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anonymous-dentist · 8 months

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In my head, the Evil Dead au would go a little something like:

When Roier finally pulls himself out of the shower, the cabin is silent save for the faint scratching of the record player from the other room. The record itself must have run out while he was distracted, whoops. He hopes Cellbit isn't too annoyed at him.

So Roier is quick to dress, and he's up to his shirt when he realizes, oh no! It's Cellbit's shirt! Just a bit small on him, small enough to make Roier's muscles really pop out. Just the way Cellbit likes.

He winks at himself in the mirror before unlocking the bathroom door and opening it. He shivers at the sudden cold- Cellbit must've finally found the air conditioning panel. Fucking finally, it was hot in the bedroom earlier.

"Gatinhoooo!" Roier moans, throwing his head back dramatically. "Dónde estás?"

He walks into the cabin's main room, and-

"May the blood of the plenty fuel the forsaken souls of us few," the record abruptly says.

Roier jumps and swears, pressing his hand to his chest. He stares at the record- now silent again.

Slowly, he relaxes, shoulders slumping as he looks about the room.

"Cellbit?" he calls.

He frowns. It's a one-room cabin, what the fuck? Where did he go? Back to the car?

The record skips. "When the oceans ran red with blood, the world was full of what we now call the living dead."

Roier shivers. Ugh, creepy much? Maybe it's a good thing he missed out on the whole 'listen to the supposedly-cursed audiobook of the damned' thing. He loves his boyfriend, but this is a bit much.

Suddenly much less happy than he was a second ago, Roier huffs and turns the record player off.

"Cellbit," he says, "this isn't funny. Where are you?"

The room is still empty. There's no other room in the cabin- it's just this one big huge room and the crummy bathroom, and that's it. And with the car stuck in the mud down the road, there's nowhere Cellbit could be besides that creepy-ass basement or the toolshed out in the woods. And Roier does not want to go out there, not this late at night.

It's as he's sulking his way to their bed that he notices the curtains fluttering over one of the windows, the one closest to the record player and the chair Cellbit was sitting on when Roier had gone in to shower. But the windows were all boarded up when they arrived. For the weather.

Confusedly, Roier makes his way to the curtain. He pulls it back and sees... nothing. Just the woods outside.

And a big, splintered hole in the center of the window, bloody glass shards sticking out from behind the equally-bloody remains of the wooden boards.

Roier yelps and drops the curtain, skittering backwards and slipping on-

"And when the dead shall return, they will go for the wicked first, for they shall be the easiest to convert to their cause."

Roier's head snaps towards the record player as he tries to catch his balance. Its static is loud, almost as loud as the beating of his own heart. What the fuck?

Swallowing a growing lump in his throat, Roier looks down to see what he had slipped on, and he sees...

"Oh," he weakly say.

He crouches and picks up Cellbit's glasses. He holds them in both hands, biting his lip nervously as he takes in the cracks in the glass and the... and the blood across one of the lenses.

"The second to go shall be the mortal, for they shall be the easiest to kill. The dead's ranks will swell like the rising tide, and it shall be glorious."

And then he hears it from outside, a quiet whisper. A whimper, even, pained and pitiful and all too unpleasantly familiar.

"Guapito?"

Roier's eyes snap to the window. The curtain has been blown aside by the wind, and there he is. Cellbit. Right in the window with his hair plastered to his head pathetically like a cat stuck in the rain.

But it isn't raining.

But this is Cellbit.

So Roier carefully approaches, clearly hesitant, and that's fine, okay?

"I think I want to go home," Roier says.

Cellbit pouts. "What? Why? We just got here!"

Oh, why does he have to be so cute?

This is. Weird. Bad. Weird.

The record skips. And then it says, "The end of days will not come in a storm. It will come as gently as a lover through the window..."

Cellbit glares at the record player. "Shut up!"

The record stops.

With a cheesy grin, Cellbit slumps against the window, his arm propped up on the sharpened edges without a care. He leans his cheek against his arm, pleasantly ignoring the fresh blood dripping down his arm.

Roier, frankly, stares. His grip on Cellbit's glasses tightens, and he backs up a step.

"Ignore them." Cellbit rolls his eyes. "Come here, guapito, they don't know what they're talking about."

