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tposeatthedisco · 3 years

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Tommy's Best Quotes of 2020:

'Just killed a woman, feeling good'

'Ive never felt pain'

'AHHHH PLASTIC'

'She is a woman and she is falling, you must kill her!'

'All I do is just stare people down at college, I intimidate them until they love me'

'700 lollies and throw them at people'

'Hey did you know if you rearrange the words in GOGY it spells 'orgy', what does that mean?'

'All I want in life is less parkour and more stabbing, is that very much to ask?'

'WHERE IS FOOT?!'

'Tubbo like a da bee'

'Eret, listen to me and I mean this in the nicest way possible, YOU FUCKED UP!'

'Dont go into my base Tubbo for its my base and you are a bitch'

'Wilbur, good news I've got you a woman, bad news she's American'

'Im more of a gamer than a doctor'

'Im the only person Dreams afraid of'

'He came here to watch me! HE CAME HERE TO WATCH ME!'

'Just let me be my own man, your acting like a right beta male right now'

'To be fair, I'm aging'

'Ive brought some ice here, hey, hey COLD'

'Your my girlfriend'

'Mans got a diamond sword'

'I BOUGHT A GUN'

'Would a pussy be able to walk like this?'

'I already have about 30 girlfriends'

'WAP. WORSHIP AND PRAYER'

'THERES ONE THING I HAVE THAT YOU'LL NEVER EVER EVER EVER. I HAVE THE BLADE!'

'She answered me, she answered me, she answered me, I am a man now'

'They'd fire me on the spot and they'd piss on me'

'If only I could mind control you, I'd be so powerful and one day I will'

'I know another word for cat'

'Your not just ruining your L'manburg, your ruining EVERYONE'S L'manburg!'

'Im with bitchboy'

'MUM, I CANT DO THE DISHWASHER, IM LIVE'

'I wanna burn America to the ground'

'I need to type like Vikkstar is in my fingers'

'Me and the boys, going to kill Sapnap'

'Mans been taking LED pills'

'There's something sketchy about fish man... maybe it's the fact that they don't have dicks'

'Hey Tubbo, why don't we calm down with a hot bowl of fetish'

'Phil your going to die of old age, sorry to break it to you'

'Phil hit me up if you ever need another wife, I have a gun'

'I hate all men, except me, I'm the only good one'

'I can locate the nearest woman at all times'

'WHY DOES TWITTER NOT HAVE A BUTTON TO MUTE ALL MEN?'

'take a shower?! you mean let my house PISS on me? no thanks.'

'Australians are just americans in denial'

'babies are so stupid. all they know is shit themselves and cry'

'Violence is never the answer, except when it is'

'Children are the youth of society'

'in britain we dont bother with these bull shit elections, we just have a queen that doesnt die'

'mother found out that i have been "stabbing shit". she was not pleased'

'Hey Schlatt, lightning struck the flag'

'Im gonna start stabbin shit'

'Im gonna start smashin shit'

'just got cancelled by my own mother for swearing at the dinner table'

'I will not rest easy until I have them discs'

'BLEACH'

'DRUGS'

'You killed Tubbo, Techno'

'Everyone say HUMINA at the same time, it'll sound really funny'

'What makes a good woman, that's what I wanna know'

'Just created a religion, feeling enlightened'

'i went outside today and saw a girl'

'Why do girls pee'

'You know what disc stands for don't you? DISC IS SHIT CUM'

'Hey guys, remember to twitch and prime'

'i went into a shop and didn't bring any money i just said i’m friends with GeorgeNotFound and they gave me the whole shop'

'Do I shoot him Wil or do I aim for the skies?'

'SHUSH GOGY SHUSH'

'Im a doctor, well I'm not actually but I have a gun'

'You know when your mum give you a gift that you already have on Christmas morning and you have to pretend to be really really grateful and it’s the hardest thing ever' (This is once he got given pigstep twice)

'This is a weapon. Because Hbomb, this disc means that if I go near anyone on the server with this, they will be copyright claimed. This is the most Powerful weapon on the server.'

'I am strong, my brain is weak'

'I am married to the grind, I do not marry women'

'Me and the boys in bed'

'Maybe pog, maybe arrested'

'DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

'MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM'

'LGBTQ is pogchamp'

'i'm like the hulk but bigger and badder'

'we either evict him or we shank him, no in-between'

Hope you all enjoyed reading this, if I missed some out you can reblog or comment some, I've been doing this for the last 2hrs and it is now 2:30am

Hope you all have a happy new year and remember to stay safe. Have a good new year everyone <3

#dream smp #mcyt #tommyinnit #sleepy bois inc

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

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Discord pt 84

[Date: 16/03, 8:40 PM GMT - 16/03, 9:06 PM GMT]

CONTENT WARNING: Mild body horror

[Direct continuation of pt 83]

kateza: “only thing i can think of is getting like

plant cutters?”

donti (e): “we can somehow simulate the exact opposite of what syd went through...?”

[kateza: “only thing i can think of is getting like]

donti (e): “potentially attached to brain”

[kateza: “plant cutters?”]

Renboo: “oh so weed killer is a no but plant cutters? yeah sure do that- /sarc”

[Little-K1ng: “alright how about damage mitigation? jack, you knew syd. you knew her through the..... uh... "process". do you have anything to share?”]

Jack the Observer: “Just. She had a headache. Bedridden. The warden said it was like red strings tying down her mind.”

kateza affectionate: “... right, right. sorry.

ignore me.,”

llyr: “you’re alright kate, it was worth suggesting. we’re just brainstorming for now”

Jack the Observer: “You could try wire cutters, actually. That’s not. A horrible idea.

I don’t know if it’s good.

But not like. That bad.”

Renboo: “how durible is gold anyway-”

[Jack the Observer: “Just. She had a headache. Bedridden. The warden said it was like red strings tying down her mind.”]

Little-K1ng: “speaking of bedridden i need to sit down or something, marcus, can you bring me 2 pills from the bottle on my desk ?”

donti (e): “good is an incredibly soft metal

and is usually impure to prevent bending”

kateza: “but with how fast it seemed syd's grew...

i don't know sorry sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i mean, syd had direct contact with crown outside of being a court member, right?

these boys kinda dont have that”

[kateza: “but with how fast it seemed syd's grew...]

Jack the Observer: “It was four days of headache at least before the trial

She was really ill”

donti (e): “... so we potentially have two days left?

dreaming: “we should try. cutting them off or something? it might delay it”

Void: “is it possible that crown needs to be around for it to grow and that's at least part of why you found him around your house?”

kateza: “might hurt him”

donti (e): “it might hurt max tho”

dreaming: “we could try and if it hurts we stop”

Maxwell: “please no”

[Void: “is it possible that crown needs to be around for it to grow and that's at least part of why you found him around your house?”]

donti (e): “point”

Jack the Observer: “Can he feel through the buds? Or would it be more like cutting hair/nails”

dreaming: “okay”

Little-K1ng: “oh yeah those footprints and handprint..... i heard about those

i still need to check those out now that its daylight, but i cant really do it like this”

donti (e): “can marcus do it?”

llyr: “it’ll likely just grow back, though. in order to get rid of weeds, you have to pull it out by the root, which in this situation might not be possible”

[Maxwell: “please no”]

Little-K1ng: “max, come sit on the couch with me ?”

[dreaming: “we should try. cutting them off or something? it might delay it”]

Renboo: “wasn't there a very brief mention of it hurting whenever someone so as touched whatever the thing is? just imagine how painful using wire or plant cutters would be- and with the possblility of it growing back too i dont think theres anyway to cut it without hurting max a lot”

[Little-K1ng: “speaking of bedridden i need to sit down or something, marcus, can you bring me 2 pills from the bottle on my desk ?”]

Marcus: “Of course! Sorry I was lost in thought”

[Little-K1ng: “max, come sit on the couch with me ?”]

Maxwell: “okay okay--”

kateza: “i don't think i can help with anything else here so i think i'm going to... go. /ic”

llyr: “ok, bye kate. i hope you have a good day :3″

kateza: “... i'll try. i just don't want to piss anyone else off”

dreaming: “okay that's logical won't do that then”

Little-K1ng: “dont worry, kate. we're not mad

at least im not, and you can keep that in mind”

kateza: “fetch was, marcus wasn't happy that i just said what was going on”

Little-K1ng: “in a way it works out”

kateza: “i just don't want it to happen again, y'know?”

Marcus: “I’m not mad

I just...

Max is under a lot of stress”

kateza: “i also remember when you smacked me down as Viscount so seeing it happen again kind of... i dunno”

Marcus: “All of whatever just happened wasn’t helping”

[kateza: “i also remember when you smacked me down as Viscount so seeing it happen again kind of... i dunno”]

Marcus: “I did what”

Jack the Observer: “Understandably so. This is a stressful situation.”

Renboo: “viscount what-”

donti (e): “it's definitely going to hurt him if unaddressed though”

kateza: “verbally smacked me down

not physically

although i was kind of being a little shit but it was because i just did not know what else to do”

Marcus: “I don’t... i did that?”

kateza: “frankly i kinda deserved it and anyone that saw it could probably corroborate that I deserved it”

[kateza: “verbally smacked me down]

Renboo: “okok i thought viscount like smacked the shit out of you or something-”

Maxwell: “You know....this...almost reminds me of when i was a kid, or well i guess younger....whenever I was sick or scared I would curl up on the couch with someone, even when I was anxious I would still do it.....I haven't done it in so long....”

Marcus: “Let me get you some blankets, Max. Ultimate comfort pile”

Jack the Observer: “Calm yourself”

Marcus: “Man, it would be really cool to just be able to create blankets when we need them”

Maxwell: “how....are we gonna get rid of em”

Renboo: “completely off topic but do you think we could all like group up or something and like- storm crown's mansion? like even if we only had a group of like 20 there's only abt 5 of them so they'd all have to fight 4 of us each like do you think that'd have any effect on anything like if we kidnapped crown or something do you think that we coud get him to tell us something”

Jack the Observer: “No

Barrier blocks.”

donti (e): “bad idea... remember the last time someone suggested it?”

Renboo: “no”

donti (e): “so many reasons no”

Jack the Observer: “so many reasons no.”

donti (e): “many many reasons”

Marcus: “...it wouldn’t be the best idea

I don’t know if you’ve noticed”

donti (e): “we don't even know the full extent of his power”

Grimm: “You would regret that immediately for multiple reasons”

Marcus: “But Crown has more powers than Ranboo does”

Renboo: “i completely forgot crown and ranboo have the same body nvm”

Maxwell: “fuck my heads hurting again”

kateza: “marcus i dunno if you wanted to see it but it was back when I honestly didn't know what else to do and viscount decided he'd had enough of me”

donti (e): “MAX u ok”

Marcus: “Okay turning the lights off”

[kateza: “marcus i dunno if you wanted to see it but it was back when I honestly didn't know what else to do and viscount decided he'd had enough of me”]

Marcus: “I don’t...I don’t remember”

Maxwell: “im fine just....hurts again is all”

kateza: “i won't send the link unless you give me explicit permission to, alright?”

Marcus: “What if I massage your head but steer clear of the buds? Do you think that might help? It’s kind of like growing pains right?”

[kateza: “i won't send the link unless you give me explicit permission to, alright?”]

Marcus: “I...don’t know if I want to”

kateza: “that's perfectly fine! your comfort is valued and I'll do my best to make sure that it stays that way”

Maxwell: “you could try if you wanted, i hope its just after pain and nothing new growing in...”

Marcus: “I don’t think they’d grow that fast, im sure it’ll be alright. We’ll figure this out

Okay, just let me know if it hurts too bad alright?”

Maxwell: “okay....

im....kind of tired...can i have a nap.....?”

Marcus: “Max, of course

You don’t need to ask to nap”

Maxwell: “just....wanted to be sure....thank you...”

Marcus: “Of course! Monas already asleep I’m sure she won’t mind if you use her as a pillow”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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naughty-noodles · 4 years

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Ohmygod when you have time can you do headcanons of Alpha Toby finding a Omega victim he decides to keep. Like " yes. Out of all the people I hatchet murder this is the one for me" and drags them to a hideout. Or whatever works for you!

Toby wiped the blood from his cheek, only succeeding in smearing it across his face as he looked around the room. The fate of everyone in bar was sealed. He chuckled a bit at how easy the job was. His two "coworkers" were dealing with another victim across town but this one needed some tracking.

He would've waited for the guy to leave the bar but that would risk more witnesses. So why not just wipe them out while they were confined to one area? It was simple, really. Steal the key from the back room, lock the doors, and blow a fuse. No one was the wiser. 13 intoxicated people dead before a 911 call could be made. The night vision he had asked to be installed in his goggles made it so much easier.

