouble" which ok fair, but you still wouldn't have gotten the cup because you had the wrong Chosen One, and never would've found the Mask anyway. she brings trouble for you but she's also the only reason things happen. and then he puts her down as being a 'bad influence' in front of Fabian the rest, and Fabian just explodes. like come on, the last time Victor saw Nina she was doing him a kindness, she gave him his father's ring. told him that his father was sorry. and the ring turned out to contain a tear of gold tHAT WE NEVER HEAR ABOUT EVER AGAIN.

what else, what else, what else.

i stand by being a Neddie shipper, because as said before by the resident neddie truther, @frobisher-smythe they have great personalities that compliment each other well.

I'm not surprised that Patricia broke up with Eddie, she's afraid of getting hurt so she does the hurting but the thing is that as a couple, while they enjoy bantering and have a lot in common, they could be foils for each other. kinda like Beck and Jade from Victorious. they're an iconic couple with a cool dude and a mean girl, but the thing about them is that they're incredibly toxic. that doesn't make them uninteresting, but very bad for each other. while i don't think Peddie is full-on toxic, they do have certain things going on like trust issues and lying (on both sides) and jealously issues too. and if you're that insecure about your relationship, if what you have with your partner is so fragile that you can't trust them around other people then why be with them?

Neddie had potential to be something huge and they couldn't even be bothered to explore it a lil bit.

well, i think thats about it, i hope you liked this messy review, the upcoming clips of some of my favorite moments, and be on the look out for my new sibuna inspired side-blog. i think i may get into writing one-shots again over there. @houseofwolfbloods

#house of anubis #polaroized #nina martin #fabian rutter #eddie miller #alfie lewis #jerome clarke #amber millington #patricia williamson

16 notes · View notes

crymeariveronceagain · 2 years

Text

I'm Nobody, who are you?

stars guys i really wanted to have a thing done for this because ;-; its my tiana prompt

but life decided to fricking kill me

so here

enjoy this

whatever tf it is

Just the basic plot to some sort of fic i'll never write in all its entirety, ig ;-;

Tam Song is a love at first sight kind of guy. He sees Biana, and it's over for him. He's a fool, he's never not been a fool, and it's so odd, in his head, how his cheeks burn and his mind starts screaming.

Biana isn't the type to fall in love instantly. She'll love, instantly, because she's a person who thinks that you can love everyone, if you try, and she wants to show everyone that Vackers can be kind, not just beautiful.

But the thing is, Tam figures Biana out pretty quickly. She's the invisible child, and he gets it. Stars, does he get it. His parent's eyes always slipped past him and his sister, like they were one person, interchangeable, purposeless. So he sees a girl who fights to be seen and his mind instantly thinks, She's just like me.

And it's kind of dumb, he knows, but Biana doesn't care. She smiles at him brighter, and he makes a choice to hang out with her, to overcome the nerves that blister in his chest, to fight for the both of them, to love as much as he can.

They start dating in secret.

Of course they do, because neither of them want the consequences of dating out in the open.

Biana's parents would throw a fit, she whispers, one night, as they walk around Lothlorien, the forest city, hand in hand, hoping no one will recognize them. Tam answers that his dad would never let it go, make him break up with Biana on principle.

So they don't tell anyone. Why would they? They're happy, content, and fine as they are.

They sneak off to different places, but no one in their group is the wiser. After all, Sophie's sure that Tam's got a massive crush on Biana, but is too embarrassed to act on it.

Keefe knows they're dating. You can't lie to an empath, and he's insanely good at picking up cues.

And it's good. There's a safety in it, a gentleness.

They're kids, you know, so it's not super serious. They're taking it super seriously, though, as all teenagers do, with their most important relationships.

Biana lies, constantly, to her family, keeping people in the dark.

Tam tells Linh the truth. Someone needs to know, and Linh smiles, softly. She tells him they make a good pair.

The years pass by, war wages on, and they stay together. Through scars, through kidnappings. They hold each other's hands when they get the chance, in battle, and pretend like it doesn't destroy them to have to let go.

The first time they kiss is when Biana pulls Tam's hood back from his face and holds his face until she's sure he's alive, and as soon as he wakes up, she kisses him like there's no tomorrow.

Tam holds her like he's scared to let go.

"Don't do that to me," she wept, pulling back, "Don't you ever die on me, Tam!"

"I'm sorry," he answers, softly. "Didn't mean to scare you."

She kisses him again, and it's all a blur, on the burning battlefield.

"Uhm," said a voice, from behind them, "You two ready to get out of here?"

Shocked, the two turn and see the entire crew staring at them.

And there's a sort of terror that settles in their bones. Because behind their grinning and laughing friends, dusted with smoke and kissed with blood that didn't belong to them, Alden's behind them, and Quan is somewhere, and it's going to be so hard to explain this, and it's never going to be the same as it was.

They get up, quietly, holding hands, tight as they possibly can, their grips so tight they shake.

And they go home.

They let go at the last possible moment, clinging to the hope that they won't have to say goodbye.

Alden sets his hand on his daughter's shoulder, and they leave, first.

He gives her a talking to about matches, one that echoes in her head, richochets through her mind, about how she can never ever be someone other than what he wants her to be, and when she sits on her bed, her hands shaking, she wonders if she'll ever be free of who she is.

Tam hails her, later, and laughing, a little hysterically, tells her that his dad was actually super excited about the two of them together, because maybe it meant that he'd be going places, and doing something legit with his life.

And it's just a bit much. Everything's a bit much. Biana cries, and Tam asks if she's okay.

"My dad reacted exactly how I'd expected," she whispers, into the imparter. "There's no way this can end well."

Tam is quiet, on the other end. After a long moment, he asks, "Do you want to... break up?"

If you listened, quietly, you might have been able to hear Biana's heart shattering.

"I mean," Tam says, "If you can't date me, and you don't want to like," his voice shakes, a tiny bit, "deal with it, and you want to break up, that's..." he trails off, painfully, "I don't mind."

"You don't mind?" Biana's voice is a whisper.

Tam is probably crying. But Biana isn't sure. "If it's for the best," he says. "If it's for the best, and it's what you want, I'll be... I'll make myself be okay with it."

Biana is quiet, for a long, long, long moment.

Tam waits. He always waits. He never makes her fill the silence, never makes her be more than what she already is. She loves him, she loves everything about him.

It's that stupid, naïve thought, that makes her say, quietly, "I don't want to break up with you."

He exhales, sharp and hot, and his voice is trembling, slightly, when he says, "Really?"

She nods. "Yeah. I want to love you for as long as I can. Maybe forever. I don't know. But I can't stop loving you yet."

"But, your dad---"

"He'll have to deal with it. Since when does he---" she exhaled, sharply. "He doesn't care about me until I do something wrong, anyhow. I'd much rather love you than care about what he thinks about me."

Tam chuckled, a little bit. "Here me out," he said, then. "We keep dating in secret?"

"How?"

"Tell them we broke up. And just. Keep doing what we were doing?"

Biana blinked. "That.... that could work."

Tam snorted. "I'd like to be able to shout that I love you from the tops of the roofs, but if you want to avoid it. I'll sacrifice shouting to the world if it will make you happy."

Biana sighed. "You're too good to me," she said.

"Hey," he said, "I definitely am not. You deserve much more than I can give you."

"But I don't want to be loved by anyone but you," she said, softly.

Tam exhaled, slightly. "I don't know whether to be flattered or concerned."

"Both is good," she said. "And I don't want to date in secret. It's only gonna get worse from here on out."

"So?"

"So," she said, softly, "You're my boyfriend. We're dating. Let the whole world know."

"Okay," Tam said, softly. "Okay," and then he leaned close to the microphone. "I'm dating Biana Vacker," he told her, very seriously.

"That's not very effective," she said, "You haven't---"

"You're my whole world," he said, a stupid grin on his face, and her cheeks lit up.

"You're silly," she said.

He grinned, "Because I love you." He kissed the camera lens, on his phone, and then glanced at his door. "I think that's my father. I've got to go. I love you," he whispered, again.

"I love you," she said, louder than he did. His whole face lit up.

He hung up, and the world was quiet.

Biana went to bed, and stared at her ceiling, knowing that everything would be okay, as long as Tam was on her side.

@xanadaus

#ten years of keeper #10 years of keeper #keeptober #emily dickinson #kotlc #kotlc tiana #tiana #kotlc tam #tam song #biana vacker #kotlc biana #not proud of this!#<3 #i had ideas!!! and im just a mess this week!!!!#;-;#kotlc headcanons #kotlc headcanon #kotlc stuff #idek what im doing here

38 notes · View notes

pinkspiraling · 1 year

Text

venting about childhood trauma and how i’m still living in it

i wish i could go around and ask people what it was like to get in trouble in their house bc idk if my experience was wack or not bc when i start to explain it i’m like hmmm…that seems normal. but then maybe not? like they’d take our phones and look through them once they knew we had done something Bad, which means they usually found something else on the phone to be mad about. and then they wouldn’t yell but they’d be angry and disappointed yk and they always acted like they just couldn’t comprehend why we couldn’t just do the right thing! like why did we mess up and do something not good! why! it always felt like an over reaction i guess, they’d have lots of punishments which were always no phone, no electronics or tv, no friends, have to see a christian counselor, have to go to bible study more often/consistently, have to read my bible. etc. when i got caught for drinking i had 11 punishments and they only carried out like half of them. idk i feel silly cause it’s like yeah i got grounded…i messed up and got grounded and my parents were disappointed in me just like every other teenager to ever exist. so why tf was it so traumatizing like holy fuck it was traumatizing it was soooo anxiety inducing all the time to think you might get in trouble any second and you couldn’t control the reaction you’d get and you couldn’t control the punishments, you couldn’t control how they felt about it. like sure if you just lay out what happened it’s maybe not that bad, but i felt so much true fear towards them all the time and i just wonder if that’s not the normal way to feel about your parents. when i would get in trouble i always felt horrible and wanted forgiveness immediately bc i was scared they would stop loving me (like they did with my sister!) and i’m just fucking mad honestly that now i’m like this! like i constantly feel on edge like someone is going to get me in trouble and it’s going to be bad! i feel like someone is waiting to hate me or be disappointed in me and any minute i’m gonna have punishments and angry people who are More Worthy than me who don’t understand why i couldn’t just be good! i don’t wanna deal with this i don’t want to feel like every person is my mom and i’m 7. it’s stupid cause it’s not even actually about feeling 7. i just never stopped feeling that way, its like i know that’s where it started and then it just couldn’t stop. i never learned that getting in trouble or messing up wasn’t a bad thing that people would hate you for. there was no room for error and now i’ve continued that expectation for myself which is crazy! like i am literally just a person i am not a hero, there is no god that wants me to make him happy. i am just a person who is living and it is hard and sometimes idk what i’m doing. i can’t keep being this hard on myself i just won’t be able to survive this way. i am so cruel and so unfair to myself and i give myself so many punishments and ive just been feeling like yeah but at least it’s me! at least it’s mine and i get to say when im in trouble and for what. at least there is control but idk i don’t want it i want to fuck up on accident and forgive myself. i want to fuck up on purpose and forgive myself bc i’m sure i had reasons and now i’ve learned it. life is just learning shit, wtf am i doing trying to be Good. worst part is, my mom would still freak out and overreact if she found out…anything from my actual life lmao. i hate that i still live in that fear! although now it is small and in my hands i can simply squash it because it comes from nothing true. it comes from people who should’ve done better for my younger self and i’m ready to kill it. anyways the original question is basically when other people got grounded did it feel like god ripped you out of the universe and wailed in his disappointment and then threw you back into your house with all the rage still there or no?

#being an adult is weird cause your childhood isn’t relevant to your life but its the foundation in your brain #but typing that out felt really good and i didn’t quite realize all of that like i knew…but i didn’t know #i feel powerful now that i know. like yeah the fear was not normal and not deserved and that’s why i can’t get rid of it #pink’s word vomiting #tw religion

10 notes · View notes

nerves-nebula · 1 year

Note

TW: VRISKCOURSE IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2023

Feel free to ignore

Ding ding the witch is dead (the witch being vriska)

But honestly while I do agree that vriska represents Tumblr better I'm glad she lost because since I read homestuck for the first time 5 years ago I always found her kinda boring?

