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mariatesstruther · 8 months

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I honestly don't get why Maria was so anti-Joel oh he's a horrible person he's done horrible things he can't be around us, but accepted Tommy fully to the point he's the father of her child when both did the same things, ran with the same people and all of that.

I mean I love the character, but that confuses the hell out of me. Why's Tommy accepted but Joel damned?

okay, so… this response took me like half hour to write. my wrists hurt, my jaw is clenched, my brain is hot. i love u anon thank u very much for this chance to vent about just why my girl maria has been so misunderstood. let’s go

i personally think this is where many people fundamentally misunderstand maria’s perception of joel. she’s not cautious of him primarily because of tommy or anything tommy has said, in my personal opinion—she’s cautious of him for and because of ellie

ive said this on my blog a few times and i think so have @steeb-stn and @clickergossip (and maybe @liveandletcry23 and @bumblepony i have a shit memory so tagging just in case) so im gonna tag them to credit their words and ideas about maria as well, but the FIRST time maria sees joel, he’s with this rando twelve year old girl who he is seemingly so protective over that she cant even be sniffed by dogs who are just trying to detect infection, which would be good for ANYBODY. that’s his first strike for untrustworthyness, because why the fuck wouldn’t he let this girl be tested???—we know why, of course, but maria doesnt. shes working on the very limited info about joel/ellie’s relationship that she has from just her own observations, and i think we need to remember that as we go through analyzing why she moves how she moves

shes knows from tommy at this point is that joel had a daughter, but it is definitely not this little girl. so why the fuck are they so close. what have they gone through. are they okay. is ellie okay. is their relationship safe for her??? THAT’s what she’s thinking about, in my opinion, while shes staring joel down at that dinner table. she’s reasonbly suspicious, and i can’t blame her for it.

i had to cut this it’s literally maybe my longest post ever so. heres the cut

ALSO, it’s not like she’s a straight up bitch to joel like some of y’all seem to make it out to be??? she never says or implies that “they can’t be around” or anything like that. she offers them clothes and food and supplies. she sets them up in a house. before dinner, she gives them a personal tour (which, to be fair, she did because she was probably trying to keep an eye on them and figure out more about whether or not ellie is safe, but who wouldnt???? i know tess would! and yall would love her for it!). tommy literally says to joel before they leave that there will always be a place for him and ellie in jackson—you cannot tell me you believe he said so without already have maria’s green light for joel and ellie to stay

ALSO, i wanna consider some other things that i haven’t seen many ppl talk about. on that walk she takes with tommy and joel and ellie, she makes it sound like tommy has been with them for at least years AND she maintains the confidence to say that residents in jackson stay off the radio—i could totally be wrong, but it seems to me from the look tommy and joel share right after that it’s obvious tommy has been talking to joel BEHIND MARIA’S BACK???? did no one else catch that??? am i misinterpreting big time??? id assume because theyre married and from the way tommy talks about jackson that he’s been in jackson for at least 3 years maybe, and we know that he only stopped radioing joel a couple months before the show’s main plotline starts, so timeline wise there had to be some overlap of tommy still radioing joel from/around jackson. idk if anyone of my mutuals has thoughts on this but i personally think it’s important to point out, because it establishes that maria likely doesn’t know or think tommy and joel kept in contact, at least not as recently as up to some months ago. she knows that tommy and joel are close, but at the same time, she doesn’t think tommy really knows or talks to joel anymore, either. so how is she supposed to extend him any trust as tommy’s brother????? how and why would she give this man any benefit of the doubt???? it wouldn’t make any sense. she’s more practical and discerning than she is naive and kind, and y’all can think what y’al want about that but i love her for it. it’s very necessary for a woman like her to be the way she is

okay, so back to your question. back to why joel is “damned” and tommy is “accepted.” let’s talk about joel for a sec

y’all like to babygirl and idolize the absolute fuck out of this man

we know that not only was he a smuggler, but he killed and tricked and took advantage of people, shamelessly and brutally. we know that tommy did so too. maria knows that tommy has done the same things. maria also knows that tommy left that life because he couldnt do it anymore, and joel continued because he could

point blank period!!!!! yall can argue with me all u want but tommy left that murder life and joel did not. im not saying this makes either brother good or bad or better than the other, i love joel sm and i think both of them have an undisputed capability to do unspeakable things in order to survive. but tommy got to a point where he hit a limit, whereas joel doesn’t seem to have one. this is at least my personal interpretation of their conversations in the game and the show

tommy DID join the fireflies, which we all know now is not any fucking better than whatever the fuck joel was doing—the difference is the reasoning, though, and considering tlou is all about reasoning and the why, we need to consider the reasoning behind tommy’s decision: he wanted to do something better, something good, something he thought had a purpose. we all know now that the fireflies are bullshit, their purpose is bullshit, and they’re willingness to kill a child for the sake of the “cure” is it’s own entire paradox of bullshit. but they were a rebel organization fighting fedra, who fucking suck, and probably had somewhat of a better reputation back when tommy was interested in joining—or maybe they didn’t, to be fair, i don’t know! the point is, tommy went to them seeking some sort of better purpose, some type of redeption; in joel’s own fucking words, “tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. had dreams of becoming a hero... wants to save the world.”

tommy is idealistic. he’s romantic. he’s optimistic, almost to the point of being fucking naive. thats why he enlisted in the army, thats why he enlisted in the fireflies—he wanted to feel good about himself and the world he was living in. he needed it to have some light at the end of the tunnel for all the bullshit to make sense. and yeah, he was wrong both times in joining up. we know that, joel knew that while it was happening, and tommy knows that in retrospect, too. i think jackson is the first place he really found true, real purpose—not the kind that is propagandized to you and goes up in smoke, but the kind that is well and truly earned. that’s why he is so loyal to jackson and to maria—they finally gave him was he desperately spent his life searching for

and im just saying, from maria’s perspective, she’s someone who lives for purpose. she lives for jackson and for it’s people and for it’s future, and she has to maintain some sense of idealism in the face of all that fucking ugliness to be able to mentally live im and run a place like jackson, to believe that it’ll work. i think that idealism she has, she sees reflected in tommy’s desperation to be a better person who’s fighting for a better life. she sees that need for redemption and goodness in him, that need for things to be fucking worth it, and hears she hears it in his story. she gets to relate to him with this in a way she doesnt GET TO RELATE with joel YET (we STILL HAVE TIME PEOPLE. WE HOLDIN OUT STRONG FOR THE JOEL AND MARIA BEST FRIEND AGENDA)

but to continue, THEN maria spends YEARS with tommy, getting to know him, getting to know his guilt. just like tess with joel, she’s sees the worst and the best of him and gets to fall in love with all of it. so of course there’s gonna be a bit of a bias and a blindspot, towards him—just like any of are other characters have weak spots for the people THEY fucking love

so that’s i guess why i think tommy is “accepted” by her, i guess, and there’s honestly way more them and their romance that i could make a whole separate post about but i’ll leave it there for now. back to joel and why he’s “damned,” which i don’t think he is

again, from what maria knows, he made an active CHOICE to stay in the lifestyle of smuggling and murdering and QZ bullshit, even after tommy chose to leave—and idk what y’all imagine joel and tess to be doing in those many years on their own, but it’s not fuckin picking flowers, for me. they’re dangerous, dangerous people—more dangerous that fedra, and more dangerous than the fireflies, if we’re being fucking real about it. and we LOVE tess and joel for this, or at least i do

but jackson is not a place where people get by with smuggling or backstreet deals or threats. it’s not supposed to be that place. we all LOVE jackson in fics and hcs and aus because it’s literally a place where joel and ellie finally get to breathe and not worry about their safety/survival first. and you know who keeps jackson that way????? MARIA. AND HE BEING FUCKING PICKING ABOUT WHO JACKSON LETS THE FUCK INSIDE

so yall just expect her to by YIPPY SKIPPY when joel, THE JOEL THE SUPER SMUGGLER MURDER COWBOY, strolls into town????? WITHOUT TESS, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MORE PERSONABLE AND REASONABLE ONE???? what????? she’d be crazy not to at least try to be a little intimidating, to make it clear to joel that he will not get away with any of that qz bullshit here. she’d be naive not to, and maria is anything but naive

and i know most people don’t like her for that “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” “not always, at least” line, but i actually think it really fits so well in establishing that she’s not afraid of joel, not afraid of challenging him or making him own up to things he’s done. it’s just so so cool to me, i just can’t hate her for that????? she’s establishing with him that she knows what tommy knows about his time in the QZ, and she’s letting him know if that joel shows up here in jackson, there will be fucking problems for him. which i think is a completely fair warning????

