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#i dont know if this makes sense but i
solivagantingrebel · 2 months
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Soap who falls in love hard and fast.
Soap who believes in love wholeheartedly to the point that he does everything he can to make any relationship he's in work even at his own expense. Soap who has to face disappointment at the end each time knowing he gave it his everything and it still didn't work out.
Soap who grapples with the reality that just because he does everything he can doesn't mean things were meant to be that way. Soap who slowly gets disillusioned by the notion of love. Soap who thinks that maybe they were right, maybe he did get hurt more because he wore his heart on his sleeve and dove into relationships with his bare chest like a lovesick eejit. Soap who decides that he needs to stop acting like one.
Soap who shoves his feelings aside to focus on other things in his life. Soap who focuses on building things that are tangible and long lasting. Soap who cherishes that his career, finance and family don't make his efforts loom wasted. Soap who convinces himself that it's enough. Soap who tries to convince himself that he's changed.
Soap who catches himself spiralling down that hard and fast pit again around a certain Lieutenant. Soap who panics and tries to ignore his feelings. Soap who deeply represses. Soap who keeps his distance. Soap who backs off when he's told to, gives space when Ghost needs it, doesn't flinch when he puts up walls thicker than steel between them.
Soap who digs through what's given to him anyway because he hasn't truly changed, his feelings have never disappeared. Soap who is terrified of finding himself at the start of the cycle he knows the end all too well of.
Soap who prays again after years of not doing so, to a God he hasn't spoken to in a while. Soap who is hoping and begging for things to be different this time. Soap who wants Ghost to be the exception to every experience he's had in his life so far.
Soap who tries to convince himself that if he can do things differently, things will end differently. Soap who can't help but be himself.
Soap who falls in love hard and fast.
Soap who gets addicted to his smile whenever he gets to see it. Soap who discreetly stifles his laughs at his dumb little jokes. Soap who sees how much he cares despite his reluctance to directly admit it. Soap who starts loving and trusting him regardless.
Soap who decides that, if he is meant to crash and burn from the start, loving Ghost wholeheartedly is a damn good reason to be a martyr anyway.
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ganondoodle · 10 months
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then perish.
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inkskinned · 7 months
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i love when words fit right. seize was always supposed to be that word, and so was jester. tuesday isn't quite right but thursday should be thursday, that's a good word for it. daisy has the perfect shape to it, almost like you're laughing when you say it; and tulip is correct most of the time. while keynote is fun to say, it's super wrong - i think they have to change the label for that one. but fox is spot-on.
most words are just, like, good enough, even if what they are describing is lovely. the night sky is a fine term for it but it isn't perfect the way november is the correct term for that month.
it's not just in english because in spanish the phrase eso si que es is correct, it should be that. sometimes other languages are also better than the english words, like how blue is sloped too far downwards but azul is perfect and hangs in the air like glitter. while butterfly is sweet, i think probably papillion is more correct, although for some butterflies féileacán is much better. year is fine but bliain is better. sometimes multiple languages got it right though, like how jueves and Πέμπτη are also the right names for thursday. maybe we as a species are just really good at naming thursdays.
and if we were really bored and had a moment and a picnic to split we could all sit down for a moment and sort out all the words that exist and find all the perfect words in every language. i would show you that while i like the word tree (it makes you smile to say it), i think arbor is correct. you could teach me from your language what words fit the right way, and that would be very exciting (exciting is not correct, it's just fine).
i think probably this is what was happening at the tower of babel, before the languages all got shifted across the world and smudged by the hand of god. by the way, hand isn't quite right, but i do like that the word god is only 3 letters, and that it is shaped like it is reflecting into itself, and that it kind of makes your mouth move into an echoing chapel when you cluck it. but the word god could also fit really well with a coathanger, and i can't explain that. i think donut has (weirdly) the same shape as a toothbrush, but we really got bagel right and i am really grateful for that.
grateful is close, but not like thunder. hopefully one day i am going to figure out how to shape the way i love my friends into a little ceramic (ceramic is very good, almost perfect) pot and when they hold it they can feel the weight of my care for them. they can put a plant in there. maybe a daisy.