As he stepped around the fallen bodies, searching their pockets for anything he could steal, his nose caught a wiff of something masked by the blood. Someone was still alive.

A whimper emerged from under the bar when the person realized he had caught their scent. He smirked and picked up his hatchet into a ready position. As he walked toward the bar, the target bolted across the room. Toby flipped his goggles back down and saw them frantically jiggling the door.

"Hey, du-dumbass. It's locked." He laughed, loving this last man standing game. As they turned around, he caught another wiff of their scent. Fear, confusion, and a little determination. By how easily he could detect their emotion, he knew they were of omega status. This just got so much more fun for him.

"Why d-don't you be a go-good little omega and come over here. Now."

A growl of detest left their lips as they felt around, finding a chair. They picked it up and held it in front of themself protectively. Toby laughed again and twirled his hatchet with ease.

"Th-that wont protect you, sweetie"

"I know." The omega hissed before smashing the window by the door. Glass sprayed everywhere. Toby took a step back in surprise. The omega quickly crawled out, whimpers of pain as the glass cut them on their way out.

"Shit."

He rushed forward and followed them. As he looked around outside, he couldn't see them anywhere.

"Fast li-litle fucker, aren't y-you...?"

He stalked around the bar, looking for hints of their direction when he spotted it. A blood trail. They must've cut themself on the glass badly. He rolled his eyes when he saw where it led.

The woods across the street.

Cliche, yes, but idiot move. Now they were in his domain. With their injury, it was doubtful they'd get far. They were likely in hiding. So Toby began his search.

Leaves crunched under his leather boots. Under normal circumstances, he would've removed them to move more quietly; however, he knew the sound would only cause the hidden omega to panic more. Their fear would lead him to them.

"Come on, little 'mega~ I won't- won't hurt you... it'll b-be quick. I promise."

Nothing.

He smacked his hatchet against a tree, the loud thud resonating through the woods.

"Getting a- a little im-impatient here, omega!"

There it was. Another whimper and the familiar scent. He whipped around it its direction.

"Oh, omega..." he cooed, slowly walking in their direction. "Dont you kn-know to move downwind?"

He knelt by the bush they were hiding in.

"Come out now and it'll be less painful. Alpha's promise."

Their breathing increased but they remained frozen in fear. Toby growled and lunged his arm forward, gripping what felt like a shirt and forcefully pulling them out.

They fell to the dirt beside him with a thud and a yelp. He quickly flipped them over and held them down with the weight of his body.

"Pissing me off will only make matters worse, omega"

They glared back, baring their teeth in a failed intimidation attempt.

"You have no right to use my status title, "Alpha"" They spat.

He move his hatchet against their throat, keeping them pinned.

"And y-you have no say in what I do. I'm the one in control of your fate so I'll do what I want."

He didn't need their pheromones to know how they were feeling. The fear in their eyes was the only indicator he needed.

"Tell me... what's your name?"

Silence.

He pressed the hatchet further toward their neck. "Name. Now."

"Y/n!" They winced, turning their head away in fear.

"Y/n..." he smirked, tongue tracing his canine tooth from under his mask. "Adorable."

"Just... just tell me what you want! Please! Please dont kill me!" They begged.

"My job re-requires no witnesses."

"I won't tell anyone! I was never at the bar! I promise no one will know!"

Toby growled and brought his face closer to theirs. "Doesn't fucking matter. You're still a witness whether you lie or not."

No,no,no please..." A tear fled their eye and began falling across their face as they begged.

Toby brought his hatchet up, ready to seal the deal with a single swing; but their scent was too strong and his protective alpha instincts were in overdrive. Killing omegas was difficult when your instinct was to keep them from harm.

He sheathed his weapon.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck." He cursed.

The omega tried to scramble out from under them but his hand quickly grabbed their throat. He ripped off his goggles with his free hand and stared them down.

"Damn you! Damn you f-for keeping me from completing my job!" He yelled, punching the ground beside their head. Y/n yelped and flinched away from his fist.

Their scent was too thick with fear for him to take it anymore. So he did his job as an alpha and attempted to calm them with his own scent. One of safety and love. He purred against their ear and removed his hand from their neck, petting their hair gently.

"I'm sorry, omega..." he apologized as they calmed down slowly. Toby's own movements were shakey. He hadn't calmed an omega like this since his sister's death. Still petting their hair, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small packet. He removed a pill and placed it on their lips.

"Take th-this."

Y/n shook their head.

"Please... it wont kill you. I... wont kill you. But you cant see where we're going."

They still refused so he forced it between their mouth and covered their nose.

"Swallow, omega. It's okay."

A minute passed before their body forced them to take it. Toby uncovered their face and pulled them close.

"You'll be safe in a bit. I'll keep you sa-safe. You're mine now."

He continued the calming process as they slipped into unconsciousness. With a heavy sigh, Toby hoisted them over his shoulder.

"I can't bring myself to kill you... what the f-fuck has come over me?" He shook his head at his actions. "Doesn't matter now. You're mine."

#ticci toby #toby rogers #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta blog #creepypasta #one shot #creepypasta x reader #ticci toby x reader #omegaverse #abo universe

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chikkou · 3 years

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I'd ask this on your Lisa sideblog but you don't have anon on and I'm shy lol, but do you have any headcanons relating to Lisa the First? Like Lisa's views on religion, her relationship with her mother, if any of the various worlds we see mean anything?

hoh man i didnt even know anon wasnt on LMAO... ill turn it on after i post this!

also fuck YEAH i do holy shit i fucking LOVE lisa the first!! i know its sort of the black sheep of the lisa series, since it is a completely different type of game and was clearly austins first game, but i fucking ADORE it dude. the music - which he made ENTIRELY IN THE FREE TRIAL OF FL STUDIO BY THE WAY - is FANTASTIC, the art direction is actually pretty fucking incredible for an rpgmaker game that uses a good deal of basic assets, and the gameplay.... ok yeah that part is a bit lacking but its a yume nikki-style game be nice it was his first time LMAO

ANYWAY back to ur question. first and foremost, i think this is not even a headcanon so much as straight up canon, but lisa DESPISES christianity. marty is christian, probably catholic given the golden crosses everywhere, and he is a fucking scumbag hypocrite. lisa likely associates all of christianity with this line of thinking, as there is one room in the bile area where the melted martys (although i suppose we can just call them joy mutants now LMAO) simply stand in a circle surrounding one big cross. the role of the melted martys is up for interpretation of course, as is everything, but after playing the painful and seeing them described as “mindless sheep,” i think this is how lisa viewed them. so they likely represent other people that, to lisa, are probably just as sick and disgusting as marty

lisas relationship with her mother... i go back and forth on this one a lot. i can never decide if i prefer the headcanon that lisas mom died in childbirth, and so lisa never met her, or if i prefer that lisas mom was around for a very short time and then either left or died. the fact that she says “i didnt want to leave” at the end of the first leads me to believe that she most likely died. in either case, the memory of her mother was clearly important to lisa, as she wears her pendant through the entire game and its explicitly noted as being a gift from her. in either case, i think that the death/absence of the mother is heavily implied to be the primary cause behind martys descent into alcoholism and lisas abuse, since the white room strongly implies that marty did at one time sincerely love and care for her as a father properly should

as for the meaning of each of the rooms, i think most of them are fairly self explanatory, but some of them are a bit more vague, so ill break it down in terms of how i see it (and ill put them under the cut because its long as hell):

martys house - this is the most literal one. pretty self-explanatory. the dark, yet vibrant colors and the ear-bleedingly loud tv are pure sensory overload, something lisa probably deals with on a regular basis. when lisa goes outside and it turns into a sky of marty faces, i think this is the transition into the psychological part of the game

the lobby - this is honestly just pure yume nikki ripoff LMAO... but if i had to ascribe a symbolic meaning to it, i think its probably a quiet and safe area for lisa to retreat to in her mind when she needs it, but even that eventually gets sullied as tricky rick makes his way there, too (and tells her hes “just waiting” when she talks to him). the majority of gameplay is lisa searching for items with which to kill tricky rick, who always abuses and disparages her whenever she talks to him, telling her she’ll never forget. as for the reason why... well, take one look at him and its pretty clear whats going on there. (the name is also a reference to richard nixon, whose nickname was... well, you can figure it out!)

the town - the bar area is 100% my favorite from this world; lisa clearly hates alcohol and anyone who drinks it, associating them all with marty, and that music... all i can say is YUCK. the entire section also consists of lisa having to give up something in exchange for what she needs to move on, and usually getting the raw end of the deal out of it (she gives one marty a banana, he gives her a banana peel in return). she does all that while avoiding a marty following her outside who repeatedly tells her “you cant escape,” and upon reaching tricky rick (who is atop a narrow, columnar, PINK mountain), it becomes pretty clear whats happening to her.

the sea room - fucking marty spiders man. im assuming they represent the sickly feeling of crawling skin she gets when she looks at him or is anywhere near him, but holy GOD they are annoying to deal with. she kills tricky rick with pills here - we dont know what kind of pills these are, but i interpret them as sleeping pills, and given the rumbling music and the rapid cycling marty background, i wonder if he forced her to take these. marty is everywhere here, but the only one she can speak to is seen chilling on a raft of some kind. marty likely spent much of his time recreationally, i.e. drinking, so it makes sense why this would be here

the rope room - theres no symbolism here this is just pure comedy (LMAO). if i HAD to assign some meaning to this area, it would be that lisa likely is so despondent at this point that putting in effort to do anything feels utterly pointless, much like climbing this long-ass rope was

the white room - as i mentioned earlier, i personally believe that this area depicts the previous relationship between marty and lisa (and also has one of my favorite songs in the game). he is shown doing traditional fatherly things - he is no longer wearing sunglasses and is wearing a suit, meaning he was likely employed, and is actually smiling. he also spends time with her in a completely platonic, familial way. when she interacts with him, there is a little heart over his head. after lisa walks through the golden statues (which will reappear later), the entire world becomes filled with bile, and martys appearance returns to that of the other martys, but with an extremely warped, grotesque face. the item she needs in this area to kill tricky rick is found between two golden crosses.

notice that all of the items she kills tricky rick with - a razor, pills, and now a plastic bag - are things that a child could plausibly get their hands on; none of them are explicitly weapons. i think this shows both her age and how often she must have considered using those things against him.

the bile room - probably my favorite area in the game, and also features what i consider the quintessential lisa song. this area really drives home lisas disgust with marty and with christianity as a whole - it almost certainly has the highest concentration of crosses, and it is also quite literally covered in wall-to-wall bile, dirty water, and disgusting houses. a lot of the most graphic sights, like the melting martys and the pond martys (no idea what to call them LMAO) are here, so i think this is pretty much the lowest circle of hell for lisa. marty gives lisa a freshly cut finger in exchange for a napkin here; im not necessarily sure what that represents, but i think the napkin was used by marty to masturbate (as he says “i needed that” after he takes it), so perhaps the finger is martys?

lisa kills tricky rick here in a cave that is not-so-subtly shaped like a penis, and gets a vhs tape in which he pretty explicitly states what is going on in the game; he even pretends like he doesnt know who lisa is at first, which somehow makes it even more disgusting. the fact that vhs tapes play a role here sort of makes me wonder if marty really WAS filming some of what he was doing, and given that lisa the joyful confirms that brad was forced to somehow participate in lisas abuse, that is.... horrific to think about, honestly

the marty tape - this tape just has the player (as marty) walk up to lisa and suited marty, who are having a tea party with a plastic tea set. they both get hearts over their heads if you talk to them. i think this drives home that he and lisa did once have a normal relationship, and perhaps theres some part of marty who misses that? theres a LOT of ways you can interpret this; having the player become marty really calls a lot into question.

the mansion - the room leading here has a marty staring directly at the player who informs lisa that she needs a sword to progress. unsubtly, the sword must be placed into the crotch of a womans statue. the mansion inside is beautiful and ornate, and easily the most gorgeous area in the game - and it all leads to what appears to be a proto-joy mutant marty, sort of looking like jabba the hutt. i dont doubt that this is intentional, given that jabba the hutt is associated with slave leia, and its not at all a far leap to call lisa martys slave. the golden statues of women, as well as many golden crosses, are everywhere in this area. its actually quite a large space with a lot of thought put into it, so im really upset that i cant figure out more of what it represents LMAO

the final area - lisa seems to go back to her actual house, but upon leaving her room and entering whether the living room would be, the whole area changes. she encounters herself in a blood red room, but when she talks to the other lisa, she turns into marty. i think this represents a clear question - who is lisa without him? IS she anyone? or is she just a vessel for him to do with what he pleases? she encounters a naked marty telling her to give up shortly after, and flees from him, but is followed by voices repeatedly telling her that she must accept her fate. i think this clearly show the mental state of lisas last days. she was tormented, eternally. she truly felt there was no escape from marty. even the background becomes nothing but martys face, over and over again, as the end screen flashes.

at the end text, she finds a video tape, and in the tape sees someone who is ostensibly her mother from behind. she apologizes for not being there for her, but when that figure turns out, its martys face that she sees. the sky turns into marty. the music becomes corrupted and overrun with pretty fucked up laughter. she tries to run, but marty is already everywhere. theres nowhere for her to run. and then the game is over.

note that the video tape comes AFTER the games end screen, which stops not long after the appearance of the naked marty. so i personally believe that the “game over” represents her deciding to take her own life, rather than just give up and accept her fate. by running from him into the blackness, she got away from marty the only way she could have. it is sad and horrible, but that is honestly the best ending that she could have gotten in this game.

the first is definitely not as good as the painful in terms of gameplay, that much i can agree on, but i really think people miss out on a lot by not playing it. i think its really crucial to see lisas life from her own perspective before you can see it from brads - after all, brad may have known more than anyone else about what was going on, but he did not experience it like lisa did. for brad, lisa is a symbol of his own regrets and failures, but lisa was a PERSON (well, in-universe anyway LMAO). she suffered on her own, with pretty much no one to help her, and then she suffered so much that she couldnt take another second of it.

