#i feel so bad because the episode was SO GOOD for SO MANY OF THE HELLS but ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS BEING UNHINGED ABOUT THE ASHTON LORE
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does anyone else find it really difficult and frustrating trying to infodump to people? like. either i just get going and they change the subject or they seem really uninterested, or they dont understand that i dont want to talk about the Facts about my special interest i want to talk about my Opinions and the way it makes me Feel
someone will be like oh hey infodump to me about doctor who. tell me some doctor who facts. and im like. ok thats great and i appreciate you encouraging me to talk about it but. i dont Know that many facts off the top of my head. what i Want to tell you about is how there are so many Ruby and Rose parallels and that the use of puppets for the Meep and the Goblin King and the Stooky Babbies was really cool because practical effects give the actors something physical to react to so their performance is more engaging and believable and how the platonic relationship between the Doctor and Donna is especially compelling to me as an aroace person and and and
you know??
but they expect me to be like. idk. rattling off facts about the series and the writers and the episodes and its like. no!!! i dont want to tell you exactly how many episodes the weeping angels have featured in i want to tell you that Blink was really creative in its story telling because it barely features the Doctor at all!! and the scene where Sally talks to the recording and the conversation finally makes sense is so cool and interesting!! and we really get to know these characters over the course of just one episode and then we never see them again!!
its just so Frustrating because i want to infodump so bad all the time but i hate feeling like im boring people or that im infodumping Wrong and i always end up being the person everyone infodumps to because im a really good listener but when i do it i always end up either talking to myself or writing about it on tumblr.
i just. idk sorry for the vent im just kind of upset because i was really excited about the new doctor who episodes and a friend invited me to talk about it and just. ended up asking if theres ever been a character with my brothers name because there was one with my sisters name and now im upset because i dont know!! and i dont care!! thats not what i wanted to talk about!!
ugh
i think i might be on the verge of a meltdown and it feels so stupid but. this Always happens
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Heavy
Summary: Reader's having a depressive episode and needs some comfort from her mate
Content Warnings: Depression
Author's Note: I should be finishing my Vamp!Rhys fic but I got sad and wrote this instead
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Velaris is beautiful at night, from the glittering stars overhead, to the soft gurgle of the Sidra rushing over time worn stones beneath the city’s many intricate bridges. The music makes the whole city feel full of light and laughter, couples often dancing and humming in the streets. It’s one of your favorite places to be.
Usually.
Tonight it’s just… there. Though you stand in the heart of it, everything moves around you, never quite touching you. It’s as if you’re suddenly a stranger in the place you love the most, the emotional distance between you palpable.
You jam your hands in your pockets and keep walking, though you’re not really sure where you’re going, your body moving on autopilot. It’s been like that for a couple weeks now, if you’re honest, you’ll be half way through the day sometimes before you realize you’re not sure how or when you even got out of bed, or gotten dressed. Did you even eat? Kiss your mate good morning? Rhys has been working long hours in Illyria lately, most nights you’re already asleep before he’s even tumbling into bed, but, now that you’re thinking about it, that could also be because you’ve been going to sleep earlier too.
You frown at your boots as you walk, trying to remember when this happened. It’s not new, you’ve had bouts of this since you were a teenager, but they’ve been better thanks to regular sessions with Madja and some other healers. Art therapy in the Rainbow has helped too. Usually you can tell when you’re starting to slip into the darker places in your head, but it crept up on you this time.
By the time your mindless wanderings bring you back to the Townhouse, the light from your upstairs bedroom is already on, meaning Rhys somehow finished his business and beat you home. You’d only planned to grab some takeout so you wouldn’t have to cook, and yet, here you stand, hands as empty as your stomach.
The door opens before you can even reach for your key, soft light spilling out into the entryway. “There you are!” Rhys says by way of greeting, as if he’d been waiting by the door for you. Your mate leans in to place a quick peck on your lips as he guides you inside.
“Did you go to Rita’s with Mor?”
He should be able to tell you hadn’t, since you’re wearing the same sweatpants you had been for a week, but then again, he also hasn’t been home enough to know you haven’t changed out of them.
“No I…” you hate talking about this stuff, hate feeling like you’re burdening anybody with the weight you feel pressing down on your chest. “Uh, went to get dinner.”
Rhys stares down at your empty hands, eyebrows raised teasingly. “Did you forget to bring it back?”
You run a hand over your eyes. Cauldron they’re so heavy! Why is everything always so heavy? Your whole body feels like it’s made of bricks, just the effort to kick off your boots feels like it takes every single drop of energy you have left. “Sorry.” Even speaking feels like too much.
Rhys frowns, “Darling, are you ok?”
“Just tired,” you say, avoiding his eyes now.
He steps forward, placing a knuckle under your chin and tilting your face towards him. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m tired,” you repeat, but your eyes are watering now.
