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gabessquishytum · 2 days

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Orpheus absolutely hates his high school history teacher. No matter how hard he studies he just ends up getting really low grade history. One day, while he is visiting his father he ends up ranting to his friend on the phone about it and Morpheus overhears him.

Being the overprotective father he is, Morpheus goes to his son's school to have a talk with this history teacher.

Robert "Hob" Gadling takes pride in teaching. He used to be a professor in some prestigious university but left it after losing his family in an accident. He is also a bit more strict when it comes to grading papers and he knows very well that some of his students hate him for it. So when he is approached by a man after classes he guesses its one of those parents who are there to offer him some sort of bribe so that he gives good grades to their children.

Although the man in question is very good looking and actually looks younger than his age.

He immediately smiles when the man introduces himself as Morpheus Endless, Orpheus' father.

Morpheus does offer money so that Hob passes Orpheus in the next exam and Hob declines very politely with a firm stand that he doesn't do all this. But since he now has a crush on Morpheus he stupidly says, "well, I can consider if you would go out for dinner with me."

He is embarrassed and Morpheus looks furious, but after awkward apologies, Morpheus is actually impressed with the audacity of the other man and agrees for dinner. After all it has been 3 years since his divorce and its high time he moves on.

Hob starts giving extra two hours of history lessons after class to Orpheus with some other students to help him better and by the end of the year the boy passes with good grades in the subject. All with his own hardwork. Meanwhile Morpheus and Hob plan to move in together.

This is really very very cute, I'm loving the idea of Hob being a very strict teacher. I'm a total degenerate though, so it did make me think... the trope is generally that the student offers sexual favours for better grades, right? Well, what if Morpheus ends up offering sexual favours on his son's behalf.

The money didn't work, so obviously this Mr Gadling requires further persuading. Morpheus is a totally devoted father (and he feels guilty about the whole divorce thing) so he's willing to take things to the next level: he offers to suck Hob’s cock.

Hob is so shocked he actually falls completely silent. This has never happened before - sure he's been offered bribes from parents, but nothing of this nature. He feels Morpheus’s hand on his shoulder, massaging gently against the tension in his body. He may be a good teacher, but he isn't necessarily a good man: he lets Morpheus get on his knees there and then, and he gets the blowjob of a lifetime.

But afterwards, Hob asserts that he never agreed to the deal. He won't be passing Orpheus on the next exam. But, if Orpheus wants extra help with his studies, Hob will set aside the time after school to help him and the other students. They'll have to work hard, but if they do, they'll be rewarded.

Morpheus slaps Hob in the face (he deserves it tbh). And then he ends up fucking Hob over his own desk. Hob shamelessly enjoys himself, and then he invites Dream for dinner. The rest, as they say, is history.

Orpheus never finds out that his dad tried to bribe his new stepdad with sex for the sake of his grades, which is probably for the best... After all, he passed the class in the end, and listening to those two fucking every night is already bad enough!

#fleabagoftheendless #the sandman #dreamling #nsft

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micamicster · 1 day

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HII MICA i just wanted to ask your thoughts in the new season now that youve finished it, especially your favorite moments, episodes, and songs!!

Ok here are my long awaited (sorry babe!) season 2 thoughts! This really got away from me haha but long story short: I loved it ❤️

Long story medium: Nida Manzoor has done it again—beautiful, vibrant, funny, and poignant. A season 2 that succeeds in expanding the world and deepening our understanding of the characters. And the songs are great!

Long story LONG: under the cut <3 (and also I’ve reread this and i have managed to avoid any major spoilers so if you haven’t watched yet this post should be safe!)

I went into this season VERY apprehensive. I think the first season is a practically perfect season of television, and over the last few years I’ve had plenty of time to think of all the ways a second season could fail to deliver. But as the credits rolled on season 2 episode 1 my sister and I just sat there grinning at the screen like you guys we are SO back!!!!

Some thoughts, in no particular order:

The writing: Nida Manzoor has a knack for putting her finger right on the sore spot—right on the place where the show is most likely to receive criticism, and digging in. Not in a gotcha, bad faith sort of way, but by pulling those issues apart and showing how painful and complicated and nuanced these questions of representation and responsibility really are. Not to give too many spoilers but whew. Her episode fives! Other people can speak to this better than me but this seasons episode 5 was raw, painful, pointed… simultaneously a criticism of art and representation as political commentary, and like the only possible political commentary that could be made under these conditions. Fictional battles with censorship, identity, representation, and responsibility meet the very real world, where Nida Manzoor is producing a real show. To quote manzoor herself, “i don’t want to give the answer to the audience because i don’t have it—I don’t want to ever feel like I’m preaching or delivering a sermon about anything; instead, just posing the question.” It’s such a good show guys.

Character Arcs: The arcs given to the band members who were secondary characters in season one were executed beautifully. Getting more insight into Taz, Ayesha, and Bisma (and giving more to do to their incredible actresses!) was exactly what I’d hoped for from a season 2.

