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yearningandpatheticaboutit · 9 months

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CHAPTER 14: I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE

wc: 6054

tags: violence, attempted s/a, smut, angst, drugs

a/n: this chapter might be triggering for some people, read at your own risk.

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yaera

i havent been to one of these events since i was fifteen. that doesnt sound like a long time, but considering my sister was still alive then, it certainly felt like forever had passed.

the dress i was given is pretty at least. its black, has long sleeves and looks like it was designed for a sexy vampire. one good thing came out of this shitfest.

but the best part is, i can hide san's drugs within my outfit. im not stashing them in matching black purse because it'll get searched, but the tiny ziplock bags fit perfectly in my sleeves and boob area. this will truly be the riskiest thing ive ever done.

irina and the others even messaged me not to forget the stuff. im so focused on just getting that money the fear i had buried inside me hasnt completely resurfaced yet.

im staring at myself in the mirror, looking at my smokey eye make up. the black hair dye really gave me a morbid yet sexy aesthetic that im not bad about. if i could describe myself in two words, it would be exactly that, morbid and sexy.

the sexy part is what bothers me. i know there are people who would agree all too willingly with that. and its not my target audience.

my room door swings open and my mother walks in. theres a strange look on her face as she takes me in. we say nothing to each other for a few moments till she breaks the silence.

"bellisima," she says, almost under her breath. "we can really never go wrong with santo. he made you look like a princess, even if you look like you are going to a funeral."

my insides squirm at the mention of his name. i tried to ignore it, but the fear i felt in that bathroom is coming back full swing. im seeing him tonight. he'll be waiting for me.

"please don't do this again this year," i stiffly begged. "you need to find someone your own age Santo. I'm...I'm not the one."

santo cocks his head to the side and smirks. "and who told you that? who said you're not perfect for me?"

"i don't fucking want you," I hissed. his eyes widen slightly, more out of sick arousal instead of offense.

he advanced on me and i blinked, finding myself pressed against a stall. i whimpered and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but my arms were pinned to the side. oh my God, I'm going to be sick.

"but I want you, and you know that. so why don't you stop playing games," he whispered dangerously close to my ear. i shivered and my nausea kept tugging at my stomach.

"i'm your only chance at a respectable man. your parents already love me. so why don't you accept the love I have for you? you'll never find anyone like me, tesoro."

"i fucking hope so," i whispered, pinching my eyes closed. he moved his face infront of mine, hovering his lips over mine. I whined and wriggle, but he isn't fazed by my struggling.

"you're a big girl now, right?" he said lowly. "i think it's time you feel like a woman."

i snap out of that awful memory when my mother clicks her fingers infront of my face. "come on, hurry up! we are only waiting on you!"

i cant leave san's side tonight. no matter what.

when i get downstairs, my nearly feel the breath getting knocked out of me. he's standing there, looking more handsome than i've ever seen him. black hair slicked back, eyebrows done. the suit is sitting perfectly. its like he's the model here and not me. god i think im going to be sick.

he gives me a small smile but says nothing.

"doesn't she look perfect, amore mio?" my mother says to my father, who only gives an awkward smile of acknowledgement.

"the two of you can sit at the back of the limo. your mother and i will take the two front seats," my father says, then turns to san with a pointed finger. "dont get any ideas, boy. i know your headmaster personally."

san awkwardly laughs. "i would never, sir."

i try not to wonder how true that is. we pile into the limo and my parents keep looking at us through the rearview, making sure there's a significant gap between us. i look over to him and all the anger i felt before is just gone. i think im fucking whipped.

hes the most beautiful man ive ever seen.

"san..."

"you look really pretty," he tells me before i can say anything. saying that with the most expressionless face makes my face drop.

"oh-"

"i just wanted to say that. you really do."

i dont know what to say. the limo is dim so i dont know if he can see how flushed i feel. he leans forward and i think hes about to kiss me. i hope for it. i dont even care if my parents are nearby.

"where are you hiding the stuff?" he whispers. oh right, his drugs.

i show him my sleeves, how the pills are pressed finely between the folds. then i point to my bust. "others are in here," i say.

he chuckles lowly. "creative. you can give me some if you need more space."

if san gets caught with this my parents would end him. everything he worked to achieve would be gone in less than 2 days.

"i think i should keep it. just in case anything happens. you know, rich girl immunity."

san nods and leans back away from me, making me feel empty. "of course."

no words are exchanged between us for a few moments. so we're really going to pretend like the party didnt happen? did that mean it was never going to happen ever again. i dont want to sound desperate but my head is screeching for answers.

but i focus on what matters tonight. putting on a show. getting irina and the others their drugs and collecting payment. and most of all, escaping santo.

"san, can you do me a favour?" i ask.

he hesitates but nods anyway.

"dont leave my side tonight. please."

he rubs the back of his head nervously. "well, i am your date. and i dont know anyone else here."

god. he doesnt realize how bad i need him.thats the thing, i need him more than he needs me. i can never delete what i have on him. i never know when this will go sideways.

the party is at some hotel. when we get there, i can tell the reception is intimidating to san. the cameras, the flashing lights. the security. i grab his hand and he doesnt protest as we go inside. both of us get patted down by security guards, of course the drugs go undetected.

we go inside and the dinner set up is fancy as fuck. i look at san and i cant tell if hes forcing the coolness to not have a panic attack, but his face is blank. i spot irina and the others at a table and wave, my mother dragging us to a separate table with our name on it.

theres a stage with a massive projection screen, where a slideshow of the lingerie collection plays. i know at some point the pictures from the shoot will play out as well. im hoping to sneak off before then because i cant handle the embarrassment.

"so this is your life huh," san mutters next to me. i frown, his tone sounds disappointed.

"whats wrong?" i ask.

"nothing. just...i cant believe it sometimes."

hes been acting so weird. is he insecure? fuck i.dont even know where to start placing questions. my stomach sinks a little at his tone. i guess he'll never get it. he doesnt understand what im really running from. i doubt he ever will. that class disconnect will keep beating our ass.

to him, anything is better than being in a gang. i guess hes right. but that doesnt mean there arent things out there that would make you want to kill yourself. i would know.

santo walks out on the stage and everyone starts clapping like this is the oscars. "good evening everyone, buenos noches, buonasera, and everything else! welcome to the launch of the new Cosa Pericolosa brand. a brand distinct for its dangerous yet delicate beauty, made of the finest Italian lace and silk. i want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate and enjoy this milestone. there will be dancing and there will be a party, saluto!"

as soon as he gets off that stage, i see his face find my parents table. hes coming straight for us. i instantly grab san's hand under the table. he turns to me utterly confused, but i cant deal with that right now.

"mi famiglia!" santo loudly says and kisses my parents on the cheek. he gets to me and does the same, his kiss lingering on me longer than i wanted. i suppress a shiver. "tesoro, you look beautiful in the dress i picked! im so glad to see everyone here!"

"we could not have done it without you, santo!" my mother gushes. "you look so handsome!"

"ah, you are making me shy. it is really you people who are stealing the show, wait till you see how the pictures turned out!" he laughs obnoxiously, turning to smile at me.

"im so glad you are here, tesoro. it is good to finally have you back. your sister would be proud of you."

"thank you, santo." i force a smile. when really i want to scream. dont fucking bring her up, i want to scream it. but i force a stupid, docile smile. fuck if this night goes on for any longer, i might end up doing these drugs myself.

"hold on, who is this," santo finally acknowledges san. he holds out his hand to him. "i am santo falcone. but you can call me santo, you are?"

"that is yaera's date," my mother chimes in as san awkwardly takes his hand. "san choi. he is a classmate."

"oh," santo's smile tightens and he glances at me. "just a classmate?"

my father forces a laugh. "of course. do you know me? she can meet someone when it is time to get married."

santo grips san's hand for an uncomfortable amount of time till he ends up needing to rip it away. "nice to meet you, san choi. excuse me, i will return to you all. i have to greet the other guests and then have them run the music. you all enjoy the night."

he leaves, giving me a weird look before going. is he fucking jealous? does he seriously think he owns me? i dont know how my sister worked with him. hes so fucking creepy and somehow that never came up between us.

irina and the others arrive at our table next, greeting my parents with hugs and kisses. "can we steal yaera for a second? she looks so gorgeous!" claire says, gushing.

