weird thought: I think if I was a teenager now (or anytime in the last decade or so) I think I would have written (and read!) a lot more fanfic than I did in reality, where I was a teenager in the 90s.

See, I've never been hugely into fanfic. Never had anything against it exactly, but it just wasn't something I was into. But I think that has to do with an interesting combination of how my brain works and what time I was first really getting into being a fan.

I've got a "librarian" brain (I'm literally typing this from within a library, WHERE I WORK). It wants to know things like "what are all the works in this series/by this creator?" and "are they all accessible?" and "what info is available about how it was made?"

I'm the kind of person who will watch a show then go look it up on wikipedia to see how many seasons it has, who made it, if they're still making it, check tvtropes for any more info, etc. Or I hear a song I like by a band I've never heard of, so I go listen to their entire discography while researching them. I just focus on things I'm into that way, you know? I don't half-ass my interest. (this is probably related to my autism, of course)

So what does this have to do with fanfic? like, do I go read some fanfics as part of this process? No, and I think the reason for it is when I specifically first got into fandom, as a teen.

See, this sort of fandom-librarian was harder to do in 1997, you know? You couldn't just pull up the wikipedia for that new show and see how many episodes it had. You also couldn't just listen to the whole discography of that band! Forget Spotify or Google Music, even Napster didn't exist yet.

So my interest in fandom focused a lot more on very basic questions: How many episodes/albums/books/whatever are there? Where can I see/hear them all? Like, I remember getting excited because I found some fan magazine that had a list of all the Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes. Just a list! Not even descriptions or anything. I finally could take that list and see how many I'd seen, so I'd know when I saw them all in late-night reruns.

So I'm focusing on these very basic parts of being a fandom-librarian and I stumble across some fanfic. I'm like "oh, is this a transcript of an episode I haven't seen yet?" and I realize it's not, it's a story written by a fan, and I get a knee-jerk reaction of "that's not helpful to my quest to know and find all the episodes". It's like I am on a quest for the holy grail and I found a fake cup. It's not helpful to me, and at worst it's a distraction from my goal.

And the thing is, I think the fact I had that reaction is entirely due to the time and situation in which I first encountered fanfic. It was in that environment of "I can't even find a list of the episodes, let alone a way to watch them all!" and that anxiety that colored my response to finding fanfic.

I think if I instead was first introduced to fanfic NOW, where those fandom-librarian drives aren't so difficult to fulfill, I'd be way more positive about fanfic. If I could get a list of episodes with a quick google search, and watch them easily on netflix/prime/whatever, I'd be less "THIS DOESN'T HELP! I AM STRUGGLING WITH THE BASICS HERE!" and more "yay, more content for the fandom I'm obsessed with!"

Like I said, I'm not anti-fanfic, I never have been, I just never got into it. From the beginning I had this reaction that was "this is not useful" and I never developed any real interest in it. Which is a shame, honestly. Fanfic is great. It just never became one of my interests, and while I've written it and read it from time to time, I imagine I'd be way more into it if I didn't have the weird reaction to it due to the worries of the time in which I first encountered it.

I don't know how many other people have brains that work anything like mine, but if they exist, I'm glad they're now growing up in a world where they won't have these problems. They can get into fanfic without this weird baggage caused by a lack of information.

a difference between the experience of reading the natsuyuu manga and watching the anime which is only interesting to me is that there's no distinction between special chapters and regular ones in the anime. the reason i find that interesting is that the specials are, so far in my reread, the only chapters that spend any time completely outside of natsume's POV. when we see other characters' perspectives in regular chapters, it's typically part of an extended monologue or a memory being transmitted to natsume, so we're still not really leaving his perspective. the only times we leave his POV are when he's physically not present in a scene, and in those instances we usually don't get any narration or interior monologue from the other characters.

tanuma in "a suspicious visitor" is the only exception i can think of off the top of my head, though i'm sure there are others i'll get to and just don't remember at the moment. the scene between matoba and ban at the end of the homura arc, for example, is outside of natsume's POV by necessity but is pure dialogue with no interior narration because these are not characters to whom we have that kind of access! (for more on matoba's elusive subjectivity see sp15, says tumblr user worldunbent.)

the special chapters jump all over the place; so far i've gotten to chapters from the perspectives of little fox, an unnamed youkai, nyanko, tanuma, and hinoe (although hinoe's chapter is framed as a story she's telling natsume, so it could have fit in a regular chapter). they have a separate numbering system from the regular chapters, are much shorter, and almost always come at the end of volumes*. in the anime, however, there's absolutely nothing to distinguish the episodes adapting the specials from the ones adapting regular chapters other than the POV shifts, which gives anime-only viewers a very different impression of how the series approaches character interiority. i don't think there's anything wrong with this as an adaptation move and it's pretty much necessary, but it's just notable because in a series that's all about how people see the world differently, the choice to make such a distinction between chapters in the protagonist's POV and chapters from everyone else's POV is a significant one.

