#i feel like im losing my damn mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goatsorcery · 4 months

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i hate that covid precautions are seen as done out of person comfort instead of public safety! sorry not sorry that i don’t want to get sick again with an illness that will effect me the rest of my life!

#did the million+ who died mean nothing to anyone?#i feel like im losing my damn mind #ill mask forever actually #the only time ive been sick in the past 4 years is the one time i got covid #i used to get sick 3+ times a year #masking helps!

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disheveledcurls · 10 months

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this is the bad place

#i feel like im losing my damn mind #time is a flat circle and we never moved past the noromo discourse from the 90s #the bear

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merverelli · 1 year

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just a couple of dirty bean boys!

#jacksepticeye #just like art #this was SO CLOSE to never being finished #art machine (me) broke halfway through but we did it #uni is............. going #even though im only doing 2 subjects im losing it man #i think its just ALL OF THE GROUP PROJECTS IM DOING #like my groups are fine theyre all sweet and nice but i just.#just let me do it by myself let me take 100% control without guilt let me only depend on myself doing it #im such a damn follower with group projects please itd be quicker if it was just me making my own shots instead of a second party coming in #and asking for my opinion when my opinion is always ''do whatever you want :)'' because i either dont mind OR i dont have the social energy #to say otherwise like theyd be fine with it but i just cant do it man i got anxiety of the social kind i cant keep going man i cant #i dont like feeling like im letting down other people or that theyre depending on me im bad under pressure #JUST LET ME DO IT ALONE AND ONLY DISAPPOINT MYSELF BRO CMON #the group projects are wrapping up soon so i cant complain but im screaming #besides that ive been good thanks for asking!

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 5 months

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strangling my past self How Did You Write Reasonably Sized Fics So Easily

#IVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO NOT GET CARRIED AWAY HELP #sitting here with scenes that should NOT BE 5 THOUSAND FUCKING WORDS LONG HELLOOOOOOOOO #my brain: You Have To Show Every Single Thing. Every Convo. Every Action. They Have To Know #NO! THEY DONT! ITS CLUTTERED AND BORING AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #see this is what happens when you don't write seriously for FUCKIGN MONTHS-#its fine we're fine im Calm #trying to edit my own stuff is like wrangling some Wild Beast with my bare hands #she has horns! i am bleeding from Several large punctures! i will not let go!#absolutely unprompted #past me: bangin out 2k-5k fics that include multiple scenes and conversations each of perfect length #me now: and so this simple 'good morning' exchange will take ten pages-#WAILING WAILING #but god damn i need to create Something i have to i have to #i feel like im losing my mind....#I WANT TO BE POSTING FIC AGAIN CMON CMON

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cattoru · 1 year

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SHINICHI TURNING DOWN THE POPULAR IT GIRL WITHOUT HESITATION BECAUSE HE SAYS HE HAS SOMEONE HE’S BEEN FOND OF EVER SINCE HE WAS LITTLE AND THEN PROCEEDING TO ACT LIKE A GROSS LOVER BOY BLUSHING OVER IT IM RIPPING MY HAIR OUT

#SHINRAN MY BELOVEDDDDD #THE WAY RAN IS SO AIRHEADED WHEN IT COMES TO ANYTHING REGARDING SHINICHI’S FEELINGS FOR HER THEY’RE SO UNSERIOUS #GUYS I AM EATING THIS SHIT UPPPP LIKE IM LOSING MY DAMN MIND #THEY’RE SOOOOO SWEET IM GONNA CHEW GLASS #anyway being a first time detco watcher is so fun . i’m being so Normal about this. Clearly (lips bleeding) (bald spots) (burnt walls)#chattoru #detco #detco101 #shinran #shinichi #ran

