#i dont really like this one
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Doing the hair (he's very focused, don't disturb him!)
#i dont really like this one#and it's the last time I'm drawing myself with Alan#I swear#I have oc now like normal people /hj#my dear hatchet man#alan orion#mdhm#mdhm alan#sketch
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Billy has an unexpected reaction to your birthday surprise
Fem!reader
I’m not 100% satisfied with the way this came out but I was sick of editing it and putting it back in my drafts.
No triggers unless you are bothered by stains and a broken lamp.
It’s 3pm on a Friday evening and you’re scrambling around the grocery store looking for things to make a cake. Why are you making a cake? Because it just so happens to be your boyfriends birthday which he neglected to tell you. If it wasn’t for Max mentioning it in passing this morning you’d have missed it.
Why didn’t he tell me!
It’s not exactly an important day for him. I stopped trying years ago.
You hardly had time to plan anything. The streamers you bought were mis-matched colours and there was only one pack of birthday balloons to be found in all of Hawkins. That being said, you were going to give Billy the best damn birthday you could. It’s 4pm by the time the cake is in the oven and you had so much left to do before 7pm. Thankfully Max offered to help out.
“Ok so I’m thinking the streamers can be hung on the ceiling and the balloons can be taped around?”
“Sure.” Max shrugs. “Why did you pick these colours though?”
“It’s the best I could do in short notice.”
The place is sort of coming together, but the cake is a sight for sore eyes. Your red icing is more so pink and it’s a little melty because the cake was still warm. Not to mean ruin to ‘Happy Birthday Billy’ piping that looked to be done by a child.
“God this is terrible.” You groan with stress.
“It’ll have to do, you need to go take a shower, you stink.” Max shoos you away.
———
It’s 5:57pm when you hear a knock at the door. A quick look out your window was all you needed to know he was here. That flashy red car sticks out wherever it is.
“Y/n! He’s here!”
“Don’t let him past the porch!” So much for fixing your hair. You shove it up in a ponytail and take one last look in the mirror. A light blue jumper and your favorite jeans- it’s not the fanciest outfit but it will do. Bouncing down to the kitchen, past the living room, you can hear Max and Billy talking.
“What’s this about Max? Where’s y/n?”
“She’ll be here in a second just-Billy!” Both of you enter the living room at the same time. You with a cake, and Billy with a very confused look. “Y/n I couldn’t-“
“What’s going on?” He interrupts.
“Happy Birthday.” You half smile. “I uh, I made you a cake.” You hold it out waiting for him to take the invitation to blow out the candle but he doesn’t. In fact his expression is stagnant. “I know it’s not much, and I didn’t have time to get you a present, but I wanted to do something for you.” Nothing. Same look. “Everyone is coming over to have cake and beer. And Steve is bringing a couple of movies.” You look over at Max who is biting at her nails in anticipation. “Billy please say something.” His eyes well well up with tears and he clenched his jaw. “Oh god you hate it. Look I’ll call everyone and tell them to not come just please don’t be mad at me Billy I really tried.” Your own throat is limping up now. Crying wasn’t on your to do list tonight. He calmly walks to you and cakes the cake from your hands. Patches of cake peak through the vibrant pink icing and wax drips down the candle. It’s painfully quiet, not one of you said a word. Billy’s face twisted into a scowl and straight into silent tears. His shoulders shake when he stifles a sob. He plops down on the couch holding the cake so close that his white shirt is now stained with a patch of icing.
“I-I haven’t had a-birthday cake since my mom- since she-“ he can’t speak through his sobs. You rush to next next to him and fling your arms around his shoulders. “And you put balloons up!”
“She planned all of this.” Max added. “And made the cake herself.” Billy looks back at the cake and laughs through his tears.
“It’s a really ugly cake.” You laugh too, drying your face with your sleeve. “Thank you y/n.” He places a gentle , and frankly wet, kiss on your cheek.
“I hate to interrupt a tender moment,” Max says, “but everyone else is going to be here soon. Maybe you two should pull yourselves together?”
The party was a blast even when drunk Steve broke your lamp. It was laugher and smiles, and for a while there was no feud, no Vecna, no Hawkins. Just an odd bunch from different walks of life enjoying their youth. Billy would never admit it but this was the happiest he’s been in a long time, all because you simply just cared.
#billy hargove imagine#billy x reader#billy hargove x reader#billy hargrove#billy stranger things#billy hargrove x female reader#stranger things#original writing#i dont really like this one#oh well
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#nnd compass#gustav heydrich#グスタフ ハイドリヒ#my art#i dont really like this one#i wanted to do something cool with hand perspective#but i fucked it up#whoops#scratches head
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Hyperpop
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him.
