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wen-kexing-apologist · 7 months

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Based on your recent answer about why you watch BL in which you mentioned many narratives like to punish lesbians with death, I wanted to prompt you to speak on that a bit more if you're willing. I will wait here chin in hands for when/if this is interesting to you because it's a bugbear of mine and I'd love to read your thoughts!

Hello Twiggy! (can I call you that? What should we shorten your url to? t-t?)

Anyway, I would be happy to speak more on that!

To establish my lens, I am a Westerner, I grew up with no queer elders, and did not really realize I was queer until after I graduated college, so my experience with queer media was limited at best. I know there are films and television out there where the sapphics live, and there are films and televisions where I am completely fine with a queer character dying. I am not a “if any queer character dies they are burying the gays!” kind of person.

Now, I’ll admit that when I wrote that in my answer, I was mostly saying it based on knowledge of the tumblr discourse I’ve observed over the past decade I have been on this fucking website. In other words, I didn’t know the full extent of the issue, because to be perfectly honest, despite the absurd amount of television I do watch, seeing queer women in my shows has been few and far between. I don’t think I saw a girl kiss another girl until I stumbled upon the YouTube web-series Carmilla in high school. SO, your ask required me to do a little bit more research.

Here is a link to an article listing 230 dead lesbian and bisexual characters and their causes of death which include toxic envelope glue in Seinfeld??? The list is so long that the article is split up in to FOUR PAGES!

Here are a couple of names from shows I either have seen or recognize:

Tara Maclay in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Lexa in The 100

Tosha in The Wire

Poussey in Orange is the New Black (which I will absolutely never forgive this show for)

Toshiko Sato in Torchwood

June Stahl in Sons of Anarchy

Patty O’Farrel and Veronica Cortes in La Reina del Sur

Jamilah Olsen in Black Lightining

Dani in The Haunting of Bly Manor

I do not want to count how many times I have seen the words “died in her girlfriends arms” in this list, and I’m only a page and a half in. I do not want to count how many times I have read “Cause of Death: shot/stabbed/blown up/murdered/throat slit” I have seen three separate queer women from True Blood on this list, three separate queer women from Boardwalk Empire, four from Orange is the New Black, four from Killing Eve. The cause of death for a character named Emily in Teen Wolf is five lines long. We know how Supernatural is about killing women and killing queers, and killing queer women (there are three on this list I’ve seen so far). And there are some truly convoluted deaths in here, and unsurprising a number of the most fucked up ones are…you guessed it, committed against queer women of color.

And there are plenty on this list from like…American Horror Story, or like Scream, or you know other shows with very obvious ‘this is kind of an everyone dies’ situation. Like I’m not surprised if multiple queer characters from The Walking Dead die, I’m not going to hold it against the television show Spartacus for killing a bisexual woman in the final battle where everybody dies. (I will blame them for systematically killing off any and all interesting, complex female characters until we were left with almost nothing, when we had such good ones in Season 1). I do not see Dani dying at the end of Haunting of Bly Manor to be a ‘Bury Your Gays” situation in the least.

And I am a lot more prone to being comfortable with a queer character dying if there are other queer characters in the story, as long as they don’t all die, you know what I mean?

Hell, even in shows written and/or performed by queer people where at the end everyone lives, they’ll still sometimes kill (and then resurrect) the characters. Laura in Carmilla for instance.

According to a study by LGBT Fans Deserve Better, 62 lesbian and bisexual female characters had died over the past two seasons of television (at the time, which I think was like 2014-2016) and the 2015-2016 year saw the highest number of deaths of queer women in one season of television (42 characters accounting fro 10% of all deaths for scripted television shows that season)

In 2016, a GLAAD analysis was published stating “25 lesbian and bisexual female-identifying characters have died on scripted broadcast and cable television and streaming series since the beginning of 2016” and went on to say that most of those deaths were used to further the plot of the often cishet main character, and violent death was the most repeated ending for queer women in media.

Looking further back in time, the Hays Code of 1930, which had major influence over United States television, did not allow for positive portrayals of queerness. And those impacts linger for far longer than those rules were put in place. I’m thinking of the very obviously queer coded lobster person in PowerPuff girls (which was one of my childhood shows) named HIM who was the personification of evil. Ursula in The Little Mermaid being inspired by a drag queen. [And it is here I will put an aside to say, I love queer coded villains, I think the person that made most of DIsney’s villains in like my generation of Disney films was queer himself, yada yada I’m covering my ass from anyone who wants to engage with this post in bad faith blah blah].

Hell, I’ve seen one GL out of Thailand, which was GAP the Series and even they killed off another queer female character and made Sam suffer abuse at the hands of her grandmother. I’ve heard about how The Shipper treated its lesbians.

The TL;DR version of this is that, for a very long time in (at least Western) television, a sapphic existed in a narrative, and a sapphic died, often violently, often in their lover’s arms. And thanks to studies like the one by LGBT Fans Deserve Better, these disparities were made glaringly obvious, and rates of lesbian death in shows has been going down since 2016.

#bury your gays #powerpuff girls #the 100 #orange is the new black #the wire #supernatural #carmilla #spartacus #buffy the vampire slayer #haunting of bly manor #killing eve #la reina del sur

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sapphic-lottienat · 7 months

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october 13 (faith lehane day !!)

hiii guys, so as some of you may or may not know, today is international faith lehane day!! this post may come a bit early to some because i live in australia btww

so what i believe was 25 years ago to this day, season 3 episode 3 (faith, hope, and trick) aired on american tv, and we were introduced to the character of faith lehane

faith was probably my first real celebrity crush, even though i was young-ish when i watched it. i loved her personality, her strength (both emotional and physical), and her obvious queerly undertoned relationship with buffy.

faith goes through so much heartbreak and betrayal and loss, which is why i believe that she was never a truly evil character. im probably saying things that everybody knows, but faith was a kid like buffy too. everyone talks about how buffy was so young when she had to deal with all of this stuff, but faith was young as well.

remember the impact that giles had on buffy. with him, buffy had both a mother and a father figure, completing her little family (at least, from seasons 1-4). but faith's watcher died and her parents were never there for her. she was always so lost and alone, terrified of vulnerability.

that's why when she befriends the mayor, she clings onto him, does anything for him. he is the father that she never had (to clarify, i do NOT approve of their relationship; he used and practically groomed her).

faith had it worse than buffy, and yet people still treat her like an awful person. but what did she do that was that bad? she was manipulated into aiding the mayor. she killed a man? guess what. so did giles. the circumstances were different, yes, but it was a genuine accident in faith's case.

she runs, pretends that nothing happened. because she feels SO guilty about it, and if she buries her guilt deep in her denial, she knows that she'll never have to feel it.

this all leads me onto my next point; fuffy was genuinely a much better ship than bangel or spuffy (no hate ofc, im a spuffy girl too).

obviously, faith was not a vampire. green flag number one :)

there were always the gayest undertones with their characters (yes i know eliza played her role as if she liked buffy)

she was the healthiest fulfilment-wise?? angel and buffy obviously couldn't do anything without him losing his soul, and sleeping with spike sent buffy into such deep self-loathing. but faith was always her friend, she always went to her if she was in trouble… yall they could make out as much as they want with no repercussions.

there are also many quotes to back up my argument, soo here are some off the top of my head :)

"really, we're just good friends" (buffy)

"let's have another go, see who lands on top" (faith)

"willow said you needed me. didn't give it too much thought" (faith)

and then there's the way they look at eachother, the forehead kiss, and (my personal favourite) the way that scott hope absolutely spread the rumour that buffy was gay because he saw how faith and buffy interacted.

i dont really know what else to write so thank you that concludes my essay <3 i might write a fuffy fanfic after this actually…

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #faith lehane #international faith lehane day #october 13th #buffy summers

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grendelsmilf · 2 months

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i guess buffy is kinda queer media for how long people have discussed the horrible way the show handled the death of that one lesbian character

yeah it’s really paradigmatic within the Bury Your Gays canon. iconic lgbt herstory within the storied annals of how to fumble and enrage your queer viewership

#ask #anon #common buffy W !