"I don't knooow, it sounded pretty sure..." Roier awkwardly says. He laughs, unsure, and he stops completely when Cellbit laughs with him in a voice that probably isn't his. Probably?

He glances at the record player, and then back to Cellbit, and then back to the room when he hears a sudden crashing noise from the bathroom.

"Will you marry me?" Cellbit asks.

"What?" Roier faces him incredulously. "Now?"

Cellbit shrugs. "Why not?"

"I mean, yeah, but-"

"Yes?"

Cellbit's eyes light up... literally. Bright blue, and in a way that's probably beautiful to, like, a moth, but not a Roier because what the fuck what the fuck what the fu-

Roier can't help the little scream that escapes him as Cellbit pulls himself up and drags himself through the window, bringing him into the light for the first time since- since he-

"What's wrong?" Cellbit asks, head cocked at a dangerous angle. It's hanging off of his head, barely hanging on by a literal thread. His legs are mangled- his jeans shredded and his skin red and slick and wet and his bones and his-

Roier covers his mouth with a hand to keep himself from vomiting. Because one of Cellbit's arms is turned backwards, and that arm has a hand turned the right way around, and that hand is holding a little white ring, and that ring is the same color as the bone sticking out of Cellbit's knee awkwardly.

He skitters backwards, tripping over the rug and falling right onto his ass. Fuck.

"Guapito?" Cellbit frowns. "What's wrong?"

Only he doesn't speak it. His mouth doesn't move.

The record player skips and repeats the question, this time in a much less concerned tone of voice.

"Ooooh," Cellbit gasps, this time with his mouth. He raises both hands and sets his head on straight, wiggling it slightly for grip.

Seemingly happy with himself, he grins- sharp teeth stained black with his own blood. "That better?"

"What the fuck, Cellbit?" Roier chokes out. He likes to think of himself as a badass, but this?

Cellbit shambles closer, and then he crouches next to Roier and takes his hand gently in both of his.

"I promise it won't hurt," he promises, and Roier only has half a second to wonder what the fuck that's supposed to mean before Cellbit laughs with a dozen voices in one and he grabs Roier by the throat and he squeezes.

Roier drops Cellbit's glasses to the floor in his panic, his hands scrambling to try and push his dead boyfriend away but he can't see and he can't breathe and there are lips on his and there are teeth and they're biting and-

"No!" he screeches, and he manages to grab Cellbit's head by the hair and he fucking rips it off.

Cellbit's body goes limp, collapsing over Roier oozing blood onto his- Cellbit's shirt.

Roier looks up at Cellbit's head, out of breath and wide-eyed and crying sobbing panicking confused-

Cellbit frowns. "What the fuck, man?"

Roier screams and throws his boyfriend's head across the cabin. He cringes as he hears Cellbit swear in Portuguese. He watches Cellbit's body push itself up off of him and crawl its way blindly to its head.

He stands, and he slams the cabin door open, and he fucking runs.

#tw gore #a.d.'s fics i suppose #a.d.'s fics i suppose.#i'm really bad at writing horror sorry lol #brain worm though!#spiderbit horror au #i have such a soft spot for this au

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atthebell-moved · 8 months

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i have to be horny on main bc the rest of you are so prudish about thinking streamers are hot like i promise you you are not evil for being attracted to niki or roier or whoever

#bell.txt

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anonymous-dentist · 4 months

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Yes! Please talk about your aus

I miss blorbos being alright

I'll take this opportunity to talk about ouat au spiderbit because okay

So the way to break the curse is True Love's Kiss, which is why Osito Bimbo aka the Evil King sent Cellbit so far away. Such a powerful curse couldn't not be broken, so it just chose something really legitimately hard to accomplish (because everyone has a true love, but finding your One True Love is harder than you'd think.) The curse was actually cast during Cellbit and Roier's wedding in the Enchanted Forest to ensure that only Osito would get a Happily Ever After, and the last thing each of them saw was the other. And then they lost their memories of each other and were split apart, yeah. Everyone but Cellbit gets sent to Quesadilla City to live in ignorant human bliss for 28 years, and Cellbit ends up spawning in prison somewhere already with a body count on his hands that he's all-too-willing to add to.

