i started working on a chilaios fic (multiple chapters, i'm insane) but i have concerns it might not be received well. the fandom's way bigger already than i was expecting it to be and i feel like a hack for jumping to a modern fantasy au

i guess i mostly feel like until i finish the manga, an au is my best bet to not step on anything, and also i am just a massive fan of transplanting characters into mundane settings while retaining all the dressings that make them who they are.

also i'm a trans chilchuck truther idk how popular that is

getting a bit experimental with my writing for my new fic and i can't decide if it's the best or worst decision ever lol

so my grandma is dying.

my dad flew out to see her on friday bc she's been staying with my uncle on monterrey since late september(??). my sister flew out earlier on january & stayed there for almost a month but by the end of her stay, my gradma's health went into a downward spiral. my sister accompanied her to san miguel, my ucle believes she might've had a stroke on the way back to monterrey bc she came back with such a different attitude & even lower appetite.

we've been getting updates on her since & it's honestly gotten worse. she's at the point where she can't get off bed, doesn't eat & can't recognize people anymore. my dad sounded so sad.

honestly, i'm not doing great but i'm not as sad about it i thought i would feel. she's 92 years old. maybe it hasn't fully sink in, or maybe i've done a good job at preparing myself emotionally bc it already hit me just how vulnerable she was back in 2021 when she had back to back injuries. the fact that she recovered from a broken clavicle & broken ribs in the span of 6 months was miracle on itself, but then i gave her covid on january 2022 & she still managed after that. the lady has beaten nearly anything that has come her way. except old age, i guess.

she's been declining a lot mentally, though, so i was expecting something like this for years now. not so quickly, but i guess at her age, anything becomes catastrophic so easily. i honestly felt like she wasn't going to make it at times when she was sick with covid. there's no making it out of this one, though. i think this is it.

i'm not sure of what to do now. they said she looks really bad and it's just sad to see her but we don't know when she's going to go. i wanna go say goodbye but i'm not sure how hard it's going to be to see her like that or if it will even help. there's been too many instances in my family of someone dying just as the last person came in to see them & idk if i'm prepared to see her actually go in front of me. she's been like a mother to me, she was my favorite person growing up, i think i grew up to be just like her way more than i'd like. my uncles say i should go and see her, but my dad says i shouldn't, that it's really bad. plus taking time off for this & then the funeral wouldn't be ideal. i just hope she's not waiting for me. i hope she's comfortable & not in pain. it's what she deserves now. blissful ignorance is the only thing i want for her in these moments.

the world looks red

So, this is a list of posts that really sum up why tickling feels so warm and soft and nice to me. Im pretty sure that I checked with everyone I put on this list to make sure they were ok with me putting a post of theirs here, and if I missed you, please DM me and let me know!!

I made this here compilation so I can put them all in my pinned post, but also so I can send this whole post to a few IRL friends of mine so I can share my funny little interest with them without feeling self-conscious.

please please please reblog this with your own additions or things you think are important and that I should add

one last thing. If I send this to you and you're one of my IRL friends, I'm sending it to you not only cuz I trust you but also because I might want more tickles irl, because its a safe thing for me that i love dearly, and I dunno how to ask for it, because a lot of people think it's weird or sexual or childish, but it's not for me.

Like cuddly tickles? Top tier. Tickle hugs?!?!?! I'll be a giggly melted goop in your arms and I'll thank you after,

Also also also! if anyone has any questions about the T-community (that's what this is called, the tickle community or the T-community)I I will answer all of them to the best of my abilities

Cw, probably not healthy stuff. Read at your own risk. :)

Being told I 'deserve better' by the person who has treated me better than anyone else ever has is a strange feeling...

What if better is scary? What if better doesn't mean as much? What if better doesn't make me feel as good? What if better isn't actually 'better' ?

What do I do then?

I mean, I know they won't love me the same way I love them even in a thousand lifetimes, no matter what I change, what color I dye my hair, how I do my makeup, what color contacts I wear, how revealing the clothes I wear are... they won't love me the way I love them...

And do I really deserve better? Idk... But no matter how much they say I do it doesn't change the fact that I'm in love with them, not someone 'better'

I am quickly coming to realize that I'm only ever going to post art if I allow myself to do so after dinner time... I have no idea if anyone will see it, that's such a weird time to post things for engagement, and I haven't gotten any on my text posts done after that hour, but maybe what I need is to just go for it and see how it goes? Here's hoping.

06.10.23 happy birthday iwa-chan!! sorry for inflicting paperwork on you for your bday but at least you have oikawa to help (coughdistractcough) you 🥰

poll below!! for funsies:

More official/proper ref of my Metalocalypse s/i 💖🫶💖🫶💖 I needed another milf for the books, I'm obsessed with it guys!

Like I said before she's the manager for @hotrodharts and @1980ssunflower and does a kickass job of it! She's meant to be something of a parallel to Charles whom she has THICK sexual tension with and possibly a mysterious past history with? :0 oooooo~ either way she's very fond of the boys, especially Toki, and in my dreams they see the both of them as parental figures 😊

EDIT: original meme by @tarraerae on Twitter 🫶

Flat colors!

Taglist ♡: @crushes-georg @changeling-selfship @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @squips-ship @cherry-bomb-ships

Why not post this ryuzaki doodle here as well !

Stephanie Brown only being allowed to kiss other girls in the shitty cw Gotham knights show is somehow Tim Drakes fault I just know it

Stratos! Teach that kid how to !!!PUNCH!!!

his smug lil expressions gonna live in my mind rent-free for the next week

If I did a really vague Spider's Web With Strings Attached dtiys to celebrate 100 followers (we're getting close ish) would anyone participate?

here's some minimum wage Jax doodles!!

I did a colored version and oh my stars...... I need this as a sticker now! I love it!!