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my-castles-crumbling · 4 months

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Dancer anon advice

Hi all! Someone wrote me about some advice, I'm just copy and pasting it here so I can add a 'read more' line and format it a bit differently than usual so I can keep my thoughts in order!

Italics is their writing

Bold is mine

i noticed ppl were using this blog to ask about stuff, so here goes ig?

(also im sorry this was going to be me asking about gender stuff but now its just kinda my life story 😭 if you dont want to answer this, you can just write a post saying like. dancer anon i dont feel comfortable answering this or whatever)

Ahhhh, you all need to stop apologizing! I never mind helping!

im afab, and i feel like i never really fit in with gender? like, i would always be so jealous of my feminine friends but i didnt feel good when dressing feminine myself

i also take dance classes (i started at around 6/7) and i felt like i had to wear all the skirts and shit because i wanted to be pretty like the other dancers, and i felt really terrible after a few years of that, because i hated how i looked in them and how i looked when i danced

(i also used to have a dance teacher whos hands were always cold and thats all i can remember about him but i really hated dancing with him and would get relieved when classes were over. ive hated dancing with boys/men ever since)

and it got like. really bad. i believe? (my memory is actually terrible. i cant remember anything for the life of me, so it could be my mind overexaggerating, but anyways.)

i would always ask for me and my teacher to just do stretching because i hated how i looked when i danced because i hated the skirts and everything because i hate my legs and how they look when bare. i hated attending dance classes because people would see me and see my legs and see how i looked and i felt terrible all the time (i think i was around 9 or 10 at this age?)

so one day i had a whole crying fit and my dance teacher told me that i dont have to wear skirts or whatever, i can wear pants and shit (i was so fucking relieved. istg. i now wear skirts to dance only like. couple times a year maybe)

and then soon enough covid happened! (also keep in mind that i grew up like. really sheltered. i did not know what gay people/transgender people were until i read fanfiction about warrior cats 😭)

and i was so delighted! because on distance learning, no one would see me and be able to judge me for how i dress or whatever

at around this time, my fear of everyone masculine really grew. its still there. im fucking terrified of all men. i cant help it. like every boy man masculine person. i get so scared. i hate it. i hate it so much

but then covid came to a halt, yk, school started again .-. i felt like shit, honestly. i didnt have ANY clothes i felt comfortable in. my hair felt too long and "feminine" and i wanted to cut it for the longest time. my clothes made me feel terrible. i hated how the leggings would wear on my legs and how my sweaters would show my body shape and how my butt looked (i still really hate how it looks. why is it big. i dont want it to be i hate it so much)

yeah so there i am, feeling dysphoric as shit (i did not know what that was, back then, by the way, but i believe thats what i was feeling)

didnt help that my only friend was a toxic, lying, manipulating bitch who led people on for fun and always expected everyone to worship at her feet

after a while, i discovered different labels! (bisexual was the first label i had for myself. i felt good with it, ig?)

and then i got to the gender situation. i used so many girl alligned terms because i was so scared of being percieved as the very thing i am terrified of (masculine ppl). i went through demigirl, girlflux, genderfae, genderfluid, i beleive, maybe somethign else too, because i wanted to stay connected to being a girl.

Okay so here, I want to ask, what's the reason to wanting to say connected with being a girl? Is it feeling like you are partially a girl? Not wanting to be connected to masculinity? Not wanting to let go of the 'girlhood' that you grew up with? None of these reasons are bad but I think thinking about this more might help you figure out your gender.

around this time i started doing leader steps for dance. the euphoria i felt. please.

ahhhhh wait! I do ballroom, too! I'm a follower, though. what's your favorite? I LOVE tango. Okay, sorry, I got distracted.

found out i was a lesbian, used nonbinary but with she/they pronouns and felt like shit whenever anyone called me she but didnt want to make a big deal about using they

ooo, okay here- asking for your correct pronouns isn't 'making a big deal.' it's asking for what you need and asking for respect.

found out i was aroace because "people actually find video game characters attractive?" 😭

thought i might feel better as a boy? cut my hair. i loved it so much (i still do) (that was may of last year) got baggy clothes. covered up my figure. did leader steps for dance.

over the summer i started using labels such as agender? which i feel like fits me?

anyway, thats the life story part, now for the part about what the fuck am i

i feel like shit whenever im called a girl or refered to with feminine terms. im not sure if it would classify as dysphoria or not, becuase i dont feel /that/ bad about it, but it still ruins my mood and kinda makes me want to cry.

okay so here's the thing. not 'feeling THAT bad' doesn't mean anything. Dysphoria is dysphoria. and this is dysphoria. Just because you're not throwing up in a corner doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.

if my grandma calles me granddaughter, girl, whatever in russian, it automatically ruins my mood. makes me feel terrible. i hate it.

i dont feel as bad when my sister calls me her sister, though, for some reason.

Okay! So for me, I hate being called a lady, but I don't mind my wife calling me her wife. Again, this is all completely valid <3

when i get called by she/her i hate it so much. i dont want to make a big deal about asking for they/them - sometimes my friends remeber, sometimes they dont.

ive never tried he pronouns, dont think i want to.

they/them pronouns dont give me that much euphoria either, its just like. ok

Okay! Have you tried neopronouns? If you're not interesting in those, it could just be that they/them is what feels best. And that's okay, too!

another thing. my friend has another nonbinary friend. she always genders them correctly, but almost never me. it makes me feel like shit, like she cares more about getting their pronouns than mine, even though i know that thats not a good mindset and shit.

*loud buzzer sound* wrong. Your friend should be gendering everyone correctly, not just some people. Good friends care about making their friends feel comfortable, and this friend is making you uncomfortable. Would you feel comfortable talking to them about it?

also, heres some more on my fear of men because who doesnt love being scared out of their wits irrationally :D

my dance teacher had to leave to go back to where she lives, so they gave me a male teacher (i tend to only have female ones.)

i would be in tears every lesson. i felt like shit. (also i hate the sound of peoples voices and he would always be talking and i hate it so much because his voice, amongst others, is one of the ones that hurts my ears the most.) i even went to my mom to ask her for a change which helped ig? my new teacher is really nice and i love her so,,, yeah

Okay, I want to stop here to say- a lot of this has to do with gender, right? But this particular response seems to be rooted in trauma. Without prying too much, I am wondering if there is something that happened with a man or masculine-presenting person or people? You do NOT have to share with me, but this might be something to explore with a trusted person in your life. I mean, there is a chance it's gender-related, but in the most loving way, there seems to be something deeper going on here.

anyway, you dont have to answer this, i was going to just ask for help with labels and feeling like theres no correct label for me (i use agender now, for simplicity, because i dont feel connected to having a gender at all)

So I guess my question is, how do you feel about the agender label? When I looked up the definition, it seems to be defined as exactly what you described- someone not having a gender at all.

