AITA for calling my friend s bad friend?

Basically, I cant stand people being late due to constantly being let down by family (like saying they would show up to my university graduation and then didn't, missing me win an award at an award dinner I was at but showing up in time for dessert, etc). I've been in therapy and am getting better.

I can handle 5-10 minutes of lateness. I can understand if there is an accident or traffic jam, just let me know!

But Jenny...

Jenny knows I have these issues, I had told her to her face about how I despise lateness and view it as someone not valuing my time or friendship, but I guess I didnt explicitly state SHE was doing that. However she was late two weeks ago by 30 minutes and told me "yeah I know you don't like it when im late" so she does know

Shes always late. Shes on time for work and her classes at university, but not for when we meet up. The first time she was 2 hours late, causing us to miss the show we were going to go see.

The other day, she was 3 hours late. She only lives 15 minutes from me and told me she had just made it home and was going to eat lunch then come to mine. When the first hour went by I texted. Then the second I did again. No response any time. It freaked me out because then I was panicked, like what if she got in an accident. 3 hours late she finally texts me saying "hey can we postpone until 6?" To which I told her we should just meet another time. If she had said she didn't want to meet up I would be fine with that, but don't leave the expectation that you are still coming.

So, today Jenny was supposed to meet so we could see a movie. We had to leave to get there in time. She didn't arrive at the time I told her, which was not the real time. 30 minutes go by I text her and she doesn't respond. I leave at the latest I could have and maybe sped a bit to get there in time. I watched the entire movie and she didn't text me until almost an hour after, by that point I was already home.

She got upset i watched the movie without her. I flat out said she was a bad friend for not texting saying she couldn't make the time, constantly making me worry when she doesn't show up on time, and even being aware that I dont like when people are late and choosing to do it anyways. She called me an asshole and said I was overreacting because of how my family treated me.

AITA?

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a friend who'd wait :)

eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh

Ignore

this will be unpopular probably but idk i've been called slurs a time or two and it's personally uncomfortable to see... obviously do as you please in general but when interacting with me or my posts i'd really prefer if yall didn't casually use fag, etc in place of gay and stuff 👍

I'm starting to question if I should even bother with the stupid paper.... I'm probably just gonna fail anyways lmao

I cannot sleep at all ;w;

the ppl that read my art notes on the tags of my art self rbs, we are kissing passionately in the moonlight btw. just so u know

"only other Hawaiians ever make me feel not Hawaiian enough--"

"Hawaiians from the islands are racist--"

"Hawaiians from the mainland have REAL aloha spirit everyone up here is just Hawaiian, no matter how much blood you got--"

okay but you understand that every single portion of what you just said is rooted in colonialism&the attempted murder of our people+culture, right. like you GET why kānaka from the islands have to be so protective of things as they are on the frontlines watching both our culture&our land get chunked for the proft of those who have no right to any of it, right. like you KNOW that hawaiian homelands requires a 50% blood quota to even get on the list&a 25% quota from anyone you leave that land to post mortem, &that the list is STILL decades long because the vast majority of the homeless kānaka back home MEET that requirement, right-- that the homeless demographic in the islands has the largest percentage of us left in one grouping in the world&it isn't surprising the families who maintained a higher blood percentage are also too poor to leave the islands even while dying on the streets, right. like you are CAPABLE of conceptualizing what all of that would do when confronted with someone from the diaspora who "doesn't understand why the aloha spirit is dead in the islands". right. like you can SEE&HEAR how it sounds when you say the nonhawaiian people&legacy of the colonizers that tried to obliterate your ancestors are the only ones who make you feel hawaiian now that they as a group have successfully taken up the primary position on what makes a good hawaiian. right. like you KNOW why there's even a push to properly exemplify kānaka maoli after literally hundreds of years of our people having to save us from cultural obliteration, &that the push to be a "real hawaiian" definitely didn't start with us, the people who you are trying to reconnect to&identify with. right.

like, i get feeling like the expectations are too high-- there isn't any right way to be kānaka, &there are most definitely kānaka who are shitty about that-- but coming back with, "BUT THE HAOLES VALIDATE MY HAWAIIAN-NESS" is just fucking WILD, like i don't know how to explain to you the haoles thinking they have a right to validate fucking anything in relation to us&our struggle&our people is just...

blood doesn't matter, but obviously not in the way you seem to think, lmao.

Ppl gotta understand that just bc you do x thing because you're mentally ill, doesnt mean your actions dont have the same effect if you weren't. Like if you've been manipulative to your friends, you cant get mad at them for not sympathizing entirely with you when you go on about how they dont accept you for your mentally ilness. Regardless of your reason, you were still manipualtive, you fucked with peoples trust. Theyre still gonna have trust issues about you even if its bc of whatever mental illness you have.

GNASHES MY TEETH

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Listening to a podcast discussing conspiracy theories and deconstructing the ideas behind them and it's reminded me of the coolest practical lessons in critical thinking I ever got, both in high school, both from the same teacher. One was a month long project on who killed jfk in which we could basically present any theory as long as we cited all our reasons and it got us really excited about research and interpretation, but it was the follow up that I liked best.

Our next project she brought us into class and showed us a documentary claiming the moon landing was faked. Gave us worksheets to do that sided with that stance. And at the end of class a bunch of us were like miss wait this doesn't seem right?? and she said okay, we'll discuss that next week. The next lesson, she showed us a mythbusters episode countering all the claims of the original documentary and gave us worksheets for that, and another bunch of people went wait miss you can't teach us two opposing things, which one is right? What do we put on the exam??

So she split the class in two and told us each to present a case based on each side, and to explain why our source was or wasn't the more reliable of the two. Got us to debate each other directly and use additional sources to back us up and explain why those sources were reliable and should be believed. And because they were randomly assigned there was no guarantee you'd agree with the stance you were presenting, but you had to present it like you did. At the end of the project she asked us all which stance we found more convincing and why, and the majority of us basically said "we think that the moon landing is real because most of the arguments against it seem like someone reacted to a confusing thing without testing it, but when you test it and ask the person running the test to explain the science it makes sense once you have more information. Also, one documentary was made with the help of scientists with qualifications and experience and the other was made by people who don't have that but like to write mystery books, which looks like a less reliable way to get an answer. But we still dont understand why you showed us both if one is wrong."

And she was like excellent. You've done exactly what you should do. At high school level, we as teachers are expected to filter for the reliable sources for you, so you know to repeat that to pass an exam, but if you want to be historians on your own, I won't be your teacher any more once you graduate. Lots of people have opinions and theories and research about times in history, and it's your job to learn how to look at them and decide who you want to trust. This won't be on the exam, but I need you all to know it. You all did a great job following the school's instructions to repeat information you were given, but for some of you, that information wasn't on a reliable foundation. I know you all know how to pass an exam. You're smart and you've been trained to follow these instructions. What you deserve to be taught is how to use all this once you don't have to do exams any more.

And then as a reward for us doing a good job at figuring out the value of checking your sources' sources she let us watch Bush get hit in the face with a shoe before we had to go to maths. Shoutout to you Ms Hannah you were a good'un I hope you're doing well ten years on from that class

An attempt to get some thoughts feelings out of my system re the failed date