#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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Linktober Day 7
Sky(loft)
*throws rose* For the First lovers.
Soft and sweet drabble with just the barest hints of tragedy, and more set on Skyloft than anything but I'd say it counts.
This chapter was brought to you by me getting emotional about the First Hero and his fate again due to the rain, the fact I believe all Links deserve to have love and appreciation but specially him. And the fact I think it's an absolute CRIME that we don't get anything more on him and that he and Sky don't get to have what Time and Twilight have, no I'm not bitter Nintendo I just want to talk, y'all can't just keep giving us like four Links before the actual heroes and then expect us NOT to want to elaborate with the crumbs we are given. If you ask me First and Sky deserve to interact and for First to have closure.
Anyway, as always can be read as romantic or platonic, up to y'all, and can be read in or outside and LU context, I just use Sky and First for simplicities sake but if you don't gel with LU then feel free to interpret this as something else, this is all highly self indulgent before I pass the heck out lol
If there was any place in Sky’s Hyrule that you could confidently say you adored with all of your heart and soul, Skyloft would be the most likely pick.
Even so high above it all in a way that would have you catastrophizing had you think too hard about what could happen if anyone ever accidentally fell from the isle even with all of the knights trained to not allow that to happen, you’d be lying if you said that it’s a wondrous mix of empyreal beauty and the comfort of safety and the wonder of touching the sky, a true breath taking haven that could soften even the hardest of hearts with time. Fitting of the warmth of the reincarnated goddess in Sun and the vast nature of Sky’s kindness, for all you knew he could be as frigid as the title of Godslayer demanded.
Looking at the way First let himself be tugged along the isle as soon as they’ve arrived in Sky’s land in a tour just reinforced that notion, you couldn’t help but chuckle a little. First was one of the harder Links to read, even more so than Time or Warriors, but looking at the way the stars of his azure eyes brightened with the fire of life hearing Sky talk about life in his home and about the many people made you feel so, so warm, like finding a nice sunny spot for a afternoon nap.
What could you say? First was such a wondrous person, calm and charming and perfectly polite and oh so kind in the way you knew all of your boys were. If there ever was someone who embodied chivalry and the ideal side of knighthood, he’d probably be the one to come to the forefront of your mind, and you’ve been insatiable for his happiness ever since.
When he first arrived to the Chain, he was as cold as the howling blizzard winds, heart a cold fort left in ruin and remade as best as a single man could for the sake of remaining kind, to do the right thing no matter what, it was a sentiment you knew far too well in your other boys, but specially so in First, who tried so, so hard to distance himself from getting attached. But who you knew loved the sight of the sky, as cold and numb it was in it’s distance, whom cared so so much he would driven himself into an early grave just to make the Surface a safer for the people who’d shunned him, whom after a long, long period of adjustment and effort from the Chain, allowed you to hold him close as he shaked from nightmares at night, allowing you to chase away memories of being held up by cold chains until the impression of them became one with his skin and subconscious, of being entombed and imprisoned in uncaring stone and iron to starve alone, being bitten at by hungry, crawling rats all because he wished to keep his people safe, made sure he could tell that your presence was tangible and real through telling stories from your world and singing him into dreams even through the fortress’s that was his stubborness. Trying your best to make lilies bloom on what looked like a most hopeless winter.
The day he actually chuckled and smiled, safe and healthy and alive in the presence of the Chain felt like the biggest victory you’d ever had.
He deserved to know love and to be loved as much as any of your boys, something real and tangible and that was actually properly reciprocated rather than used to justify an end. So seeing him being able to visit Skyloft with his descendant with a whispering, hidden smile was more than enough for you. And you can’t blame Sky for being equally animated about it, bless his heart, always wanting his people to be happy, always so, so kind, wanting to bring some solace to the older hero but being carefully attentive so his mood was still good
After all they went through they deserved it.
“Oh! There you are, I was just about to show First to the waterfall, want to come with?”, Sky snaps you out from your thoughts, touching your shoulder with a gentle smile.
“Unless something is ailing you, you did look quite deeply in though.”, added First, soft as the warm breeze on the isle in the sky.
You shake your head, smiling as you take First’s offered arm, an instinctive motion when he wished to be close but wasn’t quite ready for any other touch yet, and Sky’s hand in yours, which he swings with a hum, ears twitching, how precious. “Not at all, lead the way.”
As Sky leads you along, and you catch the ghost of a smile in First’s otherwise stern countenance and you take in the warmth of the late afternoon sun in Skyloft and the soft, eternal spring breeze. You think there’s quite a bit you’d give to keep witnessing these moments indeed.
The road to recovery was long and arduous, but you’d be there, and you knew the Chain would do their best to be there too.
#linked universe x reader#First Hero x Reader#I have so many emotions about First and the fact he died not knowing if his work was enough or not#He deserves more love and closure from all the trauma tokens he has stacked#Also really missed opportunity to have more of Sky and First interacting round here#you can't tell me that in a different situation with the right setting First wouldn't have a soft spot for Sky#Who is just a sweetheart in general when not being a gremlin#Something something sleep deprivation is keeping me from psychoanalyzing First's situation and I have so many thoughts about him#I want a game about this guy#and also the 10k hero and the hero of men or one in the drowned timeline.#heck at this point I might just write those adventures out myself /h /j#... unless? lol We'll see what the sleep deprived muse says after Linktober#summer writes linktober 2023#summer writes
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What do you think of the Love at First Sight trope, especially when it comes to the early Disney Princess movies? Some people may find love at first sight to be hackneyed or outdated these days, but I am very interested in what you have to say about it. I don't think you ever talked about it at length.
I think it's beautiful. A lot of people bash on it for not being realistic, but there's something to be said for things that are either aspirational or simply escapist. And, honestly, I don't think it's that bad of a thing to glorify or like? It's a fantasy- Cinderella has a pumpkin coach, not an uber lol it's totally feasible that she'd meet the love of her life while going to a ball that her Fairy Godmother sent to and it is to distinguish that, in these universes, these are the loves of their life (otherwise Snow White and Aurora still would've been under sleeping curses). And I think, in the age where most people can't even get someone to commit or a text back after a first date, being able to see the example of someone as steadfast as Snow White's Prince, who continues to look for her for seasons even when she seems lost to him, is something that is refreshing and healthy.
They each go about showcasing this notion in different ways. Snow White is an orphan with no one in the world that loves her, and her wish in the well is very clear. "I'm dreaming of the nice things he'll say." Before it can echo back to her, she finds him- the literal answer to her hopes and dreams. That's so empowering to me? That she believed she was enough and wanted better for herself, and knew what she wanted, and that his existence was contingent upon her wish in the well. It's a young, sweet romance- that's so pure. When he sings of his love being "constant and true," we see it in the film, as he continues to search for her until the very end and which lends credence to Snow White singing "Someday My Prince Will Come." She doesn't stress over whether they will ever see one another, because despite the time or distance that might separate them, they're never lost to one another. That's why she tells the hag, "Well, there is someone" when she's asked if that's someone she loves.
Cinderella and Charming's love is also different- neither of them were looking for it or expected it. Cinderella never mentions wanting love, nor does Charming; to the contrary, Charming is placed in front of an endless bevy of beautiful women, decked out in the finest clothing they have, and he's unimpressed (I dare anyone to tell me that his interest in Cinderella was based on looks). Appearances mean little to nothing to him. While we listen to the Grand Duke's metatextual speech though, we see Charming spot Cinderella out from the crowd and approach her. "There she stands, the girl of his dreams. Who she is or whence she came, he knows not. Nor does he care. But his heart tells him that here, here is the maid predestined to be his bride." It's a pure vibes thing, and when you are in contact with that person you were meant for, many consider this to be a twin flame, it changes everything. That's why Charming knew he could never go back to life the way it was before the ball after Cinderella left; he couldn't live a life without her. I also think it's so fitting for them and cute that they vibed out for hours at the ball, considering Cinderella fighting so hard to go to a party so that she could enjoy herself.
Aurora and Phillip also have their unique connection. They're both extremely romantic and fantasy oriented- Phillip literally slays a dragon for Aurora's honor and promises to renounce the throne after meeting her for a single afternoon. Aurora, while she returns to the castle to fulfill her royal obligation, feels that life without him is empty and can't contemplate a life without love- it'd be like a bird without a song. While they have different temperaments and characters, I think they compliment one another beautifully and have such great chemistry that it truly does feel as though they'd met once upon a dream.
In any of these cases, if the connections were shallow or something where one forgot about the other the next day, that'd be another matter entirely. But they were all willing to fight for their love, show commitment under extreme circumstances, a unyielding devotion, and both a chemistry and a connection that was special unto each pairing and underlined a natural affinity toward one another so I don't see what's wrong with it and I lean more toward these types of relationships over the Disney ones where they just yell at one another repeatedly or resort to physical violence for comedy.
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Thinking of Takemichi being so gentle and tender with Kisaki in the final timeline. The first time they meet, Takemichi bursts into tears and hugs Kisaki so tight when he realizes it's him. He's too young to be lonely, and Takemichi is desperate to finally have another try at saving him. He is an incredibly supportive friend to Kisaki, who can't help but wonder why someone as amazing as Takemichi would so badly want to befriend him. They walk home together, stand at the bridge and watch the traffic pass below, and they study and talk until late at night. Takemichi lets Kisaki squeeze his hand when he gets his ear pierced, and when Kisaki asks Takemichi why he didn't pierce his own ear Takemichi just says, "Because I don't wear an earring! You do," and Kisaki has no idea why Takemichi said it like it's an absolute truth, but he believes it. They're also good friends with Hinata, who teaches them how to play Chopsticks on the piano, and they all play it together at the same time, going faster and faster until Takemichi messes up and they all start laughing and tumble off the bench. Kisaki realizes that this is all that he needs and all he ever wanted, and he loves both of them more than the whole world. On the day of Hinata and Takemichi's wedding, when Kisaki arrives at Takemichi's house to help him get ready, he starts crying just at the sight of him in his wedding suit and he apologizes for breaking down because he never wanted Takemichi to see him cry but when Takemichi says, "It's okay," and nods yes, I've never seen you cry until today there's some dishonesty in his eyes that Kisaki can't comprehend but then Takemichi starts crying too and he hugs him and Kisaki never wants to let go because as happy as he is for Takemichi's happiness, he's terrified of being alone and he doesn't know how to tell Takemichi that he and Hinata taught him what love is and how to be loved, so his heart aches with the notion that Takemichi will never know, but Takemichi knows very well how true this is and for a moment he also thinks that he never wants to let go, lest Kisaki ever feel lonely, because nothing is more painful than loneliness. Takemichi does everything in his power to make sure no one he loves ever feels lonely again.
#final timeline brainrot#tokyo revengers#Tokyo Revengers manga spoilers#hanagaki takemichi#kisaki tetta#Tachibana Hinata#Tokyo Revengers headcanons#im really normal about these characters i swear [lying]#Kisatake#🍓🍊 tr ramblings
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4. Article - Final statement
Paring: Bea / Ina
Warning: angst
Description: part 6 of The article series. The article finally gets to its conclusion and it is not the one they both expected
Word count: 783
Ina woke up to an empty bed and a full set of new muscular pains after yesterday. She went through her morning routine thinking about last night and Bea, until she sitted with her coffee across the black envelop.
•What the hell?• Ina thought after opening the Conclusion envelop and finding a single page with several Yes or no questions.
•Am I suppose to answer this? I though the tests were over"
/Text/
(I) are you trying to make me work for you?
(B)???
(I) the author is suppose to conclude their own article, haven't you learnt that yet?
(B) Well, unfortunately I can conclude this for you, can I? If I could choose for you, I wouldn't need to do the article in the first place.
(I) Beg your pardon?
(B) I need to go. The plane is leaving. You have 5 hours to answer it. I expect a text after that.
/text/
•so commanding, humm. I liked that. Little does she know that she wouldn't be commanding shit if we were envolved•
Ina sat down with her coffee and toast.
"Mark true or false to the following statements:
( ) Exhibit A seems to have a more than professional feeling towards index case
• who am I to deny it after yesterday•
( ) Exhibit A shows signs of overprotectiveness and care towards index case
• Yes. I won't let anything happen to you•
( ) Exhibit A sh...(...)"
and that went on for over 27 questions. Until the last one:
"( ) the whole society notion of need to overprotect the so believed "weaker link" in a relationship is out of date, respecting the consent logic. Therefore, the relationship between a Professor and a Student is NOT antietical if limits were to be preserved."
• you may have a point there, Bea. But the world isn't ready for it"
"Are you willing to give it a chance?
( ) Yes ( ) No"
• how could I answer this? She could be expelled, I could lose my job. Fuck, what would the academy say! Wouldn't she receive any retaliation? Wouldn't I? Could we keep it a secret for 1 more year? Then she would go to uni and we wouldn't be professor and TA anymore. Can't we wait? No. I can't ask her to wait for me.•
"But can I lose her?" Ina stared blankly through the window
*****
A few days later in Lilian's house, Ina was getting her sister uptodate in the Bea's front.