the reason i'm paying so much attention to POVs in this reread in the first place is because i've been listening to the podcast media club plus and jack, who is pretty new to anime, keeps pointing out the constant perspective shifts in hunter x hunter and the other hosts are like, "yeah, that's normal." this post from another listener expands on how and why it works as a genre norm in shonen battle anime/manga specifically. so now i'm just cursed to be hyperaware of POV shifts in anime/manga, and given that the three series i'm reading/watching at the moment are hxh, dungeon meshi, and natsuyuu, natsuyuu really stands out in how rarely it leaves natsume's head in the regular chapters. i guess i need to go read some more shoujo for a larger sample size lol

*i have a chapter spreadsheet 🤓 and the exceptions to this are sp18, which is just stuck in the middle of v22, sp20, which is the second-to-last chapter of v24, and sp21, which is the first chapter of v25. i understand the placement of sp20, which is "intermission detectives" and makes sense to have as an break between regular chapters, but i'll have to figure out what sp18&21 are doing when i get to them.

what i love about the oblivio episode is that its everything i wanted the show to be. ladybug and chat noir working in equal parts like the yin and yang instead of the spotlight always being on ladybug. Adrien isn't dumbed down and contributes a lot throughout the episode.

marinette not tripping all over the place (once or twice is fine) and she's able to speak normally to him. She's smart and brave while being marinette so it doesnt feel out of character when she's like that as ladybug. it feels like a natural enhancement.

while adrien is very charming and confident which leans towards him being as over the top as the usual chat noir. he is just as assertive of marinette's/ladybug's intelligence as chat noir. so that feels natural too.

This episode explores both ships adrienette and ladynoir and does a really good job. the reason being it's the most similar to marichat without being marichat. This is their progression as their true selves at the core without any masks or secret identity nonsense.

and somebody on youtube said that it feels like a post-apocalyptic episode and I love it because it really does. This episode is really about their natural chemistry. we don't even see nino and alya get akumatized but who cares!

i read somewhere that, after the war, zuko at least hands hama over to the swt instead of keeping her in fire nation prisons 'till the end of her life. Which is nice, I think. But I'm also curious as to how that would work out.

Most notably: how do you think it'd go down if she were to meet Pakku? given they both have some sort of connection to kanna's life, the idea of them being forced to interact even once entertains me very much. like, old waterbending master pakku—white lotus member—who has grown up in a patriarchal society and actively forbidden women from training to fight, under the precedent they are somehow ontologically weaker, fragile, and belonging in the healing huts... THAT guy, meeting his former fiancé's old friend: (or current wife's if you go by canon, which, eugh) A woman who not only fought in the front lines but ended up becoming one of the most skilled, creative, and deadly waterbenders in history. How would he react when finding out that a woman came up with blood bending? How badly would Hama mind-fuck him?? Because I'm confident they'd hate each other's guts-- no way she'd tolerate him,,,

And on a similar note—how would Kanna feel upon reuniting wirh Hama and discovering what she put Katata through, in your opinion? Idk, I'm just full of puppetmaster thoughts today. Hama is incredibly interesting and I wish she wasn't handled so much like a Halloween Specisl creepy witch, (even though katara herself is handled and written pretty well in this episode, i think. but i digress.)

i mean obviously i think about this all the time. i personally think that zuko hands hama over to the swt upon katara's request, and she and aang personally deliver her on appa (sokka is not there, for the very deliberate reason that if he knew what they were doing he would very vocally disapprove). and so katara is sort of retraumatizing herself by doing this, but she also feels like it's necessary specifically because she needs to be able to look hama in the eye and tell her why they're not actually the same (especially now that she actually did bloodbend someone in cold blood). katara has the love and support and safety to step back from her anger and her pain and her grief and hang onto her own humanity and allow herself to be the bigger person even in moments of abject rage and acute trauma, and hama doesn't. hama is a victim of her circumstance, and that's part of what makes her so uniquely terrifying to katara, because katara has that same capacity to make people hurt, she has the same tools at her disposal, and she has the same justifications to exercise that power. but unlike hama, she hasn't actually been pushed past her limits. sometimes she can see the cliff's edge, and sometime she even teeters on the line, but hama was fully just shoved off without a parachute, and that's really what separates them above all. i think katara should be allowed to acknowledge that and forgive herself for that, even if hama doesn't directly apologize to her (although in my mind she does, and it's not enough, but it's also so much more than katara ever expected to hear). even if it is too late for hama, katara deserves to heal.