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part A: While I loved (and badly wanted!) more time with the other girls, I did miss the tight focus on saira and Amina as narrative foils and drivers of each others character development that season one had. Not just from a shipping perspective! (although we all know I’m guilty of shipping for sure lol). But I did miss their relationship, and a longer season would have given us more time to spare from the other important arcs going on to return to things I loved about season one.

Compared to season 1: One difference I noticed was how the surrealist elements aren’t only contained to Amina/her narration anymore, but that other characters have them or interact with them (Bisma pausing her arguments, Ahsan trying and failing to interrupt the spotlight on Amina and Billy). I thought it was a great way to show how much closer the characters have become (that Ahsan would even notice Amina’s little fantasy!) and also as a way to give narration over to different characters (Bisma being the clear pov in those fights as compared to Amina narrating things she’s only heard about in season 1). Another difference is how each episode of season 1 is so well-contained and precise, while I feel the show sprawls more in season 2 as a result of expanding the world and becoming more of a true ensemble show. This isn’t a criticism—shows need to expand in order to continue to grow! Just an observation, which leads us to:

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part 2: Around episode 4 and 5 I wondered if they were going to be able to tie everything up, given how many complex issues and conflicts had been raised. I had no reason to doubt—Nida Manzoor brought these conflicts and arcs to deeply satisfying conclusions, without feeling like these issues lost nuance or were reduced in complexity for the sake of a finale. It’s incredible what all she managed to achieve in 6 episodes! That said, I would have loved to have been able to see more of the characters journeys, and one or two more episodes would have given things more room to breathe. I would have loved to see more of Taz’s work with other artists, or Saira becoming more comfortable with the idea of herself as a mentor. Bisma’s arc in particular I thought could have used more time, although Faith Omole’s stunning performance of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood does beautiful emotional work for her arc (and tbh for everyone else’s arcs—it’s a centerpiece of the episode and a great example of what a song can do for character, emotion, and arc in a musical narrative). Which brings us to!

The performances/songs: Putting these two together to say that every actress delivered an incredible award-worthy performance, juggling comedy and dramatic acting skillfully. And the songs! Villain Era is on fucking repeat in this house. Already said Misunderstood is amazing but it should be said again. Nina is pretty much the toughest act in the world to follow but Faith fucking does it. Stunning ❤️ Speaking of Faith her doing the voices in Oops I Did It Again was the happiest I’ve been all year oh my god this show is so much funnnnnnn everyone watch it it’s so! fun!

#this is just on a first watch—I’m sure the things I notice will change on subsequent watches #I didn’t even mention the costumes or Amina/ahsan which were wonderful I loved all of it!!!#the mixtape made me SQUEAL like a kid it was so fucking cute #and and and and on and on there’s just so much to be excited about with this show #noa let me know if there’s anything we absolutely needed to put in this review #anywya show. still good. watch it!#we are lady parts #literally already went in to edit this because I forgot a major point I wanted to make. lmao

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just-late-roman-republic-things · 1 day

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one of the things i always feel guilty about is empathizing with certain historical figures who, more or less, turn out to be a spawn of the devil. sulla's familial relationships always intrigued me because in a way, i see parallels between our lives. i cannot turn out a maniac like him (perhaps not as large scale but corruption spreads like a disease anywhere) yet it is still a fig in the tree, ripening slowly and it scares me.

Anon...I'm not your therapist, but I'm posting this because I suspect a lot of people on here have similar fears.

There are many reasons why you might feel drawn toward a "bad" character or historical figure:

Escapism. When I was a teenager I loved Alucard from Hellsing. Not because I wanted to run around killing people like he did, but because it was fun to imagine being invincible. It's another form of playing pretend.

It may help you process difficult feelings or thoughts. As a kid, my classmates and I sang songs about bombing our school and decapitating the teachers. (It was a different time.) In play therapy, kids often fantasize about killing their parents - even if those parents are good people. Because again, it's not about really wanting to kill, it's about letting out feelings of frustration, in a symbolic and nonviolent way. Catharsis.

Maybe it feels validating to see a character who shares some of your feelings or experiences. It's a form of representation. Also cathartic.

Intrusive thoughts. Repeated thoughts of "What if I do [bad thing]?" usually occur because your brain knows it's bad and is trying to avoid doing the bad thing, not because you secretly want to do it. Just having these thoughts, but not wanting to act on them, does not make you more likely to do it than someone without these thoughts. It can also be a symptom of OCD.

Maybe the character was engaging in a book or TV show you saw. I suspect a lot of Sulla's popularity comes from novels like Masters of Rome and Roman Blood, where he is fascinating and well-written.

Maybe you just think he's hot. There's a reason why the "bad boy" is such a common love interest in romance fiction, and it's not because the readers are too clueless to notice he's a bad role model. It's pretend.