"no really, i want to rip that dress off you!" anya says. my mother rolls her eyes and laughs.

"please girls, bring her back in one piece for the show." my mother says. a smirk i know to be devious grows on irina's lips.

"oh we will, dont worry, mrs marino."

im so happy to get up from that table. san grabs my dress and looks up like a lost kid. "where are you going? dont leave me by myself here," he says under his breath.

awww hes so awkward. "ill be right back. dont miss me too much."

his eyes are desperate and his smile is so forced its hilarious. "youre really going to leave me with your parents?"

"dont worry she'll be back!" anya tells him, noticing him holding my dress. "your boyfriend is so clingy, yaera."

i can tell san is trying not to murder her with his glare. not more can be said because im whisked away. we end up in the bathrooms that look like something out of the louvre. anya and claire start taking mirror selfies while irina starts putting the money down on the sink.

"all of it is here, you can count it yourself. now where are the stuff?" she says. i start unrolling my sleeves, taking four of the bags out, getting the other five from my boobs.

anya and claire quickly come scrambling. "oh god, finally!" claire says. "we've been waiting so long."

"is it really that good?" i wonder, their relief is crazy to see. "better than what you already do?"

"alone its okay. but together with what we already do? a fucking trip to the skies," irina shakes her head with a smile. "ive never been so glad to know you, marino."

mixing drugs. that doesnt sound smart. but what do i know? im not the addict.

i smile and take the money, folding it back into my boobs. "youre welcome. and you know if you need more, where to call me."

"of course. and you better answer."

"your boyfriend is so fucking hot yaera," anya says with a sigh. "hes literally gorgeous. where did you find him?"

"careful, you cougar. you cant be talking about an 18 year old like that," i joke.

"im not even twenty three shut the fuck up!" she shoves at my shoulder.

"so he is your boyfriend?" claire smiles. the three of them coo like children when i start blushing.

"im getting there guys," i say. "hopefully soon."

"what do his parents do? he looks like a model himself." claire says.

"you know this is yaera, hes probably crazy as fuck. like the last one, what was his name?" irina chimes in with a snort. "i bet this one is the reason she has drugs in the first place."

i scowl at her. shes right but i hate that she read me so easily. "bitch, just enjoy my services. goddamn it you people are nosy."

she raises an eyebrow. "am i right though?"

i roll my eyes and start to leave, saluting on my way out. "im getting back now to my date now, goodbye ladies."

luckily when i get out, theres music playing and people are on the floor. san is sitting alone by the table, taking random sips out of a champagne glass. im so excited. i actually got money back for us. i throw my hands onto his shoulders and smile widely, unable to hold my excitement.

"so guess who collected their first payment?"

san's eyes widen. "all the money there?"

"every last note. so i think to celebrate we should dance."

san frowns and cringes. "i dont dance. im fine here."

i roll my eyes and grab his hand, pulling him up with a hard tug. "is it a sin for you to do ANYTHING fun? the music is playing and we have something to celebrate, come on."

he sighs and gives in with a lame smile. "fine."

i lead him to the dancefloor, swinging my arms around his neck. san's hands drop to my lowerback as we sway and i cant ignore the happiness bubbling in my brain. i cant stop smiling.

"you seem really happy," he notes. "you're getting a big head from your first payment huh?"

"of course. its just what i needed to prove myself to you. that i can pull my weight and that im not just some liability."

"i never said that-"

"yes you did san. many times." i remind him, and his cheeks flush from.embarrassment. "i can even quote you on it if you want?"

"please dont," he chuckles under his breath. "fine, i guess you can pull your weight."

his dimples are piercing through. i stare at him mesmerized and i cant even hide it. i bet if i was a cartoon in this very moment, i'd be having stars in my eyes.

"you're perfect, you know that?" i say without thinking.

san's eyes widen, then darken in seconds. "what?" his voice is just barely together.

"i want to kiss you again," i admit. "i think its all i'll want for a really long time."

i lightly stroke his cheeks, seeing them go rosey. this is all i have. the only thing that shows me that i do affect him.

his eyes dart down to my lips and i shrink the distance between us, till we're just barely a centimeter apart.

"i dont want you to think about it," i tell him. "just do whatever you want in the moment. thats all that matters."

"yaera..." he gulps, then takes a step back. "i-i dont know about this. lets just...this isnt good. for either of us."

"says who?" i scoff.

"says me. you and i should just stay business partners. strictly business. anything else wont end well for either of us."

hearing that makes my heart shatter and my stomach drop. fuck i can feel my eyes filling with water. i try to choke.it down but i know its obvious.

"so you're just gonna.pretend we never kissed at that party?" i lay down my arms from his neck. "youre just going to pretend that never happened?"

san stops dancing and gives me a curt nod. "i think its best we do. we both know i just represent something to you. something forbidden. thats why you want me right? because im someone you cant have."

i laugh bitterly. "i cant fucking believe you."

i feel a tear drop. san sees it and frowns. "yaera wait-"

i swat his hands away from me. "you are such a fucking dick."

i get off the dancefloor and run somewhere. i dont know where. im just walking, looking for a place to break down and sob. god this is so embarrassing. im so fucking pathetic.

i stop infront of a random room and twist the door handle. its unlocked, thank god. i go inside and fall onto the bed, my chest instantly getting wrecked. i start sobbing horrifically, unable to believe how awful i feel right now.

whats wrong with me. what is legitimately wrong with me. why was he so cold? am i not pretty enough for him or something? this cant just be about the business. i refuse to believe it. and even if it is, why do i feel so worthless?

everytime jongho has rejected me and made me feel like nothing but a stupid slut flashes infront of me. the feeling stabs me like a knife.

that must be it. thats probably what he sees me as. a stupid, desperate evil slut. all i do is throw myself at him. even at that party, i couldnt wait to be all over him. im pathetic. and desperate. i should just die.

my gloves are soaked. i cant believe how much im crying. maybe i should go back to therapy. maybe i wasnt coping as well as i thought i was.

i look up into the mirror stand, seeing my make up absolutely ruined. my entire face is red, and my hair is sticking to my soaked cheeks. i look like shit.

suddenly i remember why i stayed away from men in the first place. because im too fucking sensitive. my mood depends on them. my self worth is a reflection of how much they like me. they control whether i feel emotional highs and emotional lows.

i start laughing at myself. i cant believe i got myself into this kind of fuckery again.

the door opens suddenly, making me jolt. santo comes in and closes the door behind him, smiling tightly. i jerk up and start stumbling back, backing myself into a wall to be far away from him.

"what are you doing here?" i ask, my voice shaking.

"i saw you dancing with that...child," he slowly laughs, his tone sounding bitter. "you have no business being with someone like him, tesoro."

"santo-"

"do you know how fucking sick i felt?" he snaps, stalking like a dangerous animal. "seeing you with him? while you wear the dress i picked out for you?"

being alone was a mistake. i try to dart for the door but he grabs me and picks me up, covering my mouth with his hand. he throws me onto the bed, forcing his bodyweight on top of me. im frozen, i cant move. every karate class ive taken, all my knowledge on hurting someone just vanishes. hes on top of me and i cant move.

im sobbing again. he presses his finger to my lip, hushing me.

"i should be the only one who takes this dress off you tonight," he whispers. he starts lowering the top, leaving the top of my chest exposed. "dont cry, tesoro, you'll feel so much better after. ive been waiting for this for so long..."

"no please, santo," i beg through my tears. "please just leave me alone. please just-"

theres a few knocks on the door. "yaera, is that you? can i come in?"

that's san's voice. santo clamps his palm over my lips again and i scream.through them. its muffled. i start struggling and kicking but he wont get off me. he forces his hand harder. "fucking stop," he growls at me.

the door swings open anyway. san barges in and santo quickly jumps off me, suddenly on the other side of the room. san looks between us, frozen in his feet.

