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chelseeebe · 1 day

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you win, i lose

we’re back with these two pathetic little weirdos, who cheered!! another follow up to gimme a hand, bump n’ grind and truth or dare or can be read as a standalone! i think i’m gonna give these two a break for now and work on some other things including some lovely requests i have<3

18+. mdni! smut with a little bit of plot this time! female!reader x eddie munson. no use of y/n. modern au i guess but it is so not mentioned or relevant

eddie sighs, a long, guttural sigh that on reflection, made him sound like a sad little dog.

“what the hell was that for?” barely looking up from your phone to talk to him.

he debates even saying it, terrified that you’d have his balls chopped off for uttering the words.

“don’t you think we’re boring now?” voice wavering as the words come out.

after six months of officially dating, your relationship had started to slow a little. no more making him cum in his pants or sneaky blowjobs in the bathroom at parties. it was sex or it was sleep.

the transition from best friends who shouldn’t be doing this to same old couple had been jarring, especially over the past week when eddie’s felt his dick was on overdrive.

“boring? huh? i don’t think we’re boring? we literally went to a gig tonight,” baffled by his insulting suggestion.

“not like that,” leering up at you from his side of the bed, “i mean.. when we have sex, it’s kinda boring,” shrugging, as if to lessen the blow of what he’d said.

your face crumples, both offence and perhaps a little hurt flash through your features. “wow, thanks eds. no, i actually didn’t think that at all.”

it’s in that moment that he realises, he’s fucked up. majorly.

“w- i’m- shit, no,” shoulders slumping, “you’re taking it the wrong way,” as if there were any other way for you to take it.

“i don’t think so, you couldn’t have been clearer actually,” sending daggers through his skull, “alright,” you place your hands on your hips, “you don’t get to touch me for a week, no kissing, no cuddling.. definitely no sex,” pouting slightly, “since that’s how you wanna be.”

“what?” eddie sits up, at full attention now, “you know i didn’t mean it like that,” fumbling to turn this around.

“i don’t care, you said it,” standing strong, “now you have to live with the consequences.”

his head rolls back against the headboard, immediate regret for anything he had just said.

god only knows if he’d live to survive the week.

that night in bed, eddie turns, huffing his frustrations into the pillow. it hadn’t even been twenty four hours yet and he already felt like he was going crazy.

his hand sprawls out over the mattress, edging to touch you, though he stops just before.

“you wanna give up already?” you taunt, staring though the darkness to throw another jab at him.

“no, i don’t. i just wanna cuddle my girlfriend in bed, is that too much to ask?”

“i told you the rules, no.”

“fuuck,” grumbling to himself, “this is stupid,” pouting to himself, in his self-inflicted drought.

“maybe don’t say stupid shit and this won’t have to happen again,” smug and self-righteous as you turn away, leaving him to yearn for just a brush of skin.

the party had been a bad idea from the start. eddie had never been so pent up in his life and it had only been three, long, miserable days.

you’d made sure to wear that tiny black dress, the one he really liked. struggling to even keep his eyes on the road on the drive over.

a few beers and a no-contact order could only mean one thing and he was dreading it.

you were adamant on making eyes at him across the kitchen counter all night, driving him literally insane. any other time, you’d have snuck off to the bathroom or gone home early but he knows there is a slim chance of that happening tonight.

you sidle up to him, mischievous glint in your eye as you slide something into his pocket before slinking off again, faster than he can compute.

he reaches into his pocket, pulling out the lacy fabric just enough to realise what it was. quickly spinning on his heel so as to not let anyone else see.

your fucking panties. wrapped around his fingers for everyone to see.

there’s no hesitation about it, excusing himself to the bathroom before anyone could ask what he was doing.

holy shit. you’re fucking crazy. on another playing field completely. eddie almost wishes that he’d asked for your panties earlier, far before you’d decided to play these brutal games with him.

he slides them from his pocket, not before making sure the door was locked for the second time, holding them to his nose, like the freak he truly was.

oh god.

he misses you so bad. he’d take the most boring, uneventful missionary for the rest of his life if it meant you’d never deprive him of this ever again.

it takes a moment for him to regain enough consciousness to rejoin the party, keeping his fingers wrapped tight around the lacy material as argyle prattles on about some crazy new strain he’d discovered.

your eyes sparkle, waiting for him to meet your gaze. but he’s not giving you that. not allowing you the satisfaction of ruining him so badly.

the second the van is far enough away from the house, eddie wails loudly in despair.