We're often drawn to the forbidden and taboo because they're taboo. It's like watching horror movies. By exposing ourselves to dangerous or scary topics on our terms, we retain a sense of control, and can learn to cope with those feelings.

If you have low self-esteem, your brain might just be inventing reasons why you're a bad person, and if it weren't Sulla it'd be something else.

Whatever it is, there's a part of yourself that needs space to feel, to breathe, to express itself. If you try to reject it, you'll just keep holding onto this shame and fear. A lot of people do that. They often become judgmental or controlling of others because they're projecting their own judgment and shame outward.

Instead, I suggest drawing a line between your thoughts and your actions. Thought crime isn't real. You cannot harm or help people just by thinking something, so applying morality to thoughts is pointless. As long as you act toward people with kindness and respect, you're golden.

I noticed a lot of Christian language in your message (moral corruption, the fig tree, spawn of Satan). Try looking into non-Christian religions and philosophies. Look at what Epicureans, Daoists, Buddhists, and other cultures have to say about being a "good" or "bad" person. Then decide for yourself who you think is right. This will make you more confident in your own judgment, and less easily influenced by people trying to shove their moral baggage onto you. (If you need a starting point, I've always loved Stephen Mitchell's version of the Dao De Jing. It's short, beautiful, and gentle.)

Try to go easier on yourself, anon. The very fact that you worry about this is a sign that you have a good heart deep down. The most dangerous people in this world aren't those who admit to having "bad" thoughts, but the ones who refuse to consider they could ever be wrong or bad.

#there's a puritanical streak in fandom culture that i think contributes to this stress. but that's for a different post #philosophy #self-compassion #jlrrt essays #just roman asks #psychology

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puppyeared · 1 month

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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend

my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.

but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)

on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.

and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(

you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth

and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!

#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened #my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda #ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game #because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something #normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have #when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think #i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing #others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie #but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy #and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him #and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me #i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder #this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for #literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND #i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better #yapping #diary #loz #pokemon

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darabeatha · 27 days

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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges

#;ooc #ooc #me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time #/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing #/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by #would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe #the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and #it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment #it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general #even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there #like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest #i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes #or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go #its all very cute to me #its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street #and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together #or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v #its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that #are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying #its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls #the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others

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saeshiraw · 10 months

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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secretlythatsme · 3 months

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also i feel like "adoption bait" jokes are like,, only funny maybe once, and the reality of bruce is actually trying to Not bring in more kids but everyone after jason forced themselves into the family is Way more interesting for dpxdc fics. especially in bad fenton parents aus?

the thing is, bruce has a lot of hesitance with bringing new people in, especially kids because 1. they will not be safe even if they don't become vigilantes 2. they can't be trusted 3. it's a lot harder for everyone to hide who they are if they bring a civilian in and 4. bruce now feels responsible for the life of Another kid. like,, i get why people make the adoption jokes, but i think the angst potential is so much more interesting than "bruce and co immediately want to adopt danny".

like can you imagine an au with bad fenton parents and danny is still a teen and he's heard about how bruce/batman brings in sad cases. maybe, just maybe this guy could actually help him? give him a safe home? or maybe danny doesn't want to be adopted right away but slowly bonds with the family and eventually wants to be included. the heartache knowing that bruce doesn't want that to happen. like?? hello!!!

there's sooo much you could do with bruce not wanting more kids in the family!!! so much!!!

#again ik there's some tension rn with canon vs fanon but i really do think canon is more interesting #sorry alhdgla #like fanon tropes are really only fun if its like. a small percentage of fics imo #but when everyone is doing it and kind of toting it as The Truth it just makes things boring #and it makes it harder to talk about the actual canon dynamics #like bruce and the other members desperately not wanting more people to join is so interesting!!#and its not like a 'you cant sit with us' kind of attitude! its a 'this life is dangerous and people die all the time and adding more #makes us all feel guilty when we know they couldve had a normal clown free life without us' situation #thats actually a big reason why some of the bat.fam arent actually In the fam #like steph obviously has her whole thing with tim so that adds to it but also bruce straight up didnt want her there!!!#she had to prove herself!!#so did duke so did damian so did tim #like!#i just feel like the angsty bat.fam adopts danny aus could be so much more angsty if people knew about this #like the comedic ones are fine they can keep making adoption bait jokes #but the angsty ones? the serious ones? the ones where im supposed to believe the bat.fam are genuinely adding him in?#make him suffer!!!!!#SUFFER WHITE BOY SUFFER #aldgdlhga #i love how so much of this fandom is just Make Danny Suffer #real fun vibes #dcxdp

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kingspuppet · 4 months

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Life's been a little hectic so being on here has taken a major backseat. :') Sorry for those that are waiting on things (IC and OOC). My activity is probably gonna continue to be super sporadic and random for a bit. So thanks everyone for being super patient with me. 🩵

