#i dont know how i feel about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itsdefinitely · 7 months

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i miss him

#he was so silly #stopwatch #hannah foster #i had to look it up but his name is daniel #t'noy karaxis #webby #yellow jacket #nightmare time #also i had to make a webby design #i dont know how i feel about it #it might change in the future #but the layered veils make me happy #id in alt text #definitely art

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tacticalanxiety · 3 months

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Unicorn based on "Unstable Unicorns" card game. Tattoo reference from @sleepyconfusedpotato.

#johnny soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #call of duty #fanart #digital painting #digital sketch #digital art #call of duty au #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #soap cod #ghost cod #simon riley #my art #wanted to try something new #i dont know how i feel about it #but here it is lol

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neck-thats-made-for-bruising · 5 months

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Guys I'm Edward Cullen now

#my dad got me this whole set of body stuff (lotion / perfume / mosturizer)#and it has body glitter #and i thought omg thats cool i can be sparkly #but literally everything else is glittery too #i dont know how i feel about it #its so strong it kinda irritates my eyes

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monn-i · 5 months

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thinking of how i used to take ceramic classes when i was little and i always worked until after classes ended because i loved creating so much and i was just so happy to be creating and i loved being noticed by my parents for something. creating something meant that id have an excuse to have a second more of their time. but whenever any of my pieces went in the kiln they exploded or collapsed because i always stayed too late adding more and more moisture and different pieces to it. and just. i l doont know.. i loved my pieces so so so much… and everytime the teacher would bring out the pieces from the last class mine would be a pile of misshapen broken pieces and i kept taking them home with me and one day i cut my finger on the sharp broken edge and the piece got bloodied and i kept it hidden under my mattress. as a reminder. that when i love too much both the object of my affection and i get hurt. but i dont know. i looked for it today and it wasnt there. and im kind of glad to be honest. i think its about time i let go of it. or something.

#memory #i don’t remember much but i remembered this today #i dont know how i feel about it #it was really vivid too i can still taste the swedish fish from the vending machine that i was chewing on when at the final exhibition #there were just piles of basically rubble behind my nametag #it was sweet. the swedish fish was too sweet. a sickening kind of sweet.#i dont really like swedish fish #ramblings

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puppytummy · 3 months

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i have been very good at not hurting myself lately, not perfect but. good

#i dont know how i feel about it

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clarahue · 7 months

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OFMD thoughts:

I kind of want this to be the end. Like Ed and Stede are happy. And if Izzy's gone, then fuck I'm gone

#ofmd spoilers #ofmd #i dont know how i feel about it

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whatsinmarysmind · 1 month

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I just saw the video of Evan at coachella, I didn't know I would have felt as heartbroken as the day my uni crush told me he was gay.

The way he holds her and kisses her DURING BORN TO DIE is just too much.

I need to reconnect with nature.

#evan peters #crying myself to sleep #im cryin #coachella #born to die #that should be me #lana del rey #i dont know how i feel about it #heartbroken a little

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luna-milkshake · 1 year

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Actually wrote a fanfic for once.

Planned to pretty much abandon it so I had an excuse not to write it cuz I'm lazy but people actually read it and liked it.

And now I'm writing a chapter a week bcuz I don't wanna leave people hanging (intentionally) when they actually want to see more.

Feels weird

#fanfiction #fanfic #bowuigi #i dont know how i feel about it #i mean people actually like the shit i write?

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pierced-coffeeaddict · 1 year

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that moment when you're just numb and any attempts at talking about what upset you makes your brain give it all to change the subject or dissociate

#i dont wanna talk about it #i dont know how i feel about it #and when i try talking about it my brain will just start shooting random thoughts to distract me #personal

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inkskinned · 10 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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pineapplesagainstpizza · 2 months

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Got my hair dyed orange and now it glows in the sun??

#i dont know how i feel about it #its very neon in some areas #it reminds me of starfires hair

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bugw0rld · 7 months

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dark light

#wah i dont know how i feel about it #kris dreemurr #deltarune #undertale

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moondirti · 10 days

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blue collar simon x gn! reader. implied cnc.

Simon finds a journal on his lunch break.

It's inconspicuous. A5 black moleskin with an elastic holding it's contents together, bits of paper sticking out like nails on a poorly constructed house frame. He only notices it because his cooler slips off the bench when he blindly places it atop the fat book, sandwiches and packets of crisps now strewn across the dirty pedway.

