#i haven’t cried as much in a day as i have done today for quite a long time actually
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double wham
patri guijarro x fem!reader
request: here
A/N: only 1 post tonight 😔 sorry guys, been busy with work and this was surprisingly hard to write… so it’s short, sorry anon
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*NOT PROOFREAD*
Today is the day that I finally propose to my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for 4 years and it’s been the absolute best of my life. It seemed fitting because the whole team is going out on a hike through the mountains, so not only will it be scenic but it will also be in front of our other teammates.
I’ve already told Frido, Lucy and Mapi. Who probably told others in the process. So most of the team likely know my plan. The only thing I don’t have control over is the answer Patri gives. I know she’ll probably say yes but I can’t help but feel nervous.
Little did I know.
Patri and I arrive together, as per usual and she immediately goes to sit with Claudia. Again nothing unusual. I go and sit down next to Lucy who has a massive grin on her face.
“Jesus Lucy, I haven’t even asked yet.” I lean over, whispering in a hushed tone.
“Ohhh, I know. Can’t wait to see her reaction.” I squint my eyes, she knows something.
I shrug it off, plugging in my headphones, ready for the hour bus ride we have to make before getting to our destination.
- - - - -
Once we arrive, Mapi pats me on the back before going to annoy Ingrid about something. I make my way to find Patri, interlocking my fingers with her own. Too focused on my own nerves, I fail to see hers.
We start the trek, observing the views of the city and other wildlife around the place. Taking photos every so often. The weather is nice, not too hot and cool enough so that when we do sweat it’s a cooling feeling.
After an hour or so, we make it to the top. The views are absolutely gorgeous as the city is lit up by the glowing sun. In the distance, I can see the bay. The water glistening even from so far away.
(side note why tf do i keep rhyming things help)
This is the moment. I have to ask, so I pull Patri aside and make her sit down. We’re away from most of the others but the views do not miss.
“So what is it?” She asks, slightly nervous.
“Well I… We’ve been dating for quite a while and I thought, there’s no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with, soo.” I pause, pulling the box out of my bag.
“Will you marry me?” I ask.
I watch as her smile grows, and she starts laughing slightly.
“What’s so funny?” I smile, confused.
“Because, I was going to ask you the same thing.” She then proceeds to pull out her own box with a ring. Now it’s my turn to laugh.
“Oh God!” I yell into her shoulder, tears streaming out of my eyes.
“Well, I’ll put the ring I got on you, vice versa.” She nods and I take the ring out of the box, placing it delicately on her finger. It’s clear it suits her so well, even if my bank account cried for days. I’m assuming hers did as well.
Because when that ring is put on my finger, all I can think about is how right this feels. To the point I start crying.
“What’s wrong amor?” She wipes the tears away.
“Nothing, this just feels so right. I love you so much bebé” Her hands are on my face still, and she pulls me in for a long kiss.
When it’s done, realisation dawns upon me.
“Wait… do you think all the girls knew? I told Lucy, Frido and Mapi who probably told others and if you told people that means-“ Her eyes also go wide.
“True, very true. How about we go show them ah?” I nod and we get up walking toward everyone else.
“WE’RE GETTING MARRIED BITCHES!” Patri screams.
Most of them respond with the same energy, but all I can think about is how lucky I am to have someone like Patri. Someone I love so deeply.
#woso#woso x reader#woso community#woso fanfics#barca femeni#barcelona femeni#patri guijarro#patri guijarro x reader#wlw
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renjun: soulmates
Word count: 1.3k
Warnings: confusing emotions, y/n almost gets into a car accident, quite a bit of crying
Notes: this is Renjun's part of 'nct dream as love tropes', enjoy!
They say soulmates are highly connected on a spiritual level. You never understood what that meant entirely but you see a glimpse of it through your parents. They seem to understand each other without even having to tell each other anything. A simple glance, a smile, it’s like they really are the other half of each other. When your mum feels sad, you dad feels it before she says anything. Your dad told you when you were little, that soulmates can feel each other’s emotions. It keeps them in sync, connected. Some connections are stronger than others, it varies between every pair of soulmates. He says that’s why sometimes, you suddenly feel happy or sad even if you’re not currently feeling those exact emotions.
But not all soulmates end up having a romantic relationship, some soulmates remain best friends. Some never really get to have a relationship. Some soulmates never get to find each other at all. You’re in college now and you have yet to find your soulmate. Not that it matters to you, you weren’t too invested into this whole soulmate thing like some of your friends.
However, you quickly learned that your soulmate gets frustrated rather easily. You’d be fine, going about your day when you feel rage begin to bubble at the pit of your stomach. Sometimes, it gets so strong you want to scream at anyone who dares to get in your way. Then it fades away almost as quickly.
Renjun is rather annoyed with his soulmate (spoiler: that’s you). Because why is she always crying? This has happened ever since he was young. He was having lunch with his parents one day and he had the sudden urge to start bawling for no reason. But after a while, he stopped as if nothing even happened and continued eating. As he grew older, he got better at controlling your emotions. Whenever he feels that sinking feeling in his chest, he excuses himself to the bathroom to just let it out. But sometimes it catches him so off-guard and his friends were so amazed by it.
Him and his friends were out and having a good time over drinks and Renjun felt that same feeling where his heart sank and his eyes were immediately filled with tears. “Ah shit, she’s at it again,” he mutters as a single tear falls from his eyes. “Dude, are you alright?” “Yea, my soulmate’s just really upset over something again. It happens…” Renjun gives himself a moment for you to be done crying, holding a napkin to dry his tears as they continuously roll down his cheek. “She seems really upset…” “She’s been crying a lot lately, if I’m being honest.” “Why don’t you check up on her?” “Oh… I- uh… I haven’t met her yet.” “Oh, what? And you guys are already this connected? That’s crazy.” “It’s a little embarrassing… I just cry out of nowhere all the time.” But Renjun does worry about you a little. The last time he cried this much was when he was a lot younger, so he wonders if you’re holding up alright. Sometimes, he feels sorry that he can’t comfort you.
They say you’ll know your soulmate when you ever come into contact with them. Some of your friends said they knew at a single glance. Others said it was when they spoke to each other for the first time. The word ‘contact’ seems to come in many forms.
You’ve been really stressed lately because of finals. And also because your manager from your part-time job is a pain in the ass. She’s making you work over hours and not paying you for them. Moreover, you’re doing a lot more than what you initially applied for. You’re finally closing the cafe for the day and you’ve never been more relieved. It was one of the most tiring shifts of your life. You don’t know if it’s because it’s midweek, you had to serve so many grumpy customers today. Everyone was so impatient, some guy even shouted at you to hurry up when you were swarmed with drink orders during peak hour. Towards the end of the shift, you were careless while taking someone’s pie out of the over and burnt your hand.
The worse thing is, you can’t even sleep when you get home because you have a paper due in two days and you barely started it. Thinking about having to sit down to write an essay after one of the worst shifts of your life already has you close to tears. You’re so tired and the semester break still seems so far away.
Similar to you, Renjun is finally leaving the library after working on his essay all day. His eyes feel like they’re about to pop out and his head is pounding. Before heading home though, he decides to drop by the convenient store to grab a couple cans of energy drinks since he ran out. As he’s paying, Renjun feels a familiar ache in his chest and he reckon it’s caused by you again. Recently, chest pains are perfectly normal occurrence to him.
As he walks out of the convenient store, bidding the cashier goodbye, he slowly walks to the pedestrian crossing to begin walking home. The green man just turned red so he stops before the yellow line, waiting for it to turn green again. Renjun’s chest begins to hurt a little more and he can already feel tears starting to well up in his eyes. Just then, a young lady about his age walk past him and doesn’t stop walking.
You’re walking home from the cafe and all you can think about is the miserable day you had, how tired you are and how much more you had to do. You’re about to cross the road when a hand grabs onto your arm and pulls you back. All you hear was a loud, “Watch out!” and the loud honking from the car that zoomed past just a few feet away from you. “Shit, what are you doing? You could have died!” You’re too shocked from what happened when you finally realise what just happened.
You look to the boy beside who is still holding onto you tightly, he has tears rolling down his cheeks and you feel that boiling in your chest you know all too well. The two of you stare at each other and it clicks. Images of each other flashes in both your minds almost like you’ve known each other your whole life. He slowly lets go of your arm and the beeping from the traffic light alerts you two that the red man has turned green and it is safe to cross the road.
“So you’re the reason I’m always crying for no reason…” Renjun starts as he wipes his tears and you chuckle almost sadly, “I’m sorry…” He laughs too, this is a little awkward. No one really ever teaches you what to do when you first meet your soulmate. “A-are you okay though?” Renjun asks as he calms down, looking at you with concern in his eyes. “Not really but… I’ll survive.” You reply, giving him a liptight grin. “Why are you always so frustrated?” You ask and it’s his turn to feel a little embarrassed. “My bad, I’m not the best at staying calm…” It’s silent again when the two of you finally reach the other side of the road.
“I’m Renjun, by the way.” “I’m y/n.” “Please be careful when you’re crossing the road…” “Right, thank you for saving my life… drinks on me someday… I work at the cafe just down the street.” You tell him as you point towards the direction of the cafe. Renjun nods with the prettiest smile on his face and you already feel yourself blushing. “I’ll come by after my classes tomorrow, will you be there?” “Yea, I’ll be there.” With that you two part ways, you’ve never been more excited for work and Renjun has never been more thrilled to attend his classes. An unfamiliar feeling erupts in both your chests, it’s a warm, fluttering feeling. As you two walk home, you both can’t help the smile that finds it way to your faces.
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Weird Life
Son Heungmin
Sonny is dating a famous singer. After his national team got knocked out from the world cup, she posts pictures on Instagram that hints they’re dating. [Requested]
She couldn’t hit the right note. The emotion also wasn’t quite there. She had been trying to record the same bridge over and over again. The bridge was her most favourite part of a song, the most special for her personally. So if her vocals hadn’t reached the perfection that she wanted for it, she wouldn’t move on to the next parts.
“James, my love, I don’t think I can do this now,” she said, letting out a long and heavy sigh. She rubbed her eyes before looking at James, her vocal director, through the glass screen. Poppy, her personal assistant, Cindy, her producer, and Max, her recording engineer were all staring at her. Their eyes showed that they were all getting worried and nervous.
“Sweetheart, we really have to finish this song today,” James said. “Listen, if there’s anything I can do to make it easier for you, I’d gladly do it. If there’s anything I can get you—”
“Just get me my boyfriend,” she cried. “Do we know where he is? Pop, has he landed? Do we have any updates?”
“Not yet, honey. Hey, do you know what? I think we should take a little break.”
Five minutes later, she and Poppy were on the rooftop. She stood near the railings, looking down the busy street, resting both hands on her waist as she took deep breaths, trying to keep herself calm.
“I’ve made a terrible decision, haven’t I?” She asked. “What are they saying, Pop? The fans?”
“You’ve turned off your phone because you don’t want to see anything but now you’re asking me?”
She glanced at Poppy with a little pout. “I can’t get it out of my head. Yeah, I know, I should’ve known better.”
Poppy sighed and scrolled on her phone. Her eyes scanned the tweets from the topic that had been trending for the past two hours. “Son Heung Min Dating” was the keyword.
“‘So the rumours were all true??’, ‘I knew it! The matching bracelet wasn’t a coincidence!’, ‘Remember when she was suddenly in London back in February? She must’ve been visiting Sonny’.” Poppy read a few of the comments. She was reading it casually but she suddenly let out a little gasp. “Look what they’ve figured out! Sonny’s flight! They know he’s coming to Los Angeles.”
“Right. And why would Son Heungmin suddenly fly to Los Angeles? Oh! Guess who else is in Los Angeles? Me!” She said animatedly, flailing her hands around, a sign that she was very stressed out. “They’ve figured that out too, haven’t they?”
“Yeah… Someone spotted you at the airport two days ago, there’s pictures. And they’ve connected the dots.”
She sighed. “God, I’m so stupid,” she said, rubbing her her fingers on her temples. “It was supposed to be just a hint, not a total reveal. Or maybe we shouldn’t have done this at all.”
She had posted some photos on Instagram from her trip to South Korea back in July. Sonny was in almost every picture. His blurry back, a little part of his shoulder, a bit of his arm, but not his face. She’d posted it this morning, just five days after Korea’s campaign in the world cup ended. The caption was a simple “Throwback” with a South Korean flag.
Without a doubt, the post blew up because both Sonny’s and her fans were coming up with their own theories about them dating, that they had been developing for a whole year. It was actually the plan, to slowly reveal their relationship to the public, but it turned out that no matter how much she’d prepared herself for it, it didn’t make it any easier.
“We have planned everything out. Come on, it’s okay, we can handle this. It’s under control,” Poppy tried to reassure her.
She let out another long, exasperated sigh. “Just please get me my boyfriend, Poppy…”
—
When Sonny arrived almost three hours later, she couldn’t even react. She was slumped on the couch in the studio, covering herself with a warm blanket. She had been just sitting and listening to the song blazing in the room, with vocals that she’d recorded so far that sounded absolutely awful to her. It felt like all her energy was drained out from the stress. But Sonny came in with a smile on his face. He said ‘hi’, reached for her hand, and gently helped her to get up so he could give her the biggest warm hug.
“Have you been seeing everything?” She didn’t even return his greeting or ask about how he was doing. Her mind had gotten too clouded.
“Kevin told me some stuff,” Sonny answered as he soothingly caressed her back. “Everything is fine. We are prepared, our teams are prepared. There’s nothing to worry about.” Poppy and Kevin, Sonny’s assistant, had had a call earlier. Poppy had probably told Kevin about her messy state, the reason why Sonny went straight to the point.
“James, can you please turn the music down? Thanks,” she said to James before getting back to Sonny. “So– We’re still going with the plan? We’re still gonna make the official announcement?”
“Yes, we’re going with the plan,” Sonny said, loosening his arms and letting her go so he could take a look at her face. The stress and worry were still all over her face.
She slightly shook her head as her panicked eyes wandered everywhere. “People are gonna say that this is all just PR. They’ll say I need a boost for my new song and you— I don’t know, maybe they’ll say that you’re riding the world cup wave or something, seeking for more popularity, and—”
“Hey, look at me.” Sonny cut her off, holding her face with his hand, trying to get her to look at him and luckily, he succeeded. “People can say whatever they want. They can say it’s PR, but they will be proven wrong when we get married next year.”
She fell silent as she bit her lower lip. Memories flashed in her mind from those talks they had had. It had started with just her and Sonny, then their families joined in, then Poppy and Kevin joined in, then her label and Sonny’s agent joined in. Both her and Sonny were popular figures in their own world, so it took a lot just to make an announcement about them dating.
“Listen. If you’re not ready—”
“No, no, I am.” She cut him off, shrugging. “I’m sorry, it’s just… I feel like we’ve chosen the wrong timing. Maybe we should’ve waited for another week.”
“It’s okay. We get this done before Premier League starts, before you start filming, then we can carry on. I promise we’ll be fine. Okay?”
She nodded and tip-toed on her feet to steal a kiss. Sonny wrapped his arms around her tight as he kissed her back.
“How are you feeling? I’m sorry the journey ended here for you guys,” she said.
“We did our best. I feel better now that I’m with you,” Sonny answered with his infectious smile plastered on his face.
“I’m so proud of you.” She gave him a smile, running a hand through his hair.
“Thank you. Now how about we finish the song, yeah?”
—
She finished the song with ease. Partly because she was more collected and less worried, but mostly because her muse was there, watching and supporting her. Less than an hour and she was out of the booth; she finished all the parts, along with the ad-libs and all the layers.
The proud look on Sonny’s face didn’t go unnoticed. He pulled her into a hug and patted her head, saying, “That was amazing. You did really well.”
“Thank you. Do you like the song?”
“I think it might be my new favourite.”
“You heard it, guys. The muse approved!” She grinned at Sonny, before turning around and shifting her gaze back and forth between James and Cindy. “All good, yeah? Can we wrap this up? Can I have my two days-off now?”
Everyone agreed that they could wrap up the recording session and she wasted no time on leaving the studio. She hopped on the backseat of the car with Sonny, and Nolan, her driver, drove them to the hotel that they would stay in for the next two days.
Their hands were linked. She rested her head on his shoulder as he looked out the window, watching life happening on Los Angeles’ streets. She, once in a while, looked up to get a glimpse of his face.
She knew that Sonny was jet-lagged and tired. He had flown to two different countries in the past few days. Make it three when he flies back to London in three days. Between his packed schedule, he still made an effort to see her since she wouldn’t go home for another two weeks; a couple of weeks ago it was her who had flown to Qatar to see him. It wasn’t always like this, they weren’t always insanely busy and were in different time-zones. But sometimes it did take a lot to make their relationship work, so every time they had a chance, they would always try to make the best out of it.
“What a weird life that we have…” She mumbled. It was enough to get Sonny’s attention.
“I think it’s a blessing,” he commented. “I mean, I wouldn’t even have met you if I wasn’t an international footballer.”
She giggled, sitting up so she could take a good look at his face. “Yeah. Wouldn’t have met you if I was back home helping my mum run her tea shop… You’re right. We’re living our dreams.”
Sonny stared at her in silence with a fond gaze. They’d been dating for four years, but Sonny still could make her heart skip a beat with no effort. Without saying any words, he leaned in to capture her lips, sending the butterflies in her stomach flying, also with absolutely no effort.
“Hey,” he said when he found her eyes again.
“Hmm?”
“From the very beginning, we know nothing is gonna be easy. But we’ve made it this far. We’re a good team, you know? We just always need to be a good team. And I’ll always try to be a good teammate for you.”
Her lips perked into a small smile. “I know.” She nodded and Sonny smiled back. She rested her head back on his shoulder as she felt Sonny’s thumb caressing her hand.
It was indeed a weird life that they were living. Dating in public? Casually announcing their relationship to friends and family? It didn’t work like that for them. Privacy was a luxurious thing but they couldn’t even complain because they were incredibly privileged to even have this weird life.
But she was grateful that she had Sonny. Someone who understood, someone who was willing to do more, someone that she could hold on to when life got a little bit too insane. Life could take the craziest turns but she knew that in the end everything was gonna be fine, because she had her teammate. And he would always be there, holding her hand and walking beside her, to the future that they dream together.
—
sometimes i feel like i put in too much details and that’s why sometimes it takes forever for me to finish a fic, but people tell me that it’s what they love about my fics. i think it’s not the first time i mention this but yeah, i’m in a dilemma.
i enjoyed writing this one🥺 this might be my new favourite! thank you for everyone who had been reading and requesting sonny fics during this world cup! the demand was high!😆 hope you enjoyed it<3
My Masterlist🤍
#avenirdelightwrites#son heung min imagines#football imagines#footballer imagines#son heung min one shot#heung min son one shot#heung min son imagines#football one shot#footballer one shot#football fic#footballer fic#fanfiction#fanfic#imagine#one shots
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✧. ┊ Dreich / 1
. ➶ ˚ AFAB! Selkie Reader x AMAB! Fisherman
TWs: Abduction, violence, light gore from wounds, manipulation, abuse, and the usual. (FURTHER IN THE SERIES)
I gave the reader short hair. Sigh... don't hate me long haired readers 😍🥰
You are responsible for the content you consume! Stop reading if you feel uncomfortable.
The sun had not yet risen, and the waters wore an illusion of darkness—a blurry veil of sapphire that soothed my soul. My eyes crashed to a close like the waves on the rocks. I heard the conches communicate in hushed whispers as the wind howled a lachrymose lullaby to damned souls like me. Did I dare to sing with the waters and profess a forbidden love for the sea? No, I wasn’t the fool I was yesterday or the day before. After all, people change like the tides before it all goes still.
As my kitten heels clicked on the cool concrete path, I looked back at the sea once more. I firmly held my straw hat in place as Notus, determined to blow it away, caused a trickle of sweat to drip down my forehead. I pulled out my embroidered handkerchief and wiped the bead off before I resumed my stroll away from the waters. The distant cries of the mighty albatross of the North Sea faded into the bustling streets of Essex. I hummed as I swooped up a newspaper from the trash, scanning the headlines before tossing it away.
I opened my parasol as the sanguine sun stretched its fiery body above the port, piercing every shadow with blinding radiance. Hoarse offers of fresh-cut flowers, baked loaves of bread, imported treasures, and every meaningless trinket imaginable overwhelmed my ears. My nose—ever the detective—picked up the scent of fresh fish, and my mouth involuntarily watered. I blushed when I felt the saliva trickle down my chin and wiped it off with my glove.
“It seems I am quite the mess today,” I muttered as I approached the stall, eyeing the filleted flesh with an unspoken urgency.
I removed my gloves as I picked up the headless haddock, resisting the temptation to consume it as is.
“Somethin’ catch yer eye, missus,” A gruff voice chuckled as I set the fish down, “By all means, buy it.”
“My apologies, sir,” I cleared my throat and felt my ears burn red at my indecency, “I just haven’t seen fish that looks so… delectable.”
“Relax, missus, ya needn’t be so stiff ‘round me,” He hoarsely chuckled as he adjusted his stained apron, “Can I cut somethin’ fresh fer ya?”
“Do you sell cod?”
“Of course.”
He turned around and seized a flailing cod with strong, hairy arms, setting it on a wooden cutting board. He gripped his knife with a steady hand and, with a quick motion, cut the fish’s head clean off. Blood splattered on his face, and I felt my stomach growl at the scent.
“Seems like someone’s hungry,” He grinned—the way most sailors do—and packaged the fix with practiced ease, “Don’t tell me ya ‘aven’t eaten yet, missus. Yer already too thin as is, delicate thing, aren’t ya? What’s a lovely lady like yourself doin’ in the markets?”