so let’s continue. let’s talk about The Scene, the one with her and ellie, the one with the “tommy was following joel” line. ONE thing i’d like to point out about this scene—MARIA IS THE ONE TO TELL ELLIE ABOUT SARAH, NOT JOEL. AND THAT IS A BIG BIG BIG REASON FOR WHY SHE WARNS ELLIE NOT TO TRUST JOEL COMPLETELY

we know what joel and ellie have gone through, at this point, but maria has barely any idea. she sees that ellie has this fierce protectiveness and lots of secrets when it comes to her and joel, which like—can we all be fucking objective here for a second. this can SO easily and SO reasonably be interpreted as something sketchy going on between joel and ellie that maria should be concerned about.

(slight tw about older men-younger woman relationships bc im gonna be personal for a sec, its quick) we don’t know maria’s past or what she has seen or been through, but personally as someone who has been in a situation where an older man has taken advantage of my naivety in the past, i am now extremely hyper vigilant when it comes to young girls around older men in my personal life today. ellie and joel’s situation and how it looks would raise MJAOR red flags for me personally, if i was in maria’s position. that’s just a personal perspective have that really affects the way i view this scene (end tw)

and so maria finds out that joel has kept the fact that HE HAD A WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER from ellie?????? WOULD THAT NOT BE SUS AT ALL TO YALL???? i mean we know why joel doesn’t tell ellie, as gameplayers and watchers of the show, but again. maria is operating on the info she has right in front of her, which is that joel has been omitting maybe the biggest fact of his life from this young girl who is willing to defend and trust him with her entire life, even after she finds out she’s being lied to. this is alarming

so at this point, she’s questioning joel’s intentions with ellie, and in my opinion, it’s not at all unreasonable for her to do so. she then continues to press, because the red flags are flying and she wants ellie to be crystal clear on the kind of man she’s traveling with (“there are CLEARLY things you don’t know about joel” — “so then you understand my concerns”)

AND THEN ELLIE. BLESSED SMART AMAZING ELLIE COMES IN WITH THE DEFENSE—“and tommy did it too, are you worried about him?”—which like, i love this line. i love this moment. i think because i go so hard for maria a lot of y’all think i’m blind to when ellie is making points, but i 100% cheered her on when i first watched this scene, like i’m sure y’all did—because it’s true! it’s fair! if maria is going to judge joel for those things, she needs to extend the same judgement to tommy

the thing is, it’s still fucking true that, as i said earlier, tommy left that life. both the smuggling, and the fireflies—he chose to stop, while joel didn’t—he was smuggling literally up until the day him and tess found ellie, so. there’s that. she continues to judge joel and not tommy because she knows for sure that tommy has changed. she doesn’t know joel enough yet to see that he has changed, too

so then, the dreaded line: “tommy was following joel.” let’s talk about it.

i don’t love this line either, tbh! i think it’s a weak defense on maria’s part, and a weak line on the tlou hbo writers part—probably my least favorite line of maria’s overall. but i do get why she says it, and i kind of think i get the purpose??? i think????

it reminds me a lot of joel’s line, earlier, about tommy being a “joiner,” and i think it’s funny that, as opposite as joel and maria like to think they both are to each other, the way they describe tommy is pretty much the same. tommy is a “joiner” to joel and a “follower” to maria, and in all respects they both love and hate him for it. idk where i’m going with that exactly, just something interesting to think about in terms of the joel and maria best friend agenda

but i also think this line get’s taken out of context a lot, because the full line is “tommy was following joel, the way you are now.” maria says this line to lead into her main point, the really fucking important line in this scene: “be careful who you put your faith in. the only ones who can betray us, are the one’s we trust.”

WHICH IS TRUE. IT IS THE POINT. AND WHEN JOEL LIES TO ELLIE, HIDES SOMETHING FROM HER YET AGAIN at the end of the season/game, IT BECOMES A THEMATIC CLIMAX POINT THAT CONNECTS BOTH OF THE GAMES

maria is not saying this to “damn” joel—and i personally don’t think she is “damning” joel in the way you imply here, as there’s definitely potential for them to develop a relationship in s2 once she has more information about the truth of how he thinks of ellie. i think she’s warning ellie not to trust joel, because she doesn’t trust joel, at the end of the fucking day—and that’s about it. she trusts tommy in a way that she can’t quite trust joel yet, and why would she, at this point? it would make no sense for her to

so y’all can blame her and hate her for her distrust all you guys want (btw not necessarily talking to you, anon, ive just gotten some very nasty asks about maria from others so im talking to them rn!!!!!!!), but i’m sorry—you can’t tell me that it doesn’t at least make sense. she’s MARIA. she’s MADE OF SENSE

#WHEW #DO MY THUMBS HURT #i cant even be bothered to tag this fr #maria miller #asked and answered #joel and maria best friend agenda #tommy miller #joel miller #tess servopoulos

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dr-donogood · 5 months

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Hey! Idk if this still interests you or not but I saw your post saying Richtofen isn’t a n@zi

I also believe this and have done a lot of research but I think I have trouble with finding sources as I haven’t been able to find anything that shows that he is against fascism + hates it, which makes it difficult to argue that he isn’t one when talking to others about it.

Do you have proof or some sort of instance that either states or hints towards this that could help with the argument that he is against n@zis?

I’d appreciate any info you give!

Hello anon! Oh wow It has been a hot second since I've Codsed my Zombies. I'm not sure how much you know already. So I'll just go down the list of things I remeber! And i'll make this a bit beginner freindly, just in case anyone needs to show this to someone.

Also feel free to add to it!!! Or feel free to point out if I misspoke it HAS been a bit...

1) For starters, although the lore reason for Richtofen's outfit is unknown (most anything i could say here would be pure speculation and HC), we do know that he was originally just a re-used asset from the main game. He comes from the villian character Heinrich Amsel. When COD Zombies (previously Nazi Zombies) first started out, all the characters were blank slate re-used and slightly recolored assets. They ofc later gave them all names and stories (although testing the waters at first, a lot of early story got ret-conned. Such as Richtofen being a back ally surgeon.) But they unfortunately never re-designed him outside of removing the swastika :( but I also belive it's important beacuse I feel like it's one of the only things ppl bring up when the try and say Richtofen is a nazi, and I feel like it holds no weight beacuse of these things.

(Here is Heinrich Amsel. As u can see, clearly where Richtofen's original model comes from.)

2) lore stuff is dificult to pile evidance for due to how the lore in the game itself is presented. If you want the freshest and best sources (aside from meticulously beating every easter egg and finding all the secrets) YouTube videos with the quotes/Easter eggs/secrets are your best bet aside from going in game and grabbing them yourself. I can't particularly remeber what exsact maps may be able to help you. Aside from Classified!

It's just generally a real important part of the basic lore that Richtofen isn't a Nazi and hates them. It's kinda what kicks off....everything that happend. Im sure anyone could get this information from any reliable Cod Zombies lore video (i uhhh don't know which ones are reliable i haven't watched any! Probably check out Mr.RoflWaffles?). For starters, Richtofen was always a spy. He worked for the Illuminati before Maxis asked him to join Group 935, and Richtofen only joined so he could feed information back to the Illuminati. It's also important to note that Group 935 was not originally associated with Nazis. Maxis made a deal with the nazis without anyone's permission (funding and test subjects in exchange for weapons and super soldiers.) And that was one of many things that pissed Richtofen off so badly that he gathered everyone up to make a secret section of Group 935, that both worked with the allies, and planned on killing off Maxis. (Ofc his goal was later shifted and corupted by the Apothicons. But this is about how Richtofen isn't a Nazi, not questioning him as a dubious person. There was also all of the moon shit, Maxis not caring about Richtofen's experiments, a whole boat load of resons that Richtofen wanted that man dead.)