Like she only becomes interesting when interacting with other characters, like Terezi's whole thing with her, John/June's complicated feelings towards her, the many times she assaulted tavros and how that affected him, her relationship with Meenah (honestly I'd argue that Meenah is more interesting and spend less time with her than vriska, and she's still a dick so trust me the issue here is not unlikeability)

People act like she's the peak of unlikable female characters but she's just a popular girl that bullies others because her mom sucks, I already dealt with plenty of those IRL (especially during the time I first read HS), the machinations of her mind really aren't that complex, the only thing interesting about her is her powers.

Otherwise she's just a plot device

Basically what I'm saying is that there are unlikable female protagonists out there that are more interesting

Then again maybe her making me respond in this way is the point, maybe the point of a Tumblr woman is to make you wonder why anyone finds her interesting but I dunno I only been here for 6 years what do I know?

i mean i think that the way shes mean is why people hated her so much, cause she was mean in a way they found Too Close to real life. she wasn't unlikable the way a fictional character is SUPPOSED to be, she's unlikable the way your worst friend who ruined your life for years was, hah.

i dont really have a horse in this race as far as the Tumblr Culture goes, cause idc that much. but I do have an interesting relationship with her character so I might as well share it here.

I have particular affection towards Vriska because she reminds me A LOT of my older sister. which you might think is a bad thing and it sort of is, but its more complicated than that.

SEE my oldest sister basically had to raise all of us, on top of dealing with some weird emotional incest stuff with our mom (our mom would call her her "little husband" so it wasn't great) and worst of all she had to protect us from our oldest brother who was and still is an incredibly violent and volatile person. so she'd basically get beaten up all the time protecting us, and if my oldest brother was picking on one of us she'd antagonize him to get him to beat her up instead cause she could take it or something.

ANYWAY she's gone through a lot of trauma processing now and I love her and everything she stands for, but she was kind of a cruel kid/teenager. which makes sense, our childhood was a never ending hellscape of fighting and injuries and abuse, especially for her. So she did what she thought it would take to keep us (relatively) safe, including some rather abusive tactics to try to stop us from appearing weak, and she also lashed out cause she was like 13 raising 4 kids and constantly fighting 1 bigger kid

Anddd the thing about Vriska is that she's also a teenager and she's also been abused and she basically doesnt trust anyone else to NOT screw up (which is very much like my oldest sister too, but you cant really fault the controlling nature when everything was so high stakes hah)

soooo fsdfdsfsdfsadfds like,, my oldest sister wasn't a very good person until a bit into her later teens. So I can't really hold Vriska to like a Worst Person Ever standard because to me she doesnt represent a person who was awful to me and who I stopped being friends with or whatever. She's like a child version of my oldest sister, and that child deserved to be cared for instead of thrown into the hell that she was. I would wrap her in a blanket if I didn't think she'd stab me for it or something.

ANYWAY that's what I feel about this fictional character.

plus i love abused characters, what can I say. she was never my favorite but i did always wish the best for her hah.

#nnstuff #ask #homestuck tw #vriska #incest mention #incest tw #child abuse #child abuse tw

7 notes · View notes

stirlingmoss · 1 year

Text

Chapter 6

Rock, Jimmy, and Monty

All of my life I've spent a lot of time with gay men, Montgomery Clift, Jimmy Dean, Rock Hudson, who were my colleagues, coworkers, confidants, my closest friends, but I never thought of who they slept with, they were just the people I loved.

—Elizabeth

Angela Lansbury, who played Elizabeth's sister in National Velvet, did not see the dark side of the studio's control over Elizabeth. "She made the transition so effortlessly because MGM supported her through those years," she said. "Suddenly she emerged and there she was. . . . She just took off, just like a lovely bird."

But in truth, Elizabeth felt like a prisoner. She made a series of films between A Place in the Sun and The Last Time I Saw Paris that were beneath her acting ability: Love Is Better Than Ever and Ivanhoe in 1952; The Girl Who Had Everything in 1953; and Rhapsody, Elephant Walk, and Beau Brummell in 1954. She judged her films honestly, and she knew when her performance elevated a film and when it did not.

"Rather curiously," she recalled, "a not-so-good picture, The Last Time I Saw Paris, first convinced me I wanted to be an actress, instead of yawning my way through parts. That girl was offbeat, with mercurial flashes of instability—more than just glib dialogue." In an unpublished interview, a journalist asked Elizabeth how being famous at such a young age made her think differently about her career compared to an actress who makes it in her twenties. Her answer was revealing. She described her performance in National Velvet as accidental, even though she had worked hard. A string of poor reviews for films after National Velvet hurt, but they did not destroy her. "After reading reviews that said I was a vacuous but pretty face, that quite clearly I couldn't read a line upside down," she gave up trying to please everyone. Another exception came with A Place in the Sun. "I was bitten, and I loved the possibility of acting. I loved being given the chance of maybe becoming an actress. And I took it, I took it between my teeth, like a horse does. And I ran, and it seemed to work. Then I went back to my home lot and I was given such a piece of shit that you would choke on it. And then it kind of made me sink. I died inside because I realized that it was like walking in molasses, that no matter how hard I tried to get out of that MGM teenage dream, I couldn't. That they were going to keep me stuck in that sort of quicksand molasses, syrupy saccharine image of a teenager. And it's hopeless, so I gave up."

But she did not give up for long. She had a keen eye for good writing, and when she saw the script for George Stevens's Giant, she knew she needed to be in it. "I don't know how or why," she said, "but I thought maybe I'd start to fight then. And I'm afraid I haven't stopped fighting yet; in truth, actually, I'm still fighting."

Existing in a state of perpetual warfare to get what she wanted, she got the part of matriarch Leslie Benedict in the sweeping film that reunited her with George Stevens, who had directed her in A Place in the Sun. She knew that Stevens wanted Grace Kelly, so she worked hard to convince him that he would not regret casting her instead. She felt a sense of "hero worship" toward him.

The multigenerational saga was based on the bestselling book by Edna Ferber and played out over the course of three decades. It told the story of how the source of one millionaire Texas family's wealth changed from cattle to oil. At the end of the film, Elizabeth, who was twenty-three, plays a fifty-year-old woman who is the mother of nineteen-year-old Dennis Hopper. On the set in Marfa, Texas, in 1955, she became close friends with Rock Hudson and James Dean, who she called "Jimmy."

The Reata Ranch, with a large Victorian house as its centerpiece, was built in the small West Texas town, and the cast had little else to do in their off hours but drink in each other's rented houses. She told Rock about her struggles with stardom, and he talked about his romantic relationships with men.

For Elizabeth, the best thing to come out of Giant was not her moving portrayal of a woman who pushes her husband to improve the conditions on their ranch for the mostly Mexican-American staff, but the friendships she formed with Rock and Jimmy. She was intrigued by Jimmy, who was shy and devilishly handsome. And she and Rock immediately connected, sometimes sneaking off the set alone, whispering to each other like children on a playground.

Rock lived with the constant threat of his sexuality being exposed by magazines like Confidential. His sudden marriage to his manager's secretary, Phyllis Gates, who said she initially had no idea that Rock was gay, was the only way to quell rumors that could destroy his very lucrative career. When they divorced three years later, in 1958, Gates recalled the power she had over Rock during the court hearing. It was a scene repeated hundreds, if not thousands of times. "Rock wore a dark suit, which contrasted with the paleness of his face. He seemed petrified." And, Gates said, he had "good reason to be. . . . In the next few minutes I could destroy Rock's multimillion-dollar career with what I knew." She told the judge instead that Rock had hit her twice and that he once tried to choke her. She was granted a divorce on the grounds of "mental cruelty." Physical abuse was not career damaging at the time, but revealing Rock's sexuality would have been.

In a 2000 interview Elizabeth said, "After being blamed for so many years for a behavior that was perfectly natural, that they were born with, to say hey, 'It's all right my love. That's the way God made you, and don't fight it. God made you to love.'

Rock—who Elizabeth said was not taken seriously at times because of his physical beauty, something she could relate to—and Elizabeth would sneak away when they were not needed on the set to drink tequila in Ojinaga, a town near the United States border with Mexico. They told each other everything and stayed up talking late into the night. Once, when the hail coming down was the size of golf balls, Elizabeth and Rock ran outside and collected some to use in a new drink: the chocolate martini: ice, vodka, Hershey's syrup, and Kahlim. Elizabeth remembered it being the most delicious drink she had ever tasted. Carol Burnett, who was friends with both Rock and Elizabeth, said that they were like brother and sister. "They adored each other. He called her `Betty.' One name she never wanted anybody to call her by was 'Liz.' She hated that."

Jimmy and Rock did not get along, though they both loved Elizabeth and competed for her attention. Like Monty, Jimmy was a method actor, whereas Rock was more of an instinctive actor, like Elizabeth. According to Rock's wife, Phyllis, Rock was jealous of Jimmy before they even began shooting. He did not care that Jimmy had a smaller role than his. Rock played Jordan "Bick" Benedict Jr., the owner of the ranch, and he was the star of the film. Jimmy played local rancher Jett Rink, who makes it big when he strikes oil. Once they started filming, Rock complained privately that Jimmy was getting all the close-ups. Jimmy was a year older than Elizabeth, who was twenty-three at the time, and five years younger than Rock. He had a full head of sandy-blond hair, a chiseled face, and a deeply sensual smile. There was an air of mystery about him that enhanced his looks.

"It was the first time in Rock's career that he had faced a real threat from another actor," Phyllis wrote in her memoir, "and he was disturbed by it.” Jimmy was holding on to his own secret.

* * *

Jimmy, who was twenty-four years old, liked to drive his Jeep deep into the desert alone and shoot jackrabbits. On set, he kept his Stetson hat low over his eyes and spoke in the Texas drawl ex-rodeo star Bob Hinkle had taught him. He idolized Monty, which made acting opposite Monty's friend Elizabeth even more nerve-racking. He kept messing up his lines. After several takes, he turned around, walked one hundred feet away from Elizabeth, unzipped his pants, and peed in front of hundreds of people. Then he zipped up, walked back to his mark, and shot the scene. He told costar Dennis Hopper that he had done it because of Elizabeth. "I can't get over my farm boy upbringing. I had to pee, and I tried to use that, but it wasn't working. I was so nervous that I couldn't speak. So, I thought, if I could pee in front of all those people, I could work with her."

Elizabeth loved Jimmy in a different and more maternal way than she loved Rock. She felt like she needed to take care of him, the same way that she felt about Monty. An intimate photograph shows the two of them lying down on a sofa during a break from shooting while Jimmy reads a copy of Look magazine with Elizabeth and her two infant sons on the cover: "I'm getting a houseful of men, but it's all right with me," the headline read. "I like boys and now I've got one for each arm." Jimmy is scrunched down on the sofa, and Elizabeth, in a white button-down shirt and black pants, is contentedly curled up asleep at his side.

"There was an intensity that you felt coming out of him. He'd come over to my house sometimes at nighttime and we'd sit and talk until three in the morning," she said years later. "He would reveal to me things that you only reveal to a very good friend." But after their long talks, she would see him the next morning on the set at 7:00 a.m. and he would walk right past her as if he did not even know who she was. At first she was hurt and said, "Jimmy, Jimmy, are you all right?" Then she realized what was happening. It was as though he had exposed too much of himself to her the night before, and he needed to put his guard back up.

What he revealed to her was devastating. She told the journalist Kevin Sessums what they were talking about, but she made him promise not to publish it until after she died. "When Jimmy was eleven and his mother passed away, he began to be molested by his minister. I think that haunted him the rest of his life. In fact, I know it did. We talked about it a lot. During Giant we'd stay up nights and talk and talk, and that was one of the things he confessed to me." Elizabeth's relationships with Monty, Jimmy, and Rock helped redefine her life's purpose decades later. They were her colleagues, coworkers, confidants, and best friends.

For Elizabeth, filming Giant was an enormous professional challenge. Elizabeth idolized Stevens, but he was difficult to work with. He called for many retakes, he declared sudden halts to production until he figured out the solution to a perceived problem, and he never settled for mediocre performances. When Stevens finished shooting A Place in the Sun, he brought four hundred thousand feet of film home with him, most of which ended up on the cutting-room floor. But on the set of Giant he pushed Elizabeth too far. Stevens was a bully, she said, and he alternated between picking on Elizabeth and Jimmy. Once, Jimmy went on a three-thy strike over a disagreement with Stevens.