He stills, violet eyes roaming over you, assessing for the first time tonight how you look, the dark circles under your eyes. He knows you haven’t had trouble sleeping, he’s barely been able to wake you when he comes home at night. “It’s getting bad again, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, tears falling in earnest now.
Rhys’s features soften as he lifts you into his arms, the bond flooding with warmth and understanding as he says, “It’s not your fault. You can’t help it.”
You rest your head on his shoulder as he carries you upstairs. “I thought I was doing better… but everything just feels heavy again.”
He kisses your forehead gently as he climbs into bed and settles you down against his chest. Twisting, his wings unfurl so he can curl one around you, cocooning you in the warmth of his body. “What can I do to help?”
You wrap an arm around his waist as you settle your face against his chest, his heartbeat steady and even beneath you. Madja had said once that this was helpful if you got overly anxious, the steadiness of his breathing helping yours level out, and it helps now too, gives you something to focus on. It’s grounding and you let your breathing sync up, your chest rising and falling against his own. Madja hadn’t been able to stress enough how important it was to find something to ground you in the present when you got like this, lest your thoughts start to spiral deeper and deeper into the dark.
“Just need you to hold me for a little while,” you say.
Rhys pulls your favorite blanket up over the two of you before wrapping an arm around your waist. “I love you,” and the bond floods with more warmth than you think you deserve, but it doesn’t let up when those thoughts sneak in. “I’ll do anything you need me to.”
You place a gentle kiss to his chest. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he replies, fingers tracing shapes in your back. “No one has all good days.”
“But nothing even happened,” you protest. “I just woke up one morning and it was just so heavy to be awake.”
He kisses your temple. “We can see Madja in the morning, if you need, but you can’t beat yourself up. You have no control over it.”
You press your temple into his chest and breath in the jasmine and citrus scent of him. “I hate it.”
He places another kiss to the top of your head. You know he hates it too, hates that it’s a battle he can’t fight for you, no matter how much he wants to. “It will pass.”
Rhys is warm, his presence soothing, the darkness that seeps from his skin on the days he hasn’t had the time to expel enough of it, drifting over your body in soothing motions. This is safe and quite and peaceful. Your body starts to settle more and more as time goes on.
“Do you really believe that?” You whisper. “That it’ll pass?”
“Yes,” he says. “It has before, and it will again.” Knowing he’s had the experience himself, you’re inclined to believe he’s right.
“I’m glad you’re with me,” you admit.
Rhys holds you a little tighter, “Till all the stars fall from the sky, my love.” He holds you all night, whispering all the things he loves about you as you start to fall asleep.
You let yourself fall into it, hoping tomorrow will be better.
#rhysand x reader#Rhys x reader#Rhys x reader fluff#rhys acotar#acotar fic#acotar fluff#my writing#my fanfic#fanfiction#Rhys fic
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So Never Again. Just saw this post and the way she looks up at him there is on a level with Mulder’s famous Fallen Angel eyes and his reaction to her? He doesn't melt? He chooses violence and being a dick? Please tell me why.
i LOVE this question because it is so easy to see it from scully's perspective. it's her episode. but you really have to think about mulder's perspective.
for mulder, this seems out of nowhere, and in his mind she was extremely inattentive with his informant on a case he's taking seriously. he doesn't understand what she's really asking or what the problem is, and a big part of that is she doesn't exactly either. it's almost like she's blaming him for the stand still in her life, but at the same time wants to be seen & appreciated (in a way that she understands, can feel, can see). and i don't think she could have figured it out the way she needed to with mulder. she needed the safety of talking to a stranger, someone inconsequential to her life. (like there's no way she could have that "other fathers" conversation with him lol) so ed jerse is the one to give her that. (she does with ed what she can't yet do with mulder. something neither of them are ready for and she isn't brave enough to do yet. and like. idk i just think she needed this! regardless of mulder lol)
like: "this isn't about you. or maybe it is, indirectly. i don't know." the one thing she got right is "i don't know" lol so of course mulder is confused!!
if you place leonard betts first, she's contemplating what she's leaving behind. has she had any impact working on the x files? on mulder? who is going to remember her? what evidence of her life will be left? in that office...it looks like she's had very little effect. (but i do not subscribe to this one.)
