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generalllimaginesss · 6 months

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The End of Things as We Know it

Pt. twoooo

part 1 is here

The 4 months between the time that Y/N had left Quinn and the present day had resulted in him being in a constant state of autopilot. It felt like everything he did was out of instinct, like he was doing everything he could to just survive. Quinn was fully capable of taking care of himself without Y/N, or any girl for that matter, but the way Y/N had gone about leaving him was as if the rug that he was standing on had been pulled out from underneath him, knocking the breath out of him and struggling to get back up.

When you share your life with somebody for 6 years, fully expecting to marry them one day, their sudden absence hurts like hell. One minute Quinn caught himself going to text her number about something funny that Elias had told him, but the next he wanted to delete her number, block her on everything, and never look back. He could never bring himself to actually do it, hoping that one random morning he'd wake up with a text explaining how it was a mistake and she decided she wanted to move with him to Vancouver. Very unrealistic, but he held out hope for it.

It felt like the days were meshing together, the line between yesterday, today, and tomorrow running thin. His teammates had tried to help him get over this slump, and their attempts worked sometimes. But they only ever lasted temporarily. They set up dates for him, but Quinn could never commit to a second date. He found that no girl stood a chance to take Y/N's spot. They were all plastic, all the same with a personality that was mediocre, at best, when compared to Y/N.

"Q, you ready?" Petey nudged him with his shoulder, hoping to bring him out of his trance and back to boarding the plane for their game in Florida. Petey knew this would be a rough game, seeing as it would be the closest that Quinn had been to Y/N since they had broke up, and he was still three and a half hours away from her.

"Yeah, sorry," Quinn gathered his backpack and loaded onto the plane, sitting between Elias and the window.

----

After that first very awkward meeting with Matthew and Y/N, they hit it off pretty quickly. When Y/N had explained how she was Quinn Hughes' ex, he wished she would have been anybody else's ex girlfriend in the NHL. He felt guilty at first, not wanting to hurt Quinn even more than he probably was. He kept Quinn in the back of his mind for the first month that him and Y/N were talking, trying to talk himself out of falling for the girl, but he soon realized that trying to push those feeling to the back of his mind made him pine after her even more.

Y/N was a little hesitant at first, knowing that the Tkachuks and Hughes family were fairly close. As time went by though, she confided in Matthew more and more. Not only did she explain to Matthew why she broke up with Quinn, she assured him that Quinn was the best boyfriend, and only serious one that she had ever had.

Instead of feeling threatened or jealous of this, Matthew respected it. However, it made falling for Y/N even worse. He wished like hell that they had left on bad terms, that way he wouldn't feel like he was stealing Y/N and he would feel slightly less guilty for the feelings that he harbored concerning the girl.

"I'm packing my bag and then I'm headed to Matt's," The phone was pressed against Y/N's ear using her shoulder as she folded a few pairs of pants and shirts to place into her bag.

"Oh, okay Miss Ma'am...does this make this, what, the fourth time you spend the weekend with him?" Y/N didn't have to be face to face with Collins to know that she was wearing a smirk and a suggestive eyebrow.

"Something like that," Y/N mumbled, but couldn't fight the smile that was creeping onto her face.

"You know they're playing Vancouver though, right?" Collins was worried for her friend. She had seen Y/N go through the heartbreak after her relationship with Quinn, but watching her personality blossom with Matt had given her hope that Y/N was over the Canuck's player.

"The way I see it is that there are so many places to go in Miami that there's no way me and Matt will run into him. Even if we do, it wouldn't kill me to see him. I'm in a really good place right now, with a really good job. I'm a quarter of the way done with my Master's degree and I have a boyfriend that's loving and easy on the eyes," Y/N explained, but she wondered if she was trying to convince herself, more or less, of these things. She was happy, sure, but her memories with Quinn were like a scar on her heart. As long as she didn't pick at it, it wouldn't bleed and would heal.

"Ok, well Jackson is about to have a fit because we're running late for a dinner reservation. Call me if you need anything at all, Y/N. I mean it-"

"Alright, Mom," Y/N laughed as she heard Jackson intensely encourage Collins to get in the car, strung together with a few profanities.

"Love ya, girlie," Collins smiled as she hung up the phone.