"what, did anyone say you could fucking come in?" santo screams. san stays staring between us, his face absolutely blank. santo scoffs and adjusts his suit jacket before storming out and slamming the door.

i sit up on the bed, looking at san through blurry eyes. i cant even find my voice. i cant even deal with what just happened.

"did he try..." san trails off, shaking his head at me. he rushes to sit down next to me. i cant help it, as soon as he wraps his arms around me i start bawling again.

"i cant fucking breathe. san please i just want to get away from here. please can we just leave."

he softly rubs the side of my head as he holds my face in his chest. "lets go. we'll go away from here. far away from.here. anywhere."

***

san

i dont even know where to start.

yaera and i ordered an uber from the hotel, disappearing with the permission of her father, saying she felt sick and she needed to go home. they werent happy but yaera's distraught face convinced them. they have no idea what the fuck happened tonight. they were sitting with that same guy that night.

hell, i dont even know what happened. but i could put two and two together.

yaera and i havent said a word to each other. shes passed out on my chest all the way to my apartment. i have to carry her on the way in. i have to put her down on her feet when its time to go into my apartment, and she hangs on my arm the entire time.

"you sure you fine with this?" i ask her. she nods wordlessly.

i let her inside, and she makes her way to my bed where she falls hopelessly. i go and sit down beside her, not knowing what to say. i dont know any words that can fix what happened tonight.

i know so much about her, but tonight...it made me realize i know nothing.

"this isnt the first time it happened," she says, her voice low and defeated. "the first time he did it...i was fifteen. he touched the inside of my thigh in a dressing room and kept trying it till i never went back. i never told my parents...or my sister."

i dont say anything. i let her speak.

"he told me he would never let me go. that he was in love with me. he tried so many times. at my own house. and everytime i would end up in the hospital...my parents would blame me. they would say that i was acting out. i didnt know how to tell them. they treated santo better me and my sister. hes a saint to them."

i feel my head heating up. a rich prick predator piece of shit. he deserves to disappear. he deserves to fucking rot.

i bet miss A could make a bastard like him disappear really quickly.

i take her hand and gently rub my thumb over her knuckles. i feel terrible. the only reason he was able to follow her was because of me.

"so thats why you asked me to not leave your side," i realized. "so you wouldnt be alone with him."

"he gets jealous of every man who comes near me," yaera's tears leak onto my pillow. "i thought if he saw you...he would really leave me alone this time. but it just...it made him more aggressive. he tried to..."

i pull her up and bring her into another hug, gripping her tightly. it felt like if i let her go that i'd never hold her again. that feeling terrifies me. i hate it so much.

"i'll never let him hurt you again," i swear. "i'll fucking kill him. just say the word and i will."

"i want him off my skin, san," she tells me pleadingly. "i dont want to feel him ever again. i want to scratch my skin off and be clean. i want to feel clean again."

"you arent dirty, yaera. hes the fucking filthy one for putting his hands on you," i hold her face in my hands. shes delicate, like porcelain. her eyes, that are usually so menacing and careless are filled with sadness. "youre perfect. you dont deserve that, dont for a second blame yourself. you're perfect, do you hear me?"

"if im so perfect then why dont you want me?" she whimpers. my blood runs cold. fuck how can she hit me with such a heavy loaded question.

theres no point in lying anymore. this is the last situation where i can lie.

"im scared," i admit. "im scared of you. and this. and everything. ive never had something like this, ive never had someone this close to me. i dont know how to handle it. ive been alone for so long i dont know how to let anyone be near me. i never let myself have anything. i always let go."

"please let me be there," she whispers in a tone i cant refuse. "please dont let me go. let yourself have this. let yourself have me."

my chest hurts. this night isnt going at all how i thought it would. its too much. i dont know what to say to yaera. i find my eyes feeling heavy. she takes my face in her hands again and i know she wants to kiss me. fuck it, this is the worst time. but at this point, there isnt ever a right time.

i go in for it and kiss her first. her lips are soft and velvety, and she melts against mine instantly. we start to lose our softness, with yaera pulling me closer and closer. its like she wants to take all the oxygen out of me. her kiss is hard, like a cry for help, like im all the air she'll ever need.

she breaks the kiss and drags her lips down my neck, making me shudder. yaera makes her way onto my lap and i dont fight it, her legs wrapping around me tightly as her dress rides up her thighs.

the kisses turn hot and i feel my brain losing sense. this wont end here, i know it. i want to stop it. i drag my willpower from the floor to break our kiss and she stares at me, frowning with swollen lips.

"is this really a good time?" i ask seriously. "you're really emotionally vulnerable right now. after what happened tonight, do you really think-"

"san," she interrupts me, pressing another kiss to my lips. "my life has been one big emotional fucked up moment, i want to forget. i want to have this, im so fucking dead inside. i want to feel alive again."

she stops showering me with warm pecks and looks me dead in the eye. "will you give me that?"

i hold her face again. my chest feels warm thinking about how no one sees her like this. her pain. but she trusts me enough. she lets me see it.

"i'll give you whatever you want tonight. i promise."

those words were all she needed. yaera slides her hands over my chest, pushing the suit jacket off. her hands move fast, flicking open every button till my chest is bare.

she presses her lips to mine again, her fingers tugging at my hair. i moan at the pull, surprising myself and her. she breaks the kiss and smiles down at me.

"i could get used to that sound," she teases. something stirs in me. she's so hot.

i move my hands to the back of her dress, finding the zipper. i dont break eye contact, and her smile only grows as the dress starts falling apart on her.

i slowly drag my lips down her neck, and she lets out a shiver. i fight my smile and continue to leave hot, soft kisses down her shoulder, moving down to her barely hidden cleavage. yaera harshly pulls the dress down, having rolls of money fall out and exposing her chest.

***

yaera

san stares at me after my boobs stare at him. there's a dazed look in his eyes that disappears once he lowers his mouth onto my one boob and grabs a hand full of the other.

i throw my head back, lost in a cloud after feeling his warm mouth. he starts sucking and massaging, rolling circles over my nipple. this is heaven. or something close to it definetely.

i feel my thighs tightening, warmth seeping down from my lower stomach. i try to stifle my moans, my mouth just barely gasping. he looks up at me, pausing on his motion. "you dont have to hold back. i told you i'll give you anything you want tonight," he whispers.

i hold his face with both my hands, feeling like i could cum from just staring into his eyes. "i only want you," i admit direly. i'll take anything he gives me. "but rubbing on you would be nice too."

he leans back, making me yearn. "okay, open wider."

hearing those words just makes me hotter. i get up from his lap and completely remove my dress, both of us just ignoring all the money on the floor. san's eyes hang on my every movement. im in nothing but black lace, and i dont waste time in throwing myself on his lap again, legs parted and ready.

he brings his lips to mine again, both softly and yet completely taking them as his own. his hand slips between my thighs, slowly trailing up like hes carressing fragile ceramics. i shiver as he gets closer to me, his hand finally slipping onto the base of me. he drags his thumb down my clothed folds, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

i try to focus on kissing him, dragging my teeth down to his neck. i lose myself when he starts rubbing me with both fingers, feeling that jolt of warmth coursing through me.

my mouth is parted as my face is buried in his neck, pathetic whimpers pumping out of me. san starts going in circles, right in the perfect spot. i do myself the favour and move the fabric to the side, his warm fingers completely melting inside me as he pumps them in and out.

i know im doomed when i hear myself squelching. his rhythm is perfect, not too slow and not too fast, just enough for me to completely feel him and fade cloudily. i feel my high coming, my thighs starting to tense and my grip on him tightening. i start to kiss him frantically, till san keeps pushing his fingers faster. i feel like a hot coil, going and going till before i know it, im dripping all over his fingers.

i collapse onto his lap and he slowly drags them out, and i hear him prop them into mouth. i look at him with an accomplished smile on my face, shaking my head.