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kingprinceleo · 3 months

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Maybe doing another or a new hobby can help ! Maybe baking could help, even if u are not really good at it from the get go, is a fun thing to try out

i really should try to get into other hobbies but its very hard!! i have really bad perfectionism habits and immediately drop things im not instantly good at jfdgn and the Horrors make it hard for me to squeeze dopamine out of anything </3 tbh if anyone has suggestions for like, cheap things to do im listening fdbhjghjb

#i feel bad for complaining so often but man. there is not much good in my life rn #like im truly sorry that i keep biden blasting my blog with 2012 emo ranting #i just got nothin !!! to do!!! to think about!!#i cant even really generate art ideas anymore bc im becoming so far removed from a human person that my mind is just blank all the damn tim #shitty sketch of tails lifting a log to look at bugs is the most creative thing ive done in weeks #i really had to work for that idea #god im just. im numb im tired i want to die #i dont know how to be a person anymore and i feel like im losing my mind #cw vent #cw suicidal thoughts

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waitineedaname · 3 months

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the untamed is a great show for fans of cursed artifacts and tragic siblings

#hi im fifteen episodes into it now. losing my mind.#ouuuguguhghhg the jiang sibling trio is hurting me So Bad #i didn't feel that strongly about jiang cheng at first but man. he has really grown on me #guy who cares so damn much it's going to be the death of him #(or ultimately the death of someone else. i am haunted by the opening scene of this show.)#there is something so delicious about tragedies that like. open by revealing the lowest point #and then the rest of the story you're just watching the tragedy unfold and seeing how they end up at that low point #anyway. I really need to do work but god I wanna watch more

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crescentfool · 4 months

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doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...

#lizzy speaks #to those who are curious what prompted this: my friend and i are collaborating on a video essay together #we picked it back up a week and a half ago after it laid in limbo for a month or two #and we're currently in the phase of editing it together (scripting + recording the VO is done)#and MAN. my respect for people who work on scripted/informative content just shot up through the ROOF #most of my experience with editing comes from footage first and then edit down approach (rather than creating/gathering visuals to uplift-#a written script) and it's. well. they engage with very different skillsets i think #my friend who i am collaborating with is very amused at me because this is not her first rodeo. meanwhile me as a first-timer.#i am telling her about how i am losing my mind over my editing timeline having gaps of footage because i couldn't think of anything to put #for certain portions (or i just didnt feel like looking through preexisting footage on the internet and dl-ing it)#and she compared it to 'telling a kid whos going thru puberty that its normal' EKLHFGLHH #im ngl the way i have spent like maybe 10 hours today off and on looking up footage and fact checking the splat artbook is so. explodes #it makes sifting through an 11 hour batch of footage of me playing big run sound like a cakewalk in comparison LMAOO #anyway if you read this far thank you :D i hope that in 2024 i can continue to be humbled in trying new things #and i highly encourage others 2 do so too! try a new method of approaching something or do smthn slightly adjacent to what you do!#tis a good learning experience and also makes u very appreciative of the things that are out there methinks #im literally only editing an 11 minute segment or so idfk how people make those 1+ hr video essays LIKE HELLO??? ESP IF ITS LICENSED MEDIA #HOW DO U GET ALL THE FOOTAGE FOR THAT. U MUST BE REALLY HYPERFIXATED AND DEDICATED TO THAT. DAMN. anyway. have a good 2023 everyone!

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lottieurl · 5 months

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one of my controversial opinions is i won't stop using the word narcissist in a way its been used my whole life because of a psychiatric label/diagnosis that shouldn't be called that in the first place

#like feel free to disagree but everytime people get mad at a usage of that word in a way - as far as i know - far older than #the INSULTING psychiatric diagnosis i lose my mind a little #the damn personality disorder's name is the problem here #i remember a friend from group therapy calling me just like sooo upset and distressed bc the therapists put that in her diagnosis papers #and like she didnt even know what exactly that was supposed to mean but its a hurtful label to be Diagnosed With #like can we fucking. criticize that and psychiatry sometimes instead of being like #omg dont call people self centered assholes :/ look up self centered asshole disorder you ignorant bitch #anyways im half asleep so this might be incoherent #i just keep seeing that post thats like abt how people misuse terms like love bombing and trauma bonding etc #and im like YEAH! GOOD #and then the damn narcissist part kicks in

