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#i have so much to say abt it so im making my friend suffer
liimonadas · 2 months
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awaiting retribution
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oatbugs · 1 month
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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bakatenshii · 1 year
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ok not to get more deeplore and i know i just said i wasnt gonna take this seriously oopsies (I’M NOT I PROMISE) but
#baka bants#im a liar im a pussyi only feel safe in the tags still#so here i am in the tags#anyways Ive brainvommed this all to rae already but to be like. bcos this is basically my glorified (extrahorny) diary#i think i was just suffering from fomo and wanting to make sure i was posting when everyone else was because it was so active#and it was the height of all activity and like i didnt wanna miss out on the new wave of the new fandom or WHATEVER#or wanting to constantly be involved in everything/have a head start#and then i was dreading the inevitable deathof tumblr again once quarantine lifted and everyone went on with their lives#(which it did happen obvi) but i guess coming back and seeing that#people are still here? like the fandom still exists albeit the majorit tof people moving on or out of tumblr#and it feels?? like just(???? home??? in a calm chill way like#my friends are still here and even tho its not like a million things happening every day#its calm and chilled and i gues all im teying to say is#i was scared of being left still here when everyone moved on so i moved on first but people r still here so#it makes me feel?? secure#i ??? DOES ANY OF THAT MAKE SENDE#IM JUST EXTRA VULNERABLE ON A WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON I GUESS#BASICALLY WHAT IM SAYING IS SOMETIMES I THINK ABT HOW SAUSAGE PARTY HAS A VERY REAL AND ACTUALLY ACTIVE FANDOM#AND IM NO LONGER WORRIED ABT MY ANIME FANDOM DYING OUT#(but in all actuality like;; the hp fandom and evedy superwholock fandom is still VERY much alive and well)#(so im just being a pussy tbh and emotional for no reason)#(ifbuou have resd this im so sorry for this moaning and being emosh for no reason HAHAHA I LOVE U THANK U FOR PUTTING UP WITH THIS)#EX OH EX OH#!!!! <3333
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zhuhongs · 1 year
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trying to spread peace and love and all that shit but oh my godddddd. i am bitter and a hater. good night!!!
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lunataurora · 5 months
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kinda funny seeing that last queued tf post with me gushing in the tags abt the comic bc i havent felt joy or even an emotional connection reading mtmte for a while
#idk man something just aint right. whether im just getting hit with another depressive episode or. idk.#the writing just feels... different. it feels weirdly cartoony? even though. the beginning was also really cartoony? but this feels worse#i liked the beginning so much more i liked the characters that cared so little about each other and the overall oppressive mood#idk part of it is i really dont like typical western superhero comic tropes and writing styles at aalllllllll#i cant stand the lack of foreshadowing and 'well just believe that it was secretly always like this' and the superpowers and trying to#raise the stakes by just Saying 'you might die' but its ok nobody does nor does the concern cross your mind#and i cant tell if the jokes are worse or more frequent but certain characters dont even seem like themselves anymore to me#the last thing i enjoyed was around when rewind killed a man. everything since has felt like some marvel movie type writing and it hurts#what happened to nuance and reading between the lines my good friends nuance and reading between the lines#'the one with sunder was good its a really good horror' <- why did you lie to me. are you mad at me#it wasnt even fun..... wasnt even interesting......#isnt this supposed to be a story abt attempting to adjust to postwar life and how fucked everything is. and how no#-thing is morally cut between good/evil? theres nuance? theres depth? whered all that depth go? maybe i imagined it this whole time#like.even the thing with skids gave me less of an impact when its surrounded by such. cheezyness. it deserves more consideration? respect?#good god its a very direct depiction of a very real horror dealt to rEAL PEOPLE#AND ITS CORRELATED WITH 'OTHERS RECEIVE SUPERPOWERS FROM THIS REVELATION' FUCK YOU#i feel bad for that plotline existing in that fucking situation jesus fucking christ you can't just do something like that#like. just. 'trauma gives you superpowers and also your suffering makes others stronger' how abt i go drink bleach.#maybe someone else will have a GREAT time if i do. <- kidding but like. christ man what the fuck#does this have to do with his whole 'i shouldnt have done red alert like that' idk what to tell you boss but that was nowhere near as bad#as the skids superpower giving scene.#red alert was fine it made sense it was severely relatable. it happens. but skids? no that fucking doesnt. what is that even trying to mean#beyond yknow. what guilt does to people. and cementing the worst of the war that um. isnt going to feel much justice at all it seems#sorry im in a very. tear everything apart kind of mood#dummy posts
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rockandrolldisgrace · 9 months
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yeah but i really got fucked over by the people i told this abt loll
#some of yall might remember my vent posts and stuff and yeah this situation didnt end well for me#i could talk abt this for hours honestly this is so messed up#yknow ive been thinking how i never really tell my friends what i go through at home anymore bc i began to doubt myself#even tho i KNOW it all happened. They did abuse me. Still do. But some part of me thinks#that i just made this up or that it wasnt actually that bad. even though it was. it was so much fucking worse. and having to go through it#again and again and again. i have no words. sometimes my mind just goes blank bc i dont want to think abt this stuff. i just want it to be#over.#some part of me thinks that if i tell somebody im ruining my abusers lives. even though theyre the one ruining mine. nothing can harm them.#especially my words. they will never face consequences bc the system doesnt work. and i dont want to ruin their life.#i just want it to be over.#i just want to go on and live my life and leave this all behind and start anew.#im an awful person. i have younger siblings and this was the only reason i decided to go through with telling someone at school abt this. bc#i didnt want them to suffer like me. i knew what their mindless actions did to me. and to see my siblings go through that.#but my sister absolutely hates me for telling the school#she says shes ashamed to go there bc people know#she thinks i made it up for attention even though she literallywas there when they beat me. she was fucking there lmfao#im sorry if this is too much but i need to get this somewhere out. writing it down is not enough and i cant tell this at anyone#kill me💗 the only thing keeping me alive is dreaming. very corny i know. but fantasizing abt my far away future is the only thing making me#go on. thinking abt my life after this ends. but sometimes its not enough and i just spend all my time watching stuff or reading or whatever#just watching stuff abt lives totally different from my own. that helps me focus on something else for a while. sighhhhhh
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stem-sister-scuffle · 15 days
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STEM SISTER SCUFFLE: ROUND 3 MASHUP 2
Ms. Frizzle (The Magic School Bus) vs Winry Rockbell (Full Metal Alchemist)
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Ms. Frizzle is a Science Teacher!
