18+ / mdi

content: newbf!vernon, based off this quote, appearance from some svt members, afab reader, smut(?), suggestive, etc.

wc: 1848

a/n: this is such an odd premise but it caught my attention so yeah<3

masterlist

"i dont get the joke," seungkwan cocked his head to the side in a questioning manner.

"yeah, april fool's was last month?," added joshua.

"there's no joke. we're dating."

even as you and vernon found yourselves cuddled up on the couch, – in a manner only a couple would intertwine with each other – your friends seemed unimpressed by the mere suggestion of the two of you dating.

"so you've been besties for twelve years and suddenly you're dating? no warning, no nothing? not very believable", answered mingyu, staring at you in nothing short of annoyance.

"why is this so surprising? you guys knew that i had a crush on her," argued vernon, feeling a bit annoyed at the way all his friends were currently staring him down. meanwhile, you appeared to be completely chill as you nuzzled into his side, watching videos on his phone and ignoring the conversation altogether.

"i just don't buy it."

"yeah, i don't get the joke, but i'm not falling for it."

"she's out of your league anyway."

seungkwan, seungcheol and jeonghan all expressed their sentiments to vernon as he groaned in frustration, unable to understand why it was so difficult to accept that he had finally grown the balls to ask you out. alas, he gave up as his friends grew distracted by something else, opting to go back to watching cat videos with you on his phone.

this was a brand new change in your dynamic, so maybe it'd be hard to grasp at first. but it was fine. vernon didn't need his friends to acknowledge his relationship in order to make it real. he'd simply continue to love on you like he'd been doing since you accepted to be his girlfriend, damning any denials from his friends.

~

acting unaffected by his friends' constant refutals of his new relationship proved to be harder than vernon had first anticipated. they'd gone above and beyond to attempt and disprove your relationship, claiming that it simply didn't make any sense.

any time you posted a picture with vernon it'd get spammed with comments from all twelve boys declaring the falsehood of your relationship.

jeonghanieyoon: booo 🍅

joshuacoustic: drop the fake bf and date me instead 😘

dk_is_dokyeom: ok u guys are starting to look believable 🧐

sometimes they'd even respond to vernon's stories about you and slide in his dms just to call him a dumbass for attempting to make this 'a thing' when it was clear you two were lying.

from: pledisboos - stop being a coward and ask her out for real

from: feat.dino - clearly fake. try harder next time!

in retrospect, maybe vernon only had himself to blame for this. after years of liking you, he never once gave any indication of attempting to leave the friendzone. his friends had all given up on hyping him up to confess to you years ago, leaving his crush as a dormant subject of conversation. it was quite sudden how you and vernon ended up together, and your dynamic hadnt changed too much, so your upgrade from friends to lovers was likely not noticeable to the naked eye.

however, this did not excuse the damned booing vernon had to endure any time the two of you walked into a room hand-in-hand. it also did not excuse jeonghan and mingyu's continuous flirting with you – they were doing it to prove a point, they said. and the most frustrating aspect of it all was how nonchalant you were about it all, always giggling along with his friends and never backing vernon up when he'd try and argue with them.

this was quite out of character for vernon. his demeanor had always been extremely chill and laid back, never one to be bothered by any outside forces (much less his dumb friends). you, however, were not helping manners in any way. you found the whole situation funny, telling vernon not to stress over it as you giggled over how passionate both vernon and his friends were about such a benign subject.

so, vernon gave up. he guessed that since you found the running gag about your 'fake' relationship amusing rather than frustrating (as he did), then he would just leave it alone. he was never one for pda anyways, so attempting to prove his relationship to his friends was kind of like beating a dead horse.

what vernon forgot to consider, however, was how nosy his friends were.

when it was time for all fourteen of you to spend the week at mingyu's beach house, he had let his guard down far too much, leading to a situation he'd like to consider both a win and a loss.

despite the sheer size of the beach house, housing fourteen people proved to be quite a difficult task, meaning that roommates were a must. with six rooms, everyone was separated into twos, with two rooms containing one extra roommate each. you and vernon always paired up together with no questions asked, except this time you were teased and mocked as you settled into your rooms, all while they assigned you chan as an extra roommate with the sarcastic intent of him keeping an eye on the two of you – "just want to make sure you don't get down to any funny business," had sad dokyeom in a mocking tone.

it was quite common for everyone but vernon to go out and play some badminton or basketball during these types of outings. he just wasnt a sports guy, and he was well loved despite his lack of participation. you'd occasionally join the guys, but would mostly hang back with vernon, which was what happened this time around. usually, you'd simply lounge around and watch a movie, but now that you were finally together, vernon decided to make better use of your alone time.

"are you sure we should be doing this?", you pulled away with a heavy breath, tilting your head back so vernon's lips could trail down your neck.

"it's fine, baby. they're all busy. they don't even believe we're dating, so they probably just think we're watching a movie," he explained as his hands attempted to get you to sit on his lap.

you didn't seem to need convincing as you slid over onto his lap, allowing his hands to guide your hips against his own. even through the pajamas you were wearing, he was sure you could feel his hardness under you.

"fuck, you're so fucking warm," he murmured as his hands went under your shirt, feeling up your warm skin and throwing it off in the process.

his lips went back to yours, groaning against you as your hips sped up against his own. easily frustrated, he laid you down, bringing down his pants and boxers to his mid thigh and leaving you in just your panties, adjusting his hardness so it'd grind itself perfectly against your clothed folds. the wetness seeping from your panties drove him insane with desire, but he couldn't stop grinding into you, growing easily obsessed with the stimulation. his lips had made their way back to your own, groaning endlessly against them while your hands pulled at his hair in a way that made his eyes cross.

"hmm, nonnie ..." you'd murmur every so often, making his resolve break little by little.

"fuck, is this okay, baby? just- wanna make you cum like this. i'll fuck you, i promise. just feel so fucking good like this," he groaned as you licked into his mouth, refusing to entertain any amount of separation.

eventually he reached down to your tits, tonguing at them like a starved man in search of his next meal. he was shameless in his desire for you, having wanted you for far too long and finally having you all to himself. no other thought occupied his mind at the moment. the touch and sight of your pretty body under his own was all his brain had the capacity of entertaining.

which was how neither of you noticed the boy suddenly intruding the scene, screaming in absolute shock at the nasty sight in front of him.

"oh my god?! you weren't lying?!"

what was even more unfortunate was how chan's yelling immediately alerted the rest of the members (or at least the nosier ones), leading to the door being filled by about seven spectators within seconds.

the only fortunate thing about the situation had been how fast vernon's protective instincts over you took over, covering you up with a blanket the moment he saw chan enter the room, preventing all the nosy men from having a peek at the nudity only vernon was allowed to see (and apparently chan too, as vernon had not noticed his presence until after the fact).

however, even as he covered you up, he left himself completely bare, having to take on all their shocked commentary whilst fully nude, barely able to pull up his boxers a few moments into their intrusion.

"no way, you're actually dating?!"

"either that or they took this joke a little far ..."

"man, channie's gonna be jacking off to this for ages."

"how the fuck did you score her??"

"do you guys want a third?"

these were only a few of the comments thrown at you and vernon within the first twenty seconds of the guys' presence in your room. however, to vernon it felt like a whole hour of scrutiny before he finally shook the shock off and began yelling at them to leave.

"get the fuck out! and never look at my girlfriend again!", he got up and began pushing them out as a few of them giggled at his anger whilst some others remained in shock at the situation.

in the meantime, you had pulled up the blanket over your head as you sat crisscross on the bed, likely too bashful to face the situation until your friends took their leave.

once vernon closed and locked the door, grabbing a pillow and throwing it outside for chan (who would not be allowed back in, by the way), vernon sped to your side, uncovering you, fully worried that you might be mad or petrified at what had just happened. to his surprise, you began laughing the moment you first made eye contact, causing vernon to furrow his eyebrows in question.

"baby, what the fuck? you find this funny?", he wasn't mad, but more so extremely confused.

"you got want you wanted, nonnie. there's no way to deny we're dating now," you grinned, crawling to sit on his lap again.

"god, i take it back. i'll never be able to fuck you again in peace. i was just about to cum, too."

"'was'?", you asked, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and leaning in closer, "you don't wanna anymore?", you tilted your head in fake curiosity.

"i mean-"

"they already know we're fucking. might as well have fun with it. right, nonnie?", you grinned.

chuckling at you, he couldn't help but agree with your horny logic. his boner was still half-there anyways.

