#i dont want to die | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

healingheartdogs · 10 months

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One thing about PDA (pathological demand avoidance/persistent drive for autonomy) is that living is a demand. All of the necessities for maintaining life are demands. Staying alive is literally a series of neverending demands. I can never stop eating or I will die. I can never stop drinking fluids or I will die. I can never stop maintaining a basic level of hygiene because it's necessary for health and comfort. I can never stop cleaning in order to keep my spaces functional enough to meet all the other demands that keep me alive. Regardless of how burnt out or tired I am, regardless of how badly my PDA is triggered, regardless of how fatigued my body is or how bad my executive dysfunction is on top of all that PDA, I still have to meet those demands to live. Just staying alive when your brain is like this is constantly being triggered and burnt out by the basic demands of life.

#actually autistic #actually audhd #pathological demand avoidance #im so tired of what it takes to stay alive #i dont want to die #i just #am so tired #and want the demands to stop #at least for a while #ndr #not dog related

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drystan-45 · 1 month

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im scared. i dont want to die this way.

#nex benedict #hate crime #justice for nex benedict #anti indigenous violence #hate crimes tw #rest in peace nex #transgender #trans lives matter #i dont want to die #justice for brianna ghey #brianna ghey #protect trans kids #rip nex benedict #two spirit #nonbinary #transmasc #trans #sneet snart

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fistfuloflightning · 22 days

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#tumblr polls #polls #reblog for a larger sample size #I DONT WANT TO DIE #🥺😭😭😭

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dovewingkinnie · 2 years

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splatoon 3 spoilers

i dont wanna inbetween this i dont wanna inbetween this i dont wa i have so many epic animation ideas and then i choose the one where tartar tries to pick up mr grizz

#i dont think i'll inbetween #i dont want to die #wip #mr grizz #commander tartar #splatoon 3 spoilers #spoilers

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errolluck · 1 month

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I'm tired. Of all of this.

Every fucking day feels like the same, yet it gets heavier. Things get worse, nothing gets better and the few things that gave me security, happiness, where I thought I could escape and be free for some moments, are getting corrupted, forgotten, stained forever, never to be the same refuge they once were.

I'm tired of living sometimes. Of existing on this world.

I know how dying feels; it's calming, the darkness eats you and you feel without worries for the first time in your existance. You know it and that frees you.

But I don't want to die. I'm a coward. I want to continue living on this earth just because I think I can do something in the future, something that will fix everything, something that will give a purporse to everything I've done and lived through.

But we all know that is just a lie to make us feel better, don't we?

Because, at the end of all, do we really matter? What can assure us that?

I'm tired. Too tired.

I want to go somewhere else, but there is nowhere to escape. I want to say that I want to go home, go to the park, go to a forest and be happy. But this is something that will haunt me, haunt me forever and everywhere until the end.

Because you can't escape yourself.

I'm tired...

#I'm not ok right now #my mental health is declining #and everything is getting worse #even the little things that I used to escape reality are rotting #Im just tired #of every single fucking thing that happens #I just wanna curl up and not move at all #Sorry for the vent #but i need to get it out #Im not considering suicide #I don't want to be a weight even after Im gone #and again #i dont want to die #but I just #I just don't want to do this anymore #I don't know what to do #I feel pointless #I think this is just another crisis episode I'm having and I'm going to be fine in some weeks #but I just have to get this out of my chest #I pretend to be ok #to be happy to see if I can truly be happy again #trying to be normal #and ignore everything else that is wrong around me and with me #Sorry again #sorry for the vent #you don't have to worry about me #I don't wanna stress people because I'm not worth it