Y/N was extremely blessed with the support system that she had gained in Orlando. In the 4 months that she had been down here, her and Collins had an unbreakable bond. She was the sister that Y/N had always wanted, always up for a drink and some gossip. It was crazy to think that it took such a short amount of time to find her platonic soulmate.

Y/N threw some toiletries and a phone charger into her bag before sending Matt a quick text letting him know that she was about to be on her way. He sent her a "drive safe" text, along with a heart emoji.

The three and a half hour drive wasn't terrible to Y/N. She loved just jamming out to all kinds of music, occasionally having to yell at some idiot that forgot to use a blinker or cut her off. She found that it was therapeutic almost. It helped her take her mind off of work and school and just feel free.

The drive felt short, but as she pulled into Matt's driveway she found herself smiling like a schoolgirl. Matt was already waiting on the front porch, ready to grab her bags and give her a bear hug.

"Matty!" Y/N squealed as she skipped to the man that was barefoot in the driveway, patiently waiting on her.

"If it isn't the most amazing girl in the world pulling up in my driveway..." He kissed her on the cheek, picking her up and giving her a spin before setting her back down. A string of giggles followed, Y/N immediately feeling the butterflies fluttering in the pit of her stomach.

Matthew helped her get her bags, barely closing the door and dropping the bag when he trapped Y/N against the wall, attaching their lips together.

The first time that the two kissed, Y/N felt icky. Even though she broke up with Quinn, she couldn't help but feel like she was cheating on him. It was a shock to kiss somebody new after kissing the same boy for six years. However, she began to let herself just live. When she began to dwell on Quinn, Matthew somehow interrupted her thoughts, whether it was with a phone call, FaceTime, text or kiss.

Matthew broke the kiss off in dire need of a breath, but he placed one last peck on her lips before taking her bags to his room and returning to her sprawled out on the couch. He smiled, wondering what in the world he managed to do right in order to have someone as perfect as her in his life, let alone on his couch.

"How was the drive?" He called to her from the kitchen, grabbing two Michelob Ultra's, one for him and one for her, and returning to the couch. Hockey replays were blaring from the tv, so he hit mute and handed the beer to Y/N.

"You know...my own private concert mixed in with a couple of dumbasses that should not have gotten their driver's license," She opened the can while placing her feet in Matthew's lap. He instinctively began rubbing them with his free hand and sipped on his drink with the other.

"I think you should give me a concert. Who knows, you might be the next Beyonce or Taylor Swift and I would never know..." He poked her in the side, watching her squirm from him, careful not to spill her drink.

"Trust me, if I was the next Taylor Swift or Beyonce I would not be working the job I am right now," She watched as he never tore his attention away from her. He managed to make her feel like the most important person wherever they were. They could be walking down the street and she would still have his undivided attention.

“So school’s coming along ok?” Matt drew circles on the top of her leg as he waited for her response.

Y/N groaned, tired of being so overwhelmed with the projects and assignments, “I’ve got three and a half more semesters and then I’ll be done. I’ve got to look at it like that so I feel motivated to finish.”

Matthew took a sip of his drink, his index subconsciously tapping Y/N's leg, "Don't take it for granted. Sometimes I wish I would've just went to college and then focused on the NHL."

Y/N flashed a soft smile at the boy that sat beside her, "And what would you have studied, Mr. Tkachuk?"

He sat for a few seconds, playing out his life had he not made one of the most important decisions he possibly would ever make. He honestly had only planned for the NHL. The only reason he would have went to Notre Dame would be to prepare himself more for the draft.

"Probably like sports medicine, maybe Kinesiology...I don't know though, never really gave it much thought," He watched as Y/N's face fell slightly. He was confused at this until she spoke up.

"That's what Quinn wanted to do," She tried to lift the corners of her mouth to produce a smile, but the more she did that she wanted to cry. She settled for a sigh instead, trying to ignore the memories of Quinn and her freaking out when they both got accepted into Michigan.

"I know this weekend is going to be hard for you. If you need closure or anything from him, it won't hurt my feelings at all if you need to have a conversation with him. Sometimes it makes things easier to get over just seeing that the other person is ok," Matthew offered his advice, not wanting things to turn awkward.

Y/N hummed in response, appreciating him trying to help, but she didn't think that he had any idea how deep Quinn's and hers relationship went. Things wouldn't be ok just from having a simple conversation. She appreciated the thought though.