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tuiyla · 1 year

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My Buffy spoilers

Now that I’m about right on the middle of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I thought it was time to summarize what spoilers I know of that haven’t already come to pass. You know just for the sake of transparency and looking back on this when I actually know how it all turns out.

Spuffy: I had known about Spike’s character and how he turned from villain into Buffy’s love interest for a long time. Right now in the show Spike is only just beginning to join the gang and I find the way in which the writing enables that clever but from the very beginning of Spuffy’s interactions I was wondering how on earth they’re gonna sell this as romance later on. This isn’t the first time I watched a show knowing that an unlikely couple will come to be so, you know, we’ll see. I do have to admit that James Marsters’ performance is delightful and Spike is a fun character, I just think that he has a long way to go still. But I am only halfway through and that’s not considering AtS, so.

Dawn: kind of a bummer that I know of Dawn’s existence because I’ve heard her being referred to as the biggest plot twist of the series. Mind, I don’t know much, just that Dawn is Buffy’s little sister somehow and will shake up the status quo. Is it some wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff? Don’t know and don’t tell me, the less I know about Dawn Summers the better but I do know of her general existence.

Tara: I just watched Hush yesterday so Tara is officially part of my Buffy experience. Since I was not only around for the Gay Migration and the Bury Your Gays outcry but actively researching it for my dissertation, I am of course aware that Tara’s doomed and so is her relationship with Willow, which I’m also aware of. Still, I’m going to enjoy their journey for what it is and I’ve been anticipating Willow’s queer storyline so much so even though it’s bittersweet going into this that won’t diminish them and Tara’s ch for me. I’m so ready to see how a lesbian love story is handled just at the turn of the millennium.

Dark Willow: that’s pretty much all I know, that Willow will be tempted by the darkness at some point and temporarily (?) succumb to it. At first I thought it’d just be vampire Willow from the Wishverse but I guess not now that she’s dead. So I’m guessing it will be dark witch Willow? Given how she handled Oz leaving and knowing what I know about Tara’s eventual fate, that checks out.

Buffy’s second death and hospitalization: this is sort of just a vague plot point/two plot points but I’ve seen it said that Buffy will once again die, end of s5 maybe? But given that has happened already I’m not that shook tbh, tho who knows maybe the episode itself will be more effective than Prophecy Girl. I also wonder if it will result in yet another Slayer coming into play but I’d rather they just bring my girl Faith back. Faith :( Anyway, I’m also vaguely aware that Buffy will be sent away to a mental institution (?) at one point, possibly due to people not believing her about demons and such. Or probably as some kind of conspiracy to remove her from the picture.

Faith’s redemption: not that it’s a major spoiler and I would hope for it anyway but I’m pretty sure she’ll not only be back but get a chance to make things right and rejoin the good guys. It’s painful but I’m avoiding all things Faith to get to experience her journey for myself. I’m shaking with anticipation after having had conflicted feelings about her s3 story.

Once More With Feeling: Buffy’s musical episode is iconic to the degree that I’ve been hearing so much about it the past couple of years and know it’s considered to be the OG in terms of random musical episodes. Except I’ve heard that it’s not random, it’s clever and works really well within the show so suffice to say I can’t wait. It’s in season 6, right? So a while away. The only other well-regarded specific episode I’m aware of is The Body, ep code 5x16 if I’m correct? But I’m pretty sure that’s an emotionally brutal one based on what I’ve inferred. My only guess is that Joyce dies or something similar. But then what about Dawn? Eh, idk how Dawn comes to be in general and she could just be Buffy’s half sister, or some timeline rewriting or whatever. Anyway this is pure speculation now.

I think that’s about it. The main spoiler I was aware of that had already come to pass is there being another Slayer in Kendra and then Faith. I’m sure there will be plenty of other twists and turns that I’m not expecting whatsoever and I love that. Feel free to interact with this post or me, I only ask that you please please don’t spoil anything for me that wasn’t already mentioned here.

#just a full disclosure thing and mostly a post for myself #i know basically nothing about angel the series btw except that cordy doesn't stay on forever #doyle might die? and faith will be on it #but angel thoughts is a separate post #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #PLEASE no spoilers i'm on 4x11 atm #feel free to ask for thoughts on any particular aspect of the show up to this point though #i wanna start talking more about buffy

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vintage-bentley · 2 years

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As you're a lesbian and a Buffy fan I'm curious to hear your take on Willow's sexuality. I was a baby bi back in the 90s and I def related to her and I still see her as a bi character.

Thank you for sending this, I’ve been meaning to talk about it!! I have a lot of thoughts about it.

In short, I think she’s bi. I can tell that the writers sort of split her sexuality in two, and in the first half of the show wrote her as strictly straight, then in the second strictly gay. Putting them together, you get bisexual (I know bisexuality isn’t “half gay half straight”, what I mean is that she’s experienced attraction to both sexes).

I know she says that she’s gay, and makes jokes about not being into men (people argue this a lot and say “listen to what Willow says!”) but she clearly isn’t gay and is into men. She crushed on both Xander and Giles, was in love with Oz and very clearly enjoyed sex with him. I simply can’t relate to any of that as a lesbian. Even if you want to argue that these crushes were her feeling like she needed to force herself to like men… her reaction to these men either not being interested in her or breaking up with her would not be utter despair like she showed. It probably would’ve been a confusing sense of relief.

I understand and appreciate why the writers didn’t make her canonically bi… first of all, they didn’t want to make it seem like her same sex attraction was “just a college thing” and have her go back to dating men afterwards. Because at the time of recording Buffy, same sex relationships on screen were still taboo—if they let her be bisexual, it would be very easy for them to be told to put her back in a relationship with a man after Tara.

I guess this could’ve been avoided by not killing Tara off, though… but I did enjoy the dark Willow arc and on another note personally don’t agree with the claims that Tara’s death was an example of burying your gays. I think it was clearly done to be tragic and allow the writers to explore Willow’s dark side, not a way to just brush off that Willow was with a woman. Because her whole dark arc had to do with her love for Tara. Anyways…

Ideally, they would’ve just portrayed both homosexuality and bisexuality by giving Willow’s “I’m gay” lines to Tara and Kennedy, and letting Willow explicitly state that she’s into both men and women. But I can see how if they did this, it would open doors for higher ups to say “okay, now you have to give her a boyfriend” which wasn’t what they wanted for her. And then Kennedy wouldn’t have been in the picture. So I think that not making her bisexual was less of “we don’t understand bisexuals”, and more of “we want to ensure that this character only dates her own sex, and don’t want to give anyone a way out of this decision”.