Winry Rockbell is an Automail Mechanic!
Why you should vote for each contestant:
Ms. Frizzle:
"*gestures at entire magic school bus series*"
"Embodies the true spirit of scientific discovery: barely-contained chaos."
"She is very knowledgeable about a wide variety of sciences, and uses that knowledge to further the educations of many people. Teachers deserve the world; they do so much for so little in return. (shout out to Mrs. Goates)"
"She loves science and loves teaching kids about science. I love her. Idk I saw she only had one submission and that made me sad so now im here submitting her"
"She is an icon and has cool earrings"
"SHE'S SO COOL!!! She's so smart and so fun and genuinely just an icon. ALSO she has a little lizard on her shoulder. I saw an ask abt the submissions for Ms. Frizzle and the sender was the only person who submitted her.. I couldn't let this go. ALSO one of my professors irl called herself the irl Frizzle and she's a doctor of biology so make of that what you will"
Winry Rockbell:
"The best automail mechanic in the whole of Amestris: need I say more? She’s also the only person who can really get Edward Elric to listen / scare him"
"She's super smart and is crazy about mechanics, but she's also so kind and compassionate! She helped deliver a baby, she cares really deeply for her friends and family! She truly rocks!"
"i’m a biomedical engineer so she is the best women in stem"
"she’s extremely skilled and dedicated to her craft, her work is very high quality (she’s also the personal mechanic for one of the protagonists) and she has a dedication to improving the lives of the people around her in any way she can (and she has so much autism swag about automail, it’s a joy to watch). i love her your honour"
"She's so good and so fun and she's trying her best. She makes sure the prosthetics work and they're super plot important!!!!!"
"She can build and repair robot limbs AND attach them to human nerves"
"She’s only 15 and is repairing magic-infused heavy machinery for fun"
"Spunky, kind, and smart as hell... one of the shounen manga girls of all time."
"At age fifteen she could build a whole metal arm in 3 days (pulling all nighters)! She geeks out over the work of other prosthetics engineers and earned herself an apprenticeship where the shop's costumers began to prefer her after only a few months! She's kind but takes no shit and narratively symbolizes the goodness of humanity. also she read medical textbooks as a kid (her parents were both doctors) and was able to apply that knowledge for successful impromptu midwifery years later!"
"She is practically a child engineering Genius! Designs and makes prosthetics. She takes her work very seriously and geeks out over other people's designs. She is such a beautifully written strong female character that holds her own in a fandom full of amazing strong female characters and a great role model. She's Hella cute"
"She is considered a prodigy in her field, and is known as the “Automail Otaku” because of her unending interest of any machines and tools in the building and repairing of automail. She is incredibly smart, sincere, and passionate. She works hard for what she wants, is full of optimism despite what she has suffered, and is very loyal to her friends."
"built a fully functioning prosthetic arm for her friend when she was TWELVE basically by herself and has been his regular mechanic since. also heavily dabbles in the medical side as well as the mechanical side (for example: she successfully delivered a baby single-handedly at fifteen having only ever read about the subject before). she is so skrunkly she’s an icon a legend and she is the moment"
"Listen any girl who can master mechanical engineering, electrical engineering, and biology in order to build prosthetic limbs by the age of 12 is Impressive. She’s the one that got me onto an engineering career path I’m very biased"
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hueningsloverr · 4 months
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౨ৎ txt as musicals !
pairing: ot5 txt x musicals summary: god. idek where to begin. txt as musicals. word count : 0.6k im actually so sorry i even wrote this wow what was i thinking. if you dont know these songs LISTEN TO THEM.
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yeonjun : heathers / mean girls there is also a tiny dash of moulin rouge in him
it boy energy is so reflected throughout BOTH
i’m sorry
definitely a candy store guy
he 100% cracks corny jokes like in stupid w/ love
but the amazing theatricality???
the vocals????