(Also. Richtofen never fought in ww2 and ww2 is already over by the time the zombie breakout happens.)

Here is a link to the Film Reels in Classified, many of which talk about how Richtofen was working against Maxis (and the nazis) and even has some verbal confirmation from Richtofen about his distaste for nazis.

youtube

Also here is also the Kronorium! As far as I know, it should still be a reliable sorce! (Like i said, it's been a while). And I think it's a bit better than the wiki (which still says his nationality is nazi german...instead of just saying he's german....) there is plenty of stuff in the interactive book that explains

https://kronorium.com/

2) here are some instances of his voice actor, Nolan North, confirming that he isn't a Nazi! (Thank you @jamieaiken919 for digging these up for me!!!)

And did that's kinda all I have for now! Like I said anyone is free to add!

#cod zombies #edward richtofen #tw nazi #nazi tw #man i made that original post when i was 13-14ish that was a while ago #i was also kinda cringe as shit back then but at least i was right about COD Zombies!!!

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salted-caramel-tea · 4 months

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Are you leaving dtblr?

no i was saying the other day ive just been rlly busy lately between finals and work and christmas prep so i haven’t had much free time but im using this as an excuse to go on another ramble about community dynamics

i’ve already talked about this but i honestly have considered just moving on a few times now bc it’s so .. divisive here at times . Even things as trivial as who ships what has started several full on vaguing sessions across my dash with people screaming that being a multi shipper is homophobic or that dnfers are the main issue with the community neither or which are true and it’s insane that it’s still ongoing like it’s a serious problem with a lot of different people from different shipping communities lacking any kind of maturity in all honesty.

another thing is the karl neg . like nobody is asking anybody to enjoy karl’s content or to watch him but the kind of speculation over his intentions his friendships his creative ventures when he actually hasn’t done anything wrong except annoy people a little just doesn’t sit right with me . its also kinda hypocritical considering how our fanbase likes to preach live and let live and that we have no say in dteams friendships esp in the discourse surrounding q. like again .

theres also a problem with cliques but i feel like a lot of the discourse over cliques ive seen in the past couple months has been targeting friend groups more than cliques like no girl people can have groups of friends in the community lmao but like the platforming of friend groups trying to make them the equivalent of influencers in a fan community just has never seemed like a good idea liek this over glorification of other fans in the community just seems weird to me like ? idk i just wouldn’t try to establish fan community hierarchies they’re never good

it’s just felt a whole lot less fun logging in lately because unless you have a group of friend established in ways where you communicate frequently outside of tumblr then you’re just logging on to see shipping discourse . why i hate x creator . dranti tweets to report . You’re Bad If You Ship This . and two people vaguing each other about something so incredibly unimportant and trivial or competing to be the best poster for their chosen creator amongst all the art and fics and nice posts coming from people who you’ve followed for years or who are popular people to see in the fanbase and it’s just like . not very fun anymore bc ppl started taking it way too seriously .

idk i still watch streams if im awake for them and i still like coming online but i find myself rolling my eyes a lot more recently

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midnight-moth · 6 months

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I hate being touched during them but the general concept is just kinda nice?? If that makes sense??

With Dew and Rain I just think of how Dews heat can help sooth Rains pain, tense. Even the upset stomach. Heating pads and warm drinks help a lot to settle mine. My cat laying on my stomach even has because he's a mini heater who refuses to be more then 5 ft away from me (he has separation anxiety <3)

So the idea of the boys just being sweet and cuddly taking care of each other while also offering 'distractions' if the other wants is a nice thought

A migraine that isn't too bad with the tummy issues but more head pain and pressure. Dew taking his time coaxing Rain to relax enough and ends up mumbling sweet things into his ear in that hushed raspy tone as to not irritate his head but it's that same voice he does when he's trying to keep it down on tour and it gets him excited

Dew doesn't touch at first but strokes along his thighs and over his stomach until Rains definitely distracted by the touch and soon enough asks Dew to properly touch him

Dew is just slow, sensual, and once Rains made an absolute mess he brings Rain into a hot bath where they probably end up making more until they decide to cuddle up to sleep

ANYWAY- I rambled on for too long sorry 😂

You did not feel free to ramble as much as you like, I enjoy it! And yes I totally see what you’re saying. I think it’s cause I have never really had someone do those types of things while I was sick. Like I’ve had someone be like here’s a glass of water and some pills but nothing like that. So it’s hard to imagine for myself.

But for them, of course I can see all of that happening. Especially the bath. Because well, you’ve read it. I think they enjoy being in there. I think because it’s so private, a place no one should really interrupt you. And it’s an intimate place, usually a place you’re the most vulnerable.

I’m sure the lights would be off. Maybe he’d leave the door open an inch so they could see a little bit. Very quiet, just that sound the surface of the water makes when you dip your hand in it. And Dew’s breath in his ear. Rain’s near silent gasps echoing off the tiles.

I think… they could fall asleep there. I know I haven’t really talked about what Dew is capable of but he could certainly keep bath water warm. (And rain is a bit too long to fall over and drown.)

Also thank you, I have been eying the binder with Kilonova in it and semi dreading/feeling very anxious about starting it again. I feel like tumblr changed the way I think about my own writing. There’s less anonymity than ao3. And as I learned in therapy, I do the fawning thing which means people pleasing which I already knew. And so now I’m worried I’m going to write what I think people want me to write rather than what I want to write. And I’m afraid of fucking it up in general.

It’s so stupid. I started it on a whim and wrote it for fun. And it’s fanfic for fucks sake it’s not that serious. But here I am.

So anyways, this was a fun chat because it got me thinking another them and the universe they exist in. It’s hard to explain. The Dew and Rain in that story are different than the ones everywhere else. They only exist there. Does that make sense?Idk maybe when ppl read it they think of rain and dew like they do with everything else. For me they’re separate. The ones I write about in other stories aren’t the same.

Now who’s rambling :)

#midnight moth answers #midnight moth asks

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icharchivist · 1 year

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was having banri thoughts lately just bc like. why not right. and then i suddenly remember u mentioning that some ppl... did not like banri at the start? which is wild to me bc in my mind ive always been ride or die for him. like i love juza so much but i feel like. that doesnt rly oppose liking banris character as well? banri is such fun character drama at the beginning of autumn and then his and itarus dynamic is fun from the start... gosh and the acting in the final bits of the autumn troupe between him and juza! suchhh fun tension. like. idk. it just started making me think like wow. digging thru a3 on my own with mostly the influence of like, just you has probably skewed my opinion of what the common perception of a3 is like. for example in my head winter is the most popular troupe which... it maybe isnt? i feel like recently i saw u mention summer might be the most popular(? this couldve been a dream) and i didnt realize itaru was super popular until like. last month. i mean if i had to pick a character i thought was the most popular i'd pick. misumi.

LKFJDLKFJD god what an ask

yeah i doubt i'm exactly the "common a3 experience" but to be perfectly honest i haven’t really kept tabs on the fandom per se since hh mid-2020 when i started to dig into some tags and saw so much negativity i was just :/ and stopped doing so (the curse to liking rascals </3).

Nowadays my knowledge of the a3 fandom is mostly the people interreacting with me, which already generally means that they vibe with what i post, so it gives me a skewed vision of the fandom like, are we all like that? or are the loud voices that made me go avoid the tag still here yaknow?

More stuff under cut

For Banri, i'll admit i wasn't too hot about him when i started the game, which now i regret so bad because he's my precious little meow meow hands down. He has such a good arc!!!! I know in my case i just had a hard time because i cared for Juza right away and i was still so high on Summer's development i kept comparing Banri to Tenma and going "here's why Tenma is amazing and Banri is cringefail". But it lasted me until a bit before Banri sees the portraits, when he starts to be conflicted, after that i was all, oh wait i like that guy. And then the more content i saw of him the more i loved him and he became my fav Autumn Chara. (so if you want to ramble about him more you’re free to do so because i’m team i adore this guy. please do. you’re so right in what you say of him.)