"you sick fuck, did you just taste me?"

san shrugs with a small smile on his face. "yeah, can you blame me?"

i cant contain myself, i kiss him again. i dont even feel close to done. "let me do something for you now?" i say against his lips.

"mmm mmm," san shakes his head, gently gripping my waist. "i just want you to feel good. do you?"

i nod. "i feel better than ever. but really, you dont want anything?"

he lets out a heavy sigh. "i didnt want to tell you this, but you feeling things makes me...feel things."

oh he just became ten times hotter.

i realize it now, while sitting so close to him, i can feel his massive boner poking me through his pants. i smirk to myself, getting an idea.

"oh no, you have that look on your face again," san mutters, moving my hair back. "what are you thinking?"

"readjust your friend. so i can sit on him."

san goes quiet, but i can feel him pulsing underneath me. its sensation is sending me into fucking heat all over again.

"i dont think we should go too far," he says. "dont get me wrong, i want to. i really do. but i dont think you're feeling hundred percent...after everything."

my smirk drops. i dont want to think of him. not right now. not while i have san's hands all over me. but i guess its not a good look if i do just jump his bones after everything that happened.

he holds my face in his hands and squeezes after i say nothing. "and dont think its because you're not pretty or anything. seriously, i dont know why you would even say that."

i shrug. my black and white state of thinking has never really helped me.

san picks up a pillow up and tosses it against the wall. "come on, lets fall asleep. we can talk again in the morning."

"okay," i mutter. i dont know what else to say. i get off him and and crawl into his bed. san follows after, his hot skin completely blanketing me as he puts his arm over my body and draws me against him.

"are you gonna act like nothing happened tomorrow again?" i ask.

silence.

"no. stop worrying."

his curt words dont register in my brain, because he places a warm kiss on my shoulder. it doesnt take me long to completely drift to sleep.

***

wooyoung

wooyoung knows he fucked up. he knows its all fucked up, he just doesnt know when he's going to tell san about it.

miss A is looking at him with cold eyes, he cant even utter a word because of the fear inside him. seonghwa is sprawled out on a broken couch, horrific burns all over him. hes barely alive, but he had it in him enough to tell everyone about what went down at the warehouse.

"changbin is dead, you know this right?" miss A tells him.

"yes, ma'am," he utters pathetically.

"so you know what you and lucky have to do."

he knows he cant stay a bitch in this gang for long. he knows its going to get real. petty stuff is all wooyoung is used to. extortion, scamming people. when he watched yunho die, a fear he thought was so far away just flashed infront of his eyes. he knew he'd come to be on the other end someday.

"you find that man...and you bring me his hand. or else, i'll have yours."

***

A/N: pls this chapter was a mess im sorry and it took forever to write , the next will be better 😭😭😭😭

NEXT CHAPTER

tagslist: @yujispinkhair @brown88 @sansonlygf

#ateez angst #ateez imagines #choi san angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez scenarios #choi san #choi san fluff #san angst #gang au #ateez smut #choi san smut

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phantomdoofer · 7 months

Text

Chapter 6: Ad essere onesti

Giuseppe walked slowly through the small town that had popped up around Peppino's pizzeria and the NTV tower since Pizzahead's fall. His agents were spread out, discreetly keeping an eye on the few people he was worried about. So far, they'd not reported anything unusual - other than the biggest Peppino clone chasing the Noise into NTV. The residents didn't seem to know how to respond to Giuseppe - some greeted him cautiously, others eyed him suspiciously. A few seemed like they wanted to take a swing at him, but thought better of it.

He looked around, surprised at what he saw. This is actually pretty nice - populated, but quiet. I think I'll like living here. He'd thought about seeing if he could track down Anita, but she'd made it very clear the last time they spoke she wanted to be alone. The thought stabbed him in the heart, as it always did. After Gustavo died, her heart broke. So did mine. She'd left the force not long after, and disappeared into the wild like she'd said she wanted to.

Giuseppe hoped she was still alive.

Suddenly someone slapped him in the back of the head. Che diavolo-?

"Hey, fat man, you out for a walk?" a sneering voice spoke behind him. "Finally decided to-"

Noise squeaked like a rubber ducky as Giuseppe wrapped a hand around his neck and lifted him off the ground. "Eeep," he managed to work through the iron grip.

Giuseppe gave him his most malicious grin. "You must be that one Peppino mentioned. The Noise."

"Ygs," Noise gargled. Oh crap, this guy's not Peppino! This guy's gonna use me for a chew toy!

"You seem to be mistaken. I'm his brother, Giuseppe. I'll be moving here soon. We may look alike, but I'm not my brother. I suggest you remember that. I may not play so...nice."

Noise squeaked again. Peppino didn't play nice with him at all. It cost him a lot of money to keep getting his teeth replaced.

About that time, an official-looking Cheeseslime oozed up. "There a problem here, sir?

Giuseppe looked down at the Cheeseslime. This one wore boots, gloves, a badge, and a cowboy hat, and had a hard look in his eyes. In fact, one of his eyes was focused on him, with a cross-hair design that looked very familiar. He smiled. "No, sir, no problem. Just a little case of mistaken identity." He released the Noise, who gasped. "Isn't that right, sir?"

Noise nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah, definitely. I was just saying sorry. Later, Vigi!" he called over his shoulder as he ran off.

Vigi looked up at Giuseppe. "You do look mighty like Peppino." He left the sentence hanging, and Giuseppe let it hang. Finally, Vigi huffed, then grinned. "You look like you could fold 'im up like a pretzel, 'stead of just knocking his teeth in. The Noise can be a problem, I apologize. But try not to hurt 'im too much, eh?"

Giuseppe smiled back. He understood perfectly. "Absolutely, officer, sorry it came to that. He took me by surprise, that's all. No harm intended."

Vigi nodded. "Good, good. Heard you say you were movin' here? We got lots of places bein' built. Glad to have you here, long as you don't cause trouble." He handed him a pamphlet. "Here's some suggestions if you don't already know."

"Thank you, Sheriff. I already have some prospects, but I'll keep this in mind." Giuseppe saluted by reflex.

Vigi saluted back. "Another war vet, eh? I was too young, but my pappy was in it. He didn't come back." He shook his head. "You lookin' for work? I could use skilled people like you. We don't have many trained yet."

"Thank you, but no, I'm looking to retire," Giuseppe said, "perhaps I could give your men some pointers."

"All right," Vigi said. "You change yer mind, you let me know." He saluted again and walked off.

Giuseppe saluted back and smiled. Not a bad guy. He looked at the brochure. It looked basic, but had a surprising amount of info - housing, restaurants, the works. Everything a new resident would need. That Noise character may own a lot of this, but somebody else who really loves this place made this.