But they find each other again in the Real World, and it's their first kiss that breaks the curse. It's super shy and awkward and neither really knows what they're doing at all, but they slowly grow more comfortable with it as their memories start to come back. It's muscle memory first, and then physical memories from the Enchanted Forest, and, well. See for yourself:

There's magic in the air, Cellbit can feel it. He doesn't know how he can feel it, but he does, and he's halfway convinced that he's just imagining it because, really, maybe Roier is magic. His lips are bitten and chapped, and they taste faintly of cherry cough syrup, but Cellbit doesn't think he's ever understood the word 'enchanted' until this very moment. Their noses bump, and Cellbit bites back a nervous giggle. "Stop laughing," Roier grumbles. He snaps his teeth at Cellbit's face annoyedly. "Finish kissing me, culero." "As you wish," Cellbit replies, and then he does so. Their lips connect once more, and this time the world explodes around them. Cellbit is almost jerked away with the force of it, wind tearing through his hair and pulling on the back of his coat. But Roier pulls right back, greedy and sweetly selfish. One hand finds its way into Cellbit's hair and the other lands on Cellbit's back, possessive. Cute. Somewhere, Richarlyson starts cheering. Osito Bimbo screams in outrage. The wind whips furiously, drowning out all noise but the faint beating of Cellbit's heart; he closes his eyes from the force of it, instead focusing all his energy on staying close to Roier. His skin tingles in the same way glitter shines. There are sparkles at his fingertips, but all he can think of is how much he missed this, and- Cellbit gasps, coming up for air for the first time. He opens his eyes to look at his One True Love for the first time in 28 cursed goddamn years, and his eyes meet Roier's- awestruck and angry. "I-" he starts, already turning to presumably strangle Osito Bimbo with his bare hands, but Cellbit rolls his eyes and pulls him back into another kiss, and then another, and then another and another and another and another as the world around them bursts with sudden returned magic. Roier melts into him. (He always was weak to kisses, Cellbit thinks he remembers.) "Marry me," he murmurs, breath hot against Cellbit's lips. "For real this time." "Get me a ring and ask again," Cellbit responds. He laughs as Roier pulls back and smacks his chest hard right above the heart. He lets Roier keep hitting him until he manages to grab Roier's wrist and hold it, leaning in for yet another kiss. (He missed him, okay?) The wind stops, finally. The magic settles, and Cellbit finally remembers the true story of Puss-in-Boots just as his magic hits him hard enough to send him flying out of Roier's arms and into a furry ball of fluff at his feet. Roier cackles and crouches to pick him up, cooing and pressing a lighthearted kiss between his ears. "There's my gatinho," he smiles. Cellbit glares. Not his fault he spent too long in human form. Asshole. Any and all anger fades as Roier's eyelids flicker and as his legs stagger. He has just enough time to jump out of Roier's arms before Roier crashes to the ground, peacefully asleep. Sleeping Guapito. The rest of the city comes stumbling out of their homes and businesses, and they all turn to Osito Bimbo- still frozen in the street- in fury. Cellbit hops onto Roier's chest and curls into a ball, purring as Roier unconsciously raises a hand to lay on Cellbit's side. This is fine. He'll let the townsfolk get their revenge first. He and Roier can have their fun later.

#asks!#anon!#lost fairy tale au #aren't they cute?#anyway don't blame me for the curse man it's taken right from the show

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anonymous-dentist · 8 months

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Au where hombre misterioso is some kind of spooky elder god who has seemingly taken special interest in local goth cultist man cellbit, who would be much happier about being harassed by a spooky elder god if said spooky elder god gave him some goddamn personal space

“Ah,” says hombre misterioso, “I see what I must do to stay close to my new favorite mortal”

“Please don’t do whatever it is you’re planning on doing,” says cellbit, but it’s too late

But luckily for him, he doesn’t see hombre misterioso again. Even better, a really hot guy moves into the apartment next door. He likes to go out onto his balcony in the morning to drink coffee. Shirtless. And roier is a nice enough guy, if not a little weird. But well. So is cellbit

But then something weird happens- cellbit hears hombre misterioso talking again one night… from roier’s apartment!