But so i did expect people to have my experience - hard time in the beginning, then mellowing on him before the end of the Autumn Chapter. And it wasn't the case 😭😭😭😭 At least at the time, the Banri's takes were rancid. Like it was genuinely annoying at a point, you couldn't go anywhere without some Banri bashing fuckery, even after his initial arc, people just. really hated him. My most hated takes were that i saw so many people say Banri would bully Yuki or stuff implying they would have an antagonistic relationship and it's probably why i cling to Into the Night so much, like HELL you're going to twist one of my fav crosstroupe dynamic!!! I legit saw so many things reducing Banri to a menace and a bully, and if not that, talking about how much everyone in the dorm hated him, and it was really driving me insane then.

I remember once making a post about how i was so close to blacklist "Banri" because people didn't filter this bashing with tags so i was just ready to just, not see Banri anymore, but it was breaking my heart. But somehow after this post i got a few people coming back at me about how it annoyed them too and i saw some of those people make their own posts in a more. direct way. and after that i never saw Banri bashing again. My power (< absolutely not, coincidence at best i'm sure).

A lot of Banri bashing i saw back then were from "newcomers" in the sense that it was after the anime aired, and a lot of people were just coming in without knowing about the events. imo i think the events do help giving a better feel to Banri in general so the fact people were fresh from the anime might have skewed things. I remember a friend who was in that case, newcomer and all, only read the main story, didn't like Banri after reading the main story. Then, Main story act 2 came out and while they didn't read the events, they read the main story and they started liking Banri there (because he did develop so much since then)

And as a whole i'd say, by act 2 it must have died out a bit.

There's another chara who gets bashed a lot but. Act 2 stuff 😔. Unfortunately a chara i like a lot so this was my breaking point of "i'm not checking the tags anymore none of you know how to behave". I think it mellowed since then? and i know the chara is popular in the JPN fandom meanwhile.

else i've seen like, Tasuku having very little content from fans and a few people being mean to him when they talked about him, but it was a long time ago and i sure hope it died out. I don't think i'd say he's bashed, more that most folks don't have strong feelings about him and stopped just with a bitter taste over his anger toward Tsumugi in the first winter chap.

Now. About popularity, Winter is DEF NOT the most popular troupe. Pretty sure it plays between Autumn and Summer in term of popularity. That said it's not like any of the troupes are unpopular so any ramblings about each Troupe would be meet with pleased reactions from the fandom, so it is harder to gauge that but yeah.

Troupewise something i noticed is that i think Summer is the most popular in term of GROUP, while Autumn is the most popular in term of Individuals. So a lot of people liked Summer specifically for their dynamic and how each of those charas played out each other more than individually liking each of them, while for Autumn it was, they liked all of them strongly! not specifically for their dynamic, though of course it plays a part, but as individuals. I mention it because i think it was the key difference in rank up in why i think Summer plays were okay to rank up to while Autumn were a nightmare. (that said that can also be "blamed" on "fans gravitate around characters that have elements they have as well" or something which means Autumn fans were more likely to be competitive and stubborn in a way Summer were more mellow.)

Itaru is definitely the most popular character of the whole game, period. It's not even a competition at this point it's so funny. when the EN server was live, anytime Itaru had a rank up card was a bloodbath (< survivor of Kniroun ranking up at 0.2%. Didn't sleep normally for the whole duration of the event it was so much.).

By the end of the server things were dying out a bit but still in general you could get a vague idea of popularity by how wild the rankings could be. For instance the fact Tasuku's ranking was a breeze without even trying was indicative of how he's not that popular.

In general i've noticed, at the time at least, that Winter ranks up were rather easy. I've ranked up for a few of Summer and i didn't see much of a problem otherwise*. Spring was really chill unless Itaru was in rank up. Autumn was THE Bloodbath. There were Autumn Stans organziation all over, the appp SYSTEMATICALLY broke EVERYTIME Autumn was around, it was always much more challenging, so yeah man.

Misumi* is probably the one i'd consider the second most popular character of the game, pretty much.

(*The funny thing is that Misumi got his lead play very early in the server's history, and i know i ranked up for him then and i didn't think it was too hard. In retrospect i'm sure it has more to do with the fact the game didn't have as many people playing it, than it had to do with popularity, so my word on Summer not being a problem is based on weird stats)

A while ago, for the Taiwanese server, there was a special set of cards in term of popularity on this server. Itaru got a SSR, Masumi got a SR, and Misumi got a R.

Masumi is in a weird position because i'd say he's fairly unpopular in the EN server, while he's popular in the JPN and Taiwanese server. Honestly i'm assuming he's especially popular with the teen audience.

AND THE MOST TELLING PART:

The first Cross-troupe's play was involving the most popular character of each troupe, by a poll being made by the JPN server. The leads were Itaru and Banri, then Misumi as a secondary character and Tsumugi as a more support character.

Meaning at the time, this was the order of the 4 most popular characters of the game.

When the mixed troupe event came to the English server, i remember a poll circulating on tumblr and likely twitter as well, trying to see if the EN Server had different favorites. Itaru still came on top, Misumi followed closely afterward. For Autumn, it was Juza and Taichi that were on the top of the Autumn poll, not Banri, and for Winter, i think it was still Tsumugi but Homare was very close behind.

So that was the popularity at least back then, god knows opinions now.

I've seen Homare be extremely popular on tumblr for sure. I have no doubt in Juza's popularity as well.

I saw a lot of Taichi fan going "Taichi is underappreciated" but i saw so many of them i was kinda just thinking "bro i'm pretty sure Taichi is in the popular character squad by now" But i'm also on the other hand as i've once seen a post saying Hisoka was popular and it stunned me a moment going ????? because as a huge Hisoka stan i don't see it???? There's a few devoted fans, and he has a better fanbase in JPN server, but in EN server??? (I'm comparing the last rank up for Hisoka VS the last rank up for Taichi in my mind and i genuinely don't see it for instance) so i also think it's likely i have a "fav blindspot" where i just don't think people are vibing with the charas the way i'm vibing, just. exactly like what i'm talking about with the Taichi stans so.... (that said i also once was tagged in a post that was going "i don't think i've ever seen a Hisoka or Tasuku stan" and a friend just went @ icha come here. Schrodinger Hisoka who's both popular and unpopular depending on who you're asking. And Tasuku IS MY UNDERRATED MEOW MEOW)

I think i recall Tenma being popular for a time, and Yuki is well appreciated by everyone around here. Kazunari has a loud fanbase but i'm pretty sure the seiyuu thing was a huge blow to them and a lot of them got more quiet at the time.

And for what it's worth i do think there's a sizeable portion of the fandom that really like Tsuzuru, but i think it's just, something you get to see a lot when a huge part of the fandom is creatives. And to be completely fair, Clockwork Heart is the one event i had a massive burn out at and didn't pay attention to the rankings at all, so i can't tell if people went really wild about it. And the next Tsuzuru rank up event was literally the last event of the EN server and i'm sure it's not indicative of anything since a lot of folks just didn't want to bother. So unlike the others were i'm using rank up as a gauge of popularity i can't tell how Tsuzuru's might influence his.

SO YEAH that's for what i could pick up BACK THEN, as i remind, i didn't really look deeply into the fandom itself. I'm really good in my corner so it might not actually be indicative of the fandom trends and i'm maybe completely off base.

Then about how, i, personally, don't represent the fandom, unless the fandom changed since then: When i first liveblogged a3, it was when the server was new and no one was on tumblr about it, so i was a little unfiltered from people's opinions. when i came back about a year later to comment on act 2, getting all worked up, and running then into the growing fanbase on this website, is when i started to run into fan takes and everything.

And, let's be clear, i came back because i was crying very hard over Hisoka and Azuma and the full Winter Troupe, and Chikage, so i really came here with my Big Winter Boots only talking about Winter and then Spring.

I ended up getting a feel of what people were talking about a lot at that time, and kinda ended up talking more about what i considered my Underrated Gems.