Elizabeth had her own problems coming to the Giant set. She was exhausted after having a second Cesarean section for the birth of her second son, Christopher, and she was concerned about the state of her marriage to Michael Wilding. On the set, she felt an undercurrent of second-guessing and disrespect for her acting decisions. When she told Stevens she thought her costume for one scene was too informal and unlike anything her character would wear, Stevens exploded in front of the entire crew.

"All you care about is how you look! You'll never become an actress because you're so concerned with being glamorous."

To prove that she was weighing in on a creative decision that had nothing to do with how she looked in the film, she took a towel and wiped off all of her makeup and put her hair in a messy ponytail and tied it with a rubber band. They did the scene, both of them having been defeated. Her back was causing her great pain on set, and Stevens thought it was all in her head. Later, after Elizabeth married Mike Todd and had a back operation, Mike sent Stevens X-rays of her spine as a Christmas card to prove that her pain was indeed real.

The worst showdown happened in the spring of 1955, when Elizabeth's character, Leslie Benedict, leaves her bullying husband's ranch in Texas and returns to her family home in Maryland. There she is the maid of honor at her sister's wedding, and the powerful scene shows her standing next to the bride and feeling her husband, played by Rock, standing behind her. He has come back to apologize, and as the vows are read it is as if the two of them are renewing their own vows to each other. The characters do not speak, but they convey a complicated mix of guilt, sorrow, and love in their eyes.

They rehearsed the scene and took a break for lunch. Elizabeth went to her dressing room so that her dress could be pressed, and she sat with her makeup artist and hair stylist. She heard the seventy-five extras being called to the set after an hour, but no one ever came for her. So she sat and sat. Finally, she walked out on set, and all the extras were standing and Stevens was sitting despondent in his director's chair. The set was dark.

"What's going on? What's happened?" she asked him. "Who the hell do you think you are?" he bellowed back at her. "What?" "We have been waiting here for over an hour. Just who the hell do you think you are to keep these people waiting?" She looked at the crew and the extras, who were silent, and her face turned crimson.

"I didn't know you were waiting for me," she said, the heat rising to her cheeks. "Why wasn't I called?"

"Don't give me that," he said. "Just how far do you think you can go? Just how much do you think you can get away with? What did you do when you came back from lunch?"

"Well," Elizabeth said, "I had my lunch hour and I came back, I fixed my makeup, they ironed my dress and I've been waiting in the dressing room."

Stevens said, "I suppose you think that your makeup is more important than those people's makeup. I suppose you think your costume is more important than their costumes. Well, I have news for you. It isn't."

Elizabeth was embarrassed, but just as it had been when she stood up to Louis B. Mayer, she was not about to let him talk down to her. "That wasn't what I meant. I've been waiting in there. No one called me."

Stevens glared at her and she began to unravel. Hot tears poured down her cheeks.

The person responsible for telling her that it was time to come back on set never did. Eventually, Stevens found this out, but he still did not apologize. He may have been putting her through the emotional roller coaster to prepare her for the scene they were about to shoot. In it she had to cry.

Not long after, she cried again; this time because of a devastating personal loss.

* * *

It was nighttime on September 30, 1955, and Stevens, Elizabeth, and other members of the cast were screening rushes in the projection room at Warner Brothers. The phone rang and Stevens answered.

"No-my God!" he screamed. "When? Are you sure?" Stevens put down the receiver, stopped the film, and flicked on the lights.

"I've just been given the news that Jimmy Dean has been killed," he said. No one said a word. It did not make sense. Four days earlier Jimmy was in Marfa wrapping up his final scenes. Jimmy was so young, just twenty-four, and so vital. Elizabeth had just given him a Siamese kitten as a good-bye present, and she was the last person on the set with Jimmy before he left.

Elizabeth was the first to speak. "I can't believe it, George, I can't believe it," she murmured. She could not believe that Jimmy's 1955 silver Porsche 550 Spyder had collided with a car on a road near Paso Robles, California.

"I believe it," Stevens said harshly. "He had it coming to him. The way he drove, he had it coming."

"I just can't believe this awful thing has happened," she cried. "Not to Jimmy—he was so young, so full of life."

When Rock found out about the accident he was home in California and he burst into tears. When his wife asked him why he was so upset, he said,

"Because I wanted him to die."

"But why would you want anyone to die?" she asked as she held Rock's shaking six-foot-six body.

"Because I hate him," he said. "I was jealous of him because I was afraid he was stealing the picture from me." Rock felt guilty for days afterward; it was as though he thought he was somehow responsible for Jimmy's death.

The next morning, Stevens called Elizabeth and insisted that she come back to work and finish a scene. She said her eyes were swollen because she had been crying all night. He was unmoved.

"George was not very kind to her," Rock recalled. "Elizabeth is very extreme in her likes and dislikes. If she likes, she loves. If she doesn't like, she loathes. And she has a temper, an incredible temper, which she loses at any injustice. George forced her to come to work after Dean's death. He hadn't finished the film. And she could not stop crying."

She complied; she was used to being told what to do by directors and studio executives. But that did not mean that she wouldn't call him out on it. "You are a callous bastard!" she screamed at Stevens when the scene was finished and she could go home for the day. "I hope you rot in hell!" Throughout her life her emotions would influence her physical health in profound ways, and the next day she had such severe stomach pains that she collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital, where she stayed for two weeks. She knew she still had some work left to do and her absence happened to be a brilliant way to punish Stevens.

When Giant was released it was advertised as "a story of big things and big feelings." It was a critical and commercial success, and Stevens won his second Oscar for directing. The movie deftly touches on themes of racism, class warfare, and gender inequality, and it was decades ahead of its time.

Jimmy was praised for his work. "It is James Dean who gives the most striking performance and creates in Jett Rink the most memorable character in Giant," said the New York Times.

Dean symbolized the post–World War II teen rebel who smoked and wore leather jackets and blue jeans. East of Eden, based on John Steinbeck's famous novel, was the only film released before his death. Subsequent films, including Rebel Without a Cause and Giant, made him a legend. He was as handsome as Clark Gable and Cary Grant, but he was fragile and brooding. "You're an odd one, aren't you?" Elizabeth's character says in Giant. To Elizabeth, he would forever remain the young boy she wanted to protect.

Elizabeth received the kind of reviews she had been longing for—even if they sometimes came across as backhanded compliments. "Miss Taylor, whose talent and emotional ranges have usually seemed limited, turns in a surprisingly clever performance that registers up and down the line," said Variety. "She is tender and yet stubborn. Curiously enough, she's far better in the second half of the film, when her hair begins to show some gray, than in the earlier sequences. Portraying a woman of maturity, who has learned to adjust to a different social pattern, Miss Taylor is both engaging and beautiful."

* * *

Elizabeth's marriage to Wilding continued to unravel. Not long after she finished shooting Giant, she planned a relaxed dinner party that she hoped would take her mind off her personal life. On May 12, 1956, she called Monty and begged him to come, but he kept declining. Finally, she guilted him into it.

Monty had defied Hollywood's studio system, and he refused to sign a long-term contract because he knew that it would make him a prisoner, just as it had Elizabeth. He chose to play unusual characters in Red River, The Search, From Here to Eternity, and I Confess. He and Elizabeth were shuttling back and forth to Danville, Kentucky, where they were in the middle of filming Raintree County, a Civil War drama that MGM was hoping would be the 1950s version of Gone with the Wind. The three-hour adaptation of Ross Lockridge Jr.'s 1948 Civil War novel was nowhere near as gripping as the American classic, and Monty was feeling depressed about the film. Producers hoped it would capture some of the magic between Elizabeth and Monty in A Place in the Sun, but the script was nowhere near as compelling. Elizabeth said she thought filming was going well—even though she had collapsed under the strain of the heat and her seventy-five-pound corseted antebellum gown.

The night of Elizabeth's dinner party was foggy, and Monty hated driving to Elizabeth's house in Beverly Hills, off Benedict Canyon, in the dark. The narrow canyon road was treacherous, even in bright daylight. Rock and his wife, Phyllis, were there; so was Monty's old friend, the actor Kevin McCarthy. Elizabeth emerged from her bedroom half an hour late looking radiant in a white satin cocktail dress. She sat next to Monty on the sofa and they spoke in whispers. Michael Wilding lay on another sofa fending off a back spasm.

It was a somber evening, with warm wine and restrained hosts, even though Elizabeth was doing everything in her power to keep the conversation light and happy. Monty was in one of his miserable moods that made her worry about him. "Elizabeth and Monty had an incredible relationship," said Eva Marie Saint, who was their costar in Raintree County.

"I always felt it was like a mother-son relationship." Elizabeth understood Monty like no one else. "He was a very quiet person and bashful," Saint recalled. "Before we were scheduled to shoot our first love scene together, I invited him to lunch. I wanted us to get together and to feel more at ease. Well, lunch was awkward as we ate in silence, and he never said a word. However, after lunch we filmed our first love scene, and he was wonderful. As long as we were in character, Monty felt comfortable."

In a recent interview, Saint says that she did not think that Monty was openly gay at the time of making Raintree County. "If the actors I worked with felt they had to hide their sexuality, I wasn't aware of this. It wasn't discussed." And that was the issue; it was so deeply hidden that it was not acknowledged, even off-camera.

At dinner Elizabeth talked about the beautiful costumes the designers had made for her for Raintree County. Even the petticoats were being made with the best material. "All they'll see is your tits, darling," Monty said. After dinner he excused himself to use the restroom. Monty did not drink much that night, but when he went into the bathroom a little after midnight

he took some downers. He hoped they would help him fall asleep once he got home. But when he came out of the bathroom he was glassy-eyed. When Wilding asked him how he was feeling, Monty replied, "None too gorgeous."

Elizabeth thought that meant he was getting depressed, and she tried handing him another drink. "Don't look so sad, I want everyone, most of all you, to be happy with me." "I'm always happy with you, Bessie," he muttered as he careened past her. "You'll have to excuse me, sweetie," he repeated. "Not feeling too gorgeous, you understand."

McCarthy was getting ready to leave, too, and Monty asked if he could follow him down the winding canyon road to Sunset Boulevard. McCarthy sensed something was wrong immediately as they made their way down the dark twisting street: "He was following me, and he'd come up behind me very fast and very close to my bumper—and these roads were treacherous. His lights were coming up awfully close. At first, I thought that he was pulling a prank, trying to bump into my car. It was the kind of thing he would do. . . . I was afraid for him, but I was afraid for myself too. If he were to bump me, my car could easily tumble off the road.

"All I could see in front of me was what the car lights showed. Blackness on either side of me and his headlights in my rearview minor coming closer and closer. I sped up to distance myself from him as much as I could while I kept an eye on his car in the rearview mirror. I made the first turn very quickly, I thought, Whew . . . Made it! The second turn was a real hairpin turn, treacherous. Before turning, I checked the rearview mirror again, I saw his headlights were swerving from one side of the road to the other. Dust was flying. I thought, Maybe, he passed out behind the wheel and the car was driving itself.” After he made the second sharp turn, McCarthy waited for Monty. "Suddenly, I heard a crash. Monty's lights were no longer in my rearview mirror, but I could see a cloud of dust. I turned my car around and drove back one hundred yards or more, where he was." Monty's car had hit a telephone pole. In the pitch black the smell of gas hung in the air. McCarthy got out of his car and at first he could not see Monty. He reached through the broken window and turned off the ignition, afraid that the car would blow up. He strained to see a figure slumped in the front seat. Monty's body was under the dashboard. "I was terrified he might be dead," McCarthy said. He couldn't open the door, so he got back in his car and drove to Elizabeth's house.

Back at the house, Rock and Phyllis were having a glass of brandy with Elizabeth and Wilding. McCarthy rang the doorbell.

Wilding opened the door and McCarthy screamed, "Monty's dead! Monty's dead!"

"Oh, come on now, Kevin . . . ," Wilding said, assuming he was joking. Elizabeth ran to the door and took one look at him and knew that he was serious.