Also, remember that your gender identity and expression are two different things! You can identify as agender (or any of the other things you mentioned) and still choose to dress however feels most comfortable and use whatever pronouns feel most comfortable. There are no set rules except: do what feels most genuine and comfortable!

if you do want to answer this but dont want to use this large of an ask on your blog, just call me dancer anon, i will see and understand 👍

again, sorry for dumping all of this on you

ahhhhhhh don't be sorry, you are a wonderful human!

have a wonderful day

you, too! please message me if you want to talk more! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas

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very-feral-lesbian · 3 years

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i have gotten accidentally attached to the new gossip girl reboot. i just watched it originally out of boredom but i cant stop having thoughts swirl in my brain. and specifically, i have some thoughts on the aki x max x audrey relationship.

forewarning: this is just my opinion and it is very early on (?) in the series so take my opinion lightly.

i am really hoping for a aki x max endgame, no poly ENDGAME or one of the boys with audrey. this is because i see potential for the relationship dynamic for aki x max.. let me explain.

1. we often only see this opposite parallel dynamic in straight couples

aki and max are by no means complete opposites but for the sake of this explanation of the dynamic, just hear me out. think gilmore girls (jess and rory), friends (chandler and monica), OG icarly (sam and freddie) etc... i think the dynamic of max being the outspoken, irrational, animated, “bad” boy who conflicts with almost everyone in his life EXCEPT the calm-natured, level-headed, fly-under-the-radar guy would bring a life to queer male relationships that we don’t usually see. having aki be able calm max down but keep his hidden, more intimate personality thats still him, just more real. and then max being able to help aki see himself in a more confident light (we got a glimpse of this in 1x01 in the closet scene).

2. the way the show dealt with the aki x max and max x audrey situation

when we were told that audrey and max hooked up, it was TOLD not shown. in opposed to max and aki’s intimate moments, for which we have physically seen every single one of them. of course we saw the looks between max and audrey, and the hand on the knee thing but that also involved aki (actually even more so aki because audrey took max’s hand off of her thigh but aki didnt stop max at all, just let his hand sit there).

3. intimacy v sex appeal

there is something to say for sure about the fact that they have shown on-cam physical non-sexual interactions between max and aki and none between audrey and max. think: aki grabbing max’s jaw in 1x01 and the stare between them, the dress up/closet scene (closet also holding metaphorical value for aki’s sexuality), the thigh grab. even the non-physical intimacy, like aki taking a more confident and powerful position than is his norm and sticking up for max and his awful teacher relationship.

the interactions between max and audrey have been either entirely friendly or sexual, nothing intimate (especially since we didnt even see their sex scene or anything leading up to it)

4. stop looking for a chuck x blair replacement

while i love the first gossip girl, it was entirely straight, white, and completely lacking diversity. trying to take our current group of POCs and queer people and applying them to the straight, boring couples is doing a disservice to the diversity of the current characters. if you wanted to fit the characters into the molds, then blair would be monet and chuck would be max, but they definitely aren't getting together anytime soon.

random other thoughts/notes:

-having max being apart of aki’s identity relevation is super powerful, and i think touching on that would be awesome to see the show do (partially, because i still remember the girl who made me realize i was gay wayyyy back in the day, and i hold alot of happiness when i think of her and i hope aki can have that with max even if they arent endgame)

-THIS IS IMPORTANT: while having a pansexual character like max is amazing (like so amazing, pan representation is so important) and also having possibly bisexual aki is, im so scared that both of them will end up with women AND BEFORE YOU HATE ME PLEASE HEAR ME OUT!!!!!!! often show writes will think that just having their character be labeled bi or pan etc.. is enough and just check off the queer representation box and move on.. and then stick the characters in a straight relationship. i just really yearn for some representation for those who are in gay relationship to see their pan/bi/omni/queer identify still being represented.

-this is by no means saying i dont want drama or the poly relationship to happen. i dont think max is in a space for a monogamous relationship, he still wants to live his youth and sexual prowess. i just want some drama, possibly aki finding his footing in the queer community, some audrey/max drama, some audrey/aki drama, i want breakups, heartbreaks, relationships etcc... but i would love to see a pan man/bi man relationship because i feel like that relationship type, even within the queer community, is unexplored in media.

this was all too long and i apologize but i couldn't sleep without getting these thoughts out of my head (i have wayyy more about this show, especially them brushing off monet and her queerness and the issue with teen tv and queer women but thats a post for another day)

idk if anyone cares but yeah, im a gossip girl 2.0 stan and a aki/max stan.. thanks for listening and sorry for spelling/grammar errors, it 1 am.

#gossip girl #gossip girl revival #gossip girl reboot #aki menzies #max wolfe #audrey x max #audrey x aki #monet de haan #aki x max x audrey #aki x max #akimax #LGBTQIA #makeno

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1990jeevas · 3 years

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Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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nothorses · 3 years

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hey sorry if it comes off as weird, but i'm a bit desperate. i had a real bad time figuring out my identity growing up and for like, the past 4~5 years i've become really comfortable and happy whenever i referred and thought of myself as a gay nb trans man; i experience legit gender euphoria whenever ppl address or acknowledge me as such, and the most connection i feel is to gay/bi men/men-aligned ppl. that said, i've struggled with obsessive/intrusive thoughts since i'm like, 12~13 due to (1/?)

a phobia, and they often appeared when i was already feeling low/stressed/anxious over unrelated stuff. y'know when you're having a good time and suddenly your brain goes 'oh hey, remember that thing you have doubts about and makes you distressed? and you think it's not true? well, here it is again (: you're welcome!'. that's it.

so social isolation due to the pandemic has taken a toll on my mental health and recently i have been... struggling a lot not only with dysphoria (i was supposed to start hrt last year but it was postponed due to, well), but also with obtrusive/intrusive thoughts over 'how i'm faking it, i am actually a cis lesbian' (i never felt attracted truly to women, even tho i had kissed two before, and i am Positively attracted to men in a way i can only describe as 'gay').

it has gotten to a point where i cannot think about, y'know, woman characters from stuff i like that i feel like this is somehow a sign i'm actually a lesbian; i have been dreaming a lot of situations i'm either framed as a lesbian or a straight girl, i have been hyperaware of how cis ppl perceive me (pre-transition, as 'girl') and obsessing over little shit like, if women are looking at me in certain ways when i have to go out (sometimes even 'wishing' it, as if it wanting to 'prove' anything).

i feel...... exhausted, none of these make me feel good, all of this makes me feel distressed. i get dreadful when i take 'lol ur lesbian' results at stupid internet quizzes too. i feel like i cannot talk to anyone about it bc i feel like they're gonna try to feed me either 'internalized lesbophobia' or terf rhetoric, which is smth im v aware of, and part of the reason i've been obsessing over as well.

i had mild doubts about stuff before (like if i was rly a binary trans guy or nb, or if i was bisexual) but none was... like this, y'know. i was also dumb and read a bbc article about detransitioning ppl which opened with 'studies say most trans ppl dont doubt' etc. featuring two cis lesbians that detransitioned after entering a relationship with one another. i feel rly rly rly dreadful i wish i could go back to feeling like myself (gay and guy) like i did before.

i'm sorry for the longest fucking ask btw, and also, tumblr hadnt let me send the rest for like, Hours, i'm deeply sorry

[Edited for formatting]

I think a lot of this is very normal, especially for transmascs.