And so cellbit decides to exorcise the probably-evil spooky elder god possessing the hot guy next door. What could go wrong?

Meanwhile hombre misterioso is not used to being a human for many reasons, the weirdest of all being the way his heart seems to stop every time he sees his favorite human these days. That can’t be good…

#god how do I even tag this au #spiderbit #I guess???#elder god next door au

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anonymous-dentist · 3 months

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as studio ghibli fan who loves reading your ideas, i'd love to see your take in a spiderbit howls moving castle au (like, your hcs for this potential world or how would do it, something like that)

Believe it or not I’ve never actually seen that movie. I’ve never actually been able to finish a Ghibli movie, they just aren’t for me

BUT I know the basics of the movie? So here’s what I think

Cellbit is the dude with the moving goth castle and he’s goth and moody and stuff

Roier was an ordinary minimum wage worker when this evil fuckoff dude (aka Quackity) comes in and turns Roier into a rat because Roier and Cellbit flirted for 2.5 seconds over some fruit salad earlier

Roier’s like “oh shit I need a wizard to turn me back” so he goes looking for the Goth Castle Wizard

Cellbit doesn’t know who the fuck this rat is, but he appreciates there being someone to help clean the castle, so Ratoier gets to stay

But when Ratoier is asleep, he gets to be a hot sexy human man again. Which totally and literally jump scares Cellbit one night when he goes to the kitchen for a glass of wine and he sees this hot sexy human man asleep on the floor where the Rat usually sleeps

#asks!#anon!#is that what the movie is about?

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anonymous-dentist · 7 months

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2, 7, 25, 26?

2. least favorite theory

I'm gonna get crucified for this, but I just don't think Jaiden was also a Federation experiment. She was 100% an employee and so many people are caught up in the experiment perspective that they not only ignore objective canon to say that she was an experiment to the point of them arguing about it, but they're also out here ignoring q!Baghera, the actual former Federation experiment

7. thoughts on cucurucho & the federation?

See I used to be Cucurucho's number one shooter, but then Osito Bimbo got switched out for Cucurucho and I was like. Stop being mean to Bobby! I could tell immediately that the Census Bureau was changed, though I thought at the time that Osito was like factory reset into Cucurucho. That was the first straw, and then my. My first ever Cellbit stream. Was the one where he ended up in the chainsaw torture hallway. And then with everything happening after Felps' kidnapping, I'm like. Wow. Who is defending you???

Awesome villains though I love that part

25. drop a lore hot take🔥 (or cold take🧊 who cares)

My hot lore take is that I think q!Jaiden fully deserves the amount of suspicion she's under. And it sucks that she's ended up like this, like she's literally tragic. But it's more or less a self-fulfilling prophecy. She isolated herself after Bobby's death, which was fine and all, perfectly understandable, but then Cucurucho really took advantage of that and decided to be "buddies" with her. And she's going into this friendship knowing that she'll be hated and that nobody will be able to trust her fully ever again, and, surprise! She's right! But just because she knows she's doing something wrong doesn't mean she doesn't deserve the consequences. It sucks that she is seeing the consequences of her own actions, but she is also literally best friends with an evil bear thing that has kidnapped and murdered and forcibly drugged people. She may realize that she's being gaslit and manipulated by the Feds/Cucurucho, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve at least a little mistrust aimed her way after all Cucurucho has done and all she's excused it doing. She's chaos incarnate, but that doesn't come without consequences

26. favorite quote or moment

I think it has to be the time where q!Cellbit, out of panic trying to prove he didn't kidnap q!Roier when Roier was pretending to be held hostage by him aka the single least stable and trustworthy dude on the island at the time, and in a desperate attempt to get Roier to stop pretending to be gagged, he. He said, "Yeah, well, did you know Roier has a sex dungeon?", referring to Roier's Murder Torture Basement. The world stopped. Roier started screaming, "What the fuck! What the fuck!" Someone else in the room asked if Cellbit had firsthand experience in it. This was before Cellbit had really even properly started acknowledging his feelings for Roier, so he kinda just stammered a bit and tried leaving the room. This was one of the most pivotal Spiderbit streams ever, but not because of this. Maybe.

#asks!#ask games!

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