- " I don't know why are you so surprise about the conclusion. It was clear as day to me." Lilian said as taking a sip of her coffee
- how do you mean?
- "You can stop talking about her and you can't stop smilling when you talk about her. You have been under her spell for months now. You should have known that."
- "Yes, I knew I was attracted to her. She is the smartest, persistent, beautiful, hot and caring person that I know. But I did not know that I actually loved her!" Ina sighted as she paced the room running a hand through her hair
- "wait, what? You love her?" Lilian almost spilled her drink as
Ina continued her rambling in lighting speed
-"well, but it was a false study nonetheless. Because as much as she proved that I had feelings for her, she failed to convince me that we could be together!"
- "Oh, stop that self-righteous act, Ina! For crying out loud, that woman is perfect for you, and you are going to lose her over some out of date prejudice!"
- "she is my student, Lilian!" Ina shouted
- "If this bothers you so much, drop your freaking job and don't let her go, goddammit. It is like seeing Newton throwing away the freaking apple!"
- "I cannot do that, Lil. My job is my life. I worked so hard for this." Ina's eyes were full of tears and her voice was failing
- "and you will work hard to find another one, Ina. Don't lose her"
Ina sited in the couch with her head in her hands and started crying
-"I already did, Lil.".
-"What? Why? Wasn't all this like last Sunday?" Lilian asked sitting next to her in the couch
-"After I missed the 5 hours deadline, she emailed me her letter of resignation as my TA. She hasn't been in any of my classes since then"
-"So go after her!! Text her, go to her dorm, make a freaking Taylor Swift serenate for all I care. Don't throw her away..."
-"She is better off, Lil. And that is the end of this".
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A Prom in S4 Theory & Music Coding Predictions
Some leaked set pics indicate that there MAY BE a junior/senior prom at Hawkins High, which they are calling the "Lover's Ball". It's unclear if this prom will be included on screen, or if it will just be mentioned as an event coming up at Hawkins High because this flyer could just extra set decor. Regardless if the prom happens on screen or not, there will probably be some tension about 'who's asking who' to the prom that we will see in s4. Given that this picture was just leaked a few weeks ago, it probably falls closer to the end of the season sequentially.
Having a big school dance in s4 is suspiciously close to how they had the Snowball scene in s2. This would certainly follow the even/odd season patterns, (and actually add to the list of the patterns), which kind of makes me think we will see this prom on screen, or at the very least it will be mentioned in the course of the season.
The Duffer Brothers love Steven King and reference his work and especially 'IT' a lot in the show, but they haven't done anything with Carrie yet so maybe we will get a Carrie moment this season at the prom...
Carrie was on the video store fridays movie inspiration board for ST4.
At the "Lover's Ball", there will be definitely be some music coding relating to Byler. Since music coding is kind of a key thing in the show, I've been rifling through 80's songs to try and find some that may fit with s4's themes/character storylines (and I may do a seperate post about that later), but for this post I'm just gonna focus on what they might use at the prom for relating to Byler.
Since the season is most likely going to take place in 1986, I only selected songs that had a compatible release year so it would be historically accurate. (these songs would also be great for a byler playlist!)
Some strong contenders for the songs that might play at the prom to reference Mike and Will's relationship could be:
"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (1986)
This song is honestly too good of an option for them not to use. I'm reallllyyy crossing my fingers for this one.
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
"And I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid (don't be afraid)
To let them show your true colors
True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh)
Like a rainbow
Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
"Heaven" by Bryan Adams (1984)
This first verse is literally just the story of Byler... 😭 The rest of the song applies but that verse verse is just sooooo accurate. (I'm crossing my fingers for this one too)
"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothing can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
Isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
Oh once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Yeah nothin' can change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
'Cause our love will light the way"
"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin (1986)
This song is on Will's Spotify playlist, and I thought it could also be used at the prom since it's a romantic song. I see it as an 'entrance to the prom' moment song, almost like a 'first look' - like the Mike and El moment at the snowball when she first walks in, but with Mike and Will this time. I think the lyrics clearly hint to this kind of 'first look' moment as well.
"Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning to some secret place inside
Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away"
Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game
Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames
Turning and returning to some secret place inside
Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say...take my breath away"
"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins (1981)
This song was originally meant to be included in the snowball scene from s2, but it ultimately was not used and "Every Breath You Take" was used for this scene instead. Since it was intended to be a part of the s2 dance, that's why I think it may be used at the prom this season. (you can read the scripts on 8flix)
——— I forgot to include this explanation originally BUT, I think this song might be used to show some anger/resentment between the two, and to show a decent amount of tension, depending on their development this season. Like maybe Mike is kind of leading Will on in private by continuing to initiate intimate scenes between them, but in public Mike is still trying to put on his “straight boy act” and kind of being a jackass about it, and this song could be used to show the tension between them that has caused.
"And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, (Oh lord)
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies.
Well I remember, I remember don't worry
How could I ever forget
It's the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep this silence up
No you don't fool me
The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows
It's no stranger to you and me"
"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (1986)
Some of the lyrics in this song just SCREAMS byler, just look at the 1st, 2nd and 4th paragraphs. I would be suprised if they didn't use this song in either s4/s5.
Love, I get so lost sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
All my instincts, they return
The grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
In your eyes
The light, the heat (in your eyes)
I am complete (in your eyes)
I see the doorway (in your eyes)
To a thousand churches (in your eyes)
The resolution (in your eyes)
Of all the fruitless searches (in your eyes)
Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
"Heroes" by David Bowie (1975)
David Bowie was bisexual. A cover of his song “Heroes” is used in the show twice already, sung by Peter Gabriel. The song plays when they pull Will's fake body out of the water in season one and Mike cries in his Mom's arms, with some very queer-coded lyrics in the background, and after Hopper's letter in s3 (which is very Byler-centric)
"I will be king. And you, you will be queen
'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes forever and ever. What d'you say?
I, I wish I could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins could swim
I, I can remember (I remember) Standing by the wall (By the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed as though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall) And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we could be heroes just for one day
We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer just for one day"
I just thought the above songs might be some highly likely possibilities given that they fit the year of the s4 and also make references to not only love, but the idea of hiding, pain, shame, longing, etc., and can make some (partially stretching here) references to other things in the show such as:
RAINBOWS and TRUE COLORS, SHINING THROUGH (rainbows imagery is always associated with Mike & Will in the show and a is symbol of lgbtq+ pride, True Colors shining through = who you really are on the inside finally coming out)
IF THIS WORLD MAKES YOU CRAZY ("crazy together", "only love makes you that crazy" and references the "world" motif in the show)
YOUNGER YEARS, ONLY YOU AND ME, YOUNG, WILD AND FREE (references "not wanting things to change" and wanting "to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter, and the "But we're not kids anymore" comment during the Byler fight)
ENDLESS OCEAN and SWIM, LIKE DOLPHINS (references water's significance in the show)
FLAMES (Will in front of the burning car in s4 teaser?)
LIES and LYING (Mike lying to El about how he feels)
INSTINCTS RETURNING, FACADES BURNING, WITHOUT MY PRIDE, I REACH OUT FROM THE INSIDE (Mike's feelings for Will are his instincts, the facade is the act he put on in s3 to seem straight, burning could reference Will & fire, and I think the last 2 lines of that 2nd verse reference vulnerability- perhaps in an apology/confession)
I GET SO LOST (confusion about his sexuality, feeling lost without the other) and SO MUCH WASTED TIME (known each other since kindergarten but were unaware the other felt the same way/was dealing with same things, they could have been even closer)
KINGS and QUEENS (the d&d game mike wrote where he has king Tristan give him a medal in s1)
STEALING TIME (references "turning back the clock, to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter and the time theme in s4 and time is central to the s4 plot)
AND WE KISS - AND THE SHAME (references the shame they both feel about being gay since it was so stigmatized in the 80's)
Byler @ Prom Possibilities:
If Mike and Will did dance together at the prom, they will probably get bullied because they live in a small conservative town. They will probably either run out, upset, or Eleven will step in to protect them which could lead to the Carrie moment.
Or Mike and Will will not dance together in the actual dance room, but instead sneak off to somewhere else in the school and have a private Byler dance moment where they can't be teased and it's just them together.
OR Mike and Will are still acting weird at this point in the season because neither of them is communicating what needs to be said out of fear, or one of them has confessed or done something to indicate how they feel, but the other hasn’t so everything is weird between them. There would be lots of tension from this and we would get lots of longing looks and adoring moments between the two of them from the sidelines. (I think this one is the most likely)
#byler#byeler#st4 bts pics#st4 spoilers#st4 leak#byler rights#byler is real#byler obsessed#byler is canon#byler theory#byler proof#byler is endgame#will byers#mike wheeler#will byers is gay#mike wheeler is gay#mike x will#will x mike#eleven#stranger things#stranger things 4#stranger things four#stranger things season 4#stranger things season four#st4#st4 theory#byler headcanon#byler playlist#st s4 prom theory#st4 speculation
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For the kiss prompt, i would love to read the 22 "kisses in the rain" <3
So I guess this would technically work as a first kiss prompt, too. 👀 Takes place right after Goro and Valerie escape the ambush at his hideout:
"Wait, I can't--I can't breathe."
Valerie stumbled against Goro, who was doing his best to keep her moving despite his own injuries. With a grunt, he hoisted her arm over his bleeding shoulder, almost dragging her to the nearest deserted alleyway. He helped her steady herself against a crumbling doorway, dark and out of sight from Arasaka's pursuing soldiers.
"We cannot stay here long," Goro said.
Valerie breathed in deeply through her nose and nodded. Even through the cacophony of sirens and heavy rainfall, she could hear the static and beeps of the corporate communications, too.
As her panting slowed and her vision returned to normal, Valerie noticed the blooming stain of blood on his upper arm. He must have been hit when he rushed back to help her to her feet. She closed her eyes, silently cursing Johnny and the Relic and herself and the entirely fucked situation they were in.
"You got shot because of me," she said.
Goro shook his head, giving her a slight but reassuring smirk. "I am alive because of you."
"For now, anyway," Valerie replied softly. "What's the plan? What happened to Hanako?"
"I believe she was unharmed. I also believe her brother's reckless attack revealed his true colors, as you say. She could have easily been killed in that ambush. She must know that, too."
"So we, what? Wait for her to come to her senses?" Valerie asked, not without some edge.
"I do not know what else to do," Goro admitted quietly.
Valerie studied his face in the dim light provided by the neon signs across the street. His jaw was tight, his gaze low and solemn. Gunfire echoed through the streets, only a few blocks away if Valerie had to guess.
"We need to split up," he said, repeating the suggestion he had made shortly after their exit from the squalid apartment building. Right before Valerie had collapsed and he rushed back into the line of fire to help her up.
The sheer notion of abandoning the one person who had stayed by her side during this entire shitshow was almost enough to trigger another Relic attack.
"No. Nope. Bad idea." Valerie shook her head vigorously. "We're better together," she added before he could say anything.
His lips twitched in another faint smile. "Perhaps you are right. But we will buy ourselves more time if their forces are also split up."
"I don't know how much more time I can afford."
"All the more reason we must move now."
An Arasaka transport splashed down the rain-soaked street, and Valerie heard the unmistakable sound of the van doors opening and soldiers stomping into the asphalt.
Compelled by a boldness that only desperation could bear, Valerie gently cupped his cheek, damp with sweat and rain. Goro tensed under her touch, and she swallowed and started to pull away, but he brought his hand up to hers, covering her fingers with his warm palm.
"You be safe, Goro," she whispered.
"You stay safe as well." His thumb lightly brushed her knuckles. "Valerie."
He all but breathed her name, the murmur almost lost in the city clamor. The high-pitched whir of an Arasaka security drone buzzed nearby, and Valerie knew the thundering footsteps of the elite forces would soon follow, but she still couldn't bring herself to move.
"We have to go," Goro said.
But she still couldn't. Not without Goro truly understanding why she went back for him.
Cradling his jaw in both of her hands, Valerie pressed her lips against his.
Goro stiffened again, his hand clenching over hers, but before doubt could drag her away from him, he returned the kiss. His fingers slid into rain-soaked hair at the nape of her neck, drawing her closer as he deepened their embrace with a hunger Valerie had been sure only she felt.
The marching footsteps grew louder, and Valerie tightened her arms around Goro's neck for one last desperate kiss before they pulled away from each other.
"Go, Valerie. Now," he said.
Valerie nodded and took a step backward, watching him through blurry eyes, before turning away from him entirely.