We’re constantly fed this idea that we can’t really trust our own perception of reality, that we don’t know ourselves as well as others do, and that the things we believe about ourselves are temporary, silly, and “signs” of some deeper reality that someone else knows for us. It’s only natural that we’d internalize some of those feelings, and struggle to trust even the most irrefutable evidence of our own realities.

If it helps to have some tools in those moments, a couple of reminders:

Cis girls do not typically dread the idea of being girls. They might dread the social repercussions or expectations, they might hate girls who look/act in certain ways, but they do not typically hate that they are girls.

If you are feeling dread over the idea that you might be attracted to women, you probably aren’t! It’s good to work on feeling more at peace with the possibility, because orientation can be very fluid for some folks, and being ready to accept yourself if things change takes a lot of pressure off- but if you don’t want to be with women, you just literally do not have to be with women. For any reason. Even if you are “secretly” attracted to them, if you don’t want to be with them anyway, you simply do not have to be.

Trans people experience doubt. We experience it all the time. We experience it pretty much endlessly! Maybe there are trans folks who never, ever doubt their genders, and I’m very happy for them; but that’s the exception, not the rule, in my experience. This study talks about the steps toward trans self-acceptance, and finds each step is an ongoing process, and often a back-and-forth. It was very comforting for me to recognize the patterns & know I’m not alone.

The focus on AFAB detransitioners is driven by transandrophobia. Because saving the “poor little girls” is a compelling motivator in a misogynistic society. Most detransitioners are actually folks who were AMAB, and found the societal pressure and backlash was too overwhelming, or made things too unsafe, for them to carry on with their transitions. Most detransitioners, period, are people who had to stop because of safety issues, or lack of access to their transition needs.

It’s very normal to go through periods of high doubt, and periods of high self-assuredness. You may just have to ride this out; surround yourself with as much support and love as you can, remind yourself that those fears aren’t really based in reality, and be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Try to make choices that prioritize your mental and emotional health.

You will get through this period of doubt, and come back to finding love and joy in your identity again! It might just take a little time & patience.

(Also no worries over the sending confusion; Tumblr’s a lil broken sometimes, and it’s genuinely not even remotely an issue.)

#long post #advice #Anon #Ask

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k1ngj0ve · 3 years

Text

I've been thinking about this since yesterday and I know what I want for DA4

First, what I think is likely:

1. slightly more limited character creation (like in 2) so that they can focus on a more personal story as opposed to having to write and record 4 entirely different sets of dialogue depending on your background. (origins was hard and inquisition did a bad job of that, thisll save them time and effort)

2. Probably a human or elf

3. probably set in the top half of the map so they can show entirely new cool looking areas (without having to backtrack south more than once or twice and try to recreate something we've already seen from scratch without being able to reuse the actual assets-- inquisition still looks too good for people to be 'wowed' by upgrading it)

4. probably a strong slavery plot (i mean, obviously, we have seen tevinter in half the teasers, and also slavery has been a plotline in every game), possibly something to do with siding with Tevinter to fight the Qunari, probably meeting the Black Divine, maybe trying to get everyone in on an exhaulted march against the qun again?

There are all just things that seem highly likely to me, now, heres the thing i think could fit that and that i REALLY want:

Okay so if its anything like Inquisition (and to a lesser extent DA2) there will be binary choices given in a situation. In Inquisition it was 'Side with the Templars to subjugate the Mages... or Dont'. In previous games they were a little more clear about 'this is a bad thing to do' (at least 3 chances to turn on your friends, maybe more), but in Inquisition its pretty much only the 'mage rights' choice, and while a couple specific characters may get upset about specific decisions there isn't much in the way of a moral judgement from the game.

So this time, make it a tiny bit more like 2 or O, where your companions have STRONG opinions about choices and voice them to you Before the choice, but it doesn't seem to really matter, you can make these choices on a whim

Then, at the end of each large storybeat, there are Big Consequences. 'oh shit, i can lose them, i have to try harder'

But at the end of the game, youve kept every character alive, youve schemed and done backhanded dealings, and you get to the final scene--

Everyone sides against you

youre the villain

everyone hates you

its not specifically because you kept them alive (though thats probably slightly part of it) but because you made your cause no longer just. Maybe you did a big victory? but no ones celebrating (or at least, no likeable characters). they kill your ass dead. Bad End

DIFFERENT ENDINGS!!!

'perfect worldstate' endings, where everyone lives, everyone loves you, and you save the world

'worst possibly worldstates' where you just fucked UP and were the worlds worst and most inept bad guy

Most people will get one of several middling endgames of course

there are characters it is impossible to get the Perfect Endgame with by allowing them to be free/happy/alive. Some people purposely choose a somewhat bad endgame because they REALLY want Varric to live.

I just... sigh <3 a screen in the credits that shows how many other endgames you can get. you gotta play at least 10 times to see it all.

((also everyones bi again, sorry, all the straight and gay exclusive characters are nonromanceable. the characters also speak out loud about being bisexual. the rules for getting with them this time has nothign to do with race, gender, or if you remembered to hit the 'flirt' button, its based on if they personally like what choices youve made. they approach YOU. you wanna romance them? THEY make the first move.

this is cool for a million reasons, but one of the big reasons is that if a character you hate really likes you then youre probably doing something wrong ;) ))

#da4 #dragon age #dragon age 4 predictions #long post #rambling #also please god give me a silent protagonist #i beg you i beg you i beg you #i hate voiced protagonist in an rpg #voiced is only okay if we have a Hawke like character with a very set backgroudn and firm personality you cant control #i hate that the inquisitor is voiced its gross #all the voices are bad #ive never in my life made an oc with any of those voices #and you can be one of like 6 backgrounds (+3 for mages) and they ALL have the SAME personality #BECAUSE VOICING IS STUPID

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chelleztjs18 · 3 years

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Question and ignore me if I ever overstep but how did you know you wanted to marry your husband? Cause I consider myself as bisexual but I don't see myself marrying a man or marrying at all (I'm 25) i feel so damn attracted to women and I want to hold her hand, kiss and more not PG-13 stuff but just a few men cross my mind, with them I just want to get laid and that's all.

My parents are kinda of supporting cause I told them about my sexuality three times to finally accepting my pov, but since then we haven't had touch the time and that was a while ago (between 5 and 9 years). They are the only ones who known, my sister doesn't know about it even though she is a bit older and I know she will be supportive I don't want to tell her until I have a serious relationship. And well my friends know about it but they are very supportive so... I feel closeted with my family and that's kinda overwhelming cause sometimes they can be a bit homophobic and I get so stressful for not standing up against them

Hi anon! Thank you for this ask. Sorry for the late respond.