He pocketed the brochure and kept walking. Have to make sure to get back to Peppino's tonight, don't want to miss this...

~~~~

Peppino plopped the mop into the bucket and wiped the sweat from the top of his head with a towel. Done. Drying time, then I can head home. He sat down. On Saturdays he closed the shop and did a thorough cleaning and inventory - cleaned the oven, the windows, the freezer, the surfaces. We do that during the week, too, but... Peppino didn't want to admit that he really didn't have much to do outside of work. He'd never had time, or money. His pizzeria was his life. Now he actually had free time occasionally. But for what? He worked with his best friend. His love life had been dead since before he was in the Army. He didn't have any hobbies other than trying out new recipes, and he was in a bit of a rut on that front lately. He patted his belly and snorted. I'd start running, but there's not enough road around here for me to get up to a speed that would be meaningful. And I'd probably break a treadmill. That's the problem with having special abilities - sometimes they get in the way!

He glanced down - the floor was dry already. He hopped down and carried the mop and bucket to the back to dump before he left. Maybe Gustavo's up to something interesting. He glanced out the window - Noisette's Cafe, newly built across the street, was open. Since Peppino's was closed, it was bustling. Maybe I should try the food there. Then he remembered Vigilante telling him about some of Noisette's more interesting "ideas," and thought better of it.

As he turned to go to the back, someone knocked on the door. "Sorry, we're-a closed! We'll open at eleven tomorrow," he called loudly over his shoulder.

They knocked again. Oh per l'amor del cielo. "I'm SORRY but we're CLOSED!"

Knock knock knock

"FIGLIO DI PUTTANA!" Peppino roared, "can't you-a read the-!"

He turned around. Giuseppe was standing outside, holding a plastic bag, making a key-turning motion, and grinning hugely.

Peppino slammed his mouth shut, unlocked the door, and let his brother in, locking the door back behind him.

Giuseppe set the bag down. "Haven't heard that one since Anita left the force," he said with a grin. "I found a place over on the other side of town that makes a respectable Chicken Tikka Marsala. Thought you might like to share."

Peppino was surprised. He was planning on eating at home, but... "Well, if you're offering."

They ate for several minutes in companionable silence, the spicy sauce gently burning on the tongue. Their bellies full, Giuseppe sat back. "Took a walk around this little town today. I think I like it."

Peppino quirked an eyebrow. "I would've-a thought your people would've told you everything you need to know."

Giuseppe chuckled. "My 'people' are mostly kids, fresh out of training. Good people, smart, but most of them are green. They're too busy looking for threats, so they miss small stuff. And I like to look myself." He spun his finger in a circle. "Most of the experienced ones are out looking for Pizzahead right now. In fact, that's part of why I'm here. They're making an announcement about it today - in a few minutes, in fact. And the big one about the clones, too."

Peppino's stomach clenched a bit. Should I really be worried? The people around here already know about me and Fake. But... "I hope they're-a prepared for what happens after."

Giuseppe sighed. "They've made plans, but it'll never be enough. I think it'll mainly be a few firebrands that cause trouble though, and most of them were already being observed. Riots, maybe, protests definitely. All the clones are under protective watch until things calm down." He looked outside, and rubbed the side of his leg, where Peppino realized a wicked-looking pistol was hostered. "I wanted to be here with you... just in case."

Peppino's eyes bulged a bit. "You don't mean to...?"

Giuseppe looked down and laughed. "Oh, no. This is a little something R&D cooked up. Knock out anything from a Cheeseslime to a pissed-off Ogre in three seconds if you know how to use it." He patted it. "We try to keep it non-lethal when we can."

Peppino relaxed. I still have a lot to learn about him. And how much is he allowed to tell? "You said it would-a be on soon? Which channel?" He moved to turn the TV on.

"National News should have the clearest coverage," Giuseppe said. "But they'll all be there. This is a big one."

Just as Peppino turned the power on, he heard "-tional News special report." Good timing. He sat back down, both watching intently.

An elderly general walked to a podium. Giuseppe grinned. "Old General Grey," he said, "I thought he retired. He was in charge of our program back during the war. Guess he insisted on being the one to break it." He leaned back, crossing his arms. "I don't like him much, but he'll tell it straight."

The old general cleared his throat. "Good afternoon. A few months ago, many of you may have heard of the incident known as the Pizza Tower. While this incident was resolved by a group of private citizens, we have had it, and it's owner, under investigation for several years." He cleared his throat again. "Many of you have now heard allegations that one of these citizens encountered several individuals in the Tower that appeared to be clones. While the process involved in the creation of these beings was flawed, we have decided to reveal that cloning is an actual, usable technology."

The room started to erupt in questions, but the General held up a hand. "Please hold all questions until I have concluded."

They quieted down.

"Thank you. Cloning technology is a form of Old Technology that is quite rare. Thirty years ago, the decision was made to use this technology in conjunction with military training to create a special forces program for this nation. The details are as follows..."

Peppino listened raptly as the General outlined the whole sordid thing: kidnappings, cloning, espionage, and military operations, especially their involvement in the War. The number of clones measured in the hundreds, with more suspected elsewhere.

"...we would like to emphasize that these cloned individuals are considered citizens of this nation, with all the rights and restrictions of a natural-born individual. All the cloned individuals in question have already been briefed on their origins and nature. While we will not be releasing their names for privacy reasons, we leave it to them whether they will reveal their origins. The program in question was disbanded after the last war, and no clones have been produced by our government since. We deeply regret this violation of rights and trust, and will continue to work to make amends for what was deemed, at the time, a necessary evil."

Giuseppe growled. "No offense General, but you can't give us our lives back. Or bring back the ones we lost." He twisted the leather bracelet on his wrist.

The General flipped the sheaf of papers in front of him. "Now, the owner of the Tower, a Ninda individual named Pizzahead, is wanted for questioning on several disappearances. He has also been documented performing various acts considered crimes against sapiency, and as such has formally been declared a terrorist and war criminal. A search for this individual is ongoing by elements of both police forces and our Special Operations branch. We are offering rewards for any information on this individual, and will be glad for any report of his appearance anyone may have." He stood straighter. "Make no mistake. This is a highly unstable individual. He is considered armed and extremely dangerous. If seen, report to either your local police, or a local military branch if possible. We will provide more information when the situation has developed. I will now take any questions you may have."

As the press room exploded with voices, Peppino turned to Giuseppe. "Just like that, the secret's out," Giuseppe said. He looked out the windows - Noisette's Cafe was well lit, and obviously busy. "You want to step across the way and see how people are taking it?"

Peppino hesitated, but nodded. Between the two of us, we should be able to handle any problems. He stood up, turned off the TV, locked up the shop, and together they crossed the street to the Cafe.

"After you," Giuseppe gestured.

Peppino opened the door, and the smell of coffee and new paint struck him. The cafe was full, mostly with Tower residents. In fact, he saw both Vigilante and Pepperman there. Wonder when he got back. Everyone was staring raptly at the TVs on the wall. Noisette saw Peppino, and rushed from behind the counter.

"Oh, Peppino! Did you hear? They made an announcment about the Tower being investigated! And Pizzahead's wanted! I hope they find him! It sounds so scary! I didn't know about any of that! And all that talk about clones, do you think -" she stopped as Giuseppe stepped in. Her mouth formed a perfect "O" of surprise. "Oh, Peppino, I guess you already knew. First the ones in the Tower, and now this! You have another clone!"

Oh Mio Dio, I guess we're doing this now. Peppino scratched his head and smiled nervously. "A-actually Noisette...I'm-a the clone. This is the original me, Giuseppe."

The cafe went quiet. Vigi jumped down and walked over. He looked up at Giuseppe. "I thought you two looked mighty alike. Thought maybe Peppino had a brother he didn't mention."

Giuseppe cleared his throat. "Really, I consider Peppino my brother. Most of us do. I couldn't mention it til after the announcement." He held out a hand. "Nice to actually meet you."

The Cheeseslime shook his hand. He looked thoughtful.

Pepperman rushed over to the two, making both jump a bit. A giant bell pepper rushing at you could unnerve anyone. "Peppino! This business is so... unsettling! Clones everywhere! You're a clone!" He gasped. "They said Pizzahead did a great deal of cloning, more than even we knew. What if he cloned...us?"

Many of the patrons whispered in agreement. Rather than his own clone status, they seemed more worried about Pizzahead and his shenanigans. Guess I shouldn't be surprised. These guys have seen a lot of weird shit already, just having lived in the tower.

Giuseppe stepped forward and raised his hands. "Just want to remind you there's a major investigation going on. Be sure to report to your local officers. It's very important you provide any information you can, no matter how unimportant it might seem. Pizzahead is dangerous. If any of you notice anything unusually suspicious, report it immediately."

Giuseppe sat down at a vacant table, and Peppino joined him. "Nice-a speech. Did you plan that?"

"No. Just had too much practice. Glad they're reacting well. I bet it's not so quiet elsewhere."

Peppino nodded, as patrons approached them with questions and reports.

Pizzahead has the government on him now. It's only a matter of time.

~~~~

Elsewhere, in a dark room, a crumpled figure watched the report condemning Pizzahead. They reached out with a remote, and flicked off the screen.

"Guess it's a good thing we hid, isn't it?" Strange, grotesque figures huddled around them. One of them made a questioning sound.