So tbh if that was the case, I think they should’ve introduced a new character without a history of being attracted to the opposite sex to be their gay character. Because Willow clearly was not written in earlier seasons to be gay, which makes it really jarring to suddenly have her being all “uh, gay now!” (For those who haven’t watched the show, she literally says that. This isn’t me being vaguely homophobic, it’s her lol). I think both gay and bi viewers deserved better than to have had The Gay Character seem like she was only made gay because her name was pulled from a hat at the “who’s gonna be gay” board meeting.

We should’ve gotten to see her dealing with her sexuality from the start. We could’ve had Willow silently crushing on a girl—maybe Buffy, maybe Cordelia, maybe Faith— but doing what most young SSA girls do and hiding it. Or she could’ve been all “I’m not interested in dating, I’m focused on school” (which fits both her character, and the teen lesbian who’s “too mature” to be boy crazy but really she’s just gay), until Tara comes along.

What I’m trying to say is that I really wish they’d gone into the show knowing they wanted Willow to be gay. From what I’ve seen floating around, they originally thought Xander would be the gay one, and eventually changed their minds? (Which explains the storyline with Larry thinking he was gay after Xander helped him come out) Either way it sounds like they had it in their minds that they’d have a Gay One but just didn’t know who. They should’ve understood that they can’t just decide to make a character gay halfway through a show after making them appear straight. There’s little hints that should be thrown in that gay and bi audiences will pick up on.

The writer’s intentions were good… but they clearly didn’t understand how complex homosexuality is as an experience, and didn’t care to think a little harder about what it looks like to have a woman enjoy sex with a man then later call herself gay. I think it’s been said that if the show was written now, Willow would’ve been canonically bi. And I think she would’ve been then, too, if the writers hadn’t been worried about being bullied into giving her another male partner.

#asks #anon

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mouseratz · 1 year

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I will say a major reason I never finished watching Buffy is That One S6 Scene. I didn't finish s7 directly because it made me feel like the show didn't care about the characters like I did.

SPOILERS & CW FOR SA

I just feel even if they wanted to show that Spike was still monstrous and bad for Buffy, there were ways to do it that didn't include an honest to god rape scene. It felt like it was done to disgust the viewer without any regard for character consistency or respect for Buffy herself; they would never have done that for a male character.

They did it because god forbid a show have a primary female character that doesn't get sexually assaulted outright. It was sexist writing in my opinion for that reason, because any other number of conflicts would've been considered first if the roles had been reversed (ie, a female monstrous character & a male protagonist).

They abused and traumatized Buffy FOR the sake of Spike's development (this event being why he wanted his soul back), in a season where Buffy was already constantly being hurt and abused in other ways (AND they had already buried one of their gays for reasons I don't understand other than I guess they thought evil willow was cool. can it be considered fridging in a same-sex couple?).

It was just....miserable. I also don't understand why they broke up Xander and Anya, either, because him flaking seemed ooc (maybe not in seasons one or two, but season 6 or 7? he had gone through too much development for that to be justified). Overall, this is why I feel the show dropped off despite not actually being awful exactly, it felt like buffy as a show hated you as a viewer and was punishing you for wanting good things to happen to the characters you liked. There's no other word for it than a miserable experience.

#btvs

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samsdawn · 2 years

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KE SPOILERS

You know the issue is ? We have been here before . Again and again , they give us happiness for the lesbian couple then right at end they kill for nothing more than shock. That's it. As I said before bly manor did well by kinda leading into it and explaining but this is taking us right back to Buffy the vampire slayer , the 100 , ect. This isn't a kill because of good story telling , this is a kill because the writer needed something to make the audience gasp. Well guess what , well done. You've done it. You shocked us . At the same time you've gone right back into the bury your gays trope , right back into the killing queer characters for shock trope .

This isn't about our favourite character dying. It's about the fact that we have seen this over and over again

#killing eve #villaneve #lgbt #killingeve

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herinsectreflection · 3 years

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The Inherent Queerness of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I don’t think it’s any secret that Buffy is extremely popular among LGBTQ people. I couldn’t find any demographic statistics to back this up, but I feel it’s pretty self-evident. Just from having been in the fandom for over a decade, it has always felt like a more queer-dominated space than many other fandoms. Two of the biggest Buffy podcasts out there are helmed by two queer women and a gay man respectively. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you, reading this right now, are some manner of queer, and I bet I’d be right at least half the time. And I think this is for good reason. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is, at its core, an intensely queer show.

Now, I don’t mean just in regards to the representation, but let’s get that out of the way. The early years had Larry and pretty heavy subtext with Faith. Then S4 hits, and we get Willow’s coming out and Tara’s introduction. S5 gives us their first on-screen kiss - the first lesbian kiss on the network. S6 gives us more overt sexual intimacy between Willow and Tara, and S7 adds Kennedy and Andrew into the mix.

There are some ~problematic~ elements to the representation of almost all of these characters. Larry employs the trope of “homophobe/misogynist is only that way because they’re secretly gay”, and is later killed off. Faith’s seduction of Buffy is simultaneously a “seduction to the dark side” of hedonism and selfishness and also a literal seduction, which binds her implied bisexuality to her villainism. Tara and Willow’s relationship is aggressively chaste compared to the other heterosexual couples on the show, and Tara’s death is very much a Bury Your Gays moment. Andrew’s sexuality is almost exclusively limited to jokes. There are no trans, ace, or explicitly bisexual people.

And this isn’t just looking back from 2021 and saying this, as if people didn’t know any better. Queer people have been pointing this out for decades. We didn’t have the same cultural awareness and vocabulary surround Bury Your Gays back in 2002, but people were absolutely aware of the disproportionate killing off of queer characters, and they talked about it in regards to Buffy.

But, in the same way that you can’t judge a Jane Austen novel by the feminist standards of 2021 you can’t really judge a show from 1997 by the same standards as you would judge a show that aired today. That way leads madness, and ignores how these pieces of media pushed hard against the progressive boundaries of their own time. The Willow/Tara romance was huge. It can’t be overstated how revolutionary it was to not only have a proudly lesbian main character, have a same-sex couple treated with the same respect and seriousness as the opposite-sex couples. They got to kiss less, but the creators fought ferociously for every bit of physical intimacy we did get. Even Tara’s death was its own kind of respect, given how Whedon ends literally every other couple throughout his career in similar tragedy.

This is all a roundabout way of saying that the queer representation in Buffy is both exceptional, brilliant, and also aggressively flawed and insufficient. So while having this representation is a big appeal to queer viewers, I don’t think it wholly explains why Buffy specifically has such staying powers, means so much to many queer people, and continues to appeal so strongly to new and younger viewers today, even though many current shows have better or at least as good queer representation. It would not be enough for the show to simply have queer characters. Rather, the show has staying power because it is a queer show at its core.