No, you didn't overstep anything with your question. Don't worry. How did I know I want to marry him? Well, He has been there for me. We met online before I moved here to U.S. I was still struggling moved on from my ex gf. Then when I moved there, my mom passed away. I was on a very rough time, he was always been there for me and I fell in love with him. He was there for me no matter what. That's how I knew I want to marry him. To be honest, yes at that time the level of my attraction to women not as strong right now. With all the sweet things he did for me, always be there for me, of course I fell in love quite easy. How he was really committed to me and want to have future with me, that was also what made me know I wanted to marry him.

Now, I'm attracted to women even more but that didn't change my love for him. It just makes me realized that he is the only man I'm attracted to and love.

I totally understand your situation. I'm from the country where same sex relationship is not acceptable (even though now I heard that there are more people more open about it there, but still.) I'm also from a catholic family, n they are pretty conservative. So yeah I know what you meant. By the way, the reason my ex gf broke up with me because she knows her family and religion won't accept it so she felt guilty and scared then broke up with me. (Similar with Gwen story in my series). I also remembered one of my aunt kinda suspect me and my then gf, and she started saying sarcasm about same sex relationship such as that it will make you go to hell and stuff like that. But I'm happy that you have some of your family and friends being so supportive to you and that matters. :)

Sorry for the long reply or maybe a bit off topic, I got carried away because this kind of topics always makes me emotional (But I really dont mind to talk about it.) I hope what I wrote here helps and gives you answer.

Cheerio!

Chellez TjS.

#anon answered #anon ask #send me asks #send me anons #get to know chellez tjs #chellez answers #chellez speaks

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5sosbitchfest · 4 years

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Reactions to Luke’s IG Story 6/14/2020

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate her as much as the next person but bi people in straight relationships are still bi

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I call bullshit on Messy being bi. Sorry, if she was bi, why didn't she come out earlier? Her 'haters'? Where? Also, Luke needs to learn the difference between supporting Pride and celebrating it while PR dating a fake ass 'bi' woman.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I also don’t think it’s fair to say Sierra has never been in a same sex relationship we really don’t know who she’s dated. This is a big problem in the LGBT community, when a bi woman is in a relationship with a man her bi identity gets erased. Halsey has actually talked about this a lot. While I agree that Lierra is not a queer couple, that does not erase Sierra’s identity as a queer woman, and pride is absolutely still for her to celebrate too 🌈

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: *i understand that it was Luke’s post but obviously she had input to post it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Does Messy’s journey of her sexuality excuse her transphobia? Bc I don’t think so. She sure is selective about who and what she celebrates then. She posted that picture for attention, like everything else she does. It sounds harsh and if she wants to share her journey then great but let’s recognize and call it out for what it is. She doesn’t need to have Luke in a post to talk about her sexuality. Happy Pride Month to that person she purposely misgendered and attempted to invalidate.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It’s not about disliking Sierra anon. She has only officially came out in a reply on twitter that she later deleted. That’s the only time it’s been mentioned. People struggle to come out and she tweeted and deleted it as if she actually wasn’t saying it. And now her boyfriend is the one essentially coming out for her? That’s what the issue is anon she has never openly said she was bisexual and now that it’s pride month she is? This is just the first time it’s being brought up& it wasn’t even her

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I don’t care that Luke posted good on him but him posting something for pride halfway through the month makes the other boys look inconsiderate for not posting anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm the anon that said the thing about "lets not make this into a mikey situation" I agree that it was a complete distraction tactic, and I also can not stand Sierra I was just trying saying that even with those two things in mind the post isnt harming anyone and so we shouldn't get mad at luke for making it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate to admit it but I don't see Lierra ending anywhere near soon. Yes, couples don't last forever and still I don't think they will but let's be honest, he cares about her. Idk how things are in their life, and I hope he's happy, but I think she will stay around for this year and maybe a bit of 2021. 🙄

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okey but was the "biracial" necessary? It made me cringe...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I know luke can be cringy when it comes to Sierra but cmon haven’t we learn by now all the cringy stuff if from Sierra being on his account lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Sierra wrote that ... no caps, her grammar, fave chosen emojis etc totes her 10000000000% although glad acknowledging bisexual biracial but Angel? Angel by day and to stans but I thought she was the “late night devil”

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Something about Luke’s ig story doesn’t sit well with me... the fact that he felt the need to state that she’s biracial and bisexual just makes it look like he’s treating her like some kind of a trophy to show off, idk it just doesn’t feel right

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Why do L and S feel the need to make everything about S? This isn't about you, so shut up and actually get a job.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” i’m gagging and laughing so hard yeah he 100% wrote and posted that himself /sarcasm

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I love luke and I'm happy if he's happy but the way Sierra clings to him in that photo is so gross. It really just feels like she's using him to do her dirty work. Like that post didnt feel genuine at all and it really seems like luke isnt even trying to convince us anymore he just does the bare minimum to make her happy. I dont blame him tho. Just feels icky.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: As a straight person, I hate straight couples and hope to never be cringe.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm sorry but that Instagram story that luke posted talking about his "beautiful bisexual biracial angel🥰🥺" does NOT (capitalize, underline and bold) sound like how luke would type something. The first part where he talks about how far we have to go sounds like him but not that that part.. not even close. Want to bet either sierra typed it, gave him the idea to say that OR did both cause we know she monitors him like crazy

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: "Bisexual biracial" is so unnecesarry. Luke, hon, shut up. People are out here fighting for their rights, and you feel the need and have the audacity to make it about your crazy ass girlfriend? Don't get me wrong, I love the boys, but making every fcking thing about your girlfriend-particularly luke- is not the point of these movements. So stfu Luke, stfu Sierra, stop making everything about S. That pisses me off, sorry I just needed to rant somewhere.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is it just me or does the whole “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” not sound like him or something he’d say??? idk I’m kinda new to the fandom but it felt cringey reading that come from him

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Did you see what luke posted on his story? Seems him and Sierra are getting along great, smh. Also she's confirmed bi as well I guess. That's cool. Hope she doesnt use it as a weapon to defend criticism tho. Also did luke redo his hair cuz it seems very white again. Idk. Seems fishy. What are your thoughts? Do you think he was told to post that to distract from mike?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: just when I was starting to forgive luke for his “response” to messy’s MESS, he goes and posts this... I’m TIRED

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok but as a lesbian it makes me sooo happy that Luke is celebrating pride and he's supportive of her sexuality 🥺 men never take bisexuality seriously and I love that he respects that. YET as someone who doesn't like s I'm like why....... like this week has been so frustrating and we were all like "they don't defend m bc they're in a sm break" and now he comes to post this and doesn't say anything? i just :(

allisonscarlett said to 5sosbitchfest: Honestly pride month came just in time cause I remember some stans saying that sierra is probably not bisexual and now there's luke insta story. I'm not trying to erase anyone's sexual orientation, I'm bisexual myself and I've found it weird that in the past years sierra didn't anything about her sexuality during pride month (and don't remember when she tweeted about being bi but I don't thing that it was in during pride month)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is anyone else getting"i can't be racist/homophobic because my gf is biracial and bisexual" vibes from lukes ig story or is it just me??? does he know he's digging a hole???