#; OOC || Bri ♟️#//The fam got a new puppy (he's a menace and I love him) but he's only a little over two months old. So he's a troublemaking handful.#//I've also been dealing with a possible ear infection so that's fun :)))#//Some other family stuff and working on zine and other writing projects that have taken priority too.#//So it's a lot going on all at once among other things #//and taking a break from Tumblr has actually been very good for my mental health asdfghjklkjhghjkl #//I still feel pretty guilty over not keeping up with IMs and stuff. I just don't have the energy most days. :(#//But just wanted to say hi and let ya'll know that I haven't forgotten about this place #//and that I hope you're all doing well! 🩵

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yousaytomato · 2 years

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I've really enjoyed Dracula Daily, like legitimately some of the best times I've ever had on Tumblr, or the internet

but damn -

the immense guilt and shame I've felt the last couple of months for falling behind, has really marred the entire experience - made only worse by knowing it's entirely my own fault, and also that it's such a stupid thing to be upset about, and yet, I still am 🤷‍♂️

#if you do relate genuinely we can all cry together about it #i think it's reminded me of uni a little bit #i know that keeping to deadlines and my inability to do so #is something that really frustrates me 😭#i loved it so much when i was up to date #and i feel so so awful to be behind #especially because i did catch up!! and then fell behind again #and tomorrow is the end :/#idk. im feeling sad in general the last couple days #i feel like im teetering on the edge of a big cry / breakdown #so a lot of things that would normally bounce off are upsetting me a little lately #im also feeling immensely guilty about some other things so thats kind of contributing to everything else #and stress of the new job i guess #which genuinely is not currently that stressful but i feel like it will be soon #and tbh just interacting with some of the people and being in a new environment is kind of stressful #and the long days and travelling and early morning's and damn. this got off track #huh.#woes of emily #Dracula Daily #main tagging because i feel like others may relate #there's always next year lol

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born-to-lose · 2 years

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In my depressed era again <3

#for literally no reason ugh i hate it i hate it i hate it #probably a bad mix of overthinking and lovesickness again but what's new #i figured out why i like to do stuff until late at night until i fall asleep lol it's because i don't wanna be left alone with my thoughts #i guess that's why i could go such a long time without you know what... i always had lots of schoolwork to do and didn't have much time to-#-think about this kind of shit and once i don't have anything to do anymore i found myself in bed with a bleeding arm lmao #also let's call this my 'everyone i know hates me and my best friends despise me the most' era #still gonna stay up two more hours because i'm like a damn puppy who waits excitedly for their favorite person to come home from work #at this point i should maybe write all this shit in a diary but like. you know how my rambling posts start so y'all can just ignore #tldr i'm feeling like shit and i can't promise that i won't do something stupid again #i'm just too hung up on things that happened weeks ago but like what if it isn't actually ok now #also i know i'm too clingy and possessive with people i'm really close to but it's just my abandonment issues :(#and i know i fucked things up with other people (friendships and relationships) way too many times so i'm putting all i have into this one #still i feel like it's too much and too little at the same time idk i just Know when i really like someone and then i don't wanna lose them #but at the same time i often drive them away with my excessive love and attention because certain people are like some addiction to me #ok no that's too much already for now sorry #anyways i'm sobbing and shaking and feeling terrible and guilty #oh and unrelated but i nearly got run over by a car today 👍🏻 fucking hate drunk small town students in a mcd's parking lot #mel talks #tw self harm

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mrfoox · 1 year

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Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over

#miranda talking shit #Autism tag #I do kinda have some idea.... But its hard. I think the biggest difference is how nervous and 'diffrent' i am around them #As usual i struggle to say excatly what it is im feeling for a person. I just know at the bottom i care about them a lot #But do i have a crush or am i just fixated bc they are intresting to me? Who knows lmao #The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived #Now im just like... He baby. I got an idea how he works so i am no longer obsessed #Unfortunately oliver ive still not gotten an handle on. I found him intresting from the first few months of knowing him #But after a year it just became way deeper since we started to discuss such topics. Now I'm like... I probably dont have a crush on you #I probably just really want to understand you. But who knows honestly but please talk to me more i got to ask more things #As i turned 18 and had my breaking point and then started to recover and meet a lot of new different people...#I slowly but surely got so intrested in people unlike myself. Usually unknown things scare me but something changed and since then it just #Wants me to hear more and understand as much as i can about them. Guess its my autistic brain seeing them as a mystery or a puzzle #Challenging things mentally like that really is something i love. I love to think and thoerize and wonder. I do however hate it #Like... I feel creepy about it. I know i dont feel this way intentionally but i also can't tell anyone about it without them thinking im #Weird or creepy etc. Or i guess i am scared people will think i dont care about people but just want to study them? Its more the other way #Around. I care about people and thus want to understand them? Dont enjoy it though. It feels wrong and i feel guilty :')

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cicadas · 2 months

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If ur so socially isolated then why are you talking to me lol