“that wasn’t fair!” he whines, throwing his head back against the seat of his van, gripping onto the steering wheel for dear life.

“it’s totally fair,” you refute, smiling away to yourself.

“no it’s not,” huffing like a petulant child, “i can’t give you my boxers to sniff.. it’s not equal.”

“i’m sorry- you sniffed them?” flabbergasted, “you’re a pervert,” collapsing into a fit of giggles.

“yeah i fucking did,” proud of his perversions, he was the most sexually frustrated he had ever been, sniffing your panties was nothing compared to what he felt like doing.

“weirdo.”

eddie wants so badly to reach over, slide his hand underneath your dress and really take advantage of the no-panties situation. he was getting hard just thinking about it.

it’s crazy how much you insulting him was actually turning him on more.

“please just let me touch you,” he pleads, “i’m sorry for what i said, i need you,” there had been a time where eddie had to make do with getting to feel your touch every couple months, he’s not sure how he ever survived.

three days and he felt like he was about to implode.

not only had he dreamed of your pussy, it had been haunting him in his mundane life too.

stuck under some dusty old car at work, only thinking about how good you felt, ignoring any of the actually important things he had to do.

“nuh-uh, you made your bed, now lie in it,” propping your feet up on the dash, causing your skirt to slide even higher.

eddie couldn’t believe you’d be so evil and cruel, even in his darkest hour you were depriving him of you.

at some point in the night, eddie’s brain must have decided that enough was enough. his half-asleep, dream filled mind doesn’t really comprehend what he’s doing, hand snaking around your waist, using your body as leverage to pull himself closer, pressed against your ass.

“eddie.. eddie,” you hush, shaking his arm. “you’re cheating,” voice still hoarse and sleepy.

“i give up,” he grumbles, slowly grinding his hips against your ass, “you win, i lose,” admitting defeat at long last. if only he had sucked up his pride enough to do this four days ago.

“four days.. four fucking days,” you scold, though make no effort to move away from him, “you can’t even last a full week, you loser,” chastising him was music to his ears.

“mhm,” he grumbles into the back of your neck, “keep being mean to me, i love it,” spare hand creeping down to shift your shorts to the side.

you laugh into the pillow, moving your hips backwards against his crotch, “you’re so pathetic,” you goad, only firing him up more.

“oh god,” he groans, still rutting against the soft fabric, “i’m gonna cum right now,” whining into your ear.

“if you cum without fucking touching me, i’m gonna be so pissed off,” your grip tightening on his forearm, almost pinching him.

he huffs into your hair, slowing his rhythm to a complete stop, hastily tugging on your pajama shorts, eager to get them off and his dick wet.

this can’t have been any better on you, really, not only were you punishing him, but yourself too.

your shorts rest somewhere around your ankles as eddie struggles to get his own boxers down, grunting in sheer desperation as his cock aches for you.

his hand slides underneath your tee, pulling it up with his arm, gripping onto your boob for leverage. eddie’s never been one to take control but if he hadn’t, he’s not sure you’d have ever touched him again.

wasting no time in hoisting your leg higher, his already leaking tip nudging your sopping entrance. confirmation that you’d been just as eager for it as he was.

“‘m so hard for you,” pushing himself between your folds, shuddering at the overwhelming feelings jolting through his limbs.

“shit,” you breathe, placing your palm above his as it gropes your fleshy skin.

“need you-oh god.. so bad,” senselessly thrusting his hips, slamming against your ass while the bed begins to rock, thanking his lucky stars that wayne was still at work.

“yeah? tell me, tell me how bad you need it,” gasping for air, your soft, angelic pants fill his tiny bedroom.

eddie groans, aching to please you but also unable to fathom the correct words needed to truly convey his feelings.

“y-you’re all i think about,” tightening his grip on your skin, “at work..” panting his words out between rhythmless thrusts, “at home- fuck oh fuck,” squeezing his eyes shut, hoping to make this last at least a few minutes longer.

nothing had ever felt so euphoric, frying his nerve endings, sending his brain into a hazy state that he just may never recover from.