#anya's anons #long post #lisa the first #ok NOW im gonna open my anons on my sideblog LMAO #i got wayyyy too into this #and i had to put it under the cut bc its really hard to not be graphic about the first given the subject matter #rape mention #abuse mention #lisa

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fireflytowcompany · 4 years

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//whats up everybody its 2 am and i cant sleep so heres a whooole bunch of bullshit on my boy james (who may or may not be featured on this blog i have no clue yet lmao) along with like, my overall meta on how i view the family/house as a universe

so yeah tldr im the op of those house fics on ao3 with that dude james who hooks up with rufus if that wasnt obviously enough already LMAOO.... like i feel like im the only one who actually cares about rj as a character so, You Know!

anyway its sappy hours so i wanna make some dumb wordvomit infodump shit about my boy. the basics of his character is that hes a trans guy living in 70s midwestern american who goes on the run from his dad who wants to get a conservatorship over him and or admit him to a Ward. like, by the time the fic starts hes legally in charge of him due to “gender delusions” or whatever, and was basically about to lock him up in their house with no escape. had it been like... 20 years earlier james would have been lobotomized probably.

but luckily he has a car so he dips and goes on a cross country roadtrip to get his titties off. and he does! but his dads a scumbag and hires a private investigator detective guy to track him down and bring him home, so hes gotta bail. homeboys like, half dead from pain pills and post surgery Funk but he somehow manages to make it all the way to texas before his car finally fucking bites it. on the side of the road. in rural texas.

when a girl beats him over the head with a pipe its like, probably not as bad as having to deal with that skin glue shit peeling off him as he heals. like, after that anythings a walk in the park except the weird stinky albino cannibals room he wakes up in. that shit sucks. but luckily hes only like, ketamine or something because he sees his chest scars and is convinced hes like, a sign from the devil/the human incarnation of baphomet. so hes like, hey dude. sorry about that i had a gamer moment you wanna hang out? and james is like dude wheres my fucking car

anyway. baby turns into a fag hag and they bond. mamas all like shit if you live here now you gotta have a cosplay for halloween. james has to go into town with rj and hes like, haha i hate you and if you leave i get to kill you and james is like lets talk about that internalized homophobia and then by the end of the convo rjs got feelings. investigator guy is there and he sees james and shit gets fucked. they go to some fucking clown and eat some chicken. long story short homeboy ends up bashing the investigator’s head in and is formally adopted into the cool murder hick club

i think its really really interesting in a lot of older horror and like, send ups of 70s slashers how they view gender and like sexuality. theres nothing too explicit in house (besides otis being gay and like wearing a cheerleader outfit) but i think the thing im drawn too (as a gay and trans person) is the way the family just seems to like.. Exist Out Side Of Societal Norms. i mean yeah theres the obvious cannibalism and like, murder shit going on but mama seems like... a really relaxed mom? and their dad’s a clown. i feel like they only judge you if your some hipster piece of shit.

which is like, literally canon. they arent even hostile towards the 4 kids who they end up killing and fucking with until halfway into the movie and by that point theyve been verbally harssing them for like, an entire night. and for what? they took them in, helped them with their car (that they fucked up but they didnt know that at the time), FED THEM and even offered to let them stay for their holiday party. like, they are nothing but nice to these kids but they just wanna mock and exploit them. thats the entire point. like the men see baby as a sex object and their gfs are too up their own asses to realize that maybe they shouldnt threaten the woman for their men being dogs? so they call her names? when its obvious shes probably a lesbian anyway? like what straight girl knows how to lipsync in the 70s she learned that shit at a gay club ANYWAY IM GETTING OFF TOPIC

what im trying to get at here is i think theres an underlying theme, intentional or not, in most of robs films that seems to highlight how people from better off or more “developed” areas love to swarm to the south/rural areas in order to profit off their “misery”. the entire crux of house, what starts this shit off, is that they go on some road trip in order to gawk at roadside attractions run by people just trying to make a living. they dont view the family as people, just props for them to exploit and use for wank fuel because they dress a certain way. their nothing but meat to consume for these people, just subhuman entertainment to them.

i kind of wanted to highlight some of that in my shit. like, james as a character is someone who always been an outsider for obvious reasons. when he was on his trip he was seen as some kind of freakshow (he didnt pass for most of it) and like, finding the fireflys and seeing how they operate? was like a breath of fresh air. like he fit in for the first time in his life. and i think thats why his ultimate rejection of normal societal behavior and embracing the family’s murder lifestyle comes so easy to him. its still an adjustment of course, but hes going along with it because the people doing it all were genuinely nice to him. they cared for him, and gave him the one thing society as a whole failed to: the consideration and mutual respect as another human being.

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xsay10x · 3 years

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I'll be my own Inquirer

Why so incapable of contemplating this constantly unstable mental state put up with it for a taste of what it feels to be understood for once but is it worth the risk I really need to think this through why I'm reluctant

to share my ideals and opinions tell people what my thoughts are open up with my consciences but cant quite make a coherent sentences so I just hide keep everything inside make sure nothing can come in from the outside because i don't care to confide in the ones who saw something good in me

Wow.. oh! really? what a pussy you see what I mean who talks about their feelings you just need to vibe bro it's not that complex just go with the flow let go stop holding on to the to the shortest rope with the least likelyhood of success

Success what is success dress up for attention have the latest model and nicest brand surrounding yourself with distractions procrastinating instead of contemplating how to be the best you that you want to be

But am I changing for me? or for what I was programmed to be just waiting for directions like the rest of humanity

Stop and take a hit just smile and laugh shut up and start relaxing your attitude is really taxing

How is it, that you can be relaxing while others are slaving away to pay their bills mountains that came from hills

Nah man here just take some more pills I'm not here for this shit

You ain't real enough for this shit just a cog in a machine a dog on a leash careful not to bite the one who feeds

Following orders and deeds obligated to represent reputations neglecting their just vessel a tool being used to confuse the masses they think their the consumers being programmed frequent frequencys colors and pretty flashing lights

Designed to have you mindlessly sitting on the couch smiling neglecting your brain till you go insane till you open of your pouch of pain meds now your addicted but not affected cause your drugs did their job of robbing you of your cognitive thinking now your a cog no need to thrive a bee in hive serve your queen that's not obscene

I'm not trying to instigate these situations I hate but I can't pretend that I dont spectate and sit alone think hold what wait try a lil harder to file my thoughts thought hard about it I feel myself departing no longer hanging I the branch I've hanging on for way to long

I cant let me lose myself cuz I'm all I got I don't care what i was taught I'm not on the clock

Still so unsure what the game plan is but I'm getting more uncomfortable with uncertainty

Let myself stay close to home dont get lost all on my own but still complete that dont mean I want to compete

It's not hard to see that I'm socially inept. I'm begrudgingly accepting the fact that I don't mix with society cuz a part of me has always wanted to blend in but in my own way

Cant even keep track of these days constant reruns don't need the attention I dont want to be in your silly little club or a taste of the sweet life I dont ever want to be a wife

I want stay true to me but when I'm obstructing my own sight its really hard to see who I actually want to be

I went to wander and roam free think for myself try to make it on own but now I'm lost in this labyrinth that is everything I fear everything i hold dear lost in mind and seem to find this part of be that seems to be missing

I'm no longer okay please stay away

I've created a tailored hell just for to sink further into insanity no I don't need help. I'll do it by myself just go away

Or you'll have hell to pay I'm I'm toxic but not just cause I'm sick of all this shit of adjusting and trusting for them to not care what I think

But they dont have to but I'm of hearing bitching from someone whose so insignificant that try to be something superior to me

Why cant we see that were equally capable of maintaining a stable mindset but I know it just goes right over my headset manically depressed or just obsessed trying to breaking away when something's

Telling me I need to stay to find that there will always be pain clean up another blood stain refrain from buying a fresh blade

At a masquerade ball try to find my way but feeling more like im looking in fun house mirrors facing the fears I have of myself

Won't stop complicating everything thing I'm saying can't stop arguing with my self is there really a war going on in my head can't stand the hours I set here laying in bed waiting patiently silently debating constantly switching the side I stand on till I fall find myself laying in bed awake again

Not know how I left myself drifting so long

Being shifty but letting things slip out of control and I don't think I'm holding on to anything but my problems can't keep my promises

I just want to find the common denominator to all this mental labor. But I trapped myself within these these conflicting thoughts

the way I'm feeling can't say just what I'm thinking cant help how far I'm falling

I wont reach out for help... I don't need your help. I dont want your help I just run away from everything right now

Why are all my thoughts consistently conflicting wont stop contradicting what I try to put my mind too

Always finding new ways to contribute to the progression of humanity

I won't stop obsessing I can't bring myself to comply even if I have to lie

Whenever I stand up tall try to make myself different from you all but the universe is so much bigger than us all we don't realize how far we're actually falling

It gets me wondering to where I just sit alone pondering the possibilities of so many diverse realities

The perspectives of everyone. are enough to confuse anyone

Making you feel so discombobulated used to think everyone else was assimilated

Yet it still feels like ive been searching for so long feel my patience slowly slipping away

As my path remain unclear forced myself to stay say I was okay not knowing what that means to me

I fell away blindly moving to go forward into life I thought wanted still struggling to grow up and deal what I've been through not knowing what seems right I dont know how much longer I can stay fight

Wanted so bad to hold onto the mistakes I've learned from but I fell down a rabbit hole everything pulling me back into the habits I want to let go of

I don't know how to move forward I want to go but part of me won't budge

I need a nudge feel free to judge me but who am i judging really why am i comparing all of these people? because I wont let myself see when in comes down to it the only one that i got through it all is me and I need to focus on myself cuz I'm all I have for the long haul but I'm still not ready at all

afraid to receive affection or look at my own reflection not willing to stop and check my agenda hoping to get enough high that it will distract me from my health and keep me from falling into this paradox I call myself

I just have to keep deceiving myself so I cant trick everyone and so I Don't forget to smile and constantly contradict and contort so that they cant see me decaying and semi consciously constraining what im actually thinking because its wrong to think about all the bullshit the majority's put up with an If you can't help but think about it

Just pretend like your okay because that's how you run in the human race

Still can't help ask why I alive? Who is this mask? I'll follow their lead finish the task neglect what need

To fuel the fire that seeds my Insanity

Because I am alright I'm doing fine

I'll say that I'm okay so I dont bare the shame of running away

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roseamongroses · 4 years

Text

Antithesis: “what do you have? “ I have a kNIFE” “NO”

[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,

[Tags/mood:] highschool au, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17) (18)

L: I May Have Lost Roman

V: nice

P: not nice :)

V: i feel vaguely threatened

Rem:@L how the fuck did you manage that Rem: nvm i know how just give me details

L:I don’t know ? One second we were at check out L: Next minute he was Gone and Nieve is looking suspicious

L:Hold on lemme ask Dmitri

V: why is he there

L: I mean he’s actually pretty chill L: But he dropped Roman off and Nieve got attached L:I’m...not sure if she’s planning on letting him go?

V:logan, my friend, my buddy, V:the only person in this chat with basic reading comprehension

Rem: that’s pretty fair

P: it really is tbh

V: Send. Pictures.

L: Okay L: Slight Issue

V: you lost the snake too

L: I lost Dmitri too and Nieve is not spilling

Rem: oh they’re defeinately fucking

L:...Where? The bathroom?