"No, not yet. We don't want to ruin the surprise."

#peppino pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #peppino #pizza tower fanfic #pizza tower au #pizzatower #pizza tower #pizzahead #noisette #pepperman #giuseppe spaghetti #the vigilante #tower town au

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udon-udon · 4 months

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anyway, depresso vent post again

not sure if it's just a coinkidink but god, i've been getting depresso BEFORE my pre-period PMS which sucks cause i get twice the depresso come on man wtf

but anyway, idk things have been triggering me a lot lately and idk if it's cause of the stress of all the things i have to do + lack of art career direction + seeing everyone advance and im not advancing/feeling like im being left behind + the stress from work + internal battles and issues i haven't solved yet that i keep gaslighting myself that i've solved but clearly they are not solved + the existing family issues. I feel like yeah most likely that's causing my additional wave of depresso but i also hate that it just comes out of nowhere. I was pumped and all cause I started going to the gym and then suddenly i'm like falling to the floor help ive fallen and can't get up.

i'm also not much of a crier, i hate crying simply cause it takes a lot of energy so i don't really cry much unless im super frustrated or wtvr, but i've been finding myself wanting to cry more so than ever, starting from a few months ago????? I still try not to cause i hate crying, but theres always that tight feeling in my throat like i want to cry u know. And yes, I know crying it out is good for you, but ugh.

I also have been yet again putting a shit ton of more stuff on my plate than I should be what's new, and that's also causing stress as well cause I want to do so many things but I obviously don't have the time for it. I'm still slowly chipping away at my art commissions and I planned on having them done by Feb 1 but i dont think that's gonna happen.... But after art commissions is art print grind cause I need to overhaul my old anime convention art prints... And then I had the idea of creating a side brand that sells only udon related merch (so less anime, and more cute) and because it's a whole new brand, there's a lot of effort/designing/money to be put in and.... that's... more things to do in so little time. Why do I do this to myself. I still really want to do it though!!!! But at what cost, udon... at what cost....

And of course, seeing people be successful makes me feel down cause I don't have what they have and they have what I want yada yada insert pitiful stuff. I'm happy for these people but obvs i can't help but be envious and my brain being like "you're never gonna be enough/never gonna get what they have" and then i want to stab a knife in my brain hello. It's hard to see my own successes when I keep looking at other people's successes, which sucks, cause I've done a lot of cool things, but I keep unregistering them because it's not my ideal success or something idk

Also I think what mostly triggered this month's mood swing is seeing/feeling that someone's leaving me (?) Seeing someone I enjoy being with happier/enjoying someone else's company more. And I'm being totally irrational with that because ofc there are so many other factors. I can't control what other people feel/do and I'm not the center of the universe!!! But in this/that moment it makes me feel like I'm not enough, that I'm boring or wtvr, not loved. And we all know how much I struggle with that 🤪 basically my abandonment issues kicking in, but also my brain being really irrational

I guess this month's theme is I feel like I'm not enough :' ) and also way too many things on my plate yet again, and the stress that I kind of forgot during the December holiday catching back up to me again :)

#personal #i want to become a shut in......

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cyberdragoninfinity · 10 months

Note

Could we get lil guy Flip Turner for the character ask meme?

FLIPPP ok this'll be the last one of these I'll do for now; i love chattering about characters but i did like 20 so far and my brain's turning a bit to soup HDFHGDSF honored you guys wanna hear my ygo thoughts so much!!

First impression

Impression now: god i fucking love Flip. I said this when I was talking about Lester but i LOVE when a yugioh character is just a tiny bastard. a Little Fucker of all time. I like that he got CHARACTER GROWTH?!? he is really just part of the friend group from like episode 5 onwards and it's awesome. I love that he's just a fuckign dweeb who's like "im nice now I don't cheat or scheme anymore" and then something happens and hes immediately like "3am back for more cheats and schemes" and this happens like 4 times. he died and went to hell. he got better. the dub really just named him Flip Turner. s-tier.

Favorite moment: WHEN HE BUILT THE LITTLE MEMORIAL FOR ASTRAL I WAS FUCKING FLOORED. SLASH POS. he really cares a lot about his little friend group Astral included and it's sooo sweet ;__; this kid was GRIEVING!!!!

Idea for a story: Flip agrees to help moderate Cathy's Warrior Cats RP forum but the power immediately goes to his head and he starts swinging the ban hammer down on anyone who annoys him. Antics ensue.

Unpopular opinion: I LIKE HIM. HE'S FUNNY. HIS DESIGN IS VERY VERY SILLYGOOD.

Favorite relationship: really just his place within Yuma's little friend circle is so sweet...feels very real to the Middle School Experience. I hung out with a lot of Flips when i was 13 beheheheh. Also I specifically like his dynamic with Caswell....dweebs who are probably dating.

Favorite headcanon: HMM TRYIN TO THINK IF I HAVE ANY FLIP HEADCANONS YET I feel like he chronically cheats at any game he places, not just duel monsters. If he was on Neopets he would be running like 4 accounts to cheat the stock market and rank up Neopoints to wire over to his main. He'd like Kacheeks.

#REALLY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST YGO GUYS. AND YOU HAVE HIM FOR THE LONG HAUL #ygo posting #asks #anonymous

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haveihitanerve · 2 months

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“So..” hazard grinned, leaning down to look his 5 year old niece in the eye. “Are you ready?” “for what?” Penelope asked, her hands swinging at her side. “Im gonna teach you something very special.” hazard said, smiling down at her. Phillipe, 7, snorted. “Yeah right. Is this gonna be like that time you brought us twelve puppies from the overland and mum and dad were very upset?” he asked, hands on his hips. “Noooo. And besides you got to keep those!” he shot back. Phillipe rolled his eyes, gently pushing his 2 year old brother james away as the baby tried to crawl into his lap where he was playing with race cars. “Im gonna teach you a dance.” hazard said, clapping when no one seemed interested. “Dance?” Wolf came waddling over to where his twin was standing. Sophie just rolled her eyes, (very opinionated for a 6 year old in hazards opinion, and very much like her mother) and kept on reading her book. Fred and charlie stopped wrestling though, and looked up. “What kinda dance?’ they asked in the clipped language that was a mix between gregor's overland drawl, which was more underlander by the day, and the underlanders clipped speech. “Its a special dance from the overland.” boots said, standing in the hallway. “Parents only teach it to those few special kids. Like yourselves.” she came over and squatted next to her boyfriend, still in Regalia Uniform as designated peacespeaker guard. (hazards title. So his guard) She turned and gave him a wink to which he grinned and turned back to his nieces and nephews. “You wanna learn it?” “yeah!” the younger ones yelled. Phillipe and sophie exchanged a glance before sighing and walking over. “Sure.” Hazard grinned mischievously. “Alright, well it starts with-”

“YOU PUT YOUR HAND IN!”

“Hazard!”

“YOU TAKE YOUR HAND OUT!”

“Don't blame me! Boots got them on board!”

“YOU PUT YOUR HAND IN!”

“Boots!”

“AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT!”

“ What!? It was hazards plan!”

“YOU DO THE HOCKEY POKEY!”

“So?!!?!? Oh sandwich they wont stop singing!”

“AND YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND!”

“They're spreading it to the other kids!”

“THATS WHATS ITS ALL ABOUT!”

“Yessss. Our plan worked hazard high-”

“YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN”

“Oh godric…”

“YOU TAKE YOUR LEFT HAND OUT!”

“And how do you think howard is going to like coming home after a stressful one month trip to find his three year old daughter screaming - “AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT!” at the top of her lungs?”

“yOU DO THE HOCKEY POKEY”

“Hahaha…. Oh.”

“AND YOU TURN YOURSELF ABOUT!”

“Mhm.”

“THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!”

“Oh im sure they love that you reminded them of how loud and eager the young Pandora can be Gregor.”

“YOU PUT YOUR FOOT IN!”

“Yes. Im sure they wanted a reminder. You know, i think howards scheduled to arrive here at the docks in a few minutes. Care to join us?”