She ran back to her guests. "It's Monty!" she screamed. "He crashed his car at the bottom of the hill. Kevin doesn't know whether he's dead or alive."

Elizabeth, Michael, Rock, and Phyllis raced to their cars in the driveway and went down the hill, where they found Monty's car, which had turned into a heap of smashed metal. McCarthy had already called an ambulance, and without hesitating, Elizabeth tried prying the car door open herself. She was always running toward danger and devastation, never away from it.

The driver's-side door was jammed, so she opened the back door and crawled into the front seat, where she sat next to him. "His face, so handsome minutes before, was now a pulpy mask," Phyllis wrote. Elizabeth held his head in her lap, and her white dress was covered with his blood.

She stroked his head. "I'm here. I'm with you, baby," she whispered as she smoothed strands of his black, blood-soaked hair off his face. Shards of broken glass were everywhere. He stirred in her arms and moaned. His nose was broken in two places, his right cheekbone was shattered, his jaw was broken in four places, his sinus cavity was crushed, he had a severe concussion, his upper lip was split completely in half, and he had lost four teeth.

"I was just holding him like a baby and rocking him," Elizabeth remembered. "He opened his eyes and saw me. His eyes looked the color of a bright red rose."

Suddenly there was a flash of light. Photographers had somehow gotten word of the crash.

"Get that damn camera out of here!" she screamed. As more of them showed up, determined to sell photos of the accident scene and Monty's bloody body, Elizabeth's maternal instincts toward Monty spilled forth.

"You son of a bitch," she screamed. "I'll kick you in the nuts! If any of you dare take a picture of him like this, I'll never let you near me again! Get out of here, you fucking bastards!"

Shocked, the photographers lowered their cameras. No photograph of Monty from that awful night exists. She knew that her value to them was far greater than a few photographs.

Monty was moaning again and Elizabeth moved her head closer to his bloody lips so that she could hear him.

"What is it my love? What is it baby?" she asked.

"Could you pull my teeth out? My teeth . . . are . . ." And he began to choke. He pointed toward his throat to show her that something was lodged in it. Elizabeth reached into his throat and pulled the teeth out. Years later, McCarthy compared her to a pioneer woman, acting without hesitation and without any ounce of squeamishness.

The ambulance took forty-five minutes to arrive, and Elizabeth rode with Monty to the hospital. By the time they got there, she said, his head was so swollen that his eyes were no longer visible. Because of nerve damage, he would barely be able to move the left side of his face again. Only once, when he was on the operating room table, did Elizabeth allow herself to weep. It was not only the pain of seeing her friend suffer and the damage the accident had done to his gorgeous face, but she also felt guilty for inviting him to her house that night. If she had not insisted that he come he would be all right. The smell of his blood made her nauseous, and she could not get the sight of his broken face out of her mind. Night after night she had nightmares about his face, which looked like a "giant red soccer ball" as they raced to the hospital.

The most beautiful man in Hollywood could no longer recognize himself In the hospital, no one offered him a mirror and he wisely did not seek one out. He underwent months of surgeries and physical therapy.

Rainfree County producers were worried that the footage that had already been shot of Monty would not match his new face. But Elizabeth stood by him, as always. She was terrified that if he was fired from the film he would commit suicide, so she threatened to quit if he was let go. Monty cynically believed that the film would do well simply because people would want to see his new face. The movie did end up being released with him in it, and without Elizabeth having to break her contract to support her friend. Even though she absolutely would have without hesitation.

#Act II: Passion and Pain: The 1950s and 1960s #Chapter 6: Rock Jimmy and Monty #P 162 #Elizabeth Taylor THE GRIT AND GLAMOUR OF AN ICON #KATE ANDERSEN BROWER

1 note · View note

tbd99 · 2 days

Text

entry: 12

I dunno want I wanna write, all I know is that I don't feel good. I feel like I wanna do something with my life, but Idk what to do. I get struck with this burning passion in my heart, only for it to go away a day or two later. I dunno what's wrong with me. Sometimes I feel like my life is worth living, that maybe one day I'll be capable of something good, and then another day, I'm back wondering why I'm even here. I'm not good at anything, I don't even know why I try and pursue those little stupid ideas I get. I haven't talked about those bottles of pills in a while but I've sure been thinking about them. Maybe I don't have the balls to do it because I haven't set out a plan. I have so much stuff to hide before I die. I don't want my mother finding the books where I talk about my feelings or the blades on the nightstand or the key to that box under my poster. Maybe I just need to start the preparations. I'm not sure what that'll be. I owe an explanation to one of my friends though. Maybe to my sisters. I don't really think anyone'll care. I started ghosting my friends more. I'm not very pleasant to be around right now. I think my mother is getting annoyed with me rn too. I don't do anything, I get why she'd be annoyed. I learned how to make some sandwiches so I guess she won't have to make food for me anymore. My eye backs have gotten so much worse and I cant even put on a happy act anymore. My mother put on the whiteboard, "Know you are loved!!" and its really sweet but I couldn't even smile at it. I know she cares, she's not a bad mother. Im just not helpable. Therapy didn't work anyway. I wish I was happier for other people's sake, like my mother. I just feel bad she didn't get a good kid like one of my cousins or something. My mother talks to herself a lot because she says she has no one and that I hardly talk. I feel bad about that. I wish I could keep up.

I always wondered if like my mother or father would try to kill themselves if I did. I don't think they would but that's kinda the only thing stopping me. I just want this teenage sadness to stop. Everyone talks about how they were so edgy as a teenager but it stopped when they were an adult. I'm just waiting for my brain to stop being this way. I just wish I wasn't this way. I don't even understand half of the things I write. My brain is so scattered all the time but yet there's nothing in there at the same time. My vision is grey and burly full of noise. I wish I could see the world for what it really is once in a while. I turn 15 soon. Two months from now. I wonder if I should leave before I turn 15. I don't want to celebrate my birthday and act happy. Anyway, it's 11:28am and I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages. I only slept 4 hours. Maybe I'll go lie down again. Goodbye.

#tbd99 #entry: 12

0 notes

evilmagician430 · 3 months

Text

my bitch little sister always keeps guilting me about eating any snacks at all ever in the house and makes it about like "ohh well those are only for my school lunches... thats why theyre individually packaged... infact you shouldnt eat anything thats individually packaged at home cause theyre just for bringing to school...." like shes trying to skirt around calling me fat and greedy. which is the opposite im literally eating them because theyre pre-portioned which means i can have no more than 1 a day and theres like a shit ton of them so theyre not like scarce shes just being an asshole

this girl takes issue w literally everything i do like she'll make fun of me for acting a little weird or when i do regular stuff like eating snacks from the cupboard she'll randomly start telling me i cant do that and acting like its a serious issue to make me feel shitty and like. thats not gonna work im literally just being myself. im literally just following instructions from my mind and body and you're so poisoned from tiktok or whatever that you think i deserve to be made fun of and shamed for doing regular ass things or god forbid my mental disorders/conditions effect the way i act and speak. if you had things your way i would literally just be you. a teenage mean girl who acts just normal enough to fit in. what a fucking joke. shes barely even younger than me.

#evilmartin430.txt #vent #hate her fake ass #trying to spend time with me just out of boredom and taking the first opportunity to try and make me feel shitty and stupid and inferior #sorry i know the strike isnt over but i just gotta rant about her shes like actually the worst idk what to do about her

1 note · View note

angeldiaries777 · 5 months

Text

my mom just now "i miss my daughter" should've thought of that before the years of abuse you put me through. Why didn't you get me help after my attempts?? why did you continue to act awful towards me. why did you let my dad yell at me everynight and agree with him everytime. why didn't you love me when i needed it. why didn't you educate yourself on mental illness and how to deal with it when your child is suffering from it instead of denying it because you think they're too good for that kind of thing. why did you barge into my room and chase me to the corner of my bed when i would misbehave as a child. why did you use physical discipline on me and me only not my brother or sister until i was fucking 15 even at that point it was just abuse and i would have understood even the slightest bit of verbal communication but its not like i was going to hit my mom back all i could do was try to block her and talk her out of doing it and even then she mocked me for it. why did you always say that you're tired of dealing with me. why did you make me feel so much shame for self harming. why did you mock me when i would cry and refuse food during my ed. why did you resent me when you're the entire fucking reason i am on this planet anyways. why did you tell me to kill myself and when i actually had an almost succsessful attempt you screamed at me. why when i had intelletual conversations and tried to spend some time with you to cope with my anxiety because i had no one and if i was alone i knew i would self destruct so you knew that and even still got annoyed and bored with me. why did you continue to speak to relatives that we're bad towards me. why as a teenager did you force me to be closer with u. asking me for hugs when you know i hate any and all physical contact from most people especially from someone who will never change and constantly crosses boundaries someone who i am tired of dealing with. why did i feel like i have to parent you because you relied on me for sooo many things and even when i was dying inside i still tried to help you. i still felt sympathy for u feeling bad for hurting me. i tried to accept you mom. i tried to forgive you. so many fucking times. i had forgotten so much anyway and i told you i had forgiven you. the entire past year i rarely brought up the past abuse you had inflicted upon me. i accepted that you will never change but you're also the only person who had seen most of my issues and my life play out so far so i thought whatever she's my mom i will just be nice to her to keep things civil even if i am still suffering because of her and my entire family. whatever. still. i can't forgive you and i don't.

0 notes

mapleshmaple · 5 years

Text

it would be nice if i could get through An Shift without having to go through the five stages of grief for whatever reason

#tonights existential crisis: nihilism and the after-effects of the only parental figure in your life making jokes at your expense #every chance they get/every time they talk to a parent and know youre within earshot; a novella #'i think teenagers should wear a mood ring so we can tell what their mood is for the day' i could say the goddamn same to you #you two faced moodswinging-ass mother fucker. missus 'im going to make you feel like shit/take out my frustrations for the day on you #and then ask why you never talk to me or your father and also why your sister doesnt talk to me either #after asking for your opinions on somehting and then brushing them off/aside and/or violently shitting on it and you'#like she does this thing where she gives us a 'choice' and then just goes with where ever the fuck it is she wants to go and its like #OK!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK THEN!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE SHIT!!!!!!!! THERES JUST. NO POINT IN TRYNA FUCKIN TALK AROUND HER #CUZ SHES JUST GONAN INTERRUPT OR TALK OVER ME/US OR JUST TAKE THE EXACT OPPOSITE STANCE #FOR WHATEVER GODDAMN REASON ANDDN LIKE??? WHY THE HELL DO I BOTHER???#like jsut. come the fuck on. the only goddamn reason shes keeping my ass around is because im another body for her to work with #and use and i can do most of hte fukcin heavy lifting and shit at work and theres no emotional attachment whatsoever at this point #the only reason dads tryna reconnect isnt because hes lonely and its just fuckign cuz he wants something from us that isnt of emotional #value or sentimental reasons or whatever the fuck and when his tart toy money runs out hes gonna be alone and fuckivmhngnfhkshmksdg #like!!!! fuck him in every sense except physical. put your dick away old man. think for once in your goddamn life.#mom always says that when im mad or whatever that its 'not fair to her' weLL FUCKING? WHENS THE LAST TIME IVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE MAD #i never outwardly get mad/rarely do and if i fuckign act up like once christmas is fucking canceled or some shit #brat bitch on the loose- where ever did my silent stupid daughter go. fuck off with that nonsense.#ANDD LIKE!!! THE OTHER FURFKCING DAY. THE OTHER GODDAMN DAY. WE WERE IN A PETCO OR WHATEVER RIGHT?#ANDN THEY HAVE KITTENS THERE FROM A SHELTER NSHIT ANDN IM PLAYING WITH ONE AND MY MOM COMES IN #TO GET ME AND SHE SEES THE KITTEN AND IS LIKE 'if we didnt have a two hour drive i might just take you home' aDND LIKE!!!!#IVE! BEEN TYRNA CONVINCE HER TO LET US GET A DOG FOR Y E A R S. DAMN NEAR A FUCKING DECADE #AND THEN THERES THIS FUCKIGNGM KITTEN JUST SITTIN THERE AND BEING ALL CUTE AND ITS #NOT THE KITTENS FAULT BUT IT FELT LIKE A BIG FAT 'FUCK YOU' SILENTLY DIRECTED AT ME??#LIKE!! fuckign. what the hell ever. ok. and i even asked 'just like that??' and she went 'just like that.' anddn like. what the fuck.#just fucking spit on me too while youre at it. your dumbass legally brain dead daughters opinions dont mean dick

4 notes · View notes

ghooostbaby · 3 years

Text

deeeep dive into why and how wei wuxian and lan wangji love each other, complete each other, are the inverse reflection of each other’s deeply hidden internal selves mirrored through the other’s external self, lan wangji’s inner wildness that he has to conceal and protect recognizing and loving wei wuxian’s outer wildness, wei wuxian’s deep, fuddy-duddy morality and values that he conceals with an elaborate subterfuge of jokes, mischief, and bravado, seeing and loving in lan wangji the ability to say no that it was never safe for him to express directly, “between you and me there is no need for thank you and sorry”

oh and a slight diversion midway through into a manifesto on WEI WUXIAN IS NOT INSECURE the whole story is about a society where being liked is ESSENTIAL for survival and it is actually completely perilous not to be liked, and his “people pleasing” is a skill and tool for his survival especially as an orphan and proven to be a necessary one when he stops doing it and STOPS SURVIVING

after the cut discussing the very interesting dynamics of consent in general in the novel, but not going into the consensual non-consent kink stuff till the last paragraph if you need to avoid for any reason.