frankly, i don't really give a shit about pakku or his reaction to hama. i also don't actually think that he thinks woman are ontologically incapable of being talented waterbenders of whatever; he's a pretty worldly guy, the reason he clings to these traditions isn't born of the belief that they're grounded in logical evidence like sokka's is, it's because he believes in the preservation of a system that benefits and valorizes him. pakku thinks katara belongs in the healing huts because he comes from a culture that dictates that women belong in the healing huts. like, he might also subscribe to the bioessentialist logic that women are better healers and men are being fighters, but that honestly doesn't really matter, because (unlike sokka) his epiphany lies not in the fact that woman can fight, but in the fact that his role in upholding these systems has actively driven his loved ones away due to his cruelty. he decides to be kinder, to women and in general, because he realizes that being an asshole has negative consequences. but frankly, who cares what he thinks of hama. realizing that your sister tribe in the south deserves aid and protection after being subjected to a century of genocide is kind of too little too late imo. unlike katara, sokka, aang, or kanna, who can approach this situation from the perspective of being a genocide survivor who even remotely understands hama's trauma, pakku really has no place in this conversation to me.

as for kanna...... god. hama/kanna reunion is genuinely one of the most heart-wrenching concepts to me in all of atla. as a sidenote, hama/kanna fanfic goes so hard every time. there's a total of like 15 fanfics for them on ao3 (last i checked) but they're all sooooooo. fucking delicious. tide locked........... ugh. anyway. i cannot fathom kanna's reaction upon learning that her closest friend once upon a time is not only alive, but also a convicted felon, for crimes including but not limited to manipulating her granddaughter, violating her (and sokka's) bodily autonomy in cruel and perverse ways, and forcing her to participate in that mode of violence in a way that traumatized her forever. even if you don't read them as former lovers (although it is indubitably better that way) it's so gut-churning. kanna lost so many people over the course of her life, and to learn that one of them has returned but in the worst way possible must be mind-boggling and distinctly unreal. like how do you even process that. first, how do you process how much pain she must have went through to become the kind of person who is capable of doing this, and then, how do you process the knowledge that the person you once loved most in the world irreparably hurt the person you now love most in the world? obviously she would always prioritize katara's safety over anyone else's no matter what, but god. kanna has led such a fascinating and impossibly difficult life, and it's not over yet.

I get the impression that money was a bit tight on clouds on the horizon in general, what with the uneven time put into the lumity kiss vs the hexsquads fight outside blight manner w/ the infamous cha cha slide, plus background details going wonky (like baloony hunter), but my favourite semi-wonky frames are the closeups on Hunters face when he's talking with Luz about him being a grimwalker.

bc the proportions are just. So funny to me. Why is his nose so long. Why are his eyes in the middle of his face. When did his forehead get so big. What's happening. Did I die. Is this purgatory. I unironically love this bc it reminds me that this show was made by people who were trying their best. And sometimes their best looks the Bunter Vs hexsquad fight in thanks to them and other times it looks like this

[ID: a screenshot of a close-up on Hunters face from clouds on the horizon. The placement and proportions of his face are slightly off. End ID]

(although in searching for this image I was informed that a different studio than normal animated clouds on the horizon. Which is probably at least part of the reason why there's so many bungled frames. Also probably why the cha cha slide got animated the way it did. God I love animation)

I think what I would really like to see more of are tos fics - gen fics, because that's where it can work the best imho - where McCoy and Kirk are close friends, and with their teasing they make Spock fit seamlessly into their dynamic and friendship

yes, Spock and Kirk served together for a while (but honestly mostly just a year) at the beginning of s1, they are friends, but not close friends, and there's still this weird distance between them - because both of them keep a distance. But McCoy and Kirk's friendship is portrayed as very close and intimate right from the beginning - they know things about each other, they call each other by a first name and a nickname, the lines between a superior and subordinate are blurred.

And both McCoy and Kirk like Spock and want him to feel included. But Jim can't really approach Spock from a more personal angle and Spock will call him out if he crosses a line (e.g. "Captain, I hardly believe that insults are within your prerogative as my commanding officer."). And that's where McCoy comes in with his teasing and banter - a banter that Kirk himself enjoys, allows, and occasionally joins in on. Each duo has their own dynamic, but a new one, the strongest one, evolves between the three of them, created not because Spock and McCoy were friends with Kirk, so they had to "get along for Kirk's sake", but because McCoy served as a bridge Spock could walk over towards them and they could become a strong, unbreakable triangle (shape).

