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zmzebra-writes · 15 days

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Title: The Wrong Amagi Wedding Chapters: 3/? (start, previous) Genre: Comedy Summary: After being invited to their father's second marriage, Rinne and Hiiro find themselves having to temporarily return to the village. Not wanting their friends to be alone, the rest of Crazy:B and Alkaloid join them on their journey back, but these "city folks" might not be the only ones learning something new during this visit.

In this chapter.... The hike towards the village continues! Follow Alkakurei as they traverses the trees and rivers, meet old friends, and take their first steps into the village.

CW for vulgar jokes. Nothing cruel, just a tad dirty.

They were about half-way to the village when Rinne decided to stop for lunch. He had been pointing out edible plants for Niki to snack on, but everyone else wanted to eat a proper meal. It was around lunchtime anyways.

“On the other side of the river,” called out Rinne, “There’s a good space for us to have a picnic. Is everyone confident in their balancing abilities?”

Everyone made noises of agreement, but Aira and Mayoi looked unsure.

“What do you mean by that, Rinne?” asked Aira.

Rinne held up two fingers. “If you don’t want to get wet, there are only two ways to cross the river to the village: balancing on an old fallen log or balancing on some high river rocks.”

Rinne gave a sly grin. “Unless you want me to test how far I can throw you, Aira-chan~...”

Aira squeaked and rapidly rejected the idea.

“Kyahaha! Don’t worry, it’s not that bad,” reassured Rinne, “The water isn’t that deep or strong at this part of the river. If you’re nervous, you can walk on through.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! You’ll just freeze your nuts off instead!”

Aira’s face scrunched up. “...I think I’ll take the log.”

Rinne whistled and skipped ahead. “Rotting log it is!”

“Huh?? What do you mean rotting??”

Mayoi looked sick as he watched Aira chase after Rinne. “... I think I’ll just let the river take my balls.”

Tatsumi gave a look of concern. “But your balls are so lovely, Mayoi. It would be a loss for the world.”

“Tatsumi?!” shrieked Mayoi.

Tatsumi giggled. “Kidding~! Just a joke.”

“You are disgusting, Kazehaya,” said HiMERU as he pushed himself ahead of everyone.

“Aw, HiMERU, your balls are cute too~...”

HiMERU turned around to murder Tatsumi for uttering such slander.

“Can we please stop talking about balls?!!” yelled Kohaku, thoroughly done with his seniors.

“Yeah! Don’t worry, Mayoi,” said Hiiro, aiming to be a beacon of comfort today, “You’ll still have your balls after crossing the river! It’s just cold.”

“Not helping, Hiiro!” There was no refuge for Kohaku.

“Hey are you guys done talking about your balls or are we going to cross this log?” yelled back Rinne, “Aira’s too much of a pussy to go first so Kohaku you need to get over here and hold his hand.”

“Brother, can’t I hold hands with Aira?” asked Hiiro.

“Nah, there’s only so much this old log can handle at a time, but you can go first and help them off the log.”

“On it!” Hiiro zoomed forward, crossing the log with light, deft steps. He leapt off, and started waving from the opposite bank.

“Come on, Aira! It’s perfectly safe!”

Aira still felt nervous, but Kohaku came up from behind and grabbed his hand.

“Don’t worry, Love-han. I’ll be right behind and keep you from falling,” said Kohaku.

Aira smiled.

“OK now chop chop, loverboys, get moving,” said Rinne, “We still have a lot more people to get through.”

Kohaku glared at Rinne, but let Aira lead him to the log bridge. Slowly, but surely, they made it to the other side where Hiiro helped them down.

Next was Niki, then HiMERU, and lastly Tatsumi, until only Rinne and Mayoi remained.

“Alright, Mayo-chan~, you’re up.”

Mayoi began to fidget. “... I really think I should just take the river.”

Rinne swooped down and lifted up Mayoi in a single, quick movement. Mayoi squeaked.

“Come on, scaredy cat. If this ol’ log can hold up a fatass like Niki, it can hold up your flat ass. Unless you want to see if it can handle both our weights at once when I carry you across…”

Rinne held Mayoi so he was barely standing on the log before letting go. Mayoi quickly and gracefully crossed the log in one fell swoop.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Rinne followed behind on the log at a relaxed pace.