I've been thinking about how Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian the exterior, unfettered expression of the wildness Lan WangJi holds in him and protects with rigid codes of conduct, propriety and outward dignity.

I have had this sense that these two are mirrors, either one reflecting the hidden, interior (and unallowed) self of the other. but it seemed more clear from Lan WangJi's side, especially knowing about his history with his mother and the spicy side that emerges when he drinks and in the extras.

I also - just... the way this whole story shows how romantic love is truly this longing for your self, to become yourself, to become the thing you're not allowed to be, seeing in that person the expression of whatever it is you can't become and longing for it, protecting it, joining with it as closely as you can without ever being able to let it live inside your own body.

On the surface it seems a lot more difficult for Wei WuXian to find a piece of his soul in Lan Wangji. I think its a bit too simplistic to see whatever draws Wei WuXian to Lan Wangji as a reverse-psychology sort of craving of acceptance from the only one who won't give it, pushing and pushing against this impenetrable boundary that he needs to break to feel assurance that no matter what he can make anyone accept him.

And he is SO drawn - in a mind boggling way, in the teenage flashbacks Lan WangJi rudely and aggressively throws him off over and over and Wei WuXian cannot keep away! Even when he talks about how boring Lan WangJi is, he never stops trying to be around him and talk to him.

I've seen discussions of the way Wei WuXian has always relied on the goodwill of others to survive, and that his placating of others to survive is a character flaw. Although that seems only halfway true.

As a young child he didn't have anyone's goodwill for a while and he survived, and it seems like he can always find a way to survive from whatever means and sometimes very limited resources he has at his disposal. Doing what he has to do to become powerful enough to survive losing his core and being thrown into the burial mounds slowly costs him the goodwill of everyone around him - and what happens to him as a result shows how much placation was a truly necessary for someone without the protection of biological/hereditary family bonds.

(Don’t get me started on how his loss of his golden core and his development of demonic cultivation to give himself power by ‘unnatural methods’ through the use of a musical instrument is a metaphor for disability and the way ableist society sees the use of accessibility devices and tools. Actually please DO get my started haha.)

Wei WuXian is so charismatic and seems very used to getting what he wants and needs on the strength of that. He pushes a lot of boundaries and seems pretty confident and flexibly prepared to handle the consequences, whether beatings or harsh words. But he does work so hard to make others feel good, good with him, good with themselves.

When he is in the cave with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian is described as "like one who forgets all past pain as soon as the wound heals". He can't resist coming up beside Lan WangJi and talking to him again and again after every time Lan WangJi pushes him off, only finally staying away when Lan WangJi bites him (and he still keeps trying to talk to him after a little bit!) and then calls him an awful person (!!! Bad Wangji! :(((( ). In the end, when Lan WangJi (very minimally) discloses what happened to his sect and his father, and even cries, because of all the defences/assaults Lan WangJi has put up Wei WuXian can't do anything or say anything to help and feels miserable.

Lan WangJi just absolutely refuses to allow Wei WuXian to take care of him - and I began to wonder maybe that’s what Wei WuXian actually really likes about him? Why he is unable to resist coming up to Lan WangJi again and again? Maybe because Lan WangJi refuses to let Wei WuXian appease him. He’s not trying to crack Lan WangJi to get to this impenetrable place of approval and acceptance. In a way he can’t quite understand, Lan WangJi is a respite for Wei WuXian from the constant work to be the one who pleases.

And how different this is to how Wei WuXian is (or has to be) with Jiang Cheng when he wakes up in Lotus Pier after the cave. Jiang Cheng gets so down and really really needs Wei WuXian to do what he does so well (and wasn’t allowed to do with Lan WangJi) - chasing Jiang Cheng down while being injured and reassuring him about all his insecurities about his father's acceptance and becoming a sect leader and Wei WuXian's own abilities excelling his - and at first Jiang Cheng is pushing him away, but he really does need Wei WuXian to do all this to feel better.

Wei WuXian is described as not wanting to be lonely, and not wanting to see other people unhappy, and he keeps trying to push and pull with whatever he has to not be lonely and lift the mood for those around him. I don't think it's a kind of codependency or insecurity. It’s not that Wei WuXian is afraid to say no, in fact I would say he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, but he must always do it creatively, with humour. Similarly to Nie Huaisang, he uses a persona of foolishness to give himself a covert agency.

I also think I'm writing this because I don't like seeing this discussed as a sad bean character flaw for him to always need to be liked - its a strategy, its a tool, its how he survives and excels. Doesn’t the whole story prove how essential being liked is to a human’s survival? And he is so so good at being liked, in making others happy, even when he is refusing to do what others want from him that he doesn't want to do, he does it in a way that deflects criticism, with a smiling bravado that never says what it truly means and has people writing him off as shameless or foolish or just endearing himself toward them despite themselves.

He is always at work really, with jokes and flattery or mischief and teasing, to get the resources he wants and needs. Case and point, when he makes a big coquettish show for mianmian, definitely not being "people pleasing" for her, but the group of girls around them all find it funny and cute and in the end she gives him a perfume sachet which ends up being a valuable resource for later. Or the time he outright tells Jiang Cheng that if you give the girls some lotus seeds they'll remember you and return the favour in the future. (Also notice how his interactions with girls seen as flirtatious are actually strategic resource-gathering acts.) These are the skills he has developed to meet his own needs. (THIS IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW. I REPEAT.) He takes what he needs and steals from the Lotus Pier markets knowing it'll be paid for, he lives like he never know when his next windfall will come from so he'll take what he can when he can find it. Like Jiang Fengmian said, if there is no guarantee of a meal in the future then today's meal should still be enjoyed. It’s how Wei WuXian said to Nie Huaisang at Cloud Recesses, you have to find ways to make your own fun out of whatever you have. So he gets kicked out of class, goes fishing, gets alcohol, he pursues his own pleasure. He actually is quite insistent of his own agency and right to choose, he just can never directly say no.

And that little detail that Wei WuXian always tucks coins into his clothes just in case, that makes him able to buy food when he and Jiang Cheng are on the run... breaks my heart and reveals so much about the way Wei WuXian is constantly at work on ensuring his own survival and never takes for granted whether he is safe (he knows he never is).

I've seen some people talking about Wei WuXian sacrificing so much for his brother and sister out of a need to be accepted out of a chronic sense of insecurity. But isn’t this just true? Doesn't he live in a world where being accepted is absolutely essential for survival? Doesn’t this whole story show the cruelty of a social system based on networks of hereditary/biological family that closes out and scapegoats any outsiders, and that without biological family connections that can enclose around you, you can never truly be safe if not constantly working to earn acceptance? (And then beautifully ends with the way a gay romantic relationship that queers marriage/family/etc disrupts all this and creates safety and inclusion for Wei WuXian without needing a normative family.) (AKA romantic love does not resolve some internal personal problem in Wei WuXian but disrupts and refuses and rebels against the problem of SOCIETY.) (*breathes heavily*)

And that’s why Lan WangJi is magnetizing to Wei WuXian. Lan WangJi is always saying no. Although what Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian is an exterior wildness, Wei WuXian is not really out of control so much as he is playing and caring and supplicating and showing off and pleasing people to get the resources and the acceptance he needs to live his life. He has firm values and desires that he can never outwardly state, only creatively spinning plates to distract and deflect while he refuses what goes against his values, protects who he cares for, or takes what he needs to in order to survive/thrive. Lan WangJi embodies an exterior of resoluteness and direct agency that Wei WuXian doesn't have the luxury of. And he's so drawn to him for his ability to repeatedly say no, to refuse to get along, or make others laugh, make other people happy, but just simply follow what he thinks is right.

Wei WuXian’s outward wild movement protects an inward stillness. He is an exterior of people-pleasing around an interior of refusal. He is an exterior of youthful rebellion around an interior of unflinching morality. He sees in Lan WangJi the outward expression of his stillness, his morality, his resistance that he can't express, that he's had to protect.

FYI after the cut gets more into the dynamics of consent in the story, and the last paragraph directly talks about consensual non-consent kink play in wangxian’s relationship.

When Wei WuXian is with Lan WangJi, there is no work to be done. Lan WangJi cannot be swayed by him, and so there's no point vying for resources or favors. Lan WangJi will either give him everything or refuse him everything based on who he is, it does not matter what Wei WuXian does and he can't do anything that will change Lan WangJi’s mind. Someone he literally can't win over. After the resurrection, they are often in an adorable tug of war, where Wei WuXian tries to take care of Lan WangJi, while Lan WangJi won't allow him to but demands to care of Wei WuXian right back. Actually, Lan WangJi insists that Wei WuXian take everything he wants or needs from him and is even angry when he doesn't take or when Wei WuXian tries to offer a gesture in return, even something as simple as a thank you Lan WangJi won't accept. It’s kind of adorable how frustrated Wei WuXian is in doing this thing he's learned that he needs to do, and just... so confused by Lan WangJi, and has to find a way to please this person who aggressively refuses to be pleased and is ONLY pleased by Wei WuXian being pleased.

(Not to mention the way Wei WuXian delights in finding that Lan WangJi can’t say what he wants, and they have sort of these chaotic cohesive both-being-so-pleased-by-working-hard-to-please each-other moments where Wei WuXian is letting Lan WangJi please him by finding out what pleases Lan WangJi and giving it to him.)

The wildness Lan WangJi had always hidden within himself is something he sees as just as dangerous as Wei WuXian thinks of his desire to refuse. He saw his mother be socially alienated, shunned, and eventually die because of her wildness. His ability to survive in the world, aka to be accepted by his family, is contingent on him being able to control this inner wildness. From a young age (re: Phoenix Mountain kiss) he could only understand his sexual desires for Wei WuXian as something repulsive or dangerous that had to be repressed and controlled, and that the only way he could imagine his desires as possible was as non-consensual. His secret gay desires were never available to him as anything but something monstrous.

Importantly, it’s not like everyone else other than Lan WangJi are all vampires cruelly demanding Wei WuXian’s constant sacrifice. Wei WuXian is always vibrantly, charismatically offering so much, before anyone has asked. It’s Wei WuXian who creates this kind of relationship for himself again and again. It’s Lan WangJi who simply refuses - he refuses to charmed, to be cared for. And so in the end Lan WangJi becomes the one person who Wei WuXian feels doesn't need anything from him. When he says he's eating the corpse's fruit to save Lan WangJi money and Lan WangJi says that will never be necessary. Or when Wei WuXian asks what toy he should win for Lan WangJi at the market game, and Lan WangJi says anything Wei WuXian gets will be the one he wants. (XD stahhhhp it’s too sweet !!!) He really just wants Wei WuXian to be, to exist, to spend his life discovering his own desires and allow Lan WangJi to help satisfy them, he doesn't want anything from Wei WuXian other than him living - happy and safe.