#goro takemura#c: goro takemura#oc: valerie v powell#ship: goro x valerie#g: cyberpunk 2077#mine: stories#fic: goro x valerie#i feel like this is really rough but i'm trying to use prompts more as drafts and brainstorming sessions for the real thing later
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i was told to come here for fate zero kotomine kirei questions? i was thinking about kirei in f/z and realized i don't think i actually completely understood his arc and specifically how it relates to his spirituality/belief in God? can you explain to me what happened to this strange knife-throwing man
i’d be VERY happy to, i love talking about kirei even if i don’t do it very often.
this is something that becomes a little more clear later on in heaven’s feel but the gist of it is that kirei has an inexplicably sadistic nature he does not understand where it comes from or why he has it. for the majority of fate/zero’s first part, he doesn’t even know it exists until gilgamesh slowly draws it out of him by making him deconstruct his own thought process and personal beliefs.
kirei was raised catholic and had a priest for a father, so kirei had catholic teachings of altruism and asceticism hammered into his young brain on top of risei’s, his father’s, expectations and desires for kirei to be “pure and beautiful”, just like kirei’s name suggests.
kirei, however, secretly felt repressed by those teachings and expectations since forsaking personal happiness and helping others never brought him any joy, and because he never felt any joy in helping others, he reasoned that joy and pleasure were sinful indulgences that a believer, much less a priest, should never partake in. he therefore internalized displeasure and complete emotional detachment as a natural and righteous state of life. this, coupled with the catholic belief that selflessness in life would mean salvation in death, resulted in kirei becoming far too guilty to ever chase after pleasure because doing so would mean betraying not just the faith in his Lord, but also all the hard work and love his father had put into raising him as a pure and beautiful person. kirei respected his father’s ideal and tried his best to live up to it, but fundamentally could not understand it, and he could not love the man it belonged to. in response to these emotions, kirei resorted to grievous and deadly methods of self-harm to keep himself walking the righteous path.
nevertheless, kirei could not contain his curiosity (and unbeknownst to him, his yearning) for pleasure and travelled the world attempting to find meaning and enjoyment in different activities. he graduated top of his class, skipped grades as an exceptional student, worked diligently as an executor, and even ate some of the most exquisite delicacies known to man... and found them all tasteless and unfulfilling. kirei was a truly hopeless individual with no direction or sense of self and personhood. he had failed to find meaning in basic, and even some luxurious, delights every human being desires to experience.
in a desperate, final gambit to connect with the inner humanity he lacked his entire life, kirei attempted to fall in love with a woman called claudia ortensia. claudia was terminally ill, and was not expected to live for much longer. while she did love him, he could not bring himself to reciprocate despite his best efforts. they were together for two years and had a child, caren, out of wedlock. throughout his time with claudia kirei could only find salvation in claudia’s suffering. but claudia, an incorregible saint, was willing to suffer if it meant bringing him joy and salvation. claudia slowly died, and soon enough her time was at hand. kirei believed that as her husband it was his duty to at least say his farewells on her deathbed. as claudia lay dying, kirei relayed the simple fact to claudia that after all their time together, he did not love her. to prove him wrong and save him, she disconnected her life support machine. kirei cried at the sight of wife selflessly dying to save him, and claudia, with her fading strength, told him that those tears were proof that he did love her, and that love is proof of his humanity.
unbeknownst to either of them, the true reason kirei cried was because he didn’t get to kill her himself.
kirei handed over his child to the church. if marriage did not save him, parenthood wouldn’t either. kirei contemplated suicide, but instead opted to return to his teachings and live as an executor, craving even the most artificial of purpose to justify his existence.
we then reach fate/zero. kirei is at his lowest emotional point, and sensing the pit in his soul yearning for purpose, the grail bestows him with command spells. kotomine risei contacts his ally tohsaka tokiomi, and takes kirei under his wing as an apprentice in magecraft.
kirei is a natural prodigy at magecraft, and is able to almost master every single discipline before abandoning it in frustration at his failure to find fulfillment and joy in it. (interestingly enough, he has a particularly high affinity for spiritual healing and surgery.) while kirei intends to follow tokiomi and risei’s orders to crown tokiomi as the victor of the grail war, he secretly begrudges being a bored pawn with no freedom and bears no actual loyalty to either of them.
in the world’s most bizarre boy-meets-girl scenario in the history of anime, kotomine kirei learns of emiya kiritsugu. kiritsugu is a mercenary employed by the einzberns to participate in the holy grail war. he has fought in countless battlefields, only joining the fight when combat is at its fiercest. he has killed scores upon scores of mages who deviate from the clocktower’s rules, and has been reported to have taken extreme measures in his assassinations such as bringing down an entire commercial airline just because his target was in it. kirei is mystified by kiritsugu’s lack of moral restraint, personhood, and regard for his own life. kirei immediately projects his own lack of self into kiritsugu and is desperate to understand him. he vows to meet kiritsugu in battle to finally grasp the answer to the question that is his existence.
as he attempts to meet kiritsugu throughout the story, kirei is approached by gilgamesh, the world’s most ancient hedonist. gilgamesh senses that kirei is repressing a fundamental part of himself, and that’s the true source of kirei’s unhappiness. gilgamesh attempts to make kirei realize that kirei has never lacked anything, he’s just tried to avert his gaze from the truth of his own nature. gilgamesh tells kirei that pleasure and joy aren’t things that are inherently sinful. human beings instinctively seek pleasure as and end in and of itself, and kirei is no different. because pleasure is a natural human drive, it can never be something unforgivable. to drive his point further, gilgamesh asks kirei that if he can’t see himself winning, then he should try to imagine a scenario where the war’s weakest combatant, matou kariya, does.
kirei does try, but before he can tell kirei what he envisions, gilgamesh stops him. gilgamesh reveals that there was no point to engaging in speculation when kirei asks if there was one, but the fact kirei did anyway shows he found a meaningless notion entertaining, and therefore, fulfilling. this comes to a head when kirei decides to heal kariya’s burn wounds after his confrontation with tokiomi. kirei experiences a rush he’s never felt before. he hasn’t just helped kariya stay in the race for the grail out of his own volition, he has done it against his master’s orders and best interests.
when risei is killed by kayneth, kirei finds his grief to be oddly forced and empty. surely, he must be devastated at the death of his father, the man who loved him, raised him, taught him, and made him who he is today. but strangely, his grief seems to be directed at something else. that’s when gilgamesh appears to him and tells him the reason why he’s sad isn’t that his father died, but that kirei didn’t get to kill him himself. this shocks kirei to his core, but he’s also forced to entertain that notion. once he realizes that gilgamesh IS right about what kirei really wanted out of his father, he’s ordered by tokiomi to leave japan and exit the war as demanded by irisviel if an alliance between the tohsakas and the einzberns against the matous is to take place. kirei secretly meets with gilgamesh, who is bored and frustrated with tokiomi, and they agree to partner up and kill tokiomi. kirei realizes that there was a satisfaction in killing tokiomi and having the last thing he ever saw be kirei betraying him and asserting his personal desire over his obligation to his teacher.
kirei, now fully committed to discovering what he yearns for the most, tells kariya he will allow him to duel tokiomi once more in exchange for bringing him the container of the holy grail and the person closest to kiritsugu: irisviel. unbeknownst to kariya, tokiomi’s wife aoi has been summoned to the church by kirei. kariya finds tokiomi already dead, and aoi walks into kariya holding tokiomi’s corpse. aoi believes kariya has killed tokiomi, and angrily accuses kariya of never having loved anyone. kariya reaches the breaking point of his rage and suffering after being rejected by aoi, the person he was enduring torture and humiliation for, and asphyxiates her in madness. realizing what he’s done, kariya runs away from the church wailing in grief and guilt. kirei and gilgamesh had watched the whole affair, and kirei realizes that what he finds meaning and pleasure in is inflicting suffering upon others and watch them collapse under the crosses struggles they carry. while he does not understand why he is this way, he nevertheless wants to find out to feel complete and intends to use the grail for that purpose.
kirei meets with irisviel, and demands answers for his questions about emiya kiritsugu. irisviel reveals kiritsugu is not the heartless killing machine kirei believed him to be, but fundamentally an altruist who wishes to shower the world in peace and blessings and seeks the grail for that purpose. she condescends kirei by telling him kiritsugu is not like him, he is far better and that’s why kiritsugu will not lose. finally understanding the man whose nature has eluded him and finding where kirei’s karma stands in relation to him, kirei kills irisviel and vows to destroy kiritsugu’s dream with his own hands.
when kiritsugu and kirei fight and the grail interferes by crowning kiritsugu the winner rather than reach a stalemate, kirei watches kiritsugu speaking with angra mainyu. he observes kiritsugu realizing that what he wanted all along was to live peacefully with his family even if it meant forsaking the world to a violent extinction. he is baffled at kiritsugu rejecting the cursed genocidal grail, and demands kiritsugu to hand it over if he doesn’t want it, because kirei has the need to find the defining principle of his own existence. after kiritsugu kills kirei and has saber destroy the grail, the curses that spill out of it engulf kirei’s corpse and resuscitate him. angra mainyu has declared kirei as the winner for the sake of using him as an anchor and a midwife for his eventual birth.
upon seeing angra mainyu’s catastrophe, kirei concludes that the calamity he is standing over is what his heart has yearned for all this time. he laughs in shock, irony, and glee that despite kotomine risei’s righteous nature and teachings, kirei is simply a monstrous and heretical cur who thrives in the agony of mankind. when gilgamesh asks if the sight of angra mainyu’s birth has satisfied him, kirei replies that it doesn’t, because kirei has been shown the end result of his desire rather than the actual philosophical principle and logical process that guides to the outcome. so for the next 10 years, kirei wrestles with the fact that he still cannot abandon his teachings and his obligation to be somewhat helpful as a priest for the desire to reject and challenge god and allow angra mainyu to fully manifest in this world and engulf it completely to finally give his existence meaning and validity because he knows his impulses to be wrong and yet needs to know why he has them and whether he is still worthy of living while having them. he is willing to manipulate and kill and betray and curse and deprive and destroy the world just for that chance at redeeming his existence because not understanding himself and having denied himself joy for so long has utterly broken him as a person and this is all he has left after a lifetime of denying himself happiness, empathy, and understanding to work through his feelings. to bless angra mainyu’s birth as a man of the cloth would reconcile his religious principles and belief in a merciful all-loving god with his yearning to accept and comprehend himself, because if angra mainyu can be allowed to live and prosper in this world while being the unforgivable culmination of all sin, then maybe he can too. (this is also a powerful and intimate parallel to both shirou and sakura that deserves its own post that i may or may not write later.)
that’s pretty much his development throughout zero and his defining character struggle in fate/stay night. this is something that spring song will delve into further and it’s actually quite interesting how such a bastard of a man suddenly becomes so sympathetic towards the end of the entire game.
grace if you ever have time for it i heavily encourage you to read through the heaven’s feel route whether through letsplayarchive or by playing realta nua yourself whilst we wait for a spring song release in the west because your perception of everyone will change drastically as you understand them at a much deeper level the movies could not show because of runtime constraints. i hope this explanation wasn’t too long or convoluted or raised more questions than delivered answers. three good friends of mine, thessaliah, kurozu501, and avicebro here on tumblr can probably elaborate further and offer more insight if you’re interested.
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Non-Japanese tries to explain the lyrics of "Black Gold" by otetsu ft. Megurine Luka
Note: I am not a Japanese speaker, so I depend on translation engines, and comments are always welcome.
Black Gold is one of otetsu-P's iconic songs featuring Megurine Luka. It's also one of my fave J-pop songs to listen to, so I got curious on what the lyrics meant...
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TL;DR I think the song talks about a breakup, in simplest words. But it is not one that ended because of infidelity.
So first off, I'm checking the PVs if they could have highlighted other elements of the song. The original PV by meola is more of a still, exhibiting the sheen of gold, contrasting on a dark background. Meanwhile, Project DIVA's game video features Luka in a railway station, with black-gold motifs.
youtube
Down to the lyrics, I looked up one at Vocaloid Lyrics by user @vaffisuco.
On Vaffisuco's, there are some notes, possibly adding more context to the intended message:
1. Not quite sure what the little 'dot' means between 犠牲 and 代償。Here I just assumed these two were connected to one another grammatically and in context.
2. Unsure if the その覚悟 part connects with the next sentence cluster, and can't tell if the intonation is necessarily going down to indicate the end of a sentence. I decided to translate these sentences as such as to avoid a very lengthy English explanation.
3. Here I assume that the singer is verifying her existence/her failed relationship. She grasps the 'love' and the Black gold ring in order to leave her 'mark'. May possibly be referring to the existence of her ex, but I decided to translate this portion in first person.
Those notes aside, comparing it to DeepL and Google Translate, the human and engine translations mostly have the same translation. For comparison on engine translations, I merged lines per phrase, usually into ones or two whole lines. There is also one line-by-line at DeepL, as the line breaks sort of bring a different context, though still similar.
Altogether, the translations at the first verses present a confusing group of lines.
I was asked to decide which way to go, and I lied.
The person who told me to go right went left.
(from DeepL, merged lines)
As someone who also speaks Tagalog, I might see that "going left" can translate to "pangangaliwa" or a connotation of adultery/cheating. However, I am not sure if this is applicable in Japanese too. So I thought that it implies more of a backsliding, or a reversal of what was once promised.
To be able to breathe / So that I can live / Having to put it into words
(from DeepL, line-by-line)
To me this implies that there had been an end of a connection in good terms, that ironically not staying true (lying) to one's initial words would mean being true to the next.