if never again is first, which i like better lollll (it makes more sense to me. i understand why people like lb first, it's more clear cut. it puts a reason behind her behavior. but i just don't think it quite fits. scully literally doesn't know what's wrong. if she was already worried about cancer, i think it would come across differently. but she's frustrated & confused and she wants for something she can't admit, express, pinpoint, articulate? idk what word i'm looking for lol) scully's just hit that point in her pattern again, her cycle...it took her four years, and after some rough cases (paper hearts – she couldn't help mulder despite how she tried, el mundo gira – a dead end. and idk, so many of their cases. and she's always wrong, he always does the crazy thing, he's always hurt)...well anyway, at the end he's still asking "all because i didn't get you a desk?" he still isn't quite understanding, until she says it's her life and he almost says "yes but it's become mine." he doesn't say it, they sit in silence, and in leonard betts, he tells her she did a good job & should be proud. all his little jokes like he's trying to make her laugh, to get back to their usual banter. because he wants to make her smile. so he understood at least a little by leonard betts. but they also come to a silent understanding. i just love the way kae talks about it. and i think the end is kind of the explanation for the beginning. the end is the real answer to the whole episode, and what it took to get there...and this post here, kae just understands him and talks about him in a way that i feel. it's exactly what i see in a way i could never articulate. (and she does my favorite thing!!! connects different moments. the characterization is so good.) and she has such a special insight to both of them, different patterns, but to me two sides of the same coin.
and so, either way, at the beginning of never again, he's completely thrown because he doesn't know. this is when their bad verbal communication and personal issues/insecurities/fears take hold. they're both so good at taking too much responsibility.
we're seeing into scully's mind a bit, but we aren't really seeing into his. but he's afraid, he doesn't want her to leave (something he's feared for a long time), he thinks space is the answer to whatever's going on. but he's also kinda needy and he can't just say that. so he calls her and they misunderstand each other again and she makes a date. he isn't trying to be an ass but he's scared & defensive, and he gets like that when she makes him nervous. like whenever she believes (beyond the sea, revelations, all souls, en ami). it feels like that to me. he's afraid, but this time he thinks he's the problem, their work is the problem. and he kinda said the worst thing he could say to her at that moment. "you were just assigned" — he has no idea how she understood that, how it hurts her. (and she's not thinking about how he means it, what he thinks/feels/fears.) and really, it's because she sucks at just saying the thing as much as he does. it takes them a long time to work out their direct communication. their unspoken communication, the way they work on their cases doesn't translate to their personal relationship. as intimate as their partnership is, working through their own issues takes time and it's those things that hinder them moving forward for so long. ya know?
i think @randomfoggytiger talks about it beautifully here — in depth essay on never again. here they touch on mulder's fear/walls & scully's insecurities/needs. it's a journey!! which they talk about here. and i forget what this one was (lol) but i'm sure i saved it for a reason: a little master post. i love the way foggy breaks things down, especially visually. it's something i could never do.
i also reblogged some other never again posts. not completely on topic but it's all connected!! (you can definitely go through my never again tag to see more probably too!)
#calimanc#asks#never again#dana scully#fox mulder#LITERALLY I DONT SAY ANYTHING#READ THE LINKED POSTS#lmaooooooo#my brain is an ouroboros tbh#mulder and scully#the x files
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A part of me is actually afraid that the show creators will cave to the fans who bully them for "buddie end game" because-- and only because-- so many "buddie" shippers have been queerphobic about Buck and Tommy dating. Nothing will ever be enough for them. Like that long post you reblogged said: the canon will never be their Coffee Shop AU. They'll be saying the same things about canon "buddie" that they are right now about Buck's current relationship. They'll find reason enough to suggest it's "gross," has "bad vibes," and is "creepy" and "unattractive." Everything for them is going to be disagreeable because none of it will fit into their fantasies about mlm relationships.
They've made it clear how they see queer people like me and it does not make me feel very welcome or supported in these online spaces.
(As the saying goes: block early and block often to curate your experience. I just didn't realize what I was walking into when I started lurking.)
their fantasies about mlm relationships are fetishistic and homophobic in the extreme. luckily Tim simply doesn't have the wiggle room to give in to them and it's very clearly been shut down as even a remote possibility from above
they try it now even the moderately liberal general audience is going to be like "okay why ARE you making everybody gay?"
conversely the bean counters aren't going to want to pay the salary for another main to fill the young hot straight guy bracket plus the regular and guests and recurring cast to play his string of relationships when they have that spot filled already
like presently it's 100K for Oliver plus whatever Lou's recurring contract is, plus 100K for Ryan plus recurring for Edy and any future
make buddie canon and it's 200K for Ryan and Oliver, plus 100K for whoever gets promoted to main, plus the string of recurring. and that's per episode. for an 18 episode season, that's an extra 1.8M
it's just math. there's no benefit to buddie going canon and only costs. plus the vocal buddie fandom is loud but also... frankly no one gives a fuck about what a small group of chronically online brats says even when the criticism is valid, and it's very much not in this case. you'll notice that Edy Ganem hasn't been summarily fired and pretty much all of us online nerds hate her. the GA on the other hand has no idea about that shit and wouldn't gaf if they did. and the fact that the buddie stans complaints always jump from topic to topic when the first try didn't work is just evidence that they're not criticizing in good faith, they're just making up shit and can be easily dismissed
#anon asks#i am about 99 percent confident buddie is off the table#i dont say 100 just bc i mever say 100
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So ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and fibromyalgia are two syndromes (collections of symptoms often found together, with unknown causative mechanisms) with largely overlapping symptoms. They're currently classified as different diagnoses, but there are plenty of people who aren't convinced that they're actually different things. The biggest diagnostic difference seems to be whether the pain or the fatigue is the biggest problem.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who, like me, couldn't possibly say which of those is ruining my life more. I, like many, fulfill all the diagnostic criteria for both. I have the specific patterns of pain and inflammation characteristic of fibro, but I also have the postural orthostatic problems (Stand Up Feel Real Bad disorder) and extreme fatigue of ME/CFS. There's no test; diagnosis is an inherently subjective thing.