Buffy Summers is a queer character from the get-go. I don’t mean that she is canonically queer; I personally read her as bisexual, and the comics have her in a brief relationship with a woman, but looking at the show in isolation and its explicit statements, Buffy Summers is not confirmed as anything other than straight. But what she is, when the show starts, is a teenage girl who has recently discovered that she is different. She is grappling, partially in denial, with a part of herself that she is forced to keep secret. She didn’t choose it, and it totally upends the “normal” all-American life that she thought she was going to have. All of this is a very non-normative, very queer experience.

It’s not just having a secret identity that makes this feel gay. I’m sure there are people out there who have done excellent queer readings of Superman or Batman, but Clark Kent does not stand out as a queer icon in the same way that Buffy Summers does. Most versions of Superman evoke the immigrant and Jewish experiences more - being a story about a man with an ethnic background different to the people around him. But Buffy’s story is about a girl whose own perception of herself and her future is radically changed in adolescence. She is not a secret child of an ancient race known as Slayers. She is just like everyone around her, but in one specific way very different, and that changes her whole outlook. This is not a universal for queer people during adolescence, but it is an extremely common one.

Buffy’s secret identity is purposefully linked to queerness through dialogue too. Her “coming out” as a Slayer to Joyce in Becoming is the most clear and obvious in this regard. “Honey, a-are you sure you're a Vampire Slayer?” “I-I mean, have you tried *not* being a Slayer?” “It's because you didn't have a strong father figure, isn't it?”

This is not an isolated example, and there are many other moments throughout the show (“I've tried to march in The Slayer Pride Parade” in Dead Man’s Party being perhaps the most on-the-nose use of the allegory) that reinforce this correspondence of being a Slayer and being a Gay. And so queerness becomes baked right in with the premise of the show. Buffy’s experience of being a powerful Slayer while also being hidden and powerless as a teenager, is the experience of being gay and also an invisible and powerless teenager.

If there’s one theme that’s constant with Buffy Summers, it’s the theme of isolation. She is apart from the world in many different ways. She is forced to exist outside of mainstream society because of their refusal to acknowledge a world that very clearly and obviously exists. She feels disconnected from her closest friends, because despite their love for her they cannot understand the specific and unique stresses she is under. And she is dissociated from herself, because of her depression and desire to perform a competency she feels she lacks. Her life is inherently unconventional, and that pushes a girl who already feels alone to a more isolated place, more and more as time goes on.

Being a queer teenager is a profoundly isolating ordeal. To get personal for a moment - I am a bisexual trans girl who grew up in a small town in the 90s and 00s. “Gay” was used universally as a synonym for “shitty”, sitcoms used gay panic as a punchline every other episode, Ace Ventura existed. I knew no out queer people in real life, and any non-straight person in any piece of media was viewed as controversial at best, and more commonly as a dangerous attempt to pervert children’s minds and turn them all into Satanists. My teenage years were a hellish spiral of repression, suicidal ideation, and depression. That’s not a sob story, it’s just how it was. The important part is that it was at this period of my life, that I discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

To say that this show was important to me would be an understatement. It spoke to me at a time that I was unable to speak truthfully to anyone. I felt understood by this show in a way that I knew nobody in my life would’ve understood me. It was a friend, telling me that I wasn’t the only one who felt like this, and that I could get through it. Sure, that’s not an entirely healthy relationship to a piece of media, but hey, I was not in a healthy mental state. I do genuinely wonder if I would be alive today if I hadn’t found this show. And importantly, my story is not remotely unique or special. I’ve spoken to many other people who have felt similarly, who have felt the show speaks to them on a fundamental level, and have used it to get through difficult times. This series has that power.

I think what Buffy captured so well was the gap between knowledge and communication. The haunting chasm between what you know in your head and what you are capable of saying out loud. She wasn’t just resistant to sharing her secret identity to keep her loved ones secret, she also just lacked the vocabulary to articulate her situation. There is no guidebook to coming out, whether as gay or as a vampire slayer. There was a consistent and conspicuous silence when Buffy interacted with anyone outside her circle, who she wasn’t “out” to. Every adult and authority figure not tied to the supernatural spoke to her with assumed wisdom. Everyone from the spiteful little tyrants like Snyder to the more well-meaning Joyce, they all spoke with a crushing confidence that they totally understood what Buffy was going through, when the reality was that they were totally, woefully ignorant of the reality in front of them. Joyce spoke to Buffy assuming she was a “normal” teenager with the same misplaced confidence she spoke to Willow and Tara with when she assumed they were straight in Buffy vs Dracula. Buffy has a unique interest in those tiny tragedies that stems from these gaps in communication.

Buffy: Mom, that's the last thing that I want, too. I'm trying, I really am. I just... I have a lot of pressure on me right now. Joyce (patronisingly): Wait till you get a job. Sleep tight. Buffy (to herself, looking at her hidden stash of gay magazines stakes and holy water): I have a job. - 2x02, School Hard

Importantly, in the case of Joyce and the occasional friendly teacher Buffy would have, this was not out of malice, but due to them just simply not having any consideration towards anything outside their existing frame of reference. There are sadly many queer people out there who suffer with exceedingly shit parents that are more like Tara’s dad, but I think a lot of queer people’s parental experience is closer to Joyce - the straight mother who’s never known any queer person in their entire life, and are totally Not Against That Kind Of Thing, but are shocked that their own child could be anything other than straight. As Buffy and Joyce’s relationship develops, it continues to evoke this idea of a clueless parent trying to understand their child’s “unique lifestyle”, while said child is just too exhausted to be a full-time educator on the subject. Buffy: Mom, what are you doing here? Joyce: I brought you a snack. I thought it was about time for me to come out and watch. Y-you know, the slaying. Buffy: You know, the slaying is kind of an alone thing. Joyce: But it's such a big part of your life, and I'd like to understand it. It's, um, you know, something we could share. Buffy: A-actually, it's pretty dull, you know, it's (distracted) bam boom stick... poof. - 3x11, Gingerbread

And though this repeated tableau is most prevalent in the early seasons, when Buffy is hiding from her mother, it reoccurs throughout the show. Everyone from university lecturers to fast food managers to social workers make assumptions and tiny judgements based on absurdly incomplete information, and Buffy constantly has to tread this line of explaining herself in a socially acceptable way

It’s not just authority figures that Buffy has to hide her Big Secret from, it’s also her peers. Although they show her appreciation in The Prom, for most of the first three seasons, Buffy’s classmates regard her as kind of a freak - a weirdo, an outsider. A whole load of rumours surround her, and Conversations With Dead People confirms even that this included rumours about her sexuality. The only people who she can be comfortable around are the small, tight-knit group of fellow outcasts that she is out to. Said group is made up mostly of other supernatural-adjacent people - a witch, a werewolf, a watcher - who all have different experiences but can understand each other in a way that “normal” people can’t - in the same way that queer kids in real life will gravitate towards each other for solidarity.

Willow and Xander are pretty queer characters in their own regard, and not just because Willow is later confirmed as a lesbian (and a coming out story for Xander was also considered by the writers). In much the same way as Buffy, they are outcasts with difficult relationships with their parents, who find comfort in this small group of similarly misfit people. Just the act of being non-normative and unpopular is kind of inherently queer. Giles in this metaphor takes the form of an elder gay; a man with much more knowledge and experience with the supernatural/queer world, who takes these younger gays under his wing. Cordelia’s S2 arc, realising she is attracted to someone she never thought she would be and losing her old friends because of that, is its own kind of coming out story.