#personal #idk its those people who disappear and want people to notice their absence and 2hen no one dpes they get pissed like yeah thats called life #also like maybe no one chevks pn you bc they know its just a weird manipulation game to make people perform their caring about you its gros #like ur basically punishing people for not noticing you enough and honestly u cant be mad when ppl dont miss u #actually gatekeeping myself from certain people is an extremely calculated and careful thing for me #also as slmeone whp was fprcibly socially isolated for a lot of my life it fucking annoys me when people 'choose' isolation just to be #dramatic and manipulative #like fuck you lol i dudnt get to be isolated as a means to some end #i was isolated bc people fucking bullied me #like ???? lol #ive never really understood thus but thats bc i knew that being me if i stopped talking to people they would t even pretend to care theyd j #st move on so lol its funny when normal people choose to isolate themselves and get pissy when other normies dont gaf like yeah babe thats #the world yoy normies live in why are you surprised haha #also if you choose to be isolated maybe its reasonable to assume sometimes people want to spend time alone and not everyone is responsible #for your mental wellbeing or to manage whether youre being alone to mediate abd take time for yourself or like out of depression #how is anyone supposed to know that?#quite often i just like to be alone with my son. its not that deep. but anyway i hate people that use isolation as a tool to manipulate #others bc i didnt choose this its just my life and i dont do it to bully people into treating me better actually i feel guilty about it and #wish i wasnt like this so i could do more for the people i love #alao the way people just aasume others will miss them bc their presence is SO wonderful and fulfilling 😂😂😂😂like girl get a grip

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autistic-britta-perry · 4 months

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cellbit stuck on a costumer service job post prison and having not great therapy and being like ugh. ugh. trying to 'make it up to people' and get better while not disclosing he's done actual murders because he would not be free if he did. He roomed with Felps for a bit but then he found this very cheap place to live in and he just got that job and he knew Felps is not taking him changing seriously and was probably still doing bad shit that could get him in trouble. And he does want to keep having the somehow friendly relationship he has with Pac and Mike now, so.

He goes to check it out, and it's cheap it's very small but he's lived in worse places. If he feels there's something off about the residents and if the meat they cook tastes just like human flesh that's surely his own imagination right? if his hot new neighbour Roier sometimes has an odd look on his face or says strange things that's probably Cellbit projecting that he somehow knows about his past and is seeing right through him, RIGHT?

#sfh AU #WATCH STRANGERS FROM HELL PLS PLS PLS PLS #i thnk pac and mike and cellbit first meet up again bc they run into each other and have a solidarity moment of being runaways who had to #build everything back up and Pac had been feeling guilty about cellbit 'dying' too. and also cellbit had found a baby kitty and was taking #care of it and i think this makes both of them surprised idk there's some kind of richas equivalent that makes them think he is trying.#but anyway i won't derail into those sorry i am celltw at heart always #cellbit being made much worse by the job and then the house #only able to self soothe by having murder fantasies: I'M SO NORMAL I'M SO NORMAL I'M SO NORMAL #evil hot roier: ;)#(prev description applies to the MC of sfh I'm telling you get on this show)#i think the way to do this is that cellbit thinks having people who care for you and comitting atrocities are exclusory (which they are for #normal people)#so in prison he didn't 'want' or need anybody but almost dying made him realize he was lonely and he did want people and he was genuinely #hurt by tazercraft's betrayal etc. but he can't be himself and have that. so he starts to control himself and focus on trying at having a #normal life bc maybe he just never got a chance at it and maybe he'll be happy with it. but he's not fully #and roier's gonna show him you can have a ride or die while still being a serial killer who liks to eat people. love is love etc #they still keep up with tazercraft after. maybe at some point they find out but they get them to see that they're family now and that #Cellbit & Roier wouldn't hurt them specifically which imo I think they'd be ok with mostly #bagi's not in this bc i don't know how to have her there without . her getting hurt. maybe they meet her later after they're a thing #like in canon #i also think the idea of cellbit writing crime novels starting as a way to control himself but wth help from sugar daddy roier doing more #and being successful bc he 'really gets into the mind of the killers' is . lol.

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fingertipsmp3 · 7 months

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I’m not even gonna lie, my grief over Mabel is making me insane