“I haven’t any time to sit down in the mornings; too much to be done then to idly ruminate as I eat,” I took the bag from his hands and—what I assume was intention—felt his calloused fingers against my hands.
“A woman after my own heart,” His gray eyes bore into my soul, and he wiped the blood off his cheek, “Didn’t feel a ring on yer hand too so I won’t have to sneak in through the back.”
“Didn’t your mother teach you any class?,” I gasped and pulled away from him, crossing my arms.
“What’s wrong, little lady? Need me to put a ring on ya finger first? Don’t know if I could afford somethin’ worthy of you,” He smugly grinned as I reached into my purse, “Now, I know yer not offerin’ to pay fer that. Take it, it’s free of charge.”
“Thank you, sir,” I hoarsely responded, trying to make my disapproval apparent through my mannerisms.
With that, I walked away and only glanced over my shoulder once to see a smile that nobody had ever presented to me. Would it be wrong to ask for his name?
“Don’t be foolish, Y/N,” A small, unfamiliar blush swept across my sunkissed skin as I walked into an alleyway, “Man and monster do not go well.”
I unwrapped the package and, with sharp, beastly fangs, tore into the scales of the sea. Blood splattered on the old stone pathway and onto my gloves as I ravished the fish. Its bones cracked in my strong jaw, and I spat out whatever remained of the fish. I threw my gloves away and wiped the blood off of my upper lip; the feeling of hunger still remained but wasn’t as unbearable. I opened my parasol and disappeared into the sharp turns and jagged rock of the unspoken alleys of Essex.
…
His calloused fingers reach into the bins and examined soiled lace that reeked—oddly enough—of fish.
“Seems like we’ve got ourselves ‘nother beast in this town,” He hummed as he pocketed the gloves, instantly recognizing the package.
His eyes widened, and his crooked teeth flashed an unruly, savage smile. He took the gloves out of his pocket and inhaled the scent of fragrance, blood, and sea.
“Yer all mine, little lady,” He chuckled and squinted his eyes as the sun shone brightly, illuminating all that was hidden.
#yandere writing#dark romance#yandere#yandere character#yandere oc#yandere oneshot#❤︎.pomegranate#☆–graham#yandere male#yandere x reader
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Okay. Cool. That’s good to know. A part of me figured that was the case but since that everything purely said ‘Ask box closed’ I figured I’d better be safe than sorry and should wait until you opened it up again. And I’m so sorry that someone sent in that spoiler with a request. I really do hate that. And that’s great to hear that you slept so amazingly ☺ Gods, me too. I have this weird thing where I absolutely have no idea how much sleep I actually need beause I’m always tired, even if I sleep more than normal. Sure, I feel slightly more refreshed, but still hella tired. Okay. I’ll try to come up with everything I thought of saying at the time and will send it next time you respond to our DMs. And thank you so much for saying that. It most definitely was a great chapter and I hope I have good enough thoughts to add onto everything you’ve already said about it. Oh I see. That makes sense. I also usually go for those kinds of things and rarely watch purely romantic series, unless they’re recommended to me or they’re said to be really good. It really is. I finished A: TLA a few days ago and cried so much at the end. And I hope that you also get the chance to rewatch it at some point and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it when the time comes. I immensely enjoyed rewatching A: TLA and it’s funny beause even though it’s been a while that I’ve watched it before , I still knew a lot of everything concerning the story but that didn’t detract from my enjoyment of the moments. Like I still cried at another emotional scene a few episodes before the end beause it really is just so beautiful. I just started the last season of Demon Slayer that’s out today and I’m just in awe of the animation and how it looks and it’s making me emotional. I’m really so grateful that a series as good as that has such a beautifully well done adaptation. Couldn’t ask for anything more and hope that they continue doing it justice until the very end, though I have a feeling they will.
Thank you. I managed to get through everything I didn’t get the chance to read yet today, as you may have noticed 😅 And I enjoyed all of them and have written my thoughts down for them, though I feel like they’ll probably look quite repetitive 😅 Yeah, fandom is amazing like that. I’m really grateful for that and the way that they write all of the wikis. Yeah, one of the filler arcs in Bleach is really weird and I never rewatch that one. Oh that’s nice to know. And it’s also cool to know that they also translated the songs. Were they sung by the English voice actors or something?
It really was and luckily, now that I’ve restarted my computer again since it was being really slow, it’s gone back to how it used to be. And that could be. And thank you for calling the explanation clear. And that sounds good. I hope you get to read it beause one of the matches centres on some of my favourite babies and I really do hate that they messed up the adaptation like that. At least I’ll always have the manga, though it still sucks 😭 Yeah. And the fourth season still has some really well-done scenes, and there’s this scene of another kind of fave that I haven’t mentioned at all, that appears in that season, and they have like this really beautiful shot of his eyes. And that’s nice to know. No problem at all. Even though I probably won’t rewatch the movies, I do really appreciate that they animated those extra scenes beause they’re all important in their own way. Shame can’t be said for some later stuff and I know Covid had something to do with the second half on the fourth season, but the movie of this year and those OVA’s from many years ago have no excuse so yeah, it’s still a shame (I know I’m being really salty here so sorry for that). The chapter limitation really does suck, especially because both were really easy to get through for me, someone who doesn’t read as fast so I hope that you do get to read both on your normal app one day. Yeah, me too. Like even though I do have my faves that I’ve talked to you about, I still love all of the characters and am so proud of the growth that certain ones went through and it’s just all so nice. Like even my non-faves make me emotional. And yeah, especially those. Like the other boy I’m not normal about has such noticeable flaws and is such a silly boy (like I call him silly so often while rewatching some of his scenes) but he’s such a well-made character that you can’t help but love him.
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that and I can’t blame you for being upset by it. I hope at least that that character has good reasons or something. I’m also scared now, but also kind of intrigued to see it all. And true and that’s really nice. And you’re amazing for that. Glad to see that I’m not the only one who likes justified text. And no problem at all 😄 I’m doing pretty alright. Like I said, I watched some Demon Slayer today, which put me in a good mood but my mum was really judgemental about a certain thing concerning my dad which was so horrible to hear sine it was during dinner time so I just had to sit there and listen to everything she had to say, especially since I couldn’t come up with enough stuff to counter her. It really is always so painful to have to hear her comments about all kinds of things but I won’t let it keep me down because I know I have your writing to look forward to and many great anime and all kinds of stuff. Just couldn’t help but mention it. Hope you’re doing amazing and that the writing is going great 😊
C
I know you had figured that and I think it’s really sweet of you to be concerned about bothering me! You’re never a bother though and I enjoy seeing you in the inbox 😊Thanks – that one was rough as I’ve done amazing at avoiding Jujutsu Kaisen spoilers (blacklisted the general tag until I’m completely finished the manga read just to make sure of that). Though, just saying – I called that one way back in our messages but ouch, rough yeah, for both being spoiled and for what it said happened. I need way more sleep than the four to six hours I’m lucky to get a night. I’m horrible in being a super light sleeper where every little sound wakes me up though, even with my pills being in me. Caffeine is my best friend in all forms (coffee, energy drinks, caffeine infused chocolate or my favourite, chocolate covered espresso beans, even caffeine pills if the insomnia is really bad…yeah, I know, I’ll probably die of a heart attack from all the caffeine guys but adult life sucks and requires you to stay awake). Sounds good! I’m hoping to get a reply to our dm’s off maybe this weekend in between writing other things, where I have a weekend off. I can definitely get checking out series that are recommended to you, even if they’re not what you’d normally watch. I recently paused watching my other shows to binge through Mashle because it came highly recommended by two people I trust, even though it seemed like it would be just a blatant rip-off of One Punch Man. Turns out they were right and I loved it. I hope it will be that for you with the romance series when you do watch it through! The ending of A:TLA was definitely worthy of the crying and I remember crying quite a bit throughout that show. I loved Iroh, but I really had a soft spot for Azula and things got real rough for my girl around the end of the show. I felt horrible for her, I really did. I’m so glad that you enjoyed your rewatch of it, that it could still hit you in all the right ways despite knowing what was coming. When you say last season, do you mean this is it? It will wrap everything up completely or is there a plan for more (like a spin-off or anything) after this season or a follow-up like Naruto: Shippuden? I’m so glad the last season is starting out so well though and I’m with you in hoping it will continue to be beautifully done right up until the end, and not just because it’s high on my watch list.
I noticed and appreciated all the likes and am happy you enjoyed them all! And I never find your thoughts repetitive and am always really glad to hear your thoughts on my posts! Comments are always wonderful and motivating! I hate the Bount arc for Bleach and when I do get the urge to watch it, I always skip that arc, since it’s pure filler anyway! I’m pretty sure it’s all the English VA’s singing the songs but I noticed about halfway through season 2 there were some songs they didn’t translate and upon googling it, it looks like sometimes it’s hard to get the permissions needed to translate and revoice those songs. Either way, the music is really solid all through the show!
I’m glad your computer has gone back to how it should be and hopefully isn’t running super slow anymore! It definitely was clear and it helps me know what to expect. I’m someone who likes to get every single moment, so even if the movies are a lot of recycled stuff, I still need to watch them. Oh no! It sucks that your favourite didn’t really get what they should have when it came to the anime adaptation. I know how that feels and it sucks big time! I hadn’t even actually thought about the impact Covid would have had on animators and studios! A lot of what came out during that time would make more sense if they couldn’t really all do their work successfully from home, I guess. And hey, no, please feel free to be salty. Everyone has things they’re salty about, even me, and it’s cool that you feel comfortable enough with me to feel safe getting salty about things. Thank you for that! And so far, all the characters are great. I was pretty sure I’d dislike Hinata going into it, because those kind of characters normally bore me but I ended up just adoring him, which is the one that surprised me the most!
Thank you! I do hope that, when I get to reading and finishing up everything for the manga, I’ll see the reasons the author went that direction and that it ends up making sense in the story. If not, I’m sticking just with writing Nanbaka up to the end of the anime seasons haha! I’m so glad you’re doing okay and that you had some good moments, though I’m really sorry to hear that about your mother. I personally am of the opinion that spouses shouldn’t bicker or pick at each other in front of their children, but I know it happens all too often. It’s awkward for the person sitting there and uncomfortable. I’m sure you did your best to defend your dad and that he appreciated it a lot! I know it’s hard but try to focus on some of the positives of your day or lose yourself in something you enjoy and don’t let her steal your joy, my dear! You deserve more than that! And thank you! I’m doing okay tonight – just got my pills into me, sitting on my couch in boxers and a comfy t-shirt, eating a McCain cake out of the tin and writing (just finished a chapter…it was supposed to be a request for a one shot little drabble about me travelling with comfort characters and now it’s bloated into a whole multi-chaptered fic, haha)!
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Picket Fence is Sharp as Knives Chapter 6: Not trying to fall in love but we did like children running
Hi my loves! So. I absolutely hate this chapter. I hate it. I think it's because I liked last chapter SO much and it was so important and this feels so...bleh. Idk. BUT I wanted to post something today for two reasons
It is exactly one year since I posted ARWBFB! Happy birthday ARWBFB, how far we have come! I wanted to go back to the OG roots with this chapter in honor of that, and do something that is just so quintessential Cato and Clove and thats what this is supposed to be!
This is the last chapter for about 2-3 weeks! I have a really stressful couple of weeks ahead where I find out if I have a job or not and will simply be too anxious to write in the mean time! So this is a little Clato-centric treat to hold us all over until I get back to writing in a couple of weeks!
Title from The Very First Night (taylor swift of course)
AO3
Masterpost
As always thank you to the besties who get me through. I quite literally hate this chapter and i'm not happy with it but I put it into the world anyway and it's for y'all. @bodyelectric77 as always, thanks for putting up with my pouting in the DMs. @kentwells I hope this satisfies your cries for Clato content. @ohhowwehavefallen you just get tagged at this point even if you don't want to be sorry not sorry.
Okay! Here we go. Happy birthday ARWBFB you will always be famous to me.
“Why are you all excited?” Clove teases, reaching her arms above her head so she can tighten her smooth ponytail, swatting his hand away as he goes to flick the ends down into her face. “You act like we’ve never done this before.”
“Clove, it's been literal years since we’ve got to do this. We were teenagers.” Cato slides his fingers under the strap of her sports bra and snaps it against her shoulder, something that years ago he learned would make her jump and give the cutest little scowl. When they were fifteen it was accompanied by a knife whirling past his head, but today it was met with a sharp fingernail jabbing his ribs in the same place she stabbed the day they met. “Besides…don’t you remember Enobaria telling us she was never letting us step foot in this new training center? What did she say we were going to do to it? Defer it?”
“Defile it.” Clove corrects, smiling just a little to herself at his enthusiasm. Yeah, maybe it was not the kind of training they had grown up with, but Cato’s excitement was borderline contagious. And yeah…maybe she was a little excited too. She had plenty of pent up aggression with no outlet other than a steak knife and a tree in the back yard these days. “This isn’t training like we’re used to, you know. These aren’t special kids like we were.”
They clearly were not the first choice to take this class, gathered by the disgruntled and last minute request of Brutus earlier this same morning. Apparently the usual teacher canceled earlier this week, but Enobaria had been distracted by some sort of Cashmere related crisis (and if they understood from her vague but uncharacteristically flustered call, it was a Cashmere-Finnick-Glimmer kind of crisis and no one could blame her for her properly placed priorities) and she forgot to find a cover. It was a very hesitant Brutus who offered them the afternoon class followed with the promise of free reign of the athletic facilities afterward to do with as they pleased.
“I haven’t even worked out like that in forever..” Clove continues her internal thoughts out loud, speeding her steps up just a little to keep in time with Cato’s much longer strides. “I can run, yeah, but I don’t even know if I could still do like..a pull up.”
“You’re still pretty flexible, at least.” Cato easily wraps both hands around her waist, before flipping her over his shoulder and tossing her just slightly into the air before she lands back in his hands. The way she kicks at him to put her down is not foreign, and his arms are long since trained to hold her steady despite her flailing tantrums. “And lightweight.”
“Cato, put me down!” Clove demands through gritted teeth, staring indignantly at the ground behind him. She wants to beat her fists against his shoulder and his spine, but experience has taught her that is no use. She is at his will until he decides otherwise.
“Ask nicely…” He taunts her, and she feels a firm squeeze at the top of her right thigh, causing her to squirm in his arms yet again. It is after this that he sets her down, but she realizes when her feet hit pavement rather than grass that it is not because of her own indignity.
The building is not on the remains of what was once their academic and educational home, but rather a much smaller, independent center. It’s much nearer the school where Cato’s mother teaches rather than a pillar of status in the center of the district. It’s no grand home of future victors with the best weaponry district money can buy. No…it’s just a building with a couple of sports fields and some sort of indoor recreational area.
In short, it’s the kind of place Cato and Clove would have seen as the loser training center, back in their childhood.
He slips his littler hand into his, and gives her hand the littlest squeeze of confidence, before be absolutely pulls her inside, betraying even more interest than he had let on in their walk here.
Even as they enter through the double glass doors, they simultaneously notice that it’s so incredibly different than the type of athletic training they had been exposed to in their youth.
There’s about twenty four shoe cubbies on the wall underneath a coordinated number of hooks, all littered with various little child-sized rain coats and backpacks. There are windows all around the top of the room, pouring in natural light, that are open just enough to allow the air that hints of spring to filter in as a refreshing reminder of the impending warm weather and longer days.
It’s such a staunch difference from what they grew up with. Now, the only way Cato can think to describe the center of their youth is dungeon like; no windows, fluorescent lights that fucked with the circadian rhythm of their adolescent bodies. Treating time outside and fresh air as a reward was probably some psychological trick to keep them hyped and excited for the games– arenas were almost always outdoors.
On the other wall is a simple wooden desk, a stack of manilla folders, and an old pre-war desktop computer that had likely been repurposed from one of the many destroyed buildings in their district. There was a woman sitting behind the desk, with simple dark hair and matching eyes, typing absently as she inputs something into what they assume is an online system.
She looks up with disinterest, a monotonous voice welcoming them to the center. However, she must recognize them after a few moments of her typical spiel, because her head peaks up a little straighter. “Cato? Clove? I didn’t know you two were the replacements today?”
Clove recognizes her as a girl who was probably three or four years older than her, Selene if she remembers correctly. She had never even been a top three contender for the games; even if she had who would she have been killed by? Marvel? Annie? Johanna?
Funny, Clove thinks to herself, that she does not see this girl as someone who would have been a victor, but someone who would have fallen to one of her now friends.
“It was sort of a last minute thing, we didn’t expect to be.” Cato answers cordially, though the tilt in his voice told Clove he was trying to place this girl. “Selena, right? What are you doing here?”
“Selene.” The woman answers cooly, continuing the loud clicking of her nails against the keyboard.
Clove resists an eye roll at the evident offense she’s taken to Cato’s lack of recall of her exact name. Clove was called Clover for half her childhood– suck it the fuck up.
“I bring my son here,” Selene clips, slamming the keys a little aggressively, possibly more offended than she let on. “The quarry his dad worked in was one of the many destroyed in the war, taking him with it. I needed a job. The hours were good. Enobaria remembered me from back in the academy, she took pity on me.”
“You have a kid?” Clove asks, mouth risking falling open in disbelief. In her head they were still children, even if she had been older than Clove herself it was hard to believe she was old enough to have a whole child.
Cato raises an eyebrow, and something falls into place for him as to who this girl is even if he is sure not to betray that out loud. “I’m sorry..about his dad.”
“That's what happens to the rest of us, Clove, when we didn’t get to go to the games. We had to get jobs and go about our lives.” Selene responds politely, but the way her eyes flick to the clock behind them reveals she is trying to get out of this conversation as quickly as she can. “Thank you, Cato, He’s in the same class as your sister, I think. Oh look, there he comes now–”
A dinging bell, far less alarming than the whistle that used to be blown at them, signals what they can only explain as the end of the class, and children begin to pour out as parents begin to pour in from the outside.
Cato and Clove are relieved from the conversation when someone slams into Cato from the side, and Clove only has to slightly lower her gaze to see Cora clinging to his leg.
“Hey kiddo,” Cato immediately melts, his demeanor completely shifting as he pulls his sister onto his hip. “I didn’t know you were coming here today?”
“Are we teaching your class?” Clove grins, suddenly a lot more enthusiastic at the thought of teaching when it came to Cora being involved.
“No, she actually just finished up. We come here twice a week.” Cato’s mom joins them, rubbing her son’s arm affectionately before she hands Cora her backpack. “You must have the baby class.”
The enthusiasm Clove just felt falls as fast as her facial expression, and her eyes go as wide as dinner plates at the thought. “What do you mean baby class? I thought we’d have teenagers. Or kids like..our age.”
“You aren’t kids anymore, my dear.” Clove’s mother in law reminds her with amusement in her tone, taking her daughter from her son. “The baby class is right after Cora’s. They’re all five and under. You mean no one told you what class you were covering?”
The hesitance in Brutus’ voice makes so much more sense now– of course no one wanted them responsible for babies. Okay, kids, but really really little kids.
“...Brutus just said we could have the space when the class ended.” Clove grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches parents of even younger children begin to drop them off by the door.
“At least it’s only a twenty minute class.” Cato’s mother tries, but firmly takes Cora’s hand. There's an smug amusement in her voice that she does not even bother covering, “Tell Cato and Clove you’ll see them tomorrow for dinner, Cora. They have a class to teach.”
“Byyyye,” Cora whines, and as she starts to head out with her mother, she whips her head back around to lock eyes with Clove. “Will you pleeeeeease take me to see Glimmer and the babies soon? You promised we could see them!”
“Soon, Cora. Soon.” Clove assured, giving her a little wave on the way out. Cora had demanded pictures of the twins every single time she had seen Clove in the couple of weeks since their birth, and practically begged to see them. Glimmer had been fine with it, and insisted it was okay to bring her during one of their many weekly trips to District One. Clove however couldn’t help but hesitate– weren’t school aged kids kind of gross to be around such new babies?
“...Twenty minutes, Clove. We can do anything for Twenty minutes.” Cato tries, but there's a unsure edge in his voice that does not comfort Clove. If either of them were going to be comfortable with kids it would have been Cato– his hesitance was doing nothing to ensure Clove this was going to go well.
As they brace themselves, slowly entering the general gymnasium area, Cato nudges Clove with his shoulder. “I finally realize where I can recognize Selene from.”
“Yeah, she was a couple years older than us in training–”
“No, no, not that. She was hooking up with my roommate when we were fifteen.”
“Delightful.” Clove responds, but the smirk on Cato’s face falls when he looks up and realizes it was not a response to his epiphany at all.
At some point the room had filled with about ten kindergarten aged kids, who were in various positions from sitting criss-cross to face down on the floor. The one that lies face down on the floor lets out a high pitched cry completely unprovoked, and Clove looks around in what can only be described as horror.
“What the hell were we thinking?” Clove hisses, low enough that none of the kids even looked over at her. She suppresses a gag as one of the little boys stuck his finger fearlessly down the throat of another, before the receiving boy chomps down on his invading fingers and he too joins his comrade in wailing. “Can these kids even tie their own shoes?”
As if the universe heard her question, one of the girls trips directly over her untied shoelaces and falls directly onto one of the other kids.
“This is a nightmare.” Clove grabs Cato’s arm, pulling him down towards her height. “What the hell do we do with these kids?”
“...do you think we pair them up?” Cato half-suggests half-asks, quickly counting them up. “There's five boys and five girls, could we pair them?”
“And do what? Teach them to wrestle?” Clove snaps, but she has nothing better to offer. “Fine. Whatever. Maybe we make them warm up first?”