But Buffy is the main character and she is the main catalyst for this queer vision of the show. And you can look at Buffy herself as queer. I mentioned earlier that I personally read Buffy Summers as bisexual, and while that is obviously part personal projection and convenient for my shipping preferences, I think it’s an interpretation that is backed up by parts of the text. Her relationship with Faith is one that plays out very much like an actual fling - subtext that was confirmed by multiple writers and actors as being very intentional. The Faith arc in S3 is structured in a very similar way to the Angel arc of S2 - as a tragic romance, and stuffed full of romantic coding and sexual imagery. It is entirely reasonable to read Buffy as being attracted to Faith - her attraction is canonical, and that attractio being romantic and/or sexual is intentional subtext. There are a few examples in the later seasons too than specifically bring up the idea of other people believing Buffy is queer - Holden in Conversations With Dead People suggests that this was a common belief in high school, and the social worker in Gone assumes that she and Willow are a couple. And then of course there are the comics. It’s an idea that the show does like to return to.

But ultimately, the idea of a queer Buffy Summers works best on a purely metaphorical level - which makes sense for a show so deeply steeped in metaphor. The high school years centre largely on Buffy coming into her own and accepting her destiny as a Slayer. This is of course in many ways a metaphor for coming into adulthood, but since slayerhood is also consistently portrayed as queerness, you can also read S1-3 as Buffy accepting and coming out as gay.

In S1, she pulls away and tries to deny who she is. Queer people coming into their identity is its own kind of Hero’s Journey, and Buffy’s Refusal of the Call in episode one can be seen as a queer teenager repressing their sexuality. One of the hardest parts of coming to terms with a non-normative sexuality or gender identity is realising that the vision that society assumes is a universal happy ending - a cis man and a cis woman in a monogamous marriage with 2.4 children - is something that you are never going to experience. You do not get that life. If you did, it would be inauthentic, a grotesque simulacrum. Buffy is realising the same thing - that the life and future she envisioned for herself is something she cannot achieve. She tries to reject her identity, to ignore her metaphorical queerness and cling to the image of her old life. But as Willow points out in Prophecy Girl, that world is not theirs anymore. The world they live in now is something different, and they must confront that.

S2 shows her coming more fully to terms with herself. She meets another lesbian slayer, and draws comfort from knowing that she’s not the only person like her. Her forbidden and non-normative relationship becomes more intense. And of course, she comes out to her mother at the end of the season. Her forbidden romance with Angel - a slayer in love with a vampire - is not framed in a way that feels particularly queer, but it remains that any kind of love that is unconventional and viewed as doomed by society always inherently has a tinge of queerness to it. Interestingly, later seasons trade on this idea a little more. Her relationship with Spike in S6 is one that Buffy feels shame over, and when she reveals it to Tara - a lesbian - it is explicitly described as a “coming out”.

But her relationship ends in tragedy, which causes her to leave and abandon her identity. In order to reclaim her name, she must also reclaim her queer identity, as the two are inextricable at this point (“I’m Buffy. The Vampire Slayer. And you are?”). Into S3, Buffy finds herself simultaneously drawn to and pulling away from Faith, a version of herself who has more explicitly embraced her identity as a lesbian slayer. Her flirtation with the dark parts of herself is sub-textually an actual flirtation with another woman, who continually tells her that they are more alike than Buffy says. You can argue about the unfortunate implications of Faith’s hedonism being sub-textually linked with lesbianism, but either way, it’s still there.

We could go on cherry-picking more things that can fit this paradigm, but instead let’s bring the focus back to why this in particular is so resonant to queer viewers. After all, there are other shows with ragtag misfits and secret identities, and to be honest you can apply gay goggles to most media. I think this is where Whedon’s fondness for tragedy, but ultimate hopefulness, transmutes this metaphor into something that really sticks with people. One thing that Buffy is exceptionally good at reminding us is that life really sucks. Profoundly, sucks. Sometimes the worst thing happens at the worst moments. Sometimes all you have are bad choices. Most of the time, life is simply relentless, hard, and cruel. Sorrows come at you in battalions, and nobody around you understands your pain, because they’re so full of it too. S6 obviously springs to mind in this regard, but it’s a core part of the show. Seasons 2 and 3 are slow-motion tragedies that force Buffy into killing someone she cares about. S5 is all about the inescapable coil of mortality and dissociation from reality that comes from living in this absurd world.

“Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day.” - Buffy, 3x10 Amends

“If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.” - Buffy, 3x18 Earshot

“Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.” - Buffy, 5x22 The Gift

“Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. It's living.” - Spike, 6x07 Once More With Feeling

There is an honesty to Buffy the Vampire Slayer that sets it above cosier shows. It opens up the howling abyss that life can often feel like, and shows it to us. But at the same time, it never veers into grimdark or nihilism (in the colloquial sense - it very much does veer into Nihilism in the academic sense). It presents these tragedies as harsh truths, not meant to punish or torture us, but to remind us that we’re not alone in struggling with this. So these moments can also be genuinely uplifting, even as they express a deep negativity. They are comforting without concealing the worst of the world. I picked those four quotes as simply four good examples of the show talking about how much life sucks, and only realised afterwards that all four are also specifically examples of one character talking another character down from killing themselves. The characters help each other through the pain by acknowledging the pain, and so do the same for the audience.

The idea of life sucking but also being worth living is a fairly universal experience to be honest, but there’s aspects to it that are very specific to the queer experience. Queer content tends to have a very upbeat, aggressively positive approach to queerness, for obvious reasons. We are literally fighting for our lives in many countries, and we must be aggressive and clear in our messaging that being queer is great actually and is something we should shout proudly from the rooftops. In media, we are battling against decades of propaganda and forced executions of queer characters, so of course we want to create a bunch of happy and proud gays in response. But the side-effect of that is that it does leave less space to talk about how being queer does kind of suck sometimes. It’s exhausting to have to repeatedly explain and justify your existence to everyone. It’s isolating to have an identity that is not reflected by the heterocisnormative word around you. It’s painful to grow up feeling like your own emotions are incorrect. I am proud of being trans and bi, and I would not change who I am in a million years, but being trans and bi has demonstrably and materially made my life harder. My teenage years were worse specifically because of my gender and sexuality. This is the case for most queer people - it’s life on a higher difficulty setting.

Buffy’s life is made harder because she is the Slayer. Her teenage years are pretty clearly worse than most peoples, because of her metaphorical queerness. But it’s also a source of power, and identity. She is exhausted by it, but also draws strength from it. This is not dissimilar to the relationship many people have with their sexuality. Especially as we get into seasons 3 and 4, Buffy speaks with pride about being a Slayer - she has moved beyond denying who she is, but the show also acknowledges how stressful and isolating the experience is. It doesn’t let us off easy by treating Slayer powers as either an uncomplicated symbol of empowerment and #girlboss awesomeness, or as a tragic and awful curse. Buffy’s straddling of the Nihilistic tightrope captures the ambivalence that sometimes comes with being queer (or for that matter, being a woman, but that’s a different essay).