"c'mere, baby."

hockey abby 🌀🌀🌀

oh i need her so bad. want her so bad. also ik nothingggg abt hockey so don't beat me up guys.

click for palestine | dont buy tlou | read b4 engaging w me

hockey!abby who's actually a sweetie. beast on the ice. monster of a coach and captain, but such a sweet girlfriend. she's always more than happy to see you out in the stands, wearing her large jersey, cheering her on.

hockey!abby who coaches little league hockey. she loves kids, but they're awful. and by awful, they're actually hilarious. she has to stifle laughter during practice and reprimand them, but once she's home with you she's telling you everything.

hockey!abby who's definitely got a light 'hockey accent.' she denies it with her life. she hasn't got an accent, its you who's got an accent! but you've got videos of her saying "sorry" like a filthy canadian. she swears on her life it's a deepfake video of her. how could you do that to your pretty baby? she trusted you. what's next, fake news of her losing a game? gosh, papparazzi these days.

hockey!abby who brings you out on the ice when she's the only one practicing. slipping skates on your feet carefully, and holding your hand softly. she'd race you but you'd totally lose, and she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings.

hockey!abby who's fights with the ref every chance she gets. she gets heated quick and easy. whenever she loses because of a stupid ref call, you never hear the end of it.

"that ref is a fucking asshole. why's she even a ref? i can do a better job than her." she rolled her eyes.

whenever she's pissed, its easier to butter her up and stroke her ego. "you would, but you're a much better player baby," you take her hand and kiss her pulse point. "besides, i'd miss watching you play on the ice."

she smiles to herself, "when you're right you're right babe." she agrees, humming.

hockey!abby who is always in the penalty box. always swearing off on the ice. she's one of the few female players who does start fights on the ice, and they are brutal. blood flying, helmets clashing, sticks thrashing. she always makes you kiss her bruises better, and you always oblige. smiling against each scab and scolding her when finished.

hockey!abby who is always ending up in tik tok edits and has the most obscene comments. it drives you mad, but it just confuses her. cause her entire page is a shrine of you and your realtionship. she does post herself here and again. gym selfies, post practice drill check ins, once or twice with her hair out. which everyone knows, is a real panty dropper. but they're totally innocent pictures! she's got her eyes on you and you only! she replies to vulgar comments with corny stuff like:

'im happily married!'

'my gf shook her head in disgust when she read this'

'plz stop trying to build a wedge btw me n my girl! our cats won't like this!'

hockey!abby who always goes to speaker events and is incredibly passionate about women in sports. she encourages young girls to get engaged as young as possible. she always wants to uplift morale and increase the amount of girl in sports, especially her sport.

hockey!abby oh hockey!abby.

Say that again

Peeta Mellark x Stripper F. reader

warnings: name calling, smut, dom mike, hard dom, insulting, doggy style, unprotected sex, creampie

Nights usually were not as tense as tonight was, when Peeta had gotten home from his job he got no sleep and of course had to get snotty with you, just because he was tired.

Arguing back and forth to the point of almost screaming just to get their point across, but that wasn’t even the worse part.

Peeta was too tired to argue that he had forgotten what you guys were arguing about making you even more mad, at this point he just kept going to hear his own voice.

But before we get into the arguing currently, the reason the whole argument started was because he insulted your job which of course isn’t that bad but he kept going till he started arguing about the things that you always do wrong.

“Peeta you really should start at least taking a nap before work so that way you dont come home tired.”

“I don’t need your help, Y/n.”

“Oh ok, I was just trying to help, sorry.”

“You should be and I don't want your help just stop being clingy and leave me alone.”

“What is wrong with you, I was just looking out for you.”

“Well don’t it’s not your job, oh speaking of jobs you do yours?”

“I-”

“Exactly what I thought so dont talk to me till you get your priorities straight.”

“You act like I don't have a job.” You said laughing at him

This made him even more pissed, “Oh sorry forgot you get praised by other men by dancing in their face while they put money in your pocket like some filthy piggy bank.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” He said inches away from your face then walked away.

“Atleast they fuck better than you.”

“What did you just say.”

“You heard me.” You said mimicking his tone.

Now both of you guys were just arguing about how you started doing your job, defending yourself he just kept coming at you.

When you both first started dating he knew about your job and he was okay with it, because you were helping out the both of you out with the money.

The part that got him riled up was when you said that they fucked better than he does.

You made a deal with him that you wouldn’t have sex with any of the customers.

That’s why he was screaming at you now.

“So do you just go around whoring which every guy you meet or just your customers.”

“I just was saying that to rile you up.”

“No you weren’t, you know what my ex has better pussy than you.”

“Oh for real.”

“Yeah.”

With that you grabbed your jacket and keys then started walking to the door.

“Where you going?”

“Not like you care or anything but i’m going to my job to find a guy that can dick me down, cause you don’t do shit for me.”

“Bull shit, i always make you cum.”

“Oh but apparently you also make your ex cum too, so go fuck her.”

“No Y/n I didn’t mean it.”

“Nah you good, i’m pretty sure there are gonna be cute guys there too. I mean there always is and guess who always gets them, ME.”

Grabbing the door knob you started to put your jacket on and leave to go to your car, you knew that you weren’t going to do any of the things you were taking about.

But you just wanted to see if he actually cared.

He grabbed you hand before you left and threatened you saying.

“If you go fuck some guy i’m fucking my ex and sending a video to you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too.”

He held the sides of your face and placed a hard and passionate kiss, he kept kissing you and occasionally biting your lip in the process.

“Ow, Peeta what the fuck.”

“Just shut up and enjoy.”

“How can I you can’t even make me cum.”

“Wanna test that out.”

You laughed in his face riling him up even more than he already is, he pins you against the door and humps his hard on, on your thigh.

“This is what is going to be making you beg that you never said that.”

“Yeah… Okay.” You said laughing again

He continued kissing you roughly and biting your lips and sneaking his tongue into your mouth.

Humping his hard cock on your thigh feeling it twitching, you try your hardest not to give in to his needs.

He grabbed your hand and pulled you into your shared bedroom and pushed you onto the bed.

“Hey!”

“What’s wrong I thought you liked being treated like a slut?”

You just rolled your eyes, he stripped your pants off your legs and kissed from your thigh up to your clothed heat, noticing how wet you are.

“See you like it, fucking slut.”

He pulled your underwear to the side and stick his finger into you then going to suck on your clit.

He adds his middle finger as he fingers you and eats you out at the same time, not wanting to give in to him you didn’t encourage him nor play with his hair.

You just brought your nails up to your face and started looking along with picking at them acting like he wasn’t even doing anything.

This pissed him off, he yanked your underwear off and unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants.

Still looking at your nails you tried to ignore what he was doing but your thoughts were interrupted by him entering you.

You softly moaned trying to have him not hear, his breathing was shaking.

“You like being fucked like this?”

He started to slam his cock in you at a vigorous pace, then he pulled out making you clench around nothing.

He put you on your stomach and told you to put your ass up.

Doing so you grabbed your phone and started playing a coloring game, he then started fucking you again.

“I know your just fucking with me, i know you like this dick by the way you clenching around me.” He grunted

“This pussy is mine, not some random customers.”

He then started going as fast and hard as he could at this point you couldn’t hold it in anymore and gave in to him.

“Fuck.”

He was a groaning and moaning mess behind you.

“I’m gonna cum soon.”

“Fuck, me too.”

He was still going in you he usually has pulled out by now.

“What are you doing?”

“Cumming in you.”

“What? Why?”

“So every time you think of us fucking think of my cum still in you and to remind you of what happens when you pull that shit with me.”

With that he moans in your ear and cums in you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything I said earlier.”

“I know, i’m sorry too.”

Fuck it we ball fanfic time. Gn reader x lars pinfield WOO

Okay WOO lmk if this is shit or ooc or anything, but im pretty happy with how this went :D its a little rushed, might redo it in the future idk. Also i made Y/N bit too much like me (northern) so watch out for that american readers SORRYYY. anwyays enjoy!

I am smart.

No don't laugh, I am, genuinely I am.

Maybe not in the way that others deem important, maybe not in the traditional sense, but I am bright.

Pinfield doesn't think so, the prick.

Every day I come into work, all smiling and welcoming, and what do I get in return? A roll of the eyes if I'm lucky.

Dickhead.

But I don't let him get to me, I love my job. My boss is chill, I love hanging out with Lucky, and the Spenglers seem nice! It's a good gig, really.

I'm the "PR guy" for Ghost Corps. Every time they fuck up and destroy a building or whatever I'm the one who covers it up. I'm a real smooth talker, 'gift of the gab' my mum used to call it.

The team needs me, I know that, they know that. Im crucial to the whole operation, the sole reason why that whiny mayor dude hasnt shut them down.

I'm the one who goes to press interviews, who goes on the radio or on TV. I'm the social media manager, I make videos, and post tweets, fuck I've even started a Ghostbusters youtube account! I deserve a raise honestly. #justiceforY/NthePRguy

I get on with everyone at work except for Pinfield, and I genuinely dont know why.

I've tried getting him to feature in videos, or explain the science of stuff to me so I can actually seem like I know what I'm talking about- but he just brushes me off.

Gary tries to reassure me about this on a daily basis. "Its nothing to do with you Y/N" he smiled one day, putting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me away from the busy scientist. "He doesnt really talk to anyone, he gets really passionate about his work"

"I get that, but there's no need for him to be a dick to me, he's got me thinking all kinds of shit honestly!" I replied, exhasperated "I've never done nowt to him"

Suddenly, Pinfield raised his head from his work, scrunching his eyebrows together. "thats a double negative" he commented, looking at me as if I was stupid. Great, It's the most he's ever spoken to me and its a fucking insult- atleast I think it is.