For instance, i absolutely adore Itaru. I ranked up for him, i've bleed for him, i love the dude. But he's so popular i figured i legit had nothing to say about him that a hundred people wouldn't have been able to say before. So i've mostly didn't really talk about him much despite loving him a LOT because i just didn't think i had anything to say. (now in my current reread i'm doing it so disconnected from what i know of the fandom that i indulged in talking more about how much i like him LMAO)

Meanwhile, there's characters i love that i know the fandom don't talk about much so i end up talking about them more, and it's the case of Tasuku. I wouldn't be surprised Tasuku is really low on most people's popular list. I'm just Not Most People and you're going to hear me ramble about that hunk of a man every few days or so.

I've made my niche in the Winter Troupe appreciation gang and i'm pretty sure by now a lot of other Winter people follow me as a result because i couldn't shut the fuck up, so then my perception of the fanbase gets skewed because i just think of Them ahah.

And there is the fact i adore the rookies, mainly Chikage and Guy, but don't talk about them so much mostly because they came out later in the main story and i've been rereading act 1 so many times instead,,, and didn't talk much about act 2 in case some people managed to save themselves from being spoiled (like you!!)

So my personal perception of a3 is probably not reflecting the whole a3 fanbase really much. God the amount of times i talked my friends's ears off about Winter, that they kinda just humored me without thinking much about it, until they found out one of the More Popular Chara (Itaru, Tenma and the whole Autumn Troupe mostly) and suddenly they're like *twirls hair* heeyy Icha tell us more about a3. It's genuinely so funny to me.

and again i don't know perhaps i'm full of shit, and it's not like i've kept tabs on the fandom recently either!

But that is at least a bit of what i remember in term of popularity and what i can say is that i shouldn't be taken as an example of the fanbase's views in general.

I'm vibing in my corner, and by experience, it usually meant i ended up talking about more niche things, but since i'm disconnected from the fandom i'm pretty sure i still have opinions that are popular opinions. So who knows! not me!

So yeah that's all i can say about the popularity of the a3 fandom. Def not an indication of it by me.

and it must be funny for you since you only really have me as your fandom gateaway because well. *waves at post* yeah.

The more you know!

#ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei #post that got ways too long ways too stupidly

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godsprettiestprincess · 1 year

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tfw 3.0? 🥺🥺 (plz I love them)

!!!!! Lol what haven’t I talked about already 4 them… (x)

Lucifer Does Not Like any of the tablets. He doesn’t like that he can’t naturally read the language that’s on them, he doesn’t like that he can’t build a cypher for it even after knowing what’s on there, he doesn’t like what they do to Kevin, he doesn’t like the supposed ‘failsafes’, and he doesn’t any of the trials that go with them (or the concept in general). He does help with the 2nd steps of the translations (enochian/ancient sumerian/whatever to English) after Kevin gets it that far, so he knows the vast majority of what’s on them (which Sam Dean & Cas don’t like but what are they gonna do) and he helps Kevin decide what should actually be available to humans and what should stay untranslated.

At some point after when Lucifer is allowed to stay in the bunker alone with Kevin, he accidentally wakes up Mrs Butters while overhauling the bunker’s technology. Him and Kevin have a misadventure with her similar(ish) to her canon episode & she turns on Lucifer after finding out who he is and successfully nullifying his power the same way she gets Jack*. Eventually they’re able to convince her that she shouldn’t be here or have loyalty to the ppl who stole her and manage to set her free with no casualties.

*In canon she uses ambiguously magic smoothies to nullify Jack, but I’ve decided she added a specific magic herb that affects the connection between an angel/demon/etc and their host and makes it so its much harder to interact with the world with their trueform. In its raw state, it can also have an disorienting or intoxicating effect not dissimilar to catnip or weed. I’ll give you one guess how Lucifer discovers this and if it’s “he read it in the file before just picking up a jar of it and smelling it” it doesn’t count

Charlie starts out…..weird about Lucifer. In a reasonable “she was a normal person until like a year ago and this is the literal actual devil and she’s never been that good at social interaction to begin with?” way, but it’s enough to make him neutral/negative about her until they end up rewiring idk something in the bunker and start proper conversations and teaching each other things (she’s doing the actual electronics and he’s spinning magic to reinforce it and help the “transplant” take). She still sometimes gets the “oh my god this is the guy I heard about in (metaphorical) sunday school what the fuck” but it’s fine. He likes how passionate she is and that she helped fuck over the leviathans

Charlie is so jealous about not being able to do magic. She’s good with pre-set spells and magical objects because a good chunk of magic bullshit follows the same logic as coding, but anything beyond that and she just doesn’t have the talent. She manages to keep her ego intact whenever they (or Sam) end up doing magic in front of her by remembering Kevin’s headaches and Lucifer accidentally frying his phone or the wifi router because he got startled <3

#bonus small one: mrs tran loves Lucifer and Charlie both and Charlie routinely gets yelled at by Kevin for flirting with her #Kevin tran #charlie bradbury #Lucifer #asks #tfw 3.0 #thank u will I love them sooooooo much

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lonelypersonhere · 11 months

Text

thought i should try an intro post? i guess?

i don’t really know how to do this and I’m already sorry for the ramblings that are about to ensue because I’m awkward and ramble and don’t know how to format this hehheh..

this was going to be my first post to get me out of my shell and force myself to actually post things, but i ended up posting and getting out there before i got the courage to post this sooo...

some basic info i guess

I’ve been going by lonely on here i guess? so call me (i say that like ppl be talking ab me lol) either that or or Micah cause i totally wish that was my name and want to go by that :/

my pronouns page :)

lmk if you want to be tagged on games and i will try to remember lol

use the first two tags of this post to see posts i made, and asks i answered/ ask requests :P

i use she/they pronouns (I’m also leaning towards adding he, but i don’t really like hearing it online i don’t think?)

I’m nonbinary, demi, omniromantic, and aceflux.

i have anxiety, adhd, self diagnosed autism, and all the little things that come with those like misophonia, tinnitus, rsd, yk how it is.

My finch code is BSVLVJKTKN and my birbs name is Milo; if anyone wants to add me, you can lmk if you do but you don’t have to idk how to use it but my discord is also lonelypersonhere

my hobbies and interests

my favorite color is green, i like drawing, journaling, reading, gaming, swimming, and writing (getting more used to the idea of it bc i used to hate writing). I have lots of collections of things like squishmallows, all kinds of frog and turtle things, books, video games....

authors and books

this will be a lot (and mostly young books bc i hate change and love nostalgia)

i also haven't been reading as much the past few years, got that gifted kid syndrome burnout (heh 😅)

Rick Riordan, Erin Hunter (it’s the nostalgia, i can’t help it), Wendy Mass, John Green, Dean Koontz, all the dystopian books like Divergent, The Hunger Games, The Maze Runner (and the Thirteenth Reality also by James Dashner)

My favorite book is definitely The Song of Achilles with They Both Die at the End as a close second (apparently I like pain).

I’m don’t really know a name for what genre I most like but, fantasy, dystopia, and adventure pretty much sums it up I guess. I recently got into anime and now I can’t enjoy watching real people the same any more lol. Also if something I list has a book/movie counterpart that counts too, except for manga because I haven’t gotten into that yet(except for a few). I’m going to try to stick to my top three-ish favorites and not to list literally everything I’ve ever seen so here we go I guess (I say I guess a lot don’t I?)

movies

Bridge to Terabithia (was my go to for favorite movie as a kid) and Ghibli movies; specifically with Howl’s Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke being my favorite movies

tv shows

Sherlock, Anne with an E, and The Originals are probably my favorite (real people) shows and Hunter X Hunter, Attack on Titan, Fruits Basket, and Erased are my top anime shows (I haven’t seen that many but these are amazing).

Ok, I’m so sorry to anyone that actually read this heh. This post stayed in drafts jail and endured lots of editing before I got the courage to post it sooo if you’re seeing this that’s a victory for me lol. i think i will make a cleaned up version of this? and also add the tags i use for filtering yeah? Ok I’ll stop talking now bye.....