“YOU TAKE YOUR FOOT OUT!”

“Will they ever stop?!?!”

“YOU PUT YOUR FOOT IN!”

“Oh yes brother, i would be ever so pleased if you and boots would join us and explain to him first hand why his daughter knows the “hokey pokey.”

“AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT!”

“Its gregor fault! He taught it to me!”

“YOU DO THE HOCKEY POKEY!”

“Hey thats low hazard. Thats low.”

“AND YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND!”

“Boots?”

“THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!”

“Run.”

“YOU PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN!”

“Lets get ‘em.”

“YOU TAKE YOUR LEFT FOOT OUT!”

“Will they ever stop, and Gregor….. Give them at least five minutes.”

“YOU PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT!

“hehehe oh they are so dead.”

“YOU DO THE HOCKEY POKEY AND YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND! THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!”

#the underland chronicles #gregor the overlander #tuc #gregor and luxa #hazard the halflander #pincess boots #queen luxa #you know it happens #hazard just has to teach gregors kids the hockey pockey #its a requirement #gotta embarrass the brother-in-law amiright

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yourlocalnicknackkinnie · 2 years

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Character Bingo: Nick Nack (HP:MS)

@dolly-royal @omggypsyesmeraldathings-blog (I know you asked for Riley too but I'm making it a separate post since its the same character :3 )

Alrighty lets begin (It's gonna be very long because I've got a lot of things to say about him)

They are so cool looking

I gotta admit, he looks very cool. Even tho some prople say he looks like James Charles (Which I STRONGLY disagree) I love his design. I personally like his clothes, the man has drip. Heck, I literally painted a white blazer for a cosplay but now I just wear it when I'm not in cosplay anymore. I also like his facial structure since it gave me a challenge to draw him before but now I've gone used too it. (I can go on and on)

Everyone but me is wrong about them

Ok, so this is just a little joke (I do believe in other people's headcanons about him) but I would make this joke of "As a Nick Nack Kinnie, he would defiantly do that" if there's something that I think he would do.

Wasted Potential

Ik hes in the prequel but he could have more potential in the first game too (Since his model was already made). I think that Nick could've been in the tea party with Mortimer and Riley at the end instead of Kathy. (IDK but stillll)

If they were real I would be afraid of them

Ok, maybe a little startled but still- I mean, he's a puppet that wants a human as his host. But I headcanon that when you say that he's your favorite, he'll stop, cry and just be nicer to you. (Since he doesn't want to harm a fan)

They are deeper then they seem

for some reason I feel like there's something more about Nick that we don't know. The fact that he might have the urge not hunt for Owen and his urge to do it is strange but maybe there's more context in the game when its realesed.

They got done DIRTY by fans

So one time I tried to look how far the fandom has got. So every fandom has R34 art so I decided to type it in on google and OH I REGRET MY DECISION. I found a Nick Nack one- (IDK if that counts tho but still)

Didn't get enough screen time

This applies for the first game. like- we only see him in the shadows and that's it.

I want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog

Well kinda, I don't own any handbags but I wanna put him in a back pack instead with him poking out of it. If i had a Nick Nack puppet i would put him in there, let him poke out of it and go out with him like that for aesthetic purposes (And probably comfort reasons as well).

Nothing I like about them is technically canon

Another joke one. I do like things that are canon but I like to come up with headcanons to make me like him more than usual.

Why do they look like that

I don't mean his Midnight show ver. I meant his model that was supposed to be in the first game. What happened to his eyes? Where his is little beard thingy? (I headcanon that the eyes are supposed to be a mechanism that was added in later. like Puppet contact lenses I guess. it was later added because it wasn't in the blue prints so it was just a last minute idea Owen came up with)

Im mentally ill about them

Help, my mind is all about him now- send help (JK)

Wow... they are LITERALLY me!

Yep, that's me (As my username says it) I relate to him a lot. from my interests to maybe personality. heck I made a list of it and there's a lot of things I kin him that its scary. Ex. liking arts, having mood swings, being a tea person, likes to sing (the difference is that I think my voice sounds horrible) and more things-

They've never done anything wrong in their life <33

Ok, Ok maybe he has done some thing wrong in his life but at least he has the urge to not kill us-

So that's all for now. I could make a headcanon post about him on here (Pls reblog or comment down if you want something like this cause I have a lot of headcanons for Nick and plus I love making this kinds of posts)

#hello puppets #nick nack #hello puppets midnightshow #character opinion bingo #headcanon

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northernember · 4 months

Text

Concept art of my FE3H!Red Queen au, starting with Cal as Dimitri of course. If you want to bare witness to my insane rambling, it'll be under the read more. FE3H spoiler warning.

So,,, I recently started another fire emblem 3 houses play through, and will probably go on to finish 3 hopes finally afterwards, but its brought the brainrot back in full swing. I have a general gist of who i want the main lords to be and a few of the house members but uh,, its a lot lmao.

The main ones I have set in my mind are Mare as Byleth, Cal as Dimitri, Maven as Edelgard and Farley as Claude, not only because I think they fit the characters best, but because I think it adds very interesting dynamics in terms of the fire emblem universe.

I absolutely adore Areadbhar, which is Dimitri's weapon, but I also love the very traumatic relationship Cal has with swords so I decided to design a sword based on the creator weapons. These line of weapons can only be safely wielded by those who have crests, and theyre made out of the bones of the goddess, the creator, the beginning,,

so i naturally kept that in mind and designed the sword based off the forearm bones and hand. Ignore all anatomical inaccuracies, its about the coolness factor more than anything.

Cal as Dimitri is just so [chef's kiss] to me, esp after getting that excerpt about Cal going insane in one of the cut concepts from the special edition set,,, it just slots so immediately well into dimitri's arc because they share very similar character motifs and tropes, and also general story tropes, their father dies, their step-mother had a hand in it, they're betrayed by their sibling. but at the end of it, when they come back to themselves and shed that anger they still try and Save their sibling etc etc.

Theyre loyal and duty bond, they were turned into soldiers from a very young age. Their ability is inherently destructive and it makes them more gentle out of fear of hurting anyone around them. they are generally kind and sincere, being deemed weaker due to the way they care and love, with something darker lurking just beneath the surface, but not because they are not who they present but because they are ashamed of what it means, of that part of themselves.

Until everything falls apart and they snap and are driven by anger and vengeance and use their ability to inflict harm that nothing else could ever rival.

And then once they are soaked through with blood, and see themselves in the reflection, their vision clear of that blinding anger, and a hand held out, granting them hope and showing them love and care, they vow to use their ability and and influence to protect their loved ones, and the people around them. they promise to uphold their beliefs and make things Better for those that come after them. im just,,, i love them your honor

Also the fact that in every other route where Byleth(Mare) does not choose Dimitri(Cal)'s house, he always ends up dead, because no one else is able to bring him back to himself, to save him from spiraling further and further until the only path he treads is towards a violent and bloody end, only they can make him believe he is worth saving, that his life is worth living for himself and not just in the pursuit of granting the violent wishes of the dead that haunt him.

And at the end of the blue lions route Dimitri(Cal) finds peace, not in vengeance, not in the arms of the dead, but in the people still living, in the support system that surrounds him, and in Byleth(Mare), he chooses to live for them, and lead a better life, and in the hope that maybe one day the water that washes his hands will run clear of blood.

I am a Marecal and Dimileth truther forever and always

Anyways this au is in no way fleshed out, mainly cause Im the kinda person that simply adheres to whatever is coolest to me at the time, so i don't know if I want to have Cal keep Dimitri's crest which grants Incredible strength (enough to crush a grown mans skull with little effort, one handed) or make a Crest that acts similarly to his sliver ability.