"you what?" I ask, making my way over to him despite Garys protests. I fold my arms, looking as menacing as i can (which ive been told isn't very menacing at all)

"I said its a double negative, if you've never done nothing then you must've done something" before I can reply, he adds onto the end "which you haven't, by the way. I dont know why you think that. I treat you the same as anyone else"

I can't explain why his answer bothers me so much, but it does. Why does he view me in the same way he views the others? That's hardly fair. I'm always welcoming to him, I make time out of my day to include him in things. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely admire him aswell. His love for all things paranormal, the way he gets so excited and proud when he gets to explain the science of ghost-catching to someone. It's oddly endearing.

I tell him as much (excpet for the stuff about him being endearing, he doenst need his ego inflated any more than it already is)

He looks confused, I've never seen him look like that- its weird. Arrogant? sure. Annoyed? when is he not bffr. Happy? Once or twice. But confused? Weird. This is the guy with all the answers, the smart one.

He thinks for a moment, before seemingly making a desision. He stands up with a small huff of exhasperation, and walks off.

As he goes past me, he grabs my arm, more gently than I thought he was capable of. Okay, i guess im coming too. Fun, roadtrip time.

He takes me out of the lab and down the corridor, into a relatively well lit small room.

"Well this is-" before i can speak properly, he cuts me off. Told you he was a prick.

"I dont understand you Y/N" he blurts out, looking at me, as if I'm some sort of specimin hes studying in the lab.

"Well good." I joke. I dont like the serious tone he's taking. Dont like how aware I am of his gaze. HATE the fact I can feel my cheeks burning. Gross. Pinfield is a dick, we've established this. Why the fuck am I BLUSHING because he's LOOKING at me? Bit embarassing, pull it together Y/LN.

He doenst like this though. He shakes his head, pacing around.

"No Y/N you dont get it. I understand everyone, sort of anyways. I've observed them, I can predict their reactions to things. I know what they're all like- but you're... I just dont understand! You're so happy and nice all the time, but you also get angry at stupid stuff, but never really properly angry? I cant make sense of it, genuinely. You've not done anything wrong, you can't do anything wrong. Thats frustrating too. It's like you're this perfect, beautiful person, and I've been trying to see flaws but I cant-" He rambles, speaking like hes just letting out one stream of constant thoughts. He seems stressed, poor guy.

I interupt him, grabbing his arm. "Hey, c'mon Pinfi- I- Lars. C'mon Lars. I'm not worth the stress mate" I try and reassure him, but that just agitates him more.

"See! That's just it! I've been horrible to you, I admit it. But you've kept trying with me! When I hurt my hand you were the one who bandaged it and put it in a sling"

(i had found him almost blacked out from the pain on the lab floor, even the memory of it sent a shiver down my spine)

"you were the only one that looked for me after we all nearly died fighting Garraka"

("Pinfield? Pinfield!? Oh my god, there you are! Thank fuck you're alright!" Okay maybe this tiny non-crush had been going on longer than i thought... christ)

"I dont like the thought of you hurt..." i muttered, embarrased. this definitely wasnt how i was expecting this conversation to go, fuck my life I was crushing on a nerdy scientist who defintely didn't like me back.

He stopped his pacing and walked over to me until the gap between us was non existant. He slowly, hesitantly, lifted his hand until he cupped my cheek.

"I don't like the thought of you upset because of me" he muttered, his voice low.

My heart completely stopped, my breath caught in my throat, was this happening? how was this happening? i swear this guy was like my mortal enemy not even 5 minutes ago. so many revelations were bieng made today...

I decided to be bold, why not? fuck it, i've got nothing to loose at this point.

I leaned in so our noses just grazed eachother, looking at him, really genuinely looking at him. his soft blue eyes that seemed to peer into my soul. Not pierce through it, like some weird blue eyed fuckers i knew, but looked. gently, tenderly, as if he was looking at everything i ever had been, or would be. like i was something beautiful, something to be treaured.

It made me want to sob at the thought. god, how disgustingly sweet.

"make up for it then" i whispered, the tension so thick i could cut it with a knife.

I'd planned on being the one to make the forst move, but apparently, that was all that Lars needed.

He kissed me. His soft lips pressed against mine, sotfly, tenderly, tentatively.

I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him, so i quickly reciprocated. More eagerly than i owuldve liked- but oh well.

I could feel his hand resting on my waist, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. It all felt so tender, so raw, not at all how i thought it would be.

I felt like a teenager again, and couldnt resist letting out a small giggle, making Lars pull away. He looked confused again, making me laugh once again.

"What?" he aksed, a sort of amused smile on his face.

"Nothing- sorry. Nothing at all. Just thinking of how fuming mums gonna be when i tell her ive got a posho for a boyfriend"

"I am NOT posh!"

"you are a littleee"

"I AM NO- wait- boyfriend?"

"oh shit didnt mean to say that bi-"

he cut me off with another kiss, this one much more confident.

It felt like a million fireworks were going off in my head, oh I could definetly get used to this feeling. This war, sweet, happy feeling. My senses were flooded with everything Lars. His taste, his smell, his touch.

I felt like I was learning to live again.

yknow thinking about it its really crazy how much pokemon really is like. my life. or a HUUUGE part of it. i think most things about me can be traced back to pokemon. i think that's really special

like it was my first introduction to "real" video games and a huge source of inspo and imagination for me as a kid, and a huge reason why i started drawing among other things (warrior cats and like. minecraft lmao)

but my passion for it never left. and after all this time vaporeon still remains my fave from the very beginning, i've used it as my ace in every game i've played. even as i changed and my life changed my beloved partner pokemon was still by my side (and was a huge source of comfort for me esp w a turbulent childhood)

and like... my friendship w my best friend is majorly bc pokemon imo, we've both always loved it. and my brother (who introduced it to me by giving me his old ninentdo DS) like my bond with him is so built upon our shared interest in video games and stuff like that that like. pokemon was majorly the cause of that. and he also unknowingly changed my life forever by just giving me a hand me down

i dont even remember most of my childhood but i still remember that first save of leaf green i played. i remember what i named my bulbasaur (it was a keysmash but it was like vickesdgds so i just called him vicke/vicki and i've always named any bulbasaur after it vicke/vicki since) and i remember my level 55 pidgeot i was so proud of because she swept and pulled through so many tough battles

and now with horizons i've like actively started participating in the community more, something i never did before. and i get to share this love and passion for this thing that means so much to me with others. i'm really grateful

oomf reblogged a bunch of aro stuff and in honor of pride hour (i made it the fuck up Dont ask me any questions i dont talk to paparazzi) i want to talk about MYYY experience being arospec because it is Isolating and even if this reaches literally no one id rather at least have tried to share my feelings. Spreading love! 💝

growing up i very quickly realized that i wasnt getting crushes like the other kids were. as early as second grade i started trying to force myself to like the boys in my class. id, like, look around the classroom at the start of every new school year and look for the next boy to have a "crush" on. It sounds kind of funny looking back but like i remember how desperate i felt doing it. i remember one year i genuinely hated every boy in my class with a burning passion and, if nothing else, i remember the feeling of being wrong. i, a 4th (maybe 3rd?) grader, felt isolated and gross because i couldnt force a crush for a year.

i had known none of the other ones were really crushes, but it wasnt the romance i wanted it was the connections. i wanted to be able to join the girls talking about their crushes and i wanted to have a reason to try talking to boys; i wanted to be liked.

in 6th grade i think was the first time i didnt try to force a crush. i dont remember much from that year but i know that i didnt feel good. youd think that, as an arospec, i would have enjoyed the break from faking romance but at that point i didnt understand that my feelings werent quite real. i knew they werent like everyone elses, but i really wanted them to be even if it meant lying a bit to myself on the way. i felt wrong and weird.

in seventh grade that was when covid hit and everyone was quarentined, and also that is the year that holds my worlds most obvious example of my aromanticism ever. genuinely think back to this and go "how didnt i figure it out sooner"

i convinced myself i had a crush on my at-the-time best friend. there was no crush by the way, i judt knew i liked him more than all my other friends and to my socially deprived brain that meant it had to be romantic right? well he didnt like me back and literally i went, watched like two YouTube videos on something or other, and was over it. because the feelings were never genuine. it was never love it was a desire to be close with someone

8th grade was the first time i actually fell in love. by then i had figured out im a lesbian, and i met this girl named Jane. She was literally everything you could want in a girl and i fell HARRDDDDDDD i was so in love dont even. but I found that my capacity to love her fluxuated. the love was always there, but some days it was more platonic than anything. sometimes thr platonic periods would stretch for weeks. sometimes it would switch between platonic and romantic multiple times a day. it confused me and honestly? it scared me a lot. i distanced myself from her and eventually we broke up (for seperate reasons but this def contributed)

that really messed with me because now i was left with two understandings: i can definitely experience romantic attraction, and the romantic attraction can change at the drop of a hat.