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star-mail · 6 months
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bam! angst!
more virus shen jiu au ! part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4
During Maigu Ridge when yqy apologizes (to sy) virus!sj is there with the silly lil idea is his appearance changes on how he feels so he unintentionally changes into xiao jiu
idk when sj would actually gets a body again (it'd prolly be before Maigu Ridge but shh) but i like me some angst, sue me
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hollow-head · 23 days
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stop asking where Marcille went. she was doing magic research.
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prior post
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averageludwig · 21 days
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Its my birthday.... so I get to draw demoman as meiko..... !!!!
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berrysquared · 2 months
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Fishy
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this moment in the game made me oddly really emotional because it's like, you were loved unconditionally once. you had a mother, you might still have a mother, and you can't deny that she loved you at least once and wanted to keep you safe. it's your name. and there's nothing you can do about it, you can't refuse this name once you know it.
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cowardlykrow · 2 months
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“Not my circus, not my monkeys”… Except those are his monkeys and they are the circus
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skunkes · 5 months
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baroquepoultry · 3 months
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wasyago · 7 months
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so, would you?
nothing important under the cut, you don't need to look haha
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garfield-milk · 8 months
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he’s such a fangirl. he definitely has a few scrolls of adventures (and fanfiction) of the Blue Spirit and reads them every night while giggling and kicking his feet in the air.
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theacebard · 8 months
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Can I have my kids back
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ruporas · 1 year
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kiss the pain away
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Good People - Final Part
Part One🦇Part Two🦇Final Part
It is not often that Wayne is happy with the monotony of work. Tonight is one of those nights, if only because it allows him to think about where he went wrong speaking to Eddie. He had never meant to imply he thought Eddie was like Al; he'd meant the apple and tree comment to for Richard and Steve. However, he does acknowledge why Eddie drew the conclusion that Wayne might have thought Eddie would follow in Al's footsteps.
Wayne's being a hypocrite, applying the logic to one boy, but not the other. And even though he never, not once, thought that Eddie would become Al, he'll never be able to take that thought from Eddie's mind that he had. He can apologize until he's blue in the face, Eddie might even forgive him, but he's not sure Eddie will ever believe him. Not truly.
And how could Wayne expect him to?
No. That's a shame Wayne will take to the grave.
Next strike to Wayne's conscious; the misjudgment of Steve Harrington, and how it ties into the fact Eddie accused him of not trusting his judgement, and, moreover, Eddie being right. Wayne hadn't trusted in Eddie's trust of Steve.
He should have. It's been years since Eddie came home crying about a boy, but what father doesn't see their kid crying over their first heartbreak and doesn't grow protective? And with Eddie, it's even more terrifying. Getting mixed up with the wrong boy could mean bruised ribs, black eyes, or worse.
In a town like Hawkins, a boy would just have to claim Eddie made a sexual advance and his murder could (would) be justified.
Now add the manhunt and being suspected of murderer to that. Well, Wayne's scared for Eddie's life almost every minute of his day.
But it's no excuse. Or if it is, it's a poor one.
Wayne doesn't know the full story but he does know that Steve was with the group of people on Eddie's side; that he was there with the Henderson kid, the Buckley girl, and Nancy Wheeler, digging Eddie out of the rubble from the earthquake, getting him to the hospital as fast as they could.
Steve Harrington was part of the group that saved Eddie's life, and that should have meant more to begin with. Instead, Wayne's been waiting for a shoe to drop that very well isn't coming.
He's going to fix this.
He'll give Eddie his space to be angry with him, and he'll try again in a few days.
When Wayne gets home, around 6:30am, Eddie's van is gone. He's not surprised. He probably left shortly after Wayne did, not leaving sooner just to avoid him.
There is a note on Wayne's bed when he makes it there. Says he's at Steve, and instead of letting Wayne know when he'll return it just says the words 'be back' followed by a bunch of questions marks. He ends it with 'call if worried' and leaves a phone number that must be for the Harrington residence.