McCoy connecting Spock and Kirk to their own emotions. Kirk balancing McCoy and Spock’s worldviews. Spock being balanced by Kirk (intuition and human instinct) and McCoy (compassion and humanity).

It's not surprising at all that when Spock thinks he needs to confront Kirk, he takes McCoy with him. Or sends him in first.

Started watching SNW season 2 episode 3 and my eyes literally glazed over the moment they both came out in matching all black hoodie-leather jacket-jeans outfits and I couldn’t keep watching after that

natsume book of friends season 4 opening sequence has got me incredibly fucked up. the lyrics. kid natsume's tiny little legs and teenage natsume watching him run. the lyrics. nyanko-sensei burrowing into his arms. did i mention the lyrics? ending frame on the fujiwara family. including natsume. because he's part of their family. as the lyrics ask him to "please [not] keep suffering alone"? somebody fucking hold me.

Gravity Falls Rewatch   ↳ 1x10 Fight Fighters

“WINNERS DON’T LOSE!”

Added a 'not ml' tag for posts about shows other than ml!

there's this tape my grandmother recorded not long before she died and in it she addressed each of her children (who were young children at the time) and i've listened to this tape many times over the years and i remember that there's a lot of meaningful things on it but the one thing that always stands out in my memory is when she says to my dad “you're the smartest little boy i ever knew, but i'd love you even if you were stupid”

My last post was kind of incoherent and messy, but you should see the 6 other drafts I didn’t post, including rebuttals to things no one said, discussion about generational trauma, abuse and love etc. This show, y’all.

So it turns out that 8 seasons of The Blacklist is bordering on too much. Not because I don't still enjoy it, but because it's got a relentless myth arc that doesn't have nearly enough resolution the longer it goes on.

I think there's a trope on TV Tropes called the Chris Carter Effect, named after the showrunner of the X-Files, where a show will keep adding onto its myth arc until the show implodes and people stop watching because they don't care what the mystery is any more. It took one turn too many, kept people on the hook for so long that they ate through the bait and decided they didn't want to be reeled in.

For the most part, I think shows that do this aren't wholly planned out. I think Lost was a big example of this in the 2000's, it was written as it was being filmed and the ending disappointed because they couldn't possibly resolve everything in a way that made sense - it was never written to make sense. From what I hear, the X-Files pulled the same move of building up this myth arc even when it was revived. Some shows thrive on that "down the rabbit hole" feeling without actually having an endgame.

I don't think The Blacklist is that kind of show. It is absolutely a "rabbit hole" type show, it's a conspiracy thriller - what I mean is that I think it has an endgame that it's had set in stone since at LEAST season four. The issue is that it just isn't giving up the goods, and the conflict is now being built on top of that tension instead of resolving the tension. It's beginning to get frustrating.

Okay no because I want to kiss Basil so bad, (more in tags as always)

Me: *Feels slightly good about something in my life* Life: Hmm. Nope. *Reminds me of things I should have been a part of but aren't* Me: ...Thanks.

Okay, after a break for fun fashion stuff, we're back to the Chill Valicer Save for their Summer Wednesday, and their celebration of SimCity Founding, my "4th of July" equivalent holiday in the game! :) See, I told you it would be more appropriate to do it this week. It started with everyone up in the middle of the night thanks to Smiler not needing sleep and Victor and Alice having a bed so good that refilling their energy bar only takes a couple of in-game hours. :p Fortunately, I knew how to keep everyone busy as I waited for the sun to come up and the holiday to actually officially start --

-->Smiler was simply put on "making mechanisms" duty on their robotics bench until they were zapped and had to quit. If I plan for them to make more robots and such in the future, they're gonna need 'em!

-->Alice, upon waking up, licked herself clean (handy werewolf ability is handy), then started in on her latest book! As she can now write mysteries, I had her begin one of those, called "The Corruption of Wonderland" (basically her take on the events of A:MR). She made a decent start, but then the werewolf instincts started taking over, and she had to go outside, let out a somber howl, and then take a quick wolf nap to stop herself getting too tense or too angry to function. *shakehead* Werewolf temperaments, why you gotta be this way...

-->Victor took a moment to hit Snappy with a bit of Floralorial, then headed into the barn himself to make more eco upgrade parts! At which task he was very successful, which is good for him but bad for us getting to see him sprayed amusingly with dye. :p Once he was done, I had him take his parts and head into the kitchen, where, after a quick hug for Kelly (aww), I had him upgrade the fridge to be more energy efficient! It now has a green eco footprint, which is very nice. :) Have to do the same with the stove at some point! Smiler joined him in there post-zappage, and they indulged in some flirting and smooching while Kelly ran around and jumped on the counters. :) All in all, a pretty standard morning for the trio!