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milo-is-rambling · 2 months

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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn

#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist #anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind #nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work #into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro #what the hell okay fine #well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every #part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again #I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge #fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my #brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame #for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man #idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs #which is good that means it’s working #I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake #later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently

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be-gay-do-crime-ahaha · 2 months

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Holy fucking shit the dysphoria is dysphoria-ing right now. I feel physically nauseous oh my fucking god. I’m gonna fucking kill someone maybe myself rn I’m gonna lose my shit holy hell.

Doesn’t help that I’ve been incredibly overstimulated the past few days every sound is like a fucking cheese grater in my ears oh my god.

#dysphoria #gender dysphoria #sensory processing disorder #tw emetophobia #for the nausea mention #idk if that’s needed or not #but yeah I’m about to tear off my fucking skin and jump off a building I am losing my fucking mind #it’s so over #lmao my brain is fucked i genuinely wanna off myself over this shit #and my mother keeps refusing to even entertain the idea of getting my name changed on the school role #even though all my teachers and friends call me Alex and that’s what I’ve been going by for a few years now #and it would make things significantly easier for everyone because it would fix my email name as well #so that’s not helping #and she was talking about my period and being all “it’s okay all WOMEN get these ❤️ you’re just becoming a beautiful woman #and now she keep being rude to my sister because she uses men’s deodorant (because it works better) and doesn’t really wear dresses #(because she finds them annoying and inconvenient)#and is being all “hurr durr you’re copying your SISTER stop being so masculine”#like fucking hell #shit talking me and harassing my sister all at once #man I want to fucking kill myself im so done with this shit #and I’m so overdue on school work and I feel so overwhelmed and stressed this fucking sucks #and I know the school work and stuff is fully my fault for forgetting and slacking off but I can’t bring myself to do them because the #stress of fucking up and just how much of it I have to do is pushing me to my damn limit #I can’t even bring myself to start on my film and media assignment that’s a week overdue because I’m so fucking stressed just thinking about #it and I’m so overwhelmed I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t. and I know I’m at fault for procrastinating and being too lazy and stressed #to bring myself to start working on it #and things are just gonna get more and more difficult #so yeah. rant over I guess. sorry guys #did not mean to rant in the tags this much dysphoria is just killing me and so is general stress #tw suicidal thoughts

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 7 months

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whats the move for convincing my mom to let me play creature feature songs at her halloween party

#shes approved jonathan coulton and jack stauber so far.#i know im not gonna get anywhere with ice nine kills because this is a party full of rural republican middle aged people #and i think screamo would genuinely kill some of them bc they think its devil music. not even joking there.#i feel like creature feature is toeing a thin line. my mom is cool and enjoys fun things.#my dad will tolerate it and reluctantly enjoy it if he gives it a chance.#i do not like 90% of their friends so if i have to sit here &endure their awful party well then i should at least be in charge of the music #my halloween playlist is 8 hours long and a solid 2-3 hours of it is creature feature. whats the move here boys #im thinking about pulling a john mulaney salt and pepper diner move.#sprinkle in creature feature with songs like monster mash and thriller and hope nobody notices.#im losing my mind a little bit rn but god damn it im going to enjoy myself some halloween music #WAIT I FORGOT. IVE ALREADY SNUCK ONE (1) CREATURE FEATURE SONG IN BECAUSE THEY DID A COVER OF GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS.#WE HAVE AN ENTRY POINT. THE FOUNDATIONS ARE CRUMBLING #my new hobby is exposing white conservatives in my area to devil music . my party now