“Hey..hey…hey!” Cato tries three times before his booming voice earns ten little shocked pairs of eyes staring up at him open mouthed and wide, more than likely never having been yelled at by such a large man before. “Do you kids want to run a lap or something to warm up?” Cato suggests, trying to move on quickly before he scares them to the verge of tears.
A little arm shoots up from the same little girl who tripped over her shoes only seconds prior. Clove nods in her direction, but she continues to speak before Clove actually gets a chance to acknowledge her verbally. “What-sa lap?”
Clove stares, quite frankly a little dumbfounded. She was asking Enobaira to teach her to throw knives at this age– and these kids don’t know what a lap is? “A lap is when you run around the room in a circle.. You know what? Cato can show you.” She shoots him a smug smile, crossing her arm over her chest before using the other to gesture to the open gymnasium space. “Go ahead Cato!”
Cato can only glare at his wife, before he takes off in a half hearted jog around the room. Clove’s smug grin does not fall from her face until he returns in front of them, these kids still staring blankly up at them both.
Cato gestures to the open room again, gesturing down to the group of kindergarteners. “Okay..your turn.”
They are met with wide eyes and confused faces, and Clove and Cato exchange another look of confusion. “Are they dumb?” Clove whispers, and Cato responds with a light shrug before his arms cross over his chest.
“You guys can run..” Clove explains again, speaking much slower this time as if that will help betray her meaning to the group. “Run…”
The same little girl as before raises her hand again, and as before she speaks before she is even acknowledged. “My shoes are untied.”
“Me too!”
“Me too!”
A chorus of “me toos” seems to come from the entire group of children, all who stick their feet out expectantly.
“Oh. And you don’t like..know how to fix that?” Clove questions, raising a dark eyebrow almost in disbelief. Did parents teach anything these days? “Why don’t you all just…take them off. Yeah. Take off your shoes and run like that!”
There’s a general mix of confusion from the children, but that is overpowered by the excitement of feeling like they are breaking rules as they all take off their little shoes and throw them casually to the side.
One by one they take off running, little legs not carrying them very fast around the full sized gym.
“They don’t go very fast do they?” Clove mumbles, rubbing her hand over the length of her face. “This should take up the next ten minutes at least. Then we only have to fill ten more.”
“Yeah! You have legs that size too and you don’t use it as an excuse–” Cato earns a sharp poke in his side for that one, but it does not take the smile off his face.
Every couple of steps one of the kids wipes out, the combination of socks and waxed floor no match for their underdeveloped muscle coordination. As a fourth thud is heard, Cato shakes his head in disbelief. “These really are the loser kids.”
“District Two doesn’t make ‘em like us anymore.” Clove agrees, watching the clock tick by as one by one the group of kids returns in front of them, thoroughly out of breath as some of them lay down on the floor. “How was that!”
“I want to go home!”
“Yeah, I want to go home too.” Clove whispers only for Cato to hear before she claps her hands in front of her. “Okaaaay. We are going to pair you up. Every boy is going to be with a girl-”
“Ewww girls!” Comes from one bratty little boy, who stomps his feet in a way that irritates Clove so deeply she wants to rip out her own hair.
“You won’t always say that.” Cato assures, and continues trying to make little tiny pairs of boys and girls, who immediately are separating. Some throw themselves to the ground, some cling to their friends. Either way it is not going well.
“I don’t want to be with a boy! Boys have cooties!” Another girl whines in protest, her little braids bouncing as she shakes her head back and forth.
“That will change… That will change.” Clove murmurs to herself again, before putting her hands up in defeat. “What happened to discipline! And honor! And skill!” She asks in Cato’s general direction, gesturing out in front of them. “Who is raising kids like this!”
“Our ex-classmates, apparently.” Cato retorts, but finally waves his hand to silence the room. “Fine. You have ten minutes left. Just. I don’t know, play or something? Don’t kill each other.”
“Even that, we would have been encouraged to kill each other, Cato. We TRIED to!” Clove watches as the kids generally disperse into the open space. “This is unbelievable.”
“We better make sure Cora isn’t like this. And we are not letting Glimmer and Marvel raise losers either.” Cato insists, rubbing a tired hand over his face as the room is filled with the sound of kids just playing. “Actually they may be a lost cause, Marvel was a fluke victor.”
Clove snorts back a laugh, digging through the bin of various sized balls and other semi-athletic equipment used by the other classes. There was nothing knife-like nor sword-like in sight. She settles on a tennis ball, tossing it lightly up and down in her hand, testing the weight of it.
Without warning she launches it at a target on the wall, and the sound of it smacking off the concrete brings the room silent for almost a moment. Clove ignores the ache that ebbs in her shoulder at the force, and goes back to find another of the same projectiles. “These aren’t even weighted properly.”
“You’re just that good.” Cato promises, wrapping his arms around her waist and letting his hands linger on the exposed skin of her abdomen a little longer. “I thought we were actually going to get to do something cool.”
“I thought I'd get to watch you take a cocky teenage boy down. I love when you put them in their place.” Clove teases, before she goes back to digging for a couple more appropriately sized tennis balls for her to throw. When she turns back Cato is no longer directly beside her, but has migrated to the mounted bar against the wall. She watches the muscles in his back and shoulders flex as he effortlessly pulls himself up and down in rep after rep of pull ups as if they were nothing. And for Cato? They absolutely were.
She stares at him for a few moments, and even though he’s mostly minding his business, Clove knows him too well. He’s absolutely showing off, and wordlessly challenging her to do the same (and it helps knowing that she most definitely is staring a little too long at his arms as he does so).
Cato knows his display paid off when the sound of rubber on the wall hits round after round around his head as Clove continues to never miss a target. “I miss knives.” She remarks with loud annoyance as the final ball hits the wall, and when Cato opens his mouth to respond he realizes there is an eerie quiet in the room of children.
He lets go of the bar, feet hitting the floor with agility, and when he turns around he notices ten pairs of eyes absolutely locked in on the two of them and their display of athletic dominance.
“Clove…” Cato says calmly, taking a few steps towards her as she gathers ammunition for another round of throws.
“What, you wanna show some actual skills other than flexing your arms-”
“Turn around.”
Clove furrows her eyebrows in confusion but does as he asks, trusting him more than she questions his motive. A sly smile creeps on her face as she sees the awed expressions of the kids they were supposed to be teaching, not ignoring, for the last ten minutes. “I think they’re impressed.. Nothing new. Who isn’t?” Clove begins, before she is cut off by the overly charming alarm that signaled class already being over.
“That was actually pretty easy.” Cato announces, as the barefoot kids quickly run to meet the waiting arms of their rightfully confused parents.
Not too long later, once the building is mostly empty save for the two of them, they sit side by side against the wall.
Cato audibly sighs, stretching his legs out in front of him as his arm drapes over her shoulders. She didn’t need to say it, but he could tell from the way she leaned into him that she was feeling a little bit of an ache from the overuse this afternoon.
“I didn’t think that would be so exhausting. I’m starving.” Cato admits, running his free hand over the side of his face.
Clove laughs, burying her face into his neck as she lets out a sigh of agreement. They didn’t even do that much. Just something about the whole situation; from the unathletic kids, to the whining, to the over competitive nature that their relationship would just never outgrow. “I think I have half a granola bar in my coat pocket. It’s no peanut butter and jelly sandwich but-”
“Damn, I was really hoping you’d peel all the white shit off a pomegranate with a knife for me like old times.”
“You don’t even like pomegranates that much.”
“Yeah, but you’re pretty hot with a knife.”
#arwbfb tag#clato#cato and clove#clato fanfic#arwbfb au#picket fence is sharp as knives tag#always remember we're burned for better tag#clove thg#cato thg
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2022.11.12 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324835300236198380
Finished up filming in the morning, came home to wait for the night scenes... I’ll just stream for a small bit~
LYN: Good afternoon, everyone. Bet you didn’t think that I would come in the afternoon, huh? It’s just been too long since I streamed last, so I had to do one in the afternoon.
LYN: Yes, I’m wearing the in-ear today. You seem to find it quite new, that I’m wearing the in-ear instead of using headphones. It’s because there may be some stage performances coming up, so I have to get used to wearing it. I haven’t really been respecting my profession. As a singer, it’s already been about a year without having done a performance. I’ve already forgotten what it feels like to be on stage. So I have to wear the in-ear even what I’m at home to find that feeling again.
C: You look a little water swollen.
LYN: Yes. You’re already so familiar with my face that you can’t possibly be any MORE familiar with it. Because a lot of you like to post up my unedited pictures. There are so many that you all have a keen understanding of my five senses- my eyes/nose/mouth and everything. I’m only just the slightest bit swollen AND I have the beauty filter on, and you can still tell. How much must you understand me? I really have to thank the people posting these pictures... so that you can know me so well.
LYN: I woke up a little early today- the crew wanted me in to hair/makeup at 5a. Why? Because I heard that there’s a marathon in Hengdian today and the roads would be closed, so if I went any later I probably would not have been able to make it in. If I wanted to get into hair/makeup by 5a, I had to get up at 4a- so I didn’t really sleep. You know what happened? I just got to the dressing room and they announced that the marathon was cancelled. Absolutely dumbfounding. I got up early for nothing. The roads weren’t closed either. They were afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make it in the morning, so they arranged to have me in by 5am. But the marathon ended up being cancelled, so what could I do? I went to the filming site and did my scene. I only had one (1) day scene, and the rest are all night scenes, so after the day scene was finished they told me to come back and sleep. Instead of coming home to sleep I decided to stream, since it’s been a long time. When night falls I’ll go back to work. I guess this counts as having gotten off work already, then. I woke up early, so my face is a bit swollen. Be generous. You’ve seen so many of my “ugly” pictures, I’m sure this is nothing.
LYN: Right- I’m on the night shift today.
- it’s been so long since he’s done a stream that some talented fans are taking it upon themselves to record songs to get him to come (to the tune of Wujiapo: “My ge, Liu Yuning~ I’ve cried 18 days waiting for you~”
LYN: You’re starting to sing, now. Did you think I could watch that and still not stream? I saw that video, I did. So that’s why... I know all the bad things you do.
C: Have you eaten?
LYN: No- Oh. I ate breakfast. I had some tofu pudding and some bread. I’m full now.
C: Ning-ge, you’re wearing eyeliner now?
LYN: What do you mean? My eyes are small, and I can’t even wear eyeliner? I need to “find” a good proportion for me eyes. Also, it’s not like I have nothing better to do than to draw some eyeliner and then come here to stream for you. I have filming today- I even came in here in my wig, as you can see. I’m taking a break right now and so I’m still in makeup- you can’t see, because the beauty filter is on a little high, but I even have some some “death” colored eyeshadow. Not only do I have eyeliner, but I ALSO have shadow.
LYN: My throat hurts. :(
C: Ge, what do you have the wig on for?
LYN: I’m cosplaying. Later I’m going to get in the car to go attend ComicCon.
LYN: What am I doing with the wig on? I have filming to do! // I’m in a drama crew and I have filming to do. I’m not crazy, just spending wearing a wig at home for no reason. I mean, it’s not like I can’t put on some eyeliner and laze around the house- but I’m just not the type of person who would do that.
C: Where’s Daimi?
LYN: She was sent to the groomer’s. She’s gotten too dirty.
C: Ning-ge, are you going to stream until nighttime?
LYN: That’s too much. It’s about noon now so when it hits late afternoon I’ll probably go take a nap. I’ll nap and then go to work at night. Otherwise I don’t think I would be very alert. Let’s not stream until nightfall.
- was invited to an event but won’t go bc his filming schedule is pretty tight
C: If you take a nap in the afternoon are you not afraid to mess up the wig?
LYN: There’s such a thing in this world called a comb. There’s another thing called hair spray/gel. Also a flat iron/hair straightener. If it gets messy all I have to do is comb it...
C: Ning-ge, why are you always on the night shift?
LYN: I’m not really, because with filming a drama there’s no such thing as day/night. It just happens that “day” scenes need to be filmed during the day and “night” scenes at night. That’s just how the story develops. I don’t just do night scenes... I do them all.
C: How much longer do you have to go?
LYN: I think I’m about halfway through. I’m not really clear on how many scenes exactly.
C: When is BYOL airing?
LYN: I don’t know. I only had around 200 or so scenes there. It’s not much- I only went to experience what it was like to shoot a modern drama, which was nice. It was my first time doing a modern drama, so I’m happy. It’s an extremely unforgettable experience for me. I really don’t know when it will air, though. With a lot of people nowadays, even though you acted in it, you really don’t have any clue when the drama will air. If I had to make a prediction- because we were chatting about this the other day- BYOL wants to air on tv and online. The thing about having something air on the television is that they need to first discuss with the broadcast company and also make sure that the airing schedule will fit. I’m guessing it would air by next year, though.
C: What about ALZ?
LYN: ALZ- someone asks about it every time. I really don’t know when it will air. But if I had to make a guess... /long silence/ Why do I feel like a media/gossip account?
C: Have you done the voice acting for it yet?
LYN: See, I haven’t even done the voice acting for it. You tell me when you think it will air. So I don’t know when it will air, and you all can stop asking me. I haven’t even done the voice acting yet.
LYN: Let’s just sit and wait. For those who like and are anticipating this drama, just know that it will air eventually. It’s already been filmed, after all. The production company’s money has already all gone into it- it’s going to have to air eventually. As viewers, what we have to focus on is our health. Alright? Let’s be healthy and exercise a little every day. Eat on time and sleep on time. Work well, live well. So that we can still be alive to see the day the drama airs. Let’s not worry when that will be, and just live our lives until that time comes.
LYN: Of course, I will take this time to wish that whoever is watching my stream right now lives as long as the (Zhong)Nan Mountains. (寿比南山). And I hope the females in my stream right now can be as thin as they want. As thin as the (Zhong)Nan Mountains. (瘦比南山)
*[寿(life) and 瘦(thin/skinny) are both pronounced “shòu”]
--- LYN’s All-Black Outfit, Long Legs
C: You went to Chengdu and bought a lot of clothes?
LYN: Yes, I went to Chengdu and bought a fair amount of clothing. It’s rare to get out (shopping) so I bought some clothes so that I could wear them during my streams or for some event. But I don’t really have any events right now. I have nothing to do, how sad.
C: Ning-ge, you went to Chengdu and everyone saw your nice long legs~
LYN: They’re not nice and long. It’s just that I’m tall. I’m 189cm- so my legs... even if you call them short, they’re only short to a certain extent. It’s just that I’m tall. People even doubt my height- they think that I am only 178cm or so. I’ve seen comments like that, and I don’t really care. Because 189cm, so why should I care if someone thinks that I am a few to ten cm shorter than I am? It doesn’t matter.
LYN: That video you saw was, when I was leaving the shop I already saw someone brandishing their phone and knew they were trying to record me, so I ducked. With these types of stores usually the men’s clothing is on the second floor- so as I was coming down the stairs I looked towards the doors and saw them getting ready. I’ve seen all sorts of articles- that there are always people around Chengdu and Beijing, ready to record people. I saw them there and I was thinking I didn’t want to get caught. I tried my best not to get caught, because I might not necessarily want to work with this brand in the future. XD For example, if in the future Gucci or LV or Valentino want to collab with me, but then see this photo of me coming out of this particular brand’s shop, would that negatively impact their decision to work with me? I was considering that when I didn’t want anyone to catch me coming out of that store. I didn’t want it to affect my market value. So I saw them, and I thought I would try to avoid them, just a little. It didn’t help at all, but at least the sentiment was there. In the end I still couldn’t avoid it.
C: Ning-ge, your way of thinking is really comprehensive.
LYN: I was just joking! How could I be thinking comprehensively? I was just thinking, “Don’t film me.” I just don’t really have a personal life anymore, right now. I have no life. It was rare for me to be able to shop around, and I still got caught on camera. I didn’t want to get caught but... there was just no avoiding it.
LYN: But the thing is inwardly, my thoughts were abundant. I didn’t want to get caught on camera because I was wearing an ugly outfit! /laughs at himself/ If I were wearing something more fashionable I probably wouldn’t have tried to avoid it so much. Well- it’s not that it was ugly. Earlier that morning I had shot another scene in Chengdu- it was the clothes that were arranged for me to attend a funeral. To respect the departed you wear black, right? So I had a black suit jacket, black top, black pants, and black shoes. But after the scene was over I just took the jacket off and went out. At that time I thought I was a little like a fool/moron (精神小伙). If you wore a suit out for a particular occasion, that’d be alright. But who goes out shopping in black top and pants? I felt like a fool... or like someone who just walked out from their job at a hair salon. That’s what I felt, so I didn’t want anyone to catch me on camera. Everyone else gets caught fashionably, but my outfit that day wasn’t very fashion.
LYN: Honestly, it was just a black top and pants. But it felt very businesslike. Like some salaryman who would try to sell you insurance or a mobile phone. The outfit was too much like a uniform. But if we want to make it sound nice, we could say I was going for the “All Black” look.
---
C: You looked cool/handsome!
LYN: Thank you. // Here’s the thing though, if you’re a fan of someone you’re going to think that your idol looks cool no matter what they do. They’ll be unparalleled, the best, coolest guy, with the best body, right? The most handsome, with fair skin~ Everyone thinks that (of their idol) but the thing is there is a difference in aesthetics in this world. There are people who think I’m ugly, and that’s very normal. But all my fans think I’m handsome. That’s the difference in aesthetics talking, and that’s why you were able to become my fans.
C: I’m not your fan, and I still think you’re handsome!
LYN: These words leave me torn between laughing and crying. Laughing because you have acknowledged my visuals. You think I’m handsome. But crying because you’re not my fan- so I hope that one day you can actually become one. Now that you’ve come across me and are here, let’s not miss this opportunity- why don’t you buy 2kg? Like if you’re in the market and you see the potatoes and think, “Hey, these potatoes are pretty handsome”, so you stop to buy 2kg. When you get home, you’re not sure if you’re going to eat them or not, but you can still put them in your fridge.
C: My grandmother says you’re handsome.
LYN: Thank you, grandmother. Thank you. I’m sure that when you were young, you were also very pretty. Really.
LYN: Friends, it’s like this- there’s a line of reasoning that implies that whatever you lack in yourself in what you highlight in others. I’m sure there’s logic to this. For example, if someone has a lot of money they won’t look down on the people around them for not having any. Do you think the guy who has millions will laugh at a guy who makes thousands and call him poor? He wouldn’t, really. The more someone lacks in themselves is what they will highlight in others.
[t/n: this is.. the beauty we see in others is what we lack in ourselves???]
LYN: I believe that those who bring others up are wonderful people... and amazing people.
LYN: Thank you for complimenting me.
- says that it’s rare for him to stream in the afternoon, so if you were able to catch and are watching his stream now, that means it was fate & to please subscribe to his weibo~
LYN: Today is Sunday, too. If it were Monday or Tuesday I probably wouldn’t have come to stream but Saturday/Sundays are okay. Because everyone is usually working during the weekday but on the weekends most people have the day off. I figured if I streamed at this time, you would have a better chance to catch the stream.
C: I can’t even catch the streams at night.
LYN: You slept too early. It’s good, though.
LYN: This drama doesn’t really leave me with a lot of time to sleep. I’m not getting enough sleep, but I’m happy because I like it when I am able to be busy. I’m really afraid of not having any work to do. I’m afraid of sitting at home picking at my feet. So I’m very happy to be able to have work to keep me busy, even if that means I will be a little tired. For the current drama, I do have quite a bit more scenes to shoot so... that means I am all the more tired for it.
C: But that’s what you like?
LYN: Yes!
---
LYN: This question was a bit like an interview. Like... /puts on a sound effect/:
“MC”: LYN, hello. There is a friend here who asks, “You don’t have time to go play or relax, so is this the type of life you want?”
LYN: Ah, what good question. Work is keeping me busy nowadays, and is it the life I wanted? I think the answer is “yes”. This is what I want. Because ever since I was little it’s been my dream to be a celebrity. I debuted when I was almost 30 years old- and all the years I spent before then were spent playing around. I was finally able to debut at thirty. I made it. Wouldn’t you say that this is what I wanted? It must be. It’s wonderful. It’s like I’ve won the lottery.
LYN: I’m a very normal person. I grew up in a third-tier city- a small boy from a small city called Liaoning, Dandong. For me to be able to get to where I am today- with so many people who recognize me- and to participate in things I only dreamed of like acting and singing and standing on a stage, is my great honor. I also have so many fans who are always supporting me. All of this is exactly what I wanted, yes. What else is there?
LYN: This is like someone who has won 5mil in the lottery, and they spend the money every day. Someone comes up and asks them if having this lavish life is how they wanted to spend the rest of their days. How do you think they would answer? “Is the life you’re living after you’ve won the lottery the life you want?” It must be. I’d like to thank this friend for their question.
“MC”: A friend here is asking, “LYN, have you confirmed your next drama or not?” They seem to care a lot about your career development. Have you confirmed your next drama yet?
LYN: This friend really cares about me. Thanks for your concern. Now as to whether I have confirmed my next drama or not- what’s business is it of yours? Don’t ask around! You’ll know when it’s officially announced, won’t you? So don’t ask.
C: Ning-ge, if you don’t reply then that means you already have one confirmed.
LYN: No. Nothing’s not confirmed yet. If it were, I would have already shared it with you. You all know me- you know how I communicate with my fans, too. If something good has happened to me, there’s no way I can hide it from you. I have to spill the beans. So if I confirm something I would share it with you. Nothing’s confirmed yet. And what I mean by that is- as long as I haven’t signed the contract yet, nothing is set. I’ll wait until the contract is signed. Because before I would share good things with you before I signed the contract and then those jobs ended up falling through. I used to tell you about these things, like I would tell you I would be on a variety show and describe it to you a little, but in the end those jobs fell through. It was a disgrace. Then the fans would come back to me, asking “Didn’t you say you were going to participate in a variety show? What happened to it?” and I tell them it’s not convenient for me to answer. It’s really difficult to answer- because I had already told them that I would be doing a variety show, and around what time I expected to be there but they end up not seeing me. So people start speculating, that LYN was switched out with someone else. That LYN wasn’t good enough, so he was switched out. I don’t want to affect my market value, so I won’t say anything now. I’ll let you know when everything is confirmed.