#og lonelypost #lonely’s askbox #intro post #like very late intro post #but at least i finally made one right?#im so sorry for the rambles #i really ramble a lot #meeee :3 #is me #drafts jail

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underoospeterparker · 4 months

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hii!! i can have a 🍩 w an avenger??

i’m like 5’7” (maybe taller idk i haven’t measured in a while) and i like to get into deep convos but most of the time js need someone i can be unserious with but who’ll recognize when i’m kind of in a funk (when i get down i’m not the type of person who likes to be alone, i’m an avid believer in silent company) my main interest is film but i also like high fashion, in school a lot of ppl assume i’m not into the arts because i excel in math (skipped 3 years) and i get rlly frustrated bc a lot of the time people will only be nice to me bc they want help in school and it makes me kinda insecure abt my actual personality as a stand-alone, i consider myself pretty ambiverted bc i love being around people but only my medium-sized bubble of people, and being around anyone else makes me pretty anxious, yeah that was rlly long sorry lmao i love ur blog & i hope ur having a great week!!

welcome to my 300 celebration!

i ship you with peter parker! (assuming your gender pref is male)

a. dancing with him in the rain:

"I have an idea!" he called out one afternoon, when you were in your bedroom typing away on your laptop. "Come on, baby," he said, coming into the room to pull you away from the screen. You were laughing until he unlocked the front door and told you to put on your shoes. "What are we doing?" you asked, confused. "You know it's raining, right?" "Yes," he responded, grabbing your arm and pulling you outside into the downpour. You shrieked as the cold water hit you, and started shivering almost immediately. "Let's dance?" You looked up from your wet shoes to his face, his gaze already fixed upon yours. Your mouth spread into a grin and you wrapped your arms around his neck, his around your waist as you danced with nature all around you. "Feeling better?" he asked, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You smiled. "Much."

b. peter comforting you:

You were lying on your shared bed, head in Peter's lap as you told him about the events of your day. "They told me that I should come and join them during lunch, and I said sure," you continued, all the while Peter nodded and played with your hair, a silent gesture of comfort. When you paused, lost in your thought, Peter prompted, "and then?" "And then I showed up and they just ditched. None of them came," you said, voice wavering slightly. "But the next period, they acted like nothing had happened. Asking me for help with a math question." Your boyfriend sighed, his hand scratching at your scalp. When he talked, his voice was soothing, but you could notice its tightness. He wanted to teach them a lesson, for sure. "What assholes," he settled on saying. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. You don't deserve that." "I know," you murmured into his leg. "It's just hard sometimes, you know?" He knew.

c. being anxious when you meet his friends:

He noticed a slight shake in your hands when the two of you were walking to the diner. "They're gonna love you," he said, trying to reassure you. "You've got nothing to worry about, honey." You looked at him, a worried crease already forming between his eyebrows. You gave him a smile, a small one, but one nonetheless. "Okay," you said, and once you reached the door of the diner, you opened it, stepping inside. Peter smiled when he saw his friends, who waved the two of you over with matching smiles on their faces. "Guys, this is (Y/N)," he introduced you to the group. "Nice to meet you guys," you said, giving them your best attempt at a smile. MJ motioned for you to sit next to her, and you gladly accepted her invitation. "Finally," she whispered to you. "It's been getting lonely being the only girl around here." You laughed, having already made a friend.

#peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fic #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #spider man #peter parker x y/n #300 celebration #300 followers #follower milestone #avengers #fluff #peter parker

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parkitaco · 1 year

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hiiii parker i wanted to send an ask for the writing ask game but for the life of me i can’t keep track of which ones you’ve been asked already so . here’s an open invitation to talk about any of them that you’ve been wanting to talk about more/haven’t been asked !! + also 🎀 bc i can >:)

hii suni!!!

umm umm ok i will choose this one:

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

and just say that one of my favorite fics i've ever written was 'right where it begins' and sometimes i wish that like. idk how to say this w/o sounding ungrateful bc that one was rly well received objectively speaking but like. i feel like it got a bit lost in the shuffle maybe?? like. ugh i'm rly trying not to sound like a whiny bitch rn but that fic was so ridiculously fun and special to me and i remember posting 'i just may like some explanations' like a week later and Not liking that fic all that much from my perfectionist standpoint but ppl rly ate it up which is good!!!! it is good!!! but it's just kind of an odd feeling to have something you're not super proud of do really well while one that you Did really like and were proud of gets a little lost. *head in hands* god this is dramatic SORRY

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

grrrr >:-((( fine. fine. fine i'll do it just watch.

ummm ok ok idrk how to say this but i think i'm good at like. being clever w my writing sometimes?? like. throwing in short little phrases that are funny and provide some sort of internal monologue/background info without overly explaining. which in general is something that i struggle w bc again. i'm a perfectionist and i have anxiety and my brain just Refuses to give ppl the benefit of the doubt that they'll know what i mean without me going on a whole ass tangent about it but. every once in a while i pull it off and manage to be witty and concise and i'm always v proud of myself when that happens :)))

#that compliment was the hardest thing i've ever done fuck u for that fr >:(( (/j)#also for the record i don't Hate 'i just may like some explanations' by any means n i've actually grown to like it more after ppl have #yelled at me to stop putting myself down abt it LOL #i just wish i had given myself a little more space between fics that time so that i could like. sit with rwib a little longer yk #ok. i will stop overexplaining now BYE SORRY

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mellowdisco · 2 years

Text

sorry about not being on here and only coming on to rb edits and fcs dksfhj i’ve been taking some time away to try and figure out what i should do w this blog because while i do love all of the threads and dynamics i currently have (and i do mean this with my whole ass chest and heart), i’ve been feeling bad about some stuff...

like there are drafts i haven’t touched in 1-2 months that i’m not even sure if i should still tackle. most of my partners are fast-paced and i worry they feel like i’m not the partner for them and just don’t want to say it 😭 ik some ppl have expiry dates and have probably already considered them dropped so i’m at an awkward point where i don’t know what to do. i also have a lot of insecurities when it comes to my writing and stance with people that adds to it

most of this is just a Me problem too honestly... i find it hard to communicate and feel insecure about our threads if we aren’t close or if we don’t interact much ooc, if someone stops replying to me ooc i start to worry i’ve done something wrong so it puts me off from replying to threads which i’m 100% aware is honestly SO dumb and unfair. i never blame anyone but myself for this and it’s something i should and have been trying to work on.

because i’ve always been aware of these insecurities, my initial idea for this blog was to keep it private and friends only, but at the same time i want to meet more people and don’t want to close off potential new partners 😔 so i was never really strict w that rule.

i want people i can rave about our muses / ships with when we’re feeling musey while still being able to talk about other stuff. bc that’s really only why i’m here. no weird vibes just pure pals who talk and write sometimes<3 i feel like everyone but me has Those Partners while i’m just floating here like pennywise’s red balloon...

maybe this blog needs a big clean up overall, idk. i’m thinking of moving (again... i know) and taking w me the people who are genuinely still interested in writing whether it be w our existing stuff or new ones. or... just disappear quietly and start completely fresh on a new blog w new muses (those i have long term stuff with, we could either continue on d.iscord or on a private sideblog)

if you do end up reading all of that mess, i’m sorry dsfksjfgf i’d love some opinions on what you think i should do... or maybe a show of hands who here would genuinely still like to write together? that might help me w my decision-making but if not, pls just scroll past this post and move on with your day<3 i know this is really awkward so i’ll just assume you didn’t see this post, no hard feelings!

#🪐 . . 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜 ▸ ooc.#not really n/egativity just long vent and Thots tbh #ok maybe a little n/egativity i'll tag anyway just in case #negativity cw #this is really long just a warning #none of this prolly even makes sense... anyway #tbd

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fuwungi · 1 year

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Alright so! Here’s the updates on what’s been going on! I was going to put it under a read more/cut thing but I can’t seem to figure that out on mobile so just general tw for mental health talk, trauma, etc

This isn’t going to exactly be linear or anything either cuz my minds just been all over the place but I haven’t been doing good. Haven’t been for a while. I’ve been working on getting help for years now and im thankfully seeing my therapist on the 8th and hoping this one actually stays (cuz my last trauma therapist ghosted me). I got a psych evaluation before hand that took a bit and got diagnosed with severe ptsd and bpd and also paranoid schizophrenia. I never really took my mental health seriously or as seriously as I should becuz for years I was so used to hearing from family and etc that it’s nothing, im just over thinking, “everybody does that” but it’s clearly not the case.