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sheepston · 4 months

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Man today fucking sucks

#my pay is caught in limbo (was sent out but never reached the bank for some reason)#and i got at least $720 of bills due before next pay #im in withdrawls cos ive been taken off shit cos i got a nea med condition diagnosed #so im lethargic and cant focus and ugh #moody #headaches and stomach aches and feeling awful #im not allowed to EAT the food i like cos of said new health condition and i dont have a dr app to discuss it until the 5th #AND I NEED TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING BUT I NEED TO GET PAID FOR THAT (thank GOD my mother is helping me with that)#my rsi is hurting so i cant draw #i have started having an allergic reaction TO MY ALLERGY MEDS #and now my favourite game is being fucky about genocide #at least my friends are good #i love my friends #my friends deserve the entire damn world #10/10 friends they are the only thing keeping me from losing my mind rn #personal #negative

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 9 months

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Wait holdup what’s this about Howdy’s shop burning down and nearly taking him with it?? (talking about human au)

oh yeah lmfao it caught fire

it wasn't like... foul play or anything. in my mind it was some sort of electrical failure or bizarre accident. like a lightning strike! actually wait i like that lightning strike idea bc then it could be Raining for this very dramatic scene and i do love me some rain juxtaposing fire <3

and Howdy would've been fine! he got all of his employees and customers out of the building, including himself. he handed them off to Barnaby & Wally, who had been swinging by for dinner with fantastic timing (the fire department was just then arriving). then, like an idiot, Howdy went right back inside the Very On Fire building!

bc, ok, he lives in his store. specifically, above it. the ground floor is the store, then there's a staircase going up to an apartment. and naturally, Howdy was not gonna abandon all of his / the store's legal documents (also his coupon stash) to burn.

so in his mind he was like "yeah ill just pop in, grab these very important files, and then get out. easy!". babe, you're giving Barnaby & Wally a heart attack. that's what you're doing. dumbass (affectionate)

but yeah he's in there, in the burning building, smoke everywhere. meanwhile outside firefighters (and Wally) have to physically hold Barnaby back from going in after Howdy, even though a few more firefighters already went in to find him. its all very dramatic! blah blah blah the front door becomes unusable, blah blah blah the apartment windows explode due to thermal stress & also bc i want them to, etc etc

long story short the firefighters get Howdy out through the back, and mostly unscathed at that! ofc smoke inhalation is a thing, he's got some minor cuts and burns, but it's really not that bad! lucky bastard! he gets taken to the hospital to get treated & make sure he's fine, and he is.

naturally he stays with Barnaby & Wally for a while. he doesn't have a say in the matter lol he was planning on getting a motel room or somethin, but Barnaby picked him up from the hospital, took him home, and went "alright the guest room is ready for you we can go shopping tomorrow for anything you need, you live here now". good thing Howdy rescued his coupons!

the fire damage to the building is, thankfully, mostly cosmetic. it takes a while to clean & fix it, but Howdy has great friends and a wonderful community to help out! everyone chips in, some fundraisers happen, Wally sells some Darling™️ Exclusives™️, etc. long story short they get the store back up & running, and with some new bells and whistles to go with it!