C: Give your stage-fans some benefits this year.
LYN: Wow, there are so many people who like me, but who are all separated into different species, is that it? I have visual-fans, song-fans, stage-fans, walking-fans... As for stage-fans, it’s because I’ve been stuck with the drama crew most of the time. There have been stages that have come to inquire about my availability, but there’s also the fact that it’s a bit complicated to get around these days. It’s difficult to make it back (to Hengdian). I don’t want to push the whole drama schedule because I went out once (and got sick). That’s why I’m trying not to go out if I can help it. Even with branding events, I try to have them done in Hengdian. I’m sure I will do a few stage performances, though. Since it IS the end of the year.
C: What about the New Year?
LYN: Of course, I always go to New Year’s events. I know I’m always acting now, but I still don’t have any works to show for it. It’s a point of contention for everyone: “Why Liu Yuning? He doesn’t even have anything to show. Why does he deserve it?” So even though I’m acting, I’m still a singer! It’s not like I’ve left the (music) industry. I have to hold up my profession as a singer, so I will definitely do some stage performances. It happens every year, so when that time comes we’ll spend another new year together.
C: Ning-ge, which broadcast stations will you be at?
LYN: It’ll be announced later. Why would I reveal it myself. Then I’d lose out on the air of mystery. I already sit here for hours chatting my mouth off that I don’t have any more mystery to me- can’t I keep this one thing a secret?? You’ll find out later. The other way to look at it is, you’ll watch whatever station I end up on, won’t you? It’s not like you’ll find out which stations I will be at and purposely not watch, right? There’s no way. It’s the New Year, what did I do to deserve that? I believe that even if you’re one of my anti-fans- the ones who like to make their own trends and try to start trouble- you’ll be watching me at the New Year. I don’t believe they’ll find out what stations I’ll be at and purposely not watch those channels. I’m sure they’ll watch for me.
C: They’re looking for things to hate on you for.
LYN: That- They’re just.... What else can there be, on a stage? One- I look ugly. Two - I don’t sing well. I’m not afraid of people finding points of the performance to pick on me for, I’m just afraid that the performance will turn out to be something you have NOTHING to talk about. That means your stage is unmemorable. That’s the most regrettable thing. Even if my hair were ugly- so ugly it knows no bounds, so ugly it “explodes”- then that at least means I can make it into the trending topics. The worst thing is having nothing.
LYN: Let’s say for example, on the day-of “Liu Yuning’s In-Ear Suddenly Explodes”- I’m sure that would make it into a trending topic.
[t/n: why is he cursing himself like thissss]
C: Are you still going to dance?
LYN: How about no. Regarding dancing, I’ve really... given up. I had a dream once of being a singer/dancer- I wanted to be able to do it all. But dancing, really... I don’t need it. If I had this capacity I’d rather spend it working hard on other aspects I could improve on. This is good enough. This is why after all these years I’ve never tried doing any side jobs. Other artists will, but I haven’t because I don’t have the skill. If I were to do it, I’d want to do it to the best of my ability- that’s the basic logic of any profession. So instead of focusing on branching out, I’d rather spend my efforts improving on things I am currently involved in.
C: I’m sure “Liu Yuning Dancing” could make it into a trending topic.
LYN: My dancing can’t get me trending- who do you think I am? I am very self-aware. You think “Liu Yuning Dancing” can get me a trending topic? There’s no way. No one cares, either. Who cares whether I dance or not? It’s weird. There’s nothing to see. You (my fans) can see it.
LYN: If there were something that read “Liu Yuning Jumps into Water on New Year’s Performance” I’m sure people would want to see that. But “Dancing”? Who cares. If I were singing and suddenly jumped into the water- /gurgles into the mic/- if I sang under the water I’m sure people would be interested. That would definitely be worthy of a trending topic. No one cares about dancing, but they care about jumping into water.
- break #1 (to get some water)
- [t/n: chat is suddenly talking about mahjong. not sure how they got to the topic, lol.]
LYN: My stream can be strict. When I said “pung” and “kong”- if some anti were to get ahold of this and say that I was promoting gambling, what would happen? It’s terrifying. If they wanted to prove my guilt they would just show this clip. So let’s try to be strict with this, and you all can stop playing into it as well.
- asked him to play the New Life Begins OST - 清晖 (Qing Hui); promotes the drama
C: Who’s the male lead?
LYN: You’d know if you go to watch the drama. It’s called 卿卿日常 (New Life Begins). You’ll know (who the male lead is) if you go watch. I won’t mention any names; but not because we don’t have a good relationship! Anyway, just watch the drama! Show it your support! That’s the end of that, alright?
LYN: But this is- this is the OST that the male lead recommended me for. I’m very thankful to him. A lot of you already know the story- he asked the production if they could contract me to sing the OST, and then it happened. This is a job he essentially gave to me. It’s very nice. I’m thankful. Later I’ll have to... buy him something in return.
C: Are you going to gift him shoes?
LYN: Not shoes. I told you last time- I heard he likes shoes, so I’d give him some tools he can clean his shoes with. 授人以鱼不如授人以渔. (Giving a man a fish is not as good as teaching the man to fish.) You know that foaming cleanser and the brush- it’s very convenient. One use and the shoes will be white as new. Maybe some electric shoe scrubs- to get them nice and clean. There’s that saying: Gifting a man shoes is not as good as gifting a shoe brush. There’s an old saying like that.
C: Who said it?
LYN: ... Zhang Fei did. (military general who served under the warlord Liu Bei during late Eastern Han and early Three Kingdoms period in China)
- the in-ear is hurting him (sore), so he’s changing out to his earbuds.
LYN: This is more comfortable. There’s not as much pressure on the ears.
C: I watch your streams while eating.
LYN: Watching my streams helps you eat well? Your ability to eat well means that you CAN eat- what does that have to do with my stream?? What does your food intake have to do with me? Later, when you get fat, you’ll end up blaming me for it. “His streams made me eat so much!” Don’t put this on me, ok?
LYN: But I guess this is an acknowledgement of me. It’s like saying that my stream is worth a meal. They could have gotten some take-out or are eating at home, but my stream counts as a dish, too. Even if it’s a small salted dish. Because of my stream, it’s enhanced the flavor of their meal. Is that it? On the other hand, if you watch my stream and STOP eating, that would be strange. Is LYN so disgusting you no longer have an appetite? That would be strange. So saying that I pair well with a meal is also a type of affirmation.
C: Because you are my “dish (type)”~
LYN: This joke is so old, too old! It’s from five years ago, and you’re still using it??
C: Will you come to Macao for the New Year?
LYN: If I said “yes” then you’d already know which stage performance I’m planning to be at. If I say “no” then you’d know that I am not attending that event. I can’t say. // Because Jiangsu Satellite TV’s concert is always held in Macao.
C: Will you go home?
LYN: Probably not, but it’s hard to say. There’s always a lot to do at the end of the year. It’s highly likely that I will continue to work through it. We’ll see.
C: Your voice is so nice.
LYN: ~Is it? You really think so? Ha Ha~
LYN: ~Honestly, my voice is just average. If you say it’s good, it’s not.If you say that’s it’s bad, you’re not entirely wrong either.~
- /a dorky laugh/
- someone’s roommate called him creepy(??)
LYN: What sort of crappy roommate do you have?? What a strange roommate.
“MC”: Someone is asking, “Ning-ge, you just said you’d have stage performances at the end of the year. Is that true?”
LYN: What nonsense. I have so much to do at the end of the year. Other than the New Year’s appearances there’s also Spring Night and other galas/events. Those are all stage shows, aren’t they? But I need to tell you- as long as you have a dream, anywhere’s a stage. There must be. My streaming room is also my stage. As long as I have talent, you’ll come.
C: That sound effect earlier...
LYN: What’s wrong with it? Is it weird? Friends, welcome to Masked Singer. When this effect is on it gives off the feeling from that show, doesn’t it?
- /playing with the effect/
LYN: I can actually make myself a woman. Not “make” but change the sound so that it sounds like a female’s. How about this- today I sing a female’s song for you. I sang one many years ago- I’ll sing it for you again today. // I’ll find one that’s a male-female duet, and show off the voice changing function. Recommend me some songs, that are male-female duets. It’s better if they’re old songs, because I don’t really know the new ones.
C: No Extravagance (Legend of Fei OST)
LYN: Let’s not ruin my own song.
LYN: How about 知心爱人? I remember that a lot of people were saying their grandmothers and mothers were watching my stream, so I’ll sing an older song.
-- 知心爱人
- /tries to adjust the voice levels, but his whole microphone cuts out instead/
LYN: H- Hello? Oh. I think the software broke. It scared me to death. It’s so rare that I stream in the afternoon and it was almost BBQ’d. Let’s try again.
-- 知心爱人 (take 2)
LYN: I don’t think this voice sounded like a woman but more like Minnie Mouse. Have you ever been to the Disney resort? Do you know that sound in the elevator? Every time I go there the voice in the elevator scares me. // I’m sure those of you who’ve been know what I’m talking about.
LYN: Anyway, I’ve shown my hand. What you’ve just seen is a preview of what will happen at the New Year’s event I’ll be attending. I’ve spoiled it, but of course I won’t be singing this particular song. I’ll sing a different duet- with myself. No one has ever tried doing this during a New Year’s event, so I’ll be the first. I think it would be worth a trending topic.
C: Stop tricking us!
LYN: I don’t think there would be any broadcast station that would let me do it. I was just making a joke. I’ve already told you- just listen to the contents of my stream for entertainment. During this period of time you can choose to believe on 20% of what I say. The rest is a fart in the wind. Don’t take it seriously.
C: 0% (Believe nothing)
LYN: Not that low.
C: Ning-ge, can you change up your style?
LYN: /sigh/ What type of style do you want? It’s actually pretty simple. I can make it so that my normal streaming style is like that of a late night radio, if you want. But I don’t think you’ll like it. Let me find some music that fits the mood, first.
LYN: ~Welcome everyone, to my stream. Welcome. Today, the weather is cold. I don’t know if the temperature has dropped, where you are? When I woke up this morning, I felt distinctly cold... so I put on my thermals. Ever since I was small my family had always told me that you can’t wear just thermals, you also have to wear socks. I’ve always taken good care of my legs, because my grandmother told me I had to protect them. If you don’t keep them warm, when you get old they will hurt and will bend. So ever since I was small, I’ve liked wearing very thick socks. I wore thermals and thick cotton pants. When everyone else was still wearing shorts I already had my thermal; and when they started wearing thermals I was already wearing my cotton pants on top. And when people started wearing their cotton pants, I would have already added woolen pants. So I hope that everyone here can be like me, and have a warm winter.
LYN: What do you think? Aren’t these small eyes so magnetic~? I don’t have any sort of image, as long as it’s not setting me back. I CAN speak Standard Mandarin, but I think that using my dialect and making the content funny lets you watch the stream in a more relaxed state. I also think about being cool, ~and I CAN be cool~ /laughs at himself/ That needs to be paired with music. If I want to be cool, I can: ~You ARE my DeSTinY~~~ /cheesing it up for the camera/
LYN: That’s enough of that.
C: Small eyes.
LYN: What nonsense?! Who has small eyes??? Let me tell you- I have no other weaknesses. You can tell me I’m ugly and I can accept that, as long as you don’t go into detail. But as soon as someone says my eyes are small- the truth is laid out in front of my eyes, so I have no other choice but to be hurt by it. Who has small eyes?! I’m gonna tear this room apart. If you keep saying my eyes are small I’m going to get double-eyelid surgery as soon as this drama finishes up! I’ll make it start right under my eyebrows! If I open my eyes, all you’ll see is the double eyelid!
LYN: I think someone else has described this perfectly. They said that my eyes are the same width as my eyebrows. I looked into the mirror, and that is exactly the case. What they said was the truth, and it’s like they even measured it.
LYN: Let me tell you- in this industry, there’s no lack of handsome men. Really. There are too many. But they lack uniqueness. Ey~ The thing that’s unique about me is that my eyes are small.
C: I like the small-eyed ones.
LYN: See? Everyone has their own sense of beauty. If you like small eyes, come to me. If you like big eyes, you can go to ZSX.
C: Ning-ge, your beard grows so fast.
LYN: Yes, it does grow quite quickly. I get up in the morning, wash my face and shave, then get into hair and makeup and jump into filming. Around the afternoon my beard’s already grown out. But I don’t really want to shave it on scene, because that would mean I have to remove the makeup. So one day... FYL sent me an instrument for freezing hair removal. I’ve been at home lately and I really want to try it out- I want to remove the beard. But I read the instructions and it seems a bit difficult to use. I don’t know how it works and I don’t dare to try! I guess one day if there’s a chance I can invite him to my house so he can do it for me. He sent me the instrument but I don’t know how it works. I’m afraid if I try something (and do it incorrectly) I’ll break my face. I’ll have him come over sometime.
C: He’s not using it anymore?
LYN: No, he bought two and gifted me with one of them. He’s a good kid.
C: Don’t remove it- it will harm your skin.
LYN: I already thought about that and with all the layers of makeup they put on me for filming, my skin’s already very harmed. They use alcohol adhesive to glue the wig on and sometimes I have a red ring here when it comes off that hurts. Some parts are so red and irritated it’s leaving lasting effects. So if it will harm my skin by laser removing the hair, then that ship has already left the port.
C: Ning-ge, your pores will get bigger.
LYN: What are you talking about? That’s really strange. Have you forgotten that I have a makeup spokesman-ship? Have you forgotten I have that collab? I don’t have pores or any skin problems. I’m VERY healthy. You can say I’m ugly, but you can’t hurt the brands I am working with.
C: Ning-ge, what if you remove your beard and it never grows back?
LYN: Is a beard something you NEED in life? If I don’t grow one... then I just won’t have one. Also, do you think that if I use that thing I will never grow hair again? There’s no way. It’ll only lessen the hairs, it’s not like it’ll be removing the follicles. I think this instrument will definitely thin the hairs- so that they are not as prominent- but it’s not going to destroy the roots. What do I need a beard for, anyway? Am I going to be a Daoist master, who needs a long beard? I don’t need it. If I need a beard for filming... it’ll grow out eventually.
C: Liu-ge, you’re filming?
LYN: You called me “Liu-ge” so you must not be my fan. You’re asking me if I’ve been filming recently? No. I have this wig on because I’ll be attending ComicCon in a bit. I’m cosplaying... as BCF. When the time comes I’ll change into the costume and go. People will go take photos of me. I’m not filming- I’ve been sitting around at home, doing nothing.
C: I like calling you “Liu-ge”!
LYN: You can, I was just kidding. “Liu-ge”, “Ning-ge”, “Liu Yuning”- all is fine.
C: Are you going to sing a new song for the new year?
LYN: No, I won’t. I was planning on releasing my second album this year, in 2022- but I haven’t finished the songs. I was thinking I would release the album when I’ve got 10 songs ready, but I’ve only finished a small portion. Last year I sang a new song, so I wanted to sing a new song for this year as well... but I thought about it and that didn’t work out so well for me. If we follow this logic, it’ll take me ten years to release my whole second album. Over the course of 10 New Year’s, I’ll sing a single new song from my album. That’s not worth it. So this year I won’t sing a new song, and probably sing something everyone is more familiar. Maybe it will be better this way, and people will actually watch my performance.
- /starts humming Wujiapo/
C: New Year’s Song.
LYN: I have a song called “New Year’s Song”, did you know? Those of you who are my fans probably know it. When it gets around the new year, all the supermarkets will start playing this song. You’ve probably even heard it, but just don’t know that it’s mine. I released this song because at the time I was working with Richie Ren, my Qi-ge, and he asked me if I had ever thought of releasing a holiday/seasonal song. And then it occurred to me that I should; and that’s right, because he has a lot of songs that can be played during the holidays and can be played for years to come. He suggested I should release a song in relation to the New Year, so I found the producer I work with often, Yu Tian. A lot of the songs on my album are his. I contacted his and asked to write me a New Year’s Song. It’s been two years since then. This year I’m planning to release another. A 2.0 version. You can listen to it during the New Year.
C: The song title can be “New Year’s Second Song”.
LYN: Sure, let’s call it that. The first is called “New Year’s Song” (过年的歌) and this one will be... “New Year’s Second Song” (过年第二首歌) is a little long. You have to consider whether people will be willing to search for this name or not. Let’s call it... “The Song You’re Still Listening to on New Year”- how’s that? Or- this song is called “New Year’s Song” (过年的歌), so the next one can be “The Song You Listen to on New Year’s” (过年听的歌), the third year I’ll release one called “The Song You Still Listen to on New Year’s” (过年还要听的歌). It is just that random. Whatever I think of, will become the name of the song.
LYN: It’ll be called “The Song You Listen to on New Year’s” (过年听的歌). It’s currently being written, so when I finish recording it, I’ll release it for the New Year.
C: Chat about Givenchy!
LYN: Givenchy... do you need me to introduce the products to you? I’ll need to show you how to use it? I’m sure you all know much better than I do how to use the lipstick, powder, and foundation. You can use them better than I can.
- /calls himself a well-versed salesperson, recommending you some products/
C: When will you finish streaming?
LYN: Have you seen enough already? If you’ve seen enough, just tell it to me straight. You don’t need to push me.
C: Expensive-brother, Xiao Liu.
LYN: This used to be my job- I used to be a shopper and a salesperson. When someone walked into the shop, I would recommend clothing and give my opinion. Someone would come in and ask to try something on, so I’d get it for them and when they wore it I would say, “Jie, you look so pretty in that. It’s so nice and makes you look slim. Also, you can look in the mirror. Go ahead, look. Doesn’t it make your complexion look so nice? Right? Oily and black**. (a joke) This type of article makes you look healthy, but there are other colors that can make you seem paler. You can take a look.” That was my job, and I was professional. It took so much for me to get into the entertainment circle and become an artist... and I’ve started to sell things again (by being brand spokesperson/ambassador). XD
C: Ning-ge, if you really said that, would you get hit?
LYN: How- How could I call someone dark**? There are techniques to selling clothing- well, not techniques- but you have to consider who you’re talking to and respect every individual. If someone comes into the shop and tries on some clothes, of course you’re going to compliment her. What else can you say? “It doesn’t look good. Take it off.”?? She tries it on and you say, “No, you’re ruining it. Take it off. Don’t impact our brand’s image.” There’s no way you’re going to say that, so of course you are going to compliment them. /laughs at the image/ You’re a salesperson and a girl comes in to try on some clothes. You say, “No, this wont do. Look at this. You’re already so dark and with these clothes you look darker.” “Look at your waist. This clothing was slimming, but with it on you’ve made a pool floaty out of it. Take it off. Don’t damage our brand’s image. My goodness.” I’m sure the shop owner would not beat this employee to death but also not stay in business for long. So you have to give compliments, and there are so many topics your can highlight. The first is: “You look thin.” Secondly, “You have a good color/complexion.”- but it depends on the situation. If they wear something and it makes them look dark, you have to say that it makes them look flushed and young. If they wear it and they look ruddy and red, you have to say it makes them look paler. Pale, thin, and a good figure.
The fourth compliment you can give is telling them that only their stature/aura can pull it off. I’m sure these points can convince them into a purchase. Then, if they really do not look good in the clothes at all, but you can tell that they WANT to buy it, you can say, “Jie, maybe your makeup today doesn’t match. I think your lipstick color doesn’t suit this clothing. If you really like it, you can buy it home first. Change up your makeup and if you really don’t like it, then you can come return it or I can exchange it for you.” It doesn’t matter if she comes back later to return it, as long as you have record of the initial sale, you can continue to survive in the shop. Sales are the only thing that matters.
C: What happens if she’s not wearing makeup?
LYN: “Jie, this is- are you not wearing makeup today?” She replies that she’s not. “No makeup but you still look this pretty? Your skin is so good. Oh my goodness. In that case, you should buy this clothes home, and then when you go out you can apply some makeup and it will look even better.”
LYN: If you have a good head on your shoulders or if you like learning, then you can survive in any industry. You have to take the time to do you research and consider all the factors. You have to think about it. Sales/Marketing is the hardest profession, in my opinion. Because you have to face people directly, and people come in all sorts. You never know who you’re going to face.
C: You can talk the dead back to life.
LYN: No, that’s unlikely. I’m just talking about the basic techniques, for the sales of smaller commercial items, like clothes, shoes, etc. Cheaper things like that. It doesn’t require a lot of skill. But if you’re selling houses- those people are impressive.
C: Ning-ge, I only want to know what your next drama will be.
LYN: What do you care, are you going to invest? Do you think I’m going to be a dark horse in the future, and you want to invest in me? Bet? Why are you asking me about my next drama- when it’s decided I’ll tell you all about it.
LYN: I’ve told you about those accounts, haven’t I? Even if they mention me, like “OOO drama, LYN is cast”- I’m sure you’ve seen the posts. Regarding these things, from my perspective, it’s an acknowledgement. To a degree. That’s the only thing I can say. Because if someone mentions me and no one cares, then why would they even bother? Even if they’re mentioning me because they have NO faith in me, and they’re only doing it to gain attention because I have a lot of antis and they want the action it can bring, it’s still an acknowledgement. This way is also a viable method (of gaining attention). But the fact that they’ve mentioned me means that they’re taking me seriously in this industry, and I can continue to survive. At the very least I’m considered at all.