Everything started getting much worse in January, my health started dipping again. I had someone I considered a close friend abandon me and hurt me. Eventually my job I had pretty much set me up to be fired, me and others have considered it’s due to the fact I disclosed my diagnosis cuz it didn’t take long after for me to be fired. And what I was fired for was literally doing exactly what one of the managers told me to do. The next day I had an ex friend blow up at me and trigger my paranoia severely. And after that my abuser outted me and tried to spread harmful lies and misinfo in an attempt to I guess have me run off the internet. A little while after the shop I was apprenticing at also dropped me for my diagnosis but not until the spent a couple weeks straight up ghosting me and ignoring me for hours when I came in (I would come in to practice and work and all of my stuff was moved without telling me, and I also still don’t have any of my stuff back, and nobody would say a word to me or even look at me hardly. And after hours of waiting o would just eventually go home, which was also frustrating cuz I would have the person I’m about to practice on with me waking too. I reached out with messages abt things but was always just left on read.)

All of this just made things worse. I haven’t been able to significantly leave my house for a couple months now ( I say that cuz I still hype myself up to do smaller things like run out to pick up my meds, etc. but if there’s a way around physically doing said thing like ordering groceries, etc I take that). Outside of that I was already having a hard time getting myself to be social or talk to anyone. I haven’t really been talking to anyone or very active since 2020 (which I’m still working on fixing cuz it’s not that I don’t want to talk or anything, I want to so badly, I just really feel like I’m unable to do it).

My psych also diagnosed(? Idk if that’s the right word) me with agoraphobia. Which also explained a lot and helped me realize some things that help me cope and navigate my way socially and in life (and kinnie stuff is one of the things that really helps with that).

So at the moment I’m just freelancing and trying my best to work on myself. After finishing the rest of my comm queue I’m thinking of taking a break from taking comms and just focusing on my own/personal art and school (going for botany and economic science).

If you’ve read through this all, thank you so much for listening. I hope this was worded okay/sounds okay. And I can’t thank the ppl who continue to support me enough.

#txt

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vincentvalenfine · 1 year

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For the writer question, all evens go

aw fuck here we go

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen

listen I wrote fic on paper back in summer camp 10+ years ago and while I can do it, im gonna fuckin complain about it (and install talk to text)

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

hmm.... rage. when it's used in the right moment, the depths of anger it relays, the emotion of such tremendous anger is really powerful to me tbh

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

that my work is always far worse than I think it is and people are merely pitying me when they say its good

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

I could do either honestly but I think I'll pick no dialogue, using only action to tell a story is fun!

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

uhhhh idk that i'm necessarily haunted by any writing?? i would consider haunting to be like... a mix of nostalgia and regret, maybe yearning too. can't think of anything that really hits that feeling for me writing-wise

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

i would wish for... ability to focus on writing a novel, ability to edit that novel, and ability to get it published

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I never lent books to ppl cause I was always the one borrowing them LOL

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I don't even remember all the weird shit ive used tbh, i wish i could!!! my hand is a fave tho, have used plasticware spoons/forks... receipts are a classic

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

“Doctor Zeigler is just trying to keep everyone healthy, Huntress. No one here considers you incapable, so please don't feel offended when help is offered. We are a team, after all.”

Team is straining it a little; still, Huntress has to admit there are a few moments still clear in her mind when teamwork had flown smoothly, though. She just doesn’t want to admit to needing any help. Isn’t she the one with the fancy cloak and the fancy rifle, the one who’s been helping out? Her problems should be her own, along with everything else she’s brought with her.

She still hasn’t moved when Genji sighs a little, and surprisingly reaches up his hands near the back of his head. The soft hiss of compressed air being released startles her - she hadn’t even realized the faceplate could be removed, and she finds herself holding her breath for a moment as he takes it off, eyes widening a fraction when she sees the scarred skin come into view, his angular eyes somehow far sharper than the bright green of his visor. Uncomfortably, she’s reminded of how Hanzo had watched her. Brothers, indeed. The metal that frames his face makes the sight disconcerting as she continues to stare until finally averting her gaze, mumbling a tiny apology.

“It is not shameful to accept help when it is offered to you, though I can see you do not feel the same about this. I have needed much help in my life, and while I might have once felt resentful of it like you do, I have learned much since then, and I hope you can come to the same realization that I did. So please, eat. It will make you feel better.”

this is from my overwatch fic about my girl huntress and I always did have a scene in mind where she sees genji's face for the first time. tying it in with her trouble accepting help and eating properly made it feel impactful to me, with genji extending some vulnerability to show her that it's okay to be vulnerable and need help. it's a good scene ur honor

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

love. writing never needs to be perfect to have an impact anyway and getting published is overrated

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

google docs, i just name things pretty straightforwardly so I know what it is (like "Hanzo fic" or "X worldbuilding")

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

no prep we research mid-paragraph like fools

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

if it's a canon character I'll go through anything that features them, read their dialogues, lore, etc to help me get as much into their mindset as possible, I like being able to imagine any dialogue ive written in their voice so it checks out. there are some characters that are really Intense to get into honestly, I have to make sure it doesn't affect my own mental health to dive into that mindset, esp with characters that are depressed since I have that issue myself and it can push me in bad directions if I get too attached.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

I find Genji Shimada it be very delightful to write for, he has a very wholesome mindset about himself that gives me a good boost of mental wellness like "he can be so kind to himself.... maybe I can be kind to myself too" and it makes me feel good!! also he's so fucking funny tbh

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

I don't recall ever writing in my dreams, but i have definitely taken inspiration from my dreams before! ive gotten characters, plots, some worldbuilding, it's not a constant deluge but sometimes my subconscious just cooks up some real fun, unique ideas

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

I don't have one really tbh... adhd brain forget shit lmao

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

so fucking necessary!!!!!!!

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

im adhd babey i know So Many Thing

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

uhhhhhh being able to somewhat mimic the accent of whatever character I'm writing helps me with believable dialogue? does this count?

40.Please share a poem with me, I need it.

Cat mews at my door/Asking for breakfast early/It's seven am 🙄

#shellbow #sorry this took me like fifty years lmao

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honeyfallen · 1 year

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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ( gimme five. from not via )

omg hi not via im ur biggest fan, ,, these are just for u tho u better be sleeping <333

this isnt something ive seen a whole lot as of a late but sometimes its very easy to see when ppl dont consider others on here like, , , Real Actual people and thats !! strange!! just bc u met someone on the internet and they are not Face to Face with you doesn’t mean u can just treat them how u please bc there arent like “real life” repercussions for u

kind of going off that but it can be really exhausting to always be reaching out to people only to get limited or cut off responses that just make it feel like someone is Uninterested . like i can be guilty of this!! 100% i am not going to sit here and say that i haven’t been on the other end of things and im trying to get better about it too!! but when ur constantly the person messaging someone to talk or check in or plot or Whatever, ur gonna get tired and like do that less and less and it’s really disheartening! like again, we all have lots of other stuff going on, im not saying u need to make urself available to someone when u dont have the time or mental capacity, but just one message here and there can make a difference, fuck knows im depressed as shit and have my moments of isolation too, its just hard if u feel like ur the only one making an effort

idk if this is unpopular or anything but i find it a lot easier to like,, write with ppl if im like,,, friends or just friendly with someone? i totally understand that not everyone here is looking for Friends or anything, sometimes ur just here to write and that’s fine and i’m like, not going to Not write with you bc ur not talking to me ooc all the time, but idk, it’s just nice to learn about y’all outside of ur muses and ur writing and it makes me a tiny bit more ,, comfortable? to approach ur writing and stuff?

cliques are annoying, they can be offputting, but people writing more with their friends than with ppl they dont know isnt always a bad thing kjfdngfdgf i like to branch out and meet new people but i also have people that im just generally more comfortable with and that replies come to more easily for that! i promise im not here to make anyone feel left out, we’re all like,, mostly mentally ill and sometimes u gotta curate that space

darby already kind of said this but the way ppl pay female ocs dust sometimes, , ,,,,,,, i know i like,, mainly write a Man,,,,,,, but not that long after i first made elijahs blog i made a solo one for a lesbian oc i had and yknow what,,, yeah!! its the like specifically women that cant be shipped with Men that often dont get as much going on and u dont!! need to have a romantic ship to establish some fun and interesting dynamics between people!! elijah as a character is terrible abt distinguishing between platonic and romantic affection bt some of my favorite dynamics for him are ones that are strictly platonic or familial, theyre really fucking fun to write and should!! also be considered, just bc u cant ship ur character with another doesnt mean u cant find some fun shit to write / plot

#﹒˚ ₊ ︵ out of character . ♡#under a read more bc long DFNKG #thank u for sending!!