“fuck,” you grit, clawing at his hand, “missed you so bad,” rolling your head back to rest on his shoulder, showing no mercy to his neighbours with your echoing moans. guaranteed to receive disgusting looks from david across the way for the rest of his life.

at this point, eddie becomes an incoherent babbling mess, eyes pressed shut as his stomach flips and turns in all directions. is now the time to start thinking about having kids?

“let me.. let me cum in you,” driven wild by the thought of filling you up over and over. a rare treat that really only lead to a week of stress for you both, but so incredibly worthwhile.

chanting his name right into his ear, other hand stuck between your thighs, circling your clit with an animalistic ferocity. you’d wanted this just as bad as he did, only you were clearly more strong-willed than he’d ever be.

not a second of this had been boring or anything he ever wanted to miss again. swearing to himself that he’d never be so to open his mouth foolish again.

“y-yeah,” nodding encouragingly, “please,” nearing your own, overdue orgasm.

eddie had been clued on to all the little signs for months now, tightening around him while your moans turned more into whimpers, jaw slack and your eyes rolled back.

“shitshitshit,” he rushes, certain he’d left indentations in your skin, “gonna cum- gonna cum in you,” making sure that you know what you’d signed up for, not that he had much choice.

his orgasm rocks his body, juddering as he paints your walls, howling as the overwhelming feeling washes over again and again. four days of built up energy all coming out in one.

you shriek, “oh god,” your body turning to putty between his arms, trembling as you cum, “mine.. all mine,” cradling his arm in yours, placing half-assed kisses to his neck.

he was, unashamedly so. no one had nor could ever come close to the way you make him feel. dragging him to the lowest levels of his pride just to boost him right back up when you said shit like that.

eddie doesn’t let go, scared that you’ll come out of your haze and get mad about his failed temporary abstinence.

you shuffle round under his grip anyway, face burning and your hair resembling a birds nest, though completely content as his release drips down your leg.

your palm slaps his cheek playfully, “don’t you ever call me boring again,” squishing his flaming hot skin between your fingers, “because you’ll never touch me again,” unsure of whether you were joking or not.

“yes ma’am,” running his fingers down your side, until they reach the curve of your ass, “that’s a promise.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fic #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x y/n

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cassandracain52 · 1 day

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Reverse trope

where instead of the Bats forgetting that they’re adopted (something actual adoptees do on occasion and is hilarious) they forget that some of them *cough Damian cough* aren’t

_______

Jason in the heat of a probably ridiculous argument: Yeah well YOU’RE adopted!

Tim just as invested in said argument: So are YOU! We all are!

Damian who had previously been quietly watching this unfold while he drank his tea: Actually I’m not

Tim and Jason who didn’t realize he was there but are already DoneTM: …… Damian continuing to sip his tea entirely unbothered: :)

Damian: Because I’m not an orphan-

Jason: ok, yoU KNOW WHAT-

____

or like in their group texts (that we know they have thanks to Nightwing (2016) #79)

*Steph changed the group chat name to “Bruce Wayne’s Personal Orpanage”*

Jason: Really?

Steph: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Steph: It’s the truth Damian: Both my parents are very much alive

Steph: Shhh you don’t count

Cass: Mine too Duke: Technically so are mine

Barbara: I still have a dad so there’s that

Steph: YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE JOKE

Tim: Stephanie aren’t BOTH of your parents alive???

Steph: KNOW WHAT? FINE

*Steph changed the group chat name to “The Technicality Police”*

Tim: well that’s more accurate at least

Steph: :)

_____

Damian in his 10th argument with Tim of the day: That’s- this is-

Tim in full Antagonizing Big Brother mode: I’m listening

Damian -a Gen Z and best friend to Jon Kent- extremely frustrated: This is such Motherless behavior!

Tim taken aback: [voice cracking] W-what-?

Damian who didn’t mean to say that but doubling down anyway because his bloodline doesn’t believe in admitting mistakes: THIS! This is such Motherless behavior!