LYN: On the other hand, I hope that it’s the case that I actually AM confirmed for the project and you don’t look highly on me, so you curse at me. But I haven’t even been confirmed yet- or it has nothing to do with me, even- and you’ve ALREADY started cursing at me. Now, that’s strange. Someone just said it offhandedly, “It’s possible that...”- and people are already cursing at me for the POSSIBILITY. If it turns out to be true, then I’ll get another round. I don’t mind being cursed at for something I am confirmed for, because I came to work and I got paid for it. But why are you cursing at me for something I haven’t even done?!? I see these things and it’s really strange. I look into the articles and see everyone cursing at me and I’m confused and angry. Why are they yelling at me? They have the right to do it if it were true, but it’s not, so why?? I really don’t mind if you curse at me for something I’ve done- but I’d appreciate that you don’t preemptively curse at me for something I haven’t even done yet. Thank you, everyone.
C: They’re trying to piggyback off your popularity.
LYN: What popularity?? I don’t have any. In any case, the system is... mysterious.
LYN: This industry, honestly- because I wasn’t recruited or trained by a traditional company- I didn’t go the long route. My method of debut is quite unusual- and all my fans and everyone who knows me even just a little all know. That’s why the things I say and do is quite unlike everyone else. Who else is going to come here and put on a stream, just to chat about everything and nothing for four hours? Also- the fact that I was doing alright as a singer, but decided to jump into acting. I don’t- or rarely- contract business proposals. Magazines- up until this day, I still haven’t done photoshoots. There’s no other artist out there who plays it like I do. I just like being different from everyone else. I’m a mysterious existence (in the entertainment industry). I don’t want to be the same. I’m not trying to say the “traditional” method is bad- I just don’t want to be like everyone else. I think it’s funner this way.
C: You can do some magazines...
LYN: I don’t really want to- Well, first, the main thing is, I don’t have time. That’s the MAIN thing. /winks/ But if there were some dramas that I need to promote by doing some photoshoots, then I will do those. But normally I wouldn’t go... I just don’t have time.
[t/n: Yeah, Ning-ge, blame it on the TIME. Anyway, he hates doing photoshoots and this is why literally the only magazine shoot out right now is the one he did for the Long Ballad. Heroes sort of counts, but not really because it was self-funded and he did it to play around with ZSX and YCY.
LYN: Friends, you already know what’s happening, right? Do you know what’s happening right now? Friends. Oh my goodness. Its the middle of the afternoon and my neighbors are fighting. At night it’s alright, but it’s the afternoon and they’re waging war. Wait for me a sec- they’re over here yelling. I’m going to go take a look. Wait for me, don’t leave. I’m going to go look- I can’t leave them like this.
-- break #2
🤓🤓🤓
C: This érhuà pronunciation (rhotacization)...
LYN: What? What’s wrong with it? I think it’s because us people from the North like to use it.
- /gives an example with “这屋里什么味” (What smell is in this room?), and says it feels weird to say it without the érhuà/
LYN: I have a couple of colleagues from the crew- one of the friends is from the South. People from the South can’t really say the érhuà. I don’t know if any of you here are from southern regions?
- /shakes his hands, because he forgot to earlier (to prove he washed his hands after using the restroom)/
LYN: Sorry, I forgot. It’s been too long since I streamed last.
LYN: But- I don’t know if any one here is from the South, and they can’t say the érhuà? One of the lines in the script was “真是邪了门了!” (xie le me(n)’r le // it’s really evil!) But he’s from the South, and can’t really say the érhuà sound. His Standard Mandarin is very good- but even he thinks that his érhuà comes out sounding uncomfortable. /demonstrates how the colleague says the line: (xie le men er le)/ No matter how he said it, he felt uncomfortable, so we were discussing on how to change the line. I asked him what he’d change it to, and he said “真是见了鬼了!” (jian le gui le // met a ghost/damning) That works, too! 真是邪了门了! --> 真是见了鬼了!
C: My roommate tried it.
LYN: Have them try another. In the Northeast we like to say that we’re “哥门” (ge’r me(n)’r //buddies). Try it. Can you say it? He and I are good “ge er men er”. XD This is my “哥门” and she is my “姐门”. You can’t pronounce it, huh? The érhuà is used a lot in the North, I think most everyone from there can say it.
- /Another example: Northeast uses “胡同” (hutong’r / hu tong er (for those who can’t say it)) for alley, other places may use “巷子” (xiangzi)/
C: Liu Yuning’r.
LYN: You can add it to the end of my name? Are you trying to take advantage of me?? Who adds the -er to the end of my name??! “Liu Yuning-er”. Are you taking advantage of me?? You dare call me “son (儿)”??
LYN: You all can’t say it? I don’t believe you. /goes back to the example earlier, with the smelly room; boils down to: 味+儿 vs 味道/ Oh, I’m sorry. It turns out it was a me problem. But I don’t believe that you don’t use this sound at all? Let me try to think of a word with the rhotacization that you HAVE to say, and that Northerners say as well. Do you use the expression “哥门”? You don’t use it? If you don’t call them your “哥门”, what do you say? Do you just say, “This person is my “gē mén”?” Is it said like that?
C: We don’t use it, we say “兄弟 (xiōng dì)”.
LYN: Ah, you’ve replaced it with another word.
LYN: Then, what if you want to eat a “冰棍 (bīng gùn” (popsicle; lit: ice rod)? /tries it out without the érhuà and laughs/ What happens? How are you supposed to say it?? “Boss, give me a “bīng gùn”- they’re gonna get a rod out and beat you.
C: 冰棒 (bīng bàng) [popsicle]// 雪糕 (xuě gāo)/ 冰淇淋 (bīng qí lín) [ice cream]
LYN: Oh. You don’t call it a “bīng gùn”. I know xuě gāo- it’s like the texture of the ice cream, but the shape of a popsicle. So what about the ones that are water based and frozen into a solid? Do you call it a 雪条 (xuě tiáo) [snow bar/strip]? // If you can’t say it, then you won’t buy it, is that it? You just won’t eat. Is it called a 棒冰 (bàng bīng)?
LYN: Over here, we call a 冰棒 (bīng bàng) the type that’s a plastic tube that’s filled with liquid, frozen into a stick- and we break it in half and can eat from both sides. // It really is the case where if you can’t say the érhuà, you use a different word entirely!
C: Just don’t call it by name.
LYN: “Boss, I want this one.” Boss: “What’s it called?” and you can’t pronounce it, so you say “This one. I just want THIS one.”
- /discovers people can’t say “根” with the érhuà either; tries it without./
LYN: Alright, let’s not talk about this anymore.
- /continues to talk about it, this time with the word: 小孩 (xiǎo hái) [child], and learns a bunch of alternatives you can use to call said child./
-- 亲爱的小孩 (Dear Child) by Andy Lau
LYN: I doesn’t seem like I can use it when I’m singing, though.
C: Ning-ge, you don’t look as bloated as you did this morning.
LYN: I’ve already been streaming for a while. I’ve sweated and drunk water, so it should have lessened. I just woke a little early today.
- /saw a passing comment/
LYN: What is “依兰爱情故事 (Ylang Ylang Love Story)”? Let me see if I’ve heard this song before. /plays it/ Oh, this is ENTIRELY using the érhuà! :D I think this song is suitable for Southerners to practice using the érhuà with. If you have this song down, then you won’t have any trouble with it. It’ll be nothing. A piece of cake. Let’s experience this song together. Let me see if I can sing it for you.
-- 依兰爱情故事 (Ylang Ylang Love Story)
LYN: This song is definitely worth practicing.
- /fools around with the word 人 (rén) + and - the rhotacization/
LYN: Okay, forget it. Let’s not discuss this anymore. I only discovered this the other day, it’s been so many years and I only just realized. Because many of the crew for YNGS are from the South. I didn’t know they couldn’t say the érhuà. That was a piece of cold knowledge to me. That was the first I knew of it.
C: Ning-ge, I’m from Beijing’r! (北京儿人)
LYN: Beijing... I don’t think you need to add the rhotacization there, do you? Even if you did, it would be after the 人 and not 北京! It’s supposed to be 北京人儿, not 北京儿人. You can’t just stick it in wherever!
- /explaining how actually, you don’t stick the rhotic after 人 either, rather you change the pronunciation of the whole word./
C: Ning-ge, can you make the retroflex sound? (zh, ch, sh)
LYN: Isn’t the word itself (翘舌 qiào shé) a retroflex? In the Dandong dialect we don’t differentiate between s- and sh-. /demonstrates with the word for snake (蛇 shé)
C: Ning-ge, can you roll your tongue (roll your ‘r’s)?
LYN: No.
C: Ning-ge, do you differentiate between n/l?
LYN: The problem is that Northeastern dialect is that we don’t differentiate the retroflex and we use a lot of rhotacization. Another thing is, our use manipulation of tones is pretty strange. They were grilling me about a word the other day: 休息 (xiū xí) [rest]. Usually it’s “xi” with the first tone, but we say it with the third tone. We change the tone a lot of the time. It’ll be first tone but we’ll change it to two, but most often use third tone.
- /says he feels like it gives him more of a sense of authority/
LYN: Friends, we’re taking an online class here. Now we’re learning linguistics.
C: If a foreigner were listening to this they’d be confused.
LYN: I’m sure they would be!
🤓🤓🤓
C: When will Zi Chuan air?
LYN: I don’t know. It’s possible that it will air at the end of this year. Everything’s been finished for a while now. I think it’s possible it can air at the end of the year. Around December. But I don’t really have a lot of scenes in it. There were 48 episodes (for two seasons/parts) and I only have around 200 scenes.
LYN: I was pretty ugly at the time. I looked worse because I was more puffy, and not as thin as I am now. Let me tell you, when you’re on camera, you really have to be thin. It’s not about being healthy or not, but once you’re on camera if you’re just a little bit on the chubby side, you’ll look bad. Of course, there’s some aspects of the ugliness that had nothing to do with my weight- that’s just natural. But if you are thinner then it really does looks a little better on camera.
C: ALZ?
LYN: I already said through multiple streams that I haven’t even done the voice acting for it yet. Based on this information alone, you can infer that the drama won’t be airing anytime soon.
C: You look handsome!
LYN: You’re all just looking at the reuters/spoilers online, right? Those are definitely edited. They’ve been edited to make me look better, let’s all admit it. If they didn’t I’m sure you’d all find me ugly.
LYN: Speaking of which, there have been a lot of leaks for my current drama YNGS. I saw a few of you getting agitated, too, asking me if there was any way the crew could control people because there’s TOO MUCH content being leaked every day. “I’ve never seen a drama that’s been leaked so much!” Actually, it’s not that much, it’s just that you’re not paying attention to the other dramas. I have some friends whose dramas have been leaked FAR WORSE than mine has. The key to whether there are a lot of leaks or not really depends on the filming location/environment. If they’re shooting inside a tent, you’re going to see less because the location is closed off. You don’t see very many leaks of xianxia dramas because they’re mostly all filmed inside a tent. If you’re not filming in a closed location, then of course you will have a lot of leaks. There’s space in all directions with no way to control people. It’s not like there’s a wall or a screen. There’s really nothing you can do about it. There’s no avoiding it. We’re ALREADY hiding in the mountains. So you want someone to scour the mountain with a dog, searching for people recording? There’s no way that can happen, and there’s no avoiding it. There’s really no way to control the online spoilers.
C: Ning-ge, did it hurt when you fell into the water?
LYN: Ah, the hot topic from BYOL? Did it hurt when I fell into the water (fountain)? I saw a lot of leaks of that, too. Did it hurt? YEAH IT DID. My knee still hurts. It wasn’t a serious pain though. I went back for the wrap party- I try to attend the wrap party of every drama I’ve participated in, because after spending 2-4 months with a group of people, you’re going to develop a connection. I originally went back to attend the wrap party. Our scriptwriter heard the news and asked, “Xiao Ning, you’re really coming back?” I said yes, and she said, “Great! Let me write you a few more scenes.” I.. that’s not... necessary? I only wanted to go back to attend the wrap party, but she said, “It’s alright! Don’t worry. I’ll write them for you. You’re not doing anything when you come back, anyway. You can shoot a couple more scenes and we can pad the story a little. It’ll be great.” She’s great, and we have a good relationship, so I said, “Ok, write it then.” And she let me fall into the water. It was supposed to be for comedic relief. Usually- like when doing guzhuang dramas- I would wear protective guards. For fight scenes we’d wear arm and leg guards. But for a modern drama, that’s very difficult. Because my jeans were too skinny. There was no way to fit any guards in there. So I thought, “Okay, I’ll fall.” It looks like a heavy fall but it really wasn’t too bad. My right knee did get a little hurt, though.
C: The door fell again.
LYN: The door fell into the water?
LYN: I thought it wouldn’t hurt but who would have thought? 真是见了鬼了. (How damning.)
LYN: I saw those videos, because there were a lot of people around filming, and they all ended up online. There were a lot of my friends on scene watching me act. I heard one of them cry after I fell. In the video, right after my fall she cried. She played a 心疼giegie (feel sorry for gege) on me. Well- she didn’t cry- but it sounded like, you know, she was worried for me. She thought that I would break. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, because she’s my friend. I’m sure that if one of your friends tripped and fell you’d be laughing. So you’re not a good person, either. But if you see your friend fall and are unable to go help them up, you’re probably going to feel bad and sorry for them. 心疼giegie.
LYN: Anyway, it was in that recording and the others around her which were also recording, so the sound made it into a few different videos. There’s a space for comments when it was put up online some said, “You can hear the fans crying.” The passersby were very nice, and I think any normal person’s reaction would be to go “Wow! Someone just fell.” Or if it looked very funny, they might laugh but then show some concern since it looked like a bad fall. Even if they laughed it wouldn’t be from a place of ill-intent. But I always see comments that read like this, “If I could to make 1mil in a day, I’d go fall too. What’s there to feel sorry about?” I always see comments like this, under my videos or under anyone else’s. I don’t NEED you to feel sorry for me, but I also don’t think there’s any need (to make such comments). I don’t know if you’ve seen these types? It could be an artist or a singer who’s gotten hurt, and even if the person themselves say that they’re alright- they’re already being brave about it- they don’t consider it a big deal. People will say, “Oh, they got hurt” and there will always be the comments that say, “They make so much money, what do they have to be afraid of a small injury for? If I made that much money, I’d be willing to get hurt too. You can take my arm.” There are always these types of comments.
LYN: I don’t think there’s any need. If you- if you think that you want to do this type of work, then come do it. If you want the opportunity to suffer an injury for what you think we make in a day, then come. Don’t just run your mouth, come on. You can work hard for the day you are the person in the video, and not the one just sitting around making baseless comments. I am just a very normal person who made my start by busking street in order to make it to where I am today. I know from experience what you’re trying to say. If you also want to live this type of life then you can keep working hard instead of running your mouth.
LYN: I hope that people on the internet can be kinder, because you never know what words of yours can hurt someone else. I’m not saying that you’re harming anyone, but I don’t want you to harm anyone INTENTIONALLY. You have to be a good person.
C: Ning-ge, do you play games?
LYN: I said that I used to play games during breaks on set, but this drama really doesn’t give you any time to play AT ALL. None. Not a single bit. So I can’t play.
🐴🐴🐴
C: You look so handsome riding a horse now.
LYN: Oh, I don’t deserve the praise. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “打死犟嘴的淹死会水的” (the stubborn will be beaten to death and swimmers will be drowned) That’s what my family always told me when I was little. What does it mean? It’s an old Northeastern saying, I guess. Usually children like to be stubborn, so they will be hit. If you’re not stubborn and quickly apologize for your wrongdoings, then you won’t be hit. And as for the second half, it means that the more you think that you can swim, the more likely you are to drown. For someone like me who can’t swim, if I see water I’ll stay far away from it, so I am less likely to encounter this danger. People who can’t swim normally won’t go near the water, unless they were thrown in- which is a different case entirely. That would be illegal. That’s not good. Riding a horse is the same. I don’t dare to say that I CAN ride because I’ve met too many people who said that they could, but have fallen off a horse.
LYN: In my last drama- I forget which it was- but someone was bragging about their horse-riding, and how they’ve shot so many scenes over the years and then? As soon as the shoot started they fell from the horse. I think this really gave me a wake up call. The first scene I ever shot for the Long Ballad I was kicked by the horse, too. Ever since then I have had a reverence for horses, and I don’t consider that a bad thing. Whenever I see a horse I feel a sense of awe. I need to respect them and love them, and consider them my friend. After I ride the horse I will always pat it and tell it “Thank You.”
- /the first thing he does when he gets to set and has a horse scene that day is to give the horse a carrot or two. And now that the horse has eaten his offering, it owes it to him to be nice. XD/
C: Don’t pat it on the butt, though.
LYN: Of course not.
LYN: And, every time after I finish riding the horse I will always tell it “thank you”. I don’t know if it can understand, but at least it can feel my respect for it.
C: Ning-ge, you’re good at “拍马屁”! [colloquially: to kiss up to someone; literally: patting a horse’s buttocks]
LYN: Do I have a death wish? Have you ever heard the saying “an old horse’s buttocks are untouchable”? What you lack in life are these so called “old sayings” like this.
C: Ning-ge, it’s supposed to be “tiger”.
LYN: They’re all animals and you shouldn’t be touching any of their butts, whether that’s tiger, horse, goat, or cow. You can’t touch any of them. We switch out the animal depending on the situation.
C: You can touch Daimi’s!
C: Ning-ge, what about yours?
LYN:
LYN: If you can’t watch properly, get out. If you can’t continue watching and you find this stream uncomfortable, you can leave. Why do I feel like you’re trying to provoke me. I’m bringing you happiness, and you’re trying to provoke me?? AND you want to touch my butt???
LYN: Then, I will gift you with a saying, “Lao Liu’s butt is untouchable!”
LYN: Friends, I’ve been cyber-bullied. I get the feeling those words were said just to cyber-bully me.
LYN: So, I can ride a horse now. I saw that there were some pictures of me circulating online and I looked pretty cool. I can ride, but if you ask if I can ride at a gallop- if remember someone in the last stream asked such a question- well, it depends on how long. I think one minute would be okay, but I don’t think I can handle one hour. It depends on the horse, too. Horses are just like our automobiles nowadays- they all have their speed limits.
- /gives some examples to the effect of: the car CAN go 100mph, but is it safe? No. So you drive at a safer speed of 30-40mph. It’s the same with horses./
LYN: My first guzhuang drama, the horse that kicked me on first meeting- it’s name was Little Nezha. I’ve remembered it. The horse I’m riding now is called, “One-Two-Three”. Yes, it’s just that random. A lot of the horses have names, and I’ve asked before. Because dogs definitely recognize their name when we call them and your cats do, too. But horses- at least the ones in Hengdian- don’t know their own names. After they’re bought, they’re already mature horses- it’s not like we are raising them from young, in which case they would know their own names. These horses are already mature, so basically you’re just giving them a label. We’re giving them artist names. My horse is called One-Two-Three.
LYN: ! I’ve fond some of you seem to have issues. I don’t like it when you play these jokes with me. Someone just commented that the reason I can’t ride a horse is because I have... “that”. I don’t have it! Don’t go around making rumors, saying useless stuff.
[t/n: I also want to know what “that” is... ]
LYN: I can ride a horse just fine, normally. But if you want me to fly, I can’t do it.
C: Is One-Two-Three aggressive?
LYN: It’s not- actually it’s pretty timid, but those are the hardest to ride, I think. Sometimes with guzhuang dramas you need to ride in the rain- as soon as the artificial sprinklers turn on the horse will get scared and can’t be controlled, which makes it hard to shoot the scene. I think aggressive horses... they’re probably ok? I haven’t met any- most of mine are the timid ones. They’re more sensitive, so I guess that’s where the expression “马惊了!” (the horse is startled) came from.
LYN: Nezha wasn’t aggressive, it was just too timid and hyper-vigilant. It felt danger when people approached, so it tried to make me get away from it. I told you- it kicked me because it wasn’t quite right in the head. It has some psychosis which couldn’t be cured, because it’s difficult to treat a horse. It usually shoots the action scenes, where it has to fall. It’s just fallen too many times that it’s created a trauma for the horse. It’s sad. I wanted to understand it, so I learned about its story, but after I did it just confirmed the fact that “可恨之马必有可怜之处” (a hateful horse must have sad beginnings).
C: Give it extra carrots!
LYN: I’ve never met it again. And I don’t want to meet it again. This horse and I are maintaining a “to each his own” relationship. I hope one day it gets its big break.
C: Have you ever met a horse get startled?
LYN: I haven’t. But my last drama was also a guzhuang and there was a scene where the horse pulls a carriage and the horse got startled and started running. I wasn’t filming that day so I wasn’t on scene- it wasn’t my carriage. But it ended up taking the side mirrors off one of our crew’s new cars. The horse was pulling a carriage, right? So the horse ran past just fine, but the carriage didn’t make it.
LYN: There was another scene in my last drama, but I wasn’t in the carriage. I was riding in front, and the carriage in the back. The horse was walking along and then suddenly got scared. It could have been anything, but it got scared and ran straight into a ditch. There’s a road with two ditches on the sides, and the horse got scared and ran for the ditch. It doesn’t care, because it can get across just fine, but the problem is there’s a carriage with an actor in it attached! So.. /laughs/ the actor ended up in the ditch. Oh, I probably shouldn’t laugh. My merit just decreased one point. Thankfully it wasn’t a serious incident. No injuries, just a bit startled.
LYN: You probably see through the leaks I’ve been riding a black horse. That’s One-Two-Three.