I just,, I love these games, and I love these books and so my brain decides to smush them together for the rabie inducing visuals. I hope you enjoy

#red queen #glass sword #kings cage #war storm #broken throne #red queen series #cal calore #tiberias vii calore #my art #for later search purposes #fe3h/rq au #i want to eventually to a full fledged piece for cal as dimitri #but i want to do some concept art to get an idea on how i want him to look #in the fe3h universe #especially his weapon

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jbt7493 · 11 months

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can you imagine. all the impracticality of a chainsaw-sword, but an axe. it'd be even worse. how awesome is that.

under the cut is like literally more than a dozen paragraphs of me being autistic about combat choreography despite having no actual filmmaking experience or even really watching many movies. in fact i think it is quite likely i am just wrong about some of what im talking about; however i like reasoning about things even if i dont know what im talking about.

cause like okay the chainsaw sword tends to be stout and short, and often has a large handle because like. Engine for the thing to do the chainsawing bit. so it ends up having an unsatisfying sense of movement when used to slice

obviously since it's a chainsaw you end up having an idea of just smacking it into somebody and then getting that nice little 'beat' before it rips through them in a burst of gore (interesting parallel in choreography between this and the classic samurai clash)

but because the design of the chainsaw sword tends on the shorter side and the visual balance also leans toward a shorter and stouter image, you don't get a very large or fast 'swing', and the business end of the weapon has less emphasis.

you might have to place more visual weight on the person wielding it (a bulky armor suit or a huge mecha, for example), and you'll definitely need to make their movement carry more of the weight, maybe with them making exaggerated two handed swings or charging into their opponent.

they'll need to make bigger movements in a fight because your focus is more on them instead of on their weapon, and a back-and-forth of parrying and circling won't work visually like it would with rapiers or katanas because you're not looking at the space between the two fighters.

the axe is a weapon which also places a lot of weight in a single spot, both in the real world and visually in its choreography, but that weight is on the business end, not toward the handle. when a character uses a big axe or hammer, you're still paying more attention to the space between them and the target.

my analysis on the axe and hammer arent as informed and i already barely watch any actual movies so this is basically purely theory. but like. you have the visual weight more at the end, and while you don't necessarily have to do the thing where a huge lumbering barbarian swings once every three seconds, you're not going to see something that's visually heavier move as quickly as the swords would, if you want the fight to look balanced.

with a normal perspective, though, you can still have quick repeated swings without having too much movement; just have them swing the weapon side to side instead of up and down, and it'll be moving toward or away from the camera but in the same spot. this will make the axe wielder feel more static- the negative space between two swordsmen moves quickly as their swords flash up and down, in and out. the axe head being visually larger than a sword's blade means that when the axe is being used to make horizontal strikes perpendicular to the perspective, it will occupy a consistent space.

the fact that the axe's blade, and thus its visual weight, is at the end also changes the space they occupy; it lends itself toward the moment of a big swing missing and giving the opponent an opening, because while the sword's weight is somewhat balanced, with the axe you've now gotten between the wielder and the weapon, and have occupied the space they were controlling, which moves less quickly than with the sword.

while with the sword you can have the samurai beat where two swords clash, they move past each other, and then one explodes, with the axe, the greater bulk of the blade removes the plausibility of that 'phantom' cut, and the weight means you're more focused on each hit. a heavily wounded barbarian continuing to rage in combat is encouraged even more by this, because the dichotomy of the weapon theyre using and the weapons of their opponents means that it looks good as the barbarian makes a huge swing with their heavy weapon and takes a small cut.

the trait of the axe where the opponent can get inside of its reach, the balance of its design, and the stereotype associated with the axe as a weapon for a strong brute character encourage the use of non-weapon attacks as well, along with the value of simply having more novelty in your choreography. if the barbarian makes a heavy swing, you don't want to move the axe again too quickly, or else you lose the sense of heft. let them take a step forward and throw a punch, changing the focus to them and letting them occupy the same space as the axe for a moment so they can take over its visual weight before picking it up and continuing with it.

the chainsword too encourages non weapon attacks. another reason, which also applies to the axe as mentioned, is that any successful hit from the chainsword is more significant. if you want to keep the scene going, mix in some attacks that do less damage. the chainsword often features not only a knuckle guard but a viciously spiked one. of course, the spikes don't make it do more damage, but they make the viewer expect the user to throw a punch with it. and they look cool. the chainsword also encourages close quarter combat because it's a short weapon. since it doesn't 'move' visually much on it's own when swung, the user must move for it, and it's more interesting to work that charge into a shoulder charge or a kick to the stomach that will stagger the enemy.

but discussing the axe vs the chainsword, you find something similar in terms of choreography, but the axe is simply more dynamic, and is significantly heavier. the chain-axe, then, is simply *more*. an axe for an even greater brute, that.. well, actually, it doesnt necessarily encourage more of the barbarian outside of simply the prior stereotype; while the chainsword shares the incentive to CQC with the axe, it doesnt really encourage the 'berserk' as much, since it lacks that distance between the threat and the user and the weight that disincentivizes moving too quickly which leads to creating more moments of weakness after any given strike

in fact.. the movement in which the two samurai clash and slide past each other (not necessarily the blood explosion kind, just any), or just binding swords, works because you're usually mostly focused on the swords and the space between the two fighters, and then you're creating that switched-beat, reinforcing rhythm and tempo, by swapping the motion and the focus toward them for a second. their swords bind and stop moving as they grapple, and the focus becomes them for a moment, still. they swap from a quick dance and both make a heavy swing, using their own movement in addition to that of the sword to add to its emphasis. they both move toward the center, the space previously occupied by their flashing swords, which neatly compresses it into nothingness and turning them into the focus. as they step past each other, they stop for a moment. both recover from the clash, and since they moved across the center, they must turn around to face each other again. the dance pauses, they take a breath, and continue.

of course, since the sword is 'lighter' and doesnt do as much damage, they also can accumulate hits. and since it's their sword, not them, that occupies the focus, an attack hitting them doesnt necessarily feel as significant. hence, i guess, the value of the clash, beat, then the wound opens; as mentioned, it turns them into the focus instead of the space between them where their swords clash. thus their wound gains more emphasis; it isnt them taking a little scratch during their fencing, it's them, the focus of the scene, being wounded, and not only is it emphasized because they become the focus, it's also emphasized by the brief moment of respite after their clash, because now that wound is the only action happening.

the chainsword can't do things like that for a couple reasons. since it's short and the weight and focus are *shared* with the user, the negative space between them as they clash swords isn't conjured at all, meaning that closing it can't swap the flow of the dance and turn them into the focus where they weren't before. plus, since it's a slow and blunt weapon which needs to *hit* them, *then* take a moment to saw through them, you certainly can't have that clash/beat/explode. the damage is inflicted during a beat after the hit, so it can't exchange like a sword or like an axe. the axe is instant, the sword can be subtle. but the chainsword can only do damage during a *bind*.

the chainsword also discourages the berserker that fights on while taking small cuts, because they're the visual focus. both the sword and axe draw focus off of their body and allow a wound to appear minor, but the chainsword maintains focus on their body.

i think the chain-axe maintains the advantages of the chainsword but allows those advantages to exist inside the choreographic framework of the axe instead. the chain becomes purely an adjective on what is still fundamentally an axe for the fight, while in the case of the chainsword the choreography is in fact different from that of the sword.

it becomes an axe with an excuse to produce a gore fountain a dozen times higher than a normal axe, and its aesthetic traits are distinct. normally the axe can only have a moment of respite similar to the bind of a sword either because a heavy swing has stuck it in something or because the opponent got within its range and the axe-wielder is cross-checking them defensively. in both of these situations the axe wielder is passive. the chain-axe doesnt prevent this, but it lets them also take an aggressive position inside of the bind.

instead of being stuck inside an opponent's shield and needing to yank their axe out, there can be a moment of pause before the saw revs up and starts to rip through the shield toward the opponent's hand. likewise, normally the axe requires a big visually satisfying swing to do damage and, due to its distant blade from the handle, cannot be used in close quarters. thus during a bind the axe wielder must use a secondary weapon (including natural weapons). the chain-axe can still do that as well, but their weapon doesnt require a swing to do damage, and if they shove the enemy back during the bind they can rev the axe up and saw into them with it from the grappling position.

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