This is just gonna keep being about medical problems, so have a cut.
I also have problems that may be related or may be separate or may be part of the constellation of physical issues associated with ADHD, like loose tendons that lead to terrible core strength and janky joints. So while generally the pain spots for fibromyalgia are considered to have no actual material cause, I am pretty sure that my right hip and shoulder are in fact fucked up, and fibro is just making it experientially worse. I've also got a rib that spends more than half its time in just slightly the wrong goddamn place. I have multiple friends who have hypermobility problems that make mine look like a papercut, but combining them with fibro isn't a lot of fun.
A few months back, at my bestie's prompting and with his help, I started eating keto, which is essentially just restricting carbohydrates so harshly that they represent less than 20% (or less than 10%, this seems to be bioindividual) of your diet, at which point your body begins building energy transport molecules out of fat (ketones) instead of glucose. This has a history of treating several conditions (originally, seizures, but now also diabetes and inflammatory conditions), well before it became popular for weight loss.
It was an experiment. Believe me, I have mixed feelings about the fact that it worked. At first, it worked really, really well. I went from mostly bedbound to up and working full days outside. I've started to hit diminishing returns and having to nap more often, but it's still a radical improvement. I just forget how bad it was too fast. I hate how fast we forget how far we've come.
I haven't talking about it though, because I am so conflicted about restrictive diets as a thing. This started as an experiment, and as an experiment I could sell myself on no apples no potatoes no rice no crackers no no no no etc for a few weeks. After a few weeks I could decide whether it was worth it. And now here we are and it works.
But I've gone through So Much food restriction, starting when Phantom was two and we discovered that gluten fucks us both up. Then the Boy was sensitive to so many things as a baby that I cut out the entire Top Eight allergens (let's see, can I remember? Milk, eggs, peanuts, gluten, corn, soy, uhh....others...) for a year while he was nursing. Once you've cut wheat AND eggs AND corn out there is almost no commercial product you can eat and you have to prepare everything from scratch. With a toddler and a baby. I was literally starving. I used a calorie tracker for a while and found that I was nearly a thousand calories short per day, on average. I could barely think.
It's become a huge depression trigger for me. I tell people that my last major depressive episode was triggered by not being able to eat dairy, and I'm not kidding. I'm struggling with it now, too. Most of the time I'm good, but still, despite medication, I get very low and I just want to be able to fucking eat something tasty and comforting and EASY. I just want...cheese and crackers. A whole piece of fruit. A baked potato. Rice with my stir fry. But then I eat too much fucking watermelon and I can tell the difference in my wellbeing the next day.
Food becomes a minefield. Every meal becomes a struggle. You question every bite, every symptom. At least once a day the whole thing is just too annoying and I decide to just not eat, because fuck it. I dunno if it reaches eating disorder levels, but it's certainly maladaptive. I hate that I've gotten here because what you eat actually DOES matter. it's like the question of how you talk yourself out of anxiety when the world is objectively falling apart.
But I can do the things I love. I owe all this garden progress to not having had a glass of juice or a bowl of pasta in four months. Not to mention the abrupt cessation of all my dermatitis problems, frequent "silent" heartburn, a ton of digestive problems, migraines, most headaches, and more. "Nothing is worth risking depression" but is it though?
I'm holding on to the hope that these changes will allow me to heal. That I'll be able to make long-term progress, as many people say they have, and reintroduce restricted foods gradually. That I'll be able to cement the opportunity diet gave me with regular movement and conditioning and slowly claw my way up the spiral.
But on days when I feel like shit anyway, and I can't have some fucking chips about it....yeah. It's not great.
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Episode 3 Rewatch: "Manga Based TV Drama"
YEAH WE'RE BACK ON THESE AGAIN!!! As much fun as the liveblog format was, I found it was actually getting in the way of me *doing* the liveblog (it could take multiple hours for me to watch and queue up One Single Episode) so I've decided to return to a format a bit more like my chapter reviews just in the desperate hopes of getting these actually done before season 2 airs. In the immortal words of Brian H oobh i got plany off time. But let's get to it real quick anyway!!!