#every time i remember she’s not here i hear this roaring in my ears and i just break down and cry #i keep trying to pretend she’s just asleep in the other room but it’s not working #looking at pictures of her just makes me cry. the people who will be cremating her are going to take a clipping of fur and a pawprint from #her for me but i don’t know what i’m going to do with those things. like where i’ll put them #i know once i’m a bit more emotionally stable i’ll regret not having them. i wish i had some of kim’s fur. i forgot the feel of his fur so #quickly and i always struggled with that. but i also know that having pieces of mabel won’t comfort me in the slightest right now because i #just want her back and i feel so so so guilty even though i know it was her time #she’d gone so senile that she had a panic attack every time she went on a walk. it could last up to an hour. she was restless; refusing to #nap & barely able to sleep. she was riddled with arthritis to the point you could only touch her head; paws & maybe her chest #she bit if you tried to clean her or have her wear anything or sometimes if you put her lead on her. she never used to do that. that was a #new development that started in about june-july after she had two strokes. her little heart was racing and she was panting all the time f #she also had this growth in her mouth that may or may not have been infected or cancerous and she wasn’t letting us examine it. we wouldn’t #have been able to adminster treatment either because she’d bite and thrash if we tried to look in her mouth #but she was still eating and drinking okay… drinking too much if anything. and she was more or less continent. and she would have some lucid #moments where she was wagging her tail at us and requesting pets. she could get in and out of the house no problem #it was just quality of life because i knew she was in pain & her brain and heart were both shutting down and she wasn’t able to enjoy stuff #like walks that she used to love. and i knew she wouldn’t survive this winter because she haaaated the cold #but i still feel guilty because i know she could probably have lived another month. but it’s also like. how much would that month of life #have stressed her out? she’d already forgotten lots of people like my stepdad; my grandparents; my best friend and her kid. if she’d have #forgotten me and/or the house she would’ve been scared all the time and i never wanted that for her. i wanted her to have a good last couple #of days. and i think she did but there’s part of me that still feels so guilty and wishes she was still here #even if she was just eating and drinking and sleeping. even if she stopped letting me pet her. but then i know i’d have been keeping her #around for me. i feel like i ended her suffering but i also potentially robbed her of some happy moments #i just can’t get over the guilt of leaving her on that floor by herself. i sat there for ages waiting for someone to carry her out but then #i realised they were waiting for me to leave so i just walked out and it felt so wrong. she would have hated that she went to sleep on a #cold hard floor. she didn’t even lie on the floor voluntarily. she slept on the dining room couch or in her bed #i can’t stop crying whenever i think of it. i feel like shit and i don’t know how to move on #i put all her things in the garage to be sorted out when i’m less upset. apart from her collar and her blankets #i put her collar around one of the stair bannisters and i gave her blankets to my friend for her dog #i don’t know what i’ll do when she comes back to me in an urn. scream and cry and throw up probably

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faraway-there · 10 months

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putting off sleep like a boss because i had a migraine earlier today and napped longer than i should have so i'm wide awake now but it's too hot and humid to do anything so i'm just procrastinating.

i still have to go to work today, so sleep would be kind of nice so i'm not dragging during my shift. not to mention i have a union meeting afterward that i take notes for that i'd also like to not be dragging through.

and this whole weekend... past week... past week and a half? has been kind of a drag on the family front that has us all bummed, and as such i put in an application to adopt a new kitten because, why not? i need a new distraction, and apparently books and rp isn't cutting it completely, so a new kitten it is. hopefully. they have to approve the application, but if they do she comes home next saturday.

am i pretending like my hoa doesn't have a rule about only two cats? of course i am. i own my condo, so i figure they're unlikely to just drop in and investigate. my oldest cat is turning 12 today, and he's really starting to slow down; because he's overweight, i know he's not going to live as long as my last cat did (i had to put her down at 19), so i know that to offset the giant hole in my other cat's heart i need to start pairing him now so the transition will be smooth. this is about the same age my first cat was when i got the now-12-year old cat.

but also, i've been wanting a kitten for like the past four years, and i feel like with the family drama going on i deserve this.

#personal #do you ever just feel worn down when things go wrong for people you love?#especially a very bad kind of wrong that can't be undone?#because we're a little in mourning #thankful for some things but just sad and feeling guilty about other things #and it all sounds vague but i swear it's not tragic bad just plain old bad and unfair #so the kitten might be an impulse decision because i spent a lot of saturday crying #but also it's kitten season at the shelter right now #and i just need a new good thing in my life #adulting is the worst kind of business out there guys #trying to keep it all together when i just want to burrow under my covers with my cats is hard #but i still have to go to work and do all the things #make money for those upcoming student loans #plan programs for kids for fall #shake my sillies out during storytime #and try not to throttle a coworker because i'm at the end of my rope with them #deep breaths don't always work #and i never have enough chocolate to compensate

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nanaslutt · 6 months

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The JJK men’s fav cuddling postitions <3

incl: Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Choso, Sukuna, Toji, Megumi, Yuuji, Yuta

cont: fluff :3, suggestive on Toji’s

note: i think this is my first full fluff fic…lol

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

Gojo:

I know Gojo absolutely loves every position he can get you both into where you are physically as close as possible. Gojo's infinity is on automatically most of the time, the only touch he receives being from his students occasionally or from you. So when the time comes around for Gojo to be cuddled up with you, he needs to make sure every part of his body is touching some part of you.

I can see him being a fan of face-to-face cuddling, your limbs intertwined with one another, either his or your face pressed into the other's chest, your soft breathing tickling the skin of the other. Maybe something like the 'attack of the sloth' sleeping position. You on your back, Gojo's arms and legs wrapped around yours, leaving you completely enabled, his weight crushing you when you sleep; but you never complain.. well.. sometimes you do, Gojo's body is like a furnace.