Niki greeted him on the landing. “So lunchtime? You have the cooler, right?”

“Am I only a piece of meat to you, Niki?”

“Nyahaha, of course not, Rinne. You contain many different types of foods. Now open up!”

Rinne grumbled, but unzipped his bag. “A ‘please’ would be nice…”

He looked up at Kohaku. “Do you still have that messenger bag of snacks, Kohaku?”

Kohaku huffed at the obvious as the bag rested in front of him.

“Are you an idiot, Rinne?” he said as he opened the bag, “Obviously I still have the— huh?”

Kohaku took off the bag and shook out a pile of trash. Only a few of them still contained food or drink. “Where did it… Niki!”

Niki carefully slinked out of sight. Kohaku dropped his luggage to increase his speed as he moved in for the kill. The rest of the group began setting up for lunch as Niki ran for his life.

A few minutes later, a sudden thud and shriek from Niki and Kohaku had Rinne dropping the sandwiches he was taking out of his bag and swiping his knife. Both Amagis hopped to action, running towards the sound of the shouts.

Niki was sitting on the ground behind Kohaku who stood on the defense. In front of them stood a large beast in the shadows of the trees. Its massive flat face was only rivaled by the size of its soaring humpback. Smoke appeared to surround the beast, hiding its features as it breathed heavily.

“Rinne, what is that thing?” asked Kohaku, unsure of whether his fists would be enough to take the monster down.

“Stay still, Kohaku,” said Rinne as he creeped closer to the beast with a hand out to tell Hiiro to pause, “We don’t want to set it off.”

A low rumbling came from the beast as it scraped the ground with its wide hoof.

“Easy, fella, easy,” said Rinne. He had a bet on what this mystery animal was, but he needed to take a risk to let everything end peacefully, “Don’t you recognize me?”

The beast huffed as more smoke billowed through the trees. Hiiro and Kohaku tensed up. Rinne was now only a foot away from the being. He held out a hand for it to sniff, his knife stored secretly in his back pocket.

“I know it’s been years, but do you remember? The apple from that time.”

The beast stilled. The ever growing smoke began to thin to everyone’s relief. The beast moved into the light to press its face into Rinne’s outstretched hand.

Niki and Kohaku looked shocked at the sight of the now clearly visible strange creature.

Hiiro’s eyes lit up in recognition and he tensed up to attack. “Volcano bison! You returned to destroy us!”

“Calm down, Hiiro,” replied Rinne as he patted Volcano Bison, “I’m friends with it. I think Volcano Bison was just curious.”

“Rinne, what the hell is that?” asked Kohaku with a slightly horrified look. The beast appeared to break several laws of existence with its large eyes and what appeared to be smoke coming from the peak on its back.

“It’s just Volcano Bison, Kohaku. It’s not that complicated.”

“It is Incredibly complicated, Rinne! Niki, back me up here.”

Kohaku turned to look at Niki who was ignoring the conversation in favor of observing the newly revealed creature. “Hmmm… I wonder how it would taste… Since it’s friends with Rinne, we probably won’t be allowed to eat it, but still…”

Kohaku’s face dropped for a moment until he recovered with a face palm. “Right. I don’t know what I expected.”

Rinne moved to the side to introduce his new friends to Volcano Bison. “That over there is Hiiro, my younger brother who I told you about. The pink shorty is Kohaku, and the guy on the ground is Niki, my wife.”

This caught Niki’s attention. “I’m not your wife, Rinne!”

“Can we not argue in front of my friends, Niki?”

Volcano Bison let out a low rumble (that Kohaku pretended he did not jump at) before appearing to bow its head. In a way. It didn’t particularly seem to have a visible neck or bendable knees which made it rather unsettling to watch.

“Any friend of my brother is a friend of mine,” said Hiiro with a smile.

“We were about to stop for lunch, if you would like to join us, Volcano Bison,” offered Rinne. He had packed a few apples for this exact possibility.

Volcano Bison smiled with its eyes and nodded.

“Follow us then!”

Niki used Kohaku (against his will) to stand up, and together they watched the beast gallump after the two brothers.

“Please tell me you think this is weird too, Niki,” begged Kohaku.