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: should we assume luke posted that in response to the insiders muke information? interesting timing on his part

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I honestly can't stand Luke rn. Angel? Angel???? ANGELLL????????????

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okay but I don't think that counts as a "a straight couple thinking pride is theirs to celebrate". Just cause Sierra is in a straight relationship doesn't take away from the fact that she's bi, or mean she can't celebrate pride. And I think Luke wishing her and everyone a happy pride is actually a really supportive thing for him and again doesn't really count as a straight person thinking pride is theirs to celebrate, because he's focusing on her, not himself.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “my beautiful biracial angel” i hate it here

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Gonna say something to MAYBE make some people happy. That picture was taken at a PROTEST. So they probably aren't together 😂😂 they were just together for the protest

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The biracial part of his story post is feeding into him being a king for dating a mixed person

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok luke did look very cute tho

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Every single time there’s any drama in the fandom, a new “cute” picture pops up and some people really think that’s goals? Like in what world is now the time for that kind of post, if it isn’t a direct pr response to the twitter mess of the past few days? Smh they’re not even trying to be subtle anymore

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: i think it’s fine for straight couples to go to and celebrate pride when one of them or both of them aren’t straight.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I was reading this blog a few hours ago and I read a post where someone said that everyone basically assumed sierra was bi bc of a comment and now Luke comes out calling her "bisexual" as if he was confirming it...Idk felt weird lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Bisexual biracial angel😭😭 who made him write that and thought people will take it seriously

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: have you seen luke’s story? “especially to my bisexual biracial girlfriend” i fucking CACKLED like is it how she’s supposed to be known for?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: thank you luke for that ig post for it will keep messy ass kissers away from m mentions for a while

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Funny how you just brought up everyone saying that Sierra was bi just cause she said she loved men and woman and woopty do guess what luke put on his insta story. “My beautiful bisexual biracial gf” Luke I love you but 🤢

#kirby #luke #lemon #messy #Happy Pride

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punksarahreese · 3 years

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pls ignore me venting but i cant rly talk about this to anyone so im writing here...so there was a guy that was in my class since 7th year till 9th year,, im now in 10th year and i love all my class and im rly happy. so that guy was literally crazy i swear- he was homophobic, racist, misogynist an xenophobic, he would say Hitl*r was right and he basically insulted the whole class, and was always criticizing communism,, he used to make fun of everyone so no one rly liked him. once he shoved me to the ground and began kicking me and beating me and when i told the teachers they said "oh poor M*****, he's disturbed, just ignore that", he made fun of me for being bi and i should just die and said women belong in the kitchen and shouldn't be in school etc...he was like that to me and some friends but basically he was an ass to the whole class. and now that im happy he wants to change into my class bc THEY BULLIED HIM IN THE TWO CLASSES HE'S BEEN IN THIS YEAR- i just dont want that to happen so me and some friends are probably going to que principal and ask him not to let M***** in our class-

Anyways sorry for bothering but i needed to get this out and i was here so im REALLY sorry and also sorry for my ew english

Don’t apologize anon my inbox is always open and I think your English is great 🥰

I’m really sorry you have to deal with that though, that sounds like a horrible situation honestly. A person with views like that who openly expresses homophobic and xenophobic ideals in a class setting should be reprimanded. It’s the school and teacher’s job to make classrooms a safe place to learn and with a person like that in class, “disturbed” or otherwise, they should figure out a way to keep others safe

It makes me very upset to hear he was outright beating you that’s... literally evil? How can teachers just brush that off ?? I really hope you can ensure he doesn’t get transferred to your class. If anything happens like this again, collect a list of all the instances you can remember in which he was abusive or bigoted. Take it to the school board if your principal doesn’t listen. A person should not be allowed to switch classrooms with a track record like that and his peers who experience this abuse shouldn’t be ignored.

Also, reminder that you are absolutely valid and there’s nothing wrong with being bi. Every sexuality is valid and you can’t choose that. Embrace your bisexuality because it’s a part of your identity and never let anyone put you down for that. You deserve to have a wonderful life and get an education and no bigoted person can dictate your true worth. Whatever happens, remember you don’t deserve to be pushed around and you are 100% allowed to stand up for yourself.

Take care, anon, I really hope things work out for the better. My inbox and DMs are always open if you need to talk <3

#not med #asks #anon #abuse tw #homophobia tw #xenophobia tw #sexism tw #long post

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lgbt-advice · 4 years

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Hi! I’m bisexual and I came out to my sister 4 years ago and she told me it was a phase and anytime me or my friends mentioned being gay she got uncomfortable and judgy but recently she’s been posting about questioning on her ig and it just really bothers me, I know that I should support her and kill her with kindness but it just makes me so angry that I never got an apology and at how suddenly she changed. Any advice on how to handle this?

Hey there,

So this looks like it's been a hard experience for you. For that I am sorry. Know that we're here to help in whatever way we can.

Remember that a lot of times people mask their own insecurities and self-doubts by reflecting this judgement of themselves upon others. Perhaps your sister insisted that it was a phase because she herself was hoping that her own situation would pass.

Now, I dont know the exact dynamic between yourself and your sister, but it seems like you two talk and care for the other. Her approval matters to you.

Perhaps you could talk to her about her posts and offer your assistance in answering any questions she might have on this journey she's starting. Let her know you're there for her and will love her and support her.

Now, you seem to be carrying around some hurt that was caused by your sister. And that's perfectly valid. If you want that apology (remember it's not yours to take, but hers to give), I would recommend bringing up that the statements made you feel sad and that you dont feel they were warranted, especially in light of this new situation. Just talk. That's the best way to solve problems. Be genuine, kind, and respectful, and you will receive the same.

I hope this helps

Good luck,

Sofia

LGBT Advice

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lactosecarrotsoup · 5 years

Text

My thoughts on Sean & Finn’s kiss

This will be long and of course contain spoilers, as if you can’t tell by the title... thingy. So, be warned. This will also contain my opinion(s); which is a very sensitive subject in this fandom.

We’re all entitled to our own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, etc.

With that said, let’s get started!

For those who are new to this game... I will give you a short summery. Life is Strange is a video game series ran by DontNod. A great company who loves to make players cry. This season has new characters from the other season and DLC. This season takes place in Washington where you play as a 16 year old boy, Sean Diaz, who’s a regular teenager. He loves drawing, skating, and of course stereotypical teen stuff such as drugs and parties. Taking away the partying and drug usage, he’s your typical shy-ish guy. He also has a little brother named Daniel, he’s 9 years old.