Rem: Don’t knock it till you try it ;)

V: not to be that guy but im vetoing this discussion V: cause thats a Yikes even for you Remy

L: Alright time to find them

Rem: check ;))) the;))) bathrooms ;;))))

L: Remy.

Rem: alrighlright too far ill stop

L: Thank you.

V: keep me updated V: i only have silence and physics homework as company

L:Huh L:Found them

L: Roman….found a katanna…

V: im sorry WHAT V: Why The Fuck Does He Have A Sword

Rem: drop the location of that store man

L: 1) It’s a Katanna L: 2)I will certainly Not. L: 3) He’s trying to convince Dmitri why he should have it

L…..and Dmitri looks more amused then concerned

V: if I can't have a tarantula he sure as hell cant have a sword

L:I told him it was probably fake/ poorly made and that he should take the time to invest the proper skill in money in a real one

V: goddamit logan you cant logic roman.

L: It worked. He put it back. L: So I say I can do what I want with roman

Rem: some spicy takes from the chats only brain cell ;)

---

“So you’re turning eighteen, in a few months. ” His aunt said, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. She still managed to hold an air of prestige despite getting utterly shitfaced the night before. Her appointments have been going well.

Dmitri looked up, masking his surprise and holding his tongue.

Dr. Montag looked over, quieting the running water and placing the dish was he was cleaning down, “Really?” he said, brushing his hands, “You got any plans?” he asked, Dmitri.

“Oh we usually do something small,” His aunt interjected, “But seeing as he’s my father’s favorite grandchild,” Only grandchild, “He’s is flying from Paris to join us. And he was never a man of modesty so I’ve been thinking about doing something special for the occasion.”

Oh.

Dmitri fought the smile creeping on his face, ducking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that she remembered after all if his grandfather was visiting. It’s how he got his phone, laptop, his car.

It’s probably why she puts up with him, to begin with. Cause it wasn’t guilt.

“--We should get your hair cut,” She continued, and Dmitri snapped out of his thoughts, “Maybe invite Diana--he’d like her,” she murmured.

“Diana and I a-” He closed his mouth, and his aunt’s eyes shot over.

“You broke up?” She narrowed her eyes, examining her nails, “Huh, makes sense seeing as...” she gestured at him vaguely, “So who have you been sneaking around with?”

“I’m not sneaking around with anyone,” Dmitri said, meeting her gaze. And technically he was right, it’s not sneaking if she just hasn’t been asking. And he’s given up on telling.

Dr. Montag’s eyebrows knitted together confused,” Well that isn’t true,”

Dmitri’s eyes went wide, stomach sinking.

His Aunt’s grin spread, “Oh really?”

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck--

“He’s been helping me out, hon,” Dr. Montag set down a glass of water and pills beside her plate, “You’ve been so stressed lately,” he looked guilty and produced some tickets, “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Her face softened and like that the tension left the room. Those two got to linger in whatever lovey-dovey spell had taken hold of them in the last few months, but Dmitri was still on edge.

She still kept him on edge, but he could get her back. Even the playing field. Anytime he could leave this—Anytime he could flip this switch and put her on edge and make her—

He stopped eating, setting his plate aside.

He felt sick.

---

R:helllloooo R:anyone up R: sigh R: allll by mySELLLLF

L: Roman?

R: the one and lonely yes hello human contact???

L: Are you alright? It’s 3 am why are you still awake?

R: why are YOU up mm????

L: My parents have newborn twins. What’s your excuse?

R: well fuck got me there

R: i was texting dee but he was rlly tired and i stILL can’t sleep

L: Any particular reason?

R: u m

L: Private chat?

R: please

- [TheTruthAboutTheMoon]

TheWalkingMouth: Okay shoot

Cowboy:it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: I’ll tell you if it's stupid or not just say it

Cowboy: i just….like Cowboy: it's all kinda….hitting me a ll at once and i Really don’t like thinking about it but i cant bottle shit up either like you bastards so i feel like the human equivelent og a washing machine with too much laundry in it

TheWalkingMouth: Then don’t? TheWalkingMouth: Even if it's too ‘stupid’ for me I’m sure Dmitri wouldn’t mind

Cowboy: yeah but i feel like im going to say something shitty to him i Cowboy: like we should talk about it Cowboy: and i will Cowboy: but not now--later when it's not too stressful for either of us

TheWalkingMouth: Why would you say something shitty?

Cowboy: idk id jst get frustrated trying to explain it Cowboy: like hes smart as hell and probbaly get it without me saying anything but like Cowboy: I have neither the patience nor articulation right now to explain like a civil person and he doesnt need me being shitty about it

Cowboy:like,,,,,for example,,,,, if he fucks up in school, he’ll get recommended a tutor and teachers would assume hes doing his best and hes such a sweet and quiet boy

Cowboy: like he is sweet!!but hes a little shit too!! And gets away with it!!! Half those pranks he pulled on virgil, as Iconic as they were he never got in trouble for them!!!

Cowboy: when i fuck up i

Cowboy: god it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: Might not get a second chance? Yeah I get it.

TheWalkingMouth:Remember when I first transferred here? None of the teachers would take me seriously bc of my accent and if they did, they were afraid of me. I could repeat something another kid said word for word and still be told I had an attitude.

Cowboy: god i remembered that Cowboy: you answered his yes or no questions in a fuckin montone, quiet ass voice and he legit called in the office cause he got scared of a goddamn freshman

Cowboy: But ye when i fuck up Cowboy: im suddenly the lazy ass brown kid who should spend less time corrupting youth with my feminine hips and curls Cowboy: like it's not like a lot of them say it outright but it feels like if im not perfect im fufilling all the stereotypes

TheWalkingMouth: Ah okay, rant away

Cowboy: OK like like like im not like virgil right?? in a lot of ways and it fuckin shows

Cowboy: he’s been planning on going into engineering since sixth grade meanwhile i only got my shit together in highschool

Cowboy: and like now that im here/???what now??? My mother expects me to have my shit together meanwhile im over here freaking the fuck out over whether not it's worth it to even try Cowboy: like yes mother i want to go to an art/or librel arts school that may or may not accept me that we may or may not afford to find a career in who the hell knows because if i have to sit in a healthcare class or a applied mathmatics class like you did i miight actually shank the professor????

Cowboy: that i dread the thought of not trying to explore my options outside of this fucking state but i dread the thought of going bc i cant stand the thought of being away from home but i cant fucking find a reason to stay cause everyone i love is leaving or planning their own life anyway???

Cowboy: like remys gunna fuck off to who knows where regardless of whether or not he has a plans or money, pattons gunna take care of his grandmother whereever the fuck a canada ,moms moving in with tia, virgils already mentally flipping me off ready to fuck nasa , and i only fucking hope dmitri even getss the chance to choose where he goes but hes g o n e and i die from yearning behind a screen like the gay victorian i am , and you….i actually dont know

TheWalkingMouth: Teaching for either biology or physics

Cowboy: huh it fits but what about chemistry??

TheWalkingMouth: Fuck chemistry.

Cowboy: oh thank god we’re on the same page

TheWalkingMouth: Anyway, I assume you’re more worried about whether you should apply rather then if you could get in?

Cowboy: i think so

TheWalkingMouth: Well if my opinion means anything to you

Cowboy: more than you’re assuming but yeah continue

TheWalkinMouth: Wait

Cowboy: nothing nothing continue

TheWalkingMouth: Okay-- I think you should go for it but you don’t need to dive head first into it and commit to everything 100% like virgil did.

TheWalkingMouth: You’re allowed to keep your options open, to have backup plans for back up plans

TheWalkingMouth: It doesn’t mean you’re not passionate about your art. Doesn’t mean you’re inevitably going to get a office job and abandon all your dreams. It means you’re being smart and not backing yourself into a corner

TheWalkingMouth:It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay not to have it all figured out

TheWalkingMouth: Nobody does.

TheWalkingMouth: Even if no one else gives you a second chance at least give yourself a second chance.

TheWalkingMouth: It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to fuck up and get fucked over TheWalkingMouth: That doesn’t mean you will everytime TheWalkingMouth: And it certainly doesn’t mean it's the end

Cowboy:

[...Cowboy is typing…]

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

#Roman sanders #Deceit Sanders #Roceit #ts sides #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #ts virgil #ts logan #ts remy #Antithesis

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my-anonymous5444-blog · 5 years

Text

My Story

---Hey guys sorry about being a downer i’ve just been wanting to share this for a long time

2017

Hello im 13 years old. i wish i was dead. If wasn’t for my family i would be dead right now. When you commit suicide you just pass on the pain to someone else so i refuse to kill myself because I love my family too much. I don’t have any true friends and i hide my true self behind multiple masks and i think the farthest anyone outside my family has ever gotten is 2 masks down. I believe i have at least 4 that i hide behind that’s why i don’t have any true friends. The only ones i do have are always putting me down or are just pretending to be my friend. I’m all alone. My sister knows me the best. But even when i’m with her i wear a mask. I feel so alone. Sometimes i wish that i didn’t have a family or anyone i cared about so i could just die and get it over with. I don’t tell anyone i want to die because i don’t want to be a burden, so i just bury the dark thoughts in the deepest darkest part of my mind to the place when i don’t even go. I hate my life. I’m so done with all the shit i have to deal with, at this point i wish i was dead. I’ve cut my legs and arms before but my knife was not very sharp so it dulled quickly and now it won’t cut skin so can’t do that anymore. I wish i was someone else. I think i’m not interesting and i hate myself. Everytime i take pills i think of overdosing, when i visit tall buildings i want to jump, when i cross the street i think about jumping in front of a car, when i shave i think of cutting my wrists. I’m in pain and i can’t stop it. I don’t want to tell my friends because they will want to make me stop doing things i’m doing, like making myself throw up or cutting, but i won’t stop and it will be an endless cycle of me doing things and them telling me to stop. They’ll eventually get bored of it but they can’t stop telling me to get better because it will hurt their consciousness. I want to tell someone but i don’t know how. I don’t think i’m capable of feeling anymore. The only things i feel are sadness and depression and shame. I don’t feel happy or proud or anything else. The only glimmer of happiness i get is when i get other people to laugh. That's it. I eat away the pain but i hate myself so i throw up and cut and then eat more. There are so many things i can’t help that make me more depressed.

2018

Everyone says i'm smart and funny and worthwhile but i feel useless and stupid and irrelevant. I always wear a mask of strength and i say i never cry but i cry a lot and think way too much about what people say. I don’t know why but other people’s opinions mean a lot to me. Even the people i hate have opinions that i take to heart. i m always saying that i don’t want to get married or have kids. I say i don’t want to get married because i think marriage is a chain but actually i just don’t think i’m worthy for someone to love and i say i dont’ want kids because they are annoying but i don’t want kids because i can’t imagine bringing something i love into the stupid fucking world we have. The world sucks and i don’t want any kid growing up in it. I think i’m ugly and i hate my body. I’m constantly trying to numb the pain, sometime with movies or work. I wish i didn’t have to be born. I wish my parents had just had one daughter. I don’t want to die through suicide but i want to die. I find myself constantly wishing i would get shot or get run over or i would choke. I hate being alive.

Its 8th grade and i’m in costa rica. I tried to kill myself twice so far this year. i feel so damn alone and i dont think i can deal with it anymore. Im not with my family or my friends and im not sure how much longer i can hold on. I tried to slit my wrists with my razor but i dont think i cut my wrists in the right place because i didnt bleed that much. That was a week ago. Last night i was listening to rly sad music and id made me feel shitty. I tried to cut my wrists again and i did it right this time. I just kept cutting until i started bleeding a lot. I bled out in the sink . i had a panic attack and started hysterically crying. I had to be quiet so i was just sitting in the dark in the bathroom bleeding out with my hand over my mouth tears running down my face. I dont get it. I want to die but for some reason i cant kill myself. My life doesnt have any meaning. Im ugly and stupid and completely worthless. Everyone tells me i have to learn to love myself but i can’t i wish i was worth while, i wish i was someone else. This one girl keeps joking about suicide and depression and it makes me mad but im to fucking ashamed and scared so i just sit there and i dont say anything. Why do i never say anything. Why can’t i have some actual opinions and not just agree because im scared of rejection. I would be better off dead.