🐴🐴🐴
C: Ning-ge, why can’t Daimi run in a straight line.
LYN: Oh, you’ve found it out. XD Ever since she was little she hasn’t been able to run in a straight line. I think she might be a little disabled, but she walks just fine normally. It’s just that when she runs it seems like as soon as her feet hit the ground, her butt flies out. She runs sideways. I guess she has more power in her hind legs. But it could be because she’s chunky.
- /checking how long he’s been streaming for, bc if it’s been long enough he’ll go rest and take a nap. current time is 2:40. says he’ll keep streaming until 3 full hours. doesn’t know when the next time he’ll stream is./
- /is okay with the night scenes because they’re more action than fight lately. just for show./
LYN: I think YNGS... will be a really good drama. The script and everything is very good. I hope everyone- at least my fans- can keep it in mind. I hope that it airs well.
LYN: I’ve also seen that people are getting agitated at the amount of leaks, and are trying to argue with people to stop posting them. They’re trying to scold people, which I think is within their right, but also the fact of the matter is that even if you scold people it’s no use. They’re going to post what they want. I don’t think you need to rebuke people so fiercely, and in turn it makes us look bad. The best thing we can do is not to circulate the contents, and that’s enough. You don’t need to start any fights, because no matter what you do it’s going through deaf ears anyway. If they really listen to reason and stop posting, that would be ok. But in the majority, that’s not going to be he case and it’s not as if you’re going to find where they live and go beat them. That’s not worthwhile. The best we can do is not circulate the content and not make a problem for the drama crew. That’s enough.
LYN: It’s okay to be be more mild about it. Because this is a drama, and not a target on me personally. It’s about the whole drama group, so we (lyn’s fans) don’t have to get too worked up about it. Another things is, please DO NOT start fights with others. Please. I’ve already said- I’ve only just debuted, but I am old enough. If antis or strangers want to ridicule and curse at me a bit, let them. You can debate with them, but don’t attack. If you really can’t bear it, you can debate; but don’t attack others. Then we would just turn into the same type of people they are. Let’s be harmonious.
- /people asking things they shouldn’t and getting scolded/
LYN: Let’s try to protect this drama a little, and wait for it to air. I mean, it hasn’t even FINISHED FILMING yet, you know- there’s no need. I trust that when it comes out it will be a really excellent product. Let’s just anticipate it, and leave it at that. I said earlier, didn’t I? A lot of people asking when this or that drama is going to air- and I told them to just live healthily. We have to stay alive until the day the drama airs. We’ll all see it eventually. So we have to live, happy and healthy, and with a passion for life.
C: What about your next drama?
LYN: Can I tell you? I can’t. It hasn’t even been confirmed yet, if it were I would tell you. Once I sign the contract I’ll tell you. Why would I tell you when it isn’t even official yet? This is like your coworker asking you how much you make- would you tell them? Do you think they would tell you theirs? Say today’s payday and you both get off work, and you ask you coworker how much they got paid. Do you think they would tell you? Never. They don’t want to know, either. Because 1. if they make more than you, you’re going to be jealous of them, or 2. if they make less than you, they’re going to have a breakdown. This is an unspoken agreement between friends. Us actors don’t ask each other how much a drama pays them. I don’t go up to ZSX and ask him how much he gets paid for a drama. I’ve never asked such a question. Don’t ask these questions. Just like with asking your coworker’s salary, you don’t ask an actor what their next drama will be. People just don’t do that.
C: Ning-ge, I’ll tell you. I make 1,800.
LYN: Wh- What are you telling me for? Now I’m jealous of you. You can’t just tell people this, friend. Be more subtle. Who knows how you make that money. Don’t get too ahead of yourself. You’ll get a big head. You can’t make yourself out to be someone with so much money- you DO have money- but you can’t be too arrogant or else people will hate you. Remember this, alright?
C: I make 10k a month.
LYN: See, I was jealous of that person, but now I hate you. Why do you deserve it? We’re all people with one head and four legs- wait- one head and two legs, why do you get 10k a month? I hate you now. You definitely should not announce how much wealth you have. Don’t assume that the internet is such a safe place, and that people can’t find you. You’re online now and people can definitely find your IPA and location. This is dangerous. Not only online, don’t ever reveal your assets in any situation. There are unlawful people on the internet who use underhanded tactics to can find your information and scam or steal away your money. Let’s not look for bad luck, alright? When you go out just tell people you make 50RMB a month. Trick them into feeling sorry for you and giving you 20k instead. Don’t reveal your assets, no matter what.
LYN: I saw a saying online, that I’ll share with you. It seems like it makes sense, but at the end you’ll think it doesn’t make any. There’s some reason in the nonsense. “If you use all your time to work, then you won’t have time to make money.” I don’t know if you’ve heard this before? After I heard it I thought it made a little sense. But I was also thinking, “If I don’t work, how will I make money??” I haven’t slept for three days, thinking about this saying. I can’t figure out what it means.
C: Superfluous Literature (the art of saying nothing)
LYN: I don’t think it is. There must be something behind this, but maybe it’s something only people with a higher level of understanding can make sense of. It’’s just... if you don’t work then where does the money come from? I’m guessing the person who said this must be well-off to begin with. They don’t want/need to work because their family gives them money to make their own businesses? There could be this type of logic behind it. I don’t know who said this to begin with, someone abroad I think. For me, my family didn’t have the money to give me to pursue my dreams so the only thing I could do to make money was to work.
C: Working and making money are two different things.
LYN: That’s probably what they meant. Working and Making Money are different. Yes. But if you don’t work then how do you make money? It’s dumbfounding. Ning-ge needs to think on this and mature and maybe after another few years I’ll probably figure out what it means.
C: Working is just for “dead wages”.
LYN: Not necessarily!
- /talks about how, when he was working in the boutique he got 1200 a month, which is why he was jealous of that person earlier who said they make 1800. But on top of this, there is bonus gained from commission, quota, etc./
LYN: You can still make money from working. When you don’t have any other choice... I-... Forget it. /thinks/ No, I can say this. Just to share. Because I’ve met a lot of people who have a dream, something they want to do. Something they are really passionate about pursuing. If someone likes drawing, they’ll want to be an artist. But the problem is they’re close to starving, and then they count on their family for money to get food to eat.They pester their mom for money and only want to be an artist, and won’t consider anything else. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do or not. If it were me, I’d find some work and make sure I have the means to take care of myself first. There’s no point in pursuing your dreams if you can’t even support yourself. Get a job first. If you can’t even take responsibility for yourself and be independent of your family, how do you expect to accomplish anything? Get your affairs in order first, so that you can have the opportunity to make money later. Just don’t consider yourself above “small money” and stay static and waste away. If there’s work to do, just do it first. Please remember this. A lot of you may be getting ready to graduate college and enter society and are thinking that some jobs are belittling and you don’t want to take them. The problem is that the job you want may not want you. You have to make do with what’s available now. When you have better choices, you can move on to do better things. You just need to have stable footing first. Don’t expect to get anywhere when your feet aren’t on stable ground. It’s hard to make it to the top at the start. Make sure you have stable footing first.
LYN: I was the same. I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be a celebrity and never thought I would end up going to cooking school. I didn’t want to be a singer AFTER I was a cook, I’ve always wanted to be one. So why didn’t I stay at home and make a fuss, saying “I want to be a singer. I don’t want to be a cook or a waiter, and I don’t want to sell clothes.” Why didn’t I do that? Because I knew I couldn’t survive without it.
C: Ning-ge, can I be a part of your company?
LYN: Oh, I see. Then our basic requirements for our employees are... I’m going to start interviewing you now. What are you expecting to make? If it’s over $10 then we don’t need to discuss any further. Our principle is that we let people who have just entered society come to our company so that they can learn things. I think young people aren’t afraid to waste time and are willing to try out in a variety of different industries, not afraid to fail. You can learn all sorts of things here and at some point when you have enough experience, your assets will follow.
C: Is there food and living expenses?
LYN: Let me tell anyone who has come with interest in the company some requirements. Please don’t think I’m a bad boss, this is just a matter of choice. If you can’t accept the terms, you can choose not to work here, but don’t call me dark. The first condition is that LYN Co. workers do not get paid a salary. You come here to learn, purely based on your own liking. If you want to come, come. If you don’t want to, then forget it. Secondly, we don’t have an office. You all work from home. There’s no opportunity to come to work, you just stay at home. // There’s no chance to see the boss and we don’t have any year-end gatherings or bonuses. You’re just here to learn.
C: Our title?
LYN: Your title is just “staff”; there are no positions. If you want to be security, you can call yourself security. If you want to make comments during my streams, you can call yourself a "comment-er”. If you share my new song with your friends, you’re a “sharer”. You choose what you want to do.
C: Who would go if there’s no salary.
LYN: Yeah, so then... don’t come. We’re not lacking in people right now anyway. It’s entirely up to you.
C: Turns out I was already a part of it.
LYN: See? You’re a part of my company and no one ever told you. It’s very simple to become part of my company, as long as you’re my fan, you’re in. Because I don’t have a company.
C: Ning-ge, I want to go be the boss’ wife.
LYN: Don’t say these things to scare me. If you keep with it, I’m going to dissolve the company. I’ll quit, too. Don’t use these words to scare me, please. I can’t take it. I’ll dissolve the company and run. Don’t be like this. Even if I have the sin of killing your father, it’s not worth such a form of payback. How much must you hate me, to want to be the boss’ wife?
LYN: I said I would dissolve the company and run and I saw someone say, “ You want to elope with me?”
LYN: I know we have a low qualification requirement, but we still have basic mental health requirements. If you... have a mental illness, let’s not enter the company. We can’t take the responsibility, and it’s dangerous for the workers. We’re not accepting anyone who has mythomania, hallucinations, or violent tendencies. Why? Because it’s quite scary. I suggest you look into another company. Go ask around what other artists’ companies are lacking workers.
C: People who don’t want to become the boss’ wife don’t make good employees.
LYN: Don’t go around spreading this sort of false morality. You’ll influence a generation of young people. We have a lot of young girls who are in college here right now. When they graduate and get into a company, do you want them to be thinking about how to pursue their boss?? That’s really strange. What’s your worth, then? You spent three or four years in school, and for what? What sort of nonsense is “people who don’t want to become the boss’ wife don’t make good employees”??? Do you think this is an idol drama? The domineering CEO starts to love a normal employee? They don’t think anything of the arranged marriage their parents have set up for them with a well-off and good looking girl, but fall for the normal salary worker in their company? Love is love. It’s just that inexplicable. The employee liked to throw water in their face all the time, but love is love. Do you think your real life is like a drama? There’s no way.
LYN: Have you never heard of that drama called “Don’t Fall in Love With the Boss (Legally Romance)”? Have you not seen it? This is exactly the story line we’re talking about.
C: Ning-ge, I can tell you’ve watched a lot of idol dramas.
LYN: I have. I watched a lot when I was younger, but when I grew up I pretty much stopped. Let me tell you which ones I’ve watched- other than my own- I’ve seen You Who Came From Stars.
LYN: Someone typed a bunch of question marks into the chat and asked, “You act in idol dramas?” There was a question mark after these five words. Friends, let’s... let’s examine this. They typed this into the chat. /puts it up on screen/ Let’s examine why they would ask this question in such a way. There’s a couple ways we could in interpret this: The first is “Ning-ge, you’re willing to act in an idol drama? You would go for it? I thought you wanted to act in more manlier roles/dramas.” This is from an acting perspective. They second you already know without me needing to spell it out, right? The second is, /in disbelief/ “YOU act in idol dramas? Huh? You. In an idol drama. You, as an idol... in a drama?” See? Every space you put between the words gives it a different meaning, but no matter which way you cut it it’s full of skepticism. /sigh/
LYN: I almost forgot. I released another song recently, called 爱是不放手 (Love is to Not Let Go, Almost Lover OST). Wait- why do I look so dumb? Look at this- What’s wrong with this expression? My face is so round. This expression here is showing three words: “I am sad.”
LYN: Why? Why is it like this? This picture is alright. I look like a normal human being. A lively young man.
LYN: This one is a little too fake. This was taken before one of my concerts.
LYN: Every time I see pictures of myself from back then I want to thank the fans I had who followed me from then until now. They truly didn’t look at appearances. They were completely drawn in by my talents alone. When I see myself I think I looked like a “pig-faced mountain”.
C: Ning-ge, I am completely one of your song-fans through and through.
LYN: Thank you. But I hope that when my drama airs, you can take a look at it too.
C: Bai Choufei won an award.
LYN: I actually think that’s a rare/uncommon occurrence. Because BCF isn’t a character who would have fans- he’s a villain, but not one that garners fans. They all say that “If the man is not bad, women won’t like him.” But I don’t think it’s proper to use this expression on BCF. I think that if you became a fan of me through BCF, then your taste is on the higher side; you saw into BCF’s soul. People rarely get that and if you can, then I’m sure you are a person who is not wary of others.
LYN: I think, even if you are just a supporting character, to be remembered and liked by the audience is something that makes me very happy. I mean remembering the role, and not the actor. Even though the actor IS LYN. As an actor, I only have four dramas out. If we’re going to pick out which drama aired the best and which brought me the most fans, it’s going to be Hao Du. I know a lot of people got to know me through Hei Yanjing, but they didn’t necessarily like me, and even could have hated me. This role didn’t really attract a lot of fans. So Hao Du brought me the most fans, but it’s already been two years since The Long Ballad has aired. So for me, having been known for only one good work in these two years, it’s normal that people still don’t acknowledge me and my acting. When people question me and think I don’t deserve it, I can understand where they’re coming from. Because I’ve only got four dramas that have aired.
LYN: I’m already lucky. The role of Hei Yanjing was because the character and base novel is already very amazing, which people to get to know me. But The Long Ballad was only my third drama, and already people got to know me from it. I’m very lucky. How many actors out there have been acting for YEARS and still don’t have that breakout role? It’s hard. Hao Du gave me a lot, and a lot of people got to know me through him.
LYN: So I totally understand when people question and refuse to acknowledge me. They don’t acknowledge me, but I acknowledge them. I agree with them, because I only have four dramas out and in those four I was only just a supporting character. I wanted to play supporting roles because I wanted my career as an actor to be a long one. I could have directly signed onto a main lead role if I wanted to, if it were a smaller project. But I think that would be irresponsible of me, and irresponsible to the viewers. I had to start with supporting roles, so I had a clue what acting was all about first. Take it one step at a time.
LYN: I understand when people can’t or won’t acknowledge me and I can agree with their thinking. My fans know that, including YNGS, I have only fie dramas waiting to air and in them I’m mostly supporting. YNGS is almost over, and when I enter my next drama I’ll have six dramas in the waiting. These few years I’ve always been working, non-stop. They’re all supporting roles, but they still take three-four months all the same.
C: Then.. I hope they air soon.
LYN: Honestly, I’m not in a rush for them to air. I want them to wait.. and then air seven in a single year. I wouldn’t be the main lead in all of them, but think about it: seven dramas in one year and they all feature LYN. How terrifying would that be?
C: Ning-ge, if that’s the case then you can cameo in a lot more dramas.
LYN: What you mean by that is that I should get in contact with every open crew and ask them if I could go cameo? That way each year I can feature in tens of dramas. That’s a little... unnecessary. I only go to cameo in dramas because I am very good friends with the actors/director/producer. Otherwise.. I already have my own work to do, why would I go cameo?
C: Ning-ge, being a supporting actor is also very good.
LYN: ... Are you trying to convince me? Are you even my fan?? Even if that were the truth, you shouldn’t be telling that to me NOW. As someone just starting out in this industry, isn’t it a good thing to set your sights higher? Just like my fans earlier who wanted to be LYN’s company’s boss’ wife. Isn’t that also setting your sights high? Is it unrealistic? I don’t want to only play supporting roles- I also wish the day would come where I stand at the front of the stage as a main lead. Is it wrong? No, right?
LYN: Friends, I’m just a child in his tens (x3). I JUST finished acting as the male lead in a guzhuang drama, and someone told me it’s find if I keep playing supporting roles. Do you know how much that hurts?! /fake cries/
LYN: /sighs/ How painful. Actually everyone who lives in the jianghu one day dreams of becoming a general. I am no exception. I believe that there will come a day, I will be... Oh, no. I shouldn’t mess around with this. I can’t get it out. That’s not important.
LYN: Is there something wrong with calling myself a “child in his tens”, friends?
C: Ning-ge, don’t cry. Your makeup will run.
LYN: Why would I cry? Why would I cry, when I don’t even have the time to be happy? I went through so much to get to this point in my life and someone told me I’d be better off acting in supporting roles. I want to tell this person- the only feeling I have towards this, which is- Heh. How damning. Those words are really evil.
C: A broadcast drama.
LYN: No, I don’t dare to. These lines are just basic. Please don’t go out and praise my recitation of lines or my acting. Just don’t praise me at all. Everyone knows I am a singer who’s gone into acting, so they don’t hold much expectation for me. This is my opportunity to surprise them so that they think I’m not actually too bad at it. But if you praise me too much and then they see me, I will have failed to meet their expectations. Please don’t go around praising my acting or my lines. My lines... are really just basic and I hope that all my good friends can remember this.
LYN: No, really. Don’t go around praising me/pushing me on people. I don’t think there’s any meaning in doing that. The viewers aren’t blind- they can all see. If you say “Ning-ge’s Northeastern dialect is so good” then that’s fine and I can live up to that. But I can’t live up to “Ning-ge’s says his lines so well” so you don’t need to praise me for it.
C: LYN, do you use inversion when you speak?
LYN: Sometimes, but it’s not a construction I am used to using.
C: When will you leave to film?
LYN: In Hengdian it gets dark around 5:30p, so I just need to get to set by then.
C: Ning-ge, as long as we have an interesting topic, we can chat for hours.
LYN: Yeah, that’s how it works.
C: Shandong people like to use inversion.
LYN: Do they? I very rarely meet people from Shandong. But my ancestors are from Shandong, that’s why I’m so tall. // But I’m a Liaoning, Dandong person.
C: Have you eaten?
LYN: I are breakfast but not lunch. I’ll probably order some takeout and then have a nap and I’ll be ready to work at night.
C: From where in Shandong?
LYN: I forget. It’s not important. We’re all from Shandong, and that’s good enough.
C: What’s on the chair?
LYN: This chair? What’s it to you? I need to tell you all about my house furnishings? It has nothing to do with you, so don’t ask.
LYN: No, I bought a vest. I had wanted to wear it, but I don’t think I can, now. It’s like those bulletproof vests you wear when playing games. It was cheap and I bought it to wear during games but ... yeah. // I can wear it during a stream at some point.
LYN: The last time I came to stream I was wearing a white wig, do you remember? Most of the time after I finish up with work I don’t have the time to come home and make myself presentable. So I think wearing a wig is quite nice. I went online and bought four more, just about the same style as the white one. I bought four different colors. Later when I stream and I’m not wearing the drama wig like this, I’ll put on one of those wigs. I’ll have one for four different streams and then rotate. It’s too cool. I bought a pink one. I’ll be a handsome young kid. Very fashionable. I bought a pink one, a red one, and two other colors but I forget.
C: Green?
LYN: No, there were colors that weren’t too positive, so I didn’t buy them.
- /suddenly breaks into song/
LYN: This song is very non-mainstream, isn’t it. Honestly- who wasn’t? I want to know, those of you around my age, didn’t we all have that phase? I was like that too, once. I also kept long hair.
C: This song had a Chinese version?
LYN: Yeah! There was a song called “Lonely”, have you heard of it? It was one word, repeated.
LYN: 午夜电台? What’s that? Is it this song?
-
C: Ning-ge, weren’t you born after the 00′s?
LYN: Yeah, and? A “child in his tens”, that’s me.
-
LYN: I don’t think this is the right song. There used to be one called 午夜DJ, have you heard of it?
-- 午夜DJ (Late Night DJ)
C: How silly.
LYN: What are you saying? This song is so nice. It’s the music we all grew up on back then. People shouldn’t forget their beginnings, friends.
C: Ning-ge, I’m not connected to the speakers, play it.
LYN: What do you mean? I played that song and you didn’t want others to hear what was playing on your phone? This song is that embarrassing? That’s unwarranted, isn’t it? No, right??
C: Ning-ge, if that’s the case, play something even more humbling.
LYN: No, not a more humbling song, but a song that can make THEM feel even more embarrassed. It’s not that the music itself is bad. I really like this music. What should I play?
-- 2002年的第一场雪 (The First Snow of 2002)
LYN: No, this one isn’t right. Something that can make them feel embarrassed... this one.
-- 皇上吉祥 (Emperor’s Favour)
LYN: Let me see if there’s an accompaniment and I can sing it myself.
LYN: How is it? Is it good enough? Do you enjoy this type of music? Doesn’t it have that feeling? Is it captivating enough? Huh? I’m hyped. No matter who hears this song, they’ll be dumbfounded. [t/n: it’s a song abt earning the emperor’s favor and becoming his seventh wife.]
LYN: Alright, that’s about enough friends. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. When I have the chance to stream again, you’ll be able to come watch. Thanks for all your company and support today. I still have filming to do at night so I’m going to eat a little something and then take a nap and continue to work.
LYN: This afternoon you all have given me company and I hope I was able to keep you company as well, and give you a little bit of happiness. I want you all to be happy. I hope you had a relaxing and wonderful weekend. I am happy to have had you today and hope the rest of your day goes well. Let’s meet again in the next stream. Goodnight, everyone.
-- /closes out with 意气趁年少/
LYN: I might have a performance in a few days where I’m going to sing this song. I’m testing out if I can still sing it.
LYN: Alright, goodnight everyone. Bye bye.