It must have been hard for you to put it into words, but you were still smiling, covered in scars.
(from DeepL, merged lines)
There is a slight difference on translated syntax to different engines, but it is pretty consistent with all three presented translations here. However, for the next line, both line-by-line DeepL and merged lines at Google Translate show the same to who is expressing laughter, but differ to who apparently got the injuries:
You're covered in scars/ I was smiling
(from DeepL, line-by-line)
It would have been painful to put it into words. I was laughing with all the scratches.
(from Google Translate, merged lines)
And so is for Vaffisuco's and merged lines at DeepL, saying it's the other party that did so:
As I became covered in wounds / You laughed.
(Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)
It must have been hard for you to put it into words, but you were still smiling, covered in scars.
(from DeepL, merged lines)
I am not sure which among these translations fit the producer's intended message. Perhaps for one, it is open to interpretation. But I also think that the laugh can connote a "hiding the pain" (no reference intended), or it is more of a relief to one that broke the bond, that it had to be a relief for both.
The chorus translations are very similar. Vaffisuco's translation brings an imagery of, likely a lost possibility, a path that with this became a dead end.
Scared of the things that could separate us, / I averted my gaze and ran away / I stop in my tracks, my vision flickering / I am not prepared to be, or repay the victim*
(Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)
*The words translated were "犠牲" (sacrifice) and "代償" (compensation). Per the note, the translator "assumed these two were connected to one another grammatically and in context."
Vaffisuco's translation strikes me that it was a shock for the person, as if they were caught off-guard. At least as how I see it, the persona talks about how difficult something was to let go, and consequently "repay" the compensation that for one, will mend things altogether. I reckon a line confirms it, that they still have a significant attachment despite the breaking away:
I'm so, so scared of being separated, / I just want to be by your side
(Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)
I'm afraid of being separated from you. I'm afraid.
I wanted to be there.
(from DeepL, merged lines)
Where Vaffisuco's (and another translation at LyricsTranslate) repeats with "or repay the victim", the engine translations seemed to show slight differences:
Stopping, hiding in plain sight
The sacrifice, the price, I'm not prepared for [it]
(from DeepL, line-by-line)
Stopping, sacrificing and compensating to appear and disappear
(from Google Translate, merged lines)
The words may have resulted from completely different ways of extracting context from syntax, so here we are. But even so, the connotations share something in common. "To appear and disappear" presents itself in a way that there could be a sacrifice to begin with, to compensate in keeping, and the "stopping" in "[to] disappear". That's how I can interpret what I got from Google Translate. But for what DeepL showed, it could be reiterating the notion of not being able to accept for whatever had to be lost and "sacrificed".
The bridge builds up with lyrics that give a sense of "spiralling down". It likely, vaguely if anything, references fate being cruel.
So, what is the 'truth'? / Is it cold, hard metal? / Look, look at me walking! / Look, look at me walking! / So who was the one that made the decision? / Just where is our God? / Ah, how unfulfilling!
(Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)
What's the truth, what's cold metal?
Look at me, I'm looking at you, I'm walking backwards,
When did God decide?
I don't know where God is, I can't fill it, I can't fill it.
(from DeepL, merged lines)
*Without the rest of the lines, "埋まらない 埋まらない" becomes "I can't bury it I can't bury it"
I'm not sure what the "cold metal" is about, but a quick Google search of "冷たい金属だとか" showed this (and another random translation):
Could it mean that that the brink of sincerity becomes no more than gold, but that of silver? Could it be referencing the conductivity of silver? Or maybe it just generally refers to metal left in a cool temperature, that literally feels hard and cold to touch?
And down to the last two choruses... the lines changed, going to the song's conclusion.
Separating from you, I go far, far away / To the people who went left / I'll leave your last act of kindness right here / So it won't lose it's brilliance
(Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)
To the one who went away, far away, to the left
The last kindness you gave me, I'll leave it here so it doesn't fade away
(from DeepL, merged lines)
Both DeepL and Google Translate shared very similar results. As for this, it bears acknowledgement on the other party, possibly memorializing the pleasant memories to be left behind.
What drives people apart / is that resolve for victims and their compensation
I grasped the love dangling from my neck / and a black gold ring / So my footprints won't disappear
(Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)
*Quoting the translator: "Here I assume that the singer is verifying her existence/her failed relationship. She grasps the 'love' and the Black gold ring in order to leave her 'mark'. May possibly be referring to the existence of her ex, but I decided to translate this portion in first person."
One of Vaffisuco's notes imply for the second last chorus that in times of trouble, people look for compensation and will do anything for it. It might try to say that at some point, vengeance is what pushes a person to act upon something; sometimes, this can be seen as closures, closing things. This is such that they believe that removing something from their live will make it easier, that it is a resolution on their part. (There definitely are more connotations that only human translators and native speakers can catch!)
To be separated from you
The sacrifice, the price, the determination
With [the] love around my neck
and the black gold ring around my neck
I'm trying to keep my footprints
(from DeepL, line-by-line)
For the last chorus, I agree with Vaffisuco's note, seconding that the song is about a process of separation, when honesty is still honesty, and the difficulty of acceptance for one end (the persona). As for whose footprints are being kept, if it is decided that it was the persona's footprints, the persona wants to be remembered by one who left her. Otherwise, the persona wants to remember the other half, implied by the footprints.
As for the title "Black Gold", it can be interpreted in many ways. For English speakers, the phrase may be slang for "petroleum" as this resource in deposits had made certain countries rich by importation. But in jewelries, "black gold" refers to processed gold so its surface exhibits a black color.
Overall, the song shows itself as mysterious and poetic (especially that I am no Japanese speaker) with how the words are translated, and the implications I get by looking at how the syntax is processed for a language I am a native speaker of.
#black gold#megurine luka#vocaloid#巡音ルカ#otetsu#vocaloid lyrics#jpop#song lyrics#song lyrics meanings#japanese#Youtube
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Jungkook friends to lovers, angst and smut. Inspired by Lana Del Rey's California. Please leave feedback if you'd like more.
It was a rare rainy August day in California, the heavy drops creating a melody on the window as you put the dishes away. You were tired, lonely and the feeling you had in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. Well into the second month of not making rent, it was only a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning duties for money. Standing in the kitchen feeling stupid, It had taken way longer than it should have to come to the realization that in LA you were nothing, not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough.
Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through to sort priority. Junk mail, bills, personal… one standing out in particular. The penmanship was nice, black ink, unassuming envelope, but it was the stamp that caught your attention, it was sent from Korea. The top had already been torn, the letter having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face, why wouldn't he write you? It was a ridiculously hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find his fragrance, something to trigger a happy memory. How many times had you borrowed his sweater just to have his smell on your skin? Cool California nights were the best excuse to wrap yourself in his scent. You missed him, it had been a year and a half since he'd last come around.
It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free.
"I'm feeling low, I don't know who I am, only who I'm supposed to be. What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roomates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends. Does she even think about me? It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it's not enough, I would give anything to wake up everyday in bed beside her. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can't, I made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I'm destined to keep her at an arm's length so she'll never know the price I paid. How does she even see me now? Just an Idol? Has she forgotten the days we spent together? I've been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…"
~When I see you smile in the screen
You're good at everything
You're just perfect
Feels like I've never been you
Do you even see me?
Do you know who I am?
Or how do I look now?
You don't like me like that
I want to be your decalcomania~
"I'm afraid I may not get back for a while, please write. Your friendship and thoughts of Y/N are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality."
JK
Clutching the letter to your chest your mind took you back to that day. "Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium" You'd both laughed at the strange name, reading the description of the art on the museum wall during your visit so long ago.
California had lured you into its promise when you'd just turned 14. Having been accepted to The Movement Lifestyle Studios intensive dance program in LA you left all your friends for the summer. You were going to be discovered! It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time to take their places in the studio. Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. They called out names and put you into groups, it appeared to be by age and you made your way to the tiny gathering of four. Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated, "This is Jungkook." He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations.
Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends. Absolutely exhausted at the end of the first few days he'd knocked at your door. He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members and he couldn't sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent. Inseparable, days were spent side by side and the others referred to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways.
Jungkook would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members. He'd facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters. They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with an I miss you and a few lines of lyrics he'd written. You didn't know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.
Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You went to the small tour stops when they came through in 2015, KCon in 2016, but 2017 was different. Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you'd be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing.
Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room so you could spend the nights catching up. He had rules, the fans came first and girls were
not allowed. Even though it was just friendship it could be easily misconstrued, everything had to be done in secret. The boys would bring in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight. While you were happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to. "I wish I could go and explore the city with you, like we used to," his voice trailed off. You were laying in each other's arms cuddling on his bed. Leaning over he kissed the top of your head, "All I wanted was to take you on a proper date. I've been waiting so long to become someone, to become a man worthy of your affection. Now I'm stuck, I have everything and I'm not allowed to share it with you." His arms gripped you tighter, "I'm sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don't expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you're the only girl I've ever loved and there won't be anybody else, ever."
You remembered every word of his confession, every moment of that last night in the hotel room. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people. He left in the morning without knowing, too afraid to tell him, you loved him too.
LA became home right after the tour left Anaheim. Focused on dancing, if you became good enough maybe you could tour with him. A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later.
"Congratulations on your new house in LA! I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it's hard living with others sometimes. Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all our friends, we were having a party on the beach and we sat together and watched the sunset. Remember after practice we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn't miss the colors? Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again. I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you. We are coming back in November for a few days and I'm hoping I can see you, I'm lonely already.
Jungkookie
~Won't you please stay in dreams
I can hear the sea from far away
Across the dream, over the bush
Go there where it becomes clear
Take my hands now
You are the cause of my euphoria
When I'm with you, I'm in utopia~
When The AMAs came, all of your friends in LA were involved with the awards production. Your roommates helped organize the coup to steal Jungkook away so you could take him on a real date. Having enlisted Namjoon to help, the boys would cover for his whereabouts. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn't late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work. It was Namjoon's job to get Jungkook out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Kook must have eaten something bad for lunch and wasn't feeling well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotels back receiving door. Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses, what you wouldn't give now to see that smile again. Barely giving him time to get in you'd sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger. "Jungkookie, I hope your ready for the best day of your life! We're going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then instead of returning you to your 5 star fancy hotel you're staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!" He laughed, so pure and happy, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last time he got to be his true self, Jeong-guk the man not Jungkook the personna?
Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it. Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren't looking. If you weren't sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.
Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, "Ahhh Jagi, I can't believe you brought me here." Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio it used to be your escape, every break you'd make your way to the tree for a time alone, together.
With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled, it felt like he wanted to say something, cutting him short you pulled him up and back towards the car. Making your way to the Movement studio the students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class. Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with every move. You were careless, It didn't take long for the photos to hit social media. Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close, "You stink Jungkook, I think our next stop is the ocean" You remember pulling away, how stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy, but you had a plan and limited time to execute it.
The Ocean was perfect, and the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but was still wearing his shirt. "Kookie, this isn't Korea, you don't have to be so modest here AND you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed… you look like a god." He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request. Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could. The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in. Leading him out of the water you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you under your neck and you cuddled into his side. "My god Jungkookie, look at your abs!" He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach. "Stop, it tickles." he giggled. But you didn't, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn't move. He had you pinned and flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him. Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side. "Welcome back, Kookie," running your hand through the back of his hair it was now or never. Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you. "I love you," you whispered, nose to nose he smiled and it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. It didn't last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, the photos and videos from the studio had been discovered online. "I'm so sorry Kook, I didn't mean for you to get in trouble." His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand. "Let's get out of here, you promised I wouldn't be going back to my hotel tonight." If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?
The drive back to your place was quiet, adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation hung in the air. It wasn't just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, holding the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever. Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke, "I've never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I'm not going to get to see you again for a very long time. Management is going to do everything to keep us apart and that won't be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don't want you to get hurt."
Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist. "The only way I can be hurt is if I never get to experience all of you. I can't live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours if only for the night." He rested his head against your chest, "You'll always be mine," his hands traveled to the hem of you shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them. Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples. "I've never done this before," he confessed. "Me either," you whispered, "So, I guess the bars pretty low." His giggles cut the tension before he pulled you on top of him onto the bed. More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it's home between your legs. He was soft and careful placing his lips over over your clit, sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn't be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slide inside you. "It's good Kookie, please…i can take more." He sighed as his mouth picked up speed and another finger slid in slowly. Moving your hips to meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly, "The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined." Circling your clit between his words you came hard on his tongue. "I made you so wet," he said, impressed with himself. "I need to feel myself inside you." Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed your damp hair off you face, "are you ok? do you need anything?" he placed his forehead against yours. "Just you Kookie, I love you so much, please… I want you so badly." Moving slowly he lined himself up with your wet entrance. "Tell me if you need me to stop okay?" He pushed slowly and you could feel yourself stretching around him. He watched your face and froze when he saw the tear roll out of the corner of your eye. "I'm so sorry, let's stop, I didn't mean to hurt you." He thumbed away the tear, "No, baby… I'm okay… I'm just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I'm feeling right now" he smiled down at you, pressing his body closer as he gave another push until he was fully inside you. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom.
You kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you fell asleep wrapped around each other. Every few hours he'd wake you up, checking to make sure it wasn't a dream, making love each time, harder and faster. It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more. "I have to leave soon, I don't want to," he spoke nestled into your neck just under your ear, "Please tell me to stay." Your heart broke at his words, "If I ask you to stay, I'm selfish, you'll always wonder if you made the right decision. If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… " your voice trailed off, "and I'll always wonder if I made the right decision," he finished.
Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up. It was Joon, "I'm outside, sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them I'd come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye." Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, "Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you're probably in trouble too." Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms waiting,
"Thank you for yesterday." Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle, and knew he was crying. You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and
Namjoon's voice broke through the moment "We've got to go Jungkook." Stepping away you'd left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you, "keep it." He kissed you one last time and turned the handle opening it to reveal Namjoon. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.
Turning one more time he eyes were filled with tears and he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan.
For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart. You held onto your silly notions until May, they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up to them you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through you empty heart and then he was gone again.
Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind, opening old wounds. He was just as sad as you but what could you do? Picking up a pen you began writing…
I shouldn't have done it but I read it in your letter
You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better
I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing
You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are
And honey, you don't ever have to act cooler than you think you should
You're brighter than the brightest stars
You're scared to win, scared to lose
I've heard the war was over if you really choose
The one in and around you
You hate the heat, you got the blues
You're changing like the weather, oh, that's so like you
I'll pick you up
I'll catch you on the flipside
If you come back to California
We'll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far
We'll hit up all the old places
We'll have a party, we can dance till dawn…
October came and a chill was in the air, the smell of winter hit your nose and you stopped to take it in. Bundled in Jungkook's hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. Movement had hired you on for a new intensive program and today you were going to meet your students. So many memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do. Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror writing something on the glass, It couldn't be? Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you, "Hi." he walked towards you slowly, unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution. "Hi," you were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he'd grown more handsome. "I can't change what happened… and for the rest of my life I'll be sorry for all of the time we missed." He was getting closer, "But I can't take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…" he reached for your hand. Pulling it back away his head fell in disappointment, "Jungkook, I can't listen to this… look at me," reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again. "I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that was out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I can only be grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story" he tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin. "God I've missed you" he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist. "How long are you here? I've got to teach class.. It's my first day but I'd love it if we could catch up?" He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness. Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face. "I'm your private lesson Jagi, I've booked you for the next two weeks" Taking a step back you had to ask, "How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?" Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you, "There is no more giving up… on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn't negotiate on…that's you."
Holding you tightly he moved you to look at the mirror, 'I wrote you something"
The only thing I can do
In the garden
In this world
Is to bloom a pretty flower that resembles you
And to breathe as the me that you know
But I still want you
I still want you
"Y/N I promise I'll never let you go again"
#Jungkook#jungkook scenario#jeon jungkook#bts jungkook#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x oc#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#Jungkook smut#Nochu#Kookie#bts kookie#kookie imagine#jeon jungguk#Bts#boyfriend bts#btsdance#bts fic
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Undeniably Stoked | Charlie & Matteo fanfic - aka the epic, enemies-to-lovers romance no one asked for.
Welcome to the not-so crack!fic of Charlie & Matteo - the epic, enemies-to-lovers romance of SS Titanic that no one asked for!
Backstory: I made a joke about how Charlie/Matteo would make a great enemies-to-lovers pairing somewhere on Storyscape’s reddit, and now the joke’s on me coz I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
So lo and behold, here is my first fanfic on the most unlikely, but awesome pairing that never existed.
I initially set out to write this as a crack!fic but my brain had other ideas, dammit.
I also love these boys. I don’t care if they aren’t my OTP - this was so much fun to write!
P.S: Apologies for the title. I liked it too much to find a more appropriate one! Also apologies in advance for the formatting and style of the piece. I didn’t have this edited by someone else - this is literally a brain dump.
PSS: Don't write fanfiction when you're half asleep, folks!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. NOTHING! This is a just a bit of fun!
Undeniably Stoked
Genre: Drama/Romance
Pairing: Charlie/Matteo
TW: Character death, Unsinkable sinking ships, misleading happy title is misleading
[Charlie]
I saw you.
Through the lift gate. Towering above her in a descending lift, suit sharply cut, and a smirk as slick as your hair. You were her blackmailer’s valet, her prison warden. You were not to be trusted. But around you, you carried a curious air - a stately presence that you were to be seen and heard. It was clear as day you wanted more, to be known as more.
I quietly marvelled at how quickly you saw me as a threat, at the walls that went up, the cruel humour a mask you hid behind to assert your dominance that I barely registered the insult. Bland? Was that what you were worried about becoming? Invisible?
But what startled me the most, was your desire to get a rise out of me. A sly quip, haughty bright eyes, drawn shoulders and a raised eyebrow. Little did I know that this would later characterise our subsequent exchanges. You sought me out, you always did. Looking, seeking my reaction.
The boy that hid behind his suit. The boy who wanted to belong.
You don’t need a day to get a measure of someone. Sometimes it only takes an hour. Or a moment.
And in that moment I did.
I saw you.
[Matteo]
I heard you.
Making promises you couldn’t keep. Bold in your false confidence and naivety. I know your lot. Promising the world. Promising things will be okay if you worked hard enough. Tried hard enough. The ridiculous notion that a good heart, good work and self-belief will prevail against all odds.
What a childish, dangerous fallacy. And what a childish, dangerous thing to do - to raise her hopes up.
I was like you once. Briefly, before reality set me right. The real world does not work that way. I learned that a long time ago. Good hearts and hard work do not always prevail. Sometimes, life is just unfair and you need to do what you can to survive.
I look at this woman. I know her background, her gumption, her aspirations. But more importantly, I know her chances. And I know what she has to lose.
There is a reason why you believe you can thrive. You still trust the world. The world hasn’t let you down yet.
And I seethe. Your words, your false promises echo long after I leave her side.
‘…Trust me…I won’t let you down…’
I heard you.
[Charlie]
I heard you.
Your complexion, red. Your eyes, skirting. Your hands below the table, cards held in loosely fidgeting hands. You watch the scene unfold between your master and her, quietly. Lump in throat.
Your betrayal was loud and clear.
Only one other person knew about the circumstances and could have told their master.
And I was looking at him.
My blood begins to boil as I see this woman’s life fall apart, her eyes darting between her blackmailer and sister. How could we have gotten it so wrong? Was the prison warden a willing executioner in disguise?
Your eyes connect with mine, and I do not look away. The man clamouring for clout and status is gone. I see a shamefaced boy, and I pause.
This act did not give you pleasure. No smirk in sight, no air of arrogance. I see you, deflated, head hung low, back bent.
Suddenly, I am no longer concerned about what you did, but what it cost you.
And all I hear is silence.
[Matteo]
I see you.
I see what she sees in you. Your steadfast support, unquestionable loyalty in the face of temptation. Your fire. An unnamed emotion grips my chest as I watch how easily you sacrificed your livelihood for your principles.
Foolish boy. I squirm in my seat.
Can’t you see you can’t win?
When he finally leaves, I look at the three of them, and I try. Try to tell them what I know is true. That you can’t win, you have to adapt and survive.
That I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.
My master is the devil, and he owns my soul. But if they were wise, if they listened….
You came toe-to-toe at me, your white uniform reflecting the afternoon sunlight, golden buttons glistening brightly. I watched the fire in your eyes, ablaze with disappointment. You did not back down. The unnamed emotion comes by again, this time striking me in the throat. I belatedly recognise that that emotion is admiration.
I take in the scene before I leave, the door held ajar. I see the unvoiced question in your eyes.
‘What did it cost you?’
A rising tide of emotion overwhelms me. I move my hand, finally letting the door close between us.
[Charlie]
I hear you before I see you.
Your gait and polished, leather shoes always had a certain staccato rhythm that I’ve come to associate with you.
Clack, clack, clack. And a pause.
You’ve finally seen me.
[Matteo]
I see you before I hear you.
The first thing my eyes are drawn to are the gold buttons on your uniform. They don’t shine as brightly as they did against the white.
I feel a plummeting sensation in my stomach, and I hadn’t even set a step beyond the lift gate.
Your face betrays no surprise by my presence, and with the ways things ended between us last time, I would have expected a colder reception.
You meet my gaze with a short nod, and ask me for my floor.
Not a flicker of emotion. You are a fortress.
I look away as you close the gates. My emotions turbulent and roiling as the sea in a storm.
The lift starts to descend.
“For what it’s worth, you have my sincerest apology.”
I watch your face. For a moment, I am worried you hadn’t heard me, but the thought flies out of my head when your eyes meet mine.
“Why did you do it?”
I shake my head. My heart is in my throat.
“I had to.”
“Did he force you to? What kind of hold…”
“No, Charlie…”. You startle at my use of your first name.
“I mean…”. I sigh.
“Just my livelihood.”
The words hang awkwardly in the air. The painful irony of sharing my potential loss of livelihood to a man who has sacrificed his so willingly isn’t lost on me.
Suddenly, it was getting harder to swallow and breathe.
“Hey, I get it”.
I look at you. Gone is the inscrutable expression on your face. Instead, I see your kind eyes. Your earnest expression.
If anything, it made it harder to swallow and breathe properly. I look away.
“I heard you the last time you know. About not just being a Londoner, a Brit.”
Your voice is low and soft. I take a chance and look at you. You refuse to look away.
“I get that my life is not the same as yours. I’ve had better and worse jobs. I’ll be fine.”
Your voice drops. I find myself staring at your gold buttons, waiting for your next words.
“But your world is different. You’re treated differently. We’re not the same.”
You pause, a sad smile pulling at the corners of your lips.
“No one can blame you for needing to survive.”
“For what it’s worth…” you smile as you throw my words back at me, “I don’t”.
“That is why I have to fight, even if no one asked me to take up arms. Everyone deserves to survive.”
I jolt at your words.
“I shouldn’t have said that. You’ve gone above and beyond your duty. Adele is fortunate to have you in her corner.”
The words come tumbling out, unbidden and loose. Your eyes widen at my heartfelt address. I mentally scold myself for my casual delivery but before I can act, your eyes crinkle and lips curve into a beam.
“I’d do it for anyone. Everyone needs someone in their corner.”
The lift comes to a halt but I’ve barely registered we stopped moving. By the time I realise what is happening, I clock your kind smile and eyes. But I can’t breathe properly. My throat is working overtime. What is worse, my eyes are wet and my vision begins to blur.
Without saying a word, you close the lift gates back and we make our ascent to the top floor. You take a step closer to me. I feel your warmth, your steady breaths and calmness. I don’t know how long we stand in companionable silence, but I know one thing.
You’ve finally seen me.
[Charlie]
An unspoken truce and friendship emerges.
I see you several times later that day, my eyes looking to find you on every floor I’ve dropped you off.
And while I haven’t seen the lonely boy behind the suit ever since that morning, I’ve seen glimpses of the man you’ve hidden away. Nods turn into warm smiles. A preference for standing behind me no matter how crowded or empty the lift is. A glance at me behind you whenever you disembark.
Unknowingly, you take up more space in my thoughts as the day goes by. I start to question my newfound fascination with the boy who wore his suit for an armour. Something has changed. Something has cracked and allowed warmth and light to shine through.
The answer comes quickly enough.
The boy has found a place he belongs.
[Matteo]
The party is in full swing. Ladies and gents decked in their finest silks, lace and jewellery have come to celebrate the birthday event, and were dressed to the nines.
Once upon a time I would have revelled in being amongst such company; mingling, and holding many a vacuous conversation about gambling or other various forms of entertainment that was popular with their like.
Now I can’t help but feel it a tedious undertaking.
Tonight is the night, and I am filled with restless energy. I look for James and Adele in the crowd, and nod in their direction when they make eye contact. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a familiar blue figure with gold buttons. I smile, watching you assist an elderly gentleman across the decks. I am not surprised, you were always one to go above and beyond.
[Charlie]
After assisting Mister Washburn to the right side of the deck, I find myself taken in by the sight of the stars.
I make my way to the railing and stare at the heavens. Looking into the night sky reminds me that all my problems are smaller than they seem. I take a deep breath. I hear a faint but familiar staccato rhythm as the smell of your spicy pomade hits my senses.
“What’s wrong? Didn’t enjoy the party, Matteo?”
You smile at my use of your first name.
“Preferred this party instead.”
I nod. You join me at the railing, hands splayed on either side. A finger taps rhythmically as you stare into the vast darkness. I note that you’re restless, like myself.
“You reckon she’ll be alright?” I let slip.
Your eyes find me in the semi darkness. A pause, and then a handsome smile erupts.
“Either way, we’ll fight. And we’ll take up arms.”
I bark out a laugh. Your smile reaches your eyes. At the same moment, we look at our hands. Our finger tips are a few inches apart.
I’m swept by the sudden urge to grab your hand. And so I do.