I finally told my family. I’m on medication and it seems to be working but not very much. They all say it will get better with time but i don’t want to live anymore i’m tired of it and im not even to the hard part yet. When i have access to alcohol and drugs i’ll probably become an addict because i’m scrabbling for a way to take away the pain. I can’t tell my friends because they wouldn’t understand. I feel alone all the time and i wish i wasn’t born. There are about 3 people besides those in my family that make me wanna live. Sophie, Celeste, and Audrey. That’s it. Sometimes i realize how dark my mind gets, like today there was a lockdown at school because someone thought that they had seen a man with a gun but it was a false alarm. While sitting against the closet i found myself wishing someone would shoot up my school so i could die and my family would eventually get over it. Then i realized what i had just thought and immediately was like stop it. I have so much stress and i’m not even in high school yet. I want to die. Even when i think about the future i get stressed out and sometimes have a mental breakdown. Someone please kill me. I was crying in the bathroom yesterday and some 6th grader heard me and asked if i was ok, i wiped my tears away and walked out like nothing had happened. Why can’t i show emotion to other people what am i so afraid of. Why cant i just be normal and express myself naturally?

2019 Im now a freshman in high school. I’ve been getting better and the medication has been helping. Sometimes i still think about wanting to die but i’m a lot happier. I have a group of amazing friends and i can be myself around them. They love me and i love them. I also just fell in love with a boy for the first time and its a nice change from before. I know people lose hope and give up. trust me, i’ve been through that and it sucks, but you keep going forward and things get better. I actually am enjoying life recently and i think it has to do a lot with going to therapy and trying to make more in depth connections with my friends and family. I still get pressured by my parents about grades and i can’t tell them a lot about thats going on. I’m addicted to nicotine and i think i may be getting addicted to alcohol too. It feels so good when your high or drunk. Im trying to make better decisions but its fucking hard. And old habits die hard. My mom called me worthless the other day. She said that if i didnt work hard i wasn’t going to go anywhere in life, which is accurate but it was like she was accusing me of not trying when im trying my hardest and im stretched so thin. I love my boyfriend. he makes me so damn happy and we have such a strong connection. I want to be with him forever and i want him in my life forever but i know he’ll find someone better and i can’t help but wonder how he’ll break my heart.

- I know its weird to share this online but i just want people that are going thr the same thing or have gone thr something like this that they aren’t alone

#mylife

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trisahratop32-blog · 5 years

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The reason i am putting my lifes issues out in a blog is maybe... just maybe it will help somone. When I was in my 20′s I had my youngest daughter who I developed Post Pardon Psychosis. For those who do not know what this is its like PPDepression. Only I hear voices and saw things that were not there. All i felt was the pain and my own brain telling me how horrible of a person i was, pointed out every wrong i ever made, my husband was cheating, I was not 100% loyal either. The army was destroying our lives. If you want to talk about something making you feel like a piece of shit is going to the ER on an army base with men and women in service who are hurt mentally and physically there who are there to fight for your freedom and life and go in there and have your husband explain how you tried to kill yourself. the way they all look at you is a feeling i dont think I will ever be able to put into any words other then embarrassing. However i did need help... my life was falling apart and i felt like i have no out nothing i was not good enough to be a mother i was not good enough to be a daughter all my life mistakes played into my head and eventually i felt nothing but pain. people would tell me to look at the positive i had 4 beautiful children, a husband a good life some called it however its not that simple.. my brain would NOT let me see those things.. no matter how bad i wanted to. My attachment to my child was not there at all I didnt even want to hold her or take care of her. and that made everything worse. I lost my nephew at 6 days old from SIDS and here I am with a gift of life of a child... and I want nothing to do with it. i was a monster. and it would be better if i was just gone.... so I took hand full of pills in my bathroom. the paramedics came as i was unconscious, my children were being shielded by my husband so they could not see... children see everything btw. its a guilt i may never forgive myself for. My stomach was pumped and i had to see my children in the mental hospital in a special room because there are people there who are not allowed to see children. it was the worse thing ever and still in my head i was the victim. I couldn't change my own mind if my life depended on it... and it did. This was not the first or the last time. I have tried to kill myself a total of about 4 times.. each time my life was saved. and I never knew why, because so many people are not this lucky. I always thought that by doing this i was making things easier. i wrote good bye letters to my children... they never saw them thank god. honestly i thought thy never saw anything. it was such a hard road to recover from my illness and thats exactly what it was an illness. I am bipolar Manic with Psychotic tenancies. talk about a label right lol. i have lost everything in my life so many times i cant count i became very materialistic and what i had or didnt have effected my mood, my life, my mind. I went threw trauma when I was a child, My mother was pretty abusive and in the worst ways. that played a big part in me wanting to die. I was totally justified and had put a lot of thought into it... you see taking your own life is not a thing you just think hey why dont i do this!... there is a common word or letter you should notice in this lil rant. “I” never once did i think about them. anything other then how much better they would be without me. However I beg of you... to think about how your children would be effected if this thought ever crossed your mind. My oldest daughter.. who is 11... she was the one who saw most of everything. and what i thought didnt phase her... did. 5th grade My husband and i were cleaning out her room as some parents do. We found her note book and inside is what killed me and ripped out my heart. She wanted to kill herself.... due to the bullies she never talked about. she wanted to die.. she had a plan... I have NEVER in my life felt pain like this one. I never thought for one second this would be something any of my kids would do because my husband and i have tried to give all of our children the best life possible. SHE was miserable. SHE was hopeless. SHE wanted it all to end. I had to take her to see somone. I was extremely fucking pissed because my child had told the guidance councilor about this who did not follow the chin of command. and said nothing to no one. We could have lost our girl. i immediately reached out to get her help it seemed to help a little.. but i knew it would not just go away like that and i did some things that pissed her off like removing her bedroom door she was not allowed any privacy I also made her sit with me and just talk..... about anything and everything. and honestly.... that seemed to help more then anything. one night i felt it was time for me to come clean and fess up my own selfishness.... I told her everything. The thought of losing me was horrific to her.. and then she was able to relate how we would feel if we lost her. Social Media and the kids these days are growing up too fast and they have sooooo much pressure on them i dont think some people realize. they are pressured to be something to grow up to be in the right to get good grades they have so much pressure to fit in to avoid being bullied and the fact is schools and the laws do not do enough to protect our children from these things. My selfishness gave her this idea, made her feel it was an exit and if she wanted attention... I gave her the idea because everyone was sure as hell all over me after my own attempt. My youngest daughter is now 5 and i think i do make sure she knows i love her the strongest I do admit.. and that is due to my own guilt, i am aware. I love all my babies and never will stop. leaving this world and leaving them without a mom was the most selfish thing i could have done I see this now. because my daughter showed me what it looks like from the outside. SHE saved me. I will always have her back no matter what I will always protect her and my sons and my other daughter. i dont know what or where i would be without my children. I am one lucky woman. So if you think that the world is a better place without you.. think about how it would effect you if you lost a person you love more then yourself.. then multiply that by a 100. the world will not be a better place without you. if you have gone threw this or are going threw this... reach out, tell your story.. somone who has never gone threw this may not understand. like somone who has never done drugs trying to tell you they understand your addiction. it does not work. tell your story and get it out. I thought my life was at its low and the worse it could ever be i thought my heart could not be more hurt.. i was wrong when I saw what life was doing to my baby.... I never thought about that and never imagined. So that is what I have for today. Today I looked at my beautiful girl smiling at me before school she hugged and kissed me and said see you after school mama. and it his me how lucky i was. She will be 12 in March and that almost didnt happen. i am grateful.

disgrace

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logisticalandrewthinks-blog · 2 years

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only took 2 days, but at least its minor this time

so like i thought i would i self harmed again idk its just really nice to just i guess unleash painand have control on some part of my life, like i can control this, i can control how much it hurts, i can control if im going to do it. i cant control the aftereffects or anything i guess, but idk it feels really good

i just hate everyone i hate everything, i hate all my friends even tho i know its a lie that i hate them, i hate that i know that everything is working rationally in the world and i am going insane with each passing day, i hate that i cant do anything it feels like, i hate that i am the way i am, i hate how attention seeking i am, i hate how unfunny i am, i hate how boring i am, i hate that im just a garbage human being. ive lied to people for no reason even when the truth wouldnt change anything, i dont know what is wrong with me, i just really want to rip my skin off and be somebody else, i have no reason to live like this, its not even who i am, i dont even know who my friends are. i have like 3 or 4 that i could even talk about with this shit. i guess. like hung i could talk i think to him about it and he’d be very listening and understandingand empathetic, conor is probably the most rational person in terms of how he sees situations from the outside and id trust and value his opinion heavily even if theres some things socially that might not align with how i would do things. then theres kass i guess, i trust that she’ll give it to me straight as well, she wont sugarcoat some bullshit to me and tell me itll all be ok, esp when shes gone through low points enough to at least hopefully empathise. and then chrystal, is probably the person who i value the most for emotional help, she is very good with reflective language and asking how did x make you feel, and just asking generally questions and giving her opinion on things

i just dont know if i could talk to anyone about these issues tho, if it were something else like oh uni failure i could, but its about all my friendships and who i consider close, the people id be most willing to tell is chrystal cause she is isolated (in a good way) from everyone else of my friends, even tho shes one of my closest friends, and kass for the same reason.for hung he knows the people in my irl friend groups and conor knows the online groups i dont ever want anything even possibly tainting that pool.i just wish ahhh it burns

the pain is good tho, it reminds me im here, im alive, i should treasure the fact i can feel pain, some people dont even have that. luxury i guess. its just really painful wow im even tearing up while typing, this almost never happens haha. i just wish i wasnt the way i am, i just wish i was secure in myself and i wish that everything was different. so many people are like to the question if they’d redo their life if given the choice they answer “oh but it wouldnt be me then” but id take it i think, i dont want to be me, or at this current moment in time, i would take that pill and take the metaphorical suicide of erasing myself to give myself another chance i guess. So much of my life is just not good. wow look at me 22 still being a little emo fucking retard on my own tumblr diary, look at how pathetic you still are. nothings changed since 5 years ago has it, youre still the same little fucking spastic at heart. it just doesnt matter what the fuck you do you just cant be happy, i dont even know what is wrong with you except everything, throw out everything.

why am i even so sad, idk i literally thought spiralled off the thought that my friends online do things without me, like how retarded is that, look at how pathetic and illogical that is, its literally so fucking pathetic.look at you, such a sad fuck growing attached to people, when in a little while, a blip, none of these people will even remember you, people when they think of andrew will think of a generic asian kid who is just pathetically clinging on to the group as if he belongs when he never did. you never belonged but you barged in and pretended you did. none of these people actually think of you that much, some said they think of you but idk what are you supposed to say in their positions, “lol dont think of you much be be alright bud” of course theyd reply that way, theres literally no reason not to, it doesnt cost anything and only benefits/covers your self later down the line. i ahataehtahetahthatehesathatehaethathaethahtawehtahatehteahtea.i hate everything in the world i hate that i am alive i hate that i have thoughts. but im afraid. of everything as well. what if y=im not even mentally ill, what if im just fucking pretending to myself to try and make it real but im normal but i couldnt fucking make it in the real world, so i just fucking hard coping mechanismed myself into thinking im mentally fucked. i dont even have any mental illness specifically diagnosed, im just a retard whos self harming for attention arent i, i dont even know why, logically itd follow hey if youre mentally sound you wouldnt be doing any of these things, but by that logic if i was mentally sound i would have succeeded earlier in my life. but instaed look at yourself andrew, its actually such a sight the state of yourself, you just are so fucking uselss,

im afraid though, that one day ill actually kill myself, still i dont have that courage, but the me of now is scared that i will one day have the courage to do it. its not as unlikely as people might think, how razor thin the lines are it feels like. fgpksg agsóí-b9ueqb-]twqcug9vti hcfljbhklnjhhjgchfvjnvgc h gjhknlkjkgc jkvbjbcv

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

idk maybeill go hospital ina few days or osmething, i have an exam in 2 so maybe after that exam ill go just to check up on the wound i guess.see how it develops i guess first.

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

Text

Discord pt 98

[Date: 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:50 AM GMT]

[CW for unethical floral experimentation, injury mention]

kateza affectionate: “mona, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?”

Maxwell: “....i....think we should tell her about the other stuff

mona”

Little-K1ng: “............theres more????”

Marcus: “.........heh”

Little-K1ng: “uh. heh?”

Maxwell: “I saw syds observation post from yesterday...it had a scrrenshot of something I said, and jack and them told me thats what you didnt want me seeing yesterday....”

Marcus: “Oh that

....yeah”

Little-K1ng: “O_O

uh..........................................................”

Marcus: “...that’s kind of what the argument was about”

Little-K1ng: “,,,,,,,,,,,,um

oh fuck. i

max...”

Maxwell: “im not upset”

Little-K1ng: “i just...”

Maxwell: “i took some time”

Little-K1ng: “you're... not?”

Maxwell: “and i get why you did it

yeah

but”

kateza affectionate: “you're in an unprecedented situation. a situation that keeps getting worse and worse with seemingly no reprieve. I don't blame you for slipping up here and there- there's so much stress involved that it's almost expected for you to be upset. i don't think anyone blames you for doing these things. that's all i wanted to say.”