SO yeonjun
and ikik abt the soobin meangirl meme but like
lets be real
jjunie just has that energy
and not in a bad way
like in a 'yeonjun told me to dye my hair purple so i did!' way
and when i say heathers i don't mean the negatives
like that musical is fucked up
i mean the level of iconic-ness (?)
sassy man apocalypse fr
"i like looking hot buying stuff they cannot :3" - yeonjun (definitely)
soobin : six
...
i'm actually so sorry for this one!
he competes with himself, that much is obvious
soobin seems like the type to really question if he deserves something - if his suffering was enough
he's the type to compare past suffering to current
like 'well i suffered back then and i turned out fine, i'm not any more important for suffering now' type of stuff
he's the leader, its his job to be the strongest
and he lets himself have some fun
(i mean his first [?] scandal was him showing his middle toe.)
or he could be super serious like the great leader we all know he is
or he's just a total mess, but yet still so strong ??
hes admirable
he's in the history books fr
beomgyu : hamilton
the perfect balance of chaos and serious
i mean he's literally "lock up your daughters and horses!"
while also being "mom i'm so sorry for forgetting what you taught me"
beomgyu was written by lin manuel miranda argue with a wall
its also just so interesting, like gyu
like you could study both hamilton and gyu
a fan favourite
you can't go wrong with hamilton
and you can't go wrong with guy
hamilton has its… fans
and gyu has his bamtoris
both would doxx you if you speak ill of their favs
the gateway into the community
like gyu was the first member i found out about
and hamilton was the first musical i liked
you dip your toes in, and next thing you know you just spent $25 for some merch
taehyun : hadestown
it’s so sad
yet serene and passionate like tyun
i mean, just look at him
those eyes - that smile!!
boba eyes :3
also, he so was a greek mythology kid
probably bought every percy jackson book / related piece of media when it came out
he knows everything
theres just something so tyun about it all
hadestown is a musical you might not know about
but the second you do you're like "wow wtf i was missing out on literally everything good in this world"
and that's literally tyun too
like if you somehow don't know about vocal king taehyun
the moment you find him obsession forms
or at least in my case
my little tyun🤧
i could see him staring in the mirror going "who are you? who do you think you are"
hueningkai : be more chill (bmc)
you can not tell me this boy didn't have some sort of issue making friends
the photos of him sitting alone at lunch (?) pre-debut???
hes so jeremy heere
because he's really just a sweetie
but no one notices him besides his very close friends
definitely would almost accidentally take over the state of new jersey
type of boy to go all the way if he likes a person
im talking joining the same clubs as them
and even joining the friend group they're in
all of it
we all know he used to think so poorly of himself and talk down on himself
like he had those voices in his head
has his michael in the bathroom moments
thinks he's a loner, a loser, a freak
you know the usual high school insults
but he's able to grow confident, with some help
i luv hueningkai ;3
and i luv be more chill
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authors note : i lied this is not based off of making the bed. my bad. whoops. maybe next time!
©2024 — all rights reserved to hueningsloverr , please do not plagiarise or translate any of my work
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yallemagne · 8 months
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I feel the thing with Mrs Westenra is that she's that specific brand of entitled old lady that keeps harming those around her with her own beliefs while having her own fragility used as an excuse. Its like someone punching a friend "for their own good" and then going "pwease dwont hurt me im so delicate n frwagile :("
She works well as a character as in she's basically another way societal expectations and lack of communication are a cog in Dracula's machinations, but on my personal opinion she's really frustrating. (Hehe my rambling got a lil long sorry abt that)
Yes, what pains me so much this that Mrs. Westenra is such a real person. I have suffered such real people in my life, some I love dearly, some I love out of obligation, and it is painful to see what Lucy is going through, to see her be punished again and again by her mother's willful neglect, and she cannot even muster the will to be angry with her. Lucy has been stripped of any ability to speak out against her mother, even in her most private of musings, because her mother is so highly prioritized over herself. Lucy's suffering must always be kept out of view, and she never has the self-preservation to just snap and say "no, I am a human being".
Mrs. Westenra's a cog in the machine of the plot. She was written this way purposefully. No matter how much damage she causes, you're meant to feel bad for her, because if you don't, you might demand to know why Bram hasn't just killed her already. The reason is that he never even intended for his readers to feel this resentment. Her behaviour is not meant to be taken seriously because she's a poor old woman who just doesn't know any better. She's allowed and expected to be ignorant, and if not her, there would be some other person, a maid unknowingly throwing out the blooms.
But it hurts so much more for it to be your own mother who hurts you. Your feelings don't matter to her except as an extension of her own. She finds the flowers that you love, and ignoring the clear signs of your contentment with the flowers, she projects her negative feelings onto you and throws them out. Then, self-gratulatory as ever, she brags to your doctors that she knows better than them when she can't even recognize how close you are to death. She has willfully abandoned you because your sickness stresses her, and she would rather leave you without a goodbye than face you like an adult and admit she is dying. And worse than that, she doesn't pull away enough to make room for the people who are actively trying to save you, no, she still intercedes, making their jobs harder and your life worse, and no one dares to correct her in any meaningful way because if she knew she wasn't perfect, it would kill her.
I'm not so naïve as to say that because I have such deep-rooted trauma surrounding personalities like this that I am sooo smart and right to take such issue with this fictional character. It is a bit of an overreaction. But you could say my feelings towards this entire novel are an overreaction. I know other people have probably experienced this behaviour, and their reactions to it aren't mine. There are most definitely people who have suffered this kind of neglect but their impulse is instead to forgive and defend Mrs. Westenra, and I cannot deny someone that.
But I hurt so deeply for Lucy. I recognize Mrs. Westenra's hurting but I cannot place it above Lucy's. I value Lucy so much more, and I don't feel a lick of guilt about it.