Sometimes though, Gojo wants you to spoon him from behind. Of course, he loves it the other way around but theres just something so comforting about your small frame wrapped around his back. He feels so safe in your arms like this. He gets the same feeling one would when they were a kid, afraid of what was lurking in the dark, but the moment they pulled the blanket over their head, they were safe. Gojo felt untouchable, even more so than when he had his infinity on.

Geto:

A classic man, a simple man, a man of taste. I can see Geto loving the pretzel position. Him lying on his back, his toned arm above his head while his other wraps around your frame resting against him. His leg closest to you is bent, enabling you to interlace your leg with his, the appendage thrown over his thigh. He relishes in the feeling of your arm wrapped around his midsection, feeling safe and secure when you tuck you curl your fingers into his t-shirt on the side of his body.

He loves this position because he loves how close to you he feels, he also likes to see the size difference between the two of you when you're scooted down, your head on his chest. Another plus is he can scratch your back gently this way. His hands always find their way under your shirt, gently tickling and scratching the skin of your back, shoulders, and waist. He adores hearing you hum softly into his chest in approval at the relaxing caress.

You love this position for a variety of reasons as well. With your head on his chest, directly placed over his heart, you have free, unlimited access to the soothing rhythm of his softly beating heart, never failing to lull you into a peaceful sleep. You yourself were also guilty of slipping your hand under his shirt to feel up his abs. Running your fingers over the strong indents, counting them carefully in your head over and over, was the same to you as counting sheep. His skin was always so soft and warm, how could you resist?

Nanami:

Nanami's go-to is having you lay fully atop him, your head on the center of his chest, your bodies resting against one another while he strokes your hair. softly running his hands along your head, raking his fingers on the back of your neck, massaging your head, the whole nine yards. Nanami doesn't stop until he hears you lightly snoring on top of him.

Another thing about Nanami--if you drool or snore in your sleep, Nanami thinks it's the cutest thing in the world. You're always so embarrassed when you wake up and see the wet patch on his shirt after you had a particularly deep sleep, but Nanami finds it endearing; it means you felt safe with him, your body fully relaxing and letting go in his presence.

Another favorite is good ol' spooning. Nanami loves to be the big spoon. With both of your jobs as Jujutsu sourcerers, comes harrowing losses and injuries one cannot prevent, no matter how hard they try. So when Nanami gets the opportunity to completely encase your body in his strong, protective arms, it eases his nerves. He is constantly worrying about you, but in this moment he knows, nothing will touch you, nothing will get past his loving embrace.

This position gives Nanami unlimited access to the back of your neck. His lips instantly connecting with the soft skin, pressing soft kisses to the skin there, peppering down your shoulders, his fingers moving your nightshirt out of the way to touch your skin directly--god he loved kissing you. Your skin was so sweet and warm, how was he not supposed to kiss it? It was right in front of him after all.

Choso:

I have said this about Choso countless times, but he is a titty man.. so of course he's going to lay his head on top of your chest. He loves to feel the softness of your breasts agaisnt his cheek--if you have bigger breasts, you better bet he will lay face down and squish your tits around his face, holding his breath while he presses the fat against him, relishing in the feeling of your soft tits on his face.

His hands are without a doubt, on your chest as well. His large, warm hands engulf your tits in his grip, unconsciously feeling you up in his slumber, making you smile and laugh to yourself. He also loves wrapping his arms fully around your body too. The curse nuzzles his head against your chest while he slides his hands under the small of your back, his hands tickling the sides of your waist and back softly with the little mobility he has like this.

He has never felt love like this before, so when he feels your hands wrap around his back like it's the most natural thing in the world, it has his face heating up, a deep crimson blush spreading across his face while you rub his back, your nails raking over his back, over or under the thin material of his shirt. No matter how often the two of you cuddle together like this, he never fails to mumble how much he loves you into your chest, occasionally raising his head to look at you with a pout, still embarrassed even after all the time you spend together.

When you lean forward to press a kiss to his forehead, your fingers caressing his cheek before he drops his head back down to your chest to welcome the embrace of your arms around his body, he swears he's the luckiest man in the world.

Sukuna:

Your wrists and ankles are bound in chains while you sleep at the feet of his throne completely naked. <3

Toji:

I can see Toji being a fan of the 'pretzel' as well, same as Suguru. He gets a little more handsy most times, the hand he has wrapped around your back will creep down to the waistline of your night shorts. His thick fingers slip underneath the waistband, sliding under the band of your underwear as well as he grips as handful of your ass, massaging the fat in his hand, squeezing and rubbing it with his fingers.