after a lott of time and research i finally realized and accepted that im aromanticflux (will go into detail if necessary) and you know what? it didn't make me feel better. if anything it made me feel worse; i felt like such an asshole for getting in a relationship if it was always going to end.

now i am. Still coming to terms with my identity but i am learning to love and be kind to myself. the point of this whole thing is. youre never alone. there are eight billion people on earth, at least one of them is going through the exact same thing as you right now. you are not any less of a person because of your attraction or lack thereof

I wholeheartedly agree with you and other anon, I love Shayne and he’s been my top 3 for as long as I can remember but he hosts too many freaking shows. Anon only mentioned Reddit and the guessing but we also have who meme’d it, beopardy, and challenge pit technically bc he was in most of them. I know he’s pretty much the money maker of Smosh and everyone enjoys him but I miss back in the day where almost everyone had a show on pit they can enjoy. But honestly I think the reason he’s pretty much the only host is because it seems he’s one of the only people full time. So I feel like thats the smartest decision money and views wise. Idk I just miss when they actively tried out new shows, I know that those don’t really pay their bills but it would be nice bc it’s something new and refreshing. I think I’m just ranting at this point, I just NEED my babies to come back 😕

I totally didn't count those! I was mainly talking about "one person" videos where it's only Shayne + 1 or 2 other people, but yeah, no you're right he does HOST a LOT of shows.

I miss back when everyone had a 'show' too. "Seriously Super Stupid Sleepover" was my FAVORITE thing they did back in that time! (it might have been the only thing I watched at some points)

"I just miss when they actively tried out new shows"

Me too! They've been trying that out recently (kind of) and it's been some fun? It kind of seems like they don't want to spend too much money on newer content. Which I understand, but some of my FAVORITE videos are the low budget ones! like the squad vlogs!!! I LOVE THOSE. We don't want big impressive sets, we want the cast having a good time with a good premise!!! (I genuinely have no clue why they haven't tried more different stuff out. The only thing I can think of is they don't want a video to bomb and lose out on guaranteed money, but they aren't getting anywhere as they are rn. Risk = Reward gamble)

I am really starting to think they don't really know what they want to do on the channels because of how they are acting as of recent. They keep trying out stuff between things they know get views, (Sniper Chess - Reddit Stories) and I'm not saying I think they're shitting the bed or going bankrupt rn, just that they seem nervous?

OR y'know, they could just be planning big things for the future so that's why we've been getting these "low effort" videos.

Some of the best times I had watching Smosh was when they were doing different stuff on most uploads. They can keep the Reddit Stories and all their staple shows, but give me VARIETY. Like REAL variety. Don't force feed me content that doesn't even get you views, focus on building your fanbase! LOOK AT HOW MUCH MONEY THEY RAISED JUST DOING NOT EVEN AN HOUR AND A HALF LIVESTREAM???

21k IN 1hr 20mins ???? that's $262.5 dollars A MINUTE .....

THEY DONT REALISE HOW MUCH THEY SQUANDER THE FANS THEY DO HAVE.

do. better.

So sorry this ended in a rant, I just am very passionate about this subject! I WANT them to do well! I see all the ways they could have more and they just shit themselves and flounder, then act like they couldn't do anything, it's INFURIATING! They have a large fan base that loves them, that would be willing to help crowd fund most anything cool (summer games anyone?? I'm 100% certain that if they did a fundraiser for that we could get them AT LEAST 50k to spend on it) and they don't. do. anything.

Maybe I am just fully unaware about what goes on, and if I am lmk, but it really just feels like incompetence from the 'suits' at Smosh

Sorry this turned into a rant Anon :D I also have been in need of my cuties (IM GOING CRAZYYYY as you probably can tell from this post lmao)

i dont have any specific requests but just. Kili. thoughts on Kili.

i have so many thoughts on kili you came to the right person

things i hc abt kili:

-he has a journal he writes in religiously. its all poetry and random thoughts and pressed flowers or other flora he's found that catches his eye. he doodles pretty things in it as well, from crystal caves to the fire of the forge.

-mans is a hopeless romantic. all he wants is an epic beautiful story-for-the-ages whirlwind romance that is fueled by passion and love. and whilst his romances might not always work out the way his 200k fanfic he wrote in his teens did, he never gives them up and relishes each experience. Even bad romances fuel his poetry writing at least. And with his One, when he finally meets them, he does all the simp-worthy romantic shit, from picking bouquets to opening doors.

-drawing from the poetry, kili is incredibly intelligent, at least literature-wise. dont get me wrong, mans is a dumbass and a himbo, but he could talk for hours on end on how the structure of a syllable scheme can make or break a poem. he's very well versed in symbolism and dwarven mythology and lore, and, next to ori, is the best person able to understand and find the deeper meaning in different works, and discuss them thoroughly.

-kili honestly isn't the best in the forges. he does alright, but his skill is comparable to an average human blacksmith. his real talent in metalworking comes to the details. like carving dozens of intricate lines into a single ring, or carving a whole battle scene on the inside of a bracelet. it's a skill he is very proud of, even if he can't even forge a good knife.

-mama's boy. i feel like thorin kind overlooked kili a lot growing up, his focus was on fili, being the heir and all, so kili didn't have a super strong adult male figure in his life. he had his mom, which is arguably better for him. like he'd spend all day helping dis in her shop or at her trade, and just chilling with his amad.

-he knows how to cook. like dis probs taught him, needed at least one son capable of creating edible food (she gave up with fili, who took after thorin in this way), and by god kili learned fast. he knows what he's doing in the kitchen. he is this whole video.

-i also think kili would be the type of dwarf to collect shineys. like crystals and fun rocks and bits of jewelry. he has corvid like tendencies and has pouches and boxes full of his collections.

-mans is deeply insecure. this hc is pretty popular, but like with no beard and being the dwarf version of a tall lanky string bean, he has body image issues. he doesn't have a lot of problems with confidence, like fake it till you make it vibes, but when it comes down to him and his One, he needs validation. he needs to know that he is the prettiest boy. just needs reminding and loving.

-coming from the insecure place, i believe later in life kili has a huge glow up. to quote my dear friend @cutie-cutter, "he's a late bloomer, but by god he blooms". like maybe in his 90s all of a sudden he fills out a lot, some nice body fat over all that muscle, and then starts growing a really nice beard. like it ain't super long but its thick and lush and ideal for braiding. he is the prettiest boy.

-kili is also the ultimate wingman. like when he's younger he doesn't have the looks but he has the game with his words alone. with fili its the opposite, fili's like mr. knightly in the sense of "if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more", he ain't good with all the cute romantic shit. but kili helps him by writing poems and teaching him lines at the small price of taking his dessert for a week.

-(kinda nsfw?) while young and still escorting merchants with fili, i feel like kili def. got himself some fun nights at brothels. like he'd be more than willing to spend all his earnings in one night for some... special treatment. I also hc that kili didn't really get with women a lot when a younger adult, mostly men, bcs mans has daddy issues like you wont believe. the bisexual also probs thinks his chances with women are low anyways, since women in dwarven culture can be picky and usually go for ones with looks, or at least a full beard.

-(nsfwish) also going back to his journal, he also has a hell of a lot of erotic poetry in there. he'll spend stanzas describing sensations and the aesthetics of a particularly steamy night, and if someone catches his eye he could go on and on about them. absolutely no one is allowed to see his journal besides him (thorin found it once and just sighed in disappointment and wishing he had bleach before closing it and never bringing it up), and it is kept out of sight at all times. it would be very interesting for his One to find it though, and all the different scenarios that could play out...

that's all for now, thank you for this ask!! love talking about this bisexual whore of a man.