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thehadesincident · 1 year
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hades fun ramble abt how the yttd fandom treats shin tsukimi :)
haiiii so if you know me you know that i have one billion illness about some guy named shin tsukimi from yttd! and i have some issues on how the fandom writes him, this is coming from someone who has health issues so im going to be somewhat projecting but! hopefully not that much. all of it is going to be under cut!
this is going to cover a lot of spoilers.. so i wouldnt click it unless you finished the game. its also going to cover topics like ableism and a mention of toxic relationships but thats expected when you want to talk about shin and the fandom
so in game (epsically in your turn to shine) its heavily hinted that shin is someone who has health issues (chronic illness and the works), even in the base game it is shown that shin is physically weak (chapt one in the bar where he tries to open the drawer for example.).
and how the fandom made that into shin being a weak person, but not in a strength sense, in the sense that he cant protect/cant hold his own (looking at you shin ship writers.). but! thats just the only issue right? (this is also ableism to me in a way.. but i cant put my words right at the moment.)
nope!! theres more. the fandom at times made shin out to be a 'dirty' person, someone who is gross and unclean. even if that's far from canon (there being a line that shins hands are clean in game.) and to me, thats just stereotypes of people who are mentally ill coming into play. saying that people who suffer from mental illness cant treat themselves on their own. which in some cases may be true, but not in all of them.
i also think this ties into shin being a person who was in game he is saving money, he is a job hopper which some fans took as he is poor which mean hes dirty.. which is just gross that people think just because a person may be poor, automatically means they're dirty.
theres also the issue with shadow sou (also know as shadsou in the fandom) where (some) people treat it as not a part of shin, it just being a part of midori. shin didnt bring out the hiyori persona out of nowhere, it wouldnt make sense that shin is some 'soft boy'.
fans tend to forget that shin isnt the best person, even in a few pregame thoughts. he can still be an asshole without being told about the 0.0% thing. you can let him be petty, you can let him be sly, you can let him be mean. he doesnt need to be doomed to do any of that.
its the same with the shinai, we only really saw small bits of the shinai.. and guessing from his dialog, he is still close to hiyori and that can affect how he acts, but that doesnt mean a pre game shin acts just like shinai, his an ai for a reason, he learns over time and picks up his own traits. its similar to how the fandom treats highschool shin and his friendship with hiyori and thats a whole another can of worms.
people who say they dont ship hiyori and shin.. and then say they dated in the past are an issue to me. not every toxic friendship has to be romantic, yes hiyori wanted to study shin, but thats because he wanted to see how much he can push a person. even the shinai says he likes to experiment on people, and hiyori most likely did the same with shin but more in a mental sense.
theres a reason why i dont interact with people who tag stuff with their ship tag, i dont trust them to take them in a way thats just them being 'friends'. and if you see it like that or make it out so hiyori isnt that bad of a person... block me i dont want you guys near me. (this goes with those 'midori isnt a bad person!!' au writers to. get out.)
on the topic of shipping, a handful of people who ship shin with people srsly make him out to be someone whos weak and needs to be protected by whoever the pairing is with. you guys just want your yaoi. i see this the most in keishin / alishin circles. shin doesnt need to be 'saved' or whatever, he just needs to heal on his own time, he doesnt need a romantic partner in his life for that.
thats a good part of my thoughts! if you have any questions on my thoughts on shin you can send me an ask here or shoot me a dm on discord :3 (samuraiyaiba)
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hella1975 · 7 months
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hella I'm out for a friend's bday and I typically don't visit restaurants like it's a whole thing w my friends how UNAWARE I am of shit. Anyways so I ordered a burger that I didn't know would have so fucking much added on it, this thing was HUGGEEEEE I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DIDNT WARN ME ABT THIS. I was chided by my friends for not requesting a burger with less on it, I DIDNT KNOW. so this burgers huge I don't know how to eat it I'm cutting it into pieces and it's falling apart and there's stuff I'm trying to pick off of it, it is a nightmare on my plate my friends are absolutely making fun of me with how I've just decimated this thing. and um. I wore my nice clothes today I can't lie it was my fit with my patched up jean jacket and pinwheel hat also I've got a mullet and my hair curls so ive been told i could he on stranger things. very silly of me. WELL I GUESS IT GOT ALL THE WAITRESSES ATTENTION. THEY WOULD COME OVER JUST TO SAY THEY REALLY LIKED MY OUTFIT AND IM HERE HUNCHED OVER MY PLATE I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. the waitress who took my plate was so nice abt it but I've suffered greatly today
CANT BELIEVE IM SEEING THIS SO LATE BUT THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY. you got beaten by a burger. do better
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yes-asil · 1 month
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(sorry if this ask goes through multiple times my internet is WACK)
i have!! a ghost boys question!! (absolutely adore these past few pages btw, as a comicfury reader pages 470-473 have been SO cute and im literally crying with joy that theyre reunited ive missed them sm its unbelievable i care them so much ANYWAY)
so i read your fic on ao3 a while back and for no reason in particular, definitely not writing a fic, can i ask for details abt matt and sickness? not like the chronic passing out/near death biz he deals with when hes suffering from ghosts, i know thatll get explained later in the story, but like if he were to get a normal illness. like. say. theres this thing of stress fevers popping up for people who work themselves too hard and you mentioned matt having fever in your ao3 fic which i was rereading earlier because its SO good and i love it but like that fic was focused on the coughing and his lungs giving out lol and i am just wondering if perhaps you would be willing to share how hed deal with being like... aware of being out of commission. being able to feel the fever and physically not being able to be unconscious bc of like the insomnia aspect because i feel like he can be so nonchalant because hes never conscious when hes miserable so just curious on how hed handle having no choice but to acknowledge it. how hed deal with having normal person illness that isnt him about to die. in my head hes ofc going to keep working anyway and make things worse bc thats how he is but i would love to hear your thoughts if you dont mind giving them!!
for no reason in particular. there is definitely not already 1k words of this which will not spiral into something more ahaha wink thank you for all you do this comic makes me so feral(/positive) my friends have learned of the boys through osmosis of me not shutting up every time a new page posts
I'll start this with an: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
So happy you like the comic so much!!! And that you rope other people into it is so fun, I'm glad you like my boys!