Maxwell: “its gotten worse

baroness has images of more times where i've slipped up

at least twice during my argument with her”

Little-K1ng: “oh christ”

Maxwell: “and then I switched back to ender for certain words....”

Little-K1ng: “i.....”

Maxwell: “and....i sent prince an ask on faer blog....”

Little-K1ng: “you... did?”

Maxwell: “saying i was sorry for upsetting faem and i hoped i could see faem again soon”

Little-K1ng: “oh no oh no

oh max....”

Maxwell: “fae said "see you soon, page"”

Marcus: “...max signed the ask as page as well”

Maxwell: “no no

the was the second one”

Marcus: “..there was one before??”

Maxwell: “after he answered the first one i closed my eyes to breath”

Little-K1ng: “how can i be getting worse so much faster....”

Marcus: “.....I don’t...remember”

Little-K1ng: “unless...”

Marcus: “...huh”

Little-K1ng: “oh fucking christ no non on ono nonon ono nonono.....”

Maxwell: “and when I opened them like three minutes had passed and I had sent an ask as page apparently”

Little-K1ng: “did..... did crown do something? did he get in? did he get in when i left the door open??? and make it worse???????”

Marcus: “...I don’t

...max i don’t remember you sending an ask

Only page”

Little-K1ng: “is it my fault? did... did i do that? did i really.... i..... left you vulnerable....... i....”

Maxwell: “no it isnt your fault”

Little-K1ng: “i just....... this doesnt.... this doesnt hurt me nearly as much as it should.... im not... im still not upset..?”

Marcus: “Mona, Crown didn’t come in...I would’ve seen him. It’s not your fault”

kateza affectionate: “this isn't your fault mona

you're probably emotionally tired”

Little-K1ng: “but i just... i still just feel empty about it. i feel fully justified about this and i know i fucked up but im not hurt”

Raeva: “oh...”

Maxwell: “uh....I have marigold tea if you want some”

Little-K1ng: “i cant even fucking apologize right”

Marcus: “You didn’t mess up

...max what”

kateza affectionate: “you're emotionally burnt out, Mona. This is a bad situation”

Little-K1ng: “wh. where did you get marigolds?”

Maxwell: “oH

uH”

Marcus: “max”

Little-K1ng: “....;max????”

Maxwell: “hm.....well....

Little-K1ng: “max i dont have any tea except dandelion root

you're 16 you dont have money or a car

where the fuck,????”

Maxwell: “fetch was hurt....and i wanted to make sure I could help him tomorrow if he came back home tomorrow”

Marcus: “.....arent the flowers on your laurel...”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “max you didnt”

Little-K1ng: “mAaAaAaX??!!!!

what the HELL”

Marcus: “Don’t yell at him!”

Little-K1ng: “ahhhhh??????????????

im ??? not yelling on purpose im just????????

what the hell ??????”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help and it works?!”

Marcus: “you tested it???”

Maxwell: “yes”

Little-K1ng: “thats such a silly idea max of course it worked??? magic is like that sometimes??? but why would you have even thought about it ?????????”

Marcus: “max”

Maxwell: “i...”

Little-K1ng: “thats so silly how did it taste wh”

Maxwell: “i knew marigolds have the ability to help heal wounds...they can help speed up the process sometimes by a couple of days”

Marcus: “Are you okay??”

Maxwell: “they can help with blood flow”

Marcus: “Which ones did you cut off? Did you only cut one?”

Little-K1ng: “are you???? ok max first of all. heavy metal poisoning speedrunning. nice one. but also. dude cmon they double when you do that”

Maxwell: “and can sometimes even be used to treat infections...

i only cut one but it workss”

Little-K1ng: “one flower for how much ??”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “like. did the water change color? bubble strangely? make fucked up ender noises at you??”

Maxwell: “i got a scrape on my arm when I was pacing outside waiting for fetch and I dipped a paper towel in it and put it on the wound”

Little-K1ng: “god maybe i am emotionally exhausted”

Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”

Marcus: “...I kinda hope it made ender noises that would be funny”

[Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”]

Little-K1ng: “hUH”

Maxwell: “it healed the wound faster than normal

not completely but enough”

Little-K1ng: “oh you better hope you dont do that too much and find out once your laurel wilts the wounds just open wtf”

Marcus: “I don’t think normal marigolds do that”

Little-K1ng: “thats like. supremely fucked dude??? thats weird.”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “...interesting”

Little-K1ng: “if you only used one did you??? just use the one i cut?”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help fetch

no the...one you cut was a bud

i needed one with petals that was bloomed...”

Marcus: “Y’know Max, I don’t think anyone else would’ve tried that”

Maxwell: “also the bud hasnt wilted despite being cut off a day ago...

but yeah i needed petals”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i tried to take em off when it was on my head but it felt like I was pulling out my hair so i stopped and just....”

Little-K1ng: “no, i understand the need. i get it. i want to help fetch too and honestly? i would have done the same”

Maxwell: “took a whole one”

Marcus: “...are you okay?

How did that not wake me up”

Little-K1ng: “im. i just. i feel so screwed up about this whole thing.”

Maxwell: “i didnt yell”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “i numbed it with ice and grabbed the scissors

fetch wasnt happy when i told him”

Little-K1ng: “well of course not”

Maxwell: “jack saw it as an experiment”

Marcus: “...you talked to fetch?

Like directly?”

Little-K1ng: “you told him???”

Maxwell: “no he was messaging her”

Little-K1ng: “i dont even tell him when i hide a pill in some cheese for him

wait dont tell him that i said that”

Marcus: “I thought he just gave an update and that’s how you knew about stuff”

Maxwell: “to let us know he wouldnt be home tonight

yeah and i said i knew a way to help heal him”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “he...knew i was gonna do something I shouldnt have

theres still quite a bit left”

Marcus: “....i can see why he would think that”

Maxwell: “it's in a bowl....

....you can use some if you need it”

Little-K1ng: “...........ok. would it be weird. if i drank it

like a little bit

maybe itll?? pick up my mood or something”

Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”

Maxwell: “i dont know if it works for moods”

Little-K1ng: “god i WISH”

Maxwell: “uh give me a sec”

[Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”]

Little-K1ng: “MARCUS IF IT DOES THAT IM GIVING YOU TWO THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE”

Maxwell: “you could try but as far as i remember it wont work

it works for wounds and inflammatory stuff”

Little-K1ng: “damn”

Marcus: “Why would you give it to me-”

Little-K1ng: “yeah ill be honest i maybe do not want the weird rat juice . at least not right now”

Maxwell: “its...flower

i put the petals in a pot and boiled em”

Little-K1ng: “Brain Flower of the Rat is not exactly the most appealing tea flavor, max. with all due respect”

Maxwell: “then i strained them”

Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”

Maxwell: “actually tastes slightly like normal water...

if anything slightly sweet

jack said it might taste like rose water”

[Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”]

Little-K1ng: “sick new lacroix flavor”

[Maxwell: “jack said it might taste like rose water”]

Little-K1ng: “.....rose water?”

Maxwell: “yeah you boil the roses then strain em into a bowl

like i did with the marigolds”

Little-K1ng: “i like rose water... :/ guess maybe i do want the fucked up rat brain plant water”

Maxwell: “you could try some its not like I cant make more”

Little-K1ng: “....hm !!! dont like that

do not make more rat water”

Maxwell: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i will try some but do not make more”

Marcus: “...please stop calling it rat water?”

Little-K1ng: “marcus?? do you want to try some (Patent Pending) Maxwell Ratatouille's Funky Fresh Brain Tea™️?”

Maxwell: “....

im too tired for this shit”

Little-K1ng: “im coping max.”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “ fair”

Marcus: “I don’t have any injuries?”

Maxwell: “im.....i might go to sleep soon....

who?”

Marcus: “Who?”

Little-K1ng: “we dont have injuries

basically

okay so uh?? bottoms up i guess”

sip sip

sip

Marcus: “..oh wait

My elbow?

Does it work on old injuries?”

Little-K1ng: “uh. hm

it tastes good?”

Maxwell: “oh yeah its burned! it wont get rid of the injury but it might help with any lingering pain?”

Little-K1ng: “it tastes nice actually, the rose water thing was actually accurate

........................................huh

wtf”

kateza affectionate: “I’m gonna head to bed. Stay safe y’all. Much love /p”

Little-K1ng: “gn Kate !

hm. okay”

Maxwell: “hm?”

Marcus: “What Mona?”

Little-K1ng: “so. i may have forgotten to mention out loud to yall but i have some pretty bad joint pain

like, typically, its a mid level pain all the time

and its jsut? less

less pain

thats nice”

Maxwell: “told ya it works!”

Little-K1ng: “it.... does !

dont make more though

ill enjoy this for as long as it lasts but for gods sake max dont pick the laurel for tea”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more rat juice max”

Little-K1ng: “gonna do a rat juice high five marcus

try it??”

Marcus: “I’ll..try just applying it to my elbow”

Little-K1ng: “something something dab joke”

Marcus: “Man you really are tired huh?

Little-K1ng: “i am so tired

work was hard

and i came home, expecting like, the remnants of a fight”

Marcus: “Okay- oh”

Little-K1ng: “only to realize that like, just about every problem for the last 2 days are probably entirely my fault”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “and i dont actually have it in me to think i actually did anything wrong and i keep getting angry and snapping at people who dont deserve it”

Marcus: “Mona it’s fine

I promise”

Little-K1ng: “<:(”

Maxwell: “you okay marcus”

Little-K1ng: “^this is an incredibly forced frown. again, i dont feel bad”

Maxwell: “the water didnt hurt you right?”

Marcus: “Huh?

No it’s quite soothing actually”

Little-K1ng: “yeah weird right ??”

Marcus: “A bit”

Little-K1ng: “i WILL physically fight you max if you try to make more though

i will get mad. dont”

Maxwell: “....sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i mean dont be sorry for trying it, that was a good idea

but you've done it once, thats enough”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more max”

Little-K1ng: “for safety reasons”

Marcus: “Yeah”

Little-K1ng: “i dont know how easily those stems get infected

and with how deep they run i really dont want you to find out

i already endangered you all this far, please dont help me do that

guys... you both look so tired”

Maxwell: “you wont endagenr us its fein”

Little-K1ng: “maybe you should go to bed”

Maxwell: “im fien”

Little-K1ng: “sounds like it ,':)

head to the tulips, dormouse :)!”

Maxwell: “fuckign what”

Maxwell: “awwwww i love emas”

Little-K1ng: “do you guys want to sleep in the living room? my bed is pretty huge”

Maxwell: “oh iv emafe a neast on the fllor”

Little-K1ng: “oh perfect, and it looks like marcus is already asleep :) thats okay!! goodnight you guys”

Maxwell: “nihgtn”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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the-cpu-system · 3 years

Text

2Doc

TW! ANIMAL ABUSE, ALCHOHOLISM, AND ABUSE IN GENERAL!

Nonbinary 2D❤

Also this is my first Gorillaz fanfic so pleasw just spare whatever this monstrosity will be.

This is very angsty and seems like anti-2Doc but trust me at the end it gets to the ship jhfhssj

Also sorry for any spelling errors!

||2D Snaps||

It was just a normal day, Noodle playing games on her DS in her room, 2D looking for literally anything in the fridge, Russel doing.. Russel things (idk I don't keep up with him I'm sorry), and Murdoc sitting at the table, beer bottle in hand, staring at 2D. " close the fuckin door ya good for nothin piece of!- " 2D turned around to be met with a glass bottle smashing inches from their face. They flinched just after that, pushing the fridge door close with their hip. " I- uhm- uh- I'm- I'm sorry I'm uh- I'm- " they apologized, Murdoc growling and leaning back. " get me another beer, you're the closest. " They seemed just absolutely confused but grabbed two beers from the fridge, giving one to Murdoc before going to walk away. " aye Stu, " they turned around to face the bassist, " come sit down next to me. " the singer slowly walked back over, just because they didn't want another bottle flung at them. They pulled out the chair, sitting down quietly. Their lanky arms were limp on the table, the sweating beer in hand. They didn't keep eye contact with him- well- they couldn't really keep eye contact at all but they just didn't look at him. They gulped down whatever fear they had. Besides, he shouldn't be scared of Murdoc. Bandmates shouldn't be scared of each other. They glanced up at Murdoc who, from above the table, was just drinking the alcoholic beverage quietly, ignoring 2D's existence. It was better than getting hit. Under the table though Murdoc's free hand found itself on 2D's thigh, hand dipping downwards to the in between area of Stuart's pants. The singer, actually being on time with this reaction, rather panickly scooted the chair away, standing up with the closed beer in hand. " I- uh- I gotta go to my room! " They left hurriedly, glancing back at Murdoc who's tongue rolled out of his mouth along with a growl.