#Liu Yuning#lyn livestream#(3:50:51)#topics:#drama updates#lyn's hot topic for his looonnggggg legs#plans for the new year#promoting New Life Begins#New Year's plans (and songs)#language fun: the érhuà#yngs leaks all around! bc there's just no way to stop people from recording/snapping pics#talking about his fountain scene#vs horses#a little life lesson#bcf won an award?#[oop. i was too slow. there's another one now]
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I don’t normally get personal but I’ve been having a hard time lately.
I’m depressed. Again.
I haven’t had this bad of depression in quite some time to be honest.
I’m graduating in Mere weeks and I’m not okay with it. I don’t want to leave my school. I don’t want to leave my favorite teachers who make me feel safe.
I miss Rex Robbins. I miss David Ford. I miss Jonathan Moore. I miss Howard Da Silva. I miss so many dead actors I’ve lost count.
Grief is weird. I struggle with it. It sucks.
I’ve grown to love so many actors from 1776 and I miss so many of them like hell. I don’t care if I never knew them. I don’t care. They mean just as much to me as anybody else.
My mom and I got into a fight today. That seems like the least of my problems now but it hurts just as much. She doesn’t understand me. Never has and never will.
But you know what? I couldn’t care less. I am what I am. I’m gonna continue loving 1776 because it’s my escape from reality. It’s my personal therapy that is free. Ever since I got introduced to it, I haven’t looked back. The past is now the past. And there’s one man to thank for that, Gary Beach.
I’ve cried a lot these past couple of days. The most I’ve done in a while. It sucks. But what are ya gonna do.
That’s my rant, lmao. It makes me feel better when I rant to the public.
Feeling like him lately
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Magnolia in May ~ Chapter Seven
Chapter Summary: After returning home from the picnic, Thomas invites Jessie to dinner while the children are spending time with some friends.
Chapter Warning(s): Mentions of the war, nightmares, PTSD
Word Count: 3227
Chapter Seven
As soon as we got home, and while the children were with Miss Milligan, I retired to my room, and sat down on the mattress with my pad and pen. I’d written a letter to my family back home, telling them everything that had happened. Long paragraphs about the kids, the things we did, the games we played and the picnic; I told them about the house, how it looked like a fairytale mansion, and about Thomas — I didn’t write much about him, because for some reason I thought they would start teasing me about him like they did whenever I talked about Django.
I saved those thoughts for my diary, where I kept all of my most private and special thoughts. I flipped through it, reading the last few entries I wrote. This one in particular was quite colourful. I was surprised how harsh and scribbly my handwriting was and how hard the pen pressed into the paper.
Friday, May 16th 1930
Miss Carleton came to visit today to check up on the horses. I was looking forward to meeting her because I’d heard things about her. Good things.. But when I introduced myself to her, I got the sense that she didn’t like me very much, even though she never said so. And for some reason, when I heard she was staying the night, my throat tightened and my cheeks burned, almost like I was angry. Great, now I know what they’re up to in there.! It shouldn’t be a surprise to me, and I don’t mind Miss Carleton, maybe I’ll go to sleep and maybe I’ll tear out this entry in the morning.
I wasn’t sure what had gotten into me that day, but I was completely over it now. I thought about tearing the page from the journal, then decided against it, because it would be a challenge since all of the pages were hand-sewn into the leather. I didn’t want to ruin the other pages. This next one, I noted, was more light-hearted.
Saturday May 17th 1930
Mrs. Shelby (Lizzie) dropped by for a few minutes and announced that she was taking Ruby and Charlie to the pictures.. I was surprised when she invited me, too and she explained that because I was the governess, I was now a part of this family. We all loaded into the car and headed to the theatre. Tonight, they were showing a Chaplin film that was made ten years ago, The Kid. I think I cried a few times. Because when it was over, Ruby told me my eyes looked puffy. It was a nice experience and I want to do it again sometime.
Sunday, May 18th 1930
It doesn’t feel real yet. I keep thinking I will wake up back in my bedroom at the cottage. Ruby and Charlie Shelby are perhaps some of the sweetest children I’ve ever met, they even took my coat the day I arrived. I am thinking about taking them on a picnic tomorrow. I don’t think they’ll say no to skipping school for one day. I haven’t told them yet, though. I need to check with their father first. I am sure he won’t mind, but still, I don’t want to sneak them out and cause him to worry.
Then, opening to the next empty page, I wrote:
Monday, May 19th 1930
The picnic was a success, just like I thought it would be. Earlier, Mister Shelby invited me to have dinner with him tonight. I don’t know how I should do my hair, what I should wear — why am I so nervous? My stomach hurts, like I am about to expel all of my lunch. It’s not as if we’re going to be doing anything other than eating, or so he says. I will probably let you know how it goes later.
As I wrote, I could sense something blooming between Thomas and I. A friendship, maybe more, and tension building between Miss Carleton and I, because she didn’t like me. Was there a good reason? Had I said something or done something to offend her? Or had she gotten it in her mind that I was one of Mister Shelby’s mistresses and was jealous? When I thought about those subtle glances he threw at me during mealtimes, or when he stood in the doorway and watched me play with the kids, I wondered if there was something else there, or just my imagination running wild again like it always did.
Capping my pen, and after putting my diary away, I heard a soft knock at the door. Thomas looked over at me with a smile, leaning against the doorframe of my room. The sight of him standing there with such a warm, gentle expression on his face once again made my heart flutter softly. “Will you still be joining me?”
“Give me an hour,” I said. “I need to find something nice to wear.”
“Everything looks nice on you, love,” he replied, his tone playful and fun as he flashed me a cheeky grin. I could tell he was already beginning his flirting, his playfulness and charm on full display, and I couldn’t help but find myself swept up in it all. His sense of humour and cheeky nature were incredibly lovely, and I felt so happy to be around him. Without another word, he shut the door tightly and I was once again left alone with my thoughts.
I had done a pretty darn good job convincing myself that it was nothing more than friendship because that was all we really could be. The selfish part of me wanted to tell her not to get her hopes up too high because I had an inkling that he and Lizzie could get back together — and I was hoping they would because I liked Lizzie — I don’t think Miss Carleton was in love with him anyhow, so I don’t think it would have affected her anyway.
At last I was ready; the two of us made our way down the hall feeling the anticipation building up inside me, and some worry, too. My throat tightened a bit and my stomach felt tingly and nauseated as it did my first day of school, or my first day sitting in the Church with Albert and Eliza. I had spent time with a boy before, but for some reason, this was different. My heart pounded against my ribcage. I was nervous, excited, and a little bit scared.
We reached the downstairs hallway as the sun was going down, a violently red and purple sky behind the hills and treetops, and then stopped when we made it into the dining room. It was dark, save for a few candles that had been lit on the table. I found it beautiful and incredibly romantic. I wondered if he’d done the same for every girl who stayed over at his place, but immediately shoved it away while we sat together, and ate the meal the cooks had prepared. I didn’t want anything to ruin this night.
“That was nice,” I said and his soft blue eyes met mine as he smiled. It was now nine o’clock. The time seemed to fly by; the hours felt like minutes and the minutes felt like seconds. The sun had completely set now, and darkness had begun to cover the inky black sky, and I could almost see the stars in the distance. Looking downwards, I tried my best to stifle a yawn.
“All the fresh air must have tired you out. Fair warning, if you ever head into the city, just know that the air is always polluted with chimney and cigarette smoke and smells like rot and alcohol more than eighty percent of the time. A lot of unsavoury things happen there.” He laughed softly, and changed the subject slightly, “I wish we could do this more often.”
“Have dinner together? All you have to do is say the word, Mister Shelby.”
“I wish I could, and I wish I could spend more time with my children.”
“You’re doing your best,” I said, trying to provide some comfort.
“Lizzie was a good woman, didn’t deserve —” His voice caught. He cleared his throat and ran a hand across his face. I saw that same, deep sadness that I saw when he talked about being in France, but this was a little bit different. “She didn’t deserve what I put her through. The lies, the secrets. I tried to keep them safe, to ensure that they would have everything they needed if something were to happen to me, but it turns out it was me they needed, not the money, not the house. And I failed them.”
There were tears in his eyes now, real tears. Thomas Shelby wasn’t a man who showed his real emotions in front of anyone and for as long as I’d known him, he always seemed to have everything under control. He was the one person that everyone else in the family looked up to for answers — besides his aunt, Polly — all of the solutions to the problems and strategies on how to win at each game their enemies threw at them. He’d always planned everything in advance, and if one plan failed, he always had a backup. Emotions were to be set aside and logic was supposed to guide him in every decision he made, but sometimes, no matter how deep below those emotions were, they always broke through the surface, gasping for air.
Just as he was. He was a fish trapped on land, trying to breathe.
“John, Grace, Danny, Freddy, Ben, Bonnie, even the horses. Everyone I touch either ends up dead or hurt.” Thomas shook his head, trying to stay composed. Then he stood up from the table, the legs of the chair grading harshly against the wooden floors. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pinned this all on you.”
“It’s alright. I’m always here to listen if you need someone to talk to.” I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay and that maybe Lizzie would come around once the dust settled and she was given time to sort through her own feelings, but at the same time, I knew those words wouldn’t ease the tremendous amount of guilt he carried with him wherever he went.
“Run,” he muttered, so softly I barely heard the words he was saying, “while there’s still time, before you end up getting hurt, too.”
I walked over to him, tentative, yet determined. I stood in front of him, seeing the stains on his cheeks and his puffy eyes. “Listen to me. If I wanted to run, believe me, I would go right up those stairs, hair flying, heart pounding and I would be out the door before you could even utter my name. But whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me, come hell or high water.”
A sad smile came onto his face. His hand reached up to brush against my cheek, his thumb wiping away my own tears. I’d started to cry, too, but I didn’t know it. He pressed his forehead against mine. “Thank you. For today, and for helping me forget.”
I nodded. His breath fanned against my lips. I knew he was going to kiss me, but suddenly, he stepped back, reached a hand into his pocket and then he seemed to cheer up a little bit. “What is it?” I asked.
“The kids are back.” He excused himself from the room. When I followed him down the hall towards the front entrance of the house, out the window, I saw Johnny’s vardo and Thomas carrying a sleeping Ruby in his arms as he came back in with Charlie, who looked just as worn out from their day of fun.
“Jessie, guess what?” he asked, his eyes were bright and his cheeks were flushed. “We had a big campfire! And we raced sticks in the river. Except for Ruby, she didn’t race sticks with us, but she sat and played with dolls with the other girls.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, but she almost fell in,” he said, “I told her not to play too close, but she didn’t listen. Luckily it wasn’t too deep, so she didn’t drown, and me and the other boys managed to help her out.”
“Goodness!” I exclaimed, still keeping my voice down so I wouldn’t wake her up. Thomas was worried for a moment, too, and looked over at his daughter. Her pretty black dress was a bit wet, he noted, and so was her hair, but all of that worry faded away when he saw that she was safe and sound.
“Well, you’re a good big brother, looking after your little sister,” he whispered, rubbing her back. Groggy, she opened her eyes and looked around, but he quickly stroked her hair, easing her head back down on his shoulder. “Shh, you’re home sweetheart, Daddy’s got you. Charles, you go with Jessie, get ready for bed, yeah?”
Charlie nodded and reached for my hand. I took it and he eagerly followed me up the stairs into his room to get ready for bed. He fell asleep by the time his head hit the pillows, and when I softly closed the door behind me, and made it down the hall, even though it was only half-past nine, I was getting tired, too. I made it to my room and wrote a short update in my diary before I crawled into bed and buried my head into my pillow, and descended into the realm of dreams.
I was woken up by shouting coming from out in the hallway. I wanted to convince myself that it was nothing I needed to worry about, but my curiosity and my natural instincts to protect people kicked in. Without hesitating, I stood up and raced down the hallway until I found the door to the primary bedroom. It was wide open, perhaps in case Ruby or Charlie needed Thomas in the night. When I peeked inside, I saw him thrashing around and kicking at the bedsheets. He let out a series of frantic and fearful cries, a pained look on his face as his eyes remained shut and he continued to breathe very heavily until they snapped open and he sat upright. His breathing was erratic and he was shaking.
This wasn’t a nightmare, this was more like a night terror. My uncle used to have them when he came back from the war. Being on the frontlines or deep in the trenches changed a man and he was almost never the same when he came home. He looked around the room and his eyes landed on me, on the candle in my hands. His own hands gripped the mattress until his knuckles turned white and panic swirled in his eyes. I set the candle on the bedside table and sat on the edge, close to his head. I placed a hand on his brow and felt a cold sweat.
“Where am I?” he asked, gasping for breath.
“It’s alright, Thomas,” said and placed one of my hands on his chest, feeling his heart pounding underneath my palm. I realised I had just addressed him by his first name, but either he was in too much of a state to notice my slip up, or he genuinely didn’t care. His chest heaved up and down and the more panicked he looked, the more worried I became. I brought him into my arms, rubbing his back as he continued to shake. “Shh, it’s alright.”
I tried to remember the things Eliza would say to calm Albert down, but my mind was scrambled, so for a moment, I just sat on the end of his bed, gently rocking my body left and right, rubbing his back and running my fingers softly though his hair, anything I knew would help. He held onto me for dear life, his tears and sweat soaking through my chemise and his hair tickling my exposed skin.
“You’re home now, Mister Shelby. You’re home. You’re in England.”
“Home,” he echoed, still struggling to catch his breath. “Home?”
“Yes, home. Remember we went on a picnic and saw the ducks? The kids were so excited to have their daddy come with them.”
“My children. Where are my children? Where are Ruby and Charlie?” The fearful look in his eyes was still there. A look of pure terror. I could only imagine how terrified he must have been, and what sort of twisted things his mind conjured up.
“Charlie’s asleep in his bed, and Ruby is asleep in hers,” I assured him. I knew there were no words that could ever erase the pain completely, but I continued to hold onto him, saying whatever random nonsense came to my head to try to bring his mind back home. Slowly, but surely, his breathing slowed down, as did his heart rate. His grip on me loosened and he lifted his eyes to look at me. He looked exhausted.
Walking across the floor, I went to the cupboard and opened it. On a high shelf were some various bottles of alcohol, small ones, and some glasses. Normally, I didn’t recommend drinking, smoking, opium, or what people were calling ‘snow’ as a remedy for any sort of illness, especially one that ailed the mind, but this was definitely one of those nights and he needed something to calm his nerves and ease his mind. I took one of the bottles, read the label and then poured a small amount into the glass.
“Here, take this. It will help you relax a bit.”
Wordlessly, he took the glass from me and in one breath, managed to drink the whole thing. Then I encouraged him to lay back down against the pillow as I dabbed a cold cloth against his forehead.
After a while, he was quiet again. He laid still, his chest rising and falling slowly and his eyes becoming heavy. He wasn’t sweating anymore, which was a good thing, and when I asked him if he felt dizzy or nauseous, he shook his head, meaning the storm was coming to an end. I started to stand and go out the door, but his hand reached for my wrist and clutched it gently. “Stay.”
I paused where I was and then looked at the bed. What would happen if the kids needed me? Would they know where I was? Surely Frances wouldn’t approve, even though she didn’t seem like the type of person who voiced her real opinions out loud, but then I remembered when she mentioned Miss Carleton and her obvious distaste for her. I didn’t want any sort of tension between us, so maybe I would just keep this between Thomas and I.
There was plenty of room for me on the other side to sleep. There was also a comfortable-looking chair near the window with a blanket on the back of it. In the end, I chose the bed. I slid into it. His eyelids drooped just a little bit as he looked at me. I laid down, feeling the soft satin material of the pillow beneath my cheek. I watched him for a moment until mine began to close and I fell asleep again.
TO BE CONTINUED
TAGLIST: @zablife @runnning-outof-time @izabesworld @sherbitdibdab (Comment if you wish to be added!)
#peaky blinders#thomas shelby#peaky blinders fanfic#thomas shelby x oc#tommy shelby#cillian murphy#tommy shelby x oc
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My grandmother died today. And nothing feels quite real. I heard my mother’s voice on the phone as I got in the car, and I sat in the front seat, keys halfway to the ignition. I hung up. And then I drove down to the the pool but I don’t remember getting there. Sunscreen a thick film over my body like the film that coated my mind, making everything feel waxy and distant. I dove into the cold water, a breathtaking cold like the chill that ran down my spine when my mother said those words.
My grandmother died today. And I swam till my lungs burned and my arms and legs felt heavy enough to sink my body down to the bottom of the pool. I swam and everytime my thoughts drifted back to that fact, I pushed harder till I was gasping. I tried not to think of how I was watching her gasping for air in her hospital bed the day before. And now she’s not breathing. But I still am. I swam for over an hour.
My grandmother died today. And I called my boyfriend to tell him but he already knew. So I didn’t have to say it. I haven’t said it. He asked me about the service. I started to say she wanted to be cremated. She wants to- and I went silent. He asked me if I was still there. I couldn’t open my mouth.
My grandmother died today. And my mother held me in her arms, and she told me how my love for my Gran meant so much to her. I had to hold my breath.
My grandmother died today. And I keep replaying yesterday at the hospital over and over. I see her lying in the bed. I can feel her frail, limp hand against mine, her hair through my fingers as I ran them through. I made sure to look her in the eye, through the haze of the drugs keeping her at peace I wanted her to see me. To know I was there. I kissed her on the forehead, and told her I loved her. She was trying to talk, but she couldn’t. I said that it was okay, I knew she loved me. That it was okay she couldn’t say it back. I remember walking away, out of the hospital room. I’m not sure if having such a strong memory is hurting or healing.
My grandmother died today. I looked at my boyfriend and realised I won’t have either of my grandmothers at my wedding.
My grandmother died today. And everything’s changed but nothing has. The sun still shines. The sun still set. My assignments still need to be done. I will still fail my first year of University in 7 days if I don’t write over 5,000 words across three assignments. I still lost my job. I lost my grandmother. My only grandmother. I haven’t cried yet. I’m scared to start. If I do I’m not sure I’ll stop. I can’t think about it.
My grandmother died today, and even though I knew it was coming, even though I spent hours at her hospital bedside over five weeks of torturous medical complications and deteriorations, even though I knew she was now in palliative care, I didn’t expect her to die.
My Grandmother is dead. She is at peace, but we are not.
#what is grief if not love persevering#griefandloss#grief journal#tw grief#life challenges#loss of a loved one#it hurts#in shock#prose#prose poetry#it hasn’t sunk in yet#nothing is real#i don’t feel real
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modern au. geraskier, established relationship. just a little comfort for the bard boy after a miserable day at work.
xoxoxo!!!
❦
geralt looked up from his book when he heard the door click shut and his husband peel off a soaked jacket. shoes were kicked; a bag was dropped; still, jaskier said nothing.
usually, geralt starts hearing his husband’s car radio from the moment it enters their neighbourhood. the quiet is alarming, to say the least, so geralt turns his book over and lays it on the couch, putting his reading glasses on his head.
“jaskier?” he calls trotting into the laundry room, where jaskier is shucking off his sodden work uniform.
“hello, love,” he replies huskily. “it’s raining.”
“it is,” geralt agrees. he turns the dryer back on, peering at the load of towels bouncing around. “why don’t you take a nice shower? warm you up,”
“‘kay,” jaskier acquiesced, slinking into the bathroom. geralt frowned after him.
typically, getting jaskier to shower right after work takes some cajoling, several bribes on both sides, all that.
today, the water turns on without any music to cover the sound, and geralt hears jaskier snuffle to himself before a small, broken sound escapes.
he won’t walk in on his husband crying. he won’t embarrass him when he waited until the shower was on and put on a face for geralt in the laundry room.
that’s what geralt chanted to himself, anyway, while he heaped blankets up on the bed and jogged back into the kitchen.
he took a small container out of the cabinet and double checked the instructions. only a bit of water and a minute in the microwave, and jaskier would have a sweet treat waiting for him in the nest geralt was building.
he gathered some water bottles, a sandwich, and jaskier’s favourite of geralt’s tee shirts that geralt thankfully had to save from the hamper. jaskier didn’t have geralt’s nose, but he could still scent his husband and it tended to calm him down plenty.
til his dying breath, geralt would deny that he rolled around on the nest blankets to make it warm and smell like him, but it was the quickest way and without music or the promise of geralt joining him, jaskier could be done in moments.
when geralt was satisfied that the clean blankets smelled a little more like home, he went to get a warm towel out of the dryer and swaddle his husband up for a trip to the nest.
he found jaskier sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees.
he couldnt say anything that didnt feel too trite, too simple, too shallow, for what that image made his heart do in his chest. he simply got undressed and sat down next to him.
“bad day,” jaskier breathed. geralt, with soft hands and a softer heart, took the spray from the wall and began to wash jaskier’s hair.
jaskier began to cry again, but this time quietly. jaskier hated it when he cried, hated how much he cried, so geralt merely began humming for him while he threaded his fingers through auburn locks to remove the soap.
“i’m an artist, aren’t i?” jaskier finally asked.
“of course,” geralt said, cupping jaskier’s cheek to get him to look him in the eye. “of course you are. one of the best i’ve ever known.”
“i… geralt, i’m working at a fast food joint. i’m getting sandwiches thrown at me by customers, i’m getting barked at by my boss. i haven’t composed in almost a week.”
“you don’t have to always be writing to be an artist,” geralt said, sitting back on his haunches. “am i a witcher?”
“of course,”
“right now? when i’m sitting in the shower with you?”
“… quit it,” jaskier replied, cottoning on to geralt’s meaning and pushing his little head into geralt’s chest.
“i’m a witcher when i wake, and when i go to sleep, and every second in between.”
“that’s different,” jaskier mumbled as best he could with the hot water pouring down the back of his neck. geralt only held him, rocking him back and forth ever so slightly.