“Maybe a little, but this is a big world we live in Kohaku,” responded Niki before following after them.

Kohaku stared at their disappearing backs. He huffed.

“HiMERU and Love-han wouldn’t treat me this way,” he said before walking back to the picnic site.

Thankfully for Kohaku, the rest of the group seemed correctly shocked by the beast joining them for lunch. The apple Rinne passed to it appeared to somehow be eaten in one gulp like a :3-faced toucan. Kohaku and Aira pretended they weren’t hiding behind HiMERU and Tatsumi as Volcano Bison stared directly at them. Mayoi also hid behind Tatsumi, but he didn’t try to hide it. It made for a very surreal picnic.

Later, as they were cleaning up, Rinne passed it another fruit before speaking quietly to it. “If anything happens in the village, I want you to cause a diversion and get as many of them out as fast as possible. I’ll call you if I need you.”

Volcano Bison nodded.

Rinne smiled and patted his old friend on the back. “Thanks.”

The Amagis waved goodbye as Volcano Bison disappeared back into the woods in a cloud of smoke. Kohaku, HiMERU, and Aira wondered if some of those road trips snacks had been laced with something.

The rest of the hike to the village was quiet until: “Oh be careful of the twine there,” warned Rinne as HiMERU paused his gait. On the ground was a thin piece of string tied across the path.

“Thank you for the warning, Amagi,” said HiMERU as he and the rest of the party carefully stepped over it.

“No problem,” waved off Rinne.

“What would have happened if the trap went off?” asked Aira.

“A bunch of arrows would get set off and kill MERUMERU instantly,” said Rinne as he glanced around the trees.

Aira went pale, but now was Hiiro’s time to shine: “That’s not true! That trap only lets the village know that someone is walking down the path towards us,” he explained.

Rinne booed him. “Why’d you have to ruin the joke so quickly, Hiiro? Let your little girlfriend hop around worried for a bit first.”

“But the arrow traps aren’t on this path, brother!” said Hiiro, “I don’t want to lie to Aira.”

Aira frowned, but Tatsumi patted him on the back in reassurance. “Don’t worry, Aira. If any arrows come towards you, I’ll protect you from the arrows with my life.”

“Tattsun?!”

“HiMERU will help Kazehaya if the event occurs,” said HiMERU as he walked towards the front again.

Rinne hit HiMERU on the back. “That’s the spirit, MERUMERU. Glad to see you getting along with Tatsumi.”

HiMERU frowned as Tatsumi smiled.

Rinne looked up at a tree and smiled as his eye caught a glint of metal in the light. “Hey, Hiiro, do you want to do the honors in letting everyone know we’re here?”

Hiiro lit up as he rushed over to climb up a nearby tree and pull on a similar looking piece of string.

“Hey, Rinne?” asked Kohaku, “So what’s the difference between that trap and the one your brother is setting off?”

Rinne turned back to look at Kohaku. “Hm? The one Hiiro is setting off is the hidden village doorbell so that no one thinks a sneak attack is happening. That one MERU was going to set off is the stupid loser doorbell because only the ones not in the know or not paying attention set it off. I think Hiiro set it off once and no one let him live it down for a month.”

“I see,” replied Kohaku, thinking of his own family’s secrets.

Hiiro climbed back down the tree. “Hey guys, what are we talking about?”

Kohaku looked at Hiiro’s bright eyes and decided to spare him. “Oh we were just talking about the different traps on this path.”

“Yeah! We got a lot of them around here to do all sorts of things,” said Hiiro, “My brother is well versed in a lot of them since he set most of them off when we were kids.”

“Oh really?” said Kohaku with a cat’s grin.

Rinne sped up his walking to race ahead. “Wow! Look at how close we are to the village. We should be hitting the village border any second—”

The more observant of the group spotted a blur racing towards them. “Rinne, look out!” called out Kohaku as he realized the attacker’s target. Rinne braced himself as he stood alone on the forest path, the rest of the group farther behind.

“I was wondering when you were going to show up,” said Rinne through gritted teeth.

The attacker dove for Rinne, starting a brief brawl as the two fought using moves Kohaku had never seen before. Kohaku and Hiiro raced towards Rinne, but they were too late, and soon Rinne was taken down by what appeared to be a large woman with short red hair in blue and tan clothing.