#the scene is Very Vivid in my head #i had to sneak some action drama in there somewhere!!!!#what better than a building fire!! what can i say! im a sucker for the #'character watches person they love run straight into danger & is unable to follow them'#'and so is forced to watch in terror unsure if the loved one will make it out alive'#trope!!! its damn good!!! ill never tire of it!!!#the rain glittering in the firelight! the red-blue of emergency lights! glass raining down! wet pavement & black smoke!#its about The Visuals!!#i think my favorite part of the Brain Scene is when they get howdy out & he's like. half collapsed on the curb w/ an oxygen mask #and barnaby is Hovering! very freaked out but also immensely relieved! as soon as he learns theyre taking howdy to the hospital #he sprints to his car to go follow the ambulance!!#(in my mind julie eddie and sally had shown up & wally stayed with them to answer questions / keep an eye on things)#but yeah! drama Babey!!!#rambles from the bog #wh modern human au #i feel so bad for howdy lmfao #like... that store is his Everything and it got crispied. so did his home. and pretty much all his possessions #i also feel very bad for barnaby! he has a bad year bc of Two Incidents!#barnaby 'if one more person i love winds up injured in the hospital im going to Lose It' b. beagle #barnaby: well that whole fire thing was a disaster but we're all okay <3 with any luck there'll be no more hospital visits <3 #wally: im about to end this mans whole career-#ough and the arc of howdy living with them for a bit.... ougggghhhh #bc he & barns are in that 'our mutual feelings are unspoken but we both Know' inbetween state #its like a trial run for their future lmfao #except. a depressed trial run. bc howdy is very fucking upset about losing his Home & Possessions #a piece of the world he'd carved out for himself that was His and no one else's #he has a period of pushing through with an 'everything is fine i can work w this' pained grin and emotional avoidance #until obviously he hits a wall and Crashes. depressy spaghetti time!#he'll be fine but he doesn't feel like it for a while <3 good thing he's got awesome friends to keep him afloat <3

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dandyshucks · 4 months

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ack augh taking psychic damage from worries that I'm being "selfish" somehow by selfshipping, like who am i to think i "deserve" to ship myself with a fictional character dhdjdkl im sure theres many other ppl out there who'd be better suited for any of my F/Os :[

#_(:_」∠)_ lies down on the floor to contemplate things #vent //#i started thinking abt this lying awake at 2am last night AUGHHH its haunting me #i just feel like maybe im being selfish somehow even if im okay w sharing ??#like i shouldn't think i can ship my own damn self with a character bc theres a billion other ppl on earth...#it doesnt make sense idk but it feels like it makes sense in my head until i try to verbalize it djdkdl #AUGH. i hate when the brain does this sort of thing #SORRY for this sort of post im just fhdjdl starting to lose my mind a little bc this has been eating at me all day #dandy.cmd

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frazzledazzlin · 1 year

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hope u guys don't mind me being a little queer sometimes and talking to myself in the tags, it helps clear my head since people can filter out rant posts easily

#bc i had not used this place in a while until late 2022 ive absolutely forgotten if i used to talk to myself in tags here before or not #i say this bc i now have people who actively see my art here n just throwing random rants here would be very rude so i prefer tags help #feels safer here too LOL #also feels a little scary but im sure that's normal for many that there are ppl who read all tags mein gott #NOT A BAD THING THAT PPL READ TAGS i wouldn't be writing anything if i wanted to kill people for reading tags lol #just stating observations aheem aheem #its like writing on a public bathroom's walls and people passing by to be like “damn bitch ok” /funny #also do not worry at all about how i express myself i do apologize if my words sometimes sound like im on the brink but like #violence is the only way i love to be expressive HELP #watch me be on the government watchlist for the shit ive said gootbyeeeeeeee #but do not feel worried i will be ok eventually every time. sometimes i just gotta explode oh so violently to deflate and feel normal again #WISH I COULD USE EMOJIS ON THIS DAMN PC #anyway the person im trying my damned to avoid is Sure Making It Difficult #at least the people i wanted to know why i was autotune crying baby for a while heard me out n im alive in that regard finally smile emoji #how long can you keep gently hinting you want to distance yourself from somebody until you lose your goddam mind and feel sweet relief when #they actually leave said group themselves after getting my blunt hints help help #oh i sound so fucking rude with just my side but mein gott i don't care bc it was never a serious thing to begin with #just shot my anger thru the roof for good reason and finalliegh im getting mutual distance from that person lol #never get close with ur fave artists worst mistake of my life /hj for real #u start off loving seeing them every time and then boom youre sad how things turned out every time you see them my god #also make sure ur minor friends dont feel like they need to mend things for the adults i feel so fucking sad for someone bc of this rn but #i talked to them n hopefully they understand aouhg.#anyway back to queer posting thats enough soup for today good god #ranting

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