At first, he did it as a way to tease you, and it worked, you always lifted your head to give him a stern look while he continued to massage the skin. Over time though, It became a comfort thing for the both of you. Whenever you're tired but Toji isn't, he'll turn down the volume of the TV in your shared bedroom and let you get comfortable on his chest, your ear resting where his arm and torso meet. He slides his arm around your frame, smiling to himself when you nuzzle and cozy up to him, his hand sliding down your back, rubbing up and down a couple times while you get situated.

When you get yourself to your desired position, throwing your leg over his hip; which meets his hand as he grabs it and pulls you over his pelvis more, caressing the side of your thigh soothingly; he slides his fingers into your underwear and stares groping you, his warm hands bringing you instant comfort, and familiarity. He'll continue to absentmindedly feel you up while he watches his show, his eyes occasionally darting down to look at you with softness in his eyes before he leans forward to press a kiss to the top of your head, drifting off soon after, leaving the TV running all night, as usual.

Megumi:

I imagine Megumi being super touchy with his significant other in private once he gets comfortable with you, but I still see him being a little awkward and shy about cuddling with you. It's so intimate after all. The two of you probably started with you lying on his chest with your hand resting on his tummy, you would have to make the first move because Megumi would rather die than initiate something like that at first, no matter how badly his body was itching to feel your warmth against him.

His body would go completely rigid when you laid on him out of nowhere. Megumi would hold his breath, not daring to move even in inches in fear you would move off of him. The weight of your head and your hand that was softly rubbing his tummy felt so comforting, although it did make goosebumps rise all over his body in shock. You would have to tip your head down to avoid him seeing your smile from hearing his heartbeat race out of his chest, the organ taking a significant amount of time before he gets used to your embrace, the rhythm slowing.

After a while of being together and countless cuddling sessions, I can see Megumi being more confident in initiating cuddle sessions when the two of you are watching TV or getting ready to go to sleep. His favorite positions are all of you cuddling him. You spooning him, him lying on your chest while his legs intertwine with yours--any position where your hands are wrapped around him and constantly caressing him in some way he is a huge fan of.

He also loves listening to your heartbeat. He didnt understand how you were always so calm, the soft lulling rhythm never failing to take him away to dreamland. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack every time you even smiled at him, but that was one of the things he loved about you--someone had to initiate the intimacy in the relationship and it sure as hell wasn't going to be him. If you weren't so forward, it probably would've taken him a year to even hold your hand on his own, so he was grateful you were more forward and verbal with what you wanted, because internally, he wanted the same as you, it just took a little coaxing to get him there.

Yuuij:

Yuuji has no preference! He loves each and every position, he just loves to cuddle with you. If he could always be touching you in some way, he would, and he sure as hell tries. You want to lay on his chest while he rubs your back? done. You want to spoon his large frame and wrap your leg over his waist while his fingers tickle your calf? done. Yuuji is ready for each and every cuddle position you propose to him, and he is not afraid in the slightest to initiate the cuddle sessions either.

I think Yuuji would find great joy in lifting your shirt up and crawling inside as much as his body could fit. His head resting on the soft skin of your tummy while your shirt blocks out most of the light emanating from the TV. "It feels like I'm a baby again." He would say, holding your hips in his hands on the outside of your shirt, his fingers tickling unconsciously along your sides, making you giggle.

I think Yuuji would really like coming home exhausted from training to sit in your lap and lay his head on your shoulder, his back arching slightly from the height difference between the two of you. He would hum into the crook of your neck while you stroked his back, raking your nails along him. He would smile to himself and close his eyes when you lift his shirt, scratching his warm skin directly while he falls asleep on your lap for a midday nap.

He was quite heavy and you're unable to breathe very well while he sleeps, but luckily he never naps long, and you do admit his weight crushing you felt weirdly nice, along with the ticklish puffs of his breath against your neck--it makes you feel close to him.

Yuta:

Yuta is a big baby. He handles enough in the Jujutsu world, trying to keep up his tough, strong persona while fighting, all he really wants when he comes to you is to relax completely in your embrace. Another man who loves it when you cuddle him from behind. He loves feeling your leg wrap over his waist, he knows he's not small, but he loves to feel like it sometimes, it's comforting.

One of his favorite positions to cuddle with you during the day is his head on your tummy/pelvis, his hands stroking along the length of your waist while you tangle your hands in his hair, running your nails over his sensitive scalp, down the back of his neck, reaching as much of his back as you can. It lulls him right to sleep, and he loves it. I think Yuta would struggle with falling asleep/sleeping through the night from insomnia, but when you're touching him, your warm embrace engulfing his body, he almost forgets about all the sleepless nights he spent without you by his side.

I can also see him loving to cuddle while facing you. Your head in his chest while he wraps his arms around you, and you likewise. Your legs tangled together, your bodies pressed as close as possible. During the summertime, this position is not the most comfortable because of the heat and the somehow awful AC Jujutsu high has. So during the colder months, the two of you constantly find yourselves in this position. He keeps his hand pressed snugly to the back of your neck, making sure your forehead stays pressed to his neck at all times.

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