As for the question; Matt ignores feeling bad no matter for what reason. In his head he just goes "what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" before he proceeds to knock himself out. When he wakes up, he continues the cycle until his body is back to normal by sheer force of will. It doesn't matter if it is a week long sniffly nose, a dry cough spell that lasts a month or his funny little ghost powers pulling him under. He WILL work and he WILL make himself useful.
The only times he accepts defeat and goes to bed to rest while actually awake are when Lukas' worries so hard it makes both of them want to cry and when Cathrine starts using her soft "I'm really worried right now I can't even act harsh" voice.
He acts pretty much the same then, just a bit huffy and restless
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frecklystars · 3 months
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I'm sorry if this is weird to say but I really enjoy your vent art. I don't enjoy your suffering but every time you post vent art it's always so soft and god I missed you. I was horrified when you left, then you came back and I learned everything your abuser did, the whole time you were gone I was worried you died and I was just crying when you came back because I assumed you couldn't fight anymore. You're a fighter and it shows in your art. I'm sorry you feel so bad but Ken loves you, ok?
oh no i totally get it, that's not weird. that's very flattering. i used to make vent art much more often but after i came back from my unplanned 9-month hiatus i was like........ in such shambles i could not draw anything until Barbie breathed life back into me
im really touched that you missed me, even moreso that it had affected you so deeply. im sorry that i worried you. disappearing for 9 months was not supposed to happen. if i knew the person who claimed to be my best friend was going to cut off my other friends from me while i was unable to contact them, spread rumors when i was literally just sitting in a hospital bed and dying, tell other people on this hellsite when asked abt me and where i disappeared to, "oh keri is fine :) don't worry abt her", completely isolate me and track down where i work and call my workplace and demand i speak to her 24/7, attempt to track down where i live, asking my friends behind my back about my family's phone numbers, etc, jesus christ i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from ever interacting with that person. if i knew then what i know now i would have run for the hills
the last year and a half has been the Worst of my entire life. there are so many things behind closed doors i have not posted about, out of fear for my safety. there's so much shit you guys don't know. i'm scared and exhausted all the time.
but im finally at least at a point where im not isolated anymore, im socializing as often as i can, i'm self shipping again even if it's really really fucking hard sometimes, and i'm making baby steps to reclaim all of the characters/things that were turned into triggers. it feels so hopeless sometimes, like all the fighting i've done to escape/heal from my abuser doesn't feel worth it because i am so. tired. all. the time. and still facing unsafe situations regarding that whole goddamn thing. it's been over a year and it doesn't feel like i'm ever going to fully heal if i feel so on edge all the time. but messages like this always help me feel better. im sorry you've had to see my at my worst for so many months now
thank you for taking the time to send this, i appreciate you more than i can put into words rn. mentally giving you so many hugs. and hey, thank you for appreciating my vent art. if i don't draw out my feelings i think i'd go crazy haha, so i'm glad at least one person feels Something when looking at it, i'm glad it can give you some positive feelings. and thank you for missing me. even if you and i have never spoken one-on-one, you should know i missed you too. i missed all the positive connections i had with everyone and every single kind word in my inbox is refreshing and a reminder of that.
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zeravmeta · 4 months
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whining about personal irl introspection stuff
since my friend groups mostly consist of trans peeps it always has kind of wormed its way into my head my own thoughts abt my gender and stuff but like for my whole life ive always been pretty comfortable as a cis dude and like for the most part despite growing up with very traditional parents ive also never really felt pressured to like follow the same gender roles they have like my parents are basically the one foot in the door type where like if for whatever reason hypothetically i come out as trans and gay double whammy them my dad whose a pretty Mans Man type of guy would still love me but i know he'd think that he did something wrong (out of ignorance not malice he would absolutely maul someone if they made fun of me) vs my mom who would also be accepting but it would become the next hot topic of her friend groups gossiping and neither are malicious but ive also seen them make themselves suffer over their own gender roles (men do this v women do this) and like i honestly think the reason i dont put much stock into gender as a concept is because most people focus on the roles aspect of it and even with my best efforts ive never really deprogrammed that out of them but honestly above all else im lazy as hell and wont impose more arbitrary rules like that onto myself so when i say im cis im not cis plus im like cis hasnt touched the personalization settings and forgot the login and ofc this would also bleed into ideas like romance and sexuality with aforementioned roles and when it comes to romance this leads more into my experiences with my asshole brother who would always be bringing girlfriends and bragging about being a sex beast but he could never hold onto a relationship and was always dumped and cheated on multiple times (and with modern context and Adult Brain i know its likely because he was a fucking asshole) while my parents would always argue but theyd also been together for 35+ years and wouldnt trade each other for the world so neither of those would be a good reference point for romance but this one also came down to me Not Really Caring where I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship if it happened and im p sure if I liked the person enough to where said stage of romance would even be happening i would invite it but im also not really agonizing over it and can be pretty comfortable being without a partner and on the sex side of things this one is a little weird because ive also Not Cared about it however i know I do have desire for people so im not ace and when it bleeds so intermittently with the romance aspect i just kind of assumed i was ace for a while in my teens until i learned the Words and Terms and such so i was like oh huh i guess i just dont seek romance and thats not the same as liking other humans physically and on that front i guess im just ok with any type of partner so like with neither of these considerations ever being a factor for gender or presentation esp when im a 6ft behemoth of a guy with a strongman body build and never had any type of body dysphoria with that i was and honestly still am perfectly comfortable just being a cis dude and for the past decade it has literally not changed im here for a good time not a long time
anyways this is a very long winded wordy way of saying that im pretty sure im cis aro and bi/pan because ive never cared about gender never wanted a partner and also i appreciate mens tits and cockenbalsen too much to be straight and this post came about because I was thinking of getting an anime man body pillow cover and was imagining the scandalized looks on my parents faces lol
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punkbxt · 10 months
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dime the takes. por favor.