"I don't know. I told Collins it wouldn't kill me to have to speak to him, but we're going to keep it to a minimum. I highly doubt we run into each other anyway," Y/N felt herself becoming smaller, like the day she had broken up with Quinn. This feeling never completely went away, resurfacing every now and then, especially when Quinn was the topic of conversation.

"Brady doesn't know about us, so there's a slim chance that Quinn does. That may make you feel a little better,” Matthew was confident enough in the budding relationship he had with Y/N, so he recognized that Y/N would feel hurt seeing Quinn for the first time since their breakup. He’d never had a relationship last 2 years, let along 6. He couldn’t imagine how hard it must be moving on from that. All he could do was be there for Y/N. In the short time that they’ve been together, he’s realized that Y/N is one of a kind. She loves hard, plays hard, but at the end of the day she wears her heart on her sleeve and cares deeply for those around her. No matter how much he wanted her not to hurt, seeing Quinn would do something to her, so he just had to accept that.

“You’re thinking really hard there Mister,” Y/N poked him in the stomach with her big toe. He gave it a playful pat, releasing a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Just thinking about how much I love you,” He said it before realizing the magnitude of it. When he saw the slight shock on Y/N’s face, he wanted to take it back. Not that he didn’t mean it, he meant it 100%, but he could tell she wasn’t quite there yet.

“Oh,” Was all that Y/N had managed to voice. She wanted to say it back so bad, but something inside of her was fighting it.

“Don’t feel obligated to say it yet. I want you to say it when you feel ready,” Matthew squeezed her calf and got up, getting ready to prepare dinner.

“How do you like your steak?” Matthew changed the subject as he laid out the utensils he would need for the grill.

“Medium rare, more on the medium side though,” She replied, but she couldn’t help but think that Quinn already knew that. Did he still remember it? Was he going out on dates and did he bring her up?

“Alright, I’ll be back in a few,” Matthew announced as he walked out the back door. Y/N could hear the rustling of the grill as he situated everything. She didn’t like talking about Quinn, but sometimes she just couldn’t stop herself.

————

Y/N was glad that she woke up to Matthew gone to practice because she felt sick. It wasn't because of her stomach or head, but she just felt like something wasn't quite right with her. Just off. She didn't know how to fix it because she didn't know what was wrong, so she just made a cup of hot peppermint tea and began getting ready for the day.

She helped Matthew out by washing some of his clothes and unloading the dishwasher from the night before. This is how her day went up until she had to get ready for the game, looking for things to keep her busy so that her mind wouldn't get the best of her. She succeeded for the most part until her phone dinged and the name that belonged to the text scorched a hole right through her heart, the sickly feeling she had when she woke up returned worse and she felt like she was going to throw up every substance in her stomach.

Message from Q<3

I know you're not expecting this, but I'm in Miami. We play the Panthers tonight, and I know it's last minute, but would you want to grab a snack after the game? It's fine if not, just didn't want to be rude and not let you know I'm close by. Or at least as close as I'll probably be to you.

Quinn was right, Y/N wasn't expecting the message. She wished like hell she would've blocked him or something because all of the work she had done for the past 4 months had been for nothing. He sent her back to square one of trying to get over their relationship. She couldn't though. Matthew had just told her that he loved her and it wouldn't be fair to stream both guys along.

She decided the best thing to do was not respond. As much as she told herself that she would be fine talking to him, the fact that a simple text sent her into such a deep spiral so quickly proved she wasn't ready yet. She didn't know if she ever would be. Everything in her screamed and cried to just respond, but she just couldn't. If she allowed him back in her life, even just for small talk, she was afraid that she would drop everything and go back to him. She simply took that option away from herself. Everything was so perfect in her life right now, and she didn't want to mess that up.

Time seemed to speed up, so she got ready for the game, throwing her hair into a claw clip, wearing a light face of makeup, and throwing one of Matt's Panther's shirt that he had gotten for her with some black ripped mom jeans. It wasn't like she was trying to impress anybody. Matthew sure didn't care, and that was good enough for her.

She got into her vehicle and began to drive to the stadium, getting there in just a few minutes. Matthew had given her a ticket, one in the same spot that she had been sitting in for the past few home games. As happy as she was to be sitting close to the Panther's bench, she had a clear view of the visitor bench. She had a few minutes before the players were going to start warming up, so she busied herself with her phone, not wanting to look up in case she saw Quinn.