The singer sat on their bed, headphones plugged into a damage phone that played Dirty Harry. It wasn't their most favorite, but they liked the song. Its one of the only ones that didn't remind them of Murdoc like Feel Good or Rhinestone Eyes did. They closed their eyelids, humming along to the song. With the volume all the way up they didn't notice the green figure that stood in the doorway, glaring with a glass bottle held in his clenched fist. For no other reason than because he can, he chucked a bottle at the singer for the second time today. They jumped up, eyes wide with fear. Their music had already stopped. They screamed in pain, the drunk not knowing why until they moved their hands. A giant glass chunk had landed in the void called their eye socket, and other pieces had cut into their face, blood seeping and spewing from the cuts. Disgusting sight. At least the both car crashes 2D was in to get their eyes gouged out werent bloody.. Or weren't as bloody, but that's just because Murdoc didn't really see Stuart's body. This time he did. Though through his drunken state he couldn't comprehend what the hell just happened, even after Noodle and Russel came rushing in and called an ambulance.

It was about a year after that incident. Murdoc had no recollection of it ever happening and 2D had gotten a therapy dog to cope. New year new me, I guess. 2D had to wear an eyepatch because it hadn't healed correctly, even after all that time for it to heal. Guess being pinned down on a couch and having beer poured into your eye socket does that. Murdoc had sworn off drinking, just to try and get clean and because of 2D's dog. Last thing Murdoc wanted was to hurt an animal. Of course Murdoc's new years resolution didnt last too long of course when another boring day rolled around another 5 bottles were inhaled like air.

A rule that was made was the dog (named Blue) wasn't allowed on the couch. Though, Blue liked to curl up on 2D's lap, or well, attempt to, Blue isnt really a lap dog. Blue is a husky. But 2D was watching a movie, the one they watch every single time they get the tv. Blue was on their lap, making sure they didn't freak out with Murdoc just in the other room mumbling about how he wanted to snap their neck. The bassist drunkenly stumbled into the living room after a good amount of time. 2D was now asleep, Blue doing the same on their lap. Blue's body hung over onto the couch cushions. This pissed Murdoc off. So without any thought he chucked the glass bottle at the dog. Blue yelled in pain, causing 2D to wake up. Murdoc realized what he did, eyes widening in horror. " Sh-Shit!- 'm sorry I didn't mean to!- " 2D was too worried for their dog to notice Murdoc apologize for once in his life. Murdoc never apologized for hitting Stuart, or for getting both their eyes gouged out, or for literally everything else. Though when the singer realized what Murdoc said they stopped, smiling softly at the fact that the bassist of the band did have a heart and morals just very.. Deep deep deep down in his green Satanist heart.

Noodle and Russel were in the room now, the drummer piecing everything together in his mind and yelled at Murdoc, deciding now wasn't the time for psyichal violence. Noodle still didn't notice what happened, she was just standing there awkwardly watching as Russel yelled at Murdoc (who just took the yelling, surprisingly) and 2D on the floor, arms wrapped around Blue, trembling with tears threatening to spill from their eyes. As she realize she made an " oOoh " and walked over to 2D, helping them to their room, along with the dog of course.

With the incident now a week behind 2D and Murdoc hasn't left their rooms. The singer wasn't in the right state, tried to restart his painkillers addiction a few days earlier, so the painkillers were hidden and now they just didn't have the strength to leave their room. The Satanist felt horrible. Guilty. Disgusted in himself. Picking up women, getting drunk, getting high, getting drunk AND high, abusing 2D, almost killing 2D a handful of times, dressing like a n@z¡ That one time, and everything else he's done were a-okay in his book but animal abuse. That drew the line. 2D probably hated him now. They should be hated him before but they never did. May out of fear. Everyone hated him, never really pretended not to. But Stuart. Stuart "2D" Pot never seemed to hate him. They also forgave him.

His head began to hurt bad, he needed some beer. No.. Something stronger. Whiskey? Vodka? Vodka. But that'd mean he'd have to go out of his room and potentially see 2D. Oh well. Alcohol over feelings any day.

He trudged out if his room, dressed in nothing but his underwear as he rummaged around in the fridge and cabinets for the vodka. Conveniently Blue had to go out, so 2D cane out of their room a few minutes after the green male, quickly letting the dog outside before turning around to retreat back to their room. Murdoc had noticed them and now the two were staring at eachother, being too nervous to say anything but too confident to just walk away. Eventually 2D spoke. It was quiet and raspy, as if they hadn't drank water in a while. " can I get a sip? " Murdoc nodded and handed it over to the bluenette, who chugged half the bottle in a matter of seconds. He didn't comment on it, just built up enough courage to apologize once more. " 'ey look 'm sorry bout your dog I didn't mean t- " " I don't forgive you. Stop apologizing. " " ... 'xcuse me? " this had never happened before. 2D had just.. Ran out of patience. Patience for Murdoc to get better. Yeah they loved the son if a bitch, but they couldn't take his shit anymore. " did you really think I'd forgive you after you threw a fuckin glass bottle at my dog that I got because of you? My therapy dog that I only got so I could cope with the fuckin trauma YOU gave me. Are you forgetting this?- " they flipped up their blue and black eyepatch to reveal the swollen and greenish-black eye socket. Murdoc cringed in disgust. They flipped the eyepatch back down, continuing to vent. " I sat- and still do sit- in my room, hoping, PRAYING to whatever exists that you'll change. That you'll realize how fucked up you are. That you'll love me instead of chuckin beer bottles at me. I know that apology that night was genuine. I thought for a second that you changed- but the few fuckin times we've seen each other since that are JUST like before- I CANT FUCKIN TAKE IT ANYMORE NICCALS- I- I FUCKIN QUIT. " Stuart didn't mean it. Of course they didn't. They loved Gorillaz, I mean there'd never be a singer more fit for the job than them. They were just too caught up in it. Blue knew that too. That's why the dog clawed at the door. " I- Stu- Stuart- you can't just- you can't just quit- " Murdoc attempted to move closer, though 2D staggered back and gripped the now empty vodka bottle, raising it up like they were gonna hit him. " D- DONT FUCKIN COME NEAR ME- " the bassist ignored this warning and came closer, being greeted with shattered glass and small droplets of vodka to the face. He fell on his ass, holding onto the now bloody side, rather ironically a piece had jabbed into his eye. Just like what happened with Stuart. Though Stuart just stared down, panting heavily, admiring what they had just done. This wasn't the 2D Murdoc knew. He had really corrupted them. The singer grinned, laughing as they threw the top part of the bottle down next to Murdoc for it to shatter. " 'ats karma. "

-6 years later-

Blue had sadly passed due to natural reasons, though 2D was able to overcome the death of their therapy dog and not resort to pills. Murdoc was doing better just now with one eye missing. The two had fixed their friendship, both went to rehab together. They had matching eye patches and were inseparable from each other. So there they were. At a live concert for the band. For the 6 years of healing their relationship they never went any further than just friendly things. Though the thigh grab Murdoc did 7 years ago still stuck in 2D's mind, the words 2D had said stuck in Murdoc's.

On stage the two stood close, sneaking lustful glances at eachother. Though as they sang all their old songs they kept getting closer, the crowd most definetly noticing. " JUST KISS ALREADY! " someone yelled, both of them laughing. So once Feel Good Inc. had ended 2D let the Mic stand swirl and almost fall, Murdoc catching on and handing his bass to Noodle. The two pulled each other close, lips connecting. Some of the crowd cheered, some booed. They could care less. The kiss got more heated, 2D bent down a bit, Murdoc grinding on them. Though the two realized it was time to stop and separated, a string of saliva following. They wiped their mouths and grabbed their instruments again, continuing the concert like nothing ever happened. Though everyone knew that the two were way more than just Bandmates now. They were lovers, fuck buddies, boyfriends, etc. And they sure as hell were gonna show it off to the world.

(Edit: why is this so long i )

#2doc #studoc #2dxmurdoc #stuartdoc

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donghyxns · 7 years

Text

death note! au | donghyun

OKAYYYYYY YOU CAN ROAST ME OR WHATVER BUT,,,,,, I ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKED THE MOVIE

THE MOVIE WAS FINE TO ME, A PERSON WHO HAS WATCHED THE ANIME

IDK WHY PEOPLE HATE IT OTHER THAN THE WHITEWASHING PORTION THAT PART KIND OF SUCKED BUT OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A GOOD MOVIE THE HECK MAN

also this will be a bit all over the place im high on some fucking medicine #thathighlife

donghyun was always kind of an outcast in school

no matter what he did or what he said

he was always the weird kid that looked like he was going to shoot up the school at any second

obviously... he had no friends and spent most of his time alone in his room doing other peoples homework

one eventful day he was just casually sitting outside looking at all of the cheerleaders practicing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and all of a sudden thE LITERAL FUCKING HEAVENS JUST OPEN UP

THE WIND WAS SO STRONg A BOOK LANDED BY HIS FOOT

LOOKEY THERE M8

he picked it up and shoved it into his backpack and he was going to return it to the owner once he found out who it was

the rain starts pelting down on him at a rapid pace so he decideds to peace the fuck out and go inside

he doesnt want to get sick

(lIKE ME FUCK I HATE BEING SICK)

he was about to pass by the gym doors but a body flies through them

ong seongwoo was being a fucKING BULLY AGAIN GOSH DARN IT SEONGWOO WHY CANT YOU JUS BE NICE

he was about to speak up™ but suddenly you were pushing seongwoo off of the poor kid

“jesus christ, seongwoo! why cant you be nice????” seongwoo scoffs at you because his frail masculinity was insulted

so he pushes you down making you plop on the ground

o no :(

donghyun was shooketh™™™™ bUT HE WASNT GOING TO STAND FOR THAT

“hey! dont push them!” donghyun puts on his bravest big boy pants and finally stands up

but seongwoo just scoffs

“why is a school shooter fcking talking to me?” he goes to punch donghyun but donghyun blocks it bc he is secretly a ninja turtle

IM JUST KIDDING ADSJFKAH

he does block it tho

“you know, arent you like 22 years old?” donghyun hears you laugh from behind him

achivement unlocked: a girl laughed with him not @ him for once in his life

good job donghyun

heck yeAH

“if you punch me that could technacially be called CHILD ABUSE SO DONT FRICKIN HIT ME-”

he got hit

he blacked out bOI

the next moment he remembers is him in the principals office with an ice pack on his eyes

“dONGHYUN?! You have like 20 different papers here that is for other people???? this is cheating. detention son”

“but-”

“nOP DETENTION!”

he got detention the hECK

at detention he was going to go to sleep but the teacher was like “wake the frick up mAN”

so he had to stay awake

the teacher left for some reason???? idk prob to get coffee or something she looked stressed

so donghyun was like, “well i dont have to do youngmin calculus homework anymore,,,, what should i do?????”

oH YES that book someone dropped

he digs in his backpack and pulls it out

“death note”

radical my brother

he opens it anD THE HEAVENS OPENED UP PT.2

“what the heck?” the wind starts whipping his beautiful hair and he is shook™

but oh well he continues to read

“rule number 1: anyones name written in this book will die... but you have to have the face of the person in your mind”

he could end it all right now

..... *writes down donald trump*

SAFHSDFJKH

no but he is like “????” ok weird

AND THEN HE HEARS A LOUD

“whATS WEIRD SON”

he literally fucking screams when he sees ryuk behind him

i think anyone would

its a scary sight my man

“whAt ThE fUCk aRe yOU?????????????”