I have a really soft spot in my heart for episode 3 in particular because it was the first episode I actually anticipated watching after I got into the show - episodes 1 & 2 were already out when I fully contracted brainworms so episode 3 was the first one I had to actually wait for. A lot of the cuts from it are like carved into my brain because I watched that episode preview so many times while waiting for it to air lol…
I've said this before but the anime's take on her really is what turned me into an active Kana Enjoyer. Megumi Han's delightful performance and her character acting an animation all combine to make it really hard not to be endeared to her. Her excitement at being reunited with Aqua is really cute, too - I remember Han saying that she was specifically told not to play Kana as a girl meeting an old crush but as someone excitedly reuniting with an old friend and I think that's particularly sweet. The AQKN dynamic at its heart is kind of just two lonely kids who don't have a lot of other connections that aren't couched in transactional utility creating a space together where they can just exist without any ulterior motives.
gotanda's words being visualized as literally skewering kana is so fucking funny too. bro killed her. you really can't blame her for biting back during dinner later lol
Kana's putting on a pretty positive face about it, but knowing how deeply alone and abanoned she feels by her parents, it's hard to not feel really sad about this scene. She's chipper about it but this is the first hint towards Kana's current honestly kind of dire circumstances we'll see get expanded on all the way to the end of the anime.
Aqua's refusal to let Kana see his old acting is also really interesting to me. Intentionally or not, it feels like it's sewing the seeds for some stuff in Tokyo Blade; Aqua respects Kana's acting and Kana herself as a professional to the degree that he doesn't want to 'lose' to her in that sense. Or rather, he'd be embarrassed to have someone he respects seeing him stumble like that - a little like Ruby's freakout in episode 1 over the idea of Ai, specifically, seeing her be bad at dancing.
Aqua trying to play it cool and then immediately nerding out when Kana mentions Sweet Today is so so so so soooooooo cute. I love it when that side of his personality pokes out…
KABURAGI NAMEDROP JUMPSCARE!!!!! i made the same face, aqua... I won't go into my Kaburagi Villain Propaganda here, but it really is so deeply suspicious that Kaburashi was on her oldest, most private phone…
KANA'S LITTLE 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' MOMENT………. AQUMELT REAL AFTER ALL…. (NOT CLICKBAIT)
ruby's lain brand milk vexes and haunts me
Aqua's quietly pained, guilty expression when Ruby misreads his intentions for becoming an actor is so good, as is his cold internal dismissal of Ai's wish… it's funny to see him insisting he's not doing this for Ai's sake when really, everything Aqua does comes back to his mom.
Man, though. What even is there to say about the Sweet Today bits lmao. Holy shit. Particular shout out to Melt's seiyuu, Seiji Maeda, for making his in-character acting so authentically awkward and clunky without it coming off as overwrought or like he himself was giving a bad performance. That's suuuuuch a delicate thread to weave but he does it exceptionally well.
This scene also has one of my all time favourite punch ups from the manga - in the original, Ruby just kind of gets the manga from nowhere and makes the comparisons that way but the anime makes Aqua the one to go get his copy and start silently flipping through it to compare until Ruby snatches it… it really is the perfect teeing up for him to run off and tattle to Kana even though he was pretending he didn't give a shit lol. Dork ass boy.
This talk at the karaoke bar is really good, too. The directing is pretty simply but I feel like the anime producton really shows off just how strong its expression and character acting work is here which does a lot to help along what's otherwise a very static conversation. The contrast in Aqua and Kana's energy is also very fun - Aqua's really still while Kana's very animated.
The manga hasn't really touched on this in a while but the content of the conversation here also starts a thread that I really liked in the early parts of Oshi no Ko about how hard it is to create good art in an environment like the entertainment industry. Tokyo Blade centers this more and is almost explicitly a follow up to Sweet Today's exploration of this idea but the seeds are sewn here, of the necessary compromises that need to be made just to get something out the door and how that can ultimately destroy the final product no matter how many well-meaning and passionate people are doing their absolute best to make something worth engaging with.
i'm also pretty sure this talk is the first time we see aqua smile after episode 1… cute.
The directing also really shines in that little moment at the end where Kana grabs Aqua's hand. In prior cuts, the two are visually separated in that they're both sat apart and there are multiple lines running between them in the background to section them off from each other.
But then just as Kana breeches Aqua's defenses and disarms him, she physically reaches past all these little barriers to finally get into his space. It's subtle but well done.
His wide-eyed slightly stunned face is also really sweet. We see this look on Aqua a lot when it comes to Kana and it always makes me smile a bit. She's excellent at getting under his skin whether she means to or not.