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tiptapricot · 2 years

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you've probs answered this before but what's your favourite mk comic run?

Idk if I’ve mentioned it before bc I just sort of yell about it in tags but also bc idk if I have one HSHDHD I haven’t honestly read too much MK to say for sure what the best are so def do nOt come to me for suggestions, but I can talk endlessly about the three I have read which are Ellis, Lemire, and Mackay, so here’s what I love ab each.

The Ellis run I love because I’m obsessed with that version of Mr. Knight, as well as the one shot focus each issue has on different strange and supernatural cases. Shalvey’s art is also fucking fantastic and it has some of the best panel n page layouts I’ve seen to date, as well as utilizing the color white and negative space to blend MK w the surrounding gutters. I read a bit past the issues the original creative team worked on because my dad had a chunk of issues physically that went past that point, and those are good too! But I’m not exactly driven to continue at the moment, though it’s always a treat to see Smallwood MK stuff. My favorite stories were Sniper and the mushroom dreams one I’m forgetting the name of rn, as well as the ghost punks n… actually I have to stop they’re all really good they’re all so fun.

Lemire has already been praised to high heaven because it truly n honestly deserves it. This was the first MK thing I read and while def not the best place to jump in blind if you have like zero background, you still get such a good sense of the world and characters. Again, I’m in love with the art and the creative use of the genre, the way they made the need for different artists work well with and actually enhance the reading experience as tone shifts between each universe each alter is stuck in. Also again… Smallwood’s stuff alone makes my brain yell and scream and bite wood. Also ofc has my buddy my bestie Commander!! I’m still so so upset Marvel hasn’t brought him back bc I think he presents a super interesting added dynamic as well as opening things up for exploration of more distant or disconnected alters, as well as the impacts of isolated inner world lives. Lemire also handles talk of mental health n DID pretty dang well. Not perfectly, but as people have talked about before the ending of accepting where the system stands and that they need each other and that they will be alright working together is just… it’s so good. I love it so much.

And MACKAY god ok… I’ve yelled ab this, I’ve yelled ab this plenty, but this run is so fucking good and I can’t believe we get even more like we get MORE and it’s already so GOOD. It delves into Marc’s self loathing and self destructive tendencies amazingly, as well as focusing back on the strange and supernatural things that make me love comics MK so fucking much. It has some similar vibes here and there to Ellis w the occasional self-contained plots, even if many of them end up tying into the overall story, like the janitor plot, the stained glass scarlet baby god (I never see ppl talking ab this but that issue makes me UNWELL ITS SO GORGEOUS AND COOL), and the house of shadows. It also introduces some super fun new characters and dynamics and once again touches on mental health n DID in a fucking fantastic way that in a metatextual context helps to explore and undo a lot of the ableism and bad writing that’s permeated MK’s run under different writers for so long. I’ll have more to say about this one as it progresses but just… yeah. YEAH.

So… those are my favorites because those are the ones I’ve read. I’ve been keeping up with Black White and Blood as well but those end up being very hit or miss usually, often having one story I love, one that’s meh, n one I straight up hate. I want to read more MK in the future so this list may shift, but I haven’t had the brain to pick up anything solid and new and struggle my way through continuity quite yet. But… yeah… some thoughts :-) I love when comics comic hard.

#this ended up way longer than I expected lol I’m so sorry HDHBDNF #the fruit is talking again #the fruit is answering again #moon knight

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tsukiyamavalentine · 2 years

Text

Not So Nice Post Before I Come Back Tomorrow:

Hey y’all. So I know I’m coming online tomorrow for the weekend but I just needed to come online and make a more negative post about something that happened on my birthday, before I can really get all excited about London.

So, basically, when I came back on my birthday, I was greeted by these in my inbox.

(TW: suic*de, sh, ableism, anon hate)

(the bit in red is the R slur and the S word that people sometimes use for disabled ppl)

I believe these were in response to me addressing false accusations of hate anon about me.

Some of these anons dont rly make that much sense to me in context so I don’t know if maybe after i addressed the situation the ppl that accused me of stuff started talking abt me again or something (which i suspected tho i thought most of it was paranoia and the nightmares i was having, but then one of these ppl was literally camping my pinterest for ages after so idk), and then some nasty people saw that and decided to send me these. I genuinely don’t know though, it could just be that the people that sent these just saw my response, are fans/friends of those people and sent these. Either way, it really fucking sucks. I guess.

I honestly didnt think there’d be backlash to me defending myself. I didn’t do anything wrong. maybe I was naive in that, i even hoped i moght get an apology tho ik that wouldn’t happen. i didnt expect such cruel things. i didnt expect this at all.

When i saw these on my birthday i tried to ignore these bc i wanted to have a nice day and i thought that if i spoke about them, then the anons themselves or other people would come for me harder and i knew i wouldn’t survive that. I also just didn’t have the strength to talk about this on my birthday. I barely have the strength now, but I need to get this out of my system before the weekend in London, as I’m desperate to have a nice time there.

These asks are also not the worst of it. There were other asks about my dog which are just so disgusting. I will share them in a rb or separate post but they are awful.

The last few weeks since my bday have basically just been me trying not to seriously hurt myself because of these anons. My eating disorder and my sh have just gotten way worse bc of it, but tbh i think that’s kept me alive. if i wasn’t damaging myself, then id be dead. Even tho I’ve turned asks off, i still come on here scared that these people would’ve done something to my account or have targeted my other accounts. they haven’t yet, but someone was trying to get into my ao3 a few weeks ago and idk who that could be but maybe it was one of these ppl who sent the anons??

I know these people are just trolls who are powerless without anonymity, but i cant help but just believe them and give into hurting myself even more. i was already really struggling mentally after what went down and seeing these has just made it worse.

I’m very much used to ableism in my life, but not rly like this. i didnt rly think ppl like this existed anymore. it makes me sad to know there are people like this out there.

i dont know who sent them or what they get out of sending them. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was just defending myself from very serious false accusations against me, i don’t understand why these people hate me so much. I haven’t done anything. idk what ppl have been saying about me (if anything) and unless its more serious accusations then i don’t care. i literally havent done anything wrong. im so sick of this shit. I’m so done with everything. It’s obvious that there are so many people who just want me to die, including myself. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t understand this. If you hate me that much, at least have the courtesy to hate me without the mask of anonymity.

I’m scared posting this will lead to me being further targeted by these anons / other people, but idc. if they come after me and it kills me, then it kills me. so what. im too tired to care anymore. I just wanted to get this out there, so maybe i can enjoy my weekend and try and not think abt these anons as much anymore.

i don’t know who sent the anons or why but i hope you got what you wanted.

That’s all. I will post the asks about my dog in a minute. I apologise for posting such negative things but i just can’t take it anymore its been haunting my brain for like weeks now i just want it to go away. I sort of had the confidence to talk abt these now which is why I’m here today. I’m sorry. if those anons are reading this then pls just leave me alone. i havent done anything wrong.

#tw anon hate #tw hate #tw sh #tw ed #tw ed mention #tw suicide #tw ableism

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