#i dread having to exist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

insignificantfailure · 2 months

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im so fucking useless

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saltydumplings · 6 months

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Me: I'm going to do spooky requests for October - it's going to be great!

Me: *experiences the busiest October of my life*

Me: >:(

Also me: I'm going to do spooky requests for November - it's going to be great!

#i have three sat in my drafts #they're ALMOST finished #I SWEAR I STILL WRITE #I'M HERE I EXIST #I'M JUST PLAGUED BY THE DREADED RESPONSIBILITIES

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pagesofkenna · 2 years

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there's a post in the tag about someone wishing to see more Omar in D20 and I agree, but it also reminded me about how a year ago a few RPG streamers I like started Power Play, and I never ended up watching it, and I just recently learned that Omar was in that and I could have seen what an awesome player he was long ago if I just had watched it

and then I got to thinking about how many cool actual plays are out there that don't have the budget that Dimension 20 or Critical Role have, but tell really cool stories with really good players regardless! And a lot of these players deserve recognition, but there's so little space to showcase new players for audiences who only watch D20 or CR

so anyway I compiled a list of every single actual play Omar has been in (at least, those I could find VODs for)

Power Play: actual play of Icons, a silver-age inspired superheroes rpg, hosted by QueueTimes! It's played remotely, about 59 episodes long, and includes several one-shots where (I think?) they play some other game systems as well

The Borros Saga: Banesbreak: actual play of Dungeons and Dragons, hosted by PixelCircus! Played in person, about 12 episodes long, with some one-shot vignettes. Aabria is also a player here!

Monsters and Fables: actual play of Dungeons and Dragons, hosted by the official D&D channel! Played in person, 6 episodes long

Buffy the Vampire Slayer RPG: actual play of Dungeons and Dragons, hosted by Hyper RPG! Played in person, about 9 episodes long, and half the time Omar is DMing!

Balboa Cantrip Academy: actual play of Kids on Brooms, a rules-lite magical school rpg, hosted by Hyper RPG! Played remotely, and only 3 episodes long (Episode 2, Episode 3, on Twitch)

Pugmire: Homeword Bound: actual play of Pugmire, a simplified D20 with dogs, hosted by Saving Throw! Played in-person, only 3 episodes long

The Last VHS Store: a 3-episode series hosted by Saving Throw, where Omar GMs a lite D20 system he designed himself! All in-person

Carrier Penguins: a series of 4 one-shots hosted by Saving Throw, playing Lasers and Feelings, an easily hackable lite system. Ep1, Ep2, Ep3, Ep4, all in-person

Oneshots specifically:

Aces in Space charity stream with QueueTimes, playing Blue Shift - remote

The Golden Girls charity stream with PixelCircus, playing Lewd Grannies - remote

The Gauntlet s2e2 with Hyper RPG, playing Pathfinder (Omar later GMs the 8-episode s4) - in-person

Spy Island ep1 with Hyper RPG, playing ?? (an ad-hoc mafia/werewolf rpg) - remote

(And here's just a truncated list of his Saving Throw oneshots, bc there's a lot: Scooby-Doo rpg playing Wildlings, Lasers and Feelings with the Doubleclicks, House of 100 Nightmares GMing Dread, John Wick charity stream playing Lasers and Feelings)

Game the Game (board games instead of tabletops RPGs) with Geek and Sundry, playing Pitchstorm, Aftermath, and Scott Pilgrim - in-person

He was also a campaign guest player in Failed Save c2e3 (D&D, PixelCircus), Damsels, Dice, & Everything Nice s3e2 (D&D, PixelCircus), and Ironkeep Chronicles ep21 (D&D, Saving Throw)