*gets real close to the vending machine* quiero pepsi
okay all seriousness tho imma try to do this in a way thats like idk semi respectful towards janeway but i also need yall to know i do NOT reallyf fuck with her. idk if ive explained why before but i guess here we go
unlike most people that enjoy star trek i didnt really get into it till 2018 and then the demmy hit n i had nothing but time to consume every star trek imaginable and thats how i found voyager. yeah sure make fun of me for not knowing what star trek is but i need YALL to know that it is white and usamerican culture to be raised on trek and I DONT CARE. the only reason i got into star trek is bc a white friend introduced me. all this to say i was introduced to janeways actress through oitnb red ilu so much red best evil white lady <3
anyways i know janeway gets hate for having been the only lady captain and i always preface anything i say about her with this so yall understand that this is not the reason i dislike her but in reality it doesnt help either
also its tiring as fuck to include my opposing argument but it has to be done bc ppl are like “what about- pkay but you didnt consider how- yeah but- actually youre wrong bc-“ like fuck man im doing my damndest i literally hate voicing my opinions bc yall INSIST people of color dont actually get it n its tiring
if youve followed me since i started voyagerposting you may have noticed ive only actually drawn janeway twice and its cuz as a person she rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons
janeway gets put in this impossible position of being the top of the hierarchy pyramid to a crew that doesnt think theyll ever make it home again. shes deemed a mother figure by a LOT of characters but im gonna talk abt her dynamics with b’elanna, and seven because if i were to talk about the dynamics between janeway and harry thatd have to be its own post
when i get into a show, i loooveeee knowing what was happening behind the scenes because i love it!! i love set design i love character design i love costume design i love seeing what the actors are like outside of the show and how they feel about these characters bc these things ARE important. (writers too pero i have beef) behind the scenes is the biggest influence to the final product bc its the reason the final product exists in the first place and behind the scenes so many things went wrong. and when actors are mistreated or dont get along with eachother it becomes pretty apparent. well at least if you analyze things the way i do
so heres my issue with janeway seven and b’elanna. b’elanna is typecast to be the ugly character. klingons gave always gotten the short end of the stick and the case with her isnt as harsh bc her actress is a mixed puerto rican (information that has actually only recently been revealed bc when i tried to find out what roxan’s ethnicity was in 2019 i literally could not find anything definitive except for shes latina) but she STILL gets a lot of shit
one of my favorite things about voyager before the introduction of seven was how b’elanna and janeway actually got to bond a lot over science and when seven took on the roll of pretty girl on the ship, b’elanna and janeway suffered a LOT for it. we have an interesting dynamic between a maquis engineer and a federation captain genuinely not getting along bc b’elanna doesnt see janeways as an authority figure. not until chakotay has something to say about it and also until b’elanna and janeway actually talk about shit n get over their differences. the issue is when ppl purposely skip the earlier seasons to get to seven and then a lot of important interpersonal character building is missed I SAY THIS BC PEOPLE OFTEN FORGET THAT VOYAGER HAS BEEN ASSIMILATED BY THE BORG BEFORE AND EVEN THE WRITERS LET IT SLIP THEUR MIND N ITS LIKE BRO U HAVE GOLD TO WRITE WITH N U JUST LET IT COLLECT IN THE CORNER
seven is a unique and interesting character when she is first introduced. seven looks like any other borg and is so COOL. and then immediately all the cool interesting things about the way seven looks is basically negated to a few shiny parts. and yes janeway is partly to blame
BUT! what is the easiest way to gain the trust of people who already have bad history with who you once were? assimilation of course! seven goes from being one of many to the outcasts outcast
but punkbxt! what does any of this have to do with why you dislike janeway as a character? if anything it sounds more like you dislike seven. as long as the character is white ill always hold a lil disdain for them in my heart <3
janeway symbolizes the best of starfleet. she is an accredited officer and an extremely capable scientist. she is a beautiful white woman in THE position of power something that was revolutionary for her time. the issues with white women being put in positions of power is they they have NEVER had the interests of black and brown people to heart. “yes they-“ SHUT UP and let me speak before you decide to comment on this goddamn post
feminism throughout the centuries has focused on white women and while a show is merely a fraction of the lived reality of its time the effects are still extremely clear. white feminism JUMPED at the character of janeway and celebrated her and rightfully so! the issues came about when women like b’elanna got attacked and pushed to the side. this directly affected janeway within fandom and she got and still is recognized for accomplishments SHE DID NOT DO. she got put on a pedestal and once that happens to a character they suddenly can do no wrong. except she does because shes a human and shes white and shes a character with writers behind her
b’elanna has never actually been a super popular character and the wave of love for her is actually pretty fucking recent and not to toot my own horn but i definitely was a big part of the b’elanna love resurgence. when i got into voyager and these dates ARE important, i used to scroll through her entire tag easily a couple times through a DAY. fans occasionally created art for her and yeah! she got fics but nowhere in comparison to her other peers. surrounding yourself with people who also love her and want to create for her does help with recognition of b’elanna but its super recent stuff. and to add onto that any white fan that has an opinion about her will always be biased because they just do not understand what it is like to exist as a latina woman of color