It takes someone like Lan WangJi to refuse Wei WuXian’s aggressive generosity, it’s definitely not an easy thing to say no to Wei WuXian, dazzling or annoying people so chaotically before they even realize there’s something to say no to. The sacrifice he gives to Jiang Cheng, he never even offers a choice - and perhaps it would have been too much for Jiang Cheng to accept if he had the chance.

Lan WangJi’s statement "Between us there is no need for thank you and sorry" seems like one of the most important sentences in the novel, and you can’t help but noticed the way “sorry” and “thank you” is littered meaningfully through the book. What is owed, what the characters owe to each other, the give and take, touches every part of the story (down to wangxian's erotic explorations!).

When Jiang Cheng talks to Wei WuXian at the Guanyin temple he makes a lot of contradictory statements about what Wei WuXian owes, what he was given, what he took, what he (Wei WuXian still) is owed in return. Wei WuXian, according to Jiang Cheng, took everything from the Jiang clan, and paid them back with their deaths. The Jiang clan give him his life when they took him in, and he owed Jiang Cheng service for the rest of his life as the right hand to the sect leader, that’s what Wei WuXian had promised anyway. At the same time, Wei WuXian sacrificed everything (his golden core) to Jiang Cheng, by giving everything he was taking one more thing - Jiang Cheng’s right to even be angry at him. Jiang Cheng had taken everything from Wei WuXian. Everything that happened around Wei WuXian after could be said to be because of the loss of his golden core, which Jiang Cheng might be said to be responsible for. But he never asked for it, maybe he never would have wanted it. He wishes Wei WuXian told him, but Jiang Cheng never told Wei WuXian his golden core was melted while he was sacrificing himself to save Wei WuXian. He wants Wei wuxian to say sorry, but that makes him feel pathetic. And Jiang Cheng says sorry too. It’s a mess of paradoxes, and in the end somehow it seems like the scales are balanced in the most hollow, dismal way.

What is owed, what is given, what is taken ... Wei WuXian has never been part of a family. He has always had to say thank you and sorry for everything he's taken. Wei WuXian himself admits that he used "thank you" as a way to enforce distance between himself and Lan WangJi. Lan WangJi's point i think is that they belong to each other, Wei WuXian is his, and he is Wei WuXian's, unconditionally. The way that Jiang Cheng speaks of him in the Guanyin temple (admittedly I read a fan translation and this is very nuanced, related to slight variations of grammar), even when Jiang Cheng clearly is so broken by the loss of Wei WuXian from his life, he talks about Wei WuXian as an outsider. It is what MY family gave to YOU, never what you took from our family. But at one point Wei WuXian was part of their family - but he takes too much, and becomes an ex-disciple, not a brother. Wei WuXian’s inclusion as a Jiang was always conditional.

Even when Wen Qing and Wen Ning leave him to go take the blame for qiongqing path they tell him "thank you and sorry", drawing a line between them and him, so he doesn’t even belong to these people who he sacrificed everything for. The way Wei WuXian acted when he was younger, he was always keenly aware of this - he always knew that he didn’t belong to anyone, no one is going to protect him unconditionally. And after first escaping the Burial Mounds, he is done pretending. When Lan WangJi warns him about what a demonic cultivation path will do to his heart, Wei WuXian replies: “After all, on the topic of how my heart is, what could other people know about it? Why should other people care about it?” He is done pleasing. Nothing has changed really, he still belongs to no one and is alone, but now he is angry about it, and instead of saying thank you and sorry he is going to become too powerful to be at anyone's mercy. And then we see in the story afterward what happens to people who don't say thank you and sorry.

The whole point I think is the impossibility of choice, the impossibility of consent in this society. If he didn't forgo the behaviour his social acceptance was conditional on, he wouldn't have survived the burial mounds. But once he becomes powerful enough to survive and get revenge on the Wens, he is socially outcast. Except he was already outcast from the beginning.

And so how do Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi find a way through all that to a life together where all their desires are possible, where Wei WuXian can say no while also being pleasing (safe) to others, and Lan WangJi can indulge in his wild desires while still being good? The answer is kinky sex!

It is kind of miraculous and beautiful how Wei WuXian finds a way to say no, while simultaneously pleasing Lan WangJi, giving pleasure, while taking it, saying no, and knowing his refusal is not just tolerated, but gives Lan WangJi pleasure, knowing Lan wangji and knowing the painful belief Lan WangJi holds within that his desires are unacceptable and unspeakable, and that Wei WuXian can take care of Lan Wangji in a secret little way and please him and give everything to him by craving this wildness in Lan WangJi while at the same time he gets to say no again and again , and it won't push Lan WangJi away, he can refuse everything while at the same time be totally pleasing and thus safe, and also for Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian's pleasure at saying "no" while still being held onto, that he genuinely wants to be fucked even while begging Lan WangJi to stop (and the many ways he does give his consent for this throughout, especially their first time), allows Lan WangJi the ecstatic feeling that this idea that his sexual desires are only possible through force are not just something his lover forgives him for but something his lover is SO turned on by, and that he has consent for his fantasies of non-consent, Wei WuXian has the same fantasies from the other side, he is doing what he is supposed to while doing what he shouldn't, and actually these monstrous feelings in him allow him to take care of Wei WuXian in a way that he needs - that they both need - and all these impulses that are so wrong with Wei WuXian become very right and a way to do good. And they are just both so perfect and perfect for each other and I love them and I am so happy for them to have a long kinky life together.

#wangxian #mdzs #mdzs meta #holds wei wuxian close and murmurs into his hair 'no one knows you like i know you baby'

1K notes · View notes

liquidstar · 2 years

Text

hi i want to talk about the shirogane siblings because i actually really like the way the series handles their dynamic especially for a series all about communication. enjoy my little infodump

miyuki’s abandonment issues with his mother are pretty much the main source of all his conflict in the series. according to him, his mom always wanted a smart kid and forced him into taking exams for prestigious elementary schools- which he always flunked. and he could feel his mother losing interest in him, meanwhile kei actually WAS the prodigy his mom was hoping for. when their mom eventually left their dad, she only took kei

we very rarely see their mom herself in the story, aside from one brief flashback, so its hard to tell how much of this mentality she really harbored vs how much was miyuki projecting his insecurities. and kei hardly talks about her mother at all- but, then, why has kei been living with miyuki and their dad since her introduction? this is the first time the fact that her mom took her was even mentioned! so why did kei come back? well, in her own words

she didn’t come back. she ran away. she sees living with her father and brother as an escape from her mother. was she outright abusive? or maybe just too overbearing? its hard to say, but it’s somewhat telling that this conversation is going on with kaguya, who DOES come from an abusive household. and even though kaguya doesn’t remember it, she was the one who gave kei the courage to run away to begin with (which made kei fall in love with her). so there are some parallels being drawn to kaguya’s excessively strict upbringing, at least. and then theres the fact that miyuki and kei’s reactions to their dad bringing up their mom was this:

(doesnt the way its framed almost look like hes defending kei? cute)

so then you have these two estranged siblings being reunited and living under the same roof after years apart. one of them has abandonment issues which have forced him to put on a facade of perfection, and the other just came out of a homelife which she felt was suffocating because she was expected to be perfect. so what does this lead to?

miscommunication! surprisingly, miyuki didn’t end up resenting kei at all, which is a nice change of pace for how these things usually go. after his mom left, he ended up becoming the one who takes care of the house, even being the main breadwinner, all in his strive to be a good kid and also keep his family afloat. he doesn’t want to lose any more family, he has to be good. when kei came back he seems to have very quickly taken up a more parental role in her life. and kei hates it!

her behavior towards miyuki is translated as being her “rebellious teenage phase” which isn’t usually something that relates to your sibling but rather your parents. but it goes beyond just “he nags her so she’s annoyed by him.” miyuki literally acts like a stereotypical overbearing mother to her. of COURSE she hates being treated like that, it reminds her of their actual mother. but miyuki’s overprotection for kei is born out of genuine care and concern- miyuki knows their mother, he knows kei was going through a hard time with her (whatever that entails) and he seems like he just wants to make sure his little sister is in a better place now.

(look at this picture- their mom is grabbing kei by the wrist. kei isnt holding her hand and walking with her, shes being dragged away from her brother)

they’re just not used to each other! they’re siblings, yes, but they haven’t lived together for years! miyuki doesnt realize his actions are having the opposite effect on her than his intents. a microcosm of their miscommunication is kei’s birthday; kei is aware that money is incredibly tight around the house and doesnt want anything for her birthday, but every year miyuki slips 1000 yen into her wallet anyway, and then feigns ignorance. which is incredibly sweet, but kei doesn’t understand why he would do this, and thinks hes just lying about things for no reason. his incredibly pure gesture just leaves her paranoid, it makes her frustrated with him because hes going behind her back.

thats the issue! theyre not talking to each other! they both really do care about each other but they’re not talking. miyuki either nags his sister or does nice things behind her back, which she cant wrap her brain around. and kei either ignores her brother or hides behind a facade of harshness just to hide the fact that she cares about him, because that would be embarrassing to her in her “rebellious teenage phase.” and related to that, kei’s advice to miyuki regarding communication and “like-avoidance” was that kaguya may just be avoiding him because she’s embarrassed or afraid but..

she was also talking about herself. now, obviously this takes on a totally different context for kei and kaguya’s respective dynamics with miyuki, luckily the series doesnt do one of those weird “implied brother complex” things (and kei is a lesbian anyway). but beyond highlighting kei’s desire to be closer with her brother despite her embarrassment, its also another kaguya parallel! it could suggest that her fear around growing close to people and showing vulnerability comes from a similar place, beyond typical teenage embarrassment. just like her brother, she’s hiding behind a mask

kaguya-sama is a series about communication and vulnerability, ALL the characters are wearing masks all the time, because theyre all afraid of showing their true selves to other people. and sometimes this includes their family, because family can hurt you too. miyuki has to wear the mask of a perfect honor student because he’s afraid that, just like his mom, people will reject him if they find out that he’s not “actually” a genius (which is total impostor syndrome). and an extension of this is how at home he has to play the role of a pseudo-parent, and try to keep everyone together. kei wears the mask of a harsh and rebellious younger sister, because shes afraid of people seeing her weaknesses. shes not comfortable with that vulnerability. and she cant have an honest conversation with her brother about it because his strict and “motherly” treatment of her hits too close to home and makes her keep her distance.

but at the end of the day they’re still siblings and they still care about each other. maybe they’re bad at talking about their issues, so they just end up annoying each other, or maybe they don’t really understand exactly WHY these things annoy them so much. despite that family drama, it doesn’t come off as TOO dramatic, its still a comedy series. the majority of their interactions are presented fairly casually, stuff like kei forcing her brother to read a manga that she liked and betting he would cry, or making fun of his terrible fashion choices- normal teenage sibling shit.

but in his defense, he was too busy trying to take care of their family and keep his grades up. he actually became MORE frugal when kei moved in because, in his own words, he wanted her to “have the freedom to be fashionable”. but kei wanted her brother to be able to have some normal teenage clothes too. it turns out she actually kept all the gift money he’s been giving her, and she used it to help him buy some new clothes.

its the perfect middle ground for them. miyuki teaches kei that it’s okay to let yourself be taken care of, and that sometimes people really do have your best interest at heart. and kei shows miyuki that he doesn’t have to play the role of a parent while he’s still just a teen himself. especially now that their dad has become a famous twitch streamer because this series is fucking insane, but im writing paragraphs abt it so i guess im insane too.

#kaguya sama

170 notes · View notes

kurosukii · 3 years

Text

𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡

pairing: kuroo tetsurou x f!reader

summary: your best friend has been dying to know the guy you’ve been fooling around with since your twenty-first birthday; you wish you could tell her, but the mystery man is no other than her father.

genre: smut, age gap, best friend’s dad au

warnings: 18+. DILF KUROO. dubcon, manipulation, slight somnophilia, spanking, pussyjob, alcohol consumption, dumbification, hair pulling, virginity loss (...social construct), oral (f receiving), overstimulation, size kink, corruption kink, daddy kink, daddy issues, dirty talk, degradation, praise, unprotected sex, nipple play, creampie, cumplay, multiple orgasms, breeding kink, choking, spitting, mating press, clit spanks, begging, fingering, slight exhibitionism, finger sucking, tie kink(?? he makes you wear his tie so...)

word count: 5.2k

author’s note: for @sugawara-sweetheart’s decadence collab! thank you so much for letting me join! shoutout to @stopisa for that ✨lovely✨ dilf convo. (dilf kuroo AAAAAAAAAAAAAA) (let me know if i missed any warnings!) (MINORS DNI)

º thank you @meiansmistress and @ssrated1volleyballplayer for editing and beta reading <33

[12:24 PM]

“come on! you have to tell me who he is!”

you grip the handle of your spoon harder than normal, hoping your best friend doesn’t see your reaction.

you open your mouth to say something, but she cuts you off with a comment that makes shame and embarrassment burn through your body.