“We’ll fight, we’ll take up arms, and we’ll survive.”
[Matteo]
“We’ll fight, we’ll take up arms, and we’ll survive.”
I can’t stop staring at our joined hands. I can scarcely believe it. I can hear my heart pounding fiercely, my face is warm and my ears are filled with white noise.
I blink rapidly as I look at you. A flush spreads across your pale face, but your eyes flash with determination. I feel my hand being squeezed tighter.
“Our relationship has been rather - well - complicated, shall we say?” I start.
“At the very least.” You smile to yourself.
“How do you look back on our exchanges, Charlie?”
You purse your lips. I am unable to look away.
“We haven’t exactly made each other’s lives easier, have we?” a grin blossoms.
I look into your eyes, taking in your long lashes.
“In a short space of time, you have mine.”
I grip your hand back in emphasis.
“I pride myself on my judgement, but it failed me entirely when I met you. I didn’t see you or hear you. I had no idea. I must have been a fool not to see it at once.”
I step closer to you.
“You are utterly extraordinary”.
I look at past you at the horizon, not daring to look at your face as I complete my thoughts.
“I am a cynic, but I hope…must hope, that your feelings are returned.”
I take your hand and raise it to my lips.
“I need to know, if your feelings are the same?”
I finally dare to meet your eyes, and am surprised to see the intensity of your gaze. Before I know what to make of it, I feel your warm palm cup the back of my head and pull me towards your face.
Your lips are soft and pillowy as I knew they would be, and soon I melt into your broad, warm embrace.
[Charlie]
We break apart and try to catch our breaths, as they float away as puffy clouds in the frigid night air.
You straighten up and shoot me a gentle, shy smile.
“Foolish boy”, I say in jest as you give me a surprised smile.
“I think I fell for you the moment I saw you at the gate.”
We stand there smiling at each other like goofballs until we hear the whistles from the crew pierce the night air.
Suddenly, an iceberg emerges on the horizon and in horror we brace for impact.
My heart thuds heavily into the pit of my stomach. I look at you somberly. I can see worry cloud your face.
“Do you think…”, you drift off, unable to finish the sentence.
“I need to be sure.” I say simply.
You nod, unable to hide your concern. You hold both of my hands against your chest.
Swallowing hard, you hold my gaze. I can practically see the thoughts whizzing through your brain. The words are caught in your throat.
“It’s okay. I’ll be back” I smile as assuredly as I can.
You say only one word.
“Hurry”.
[Matteo]
We are in the belly of the beast.
After you left, I dove straight back into the party and found Adele. You found us, and Hileni, and now we are in the unenviable position of arming ourselves for a fighting chance of survival.
I watch you as you plot and plan, helping us find a path that would guarantee our lives. I am quiet, filled with that familiar emotion of admiration. Instead of doom and gloom, I found that there was no other place I’d rather be than right here with this motley crew.
I belonged right here in the thick of it, by your side.
As if hearing my thoughts, you turn around and smile at me as the girls climb past their way into the engine room.
“How are you doing?” you ask.
“Never better”. I make a quick grab of your hand and squeeze it tightly.
Suddenly cries erupt from a boiler room adjacent to ours. Trimmers rush in, with harried cries to close the door behind them.
With a quick squeeze in apology, you release my hand to head down to those men.
The worse case scenario emerges. Our path ahead has fallen.
[Charlie]
I look back at the three shiny faces that depend on me, and take a breath.
Time is ticking away, the ship is about to sink, and I have to help us escape. As I start going through my options, I can’t help but take in the sights and sounds of the trimmers at work. I look at the Carrems and you, lit aglow by the dancing firelight. My decision has been made.
I beckon you to come with me while I leave the sisters in the boiler room.
We walk into the cavernous air vent and into the spot of moonlight, its rays casting shadows across your solemn face. As I walk you through the plan ahead, I feel you withdrawing away from me.
I pause. You raise an eyebrow.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
You snort inelegantly.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
I halt.
“Don’t even think about it, you’re coming with us”.
“Please understand. My whole career started here in the boiler room. These are my people. I have to stay.”
“YOU’RE WRONG!”. I’m taken aback by the ferocity of your statement. You grab my face none too gently, forcing me to look at you in the eye.
“You are my people. We -“. Your voice breaks, tears tracking down your face. You close your eyes in anguish. My heart dies a little.
“Adele, Hileni and I are your people.”
You grab me by the shoulders and hold me close.
“Stay with me.”
I look at the man in front of me, and I know he will be okay. He has found his people, and learned to open his heart. Gone is the boy who used his suit as an armour against the world. He has finally learnt how to belong and love.
“You will be alright, Matteo - ”
You look up at me with a flash of anger.
“Your stupid, stupid promises. Stop making promises you can’t keep.”
I can’t prevent the chasm, the wound or the world of hurt on your face. But I can’t afford to lose my resolve, and pray for strength.
“Please listen -“ I cut you off before you can interrupt. “I cannot walk away. That is not who I am.”
This stills you. You give a pained laugh, shake your head and finally look at me; an upturned corner of your lip through the tears.
“You were always one to go above and beyond, you foolish boy.”
The words don’t sting. But your tortured face? I couldn’t decide which was more devastating, your anguish or your reluctant resignation.
My face is wet. I give a watery smile back.
“Fight. Survive. And, from time to time, spare an occasional thought for a poor English boy who loved ships. Do that, and I’ll be happy.”
I hold your hand and put it over my heart.
“And stay with your people. They need you.”
[Matteo]
I walk back like a zombie, in a haze of defeat and grief.
All the whilst holding your hand.
Upon seeing our return, the sisters gather around us, Adele being the first to notice our clasped hands.
“What is going on?”
I take a deep breath and look into my beloved’s face. You warily look into my face, assessing my state.
At that moment, I decide to show you I can and will fight for our survival. That you can have this peace of mind.
As calm and removed as I can, I explain to the Carrems that they are to follow me. You graciously take the burden of explaining that you will stay. I know I couldn’t bear it.
The sisters predictably break down in tears. I am a hair’s breadth away from giving in myself, when I feel your hand squeeze mine. Through the hugs and the tearful goodbyes, your eyes are never far from mine.
The floor tilts, we exchange looks.
I take charge, and move the girls along.
As they head towards the vent, I make my way to you as you shrug off your coat.
Instead of urging me to go back, you raise your arms wide open and welcome me in a tight embrace. I grab your face in a kiss full of desperation, hoping it will convey everything you mean to me.
Too soon we break apart. And you say only one word.
“Survive”.
[Matteo]
I look in horror at the ship as it tilts towards the heavens, my heart breaking as I start to see the lights flicker out.
I came onboard this ship wanting to survive and make it in cruel world; hoping to make myself undeniable in reputation, worth, and status in the eyes of those who mattered.
In the end, none of it mattered.
Rich or poor, famous or unknown, it does not matter who you are, or what you own. We all die the same.
A much needed lesson I had to learn from you.
Because it isn’t the personal effects, the wealth, or my social standing I find myself caring about.
It is you.
My beloved, who I know does not have long left.
I watch as the last of the lights flicker out and my stomach bottoms out. Adele clutches my hand tightly. A fresh wave of despair grips my heart.
My beloved, a foolish boy who in a few short moments taught me how to love.
To thrive. To still trust the world. That the world hasn’t let you down yet.
It amazes me at just how quickly you came into my life and changed it.
Because you don’t need a day to make a difference to someone. Sometimes it only takes an hour. Or a moment.
I see and I hear the ship sinking below the waves, taking my beloved from me. But not completely. I silently brand our memories and love into my consciousness - an oath to remember and honour the boy who loved his ships, loved his people, and saw what I truly needed. To belong.
A/N: Sooooo.... things took a pretty melodramatic twist, and all the crack-y, silly humour left the window the more I got into it. Sorry!
Also, my brain did a weird thing with the tenses. Went for a style while I was writing it but now I'm second guessing myself. Either way, I'm always down for some con-crit! Send some my way if its not working for you! I swear I wrote and finished this 7 hours past my bedtime (fanfic>sleep, amirite?), coz this damn plot bunny wouldn't leave me be. Here's hoping it entertained some of you!
Let me know what you think of this pairing! 😂
#so not canon#what a damn shame#Matteo Vasari#charlie stoke#Charlie x Matteo#The things I write#storyscape titanic fanfiction#storyscape titanic#storyscape#crack!ship#enemies-to-lovers#I would play the shit out of this pairing#best enemies-to-lovers on the ship okay
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𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝟎𝟎𝟏 / 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒:
full name : draco lucius malfoy
label : the boy with no choice
nicknames : people mostly refer to him by his last name , only very few people refer to him by his actual first name.
birthday : june 5th , 1980
birth place : great britain
gender : cismale
sexual orientation : unsure
occupation : hogwarts student
alignment: the neutrals
𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐑:
blood status : pureblood ( sacred 28 )
house : slytherin
wand : 10″ , hawthorn , unicorn hair
boggart : disappointment from his family. later it would shift to the image of their death , somehow draco’s fault.
patronus: draco hasn’t learned the patronus charm , but even if he did he would not be able to conjure a corporeal patronus since he lacks the happy memories to do so.
pets : an owl by the name of tyto
moral alignment : neutral / in the past he would be considered more lawful neutral , but now he’s still trying to figure out his place & is aligned as simply neutral.
tarot card : ( test here ) : the moon
goals / desires : freedom from his family’s expectations , to be someone who can think & feel freely.
𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋:
height : 5′11″
weight : 181 lbs
eye color : gray
hair color : silver - blond
clothing style : dark attire , mostly dresses elegantly in button downs & slacks. he always has an enchanted wristwatch on his left wrist , similar to the weasley family clock , but instead it’s used to keep track of his class schedule.
left handed or right handed : right
distinguishing features : his pale hair that marks him as a malfoy , along with a striking jawline & piercing gray eyes.
tattoos or scars : no tattoos , a minor scar on his forearm from buckbeak ( which by the way , he’s still salty about ) , & a few other minor ones along his arms & legs from playing quidditch.
𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘:
parents : lucius & narcissa malfoy
siblings : n / a.
children : n / a.
𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄:
book : draco is partial to potions & will spend his spare time studying many various potions outside the class level he’s currently at. however , he’ll occassionally pick up a fictional book when in the library. his favorites are mysteries , such as sherlock holmes ( even though it revolves around muggles , & to him are completely ridiculous )
movie : although he does know what a movie is , he’s never actually seen one himself. muggle items have always been forbidden to him. if he had , it’d probably be some some cheesy comedy or something.
food : pumpkin pasties
flower : belladonna
season : winter.
animal : fox
memory : his first time entering the hogwarts castle.
𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓:
cats or dogs : cats
mornings or nights : nights
war or love : in front of his family & certain friends , he’d claim war. However , he hates the thought of it & would take love any day.
smoke or drink : drink
coffee or tea ? coffee
writing or reading ? reading
𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒:
death eater coming back : he’s not particularly fond , especially with him living with one. draco is uneasy about it all , & is afraid for the day when he’ll most likely be expected to become one himself.
enemies coming back : he’s a fan of the idea , especially voldemort. he wants a simple life , one where he doesn’t have to hide underneath a mask , & voldemort ( or any enemies , really ) would be a threat to that.
loved ones coming back : he’s indifferent , mostly because he hasn’t lost anyone that was close to him.
love at first sight : he thinks it’s a ridiculous notion , something the muggles came up with surely. he can’t imagine just looking at someone & being in love , he has to get to know a person first.
one true love / someone you will always love : again , he’s not sure if the idea of only having ‘one true love’ , but it’s a nice idea. draco believes there’s not just one person designed specifically to be with one person.
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒:
what is their family history like ? how does it affect them ? how do they feel about their family ? how does their family feel about them ?
the malfoy family tree is quite long , & full of history. the malfoys are part of the sacred 28 , & take pride of the fact. draco adores his mother , however him & his father have a more strained relationship. he wants to believe that his family has the best in mind for him , but worries that they’ll force him to take the dark mark.
who were their first love and do they feel the same now as they did then ?
his first love was a ravenclaw girl a few years ahead of him. obviously he did nothing to win her affection , & after she graduated he was glad he didn’t. he obviously has moved on since then.
do they believe that a person can redeem themselves from mistakes of the past ?
he wants to believe , mostly for himself , however his insecurity causes him to doubt it’s possible.
what scares them ?
war , death , loss of freedom & control.
how do they feel about death ? have they been significantly affected by it ?
he hasn’t known anyone personally who died , except for some distant relatives. however , cedric’s death did affect him , flipping a switch & making him realize that his life doesn’t feel quite like his anymore.
what is one thing in their past they’re ashamed of ? one thing they’re proud of ?
he’s ashamed of being so harsh with certain peers of his. however , he’s proud of his grades , & becoming a prefect.
pride , envy , gluttony , lust , anger , greed and sloth. if your character was a seven deadly sin , what would they be and why ?
pride , due to his history of bullying because of his “superiority” , that’s all thanks to his family name.
what is their goal ?
security & survival mostly , it’s why he acts the way he does. he wants to make sure his status remains.
do they believe voldemort is back ?
his father hasn’t mentioned anything about the subject , & draco hasn’t asked. but yes , he believes he is back & that his father was present when it happened.
𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄:
lyrics that describes your character best :
❛ might go to hell & there ain't no stopping
might be a sinner & i might be a saint
i'd like to be proud but somehow i'm ashamed. ❜
- r.i.p. to my youth by the neighborhood
quotes that your character lives by :
❛ don't ever stop believing in your own transformation. it is still happening even on days you may not realize it or feel like it. ❜
❛ the key to happiness - or that even more desired thing , calmness - lies not in always thinking happy thoughts. no. that is impossible. no mind on earth with any kind of intelligence could spend a lifetime enjoying only happy thoughts. they key is in accepting your thoughts , all of them , even the bad ones. accept thoughts , but don't become them. ❜
❛ if life were predictable it would cease to be life , & be without flavor. ❜
fictional characters that your character can relate to : ( ngl this was rlly hard )
.fitzwilliam darcy - pride & prejudice ( rich , arrogant , & unapproachable )
theodore ❛ laurie ❜ laurence - little women ( wealthy , moody , & bored , who wants to travel a different path from his parents )
holden caulfield - catcher in the rye ( struggles with family , class expectations , & seeks escape )
people who have changed your character’s life immensely :
his parents , lord voldemort , & professor severus snape
#hqc:task#━━ ⟢ ᴀ ᴡʜᴏʟᴇ ᴜɴɪᴠᴇʀsᴇ ɪɴ ʜɪs ᴍɪɴᴅ ⦂ ⋰ * ✧ ISMS.#//finding similar characters & quotes were so hard idk why
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Let's cut to the chase.
I have shit memory from my lesser self's "fake life" -- especially of my worser days -- but that doesn't mean I've forgotten how much I've hurt the ones I've loved most. When my old best friend messaged me, then 180'd by asking if I believed I took advantage of her, I was fully ready to tell her everything: that ever since 2018, possibly even the end of 2017 depending on my lucidity at the time, I've constantly worried that (and this is a very abridged summary so as to respect her privacy) not only did I unintentionally take advantage of her, I've feared the possibility that in my worst moments, I was sexually abusive (and possibly emotionally too, but the sexual aspect is what has stood out most to me; what I've been trying to apologize to her for years now) and hurt her in ways I'm to this day disgusted with myself over. I just wish she hadn't triggered me by asking if I cheated on her; my hurt self leaped to the surface and responded in cowardice despite my desire to set the record straight.
I'm not gonna waste time by insulting myself with how I'm a "shitty/terrible person" or how I'm a monster. I've simmered in the septic and the stench was atrocious. (I prefer my musk to be a subtle hint of ash and forest, and possibly some sandlewood, thank you very much! Anyways...) I'm stronger than that. I have higher standards to hold myself to (not impossible ones, but rather ones that challenge me to continually grow) and I know it. Which is a great way to circle back to the topic at hand:
Even if other people -- even if SHE -- wouldn't consider my actions as sexually abusive, I would, and that's what matters. Yes we could get into the discussion of consensual nonconsent, but that then brings up the point that there wasn't enthusiastic consent for specific moments (or worse: periods of time), and that is one of the biggest (among many) issues I have. And so in failing to hold myself to those standards, I failed her.
Immensely.
There's more that I could say, but it's all tangential, no matter how interesting I may think it is. Like she said: What's done is done; if she's truly healed from the hurt I caused, then I applaud her strength with reverence. I will always wish we could be in each other's life in some capacity; not even in the sense of "right person wrong time" (although I do still believe in that; especially now that we're closer to our true selves than ever before), but in the simple notion that people come into your life for a reason, and I don't think we've learned as much from the other as we can. There's a reason we became best friends, despite how polar opposite we were; I just hope her new best friend knows how lucky she is. I also hope she's able to (or whoever she's with nowadays; I only suspect the REMOTE possibility of them being together because I recognize the way she'd hide their relationship in plain sight; whether they are or not ultimately isn't any of mine, or anyone else's, fucking business though) love her in all the ways I didn't get the chance to (show).
Anyways, I've got a new house, new job, new phone, and a new reason to keep living: for Liv, and all the people that deserve better. And at the top of that list is ME.
Because I need to put myself first and continue to grow; that's the only true way I feel as though my apologies will matter:
With Continuous Self Improvement.
#I've grown immensely from when we last knew each other#and that's part of why a small part of me hope we'll cross paths later in life#(ideally sooner rather than later)#I removed myself from her life#and even the possibility of running into each other#intentionally so as to ensure I didn't hinder her education#(and the rest of her life & relations)#i doubt she'll ever come back and read these#but if she does#I hope you're doing alright old friend#you deserve the world#and so much more#I hope you're Liv-ing your best life#sorrynotsorry What am I without at least a pun or two?#😏
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𝙱𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚔𝚘𝚔/ 𝟸𝟺𝚢.𝚘./𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚒
1.How old are u?
• 24 years old
2.What’s your nationality?
• Thai
3.Currently what relationships status do u obtain?
• In relationship
4. Define the notion of Love?
• In my opinion, I believe that true love will show when you know how to love yourself, when you respect on who you are, when you know what exactly you want, when you don't have to rely your happiness on anyone. So, basically, Love is based on respecting yourself. Once you can respect yourself, you will understand there is no 100% perfect and you will be ready to understand your partner and won't expect anything exceed from what exactly they are.
5. Are words a soulmate/ other half commonly accepted and used in your country?
• Yes
6.Do u believe in the love at the first sight?
• No, I don't. I don't feel love if I Know nothing about them.
7. Typically how many years/months should pass before the marriage to be arranged?
• Time doesn't matter, it depends on yourself if you feel right when you be with them or not.
8. What are the popular love heroes of your nation?
• Mae Nak and Pee Mak from Mae Nak Phra Khanong. It's a story about the pregnant woman who her husband joined the military and she was dead while giving birth and her spirit kept waiting for her husband until he came back and he didn't know that his wife passed away. So he lived with her until he figured out that something went wrong. It's sad cause they loved each other so much but they had to let go, they couldn’t resist the law of nature.
9. Can the parents arrange wedding in your country?
• Yes
10. Who is most likely to do the first step?
• My lover
11. Place, where the 1-st kiss happened.
• In his room
12. Define the notion “relationship” by using 3 adjectives?
• respecting, understanding, compromising
13. Do u believe in second chances?
• No
14. What situation will make u brake up immediately?
• when they put me in front of a choice or cheating
15. What are your usual actions after break ups?
• lock myself in the room with music
16. Name your brake up song?
• Take a bow, Irreplaceable, Over you
17. The principals of a long term relationships are...
• trust each other and understand that we all need our own space sometimes.
18. Share your frequently used pick up or a charm that brings your crush attention.
• doing something I know that he/she is interesting in and post on Instagram stories such as cooking or baking his/her favorite dishes.
19. Put in your own hierarchy: Career, Family, Friends.
• Career, Family, Friends
20. When was the last time someone you loved left?
• last year
21. How important is money and being financially stable in a relationship?
• it's very important to have an equal on financial status because if it's not equal, there will be time, when you need to support them or they need to support you. In the beginning, everything will look fine but at the end, it will turn out to be a big problem.
22. If your family and friends do not approve of your partner, will their idea bother you or change your mind of him/her?
• I think it's gonna be a bit bothering but if I'm sure that she/he is the one, I would not change my mind
23. What do you think of a person who remains single after the age of 30?
• Normal, Love is not about rushing yourself. Have it whenever you're ready to have it
24. What object/place brings you the memory of your ex or current partner. Attach a pic.
— Film camera
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Opinion/Racism
On Ahmaud Arbery and the Video
What does the video of Ahmaud's murder show and was it wrong to post it?
"A white supremacist public will not be moved to action after viewing videos of anti-Black murders. It is their cinematic tradition," writes Yannick Giovanni Marshall for #AJOpinion.
— by Yannick Giovanni Marshall | May 11, 2020 | Al Jazeera English
Ahmaud Arbery, who was shot and killed by two white men in Brunswick, US on February 23, 2020, is seen in an undated photo provided by Marcus Arbery
One of the first things one notices when looking at the photographs of lynchings in America in the first half of the 20th century is the faces in the crowd. They are smiling.
Although the more popular descriptors used when referring to anti-Black terrorism are "sad", "tragic", "horrific", the word that should most readily come to mind is "pleasure". Lynchers smiled. They enjoyed the killing. They divided up the body, kept parts as souvenirs and used photos of the lynching as postcards. White supremacist society takes pleasure in the display of prostrate, vulnerable, tortured and murdered Black people.
In such a culture, it is easy to think of the circulation of the Ahmaud Arbery video as continuing that tradition. And it is. Most viewers watch the video with sadistic curiosity in their private spaces even if they later declare their outrage and let people know that they are upset in public.
Despite what some activists will argue, a white supremacist public will not be moved to action after viewing videos of anti-Black murders. It is their cinematic tradition. They are the directors, the producers, the stars and the consumers.
Images of Black people dead and dying is the raw meat that sustains a Negrophobic world. Kenyan social media was livid when photographs of the dead bodies of African people during the Dusit Hotel attacks in Nairobi last year were published before the friends and family of the dead were notified. Black people are not seen to be property owners of their own deaths. Their deaths are meaningless but their dying is clickbait and newsworthy. The Black corpse is a spectacle - not private, not wept over.
Of course, Black people are humans and there are many who share the racist erotophonophilic curiosity of the wider society, even if they represent their circulation of the video as an effort to demand social change. But appealing to white supremacist society betrays a faith in white supremacist society. It is faith in a society that has demonstrated a profound disinterest in the value of Black life every hour of the past four centuries. It is faith that this society is now on the cusp of being anti-racist.
That faith is misplaced.
It was misplaced when groups of enslaved people argued that if they smiled wide enough they would be let go. It was misplaced when new Black political representatives in the post-Civil War Reconstruction era believed that a non-racist America was on the horizon. It was misplaced when Civil Rights marchers believed that their singing sounded the death knell of racial discrimination. It was misplaced when people shouted "never again!" after Trayvon was killed. And it is misplaced now.
Racism does not grow old and die. It metastasises. This public will not be moved to action by Ahmaud any more than it was moved by Trayvon, by Sandra, by Eric, by Aiyana, or by the name we will hear two weeks from now, or the name we will hear two weeks after that.
This public can pull the plug on the economy, it can take the planes from the sky, but it will not willingly disband its lynch-mobs - uniformed or non-uniformed.
Do not offer up the bodies of the killed to win the sympathy of an unfeeling public. Decommission your hope. It polices you.
Many Black people have demanded and pleaded that the video of Ahmaud's murder not be shared due to its re-traumatising effects. They are hoping not to discover what they already know is the reality - that Black pleading is about as action-spurring as Black killings.
Black trauma is, however, real, intergenerational, and should be taken seriously. Our ancestors were gathered and forced to witness lynchings and floggings as well, be they in Basra, in Nairobi, in Cape Town, in Bahia, in Port-au-Prince or in Alabama. This is to say nothing of the millions of Black people who at this moment are being groped by police, separated from their families in prisons, or condemned to suffer the indignities of American totalitarianism in housing projects and ghettos.
Racist murder was the knife-point of racial oppression that drove waves of Black people from the American South during the Great Migration. Black people fled both the murderers in pick-up trucks and the local courts and governments that harboured them. They fled because the men who owned the white gun stores refused to sell them the arms they needed to defend themselves after Black-owned gun stores were broken into and the guns confiscated. Black people fled Ahmaud's killers tens of thousands of times.
Conservative media, like the white supremacist rags of the centuries before them, will instinctively search for a way to protect the murderers and to dehumanise and criminalise the victim. It does not matter how the Black person was killed.
The right-wing intelligentsia will try to frame them for their own murder. They will demonise and tar and feather the body, and problematise the dead person's choices in order to feed white supremacist talking points to their yapping audiences.
This while the mainstream liberal press will try to pass white supremacist bothsidesism off as objective journalism.
But these efforts work less effectively on most Black people. We can still see that a person is being killed. Killed arbitrarily, in broad daylight, and in the open. We see a family being killed. We see us being killed.
Still, Emmett Till's mother said leave the casket open.
Parallel to the radical desire for the protection of Black mental health and wellbeing runs the demand for the interruption in the regular procedure of sweeping Black corpses under the rug. To show their faces, #saytheirname, stay the broom. The discourse of white innocence and the notion of America's fundamental goodness are accomplices in white supremacist murder.
They work in tandem to quickly paint every incident of anti-Black violence as an exception to the rule. When this is persuasive, the anger is defused, and the incident no longer threatens to become a catalyst.
Mamie Till flung open the casket. In pain, she interrupted their arguments and forced a stop to the slow-walking of change.
It should not be assumed that all Black people who ask for the video not to be circulated are acting out of concern for Black mental wellbeing. Some of the loudest voices asking not to circulate the videos have made a career out of preaching the possible rehabilitation of the settler-colony. They too, do not want to be interrupted. Every open casket drops into their "HOPE" mugs and they recoil like an English lady finding a Hottentot's skull in her soup tureen.