this is where me myself and i come into the story because wowowowowow star trek is so cool! star trek preaches on and on and on about diversity love acceptance hate oppression and all that good stuff so who wouldnt love it??? and then??? OMG THERES A LATINA CHARACTER IN ONE SERIES OMG OMG OMG. imagine my disappointment when i found out that she a main character barely was getting any love. it hurt. because even within a narrative of inclusion somehow characters of color just seem to always be pushed to the side. especially when a fandom has such a majority percentage of white people
watching her story was SO personal to me. i could see myself in her struggling with living in america. i lived my childhoods in puerto rico and in many different parts of usamerica, surrounded by family and people like me until that wasnt the case anymore. i spent my life living as a nomad with no place to call home for on average no less than a year and no more than three. i could understand b’elanna with her struggles of living in a klingon monastery and then being thrust into an unforgiving and unaccepting world where humans/white people are the most important. the internalized racism that i grew up with was horrendous and to this DAY i am still trying to learn and better myself and connect with my culture in any way i can. because in a black ans white world, where is the space for those of us that dont fall under either? we are ignored and erased and with b’elanna is has been the same
the rejection b’elanna had to her klingon side was something i could relate to incredibly. but it still isnt enough. because even though i could connect with her through her klingon-ness, her latinidad is simply a label. throughout the show you see her change and grow and assimilate to the federation standard and it HURT. the narrative that i was directly picking up from her story was yeah you can be a part of the club but only if you do it how we want you to do it. and dont you EVER even talk about being latino unless its to shit on your deadbeat of a father. and i did. i learned how to adapt at an extremely young age. ive been told its one of the things i do best (sad isnt it?)
and okay how do seven and janeway have anything to do with this? well they are the white women who we literally have to conform to and for. thats it period
seven as a character had an amazing opportunity to challenge gender and sexuality because of her story (one that would have been better suited had she been an indigenous woman which ive spoken on before but thats for another post too) and then the people in charge decided that she just HAD to be the sexywoman instead of leaning into just how much she was no longer human and how humanity itself doesnt actually have one right way to be
this narrative is given to us by janeway time and time and time again correcting seven and telling her that seven simply is not himan enough and still has to learn. (things autistic ppl can suuuuuper relate to which is a reason i could connect with seven at all). no matter how you want to look at it (whatever canon you want to decide isnt canon anymore for the sake of a fucking ship) janeway was directly written to be a mentor and mother figure to seven. janeway is there to help her learn when in reality she can never understand what its like to be an outcast within the federation and to take it a step further be part of a eace which is treated with hostility by humans. something b’elanna CAN understand and relate to because at the time of voyager shits still om the rocks between klingons and humans. janeway pushes seven to accept and embrace humanity as if thats the only option seven has to become a better character but its just not true. the story woven between janeway and seven is one of white women and femininity and how to be the perfect white woman and how to be a good lover. by actively ignoring the help and influence b’elanna could have provided for seven to learn and adapt to a majority human world they put all that weight on janeway. something that affects ALL three of them negatively and results in a narrative of “well b’elanna could never understand and relate to seven in a way that matters” which is beyond true because they are so interwoven even unintentionally so. it simply just wasnt taken further and its a true shame
and this isnt even touching on how badly seven’s actress was treated by janeways actress for being the pretty new doll at the time of filming and how that affected how i felt about janeway/seven as a ship (similarly how castle and beckett did not get along behind scenes i could no longer enjoy that show anymore)
i simplified this IMMENSELY and this shit is already long enough as it is so im sorry about that but yeah thats it. also sorry if things got repetitive ive been told i tend to do that when i write. these are my feelings and i am a real human behind this account so keep in mind how you react to this post. i have recieved countless hate anons most of which ive deleted throughout my short lived time as a fan of this franchise. i used to be MUCH more vocal about representation within star trek and people got mad so i left. but im back because the people that love b’elanna and that love that i have things to say about her matter so much fucking more than any angry person ever will
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boxwinebaddie · 3 months
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yoooo so Ive read that one post about how you work with kids and I was like "omg literally same !" and I was wanting to lyk that even though some kids can be little shits, a lot of the time if youre patient with them, joke with them and, heres a big one, talk to them like theyre friends and not just kids theyll treat you wayyy better. I also know you said you work with first to second graders(at least Im pretty sure you said that) and I work with fourth to fifth graders so there probably is a difference. I thought youd wanna know just in case you needed advice or anything. My question is how has that been going so far? Like are you enjoying it, regretting it, that typa stuff.
P.s. im not a really old guy who's a teacher sitting at my laptop, im in my last year of high school and Ive done a lot of volunteer work with kids in it. Hope youre doing amazing!!!<<333
hello, my dear!!! no, thank you so much for the advice -- tbh i have been Struggling lately...this job is stealing the light from my eyes.