#omar najam #dimension 20 #acofaf #phew this took........ a lot of work...#i wish there was a system already in place to see which players have been in which games #but unless the actors list their actual play work all on their portfolio website there really isnt a system #i compiled this partially to be like 'hey you want more omar?? you DONT need to rely on D20 for that!'#even tho I agree the production quality of D20 is so high that those actual plays can be more fun to watch than the smaller groups #and partially to be like 'hey look at these other game streaming groups that have good work they're putting out you should watch!'#and partially literally also to be like '...YO look at all these other games that exist???'#im still loling at acofaf using the D&D system at all. it does NOTHING for this setting except be familiar to their audience #Saving Throw uses Lasers and Feelings a LOT because its such a light bulk-less system you can do ANYTHING on top of #with virtually zero prep #acofaf needed an oracle system more than a combat system - which is what D&D is #and the oracle system in D&D is helpful but theres SO much bulk with the combat mechanics for a production that doesnt need it!#anyway if you like horror Omar GMs a game of Dread and I don't like horror but I still Need to see that

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fictionadventurer · 9 months

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Things To Make August (the Month of Existential Dread) Bearable

Pray. A lot.

Plan little summer adventures.

Write a fun little retelling (and hopefully finish it).

Read an Elizabeth Goudge book (Book 3 of the Elliot trilogy seems right, because Book 2 is coming to mind a lot as an appropriate summer book).

Remember that sunflowers exist. Find lots of them.

#random thought of the day #i had considered canceling august #just denying its existence and pretending it's july ii #because the whole month always feels like living beneath a guillotine blade that's about to drop #a downhill from summer and a dread of autumn and nothing actually good in and of itself #except for maybe sunsets when the melancholy at least feels a little right #but i've decided to embrace it and maybe find a better atmosphere for it #(yes i do have a specific retelling in mind)#(if you've been following the writing blog you know which one it is)#(but i'm not naming it because saying it aloud puts too much pressure on it)#(and this is supposed to be a pressure-free fun project)#(plus i recognize that i've not yet reached the one week mark)#(where i lose interest in most fun new projects)#(so i acknowledge the likelihood that in like 2-3 days i'll no longer want to write it)#(but for now i hold onto hope and think it has just the right vibe to make august something better)

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jangmi-latte · 10 months

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dear lilia whores,

i pray for your sanity tomorrow, june 26, 2023.

yours truly,

a rook whore

#i'm still not over them revealing the other disney-styled twst characters #i dread for wednesday once i see disneyfied rook #but hey new diasomnia content i might just lose it 🫶🏻#AAAAAA NEED TO GET MY ASS BACK TO PLAYING CHAPTER 7 #okay but what if they suddenly release another version of rook and vil what then #what if i'm secretly idia and sabotage their database what then #this is another breed of overthinking #july's coming i'm traumatized by the endless pome content #what if vil's clubwear exists next month #i have two kidneys and eyeballs for a reason

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caffeinatedopossum · 3 months

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I feel like I'm going to throw up, there's something so wrong with me and with the world. It's not okay, how can anyone be okay

#domt mind me just realizing that i will never be able to be a good person because good people dont exist #and the world makes criminals of us all #what do i do? theres no way to heal the damage of my existence #i cant handle this i wasnt made for this #i truly believe humanity will kill itself off either on purpose or on accident and when it does i just pray we dont take every other species #with us #i think humans are evolving and discovering things we cant handle knowing #but only some of us will hold onto that knowledge and let it drive us insane #the others will ignore it and continue to only be insane in the same way they always have been #this all sounds crazy i sound crazy but i promise it makes sense to me #and it fills me with unparalleled dread #i cant even think about it without Dissociating

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sciderman · 3 months

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Opinion on 'The Incredibles' movies? And the theory that Violet may be the villain in the third movie if it's made?

dear god I hope they don’t make a third . the second was so, so, SOOOOOO bad.

#I hate sequels that exist to undo the events of the first. like it’s just. insulting. why bother.#there are no two sequels that i hate more than incredibles 2 and kingsman 2 #dropped the ball so bad #I posit that they must have fired all the character designers at Pixar before they made incredibles 2 #the drop in quality is.. insane..#the new characters are. dreadful. all of them.#sci speaks #the incredibles truly is a movie that never needed a sequel. that’s the problem with Pixar franchises honestly #like the first movies are so Complete and so well made that they really. really don’t need a sequel. ever.#like #they did their job. story is done. you did it perfect. nothing to add.#quit while you’re ahead Pixar. make something New.