"now my body has caught up with my mental age" says aqua, confirming his mental age is that of a teenager, and mfs are still out here acting like he's a 30 year old man.
Oof, oof and oof. Kana's little speech here already makes me so soft and knowing how it's going to be utterly spat upon in just a moment by Kaburagi's callousness towards her just makes it hurt even more. We continually see reference to this supposed good relationship between Kana and Kaburagi during this episode and so knowing that he's ultimately just another shitty adult taking advantage of her clear desperation… masaya kaburagi when i see you it's on sight
This is also a really fantastic character moment for Aqua, I think. He himself says he's done everything he needed to do on set, so there's no need for him to start shit like he does. It's purely out of respect and fondness for Kana as a person and anger on her behalf as a fellow actor. For as much as Aqua likes to convince himself he's a coldhearted bastard, he really just cannot help himself when it comes to leaping in and helping people. He's a lot like Ai in that once somebody has his heart, he's theirs for good.
i also just have to fucking Scream at this cut of him. it hit me like a fucking TRUCK when this episode dropped. because it doesn't quite look like the equivalent panel of the manga, does it?
But doesn't it feel super familiar, even so? Doesn't it remind you of something? I wonder wh-
OSHI NO KO ANIME STAFF, WHEN I GET YOU!!!!!! (ENRAGED) (POSITIVE)
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this is what my current theory about ashton’s primordial bullshit boils down to it’s incredibly self explanatory. no i haven’t watched calamity why do you ask
#cr#cr3#cr spoilers#ashton greymoore#laerryn coramar seelie#exu calamity#roll insight#i feel so bad because the episode was SO GOOD for SO MANY OF THE HELLS but ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS BEING UNHINGED ABOUT THE ASHTON LORE#i read the bright queen to learn about the luxon like two days ago and then did a wiki dive#did y’all know that genasi are heavily prized by both the kryn and the cerberus assembly#which is fucking hilariously ironic to me. can you imagine being the kryn scout to find ashton fucking greymoore#anyways
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would you guys still loved me if i told you i kind of liked season 15.
#iasip#yes it dragged a lot at points but there were so many genuinely funny moments#and seeing charlie get to have more emotional and heavy scenes was so good#i think i’m biased because them being so restricted by covid automatically makes me feel kind of bad for them#cus i know the ireland arc was gonna be more fleshed out#and i would have liked to see an episode where we see what happens between the car ride home and shelly being. well#also i loved the banter. i feel like the characters got to banter more#and i liked it
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why am I getting so emotional about a little plastic ghost??? morro seriously has such a grip on me it’s insane
#I have too many thoughts that I can’t properly articulate here#but I’ve been watching dragons rising and just saw episode 5 so no spoilers beyond that please#but oh boy and I feeling some things about Morro#I think part of it is just supremely unfortunate timing because literally right before I watched the episode#I finished writing a chapter of my Morro centric fic and the stuff I was writing today was about his identity and how#his connection to the wind plays into it#so I was kind of emotionally primed to just have a lot of feelings about a new master of wind#I have a lot of feelings about dragons rising in general both good and bad but that’s a whole separate deal#idk if I had a point and I’m just rambling now but Morro has just really carved out a soft spot in my heart#and I’m probably too attached to him but what can you do#he and Jay are my specialest little guys and I am not capable of being normal about them#ninjago#lego ninjago#dragons rising#ninjago dragons rising#Ninjago dragons rising spoilers#dragons rising spoilers#they’re just in the tags but I figure better to be safe#ninjago morro
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Osamu Dazai and the Depressing Era
#I have so many thoughts through my mind these days I was barely able to focus on the episode. I kept zoning out#I made barely any post#Okay some thoughts. The thing that really hit me since the first time watching b/sd... Is the–#“I don't kill people because I want to write about lives” “I start doing good because my friend asked me to”#Like I get grey morals and everything but also. Sorry for being so simplistic but I think everyone should do good / not kill people–#because killing people is bad lol. No because of other personal reasons#I really *really* feel b/sd ultimately has a very nihilistic approach to life.#And that when Oda said “You won't find a reason to live whether side you're on. Both sides are the same.” it's not Oda-character talking–#but it's really the author expressing their own worldview through the one character that's the most distinguished#They really think there's no difference between good and bad in their little nihilistic world.#Which is something I personally don't agree with.#“It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it”#......... No it's not you just need to go to the shore and listen to the waves crush and the seagulls squeal dude. It's going to be okay.#That's why it's so easy to portray Dazai as perfect and flawless for the author btw.#Because nothing he ever did in the pm was wrong if “good” and “bad” don't mean anything to begin with.#And this is coming from a deeply relativist person. But I believe even grey morals have a limit.#Thus my general disagreement with most b/sd themes#I don't know why I went off this tangent btw I didn't intend to.#I suppose it bears repeating once in a while where I stand compared to the b/sd themes and my personal interpretation of them#(Even though I acknowledge most people don't agree with such interpretation... )#There were other things regarding the episode I needed to say but I forgot...#One of them was that season 2 Dark Era proves that even amv openings can actually be good if you put enough budget in them#Which makes me even more pissed at the season 3 / season 5 ops#random rambles