Both of them are Hispanic, including their father (Esteban), making this season’s cast more diverse than the first season, where the main characters were mainly white.

Speaking of their father, he dies. Yep. After Sean forces Daniel out of his room, Daniel runs to their hot-headed neighbor and accidentally spills homemade zombie blood on him. Sean over see’s the neighbor about to hurt Daniel and rushes out the house, protecting him. After a few racial slurs/crude remarks to Daniel, Sean decides to fight him. Sean shoves the neighbor onto a small rock (which I still dont understand how that injured him), and he lays on the ground in shock/going unconscious.

A cop shows up and hell breaks loose. The cop only see’s the “blood” on the neighbors shirt and Daniels, thinking nothing but the worst of the situation rather than questioning them. The dad comes out, trying to reason with the officer and he gets trigger happy, shooting Sean & Daniel’s dad, killing him. Daniel screams in shock/anger/horror and Sean blacks out. Whenever he wakes up, the entire street is destroyed and more people are dead/unconscious. He grabs Daniel and they runaway, not wanting to get involved with the crime. It’s later found out that Daniel has powers (similar theme to LIS season 1) and can move objects with his mind.

More shit happens, yada yada yada.

NOW.

Episode 3 just released. In episode two, the brothers meet quite a few people. But most notably for this post, Cassidy and Finn. These two are regular friends (or maybe even “fuck buddies” as Finn and another girl described their relationship), who are a lot like Sean and Daniel. Cassidy left her old home life to live on the road. Finn, I can’t remember if he said anything or not. But I would think it would be for the same reason or something crime related.

Anyways, point is, they all group together and live in the woods. But, they all also work for this dude who runs a farm with nothing but pot.

Yep.

A nine year old and sixteen year old kid are working at a pot farm.

This leads to Finn, Cassidy, and Sean to get high, drunk, etc.

Finn get’s a hair up his ass and decides; “Hey, why don’t we steal all the cash from our boss? Who cares if he may know about Sean & Daniel’s backstory, has security footage evidence of them, and shotguns?!”

Cassidy is against this. But you, the player, have the option to accept or refuse his plan to rob the big dude with the cash.

And in the words of Chloe Price from season one; he’s got some “hella cash”

SORRY I HAD TOO.

But still, you can either rob from the guy or go against it. But HO HO HO! This choice doesn’t matter that much. Finn does it anyways (with a fUCKING NINE YEAR OLD HELPING HIM AND RISKING THAT KID’S LIFE) and Cassidy gets upset and worried. So, if you disagree with Cassidy, you end up meeting with them anyways so you can stop them. You get in trouble either way, btw.

But, let’s back it up.

If you agree to join Finn’s plan, he’s happy and you have the chance to romance him. Which, at first thought (including mine), was great! In the first season, Max was bisexual. You can flirt/romance with Chloe and/or Warren. With Sean romancing Cassidy and Finn, the developers made him bisexual.

But... it’s not all roses. Let me give you my first reaction. I do actually have it recorded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGJ8lg5clHM

2:29:55 - 2:34:24

If you don’t watch it, basically I was excited and shocked. I didn’t like Finn at first but in that moment, I shipped them. I wanted Sean to be happy and happy enough to open up about his sexuality, if he hadn’t already.

But, I realized something.

Finn is most likely 20+. Sean is still 16. This means Finn is an older guy kissing a minor, which is of course, illegal. Not to mention that earlier in that episode, he was teaching Daniel to throw knifes and such. He smokes and drinks and admits his sexual relationships in front of a kid, too.

Speaking of his sexual relationships, it would be highly toxic if Sean and him dated/had casual sexual intercourse. Just based on Sean’s personality and how he had a crush on that Jen girl in the first episode, and how close him and Cassidy warmed up to each-other, he wears his heart on his sleeve. One thing this season has done WONDERFULLY is not distribute toxic masculinity. Sean and Daniel have both cried several times. Most men don’t like to talk/show their feelings because they feel weak and such, which is horrible. No guy should feel that way and should openly express them-self.

Sean does this, which is amazing. Yet, still can harm him.

Right after you agree to Finn’s plan, you can kiss him. Throughout the episode, he also flirts with Sean. Of course you have the CHOICE to kiss him... but it’s only after you accept his agreement. You can kiss Cassidy (and sleep with her) but she will storm off, angry, without kissing you, if you agree to Finn’s plan. Which is reasonable. Or, you can lie to her, saying you thought his plan was dumb, and she’ll kiss you. Both reasonable (in my opinion) responses to each situations.

But, how come you can’t kiss Finn regardless? Sean can say no and they could still talk about their feelings, leading to a kiss. Instead, they do nothing.

Finn is manipulative. He used Sean’s emotions to get to him. He probably noticed how close him and Cassidy were and how much love he has for Daniel, openly saying it every now and then, and wanting to protect him. Finn noticed how open Sean is and took advantage.

Imagine if this wasn’t a choice base game and the story automatically follows Sean agreeing with Finn.

He flirts with him throughout the episode and is very charismatic. Since Daniel notices how close Sean and Cassidy are getting, he rants to Finn. Finn takes in this information and uses it against them. He becomes “cool” in Daniel’s eyes by being super chill, rebellious, and showing him how to violently protect himself/hurt others. In a sense, he becomes Daniel’s temporary older and “cooler” brother, making Daniel look up to him. With Finn’s flirting, he admits (once again, if your choices didn’t matter) that he has feelings for some guys.

Finn takes note of this.

The idea pops into his head to steal from the man who runs the pot farm... thing. I’m an innocent bean who hasn’t done anything harder than prescribed drugs for anxiety and stuff. So forgive me if I’m getting these terms wrong, LOL! But, the point still remains, he tells Daniel who is automatically on board. I doubt a 9 year old boy truly cares if they have enough money or not. I bet his main thought was “If I do this, then Finn will think I’m cool! He’ll treat me like an adult and so will others.”

In fact, I bet you that was his exact thoughts, just based on what he said to Sean and how he acted towards others.

If you really look at it, guys... it looks similar to a Mark Jefferson/Nathan Prescott relationship in season 1. I’m not going to go into many details for the people who haven’t played/watched season 1 yet, but I’ll give you guys a basic rundown by what I mean.

Nathan was mentally ill. He suffered from possibly multiple disorders and had an abusive father. His father wanted him to be the best of the best, not for his sake, but for the families sake. This got to Nathan and he hated his father. Mark Jefferson was a teacher who noticed this, befriending Nathan, and becoming a fatherly figure. The two teamed up to do sickening plans and crimes together which ended up getting them caught in the end.

Now, who does that sound like?