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pallas-cat · 3 months

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wait gonna vent about school a bit because im actually a bit pissed off so basically i got ghosted by my advisor which, i am taking the L a bit for because i DID ghost her since last june. thing is the circumstances last spring+june were me being institutionalized and dealing with the stress of one prof trying to make me pass a class despite me not handing in work, the advisor clocking it, and then the prof trying to make me lie to the advisor even tho she can literally see the work i turn in so i was basically stuck between the two terrified of being wrongfully accused of cheating which in grad school is grounds for suspension and the advisor insisted SO H ARD that i end up turning in work that i ended up giving in despite my therapist saying i needed a clean break from school immediately so feeling pressured i said "ok give me a semester long extension"

mind you a lot of the negotiation was while i was in the crisis center

and unsurprisingly i end up not being able to do the work as even opening a word document sent me into a panic attack until like. last december. so like i did fuck up communication wise for sure but the way they handled my incedibly commonfare breakdown worsened things so much and im pissed because i literally had a 4.0 GPA before this

#im just #look i did fuck up but jesus christ dude i needed to go to a special area so i didn't violently kill myself over school for a week #and i am now getting Consequences for my sheer terror regarding communication and even opening a word document that i was feeling over the #past 6 months #i think at the core i am just #angry at my anxiety #angry that i have extreme debilitating versions of Common Brain Issues that is the trifecta of depression anxiety and adhd #i should not want to die #i dont want to die #i dont want to feel like i want to die so often #and i feel that the smallest effort i make to Get My Shit Back together is met with Circumstances i barely control #or that i at least struggle to control #i dont know #if those of you who know me are tired of my bullshit imagine how i fucking feel

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melancholyhime · 9 months

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had a good self affirming sob in the shower tonight

im not a piece of shit im not useless i deserve happiness

all those cruel things i used to say to myself so often felt hollow coming from my own voice, as if they were not even true. and they arent.

#i dont hate myself #i dont want to die #i am anxious and unhappy and even if i am progressing slowly i AM progressing #im looking for jobs #i havent stopped drawing even if it was unfinished shitty sketches #i play video games have close friends and have a bed and food #i am ok and i deserve to be happier and make my life actively more enjoyable for myself #bc i am living it right now #and even if it hasnt been the best life and even tho ive made bad decisions and mistakes #i am still here #and i am strong

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as-you-think · 11 months

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.

#i love that i put my phone down turn out the light and roll over to go to sleep and spontaneously burst into sobbing #i fucking hate my life #i have so much stress #so much on my plate and i cant keep up with it all #and everyone else around me is falling apart too and it doesnt seem like anyone knows a way out #i dont want to die #but i wish i could just hit reset and try everything again #this life is too much for me

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elwar-arts · 11 months

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furries and 40k fans are the same!!!

So, I need to say this. The WH40k community and the furry community are the same! they;

-make a furry/40k version of every character they like

-spends an butt load of money on OC art

-kind art community, scary core community.

-spends too much money on collectables. (i.e. fur suits for furries, models & core books for 40k)

#elwar #furry #furries #40k #warhammer #warhammer 40k #hot topic #hot take #furries and 40k fans are the same #fight me #actually dont #I dont want to die

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beljar · 2 years

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With me, the present is forever, and forever is always shifting, flowing, melting. This second is life. And when it is gone it is dead. But you can't start over with each new second. You have to judge by what is dead. It's like quicksand...hopeless from the start. A story, a picture, can renew sensation a little, but not enough, not enough. Nothing is real except the present, and already, I feel the weight of centuries smothering me. Some girl a hundred years ago once lived as I do. And she is dead. I am the present, but I know I, too, will pass. The high moment, the burning flash, come and are gone, continuous quicksand. And I don't want to die.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, 1982

#the unabridged journals of sylvia plath #i dont want to die #the passing of time #quicksand #literary text #books and libraries #world literature #quotes #dark acadamia aesthetic #classic literature #sylvia plath #english literature #spilled ink #dark academia

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naes-dairy · 1 year

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I really want to give up

I really wish the body didn't try so hard

Just make an exception for me, please

I'm seriously so tired, I'm not even doing any work

I always crumble apart when I'm on my own

Nobody is there to see me or hear me

I'm so tired of it all