Hi me again, sorry for sending another ask on this, i just think the conversation is really interesting, feel free to delete the ask if you dont feel like another long post lol

Its an interesting perspective definitely, I liked reading it and I agree with a lot of what you said, and I dont think either of us or anyone other than them will know the real behind the scenes. I just think that the idea that dnpg is only there to keep veiwers happy is and serves no other purpose, undersells a little bit how much they themselves like the content that they made/are making. I guess, I dont know if they plan on expanding it, or if you're right and it may be the same content (except more unhinged I agree) and then fizzle out again after a few years once they move on to different things — But I just dont really agree that its nothing more than something to squeeze an extra couple bucks out of the dan and phil brand. Im not naive enough to think that money plays no factor, and maintaining their brand is unimportant, they have a very expensive mortgage and relatively extravagant lifestyle to pay for, so obviously making money is important, but i also believe that they are really passionate about entertainment, and I think that they are geniuinly proud and happy about the dan and phil brand and what theyve made over the years. Especially with how much dan has spoken about how important it is to him that what he produces represents him authentically, and tells the narrative how he wants to tell it, so i dont necessarily believe that even dnpg could just be a throwaway project for either of them. I want to believe that they are doing it for a purpose more than monetary gain, even if that purpose is to transition into newer content. Because as proud as i think they are of what they've made, i think they are ready for a new era, I dont know that either of them are really all that passionate about the 2016 style of youtube vlogging and gameplay anymore. But i also think they are finally understaing that completely disregarding it and their history doesnt work either. To be honest, I didnt say it, but was quite nervous about a dnpg return bc even if some of it was a mess, I really quite liked that they were evolving their content, that they were exploring new avenues, bc to me comfort videos can only go so far. Before the revival i hadnt watched a dnpg video in over a year. I only really thought about dnp when they uploaded something, and I was starting to fall out of the loop with everything. But once that first video dropped I could see this isn't exactly a copy and paste of 2018 videos. They have matured they have changed their style a bit and im happy about it, but I also really want it to evolve further bc if its just nostalgia hour for another 4 years, idk how long ill be hooked for. Im not 14 anymore and I dont want to be 14. I want to watch content made for a maturer audience, that represents who they are now. I grew up with them and that means a lot to me, I thought i would never outgrow them, but it only really works if I actually get to grow with them, if they grow aswell. Which is why im skeptical about the style of dnpg as it is, and im hopeful that this is just a transitioning period. Idk maybe none of this makes sense, and it doesnt even really matter anyway, bc honestly ill probably still be keeping up with them to some extent even when im 50. Its just interesting to think about all the directions thos could all go in, and its interesting to hear another perspective on it all.

(This follow up ask was far longer than i intended it to be, i apologise in advance)

you see, i agree with you on mature content and heading in this direction. i was asking for it for years. i just never thought it would land on dnpgames. AP was my main target because it became the main source of content after 2018. Dan's content was already mature for a couple of years before he "left youtube". idk how gaming would be mature though? swearing doesn't make it one. and that leads to other types of content like podcast or regular liveshows.

idk, if it's a mechanism to protect myself or just bitterness. but after 2019-2022 i don't believe they (Dan) will jump on dnp brand and do what we have been begging them to do since 2019. i just don't believe he completely changed his opinion after wad, sat down with Phil and made a whole ass 5-year plan for dnpgames including all our wishes and suggestions (which he was so opposed to right till he went on tour). the timing is very suspicious. the timing of everything including the change of their managers. money is involved, and that's okay with me. (i want people to understand, that when i comment on dnp doing something for money, it's not a negative comment. it's their job. if the revival of dnpgames is 80% to make an easy bank — good for them! as long as we have content that we enjoy i don't care if money is a huge factor in its existence. again, youtube adsense, sponsorships, brand deals — it's their job. as long as they are not killing themselves or losing all authenticity in the process, go right ahead. i worry about their marketing like my life depends on it, because marketing gives more views and engagement = more money)

call it a stupid trauma or whatever but i am afraid they're gonna drop us suddenly again. we got dnpgames back but it's so fragile because we don't know the reasons, plans or anything that could secure us. in 2018 liveshow Dan said, "i'm not leaving youtube", and then he did. and they killed everything dnp related, one by one. i remember the feeling, and i don't like it. i had to completely forget about dnpgames, bury it, and let it go. and now, here we are :)

for you and people who think like you about dnp's plans for dnpgames, i hope you're right and won't get disappointed. i, personally, can't allow myself to get my hopes up ❤️

hi charity! ive been pretty certain im an enfp for a while, but now ive started thinking about infp. could you give me some thoughts on this info about myself?? sorry for how long this is, i understand if you don't have the time or interest!

i mirror or adapt to the energy of the people around me. i cant really help it. i can be extremely energetic, sweet and bubbly around one person and blunt and dry around someone else.

im bad with details, eg. ill skip proof reading or editing because the process is so tedious.

i find it SO hard to type myself because when i read a description, i cant relate to anything cause i dont know how i act and i cant remember any examples. usually i can convince myself that i act a certain way, and then identify with that type

i have a horrible memory. i forget about my responsibilities, and often ill go on youtube to look up soentjing and then get distracted by something else and forget what i was there for. i also couldn’t remember when my classes were even though i’ve had the same classrooms for 7 months.

I usually do not have very strong opinions and sometimes i dont even have any - a lot of the time i dont know how to feel about things, or i will easily get swayed by outer opinions, for example, my parents are making me attend an art class. Im initially uninterested but whats the harm in learning a new skill, and i shouldnt miss out on any opportunities, right? So i attend the class and i dont like it. I tell my parents i dont like it, but they say “but its so important for you to have fundamental art skills!” and my opinion about it changes, and i continue attending the class. Or maybe my parents will ask me how i feel about it, and i can only say “i dont know”, because in my head im going: it wasnt that fun, but maybe it will be more fun next time! And plus, its important for me to pick up these skills, so i should attend! but i also dont want to go, so im conflicted and cant say anything. but these thoughts dont go clearly through my head, its all very muffled and confusing, so i cant say them out loud.

but then again, i have very strong passions and goals and dreams! and i know what kind of movies i like and stuff and i usually like to watch similar kinds of movies of genres that i like.

and on that note, i have pretty big drrams of getting famous LOL and i also have very high expectations, and i can get very disappointed if they arent met.

i feel that i don’t look back on the past often, i am usually looking towards the future.

but i also feel like i don’t “daydream” as much as intuitives are supposed to. i definitely do, but i feel like i don’t do it that much?? actually i’m not so sure anymore i’m confusing myself LOL actually i think my brain is just dead all the time but when i do daydream it feels very real

im very disorganised, i cannot keep things tidy for the life of me

sometimes i will go into phases where i wont be lazy or disprganised but it doesnt last for very long

i can be hard working with things i like, for example i had a period where i was waking up at 5am before school every morning to make videos, but ive fallen out of my routine cause ive lost sight of my goal.

hi charity! ive been pretty certain im an enfp for a while, but now ive started thinking about infp. could you give me some thoughts on this info about myself?? sorry for how long this is, i understand if you don't have the time or interest!

i mirror or adapt to the energy of the people around me. i cant really help it. i can be extremely energetic, sweet and bubbly around one person and blunt and dry around someone else. <- this rules out Fi-dom. IFPs don't do this, since they are not attuned to other people's energies. It also suggests an attachment type core (9).

im bad with details, eg. ill skip proof reading or editing because the process is so tedious. <- this isn't tert-Si

i find it SO hard to type myself because when i read a description, i cant relate to anything cause i dont know how i act and i cant remember any examples. usually i can convince myself that i act a certain way, and then identify with that type <- Ne-dom/inferior Si and 9-ness.

i have a horrible memory. i forget about my responsibilities, and often ill go on youtube to look up soentjing and then get distracted by something else and forget what i was there for. i also couldn’t remember when my classes were even though i’ve had the same classrooms for 7 months. <- inferior Si

I usually do not have very strong opinions and sometimes i dont even have any - <- ENFP 9

a lot of the time i dont know how to feel about things, or i will easily get swayed by outer opinions... <- Ne-dom 9 (going along with stuff you don't want to do to keep the peace with your parents)

but then again, i have very strong passions and goals and dreams! and i know what kind of movies i like and stuff and i usually like to watch similar kinds of movies of genres that i like. <- some Fi

and on that note, i have pretty big drrams of getting famous LOL and i also have very high expectations, and i can get very disappointed if they arent met. <- Ne-dom and 1 wing confirmed

i feel that i don’t look back on the past often, i am usually looking towards the future. <- inferior Si

im very disorganised, i cannot keep things tidy for the life of me. sometimes i will go into phases where i wont be lazy or disprganised but it doesnt last for very long i can be hard working with things i like, for example i had a period where i was waking up at 5am before school every morning to make videos, but ive fallen out of my routine cause ive lost sight of my goal. <- weak Te

ENFP 9w1.

maybe i just need to talk about the fucker a little bit and the urge to make another blog will go away

so lets talk about mia’s goro :)

- goro akechi is an alias and not his real name! his name is Kogoro Hirai. this idea in my mind is that his mom named him after Kogoro Akechi in the first place, the fictional private detective created by Japanese mystery writer Edogawa Ranpo. (whos name is actually Taro Hirai. is their family related at all? who knows.) it was his moms favorite series when she was a little girl. and when he was making this new "Persona" he just. cut the ko out of kogoro and went with akechi. its all references. also kind of really sentimental at its roots when you think about it,, when it comes to his mom and how he wanted to be a hero for her.

kogoro was a kid chasing a pipe dream of revenge, but he wasnt completely stupid. once he started making his plans, he couldnt risk shido recognizing his Actual Name.  he also really liked the image it conjured up in his mind. of when he finally takes down shido and reveals who he Really is.

- hes a dog person. its not like he hates cats, he just prefers dogs. kogoro hirai sees a dog he just. !!! a friend. put a puppy in front of him and he experiences the Cute Rage™️ and tears up a lot. ("kinda wanna cry right now. i am so normal") resists the natural urge to just go complete baby talk mode. he actually gets a emotional support animal of his own. a retriever/shiba mix named senbei! (a traditional japanese rice cracker) he does, also. get a cat. “reluctantly” later on that ended up attaching itself to his dog more than him at first. hes a golden tabby named flapjack.