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sekaitransparents · 3 months

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the new cards are so up our alley, omg. rui’s is definitely the coolest.

#(non transparent)#we are weak for cyber webcore punk etc styles #we might have to boot up our jp account to get them lmao #also absolutely dreading making the transparent for rin’s card #but it is very cool lol #edit: the aesthetic is literally citycore how did i forget that aesthetic existed lmao #sometimes I really miss editing

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sonknuxadow · 10 months

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ouugougoghghhg i cant stop thinking about how like . sonic is clearly getting attached to some of these shatterverse variants of his friends. because theyre his friends. but theyre also technically different people and im assuming that in order to bring back his original friends the new versions are gonna have to disappear? how is sonic gonna deal with that. i especially cant stop thinking about this in relation to nine... because nine is basically tails if he had never met sonic. he has no friends and was bullied for all his life and that clearly affected him a lot. and then he finally gets to meet sonic but eventually sonic is gonna choose getting his old friends back over him. im bad at wording my thoughts hopefully you understand

#not really spoilers but ill tag anyway i guess because some dialogue from the new episode made me start thinking about this again #sonic prime spoilers #im assuming that the paradox prism shattering also ''shattered'' sonics friends into different versions of themselves #and to fix everything those ''shards'' would have to be put back together to form the original version of them again #so like when everything is back to normal. will people like nine and rusty rose and knuckles the dread be completely erased from existence?#or will the main versions of those characters still have memories from their shatterverse counterparts lives. idk i guess we'll find out

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can-of-slorgs · 21 days

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are you the one with the nt series where sloth is all buff and hanging out with the user's twinky oc? there was something also about sloth turning into a snowbunny? was that you or another guy?

do you know what i'm talking about if it isn't you... because if not this is embarrassing...

Anon I have no idea what you're talking about.

I haven't publish (nor read for that matter) anything NT related in maybe a decade.

Now, that said... The what comic about dr sloth's twink??

#vin answers #anon im sorry i have no idea what youre reffering to JHASDKFASD #i only got my retail neo account back after years of not being able to enter it like 2 weeks ago and just restarted my neo fix like a month #listen; i did not want to be known as the “babygirl sloth” artist in the neotag by any means #at least not before being an actual artist that is #not this early HJFFJSK #but the existence of whatever anon described only fills me with dread #and probably makes me rethink of whatever i did draw and how it can be taken completely serious by some....... individuals #that or it gains me death threats for making a space dictator into an egirl in some shape or form #i have to come clean..... i haven't read the dr sloth plot lmao #i started it and never finished i have no idea what he even does in neopets #an now im too afraid to actually read it HJDFHJSD #anyways thanks you for the ask anon i..... i do not know what to do with this information #but i do not what to claim ownership of said cursed arts #but it did give me the idea to make a random image of my grundo lad making a thumbs up next to dr sloth #and just having an upper text “DR SLOTH” and bottom text “AND THE TWINK”#its just hilarious to think about

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waiting-to-be-lost-at-sea · 1 year

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An idea I had for a thiam au, was S4 Liam getting taken by ghost riders literally after his first full moon. Can y’all imagine the angst in that? Jenna Geyer feeling lonely in an empty house even though she knows she doesn’t have a child. Dr.Geyer/David Geyer buying lacrosse gear but realising he doesn’t have a kid. Scott feeling like someone’s missing even though Stiles & the gang are with him. Mason always getting an extra slice of pizza for someone who’s not at his house.

•

“Liam!” Mason called out from the horse he’s riding on with Brett, Theo’s eyes lock onto another teenager running towards them with someone by his side.

He’s beautiful.

Theo doesn’t miss the way the kids hair falls across his face, until he is looking up at Theo, cocking his head to the side, blue eyes widening.

“You’re hottie!” Scott’s beta spits out excitedly, before he’s realising what he had just said. “I mean, Theo, your Theo Raeken, I didn’t mean to say that, please forget that I said that”.