( this is a long ass post that is probably too personal but i am honestly not vibing At All so i'm answering this honestly. you do not have to read this message, it is me bitching for several paras. :// </3 )
but i digress!
that is not to say that i dont love working with kids/teaching, but the particular job i work is not...totally within my wheelhouse and is not that fun for me...per say. also, as far as first and second graders go, 1, 2 and kinder are actually the grades that i want to work w/ the most! and are unfortunately the kids i get to work with...sigh...the Least.
my particular position deals mostly with middle school and high school students which is NOT!! what my teaching credential is in btw. so i am suffering, omg. please free uncle nina from high schooler hell.
i also took this job because i weenie hut jr'ed out of taking an Actual Teaching position at a school because i got really nervous ( bc kids in 1st grade have to read A LOT, like without context, they start at the begining of the year reading a level books and have to finish the year reading i level books WHICH IS A LOOOT OF LEVELS )
and that bc ur first year of teaching is the hardest year ( a lot of ppl drop out/quit ) i would fuck up bc idk what i'm doing yet and a bunch of kids would end up behind bc i didn't teach them how to read correctly. like, when i tell you that sitting here in the lounge typing that literally makes me want to cry like...that would Devastate me. :(((
but anyways, i am...trying to be chiller w/ the older kids. bc i came out the gate being Strict ( because no jokes, every other school i worked out the kids had to be HELLA quiet like they could not talk or be rowdy ) but i guess…the school i'm working at is not like that? and a lot of my coworkers...don't press the kids that hard? WHICH!!!
OKAY FUN FACT NO ONE TRAINED ME HAHA!!! they just dropped me in the middle of this goddamn school and were like good luck! so no one gave me insight onto the kids, where the classes were or how they were interacting with them...so...HSLDLSKH SIIIIIGH.
this...job.
like i said though, i'm trying to chill more with the kids because HOOOOOLY SHIT SOME OF THEM ARE SO MEAN!!!! WHAT THE FUCK OHHHH MY GOD!!!! when i tell you i saw 17 boys on their phones, walked past them 3 times and only took ONE PHONE???? BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY MY FUCKING JOB????? and all 17 boys like twice as tall as me heckled the SHIT out of me??? :'((((
like made fun of my dye job and Everything abt me??? </3 for taking One Cellphone that a kid wasnt supposed to be on Bc If I Didn't I Would Get In Trouble that the kid could have probably just begged to get back and would be gotten back immediately?!!! thats how UNSERIOUS they are about bustin the kids at this school!!
WISH SOME1 WLD HAVE TOLD ME THAT! LOL THX!!!!!
but like it was sooooo....it made me so stressed out and it was so awful, i also had really gnarly experiences w/ bullying in high school and middle school, so being back in it is honestly kinda triggering? needless to say, i did spend the rest of that period crying in the teachers lounge like it seriously sucked; i was rlly embarrassed. :c
that's so fun ur working a lot with 4th/5th though! i student taught in 5th this time last year and it was sometimes hard ( i am so stupid like i can only teach k-2, i'm too dumb to do any math harder than that ) academically and socially but i had a lot of fun!
when i wasn't dying!
i am not dying as much rn as i was doing that, but it was certainly more rewarding? like tbh this position is basically me being a human punching bag for middle and upper kids all day long and is really kind of...demeaning? which is annoying bc ( not to be like that ) but bc i literally have my teaching credential i could Be A Teacher In An Actual Elementary School Class, but bc i took this job/chickened out...
i am doing this lowk whack job that i'm both underqualified and overqualified to run. i Do get to work with the littles very early in the day & in the evening and thats...worth getting my shit kicked in by 14 year olds all day long. truly love the k-2 kids; its my happy place.
THANK YOU FOR ASKING THOUGH!!! this is unprofessional, obvi, hopefully will not bite me in the ass later but at thiiis point? idk. respectfully fuck this job lol. i am so tired every single day and there are only brief moments of sunshine. i would not wish this on anyone.
high school boys stop being mean to me challenge! very whack! however, elementary school children! you are so lovely!!! i had a girl make me a little origami flower and give it to me <3 like okay little pep stan! i see you! there is like a kgarten boy who gives me a hug every day, a girl whose shoes i tie every morning -- all of them remember my name which is more than aaaaa lot of the older kids will do for me.
( which!!! they're just kids you know!! its not their fault that they're being a lot!!! their brains are still forming and u know!! i was in mid/hs and it does suck and its hard and stressful! i am not really even mad at them its just...unfortunate. it's also not an age level that i rlly connect w/also discipling them or...not ig idk, is not really something i'm passionate about...like man i just want to sing the fucking calendar song and clap call and response and count on my fingers again. ;-; )
i'm sure as the semester goes by i'll feel better but right now, i am having a pretty rough time and wish i just bit the bullet and started teaching because this is seriiiiiously humilitating, fml. <///3
-uncle nina who is really bad at my job ig? lol i hate this
p.s. this isn't even really a request because every single one of you is kind and wonderful to me, but idk if i seem stressed or it's annoying that my asks are building up/i'm not updating my fics, know its bc i am here from like 6am until like 4:30pm, get my shit rocked, and then go home and sleep for like three hours and repeat every day. just b gentle w/ me if u can; i'm Very Depressed. :(
p.s.s. also unfortunately i cannot take a different job; i signed a contract that keeps me here until june, so i gotta tough it, smh.
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