- hes a big nerd about jazz. its something hes actually really passionate about. his mom used to play jazz on their radio and he wanted to learn to play a lot of instruments as a child. kogoro does learn how to play the trumpet. he goes a long time without touching the instrument, though... with all his jobs... its sad. but!! when he actually starts studying music/jazz in uni, he picks it up again. (you know that fuckign video of the dog that was trained to doot on this plastic trumpet??? kogoro totally taught senbei to do that)

- thinks fish are cool. even if it was true when he said a co-worker gave him those tickets, theres no way he would invite ren to the aquarium to Not show off how Smart about fish he is. (cause no one will value me if i dont have anything intelligent or meaningful to say. and his inferiority complex demands he be better than everyone else at every turn.) the funny thing is that he didnt actually know/care much about fish beforehand and goes down a rabbit hole of fish research the night before to One up ren and be Smarter and Better than him, and accidentally discovers a fixation. very undiagnosed adhd/autism of him, fr....

- has an average spice tolerance. his only hubris is his pathological need to show off and his competitive nature, hence taking that spicy takoyaki thinking he could handle it (wanting to show off in front of the PT) and it backfiring horribly. hes so fuckin stupit and i love him

PLEEEEEASE TELL ME ABT UR KIDSWAP AU!! tess looks so cool... they all do actually!! are their classpects swapped at all? also, what pronouns they be all up n usin? 0retty much just spare any details mew have on them atm, if u dont mind none :33!!

:D!!! ill start w the beta kids bc theyre the only ones posted so far and i dont wanna spoil anything for the other characters until im done

vika is the prince of light as she is a very destructive person. she does eventually get over her edgy 4chan phase but not without getting her ass beat. she uses she/her pronouns but finds when people use it/its pronouns for her funny. she is youre average chronically online teen in the early and late 2000s. everyone at school thinks shes super weird and cringy due to solely talking about online drama. was there for the beginnings of christory. shes autistic and says shes “not like those retards” even though she absolutely is like them

kali is the mage of space. she is almost like your average goth girl at school, only that she isnt really goth. but she tries to be. she is obsessed with vampires, witches, werewolves- any type of popular mythical creatures. she has a passion for old school literature. rumours at her school about her is that shes a real life vampire due to her vampiristic tendencies. (drinking her own blood, and drinking the blood of animals.) she is the secret writer of my immortal, or so she claims. strictly uses she/her and will curse anyone who misgenders her

tess is the rouge of mind. she dropped out of school due to [redacted] and not having sort of support for her blindness. shes youtube famous as she posts videos of herself doing sick skateboard tricks and doing stupid dares. she lives life on the edge and has almost gotten herself killed numerous times. shes almost constantly in a manic state of mind, thinking that nothing could ever kill her and that she is safe from everything and anything. her “friends” in real life encourage her dangerous behaviours and delusions. she mainly uses she/her but honestly doesnt care what people call her

koda is the page of blood. he is a firm hater of bugs. which is ironic considering the fact that he lives outdoors. he lives on a island closer to the north rather than south. he is a notorious furry artist and lolcow, as his rage episodes are extremely funny to look at. he lives on furry sites and forums online. he is a little hater at heart. he absolutely hates being compared to the brother bear movie and will explode at people you do that. he uses he/him but later on starts to question everything

vika and kali met when vika attempted to troll kali on one of her cringy fanfics. it resulted in kali emailing vika all of her private information and a picture of her house. vika was instantly in love

kali and koda met when kali commissioned him for a drawing of a gay werewolf and vampire art piece. theyve stayed in contact due to their shared love of werewolves

tess met vika when vika also attempted to troll her. tess started to mess with her back, which ended up with vika getting angry and getting labeled as a lolcow. tess hasnt left her alone since

koda and tess met on a online chat forum about homeschooling advice and how to self teach yourself basic skills in life. they ended up exchanging emails, and eventually chumhandles. koda developed a little crush on her, and theyve been friends ever since

vika and koda met when on one of vikas anonymous accounts, she commissioned art of her secret fursona. koda doesnt know about vikas trolling and posts on various drama sites such as kiwifarms and lolcow. she hasnt posted any of his stuff on the sites and doesnt plan on it

kali and tess met through their shared “hate” of vika. kali gives tess all of vikas accounts that shes ever made (not including her anonymous one) to make sure tess keeps bothering her.

if u have any more questions feel free to ask!