Another hurt Wayne can't blame on anyone but himself.
Wednesday passes. Wayne eats breakfast, goes grocery shopping, pretends to care about his shows before sleeping the afternoon away to prepare for another graveyard. Eddie has not returned when he wakes, and two short hours later, he's off to work.
Eddie's van remains gone.
Returns from work Thursday morning and repeats Wednesday. He replaces grocery shopping with laundry and cleaning out the leftovers for trash day tomorrow morning. Goes to work.
Friday morning he returns home. No Eddie. He waits for it to be a more appropriate time, a little before 10:00am to call the number Eddie left.
It rings, rings, rings, then, a voice he hasn't heard in years. Richard Harrington's voice sounds as cold as it always was as the answering machine recites, "You've reached the Harrington's. We are not available. Leave a message."
"This is Wayne Munson. I just wanted to make sure Eddie's- that's he's alright. Let him know that I called. Checked on him. He doesn't need to call back but I'd appreciate it."
He hangs up the phone, lump in his throat. He misses his boy, and he wants to make his right, but he can't force that. Eddie has to always want to make it okay between them.
He's usually off Fridays, but he asked to pick up a shift. He can't face Linda without having fixed this. He spends the morning and afternoon doing all the small fixes he'd been putting off. Anything to keep him busy. He goes to sleep at his usual time, and wakes up two hours before his shift like normal.
Check's his answering machine but if anyone called while he was asleep, they didn't leave a message. There's still no van when he heads to work.
The plant tells him to leave an hour early. He tries to argue to stay but he's just waved off, told to go get some sleep because he's been looking a little worse for the wear.
He gets back to Forest Hills around 5:40am and finds there is another car parked at his home. Not Eddie's van, but the sleek maroon BMW that belongs to Steve Harrington parked where the van usually is.
When he pulls into his spot, the headlights of his truck light up Steve, sitting on his steps, wrapped in a coat. It can't be more than 50℉ outside right now.
Steve stands as Wayne cuts the engine and climbs from his truck. He gets to the front of his truck and Steve speaks.
"Eddie's okay," Steve says, hands shoving deep into his pockets, "I tried to get him to call you back yesterday but, well, you know Eddie."
Wayne nods, because he does know Eddie. "I appreciate you tellin' me. But you coulda just called."
"I could have."
They look at each other for a moment, and just as Steve opens his mouth, probably to tell Wayne he's going to go, Wayne speaks first, "you wanna come inside and have a cup of coffee to warm up?"
Steve tilts his head slightly to the left before he says, "are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
"Alright," and then Steve steps away from the stairs so Wayne can climb them and let them into the trailer. Steve follows behind silently but with familiarity. He's spent so much of his time here since spring break- the shame crawls through Wayne again. He'd assumed, once upon a time, that Eddie and Steve spent more time here than at Steve's because why would Steve want the trailer park boy in his big fancy house? Now, though, he wonders if it's because this place felt more like a home, even with Wayne's cold shoulder.
Steve sits at their little kitchen table, a luxury they didn't have before because there was no room in the single wide, one bedroom they'd had before. The new double wide (with three bedrooms) offered them a bit more space for a dining area.
Wayne's still suspicious of the government's offer to replace their destroyed home, but he wasn't foolish enough to deny the offer when it was made to him by Jim Hopper (newly returned from the dead back then).
"How do you take your coffee?" Wayne asks, once the machine finishes filling the carafe.
"Oh, I can fix it-"
"Nonsense," Wayne waves him back to sitting, "just tell me."
"I like it with just enough milk to take the scalding heat out of it," Steve says, and while Wayne's not sure just how much that it, he tries anyway.
He sets a cup in front of Steve before taking a seat across from him. "I really do appreciate that you came to tell me Eddie's okay. I want to give him his space but...."