These people know very well that Ahmaud was killed in February to absolute silence. They know that it was this very same video that led to the arrest of the killers, led some Black people to become genuinely fed up, led to #justiceforahmaud's trending, and led some to speak openly of revolution.
These people are whom Frantz Fanon, the pre-eminent theorist of the white supremacist settler-colony, called the colonised intellectuals. These are the Black academic influencers who are always nearer in proximity to white power than they let on. It is their task to compose the dull prose and type out the hot takes with which they intend to barricade the doors of the state against an incensed people.
It falls to them to convince the outraged natives that the abattoir in which they have been living - and which has not for one hour in the last 400 years churned out anything other than their misery - will one day spew out roses.
I have not made any determination about whether, in the end, it is good for this video to be out there or not - but I don't have to. It is not my decision to make. The decision about whether or not the video should be circulated (or whether it should have been published in the first place) rests with Ahmaud's loved ones. Only Ahmaud's loved ones.
But it is folly to think that bringing about the end to the circulation of videos depicting racist murder is an achievement. Whipping people in the privacy of the slave quarters rather than publicly against a plantation tree in front of the enslaved is not the victory we might think it is.
Enslavement in prisons and on prison farms is allowed to grow in size and atrocity because they are imagined to exist in some hidden away place, somewhere else. They are thought to be outside of society - even if they are located in the centre of Chicago. Hiding anti-Black atrocity from Black people is a poor substitute for ending anti-Black atrocity. Worse, it dulls our ability to see its full magnitude. If prisons were in the town square, their walls knocked down and their conditions and demographics were laid bare, there would be a Watts uprising every day.
It is also true that we must make a world where the photos of Mike Brown Jr's body left on the street for four hours inspires at least as great a bodily shudder as the mental image of a white person, say Shirley Temple, dangling from a lynching rope - an image many would find more disturbing. But that world is not made through silence. It is made through trauma.
The video, and the debate surrounding it has also, for me, revealed something about how I have been trained to see (and not see). It has taken me a while to recognise what is so clearly there in plain sight. The video is not a video of a Black person being killed.
The video is a record of a Black person fighting back despite being outnumbered and out-gunned. A Black person who fought back against the white supremacist culture that attacked him from nowhere and for no reason. It is a record of Ahmaud standing up, like Trayvon Martin, like Mike Brown, like Sandra Bland, like Eric Garner, like countless others who defended themselves against a murderous culture that has never in its existence been able to conceive of the noble, nor a fair fight.
It is disingenuous to pretend to know Ahmaud outside of the few seconds of tape that is circulating. We did not know him as he lived and so we cannot claim to know him in death. It is for this reason that it is crucial that we not reduce his life to his death. He lived and fought in that video. He lived and fought against overwhelming, unfair odds. In this, he embodied another tradition that has always run counter to white supremacist culture - resistance.
Ahmaud is not reducible to his death and the video is not merely or even primarily a record of his murder. It is a record of him outgunned, outnumbered, and valiant.
100 years ago, Ahmaud might have been the inspiration for Jamaican Harlemite Claude McKay's poem If We Must Die, written during the Red Summer of 1919:
"If we must die, let it not be like hogs
Hunted and penned in an inglorious spot...
Like men we'll face the murderous, cowardly pack,
Pressed to the wall, dying, but fighting back!"
The views expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect Al Jazeera's editorial stance.
— Yannick Giovanni Marshall is an academic and scholar of African Studies.
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I really love AU fics, so I want to know what are your favourites (chaptered). But like really AU changing a lot the story (like That's Not My Name, You Don't Even Know Me, Half Blade and Half Silk... you know what I mean?) And I'm sending you love and luck
Thanks love :’) I’m sending both right back! ♥
Listen, you are lucky you only asked for chaptered fics, because otherwise this would be like 10 times longer (not that it’s not long as it is lmao). Have fun!
P.S. Those 3 you named are some of my favorites too, but I feel like I still need to list them anyway, I’m sure someone else will appreciate it ;)
*
Half Blade and Half Silk by smokeshop ✓ Summary: uni!au; Isak’s friends introduce him to an art student at a college party. He won’t stop calling Isak baby and Isak’s bad at pretending to hate it. College AU where Isak’s past is a little more colorful but Even still won’t leave him alone.
the city of illusions, the city of yearning by elisewinSummary: The whole point of going on a student exchange program is to meet people from different countries, learn about different cultures and so on. Isak, of course, falls in love with another Norwegian while in Rome.
torches (life’s too short) by xxLeviBech Summary: “My mom used to tell me my thoughts would pour out of my ears if I kept thinking too hard.” Isak threw back another fry, keeping his gaze down. “That’s pretty fucked up, man.” Even deadpanned, making Isak snap his head up in a laugh .“Fuck you,” He giggled, tossing one of the soggier ones at Even and being decidedly unimpressed when he caught it in his mouth. Or, a canon divergence AU in which Isak’s childhood is exponentially more severe – where he can’t remember coming to school without bruises, a bottle of hand-sanitizer, and long sleeves. It’s fine, he’s fine. It wasn’t for his friends, though; and that’s how he wound up here, in a fold-up chair every Tuesday and Friday, talking about his experiences with other post-secondary kids diagnosed with some kind of PTSD. It’s also where meets a guy whose name starts with the same letters as everything, because that’s… exactly what he is.
with love, from anonymous by cosetties & iriswests✓ Summary: secret admirer!au; Isak just wants to get his coffee in peace, Even has a crush, and there’s a secret admirer on the loose.
in better light, everything changes by TimeInABottle ✓ Summary: wrong number!au; “I just checked the revue website and blackmailing people for smoking weed wasn’t listed under the Kosegruppa description"… Isak accidentally texts a stranger (Even) while trying to text Sana.
i guess that’s destiny doing it right by allyasavedtheday ✓ Summary: The alternate universe where Even originally went to Nissen and became friends with Isak and Jonas when they started first year but moved away after his episode at the start of second year only for Isak to never hear from him again. Fastforward to the summer before Isak starts college when he’s travelling around Spain and bumps into a certain someone in Barcelona.
I’m Not A Baby by cuteandtwisted ✓ Summary: childhood friends!au; “This is Even, my bro. The part about him being my personal servant is kind of true though.” “Your bro? Your bro?! What the fuck, Isak? We need to get rid of this whole masculinity thing they teach you at Nissen.” aka, Isak and Even are childhood friends.
love and condoms by kassie ✓ Summary: Isak was about turn on his heels and say “Fuck it” and go home, when a tall, slender-looking boy approached him from down the aisle. Shit. “Finding everything okay?” he asked once he reached Isak, his face entirely consumed by his smile. Judging from his choice of clothing, the boy definitely worked here. And, by the black letters scribbled on his name tag, the boy’s name was Even. Great.. Or: Isak owes Eskild a favor and Eskild sends him out to buy condoms where he runs into a tall boy who is a little too eager to help him.
super rich kids by koolranchkidz Summary: The van was parked on the side of the empty city street, next to an apartment building. The sun had begun to peek out from behind the horizon and the streetlight had been turned off for the past ten minutes. Even heard Jonas grunt, “Fucking finally! Jesus-” from the front seat. He turned to face the other car window and froze in his spot at the sight. He saw a boy coming down the apartment stairwell lugging an over-packed, black suitcase lazily behind him with one hand. In his other hand, the boy was holding a cup of KB coffee with drips of brown down the sides. He couldn’t make out the boy’s face from that far away, but going by his body language, Even could tell he was exhausted. Or: In which Jonas is rich as fuck and takes The Boysquad™ to the Bahamas after graduation, and many, many things happen.
I feel it when you look at me by photographer_of_thoughts✓Summary: blind!Even; “Did you hear about the new guy?“ Jonas asked, motioning over to the other side of the cafeteria. Isak looked up and became rather breathless at the sight of the tall, blonde, and totally gorgeous boy wearing sunglasses. Wait. Sunglasses? Inside? “Must suck to be the new transfer and blind. I hope someone is helping him find all his classes.” Or, Isak and Even learn to see each other.
making new clichés by strangetowns Summary: childhood friends!au; They are young teenage boys who don’t have jobs, and thus don’t have money except for when they beg their parents for allowances. The stunning lack of creativity that goes into their activities just goes without saying. What doesn’t go without saying is this - Even doesn’t care that they don’t do anything exciting. They could be lying on their backs for hours watching the ceiling and he’d still rather be there than anywhere else in the world. As long as Isak is there, he will have a good time. This is a thing he knows to be true. - In this universe, Isak and Even are best friends. Some things are different; some things stay exactly the same.
Something Borrowed, Something Blue by BluebeardsWife ✓ Summary: fake dating!au; Even hires Isak to pretend to be his boyfriend at his ex’s wedding.
WAKE UP! by cuteandtwisted ✓ Summary: Even can’t stop having dreams about this strange boy. He’s never seen him before. But why does it feel like he’s the only person that ever mattered? Or: Even has no idea who Isak is but he still loves him aka EvenDreams!AU
don’t you keep it all to yourself by colazitron ✓ Summary: coffee shop!au; Isak starts buying daily coffees before school at Kaffebrenneriet around the corner because it tastes better than the coffee in the cafeteria and keeps his hands warm. But mostly because the barista is heart-stoppingly cute. Or: An AU in which Even didn’t need to repeat his last year and instead started working at the coffeeshop Isak passes on his way to school every morning.
i hate your face, it makes my heart skip a beat by Bellakitse Summary: HateToLove!au & tutoring!au; Isak is failing History and his friends have the great idea that their new friend Even should tutor him. It’s perfect except Isak doesn’t like Even or the way his stupid face makes his stomach flip.
Those, who could not hear the music. by UniversalParadox_13Summary: In this story, Isak and Even are ballet students and collide while preparing for a play they’ll be performing in. It’s odd and exhilarating, and does not make sense to their yearning bodies and vulnerable hearts, until it does. But Even is in a steady relationship and Isak has no place for love his life, so there is that.
The Comments Below by DickAnderton ✓ Summary: youtubers!au; Isak is a notoriously lazy gamer living with lgbt icon Eskild. When they invite youtube sensation Even Bech Naesheim over for a collaboration, #Evak is born. But it is not only their viewers who are falling in love.
That’s Not My Name by cuteandtwisted ✓ Summary: one-night stand!au; “Isak.” Even smiled, then licked his lips. “Wanna go back to my place?” - aka: Isak is an exchange student in new york city where he meets a very forward and bewitching Even.
I’m Not in Love by cuteandtwisted ✓ Summary: uni!au; Isak was not in love. Nope. Not even close. Or: Even never transferred to Nissen in his third year, so they meet in college instead. Uni AU in which Isak doesn’t believe in love but Even Bech Næsheim won’t stop kissing him.
Home Is Wherever I’m With You by cuteandtwisted Summary: travel!au; “Hi. I’m Even and I don’t usually walk around in nothing but a towel.” “Uh, I’m Isak.” “Isak. Mind if I kidnap you for some fun sightseeing activities?” Or Isak and Even keep meeting in hostels all around the world and never exchanging contact information.
The Notion of Falling by smokeshop✓ Summary: HateToLove!au; Isak hates Even and Even hates Isak and Sana is the only one who knows why.
Things Look Different in the Morning by allyasavedtheday✓ Summary: roomates!au & uni!au; “So,” he says, drawing the word out. “I told Even he could stay here.”Isak blinks, convinced he’s misheard. “Eskild,” he says flatly. “We don’t have a spare room.” Eskild straightens his back, expression turning sheepish. “That’s the other part…I was thinking he could stay in your room?” * In which Even needs a place to stay, kollektivet gains a new roommate, and Isak just really wants to sleep.
Membership Dues by Sabeley ✓Summary: fraternity!au; Isak is pledging Even’s fraternity. Even keeps having to be reminded that he’s not allowed to date the pledges. “It’s a ten-week pledge period. How hard could it be?” Famous last words.
Doctor Patient Confidentiality by skambition✓ Summary: “Male, maybe late 20s, didn’t carry an ID. Was hit by a car. Broken ribs, lots of internal bleeding, his left hand needs some work, a lot of crushed bones. Punctured lung. His heart frequency shows irregularities, but we’re not sure why. Unconscious. The driver called, he’s in surgery, too.” “Okay, thanks”, Isak said, got his rubber gloves and went into the OR. He was good at fixing people. And he knew it.
take me to the stars by iriswests Summary: HateToLove!au & friends with benefits!au; Isak thinks Even is pretentious and impractical. Even thinks Isak is arrogant and uptight. They’re not each other’s biggest fans, even if they do happen to have spectacular sex on a very, very drunken night. And Isak doesn’t mean to do it again, but he does, anyway, so now they’re establishing ground rules and deciding that maybe they can keep doing this, no strings attached, no commitments, no feelings, and, most importantly, no need to stop disliking each other.And then it’s not quite that simple anymore.
(✓ - completed fics)
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