“how?”
“being a witcher’s in your blood.”
“and your need to create isn’t?” geralt asked, looking down at his husband with faux surprise. “could have fooled me,”
“…… stop,” jaskier said, and geralt heard him fighting the smile.
“who told you to be an artist, then? was it roach?” jaskier’s shoulders shook a bit and he wormed closer to geralt. “come, love,”
geralt helped him stand and finish his shower, then gently towelled him off and wrapped him up tight, scooping him off his feet.
“you’d think i were a princess,” jaskier murmured sleepily, breath dancing along the column of geralt’s damp throat.
geralt only hummed, knowing the rumble in his chest would bring jaskier even closer to sleep.
“oh,” when geralt set jaskier on the bed and set to getting him into his sleep shirt, jaskier got a look at the nest.
a precious look of wonder captured his features and tears threatened to spill over once more.
“for me?” he asked, lip wobbling dangerously.
“i can… take back the princess cake?” geralt offered, as he was nearly about to hand the treat over.
“you made me a princess cake?” jaskier asked, voice breaking.
“you weren’t singing when you came home,” geralt supplied, still holding the microwave cake. “do you…?”
“yes, please,” jaskier sobbed, making grabby hands at both geralt and the cake. “i’m just overwhelmed-crying, not sad crying,” he said, curling into geralt’s side and allowing himself to be rocked. “oh, i’m ridiculous. my boss got waspish with me because i wasn’t fast enough during lunch rush. he wasn’t even mean! just… snappy.”
“i think you’re just exhausted, love,” geralt offered.
“i slept fine last night,” jaskier said with a mouth full of cake.
“no, not tired. exhausted. you spend all day worrying about burgers and fries, then you spend all evening being upset that you didnt spend all day composing.”
“you’re right,” jaskier said with a frown.
“maybe… maybe you should quit.” geralt said, peering down at jaskier cautiously. “i could stand a few more contracts a week.”
“geralt,” jaskier gasped. “no, we— you— i shouldn’t get to laze around all day while you risk life and limb—“
“look at me,” geralt tipped jaskier’s chin up and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. “if you quit today and sleep for a week, but never, ever come home feeling like you did today ever again… i’d rather fight a wyvern every day.”
“no,” jaskier said, squirming under the intensity of geralt’s veracity.
“every day before lunch, even,” geralt added, trying to add a little levity. “jas, if you’re this miserable, i’ll do anything to make it better for you.”
“what if i call out tomorrow? we could sleep in.”
“i’d even make lambert call out for you.”
“lambert? what would he even say?”
“what does lambert ever say?”
together, laughing, they said, “fuck you, suck my dick!” and flipped each other off.
jaskier sniffed a little once the giggles died down and offered geralt a scoop of his princess cake.
“darling, i love you very much,” geralt said patiently with his mouth full, not willing to swallow the cake. “but this tastes like sawdust.”
“how do you know what sawdust tastes like, huh?” jaskier squawked, swatting at him.
“now that we have all night, let’s make a real cake, hm?”
“alright,” jaskier said, settling the cup on the night stand and pausing to look over his shoulder at his husband. “but we shouldnt let this lovely nest go to waste,”
“oh?” geralt hummed, raising an eyebrow.
“like you said,” jaskier smirked. “we have all night,”
❦
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How are you doing today?
It’s only 2:14AM, but so far I’m doing okay cause my dudes I’m doing this survey in MY bed in MY room at MY house. Basically what I’m saying is that I’m finally homeeeeee.
What is the last song you listened to in a car?
I don’t recall.
Do you like prefer apple cider warm or cold?
Definitely much better when it’s hot.
When did you last feel misunderstood?
I feel that way a lot. I have a hard time expressing myself and putting my feelings into words. It never seems to come out quite right.
Have you ever visited The Louvre or would you like to?
I don’t even know what that is.
Have you ever accidentally locked yourself out of your place of residence?
Yes.
Do you remember your favorite songs as a kid?
The popular stuff of the 90s, basically.
Do you currently feel calm?
I’m feeling a little more relaxed now that my paid medication is kicking in.
When did you last lace up a pair of shoes?
Back in May on my way to the hospital.
What's your go to comfort meal?
It used to be ramen, but I haven’t had it in several months. Like, probably not since the beginning of this year. I used to have it literally every single night. At the beginning of this year my health got even worse and it was becoming difficult to eat.
Do you enjoy cloud watching?
It’s not something I do.
Do you currently have any candles lit?
No.
If applicable, what's your favorite sports team?
None. I have no interest in sports.
How many cardigans do you own?
Zero.
How much is too much for clothes? (I am mad at myself over purchasing a $30 cardigan lol)
I actually have carts on a few different websites with clothes I want, but the total of each one is so much for not even a lot of stuff. I’m having a hard time taking anything out of my cart or taking the plunge and just treat myself. Some of the stuff I feel is definitely overpriced, but I really like them.
How soon do you normally decorate for holidays?
I’m ready to start putting up Halloween decorations now to be honest, but I’ll start sometime early on next month. As for Christmas, I’d be down to start in the beginning of November, but I tend to wait until the day after Thanksgiving. Perhaps I’ll do it earlier this year as well. I had a rough past few months and the holidays bring me some joy. I’d love to go crazy and get a shit ton of decorations.
Are there any important things happening this week?
Just resting for the rest of the week, but next week I already have a few follow-up appointments. One of them is that swallow test I mentioned in other surveys that will determine what I can eat and drink. I was hoping to get it done before I came home, but they weren’t able to squeeze me in. I’m only able to sip on liquids with this thickening powder I have to add to it and with a spoon. I’m looking forward to finally having some coffee.
Do you know anyone who is terrified of dogs?
I don’t think so.
What scent was the last soap you used?
Caress body soap scent, ha. I’m not sure what the scent is exactly, it just smells... clean.
How old were you when you made your first big purchase?
19. I bought my first MacBook, which was super expensive.
What last made you angry?
I was irritated that I couldn’t get that test done.
What's a color you think is underrated?
I don’t know.
What are you usually doing when midnight comes around and you can't sleep?
I’m always up past midnight for that reason and I just scroll through Tumblr and listen to ASMR.
What is your favorite way to eat rice? (white, steamed, fried, brown, sweetened...)
I like fried rice.
What color is the top you're wearing?
I’m wearing a blue nightgown with white flowers all over it. Finally wearing something other than that damn hospital gown.
When did you last laugh so hard you cried?
It’s been a very long time since I’ve laughed that hard. I don’t even remember the last time.
What's your favorite horror movie?
I have several, but among the top of the list are the Halloween, Scream, and It movies.
What's your favorite and least favorite fast food restaurant?
I like Jack in the Box, Carl’s Jr, Chick-Fil-A, Raising Canes, and Taco Bell. My least favorite is Wendy’s.
How many pictures can you see in the room you're in?
I have several on my walls.
When did you last sign your signature?
Yesterday when I filling out discharge papers.
What cover do you think is better than the original song?
Adele’s cover of George Michael’s Fast Love is SO good. It was a beautiful tribute to him that she did after he passed away.
Are you currently listening to music?
No, I’m listening to ASMR.
What do your favorite pair of pajamas look like?
I like wearing my t-shirt dresses or gowns the most cause they’re super comfortable and easy to just throw on real quick.
What is something you've been working on?
Trying to get better. I have a lot of work to do and I need to be putting in more work and effort.
What's something that excites you about the future?
I’m just taking things day by day right now.
How often do you drink smoothies?
I rarely drink smoothies, but I might start drinking them more often.
What's a TV show you have gotten into recently?
So many. I’ve binged several shows during my time in the hospital. One of the new ones I started is Daredevil.
Have you ever had to have a tooth cut out?
No. Gah, that sounds awful.
When did you last rush for something?
I don’t know.
How many blankets do you own?
A few.
Have you drank enough water today?
It’s hard when you can only drink a little and have to do so by spoonfuls. Thankfully, though, I get water through the feeding tube when getting meds and the feeding formula.
Do you prefer apple pie or pecan pie?
I’m not a pie person.
What color takes up most of your wardrobe?
Black.
What makes you feel alive?
I haven’t felt alive in a very long time...
Who is your last missed call from?
Unknown number.
Do you have any unusual pet peeves?
I can’t stand the sound of ice clanking against a glass.
What is a food you think is nasty that most people enjoy?
Sushi. All seafood, actually.
Would you rather never be sick again or be rich?
Having the option of never being sick again sounds really nice, especially for someone like me who has chronic illnesses and health issues, but being rich is a tempting option as well. Honestly, though, I’d go with never being sick. I’m so beyond sick and tired of dealing with all this.
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1605
What did you eat for lunch today?
I’ve been eating nothing but New Year leftovers for the last two days - today, it was baked salmon and beef in truffle sauce.
Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake?
Beach, only because I haven’t had many experiences with lakes and wouldn’t know what it’s like to live near one. But I like the sea anyway, so.
Have you watched any good horror/thriller movies lately?
It’s not so ‘lately’ anymore but the last one I watched was Parasite, which I ended up loving a lot. The plot twist was impressively done.
How would you feel about traveling abroad alone?
As exciting as it sounds it’s also a bit daunting, which is why I’ve always kind of backed out of doing it. I know that something will feel much less scary as soon as you try doing it, so idk why I haven’t done traveled by myself yet when I’ve wanted to do it for quite some time now – I even have too many bookmarks on my Airbnb at this point lol. I hope to finally try it at least once in 2023.
What was the last thing you watched on TV?
I’m currently half-watching the telepathy episode of Run BTS.
Do you know your blood type?
Honestly, I keep forgetting what it is.
Yesterday, did you get up before 9am?
Yes, I woke up at 7. I think my body clock is able to tell that I go back to work Wednesday lol.
How many times does the number ‘7’ occur in your phone number?
It doesn’t.
What was your favorite board game as a child?
I liked Scrabble (and Boggle even though I know it doesn’t count), but that’s it. I was never too big on board games.
Are you a coffee drinker?
Yup, I always make a cup for work and I usually make it last the entire day; on weekends I have a cup both in the morning and evening.
When are you going on vacation again?
This weekend we’re headed to Tanay for one last weekend trip before my dad has to leave again.
Who did you last have an alcoholic drink with?
Just...me. I’m the only one in the family who drinks and I had some soju during NYE. But counting others, I had drinks with my aunts and uncles last Friday.
What are you going to do after this?
I’ll be taking another one.
Who was the last person you were under the covers with?
Does a platonic sleepover count? LOL Anj and I shared a blanket when I slept over a few months ago.
Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Not that I can remember; they’re not really a strong suit. My eyelashes though always get pointed out because of how naturally long they are.
What did you do today?
Dreamt about Kimi and woke up crying, watched a ton of wrestling for the first time in a while (the whole day, actually), took a couple of naps, played with the dogs; now that I’m settled for the evening all I plan to do is watch some Run BTS, take surveys, and maybe get started on the book that Kat gave me.
How is your hair?
Uh, fine, I guess. I just showered so it feels healthy and bouncy rn.
Do you like to cuddle?
Not so much if it isn’t with a significant other. I only like to cuddle with my dogs.
Name something great that happened today?
While watching Wrestlemania 38 this morning I realized that the match I was watching was being officiated by a female referee. Idk how long WWE has been doing this but it felt really good :) and it helped me get into the match more.
How many different people of the opposite sex have you really cried over?
Like, because of love? None. I’ve only ever cried from loss-related situations, like when my grandpa died or as a kid whenever we had to bring my dad to the airport.
When was the last time you saw your father?
Around half an hour ago when I told him goodnight.
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Once.
Do you like your life as of now?
Sure! I think I can be maximizing more opportunities that come my way, but otherwise I’m satisfied.
Who was the last person you hung out one-on-one with?
Angela when we went Christmas shopping + had late lunch together.
Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
No, but I would be very confused.
Last thing you drank?
Coffee.
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Just the dogs.
Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
No.
Could you go a day without eating?
I can, but it would be very uncomfortable and I know it would make me very grouchy.
Ever kissed anyone whose name starts with a M?
Nopes.
Where did your last kiss take place?
I think it was by my car or somewhere outside my house idk, it was over two years ago and something I’d rather forget.
Have you ever met any bands/band members before?
Nah.
--
Do you use online banking? Do you have an app on your phone?
Yeah, I use online payments almost exclusively now and can’t even remember the last time I withdrew cash. The Philippines is still largely a cash-basis country though - especially in the provinces!!! - so the habit bites me back in the ass occasionally because I keep forgetting to withdraw for out-of-town trips lol. My friends have most definitely had to cover for me more than once.
How old were you when you started buying your own clothes?
Towards the end of high school and start of college. I was a late bloomer as I wasn’t really given the avenues to express myself when I was younger, so it took me a while to find my footing and figure out what I genuinely wanted to wear.
Who does most of the chores in your house?
My mom, only because she likes stuff done a certain way.
What is your least favourite household chore?
Folding clothes. It strains my back, but generally I also don’t like touching other people’s clothes even if at that point they’re all squeaky clean.
What was your first job? Did you like it?
My first job is also my current one, although I’ve been promoted since then. As for liking it, I will say that I was definitely wide-eyed at first - as any fresh grad landing her first job would be - but I can’t be any more jaded at this point. It’s the people who make the job easier to stay in.
What was the last food you were craving? Did you get some?
Baked sushi. Yup, I bought a party tray for media noche.
Has anyone ever seen you naked?
Sure.
How do you get around? Car, bike, public transport?
Car.
How often do you see your parents?
I live with them so I see them as frequently as it could possibly get; but if we’re being more particular, I see my mom everyday and my dad for a few weeks every 4-5 months.
Do you own your cell phone or is it on a plan?
It’s on a plan but it’ll be fully-paid by next month.
Where do you get most of your clothes?
Just online shops I see here and there.
Do you remember how old you were when you first started using computers?
I was 3 when my dad first introduced me to a PC, but it wasn’t until I was 10 and we had wifi installed when I started regularly using a laptop.
What is the first video game you remember playing?
I liked playing a Need For Speed game on my dad’s aforementioned PC because he got a steering wheel/pedal simulator for it.
Have you ever dated a Josh?
Nope.
Does your family do reunion gatherings?
Not really, only during the holidays. We did have one non-holiday family reunion on my dad’s side in like 2018 but that hasn’t been repeated since.
What would you order to drink if you were in a bar right now?
My usual, Long Island iced tea.
How old were you when you started to wear a bra, if ever?
I must have been around 10 or 11.
Do you have any long-lost loves?
No.
When was the last time you had a first kiss?
That would be my actual first kiss eight years ago.
How many homes have you ever lived in?
That I can remember, three. I know my mom and dad moved a couple of times with me when I was a newborn, though.
When was the last time you moved?
When we moved into our current home 15 years ago.
Have you ever donated money to charity?
Yes, usually to organizations or shelters that take in stray animals.
What’s your favourite type of exercise?
I hate exercising; it’s always felt like a chore for me no matter how long I try to do it in the hopes of growing into the routine.
How many jobs have you had?
Just the one.
When was the last time you dined at your favourite restaurant?
The closest to being my favorite is Yabu, and I haven’t dined in there since like the end of 2021. I prefer getting food delivered.
What do you keep in your bedside table?
A bunch of chargers and my lamp.
Have you ever given your number to someone?
Not in that way, but yeah I have.
Do you have an ensuite bathroom?
No.
What shoes do you wear the most?
My Onitsuka Tiger shoes.
--
How old were you when you learned how to drive?
My dad started giving me lessons when I was 17 so that I could be all ready to apply for a license as soon as I turned 18.
Have you ever been to a baby shower? What was the baby's name?
I’ve never been. They weren’t all that popular before, but we’ve since caught on with the Western world so I imagine my friends would be hosting their own in a few years should they have their own kids.
What mode of transport did you take to high school?
We had privately-operated school ‘buses’ which were really just either Hi Aces or L300s that can house 10-15 kids.
Name a personality trait of yours that you like.
I like to put the needs of others before my own, oftentimes to my own discomfort but I’ve never minded.
Name something about your physical attraction that you dislike.
I have hair that’s thick and grows fast, so shaving is something I have to do twice, thrice as much as the next person.
What's in your purse right now?
I don’t have a purse, just my wallet. Right now it has all my important cards and my ticket to Seonho’s fanmeet this 22nd.
Do you vote in your country's elections?
Of course. I don’t take that right lightly.
What was your first kiss like?
It felt as adorable and innocent as any teenage kiss would be. Braces were in the mix so it had a bit of awkwardness, but otherwise it gave the butterflies-in-stomach sensation you’d read in teenage/YA novels.
Shuffle your music and skip twice. What song is playing?
Eh my phone is too far at the moment and I don’t feel like crawling out of my blanket to check.
Have you ever been a freelancer?
Nope.
What mood were you in when you woke up today?
Surprised, because I realized I fell asleep at like 10 PM the night before lol.
What storey is your bedroom on?
It’s on the second floor, as are all the bedrooms.
What gifts do you usually receive at Easter?
I don’t receive anything during Easter; not really a tradition here to give gifts.
Do you use a planner to keep track of your life?
Nah, the most I have is a to-do list/planner for work.
Who was the last person you sent an email to?
It was one of the restaurants I bought from for media noche; they needed me to send an email with my proof of payment so they could proceed to processing my order.
Are there any posters in your bedroom?
Not at the moment; we had everything taken off the walls when we repainted and renovated the entire place but I imagine I’d be putting stuff back up again soon.
What was your favourite fairytale as a kid?
Didn’t really have any.
Is there anything in your freezer that you really need to get rid of?
As far as I know, no.
Have you ever played Second Life?
No, I’m not sure I even know what that is.
What do you like about the town or city you live in?
It has all the features/attractions/amenities of Metro Manila without having to actually be in Metro Manila.
What do you dislike about the town or city you live in?
The traffic at night is awful.
Are your parents good cooks?
Yep; my mom isn’t a cook per se but she tries, and to me that’s enough to call her good. I can’t even touch the stove without freaking out lmao.
What's the first thing you notice about a person?
Body language.
Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it?
I haven’t.
What is your favourite museum?
I’m biased towards social history so I find that I’ve enjoyed going through ancestral houses/museums the most.
Do you know anyone who is an actor?
Not an actor, no; but I know a number of people working behind the camera in the film industry, mostly schoolmates because we have a film department in the college that I come from. They’ve worked as directors, assistant directors, producers, production assistants, cinematographers, DOPs, etc.
Have your wisdom teeth come through yet?
I’ve since had two of them removed and I know at least one more is bound for extraction because my dentist already pointed it out lol.
How many weddings have you been to?
A lot when I was younger; I can’t possibly count them all because I know I’d miss a few ones. I haven’t been to one since 2007 though.
Do you watch Youtube? What channels do you like?
Yes. I watch so many BTS fan channels that make compilation videos of the boys; but I also enjoy informative ones like Vice Asia, Insider Business, National Geographic, and channels for entertainment like GMM, ODG, Try Guys, Jolly.
What's your alcohol of choice?
Soju!
Have you ever used a public pay phone?
I was born in the final leg of the era when they used to be prevalent, but I’ve never actually used one.
Which one item would you save from your burning house?
Realistically, my phone.
Do you have a Twitter account?
Yep.
What is your hair like right now?
Kind of damp. Nothing else too significant about it.
How do you like your eggs cooked?
Runny yolk plz.
What's the longest you've been without showering?
Around 3 days during times when I’m feeling down in the dumps.
Name one of your guilty pleasure songs.
I don’t think I have any. If I like a song I’m not usually the type to hide it lol.
Have you ever made an item of clothing?
Nope.
What was the most expensive bill you paid within the last month?
Not a bill but media noche dinner since I covered like 98% of the food we had.
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today I moved their pictures out of my phone and into another place. they are better where they are less accessible.
I deleted the find my iPhone app because I constantly checked it. I didn’t have the strength to delete them from it but to just get the app off my phone was enough. I also muted them from seeing my stories on Instagram which I said I would do for my account that is NOT being named so no searching on google.
my day was ups and downs. I woke up at 5:40 am with my thoughts racing. I journaled a bunch of the things going through my head. the scrolled around. I tried going back to sleep twice with no luck.
around 9 or so I moved the pictures over and put them aside. this was very hard and I cried quite a bit while doing this but I feel proud of myself that I accomplished so much today.
I didn’t really eat since yesterday around 3pm by the time it was 10am. I was really hungry but had very little appetite so I made some oatmeal. my mom left the house for a bit. I can’t help but sob when I’m alone. I haven’t felt this kind of lonely since my cat passed away.
I got ready, put on my brand new eyeshadow palette, a cute outfit and by the time I left I was feeling much better.
something about a breakup had me craving Olive Garden… idk how to explain it but it’s just right. Olive Garden after a breakup.
DRAFT
*** I really want to research how to have a friendship with an ex but I’m afraid that if I do that and start planning for it then I’ll be unable to move on. I think the best thing to do is to find out what can be done and what the boundaries are when I get there. when I get to a spot where I’ve moved on. I just can’t help but doubt it tho. is knowing that I could do it going to make me want to??? I just don’t know if I have enough self control. and maybe that will be something to be discussed then. maybe the boundary will be “if I’m flirty or being obsessive you have to address it and tell me to stop”.
I remember I stopped liking M the moment I knew they were completely taken. yeah it hurt but I was okay with being her friend because I could see how happy she was with her new bf!!! I know if I could see A happy with someone else than that would keep me away.
the only thing I can guarantee rn is that I’m not doing myself justice by ruminating on this. I’m going to let it be there and just know that these thoughts are anxiety related. these are definitely important questions but they are all “what if’s”. are we really gonna what-if? ourselves to death like we did the entire summer. no, because we learned from that. the fact of the matter is that if we get there we will deal with it then. no expectations.
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