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I need Dennis to face the harsh reality that he’s getting old, and is no longer the lady killer he used to be. I need it like I need air
#kind of thought that would be involved in dtamhd! guess not….#he’s getting old and so those bad personality moments are a lot more noticeable#and one day he won’t have those good looks and then who will be left#the gang obviously but like#and I’m kind of hoping for more moments where he’s in touch with his feelings#like the Valentine’s Day episode?? good shit#I miss when he would occasionally be quite sweet#and you’re like okay wow#I forgot he could do that#macdennis#I only have this because I know that’s what many of y’all want and also there’s one person who still loves him so#dennis reynolds#iasip
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People hating on a literal child because she doesn’t physically look like a character in a book who we only ever saw in concept art and fanart vs me who was kinda sad when I realized book Percy wasn’t black because the description of a young boy living in New York who’s close with his single mother parent who is constantly seen as stupid troublemaker by both peers and teachers and his moms awful boyfriend and who’s only friend is the only other Outcast (non white) classmate who’s only ally is the literature teacher who then he finds also has doubts about him felt very if not fully black then at least mixed coded.
But then I moved on and enjoyed the story for what it gave me, can some of these people say the same 🤔
#I have not yet watched the show I’ll probably wait for more episodes bc I canceled D+ like two months ago#but idk many of yall are not 12 anymore and saying Leah won’t do a good job or it won’t be as good#we only saw any of these characters in our minds eye#or concept art#im not saying you can’t be disappointed when things aren’t 100% a match bc you want to see a good adaptation of the Book#and I need to do a reread but I would think Annabeth’s whole other shit aka running away cross country at 7 always being nosy and wanting#a quest being ready for battle but learning to have fun too#is more integral to her character ESPECIALLY IN MARK OF ATHENA#the blond hair in the books is a trait from Athena so it’s not a unique hurdle other girls in the cabin wouldn’t also face#it mattered bc she was a main character#But taking the core struggle of not being taken seriously works pretty damn well for any girl but especially black girls AT ALL TIMES#and not to be funny but saying the other characters are already diverse feels like a side step#like look Hazel in her eyes and say not being taken seriously BECAUSE of your HAIR COLOR is on the same level#as not being taken seriously because you’re a black girl#and if this breaches containment#yes the show would have been fine even if a picture perfect accurate cast had been hired#but if we want to move past people being cast bc of how they look vs how they act#you can’t hold the gospel of a book series against literal children who are probably having the time of their life#or would be if grown ass adults were attacking them bc SOMEONE ELSE HITED THEM#if the show is bad it’s not bc Annabeth is black or Percy is blonde#hell in good omens both leads are older in the book they’re described as looking 25 and 30#can you imagine good omens as it is now with book accurate casting bc I can’t
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me watching the newest MQ episode: wow this is so good, really reminds me of why I love this show so much! And I love how the characters were written and developed here, it felt like whoever was writing and directing this ep really understands these characters and how to write them we—
*directed by Danny Pudi*
me: ohhhhhhh of course
#I have so many thoughts on this episode#I like what they’re doing with Carol and Brad and Rachel and Dana#The standout characters of this season tbh which I like a lot- I’m glad they’re focusing on previously underrepresented characters#Especially Rachel and Dana! I’m happy that Rachel is being moved away from just kinda being a one note “woke girl” stereotype and I’m glad#Dana is getting more development as a character rather than just being there to react to the other characters#I also love the development of Dana and Poppy this episode! I love how Danny did that! Poppy’s initial resistance to Dana bc she feels#Threatened by her and like she needs to stick to Hera#But then actually being able to admit that she likes Dana’s game and afterwards feeling really bad about herself and breaking down bc she#Had to admit that the thing she was working on just wasn’t that fun#And that she was just following in Ian’s footsteps because she wanted to feel the way he does about MQ#and Dana being the one to pull her away from wanting to just. Become Ian. And showing her that she’s her own thing!#Separate from Ian’s legacy!! Like YESSSS holy crap#Also Carol and Brad…. pughghghhg SUCH A GOOD DUO. SUCH GOOD CHEMISTRY. BEST FRIENDS.#Brads little apology I love..he. I love that he was clearly guilty over thinking he got her fired. I love him.#Idk I’ll make another post later I have many thoughts#mythic quest#mythic quest spoilers#danny pudi
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who is your favorite one piece character. *staring intently no pressure no pressure no pres (´灬⊙ω⊙灬`)♡
Idk some fucking guy that showed up on screen for a bit he was kinda cool