The rest of the family who is also motherless: :O

Cass whose been spending way too much time with Meme Queen Stephanie Brown and not involved in the argument but finding it entertaining regardless: [nodding along seriously] Facts

Tim: [visibly betrayed] CASS WHAT-

A video copy of the interaction gets sent out anonymously to the entire family. Barbara is the prime suspect but there is no proof as of yet (and they will never find any)

Steph, Cass, and Duke continue to respond “Motherless behavior” everytime one of the bats does something they deem questionable/insane. It is said often

It only stops when one night in the middle of patrol. Batman is in full Dark Knight mode (possibly in the middle of threatening someone) and descends from the ceiling into the middle of a warehouse drug deal, dark cape billowing out behind him-

and Steph just automatically whispers “Motherless behavior” forgetting her com was still very much on

She immediately realizes what she said and frantically apologizes but it’s too late.

Bruce just- Blue Screens. Completely stunned into silence

Dick -who was unfortunate enough to be the one teamed up with Batman tonight- is fighting for his life to choke back his laughter

Jason doesn’t even try to stop his and has collapsed to his knees from lack of air from how hard he’s laughing. Cass try’s half heartedly patting his back to help to no avail

The criminals are terrified into surrender from The Red Hood just laughing hysterically at seemingly nothing while Batman just Stands There

Damian ends up being the only one still functioning enough to continue arresting everyone, though he is privately amused and strangely proud

Tim and Barbara have saved both the com recordings and cowl footage to at least three different servers and sent it to absolutely everyone before Batman even recovers

Duke finds out second hand the next morning and is furious he missed the chance to see it in person. He declares he is moving to the nightshift so it doesn’t happen again. (He is all talk and goes to bed by 9 pm)

Bruce bans the phrase for life and promises swift and server punishment to anyone who dares to use it again

#Like it’d be so funny #Imagine them on mothers day #Damian at unnecessary volumes: I AM LEAVING TO GO TO VISIT MY MOTHER NOW #Damian: WHERE SHE LIVES.#His brothers on their way to the cemetery or smth: ._.#Damian still going regardless: BECAUSE SHE IS ALIVE #I just know Damian “Certified Mama’s Boy” Wayne would be such a menace about it #And Duke Babs Steph and Cass would so help fan the flames #batfam #dc comics #fanfiction #headcanon #chat fic #Can you tell I read them often #And yes adoptees forget they’re adopted #I have a friend who has on multiple occasions started to tell me about something that “ran in the family”/something in her family history #Before she’ll remember she’s not actually blood related #someone has probably already done this #But I still thinks it’s very funny #No I don’t think Jon would say motherless behavior to someone #But I do think he’d know the phrase and teach Damian #I just imagine he educates him on all the Gen Z lingo don’t ask why

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imbellarosa · 1 year

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#i don’t know what I’m doing w my life but actually #I’m pretty happy #I’ve got people I love a lot and Louie and some place to go home to #loads of places to go home to #so idk what this is gonna look like a year from now #and that’s something I think about a lot like - maybe #maybe my friends will leave this town and maybe it’s just gonna be me and one other person left #or maybe I’ll move in w my best mate bc our other friend will finally make it to Scotland #or maybe one of the guys I’m sort of seeing will step up and say no I’m ready to properly be w you #or maybe I’ll fall in love w a completely new person and never look back #maybe my research project will be going downhill over and over and over #or maybe I’ll have done a large part of it and be hitting all my deadlines #maybe I’m still teaching #maybe I can’t be #maybe I’ll go back to Belgium w Louie for a month #or by myself for a weekend #or w J if he can choose to get out of this town #or w T to Italy if he can pull his head out of his ass #maybe the next guy that asks me out won’t be drunk in our local pub #maybe everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt maybe I’ll have written more poems #maybe I’ll have forgiven anyone I ever need to and everyone will have forgiven me #but today I’m happy #it’s the end of the year and my one year anniversary w Louie and I’m going to my friends place to do brunch w them #and some people kind of like me sometimes #i say things

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tchaikovskaya · 1 month

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🫠

#like ok I know I’m being self centered and borderline self obsessive and narcissistic for taking so much time to dwell on this but #what is it about ME that makes people so crazy like I know of other accts w more followers than I have and afaik theirs aren’t as rab #*rabid as mine are lmfaooooooo #like I know that so many of you are so incredibly kind and so lovely and honestly that’s why I’m still here #but there is just a very tiny but extremely loud minority who are vicious and fucking relentless #I won’t go into detail but yeah it even bleeds into my life irl and them making a point to intimidate me #in the real physical 3D world not online like my daily actual life #and I just don’t know what it is like idk why idk what it is that I do or have done #(not to be problématique but) it’s not even like I post thirst traps or pics of myself at ALL #IIRC I haven’t for like over 4 yrs now lmao. it’s not an issue of me intentionally drawing attn it’s just me Existing on here???#idk I just am so upset by it if I think too hard about it. idk.