In S5, Buffy decides she needs to learn more about her metaphorical queerness, and asks the elder gay Giles for guidance. She has taken the next step, from accepting her internal self to interrogating it. But the relentless sorrows of real life get in the way of the introspection. She gains understanding of herself and suffering, but she does not achieve nirvana. By the end of the season, she speaks with the fond weariness of someone who is fully confident in who they are, and this point kind of just wants to be left alone. I think of that lovely opening scene in The Gift, where Buffy is disappointed and surprised that the vampire she’s fighting doesn’t know she’s gay a slayer, and kind of shows off about it - but at the end, the guy she saves that she’s “just a girl”, and she just sadly agrees. She is an out and proud Slayer, but she’s also a girl who just wants a sit down and maybe a nap. Honestly, I can relate.

In S6, Buffy’s status as the Slayer has morphed from her main source of angst to just one Thing on the increasing pile of Things that Buffy has to deal with. Again, this is much like the experience many queer people have between adolescence and adulthood. When I was a teenager, my number one all-consuming fears stemmed from my gender dysphoria. Now as I near 30, my government is stripping rights away from transgender people and it’s somewhere in the middle of my current concerns, between “ugh, that bill was a lot higher than I expected it to be” and “shit, I forgot to send that e-mail because I spent half my work day writing a 4000 word Buffy the Vampire Slayer essay”. It is not something that has stopped causing her problems, but it’s just part of her life and who she is now.

The final season charges Buffy with taking care of a bunch of Baby Gays, and impart her acquired wisdom onto them. But she struggles. She has innate knowledge of what her queer life is like, but she cannot verbalise it. It is pretty impossible sometimes to explain a part of yourself to someone who has not experienced that, after all. The only person Buffy is actually able to communicate her specific experiences with is Faith, the only other Slayer, much how there is often an understanding between two trans people or two gay people or two ace people, that often only people with those same experiences can comprehend yours. Eventually, Buffy finds that the only way she can relieve this burden, is to spread her gift, and live in a world where there really are other people like her. She fights through all the difficulties and harshness and judgements, and brings about a better world through owning and sharing her identity.

At the end of the day, Buffy is not a queer show because there are queer characters, or because being a Slayer is often metaphorically linked to being gay. It’s a queer show because it’s a story about feeling alone. A story about having an experience that nobody else can understand, and dealing with that. A story about feeling at war with yourself. It is intimately familiar with uncomfortable silences and incorrect assumptions, with the micro-aggressions of teenage life that are magnified for queer teens and slayers alike. It understands how part of your own identity can be an essential source of strength and a source of stress. It puts a gentle arm around the viewer and reminds them that they’re not alone. It does not whitewash the pain of existence, but in acknowledging it, helps us deal with it. It is existentialist comfort food for anyone who’s ever felt different, or rejected, or isolated. It’s for the queers.

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #meta #general #queer analysis #buffy summers #cw suicide

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calenlily · 3 years

Text

BtVS Sexuality Headcanons

(Aka everyone on this show is bi)

Buffy: bi; there is no heterosexual explanation for Buffy and Faith

Faith: bi, or more likely homoromantic bisexual; see above

Willow: explicitly canonically queer, motherfuckers! (on this blog we stan bi!Willow, because her feelings for guys feel too real to me to dismiss as comphet, and also I’m a bi who identifies with her way too hard, but lesbian!Willow is also super valid)

Xander: so many signs of homoerotic attraction, but buried under so much internalized homophobia he’ll probably never come out to himself so I’m not sure whether to actually count him as bi

Giles: bi; we all know Ethan Rayne is his ex

Angel: all vampires are bi, I don’t make the rules; also there is no heterosexual explanation for Angel and Spike

Spike: see above

Darla: all vampires are bi, I don’t make the rules

Drusilla: all vampires are bi, I don’t make the rules

Riley: the straights can have him

Dawn: too soon to tell (but bi wouldn’t be a bad guess)

Oz: bi; just kinda gives that vibe

Tara: explicitly canonically lesbian

Cordelia: might be straight, but I could definitely be convinced otherwise; possible hints of a crush on Buffy

Anya: heteroflexible; don’t tell me she’s never hooked up with a chick in 1100 years of avenging men’s wrongs

Jenny Calendar: bi; I’ve never met a straight person who goes to Burning Man, and besides she just kinda gives that vibe

Andrew: so very, very gay (and possessed of the literal worst taste in men)

#QED #btvs #setting the record straight #setting the record queer #no heterosexual explanation

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zutaralesbian · 3 years

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top 5 non-canon ships you'd make canon, top 5 characters you'd save from dying

Thanks! :)

Top 5 non-canon ships you'd make canon:

1. Zuko and Katara (ATLA)

Well, this one is kinda complicated I guess lol. I obviously wish they were canon but at the same time I do kind of think it's a good thing they aren't? As much as I love ATLA I think it sucked at handling romance (with the exception of Sukka) so the writers may have very well handled Zutara badly if it had been canon. Plus the ship not being canon is at least partially why it has the amazing fanworks that it does. Still in my eyes they are the greatest ship that never was!

2. Buffy & Faith (BTVS)

The enemies to lovers are that should have happened.

3. Damon & Bonnie (TVD)

This is another case of 'the writers probably would have fucked it up if it was canon' scenario but idc the reaction from the DE fan base alone with have been worth it lmao. And Bonnie deserved to have a romance with a character she had chemistry with and wasn't irrelevant.

4. Grace & Frankie (G&F)

This is one that actually kind of frustrates me because it so clearly SHOULD be canon. The subtext is all there. But the writers are probably cowards and think that one gay couple on the show is enough.

5. ???? I think that's it for major ships. Most of my otps are at least canon if not endgame. But shout outs to Fiona/Nessa (Shameless US), Lola/Elizabeth (Reign), and Bonnie/Nora (TVD)

Top 5 characters you'd save from dying:

1. Eleanor Guthrie (Black Sails)

Honestly while Black Sails is overall a pretty solid show, I don't think I'll ever be able to do a full rewatch again and one of the reasons is because the treatment of Eleanor makes me too angry lmao. Paired off with two awful men and then made pregnant just so her death would be more 'painful' for her awful husband. Eleanor deserved better and fuck the Black Sails fandom for always justifying her treatment in the final season.

2. Tara Knowles (Sons of Anarchy)

God another one that makes me see red when I think about it. She was killed for Jax's man pain even though he treated her like shit for 95% of their onscreen relationship. They had her killed in such a needlessly brutal way. They had Gemma be the one to kill her (who used to be my second favorite character on the show) and ruined the great a nd complex Tara/Gemma dynamic they had going in the first four seasons. Basically this death destroyed multiple things for me.

Also Jax's overall character arc would have been 100% more powerful if Tara had lived. Just imagine him finding a way to help Tara be able to take the kids and run. But he doesn't follow them because he realizes he's become too much of a monster and wants them to be safe. Like, that actually would have made me feel something for him.