“you guys were really loud last night! well, you were. i didn’t hear so much as a peep from your man—well aside from the occasional murmurs, which i’m pretty sure was dirty talk…” she trails off, looking lost in thought.

you squirm and wince at the wet pool between your legs. the wet pool being cum that he told you to keep warm just before he left.

she sees your discomfort and laughs at your predicament, clearly thinking it was the aftermath of a hard night of fucking—it was, but she didn’t need to know about the sticky cum that was still inside your pussy.

“he clearly fucked your brains out! at least one of us is getting dick!” she exclaims, her lips forming into a pout as she takes her finished bowl of ramen to the sink and rinses it with water.

yeah, you are getting dick—not just anyone’s dick, however, because it’s her father’s.

your stomach churns at the thought, not from disgust, but from guilt and shame. you are way past getting disgusted with what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with.

not when her father never fails to make you cum at least three times in one night, not when he calls you his good girl and cockslut, and certainly not when you called him over last night because you were so pent up and you needed your daddy’s cock.

last night…

“you’re such a cockslut,” kuroo growled, his balls slapping against your ass as he delivered a hard thrust that had you creaming and moaning all over his cock. you bunched the sheets in your hands, wincing with slight discomfort when he folded your body in half while he pounded relentlessly inside you.

“you should see how dumb you look with your eyes all crossed and teary while your tits are bouncing everywhere.”

you squealed when he roughly flipped you on your stomach, large hands grabbing your hips as he entered you once more. he lifted one hand and slapped your ass in sync with his thrusts.

“so drunk on my cock now, huh? can’t live without it, hm?” kuroo taunted you, one hand squeezing your hip while the other spanked your ass until it was burning with pain. you moaned words incoherently, tongue lolling out as drool seeped from the corners of your mouth.

“daddy! more, please!” you moaned loudly, toes curling from the pleasure.

“you’re brave for calling me over, knowing that only a thin wall is separating you from my daughter’s room,” he hissed, pounding your pussy from behind.

“but i guess that doesn’t matter to you anymore as long as i fill this dirty pussy with my. hot. cum—fuck!” he ended each word with a hard thrust, cursing when your tight cunt clamped down on him.

“faster, daddy! your cock’s filling up my pussy so well—oh my god!” you screamed, partly aware that you shouldn’t scream his name, for fear that your debauchery with your best friend’s father would be revealed too soon.

kuroo indulged you, teeth bared as he pushed your back into a deeper arch, making his cock reach places he hadn’t before. you winced when his large cock teased the entrance of your cervix. it was always a trip taking him—no matter how many times he fucked you, his cock always stretched your pussy wide open.

“w-wait, it h-hurts daddy!” you whined, moving forward to escape the brutal thrusts of his hips so you could adjust your position. he growled in disapproval, tightening his grip on your hips as he roughly pulled you back on his dick.

“take my cock. i know you can do it, whore.” he hissed, moving your body back and forth on his cock like you were a fuckdoll. you moaned from both pain and pleasure as kuroo guided your hips, fingers leaving bruises on your skin.

you cried out when kuroo tugged your hair from its roots, pulling your body upright until your back met his sweaty chest. “yeah that’s a good fucking pussy. come on slut, squeeze daddy’s cock,” he whispered in your ear, teeth biting your earlobe.

“d-daddy i can’t—i’m going to cum!” you squealed, voice cracking as your body started shaking from your fast approaching orgasm.

“i’m going to cum too, baby—and don’t you fucking dare waste my cum,” he growled, wrapping his arms around your body.

you fell forward on your shaking arms, sheets bunched tightly in your fingers as moans and whimpers freely fell from your lips.

“i want it to stay inside your dirty cunt until tomorrow,” he ordered you, reaching for your arms and holding your wrists in one hand, the other slapping your already swollen ass.

you cried out when your face was smothered by the sheets, drool staining the pillow as the headboard continuously thumped against the wall. your body shook with his thrusts, breasts swaying with the movement.

“i want you to look my daughter in the eye and have a normal conversation with her—just like you always do—while you’re thinking about how slutty you are with her father’s cum inside your pussy.”

that was last night. a couple hours ago, if you were to be specific, since kuroo fucked you until you passed out on your bed. you only woke up when your best friend practically broke the door down—bed empty of him, thank god—saying that she made lunch. she looked pretty disheveled herself and she blamed it on your headboard hitting the wall all throughout the night.

you buried your face into the pillow to cover your guilty expression, groaning at the movement because your body was aching all over. she laughed and left you to your own devices, still recovering from him.

he has a crazy appetite for a man his age, to be honest. he may be an older man but he fucks like a teenage boy who recently discovered sex and became hypnotized by the pleasure of it. you lost count of how many times your best friend—his daughter—almost caught you and him fucking around in the apartment, their house, and even his car.

it wasn’t always like this though. there was a time when you only saw him as a fatherly figure and not someone who regularly uses you as a cocksleeve.

maybe it was the way he looked so good with a five-o-clock shadow, or how even with salt and pepper hair, he still acted youthfully. perhaps it was his signature cocky grin that lured your younger and more impressionable self towards him.

in truth, it was your daddy issues that led you to him.

you met your best friend the summer after high school. you bonded quickly over your common interests and quickly learned that it was just her and her dad. she confided in you and told you how lonely he was and she hoped that he would meet a nice and loving woman to take care of him. you comforted her and reassured her that he would meet that woman. if you only knew.

you couldn’t help but admit to yourself how envious you were of her and her father’s relationship, seeing as the one with your own was non-existent. you couldn’t wait to meet him, hoping that he would treat you as his second daughter since your best friend was basically your sister.

she failed to tell you—because why would she?—that her father is an attractive and charming specimen of a man his age. his eyes would crinkle at the sides when he laughed and his feline eyes would always look at you with warmth and tenderness.

you sigh as you put your chin on your fist, the sounds of dishwashing and humming filling your ears as you play the events that eventually led to your risky love affair with her dad.

you really feel ashamed, but it wasn’t your fault that her dad is so good to you. from the moment you met him, he made you feel so loved and appreciated. it was obviously innocent and familial at first, until it turned to something darker, more carnal.

his glances gradually became lingering and he started giving you sly winks that left you burning with desire. you tried so hard to fight it too, but you were too weak against his sweet talk and honey voice.

it was a year or two later that he finally made a move on you.

you figured that with a job that caused him to be in constant public eye, he would avoid fooling around with girls that were decades younger than him, but even with the heavy implications of a scandal, it still didn’t stop him from devouring you.

it all started one night when he invited you guys over, claiming that he missed the both of you. your best friend told you to go first because she was going to be out for her tutoring session. you internally shivered at the thought of being alone with him, not knowing what was going to happen once you were confined in a small space.

the sexual tension was so thick when you arrived and next thing you knew, you had your back on the dining table, legs spread in the air, with his mouth sucking and slurping on your pussy. you came with a scream of his name, cumming so hard for the first time in your life that your body ended up convulsing.

he had laughed at how blissed out you looked. “you taste even better than what i imagined, baby. thanks for the meal,” he purred, winking at you and leaving you to process what happened, hand wiping off the juices from his face as he went back to cooking dinner.

his daughter finally showed up and your face burned the entire time, unable to look her in the eye because not only did her father make you cum minutes prior, but he also was a tease and had his fingers inside your panties while talking to her, fingers slowly tracing circles on your clit.

the topic of conversation was your living situation. he was never happy about how the two of you wanted to live alone together because he insisted that it was better if you guys lived with him. at first you thought it was him being overprotective, but you came to understand it was because he wanted easy access to you.

he ended up fucking your throat that night out of sheer frustration, punishing you for being a bad girl and wanting to be away from your daddy.

you partly hoped it was a one time thing, but you were proven wrong when you had a movie night and your best friend dozed off on the long couch housing the three of you.

kuroo was under your blanket and between your legs in an instant. your shorts hung off of one ankle while he pushed your panties to the side.

“daddy! we shouldn’t be doing this—fuck!” you moaned as his lips sucked your clit into his mouth, tongue lapping up your slick.

“guess you just have to be quiet then, kitten,” he teased you. you arched your back and bit your lip to muffle your scream when he inserted a finger in your dripping cunt while his lips played with your clit.

you had no idea how your best friend didn’t wake up to the sounds of your muffled moans and whimpers, but that thought went away when you started riding her father’s face and cumming all over his mouth.

you became needier after that, eventually losing the hesitancy of being pleasured by him. instead, you anticipated the times when he would make you cum.

the deal was sealed on the night of your twenty-first birthday.

night of your birthday…

“hey girl, the postman came and said this was for you!” your friend slurred, clearly having had too much to drink for just a small and intimate celebration for your twenty-first.

you’d been buzzing the whole day, both from the alcohol and anticipation of what was going to happen later. you woke up to numerous happy birthday texts until you came across the one you’ve been so excited to see. your cunt gushed when you saw your daddy’s text, letting out a little moan at what he said.

happy twenty-first, kitten. you better be wearing my gift when i come over because i’m going to fuck your little pussy tonight.

you sucked in a breath as your face flushed. you held the smooth black nondescript box that was elegantly wrapped with a crimson satin ribbon. you had a pretty solid guess of what was inside and your best friend had as well, because she wiggled her eyebrows and teased you. you sighed, like father, like daughter.

how you were still able to look her in the eye after everything you’ve done and what you’re going to do with her dad is beyond you. his mouth, tongue, fingers—soon to be his cock—truly hypnotized and consumed your conscience and only left neediness in its wake.

you ducked your head to hide the embarrassment on your face while the rest of your friends that came over jeered and whistled as you walked towards your room to leave the box on your bed for safekeeping.

you left it sitting in the center of the bed and went back to the living room to enjoy, skin tingling the whole time in anticipation for your daddy...

you closed the door after saying goodbye to the last group of people and turned to your best friend. “thank you for the lovely little get together,” you thanked her shyly.

“you’re welcome, darling, but i’m sure the main event is just about to happen. tone it down a little, yeah?” she smirked at you, eyes glinting with mischief as she giggled on the way to her room.

you sighed, the guilt that was momentarily forgotten reared its head once more when you were finally alone in your room. it went away again when you studied the gift kuroo gave, nimble fingers leaving light touches on the box settled on your lap as you untied the ribbon.

you rummaged through the white crepe paper until you saw pieces of red lace that were as red as the ribbon that tied the box. he always loved the color, so it wasn’t a surprise that the lingerie he gifted you was of the same shade. your fingers shook when you took them out in front of you. these can barely cover anything, you gulped.

you caught a tinge of gold in the corner of your eye and saw that there was a white card peeking out amongst the paper. the card was lined with gold embellishments and there was a short message printed in red.

kitten, wear these for me. - k.t.

and who are you to not follow daddy’s orders?

you placed the garments at your side and set the box on the floor. you began to undress, removing your cotton bra and panties which you threw on the floor, somehow landing inside the open box.

your naked body was exposed to the cool air and you shivered, head buzzing and eyes slightly drooping from the alcohol you consumed. you took the lace with delicate fingers and gasped upon inspection of the panties.

you were taken aback by the design because not only did it lack enough cloth to cover your entire lower region, but they were crotchless. your mouth dried at the obscenity, hazy mind playing images of kuroo rutting into you without having to remove anything.

that was most likely his intention after all. you slowly stood up from the bed and softly moaned at the slickness between your thighs, pussy clearly excited and aching for his dick. you slipped your legs through them and grabbed the matching bra. you moaned when you clipped it on, nipples hardening when the lacy pattern rubbed against them.

you might as well be wearing nothing with the way you barely felt the fabric against your sensitive skin. you yawned as you laid on your back, the numerous glasses of wine you drank finally caught up with you.

you tried to fight it, you really did. but you were fighting a losing battle with your eyes and besides, you were only going to close them for a bit. you’d wake up before your daddy comes over, right?

you ended up dozing off. you woke up with a moan, alcohol already flushed out of your body. you slightly squirmed as you felt something wet on your tits and a moving pressure in your pussy. you slowly opened your eyes and found a large body looming over you.