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twistedappletree · 19 days

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we could be really cute roller skating besties who jam to vaporwave and mallsoft in the city at sunset but nobody i know wants to leAVE THEIR FUCKING HOUSE & TRY NEW THINGS

#B R O #I HAVE MADE 5 NEW RL FRIENDS IN THE PAST WEEK #AND NONE OF THEM WANNA DO ANYTHING EVER #W H Y #like they’re cool people fr but 😭#i don’t understandddd why is is so fucking hard to find people who aren’t afraid of literally everything #what the hap is fuckening #a few years ago i had soooo many friends who were down to do whatever whenever #and it’s like that just #died in everyone around me #shit i know times are tough but it’s things like this that actually help make u feel better #i swear they do why can’t just 1 person trust me and take chance and leap & SEE what i’m talking about #😭😭😭😭😭#i’m gonna c r y i just want my friends to love life again #apple babble 🍎#non fandom #also i meant weeks not weeks lmao i don’t expect anyone to do anything in the 1st week omg #i’m not THAT bitch #WEEK****#jfc CAN I TYPE NORMALLY FOR ONCE OMFG #WHY DOES AUTOCORRECT CORRECT INTO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT THINGS

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badolmen · 2 months

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So funny how trauma will just kick you in the fucking teeth with the most random triggers.

#ra speaks #personal #watched the most recent quintin reviews vid which like yeah I went in with expectations of the content #and it’s not like I actively avoid stuff that depicts/discusses abuse I’ve been going to therapy long enough to know my most sensitive #triggers and stuff. but…idk something abt when he got to the drake bell section just set me off something fierce.#I’m all nerves and stress and self loathing/misplaced guilt from my own past bullshit #like brain can we please cool it we’ve been over this for years why you freaking the fuck out now? (I mean. logically. I know why #and how trauma works and that I’m just having emotional flashbacks but still. ugh.)#brain please be real niceys to me I have a meeting in an hour we cannot be having a panic attack.#you’re safe you’re good it wasn’t your fault etc etc can we please go back to being an adult more than a decade past all that? please???#survived my meeting so I’m gonna vent abt this a bit more bc. let’s be real.#I don’t rememember a solid 3 years of my adolescence and it fucks w me sometimes.#I remember things before 4th grade. I remember 4th grade. then bam I’m in 8th going to high school. and like #I know logistically what happened. I know emotionally I hated/was so fucking scared of [redacted] until I finally left that fucking school.#it’s just. frustrating bc if I remembered maybe I’d feel more justified letting myself get upset abt it. but I don’t so suck it up buttercup #it probably wasn’t even that bad if you don’t actually remember it so pull it together.#hell for all you know it had nothing to do with [redacted] and you were just on bad meds/depressed and forgot three solid years of your life #after meeting [redacted] <- I am not convincing myself unfortunately.

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mars-ipan · 5 months

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y’know i think the most annoying thing about trying to discuss reproductive rights with cis people is the complete and utter refusal to include trans people in the discussion. like they will only ever say “women” and if you dare to point it out it’s “well this is all being done to control women” or “‘people with vaginas’/‘people assigned female at birth’ is way too wordy” it drives me fucking crazy

like first off do you seriously think that the people who seek to remove bodily autonomy from women have nothing against trans people. do you think they hold zero ill will towards us. also do you think they view trans afabs as anything other than women.

secondly. NOBODY IS ASKING YOU TO USE BIG WORDY PHRASES LITERALLY JUST SAY “PEOPLE” INSTEAD OF “WOMEN.” WE LITERALLY JUST DON’T WANT TO BE EXCLUDED FROM THIS BECAUSE WE ARE ALSO BEING HURT WE JUST WANT SOME GODDAMN SOLIDARITY IN THIS BITCH. LIKE ACTUALLY JUST FUCKING SAY “PEOPLE” IT SAVES EVERYONE FROM WEIRD LOOPHOLES AND ALSO ENFORCES THAT WOMEN ARE PEOPLE FOR FUCK’S SAKEEEEE