“Hiiro,” she said flatly, and that was all the warning they got before she attacked once more.

This time, however, Kohaku was close enough to lend his aid. The two of them worked hard to down this strange opponent, but somehow Kohaku kept finding all his moves to kill swiftly disarmed. It was worse than fighting Madara, who had a tendency to enjoy preventing Kohaku from actually connecting any hits over fighting back. In the end, Kohaku and Hiiro found themselves both hanging upside down, one in each hand, as the woman wrangled the two teenagers at once.

The rest of the party caught up and stared in horror as they found themselves helpless against their surprise opponent.

Aira looked at Hiiro’s serious eyes, but found himself confused by his friend’s smile.

Why was he…?

“Haha! You got me again, father!” laughed Hiiro as he swung himself in the woman’s grasp.

“FATHER?!?” yelled the rest of the party.

“You must be the friends Rinne spoke of,” the woman said, continuing to hold Kohaku and Hiiro by their ankles, “He spoke very highly of all of you.”

A distant voice called out ahead from where the woman came from. “Leader! Leader!” an out of breath voice cried out, “You are supposed to be resting!”

Rinne groaned from where he lay on the ground. “Even while sick, you are still causing trouble, old man,” he grumbled to himself.

Rinne sat up and leveled his father with a flat stare as the villager came closer to them. “Can you put down Kohaku and Hiiro, father? Kohaku’s hair is going to turn red from all his blood rushing down and you’ll confuse him for another Amagi.”

The elder Amagi let go of her opponents. Hiiro tumbled down quietly while Kohaku yelped before both landed softly, used to breaking their falls. Aira rushed forward to their sides and grabbed their wrists. He dragged them both back to stand behind Tatsumi. Kohaku glared while Hiiro smiled. His father cocked her head at the sight, but paid them little mind.

“Hey,” called out Rinne, pulling her attention back to him, “Aren’t duel greetings reserved for martial arts students?”

“You will always be my student, and there will always be more to learn. I needed to see if your skills have rusted in your absence,” she stated.

“Just admit you wanted to take a swing at me and Hiiro after all this time,” said Rinne as he glared upwards at his father.

She pointedly looked away from Rinne towards the oncoming aide. The woman huffed as she bent her head forward in deference. “Sir, I apologize for cutting your reunion short with your sons, but you must spend more time saving your strength for the wedding.”

“It is traditional for the monarch to greet guests to the village before they arrive, Ayasato,” she said.

“It is traditional with a team of bodyguards present, sir,” the aide emphasized, “We had a welcoming team prepared to meet them in your absence led by your wife to be.”

“I deemed them unnecessary. As the only main branch Amagi remaining in the village, I deemed it necessary for myself to be the one to greet these outsiders.”

Ayasato’s face remained blank to avoid showing her true feelings on the matter, but Rinne frowned at his father’s intentional dig.

“Now are we going to stand here all day or shall we return to the village?” their father asked, “We’ve prepared a big dinner for you all tonight, and we have much to explain to you about the rules during your stay here.”

Ayasato bowed. “Lead the way, sir.”

The senior Amagi began walking back towards the village. Ayasato leaned down and offered a hand to Rinne. “It’s good to have you back, sir.”

He ignored it and stood up on his own. “Keep the fake praise to yourself.”

Ayasato frowned, but nodded before she turned to the rest of the party. “Everyone, follow us and I will inform everyone of our basic rules as we walk to the village center.”

With no other path, but forward, the idols followed them deeper into the forest.

#feel free to shoot me down if the cw feels unnecessary #the story has no rating currently so... this felt like the next best thing for something as minor as rinne's mouth #rinne amagi #kohaku oukawa #aira shiratori #hiiro amagi #volcano bison #niki shiina #enstars oc #enstars #ensemble stars #my writing #fanfic #all of this will likely become defunct after the new amagi lore drops but i Needed to share my amagi father oc before he shows up #i also have other amagi village ocs but they are easier to add in later. Probably. we shall see #might make an oc character sheet later and keep it updated with all my ocs for this story to better split this story off from canon #in case VOLCANO BISON being there isn't enough

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