“do you know how long i’ve been waiting to fuck you?” kuroo asked, lips pulling away from your clothed nipple with a pop when he realized that you were finally awake.

“three fucking years. yet you had the audacity to be asleep when i arrived? i’m going to wreck your slutty pussy, whore,” he growled as he scissored his long fingers inside your pussy faster. you cried out in pleasure, hands reaching for his wrist as you tried to slow his movements.

“d-daddy, i’m sorry!” you cried as you arched your back. he just grunted and removed his wet fingers from your cunt. you whimpered at the loss because his fingers always felt so good when they moved inside of you. he stared you down instead, large hands loosening his red tie—you noticed that it matched the lingerie you were wearing—and promptly removed it.

he bit his lip as he reached down and made you wear it instead, cock twitching in his pants as he reveled at the sight of you wearing his gift, and in his favorite color no less. he unbuttoned his white dress shirt, muscles rippling from the movement.

even though he didn’t play volleyball all that much anymore, he still maintained his toned body. if it weren’t for his salt and pepper hair, you wouldn’t think he was decades older than you. not that it mattered, anyway.

“you look so sexy in red, kitten,” he whispered, the sound of his belt unbuckling mixing with your heavy breathing. you gulped when you saw that he wasn’t wearing any underwear, eyes widening at the sheer size of him. he stepped out of his pants and smirked when he saw your reaction.

“fuck, your pussy is so pretty. can’t believe i waited this long to fuck it,” he hissed as he spread your legs, your crotchless panties baring your pussy to his eyes, making them twitch under his scrutiny.

he groaned as he rubbed his hard cock on your slit between your folds. you moaned at the stimulation, thankful that he didn’t thrust inside immediately because that would’ve been more painful than pleasurable.

“i was e-eighteen when we first met, y-you could’ve fucked me—oh that feels good—any t-time you wanted to, why didn’t you?” you stuttered as you shivered from the pleasure his slick cock was giving you.

you planted your feet flat on the bed as you took hold of his cock and humped it with fervor, moaning at the slick sounds it made with your lower lips.

kuroo hissed at the increase in stimulation, warm hands grabbing the back of your thighs and folding your legs toward your chest as he thrusted faster between your folds. you moaned louder as you let go of his throbbing cock to bunch the sheets in your fingers.

“you know what they say, good things come to those who wait,” he grunted, hips thrusting faster, making your pussy wetter and slicker.

“besides, you were still a shy and innocent girl back then—until i corrupted you, obviously,” he teased you as he moved one hand to your mouth, inserting his fingers between your lips. you moaned as you sucked, slightly tasting yourself on his fingers.

“i don’t think you could’ve handled this big...fat...cock,” he grunted as he clenched his jaw from the pleasure.

“but now? now you’re my little whore who’s about to know what it feels like to get fucked by a man,” he growled, separating himself from your body. you whimpered, arms reaching out for him but he held your wrists in one hand and placed them above your head.

“you’re already dumb when i fuck you with my mouth and fingers...they’re nothing compared to my dick,” he said frankly, fingertips lightly teasing your puffy clit, aching from the lack of release from the continuous stimulation of his cock. he let go of your wrists and moved his hand to your thigh, fingers circling your skin.

“i-i don’t think your cock will f-fit daddy,” you said in a small voice, staring at his twitching cock.

“nonsense baby, i trained you to deepthroat me, remember?” he reminded you, memories of all the times you sucked his cock filling both your minds.

“i’m going to train this pussy as well. you’ll be begging me to never leave your cunt after i’m done with you,” he declared, positioning himself between your legs again.

“now hump my cock again, kitten. faster this time,” he ordered you, fitting his cock between your lower lips once more.

“yeah just like that—fuck,” he groaned when you ground your clit with more force on his shaft. you cried out at the movement, pussy gushing out more of your juices.

“you like that, hm? like how you’re making my cock wet with your slick?” he taunted you, fingers squeezing the skin of your thigh as he rutted his hips faster.

“can’t wait for me to—shit—bottom out in that tight cunt?” he growled, basking in the heat emanating from your pussy.

you moaned loudly, hips rolling as the knot in your lower stomach threatened to burst. your breasts were freely swaying with each movement your hips made. you threw your head back as your mouth fell open, uncaring of the volume of your cries and whimpers.

“i’m cumming, daddy!” you screamed, pussy clenching around nothing as you drenched your daddy’s cock with your cum. kuroo followed suit, groaning loudly when he released his cum all over your stomach, staining the front of your barely-there panties.

“such a dumb cockslut, you came by just humping my cock?” he teased you. your face warmed in embarrassment, hiding your face in the pillows. kuroo chuckled, honey eyes glinting in mischief. well, he came by just humping your pussy, so he was one to talk.

he spread your lower lips, puffy clit exposed to the air. you shivered at the chill but quickly yelped when he spanked your clit a few times.

“d-daddy!” you exclaimed but he just laughed at you. “just wanted to slap your clit, baby,” he chuckled, hand slapping it once more.

you tried to squirm away from his spanks but he held you in place. he held his throbbing cock with one hand and guided it back to your clenching hole. he rubbed the tip against your sensitive clit before inserting his cock in your pussy.

“t-too big daddy!” you cried out, tears forming in your eyes as his cockhead went past your tight muscle.

“shh baby, i know you can do it. you can take my cock, yeah that’s a good girl,” he cooed, palm flat against your stomach with his thumb rubbing the skin. you sucked in a breath as he slowly slipped his cock inside your virgin pussy inch by inch.

“i’m gonna fuck you so good with my fat cock that you won’t even care if my daughter catches us,” he growled when he bottomed out. you whimpered at the force of his sudden thrust and the implication of what he said. he only let you adjust to his large cock for a few moments before he started thrusting lazily.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he taunted you as his thrusts increased in speed and strength. you moaned louder, body shaking with the thrusting of his hips.

“n-no s-stop! she’s going to hear you!” you begged, voice cracking when he folded your body in half. he began pounding ruthlessly into your pussy, the slick sounds of skin meeting skin filling the air and making you lightheaded from the pleasure.

“so? i dare you to scream my name, slut. watch her bust that door down,” he mocked you, hands pushing your knees further up your chest. you whimpered at the stretch, the sounds of the headboard thumping against the shared wall only served to make you clench around your daddy’s cock.

“fuck—how do you think her face would look when she sees you taking my cock like a good little bitch?” he growled when he felt you squeeze his cock. he grunted as he thrusted faster, balls slapping against your ass.

“yeah just like that, you want me to cum inside you? fill this slutty pussy to the brim? fuck my cum so deep into your pussy that you’ll get pregnant?” kuroo groaned, throwing his head back as he felt his abdomen tighten, the signal that his orgasm was fast approaching.

you held your bouncing tits in your hands, his silk tie only adding to your pleasure as it rubbed against your sensitive skin. “n-no please!” you pleaded, tears falling from your eyes.

“you’re on the pill, aren’t you?” he asked, jaw clenching because he was stopping himself from cumming immediately. he wanted to spill all of his load in one go, after all.

“y-yes daddy b-but—!” you squealed, stinging pain blooming in your chest when kuroo pinched your nipple.

“then take my fucking cum, whore,” he demanded, cock throbbing because he was so ready to spill all of his hot cum.

“n-no daddy! please don’t cum inside me!” you screamed, eyes rolling to the back of your head and tongue lolling out as his cock hit your g-spot.

“shut up and take it,” he growled, hands squeezing your waist as his thrusts grew erratic.

he groaned loudly when he saw your fucked out face, thrusting so deep that his cock teased the entrance of your cervix. his hot cum spurting out of his cock as he filled your pussy.

“daddy you’re cumming so much—oh my god!” you screamed as you came with him, legs shaking from the intense fucking.

“your cum’s filling up my pussy, fuck and it feels so hot too!” you cried out, throat raw from the sounds that came out of your mouth ever since he came inside your room.

kuroo removed his hands from your waist—one hand snaking around your neck, applying slight pressure to the sides as he rode your pussy to prolong his orgasm.

his other hand moved to straighten your leg, rubbing your outer thigh while he cooed at you. “you like my cum, baby?” he asked softly, hips slowly rocking back and forth. you whimpered, your overstimulated pussy aching from his never-ending thrusts.

his movements caused his cum to overflow and seep out the sides of his cock. the mixed fluids fell out of your pussy, sliding down your ass and drenching the sheets beneath you.

“don’t be shy, baby. you can tell daddy if you like his cum,” he encouraged you, leaning down to kiss you languidly on the lips.

“i-i love your cum daddy,” you tell him in between kisses.

“that’s my good girl. happy birthday, my sweet kitten.”

you open your eyes when your best friend throws the damp towel to your face. “quit daydreaming about him! you were moaning ‘daddy! daddy!’ like he was actually fucking you!” she yells while crossing her arms across her chest.

you duck your head in shame. great, now i’m even messier and wetter down there, you grumble. you wince when you hear the squelching sound—dear god i hope she didn’t hear it—as you shift to face her properly while she walks over to you.

“so! tell me more about him, what’s his name?” she asks animatedly, chin resting on her fists as she sits beside you on the island. you swallow thickly, a lump suddenly weighing down in your throat. you inhale a deep breath before coming up with a half-assed lie on the spot.

“he’s a shy and private guy...i’m not telling you his name yet because...i really want you to meet him in person, you know...?” you already know him—you’re related to him! you scream in your head.

your palms feel sweaty as your nerves are on the verge of frying themselves. you bite your lip while you rub your thighs together, wincing immediately as you feel her dad’s cum drench your panties and shorts further.

“well, judging by your reaction right now and the sounds last night, he’s not really the shy type when it comes to bedroom activities,” your best friend pouts at your secrecy and then smirks, eyebrows wiggling.

your face burns in embarrassment and guilt, if only she knew she was talking about her dad.

“anyway, i’m going to the library right now, i’m so done with this paper,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“take care and have fun laz—dad! what’s up? what brings you here?” she squeals in delight when she sees him and jumps into her father’s arms while he kisses the top of her head.

your pussy quivers at the sight of your daddy, and when his eyes land on you, he winks deviously then places his daughter back on the floor.

“can’t i visit my favorite girls on my day off?” he says to her while looking at you. your best friend is clearly oblivious to the desire that was swimming in her father’s sharp eyes.

“well, i’m going to the library to finish my paper. you guys can hang out in the meantime, but don’t watch our show without me!” she says as she walks out the door and ends her sentence with a click.

kuroo locks the door and turns to you, eyes glinting like a predator. he picks your body up and sits on the chair, settling you on his lap and wrapping his long arms around your middle. his large hand cups your cheek and he kisses you, earning a moan from your mouth when his tongue massages yours.

you kiss for a while and then he pulls away from your lips. he grabs your chin firmly, fingers squeezing your cheek open as he spits inside your mouth. you moan while swallowing his spit, hands reaching for his stubbled face before kissing each other sloppily once more.

“you keeping my cum warm for me, kitten?” he asks, lips separating from yours to leave kisses and nips on your jaw. you moan and squirm on his lap as his other hand sneaks inside the waistband of your shorts and inserts two thick fingers in your messy and dripping cunt.

“such a good girl for daddy. you kept his promise,” he growls lowly, biting the skin of your neck and leaving a mark which he soothes with his warm tongue.

“i think my kitten deserves a reward, hm? would you like that?” he asks you, fingers curling inside your tight walls.

“y-yes daddy!” you whimper, grinding your hips on his lap. he smirks and removes his fingers from your cunt and stands up from the chair. you whine at the loss of stimulation and he shushes you with his finger—the one he had inside of you seconds ago.

“let’s go to your room, shall we? daddy missed his favorite girl.”

[1:14 PM]

3K notes · View notes