Survey #544

this is three days old... oops lmao

What makeup product do you never use? I mean... all of them these days, haha. But one that comes to mind that I've literally never used is bronzer. Have you ever seen a jellyfish? Yes, in an aquarium by the beach. Has anyone ever randomly licked your face? A partner mighta just to annoy me, but idr. Did anyone ever draw on your face when you were sleeping? No. Have you ever done that to someone else? No. My friend and I did once draw eyebrows onto our old boxer Cali though and shit was fucking peek entertainment. Can you imitate any other accent? I do British very well. Have you ever protested? No. Tbh I think I'd be afraid of things turning violent, and I also physically can't stand for an extended period of time. I'd like to do so peacefully and stand for what I'm passionate about, but. Dunno if it'll actually happen. Have you ever participated in a parade? No. Were you ever chased by an animal? No. Have you ever told an elder to fuck off? No; I've never had a reason to, but don't go thinking I won't if you deserve it. I don't care what age group you're in. Are you single/or taken? Taken. ^ Are you happy with that? Yes, very. He brings an incredible amount of light into my life. Do you feel guilty about anything? I always will. Have you ever started talking to someone that you thought was someone else? OH MY GOD YES and the guy was SO confused, I'm so sorry my guy. When someone sneezes, do you say “Bless you,” or “God Bless you?” "Bless you" by habit, even though I don't like it. I don't like the religious implication, so this question actually made me realize I'm going to try and start saying "Gesundheit" instead. What are two things you are excited to do in the near future? Fully complete the DP forum. :') Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? Bro no shame, it was a wonderful movie. Do you ever put condoms in old people’s buggies at the store? I may not know how to be an adult for the most part, but Christ I can at least be mature enough to not do that. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? Mom rents this house. Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? Oh absolutely, very frequently to my own detriment. I NEED my alone time, and honestly a lot of it, but I can also become extremely lonely if I overdo it. Are you one of those people who like to spell out numbers? It depends. In English it is generally accepted that you write out 1-9 fully and then transfer to using only digits after. Or something like that. What's one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? I don't participate in any. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouse’s names? Katie is married to Josh, Misty is married to Franky, Bobby's wife is uh... okay I forgot her name, and Ashley is tragically married to Nick. Name one lyric from the song you’re listening to/the last one you listened? It's in German, but the English translation is: "And the fear grows into the night; door and gates are guarded / the back's wet, the hands clammy / everyone is afraid of the Black Man ('Bogeyman' in German)." It's a brilliantly political song about paranoia between a country's own people dividing them all, with the most fuckin rad music video ever. Have you ever owned a turtle? Did it ever bite you when you owned it? As a kid I briefly kept a poor red-eared slider, which even worse, is invasive here. I eventually let it go nearby, but for real, don't take animals from the wild, y'all. I don't remember it trying to bite me. Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you dont like? I have zero clue who his friends are now. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? Yeah, it's part of my photography editing bundle. I never used it a whole lot, not even once every day, but I quite enjoy it and got shit to make when I get a new laptop that can handle it, haha. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? I don't watch shows period, but thinking of those I've enjoyed in the past, I'm sure she'd be unhappy about Deadman Wonderland. Like she wouldn't stop me from watching it, but she sure wouldn't watch herself. How long have you lived with the person/people you currently live with? Since I was born. Do you see yourself still with your current partner in 10 years? That's easy, honestly. Do you have any Italian ancestry? Not that I know of, no. I don't think we really know Dad's ancestry? I know his last name is Irish, though. What was the dumbest thing you ever did as a teenager? I let some guy be my sole source of happiness and convinced myself there was no way in Heaven or Hell I could live without him. Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? It has to be frigid or else I do nooot like it. I am so immensely picky with water, which I don't really like anyway. Does anyone in your family have green eyes? My eyes are mistaken as a greenish color sometimes, when in fact they're primarily blue, but definitely with tints of gray and green. What was the name of your first ever pet? I was born into the family when my father owned a stunning female collie named Trigger, but I have zero memories of her because she died when I was just a baby. The first pet I remember owning as a family was Chance, a stray cat we took in. Now if we're talking my very first personal pet, it was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow; I can't recall who came first. Have you Googled anything today? What? Ugh yeah, edema relief. Now that I'm in the spare room a lot, with my legs very used to being elevated, it builds up. I'm trying to strike a balance so I can leave the bed without dealing with edema to a dangerous extreme. What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Cereal, usually. Is anyone in your family a nurse? Well, close; my sister Ashley is a mammographer. There may be other family member in the medical field too, but I don't know about it. Do you like to wear lipstick? What colours do you think suit you best? Should I already have black eye liner (and sometimes shadow) on, I think a black lipstick looks great on me, I just don't have a quality one that doesn't immediately get on everything. If I put it on, it's literally JUST to take a picture lmao. Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? My aunt Kelly. Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? Girt and I do that shit daily lmao Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? We always have one. Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? My boyfren. :') Do you think witchcraft is interesting? I do indeed, but nowhere near to the extent of my sister Misty. She sincerely considers herself a witch. What do you think of people who hate vegetarians? "I think they could be so much more productive with their time." <<<< 100% this. If a person feels healthier and/or more morally at peace by not eating meat, okay???? Let them. Holier-than-thou vegetarians/vegans exist, sure, and they're annoying, but the fact still remains that their dietary habits have zero effect on you. What is your favorite Johnny Depp film? I actually really enjoy his performance in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Do you like the color purple? I do, it's pretty, especially when blended with hues of pink. What film are you looking forward to seeing the most? At this moment I'd actually really like to go see The Black Phone. I should talk to Mom about that. Do you like dragons? I fuckin LOVE dragons, GOOD GOOD SHIT. I'm always interested in dragon content, and I like collecting dragon decor and such. Which one of your parents has the worst temper? I don't think I can fairly answer this question. Dad was definitely more volatile when my parents were together, but they split like... almost a decade ago, and I haven't lived with him since. Mom spites the fuck outta him for it, but my dad is infinitely happier and more pleasant without her; since I re-established ties with him a couple years after he left, he was just a brand fucking new person. I mean maybe he still gets angry faster than Mom, but I can't say that with certainty since I just don't see him enough. What’s the last thing you learned? So in my Rammstein obsession lately I've been more intent than before on learning the stories that aren't obvious behind some songs, right? WELL I learned the detailed story behind "Mein Teil" AND,,,,,,,, IT'S A LOT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, When’s the last time you felt obsessed? ^ lmao oh, my passion for these goofs has been out of this world lately What would you spend $1,000 on? Okay so we're gonna say I can't save it for this, in which case I would probably get my big tattoo I want on my left arm, and if I have money to spare, I'd cover Sara's handwriting tattoo with Teddy's tribute one. What’s your job, or what do you want to do as your job? Blah, blah, I mention not having a job enough already. it stresses me the fuck out, but I just. Don't know exactly what I want to do to earn my keep, and by now the only thing that feels even mildly realistic for me is to be a housewife. There are some days where I horribly spite that, and others where I don't mind too much. It's like, I want to accomplish big things, but there is a lot in the way that I just do not know if I can get past. Then I'm also a person with a metric shit-ton of love in her, so this side says there's great position in just being a loving, supportive wife that helps keep her spouse motivated and happy. Ugh this answer is getting long dude, I just don't know. Maybe there's like this compromise where I'm a housewife that makes some income with her hobbies, idk dude, I really don't. What kind of covers do you have on your bed? They're a thin, airy pink that works well for hot weather. What song plays in your head the most? Rammstein's "Zick Zack" and its entire music video literally live in my head at all conscious moments completely rent-free. Have you ever received a card signed individually by a large group of people? Uhhh, maybe as a family collaboration for a birthday? Idr. Who do you know that’s pregnant right now? One of Ashley's oldest friends (and a neighbor for a massive chunk of our lives!), finally!! She's an elementary school teacher and just SO sweet, she is going to be a spectacular mother. <3 What did you last use scissors for? To make a starting point to open a bag of pizza rolls. Who have you helped move? Jason, and to a lesser extent, I helped get us into this house... barely. I am just so, so incredibly weak that to be honest I barely did anything and cried about it, but my family supposedly understood. And what age was your first kiss? I was a month into 16, I think. What is the last strain of weed you smoked/consumed however?............. I did not know weed had "strains" lmfao I don't know shit What is the last YouTube channel you watched? Rammstein Official; I watched their "Making of..." video for "Mein Teil." Do you have any nieces or nephews? Oh yes, many. I only see my immediate sister's three children regularly, though. The others live in different states entirely, as far away as Ohio. Have you ever been to an extremely dirty house before? Whose house was it? OLJAKSLDJFAKLWEJAFLER yes, Colleen's mother's when we were still friends. We went in there and out so fuckin fast. My mother also has a friend who is a hoarder, but I don't know if things have cleaned up since she had to move to a new place. I hope so; she's such a sweet woman that was just too low in sorrow over her mother's passing to take care of the house. Would you ever or do you hunt? I genuinely think I would rather starve and die, but if it was a serious survival situation, I really don't know what I'd do. I think that's one of those situations where you have to be in it to really know. Do you like to play games on your phone? What games do you play most often? I only really ever play Pokemon GO. What is the most recent video you took of? Damn dude, no idea. Maybe Teddy's last birthday when he got his "cake" and Mom and I sang "happy birthday" to him. Has wind ever done any extreme damage to your home or anything that you own? No, not extreme damage. We've had a tree fall onto our roof by a hurricane, and it required a bit of patching up, but it really wasn't bad. Do you enjoy taking photos with your significant other or are you just not that type of couple? If you don't have a significant other, do you enjoy taking photos of yourself more or of your friends and/or family? It's been 12 years of knowing on another... and ONE picture of us exists, and I'm barely in it lmaoooo. Girt just isn't a picture person, and I just feel too ugly all the time to try taking some. If I wasn't so self-conscious, oh, I would absolutely force this man to take some with me, haha.

music is so transformative i cant even visuals n storytelling paired with music with that environment it creates and manifests into its own and its so vivid like i cant fucking deal i can't even begin to explain this shit i cant put it into words it doesn't feel enough

there is just so much fucking magic when it comes to art be it writing, storytelling etc or music or art or acting editing all sorts it goes on and on and when they're paired together and something so magical comes to fruition is created ? i loose myself in shit and maybe thats just a me thing i'm a sentimental always thinking sometimes to my detriment thinking deeply all the time giving stuff meaning when it doesn't necessarily need to mean much like i'm so in love with the fuckinng mystical concept something so immersive and gripping beautiful concepts that draw you in that feeling can be with anything but when its a full on all sorts of aspects of art coming together in one? to create a piece of work/artwork? i am fucking done u bitches have me going jumping up and down screaming rolling around rolling down stairs rolling down roads setting into the sunset eyeballs pop out of head i'm spinning around someone mistook me for a fucking spring slinky dink or whatever like that dog from toy story and they're pushing me down ther stairs it is so fucking insane and it grips me so deeply i can't even it transcends to me. and when a bunch of aspects/catogs or whatever of art come together? work together? flesh out a gifted product? this is fucking insane i come back to this all the time but i cant fucking believe it

story telling does something to me narratives being explored characters being defined a message being shown or written into a concept something needing or calling for thought anything the atmosphere i hate to say aesthetic but im struggling to find the right word im thinking about just the culmination the spirit and the soul. its hard to believe this shit isn't real because it moves and grips you and ur conscience it brings you into a different realm it transports you and it makes it feel so tangible it makes life feel so deeply precious even if bittersweet even if not peace and love even if its struggles theres room for any and all in tale telling in stories in concepts in narratives in art in concept pieces in something heavily themed in snarky cynical pieces in butting heads in art work in creative pieces and work in creative collaboration artists, dancers, authors, writers, screenplayers, actors, prop makers, music artists, just visionaries, like historians that focus on art, in ppl who's passion in their work is feeling real experiences rawness. like a music video that visual aspect the planning the vision the incredible thought process so detailed intertwining with a narrative telling a story already made or not linking arms together dancing together lifting eachother up making eachother brighter bringing meaning to everything. a song added? that audio stimulance there is so much to music so so so much so much potential theres so much potential in all of art and music has the capability to truly move us to create landscapes in ur mind. actors n dancers. all of it and so much more that i can't name all of them coming a cross incredible work ? seeing that all eb and flow together in a piece of media oh i am go fucking BERSERK dont get me started like this is so beyond anything

i find stories and feelings n just worlds n atmospheres a lot its something i hold dear and like i cant even it grips my heart so tight the love or infatuation is almost too much it feels too much it feels too good to be true like looking around r any of u other bitches getting this like i am are u seeing this because it is incredible how can people create such gifts to the human experience u lot have me fucked up all u artists in whatever field are out there any human on this earth has me fucked up

like i write my thoughts down a lot i love english/literature its a lot of shit that comes together for me but idk what else to call it i write shit down all the time in my notes because random stuff comes to me i plan on going further into english academically its a process like i wrote something not too long ago about grass yeah just grass about lying on the grass sitting on the grass i have to give feelings to everything even if its just to imagine to wonder to think whats the perspective what are the thoughts how would i feel this world is so wild art is so precious the care for something so deeply no matter what it is sports etc or what that need and drive for a matter a love that defines your life or part of your life it sticks to you like glue like gum dont look at me i cant anything

So today I officially decided that I was over social media. Like I tried to can with the Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok apps but I simply cannot. I’m convinced that those particular apps are for the willfully ignorant, and I couldn’t. I’m a writer, and that’s what I do. Most people on those apps don’t even read write or spell very well. It’s easier for me to use my blog. Also I went to Only Fans, cause I do like to post the occasional pic and video. Truth is I’m grown. To much kid shit on those apps. I really don’t play, like I’m not an internet thug, I really be ready to punch a bitch in the face, you come out ya mouth wrong at me, and people in those places like to talk. I like to talk as well, I got a smart ass mouth, and if you try me I will verbally assassinate you, with zero hesitation so. It’s the immaturity for me for real. I can’t get with that shit, and I don’t care much for stooping to someone else’s level, so it was best for me to move on. I dont have time for it anyway, also I have a You Tube, so I will just focus on that. I dont have time to be postin so much anyway. I’m able to write, and make videos in the little down time I have so, I really am not interested anymore.