Daniel just lost his father and he’s angry. He probably has PTSD and anger management issues, based on how he’s acting and the situations he’s been through. Finn is an older figure and tricks Daniel to follow his plans and crime, as they��re stealing. They end up getting caught by the boss no matter what they, Sean, Cassidy, or the player does.

Sean is in the same boat, minus the anger issues. He probably suffers more from depression and PTSD (since he talks about the past a lot to others and how they know their story). Since he does talk about his feelings, Finn uses to his advantage.

When Sean agrees to the heist, Finn and him (can) kiss as an award. An award for falling into his trap and doing whatever he wanted.

Nathan got fatherly love and praise from Jefferson, resulting in him to continue their disgusting plans in order to feel loved.

Sean (and Daniel) and becoming the Nathan of this season.

We have to watch out who will be our jefferson.

I also have to address another elephant in the room.

We’re the reason this happened.

If you go through old DontNod/Life is Strange official posts (I suggest instagram or facebook, where i saw mine), I saw nothing but comments saying how much they want Chloe and Max back. I assume this is because of how you can romance Chloe. They want their love story/friendship to continue. Even though we did get a comic series based on them, it wasn’t good enough.

DontNod probably got sick of it and forced this to happen. While they were probably writing Cassidy as a love interest in the beginning, and Finn as probably just a random stranger or a brother of hers, the noticed all the hate and said “fuck it!”

As a result, we got the chance to kiss Finn... before you could write him off by injuring or killing him. Which, many people were pissed about.

But if you REALLY think about it, we were the cause of that. They probably didn’t want that, wanting to focus on Cassidy and the actual story. But many people wanted LGBTQ+ moments (which is understandable) but didn’t want Sean and Daniel’s story. Or they did get involved in their story but wanted a LGBTQ+ character.

The story of Life is Strange (both seasons + DLC) is nothing more but teens/young adults finding themselves through very difficult times. This with the responsibility of super powers, which are hurting those around them. It’s not meant to be a romance. It’s meant to be a drama, sci-fi, and angst story. (And thriller bc of Max’s nightmare bc that shit scared me)

While yes, I was happy and excited at first about Sean & Finn kissing. I was happy that there was potential for things to be “normal” and Sean to be happy, there was a lot of red flags. The age differences, the manipulation, the parallel's, and how forced it was.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk! Before you leave a hateful response, please know my opinion is valid like yours and others. Not only that, but I’m not the first to point some of this out. :)

#lis #life is strange #lis 2 #lis 2 spoilers #life is strange 2 spoilers #sean diaz #daniel diaz #life is strange 2

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alicezan-ncgred · 5 years

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Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative.

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this.

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too.

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin.

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better.

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression.

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that.

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD, Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind.

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue.

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt.

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly.

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling.

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode.

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell.

#Long post #tw: suicide #TW: Depression #Trigger Warning #TW #OCD #Anxiety #Chronic Depression #Bipolar Disorder #Bipolar #Mental Health #My mental health

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makkeuga · 7 years

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markhyuck headcanonz

‘im egging your house for a dare but your parent is a cop and they’re yelling at me so i told them that you were my ex and you wronged me and now you’re coming outside and please go along with this i don’t want to go to jail’ a very specific headcannon if you want , I'm sorry - requested by an anon :’) <3

- ok so mark is a popular athlete, good student and all but his fiends r kinda... dumber jocks. so one time he is over one of his friend's w the squad and they have a stupid contest over something like who can hold his head under water the longest

- and mark loses. and as a punishment he has to egg his friend's neighbour's house. he isnt looking forward to that tbh bc he isnt a bad person but... peer pressure

- so he gets a pack of raw eggs from the fridge and with damp hair and nervousness he walks over to the next house

- its like 9-10pm so its kinda chilly and mark just prays to god bc his mom would never approve this and he looks back and sees his friends on the balcony and someone is probably gonna film it or something and he is like sIGHH but waves and laughs at them

- while his friends holler stupid crap he starts throwing the eggs to the house and fakes a smile and an attitude thats more tough than what he feels

- its goes all somewhat well until he is like at the sixth egg ("what a waste of eggs" he'd think) and the door fucking opens and a man storms outside and mark is like.... fukc (except he doesnt curse)

- ok so their town is kinda small and people know each other at least in the area

- so it doesnt take long after the man has started yelling that mark realizes that oh shit thats the cop that shares the same surname as him

- "what on earth are you doing?? don't you have anything better to do than vandalize someone else's property??" and stuff like that and mark is kinda frozen with the raw egg in his hand

- he glances at the balcony and ofc his friends arent there so he looks back at the man and swallows dryly

- "whats your name?? im a cop and this wont go unnoticed" and mark is shaking in his sneakers

- "umm, sir....." he is kinda panicking too but then he remembers that mr lee's son goes to his school so being a clever boy he tries to fix the situation

- "im very sorry, sir.... but actually... i dated your son?? donghyuck??" he isnt even sure of the boy's name but he hopes its right (all he knows is that the boy is very cute and sings in a choir and sounds like an angel but not like mark would ever listen to it while passing by the choir room)

- "and he, he, he wronged me, like very badly. and im very hurt and this is the only way i can.... revenge it..." mark is kind of sure it wont work

- the man still looks angry and mark is sweating

- he notices the door opening and a very confused looking donghyuck steps out and mark is like............ help... looks at him fear in his eyes

- "donghyuck??? hi!!!! so as i was telling your dad ur my ex and" he lifts the egg up in his hand "i was just gonna show that its not okay for u to hurt me" he is blabbering in a high pitched noise and all he can think of is that hELP ME I DONT WANNA GO TO JAIL

- donghyuck is very amused bc u dont see a popular kid like mark in a situation like this every day

- "son, is this true?" hyuck's dad turns to him and he is like ... nodding while looking over his dad's shoulder at mark

- "i should have told u...."

- "donghyuck!!!! hasnt ur mom taught u that u cant treat other people like that???"

- "she has...."

- "what did u even do????"?

- "sorry dad ill tell u later....." and he looks so sad so his dad is like HMMPH okay

- "ill let u boys talk. and u" mr lee points at mark "still wont go unnoticed" and goes inside the house

- mark is so close to crying (of relief) before he realizes what actually happened and he almost falls to his knees like THANK U but donghyuck just bursts out laughing

- mark goes like :0 woah he is pretty :0 even tho he is wearing just a hoodie and sweatpants

- "so, the infamous mark lee, my ex?" he sounds SO amused

- mark wants to die

- he laughs just very nervously like hah hah hah.... but he is also kinda starstruck

- "ok but dont hate me i just dont wanna go to jail pls pls im so sorry" he starts to blabber again

- hyuck just rolls his eyes and is like!!!!!! is ok lol chill!!!