3. Poussey Washington (OITNB)

The show was going downhill before it happened but her death was the final nail in the coffin for me. I could never enjoy it the same way again. They killed her when she was finally finding happiness again :(

Also, while I don't want to speak too much on the message they were trying to send with her death since I am white, I was pretty uncomfortable that they spent so much time on trying to make everyone feel sorry for the guard that killed her in the season afterwards.

4. Finnick Odair (The Hunger Games)

Suzanne Collins killed him off because she knew he was a fan favorite and wanted to make Mockingjay as depressing as possible. So needless. And another character that died right as he was finding some happiness :(

5. Tara Maclay (BTVS)

One of the older victims of the bury your gays trope. A sweetheart who deserved better :( While my feelings about Tillow are complicated after the shit Willow pulled in S6, I still kind of think they should have been endgame you know?

Honorable mentions: Glenn Rhee (TWD), Carl Grimes (TWD), Catelyn Stark (asoiaf), Miranda Barlow (Black Sails), Adam Torres (Degrassi)

While I may not have changed the fact that Padme died in Star Wars (just because her death is kind of narratively important) I would change the way she died. George Lucas really wanted me to believe that she 'lost the will to live' because Anakin fell to the dark side????? Nah. She deserved to go out like a boss. I follow the theory that Palpatine killed her via the force by draining her life source to revive Anakin as Darth Vader, but that's not technically canon.

#stevensisobel #answered

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fallingtowers · 3 years

Text

i GUESS i’m throwing stones in glass houses by mocking supernatural given the fact that i am a fucking buffy the vampire slayer stan but look yeah btvs buried its gays too and it fucking sucked but at least the gays got to kiss before that happened

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eugeniedanglars · 3 years

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h-hold up... i'm so confused i thought spn ended years ago? i know there was a """"gay confession"""" followed by immediately burying castiel, can you explain in baby words to me wtf goes on, i stopped watching after s7???

"i thought spn ended years ago” god i wish that were me

i also have not watched the show in many years (7 of them, in fact) but here’s my understanding of what the fuck is happening with supernatural:

spn was supposed to end this past spring after season 15 but production of the last few episodes got put on hold because of the pandemic, so they didn’t finish filming them until the fall and they’re airing now. i think this was the third-to-last episode?

cas made a deal with, uh, something? i have no idea what or who. the deal is, i guess, that if he ever feels truly happy he gets sent to “the empty” which sounds like something from that magnus archives podcast i keep hearing about but is actually the super hell that angels and demons go to when they die, or something? except i think i heard that everyone in the world except the main characters is in the empty now? also cas’ deal might have been with the empty itself, which like... is it tartarus, like it’s a place and a being all at once? who knows? not me

the point is cas has the exact same deal as angel’s curse from buffy the vampire slayer

cas’ moment of true happiness was the love confession that got no reaction. people seem to be split on whether the reaction was just homophobia or emotional repression. based on my memory of dean’s character i think you could make a case for either, and i have not actually made myself watch the scene to form my own opinion

the clips of a fiery body plummeting through a cgi tunnel that looks like the doctor who opening which a lot of people have used to represent cas’ fall into super hell are actually from the movie spawn, i think. cas actually got eaten by a ball of cgi black sludge

i saw someone say cas made the deal to save his son, which ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

remember the character chuck, the writer who was implied to also be god? the one who got that really cool ambiguous ending where he just vanished after writing the final line of the story in like season 5 or whatever? anyways he came back at some point and he’s definitely god and also he’s evil now and the reason everyone’s in turbo hell

there’s someone named billie and she’s evil i guess but i’ve never seen a picture of her so i’m just assuming it’s billie eilish

there’s someone named jack who’s like....... sam and dean’s brother, maybe? didn’t they already have a secret third brother named adam?

felicia day’s character charlie is back so that’s cool. i guess her girlfriend was among those who got sent to turbo hell by chuck

i still don’t know why cas had to send himself to turbo hell right at that moment

typing this all out has made me realize i really truly do not understand a single fucking thing happening on the television show supernatural lmao

#canon homophobic destiel for ts #hiwymi #ask

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fandomshatelgbtqpeople · 4 years

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I was watching season 1 of a show called the Magacians and I do not like that a black lesbian disabled women died. I know she chose to die, but she could be communicated with telepathically. Couldn’t she found something too-? I do not know. I wanted her to live. I liked her. I read a spoiler about Quintin in season 5 I do not like. I guess the show is less homophobic sexist than the Chronicals of Narnia and Harry Potter.

I have very mixed opinions on the magicians

The Magicians included many queer characters, more than a lot of shows(Quentin, Margo and Eliot, all identifying somewhere on the bi/pan spectrum) but it is also very guilty of the bury your gays tropes. I don't want to spoil the show for anyone who plans to watch because it does do a decent job at representation in some respects and I do appreciate the diverse protrayls of bisexuality. However they do also kill two queer women, one being a disabled black woman, in the first episode and that is by far not the most egregious instance of the trope in the show

Spoilers below:

The more egregious instance being killing off Quentin under the guise of being progressive. The writers made a big deal about how it was progressive to kill off the white cis-male lead but they did not acknowledge that he's also neurodivergent and bisexual and that is important and valuable representation. Not to mention the inplication of taking a character that has struggled with mental illness and has attempted suicide before and imply that death somehow brought meaning to his life. How does make viewers who saw themselves in his mental health struggles feel. It’s alot. I’m not doing the best job of explaining this but this article really summarizes everything.

I am very much of the belief that most shows with multiple queer characters are not subject to the bury your gay tropes. This is to say that Tara’s death in Buffy is an example of this trope but Ianto dying on Torchwood is not because the majority of the characters are queer. However, I feel like Magicians is an exception to that rule. When John McNamara, one of the show’s executive producers, is saying in interviews “ it's kind of great that at last, the white male lead on a show is no longer safe” when explaining their decision to kill of their main character, a bisexual, neurodivergent man, in a landscape that is still pretty sparse on representation of characters like that, and then acting like it was a progressive and revolutionary decision, I have to label it as it is and call it burying your gays. It is disrespectful to lgbtq+ audiences to label it anything else.

Heres’s the link to the interview for anyone who’s interested:

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/magicians-season-4-finale-death-explained-jason-ralph-exits-1202736

-Mod J

#anonymous #asks #the magicians #bury your gays #mod j

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toast-connoisseur · 3 years

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ALL of the Ask Me Stuff questions

* 1: Full name: For safety purposes I’ll shorten it: Maria Barbara Gonzalez (yes, that’s the shortened version. I’m Mexican lol)

* 2: Age: 25

* 3: 3 Fears: Being buried alive, anything bad happening to a loved one, SPIDERS

* 4: 3 things I love: My family, my friends, movies

* 5: 4 turn ons: soft touches, kissing, making me food, a confident personality

* 6: 4 turn offs: Overly cocky people, racists, chewing with your mouth open

* 7: My best friend: I’m lucky to have several and I love them all with the individual pieces of my heart they each own

* 8: Sexual orientation: Queer/Gay

* 9: My best first date: I don’t think I’ve ever really gone on one tbh lol

* 10: How tall am I: 5’1 (barely make it to the 1)

* 11: What do I miss: Bars/clubs and Disneyland. Hugging people. Not losing so many people on a daily basis...