The day's already been shit. A motley of blows, each made worse by the torrid sun overhead, sweat to cling to his grievances. An uptight site manager. A near loss of life after some tenderfoot got caught in between an excavation truck and the wall. Even his too-long hair, which curls around red ears – having not had a chance to buzz it off since being called in for this job. It's no wonder, then, that the tiny mishap stirs as severe of a reaction as it does; he chucks his hard hat across the road, satisfied only when it finds its fate mid-lane, an obstruction to inevitably fuck the tires on a white collar's new car.

When his rage settles as smouldering ash in his chest, he picks his food off the floor and cracks open the source of his animosity.

With no name or number, the first page holds just a chicken-scratch address. Interesting. Its owner hasn't made this easy on him, crafting it like one would a game. A skewing of traditional acquaintance. Granting nothing of their superficial identity, yet unrestricted access to their innermost thoughts. Thus he's forced to paint his own picture of the figure behind the words.

And what a picture indeed.

The first entry is brief.

13.02 – My therapist expects at least three pages a week. I'm not doing any of that, so don't get your hopes up.

It's evident that you don't stick to your guns. Though the next one is dated several months later, so he see's the attempt had been made. Written in a whole new hand, like you'd picked a dry pen off the floor and practiced your non-dominant grip:

08.05 – I broke my arm playing tennis. The umpire called a match-point in my opponent's favour and I threw the racket at his head.

I am no longer allowed to play tennis. What good is that resolution? My radius has a greenstick fracture. I'm already out of the game.

His laugh is abrasive and sudden, like it'd been pried from his chest by a pair of careless hands. Or as close to that analogy as it can get – your anger is intoxicating and only grows more potent across the pages. Inadvertently amusing. Simon chews through the tough crust of his torpedo roll as he reads, time wearing away under the stiff comb of your words.

There's hardly any variation in your cataloguing –

10.06 – The universe must need more bad people in it, because it tests my limits everyday. Can the fuck next door snore any louder? It's 2 am, goddammit. I wonder if it'd be overkill to ship nasal strips to his mailbox.

26.06 – Dad called today. Didn't pick up.

04.07 – I'm close to killing Kathleen. There's a reason the food in the fridge is labelled as MINE. GET YOUR GRUBBY PAWS OFF OF IT!

13.07 – The world is a shitty, stupid, crappy, icky, lousy, rotten, stinking, stinky, bad place. I hate my coworkers and friends and parents and landlord and etc etc. It's like everyone is out to get me.

– so it's like the honed curl of a hook. Whiplash-inducing, reeling his attention so quick that his neck strains in phantom pain. Simon stops everything, elbows settling onto his knees as he fixates on one entry in particular.

30.07 – I stand by what I said. The world is uniquely horrible. I think that's because I make it that way for myself. Whatever this exercise was meant to do for me, rage relief or introspection or whatever, it's clearly not working. I'm just as angry as I was before. Maybe burning these pages would help. I wish I could play tennis again. I don't know what to do with my hands anymore. I got fired last week. Need groceries. Eggs, spinach. Spinach always goes bad and I never make use of it. I keep buying it though. Dad keeps calling. I've got a migraine and I've run out of advil.

I just need someone to put me in my place.

And it ends there. No more entries after the fact, just a handful of blank pages before the journal wraps to a close.

He flips back over to the address at front. Looking at it a second time, he can tell the ink is still fresh.

Perhaps he misinterprets it. Perhaps it hits a little too close to home. It wouldn’t be the first time he looks for salvation in the empty lines someone leaves behind. Perhaps it’s just been a bad day, and he should go home before he does something he’ll regret. Perhaps it’s nothing at all.

Or–

Perhaps he sees it for what it is.

Here are all my colours. What you choose to do, or think, is no longer my concern.

#mostly a vent fic LMFAO #then he breaks into ur house and takes u as a pet like how all my fics end.🙄#mmnnmn i dont know how to feel about this!!#but thats no longer my problem #simon ‘ghost’ riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley

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neck-thats-made-for-bruising · 4 months

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Lmao my ex's girlfriend is planning on breaking up with him so

#i dont know how i feel about it #and i dont like that i like it

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sorointerrobang · 5 months

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