It was no use though, seeing as when she heard the first skate go across the ice she looked up. It was as if whoever was in charge of her life couldn't just let them ignore each other.

Quinn was the first one to hit the ice, ready to warm up before the game. He skated from the visitor's bench all the way to the penalty box, looping around and checking the arena out. As soon as he looked toward the Panther's bench he noticed her in the stands. It was like some magnet forced his eyes to gravitate towards her. They made eye contact for a split second before she broke it by looking back at her phone. He noticed the Panther's t-shirt, finding it odd that she had only been here for a few months and suddenly she had found a new team to root for.

He tried to shake her from his thoughts, making eye contact with Petey who immediately connected the dots. Petey skated over to him to see what kind of mindset he was in.

"You ok?" Peter cocked an eyebrow at the messy-haired defensemen. Quinn nodded, but didn't speak. He was past speaking, he had to focus on the task at hand, no matter what. His team needed him a whole lot more than the girl in the stands.

------

The game was going in favor of the Panthers, with just a couple of minutes left on the ice they were up 5-1. The clock ran out and the horn signaled the end of the game. As Y/N was about to make her way to her car to wait on Matthew, she saw Quinn out of the corner of her eye. She could have just walked away, she probably should have, but she froze. He was skating closer to her, right back on the visitor's bench. He motioned for her to come over, to which Y/N listened. She really didn't know if she could have stopped herself if she wanted to. This force lulled her into the presence of Quinn.

His hair was a mess and damp from sweat and melted ice, but Y/N thought he looked like the same perfect Quinn. The one she had fallen in love with all those years ago playing dodgeball. In a perfect life, Quinn would be walking up to her smiling, asking her to go out to eat and go back home to Vancouver with him. This wasn't a perfect life though, and the circumstance that the two were in sucked.

"I didn't know you were a fan," Quinn gestured to Y/N's shirt, causing the girl to look down at it out of instinct. In her perfect world she would still be wearing Quinn's jersey.

"Things change. Decided I wanted to support local since I live near and all," The pit at the base of Y/N's throat was threatening to close her airway off, anxiety beginning to creep up.

"Things do change," Quinn shifted his weight from his right skate to his left, readjusting the gloves in his hands.

"I told myself that if you wanted to text me back then you would," He admitted, not wanting to tear his eyes from Y/N's in fear he would miss them when he left.

"So why did you call me over?" It took everything in Y/N to muster up the words.

"I don't know. I can't remember there being a time where we have gone this long without talking," Quinn wanted to tell her it was because he needed to hear her voice, had to know that she was ok.

"Because we haven't," Y/N whispered, but Quinn heard.

"I think I'm going to grab some ice cream or something after this. Did you want to come with me?" Quinn prayed that she would. He needed more time with her, craved it.

"I have plans. I'm coming home for Christmas though...if you're going to be in Michigan maybe we can meet for coffee sometime," Y/N knew it was a dangerous offer, the comfort of home could bring back all of the memories of being in love with him. She thought she should take her chances though.

"Yeah, that sounds good," He said, distracted for a second as Petey was whistling for him from the tunnel.

"I should get going. You know how impatient Petey gets when somebody keeps him waiting," Quinn chuckled, but only earned a half-hearted smile from Y/N.

"Bye, Quinn," Y/N was eager to leave, not wanting herself to fall into the trap that this conversation is anything more than an old lover checking on the other.

"See you later, Y/N," He watched her walk away, hearing her make her way up the arena stairs before she disappeared. A little piece of his heart continuing to go with her.

Although anger consumed him when they first broke up, in this instance he felt like finding a small corner and just bawling like a baby. He never allowed himself to feel that since they broke up, so he thought that maybe now was an appropriate time. He could feel the tears brimming, but he'd save them until he went to sleep back at the hotel room.

Maybe it was time to let her go. Maybe this was the start to that.

soooo this went in a completely different direction than originally planned, but what you see is what you get. I slightly proofread it, but I make no promises that it's any good. I've been simultaneously working on part three to the Trevor and Hatton AU. Whatever matches my mood is what I tend to work on, but keep an eye out for it soon! Leave feedback, or if you have any requests send them my way. As always, thanks for reading!!

#quinn hughes #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction #matthew tkachuk #Canucks #I have no social life #seasonal depression is kicking my butt #All my favorite players are getting injured

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inkskinned · 7 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.