- "i didn't even know u liked boys"

- mark replies w more nervous laughter so hyuck raises his brows and is like "or???" and mark just nods bc its not like he is in the closet but everyone just thinks he is trying to be A Cool Bisexual (even tho its legit)

- "...whatever. this is how we will go now: u come in and we tell my dad we made up and all is cool and no worries and ill convince him to let u go"

- "okay... thank u sm?? wait. why are u helping me?" mark is quite confused tbh bc hyuck seems like the guy to hate the jocks

- then donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows and winks really greasily

- "as a payback ur actually gonna go on a date with me."

- "....what"

- "exactly”

- “oh”

- “also why is ur hair wet???”

(- they end up dating and being the cutest couple ever tbh tag ur goals)

THATS IT HAVE A GOOD NIGHT LMAO feel free to request me stuff :’) drabbles headcanons moodboards tbh whatever !!!

#my stuff #WHAT a ride #again #markhyuck #headcanons #nct dream #markhyuck imagines #markchan #mark lee #lee donghyuck #haechan #nct dream imagines #markhyuck au #THATS IT #i suPPOSE #a mess

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chekovsphaser · 7 years

Text

so @boyjadzia tagged me to do this super long tag game. I’m probably not gonna tag anyone because its way long but I love a good oversharing moment

tagging: no one

last text sent: “and to u”

list three favourite colours: Red, Black, Teal

what time did u wake up at today: 10:45 am

what were u doing last night at midnight: playing the Sims 4

name something you can’t wait for: I hate to be that guy but I can’t wait to be okay again

when was the last time u saw ur mother: Like two weeks ago, or last weekend on skype

one thing u wish u could change abt ur life: My mental illnesses would be gone.

whats getting on ur nerves rn: My horrid father

favourite tv shows: STAR TREK, X files, Brooklyn 99

first best friend: My older brother definitely.

listening to rn: random comedy playing on Netflix in the background

3 fears: Being abandoned and secretly hated by my friends, becoming homeless, being locked up like in a hospital or jail.

4 turn ons: Funny, Agrees with me on sociopolitical stuff, doesn’t need to be sexual, Aware and Good With mental illness

4 turn offs: Right-wing, boring, bossy, generally insensitive

sexual orientation: Bisexual

senior year quote in my year book: “So long and thanks for all the fish”

first thing i notice in a person: whatever is brightest in colour? like hair or a shirt or shoes.

shoe size: 35 or 5

eye colour: Brown

hair colour: Dark Brown

favourite item of clothing: Currently my LIGHT UP SHOES

what colour of underwear i’m wearing rn: Bright pink

favourite season: I like wet season when theres a nice rain sound when you’re indoors. As for the 4-seasons thing, I guess spring - jacket weather!

how much time i spent on designing my blog: not. I just used a theme someone else made.

the reason i joined tumblr: I wanted to enter the community of disability stuff I noticed and it just went from there

do i ever get “good morning” or “goodnight” texts: my mum sends me good morning texts when she gets up, usually sometime in the afternoon bc timezones. Plus I also talk to people before falling asleep so a lot of goodnight convos

when did i last hold hands: like a few days ago I held hands with a friend

how long does it take me to get ready in the morning: I mean, I can and have been out the door in 2 minutes flat but usually it takes at least 30 minutes to get out bed so 1 hr ish.

have i shaved my legs in the past 3 days: LOL no

where am i rn: in bed

do i like music loud or at a reasonable level: rI like music at normal volume but I don’t hear very well so I guess it’s pretty loud

3 things i love: my friends, shiny things, space

how i feel rn: a little drunk. I mean im not actually drunk but i feel kind of wack

something i rlly, rlly want: mental health

3 things that upset me: mean people, drama/discourse, world suffering

what i find attractive in other ppl: Wasn’t this question already asked? Personality is everything

3 habits i have: biting stuff, drinking too much soda, sleeping weird patterns

something i fantasize abt: Entering Starfleet and going to space

something im talented at: ~creativity~

the blog i give the most notes to: i have literally 0 idea

last person re-blogged sth from me: boyjadzia

do i smoke/drink: Nope, neither

my favourite food: depends on my mood? sometimes white chocolate, sometimes sushi, sometimes kebab, sometimes beef? mashed potatoes?

my favourite dessert: Brigadeiros - they’re a brazilian sweet made with chocolate and butter and condensed milk

what i did yesterday: skipped first lecture, went to second lecture, grocery shopping, watched a lot of netflix, played the sims.

number of kids i want: 0

number of siblings i have: 2

something thats constantly on my mind: That vine where the dude is playing piano in a parking lot and screaming “everybody loves shit fuck”

last person i messaged on tumblr: my buddy ryanepstein

can i drive: nope

what state or part of the world do i live in: London, UK

am i in school: 3rd year undergrad

do i get grossed out easily: yeah. like I have a lot of stuff like textures and things that gross me out so yeah

somewhere i would like to visit for a week: Really good question. I’m not a fan of travel but I’d like to go to someplace in east Asia or Oceania bc those are the 2 continents I’ve not been to

i’ll love u if: you are kind to me. That’s it. I’m a real sad person.

last show i binge-watched: Brooklyn 99. I rewatched it for the 10th time last week.

what words upset me the most: like slur-type words pretty much?

what words make me feel best abt myself: I have no idea? Any nice words basically.

a wish that i’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: I usually do a “I hope this turns out okay” of whatever thing I am struggling with that day

who i would switch lives with for a day: IDK. Maybe some cis dude who isn’t mentally ill just so I could see what it was like

my favourite ice cream: i dont like ice cream it’s cold and hurts my teeth.

allergies: Mint, dairy, capsicum peppers, something that’s used in preservatives and I can’t figure out which one and it makes me throw up.

sexiest person to come to mind immediately: yeah no i can’t? I’m too tired to think?

my childhood career choice: I literally used to say “no one knows what they will be when they grow up so why bother” when I was a child. I was a sassy child.

one of my insecurities: that I will die alone because I look like a child and that makes any potential dates uncomfortable.

how many blogs am i following: 386

how many tabs/different windows do i have open at this very moment: 2 windows, one tab each. One plays netflix the other is on tumblr

coke or pepsi: coke

tea or coffee: coffee but cold

movie or book: movie probably, I love a good book but unless it’s an audiobook I can’t read for long periods of time in one go because ADHD and stuff.

a sense i would be willing to lose: smell. I have a very poor sense of smell as is (turns out it’s bc thyroid stuff), and have at several points not had any sense of smell. It really doesn’t hurt to lose at all.

quote i live by: I do not.

type of accessory i wear the most: JACKET, or like, spinny rinng?

last awkward situation i found myself in: I straight up asked a girl to her face what her name was because I forgot and she was like “You don’t know my name?” and I was like “I’m sorry??” and it was awkward. turns out she was drunk but I was awkward

what time is it rn: 23:40

a song that made me cry: many songs. Recessional is probably the last one I cried at?

first song u ever sang at karaoke: At like legit karaoke it was that frigging Coldplay song the one with the ruling the world? I don’t remember the title anymore.

#oversharing

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