* 12: What time was I born: 3:38AM

* 13: Favourite color: Blood red (NOT maroon)

* 14: Do I have a crush: I always crush on random girls

* 15: Favourite quote: “Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I’m yours forever.”

* 16: Favourite place: It was once Disneyland now, I don’t really have a place lol

* 17: Favourite food: All of it. Of course Mexican food takes the top of the list though

* 18: Do I use sarcasm: Noooo, you think?!

* 19: What am I listening to right now: I’m watching Buffy

* 20: First thing I notice in new person: What vibes you’re giving off

* 21: Shoe size: 7 for the most part but sometimes I can fit into size 4 kid shoes

* 22: Eye color: Dark brown

* 23: Hair color: naturally: dark brown, right now: black

* 24: Favourite style of clothing: comfortable but more on the lines of retro/rockabilly

* 25: Ever done a prank call? Yes!

* 27: Meaning behind my URL: I love toast

* 28: Favourite movie: I have so many but one is Saved!

* 29: Favourite song: Lots, but Guilty Pleasure by Cobra Starship

* 30: Favourite band: Avenged Sevenfold

* 31: How I feel right now: Mellow

* 32: Someone I love: my nephew

* 33: My current relationship status: single

* 34: My relationship with my parents: could be better, but it’s there

* 35: Favourite holiday: Halloween

* 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: I have two piercings on each ear, my bellybutton pierced, and 6 tattoos (R foot, R ankle, L thigh, L wrist, L bicep, R bicep)

* 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: I want most of my body covered in tattoos so I have a long way to go. As for piercings, I want at least two more per ear.

* 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: my friends said it would be a good time

* 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I wouldn’t say hate, but we’re not friends anymore

* 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yes!

* 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No

* 42: When did I last hold hands? It’s been too long :(

* 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? I work from home now so 0 minutes

* 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes

* 45: Where am I right now? In my bed

* 46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? My best friends

* 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable usually. I have very sensitive hearing.

* 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? They actually live with me, but it’s temporary.

* 49: Am I excited for anything? My upcoming move

* 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yes, two actually

* 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? -I work Monday-Friday

* 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? -OOF

* 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Hot

* 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? -Everyone has different trust levels tbh. My best friends hold top tier.

* 55: What is something I disliked about today? I had to work

* 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Beyoncé!

* 57: What do I think about most? The future I want

* 58: What’s my strangest talent? I honestly don’t think I have one? I guess being able to mimic certain voices/accents sometimes but I wouldn’t say I’m pro

* 59: Do I have any strange phobias? I don’t think they’re strange, I just hate feet

* 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

* 61: What was the last lie I told? “I’ll work on that”

* 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? It depends who I’m talking to, but phone tbh

* 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Both are very real

* 64: Do I believe in magic? Yes

* 65: Do I believe in luck? To an extent

* 66: What’s the weather like right now? Nice and cold

* 67: What was the last book I’ve read? I strictly read fanfiction lately

* 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Don’t love it, don’t hate it

* 69: Do I have any nicknames? Barbie, Barbs, whore, homo... you know, cute stuff

* 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I split my eyebrow open and had to get stitches

* 71: Do I spend money or save it? Por que no los dos?!

* 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? No, but my best friend can and it’s so cool!

* 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? My sweats are pink

* 74: Favourite animal? I love animals but wolves are pretty top tier

* 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping

* 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Sexy. Mr. Sexy.

* 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? -I Wanna Get Better by the Bleachers

* 78: How can you win my heart? Be nice to me and have good conversations to me and occasionally buy me chocolate

* 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? The entire lyrics to Act Up by City Girls

* 80: What is my favorite word? Motherfucker

* 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I honestly bounce to and from so many. There’s no way I can only pick 5. All the ones I reblog from are so great!

* 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? STOP GOING TO PARTIES

* 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I’m aware of

* 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? I can turn invisible

* 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? None really tbh

* 86: What is my current desktop picture? I made it into a winter wonderland for the holidays

* 87: Had sex? “It’s been 84 years...”

* 88: Bought condoms? I’m gay

* 89: Gotten pregnant? See above

* 90: Failed a class? I think in middle school maybe?

* 91: Kissed a boy? Yes

* 92: Kissed a girl? Yes

* 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Sadly, no

* 94: Had a job? Sadly (but also thankfully since I need money)

* 95: Left the house without my wallet? No

* 96: Bullied someone on the internet? No

* 97: Had sex in public? Yes

* 98: Played on a sports team? Yes

* 99: Smoked weed? Yes

* 100: Did drugs? Yes

* 101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes

* 102: Drank alcohol? Yes

* 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No

* 104: Been overweight? No

* 105: Been underweight? Yes

* 106: Been to a wedding? Yes

* 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 109: Been outside my home country? Yes

* 110: Gotten my heart broken? Sorta but I bounced back pretty quick so idk if that counts

* 111: Been to a professional sports game? Long ago

* 112: Broken a bone? No

* 113: Cut myself? I’m very accident prone

* 114: Been to prom? Yes

* 115: Been in airplane? Yes

* 116: Fly by helicopter? No

* 117: What concerts have I been to? So so so many. I miss them.

* 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? I’m gaaaaaaaay

* 119: Learned another language? I’ve been bilingual since I was a child

* 120: Wore make up? Yes

* 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? No

* 122: Had oral sex? Yes

* 123: Dyed my hair? Yes

* 124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

* 125: Rode in an ambulance? I worked for an ambulance company so just for fun

* 126: Had a surgery? Besides oral?

* 127: Met someone famous? I live in LA, so yes lol

* 128: Stalked someone on a social network? No

* 129: Peed outside? Yes

* 130: Been fishing? No, I’d like to!

* 131: Helped with charity? Yes

* 132: Been rejected by a crush? Fifth grade was a tough year for my love life...

* 133: Broken a mirror? No

* 134: What do I want for birthday? To be able to see all my friends in a safe environment

* 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? I’d like as many as I can comfortably afford. I’d have to discuss with the (future) wife about names

* 136: Was I named after anyone? The Virgin Mary (la Virgen Maria) and some Spanish actress named Barbara something...

* 137: Do I like my handwriting? No

* 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? I loved dolls

* 139: Favourite Tv Show? Bewitched

* 140: Where do I want to live when older? California forever unless properly convinced otherwise

* 141: Play any musical instrument? Used to play trumpet and alto sax. Can’t play anymore lol

* 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? See Q70

* 143: Favourite pizza toping? Pepperoni. I love all sorts of toppings but that’s my fav

* 144: Am I afraid of the dark? No

* 145: Am I afraid of heights? Yes

* 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes

* 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Daily

* 148: What I’m really bad at: Focusing. In my defense, I have ADHD

* 149: What my greatest achievments are: graduating college, getting promoted at work, buying my own car, purchasing a home

* 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I once got told “good luck on the short bus” by a guy that was upset I make more money than he does

* 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: take care of all my bills, invest, and then try to help as many of my loved ones as I could with theirs

* 152: What do I like about myself: my resilience

* 153: My closest Tumblr friend: @itssofragile

* 154: Something I fantasise about: My future

* 155: Any question you’d like? Nah, I think we’re good!

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