#cassi talks#rafael silva#*myart#i dont really like this one#also i hate drawing hands & eyebrows but yet
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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mmm…the urge to work on a new theme
#squints#I DONT REALLY LIKE THIS ONE#LIKE…#IT DOESNT HAVE THAT WOW FACTOR#and i genuinely feel like it looks like SHIT#sigh🚶#ill see yall tmr
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calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.
#nonbinary love#nblnb yearning#nb4nb#nblnb#wholesomeposting#yearning hours#ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense#so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me”#and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc#but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership#i think about this mostly in terms of ecology#and relation to land#but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers#like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs#but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while#and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well#when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else#its understood i just mean the city where i live#so why cant we apply the same to lovers?#mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again#ok#done now
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when making a character remember! are they a FAG?
Fucked up beyond belief
Actually would suck in real life (and ideally in the story too)
Gay
#krill chirps#my stuff#🕷️#didnt use the quirk because i dont really like using it on public posts#especially this one#which i really want to go far
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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good games i've played on itchio lately:
please tell me you love me - chat with your guild members for the last time before the game's servers are shut down
GIRLKILLER (covet) - there is a girl who looks like you, and today you're going to kill her
cover me in leaves - stuck in your small hometown, you get your first tattoo. and then a few more, and more, and more
don't rock the boat - play through the different perspectives of a women's crew team as they are stalked by something in the water
GUTLESS - you are the captain of a deep sea vessel. your mission doesn't go well
so, about last night... - you wake up sick and weirdly hungry after hooking up with someone at a party. you spend the next night trying to find her.
close the window, my love - short bitsy poem about closing the window. sound on! this creator has a lot of short bitsy works i recommend.
there is a beautiful star - just a short, cute side scroller. lots of short, lighthearted games from them, definitely recommend for a mood booster.
#these are all p short except for so about last night gutless and rock the boat#still not super long tho#these are all on my itch page too but whatever lmfao#also cringe i feel so awkward writing descriptions but i dont really have a lot to say personally#except. Good Game 👍#also sorry recommending gutless a second time sue me#i think girlkiller is my favorite atm... i like the ambiguity in that one and two different endings#games
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so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.
and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.
...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.
see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.
while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.
especially if the president of the united states is on board.
yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.
and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."
but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.
...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.
not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.
yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.
but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire
#kai rambles#so like#i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like#i dont really care for warships#i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them#apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod#or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter#like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED#but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water#william d porter#uss william d porter#ww2#world war 2#world war ii#warships#again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny#uss iowa#fdr#franklin d. roosevelt#this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck#shipposting
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Ive seen multiple posts from reddit refuges that go like "im queer and its so welcoming here!" Or "im nonbinary and dont get quized on my gender here!" Or "im autistic and i can be weird here and yall like it!" And its so fuckin cute its like yes hi hello welcome this is the gay ass autistic website we love special interests we love weird genders we love just saying random shit and the just happy surprised tone of those posts is so wholesome to me like yes! hi! you are in fact the target audience! welcome home
#196#reddit blackout#theres also been multiple posts that compares them to endangered birds raised in captivity being released into the wild#and yeah i can see it#god but the joy in those posts at being met not just with welcoming arms but delighted ones#like yeah! you can say just random shit! we love thag here!#we dont just allow random special interedt rants we adore them we actively encourage them#theres posts about loving seeing your mutual flood your dash suddenly with some random thing and realising they have a new hyperfixation#its just really cute and sweet
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learned something about myself lately
#i dont think its even the fact almost all my characters are somewhat beasts in one way or another. i just#really like tails and wish i had one myself#and then my oc designs are a little tame theyre mostly human shaped with animal features. but they always have tails#my eyes have recently been opened to the appeal of long whiplike unicorn tails.. so flowy and curly#something about the tuft at the end being long and swirly just does something for me..#maybe it would make sense to change auggies tail shape so it looks like a meteor. her design is mainly pink with hot pink accent#so it would be cool to use that and orange to make it look like a fire meteor.. maybe itll help complement the blue/green in her design#head full of ocs today so expect a ramble later#if i had a tail i think it would be long with a kink. so it kind of folds over once but not in a curl#when it wags its kind of a swaying motion. i have thought about this a normal amount#yapping
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which movies have you watched the most amount of times? they dont have to be your actual favorite movies, just the ones youve rewatched most. for example: mine are the final destination movies and scream
#mutuals especially i really want to know#a) because movie rec but b) because i feel like it says a lot about you as a person JSDHGFHJ#but fr i fuckign Love the final destination movies they are so much fun#and i used to play the first scream every time i cleaned my house lol i dont know why#txt#if no one reblogs this ill cry talk to me Boy
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