Sometimes you just grow out of things. Like when I started using Facebook, it was probably 2010, and when I opened mine, I had to use my MCC school ID, to gain access. They started letting anybody on that shit, and it went to hell. I got caught up with Instagram, I was looking to be a brand ambassador and they told me I couldn’t yet because my following was too small. They had me sign up and pay for a service that was supposed to “organically grow” my following, at the end of the day, when I shut that down, I think I had 12 point something thousand followers the Fck?!! And now I’m famous for reasons nobody probably should be, and still no brand ambassador job, and everybody in my business for nothing so never mind no thank you. Pettiness and bs on tiktok was the same, dirty ass niggas, and the women child, I don’t even have a lot of respect for women, so imagine the vexation. Like if you a bitch I would just prefer you not even bother like unless you wanna fight, but obviously they don’t just like a woman they only wanted to sit on they ass and run their mouths. You not bout to aggravate me on my damn phone.

I have or at least I’d like to think that I have a level of confidence that absolutely at this point will not be matched. I’d rather write, and post pics, and vids that make you upset cause I know ya nigga look at them, regardless of how ugly y’all claim I am. Plus I had a conversation with the S.O. Who’s aggravated but not cause I’m on my phone so much, but not really. I gather there are things out in the open that they would prefer me not find out, cause the town where I live is messy as fck, and that’s fine cause you do whatever. I will simply follow suit, but as it suits me. I gather by the types of women who come for me, that I legit am just not their type. I never was… bitch tried to treat me like they would treat that type though, and I wasn’t havin it… I’m still not, baby listen, when I came to the realization, like legit that shit has recently been hitting me over the head like a ton of bricks lately, its aggravating to because I really thought… but since don’t nobody pay me to think, I’m just gonna do what comes naturally to me. I’m more quiet anyway when I keep a journal, and between writing, keeping a video blog and Only fans, I feel like I might just find some balance, which has always been my goal.

I enjoy journalism. Social media, I thought was like the new age it right, because news papers, and magazines have all since been discontinued, But it seems like the world of social media is filled with, narcissism, ignorance and it disgusts me now. Of course I’m miserable, It’s like going to school everyday encountering bullies, and I HATE BULLIES WITH A PASSION. I’m only a mean girl when I encounter them, and I’m trying to move 100 % into my feminine, and it is not going to happen anywhere on any of those apps. There’s only a certain amount of gate keeping I’m gonna accept, and this over here is my lane. I dont have to worry about having to avoid dumb shit on my own pages, I can just come and be legit focused on myself. I have a feeling though that, they will come, but it will be harder for them to be discreet with the dumb shit over here. I just don’t have time anymore. I don’t want to be unhappy so I’m not. Not about to bother with trolls, and that’s what they look like on and off line. Child most of them don’t even have all their teeth in their mouth. People like that try to make you miserable, because they have no substance in their life. I’m convinced even this thang I live with. I don’t even it’s late, and I don’t really even have the energy to get into it, I know for facts that my content writing, and vlogging will turn up more than it’s fair share. Let’s just say that anything to get a rise out of me is going to be the topic, lucky My discovery of me will be where I find peace. Nothing like writing it down, and talking to myself about it, along with a fire ass pic to put me in a better mood about me, GOD knows I deserve it.

My whole life I have been around nothing it seems but people who try really hard to keep me from me. I just came also to the conclusion that, My kids are raised. I am not and cannot have anymore babies, and I’m young enough now to live my life for me. Obviously I’m still a mother… but not like I was, not like when my kids were little. They aren’t anymore, and it ain’t nothin behind my cervix but womb. I am beautiful, I have a decent body, which I’m bout to work really hard on and for the first time in my life, acne isn’t plaguing my face. Mind My business? Bet baby, cause I never had the chance to be wrapped up in me. I’m about to start though. The people worried about me bein in their business need not worry. They will be looking for me before I’m EVER looking for them. It’s always like that.

YES colde is like . nobody is touching him, he’s up up up up there. What I love about this song is the way he enunciates his words, obviously I’m not a kr speaker but some words are more dramatic than others and it reminds me of how yeonjun has picked that up too in his rapping in 0x1, lonely boy and ring, which kind of shows he’s growing as a writer in general since sometimes words need to sound a certain way to fit in a song when you change the flow? If that makes sense.. and I love the video too like it’s just him walking around, vibing.. it reminds me of the gold mv where he was just riding around london on the bike LMAO

I’m glad you and humming anon liked between thats so cool 😭 I love love love sumin she’s a great singer. she’s EXTREMELY different from the rest, and I’ve even watched some live performances on YouTube and yeah she’s as real as they come, she will shock you

ever since we talked about you being the only one that likes seraph I have grown to like it a little more…. Just a little. especially because it has visuals (idk but sometimes I need to see something to like it more when it comes to music, whether it’s official or not - I really don’t know how to explain it, it’s kind of an odd thing about me lmao)

off topic but when I first heard forever 1 by snsd I didn’t like it very much but then I saw mark dancing to it w one of the other members and all of a sudden I liked it and added it to my playlist😭😭

i listened to mess it up and it’s not usually something I would listen to but I really like the adlibs they added, like at 1:35.. like it just tickles my brain, the singer took a picture with the members at lolla right? I do kind of like lily of the valley, I might look into them more. Idk what the exact genre is called but I guess it’s k-indie right? But I feel like that term is a bit too broad or I’m just thinking about it too much… ANYWAY the bottom line is that I do love the vibe it has. It kind of reminds me of wave to earth. Something about snow is sooo… IDK LIKE MELANCHOLY. I’m in my feels, snow definitely sounds like a rainy or snow day song 😭

june anon

(lengthy response 2/2!)

i totally get what you mean in terms of yeonjun displaying more of his writing capabilities as an artists. bantering, fist fighting, badgering aside, yeonjun is a literal muse to me (along with the one and only, bibi <3) i absolutely adore and admire people who strive to have a creative say in their works and want to display their personality/passion through different appeals? like the way yeonjun has a say in what he wants to wear and strive to build his own personal style or the way he writes his own lyrics too? like fr those sorts of people get me pumped and im just bAHRHAHH LET ME BE YOU !!! LET ME WORK WITH YOU !!! <- me with the entire dpr regime

PAHAHAH I'M GLAD YOU LIKE SERAPH A LITTLE MORE... i watched ian's podcast on the zach sang show and he said how if he listens to music, he has to imagine a story or a movie to it and i 100000000000% KNEW WHAT HE WAS SAYING.... just the orchestra in seraph and the way it all just starts feels like the beginning to such a serene movie with jammed pack emotions and it just *shakes violently* i have such a knack for good cinematography <- literally knows nothing about it but the way ian is just ON ANOTHER LEVEL MAKES ME !?!?!?!? i am so in love with this man my GOD

FOREVER1 IS SO CUTE like i saw soshi's (is that snsd's fandom name ? i dont recall PAHAHAH) reacting to it and them all tearing up and I BEGAN TEARING UP CAUSE IM LIKE ): I GET IT !! I REALLY DO i've been into kpop since like 2nd - 3rd gen era so i felt super heartwarmed from the comeback as well

i rmbr listening to mess it up and at first i was like oh it's pretty decent ! but then i came across the audio but like.... nightcore versioned and it was the bridge and i was ilke wow wait this is so good and then listened to the actual version and i've just been having it on loop PAHAHHA i truly think that naturally finding songs is >>> better than searching because it lets you just hear it without any prior thoughts

yes !! the genre is k-indie for sure (": i came across someone saying how they're going to escape to their magical fantasy world and they showed their playlist and i got so curious what this song sounded like because the name was so pretty (esp since it's a flower too) and i ended up finding snow by surl as well and i just <3 <3 k-indie hits a good spot for me... i'm also really into hyukoh as well and they DEFINATELY have a special place in my heart

ME AND HUMMING ANON LITERALLY BRAIN ROTTED OFF WAVE TO EARTH ASHDOJLKMAW we both LOVEEE seasons and bonfire (respectively, humming anon loving seasons a little bit more and i, loving bonfire a little bit more) but i feel like i'm floating and the world is at peace whenever i listen to them