Theo’s laughing though, more relieved than amused, that through all the terrifying event’s happening in Beacon Hills that someone hasn’t fully fallen into the darkness.

“We’ll, it’s a good thing you’re cute, Dunbar”, “He knows my name” Liam whispered out loud until he was being suffocated by Mason, only for a moment before the other was smacking him.

“If you ever patrol by yourself again, I’ll kill you, I swear to god Liam, this shit was not funny”.

“I missed you too Mase” he murmured, the man that had been running with Liam was holding a gun, a ghost rider’s gun.

“This reunion is very adorable, but let’s move it along people, the hunt isn’t over yet and I have a feeling McCall didn’t have a plan”.

“Scott! Oh my god! We need to find Scott” Liam stated looking around for a car or a free horse, Theo decided to put him out of his misery.

“Hop on, you can ride with me” he reached out towards the beta, who grabbed his hand without a second thought, Theo pulled him up with a small smile.

He could hear the rapid beating of the younger’s heart, “You nervous?”, “Maybe, but I’m always nervous around horses”, “And here I thought it was just around me”.

Theo smirked watching Liam blush, before he pulled on the reins, Liam settled for a moment before leaning against Theo.

He would’ve spoken but Liam was carrying a familiar scent, one that had plagued him for an age, as his arms came around Liam’s waist. He inhaled one last time before breathing out her name.

“Tara” he murmured.

#thiam #liam dunbar #theo raeken #yes this is a snippet of a wip I have for ghost riders taking Liam S4-S5 #yes Theo comes in S5 but dread doctors haven’t been revealed just yet #yes I like theo falling in love with a boy who doesn’t exist #and Liam falling in love with Tara’s younger brother through nicknames and stories

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redysetdare · 7 months

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Romance always seems better as like a vague concept than it does in practice. Like when I see it in practice it's like

... awkward? Kinda embarrassing? Idk??? Romance as a vague thought in my minds vs IRL romance is so different and strange. I have no problem with the vague concept of it existing but the moment that shit is in front of me in any form? eugh.

#aromantic #aro #aroace #romance repulsed #romance averse #romance mention #it fluctuates how much it bothers me but like #it being soome foggy vague thing usually is like “yeah ok that exists i think”#but the moment i see people kiss on screen or irl or act all lovey dovey it's like....eugh #like i dont feel like i should be there. that im intruding on something. that it's embarrassing to see this.#characters get shown to have a crush and it's like...dreadful because it's going to be such an embarrassing thing to watch #it can even get annoying because it's like 'can you do that somewhere else you're distracting me stop being weird'

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echo-s-land · 3 days

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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

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sarinatendouji · 2 months

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people on reddit are theorizing that john is secretly a spy for the adults and now i have two fears about future events in this series

#the other being that louise and lou have unified and lou isn’t making it out alive 🙏🏻#and im not REALLY putting any stock in the evil john theory bc i think its way too out there #but now that they’ve spoken it into existence i hate it with my whole being and i live in dread that it will come true one day #i cannot imagine a worse character assassination than john secretly being evil the whole time #shadows house spoilers #shadows house

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personshapedsplder · 1 month

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Well I've done the research boys and the plain bitter truth is that I CAN apply to the schools I want to go to right this second. Which means I'm gonna have to put my money where my mouth is.

#i have to remind my old professors i exist which i dread #and im gonna have to brush off my old analytical writing #2 things ive been sort of avoiding #but now its all thats left on my list

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fleaearred · 2 months

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hey , older mutuals — genuine ask. does it get any fucking better.

#ventish #i fucking guess.#idk.#the body turns 16 on sunday. 15 has been hell on earth for us. *i* turn 20. my existence in general has been hellish.#as a side note #i call myself the host but i am not the original. we’re like twins. i was the second.#i don’t like thinking about it.#for the longest time i thought i was the original. i have a shot memory and we have headmates who keep memories #there is something so fucking dreadful about knowing i have pseudomemories of 16 #multiple sets of them. and in all of them 16 was the worst.#and im fucking terrified.

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