Steve sips his coffee before shooting his cup a small smile. Wayne must have got the ratio right. Then, he looks to Wayne and the smile drops, a more serious expression taking its place and he says, "Eddie wouldn't really tell me what your fight was about, other than, uh, me and that you... overheard some of what I said last time I was here. I don't, like, want to come between you and Eddie, but I'm not, I'm not going to let you scare me away. So, just tell me what I have to do to get Eddie to believe we're cool, and I'll do it. Anything, except for getting out of Eddie's life. 'Cause I won't."
"I would never ask you to do that," Wayne says. Steve squints at him, a look of suspicion now. Completely warranted, given what Steve has known of Wayne thus far. "I owe you an apology, Steve. For how I've been treatin' you."
Steve's eyes go wide, "Oh. What? Why?"
"You've been nothin' but good to Eddie. For Eddie. And I refused to see that. I made a judgment about you without knowin' anything but your name." Steve let's out a soft 'oh' at that, but Wayne plows on, "And that weren't fair, and it weren't right. I can't undo it, but I want you to know I regret it. I'm sorry."
"Okay," Steve says, after a moment. "I forgive you."
It's Wayne's turn to be surprised. He's a bit speechless. So much so, he takes a page right out of Eddie's book and asks, "are you sure?" which is a question he's never asked after having an apology accepted before, but one Eddie had asked a lot when he first came to live with Wayne, and they were learning to co-exist.
"Yeah. I get it."
He doesn't like that answer. Doesn't like the he contributed to the mind set that gave Steve that answer. "You're allowed to be mad at me for it."
"I think Eddie's mad enough for both of us."
It doesn't feel like closure. It doesn't feel like forgiveness, but Wayne doesn't know what to say. He can't just start sprouting all the bad things he thought about Steve; there's no reason Steve should have to listen to that. But without hearing it, Steve doesn't even know what he's forgiving Wayne for. "I'll be honest with ya, Steve. It feels like you shouldn't."
Steve frowns at him. "Why?"
Why? Why? For all the reasons Eddie yelled at him, and all the things Linda said, and all the agony he's felt these last few days. The guilt and the shame that still eat at him, even as Steve Harrington says he forgives him. "It's too easy."
Those three words have Steve leaning back against the chair. His eyes dance around Wayne's face before taking in the whole of him. Or, what Steve can see of him with from across the table. When Steve meets his eye again, Wayne sees recognition there. "If you can't forgive yourself, I get that. I do. I-I've spent most of my life as one big apology. And I'm not saying that I, like, don't still feel like- what I mean to say, is that, I forgive you. I'm not, like, gonna hold it against you that you were just trying to look out for Eddie, man. Like, two years ago your fears would have been justified, so."
"Don't make it right," Wayne argues, but he doesn't know why.
"No," Steve agrees, "but I'm forgiving you anyway. You think you're the first person to hear the name Steve Harrington and assume you know everything you need to know about me already?"
Steve's words sound like they could be confrontational, but his tone is light. Teasing? Wayne says, "no. Suppose I'm not."
"Every person I love has done that," Steve says, and the ease of which he says that has Wayne feeling some sort of way. Eddie's words echo in his mind 'you made me help him feel that way'. How many other people have made him feel like he's a bad person? "Even- even Eddie. He made a point, during spring break, to, uh, well, he didn't apologize for anything because there was nothing to apologize about, but he made a point to tell me I was very 'metal' and a 'cool dude' so.... I know my name comes with, like, a shadow or a curse or whatever. I think it will for as long as I live in Hawkins, but that's," Steve flaps his hand in the air, as if that fills in for the word he can't find, and it's a move so reminiscent of Eddie. "Anyway, if you aren't actually, like, ready to accept an apology, you shouldn't be making one."
Wayne sits in that for a moment. There's a lot more to Steve Harrington than he'd ever thought. So much he doesn't know, actually, but he thinks he's okay with learning more. This boy told Eddie he was half-way in love with him earlier this week, and while Wayne never heard Eddie say it back, he knew anyway. It's why he was so protective. "You're pretty wise for your age."