#marzirants #my mom would say shit like this sometimes and it drove me fucking insane every single time #with her i truly feel like i have to pick my battles #bc 90% of the time she fully understands where i’m coming from! she understood the weird nuances of my queer stuff way better than any other #cishet i’ve met. ESPECIALLY considering she’s in her 50s #but every now and again she says some shit that drives me up a WALLLLL #i remember once i was talking about the language around it #and my mom brings up that she ‘disagrees’ with saying like ‘people with uteruses’ or whatever #and this kinda surprised me (she tends to catch me off guard with it) so i had no actual explanation for her #but i tried anyways i was like ‘well trans folks are affected by this too so it’s important that we’re included in the language’ right #and THIS WOMAN. someone who i know would fucking lay down her life if it were the best way to keep me safe #SAYS TO ME.#‘well this issue is about women. it isn’t about being trans and i don’t think the discussion should be derailed to trans issues’#WHAT????? W. WHAT HUH????#first off. this bitch goes hand in hand with trans issues we are talking bodily autonomy that is a huge trans issue #second of all. WHO THE FUCK IS DERAILING????? WE’RE ON YOUR SIDE WE’RE LITERALLY ASKING TO BE INCLUDED IN THE FIGHT #WH??? BITCH????#my mom is so fucking smart. but sometimes the cishet nonsense overrides her smartness and she says the dumbest shit i have ever heard #don’t tell her i said that she’d get mad at me. even tho it’s literally smth all cishets do

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brookheimer · 1 year

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#again this is all my fault i had a week to do this i just can’t seem to do any work unless the deadline is within like . 24 hours #otherwise i can’t get myself to focus or care #thanks brain.#the film one will be easy though i can bullshit it bc my profs give out B+ as the highest grade apparently so i should stop writing A papers #for them and just get the same grade for less work . unfortunately i love writing papers (even though i hate it) and can never actually #like phone in a paper like even when i try to i end ip getting into it by the end #i’m so bad at just being like yeah let’s write a B paper. i canyyyyttttyt ! which is so annoying bc i’ll get a B in this class anyways bc #it’s 300 ppl and they don’t read the papers they just give everyone a B+ so WHY DO I BOTHER #praying that for the first time in my life i write a mid paper on purpose and it takes an hour or so #then i can focus the next 12 hours on the paper i both want and need to do well on #well maybe not NEED like i’d prob get an A in the class if i got a B+ or even a B maybe on the final #but it’s my last class ever (transferring😬) with my favorite professor in the world . i have never gotten below an A- from him on a paper #and that was only in my first class w him like i’ve gotten all As since so i NEEEEED to go out w a bang. seriously. i like him too much not #to!!! it’s also a topic i’m rly interested in except also i still don’t actually know my thesis. i just have 20 pages of brainstorming and #research. don’t know what i’m doing w it yet tho #agggggghh #so mad at myself — went to bed at 7 FUCKING PM by accident bc i hadn’t slept in 40 hours and forgot to set an alarm for like 6 to try and #make up for all the work i didn’t do yesterday so now here we r. aaaagggggggh #sorry for the personal vent in the tags but this is my blog i can vent if i want to (to the tune of that one song)#i’m actually insane why am i subjecting myself to this. and even worse why am i (ADHD #depression insane) transferring to one of the like 20 schools in america that’s more academically demanding than the one i’m at rn. why am #i making things worse for myself.#except blah blah blah not really i’m fine academically and honestly except for finals (which is always just a procrastination issue w me)#cld provably use smth a little more demanding at times like i need classes hard enough to actually convince my brain that i need to do yhe #readings lolll like i genuinely always Want to do them bc they’re things i am honestly super interested in i just a) am so bad at focusing #and b) am Disturbingly good at bullshitting like i typically am one of the most talkative ppl in classes despite doing 1/2 or less of the #readings.. and like not even to get a participation grade. just bc i can skim it and immediately have things to say ab it #that’s why i won a like national award in high school for a paper on a book i didn’t actually read😬 except i had WANTED! to read it!#that’s the issue like. if u know u can bullshit something how do u get ur adhd brain to get the message that u actually want to read it #raAaagh ok personal rambling over o know it’s prob annoying bc like i Do do well in school n i am grateful i just wish i was healthier ab it