“im the shadow of death, my mAN” oh yes gud

once donghyun assess the situation at hand he calms down

donghyun is already a bit out of it so this fits in perfectly

“so, does this thing really seriously work???”

ryuk laughs, “i dont know,, why dont you try it out?” ryuk points to the window so donghyun follows

he doesnt want to get stabbed by one of his thorns

he pulls back the curtain and sees seongwoo tormenting a really nice girl named somi

“you know, you could end all of the bullying right here with just one pen”

sounds good

donghyun rummages through his bag and finds a black ink pen

he writes down “ong seongwoo” with a smile

ummmm crazy boi????

ryuk laughs, “lets get a little bit creative with it.... write down how he dies”

noiCE SUGGESTION RYUK

donghyun writes down decapitation

the fUCK DONGHYUN

it all happened so fucking fast

a lady spilled her apples, making a boy drop his basketball into the street which made him run out into the street to grab the ball, which made a lady in a brown car swerve to miss him, which made a utility man wreck his car into a van

then boom

a ladder went straight through seongwoos fuCKING HEAD

donghyun screams, falling back on his butt

ryuk just laughs, “so, now you see how real it actually is”

then poof hes gone

the next day you come up to him unexpectedly

“you hear about our good friend seongwoo?”

donghyun nods, putting on a face of remorse, “yeah it- it was terrible-”

“no it wasnt... seongwoo was a fucking crazy bully who tormented everybody around him and just because he died doesnt make it a tragedy”

nice logic dude

“you wanna hear something crazy?” donghyun leans over to you

HE DIDNT KNOW WHY HE WAS TRUSTING YOU BUT OH FUCKING WELL

he had a smol crush on you thats probably why

“i’m the one that killed him.... look at this” he pulls out the death note and shows you the last entrance

you look over the entrance a couple of times, shock on your face

“no fucking way”

you look up at him with a wicked smile lingering on your lips

he liked it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

you 2 were both crazy hecK yea

“we could change the world with this”

hell yeAH- wait, what?

im so high on cough medicine and pain pills im sorry if this was shit

#kim donghyun scenarios #kim donghyun #produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 kim donghyun #wanna one scenarios #wanna one #kpop #kpop scenarios #mxm #mxm scenarios #brand new music #brand new music scenarios

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tumblunni · 6 years

Text

aaaaaugh that was a weird adventure of a normal thing seriously wtf how did I Almost Die from just trying to pay my electricity bills?? the electricity went out at midnight and I was having a WHOPPING GIANT MIGRAINE and seriously i suck at talking to cashiers on the best of days but now i have to call a taxi at midnight and sit there feeling awkward for like half an hour while the guy drives me several miles away to the only electricity place thats open 24/7 and like five minutes in i realized OH SHIT THIS MIGRAINE IS MORE SERIOUS THAN I EXPECTED but like i was trapped in a car and trapped in an awkward social situation! so i was here all dizzy and disassociating and like it felt like the window was a computer screen?? cos im nearsighted a lot and of course its gonna get even worse when i have a dizzy migraine of death doom. i was just so out of it with pain and tiredness and the car shaking me about and just it felt like i wasnt really there but i was still in my house just watching all this on the tv or something. i had to look down at my hands cos they were the only non blurry thing, i had to remind myself that i actually existed and wasnt somehow being erased from the world and replaced by a film reel of some guy sitting in a car?? So I am like Absolutely Fucking Nonfunctional here, and being acutely aware of how i forgot to wear my glasses and apparantly also my socks. Tho in my defense it would have been hard to put them on in the dark anyway! and seriously THIS POOR CAB GUY! like it seemed english wasnt his first language and i felt so bad cos like how can i make it clear that I am the one messing up here?? dude you didnt mishear me i really am slurring everything i say and forgetting half the dictionary. HE WAS SO NICE! I wish i could have like.. been able to register any of his individual faceparts as a coherant whole. I have problems with prosopagnosia even on a good day, but like whoa man i did not have the energy left to concentrate on what this guy even looked like. i feel bad cos i dont know his name either, im gonna remember him as just this big helpful shadow void with a nice accent. HOW DID YOU PUT UP WITH ME EMBARASSING MYSELF SO MUCH, YOU WONDERFUL CABMAN actaully wait do you call them cabs in america aa im sorry this post isnt very america translated i try and generally self-correct to america english cos i know like 90% of my followers seems to be america for some reason i do not understand HELLO AMERICDA FRIENDS TODAY okay so i was Dying in a taxi which is also called a cab, and the company was Capital Cabs which is very good and i love them and they have an automated system so you dont have to talk on the phone and seriously that cut like 50% of terror from this terror day SO ANYWAY I WAS DYING we go all over the place looking for the 24 hours electric place, and then for some reason they are closed?? there was a line outside and i think actually the doors got stuck and the cashiers couldnt get out??? what happened?? i guess i will never know cos i had to leave that mini story behind and find another electric hilariously we found one LITERALLY ACROSS THE ROAD there was THE SAME SHOP ACROSS THE ROAD FACING EACH OTHER MIRROR IMAGE WHAT like seriously fuck im already in a dizzy daze floating halfway out my own body like i didnt need any more evidence im currently in wonderland i want to know this story too, dammit! are those rival stores?? of the same brand?? somehow?? or are they owned by the same person?? because why?? is it like the area was so in-demand of small 24/7 shops that they had to make two within five metres of each other? or is it like they’re the same shop but they didnt have enough space to build the full size they wanted so they purchased two smaller land plots? or something? DID IT JUST EXIST FOR THIS SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF ME NEEDING THE SHOP WHEN THE SHOP IS CLOSED “tumblr blogger tumblunni will show up fuckin migraine stoned on the 9th of november, as the prophecy foretold” omg i just mispelled prophecy as prophey and that sounds like a cute ass oc name holy shit ANYWAY im here dissacoiating my ass off and trying and failing to stick my debit card in the card machine and all the time im like FUCKIN OBSESSING over how sauboh is a really better name. Like faba is still a cute name but sauboh is a COOL name! no name is better than sauboh! and why u wanna this evil man have a cute name anyway?? when u be all cruel in the anime and sand off even the slightest non horrible edges he ever had, like seriously im unreasonably upset that everyone hates faba even more now. when will i get my sneaky science grandpa guy who is not evil for once but merely misunderstood and then i adopt him and hug him many and the all is resolved so yeah im fuckin haviung trouble focusing on what im actually doing jesus christ then i stumble into the store and i pay for my electric and im like ‘no no no fucking shit this migraine is WAY worse than i expected, im going to fucking die’ so i ask if they have any paracetamol but i cant remember the word for paracetamol and its all super embarassing. and like THE GUY LOOKS AT ME AS IF IM CRAZY. He’s all ‘ugh why would we have that, geez’. like wtf?? i mean i know i couldnt remember the name of it but i said ‘headache medicine’ so im sure he understood what i meant. i had a long rambling discussion with the taxi man about how weird that was, he was like ‘no, seriously EVERY 24 hour newsagent sells that stuff’ and i was like ‘no seriously he was rude to me for asking, like wtf’ and then i repeated the story about three more times cos i was currently in the throes of brain death in retrospect maybe the cashier thought i was drunk or something?? or high? i mean you cant get high from headache pills but i dunno maybe they mix badly with booze and he thought he was saving my life. i like to think the best of people! i wish i hadnt jumped to the grumpy conclusion during that moment and then whined like a lil bitch to this poor cab man and seriously he was SO NICE! he was like ‘dude seriously we’d have to drive anothr five miles to find another newsagent shop, im trying to save you money’ and he tried to give me some of the paracetamol he had in his wallet and i was like YOURE SO FUCKIN NICE IM DYING, I COULD NEVER ACCEPT THAT but also in retrospect probably that was a good decision cos even if the guy seemed super nice and trustable its like Good Life Policy to not take medicine from people you don’t know. I am 100% sure tho that he actually was genuine and wasnt gonna fuckin murder me with fakeacetamol HE WAS SO NICE! HIM AND HIS NONDESCRIPT FACIAL REGION! why cant i remember ANYTHING about this man oh and also I was able to give some money to a lady on the street!! i don’t know if she was actually homeless, she said that she had some trouble with a hotel booking or something so she was just stuck sleeping outside for the night. i cant remember if she had any luggage so i cant verify if the story is true, it just made me really sad wondering if it WASNT true and its like she needed to lie or people wouldnt give her money?? like seriously homeless people are the most vunerable yet theyre the ones people have the least sympathy for! wtf having to like like ‘i need the money less’... anyway i also couldnt remember her face and was kinda slurring my words to death and i didnt have much money to give but aaaa i hope i helped!! so yeah fuckin SMASH CUT to the next newsagent place and seriously i swear i blacked out for a minute cos it was just like wow we’re there in 48 seconds yet the clock says a bunch more miles and THEY HAD PARACETALMOL AND I WAS FUCKIN CRYING IN A SPAR MART thenk u cashier man who was probablyh very confused at this guy with no socks also for some reason my mind was wandering to the topic of what i’d do if i got misgendered in a cinema, like holding this fuckin entire fictional argument with this manifestation of my own self doubt WHAT EVEN INSPIRED THAT THOUGHT PROCESS so i’m nigh passing out and the nice cab man takes me home and he tries to make me pay less than the fee on the clock and im like NO DUDE IT WAS MY OWN CHOICE TO GO 2 PARACETAMOL SHOP seriously he was SO NICE why cant i remember his faaaaaace and i usually like to give a tip to the taxi guy even though tipping isnt really a thing in my country cos just i feel like Being Nice Is Nice and i want to thank them for their nice but i DIDNT HAVE ANY MORE MONEY LEFT so aaaa i was only able to give him an extra £0.50 but thank you taxi man i hope you have a good night and good life and the universe rewards you for helping a migraine fucked bunbun this eve and now ive shoved medicines in my fave and im just waiting for them to kick in and i know i should eat something but i feel so nauseous aaarglefargle also nice taxi man told me a story about how the same thing happened to him once except the electric went out while he was in the shower. So he just got blasted by cold water AND had to stumble down the stairs in the dark, and then friggin buy electric while his ears were still fulla soap. Whoa dude your bravery in face of embarassment exceeds my own! i love you platonically mr cab man thanks for making me feel less nervous and such while i was Die so yeah hopefully i will be less die soon ok bye also sauboh is a best name and i need to steal it for an oc or something NINTEND U LET IT SLIP AWAY

#blunni thoughts #i am struggle to thoughts #man i wish i could fuckin sleepems

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agentkikirogers · 5 years

Text

Okay this week has been testing me and I shouldn't complain considering the recent disaster that happened but... Anyway... Monday had my endoscope. I swear I always get them and get sick after. So I'm sick still. Go to work on Tuesday through Thursday. I wasnt feel well at all on wed.

Tuesday. I was already drained by lunchtime. My HR pissed me off. There was a manager meeting and they had a food platter so I wanted to make a plate before they put it in the back. So its already crowded in the room. All of the sudden my HR is loud as hell. Shes like GEISHA GEISHA same as your name! Its those asians that wear the dresses. Im like no my name isn't the same as GEISHA. She goes no.... I spelled it out and she goes I'm just going to call you that from now on. I told her please dont. Then I asked if she could help with my plate and she had to be extra about it. Shes like DO YOU WANT THIS OR THIS? Everyone is just staring her and me and I just wanted my food so i could fuck off.

Stop yelling like my god. So I go to lunch in a crap mood. So one of my coworker (L) friends that works in the store L is convinced that she is dating Olly Murs (some singer dude). Ive been telling L its not him. He wants to meet her in public etc etc. I'm concerned for her. I know that she has a mental disability but I care about her. So I'm trying to convince her and I dont mean to upset her but.. Whatever. Whoever is pretending to be him is a sick individual. I'm 100% sure they are getting money and nudes from L.

Trigger warning for self harm.

So then some new worker ive never talked to before comes sits at our table and starts talking about being depressed and her medications making her sleepy at work. I tried to give advice but L kept interrupting me. It made me irritated so I stopped talking and just looked at my phone. The worker (E) tells me she cuts herself and shows me it. I tell her to please seek help. Which she is she said but I told her that she has to tell them about this and see a psychiatrist (a good one, which the facility she goes to the psych is not a decent one and she just throws pills at people without a care). I gave her a hug and told her she could always talk to me. I said I understood because i have a few mental health issues and L says "You're depressed? You always laugh and joke with me." I said, "Well I can laugh but the depression never goes away." 🙄 End of warning.

Then C came and I cant stand her. Shes a one upper. So lunch didnt help. just wanted to eat in peace. 😭 (sometimes being an empath is so overwhelming)

Kinda a warning of someone almost endangering themselves and others. This happened on Monday

After I got back from lunch the receptionist sits by me and says "Did you hear about T? I said "No what?" "She doesn't work here anymore." (Honestly thank god. I work with people of all ranges and yeah T had issues but she knew better when she acted up.) T always talking about sex and wanting babies and when she's mad she's always cussing people out (esp the supervisor and HR) and storms out she's just a pain in the butt.)

So yesterday I guess the supervisor sensed that she was going to have some mental breakdown and everything so she was actually concerned. She said that she was going to contact the police if it got that bad so T came in and she had a freaking episode and was screaming, cussing everybody out, calling them the n-word. She told people that she was going to beat them up and then she told this one guy who is so shy that he was hanging the clothes wrong and so she was going to get her boyfriend to beat the shit out of him.

So T instead of normally going to (hr) she goes outside and into oncoming traffic. A semi almost hit her. So all traffic stopped because of her. They called the cops and the cops took her away. I guess they tried to tell HR about it and I was told that all HR did was just chuckle and dismiss it. But at the same time if the supervisor knew this was going to happen she should have done something and but I don't know. Just lucky that there was no crash and nobody got hit or killed.

#personal #work

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