Steve grins and shakes his head. "Nah, that last part was all Robin. She says it all the time to me."
"Well, then you best stop apologizing when you ain't ready to accept the forgiveness," Wayne parrots back the words.
Steve throws his head back and laughs.
They finish their coffee with silence and small talk. Steve tells him about how he never thought he'd miss his job at the video store but working at Melvald's is making him long for the days when the biggest complaint was late fees. Apparently, there's so many more things to complain about in retail.
Wayne talks about working at the plant and how the tasks are repetitive and a bit labor intensive, but the graveyard pay is worth it. Steve asks him a few more questions about working at the plant that Wayne's happy to answer and the more Steve asks, the more Wayne becomes aware that Steve might be looking for a change of occupation. He makes a mental note to put in a good word to Floyd, just in case.
Steve leaves with the promise of returning with Eddie, as soon as possible. As he was heading to the door, Wayne asked why he showed up so early.
"Eddie can't stop me if he's not awake," was Steve's answer, a mischievous grin on his face.
Wayne watches from the porch as Steve backs out. Steve shoots him one last little wave with his fingers before heading away.
He goes back inside and washes the dishes. Even dries and puts them away, a feat usually done once a week; he and Eddie have no qualms with using dishes directly from the dish drainer. His only other chore for the day is leaving for work a bit early so he has time to stop at the gas station and fill up the truck.
Grabbing the remote from its spot on the coffee table, Wayne plops onto the couch to spend his day as mindlessly as possible with some TV.
He goes to sleep at his usual time and wakes up at 7:43pm according to his alarm clock; a little over two hours before his shift is to start. It's time for more coffee, he thinks as he dresses for work before heading to the kitchen.
He jerks to a stop when he sees Eddie and Steve sitting on the couch, leaned close and talking softly. He's not about to repeat a past mistake, so he makes his presence known. "Evenin' boys."
Eddie pops up from the couch quick as lightning, taking a few steps towards Wayne before stopping. "I don't like being mad at you."
Wayne nods, "I don't much like you bein' mad at me, either. For what it's worth, I am sorry."
Eddie closes the distance between them, then, and pulls Wayne into a tight hug. Wayne returns it instantly, how can he not? He hears Eddie say, softly, "it's worth an awful lot, you terrible old man."
They part, and Eddie speaks first, "but if you ever pull shit like this again, I won't be so quick to forgive."
"I won't," Wayne says, at the same time Steve says, "he won't."
Both Munsons look at Steve, who grins back at them.
"You think you know my uncle that well already, from one shared cup of coffee?" Eddie asks, sounding amused.
Steve shrugs, "no. I just, uh, plan to stick around, y'know. Kinda hoping there's no dude after me for him to be an angry dad about. I would appreciate it, though, Mr. Munson, if you'd skip the shovel talk bit of all this?"
Eddie sucks in a breath and Wayne's a bit shocked by what Steve's implied. What Steve's admitted, really, out loud in front of another person. Wayne wonders if any boy Eddie's ever liked before would have done that.
"What good's a shove talk when you've already told me you ain't goin' anywhere?" Wayne says, hoping his tone is as light and teasing as he wants it to be.
"Glad we're on the same page," Steve agrees, "but, uhh, do you want me to go? So you can have a real talk?"
"No," says Eddie.
"No," says Wayne, at the same time.
"Oh. Okay. Uh, in that case, you got anything to drink here besides coffee?"
Wayne nods and they all pile into the kitchen to get a beverage before settling in the living room. There will be time to talk later, Wayne realizes. He's going to apologize properly.
Later, though, when he'll really be ready to accept Eddie's forgiveness, because there's no doubt Eddie'll forgive him. So, he's going to sit in the living room and chat with his boys until he has to go to work.
By the time Friday comes around again, he'll be able to tell Linda she was right, everything's going to be okay one day, and maybe ask her on a date he's been putting off asking for since high school.
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Done!! I hope the ending is sufficiently cheesy.
I'm so sorry if I missed you! There were a lot of people asking to be tagged haha
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