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apathyfairy · 7 months

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you know when you’re suicidal like 99 percent of the time but then some random thing comes and hits you and you just struggle so much with mortality and you want to live forever so bad

#i was watching suite life of all things and this fuckin honda commercial comes on and it’s like we’re gonna be carbon neutral by 2050 #or something like that and i was like nice. then i was like ..2050. i probably wont be alive in 2050.. 2050 is in 27 years #in 27 years i’ll be 55. my mom will be… and my pets w.. and no one will remember me when i die #and i guess it doesn’t even matter but doesn’t it?? doesn’t it matter what we do with our time here?? but then again it doesn’t matter..#matthew perry is dead and my ex is dead and my dogs are dead and muriel from suite life is dead and nothing matters but Doesn’t It?#doesn’t everything actually matter so so much???? don’t i even care that i’m wasting my life? there’s so much life to live and i’m sitting #here watching a kids show from 2005? don’t i care what i do with my life? don’t i care that it’s almost over???#and that’s what’s been spinning around in my head aaaalllll fucking day since i saw that commercial and i’m distraught even though i know #i’ll wake up tomorrow like i wish i didn’t but fr. don’t things matter. like they do. they do so much. everything matters so fucking much😔

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teruthecreator · 1 year

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when the bipolar depression is bipolar depressioning👍

#in neg city #mannnn i just feel like i’m getting worse. actually it’s not a feeling i Know i’m getting worse #i can’t keep up w anything i’m becoming more antisocial my sleep schedule is completely wrecked beyond repair #and i just feel like my meds aren’t doing anything like my mood stabilizers aren’t doing shit i don’t feel anymore motivated or energized #or excited for my life or anything at all. i’ve just been feeling steadily worse and worse and idk how to stop it #and it’s gonna be rlly annoying talking to my psychiatrist and telling her that No the meds Still aren’t working #and she’s probably gonna bump me up to 100mg instead of taking me off of it and trying something else entirelt #and therapy is becoming more annoying than it is helpful bc i just do not wanna talk abt what’s wrong anymore it makes me feel worse #and there’s bugs in my brain that i see and i feel even tho they aren’t there i feel like they are and it’s uvhhhhhh -__-#whatever. 3 AM posting existential as hell i’ll be fine in the morning #or at least i won’t be as whiny #anyways goodnight everyone that’s the end of my late night michposting

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awek-s-archived · 1 year

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#aweks.txt #hate saying this bc it’s exactly what the hate anons from last night were aiming for but I do wanna die a lot rn FJSJFNSN #I always say if smth is justified fair enough and. no matter how ppl wanna keep saying that it wasn’t baseless. it really was #just because you can’t read doesn’t mean the rest of us relate to that too #i thought I was pretty clear but I’m not gna sit there and write out points about everything they said abt me while trying to give my #personal opinion on what I thought abt what they initially said #in their very first message they accused me of hating trans ppl and said ‘fuck you and her’ while going hard w the hate #then accused me of not being trans #then proceeded to weaponise their own identity bc I wasn’t playing into what they wanted me to act like #and I’ve been thinking abt it all night and I reached out to mutuals more educated than me to talk it out and such #people who are ACTUALLY from the communities the anons were claiming to be in #who said that it really was a huge witch hunt just for no reason #i get life is hard for everybody and it sucks but I can’t imagine hating myself so much that I go on anon to tell someone to fuck off and #then say that I’m glad I ruined their day #like that’s just. fucked up esp since you don’t know me #not to mention all the lies they told including that apparently they interact w me all the time which just isn’t true 😭 lol #anyways #all this to vent one final time and say that I’m gonna have anon off indefinitely #and just quietly work on my requests and my interactions with my mutuals :)#and just honestly to remind people that no matter how much you hate someone (in this instance me)#it doesn’t justify making things up about them or putting words in their mouths or generally making it your life mission to make their day #awful and then say you’re proud of it 😵‍💫 like I pity you. sincerely. i hope you find what you’re looking for in life and take a break from #the Internet bc you truly need it #everyone who was nice to me and dmed me I want to say thank you again and I really appreciate all your words