#luffy is a character that i feel everybody including the viewer is meant to kind of underestimate at first#to chalk him up to a naive fucking idiot that's gonna get himself killed by something more powerful because he overestimated himself#you keep waiting until he bites off more than he can chew#yknow you wait until he finally meets that match that makes him hesitate and think ''i'm not strong enough‚ i need to improve''#like so many shonen do nowadays where the main character gets humbled by someone more powerful than the level they're at#but with luffy that just.... doesnt happen#no matter how fucking awful and horrifying the series gets sometimes and how high the stakes rise with more genocidal villains#luffy acts as the humanized force of unshakable freedom that cant be silenced for good#luffy is a protagonist but he is also an all-encompassing metaphor that seeps from every pore of the series#and i feel extremely strongly about what he represents and the way he can change YOU and make u feel the hope u thought u lost#he is a character but he is most importantly a vessel for a story that‚ at heart‚ wants you to laugh and dream and love unabashedly#he is not a mascot lil shonen protag created for the sake of telling the viewer ''killing bad! friendship important!''#that motherfucker is built to inspire you to be shamelessly happy to fucking live and laugh and dream big idiot dreams#its hard to describe what he fucking Does to your brain to people used to consuming trash anime with basic niceguy protags#but luffy isnt just a protag. he is a feeling that you learn to adopt. but the depth of that cant be described until you feel it#its a shame people get so scared of the episode count because theyll never experience one of the most soul-changing series ever made#luffy is just one guy in a series full of characters so nuanced and fleshed out they could have their own damn shows
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#welcome to another installment of: angel spits out all his thoughts about autism cause if he keeps them inside his head will explode#in today's episode: is it possible that my ''panic attacks'' have been autistic meltdowns all this time?#then answer is maybe!#ok so i was watching this youtube video from channel I'm autisticn now what? (check it out it's great!)#and meg was talking about the different types of autistic meltdowns and how they might manifest#and then in the comments people were discussing autistic meltdowns vs panic attacks and how cofused they used to be about them#and that got me thinking... there's a big thing that needs to happen during a panic attack for it to be a panic attack#and that is anxious thoughts... many people talk about fear of death during panic attacks#and that was never my experience. I don't feel like I'm going to die when I have these ''attacks''#they feel painful and like i'm completely out of control but my head is quite clear in that regard#i always thought it was because i don't think dying is like The Worst thing that could happen to me so maybe that was why#and it never ocurred to me that it could be an autistic meltdown because i always saw those as ''little boy hits his head against the wall'#(horrible i know) but it's more than that! (plus i sadly started self harming when the ''attack'' is too bad so not i fit that idea lol)#it's the uncontrollable crying. the throwing anything you have at hand across the room. the not being able to utter words#(other than ''no'' in my case) it's the complete lack of control#and that fits so much more to what i experience! i even related to meg's personal anecdote about a meltdown she had as a child#being separated from my mom made me go into full panic modes as a kid and that was seen as a tantrum but it was more than that to me!#and as an added bonus the only therapist i've ever seen in my life used to call my panic attacks ''pseudo-panic attacks''#because even she felt it didn't quite fit in the description (not that she was a good therapist so i can't put her as an example lol)#but anyways... yeah every day that goes by i'm more and more convinced I am autistic and it scares me to fucking death#because of the way my mom reacted when i first raised the question. so yeah this is for nothing lol nothing will change in my life#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#angel talks#personal
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im watching atla with my grandma and it is very much up her alley which is very cute. i think her favorite part is whenever momo does something funny because she smiles the most.
#i did have the passing thought#that maybe the show depicting chinese-inspired villages being invaded by a japanese-inspired army might be. not the greatest choice for us.#but honestly it wouldnt bother her shes a veeeeeeery tough and easygoing person#it did make me upset again at the remake though#because the original show feels like everyone else matters too#they meet so many refugees on the run and towns that are occupied and villages being menaced#the war isnt just a good backdrop for cool fights between the heroes and villains. its a blight on the lives of everyone who lives in this#world.#and the remake seems to be very much “everyone not in the main cast is an npc” (see: watching the genocide of the air nomads happen in the#first twenty minutes of the first episode)#and that feels. personal now.#bc my grandma hid from japanese soldiers. my great grandma risked her life transporting materials for explosives so she#could feed her family#they are people with personhood and individuality who didnt fight in wwii but their stories still matter#and atla feels like its validating that because it says that war affects everyone and the people who suffer from it the most are the ones#who need to have their voices heard#not just the people with the biggest capacity to cause change#so the remake throwing that away just to have more cool action scenes. leaves a bad taste in my mouth.#atla#atla remake salt#atla live action salt#atla salt
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