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ajaegerpilot · 2 years

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What’s that one post that’s like ‘idk why people say birth control is so bad everyone I know irl that uses it life is improved by it and they don’t get side effects’ bc it’s true

#people getting bad side effects with hormonal birth control are the minority nowadays #because the doses are now lower than they used to be and sometimes w different chemicals most likely #and it’s basically just conservative propaganda wanting to scare people from using it #misha speaks #I know of literally one person who said they had a bad experience #meanwhile everyone else is like this is great incl myself this is my second month where not only have I had no cramping #which I’ve gone every month on birth control with no debilitating cramping like I used to have #but literally I take it consistently and I’ve not been getting a period whatsoever #I think fucking with your hormone levels so that you don’t need have a period is cool and sexy #I’m just thinking about how I’d be in such terrible pain for an entire day and pain meds wouldn’t even take the edge off #I could do it again obvs but I’m grateful for the flexibility now #the natural fallacy is real esp when you have what honestly amounts to a medical condition lol #‘actually it’s normal and natural that you’re in pain’ actually it’s just not life threatening that doesn’t mean it’s good.#everything I’ve heard about copper IUDs are like it is the devil. but also if you put it in correctly is very effective to kill sperm.#thinking of two of my friends who had a lingering painful experience getting an IUD put in #I’m like.. I would feel like shit if I was their partner.. also you continue to have ur period with an IUD right it just doesn’t seem worth

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ziracona · 1 year

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I’ve spent my whole life having people from strangers to acquaintances to friends to family tell me in some way or other I’m a bad person, or being bad, for caring actively about a bunch of minority stuff. I have not ever thought of it that was before, but putting it into perspective yesterday. I have. All the ‘Why can’t you just not engage. They’re family—ignore what they say and change the subject.’ ‘You’re so self-righteous, overbearing, judgemental, critical, harsh, overemotional—why can’t you be unselfish and keep it to yourself?’ ‘If it really mattered more people would complain’ ‘people today care about everything so much they’re too sensitive—why can’t you keep quiet or nod instead of arguing with me? Just let it go.’ Even from ‘liberal’ friends I get ‘I know it’s racist but it’s not a big deal. Quit spoiling people’s fun by talking about flaws with things. People want to have a good time and they’re already sad and tired’ ‘quit making people feel bad for liking bigoted things by talking about the bigotry. It’s selfish and prudish.’

And hearing on the same day a bunch of native people at a creatives meetup lost it & went ‘They did WHAT?’ hearing about the bullshit ND startup game I walked out on for anti-native racism, and my poc doctor say ‘Oh yeah that was the right call. Tbh I don’t even understand why you feel guilty and worry maybe you did not find the best or kindest way to handle it.’ Talking about my experiences with deteriorating relationships over bigotry with some family members, was a really changing experience. Obviously this is and can only be said from a place of extreme personal privilege, and I’m very aware of that, but it was both surreal and nice (and to my shredded mental state I think, necessary) to hear people I’ve stuck up for when they’re not there say it was right and mattered that I did actually, and I’m not somehow a bad person for it.

#I’ve always been like ‘you’re wrong it’s the right thing to do’ and refused to change bc I can’t change for a reason except I think I’d be #better some other way. but along the way I must have internalized ‘yet somehow I’m doing the right thing wrong because so many people have #accused me of being evil for doing it and there must be truth to numbers’ because I absolutely do feel like shit despite knowing I do the #right thing. and until talking w my shrink I had not even really realized this is a major recurring life motif for me. it super is though #and idk what to do about it. but at least it’s nice to have some reassurance too. emotionally speaking #it’s always been a ‘I have to act and care though if I don’t or quit the second it’s hard or unpleasant or personal it’s performative’ and I #have always known that’s true but the ‘actually you refusing to quit the second it’s personal or inconveniences someone makes you a piece of #shit’ I’ve gotten from everyone from strangers to a best friend has left way more of a chest wound than I realized #R Internal Stuff #unrelated but despite my personal feelings of disgust for a lot of therapists bc the field is saturated w bad people and in general they #charge way too much I do think my shrink should get to charge whatever she wants to hear me talk about feeling any conflicted feelings #towards a racist family member and also drop me as a patient if she wants #I’m so sorry Miss N I didn’t not mean for it to come up as a subject and will try to see it never does again

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